Toni and Ryan - Toni's Mum Would Be Proud

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Well, at least for the first part of the story!!! Hehehe love you! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. It's Tony and Ryan. We're calling Chloe. Chloe. Chloe Kardashian? No, it's Chloe with a C. Okay, when's on your laser? She's got a dick in her, though. Dick and cider? Hello. Hi, Chloe.

Chloe. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Oh my God, I'm good. How are you? Good, thank you. I just need to clarify that Chloe's last name's Dixon, because I just made a dick joke that won't make sense if you don't know that. Yeah, okay. But now that we know that, Chloe, will you approve this podcast need to clarify that Chloe's last name is Dixon because I just made a dick joke that won't make sense if you don't know that. Yeah, okay. But now that we know that, Chloe, will you approve this podcast? Absolutely, of course I will. She might not after she hears the joke that you made about her

before she answers. It's fine, it's totally fine. Chloe's actually a rare tarpa because, Chloe, which city are you from? I'm from Melbourne. Oh, down the road. Are you Australian? Australian. I am. Hey, it's Chloe from Melbourne and I approve this podcast. All right, welcome to the show.

Hi. I want you to think of something that you've always wanted to do in your life. Uh-huh. That big moment you've dreamed of. Yep. Was it a big wedding, a dream house, the perfect holiday? Oh. A big moment in your life, and that time finally comes. Yep.

And just like Tony did a few weeks ago you completely fucked it up yeah okay yep i can think of a time like i want the eight mile one shot one opportunity here it is well anyway tony was at that moment ready to bask in her glory of a big moment in time life event in something else basked in something else. We'll get to that soon. I still love you. Oh, that's really nice. Thank you.

You're welcome. I appreciate that. I don't hear it enough. You hear it regularly. Is there enough? I get it regularly. Never enough. Never, never. First of all, normal or nah?

Normal or nah? Sorry, just a joke. First of all, normal or nah? Normal or nah? Sorry, just a joke. Is it normal to allow your fingernails to grow just long enough so when you bite them off, you can use them as toothpicks? Sammy has messaged in and says, my husband does this and it drives me crazy. I work in healthcare and I know very well how much germs and faecal matter live under our nails.

He says it's not that weird and it's pretty normal. I disagree. I say nah, says Sammy. It sounds like Sammy needs to take her fucking husband to Hawaii and get him some fucking nail clippers and then on the way back go to the chemist and get some of those little floss sticks. Yeah, I thought you were going to say on the way back just drop him somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.

That is so fucked. Like I'm pretty gross, but that's fucked. That is fucked. With a nail Like I'm pretty gross. Yep. But that's fucked. That is fucked. With a nail in the sound of it. Oh, my God. That's fucking disgusting. I once worked with someone. What am I about to hear?

Who was like, I've got something in my fucking teeth. I can't get it out. And was like, does anybody have like any floss or anything? And we were like, no, we don't have any floss. And if I did, yeah. Weird. Like, why would I have that with me? And she yanked out a strand of hair.

Which is arguably worse than your hands, maybe. I don't know if it is. But your hair would be pretty. It's not worse, it's still not better. It's not better. That's right. You're right. It might not be worse, but it's definitely not better.

And like flossed with a little bit of hair to get the thing out and then. Whatever's stuck in your teeth is better than having toenail or hair in your teeth. Surely that goes without saying. I just can't believe. Sammy divorced this guy. I just can't believe that you would consider it an option. What, marrying him? Marrying a guy who would do this?

Maybe Sammy didn't know until it was too late. It's never too late, Sammy. You do what's best for you. You take care of him. We'll support you. I just can't imagine. Can you imagine, sorry, sitting on the couch next to someone and they're doing that?

Or when they start, like, picking at their nails, you go, oh, I know what this is leading to. I know what's next. That's turned my tummy a little bit, actually. Same. That's really gross. I've just drank this smoothie and now I want to vomit it up. That's just, that's actually made me upset, like internally.

