Toni and Ryan - Toni Tries Not To Miss Her Flight

Episode Date: April 12, 2026

Toni in Fiji - Feedback - Spew stories - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our flight was in 45 minutes. An international flight. I hadn't gone through security. We checked out bags, but I hadn't gone through security. Like, I was not prepared. Hi, I'm Jess from Jolong. And this is Eddie. Hi, I'm Matthew from Housham in the UK.

I'm Brittany from Anderson, South Carolina in the US. And I approve of this podcast. Welcome back to Australia. We're in the shoes. We're in the studio. And what should be a joyous occasion is awful. because someone who works for us, Tommy, said, I'm thinking of getting an Android

and hasn't that just torn the team apart? It's thrown us all for a real loop. I've just got, I've stepped off the plane and I've walked back into bullshit. I feel like, I feel like the daylight savings change hasn't been an hour. It's been 10 years. And Tommy's fucking gone right back where we started.

Yeah. And aren't you about to marry an Android user? No, no, no. Well, Tobs has recently flipped. He's an iPhone boy now. So when he proposed, was that like an Android? Asterisk? Yes.

Android risk. Yes. If. But I won't. Yeah. I'm not setting a date with you. I will take the enormous diamond you have offered me. Don't get me wrong.

But then I will just double check that you're flipping over to iPhone. And he did. And you know what? I will say as someone who has just posted a first trap from Fiji using photos Torbs took on his iPhone, that would have never been possible on the Android. Remember last time you and Torbs did it are not tropical? holiday and you took photos. Yeah. Oh no, that was on the flashback. That was even worse. This time, I will say they turned out because Tony didn't know how to use the settings.

But Charles gave me a little bit of a crash course before we left. So, but I haven't developed them yet. Oh. Yeah, I have to. Okay. Well, before we get to your little hot trip to Fiji, as we've returned from Europe, I saw a video that just basically describes a difference between Europe in Australia. Oh. So I think we all need to. a refresher just because we're, you know, we're, we're climatized, we did the time zone shit, but now we're back. Yeah. And I think this will just remind us of the country we've stepped back into.

Oh, okay. Amazing. Pop it up. Shot on an iPhone, by the way. I'm still not used to Australian slang. I went to the butcher. I asked for sausages and he said, snacks. And I proudly said, no, sausages.

And then they all started laughing. And they said, ah, you're a funny. but I still didn't have my sausages so I came back the next day and I said thank you there were good snacks you k-k and then he said oh that's so sweet

we are best friends now like in France you get friends you know you drink wine talk about philosophy but in Australia you get friends by calling everybody I don't know which is best tell me in the comments

And what feels like backwards that if you called him buddy, you wouldn't be allowed back. Great sausages, bud? Can I go, whoa, call the fucking cops? Can I get some chops? Thanks, champ. Hey, mate. Nah, out, off. Oh, you're a good.

Thanks, those sausages. People go, fuck, yeah. See it at my place on the weekend. We're back in Tarp Tower. We're back in Australia. Right found his wedding ring, which is. On the last day before we left. So we thought that it was.

gone for good in Riga. We were like, we got to Sweden and we were like, it's over. He's lost a sixth one. We said it on the pot. I was like, this is the sixth fucking wedding ring.

And right on the way of we, he's like, he's like, fuck, are we going to the airport? It's 3 a.m. He's like, are we going to the airport?

I go, yeah, he goes, fuck, I better find my passport. And instead of finding his passport it was, this ring was so deep in my backpack.

It smuggled itself from Riga to Sweden. Yeah. Like, you can, you know, you understand. Yeah. And,

I'm married again, so fucking hands-off slut. But you're a good Tony Lodge, and it's great to be back. Thanks, mate. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not starting that way. Do you see the earthquake that happened in Melbourne the other day after those hawks? Pretty good stuff. 87,000 members, what up? Tony's been on the hawth on Instagram.

I have. I'm also just like, I've been away from home now for so long. Yeah. That I'm just like so ready to be. That video was exactly what I needed to bring me back into the hemisphere. No one reminds Tony that we're going back to Europe in like three weeks to go to her hands party in London. No one mentioned that. No one bring it up.

I'm just really ready to sleep in my own bed for a bit. Yeah. Yeah. And that's okay. I've got like a good two weeks or a week or one week. One week. Is it one week? Oh, we're in Sydney next week.

Yeah, I know. TORBS is in the US for a week. and a half next week this week. You guys have been so alone. As you're... So alone. Yeah. Oh, like without each other.

Apart. Yeah, I know. Apart. I know. And how you, how you've coped with that? Well, it is really tough being up because I really do miss him.

And I just love fucking and the time zone chat as well when you can't always or you wake up. You've been waking up early to like catch up with Mabel before like after fucking daycare and whatever. But at 6 a.m. wherever we were. Do you want to mention that like, Tony came into my room when we're away and just said,

oh, can I just have a little cry because I miss my, miss my boy and my girl. Well, I said to, I said to Ryan, I don't need you to, because it was, I didn't need you to be like, oh,

well, what can we? I was just like, as my best friend, I just need to tell you that I'm really missing towards at the moment. And I had a little cry and it was exactly what I needed. Yeah.

But you know, what I think was good about that is that I told you that I was like, I don't need you to, like I came in and I was like, this is what I need from you. I just need you to hug me and tell me that it's fine because I know it's fine, but I just need to get this out. Can I give you and everyone some advice?

Is that when you're the side piece. Yeah. It's hard to hear. Yeah. You go, oh, did I not eat you out well enough last night? Am I not standing right here? Oh, I just miss my man. I'm really missing my boyfriend.

You're like, okay. Yeah. Oh, all. You're talking about him again. Who's a mate and a now? Yeah. Way to bring it up.

