Toni and Ryan - Toni went to an 18th birthday

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello. And we are calling Katie, who's in Louisiana. Ooh. And she's a teacher. Let's guess what she teaches. How to love. How to love. I'm going to go grade four. Okay.

What are you going to go? Science. Okay. Hello, Katie? Yes? Hi, Katie, it's Tony and Ryan. Oh, hi. Katie, we really need to know.

Tony and I have placed our bets. We know that you're a teacher. What do you teach? I teach English and science. Oh, Tony said science. Well done. I said science, Katie. You are a psychic after all.

But what grade do you teach? Third grade. Oh, Ryan said fourth. Oh, we were bloody close. We were pretty close. Nostradamus. Katie, will you approve today's podcast? It's okay.

I'll give credit to both of y'all. Of course. Definitely. This is Katie from Louisiana, and I approve this podcast. Definitely. This is Katie from Louisiana and I approve this podcast. Coming up today, by popular demand, Tony goes to her nephew's 18th birthday party.

And just quickly, what word would you say? Was it like anxious, nervous, unsure? All of those because I didn't know if I'd actually been invited or whether I was, yeah. But how did you think you'd like, do you assume you'd like fit in with the young cool kids? Well, I knew that that probably wouldn't be the case. Okay. Because I'm self-aware.

Yeah, okay. But I didn't know if I was like a guest of Tyler, my nephew, or whether I was like a guest of my brother's. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, mum's friend is coming as well. And they'll be in the kitchen. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. And I now know where I stand. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and I now know where I stand.

Okay. And also, just as a side note, the time Tony and I have spent with each other and, like, purposely Tony's not told me what's happened so we can save it for this episode has been excruciating. Yeah, because we just want to talk about everything. And now it's your weekend. Yeah. That's coming up soon. First, though, Anonymous Tapa has a secret and she shared it with us.

And she said, I'm keeping a secret from my husband. Oh, my God. Are we early for confessions? Are we doing confessions today? But I think it's confession has like a tinge of like I've done the wrong thing. But this is different, which is why it's not in Confessions. Okay. My husband has no idea that I'm a really good piano player

and I'm just waiting for the perfect random moment to just start playing a beautiful song in front of him and make him fall in love with me all over again. But why would – I mean, I get the, like, big reveal, but that's going to be a big reveal any time. Yeah. And also, I mean, when I'm good at something, I never shut up about it.

So I don't know how you could not tell someone that you have this, like, secret talent. There's two places Tony doesn't have restraint. Yeah. It's talking in general. Yes, in general yes in general yeah and hotel buffets yep that's true yeah that is true yeah what's the point of going to a buffet if you're just gonna have cereal exactly um or fruit you know when you see people

i've just got fruit i'm like get a fucking life yeah that's the fourth course you're doing you're doing a cleanse with some fruit at the end. The bacon is where you make your money. Anyway, off topic, I just think like, you know, when you hear stories about people that like they get secret dance lessons before their wedding or whatever. And I think that's quite, because it's like for an event. But this is just, she's just like, oh. I'm just waiting for the perfect time.

And like what's the perfect time? Like when you just see a piano somewhere because. Yeah, I don't know when the perfect time is. But there'd almost be an anxiety of like. Am I blowing my load? Yeah. Once I blow my load, then I'm nothing to no one. Isn't also the husband just going to be like, what?

Why have you told me this? Have you been practicing? Is there something else you're not telling me? And also, like, share your gift. Like, if you're really good at something, I'm sure that your husband was actually, and your family, would love to fucking hear you play the piano all the time. I agree.

So I asked other tapas, are you sitting on a secret talent? Oh. So that's why it's not confessions. It's fun. Yeah. Confunctions. Angelo works in a cookie store. See, already fun.

Yeah, the cookie dough in San Francisco. Oh, is that? Oh, I see it. So Tony's paying attention. There's a lot of contention about whether we should go to San Francisco, by the way, on the US trip. Just a side note. Where is it?

North California. So it's, I thought that's, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. Maybe we'll go. No, what did you think? I think I thought that it was like down the bottom on the right. But is that Florida? Yeah.

Yeah. In fact, you could, some would argue you could not. Get further away. Yeah. You couldn't be further away and still be in America than there. So it's like in LA? No, that's LA. But is it like a suburb of LA?

