Toni and Ryan - Toni's PAWfect Christmas

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

I mean, when, in history, has something not gone to plan?!?! Is this the first time?! Haha a HARROWING holiday tale. Love ya!! Toni xox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. Author Tony Lodge. I'm Tony. This is Ryan, future dad. You are author Tony. Author Tony Lodge, future dad Ryan. Thank you. We are calling the UK.

Lauren. Lauren Berry. Oh my God. I thought that she'd already answered. I was like, Lauren, that's quick. Quick off the mark. Hello. Lauren.

Lauren, how you doing? Oh my God, thank you. How are you? We are well. We are excellent. And Lauren, will how are you doing? Oh my, I'm good, thank you. How are you? We are excellent. And Lauren, will you approve the podcast? Of course I'll approve the podcast. Yes! Hi, I'm Lauren from Downton, UK, and I approve this podcast.

Welcome to the podcast. And I don't know how much other people need to hear this, but Tony has refused to tell me what happened on Christmas Day until now. So I personally am aching to hear this. Well, I mean, you've been waiting since last year, isn't it? You're not being very riz, is what I'll say about that. Fuck, I didn't say that yesterday. But first, and I've just realised we're going to open up an opportunity for you to keep making that hilarious joke.

Things you can say at New Year's. Is it New Year's Eve or during New Year's or at New Year's? I just said, like, at New Year's because I feel like it's kind of, yeah, that time. Also, can we just add that we know it's not Tuesday today. We know it's Wednesday. Poor scandal. Just because people might go, oh, this is on the wrong day.

Telling people what day is which. Out. In. Out. But this is things you can say during New Year's and also in the bedroom. Oh, shield your eyes while I pop this. You know what you do in the champagne?

Yeah. Hide your eyes. Now I'm a bit older, I struggle to stay up until midnight. You know how it is. And there are drugs for that i'm aware that works for both yeah yeah that's the segment the segment the reason it's funny is because it works but yeah in for 2023 explaining jokes fuck it's parked in here and we paid $70 to get in. What a rip-off.

New Year's, can I just say, do you know what's out for 2023? Yeah. Using New Year's as an excuse for things to cost like 20 times the price of what they're worth. It's like, what is this, a wedding? Yeah, literally. Yeah. Like, so you pay 20 times the price to get in somewhere.

Ubers cost fucking $50 billion more than they should. You know, like all of that. Yeah, fuck, no. Yeah, so you pay 20 times the price to get in somewhere. Ubers cost fucking $50 billion more and they should, you know, like all of that. Yeah, fuck, no, that's enough. Yeah, thank you. Such a big build-up for such a bitter disappointment. Have you heard that one before? I've been flirting for ages and for this? For this?

Really? You get so excited, you pay all that money? Oh, I might actually just have a shower first. Haven't had one since last year. I think I'm going to open that door because it's getting sweaty and that's not one of them.

Am I turning you on? Is that why? Yeah. Oh, it's going to cost a fortune for a ride tonight. All booked up. The search is on. Five, four, three, two, one. Boo!

Boo! 2023, here I come. We've been doing this since last year. We've been fucking since last year. Hey, Tony. Who? I'm going to fuck you into next year. And I hate myself for leaning into your shit jokes.

Now that it's the 4th of January, it would actually be. Quite a long time. Actually probably quite painful for both. I'm all involved. Oh, I'm going to throw up. And it's not from all that cheap champagne. Gagging on New Year's. Better cover the dog's ears.

He fucking hates this. They do panic, don't they? During the fireworks. During the display. You can light up my sparkler. And how. This year, I'm going to spend a lot more time in the gym. Gym being the twink that lives down the road.

J-I-M. Jim Rossington. Oh, I want you to burst inside me like a midnight firework. I mean, what do you really think? Buy me a drink first. See you in September. Nine months. 2023?

More like 2020-D! More like 2023, dicks in my arse! Ah! More like 2023, dicks in my arse. Ah! Now, this one is like a... I wouldn't say a sad realisation, but definitely a different change in lifestyle that I personally have experienced.

Okay. I used to do this at music festivals with strangers and now I do it with my wife at home. And I'm all about it. Yeah, okay. And it's my choice. Yeah. Which is a different stage of life.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You own a house now. Well, you did it with my wife at New Year's as well. I did, yeah. Or was she not in while you were? No, she was. Okay. Okay.