Do you need to take a moment? That's really. Do you want a sip of your tea or your juice? I just need to reset. That's a lot. I can't believe that someone does that. Is that real? Are we sure that they're not having us on?

Am I overreacting? Am I the problem? Like, is that fucked or not? No, the husband is the problem. That's fucked, Dave. It's fucked enough for Sammy to message through and we go, she's saying this is fucked, isn't it? And we're here, Sammy, to say, yeah, mate.

We agree with you. And just in case you didn't get that, Sammy, this segment's called Normal or Nah. It's a hard nah. It's or Nah. It's a hard nah. It's a nah. It's definitely a nah. Normal or nah. Washing your hair once per week. Demi says, I do this

and my family and friends think I'm crazy. I still shower every day, but washing my hair is so time consuming. It's so annoying. Please tell me this is normal for some people. I'm saying normal. Really? Yep. I think that's fine.

How often do you wash your hair? It depends on what I'm doing. And like, but when I had, remember when we first started this podcast, my hair was really long. Yeah. Like all the way down my back. Don't recall. Cause you always had it. It was always in a bun. Yeah.

But my hair was like crazy long. It does take, and I've got a lot of hair. Like my hair's very fine but it's really thick. Right. Like I've got so much hair. It takes a long fucking time. How long would it take to dry? I feel like drying is more annoying than the washing, right?

Yeah. Well, the washing takes a long time as well because you're fucking like in the shower and you've got to get in there. But like if you left it to air dry, like my hair wouldn't dry overnight. Really? Like if I slept on wet hair, it wouldn't be dry when I woke up. Yeah. And like if you were going to stand there and blow dry it,

like when I go to the hair, and this is even with short hair, when I go to the hairdressers, there's always two girls drying my hair. Forehand blowing. Forehand blowing. Forehand blowing. Wow. Double fisting. But so I get it. It is time consuming.

And if you're just wearing your hair in a bun all the time or like it's braided or whatever, then no one's going to know that it's dirty anyway. No one's going to know. Are they going to know? They're going to know. They're going to know. No one's going to know anyway. So how normal would be normal for you?

I normally would probably do twice a week. Twice a week. So I'd normally do it like on a Sunday to get me like ready for the week. And then I'd probably do it again like on Wednesday or Thursday. So for Demi to say once a week, it's not that crazy. I don't think so. Okay, that's normal. What do you reckon?

Well, I've got obviously shorter hair than you. Yeah. And I don't wash my hair that often. Well, how often? I would have gone years back in the day. But you would wet it, eh? Yeah. So Torb's, right?

Yeah. Like every time he gets in the shower, he'll like wet his hair. Oh, yeah. I do it every time I'm in the shower. Every day. Yeah. But like when I'm in the shower, I wear a headband and stuff so that none of my hair gets wet.

But how often would Torb, like, shampoo it? Probably. Once a year? Yeah, like, not even once a week. He always washes it before he goes to the barber. Like, he'll always wash it before then. And because he puts stuff in it. Yeah.

So, like, and you do, too, like, that texturing paste stuff. The product and stuff, yeah. So, like. You're only really washing, yeah, the hair product out just to put it back in it. Yeah. So, like, and you do too, like, that texturing paste stuff. The products and stuff, yeah. So, like. You're only really washing, yeah, the hair product out just to put it back in again. Yeah. So, yeah, probably, I don't even know how often, but he does always wash it before he goes to the barber. Well, we're with you, Demi. Yeah, I don't think that's weird.

Normal or nah? Nah. Oh, no, I can't answer yet. I don't know. Sorry. Normal or nah? Answering normal or nah before you know what it is. Normal.

Normal. Normal or nah? When ordering food to be delivered, I've started ticking the I'm isolating box because I just don't want to talk to people. That's Crystal. And Crystal, thanks for sending this in. I haven't done it, but my God, do I respect it. Also, then you can kind of guarantee that they're actually going

to drop the food off. What do you mean? Well, we get people sometimes and they're like, oh, I'm in the car on the street. Oh, mate, that's your job. Like they don't even come to the door. And I'm not saying our door. I'm saying like our building door.

