Toni and Ryan - Toni's Instant Dream Home

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

I have a GREAT rental HACK!!! I'm a sucker for a life-hack and this might be the ULTIMATE! Love ya! Toni xoxo [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I'm Ryan, author Tony Lodge over here, and we are about to call an OG the big Glees. The gaggle. Which Glees? Because there's about 75 Glees. The OG. The OG Glees. Self-appointed OG, by the way. OG or Glees? Sorry. A gaggle of OGlees. In Minneapolis.

Minneapolis. Hello? The big Glees. The OG Glees. How are you? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my. I'm so good.

How are you? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my. I'm so good. How are you? We're good. We are honestly starstruck that we're talking to the O.J. Glees or the O.Glees. Oh, the starstruckness is mine. I thought you guys weren't going to call. Well, the thing is is that Ryan doesn't know how to read a clock. Hey, who's pointing fingers? What are we doing here?

Yeah, fair. I mean, why haven't I put it in my calendar? The big Glees had it in his calendar. doesn't know how to read a clock. Hey, who's pointing fingers? What are we doing here? Yeah, fair. You're pointing fingers. What is it, Lauren on a plane? Why haven't you put it in my calendar? The big Glees had it in his calendar. And how late are we running for you, big Glees? Well, I was expecting, I think, like three, and it's six. So just a couple hours. Oh, we're really late.

Oh, no, that's way off. Maybe it's a daylight saving issue. Maybe. And that's my story, and I'm sticking with it. But, Glees, do you approve the episode? All right, fair enough. Of course I do. There's nothing I'd want more.

Oh, the big Glees gives it the big tick of approval. That didn't rhyme. Wasn't a good pun. Don't know what was happening there. Okay. Hey, it's the OG Glees from Minneapolis, and I approve this podcast. I'm going to say in advance, you're welcome,

because Tony has the hottest tip for people renting a house. Oh. I actually do. Settle in. Okay. So I've got a hack for renters that'll change your life. We have in our house, Torbs and I, we're renting one of those shithouse like prison shower heads. You know the one, it's just like a tiny cylinder and the water

like spurts out of one hole instead of like. Is it stabby or is it just like real soft and just like a tiny cylinder and the water like spurts out of one hole instead of like. Is it stabby or is it just like real soft and just like nothing? It's kind of like vomits the water out onto you and the water just like plops on your face. Yeah. You know what I mean? Anyway, I watched a thousand YouTube videos and realised that this was possible. We bought a rain shower head from Bunnings, literally like unscrewed the prison one and put the rain shower one back up. Life-changing.

Life-changing. Because it's about water. Is this a part of being wet for life? I think so. I've included it in my tally for sure. No, I haven't. How many times have you been swimming while I showered? No.

Yeah, and I showered like once this week, so that's pretty good. This is a genius move. And I, when you told me, was actually so fucked off that I hadn't been told about this 25 years ago. I know. Because the amount of college dorm bathrooms, share houses, rough rentals where I've had, water pressure that felt like an 18-year-old dog was spitting on.

And then someone's like, oh, you could just change the shower. I'd never, ever thought about it in my life. And finally, the Facebook group for my apartment building has come through because it was someone else's idea. And I was like, we could do that. Yeah. We could actually do that. So it is actually life changing because don't you reckon

that like at the end of the day when you jump in and you have a nice shower it really does make a change make a difference so then afterwards did you come and sit on the couch and you have that like it felt like everything was right in the world yeah and because i watch the news then yeah no everything feels right in the world what's on the six watch the news then. Yeah, no. Everything feels right in the world. What's on the 6 o'clock news? No, it threw my phone outside. But I think as well because, like, we've been travelling a bit for work recently and isn't it something that can,

like, make or break a hotel? Oh, absolutely. Like, you know when you walk into a hotel and you go, fuck, what kind of shower have they got? Or if you've got a bath or whatever and you go, okay, what's that going to be like? What about the ones that's, like, 000 degrees or ice cold yeah you can't find that middle zone i hate that yeah and it's just like because you're standing there and you

know how you're like you're standing there you're naked you either want to have a shower because you've got to go somewhere or you want to go to bed or whatever and you get like frustrated because you just and that they're makes me emotional and there's a delight You put a bit of hot on, but it takes like two minutes for the extra hot to come through. And in that two minutes you've gone, oh, maybe a bit more, maybe a bit more. And then when it fucking comes. It's like Heidi's pissing on you or something.