No, it's a huge city. Oh, okay. Yeah. So LA is kind of fucked because it's like, sorry, California is kind of fucked because there's multiple cities within the same state. Oh, see, that's why it's confusing. Yeah. Imagine if Perth, Melbourne and Sydney were all in Victoria. Like, that's so confusing

because you'd be like, hang on, how are they on the same thing? Yeah. Yeah. I think there's two cities. Isn't there two cities in Philadelphia? I don't fucking know. Mate. No, in Pennsylvania. Oh, yeah. There's Philadelphia and some other ones. Scranton. I don't think that's it, but I just know that from the office. Yeah, Oh, yeah. There's Philadelphia and some other ones. Scranton.

I don't think that's it, but I just know that from the office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. Pittsburgh or Philadelphia? Detroit? Pittsburgh. Fucking hell. All the Americans listening are like, shut the fuck up. Fucking driving off the road.

Oh, my God. Angelo works in a Florida cookie store. Cookie dough. Cookie dough in Florida. Cookie dough in Florida. Cookie dough in Florida. Florida dough. Yes. See, it was worth that bullshit US geography chat.

It was. To get to that. Moving on. A deaf person came into the cookie store. What's it called again? Florida dough. They were pleasant and patient at first, as was the person helping them. But, like, you could kind of tell it was, like, you know, it was tough.

I think you just get frustrated when people can't, like. They both wanted to help each other out. Yeah, exactly. And they were sort of struggling to communicate. Yeah. And Angelo walked over. Angelo Doe, actually, is what I prefer. Walked over and started signing because he's fluent in ASL.

Oh, my God. My colleague had no idea. I would pass away if someone, yeah. Had no idea and just was like so dumbfounded and impressed and just like because he's just been sitting on this skill this whole time. That's good. Yeah. That's very good.

The customer almost started crying because they were, like, so relieved. And I think, imagine if you were, like, gluten-free or you had to try and, like, explain something specific. Oh, absolutely. You know what I mean? So they're like, oh, this, but I can't. Yeah. And so they were like, and they're like such a relief. They started crying.

And it's like, oh, I'll give you a sample of this and we'll throw in one of those. And they were really stoked and whatever. That's amazing, Angelo. Angelo said, there's actually no reason I learned ASL. I just taught myself in high school because I thought it was interesting and it was worth it for like this moment of like glory. And you just love to see that. That's very sweet.

This isn't sweet. Oh, no, this is very – actually, this is the sweetest. Tapa – should I say her name, Cam? That's very sweet. This isn't sweet. Oh, no, this is very – actually, this is the sweetest. Oh. Tapa – should I say her name, Cam? Okay, Cam's shaking his head. A random Tapa says – From Florida. I have a talent that means my husband will never leave me. Cooking.

Good at cooking. I was late to the party when it came to bedroom stuff. I've only been with a few guys, but all of them were gobsmacked that I was able to do this thing. I wish I knew I had this amazing talent when I was younger and shy and self-conscious. Now, the anonymous tarpa is a lady and has not divulged much more, but what did our minds go to?

And I'd love Taffers to let us know on the episode thread, like if you had to guess. What was the first thing you thought? I'll tell you what, I'm embarrassed about what mine is. Should we go on three? Should we go on three? Why are we both doing this i know if you say something slightly wholesome i'm gonna be so embarrassed because mine's pretty fucking mine's fuck

i wouldn't worry okay okay and how many words is yours how many syllables two mine's four okay okay okay okay all right so i'm gonna go three two one and then we're gonna say it um Okay Okay Okay Okay Alright, ready So I'm going to go Three, two, one And then we're going to say it

This is Anonymous Starper's Amazing talent Which means her husband Will never leave her Okay Three, two, one Squirty No gag reflex

Oh What did you say? No gag reflex? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that is good. Yeah. And I don't know what that says about me, but the first thing I was like, oh. Oh, the first thing I thought of was squirting because I reckon that boys would be like, oh, yeah.

Like, that would make, like, a dude or anyone that, like, if someone was hooking up with you, you would feel really good about that. Yeah. Like, making that happen. So that's what I reckon it might. I didn't, that was literally the, I was like, what else could it be? Like, what's wrong with me, guys? But no gag reflex, that's a good one. Oh, what else, what else do you, and then I was like,

maybe this anonymous tapper is, like, really good at, like, a sensual massage, you know, or, like, good at foot stuff maybe or something. I don't know. I'm trying to, like, think. What do you mean good at foot stuff? Like, good at foot stuff. What's foot stuff? Like, foot stuff.