So we live in an apartment building. I don't expect anybody to come like to our floor and stuff. No, I don't expect that. No, no, no, no. I don't expect that. But like sometimes I don't even come to the building. Because parking is a bit tricky at your place. Not at night.

Isn't it? Those little parks that you just pull up. Those little parks are always empty. During the day, therefore, because tradies use them and stuff. So they can't even just pull in there and walk up to the door. No, they've got to fucking lift their act. Yeah. Because once I was waiting inside the little foyer

and I could see them in the car and I was like, I'm not fucking going out there. And the guy rang and he's like, can you please come outside? And there was parks there. And then he didn't even get out of the car. He wound down the window and like thrust it to me out of the thing. Nah. Nah. I hate when they don't

get out of the car. Me too. It's like, mate, this is your job. I know. You are getting paid to get out of the car, passing it out the window. I also always tip. Do you? Because they get fucking rim-jobbed from Uber or fucking Deliveroo or whatever. Like, they get a shit fucking moron to the deal.

And you know how when you're, well, you know when you order it, how you can decide to tip before they even come? I do that because then I'm like, they're going to do a good job. You reckon? Well, I think so. If I saw that someone had already tipped me, I'd be like, fuck yeah. So I always tip beforehand because then I'm like, maybe they'll like drop it off at my house first. like yeah you know or like you know they'll you pay for priority yeah i do yeah do

you feel that since you've started tipping the driver beforehand yeah the service has improved no and that's what i'm saying i always the theory makes sense but that's what i'm saying i always tip so you'd think that they'd be like oh the least I can fucking do is get out of the car. But it turns out. Because once you've done it, you can't un-tip. So it's not as if I can tip. I think it's the opposite. It's like dangling a carrot.

No, it's like she's already tipped. What is she going to do now? If you haven't tipped them yet, maybe they're like, now I'll do a good job to get the tip. Oh, yeah. See, I was like, if I've already tipped and then people go, she's already tipped, what a great girl, you know. She's already tipped, why try harder?

Yeah. Already sealed the deal, baby. Yeah, like why would I like buy the ice cream if I've got the, you know, like no one's. Hang on, let me call ESPN because they need some new sports analogies. No. Here we go. The saying is.

Nobody's going to buy the ice cream truck if you're handing out the popsicles for free. But that's not actually the right saying. I've never heard that either. All right. What about this? Even a goalie can score. No, what's the saying? Soccer's got a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.

But that's also not really the right analogy. What's that got to do with the- Nothing. Okay, hang on. I got it. Okay, hang on. So what about I'm giving them the opportunity to hit a home run, but they're already on the second base.

I don't know what's happening anymore. Why would – okay, I've got it. I've got it. Why would they go fishing if they've already got a groper in the truck? Like they're not going to do it. You could have chosen any fish, but the term groper in the truck has really sent me. Like they're not going to try and make the effort of fishing

or in this case do a good job of delivery because I've already got my groper in the back. Hey, Tony, do you want to come up to my apartment? No, let's just get a groper in the truck. Did you kiss her? No, I groped her in the truck. Andy in a boat, no, a Groper on a truck. Groper? Groper?

Now I've got the smokers going. Oh, God. So ticking the isolating box, normal or no? What? Hey, it's Chloe from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A big shout-out to a few of our champion tuppers over at our Patreon. Corin Aiken, thank you so much. Amelia Breer.

Ava Tett. Oh, Ava Tett. Gemma Nichols. Will Barber. Oh, will you say the barber? Yeah, I will. Mike Makler. Cara D, Just Mike, No Robert. Good to know that there's no bloody.

No, I remember those guys. No bloody duos going on. Alexandra Sunenko, King Julian, Georgie Loves Kate, and Kate Loves Georgie. So no duos going on there either. If you're going to double up, that's how it's done, folks. That's how you do it. there either.

