Toni and Ryan - Toni Tries To Get You Off

Episode Date: April 19, 2026

Group porn - TONIS HENS - Monday ballbag - love ya!!!!!https://www.tonishensparty.co.uk/www.tarphub.com.au Toni's Song - https://youtu.be/y8A709jnl1MTonis YLTSI - https://www.instagram.com/reels/DWRi_L9R3yU/Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

As leading TARPA individuals, we have a responsibility to get people off. Get people off. Get people off. Hi, I'm Chloe from Brisbane, Australia. I'm B from Tasmania. I'm Alex from St. Paul, Minnesota, USA, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Happy Monday Slots!

Happy Monday Slots. Tony. Non-derogatory, slats in like a hot, cool way. Now, Megan Markle and Prince Harry have been in the country. Yeah. The first time in eight years they've visited Australia. That's great. And because they were royals then.

They're not anymore. They've been besmirched or fucking whatever they say. And then it came to our attention that when they were here last time and direct quote from Tony Lodge, remember that time I sung at them? At them. At them is a very important distinction of the story. And is it true that you said to get to the front of the line, I had to wipe some old sluts out of the way? I did.

And it was all these old women who were like, like the royals were their life. Like there was these women talking to journalists from Channel 10 and they go, yes, well, I stood in line when Princess Diana came here in 1992. You know, like they've seen it all. And they're full, like, what do they call them? Like, royalists. Royalists? Yeah. And then they get the front spot to see.

Megan and Harry and then who just barges on through and kicks him the fuck out of the way. Do you slut wearing a crown? Can we roll the tapes? Because I want to know what we're talking about here. We've got the archival footage. Megan! Megan! Megan!

And then so everybody around me had gifts. Like there was a lady next to me that had written a book and she decided that that's what she was going to give as a gift. And I was like, well, I'm going to give them the gift of music. Oh, no. Is that you in the hat? Yeah. You're just singing at her. Yep.

Bit pitchy. Thanks, Charles. And then you can hear the exact moment that I meet her. Watch. I can't hear it. Listen to, she changes. Okay. She's like, hi, Megan.

Her hand was so soft. Oh, so you did touch her hand. Oh, you touched her hand. Oh, you should live with that. No, I was saving the best for last. Like a film. What's your hand feel like? She's so soft.

She's definitely using Sukern or something rich people use. From the Jason PJ archives. Yeah. Oh, we'll take off the kiss sting. Fuck them. No, but yeah, so that was just me back in the day. Just trying to make it as a side show on a radio fucking show. Doing my best.

How long till you washed the hand after? Well, I started buying Suken, of course, straight away, trying to be as soft as her. And it was just a really, like, because I couldn't really give a fuck about the royals. Like, it's not... I don't think anyone in Australia are like, I'm obviously a huge Princess Diana fan. I think that she was fucking fab. But I couldn't give a fuck. I think that, like, what do they call it, a fucking monarchy?

Is it monarchy? Sure, yeah. I just think that's so fucking outdated. The class system's fucked. Like, who cares? Yeah. But it was like, you just get swept up because everybody's so, I did. Yeah.

Because everyone's just so excited. And this is like, people have waited for this moment. And I'm in that thing. Like people took gifts. Like they knitted bunny. And you can see Megan like holding flowers and bunnies and like banana bread and shit. Like, and that was pre-COVID. Well, that's how COVID spread.

That's how it. So Megan, the ultimate super spread up. It was those gifted bunnies that really... The fucking bunnies. And so tell me about the difference between beforehand. You're like, yeah, I think I'm going to sing. Versus you go, oh, they're holding my hand. They're 30 centimetres away.

Yeah. But I will continue to sing at them. So the plan, I hate to show biz magic, but the plane the whole time was to sing. Yeah. God save the queen. them yeah and yeah um and we didn't save her at all um sorry sorry sorry anyway um that was the plan the whole time and then i because everyone was so excited and i got swept up i then got a bit of stage fright because i was like oh my god like i don't want to embarrass myself like you know

and then got really nervous and then i was like fuck you know what it's like if you want to be in the video. If you want to make 8-10, then you've got to fucking sing you little bitch. Don't bury my Megan segment in the six o'clock hour. I'm not getting a replay at five past nine. Do you know what I mean? 8-10. Yeah.

So I was like, I've just got to put my whole, like, if I one day want to make a podcast with the great Ryan John, I've got to put my full pussy into this. And so I did. And so I'm like, go see, in her face. Like, it was. Considering they were here over the weekend. Yeah. It's just brought back so many memories.

Would you say you're still putting in as much effort as possible? To meet them or in general. You said like, well, if I wanted to make great radio, then I had to get in there. Yeah, I mean, I didn't attempt to meet them. If that's what you're implying is that I haven't put my whole pussy into that this weekend. And how do you feel about that is, are we taking our foot off? I'm regretful. Yeah.