What's foot stuff? Like, foot stuff. Like, what's foot stuff? Like, foot stuff. Like, maybe she's good at foot stuff. Like walking? Sure. That is one of the feet things that you can be good at.

Yeah. Oh, sexy. Yeah. I'd never break up with someone that was good at walking and standing. No, like foot stuff. Okay. Cam, can you just say if either of us are close? Oh, do you know what it is, Producer Cam?

You're both in the general area, but I wouldn't say close. Oh, so it's squirting, foot stuff, sensual massage. Knee stuff. No gag reflex. It's all of them. Okay. She's a medical marvel. Tapa Sarah is really good at playing poker,

but her husband friends don't know. Oh, that's good because you can take people for all their money. Oh, I've never played this before. Our ace is high, and what does that mean? When I asked to join the boys' poker nights, there was a few eye rolls. Oh, yeah, the miss-o, she wants to play, boys. And when she saw those eye rolls, she gave them a bit of,

oh, what's this card do? Mine's got a nice pattern. They're like, that's the back, you know. Boys are so stupid. I then proceeded to take all the money from all the boys. Buy yourself something nice, babe. That's great. Yeah, don't think they'll be rolling their eyes at me anytime again soon.

Yeah. She's great at foot stuff as well. And finally, Jordan. I'm really good, like amazingly talented, at guessing how many things are in the jar. See, I always wonder if there's a strategy. Well, Jordan says, like, no, she's like, I just look and I'm just good at it for no rhyme or reason.

There's no strategy or algorithm. She just looks at it and goes 427. And she said her house is full of random shit that she's won from pubs from all over over the years to the point where because you know sometimes it's it's usually in a pub and it's in the corner and it's a fun little thing yeah and to the point where they'll walk in and there's a thing and all her friends are like oh jordan over like just go get the prize like go pick it up like just like it's a done deal that's insane yeah i am really bad at that do you remember when we were out somewhere and then the

next day someone was like, oh, how many people were there? And I was like, oh, like 2,000. Ryan was like, there was 35 people there. Like I'm really bad at like making an assumption like that. So that is so impressive to me because it's like so far out of my wheelhouse. Speaking of Tony's assumption with numbers, yesterday we left at the same time and we were talking shit down at the car park and I said,

wouldn't it be crazy to do a 100-hour live stream? And Tony goes, oh, no, I couldn't do 100. Maybe four days instead. And I was like, four days is 96. It's the same thing. No, I was literally like, oh, fuck, 100 hours, mate. Make it four. I thought that it was like a way.

Yeah, I was like, mate, go higher than that. And then I was like, hang on. How long is 100 hours? And I was like, literally four days. Yeah, it's the same thing. And I was like keeled over in the street. It was hilarious. You nearly died on family street.

Yeah, I did. Yeah, it was fucking so funny though. Yeah, so I'm just not good over in the street. It was hilarious. You nearly died on Burnley Street. Yeah, I did. Yeah. It was fucking so funny though. Yeah. So I'm just not good at judging that stuff. I tell you what I'm not good at judging. Why? Except for last week, how well I've gone on an exam. Oh, you always walk out and you like neg yourself into thinking like,

oh, fuck that up. Oh, but I've come out of something going, whew, feeling pretty good about that one. And then I'll come back and be like, ooh, something's gone wrong there. And then other times I'll go, oh, I don't know about that, and I'll come out with a good result. Share your big win from last week. I'm scared that everyone got good, but I got 10 out of 10

on my midterm exam for corporate finance, guys. Other people doing well doesn't mean that you did less well. It doesn't take the 10 out of 10 away. It doesn't, but it may mean that the degree of difficulty wasn't overly high. But you still could have gotten 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. That's 100%.

I've never got 100% of fucking anything at school before. Well, I made a joke that maybe they accidentally wrote down your hotness rating instead of your score. It didn't really get a big laugh, but I'm still hoping that people liked it on the podcast. See you in a sec. This is Katie from Louisiana, and this is the Tony and Ryan podcast. A massive shout out to a few of our champion typers over at our Patreon. Marco Quinn.