I hope that your New Year's resolution was to eat more. It was. Lucky me. I'm all about personal growth and balance and flexibility. And this time next year, I hope to be in a totally different position. Not work-wise, because obviously... No. Oh, okay.

Just sexually. I can change it up. Yeah. I'll work on the flexibility as well. Hi, I'm Lauren from Downton, UK, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Yeah. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Tomorrow on the show. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow. I once again found myself in a shopping centre, probably needing to ask for help, but being the stubborn male that I am, thought, no, I won't lower my colours to let them know that I'm in trouble. I'll just push on and see how I go. How'd that go for you? Not well. Yeah, okay.

Not well. Great. But that's tomorrow on the show. Just before we get to my harrowing Christmas tale, a big thank you to a few of our champion tapas uh emma mackenzie carter good on you mackenzie thank you uh lewis gory bruni and jessica demily fucking good on ya thanks demily love that and see you if you're in melbourne on january 21 january 21 there's a hot fun garbage Our hot fun garbage truck will be at St Kilda

Beach. Saturday morning the 21st. We'll see you down there. All the details. And there's a little event in our Facebook group. There is. Yep. All the information's in the show notes. You can find it all there as always. But Tony, how was your Christmas, mate? Okay. So, I feel like I just need to paint a little bit of a picture first. Please.

So, Torbs and I, my boyfriend, we've been together for like nine years. Yep. All of our family's in WA. And my of a picture first. So Torbs and I, my boyfriend, we've been together for like nine years. Yep. All of our family's in WA. Oh, and my sister lives in Darwin. So like- No one close. None of my immediate family is in Melbourne. And is it fair?

I didn't realise flights around Christmas time- Ridiculous. Because it's, well, not only is it Christmas, but it's like school holidays. Right. So everything is just- Triple the price. Yeah. We paid once to get home to Perth for Christmas.

I think our flights are like $2,000 return. Each. Yes. So you save all year just to be able to go home for Christmas. Then you come back in January. Okay. We'll start again from zero. Literally.

Yeah. And that's like all we could afford to put away from, for a holiday. Yeah. So then you've got, you've haven't really had a holiday. Cause when you go and visit fam. It's not a holiday. It's for a holiday. That's right, yeah. So then you haven't really had a holiday because when you go and visit fam. It's not a holiday. It's not a holiday. And it's not because of your family, but, like,

you spend the whole time catching up with people you haven't seen for ages. You get home, you're broke, you haven't eaten a vegetable for two fucking weeks, and, like, you're more tired than you were when you finished work in December. So you said, not this time, mate. So we'd only not long gotten Pippa as well. So we were like, oh, we didn't really want to send her to a kennel so soon after getting

her. And last year, we couldn't afford to get home and COVID was still a thing and all of that. So we spent Christmas with Jane's family, my friend Jane in Albury. But this year, we couldn't go home. We couldn't go on holiday. So we were like, cool, we're going to spend Christmas Day at home, Torbs, Pippa and I. And we really wanted to make sure that it was like a choice

and not just sad. Like we didn't want it to be like, oh, we don't have anyone else. We'll just hang at home. Like you offered us to come on Christmas Day. My friend Sam offered us to go for his family. Jane's family invited us again. But we just thought, you know what, maybe we'll just do something at home, the three of us.

How lovely. But because we wanted to make it like a choice, we were like, let's start our own tradition. I love this. Because that's quite fun. Yeah. And then, again, it's a choice, not like, oh, we've kind of accidentally ended up on our own on Christmas.

But starting a new tradition, that's something you've created. Yes. And then in 10 years you'll be like, yeah, we've been doing this for ages. We always do this. Or then even next year if we come to your house for Christmas, we go, oh, but we always do this thing in the morning. Perfect. The thing that we decided on was taking our French bulldog, Pippa,

who's one, to the beach. And is there anything more Australian than going to the beach on Christmas Day? And it was a beautiful day as well. It was a lovely day. Yeah. Like I said, Pippa is a French bulldog, so she's not very good in the heat. No. So we were like, cool, we'll go early in the day when it's not too busy and not too hot.

Perfect. So we decided we'll head down to Port Melbourne Dog Beach at around 8am and we woke up at like 7.30, packed everything that we needed. I've got no fucking idea how parents do this. So we get, normally if Torbs and I were going down to the beach, it's like a towel and that's it. Yeah.