I've got to put my pussy back in the game. Yeah. Yeah. Got to get your pussy back out there. Yeah. I've been listening to a lot of tricks. Tinkarcia so there's a lot of of pussy chat in my mind

at the moment. I like, towards gets home from work the other day. I'm like cooking dinner and they're just like going fucking nuts and he's like what the fuck you listening to?

And I wonder if that's how tarpas feel when their partners walk in and I'm saying something like put my full pussy into it. Are they like, hey, everything are right. What are you listening to? Yeah, no, there's a lot of tar partners.

Tar partners. I like that. And they walk into some, So I've also heard of people listening to the pod whilst like going through the drive-thru, they get coffee on the way to work. We've shared a few of those. And they're just like in the drive-thru and like, oh, hi, they just want the mocker on Armand?

And that's you talking about popping pussies. Pop my pussy, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It happens in the office too. Like, if this makes people feel any better that it doesn't just happen when your headphones accidentally disconnect. Ryan and I were just having a private conversation about squirting and Charles overheard me saying,

it's not we. Ask my mattress. So I think it's just important to keep it real across the. the board. Yeah, and I also think it's important to mind your own fucking business, Charles. Yeah, Charles, if you want to know about me squirting, you can see it live on. You come on over after that. Tony and I having a private conversation about squirting.

A private conversation about squirting in the office. But isn't we? Mind your fucking peas and keys. It's not we. Charles, can you Google is squirting we? From your work computer. From your Google Chrome account. Yeah, go incognito.

Do you know that you? can't watch porn anymore. Yeah, they brought in laws. Okay, well, tell me that when I'm not like needing it. You know what I mean? Like, if I'm, like, if, you know what I mean? I've opened the incognito tablet. It's too late to find out now.

Yeah, like, if you got to that stage, you're like, yeah, blinds are down. Talk, oh, well, I'll be home in like an hour and a half. Oh, okay. I'll knock out of age, you know. Yeah. But, settling in. If I've opened the incognito tab, that's too. like to find out.

I believe that it's still available. You just need to log in. But you can't create. Oh, Charles knows. He just shook his fucking spinkly little hair. It says like no new accounts can be made in your region. So we needed to have had an account. So if you don't have an account, you're fuck.

Well, not fucked. You're nothing. You just dry as a bone. You might as well go and buy a rainbow. Should we? when we go to Dublin and London. Don't ask me how I know this, but you couldn't make an account in Sweden.

You couldn't. Okay, here's what I was checking and you couldn't. Here's what I will say. Someone in a country where you still can create an account. Because it sounds like once it's created, it's good. You just can't create one here. Do we need people to make a country? a burner and send us over the login

not just us a communal tarp login can we just have a tarp one yeah so it's like tarpa at tarpa dot com tarpa tapas porn at gmail dot com we'll share the password with everyone yeah that's a good idea but like because this is now a community issue

yeah and we are the type community is one of the strongest communities and if we can't jerk it as one then what are we even fucking doing here it's actually so true do you know what was this close to texting Angela White? I was like, if anybody's going to be able to get us into, get us a porn account, it's Angela Why.

Yeah. I thought I shouldn't use my, my access for evil. What's the point of being dot comrades with Angela White if you can't DM that? I actually was thinking of her yesterday. I bet you were because you couldn't get a fucking make an account. From memory like a fucking peasant. No, there was this.

You're like, God, would I just got to think about Tony's boobs? I mean, it's just not enough. It's not the same. There was this like, using a GIF, like, what's a movie you've watched more than anything else? And it reminds me because we're talking about Baywatch. And everyone was putting you. I'll just watch that. And it was kind of like, I'll guess the movie from the GIF.

And it's everyone's like favorite movie. A Bugs Life Giff. Yeah. And I was like, should I put an Angela White? Like what movie if you watch more than anything else? That would have been so funny. Did you post it? No, I chickened out and put American Psycho.

Oh, no, you should have done Angela Watt and tagged her because she would have seen that. She would have loved it. Yeah. I just think, I don't really understand why they've taken away. Like, you know when sometimes you're in trouble and you go, you know what? Like, I know what I've done? I have actually fucked up there. They're protecting you from yourself.