Something like that. Yes. Something. It's similar to that. It's similar to that. That's great advice. And you're all welcome. You're all welcome.

But is it fair to say that when you did this you were concerned? Oh, well, yeah. So did you do this in a rental that you own? Don't own. You don't own because it's a rental. So it was actually friends of ours, friends of Torb's and I, who live in a similar house to us, who had a similar shower head to ours, like the prison one.

They did it. And I thought, you love to see that. Well, if they were telling you about it, I don't think they'd need to pretend they didn't do it because it's actually improving the house. But can you do anything? Like, because you can't do anything. Like, I don't think, you can't put fucking photos on the wall.

Can you? No, you're not allowed to, like, put anything on the wall. Absolutely, just put it in. What? That's a little different. First of all, yeah, you just put the pictures up. It's fine. But with the showerhead, you're actually improving the house.

Well, also, the friends of mine who did this, they could just unscrew the showerhead when they go to move out or for a rent inspection if it was needed or whatever. I mean, your friends just had a rent inspection last week. Yeah. How did you go? How did they go? They went well.

It was fine. So did you wait to put the shower head on like after the inspection no because you know how impulsive i am yeah there's no way that i could have come up with that idea and then gone oh we'll do it next week i came up with the idea and in third within 30 minutes torbs and i had a fucking sausage in our hands at bunnings and we were we were in there i mean our friends who love sausages who love sausage sizzles and so it was in there for the inspection? No.

No, no. This was literally. Oh, it just happened. It just happened. Right. Okay. But it's a fucking game changer. But yeah, so that I feel like because you're just like unscrewing something and screwing something back in, I think that's okay.

Because like there is a way to change the whole shower thing, but then you're like unscrewing from the wall. And there's like, you know how there's like the flange thing but then you're like unscrewing from the wall and there's like you know how there's like the flanger thing on the outside like it's like a washer that like covers the hole in the wall yeah that can damage paint and stuff so we were like okay we're not gonna do that but like putting something on the wall like if you're putting like even like a 3m hook you know how sometimes if you take them off like it can fuck the paint or whatever i wouldn't fuck with that we once in a rental so torbs and i we don't own a house like we've only

ever rented when we've lived together and we were staying in this place in bumbury we actually ended up living there for like a month and it was fucking sick it was right on the beach it was the best apartment um and there was hooks on the wall when we moved in and torbs had this big beautiful piece of art that like his stepdad bought him and we had that up and the hooks fell down and it's and there was like two it ruined the art like smashed all the frame and stuff and then um there was like two what's it called power points like on the wall and like completely destroyed them as well because it just like slipped down the wall and then they smashed. Is that why you were only there for a month?

No, we ended up moving to Sydney. Oh, okay. So we'd only just moved and then that happened. Yeah. But anyway, and then that fucked that whole thing and I called the real estate agent and I was like, well, it was their hooks. You didn't say that.

You said how many times did you apologise? No, I was like, well, this has happened. Someone's going to need to come and check. Because, like, literally it, like, sparked up when it happened. Like, it, like, smashed the things off the wall. I'm proud of you for being direct. Yeah. And I was like, oh, well, the hooks were already here.

Like, we didn't put them up. And they were like, oh, that's okay. We can send someone. And they just, like, fixed it and took care of it or whatever. No. Great work. Thank you. I probably wouldn't do that now, but maybe I was feeling fearless on the day.

Yeah, because I would have thought you'd go, oh, I'll just buy the house. I'll put it up myself. Yeah, no, we were like, oh, like the things were already here. And I was just like, and, you know, our art has been destroyed. Did they pay for that? No. Yeah. I wasn't going to push my luck.

Yeah, you already had a good day. Take? No. Yeah. I wasn't going to push my luck. Yeah, you already had a good day. Take the win. I've heard of people renovating in exchange for like free or cheaper rent. What? Like if the guy was handy, for instance. Yeah. So this is enough for me. Not relatable.

There was a guy who was like a tradie and he goes, oh, look, if you can take it off our rent, we'd love to do the bathroom up. Because they're like, we're having a baby. We want a bath. I reckon I can do a bath there and that. We'd love to do the bathroom up because they're like, we're having a baby. We want a bath. I reckon I can do a bath there and that it's going to cost five grand that we're paying 300 bucks a week. That equals about 12 months free rent.

We just call it even, or, you know, whatever the math was. What? Yeah. I feel like some of the places that I've lived, I would have continued paying rent and done that.