If you're going to double up, that's how it's done, folks. That's how you do it. I would like to know, Ryan, you listening, anybody, anybody that can hear this, when did you see your parents at their happiest? Whether it was like Christmas morning every year that your mum got excited or your dad on a holiday or, you know, buying a surfboard after never having one, you know, all those kind of like life-making moments that you see.

And I feel like it's as you get a little bit older, and I haven't really had this opportunity as much, but like as you get a bit older that you kind of see your parents doing the things that they couldn't do while you were younger because they like were looking after you. Yeah, exactly. My dad's got this nice spot out the back.

And have I told you that dad loves like the margarita bucket mix? Yes, you have, yeah. And it sounds really lame and funny, but it's like a pre-mixed margarita drink and you just like add tequila and you put it in the freezer. Is it the ones in the freezer? Yeah, and then you just cut it up. But like it's usually Boxing Day, not Christmas, but Boxing Day. Dad will like make a big mix of margarita and then sort of like my stepbrothers

and sisters and like his family, we're all like at the back around the deck and Dad just has this sense of like we're sitting here at the back by the pool of my house and we're all having margaritas. And everyone's happy and comfy. Yeah, families to get because, as you know, life gets busy to get everyone in one place at one time. So when that moment happens, you can just kind of tell, like, he's just like real proud that, you know,

everyone's around and having a good time. That's giving me little goosebumps. That's so sweet. What about your mum? So my mum always wanted to buy a fancy car. Right. And when I was probably like 11, so she would have been like 45 or so, she bought herself like a brand-new BMW.

Because when you were little, little, you guys didn't have a lot of – We were poor as shit. Yeah. Like I remember my sister telling me this story about how my mum would ring my dad and be like, do you want spaghetti or sausages for dinner? And dad would be like, oh, I don't know. And mum would go, oh, because if you want spaghetti, I've got to cut the cases off the sausages.

Yeah, right. Like they were just so fucking shit poor. But then as you grew up, she like worked hard and like did that. Yeah, so because when I was a kid, mum and dad like owned their own business and then so they were really struggling. And then as I got older, they kind of like they ended up not doing their business anymore and they went off and got jobs. My mum was like doing really well at her job and they started

getting really comfortable. And, yeah, so when I was about 11, my mum bought like a brand new BMW. And it was her like when I've made it, I'll have that. That was her line in the sand almost. Yeah, that was her thing where she her like, when I've made it, I'll have that. That was her line in the sand almost. Yeah, that was her thing where she was like, I know that when I've been able to like get this thing for myself, like that's just like, I don't know, it was just like the most special thing. And do you remember the first time that she like pulled up in the drive

or that you were in the car with her? What was it like? It was amazing. And so it was like this blue BMW, like sedan-like. Yeah. And it had like cream leather interior. Of course it did. And I think the first, as soon as she got it,

she put a Ronan Keating CD in the CD player. Oh, let's go cruising, ladies. In my mobile, you know. And like every time she'd get in it, she'd like shimmy up and she'd just be like, oh, this is mine. And every time she'd park it, she'd like click the thing and lock it and look back and go like, fuck yeah. So there's this cliche.

I can't remember what suit brand it was, but it was like when you wear one of our suits, it's as if you're two inches taller. Oh. When you say you shimmied up, it's like she was taller when she was in this car. She was so proud and like shoulders back and how good's this? And it was always like about her having it, not like about people seeing her in it.

I'm taking my daughter, Toni, for a spin in the BMW. Yeah. Like it was, but yeah, it was about her having it rather than people being like, oh, Liz has got to be. It was like about her having it. Especially when you like, oh, Liz has got to be. It was like about her having it. Especially when you were, you know, cutting the spaghetti years earlier trying to ration it out and then you're like, hey, I've earned this.

Exactly. They worked really, really hard and she finally got it. And, like, she would drive under the speed limit so that she could be in the car longer. Like, you know, that's the kind of vibe. And my dad would always be like, why don't you fucking, like, rev this car up?. And my dad would always be like, why don't you fucking like rev this car? And mum would be like, because I just love driving it.