Well, no, so a bit of law, L-O-R-E is that if you've just joined being a tap-up, welcome, congratulations. But at the middle end of last year, what was August, we were all away in LA. Yep. We were in a way to do our birthday party and then we were going to come home via Fiji as a team to have a little bit of like a little bit of a decompress, readjust a little bit before. Well, Charles and Lily claimed that it was cheap.

to go home via Fiji and could we use the difference on a couple of nights stay? Yeah. And you know what? Who am I to judge? That's wonderful. But along the way, in L.A., I tragically took a spell and fell and broke my foot. I had to emergency fly straight home. And Torbs and I, Torbs is going to meet us in Fiji like your wife and daughter did.

So everything was all paid for, but I couldn't go. And then I had to have surgery. And they said I had to. eight months to use the voucher. And if anybody's doing the rough math, eight months expires like today. Yeah. So we were like,

fuck, when are we like first world fucking probs? When are we going to fit this tripping? Because we were going to lose all this money. Well, you were like, we just won't go and like absolutely fucking not. Yeah, because I was like, you know what?

No, it's like going to be a bit of fucking around. And what am I going to do? Fly from Sweden to fucking Fiji. And in the end, that is actually what we did. And right on the point, Ryan goes, how many people do you think have gone to Latvia and then to Sweden and then to

Fiji? And I went, I reckon I might be the first one. Sitting in the Stockholm airport going, how many people here do you reckon are after Nardi? Yeah. I go to the checking counter. I go, they go, where are you flying? I go, Nardi. They go, that's not possible.

Anyway, so I was like, we'll quickly do that because we're about to lose all this money. And you know what? It was really lovely because we'd been apart. Did you make up for it? Um, oh yeah. Oh yeah. God. Are you doing work and I have a time.

Anyway. And so, so we get to, we get to Fiji. A direct, a direct quote from Tony. When we're on the plane, we're flying back. Because obviously I didn't go all the way to Fiji. And I go, you're looking forward to seeing Torbs. And you said, I'm going to fuck him in the car. The airport car bike.

Is that a direct quote? I did say that. Have you go with that. I don't know. That's not his thing. That, nah, he wouldn't do that. It takes two to tango. Yeah, no, no, no, he wouldn't do that.

And he did it. Oh, who'd have missed now? Yeah, well, you'd fuck me in the car park. So I'm starting to really question some things. Thank you. Always had an iPhone. Anyway, so, um, Tops tonight, we go to Fiji and we're like, oh, my God, how wonderful. We had, um, a couple of days of just the most beautiful weather.

We've both got a bit of color on us. You do. That's a bit of color. Yeah, we, I read five books. Like, I have just flown through fucking, I just have had the most amazing time. You in the zone when we were a one. way though even you're like how long is this car drive hour and a half i reckon i can finish and i i just like look at her go she's turning it out so what month is it now april oh no so it's only the

beginning of april oh because we're you going to do an amount this year yeah i think i said 50 but in the last four weeks i've read 10 books i reckon jesus because we've traveled a lot and i just bought heaps of stuff on my kindle and i was like i'm fucking i'm dominating i've been reading heaps which has been really nice because I haven't been fucking given it this one, scroll hole. Anyway, so we had some beautiful days and it would not be a Tony and Torbs holiday without a fucking drama. So

the last two days of the holiday, the hotel was in complete lockdown because the cyclone came. Just a friendly tropical cyclone on a tropical island. They had to put all of the beach like beach beds, what do they call them? Like, sun loungers?

Sound lounges into the pool so that they wouldn't blow around and smash all the windows. They took all of the umbrellas inside. And Torbs and I, we wake up, we trot down the breakfast. They go, well, no, there's no breakfast. And they go, you can order breakfast your room. I would rather spin off into the ether than starve to death and not get my buffet breakfast. Where are my fucking eggs? Where is the Bay of maria full of garlicy mushrooms? Thank you. That's all I wanted. Which for a low pod mat, guys, the worst thing you can have. But you know what?

Drawing to Mavacado and just kill yourself. I'm on holidays. So fuck you. Do they get a view of a refund and say you've got another eight months to use the buffet? Wouldn't it be more dangerous for them to send a guy with a plate to your room? Well, that's what we said. I'm like, so what you're going to service 400 rooms individually? Why don't we just bunker down in the buffet?

Send us all to the buffet and we just rotate around and keep ourselves busy for the day. Anyway, so when I say Cyclone, I'm not like, oh, it was a bit of a... It was an actual cyclone. Every flight got cancelled. Like, it was absolute fucking chaos. Anyway, we, um, the day that we're supposed to leave, our flight was quite early in the morning.

And, um, we get a text and it's like, no, your flight's not at 8 a.m anymore. It's now at midday. And we go, you know what? That's kind of nice. Maybe we can get our monies back of the eggs we've missed. So we'll, we go... Oh, because the buffet's not open if you're leaving at 5 a.m. Yeah, yeah, but like if we're leaving at midday, we can eat and then like head to the airport.

Yeah, you know, we'll fucking, this is where we make our money back. Yeah. Anyway, so I wake up to go for a wee at about 4 a.m. And I check my phone and they go, that's not at midday anymore. It's now back at 8. And I go, well, that's illegal. You can't do that. That is actually, because.

If I hadn't woke up, because our alarm was going to go off it. eight o'clock yeah that's it we're not there the alarm goes off and it's like final call yeah and they go Tony and Torbs where are you and we wouldn't move there anyway so I kind of I wake up it's like 4 a.m

and I'm like oh fuck like we would have to kind of wake up semi soon anyway so I wake torbs up and I go I'm just saying you know I've changed our alarm because we've got to kind of get our gates on he goes oh fuck anyway so we kind of sort our shit out and we go up to the what is it

the like FOIA, the reception, the check-in thing. And I go, hey, like, I'm sorry, we've got to fucking get our skates on because our flight's been changed. They go, oh, my God, amazing. And they go, you know what? And because you transfer, like the car to the airport, they go, we've got that ready. And I go, oh, amazing. How?