Got your wallet? Sweet. Oh, my God. We've got water bottles, towels, Pippa's life jacket, snacks for her, her harness, her lead. Like it's a whole fucking palaver of like shit that you have to take to the beach when you've got kids. Yeah.

I don't even know what it's like with human kids. Fucking fuck that right off. Like I honestly, I have no idea. Like hats fucking off so hang on can you were kids aren't for you and torbs no uh and so not that you were thinking that way anyway but before you'd even left for your first excursion with a dog you're like just to reconfirm just to really lock this in and see it's a big fucking no from us. Yeah, literally. Like it just cemented that further. Yeah, okay.

Exactly right. Great, great. We kind of woke up and got straight in the car, which was the first mistake. Oh. She weed in my brand new car. In the Audi? Uh-huh.

Does she fucking know she's in an Audi? That little rich bitch has had it too good for too long. Did you not take her to the park for a little whittle first? Well, so normally she like, because we've got like a courtyard. Our courtyard. About six courtyards. Botanical gardens. It's actually about to be on Architectural Digest.

It's like we have two dog potties in the backyard. So she normally just like takes herself out whenever she needs to go. Like we always open the door up for her and she's all good. Because when I come around and cuddle her, she has been known to pee at the door because she's excited. Was she excited to be in the car? Because some dogs like cars. And maybe she's like, we're going somewhere, I'm excited.

So I think because we kind of got up and left straight away, I think maybe she was a bit anxious. It was first thing in the morning, so she hadn't maybe done her morning wee. Okay. She is normally pretty good in the car. She wee'd in the car. Okay. I had like a cover down, like a backseat cover, and I was like,

and Torbs goes, Tony, I'm so sorry. She's wee'd in the car. And I went, it's okay. These things happen. Like you put a dog in a car, like obviously these things can happen. I kind of kept it together. And I was like, you know what? We're out.

We're having fun. Cars can be cleaned. Can I play the role of narrator? Sure. First cracks. Starting to show. Starting to show. As soon as Tony says, it's actually fine.

No, I know. I literally was about to say it. The first cracks. The vein on her foot. Slowly the game starts to pop. Okay, so that's fine. It's fine. We're going to the beach. It's fine.

Okay, so let me just level with you here. It wasn't even, oh, it's fine. I was like, fuck. If that's the worst thing that happens today... Famous last words. Foreshadowing. So I'm like, okay, she's pissed in the car. It's all good.

We've got her covered down. I'm sure it's not that bad. It's fucking Christmas. But then we realised that in the back seat with her was like her lead and her harness. So we're like, okay, we're obviously not going to put her fucking harness on her, covered in her own piss. Like that's fucking nasty. So I tipped water out of my Frank Green water bottle and like rinsed it off

and then like popped it on her. Lovely. All good. Do you use all of the water? No. Okay. No. That's not really part of the story, but great call.

Yeah, okay. No, it wasn't all of it. I mean, this holds so much. Grab her out of the car, walk, like, through the scrub and down past the grass straight to the beach. Torbs is holding the two bags and the fucking millions of towels and the fucking snacks and the harness and the fucking whatever. And I was holding Pippa on the lead.

Gotcha. She, like, sprints down through the sand because she loves a run. Like, she loves being off the lead. But we had her on the lead because we didn't want her to go straight into the fucking ocean. Yep. Sail to Tasmania. And so she fucking runs into the ocean.

And I'm like, oh, my God. First year, new tradition. She loves it. She fucking loves it. She sprints into the ocean. Happy as fucking Larry. Realises she's in the ocean. Chucks the absolute shits.

Runs back out. We can't get her back in. She hates it. She hates the ocean. What? What happened in that two seconds? No one's hated the beach more ever in their life. Really?

She fucking hates. So she sprinted into the water what happened when she was in there well i guess she just realized like oh that's cold and wet wasn't expecting that and i was in there with her so i thought that that would be fine she didn't like she didn't like it i'm sure that there's like a better way but because she just ran in i was like she loves being in the bath, all of that. Not for her. I just assumed it would be fine. Not for her. She did not like it. Was she wearing a life jacket?

She wasn't yet because I was hot. And she walked into the ocean, like, probably up to, like, the bottom of her chest. Like, her chest wasn't in the water. And she only got little legs. That's not very deep. No. So it wasn't like.