It's about the journey, not the destination when you're in a BMW, ladies and gentlemen. Exactly right. Although I can see some people getting annoyed seeing her doing 40 down the highway. I mean, like, we get it, mate. You've got a fucking BMW. You've got a beautiful car.

Can we just fucking. Just sit in the driveway. You've got a sports car. Maybe test out the bottom of that accelerator. The bottom of that accelerator. So this was like my mum's like, yeah, line in the sand, as you put it, of like having her shit together. Was it her yeah bitch?

It was her yeah bitch. Absolutely. Yeah, great. And so when my mum like passed away and as I was growing up, I was like, that's mine then. Yeah. Like I want to work towards, you you know one day I'll have a fancy car and I'll know that when I've made it that like I'll have that fancy car and that'll be me I've arrived I've arrived and I've like I just felt like it was really going to be a moment that like my mum would be super proud of me of course and

a couple weeks ago I bought the fucking car. She bought the car. Oh, I can see the tears in your eyes. It's interesting, though. You're still five foot two. You're not taller. Yeah, I'm no taller. It did not work.

I'll ask for a refund. But I know, obviously, it's a beautiful car you've bought, but what it meant and what it would mean to, if your mum can see you driving that, are you happy to say what it is? Yeah. It's a beautiful Audi that Tony's got herself, the hatch Audi. But, mate, if your mum could see you driving around that and see you now,

fuck, she'd be stoked. Thank you, mate. Yeah. And so it's been like one of those things where I've been like, oh, you know when you like look at something and you're like, I could afford that but I just can't justify it. I like looked and agonised and I thought, oh, I don't really need it. And no one needs anything.

You know, like, of course I didn't need it, but it's just such a like huge like milestone for me because it was such a huge milestone for her. And because as soon as I picked it up, I imagined like how that phone call would have gone, like FaceTime my mum being like, oh, my God, look at this thing. So it's been really, really exciting. And my brother's a car guy. He's.

So he is over the moon. He's uncontrollable. He's so excited. Yeah. And, you know, like every day I get a text from him and he's like, how's the car going? He doesn't care about you or the dogs. No.

Has he asked about the dog? No. No, no, no, no. How's the car? He's like, how's the Torbs? No. Or the dog? Has he asked about the dog? No. No, no, no, no. How's the car? He's like, how's the car going? Which is so lovely and I do like it. It's really nice of him. And so when I bought it, I was kind of talking to him about it

and I was like, should I buy this one? Like, what do I, you know? Because it was a fucking huge decision. Oh, absolutely. And I'm like, oh. Is it fair to say we don't know the ins and outs? Do you want this version or that version? I was like, I just want the black one.

We laugh, but that's what Tony is. What car have you got that's black? That's all I care about. Do you want the van or the motorbike? The black one. Is either of them black? I'll take the black one. That's fine.

And then so when I finally got it and then my brother goes, oh, at least you haven't shit in this one. Oh, God. Because you might remember I got quite bad gas. So this is in my Yaris. I had quite bad gastro. Yep. And got quite sick in my car.

Whilst picking Torbs up from the station. Was picking Torbs up from a train station. I don't want to be the one to say that if he had his own licence you wouldn't have been in that situation That's not my place to say But yeah I got sick and I shut my car And Torbs had to clean it up I'm glad your brother brought that up at a beautiful time

Just to really bring you back a peg Hang on So No And that's the end of the story. What is – So last – Remember your mum?

Remember that beautiful story? You told her about 40 seconds – Yep. Yeah, I do remember, yep. Okay. So I've got this beautiful car, and, like, literally I'm, like, driving everywhere at the moment. Like, I haven't driven anywhere that I didn't need to drive.

Wait, no, I've driven everywhere I didn't need to drive. Tony lives about 14 metres from a supermarket. Yeah. How many times since you got that car? 65. Yep. Like literally like. I'm just driving to the shops.