I don't know. Yeah, okay. And so they go, yep, can we get the transfer for Mr. and Mrs. Lodge? Yep. And then we go, yep, all good. and then we go down there and we put our stuff in the car and I'm a bit frazed. I will be very honest.

But you know what? Bringing a flight forward four hours is frazzworthy. It's very frazzworthy. I know we've done many of jokes of unfur. But like that is. That's frazzy. That's frazzy energy.

Thank you. You deserve to be franzed. So they go, yeah, we've got this car and I go, fuck yeah, amazing. I go, how long do you reckon it's going to take at the airport? He goes 20 minutes. I go, fuck, yeah, perfect. And it's actually really sad because as we're driving, all of the,

because all these massive trees have fallen down. And there's all these people from the community, like chopping them up, trying to get them off road and stuff. Like, it was not, it wasn't very nice. Yeah. And he goes, oh, please make sure this isn't the Fiji you remember. Like, it was really like, it was really pretty shitty. Venaka.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, and so we get to the airport and I'm like, great, I've got a plan. We need to check our bags. I've got a shit like immediately because I haven't had my morning poo yet.

Yep. And then we've got to get straight through. Because everything happens in a rush and what, you know, that didn't have time to exercise the boughs. There wasn't enough time. Yeah. So we get out of the car, grab our bags and the guy goes, yeah, cool. So that'll be $50. And I go, oh, oh, okay, bro, do you take car?

And he goes, no. And I go. And I go. Get completely fucked. Oh. The free transfer from the hotel. they saw you coming. Yeah, no, we've got a guy ready to go.

I fucking bet you do. They go, he goes, yeah. He's my cousin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, do you look eerily similar? Yeah, oh, Le Roy, come around here. And I go, what? And he goes, yeah, only take cash.

And I go, I don't have any cash. And I don't need a shit. And I'm patched myself. And I was like, do you have, can I just pay you through the hotel? Like, because they've got a credit card on file. I've just paid the bill from our thing anyway. And he goes, nah, it's actually like a private agreement. And he tells this fucking whole story.

And I go, great. So can I pay through the hotel? And he goes, no. And I'm frasin. Somewhat frashing. Yep. And Tulbs goes, that's fine. I'll just go get some cash out.

I've got four debit cards with me. Not one will give me any cash out. The ATM cancels one cash. And then... Because it goes, foreign country. Well, it's just like, no. Yep. And he goes, why don't your cards work overseas?

and I was like, I actually travel more than anyone on Earth. And I've never had a problem. Like, I was like, I have the money. I'm really sorry. Like, let me figure this out. We go to the Western Union. They go, no, you can't get cash out with that card. I go, well, why?

It's a debit card. Like, it's not a credit card. Anyway, we're like going in circles. And then he goes, oh, at the domestic terminal, there's a different type of ATM. Do you want to try that? And Torbs goes, okay, Torbs sprints to the, it's not that far, but he sprints over to the domestic terminal.

It cancels another card. We're down to two cards. It's like, I know. Fuck my life. It's not only fras, it's fras plus. Anyway, and I go, look. Everyone, stop what you're doing. Fras plus.

Right now. If you're at the gym listening to this podcast, if you're on the way to work. Trying to get a flight. Sit down. Fraz plus. And because so many flights had been canceled, I was like. Because the airport. Because the airport was fucked.

Everyone's canceled. Everyone's on edge. Yeah. And there's people that... Would you say the whole airport was Frazplus? Frazplus. And there was people that had slept in the airport overnight because flights have been cancelled

and all the hotels were full and stuff. Yeah. Anyway, so Torbs runs over the thing. Another card gets cancelled. And I go in to the airport and I go, look, can I please just check our bags in and get out... Like, I just wanted to make sure that our bags are on the fucking... Then I can sort this out.

And he goes, yeah, yeah, I can leave you my backpack. He goes, no, no, no, I trust you. And I was like, great. I go in, check out bags. All good. And then I go back out there. Torbs is there by then. And the guy goes, can you call the hotel?

And I was like, I only have data. I don't have phone. Can I use your phone and call them? Because I can be like, I was just in room one one nine. Can you? Sting my card. Send this guy some money. Give him petty cash and charge me for I don't care.

But this guy, he's done a job. He needs to be paid. I'm not trying to get out of paying this. I just want to get on this fucking plane. Because I'm not sure if there'll be another one for me to get on. Do you know what I'm saying? Thank you for giving us an insight to the energy.

And I won't say aggression. The purpose. I wasn't aggressive towards him. I was just getting stressed that we were going to miss it. Yeah, you were fraz plus. Because at this point, and this will shock everybody in this room and everyone listening, our flight was in 45 minutes. And I-

International flight. I hadn't gone through security. We checked our bags, but I hadn't gone through security. Like, I was not prepared. I, that's a lot for me. Can I ask you, just if we stop at this moment in time, please. Did you consider just fucking going for it?

You did? I did. And that's not me. She's nodded. That's not me. No, but sometimes you've got to make a call. And I just was like, fuck, I've got to go. And all that's going to happen is going to go back to the hotel and they're going to take it off my card.

Like, I know that's what's going to occur. They're going to be like, it's fucking your problem, dude. But like, once you get through security, he doesn't have a ticket. You go, huh, tell it walking, tweet up. Like, I just kind of was like. Although we are going to. back there later this year. Yeah, true, true, true.

If you'd like to come with us, we're very organised. Let's organise a different mode of transport. Can imagine... Well, when I had trouble with Charles, there's always a car waiting for me, you know. Yeah, but then we rock up and he goes, well, well, well. Yeah. Oh, you're not Henry, are you? Yeah.

I stole $50 from you. That $50 from last time, plus six months of inflation, you owe me $4 million. Yeah, he goes, oh, and gas prices are up. Yeah. Anyway, so it's 45 minutes, 40 minutes, 35 minutes. The clock is fucking ticking down and we're running out of option. I'm trying to sign up for the Western Union. I'm doing whatever I can.