Like a little puddle. I was right there. Like, it was all good. We were thinking, oh, my God, we're on to a winner here. Very proud parents. Split second, that's over. She fucking hates it. She sprints the other way, like, pulling me on the lead.

Right, back to shore. Back to the sand where Torz was. So instantly she's, like, covered in a little bit of water, shitloads of sand. Loads of sand, yep. And she's just like, no, Mum, like, I will not go back in there. And then I picked her up and I just like was walking in the ocean and she didn't like that either.

And I was like, okay, she's not a fan of the beach. She's made her decision. We were probably there all up for about seven minutes. What? Like she just, she was not happy. But hey, but even if not the ocean, did she like the sand? Because then she was wet and she didn't like the sand sticking to her. Were there other dogs you could play with and talk to?

There wasn't any other dogs. Oh, okay. Like we actually didn't see another dog there. Really? Nah. Did you definitely go to the dog beach? Yes, we did. Okay.

Definitely. Yeah, you would have checked them out twice. I don't doubt that. Thank you. So, yeah, we were there for about seven minutes. Seven minutes. And I said to Torb, it's like. Did you eat the food? No. Because we took our breakfast there. Yep. So, yeah, we're there for about seven minutes. Seven minutes. And I said to Torb, it's like –

Did you eat the food? No. Because we took our breakfast there. For weeks in advance you were preparing different meals that would travel well. So I put croissants in the oven and did Mercy Valley cheese with Christmas ham in the croissants. That sounds incredible.

It is. And we're about to find out that you didn't eat that. So I didn't eat it at the beach. We ate it when it was soggy back at home after we eventually got home. Seven minutes. Seven minutes at the beach. And I said, all right, look, she's not into it. And I wasn't, like, trying to force her into it.

I was like, I thought she'd love it. We just felt, Torbs and I, like we'd failed as parents. We were like, we thought she'd love this so much. And then we were like, have we tried to plan something for us and not for her? And we just felt really bad. Yeah. Anyway, it didn't really work out.

And I was like, you know what we'll do? Let's just chuck her in the car. We'll just go to the dog park and let her have a run off the lead before it gets too hot for 20 minutes or something. Burns manager off. And then we'll just go home. Okay. She's like getting anxious and a bit like fucking over it.

We're like, yep, let's go. We'll do that. We're walking to the car. I'm like brushing the sand off her belly and stuff. Pop her in the car. I'm like, cool. I keyed in the GPS like to the dog park and Torbs goes. And I go, what, what?

I'd already started driving. The GPS lady's going, turn right in three metres. Torbz goes, Pippa has just shat in the back of the car. And was it? It wasn't full, no. No. Nah. Okay, can I hypothesise here?

Mm-hmm. She's ran into the ocean. Yep. She's taken a huge drink of what looks like water and then has discovered it is salt water. Blech. And that's why she didn't like it because it tastes like shit. But then what does salt water do?

Gives you a sick tummy. Dehydrates the fuck out of you and it goes, am I spewing, am I pulling? I don't care. It's fucking on. And it was on. In the back of my piss-filled car. My brand new piss-filled car, might I add. Yeah.

Suddenly pissing in the car seems like it. Seems just like the best thing she could have done. And she shat in the back of the car just as I was getting onto the highway. Oh, so there's no pulling over. I can't pull over. Fuck. And you can't, okay, so we don't want to get too graphic here. I can't stop a dog from walking around.

And what happens when you like maybe step in poo and then walk elsewhere? So the poo's moving around. And you can't, like, pick the poo up and just throw it our way because it's not something you can pick up, right? No, no, no. And so she's just, like, marching up and down the back seat. Yeah.

Merry Christmas. Yep. And so she's shy on the city link in the back of my car. Fucking hell. And you still ate those croissants though? So Torbs, they were in the boot, thankfully. Thank God, yeah. They were safe, yes, yeah.

So Torbs just goes, and I was like, oh. And I just like straight away, I'm like fucking cherry on top, do you know what I mean? It's fucking about 8.30am on Christmas Day. It's a rough start. Did you, like windows down? It didn't really smell. Well, as you know, I can't smell at the moment.

Good. Because I think I got. Long COVID. Yeah. And that's really paying dividends, to be honest. Yeah, so I haven't smelled anything in about four months. So it might have smelled, but I couldn't tell. Great.