But I don't feel protected. You feel on edge, actually. Yeah. I'm just, I just, it took me by surprise. This actually explains something I saw this morning. I think we can all agree that Chau. Who knows where this is going? I think we can.

all agree that childcare workers are some of the hardest workers in town. Totally. Tough job. I'm driving to work this morning and there's someone who works at the child care is out the front. Like, I've never seen someone smoke harder. As in like, like, get it into me. Yeah. The only person that you see smoking harder than that is nurses out the front of the hospital. Yeah, yeah, same energy. But she's, she's sitting there smoking a sig. She's got another sig behind her ear. She's chaining it. And she's rifling through her bag for an unprecedented. It entered third six. And I just went,

fuck, this bitch just not, like it's, it's a Monday morning. Yeah, and I was like, she just knows what's coming. Yeah.

It's going to be. And now I realize she hasn't been able to jerk it for weeks now. Because we can't make an account. This is why as she can, I'll give her the password. As leading TARPA individuals, we have a responsibility to get people off. Get people off.

Get people off. People off, you know? And so I think that a bit like how everybody in office uses my kick login. We just maybe have to start some ground. Oh, yeah. We all do. Okay. Lily the other day goes, oh, I saw that you did a run because it came up.

Being like, congrats on finishing your run because we're all logged in. I was actually going to ask for the logging because I'm going to start running for that fun run later in the year. And the kick run is really, really good. Yeah, so you can have a login. But what I'm saying is that we just need to set some ground. rules like don't save videos don't save a favorite don't you know I think that we can I say and we've said this for some other programs. Don't go back through the watch history and make judgments. We have to it's on a system. It's on a system. We go in. We search what we want. We search what we

need. We do what we need to do and we don't judge others. Yeah. And it's just like when we, I don't want the next guy. I don't want to be searching stuff with the assumption that someone like, oh what did I watch last time? No. Cute couple that look very normal and don't do weird shit. Yeah. Yeah. Amateur lesbian. That's what I'm after.

Do you know what I mean? Amateur threesome. That's fine. Yeah. But I just think that, yes, Charles, sorry, you look like there's something on the tip of your tongue. Oh, well, just going back to your question before about squirting. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So it actually is, it's a mixture of urine. And fluid produced by the glands. Oh, hot. Yeah. So you were quite aggressive earlier, Tony. anything you'd like to say? I actually really did. I didn't think that it was.

So if it's quite diluted, because it's not like, it doesn't have like wee smell or anything. It's not like a color. No. Like it isn't. So, yeah,

I apologize. I didn't realize I had urine in it at all. Back to the joint porn account though, which I think is actually very important. We'll get to your colonoscopy in a minute. Oh, that can wait. It's not going. My asshole is literally not going anywhere.

No, but I'm really excited about. the news. I just think it's really important that we fix this issue because I got the fraud. And I don't want other people going through what I went to. I've had to start reading horny books. Oh, who can be bothered? I know.

It's like the analog way. But when the battery dies and you're like, oh, fucking, I'm about to get a fucking right-hand workout, you know what I mean? Well, heaven forbid. You know what would be the worst outcome of all? No outcome. No come out. No come out.

Yeah. No, what would be the worst outcome? We might have to have sex with our partners. No, but sometimes they're not here or we're not here. And then what do you do? There needs to be other ways.

Wait for them to get home? Like a fucking look. Yeah. Well, then we could just, I don't mind. You know what? We've just had it too good for too long. I know.

You know how you said once, which was beautiful, we don't appreciate the times we don't have a cold? Yes, when you don't appreciate that you can breathe cleanly through your nose. Yes. You only appreciate it when you can't. Yeah. So true. What'd you call me?

And I don't think we appreciated that we could just go to some random website and type in... It's not that random, but yes. And just type in anything you wanted. I know. And get it in an instant. And that was just great. Because then you go, you do your business, you close the incognito tab and you move on. Maybe wash your hands or whatever.

If you've got time. I worked with this guy who was doing long distance. Yep. The long day. Yeah. And he goes, he goes, no, this is like not something you would talk about. But like, I think I've watched direct quote, every video on porn. He's like, I've got to the end.

Is there any wild card words you'd read? recommend I threw into the search bar because I reckon I've seen it all. I think that I couldn't be surprised now. Yeah. Now, this is a safe space. As we all know, this very safe space, whatever we want to talk about is fine. Yep. Were you the friend?

Were you the friend from, friend from work? No. Because it's okay. No. It's okay. We all try to watch porn. Normally I would say we all. watch porn, but right now I have to say that we all try to watch porn. First, they took away

the artsy Tumblr porn. I just wanted to look at fucking black and white boobs, okay? That should not be a crime. Did Tumblr get rid of that? Oh, they took that away. Because Tumblr was got porny. Oh, Tumblr was the porn. Yeah, but it was so artsy and cool and it was, you're like tattooed people making out, which is like very me. What wasn't me? Well, I did post nudes on Tumblr. You did? Yeah. Of yourself. Yeah. Charles, have you found those? We've looked. We've looked before.