Nothing's fucking working. Yeah. And I see these two girls sitting on the floor in the airport. And I go, fuck, this is make or break time. Like, I've got to turn on the chat. This is it. I go over to these girls. And I go...

Turn on the charm to rob them? No. No, no, no. But I'm like, fuck, I need to like, I need to ask for help. Like, it is fucking... My flight's about to... Like, what am I going to do? I walk over to these girls.

They're sitting on the floor on a blanket. And I go, hey. And they go, hi. And I was like, this is really fucking rogue. And I'm like, literally on the verge of tears. I'm fras plus plus at this point. Fraz business. And I go...

Fraz business. Fras platinum. Yeah, you're right up the front. When you're right up the front of the fras. Yeah. Anyway, and I go, this is really fucking rogue, but our taxi driver only takes cash. They didn't tell us. We don't have any cash.

All of our cards have just been cancelled. Do you have any cash or any way to get some. Yeah. I will give you tenfold when we get home. Yep. I just need something right now. And I'm like, the tears are coming. Like, I can't stop it.

And I'm, and I, um, and I, I go, I'm so not a scammer. I promise. Like I just, we're fucked. Our flights in half an hour. And she goes, babe, don't even stress, bitch. She goes into her wallet. She pulls out a hundred fee G and dollar note.

And I was just like, I will pay you back. And she goes, no, bitch. Don't even worry about it. And I went, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I'll absolutely pay you back. She's trying. Yeah. No, no, no.

No, no. No, no. No, no. And I took the, I took, and I was like, thank you. You have like, fucking save me. All of our fucking cards are like canceled. And she goes, no, no, no, just spreading the joy. And then anyway, so I take the money and I give it to Torbs. Torbs sprints out to give it to the guy who's still waiting outside. And I was like, what's your guy? Like, what are you, what's your

thing? She goes, we had a flight last night at 7 p.m. It got canceled. Every hotel is full. We have to wait for our flight tonight at 7 p.m. At this point, it was 8 a.m. So they've got a big day. So they slept there the night before. And I was like, please, please let me pay you back. And she goes, no, honestly. like this is the least up she goes what am i going to do with the money like we're way we're sat here we're what you know and i was like honestly you have fucking saved me and so i have a uh a challenge or a mission i guess yeah if anybody knows Sydney and robert from Sydney who slept Sydney from Sydney i made the same joke I go I get it she goes city from city yeah if anybody they slept on the floor of the Nardi and

International Airport. If anyone knows them, please slide into my DM so that I can find them and thank them properly. I will do something for them. I don't know what that is. If anyone has an idea,

probably once in a back to VG. It might be a while before they. You've won podcast away. But I need to do something because these girls fucking saved my fucking asshole. White legends. Absolutely crazy.

Sydney and Robin. Sydney and Robin. And they slept in, I mean, how many Sydney and Robbins are there that slept on the floor of the airport the other day. Probably the same amount that went from Stockholm to Nardi. Straight to Nardi, yeah. So if you know them, they live in Sydney, if you know them or there's a way I can get in contact

with them, please let us know because I want to send something. Yep. At least pay them the money back. But honestly, like, it was like very, very, very amazing for you to do that. I could not believe it. And I was in such a flat. I think there's one question that everyone kind of wants to know that we've glossed over. What?

Did that, have changed? Yeah. Okay. So you give him 100 and he goes sweet. And he goes, Oh, cool. Leaves.

Fuck off. Because I said to Tobs, did you pocket their change? Because imagine they go, they go, he's 100 and I go, oh, thanks. I'll skip the 50. And once I get through the gate, hey, fucking coffee's on me. Yeah, everybody want a Paco-Rabahn fucking perfume from the duty free? No. Anyone wants, what's the?

Anyone want a huge toddler? Everyone want to carve a latte? Anyone want a pure Fiji set of lotion that they're flogging there for? Anyone want some Fiji water or as they call it here, water? And the guy goes, oh, cheese, bro. And fucks off. So we were like, oh, okay. But I, because I was in.

such a flap and I was talking to the girls like thanking them fucking profusely and being like what's your situation like sorry Charles do you reckon it got to the point where the girls were like can you please just take the money and fuck off and even you'd be like I'll fly to Sydney and give you something like slut I'll be honest stay if you want to give me something give me the joy of you not being here anymore I'll be honest because they'd been sitting there not doing anything I think it was a bit of a spike in their day oh something to do yeah I think I think they appreciated the excitement no no no I I was just crying.

No, be like, oh, if you got 24 hours, the least I can do as someone in the comedy industry, just like, give you a story. Do you want some entertainment? Yeah. I go, you don't, they probably gave me fucking fake names. People go, I don't know a Sydney and a Robin that slept overnight in the airport, but I do know a Mel and a Steph. Yeah.

Was it? Was it? Was it? We saw them, though. We saw them, though. We saw them. They looked up. It wasn't Sydney and Robin.

It was my friend's Melbourne and Batman. That's very funny. I'm throwing down here. Okay. So Sydney and Robin, if you're out there, I would love to thank you properly. That is really nice. Because it was honestly, peak girlhood. They were just like, babe, take it.

You need it more than ass like. And I just was, I was so desperate. Like I just, there was nothing else I could do at that point. So now that. Fraz plus. Fras platinum. Flas platinum. Fraz platinum.

Anyway, and then we get it through the other side. And then they're like, yep, so the flight is boarding right now. Holy fuck. And then we sat in the airport for four hours. Torbs could have walked back to the hotel and got cash. I could have probably spun some tricks and made the money. I could have done the type five on the street and made the cash back. Yeah, the delay and the delay.

