Toni and Ryan - Toni's First Joke

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

I'm brand new to jokes, and think I'm doing okay!!! Love u so much!!! xoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author, bestselling Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. Award-winning Dr. Author, Tony Lodge. Thank you very much. Because you are the winner of the Goodreads. Good books. Good books, Goodreads. Reading good. Good reading. That's exactly it. That's what it's called. Goodreadings Awards 2024. Yep. Winner. Wow. I voted. It's a privilege. You said that, did you? Yeah. Can you vote in that? Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're calling Rani and I just want the record to show that I'm not saying Bris Vegas. She has said I'm from Bris Vegas. I was literally about to go, Viva Bris Vegas. So we all can join in. Yeah. It really is the Vegas of Australia. What happens in Brisbane stays in. Yeah. It really is the Vegas of Australia.

What happens in Brisbane stays in fucking Brisbane. Have you been to Brisbane? I have. Yeah. Fortitude Valley. Hello. How are you, Ryan? Hello, Rani. How are you doing?

Hi. I'm well, thank you. How are you? We're good. We were just talking about I've been to Brisbane, Rani. Sorry to brag. Fortitude Valley I've been, which is a pretty cool area. Oh, lovely, yes. Yeah, beautiful this time of year. By this time of year, I mean at 3am on a Sunday morning when you're falling off your face

into a kebab. Yes, I've seen that happen. Yes. I've done it. We were just saying about Brisbane, Vegas being not God's country, but the Vegas of Australia. It's the Vegas of Australia. Oh, absolutely. I agree, yes. I don't want to spoil the, it's like steal your punchline here, Rani,

but what have you done? Because you've done, with your job, a full-time medical research scientist for the past five years, but what have you decided to do recently? I decided to start the fucking blog and I am enrolled and currently in my Masters of Teaching to become a primary school teacher. Wow. Congratulations.

That's awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, that's massive. What a pivot. Yeah. Pivot. Pivot.

Rani, will you approve today's episode? I absolutely approve the episode. Yes. Hi, my name's Rani. I'm from Frisbegas and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, I need some advice concerning. Mate, you've come to the right place. Thank you. I want you to think about your childhood home.

Oh, that's nice. I want everyone to think about their childhood home. And I think I've got a question. It's a common question, but we'll get to that soon. Common question. First, form chat. Can you just remind us why you're called Dr. Tony Lodge? Oh, my God, from the archives.

So when I was signing up for Mile One. Yeah, a department store here in Australia. Like a loyalty program. Yeah. They had like a drop down menu on the website and it was like mr mrs miss doctor yep and i've gone to click miss and it's you know how sometimes after you've scrolled in a drop down menu if you click down or scroll with your mouse it like goes to the next thing.

I think I must have done that because when my Maya One card arrived in the mail, it wasn't addressed to Miss Tony Lodge. It was addressed to Dr. Tony Lodge. So it was an accident on your behalf? A complete accident because I- Because Tony abides by the rules. I would never do that. You would never do that.

But also, I mean, like, why is it so easy to just call yourself a doctor? I could walk in and do surgery, just flash my MyA1 card and open someone up. I don't actually think at a hospital they check your MyA1 card before surgery. Imagine if I was like, oh, I don't have my doctor's license with me. Like, will you accept this? And like, they would look at me and go, you've got glasses? Of course, you're a doctor. But I don't think you just rock up to a hospital and go,

many surgeries today, I'll take on a few. Like I'm guessing there's some sort of roster, some sort of interview process, maybe a resume or two. But I would know because I'm not a doctor. And like, so you've got to take my word for it because I am a doctor. Once I was filling out, Bridget was in hospital. Yeah. And I was there like, care us, next of kin, you know,

just filling out the form, who's brought you in. Next of kin, carer, next of kin, you know, just feeling out the form, who's brought you in. Carer is not the right word. I'm all care of the day. Like, you know, if there's something, call this number. Well, next of kin, isn't that when they like. No. Oh, anyway.