Love to see that, Mark. Thank you. Bella Burke. What a great name. That's an incredible name. Hi, I'm Bella Burke. Channel 9 News. You know, like, doesn't that sound good?

I thought more of a, like, oh, that's Bella Burke. Channel 9 News. You know, like, doesn't that sound good? I thought more of a, like, oh, that's Bella Burke. Oh. Yeah. I'm Bella Burke, like a superhero. Yeah, I like that. I like that. Jane Ballou, Donna and Michael Perry. Fucking love to see it.

Thank you so much, everyone, for being part of our Patreon. Michael Perry also make you feel like a superhero? Yes. Michael Perry. No? No, it's good. Maybe Michael Perry sounds a bit like running for congressman. Michael Perry, here for your community.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. No, I feel that. Or a lawyer firm. A what? That lawyer's firm. Maybe not.

Law firm, obviously, is what I meant. I'm really embarrassed. So, Tony, tell me why you've always wanted to work for a lawyer firm. Well, I've always wanted to make a lawyer firm. That's right. Yeah. Sorry. I've got another fact.

The podcast is now on all podcasting apps. Yeah, you can listen anywhere. Spotify, Apple, the other ones. What did Jared McQuaid used to use? Pocket Cast? Fucking Podbean or something? That's one of them. One of them has since closed down.

Oh, RIP. That was my favourite one to use, the one that shut down. Sticker? Stickler? Spreaker. Stitcher! Yes. I think that's shut or it's merged with someone.

Yeah, I got an email. Yeah. And it was like, oh... Anyway, so you can listen anywhere. You can fucking review us on Apple. You can fucking listen wherever. Do whatever you want. Do you want me to peel back the curtain?

Oh, peel me, dog. Because someone said, oh, what happened with Spotify? We're actually still with Spotify. Yeah. But they're really keen for as many people to hear... To find us. To find us and to find most of their podcasts. So it's still like a Spotify podcast, but it's available everywhere. Yeah. But they're really keen for as many people to hear. To find us. To find us and to find most of their podcasts. So it's still like a Spotify podcast, but it's available everywhere.

Yeah, so it's literally no different, but you can listen wherever you choose. But someone goes, oh, so you left Spotify. I'm like, no. No, no, no. We're just on everywhere now. Yeah. And it's literally like one click of the button in the back end, right? Yeah.

Submit everywhere. Well, Tony, you had to do it. Yeah. Maybe a few more clicks. Okay. But for the illusion of the, oh, my God, it's so easy. Yeah, you just click a button and so you can listen anywhere you like. So thanks.

Go give us a review on Apple or anywhere else. Because no one's reviewed it for a year because it hasn't been there. Yeah. So it's like it's a bit of a ghost town over there. It is a bit of a ghost town over there. Go bomb it up, everyone. Yeah, bomb it up in a good way, please. Yeah.

In a hot way. Thank you. In a hot, good way. All right. Here we are. way please yeah yeah in a hot way thank you in a hot good way yes all right um so last friday i shared that um i was flying at the last minute flying to perth for my nephew tyler's 18th birthday so i knew that he was having like a party on the friday night um and then like a few months ago and then um i was like you know what i'm to go. Because I normally talk myself out of doing things. Yep.

Like daily, I talk myself out of doing shit. And then I go, why didn't I just do that thing? Yeah. And so to fucking short circuit that emotion, I was like, I'm just going to go. I'm just going to fucking rip out and I'm going to go. Didn't even buy travel insurance, which is crazy. That's crazy shit. Are you still slaying the day yeah i am

i think so okay i've worn a dress today you have worn a dress today um with little shorts underneath because then i was riding my scooter and i didn't want to minge anyone on the way to work um i'll minge you on the way to work anyway um sorry just the the fact that you didn't say i didn't want to flash my minge but it was like like, minge someone, just felt really aggressive. Oh, I've minged them. Yeah, gotcha. Anyway, so you can listen anywhere. Shall I start this again?

Anyway, yeah, I feel like I am still slaying the day. Because this has slay the day energy. Like, fuck it. I'm just going to book the flight and fucking go. I'm just going to go. Yeah. And so you gave me a little bit of advice. Like don't rock up early, Tony.

Like don't be embarrassing. Like kind of get there casually and whatever. And so my flight was on Friday and the party was Friday night. So my flight, which was a fucking rigmarole from A to Z, and I'm going to share that later in the week because it's an absolute nightmare, but my flight was running quite late. And so I was like, I am going to make an entrance and a fucking half at this party.