So because the booking was our booking from August, all of us were getting the text messages. I know. I didn't get a thing. Yeah. So I'm getting a text every six minutes going, I'm Mr Lodge, blah, blah. And I was like,

And even when I was at the hotel with Mabel and Bridget, they're like, Oh, Mr Lodge. And I was like, Well, they called Torbs Mr Lodge. Everyone's Mr Lodge. Yeah, right. I think that might just be their way of saying friend.

Like, have we confirmed that Mr Lodge is a CGian in for bro or something? Hi, it's Justin Eddie from Jolong. I'm Matthew from Housham in the UK. Hey, I'm Brittany from Anderson, South Carolina in the US, and you're listening to Tony Ryan.

A massive shout out to a few of our champion tarpers over to our Patreon. Thank you very much for being part of it. Keeping the lights on. Bringing us home safely to Tarp Tower. Very good to be back. Thank you, Jack. Nice, Jack. Haley, that J.GJ's worker, is that Gloria Jeans?

Have you met someone at Gloria Jeans called Haley, Ryan? No, but now that I think about it, everyone I've ever met at a Gloria Jeans looks like they should be named Haley. No, so fair. It was a huge name in the 1980s. yeah. Dakota Jager, good on your Dakota. Hannah, only with one N. Interesting. Time's tough. Yeah. I had to sell it to pay for a taxi in Fijic. Connor Flaherty. Flaherty, good, fuck me. Flaherty. Where do you reckon he's from?

Ireland. The island of Fajie. Oh, what? Fliety, isn't that a super Irish name? Yeah. We're on to Berlin, by the way. Amy, good on you, Amy. Laura Skinner.

What? What? Do we go get there? I'm going to Berlin. Oh. Dublin. News to us. There's been a lot.

I can just take a big breath in. Yeah. And a big breath out. We're not in a rush. I actually really appreciated that little decompress. I needed that. I needed that breath through the nose. And I want to you to think of a happy time such as last night when you, me and

Mabel all FaceTime. On FaceTime. And then. And she was showing me all her toys. Because Mabel hasn't seen Tony for a while because she's been gallabanting around the fucking, oh, sorry,

I was held hostage in Fiji for quite some time. So on FaceTime, Mabel goes stay there and goes and gets all these. She goes, I don't go get it! And she goes and gets

all of her toys. And kind of back to show, Tony. Yeah, she loves you. She loves you. Amy, good on you,

Amy. Laura Skinner, hardly know her. Gabby, good on you, Gabby. Georgia Bruce, Craig's sister.

Yep. Lily and Ellen, good on you guys. Thank you very much being part of it. Who are those last two? Lily and Ellen. Not Lily Allen.

Not Lily Allen. I am going to see it, Lily Allen and I'm really excited. Oh yeah, because that was one of the... We bought those tickets like, I was sitting here and I was just like, I'm frantic. I wasn't Frazz platinum, but I like that new scale. There's... I tell you something I don't like the concept of. Tell me, and I'll back you 100%.

Is like a breakup being a competition, like who wins the breakup? Yeah. However, didn't... You don't like the concept. I don't like the concept of that, but didn't Lily Allen really win that one? She really won. Big time. I don't like that concept as a whole, but if I did, I would like that one.

I think that. I'm like, oh, but like, yeah. She deserved to win because she got so royally fucked. That's what I mean, but I'm like, I'm glad she's like, she's fucking back. She's touring. She's doing things. Yeah. What a good bitch.

And the album is incredible. I know that you're not like a listener, but like the album is amazing. I can't like to see it. Talent's talent, mate. Oh, so true. Game recognizes game. Now, Hot Take Tony has been pushed back to Wednesdays.

Yeah, because otherwise it would have just been about getting cash out overseas and we don't all need that. I need a couple of days to dig up. Well, even though no one knew that Hot Take Tony has been pushed back to Wednesdays, there's some feedback. Oh, I like the feedback. Well, I might not. I mean, I haven't heard of it.

Are we going to call this feedback? Or we're going to call it the Monday Mailbag? Well, I've seen you have written down Monday Mailbag. I'm working commercial radio for too long. I love alliteration. The other thing that I quite like is housekeeping. Housekeeping? A bit of housekeeping.

Bit of admin, you know, vibes. So if you would like to vote on your favorite title. Because didn't we do this right at the start? Yeah, well, you and I, when it was just the two of us. And what was it called? Feedback, I think. That was feedback. What was it called housekeeping?

Was it called housekeeping? I don't know, we did it every. Thursday. or Wednesday when we started, I guess. Wait. Maybe it was Monday? Yeah, who fucking knows. Anyway, the Monday mailbag.

Every tarpa's going to know. Charles, you were a tarpa. Do you remember? Charles was a champion tarpa. And he's approved an episode. Like, if you go back and like, you've listened, you'll hear Charles approving an episode. I also did a throwback episode.

You did do a throwback episode. That's huge. And people message semi-regular like on Patreon and say like, oh, I was just watching an old episode. and Charles's name came across the bottom or was in a shout-outs or something. Is that our Charles? It's our Charles.

Started from the bottom. In his 15 months of employment and two years of random freelancing before that, he's almost earned back the money he gave us as a champion Tapa. Yeah. He has spent in excess of that, though, on our card. So... Who's card?

Yeah, I haven't seen that card. I haven't seen that card in years. Although I see is that. the fucking bill at the end of the month. What are you a duck? You just see your bill. Who's bill? Is it true that

Hot Take Tony's been pushed back to Wednesdays because last week's hot take on avocados was so ice cold? People didn't like that. You picked a fart with my favorite kind of people. Avocado people, millennials. Hot California girls. Oh my God, I did not anything about the hot California girls. Hot California Girl 1.

avocados every day with a spoon because I'm from California and they're available everywhere here and they're so cheap. Hot California girls love avocados. Tony, we can still be friends, but go fuck yourself on that take. Oh, I didn't even think about the hot California girls. Marum. Hi, Maram. I'm afraid this week's hot take is freezing cold. Avocado emoji, freezing emoji. I am sorry about that. Maybe you caught me in a moment of weakness where I'd had two bad avocados in Europe. Hot California girl Dame Kim says, I love avocados.