Next of kin is just like the person. Emergency contact. Yeah. And it said. Sorry, do you remember the first time that like Bridget ever listed you as an emergency contact or like you listed her? I remember the first time that like Bridget ever listed you as an emergency car? Or like you listed her? I remember the first time Torb's ever put me as like.

Was it a special moment? It was. So. And I was like, oh, what did you write down? He said, partner. So it says, what's your relation? And Torb's writes partner. So on a form in a hospital in store, I wrote lover.

And Bridget didn't like that. Oh, that is sickening. And I said, are you not my lover? And she said, not today with that attitude. The word lover. Yeah. I liked it. I submitted it in the form.

I think there's a video of it online from deep, deep in the archives. That's fucked. But some tarpers have sent through there. I filled out the form wrong stories. Form chat. Yeah. So there form chat yeah so there's some lovers there's some doctors a lot going on okay uh starting with one that happened last week over easter i'm not sure if anyone else saw this in the news the orkney island of sanday uh has one local shop it's just one little island uh and it's got one little local shop and for easter the shop

was like oh let's order 80 easter eggs um because if people come to the shop wanted by easter eggs then we've got some there 80 what an odd number is there only 80 people that live there the population is 490 oh fuck off i need 80 just for me, maybe you're in luck because unfortunately, instead of ordering 80 Easter eggs, they ordered 80 cases of Easter eggs, which ended up being more Easter eggs than people on the island. And to get it to the island is like this huge logistical nightmare. And they're like, oh, yeah, 80, that's what, a couple of boxes worth? Yeah, all good.

80 feels like a very specific number of Easter eggs to order. So 80 cases sounds like that fuck up makes sense. Yeah. Not 80 single individual Easter eggs. In 2022, they bought 100, couldn't sell them all. 2023, ordered 50. Oh, where's the Easter eggs? Oh, we sold out.

80. 80 is the number. That's really funny what you've just done with the years as well. Like as if they'd worked it out over three years. It's very, very funny. That's very funny. The quick two, very good. I actually passed my managerial economics exam.

I don't know if anyone heard. That was like storytelling gold. That was very good. Ross works in a kitchen and had to order three tins of chickpeas. Three tins of chickpeas. Three tins of chickpeas. What are you doing? That only takes three tins of chickpeas in a fucking kitchen. Aren't chickpeas, chickpeas can be more of like a garnish

or a little bit of like you use to whip up a little bit of hummus on the side. It's not like a main dish. It's not like you're having roasted chickpea for dinner. I mean, that is a thing. Like a chickpea like soup or stew or curry or something. But like three tins of chickpeas just sounds like such a random amount to need well it wasn't an issue anyway oh because instead of the regular van turning up these massive trucks turn up to the restaurant it turns out he ordered three pallets of chickpeas But they don't go off.

They're in the tin. But a pallet is what, metre and a half by metre and a half and stacked up like a metre and a half high? Can you return? Like can you go, oh, well, I've made a little mistake. I didn't say three tonne. I said three tins. Here's where, and I think the island and the Easter eggs and also Ross in the kitchen.

Easter island. Easter island. Here's where they've all fucked up. Yeah. Surely when you go, can I get three tins of chickpeas? And they go, yeah, that'll be $4,000. Great fucking point. You go, ah.

Well, it's not really adding up. You go, fuck, there must be golden chickpeas. 80 Easter eggs. Yeah, that'll be $5,000. And you go well it's not really adding up you go fuck there must be golden chickpeas 80 easter eggs yeah that'll be five thousand dollars and you go is it because that kind of feels like the price of a lot fucking more that sounds like that might be what 80 cases cost yeah yeah you're right three like a tin of chickpeas at coles is like 89 cents what would so you would notice the difference between 350 and 500. That's what I mean. That's what I mean.