Together. That's a strange thing to do as a team. Well, I think I talked about it on the pod. But yeah, I shared no. Because it was artsy. It was that time, wasn't it? You get swept up into the side fringe and the side boob. Yeah.

Side boob that was big then? What underboob's in now? Oh, it is. I've seen a lot of that at Coachella. Yeah. It's too stressful for me. I just would just... That's what I mean.

It's like, I'm more boobs down here. Do you know? You know what I mean? Like... Your whole boob is underboop because it's just all down... You know? That's okay.

I'm fine with her. Yeah. It used to just be good old cleavage at the top. Do you know what I mean? Cleavage, accessible porn. Yes. Smoking in restaurants. Oh, bring it back.

Hi, I'm Bea from the West Coast of Tasmania. I'm Alex from St. Paul, Minnesota, USA. I'm Chloe from Brisbane, Australia. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our fellow organized crime compliance people who are going to join our, hopefully, join our joint-top porn hub account. Yep. I've just, though, I have... Can we get pre-we'll pay for premium.

Well, I've just actually been told, beep-da-bib-bib, there's other websites. So maybe we don't need the group porn hub because we could just watch on... Eyes. What's that red tube? That's a website. Is that what are you? go on Charles Charles

Charles I couldn't give a fuck Charles you built your own Tony Hub Tarp hub Tarp hub Tarpub

What are you What are you roll on I just I'm here on the Great Finders other websites like X Hamster Or like X videos

X Hamster Yeah those are just like what I've heard Is that I don't Is that what it sounds like It is If I'm ready to roll

Oh Charlie thank you The word Hamster is gonna take me back Yeah nah I'm ready. That's going to make me, I'm ready.

Yeah. Typing in the word hamster. You got Twitter or X? I've got X. Yeah. That's got stuff on it, as we know. It does too. There's porn on Twitter.

You got to find it though. Yeah, and I don't want to do work. I want to pick one video and watch a bit of it. And then move on. Okay, a few of our championtabers over at our Patreon. Thank you for being here. Thank you for keeping the lights on. Thank you for paying for our premium porn hub subscription.

What we do with your money is reinvested into the community and pay for a singular premium porn subscription we can all use. Comment below your favourite porn websites. No, just go to tarp hub.com right now. By the time this episode comes out later today, Charles will be on it. You know, we probably can't get it. Because anything with Harbour or whatever is probably all taking. No, we'll find out. I'm logging you.

Oh, it's a process. All right, Lil, good on you, Lil. Interested in the porn, I guess. Gardner, good on your Gardner. Samantha, love to see it, Samantha. Thank you. Jen, thank you very much, Jen. Jen's a cool name, eh, Jen.

Ellie Sibley, thanks Ellie. Victoria Boucheri, good on your Vicky. Chelsea, love to see it. Georgia's hope. I hope Georgia's having a great day. Yep. Rachel Stokes, fucking stoke me up, bitch. And Liza Chang.

Thank you very much for being part of. of our Patreon, we fucking love to see it. Yeah, that's what the daycare worker was doing. She was Liza Chang smoking. Chang smoking. I can't get tarpub.com. I can get tarpob.com.com. What about what about tarpub.org?

No. Dot orgasm. We're actually better than that. Oh, we can't have an org? What do you mean? I'll have multiple orbs is what you said last week. I'll give you an orbub. org.

Is that last? like for a government website? Yeah, org just gives me the, it's not as bad as hamster. Let me be clear. What about ex-hamster.org? Doesn't that just sound like it's like free the hamster? Like it's a PETA website. Yeah.

I think tarp hub.com.com. You can live with. It feels strong. Okay. And what's that going to redirect to? Well, you'll go and find out now. Yeah, okay. You're disgusting perverts.

No, no, no, no. We all love porn and that's fine. porn is life yeah as the mate of honour I would like to invite you to Tony's Hens party the one night only stage spectacular

is in London at Troxy Theatre on May 19 over half the seats are already gone and there's less than a month and I don't want you to miss out get your tickets at tony and Ryan.com.com.com now the other shows by the way Dublin sold out Dublin sold out, which is so fucking great. So if anyone in Ireland was like maybe wanting to go,

you could get a boat. Hop over the rive. Sorry. I've been accused of shortening already fairly short words. Yeah. And that's fair. The other shows, including Dublin, a live recording of the episode. Yeah.

But the Hens Night is different. It's not going online anywhere. It's only in person. It's a one-off. One Hens Night. It is the party. It is the theatre. if you want to get your seat in that theatre,

Tony and Ryan.com.com. Not to be confused with tarpub.com.com. Um, and... Yeah, so if you want to see it, you need to have your cute little tush in the theatre. Now, Charlesville. Online at the moment,

I'm posting a few outfits that I'm considering wearing. And I would like you to head over to our Instagrams and let me know, A, B, C or D? D. I haven't seen any of them, but I'm picking the D. So it's, and someone get this bitch a login because she is.