I eat them with a spoon and any way I can, your take is mistaken. Oh, I just eating them with a spoon or on their own feels crazy with other stuff. Like I said, seasoned or in a salad or whatever. Hot California girl, Jesse. Sorry, yep.

I'm frantic. I'm fratz plus. Everyone knows the meme about avocado tasting like clean dick. and Tony is a self-proclaimed gob queen. Yeah. How can she hate avocado but love pork sword? Do you know, that's an interesting take because I also don't like coconut water because that tastes like come. But, I mean, if you asked anybody else, I'd say she loves her.

Yeah. They asked anyone on my street that goes, she loves semen. Sorry. Last week we talked about awful kissing. and Katie W. said, I have the worst kiss ever. He covered both my nose and my chin. He engulfed my, like just, like just cut,

like it was a breathing apparatus. I do that to Pippa sometimes, but she's got a very small face. How would you do that on a human face? Just because Pippa's got a small face doesn't make that not weird. No, I know. But, so Pippa does this thing. Those asthma masks?

Yeah, like, well, on the plane. Yeah. Because Pippa does this thing. We call it the health check. And she just, because she likes to. When you stick your finger in her butt? No. No, no, no.

The vet does that. The vet does that. A neighbor. Some girl down the street just comes in. She lives with Michael Jordan. Yeah. But no. She like sniffs in our mouth.

Oh, so she health checks you. Yes, she health checks us. And like at the end of the day or if we've been out for dinner or something, she's like likes to sniff what we've eaten. And we go, oh, health check. And she climbs up on us. She climbs up on us. And she shoves her face in our mouth.

And she like gives a big sniff. And I go all clear. And she goes, and then she does it atoll. So it's really. It's really something. But it's definitely. something I should have got private. I thought that when you were begging for change in a foreign airport crying that you were

close to rock bottom. Yeah, no, no, you've heard it. Just to confirm. Just to confirm. Actually, do you want to look down the barrel of that camera and say, my dog gives me a health check by putting its face inside. my mouth to check what I've had for dinner. My French Bulldog Pippa gives me a health check by putting her whole face into my mouth

and checks what I've had for dinner. And she just likes to know where I've been. I think she gets some sensory clues. Does she sniff your butt? No, no. Okay. So she's not like, okay, where are you being? I'm on the back.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. Just the mouth. And she just, when I get home, she'll check and then, especially if Tobs and I have both been out together. She's like, where have you been? Oh, so she's jealous. She's just checking for other dogs.

She's like, yeah, I think she's like, have any other dogs been in this? Are you kissed any other dog? Yeah. Which obviously not, unless I've been to be Jay's house. Yeah, he loves to smooch. But yeah, Pippa, she's a doctor, just like her mama. I would hate to be a real doctor that listens to this show. Same but for different reasons.

Ethan said, I had a boyfriend in high school that would open his mouth like a huge O and then turn his head. head 90 degrees. Oh. And for two of those on each other, it's just like, nah, I don't like that. That sounds like a puzzle. Yeah, I don't like that.

Because what did we say was the makings of a bad kiss, the stiff tongue? Well, here's was our scale. One out of five was a dry and stiff tongue. Two was either dry or stiff. Three was okay. Four was good. Five's the best you've ever had. And there was a bit of chat of what do people think we would be.

Oh, oh no. I forgot we asked for a rating. Lucy said I reckon Ryan sober is a four. Drunk Ryan would be a three. That's actually a great answer, I think. Tony would be a 4.5 either way. Oh. And I replied to Lucy and I said, I reckon.

And you said, fuck you, Lucy. So I come over here and puck her up, sweet up. Let me prove to you I'm a five. I said kissing, like playing billiards, you get better when drunk. Can I enter something into the, please discussion with this I think it also depends on whether you're both drunk

so if one's drunk and the other sober terrible zero yeah awful zero terrible but if you're both drunk and you're both a bit sloppy and a bit wet I think it's all I think that's a five that's a great call the experience is then a five because you kind of got no inhibitions

you both just loose as fuck and you're gonna get fingered in a taxi you're gonna have to pay for it you're gonna have to ask you to borrow some cash Can I say? Did you have it where you guys grew up? So obviously I'm the only one here that's from W.A. But in W.

No, we've been thinking in taxis in this state. Yeah, yeah. That's like a national. That's a national thing. Growing up though, I don't know why this was a thing. Was this a thing everywhere? That it was a standard $80 fee if you threw up in a taxi? Oh, no.

Is that a thing everywhere? Nah, so. Oh, ha. If anyone's had any experience is this. No, I think it was Kate Ballantyne or maybe someone... Is that foot Kate? No, Kate and Dave. A third cake.

Oh, that's Kate Heslop. Yep. Yeah. Not Kate who's working on your wedding dress either. No, that's Kate and Dave. That is Kate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kate and Sherles.

Oh, yeah. So I'm pretty sure... We follow each other on Instagram. I'm pretty sure she threw up in a cab and it was like, it was hundreds. Oh, what? Because it wasn't just like she threw up out the window. Like, I don't even know if it was her, but someone who was with her, like going.

In the same car. But they're like, the cab's like, well, I have to go. I can't drive for the rest of the night now. Yeah. And I know you got to clean it and this and that. And it was like, it was really expensive. So I don't know then if it was just a myth, but it was this thing of like, if you throw up in a taxi in Perth, it's $80.