Now, what would you be more mad at, Tony? And this goes back through the tarp anthropology, if you will. Yeah. Sorry, I've just done a little bloody jeers over you saying that. Would you be more mad if, A, I rocked up to your house and delivered a deep fryer because I threatened it many times. And I've said no. I've told you.

That's option A. Option B, I do in fact crane in the ride-on mower for your little courtyard. The mower, this would be mowing Tony's lawn on a big ride-on tractor mower. Cool. Yeah, and then it would be parkedowing Tony's lawn on a big right on track tomorrow. Cool. Yeah. And then it would be parked at the other end. What a nightmare.

Well, the next month then you just back it up. Every weekend I just go forward or back. Or three, I rock up with three pallets of chickpeas and leave them on your doorstep. Definitely not the chickpeas. Okay. I think I'd have to take the deep fryer. Yeah. Okay. So you're pro deep fryer. three pallets of chickpeas and leave them on your doorstep definitely not the chickpeas okay i think i'd have to take the deep fryer yeah okay so you're pro deep fryer i think i'd have to take

the deep fryer because the other two just sound like logistical nightmares at least a deep fryer i could just pop in the bottom of the cupboard and hope that i never got it out and accidentally filled it with oil and accidentally put a Mars bar in there. Accidentally. I dropped this Mars bar. And it was covered in batter accidentally. How good's a fucking deep fried Mars bar though? Have you ever had one from the fish and chip shop?

Nah. Don't do it. Don't do it. What's the difference between a deep fried Mars bar and a chickpea? I don't know. You guys already know the answer? I've never had a deep fried Mars bar on my face. Weewees.

I think that's the first joke I ever heard. What? That chickpea joke, yeah. My first joke that I ever did was knock, knock. Who's there? Knock, knock. Who's there? Knock, knock. Who's there? Knock, knock. Who's there? Knock, knock. Who's there?

Knock, knock. This joke's hard. Who's there? Oh, sorry. What has just happened? Oh, sorry. Yeah, the plane just landed. Oh, that must be the 1110 from Brisbane.

You'll have to speak up. I'm having trouble hearing you. That's not even a joke. That's not even a joke. Tony has lost it. And I told my brother that joke and I got to like three knock-knocks and he said, Tony, I fucking had it with you and your fucking knock-knock jokes.

And I went, and my mum yelled at him. I think it's like your mum came in and yelled at you and be like, Tony, stop telling that shit fucking joke. She was like, Jamie Bryan Lodge. She was trying to share a joke with you. And you were laughing at her. And he'd had like a hell bad day at work or something. That's what we say to the 110,000 people in the Tony and Ryan podcast

Facebook group. What? Tony is telling a joke and you will all laugh. And you will be quiet while she does it. Sorry, that's fucking, I just went into a different orbit. We know. We saw it happen. Yeah. Wow. So, that's fucking, I just went into a different orbit. We know. We saw it happen. Yeah.

Wow. So the deep fryer, yes. After all that. Belinda. Hi, Belinda. I ordered groceries. Hello, Belinda. I ordered groceries online, 10 apples and a packet of Tim Tams.

Oh, fuck. Do you reckon that Belinda was making an apple pie? Instead, I received one apple and ten packets of Tim Tam's best mistake ever. If they were double coat, yes. They've got to be the blue packet. You want single coat? No.

I think the double coat tastes better. That's just a little laugh hack for me. You want single coat Tim Tam, but you won't have a deep fryer. We're talking about completely different things. We're talking about completely different things. They're both delicious but they're also very similar. Very similar. Hey, this is Rani. I'm from

Breeze Vegas and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon on this beautiful hump day. Ross Pitblado. Pitblado. Pitblado. Thomas Nguyen. Thank you so much, Thomas.

Christy Mingo. Christy. That sounds a bit like Christian Mingle. Luke, good on you, Luke. Thanks, Luke. And Maddie Carter. Thanks, Luke. And Maddie Carter. Thanks, Maddie Carter. Appreciate it.