I am so excited about getting so excited about the Hens Night. I've got some statistics to share on Wednesday about the ins and outs of what may or may not be happening on the night to share with our, by the way, everyone who comes is a bridesmaid. Everyone who comes as a bridesmaid, there's a little gift on arrival. Yep. So to share with my fellow bridesmaids, we've got some numbers on Wednesday. Actually, on arrival, good point. Because the doors open how early are gifts. There are gifts on your seats.

Yep. I do believe we are working on a special something at the bar. Yes, there's something special on the bar and something fun to do in the fore. Like, we'll have some activations and things to do. So it's like, going to be a little type chella. Similar to... People are just adding chella to stuff at the moment, aren't they? Yeah, that's really getting expectations up there.

You don't think it's a festival of fun and love? That's exactly what it is. Thank you so much. I just love Coachella so much. You would never go to Coachella. Not these days. Back in the day, I reckon, I would. I'd like to go.

I don't think you would. No, me either, but I'd like to find out if I would. I'll let you know right now. Well, I've, yeah, I think I'd like to go. Anyway. Would you like to go next year? I'll come with you. Charles is angling hard.

I know. He just wants to see me in that little outfit. Which part? Is it just the sense of occasion? The vibes, I think, just feel so high. Yeah. But I think that I would just, I would struggle with the lines to be on. Like, you know how it's like.

Doing too many of them. Not as young as I used to me. No. Like, because you know how it's like, it takes hours to get a car. It takes hours to get back to the toilet. That would kill me. Like that would, I think what could be. a really fun time would get you would lose momentum so much.

And momentum for me, if I lose momentum, I go home. Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm out. You know what lose, nothing could lose me faster than going, let's go to a new bar. No, you've lost me. I'm going home. Like on the walk from where we are to the next place, like you'll turn around and I'm in an Uber.

Tonight we're going to a place. Mm-hmm. And I know the guys we're going out with are going to say, should we go to another bar? And you know what I'm going to say? No. No deal is what I'm going to say. I want you to love Coachella, but I'm, and the, and same, but it sounds like, I think to give yourself a really good experience, you have to pay a lot of, like, $10 million for the private thing where I don't have to leave my little area. Yes, or like, you know, there's other designated pickup zones where it doesn't take us on to get a car and shit like that.

Like, so it's like, if you're going to do it, do it fucking right. Mm. But that's just going to cost so much money. I don't know if I just d-empt it to Charles or all of you, but that person that, like, found an artist past? Yeah. Was that a stunt? He finds it every year, apparently.

Oh, apparently. Fuck that guy. Well, I hope he finds me one. I'll find you one. I'll make you. Yeah. All right. Sorry, what are we?

You've got your statistics. No, that's on Wednesday. Statistics of what's happening. Tony and Ryan.com.com. Or tarpub.com.com. The tickets. Or I also believe Tony and Ryan. com.

Yep. Tony's hens. Ah. But what I will say is by... I think also tony ryan.com. We've got a straight up.com now. What I will say is the... Can we change our email addresses?

Fuck. Because you just... You know what? I probably do have a fucking porn hub account, but I typed you my email wrong. Because the amount of times that I write dot com and then go enter and then they go, we'll send you the verification.

I go, oh, well, I don't know who to. Don't worry about it then, I guess, yeah. Okay. Does anyone else do the thing where they, they're on their computer? they go to... No, this is what I'm saying I can't get into it. They go to open their bank account to pay a bill or something.

And then it goes, oh, we'll send you a code to your phone. Yeah. And then you need to log into your phone. And I go, why didn't I just use my phone? Yeah. They do the verification number. But then you got to do the authenticator up as well, isn't it? But if I just opened on my phone in the first place, I could have just done it.

Now, sometimes they send you a text as well on the phone. Yeah, yeah. But do you know what's great? good about when you do it on the phone. Normally your phone goes copy from messages. That's one. Isn't that just technology at its fucking finest? The person that invented that?

Cooked. Almost a better invention than Valcrow. They fucking ate with that being an automated thing on the phone. That is. No, let me tell you the best thing that's ever happened. Yesterday, I was paying an invoice on my computer, right? Let me set the scene. I'm sitting on the couch.

I've got my laptop on my knees. The invoice comes through. It's like a zero invoice. Yep. One of the options was to pay by credit card. One of the options was to pay via Google pay. I don't have that. Neither.

One of the options was Apple pay. And I was like, I didn't know you could Apple pay on your computer. It brought up a little fucking widget. I scanned that with my phone and I Apple paid from my phone on my computer. That's fucking sick. the most wonderful automation of my whole entire life. Apple Pay is so easy.