So you just like, well, take the 80 up front, Doug. Yeah. Let me just give it to you now. I'm going to be hundering down the Albany Highway all the way home. Close. Tonkin Highway. Tonkin Highway side of the Tonkin Highway

right before you get off to go up to Carragullin I had to get him to pull over and just threw my fucking guts up If you pull over and you throw up out of the side He doesn't get $80. No, no, no, no, no. You didn't have to pay if you gave him a bit of warning

And I was like, do you mind if I drive if we have the window down And he goes, I don't want to have the window down on the highway because you have it goes, fuck it, got, I got like that go, well then, like, No, that's how to you.

I want it to go kudaka, doka, doka, then open another one. Open another one and then it doesn't do it. Because would you rather me spew out the window? Oh, this is a fun game. Would you rather? Yeah. Or in the back of your car. Yeah, pick one.

I'd rather it's a ducker, ducker than the throwing up in the back seat. I'm not asking you to drive with the window down so I can lie to SIGgy, though. If that's in play, I'm in. How much is that cost? Can I do a bundle? If I throw up, if I throw up and I've already paid for that, can I also have a SIGgy? How much would it cost to get from the city back? to your place.

Like $100 to Rollystone. Yeah. So 100 for Rolistone. I'm planning on spewing. That's 180. Yeah. I'll get you too 50 because I'm going to have a SIG. Yeah.

I'm planning on getting fingers. I feel like that's going to cost me. So maybe 300 bucks. Yeah, but bundle it together. No. Got it out. That stays.

That stays. Oh, no, got that. That stays. But you had to work that into your budget. You had to think like $300 to get home. Yeah.

So that's what we used. have to just like, yeah. And just get back it out of. Save yourself the money. You'd make money that way, yeah. Shana Bobana. Sorry, yes, does. The cleaning fees actually do differ per state.

Oh, according to 13 cabs. One three cabs. Sorry, yeah, one three cabs. One three cabs. There you go. These are the fees per. Oh, my God. I wasn't far off.

Oh, so hang on. It's, it's cheaper to throw off in Western Australia. than all of the other states. And I've always said that. Cheaper by a house as well if you're looking to rent best. Jeez, it's expensive to spew in a cab in Queensland. Doesn't that sound like? They should make that the most expensive.

Oh, and they have. Yeah. Because that's where it's happening the most. Oh, okay. Don't you reckon? Well, maybe they should be used to it. If anybody's ever thrown up in a cab, it probably happened on the Gold Coast. Have you ever thrown up in a cab, Charles?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I heard nothing. My. What happened? It was actually in Fiji Oh no one did this I hope you had cash mate Did you have to ask some girls for some money

Can you imagine if you were like Bringing someone home and they go We only take cash I go well I don't And you have to be like sweetheart You don't have any do Do you have the cash I gave you before What happened Put that on the bill?

No surprise at all We'd just done like 50 shots At a different hotel that I was staying in a different hotel to the rest of the crew. I was working there at the time. Oh, so you were in the cab on your own? On my own, yeah. Oh, they dropped them off in.

Is that worse? Is it like when you fall over in public by yourself and you go wish I had a friend with me to laugh with? Like, is it just feel shitty that you've thrown up on your own in the back of the car? Well, because your friend will have the cat. That'll be like, no, no, it's fine. She's okay. Yeah, he's okay.

I sent it out the window and, um, was it down the side of the car? Yeah, the drive and no notice. Yeah, I've done a couple of those down the Eastern Freeway. Yeah. down. It was pretty bad. Yeah, it's pretty fine. You get out of the car and you go,

you get out of the car and you look back and you go, oh, dude, when you figure that out, you were going to not like that. It was also my regular, like, because we'd been there for like three months. I had a regular,

like, taxi guy and I just never called him again. Yeah, no, and you wouldn't. You wouldn't. Well, you, it was probably the guy that I got that, and he's like,

no, I don't trust anyone anymore. I've got to start taking that up front. My cousin, Rache, threw up on Kate Heslop in a taxi. on the way home from next nightclub. So me.

That is insane. Me, Liam, Kate and Rach, four of us piled in the back. Yeah. And it was kind of like she spewed and we're all just like, shut the fuck up. We're not paying that fee. So we just sat there and copped it. When you're a unition, you don't have the money. Like, it's not about not wanting to pay.

You don't have it. So Kate, she just like took it. And we'll like, we'll just worry about this when we get out. Yep. And you've got to. Yep. Yeah. Fuck.

My sister-in-law, Chelsea. She'd like just had a big, but I think she'd maybe just had her 30th or something. And my brother bought her like a really nice, like Louis Vuitton handbag for her birthday. And they were out and they were getting like a cab home. And she's like, and my brother's like, don't you fucking drop in a taxi. It's 53.50 an hour. Like, don't you fucking drop in this taxi.

If only we had a bag worth $10,000 to save us 50 bucks. She threw up in the handbag. She did not. In a Louis Vuitton. Yeah, in Louis Vuitton. Louis Sputton. You know how much I love. Spewy baton.

You know how much I love a spooy baton. Yeah, I know. The craft in the making of the cases and the bags. I know. You will not transport better and safer than with the spewy baton. I know. Straight into the spewy baton. And then it started overflowing.

How much spews in that bitch? Well, I think she's, and then you know, you spooy. Anyway, and then when they got home and my brother sprayed it out with the host, which is just the worst they have ever heard. Oh, well, it's not worse than leaving it in. Oh, I guess so. But yeah, so he's like sprayed it out with the hose. Cleaning Mountain Fresh or whatever.

Morning Fresh. Yeah. And then just left it out the front and they were like, we'll just deal with this in the morning and like figure it out. I don't know if they ever cleaned it up properly. Can I say a sentence? sure that is often said in these scenarios which is never a good idea

yeah we'll figure it out in the morning and don't you hate yourself for that because you wake up and go oh that's me when you wake up so one time I fuck these episodes gone downhill real fast

tell us in the comments are your best spew stories funny no say it safe space I threw up into a slab box like a, you know, a carton of beer. Yeah, there's no beer in which is the box. That's thin cardboard. Yeah, but, and I was just like, I'll worry about that in the morning.