Grandma was over the other day and we're chatting about the good old days, you know, and Grandpa, rest in peace, not with us anymore, but he actually built their house in Yarrambat. Really? Back in the day. And does your grandma still live in it? No, no, no, because it's like does your grandma still live in it no no no because it's like big property big house stairs like they've you know they've downsized and got older

and stuff like was that like for all the kids yeah we when i was real little all the grandkids were swimming in the pool there was dams and i think it was their dream kind of like the kids had their kids had grown up and moved out so they had their their little house on this big block of land and it was all them and very private. But lots of room for grandkids. Lots of room for grandkids. We were swimming in the dam. We went yabbing as kids.

It was great. That's so fun. So I think they moved out of that house when I was maybe four or five. Oh, so little, little. Little, little. And Grandma said she always had this dream of having like a bedroom with a mezzanine as in so she could walk out of her bedroom and kind of look over the lounge and the rest of the house

from this mezzanine. Like a big loft bedroom kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. And so then they built this house. That was her only request. Yeah, okay. And so it had this beautiful big mezzanine. Now because I was only four or five years old,

this beautiful big mezzanine. Now, because I was only four or five years old, my memories of this house are like this was the biggest house I'd ever seen in my life. But, of course, I was tiny. Yeah, yeah. So in my mind. And because it's different to your house at home, you're like, whoa. But even like the mezzanine might not have been that high,

but in my mind as a four-year-old, it was like four of me. Yeah. So when I remember it, I remember it being four humans up. Yeah. And I reckon if I went there, like not that it would be underwhelming because I go, oh, it was huge. And Grandma goes, oh, it wasn't that big. Yeah.

And I go, oh, it just seemed big to me because I was four years old in all my memories. Yeah. In all my memories. And then Grandma. Still now. In all your memories now. And then, but it's just like this crate like grandpa built it it was a very unique one-off build you know especially when he's building it yourself you kind of just you know cut a few

corners and oh we want to have this extra thing on here i was knocking on the end so it's not just like and also when you've got a mate doing it and you're like oh yeah well he'll be good for that yeah and so grandma goes well why don't you go knock on the door and ask if you can go and have a look? I'm sure that if you said, and I'd hate to make a knock-knock joke at a time like this, so I won't. You know the day we've had. If I went up to the door and I was like, knock-knock.

I'm sorry, I have trouble hearing. So grandma says, why don't you just go and knock on the door? Where's Yarambat? Did you drive hours to get there? Where is that? It's out of town a little bit. Yeah. It's not that far from my house, but it's definitely a rural feel,

a rural vibe. Yep. The country like me. Not at all, no. Similar to where I live. But imagine an actual country property. Where I live. Say with your house or most other houses, if you knock on the door,

you'd be like, oh, who's that? But on a big property, it's like, oh, they're not just like to get to the front door, you've driven in the front gate a couple hundred meters. And like up the big driveway. There's no way you could knock on the door and the people in the house have not seen you coming five minutes earlier because it's such a big property. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So it's not like, oh, you're knocking on the door. Oh, good. Just keep walking. And there's probably one of those big cattle gates out the front and stuff so they've heard you coming. And you're not just like knocking on the door selling stuff because it's so far away from other things.

Yeah. They probably haven't had anyone knock on the door for years. Yeah. How crazy. Yeah. So I go, oh, it's a real commitment to just go and to knock on that door. And then I thought, is that just like a thing in movies? I was just about to say, I've seen this on films,

but I've never heard of someone doing it in real life. So put aside this country property for a second. Just in general. Fuck no. Fuck no. Fuck no. What, so I let you in and you fucking hit me in the mouth, you tie me up and steal my TV? Fuck off.

Are you saying if someone knocked on the door and wanted to come in? Because that is my answer. No, my question was deep fryer. Did you take shit? Yeah, because then my house that I lived in with mom uh when i was in primary school like that's just down the corner and again i'm like because i'm like you know we always talk about us being on the real estate app like oh i wonder what that actually looks like i think they've done renovations i'm curious as fuck and i'm kind of how they would change it

yeah and i'm just hoping that they sell it so i can go to the open home. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. But even then the thought of like, oh, hi, my name's Ryan. Nice to live here. Do you mind if I come and have a look? And they'll be like, what? No, I would never. So let's flip it. Okay.