And straight off the plane has an energy about it, doesn't it? And I look fucking good when I travel. Is that right? Yep, because I've got my luggage, I've got my handbag on top of my luggage. Like, I just was like, I'm going to look like a cool older woman. Like, I just had this like, that makes me sound like I'm like 60. That sounds like you're Susan Sarandon. Yeah.

Trying to, you know, like in a remake of The Golden Girls. Yeah, no, it wasn't. A powerful older woman. You're 29, mate. But just like a hottie that was like, oh, my God, she's just gotten off the plane. Like, how cool and carefree. Yep.

Anyway, so I, like, walk out the front and my brother is sitting in the, like, pickup thing, like, in his car, not in the airport. Okay, so when we went to Perth, we had to drive to his place, but that's cool. He's like, cool, just come around and meet me at my place. Yeah. Okay, so when we went to Perth, we had to drive to his place, but that's cool. He's like, cool, just come around and meet me at my place. Okay, I guess we'll fucking get a cab. Okay.

So he came and grabbed me. And anyway, I'd been texting him being like, oh, I'm so sorry we're running late. I'm coming through the fucking airport. I'm on my way. He was like, cool, I'll come around the front. I like jump in the car, like threw all my luggage in the back, jump in the car, and I was like, I'm so sorry that we're running so late now. And he goes, oh, don't worry.

It's like not till a bit later. And I was like, oh, okay. We get to the house. I'm like, we fucking, I'm going to rock up. I'm going to look so cool. Walk in, house is empty. The party's on Saturday. So basically I couldn't have been earlier.

Don't be an hour or two early, Tony. You were 23 hours early. Yeah. How the fuck did you not know this? No, so I said to my brother, I was like, you told me it was on Friday. He's like, I didn't. And I was like, I'm not going to read the text message out to you, but yes, you did.

And he was like, nah, I wouldn't have told him. I wouldn't have done that. And I'm like, okay. Anyway, so the thing that he was like we're running late for was going out for dinner. And I was like, okay, well, at least we're doing something tonight. Like that's pretty fun. But so strike one, I'm not casually late. The other advice that you guys gave me and a lot of people in the comments

on Friday gave me as well was that you reckon that maybe I'd have like a little bit of street cred. I think so. Right? Yeah. And so my family like doesn't care who I am because I'm just toddy to them. So like whatever.

Yeah. Anyway, we're going out for dinner to this place that Tyler loves. It's called Milky Lane. Okay. It's like this American like burger thing. But like he goes with all of his mates like every Friday night. It's like the cool hangout. It's a bit like like, he goes with all of his mates, like, every Friday night. It's like the cool hangout.

It's a bit like the Peach Pit, like 90210 vibes. Oh, okay. And, yeah, it's like the place to hang out. So was he embarrassed to go there with his family? Well, maybe, but, like, he's a little sweetheart, so he didn't, like, say that. Right. But maybe he was a bit like, ooh. Anyway, and we get to this place.

Everyone knows who I am. And we walk in and like i mean there wasn't an italian oh american burger place we didn't go to pellegrini's in burke street um anyway so like that i see a few people kind of looking over, like, pointing at me, and so I'm like, fuck, we're on here. We sit down. Mackenzie, who worked there, she sent over, like, a big plate of shots. I'm like, it's my nephew's 18th birthday. They send over all these drinks. Like, a few people asked for photos out the front. What the fuck?

It was actually as if I'd planned it. Like, this- You'd hired extras, like, actors? Yeah. What are they called? Like I planted them in the fucking crowd. Yeah. And so I had to genuinely say to my family, this never happens.

Because I was like, I promise you this doesn't ever happen. Back in Perth, back in the homeland. Well, and so. Like being on a, you know, when there's something like romantic about being on your home turf. Yeah. Yeah. I agree.