Oh, it couldn't be. Like, it is so phenomenal. Like, again, they ate with that. It is like the best thing ever. It's amazing. And the fact that I could just scan that with, it was so great. Congratulations to Apple and to Tony Lodge.

I just thought, can you buy tickets for our show using Apple pay? Fuck, it's not going to be good if you can't. I don't think so. That's not in our control. Stripe's pretty close. Have we got striped? Okay, great.

Let me have a look. Yeah, Charles, find out if you can use Apple Pay. Have you bought tickets, Charles? I have not. Yeah, Charles, have you bought tickets for the ladies you're bringing? I got told I was allowed five free tickets. Hang on, how many did I promise you? Five.

No, specifically for dating apps. You're going to fuck five women at the same time? God, I can't think of anything. being surrounded by five women. I mean, would be pretty dope actually. But I think I would be tired. But they can help each other. It's not like a one-on-one five times.

It's a five-way. You can pay with Apple pay. Fuck, yeah. Slay. The amount of clicks in today's episode is up. Have you been watching little... Strixie and gotcha. Okay.

And Danny does it. I'm trying to fit in. She's a good clicker. Yeah, she is. Anyway, um. Got some feedback. Monday scrotum. Well, are we doing Monday mailbag or?

Scrodom. Every time we say mailbag though, I think ball bag and then. Let's call it the Monday ball bag. Love it. So many people, including live life Leah. Amazing. Was so stoked to hear about Sydney and Robin. Yes.

Oh my God. We found them. We found them. So to bring up to speed, Tony was left stranded in a, airport in Fiji. This taxi said we only take cash, which sounds like a scam. She doesn't have Fijian money. She's running around.

Oh, my card stopped working. Yeah. And then these two girls go, hey, let us help you out. Get this cash. You do what you do. Pay it forward. Yeah. It was really, really beautiful.

So people were like, A, Tony, thanks for sharing. That sounds horrible. B, how good are these bitches? But then how many people came out of the woodwork to help find those two? And so you can say thanks. And the amount of people that were like, oh, this is really, warmed my heart to see that like there are just really good people out there. And that is why I wanted to, aside from wanting to find them so I could thank them properly.

It was also just that I was like, what an amazing tale of people being like, you know what? Like, no, I'm going to fucking help you out. I would have fully understood if they were like, I'm not giving you money. Yeah. Like that would make sense. This chick begging for cash, leave me alone. I'm also stranded in an airport. They were also in a pretty shitty situation.

So that war, we got so many messages saying that. out warmed my heart so thanks again to Sydney and Robin and I've I've chatted with um with Sydney so that everybody's up to speed I've chatted with her and have we confirmed that Charles has passed one of them oh yeah Charles Pashed the other one Robin did he that's nice um oh is her name Robin but no it's Robin because you said Batman and Melbourne yeah and I keep going it's not Robin it's Batman and then I'm like no no it's definitely not um I mean you'd remember if you like I met these two random chicks in Fiji it was Sydney and Batman Batman you'd be like well you want drugs at the time had you

had a bit too much of the Carver. And they have said like, no, we don't need you to pay us back. They said, though, that they got such a thrill from the search for Sydney and Robin. Being on the internet, they really like that. And it's their new favourite ice breaker from now on. It's going to be a great tale for them. But we're going to catch up and I'm going to buy him a glass of pinaigree. Oh.

Next time I spend a few days in Sydney. Isn't that nice? Yeah. Well, I'll be spending some days in Sydney. Ryan's just already had Robin. Just a bit of humor. All right. Dan has messaged through.

Hi, Dan. And you know, sometimes you get a compliment and you go, is that a compliment? Yeah. All the time. Dan says, I'm an actual doctor. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Just say doctor. Who watches this podcast?

Huge fan. Oh, huge Dan. You're both wrong about almost everything. Great. But still, highly entertaining. Thanks for the message, Dan. Yeah. And you know what?

That's fine. I'm actually fine with that. I've been wrong about like five things already today. You just got to go with the flow. And accept the new information as it comes through. So true. Yeah. Now, we did say last week that please send us your like funny,

where did you spew stories? Yep. There was a lot of stories. A bit too much. Spew. There's so much. The inbox was that scene from family guy. You don't remember that scene where they all drink the stuff?

The Ipacac. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was our inbox. Yeah. I think I'm going to have to go through them and just go, we can't read them all because we'll all end up.

Spewing. And so I'll do that maybe next week. But I did have a special mention here from Bonnie. Your cousin Bonnie? No, different Bonnie. No, shooting the bath. No. Bath shooting Bonnie will be at the hands.

party in London. So if that's not enough to get you there, I don't know what it is. I believe she'll be working the merch store. That's very fun. So I don't know if that's going to hold up the line because people are going to be like, are you the one that's shadowed the bar?