Someone comes to your place, Tony. They knock on your door. Pippa's there at the door getting all excited because there's a visitor. And they go, oh, hi, ma'am. 15 years ago I used to live in this house. Do you mind if I come and have a look? That was my answer from before. No fucking way.

Yeah. So you come in, clonk me on the head with a frying pan and take all my stuff. How many clonks have you copped with a frying pan over the years? It feels like it's a very everyday occurrence in your mind. This just feels like asking for trouble, letting someone into your home. Like that's crazy. Are there any places from your childhood where there would be?

Because have you ever been to like your old primary school after you've left and like just walked through and kind of gone, oh, that's where I had grade one with Mrs. So-and-so. I have because. Or they got this new playground after I left the motherfuckers. Yeah. I always get the good shit after you leave. Yeah, they do.

I think because in Rollystone where I grew up, the school fair was like a really big moment in the calendar. For that kind of thing? Well, no, like every November the school fair was on. It was like the 15th and 16th of November or around that weekend of November every year. And everybody in Rollystone would be there. That's what I meant.

It's your chance to go back and have a squeeze. And so you'd go back to the school fair and you'd be like, oh, like that was like fucking Mr. Borich's room and whatever. Mr. Borich is really stuck in your mind. Every time there's an example, it's always Mr. Borich. Is that the guy that you called dad or mum? It is. Yeah.

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. He's a hottie. He married Caitlin Clough's sister, which was a bit crazy. Oh, my. Caitlin Clough? Yeah.

Clough. Anyway, she, yeah, yeah, so I've done that. Yeah. And I've definitely thought, like, wouldn't it be crazy if someone knocked on the door and asked for that? But I don't think I'd be able to say yes if someone, would you? This is what I'm imagining happening now. Someone goes to the front door of Tony Lodge,

knocks on the door, and then Tony just clocks them with a frying pan i'll call you fast i'll clock you before you can clock me fuck you and they go oh i'm just here to try to sell you some cookies for the girl scout yeah have you heard about the word of our law would you let someone into your house if they i think so and so i don't think this is the same, but the person that built our house, she builds houses. That's what she does. And so a year later, I came back to her house and said, oh, can I come and have a look at a few things?

I want to measure some stuff because I'm building this other place and just wanted to compare some notes. And we go, yeah, come on over. And she brought some coffee. We broke some bread and like all good. That feels a bit different because it was the architect of the house yeah i'm talking like a random you don't know she's not capable of hitting someone with a frying pan that is true because anyone could yeah and that's what we're learning today

taylor's her name she could oh yeah i've seen her with a pan yeah she's she's a great architect but i wouldn't fight her no definitely not i've seen work. But like if a random person just knocked on your door and went, I lived here 20 years ago or whatever, I just don't, I think you'd be like, oh, no, no thanks. Wouldn't you be curious? Because I'd kind of be like, what year did you live here? What was the deal? Blah, blah, blah.

I don't know. That was my instant reaction, but I just. My instant reaction is like stranger danger. Yeah. Anyone can knock on the door and say they lived here in 1995. Yeah. Anyone can say that. Yep.

Like and make up a story, you know. Oh, that was my room. Oh, was it? Cool. Yeah. Like. Yeah, I'm not disagreeing. Yeah.

So I just don't think I, I don't think I could let someone in and I don't think I would go up to a house and be like, I used to live here. Because I think my expectation is like, well, I wouldn't let you in so I'm not expecting you to. So I hadn't thought that they'd said no. For me, it's like interrupting someone in their own house. For me, it's like your own house, especially my grandparents' old place. You don't move to this rural estate.