We actually live at the shops. Yeah, I'll just drive down. Yep. I love it. Like it makes me so happy. And, again, it's one of those things where I'm like I'm just happy to have it. It's not about anybody looking at me. It's like, oh, I get to get in it and it's beautiful.

You did once when I was in a say, did those kids look at me? Yeah, because they were youths. They were youths and they were looking at Tony. Yeah, they were on your stolen scooter. Well, he's upgraded. What the fuck have you done to this car? Last week I was quite sick You were

You still You sound better Thank you But I was quite I just was really sick with the cold Why are you about I don't wanna know And

I Had to go for a doctor's appointment Because I was really sick Um And I was In the waiting room And you know I had fucking doctors I always take fucking thousand years

Yep And I was coughing really bad Like I just had the worst room. And you know I had fucking doctors. I always take fucking thousand years. And I was coughing really bad. Like I just had the worst tickle in my throat. I just couldn't stop fucking coughing. And that's why I was going to the doctors. But you know how when you're coughing, especially since COVID, everyone fucking stares at you? Oh, it's the worst, yeah.

So I had a mask on. It's like you're a criminal. It's like the worst thing you can do is cough and everyone's like, oh, this person's got rabies. Yes. Or COVID. Is rabies a thing I can do is cough and everyone's like, oh, this person's got rabies? Yes. Or COVID. Is rabies a thing I can say? I don't know. Anyway, so I'm sitting in the thing and I'm getting really embarrassed

and really hot. Yeah. And so I'm sitting in there and I ate like 10 strepsils. Yeah. And I say like 10. I ate 10 strepsils. Is that side effects of eating too many strepsils? Well, so it turns out that they are full of sorbitol.

What's sorbitol? Which is the same thing that's in like chewing gum and you know those sugar-free gummy bears? Do you remember? Yeah. That viral story from a few years ago, viral, about like how people were eating the packets of sugar-free gummy bears. And then.

No, I don't actually know this story. Getting diarrhea. Fuck, Tony. Fuck. No, I don't. No. So. I feel like everyone listening, not because of the grossness,

but just like we're so proud of you. I know. So I ate all the strepsils and i had to sit in the waiting room for quite some time and then i finally got in the doctor and then i left the doctor and then i thought i don't feel very well and i thought it was just because like i had a flu i was like maybe it's Cold and flus and the vitamins and whatever. Not eating normal. And then. No. On the way home, my tummy got really gurgly and I didn't feel very well. Did you pull over somewhere?

I trusted a fart. What should you never do? What should you never do? What should you never do? Trust a fart. You've got too much faith and you've got too much trust you're throwing around. And there was a little. No, no. Anyway, it did smell like new car and now it doesn't. But, yeah, so.

What sort of seats have you got? They're leather, thank God. Okay, that's good, thank God. A bit easier than the fucking carpet seats in the Yaris. I know your mum had the cream leather. Luckily mine's black. You ordered black. Is that why you ordered black in the first place?

Yep, just in case. Because you knew. Because you never know. You just never know when you're going to shit yourself in your car. You never, never know when you really need a go. Exactly right. So, yeah, I mean, I'm really proud of the car still. I'm not as proud as I was five minutes ago.

Yeah, okay. All right. Like, at least I wasn't on my scooter. Well, at least you've got one. Don't leave that car at Vic Gardens. Unlocked. In the bike rack. No one's doing that.

No one else is doing that. Oh, that was such a beautiful story. Yeah. About the family and stuff. Well, I just wanted to share that with you. What would, in all seriousness though. It was very funny. I got home and I was like, Torbs.

In all seriousness though It was very funny I got home and I was like Torbs What would your mum think If she Was seeing you You know What you've created with this show

And people loving you And you've got this beautiful car As your Hey I've worked hard And I've earned this And she'd be looking down going She's fucking shitting that

My daughter I should have shut the sun out She'd be looking down going, she's fucking shitting that. My daughter. I should have shut the sunroof. Shut it out of your head. I can't see. She's closed the sunroof. I can't see her. She must be doing fine. And that, my friends, is why you never get a convertible.