And so that was nice. A star has returned to the outer suburbs of Perth. And anyway, so we ended up like paying and leaving. And my nephew said, oh, Toddy, I didn't know that you were like famous. Like I thought that only old people knew who you were. And I was like, oh, that fucking stings. But it doesn't. It turns out that the 18-year-olds at the cool place that you like

knew who I was. Anyway, so I'm kind of feeling, like, this false confidence about the party the next day because I'm like, if all those kids knew who I was, all the kids at your party are going to know who I am. Piece of piss. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm still-

Would you say you were overconfident? I wouldn't say overconfident because I wasn't cocky, but I reckon I was probably like, I was feeling good. I'm like, I've got this in the bag, which is like famous last words, you know? Yeah. Anyway, so the next morning we're kind of like setting up for the party and like organising everything, blowing up balloons and shit like that. And my sister-in-law, so Tyler's mum, is talking about like what we're going to do for food. And she goes, oh, I reckon we're going to get like 40 pizzas delivered

at like 8 or 9pm. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool. Because like all the kids like can just grab a pizza and fucking whatever, wander around. And she goes, and I reckon I'll do like a nibbly platter for us. Sure. Oh, for us. For us.

Here you are going fucking pizzas at 8 o'clock, baby. Yo. And that's when I realised I was an adult and I wasn't a kid at the party. But that might just be her. What does Tyler think? I mean, it's his party I was an adult Oh okay

Yeah I was in the kitchen For most of the party Oh what time did you get to the party? With the mums and dads Well I was already there Tony what did they say? Because

What was I going to do? Like do a blocky Until fucking kids rocked up And then go back there? Go down to dome at six And come back at 9. So hang on. I'm like the worst thing you can do is get there early

and you were there the whole day. Well, I was helping set up. Listen to the words coming out of your mouth. I know. I was doing the fairy bread on the plates and putting out the cheesels. I did put out some cheese. Anyway, so I decided to wear this like long black, like it kind of goes right here, like mid-shin, black,

like knitted, like a bodycon dress. So it's like tight and cool with these runners, like just like new balances. So I looked like pretty like cool and cash. That's what any old auntie would say. I'm just a cool auntie. I'm not like the other aunties. Like the girls at the party were all wearing like jeans and a nice top,

like a classic, you know. Did you ever use the term when you were younger, like a party top? Oh, yeah. Like a going out top. Yeah, for girls it's like jeans and a nice top is like the uniform. Oh, it's a Friday night. I better put a going out top on. Yeah.

But so I was like, oh, I won't have my shower till a bit later and make my like entrance in the cool outfit. But that didn't work because I had to have a shower before like a few other people needed to have a shower. So I ended up being like ready really early. No, I hate that. I hate that. Anyway, so I couldn't arrive late and all the kids start rocking up

at like 6.30 and all the grown-ups are like in the kitchen. I made espresso martinis for everyone. So I was on bartender mode and we were kind of making drinks and stuff and all the kids kind of start rocking up and I'm like, oh, we should probably put all of the chips in the bowls and stuff so that we didn't put them out earlier so they didn't get stale. And then my sister-in-law Chelsea goes, Tony, oh, what? What was that last sentence?

Didn't want the chips to go stale. Remember last week, okay, to quote Tony Lodge last week, I don't want to be seen as being the party mum. Does the sentence, we better put the chips out in the bowl, I don't want them to go stale, does that sound like a not party mum thing to say? Well, do you want stale chasels? Is that what you want?

Because we could organise that for you, mate. So my sister-in-law goes, all the kids start rocking up and I'm like, well, I don't want to go in there because they were kind of in one area. I was like, I don't know if I can go in there. She's like, I don't really want to go in there. And I was like, let me let you be the cool mum. I'm never going to see these kids again.

Let me do it. So I took one for the team and I went and fucking put all the chips in the bowls and like, you know, whatever. Anyway, about half an hour later, one of the kids fucking breaks his leg. What the fuck? Yep. Did he sleep on a stale chisel from the bowl? So he was like walking up the stairs normally.

His leg felt a bit weird. He sat down and his fucking knee dislocated. So it wasn't like he was drunk and stacking? No, no, no. It was about half an hour into the party. And anyway, so all the adults, like one of the kids comes to the, one of the kids runs into the fucking kitchen. Oh, someone's mum, can they come because fucking ding-dongs

fucking dislocated his leg. And we're all like – and I was like, oh, my God, I'm in the parent area. Like I'm like where they went to let us know. Excuse me, older lady. Yeah, excuse me, ma'am. Are you a doctor? I've read your blog.