That was so to go full. Had it like soaked through? No, so, um, because of the way it folds, it's like this big, but the middle there's a gap. Yeah. Because of like where the things and the gap was facing. down. So when I lifted it up in the morning. Like a funnel,

it all. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was at Calzi MC's house and Montmorency South. Oh, showed all.

Shana Bo Barna said Tony would be a five out of five kisser because that's what we're talking about. Did Shana Bo Baudana also give you a... She gave Ryan, that's me, a five out of five and Charles a 10 out of five

because it sounds like that player's getting plenty of practice. Grow up, Shana. Shana. He will fuck. You don't have to impress him. He will do it.

My husband is a, this is a C.J. Claw. Hi, CJ. My husband is a five out of five kisser depending on beard length. Sure. If it's day two to day five, it's nice. But after that, she's like, no, you lose a few points. Or before because it's too spiked.

Yeah. So she's like a kind of lose around. So she goes, I think Tony would be a four or five. But Ryan, it just depends on the day. Yeah. And that's actually fair. My beard is a bit spiky sometimes in fairness. Uh, and then.

Tarpers in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group. Horny Little Toads. Do you know what I'm about to say? No, I don't, but I just know. Kylie needs to get it the fuck together. She tags her husband, Shane. Oh, Kylie Curl and Shane Curl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We met them at the cricket. Their son Hamish. Yeah. Shane's just started driving, actually. Well, he started a few things. Let me get into this. Kylie tags at Shane, I'm a five, right? Question mark.

Oh, no. Oh, no. That's asking for trouble. Remember how risky it was when I text Torbs asking him and we were all fucking worried? Shane says, oh no. Correct. And then Kylie replies, Yep, everything I do with my mouth is a five. You got to know your strengths. You got to know you're in a Facebook group with 150,000 people. And then we've just fully out of them as well because I said their last name and their kid.

They, do you know, they live out west. Sounds like she lives down south. Way! Okay. Thanks for your feedback on Mailbag Monday, comment section, housekeeping. Yep. Let us know your best funny spew. Let us know what you think we should call that.

And let us know if you know Sidney and Robin. Because that was this episode. Wow. I've got to you love to see it though. Jack posted this in our, oh, fuck, Charles, what have I done? Is that Jack Post from Hamish Nandy? Hellarious. No, not that weasel.

TARPA Jack post this in our Facebook group. Tapa Roulette. I don't know about anyone else, but I'll quite often want to put a random episode of the Tony Ryan podcast on for background noise. Yep. Like, he's like, I've listened to the whole thing. Yep. And I just want to hear a random funny one.

I've thought that about like, it should be a feature on like Stan or Netflix or whatever. But if you click into the office, you can put it on random and it just spits out a random episode. That's a good idea. You should pitch that. Which I think is what Jack has created. I was sick of scrolling through trying to find an episode.

So I decided to engineer an iPhone shortcut that does it for me. Super easy to set up. And he's posted its faithful group. So I think you can copy the text probably. and like pop it in. Interesting. Charles, do you feel threatened by this

as our local tech quiz? As our local dev. No, I'm all good. I'm fine. Everything's fine. I'm fine. Tommy will probably have to work

out another way to do it though on Android. Oh! Shade! You don't need fucking son for some shade. That was this episode as well. Super easy to set up. And now I can click the app icon and it opens a random episode from the catalog.

We love to see an easy way of doing manual tasks. Good for you, Jack. I love to see that. Innovation. In our group. Like our tarpers are the smartest people on a innovative bunch. I love that. Thanks for sharing, Jack.

A short little comment that I really love to see here from Hey There Christy. And I'm not sure if that's... Hey there, Christy. I'm not sure if it's Christy or Kirsty or Kirsten or worst and it's fucking one of them. Catherine. She said, oh my God, I'm the first comment. Please adopt me. Oh.

I don't know how that's how that works. Is that what you do? Well, I did reply and said that's what I said to Mandy in 1997. Same jokes. Best friends. But I don't, because I still love it. First comment. Oh my God, I'm Ali.

Sometimes I do it. Yeah, I love it. I love it. And I, that just made me get like, and I saw like, I'm first adopted me and I was like, that just fasted me up. So should we? Does she have like a little like adoption video or something like Elwood's admission essay for Harvard Law School? All right. I just watched locally blonde on the.

line. Did you? I did. All right. So everyone else has those three questions to answer. This is just a question for, Hey there, Christy. Can you please send through, uh, let's say a minute maximum, uh, your application video to be officially adopted by Tony and I. Yep. I'll take that on. I really want to take it on. Okay. I really want to see the video. What would you like to see in an application for adoption? I don't want to sway the jury whatsoever. Like, I want to see what she comes like. Like, freedom of a loose brief. The most terrifying thing that there is.

No guidelines. So it's like we're going to be her parents. Yep. You and I. Yep. Oh. I'd love to parent with you. Would you?

Would you? Yeah. It's the same. Yeah. All right. Send that through. We'll watch it next week. Uh, tomorrow on the show.

Oh, no. What's tomorrow? Oh, confession. These are top confessions. Uh, I don't know if there. You're on it. Atapas committed fraud.

And they're like, here's how I've done it. And it works. And I sort of recommend it. No. And that's why I'm a bit Natalie and Brulia. I'm a little bit torn about it. But I've read through it and I, hypothetically, is it like a money saving kind of?

Oh, yeah. For them. What? about us. Well, if we did it... Could we do it? I think that's the thing. I think anyone could do it. Okay. Oh, we'll just have to see. Actually, two things come of this.

You and me. You are up financially. Me? Like whoever does the... Oh, the royal you. Yep. And your friend will love you for it. That's true... 50 shots for 25 euro. That is a crime. That is a crime. That is a crime. That's tomorrow. We'll chat you then.

Love you, my!