And my eyes were stinging. I was crying for some reason. But, yeah, so. And I felt bad because she's in the back seat and Torbs was like, do you want me to pick her up and hold her? And I was like, no. Don't bring that shit up to the front, son. Leave it in the back. Because I was like, he'll get covered in shit.

She's just going to fucking flick shit around. And I was like, it's fine. So then we couldn't even take her to the – because all I wanted to do was do something special for her. And so then we ended up. How was your mood at this stage? I was actually just like. What are you going to do?

What can I do? Like I literally can't do anything. And I was like, you know what? Of all the things to happen, it really, it's not a big deal. But it was just like, you are fucking kidding me. Like three things just like all in the same half an hour. Yeah. Like fucking going wrong.

And then so on the way home we'd planned to stop at the 7-Eleven and get ice. Okay. And I was like, well, we can't do that now. So then we obviously like went all the way home, unpacked the entire car, I grabbed the thing, like sprayed it with the cover, sprayed it with the hose in the backyard, leave it in the sun and I'm like, great, now I have to get back in the car, go to the thing, like sprayed it with the cover, sprayed it with the hose in the backyard, leave it in the sun,

and I'm like, great, now I have to get back in the car, go to the fucking 7-Eleven. Oh, what a punish. It was just a bit of a fucking mess. But the whole day was great. Well, it doesn't sound like it. Except so we also bought Pippa a shell pool for her birthday, which was just before Christmas.

And so we were like, cool, in the backyard, she'll be able to soak in that. She hates that too. Is she? She doesn't like the water turned out. Well, does she think that that's also salt water? Maybe. Because BJ.

No, she was licking that. Because BJ, we used to have a dam in Beaufort. Yeah. And he could drink that and run in it. And so his brain went, oh, big bodies of water drinking. Drink, all good. And then he went to the beach and was like. He's like, who's fucked this up? Yeah. And so maybe it's the opposite. She's gone, oh, big bodies of water, drinking. Drink, all good. And then he went to the beach and was like. He's like, who's fucked this up?

Yeah, and so maybe it's the opposite. She's gone, oh, water. No, that's not something we like. Right. Yeah, I don't know. That's a shame. So, yeah, we filled up her shell pool and she wasn't into that either. It was great for Torbs and I.

We could dip our feet in it. Yeah, it's nice. Outside. So that was quite good. To put ice in it. No, but we did fill it up with water from inside because our hose is like fucking ball water, like for the garden. So you can't even fill it up with water from inside because our hose is like fucking ball water for the garden, so you can't even fill it up with the hose.

So we're ferrying pots of water out to the backyard. You could have ferried it in Pipa. Yeah, we should. You know what? We just really, yeah. So taking suggestions for what our tradition could be. Okay, I was going to say, so my next question was going to be, is this tradition out?

Yeah, it's out for 2023. So you're open for new ideas. Open for new ideas, yeah. I feel like, yeah, the intentions are so good. It is a great idea. It just did it. Poor little Pip. Yeah.

Shitting in the back of an Audi. Lucky. I think there is a silver lining here, and that is the dog cover mat thing that you've got in the back seat. It turned out best $40 I've ever spent on Amazon. That's doing God's work back there. I could influence those, that's for sure. Really doing some heavy lifting.

Yeah, it was. Fuck, I'm sorry that that worked out. Oh, you know what? These things happen. Sometimes these things happen and it's fucking, it was a bit of hose in the backyard. Like it's fixed. It's all good.

It's good. But it was more just the devastation of being like, we just tried so hard to like make it perfect and it was shit. How does Pippa feel knowing that she ruined Christmas? No, she didn't. She could never. You didn't say that? She's fine.

You ruined Christmas! Well, after she did the poo, she was happy. They always are. So I said to Toz, I was like, obviously we just got going too quickly in the morning. She couldn't have her wander around and her sniff outside and do her wee and her poo. She's the same.

Remember when we got up early and did that road trip? Yep. And my bowels just weren't ready. You just weren't ready to go yet. So we had a nine-hour drive and about three minutes in, I was like, pull over! Yep, we need to stop. And then about nine-hour drive and about three minutes in I was like, pull over. Yeah, we need to stop. And then about four minutes after that and about four minutes after that.

But then you got going after that. We got a bit of a rhythm. Yeah, yeah. Me and Pip very alike. Yeah. You are actually. Well, yeah, shit, I'm sorry. Oh, mate.