Because you want to make friends. Or to have people come knocking on your door. Yeah, totally. And so as much as I'd like fucking give anything to just like have a stroll through and have a look and see if it's how I remember it, it gives me the heebie-jeebies because I'm not for strange and danger but just like interrupting someone's day on their own turf. Okay, I've got an idea.

Yeah. What if you like wrote a little letter, wrote a little note, and you popped it in the letterbox or popped it in the mail or whatever and you said like, hey, like my grandparents used to to live here like i'd love to come look at the house if you're not comfortable just ignore this no need to respond but if like if you wouldn't mind me coming and having a look like here's my number feel free to give me a call and like because it gives them an easy out to just not respond because they just don't fucking reply the last time i wrote a letter saying, hi,

I've got a question about my past, I found a birth father. Well, there you go. And he's super rich. Yeah, he's fucking loaded. But that actually worked out really well. And it was the same. I was like, oh, I'm in the area. I wasn't because he was in London.

You're in Melbourne. But that's, yeah, no, that's a good call. And then they've got an opportunity to just like either not respond or text you and be like, hey. Appreciate it, but probably not for us. Yeah, like, oh, we're not really, you know, I don't know, not really keen, but like. Do you think it makes a difference?

And not the stranger danger because anyone can say this, but it's not like I used to live there. It's like my grandpa built this place. Does that hit you in the feels a bit harder? It feels like a really beautiful story. Yeah. And like if you were, I'm imagining the people that bought this property

off your grandparents are, like, a little bit older themselves. Well, they, I was four or five years old. They haven't sold it since. They've been there for 30 years. So they feel like a real sucker for a lovely story because they go, fuck, we've lived here for 30 years. The people before us, like, that's just, like, it's a great story, but I reckon if you did a little letter

might get it yeah because do you think because then they can just ignore you or they can call you and go oh we'd love to have you around like i gotta come around for a cup of tea it's like no a quick look yeah i'm just having a look thank you so much i don't know if this is weird to share adam sandler story that i saw about him going to his childhood home. Not weird at all because I just watched Grown Ups the other day. Okay, great. Yeah. So Adam Sandler goes back to his childhood home. I mean, Adam Sandler knocking on your door.

You're letting him in. It's pretty crazy, right? You know, like. Yeah, and so. Yeah, you can come in but the admission fee is $1 million. And he'd be like, oh, okay, did you take cash? I've got that cash. But Adam Sandler, pretty humble beginnings. I think Queens or somewhere in New York.

Yeah. And he meets this kid and the kid's in his old bedroom um so but adam sandler pretty humble beginnings i think queens are somewhere in new york yeah um and he meets this kid and the kid's in his old bedroom because it's like the one at the top of the stairs and oh actually no i think i've seen this video yeah yeah he's told it on a few stories so forgive me if i'm butchering the adam sandler story um but he goes to the kids like oh kid like i just want you to know like um you know if you don't um if you're not that popular at school you know the story if you're not that popular at school like don't worry like neither was i and i had the same room and things worked out for me and the kid goes i'm actually quite popular i'm actually slaying the puss so yeah he's like oh well if you're not good ladies like

i am destroying the puss and he goes oh if you're not good at sports, I'm the captain of the basketball team. And Adam Sandler goes, well, you're getting 60 million every movie, you fucking little piece of shit. Fuck you. I've got this next-league deal and you're just a piece of shit in high school. Yeah. So, you know, some of them can go south. They'll let you in, but it's not good in there.