Yeah. Anyway, and then so all of the – my sister-in-law, Chelsea, her mum is a nurse. Oh, great. So we were all under control and no one was, like, drinking yet. We'd been half an hour of the fucking party. And anyway, so they all run upstairs, but all the adults are up there helping out because it was really bad and they're like,

we're going to have to call – I just, like, had a knee that's pretty fucked. Yeah. And the poor kid, like, felt so bad for him. And they're like, we're going to have to call. I just look at his knees pretty fucked. Yeah. And the poor kid felt so bad for him. And they're like, we're going to have to call an ambulance. And so, yeah, they had to call an ambulance. Did you have to say the A word at the party? I said ambo.

Let's call the ambo. Good call. Anyway, so we. You'd hate to make it all about you. So all the parents were up there. I was the only spare adult. So all the parents were up there. I was the only, like, spare adult.

And, like, at this point, all of the 18-year-olds are, like, starting to get a bit more drunk. And you're just the one. And it was one against 50 or something. And so I was like, my God. So I had to walk around and, like, give everyone bottles of water. That's only acceptable if they're all taking pills. So I'm walking around being like, did you want some water?

And they go, oh, yeah. And all the kids are so lovely. Like, oh, yeah, I'm Steph. And I was like, oh, I'm Tony. I'm Tyler's auntie. And they go, okay. And I'm taking the water around. Shut the fuck up. Why are you still talking, old lady?

I know. And I'm taking the water around. I'm like, oh, does anyone need anything? I thought I was being, being like cool and sweet, but they were probably just like get the fuck away from us. And then the next morning you found all these like full bottles of water in the corner? No, people appreciated the water.

I'll have you know. Did you see them drink it? Yes. Okay. Yes. As a chaser? But so it took about two and a half hours for the ambulance to come. So literally the whole time I was just like, I was in charge.

Oh, my God. Because they were all like up at the back of the house, like trying to fucking help this kid. And I was like, fucking hell. So everybody's like, oh, someone smashed a beer bottle over here. I'm like, yep, thanks for letting me know. And I was like, the party made. The party made.

Yep. The mum made. The hired help. Yeah, actually. This is the one thing. And none of the fucking kids knew who I was like, the party maid. The party maid. Yeah. The mum maid. The hired help. Yeah. Actually. This is the one thing. And none of the fucking kids knew who I was. Well, no one said anything.

So a waste of time. This is the one thing they didn't want to happen. Shouldn't have fucking gone. You flew across the whole country to be free labour. Yeah. Literally, they were like, oh, we could use a bit of support. Just a bit of a pair of hands. Yeah.

We needed a second string to fucking call in if we need to. I love sport. You know? And hands. Yeah, we need a second string to fucking call in if we need to. I love sport. You know, and anyway. What time did you stay till? Or I stayed up till three. But I actually went to bed about one, but they were just quite loud. So that's kept me up for another couple of hours. No, no, you can't claim I was in bed.

I was still awake. No, no, no, no. Yeah. What time did they go till? Fuck, I don in bed. I was still away. No, no, no, no. Yeah. What time did they go to? Fuck, I don't know. I think they were still up when I got up at like, I heard them all playing pool at like 7.30. Yeah.

So I think they were all still up. Seeing the sunrise at a party, at a house party is like, yeah, that's good energy. So I'd say that there were some wins and some losses. What were the wins? But overall, I got to see my family. Yeah, okay, great. And I got to hand water out at a party.

That was quite fun. I felt like. Yeah, that is quite fun. Yeah. That was quite fun. I've got to get up to see it. And do you remember last week how I was saying that we had a few listeners in Nepal? Yes.

And I was like, I wonder how the fuck that's possible. Is it people traveling? A lot of people live there. I have a message from Hannah Carter. Hi, Hannah Carter. Hi, Ryan. I'm the tarper in Nepal. Oh.

I'm from the UK and in the last month I broke up with my piece of shit boyfriend. Nice. Quit my job and just booked a one-way flight to like start a new life. What? Now I'm in Nepal and I'm doing the whole like digital nomad thing, like freelancing, working online just off my laptop and just like living my best life. I've been bouncing around from hostels and cafes

and sometimes I feel a bit homesick and you guys are my like familiar thing to have in my ears. That's so nice. Oh, thanks, Hannah. Yeah. I'm currently in Pokhara. Pokhara. Pokhara. Pokhara. Pokhara?