Like if the difference was that I could paint a wall or put art up or mount a TV to the fucking wall or something like that. Yeah. A hundred percent. I painted a wall in both, a whole room in both of it because there was this room at the front and it was bright blue and I was like, I don't think so. This is fucked.

And that was going to be my study office space. Bright blue. That's an interesting choice, isn't it so. This is fucked. And that was going to be my study office space. Bright blue. That's an interesting choice, isn't it? It must have been a kid's room maybe. Do you remember when feature walls were a thing? Like one wall was red and the rest of it was cream or whatever? It was always red, like a burgundy, deep brown red. Or it was the red with like the sand paint, like a textured wall.

I think you'll understand. When I go. Yeah. Yeah. Or like cross hatched. Yeah. So I had a feature wall in I think you'll understand. When I go whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Yeah, or like cross-hatched. Yeah. So I had a feature wall in my house in Bunbury. That didn't last very long.

Yeah, right. Took care of that. Sorry, back to the Beaufort thing, though. So the bright blue room, what did you do? Painted it white, like an off-white. Yeah. And I sent a photo to the owner and was like. Someone's broken in and they've done this.

They've taken nothing and they've painted the joint. Yeah. It looks lovely. Looks lovely. Looks like the guy hasn't done a lot of painting previously. Because the corner cutting's not great. Yeah, and because of the strong blue being covered in a white, it is. Did you do a few coats? Yeah.

Did the thieves do a few coats? But it's just like I don't know if there was ever enough coats over a strong blue with white. It just always, look, let's not get into the higgledy-piggledy of what the burglar did when they came and broke into the house. And I just went, hey, mate, we've painted the walls white. Here's how it looks. It looks pretty good, I reckon, and obviously, like, Photoshopped and just, like,

touched it up a little bit in Lightroom. Lightroom, yeah. And I was like, I hope this is all good. To have the confidence of a straight white man, oh, what's that life like? Do you know? No. Cam?

Nah. Well. The audacity to do it. That that is like, that is, yeah. I got the vibe that they didn't love the blue room either. So I thought I was doing them a favour. Of course you thought that because you didn't. Not in their response. He was like, oh, yeah, of course.

The blue room was a bit blue, so it's white now. He goes, oh, yeah, yeah. I think that's illegal no no like on your rental contract should be illegal to paint a room that shit of a color where's the cops on that day i can't believe you actually i didn't know that you that you did that i can't believe you did that yeah i think actually the sponsored video for 3M. I was making money in that house. He's not getting a cut, though. He's already getting the rent.

So what I'm saying is I reckon both, but I reckon- I cannot believe you did that. You know how we've talked about at your house that it might be better if the laundry was facing the other way? Oh, yeah. If there was a pantry. We could fucking knock that wall out. Fuck no. No way. Oh, yeah. If there was a pantry. We could fucking knock that wall out. Fuck no.

No way. Oh, okay. It's gone from my friends putting in a new rain shower. Imagine a pantry and a big space for your fridge in your kitchen. That would be really good. Do you want me to just do it for you? No. No.

I'll do it. Absolutely not. You know I'm skillful and handy. No. I know someone who'll do it. You painted a wall and you couldn't even get it all the way. Why? That's the problem with you. You start things. You don't finish them. I finish them,'ll do it. You painted a wall and you couldn't even get it all the way white. That's the problem with you.

You start things, you don't finish them. I finish them just not well. How dare you accuse me? Oh, sorry. Yeah. My bad. Thank you. Thank you.

So, look, hot tip, everyone. Do whatever you fucking want on the rental. No, that's all we're saying. Take Tony's book. Tony's Friends. Not literally. The book's out Tuesday. Tony's Friends.

Tony's Friends. Tony's Friends. Not literally. The book's out Tuesday. Tony's Friends. Tony's Friends. Tony's Friends. I didn't do anything, and I would never paint a room in a rental. I'd be too shit scared. What would your house look like with a feature wall? The courtyard with a feature wall. I've done a lovely red sandal wall with a cross arching on it. Hey, it's the OG Glees from Minneapolis, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.

A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. There's a lot of names scrolling on the bottom, but some of our champion tapers, Katie Bits, Alison Caraveo, Joseph Prox, Taylor Prox, no account sharing going on in that house. Prox sisters. Emily Lyon. Got a proxy?

I don't think they're sisters. Joseph and Taylor. So I don't think they're sisters. Emily Lyon. No, that's it. Douchely Ash. Okay. Mariah C. Oh! don't know who that is, and Scott Aldridge.