They might. I've got to get loved. So, so in conclusion let me know on the episode throughout what you would do because i'm the same i'm a bit hesitant i think the letters are good a good middle ground and it gives them a very easy yeah they just don't do anything and they carry on the rest of their life and whatever do you think it's a little bit less i'm here to rob you if you've gone out of your way because if i say my grandfather his name he built this on this it adds a bit of weight yeah it's totally it's like a nice story yeah like i don't i don't think there's any question of it being a nice story but it seems like a lot of effort to go to if you were just

trying to rob someone that's what i mean it's like yeah like you wouldn't do that you were just breaking he's done a lot of research yeah i could have just driven my utens to the back of some shop and cleaned out a servo yeah yeah i could have set fire to an atm machine and taken all the money out um i gotta love to see it here as an example as an example for like hypothetically tarpa sean mcgee has brought to my attention one of the great instagram accounts of our generation which is all of them because instagram has only been around for one year um she goes anytime i'm in a bit of a doom scrolling or i'm just you know how you're seeing other people's highlights real you're judging people like shit and she goes every time this account pops up it just brings me back and just go how good's life i'm all good it's called obscurest vinyl and i'm gonna put on my radio

announcer voice and just like take you through a couple of the songs and the links are what i've sent to you amazing okay hang on this week on obscurest vinyl rodney munch performs it's time to take a shit on the company's dime And tell me what the picture is that you can see there, Tony. So it's a business guy checking his watch. He's in like a suit. But it's an old vinyl cover. They've like made this in, obviously made it in Photoshop or whatever. Yeah. That's amazing.

Click on the next one. Okay. It is Vito Lovejoy. I'd really like to get into your pants because I've just shit mine. I'd really like to get in your pants because I've got shit in mine. I just can't stop ruining all of these pants. I'm just shitting and shitting and shitting and I ain't ever quitting. Trying to get in your pants because I keep fucking shitting in mine.

So I have a question. Is this a gag or are they real vinyls? Obscurist vinyl. And the next one. No, they must be like songs that they've made up for this. And up next alza rigoli's quit jizzing in my hot tub oh my i don't think i can click on this one because i don't want someone to stop jizzing

in my hot tub I don't want to be stewing in your splooge. Oh, and me paws are full of your population paste. But thank you, Sian McGee, for sharing. Obscurest vinyl. That is fucking one of a kind. And the retro 60s vinyl covers. There's got to be. There's no way that they've got to have made that.

Quit teasing in my hot tub because you're making the water roll cross. Fuck, that's her. Send the people that live in your grandparents' house that and just be like, just send you a little gift. And if not, just enjoy this obscure vinyl called I'd Really Like to Get in Your Pants Because I Just Shit in Mine. It sounds like an Aunty Donna sketch. My love to see is from Kelsey Pace,

who actually submitted this through our form on our website okay so on tonyryan.com.au you can submit confessions which are all anonymous but normal and also just like random stories or you love to see it yep um this is actually a little bit of an anti-recommendation what did you call it the other day ryan you said what's the opposite of a recommendation and i said just don't do it yeah Yeah. We need a word for that. We need a word for that. Kelsey says, I'm a newish tarper and the only time I get to catch up on the podcast is at night when I'm like rocking my baby to sleep. Yep. I wish I could listen to Tony and Ryan, but I just can't.

There have been too many nights that I can't help myself from laughing out loud and I wake my baby up. The baby likes the vibration. The other night I was having a giggle to whatever was said on the podcast and my sweet 18-month-old daughter started giggling as well. Oh, did your 18-month-old daughter start giggling when Tony said it would be the second cock I've sucked this morning?

I mean, it was pretty funny. It would make sense. And the 18-month-old goes, oh, mum, that sounds fun. Kelsey said, joy through osmosis. You bloody love to see it. Thank you so much for sharing that. That's really funny. That's great.

It's great. And shout out to the young one as well, obviously. Yep, big fan of the podcast, our littlest tapper. Thank you so much for listening. Appreciate it, guys. We're going to go jizz in my hot tub that is not a euphemism seriously go and check out obscurist it is funny vinyl there's a whole page of that shit fuck people are so creative do you know what's funny is that you don't know the words to many songs but you've taken to that one very quickly.

Well, as someone who's taken time to shit on the company dime many times before, I feel like there's my areas in there. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. It's for a very niche audience. Thank you. Thank you. All right.

Thanks so much for listening. We'll chat to you tomorrow with some normal or nars. Love you. Bye.