You win some, you lose some. You win some, you lose some. But, yeah, so every time you went, how'd she go? I went, I just can't tell you anything. Okay, so this makes sense. Okay, so. Because it just all went fucked. It wasn't as if I could go, she loved this bit.

The whole thing was just. I think that's what I was fishing for every time I asked her. I'm like, well, if you can't tell me, like, the bad bit, just tell me the good bit. And now I know. Well, when she shat herself and you're only there for seven minutes, it doesn't leave much time for good stuff. For good stuff to happen, exactly.

I didn't even get to go for a swim. That's so annoying. Yeah, so we went all the way to the beach early in the morning. We didn't even get to have a dip ourselves. Like, just the hot, like, oh, my God. You know how you say, you said, Ian is like being honest. Yeah. I'll tell you what you could have easily done,

which a lot of people would have done and been dishonest. She's hating it. You're fucking there for seven minutes. You could have taken a great snap and been like, first Christmas at the beach. You know what I mean? The furthest thing from my mind. But no one would have known the difference.

And I would have seen that picture and been like, good on you, babe. A hundred percent. Yeah, you said you were going to go to the beach. Look how great it looks. There's the evidence. Beautiful day, blue water, sun's out. Fucking no one's shitting themselves in an Audi. What a great look.

That's actually, oh, my God, social media is fake. You don't know who's just shat in an Audi. If I had a dollar for every time I'd said that. That's in for 2023. Yes. What's shitting in Audis? No, knowing that someone has, yeah. Don't pose that shit.

I know you're just shatting an outie. I've got a You Love to See It. Yep. Famously, what is the best place to get a croissant in Melbourne? My house with the Christmas ham and the Mercy Valley. Second best then. Okay. Loon.

Of course. Yeah. It was created by this lady called Kate Reid. You've heard about Kate Reid, obviously. She's just released a book. Yeah, maybe that's why there's a few articles about her over summer and stuff. You know those summer reads in the newspapers? She used to be an engineer.

So this is my love to see it. Oh my god, yeah. Insane. I'm reading about her because I'm like, she's created this unbelievable croissant business in Melbourne. They've now got multiple locations and it goes, oh, find out more about Kate. I'm like, how good is this? So I start reading. To paint the picture of Loon, you have to line up for about 40 minutes to even get a croissant.

Yeah. Like the lines are always up the street. And apparently the first one, she's like, I do 200 croissants a day. And I nail them. And once they got, that's it. It's 200 a day. Oh, my God. And then her brother came on and said, like, I know because she's basically like, if I

churned out a thousand, they wouldn't be perfect. Yeah. And her brother came involved with the business like, oh, like, if you only sell 200 a day, there's only so far this business can go. Yeah. So they've created processes and stuff. She used to be a Formula One engineer. And you can imagine, like, the stress of that.

And she said it's strangely isolating because even though you're in a big team, you're like on the computer screen. You're so keyed into what you're doing. So little details. Yeah. That she used to come home at the end of the day and just bake as her like switch off. Decompress. Decompress.

Oh, stressed. I mean, looking at a computer screen, I'm just going to get home and I'm going to bake. And then she finds this place in Paris and they do these epic croissants. So she says to the guy, unpaid, I want to work with you for a month. I just want to learn everything about croissants. I just love croissants. Very Julie and Julia. Very Julie and Julia start the blog.

So then she says to herself one day, if I can engineering the best cars in the world, why can't I engineer the best croissant in the world? And then she does the thing. And I'm just reading this being like, could I love to see this anymore? I was going to say, that would get your motivational dick so hard. Like, I know that that's a very you story. My mo dick, for short, is firm. Yeah.

But Kate Reid, Loon, books out. Just amazing. I mean. Yeah. The book is beautiful as well. It's like a really lovely book. Yeah. Aesthetic.

Yeah. But I just love the. The story. The Julian. Yeah, you're right. It's a start the blog story. It is a start the blog story. Yeah.

But when you go. Sometimes when people are too smart, I don't like that. You know, and you're just like, oh, fucking right. And that's on fragile masculinity. Yeah. I don't like that. You know, and you're just like, oh, fucking righto. And that's on fragile masculinity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's done well to dodge that, to be honest. Oh, totally, yeah.