Welcome. Thank you. I don't want to laugh for Christmas. So there's this new show on Netflix called, I think it's Instant Dream Home. Yeah. And they've got 12 out. So they make up an excuse. And I think in the first episode I watched, the guy's like,

oh, mother-in-law, there's something wrong with the decking, so they're going to come and fix it, so we need to leave for the day. Sure. And so they, like, go to their friend's house around the corner and, you know, it always, like, does a cutaway of them, like, having a sip of tea on the balcony. Yeah, or they're in the car and they're like, oh, God, what a lovely day out.

Yeah, and then in 12 hours they renovate the whole place. There's, like, 50 tradies. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They fucking say 12 hours. They're there for a lovely day out. Yeah. And then in 12 hours they renovate the whole place. There's like 50 tradies. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They fucking say 12 hours. They're there for a week. There's no way they're doing it in 12 hours. So you know how you're in Perth next week?

Yeah. No, no. Instant dream home, baby. No, no. Instant dream rental. Instant rental. Instant dream rental. I pitched it to Netflix.

They've signed it. They've bought it. Congratulations on your Netflix deal. This is the second time you've said that. Someone's going to come to my house and film. Is this a prank as well? No. If you had a choice. Hang on.

Between the courtyard. Our producer Cam is house sitting. If I come back and something's different, I quit. Okay. Here is your choices. Would you like me? No. I'm actually putting my foot down. There's no. Okay, here is your choices. Would you like me? No, I'm actually putting my foot down. There's no choices.

Here's the two choices. Would you like the laundry pantry fridge reconfiguration thing? The configuration of that. The pantry flip. Yep. Or would you like me to fully deck out your courtyard? All right. I'm talking a plunge pool.

I'm talking like a sun lounger. I'm talking a bar. And you know how you can do those like artistic drawings so instead of looking into the courtyard wall, it kind of just looks like you're looking out into the thing. It's like an oasis. Okay, all right. See, don't fucking touch anything.

And if I find out you're at my house, I will literally call the police. Okay, for like a split second there, I thought we were on. I'm an actor. Well, all I can say is enjoy Perth. Because I'll... Producer Cam. We look good in high-vis and hard hats, baby.

That's fine. So does Pippa. Don't you bring Pippa into this. I'm trusting you with my daughter. I'm so fucking pumped about this. Next week I'll put it on the Instagram stories. No, no, no. So last week I finally delivered your Christmas present.

Yes. Mid-February. Is that sort of pushing it? I think it is probably pushing it. It does sound like one of those things like, hey, I want to do something. It's on the way. It's never on the way.

There's never anything on the way. Let's be very careful what you say about that. I don't know if you remember, and this was just like an off-the-cuff comment in December. So when I say I don't know if you remember, you're allowed to not remember. That I ordered you something for Christmas in addition to the cinema. Classic.

And I was like, I was always going to do the cinema, but I had this other little thing as well, and I was like, I don't know if it's going to make it in time for us to do the Christmas episode. Does this actually ring a bell? Yes, it does, now that you say it, because I said, can you tell me what that was, and you said, nah, because I think it will end up coming.

Yeah, so I didn't want to ruin it. So it's arrived. Do you have it? It's arrived. Do you have it? Yeah. What is it? Are you ready?

Do I get to open it? You do. Do I? Is this another fucking thing that I don't get to physically open? You get to. Well, it's arrived online. So you can look in your phone. But this is your Christmas present.

How did something that was arriving online take until March? I don't have it. Where is it? I've texted it to you. It's loading. Hello, Tony. Tony Lodge. Is this Brian Baumgartner?

Tony, listen. Ryan wanted me to reach out to you and wish you a ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas to you. Now, Tony, he wanted to wrap me up, slap a bow on me, and stick me under your tree for Christmas morning. I had to say no to that. But I did want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Now, I hear you're very successful, Tony.

year now I hear you're very successful Tony and well listen I'm wondering if I can join your finance team okay cuz listen I can do numbers way better for you than any of those financiers I think is what you call it. Best wishes, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. Whether you hire me or not, I wanna wish you a year ahead filled with new adventures, filled with love, filled with laughter, but most importantly, filled with chilli. Nice.

Just don't spill it. Okay, so that is... Because he's an accountant in the office. He's Kevin from the office, yeah. The finance team. Yes, that's really... So he's applying for a job. That is really funny. Also, the chilli he's referring to is a cold open from the office, yeah. The finance team. Yes, that's really. So he's applying for a job. That is really funny.