Yeah. Beepidoo-bib, there's going to be merch available. I don't know if we've announced that. She said, this isn't a full spew story, but it's spew adjacent. Love it. My partner got food poisoning so bad. we ended up in a hospital because he could not stop throwing up.

Oh, and by that time, you're just in so much pain because there's nothing left to give. Well, he was what we said similar to the colonoscopy. He gets to the stage where you're like empty. Yeah. So he's kneeling on the bed in the expert at receiving doggy position, which is ass up, but face down because his face is in the bucket. But he's like kneeling. I know it well.

Yeah. he's dry retching as the poor guy must have been empty but he needed that like relief of like well and when your stomach is like contracting like you can't stop as he strained to get that last bit of spew with his ass up in the air he ripped the biggest fart

luckily it was only a fart and my partner myself and the two nurses laughed so fucking up But just all that gas building up, wouldn't it? Yeah. But the expert at receiving doggy, do you know, when, what does that mean to you? Because there's receiving doggy and then there's like expert at receiving doggy. Well, I don't like to do my own one.

But I would say as an actual doctor, thanks, Dan. I'd say that I'm familiar with being an expert receiving doggy. No, but like the position is expert. So can you describe the different young... I'm wearing a pretty short skirt. I can't get into it. For young players. You described it well, face down, ass up.

It's like what Pitbull said. That's the way we like to... Fuck. What did he say? You know that song's like, phase down. Ass up. That's the way we like to fuck. Is that Pitball?

Who's that, Charles? Charles I believe that's Pit bull Is that pit bull? Yeah Because is it Is it in Hotel Motel

Holiday? Is it in that song? Maybe not Fucking hell Charles is on holiday Fucking have the day off Charles Shit He's on

Ta Hub He's busy Yeah build that in your own time son It's from two live crew And the song is called Face Down Arce Up

That's not it I'll have to do my own fucking job here the lyrics of that song say face down, ass up, that's the way we like to fuck

is the lyrics of that song. I'm gonna do Google Hum. Is that a thing? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Hang on. Face down.

Ass up. That's the way we like to fuck. It's saying keep going. I don't know any more of the song. It's timber by Pitbull and Kesha. Oh, I love that song. No, it's. get freaky by Pitbull playing skills.

For copyright purposes, we have had to remove the last few minutes of Tony listening to Pitbull, but what I can say is the dance moves and eye contact I just received is going to stay with me for a very long time. And you're actually so welcome. Charles, I'm going to send you this link so that we can put it in the... Because I want everybody to enjoy that the way that we just got to.

You're wearing a very short skirt. Here is my offer. Yeah. I am an expert of receiving doggy. I will get on the ground and I want you to direct me from what I will call

regular receiving doggy to expert in receiving doggy. And keeping in mind this is a podcast, I'll need you to talk me through it. Okay, yep, hop down. Hop down, hop down. Okay, Charles has got the other camera so we've got another angle coming.

And where do I start? I think if you go like all fours, And facing Charles. Face Charles. Okay. So this is, what I would say that this is, so Ryan, okay, Ryan's knees have just, oh, you've gone into expert there.

Okay. So I would say that this is just like receiving doggy. I don't think that you feel really super into it. You're on your knees and your hands. It's like an early yoga position. Early yoga. If you were to. First time receiving doggy.

Yep. If you were to go down on. to like your forearms. So, yeah. Oh. And I would say that this is mid-range, not executive yet, but mid-range doggy receiving. Charles, can we get the camera right here? There we go.

Danny, could you please go get me a pillow from the couch? This is where I would say the expertise comes in. So we've got Ryan on his knees right now and on his forearms. Thanks, Danielle. Sorry about everything. Where's the pillow go? Okay. I'm going to need you to put the pillow under your face

and I'm going to ask you to go hands free Do it Excuse me You said will you take give me the directions Yeah so and imagine Imagine that the bedhead is here Right And you just push your little fucking face

You little bitch And then where do my hands go? Get down there please so like that because this hand's busy you know what's it doing is it jerking someone off behind me

no because they're fucking you your other hand is you use your words well I mean you've got to get a little bit action in the front you know off for myself yeah that's for you that's all for you okay well you wouldn't be doing that

because it would be in your crotch so what I would say is this is and don't forget as well that there is pressure coming from this way. So you've got it. Your head beat, you shouldn't be able to breathe.

That's where I think the expertise comes in. That's why I bought that snorkel. Anyway, so you're being repetitively shoved into the bedhead and I think that that is where the expertise comes in. And think about it as well. Normally your knees would be quite far apart because you've got to let your mate come in behind you, isn't it?