But some way she's found her way through and she's fucking hit me right in the sweet spot. And I was like, fucking good on you, son. I think as well it's like really important to have something that you enjoy doing to decompress you after like an intense day. Like it doesn't always have to turn into a business, but like having something you like to do for you. Like obviously Kate just like loved doing that for herself so much. Yeah. You know, I just, I like that. Yeah.

And also 10 years after working and I assume earning a decent wage to go, I want to work unpaid in some bakery to learn something for a month. It's like a kind of all-in big step. Totally. Pretty brave. So good on you, Kate. You do love to see that. My love to see it is a bit different.

It's car seat covers. Actually, yeah. Amazon, $40. At Dan White on Twitter posted this just before Christmas and it fucking made me shit. It was so funny. Trying to use the Shutterfly mobile app. So Shutterfly is like in America, it's like Vista print.

So you just send your thing through and they'll just print 500 for you. And it was to do their Christmas cards. So you know how in America it's a big thing, take the big family photo, get them all printed and then you just write, to Ryan, love Tony, Merry Christmas. It's been a big year on the Lodge house. Yeah, you know, kind of thing. Trying to use the Shutterfly mobile app to design my Christmas cards.

Accidentally selected the wrong photo from my camera roll, so now I have 90 of these. And obviously Dan had not long had an x-ray done. He's teeth done. And so it's literally Merry Christmas from the whites but it's just a big x-ray of his teeth.

Of his skull. But when it's from the whites like from the pearly whites. It's so morbid though. It's like the creepiest though. Yeah, it looks gross. It's like the creepiest thing I've ever seen. I heard 2023 brings you lots of smiles. A big grin from our family to yours.

Hope you have an X-ray to New Year. Yeah. Say g'day to this X-ray. Bone and my wife for Christmas. Merry X-ray-mas. Do you think... Mary X. Ramos. Do you reckon that that would happen often? It must do. Yeah.

Because you've, like, even... Like, I've done Instagram posts, right, where you do... You know how you have to select lots and they don't all kind of come up together? Yeah. And you're so fucking sick of it by the end. And I've uploaded three of the same photo in like a carousel. So like if that happens...

We knew, we noticed. Yeah, I know because I've done it a few times. Tony, you've posted the same thing, I fucking know. And you go, I know, but you can't take it back down and it doesn't matter. So I just can only imagine how many, like at Shutterfly, right, the people that are like packing the cards, they go, fuck,

they picked the wrong photo. How many fucking dick pics do you reckon they've seen? That's what I was thinking. When you was like, check out this photo, I was like, oh, God. Mary Titmus. But the fact that you then got 90 of them, do you reprint or do you just go, well, I've paid the fucking $25? Well, that's the thing because most people.

Send them. And because everyone does shit last minute. So, you know, they probably go, well, I don't have time to reprint them. You know, there's always the, if you haven't sent your Christmas mail by December 19, it won't make it there by the end of the month. Well, it's midday on the 18th. I've got a hundred fucking teapots. Exactly.

Yeah. All I've got are these x-rays. These x-rays. See you later. To be fair, they're the cheapest x-rays going around. Have you paid for an x-ray recently? No. Oh, my God.

Getting those printed. Well, if you go to the right place. Yeah. I mean, you have to wait like six hours. Yeah. Universal healthcare. Yeah. But Dan, I think he's in America, so it probably cost him $1,000.

You've got to get your money's worth. Yeah. I paid $1,000 for these x-rays. Yeah, I'm going to get it once you might. I paid $1,000 for these x-rays. Yeah, I'm going to get my money's worth. Far out. All right, tomorrow on the show, Normal or Nah is back. And also, I was put in charge of doing some food shopping.

Yeah, drama at the shops. Fucking hell. Actually, I've uncovered a grocery scandal. What? We're being fucking had. More on that tomorrow. They've been saying stuff and I just walked in and was like, well, that's obviously not true.

What? Tomorrow. You're being conned. And I know you've had this product. Yeah. I'm being hooked through. Yeah. It's fucking outrageous.

It's not right. What was more, I don't want to go too far, but what's more outrageous is their defiance that they were right. You hate that. I do hate that. A standoff at Paran Market. Christmas Eve. At Paran Market? Yep.

On Christmas Eve? Out. Out. No, I fucking, yeah. Okay. All right. All right. It's okay.

Safe space. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Tomorrow. Have a great day. Love yeah. Okay. All right. All right. It's okay. Safe space. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Tomorrow. Have a great day. Love you. Bye.