Because your mum watches you shitting it. Dead relatives can see everything you're doing. From above. But, yeah, still great. Still great. Still really good. I'm proud of you. We're all proud of you.

Just like to let everybody know that the car is fine. Yeah. I was more affected than the car, if you know what I'm saying. Yep. Yep. The car's okay. Yes. Well, lucky you weren't wearing the underwear we were talking about yesterday.

Like catching water with string. Straight through to the kefir. Just because I'm fishing doesn't mean I don't have a grouper in the back. Trying to get a jug of water from a fishing net. I've got a You Love To See It. Please. And for this, I'm going to need you to open Google Translate. Oh.

Opening, yes. And turn the volume up on your computer. And go English to Dutch. English. Dutch. English. Dutch. Yep. Now I want you to type in the English side. Pick my most beautiful side.

And press play so we can all hear it. Pick my most beautiful side. Oh, that's English? Kiss my moist cunt. So, Tony, how do you say pick my most beautiful side in Dutch? Kiss my moist cunt. Play it again. Kiss my moist cunt kiss my moist cunt

and I'm not don't have to beep that because it's cultural it's Dutch yeah I mean if you beeped it out that would be

like a microaggression towards the little woot it's like don't beep out my language a microaggression to the little woot yeah He's like, don't beep out my language. A micro aggression to the little woot? Yeah. Micro woot.

Micro woot. When I was in the US, I watched Steve Irwin and he had subtitles. Really? And I was like, how offensive. He speaks English. His accent isn't that fucked. And what was it like? Crikey?

Was there like... Well, just because they couldn't understand a word he was saying because he's talking so fast and whatever. Right. And I was it like? Crikey? Was there like... Well, just because they couldn't understand a word he was saying because he's talking so fast and whatever. Right. And I was like, that's offensive to the Australians.

But it says like crikey and like they're translated and he's like, oh my gosh. Gasp. Oh my God. Kiss my moist cunt. That's hilarious.

I... I messaged from Monica Escoff on Patreon. She says, I work as a beauty therapist and spend most of my days in a dimmed room listening to whale music. I usually grab my AirPods and listen to some true crime. But since I found your podcast, I've binged every episode. Once, uh, once in a while, I even let out a little giggle and have to cover it up with a cough.

Oh, those ones, yeah. Yeah, because she's like, obviously the person can't know that I'm doing something else. Usually I get through two episodes each facial, but if the episodes are a little longer than half an hour, the lucky client gets an extra long facial because I need to know every detail and I thought you'd love to see that. I do love to see that.

I love to hear that we are doing that for somebody. I'd also love to, if I was the client and I was you'd love to see that. I do love to see that. I love to hear that we are doing that for somebody. I'd also love to, if I was the client and I was getting a massage or a facial or something and I was getting a little bit extra, you'd go, oh, they obviously really like me. But it's because they're... Well, I think everyone's a winner in this story. Yeah. We're a winner because we love to have the tapas on board.

She's a winner because she's enjoying the show and the customer's a winner because they're getting a longer facial. Exactly. There is no loser in this story. Oh, I think so. And what a moist card. After that. Wow.

Okay. No? Sorry. And then after the facial, she goes, oh, look at this side of my face. Oh, pick my most beautiful side. Oh, that reminds me of a lovely adage. My moist can't.

Alright, we'll see you tomorrow for the video show, as Ryan said last week, he fucking sent me. It's so funny. Vodcast. The video show. Remember America's Funniest Home Video Show? Yeah. And then YouTube was invented?

Yes. Oh, we don't need that anymore. Don't need that anymore. And I can watch whatever YouTube I want. I don't have to watch. Oh, it's 7.30 Tuesday. Yeah, great. YouTube's on. I will catch our video show tomorrow.

Anytime you want. Anytime you want. When it suits you. Chat to you then. Love you, bye.