So true. There is so much athleticism involved. I'm basically Simone. Biles, a bit bigger. That's where I would say the expertise comes in. Any thoughts? Like, do you think that as the penis giver, you would enjoy that on the receiving end? Do you know what I mean?

Like, Charles, would you be happy if someone were to present in that way to you? You don't have to answer that, Charles. What are we doing? I think the confusion was I didn't know what to do with. my hands. Yeah, because their hands are busy. But the hands free is just like...

You gotta have a strong neck. You got, you have to have some fucking core strength. Like, it's not, it's not fucking around. That's why it's, that's the CEO's doggy position.

Do you know what I mean? Like, you've got, you've got to know, and I wouldn't try that the first time. Do you know what I mean? You're build up to it.

Oh yeah. And you got to trust the person who's shoving you into the fucking bedhead as well, I reckon. I've heard. Like you're not doing that on the first day, I don't feel. No? No.

How long to? How long of twas not going to go? No. Like, I just don't think that that, like, you probably wouldn't get to that stage with somebody early on. But sometimes you've got to put your best foot forward, you know? That's true. Yeah, I mean, and everybody's different. Yep.

Everybody is different. That's just the beauty of this whole thing. So true. Yeah. I've got to. love to see it here. Okay. Before we all leave and not watch anything and take care of ourselves because I just feel

like there's a... There's a lot happening. Yeah. Sorry. Uh, Tori... A lot for a Monday, do we feel. Sorry. Yeah.

Like, we just started talking about the Royals and then now... It's just... Megan gets us all megged up, you know? I've seen the last episode of season two of suits. I haven't seen any of it. I think I watched the first two episodes and went, no. First season is so good. Yeah, it just didn't get me.

The first episode is really great. Tori Regan. Hi, Tori. This is really nice and I apologize that your, you'll have to see it, is after that. Oh, like, I've got to follow it. No, I was in like, Tori's like, hey, everyone listened to I was mentioned on this pod and they all just listen to that and go. Oh, sorry, Tori. Everything are right, Tori?

Yeah, given the time code. Almost two years ago, I started my business, the cat carer. Oh. Where I provide... Tony? No. Where I provide non-veterinary services to cats in Wellington in New Zealand. I used to be a public servant and although I was good at my job, it was never like her thing, her purpose.

Why are you laughing? No, I'm not. It wasn't her why, you know? Totally. Say it. Just the cat there. I've just gone straight to pussy. You know.

Yeah. Yeah. And like the non-veterinary expertise. I'm like, well, yeah. Sorry. Being a cat carer, though, is all of those things for me. I'm so passionate about taking care of that boss. Oh, Tori, you're going to want a refund.

I'm really sorry. I couldn't be happier. I hope everyone else starts the blog and lives their dreams like I have. Because even though it was hard at first, it was worth it. We've got the sillies. You know what? No, like fucking pussy aside. I'm really proud of you.

You've got to start the fucking blog. We've got to do what we love. Look at us. We're living the dream. We really are. We really are. Like, look at it. Like, Ryan just demonstrated dog you know,

we're talking about pussy. I think it's wonderful. I just want to say that I genuinely am very happy about that, Tori. That's wonderful. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Because I, yeah, I've got a video for my love to say it and I don't remember what it is. Charles, can you please play it? Oh, this is amazing. You would get a fourth. Four is the magic number. Is it?

Unless there's five. Oh my God. I brought me so much joy when I saw it. Please put the link in the show notes as well. And how proud the driver of the car, like every time another dog pops up, she goes, he's not going to fucking believe it. Like in her mind, she's just like, oh, there's not. You like that one dog, do you? Yeah.

You should say all five of them. Call it Christmas cunt. Because I'm about to light you up. So good. Don't beep that. I really liked that. Don't beat that one. Just that when you said it's Christmas.

That's great. Leave that in. Beat that one though. Oh, okay. I was just going to enter into the roster for today. Maybe we've overstayed our welcome. But are we on? Should we?

What are we beeping for? I think we leave in. I'm on c'em. You're on fucking something. No, that's so fair. We'll talk to our good friends at YouTube monetisation. Yeah, we can't say right at the beginning. That's okay.

Or too often at all. Oh, you can't say it at all. I don't know. I'll look into it. Can you Google it? Oh, no, ask the people at Google. Yeah. But maybe like a sneaky here or there, but like I don't think you can just be full of

Yeah. That is the greatest tragedy. Tomorrow on the show. Yes. A confession? A hens party confession. Okay. And a colonoscopy result.

Who got the better Boston Bough preparation score? Tony or Ryan? I fucking can't wait to find out. The results are in. Love you. Sorry, it was porn heavy. Love you.