Also, the chilli he's referring to is a cold open from the show where he says, the thing that I do best is make this chilli and then he drops it all over the ground. Minji Kaling actually wrote that cold open. It's very funny. And that is quite a good gift. Did he send it only recently? Because the thing is...

Well, you know how shipping and stuff, like, it's tough around Christmas. So he's obviously recorded that in time because he's referring to Christmas. Yeah, and there's like a Christmas tree behind him and stuff. So I would just like to know what was the delivery issue. Well, he's in America. We're in Australia. We're ahead. So actually we should have gotten it before.

No, I just meant like for actually getting it. Because you know how when we send the Frank Greenwater bottles to the US, it takes a while because it has to go across the ocean and stuff. No, I don't actually know what you're talking about. Yep. So Merry Christmas, mate. No, so I really would like to know the information about the delivery of the video. And also, was he the cheapest one from the office or the only one that was available? There weren't many office options. Oh, sure. But he is one of the video. And also was he the cheapest one from the office or the only one that was available?

There weren't many office options. Oh, sure. But he is one of the options. Options, yeah. And may have found that in my junk email folder from December 7. Well, it's funny you say that because that's where everybody's personalised videos are from Patreon. They're all coming.

They just might be new. It's a shipping issue. Blame Australia Post. Bloody Australia Post. Bloody Australia Post. Well, Merry Christmas, Tony. Thank you. I really appreciate that.

It is a really thoughtful kid, but yeah. Maybe not timely. Is that the issue? No, I think just like you can't blame Australia Post if it's not their fault. Don't tell me when I can and can't blame Australia Post. I think that you can't blame them in this specific scenario. The broadband, though.

That's what I think. Yeah, fucking those guys. All right, have you got a You Love To See It? I do. My You Love To See It is from Alex Dorr in our Facebook group. Yep. And sometimes, keep it simple and it's the best. Alex says, a freshly uploaded

Tony and Ryan episode right before my walk for lunch. You Love To See It. Love to see that. See, the thing is that we are always there when you need us. Yeah. We are more reliable than any boyfriend, girlfriend, partner. Postal service. Postal service, broadband provider, dodo, iiNet, whatever. True.

You know, we're always there for you. You're welcome. And I love to see that. I love to see that. I've got a tweet by Twardry Hepburn. Twardry. Twardry Schmetburn. My friend gave birth in a car on the way to the hospital.

Mother and son are both healthy and doing well. Great. And if this is not the best dad joke ever, then get out of my face, says Tordry. The boy's name is Carson. Car-son. Yep. The tweet continues.

Great. car son yep the tweet continues great can you imagine in a few years when the boy is old enough hey dad how did i get my name and he's wow driving and this is the car and you're a son. Called it Cars. But we're always there when you need us. Because it's a car. It's where he's born and it's a son. Yeah, the problem is not me getting it.

I get it. Because it's a car. Yeah. Oh, and he's a son. Luckily they didn't have twins and there wasn't car son and car daughter. Thanks for watching the video show. It's probably the last episode you'll ever watch. But if you do decide to come back on Monday. I don't think I will.

I think that was the worst episode we've ever done. How's my hack though? My friend's hack. Actually, I take that back. You'll never shout differently in your life. You're fucking welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. And I would like to know if anybody takes up my idea for a hack

and pops a nice shower head in your shower because you will not fucking know yourself afterwards. If you're a tradie in Richmond, Melbourne, who's available next week when Tony's in Perth. Okay, thank you so much for listening. Do you have specialties in moving pantries or creating sick courtyard? Which is your choose again? I said C. Don't fucking come over.

If we're going to come over and do something anyway, which would you prefer? C, don't come over. No, but if we did and you had to choose. Yeah, no, you're not listening. No, you're not getting the question. No, you're not listening. You don't understand multiple choice questions.

You're not listening. I said no. If you come to my house, I will call the police. Well, you won't know I've been there until it's been. And you're going to walk in and go, oh, guys, you shouldn't have. Yeah, because I said not to. So you really shouldn't have. But when you're swimming in your plunge pool in your fucking sick courtyard,

you won't be cursing my name. I think I will be. Because I'll be busy in jail. See you Monday. Love you, bye. If I come home. It's going to be sick. I can already see it.

Like a, just in stories. You know, you'll just see updates. We need to talk. Have you got a high fizz for Pippa? No. I'll order one of their fucking cute ass.