Pokhara. Pokhara. For those playing along at home, congrats on the baby. Tell Tony I said hi. Oh. There we go. So that's my love to see. Oh, thanks, Hannah.

Yep. Oh. Now, we did ask for someone from Madagascar to come through. Yep. Haven't heard from them yet. No. That's on the way. Well, I hope so.

Well, on the travel theme, my love to see it, and probably most people have seen this, but we've got to give a special shout-out. Ali Druckert has travelled from China to North Carolina and along the way has met people in Sydney, the Whitsundays, Melbourne, Virginia, Georgia and Alabama. Other tapas. Yeah, all the other tapas from all around the world. Fucking must be nice. It's a pretty big holiday. Is she rich as fuck? Yeah, it seems like itas from all around the world. Fucking must be nice.

It's a pretty big holiday. Is she rich as fuck? Yeah, it seems like. What's she doing? But anyway, you'll love to see that. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Tomorrow, normal or nah? Is it?

Is it not? No, it is. It is. Sorry. My days and nights are rolling. I took BJ for a walk at 2 a.m. this morning. That is fucking awful. Like, Mabel woke up, then I woke up, and he was being restless,

and I forgot I didn't walk him the night before, and I was like, I'm awake. Fuck, I'm just going to go. Oh, don't you get scared? I've got a big, scary guard dog. No, but, like, don't you just get scared about walking around at 2 a.m.? Like, I could never do that. He's not scary at all.

He's the worst in a crisis. I was just going to roll right past that. Not really. Although I've had this conversation with Bridget. Maybe that's just, like, the male privilege of it all. I just could never, ever do that, especially in Richmond. Yeah, well, I used to take BJ for a walk late at night every night. And one night I was like, oh, Bridget, I don't know if I was unwell.

I'm like, can you take him? And she's like, well, obviously not. Yeah. for a walk late at night every night. And one night I was like, oh, Bridge, I don't know if I was unwell. I'm like, can you take him? And she's like, well, obviously not. Yeah. Yeah. That's insane to me. Yeah. Anyway, that's okay. Normal or nah?

Nah. Oh, we, remember how like a month or two ago me and BJ ran into those teenagers fucking in the park? We did it again last night. Oh, wow. But they weren't in the park. They were in the car of a car park at the local football ground. Ooh. Yeah.

And so I was like, it's winter. I was like, I don't know if it's the same people. I hope it is. For my story in my head, it's the same people. But what I do like is because it's cold and winter now, like being out in the playground. Oh, yeah, your bum would freeze off. Oh, it'd freeze off.

I don't know. Imagine if it's real cold. I don't know. Why did you just do a little thrust? As you were talking about, you went like this. It's just when it's real. Yeah, I don't know. But I was like, good on you guys.

No, keep saying it. Keep saying it. No, I don't think it's fine. I don't think it's fine. But I was like, they've upgraded to the backseat of a territory. Do you reckon that one of them only just got their license? Yeah, because it was a P-Plater. That's fucking sweet.

And that's why I reckon he's got his license the last moment. He's like, hey, instead of railing you on a slide, why don't we go in the back of Dad's Ford Territory? Dad's car. Yeah, I like that. Or he bought it. It used to be Dad's Ford Territory. Oh, yeah, bought it off Dad.

They did the transfer papers and everything, but he's got to work it off with the business. Yeah. And then me and B just sort of walked past, and I was like, oh, my God, they're work it off with the business. Yeah. And then me and BJ just sort of walked past and I was like, fucking, it's like something. And I was like, oh, my God, they're having sex in the backseat. Hot.

That's quite nice. Yeah. And then they upgraded to the front seat to leave. Oh, I thought you meant that, switching positions. Yeah. How long were you standing there? But the thing is, at the football ground, it's like a one-way street, right?

Yeah. So me and BJ just both stand there. No, there's no bathrooms there. Yeah. You have to do a lap of the whole football ground to leave. Oh, because you can only get in one spot. And the car park's right at the start. And, like, they saw me and i like yeah it was and you went no i didn't i walked up i walked up but i said to bj and my dog

and i said and i was like hey bj it's like they're doing a lap of honor they finished the job and had to do a full lap of honour. Oh, yeah, yeah. They finished the job and had to do a full lap of the ground and I'm on the football ground just watching them go. Well done, sweetheart. Fucking hell. Well, we'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, see you tomorrow. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha