Toni and Ryan - Toni's Review of Off Campus

Episode Date: June 14, 2026

Off Campus debrief - Connections to the World Cup - Train to Rome - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Nothing has made me want to buy slutty lingerie like watching that fucking show. Really? The main chick Hannah, Wellsey, she has the best tits I've ever seen. Hi, this is Josh from Birmingham, Alabama. This is Olivia from Texas. Hi, I'm Tonya from upstate New York in the US. And I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.

This is Dr. Arthur, Tony Lodge. My name is Ryan. Welcome back to a. Australia, welcome to Tarp Tower in Melbourne. Now, everyone shut the fucking hell up, because before we move a centimetre more, an inch more, I wouldn't dare. I've watched off campus.

And? I'm dehydrated. Yeah. Let me tell you. Did you put a tower down? Oh, my freaking giddy god. So it's this, it's, the hype is legit. Yeah.

So when. Bridget was watching that when we were away. Oh, well, yeah, I bet she was. Yeah, well, we can't log into porn hub. So I tell you what? She's watching fucking off campus instead. Is it that? It is horny.

It's so good. And it's like, it's so, like the people are quite complicated, but they're all really great. Like, all of their development is like a mate. I just loved it. And the twist in the last bit to set up the next season. You're going to spoil his eye. I did not see coming.

Like, and I'm normally watch TV and I'm like, they're going to, this is going to happen. And then it does. It's quite predictable. But it fucking blew me away. But let me say one thing, I need to crowd fund some answers. Where are people buying their sexy bras? Because nothing has made me want to buy slutty lingerie like watching that fucking show.

Really? Are they all wearing sexy bras? They wear the hottest underwear. And so the main chick Hannah, Wellsey, she has... Wellsey, sorry, Wellsey and sexy bras. Yeah. No, she has the best tits I've ever seen. like unbelievable and so I went and um picked pipa up from her holiday place and the chick who owns

it we get along great and I always end up there gas bagging with her for a fucking hour anyway we're talking about smutty books because I read heaps while we're on while we're away this is the person who takes care of dogs by the way yeah yeah so we're talking about sexy bras we're talking about smutty books and I was like have you watched off campus she goes I've watched it twice and she and then she goes let me send me you this Instagram reel that I watched because it explained something and it was like we were just like fully gagging

over this fucking show just unbelievable Oh maybe after that Because the dog lady was at She gets quite a lot Have we She gets about 25 Yeah

Which is about Well because it goes to Pippa But Pippa goes to her Yeah so I just I'm jealous Because you guys are getting closer I'm getting 0% of you will She's getting 25

Do we pop you in? I'll pop you in Yes Yeah, I'll pop in. Yeah, Pipp is in mine. Yeah, I'll pop in. Yeah, yeah, I'll pop in. Okay, but, so this fucking show is so good.

It's like my favorite shot. It's so good. Oh, so not just good. Your favorite show. I loved it. Let us know in the comments where you're getting your sexy bras. Where are we buying our sexy bras? And next Monday, Tony will do a haul.

But I put the whore in hall. That's the kind of stuff I want to be buying. Yeah. Oh, my God. A question. And it made me really want to get a poop job. Because I was just looking at them. I'm like, oh, I wish I had bigger boobs.

I've been thinking the same. About me getting food. No, about me getting one. Yeah. I saw this guy with really nice pecks and I was like, I can't be fucked with push-ups. Can I buy them? Can you just do that? Yeah.

I will look into it. Maybe I'll do a two, a bog off. How many for four breasts? Buy one, get one free. Yeah. First two breasts you pay for you get the second two for free. We get one inch. One free, one inch.

They mix them up. You've got one big gnawk. Yeah. And one tight pet. And I've got the opposite. And when we hug, the two big norks don't cross over. Yeah. They fit.

Yeah. Like a puzzle. Like a puzzle. Oh. I love that. Danielle put that in the no context meme dump this week. I'm asked like this. No, no.

One big nork. Yeah. One big nork. It's a norkoff. Yeah. A nork. Question. Nork off campus.

When people do a hall of like, hey, here's like some section of your bras. I'm trying. Yeah. What's the percentage? Sorry, I'm going to show me right there. I've never watched that. You obviously are. You're obviously watching that.

I haven't seen it. I think that's what I'm getting at. That hasn't come up on my for you page. It's more of a YouTube than an Instagram I feel. But my question is, you can see it on TikTok. Oh, okay. Historically, it'd be like YouTube.

I'd like it. What my question is. I want to see 60 girls trying on brother. Is what percentage is people going, I'm a girl and I'm interested to like which brow am I going to buy? Yeah. Or boys jerking it. Yeah.

probably half and half. Yeah, and that's nice. And I think that's fine. That's nice. Yeah. But I also reckon it depends on how you talk about the bra. Like if you go, this one's really supportive. People jerking off.

And not let's not just say boys jerking off. Girls jerk off too. Yeah. All I. Um, but. Now, they're all being talking seriously. Oh yeah. They're not.

I think that it's less jerking off and more like, how supportive is that bra? Your boobs look a similar size to me or you're a similar shape to me. I agree that the comments would be that way. I just don't know about the viewers. Oh, yeah, okay. You know, there's 20 supportive comments and a million views and you go, well, what's happening with those other 900,000? But there are some breakdowns of, some breakdowns of like what bras the character wears in the show

because everybody is having the same reaction as me. Really? I started watching it and I was like, fuck that bra's really nice. Charles, can you bring up. I can send you the link. Off campus. I'll send you the link. But just Google off campus bra or bras.

Oh, it'll come up straight away. Where to shop the bras Featured in Off Campus. Look at those norks. Is that the one? That's one of them. All the bras are amazing. Like the lingerie is beautiful.

A people question. Let's stop looking at the boobies now. I'm slightly distracted. Oh, Tony, when did you get here? Hi, welcome to the podcast. Are people wearing lingerie like a slutty bra, a slutty knicker, a boys wearing like a slutty knicker also day to day. I would never say slutty nicker.

Because that is so horny. And I feel like it would make you feel like a hot slut all day. Because what you're walking around and you know that you're wearing something real horny. So our beauty correspondent, Gemma Watts. Yes. She has this thing and she's like, when you're in a bit of a rut, or you're feeling a bit whatever. Yeah.

She's like, what I do is I have a, like a hot shower and I have the lights down, like candles in the shower, whatever. I love that, yeah. And then I put on sexy underwear

and it doesn't matter if I'm going anywhere, no one's going to see it. And even if you got trackies over the top, which is like, you know. And it's for you and you just have that moment and it helps get you out of your funk and get you back into your shit. Because you know what I think that might be a bit like

when we were talking about how sunglasses give me that girl energy. but normal glasses, you don't. They make me feel like a dorko-Milocco. Is the hot lingerie for me the same as the sunglasses? I know and I feel it. Yeah. Okay, I've got to.

Maybe that's what I've got to do. I've got to wear horny our underwear. Tony? Yes. I did not know this is where we were going to end up talking. No, but we never do. That's the beauty of it. I'm going to tell and show you something.

And I'm going to need. We wrote a lacy G-strom. And I'm going to need everyone else for HR purposes to not look. Okay. Because they're employees. Say. Charles? My son.

Papa? Would you like to say what I'm wearing? Yeah. Are you sure? Because I feel like... You can't unsee this. No, I'm very interested. Charles is still looking.

I'm looking down. Yeah, that's where my dick is. Look all the way down. You don't... What, do you want me to, is there a grand reveal? Do you want me to not look? I'm looking in the camera. The screen instead, hang on.

All right. Now look. Oh, you fingered me. That was good. Do you know what I thought the reveal was going to be? Just that you're wearing bungee's under your pants again? That you're like, yeah, I haven't done washing since we got back and I've been wearing my under my bathers.

I wore my mate of. on a hens party budgie smugglers this morning when i swam you swam this morning i just jumped because i as you know jet lag is kicking me in the dick still yeah oh fuck so may so i went and jumped in the cold put like at home i just jumped in because i was like i'm so tired i need a like yeah yeah yeah no so and since swimming at 40 foot in dublin not you're just impervious to pain well i just go oh it's really really cold and go yeah but i've done colder hot you know like if i did that other one that was colder and I survived, then what the fuck is my backyard here in Altham? You are now just like that girl that comes back from holiday and he's like,

oh, it's nothing like the pizza in Italy. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's so is. It's nothing like the water in Dublin. Yeah. Oh gosh. Yeah, it's nothing like the coffee in fucking forensic. Apparently there's a thing where and it's funny, fan, fans, fans, fans, fans,

yes. Fenty. Funny that you mentioned. Tentia, Aguilita. Coffee. Apparently it's a thing where people get back and they're like, they usually get a latte or a flat white and they get back and they go, oh, I'll actually get the drip piccolo with the fucking me, me, me, because I've just been overseen. Nah, see, I was the fucking opposite. And the second that I got a flat white in the airport in Perth, I was like, oh, that's what fucking coffee tastes like.

You had a go at me because I stopped on the way home from the airport to get a coffee. Slaytown. Slaytown. I'm standing in the airport like, can I just have a flat white please? Yeah. I just said fucking flat white please. Because when I get back to Australia, my first point of call is Degarnie at the Stainer Shopping Centre.

We have to know where we stand. We just do. There was a, we had a... It's crazy that we're better at coffee than Italy. Hate to say it, but it's fucking true. Wow. Coffee there tastes like shit. Coffee there tastes like shit.

And everyone makes fun of you for wanting milk. Eat my... Like, give me some fucking milk and fuck off. Like, don't. I call me a pussy because I have milk. Yeah. Sorry that I love cows. You have no taste buds.

You smoke three billion cigarettes a day. Like you don't, you don't know any better than me. You don't know any better than me. Yeah. So I actually got Italy and I went, there really is no coffee like Melbourne. Oh,

they don't like that. They don't like that. I told the barber how to do my hair. He didn't like that. Oh, no. Yeah. Vavankulo. Yeah.

Last week, we asked we want some connections to the World Cup Yeah, loose Well, I wanted like Because everyone's going to be talking about it For the next few weeks

Let me just have a little sip of my Protein shake from my Tony Ryan Tumblr Available at Tony Ryan. Protein shake Well, it's Rockaby Milk, isn't it? Because I've missed the Rokerby milk while we've been away.

I got Rokerby straight milk Oh, you've got to fuck with some Rokaby straight milk. I haven't had that. No, I don't have that all the time. Yeah. If I'm going regular milk, I go a farmhouse gold, the blue one. Yeah.

That's my favourite milk. Would you go a gold with the extra dollop? Do you know what? Let me say this. I think in summer, a farmhouse gold is where you need to be because you're drinking cold coffee more. Okay. But the blue one is better for if you're frothy milk. Yep.

No, fair cool. Thank you so much. People think that it's not the-chunks up. It doesn't. It fucks it right up. Because the fat content isn't higher. It's just chunkier. Yeah.

Yeah, sleigh, sleigh. Slay, slay. Yeah, yeah. But a rocabie vanilla. Oh. Is the one that I go with a shot of coffee in it. Yummy. Very nice.

Yeah, very nice. I would still do the chock honeycomb with a shot of coffee. Oh, same. I do that. In fact, I'll be having one of those straight after this show. Oh, I'll be buying some underwear online. Same. Yeah, for me.

Can't wait to see you have those on the floor. Oh. I want some intel about the World Cup because everyone's going to be talking about the World Cup. Everyone's going to have a scoop or an exclusive or I was there and I was like, I want the TARPA community to have an inn. So when the Goss goes down, we can go straight to the source. Yeah. And as the queens of being on the bandwagon.

Yeah. Like we're on the bandwagon parade pride floats. So on. Yes. I love the Tarp community. I love being a Tapa. I love Toppers. I love being a TARPA.

99% of the time. Oh. You get nasty when you haven't slept very well. People have messaged in and said, oh, I've gotten into the World Cup. Amazing. Nah.

Go and fuck yourselves. Everyone who message through. Here is the top six connections to the 2020s World Cup. This is amazing for us. So Tarp World Cup. Steph. Hi, Steph. I cleaned the toilets for a lady who mentored someone

who plays for the England's women's team, but they're not playing in the men's World Cup because she's in the women's team. That's close. That's good. Because they're women in the men's team. They would know each other. Yeah, so she cleans the toilets for someone that mentored one of the players who's not playing.

Yeah. I love that. Wonderful. Number five. Eva. Hi, Eva. Hardly Noah. I know a girl who went to elementary school with this guy and that guy's brother might play in the Dutch team sometimes, not sure.

That's great! Now you've got something to message him about on Facebook. Yeah, great. And you go, oh, happy birthday, Chantel. That's the sister. And you go, yeah, how's he going? Is he playing? Yeah, but I want an in.

Yeah, this is closer than any of us. So when some got, is it? Is it? Yeah. When some goss and I go, fuck, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to message Eva because Eva knows a girl that went to elementary. elementary school with the guy whose brother is not playing. No, but they'll, they'll have the gossip.

The got, this is the thing you need to understand. This is scientific. So everyone's prepared. Gossip has like four degrees. Okay. You don't need to know the person on the inside of the gossip. No, no, no, because like, the goss seeks four degrees out. Well, let's count the degrees.

Yeah. So we've got Eva, right? She's a tap-up. Yeah. She went, she knows a girl. That's two. One. Two.

Is that, No, Eva's our one. Eva's our degree. No, no, either is patient zero. Okay. So one degree is the girl that Eva knows.

Yeah. Two degrees is the person that she went to elementary school. Yeah. And then the guy. Who's not playing. Yeah, but that will know someone. They're the third degree.

I'm just going to put it out there. How degrees might have been off that? They get worse. And I love your energy of defending them. No, I'm going to keep defending like a soccer player should. Oh. Sport chart.

Wait, is the World Cup soccer? It is, yep. Football. Football. Yeah, they call it football because they're weak. This next one's from Lexi Bacon. Oh, yum. I'm so hungry.

I went to university with a girl who ended up marrying Craig Goodwin. Who's that? He could have played for Australia, but he got injured and didn't. It is closer, though. Is it? Surely Craig would know a few of the blokes on the soccer room. So true. He's the extra degree.

Yeah. So I think, wasn't there first, wasn't their first game in Turkey? Turkey bacon. Against it. It's in America. Oh, sorry. But it was in Turkey. Not against Turkey in Vancouver.

Yep. Yeah. At the stadium that when we did that live cross. The Rogers Stadium. No, no, no. That's Toronto. That was in Toronto. So you know how we did the TV cross?

Yes. Yeah. Right there. When the boy wouldn't move. Yeah. We had a great view all that. Yeah, of that stadium the whole time. It didn't leave us because we stayed still.

Please stay. Clinton Buckley. Hi, hey, big safe. Oh, fuck-o. My dad knew someone with a connection to Australian player Casey Wormon. Yeah. But my dad died. Oh.

So now it's a bit of a stretch. Oh. Now it's a bit of a stretch. Clinton apologises for his dad's death. No, I, yeah, that sucks. For the World Cup thing, not really for just in general. My dad knew someone with a connection to Australian player, Casey Wormann, but my dad died. So now it's a bit of a stretch.

Yeah. Well, um, do you have your dad's phone? Email address, like access? Maybe we could fund. Dadat bigpond. Yeah. Big Pond is such a funny throwback. It's such a dad email.

No. Oh, you get it free with Telstra. You sign up for Telstra and they'll give you a free fucking internet address. Charles's mom and dad's email is at Big Fondon. Yeah, I bet it is. I fucking bet it is. My brother and his wife theirs is at Big Pondas. Like, it's just so funny.

You know what just occurred to me when Telstra, which is like an Australian big telecom company, used to be called telecom. Yeah, us old people remember those days. How come you don't have an 0408 if you remember that? I did and then I moved overseas and had to four dollars. Right. Yeah. You shut the fuck up about my phone. No, sorry.

That's actually horrible news. Someone in the Telstra marketing team at some point went, the internet's kind of like a big pond, hey. One thousand percent. Why don't we call our internet addresses that? When I worked at a startup, I remember like one of the person that worked in like data and statistics and stuff. He was like, oh, I've set up the data like.

And that was like where all the stuff was like. You're talking about a big pond? Well, that's where all the stuff was like pulling. And I remember being like, big pond. Like, in my mind. Does Telstra still claim ownership to the word Big Pond? Well, the emails are still running. I email Charles's mom and dad every day.

They actually Teltsa apparently phased it out in 2019, though, as like part of their marketing. But like Big Pond addresses still remain. So Big Pond outwardly not a thing. Like they're not marketing Big Pond. But it's still there. Because do you remember Big Pond broadband was the internet thing? Like, yeah. Hey, the world is just one big.

pond. So true. We've just been across the pond. Many. Yeah. Can't wait to find out how you got across one of them. Yeah. Stay tuned.

You're welcome. Sage. Hi, Sage. Here we go. This is off campus adjacent. Sage got great boobs. Yeah, it just gives great boob energy. Yeah.

I met a girl in the bathroom of a music festival who's having an affair with a guy who's playing in the World Cup for England. Are we allowed to share that? Well, there's no names besides Sage. But we don't know the girl or the guy. But he's married. That, imagine you, only one of them's married. That is unbelievable.

Yeah. That's a pretty good connection. Yeah, although I don't know if we had gossip. We can't access them, though. Yeah, because like they just met in the bathroom. Well, because the degrees end with the girl in the bathroom. and we don't know past that. Yeah.

Oh, but like we... Sage can't get to there. And we, but we can't also get, yeah, like back to the bathroom. That's what I mean. Yeah. One in a lifetime opportunity.

Of the 26 players who are playing in the World Cup team for the men's, nine of them are married. That's not many. That's going to drive them apart. Ball will hear this as well because we're a huge podcast in the soccer world.

Can you... Football players love to. Tony and Ryan. Can you get married soon, please, now that the hens parties happen, because if someone gets accused in our team of being the married one, I hooked up with someone who's married from Tony and Ryan. Oh, no. See, then all it's going to happen is I'm going to go, I hooked up with someone that's married

from Tony and Ryan, but it's going to be you. Yeah. Yeah, I know, I was there. I was, it's like, so did I. Yeah. Who was yours? You know, Dickie was, I'm going to attach to my person. Yeah.

Finally, Becca. Hi, Becca. Bring us home. Surely. Surely we got one here. Go fuck yourself, Becca. Oh, don't say that to Becca. She's my best friend. Don't, you know how Becker and I, how close we are. You know what we've been through. I wonder if it's Becca who is the deported British backpacker. She goes, the message is like, um, I fucked this guy who's on a podcast that talked about the work.

Yeah. That would be closer. I sat on a bus last year that Chechnya midfielder Thomas Susak may also have once sat in. Nah, I paid up. You just, nah, because it's one degree, isn't it?

You chat to the bus driver. You've got all the insight you need. Which bus? The Chechnya midfielder, Thomas Susack may also have once sat in. Yeah, no, you just chat to that bus driver and they,

they're like elephants. They remember everything. If you need the latest updates of the FIFA Men's World Cup, Tony and Ryan is your place to go. We will finger anything with a pause. Including hot girls in a bathroom and a music festival. Who may be having an affair with someone from there. He's having an affair with one in nine guys.

This is Olivia from Texas. Hi, this is Josh from Birmingham, Alabama. Hi, I'm Tony from upstate New York in the US. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our fellow football lovers watching the World Cup. A few of our champion tubbers over at our Patreon. Elise Cherie, thank you, Elise.

Thanks, Elise. Gloria Caruana. Sounds a bit like marijuana. Yeah. Yeah, fucking light up, girlfriend. Right, right. Lauren. Lauren.

Sky. We've all seen it. So true. Megan Setso. Thanks, Megan. Brock McNally. Ramona, Ico Resendiz, thanks Iko, Caitlin Hirschfeld, Nikita Heokam and Taylor and Ari. Thank you very much being part of our Patreon.

Is that Taylor and Ari? It is Taylor and Ari. Well, there's a built-in plus one if you come into podcast away. So true. Yeah. Hey, we have so much fun when we go on trips. I hope you have enjoyed coming along to Dublin, London and Italy with us recently. Oh.

Sicily. Thank you. They don't like that. They don't like that. They don't like that. they were more than happy to see us leave last week. They go, yep, you can go. It's actually fine.

Yeah, when they check the, did you have any hassles at customs getting out? No. Because I was just like, They asked me to leave. See you. They brought me to the front of the line. They asked me to go.

We have so much fun when we go away. And I would love for you to come with us and enjoy and be part of that fun in Fiji with a plus one. Second last opportunity, I believe. And it's not like, enter a competition and like go on, like go on your own holiday. We're coming. Like it's a group.

We're all going together. Family girls trip. Eight tarpers with their eight plus ones. Ask the crew, Mabel, my wife, Bridget, I'll be putting the sunscreen on.

Torbs pending. Pending. Well, because then we found out that me, you and Bridget and Mabel are sharing a room. And Lily, I think. Yeah.

Yeah. So I don't think we need to add one more person to the viz. Oh, but Mabel is now. a big girl bed so where are you going to sleep so if i've got to get my own room anyway yeah maybe yeah or lily can i sleep with you because we literally like oh yeah we'll have a cot in our room and mabel's like i don't do that now oh so i've been turfed out well i just i just don't know how that's going to play out why am i being turped out okay well if someone could please enter and come to podcast

i'm going to sleep on a roll-away bed in your room right i got a different tarpa every night i sleep in a different room. Oh, oh no. Oh, no. Um, sorry, you calling it a rollaway bed in my mind. It's like you went to bed and it just like rolled away. Oh, off she goes. Yeah, see you later. Um, but the trundle. A trundle, sure. Well, you roll it away. Yeah, I get it. I just never heard it called a rollaway bed. Oh, really? And now it just freaked me out. Like, you're in a rollaway bed and I'm like, well, fuck. Oh, no. On the brakes on, like, yeah. Can you put your suitcase underneath it? so that chocked me in. You know what freaks me the fuck out?

Dummy. When you're at an airport. Oh, yeah, the worst. And they have like a wedge near the wheel of the plane with a puck. Yeah, he's that holding us on. Is that it? There's 400 souls piling onto this thing. And you've just got a chunk of shit on the runway that stopping it rolling away.

I'm just going to have to let you know that science chat, all I've eaten is pizza and pasta for a little while. Yeah. I'm going to need more support. Yeah. Like if you want me to. walk on here up. Yeah. Oh no, it's all good. We've just chocked something in under the wheel there. Yeah. We've got an old Take 5 magazine fucking rolled up under the window. Don't worry about it. Is it the A380 or the Airbus 7 420? No, it's a rollaway. Yeah. It's the old rollaway plane.

I think that's quite good. Yeah. Did you see that they're going to start flying to Melbourne from the Western Sydney airport? I did. Yeah. I think that's great. Is it? Because the worst thing about that is you get to Western Sydney and then what the fuck are you going to do there? The train launches next year. But also like... To where? To the city. To the other airport.

You can just, it's like in Singapore. You just go back and fall in between the two. So you know how Sydney is S-Y-D is their code? It's like your dick. Yeah. And Melbourne is M-E-L. Yeah, I mean it writes itself. Yeah.

So you kind of look at that and you go, I've got a rough idea of where I'm going. Yeah. So the Western Sydney is like WSI. And I imagine like it's Western Sydney International or something. Sure. But when I say WSI, that does not give me any confidence to where the fuck in the world I'm flying to. Yeah, but how often are you looking at the airport codes?

Like you're not a fucking pilot. When it puts a sticker on your bag and you go, that's going to where I'm going. That is fair. But what about like Avalon airport here? Like that's AVA. Yeah, but Avalon. It's the same. Like that sounds the same.

WSI. It just occurred to me that I've never flown to Avalon. and I'm really pumped about that. No, I haven't either. I almost did what, like I'd selected the wrong flight. Oh, no. Friends don't let,

although we went to Gatwick, which is the Avalon of London. Tell me about it. Tell me about it. I'm actually still on my way from London to Gatwick Air Force. Yeah, I'm still in the car. Yeah. And the cars,

the vans didn't rock up and we had to, oh, that was crazy. It was a shaman. Are we got a refund for that? I just remembered about that. You got to call them, Charles. Yeah. Okay.

Trouble chat. Imagine calling. a place at 4.30 in the morning when you're waiting for a car to take you to the airport. You call them and the guy goes, oh, is that today? No, it was actually 3.30. And the guy goes, no, well, on the booking, it says 430. And we went, hey, man, it doesn't. Fuck you. Like, we've checked.

Yeah. It says 3.30. He goes, oh, sweet. I'm actually just around the corner. I'm like, you're not. You're not. You're not. Well, you were going to be an hour early. Um, speaking of travel chat, Charles, I've got some bit a bit, bit, bit breaking news for you. News that you may not know about or maybe you do. Do I know? Tony,

well, yeah, you know. I want to know. Tony decided that instead of flying from Sicily to Rome, that she was going to catch the train. The train. And she goes,

I'll be able to see the countryside and what an experience and it's like a classic old kind of set up. It's not just like, you know, tap your mic and grab a seat. Like it's a nice settling kind of train. Yeah. Yeah.

And so, Tony brags to us in Sicily that because we're on the island of Sicily, she goes to the port or whatever and then a crane picks up the train and puts it on a boat. On the ferry, yes. And then the ferry goes across to the mainland and then a crane picks up the train carriage which is in and puts it on. And we've just been like, oh man, I can't wait to hear about this crane. And because I was like, are you on the train when they crane you over?

Do you have to like disembark or whatever? And then so because Torbs, but, okay, so we were, we had booked a flight. Sounds amazing. We are, well, crazy. We booked a flight. Unbelievable some might say. And then Torbs was like, oh, did you know that there's like this train? And it's the oldest one in the world that does like go from the land, then to the boat,

then back to the land. Like it's the last existing one or fucking. and something. And he's reading all these Reddit threads. He's like, it looks amazing. And I was like, so how does it work? Because we're on an island. He goes, yeah, you go from the train, then onto the ferry, then back onto the thing.

And in my mind, I've just gone, they crank you onto the boat. And that's what I told everyone. Because I was like, that's how that must work. So there wasn't like, it was just an assumption and what else would it possible? Well, because I was like, yeah, how are they? how else possibly could it work? Because at breakfast, when you went into detail about the crane, we were all amazed.

Yeah, and so was I. Do they lift it up? Does it swing around? This is going to be so much fun. And you actually said to me, you're like, Tony, I don't think you can get the train because of the thing. And I go, no, they pick you up on the thing. And they crane you onto the, on the boat. And you were like, holy shit.

Like a container ship. That's amazing. And I was like, this is going to be unbelievable. So I just. made that up and not made it up in like a way that I lied. I just made an assumption and that's definitely not how it fucking works. And just backed it right in. Yeah, I did.

And that is, I will say, a bit like on the Eurostar when I thought that I was going to see the fish and the ocean life. I was quite disappointed when the train just drives onto the ferry and the ferry just has train tracks on it. Oh. And it continues from the land. onto the boat, then the boat takes off, and then you continue off the boat, back onto the land. And just...

So they just at the other end, like, line up the tracks. It goes, like, kachinks together, and then that's it. There is, very sadly, no crane involved. That makes sense, but I do have one question. Slay, far away. So when do you go on the crane? Yeah, so there's no crane at all. Well, that's not right.

That's actually not what I've... And I don't know where in my mind I'd come up with the crane. That's actually not what I've heard. What I've heard is, is that you get... there and then the crane picks you up, lifts you into the air and places you onto a boat. That's what I heard too. But whoever told me that was wrong. So can you tell me about the moment when you realized that?

Yeah. There was no crane. So I thought we were waiting at the dock. And then we started moving, but the train wasn't moving. And I was like, oh, shit, what's going on? And talks, oh, we're on the boat already. And I was like, did we go in the air? I was like

And I fucking shit you not I go it didn't even sway Because I'm like They're gonna pick it up It's gonna like rattle around a bit Do I need to worry about my water bottle Tipping over Do you remember that old viral video

Where that hiker got rescued in the woods And she's in a stretcher And it goes up in the helicopter And it starts like spinning around That's so dramatic It's really fucked up Yeah That's what I'm

imagine the train doing. Yeah. But it didn't. It was so steady. Like, God, it didn't even shake or anything until I was like, what?

Had Torbs heard you mention the crane? I don't think so. I must have said this to you guys and he wasn't there. So he's just gone, what the fuck are you talking about? And he's gone, hang on, we've got to go like 20 steps back.

What do you think is happening here? And I was like, how do we get on the boat? He goes, you just drive on. I was like, well, it's not a car.

And in fairness, it's not. And he's like, no one accused it of being a car. Yeah, not one set of us. But yeah, it just lines up. Alex, it's not a helicopter. No, we cancelled the flight. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's not a crane. It just drives on. Business idea. Yeah. Train cranes. Train crane. I love it.

Yeah. So that was a little bit disappointing. Yeah. But it was amazing because when you're on the. in the train on the ferry. Yep. The coast is unreal. Like it was really sick.

And then we got to the other side and we changed to like a high speed train. And the whole way we were like on the coast. We were like on the Amalfi coast. What side of the train we on? We were on the inside side. So we could look over. And there wasn't anyone sitting across from us. So we could kind of look over out to the thing.

But is. So is there any, like, jostling to get, like, the good side? You had to book a ticket. Right. Yeah. So, like, everyone was, like, seated. Yeah. And it's quite a long train.

So people are getting off and on, so you can't, like, just move to an empty seat because then at the next station, someone might get on. Yeah. But was it like, I've never done, like, a big, it feels like how romantic and crazy. It was. It was really fun. Yeah. But what I will say is that, like, so because we've been traveling for, like, a month. Yeah.

our bags were quite big but most people are kind of doing that train ride for the weekend and like didn't have a lot of luggage. Oh, you've piled in with... So we've piled in with our like enormous... So we both had a backpack each and we both had like a big rolly case. And we've both piled in and like the only like luggage storage is like above our heads. So torps, oh my God, I'm going to marry the fuck out of this guy. Please.

He like picked up my suitcase like 30 kilos. He picked it up and over his head and like shoved it into the thing. Both of them like his and mine. And I was just like, amazing. And he also had to carry it up the stairs in the train. So he had one suitcase in either hand. So he's 60 fucking kilos. Just like hoofen up the stairs.

I've actually, I've got a video of it if you want to. If you'll allow me. Don't help the guy. If you'll allow me. You know what? I'll contribute. I'll film. Get in the way.

Look at that. Look at those carp. Hoofing. And look at you. Hoofing. And you flick the camera onto yourself doing fuck all. I've never seen anyone do less than you there. Same.

Same. I can't believe I even walked up the stairs. I was waiting at the bottom. I'm like, can you come back and get me after? Come carry me after. Yeah. Yeah. So I will say that like the accessibility for like big luggage was probably not ideal. Yeah.

But that's okay. Lucky that you guys in the end didn't take the really heavy one with the filming gear. Yeah. No, genuinely. I did think that. I was like, fuck, can you imagine?

Because it just didn't fit and nothing fitted. Yeah. Oh. I don't know if anyone else gives a fuck about this. I do. I care about everything. I took the heavy one home. Yeah.

And I was like Charles. People's champion. Thank you. My God. Thank you. Because I went straight home to the girls and everyone else did a bit of sightseeing on the, on the weekend. I took the heavy one and I was like, Charles, if this is over, like, I don't want to have to. I did hear this.

I'm like, I don't, because a few times it's been over and in the airport we're like, oh, let's take the tripod out and they can end up some stuff. Yeah. And I was like, fuck I really. And Charles like, he's like, I've double checked. Like we've got a bit of a bit of buffer. Yeah. So because I had two bags. They kind of, they didn't weigh them individually.

They just went, oh, two bags. and the total is 60. And so as long as the two equal... They never do that. They never do that. I know. But the guy just couldn't give a fuck. So I just rocked up.

And one of them was heavy and the other one was lighting. He's like, yeah, but like they both equal under 60. So whatever. They've never done that in my life. And just pushed it through. And I went, I was almost about to say like, oh, no. And I was like, hmm. And because normally they make us take the Pelly with all of our recording gear to the oversized thing.

They don't normally even let you check it in. Yeah. like he'd just woken up. He, like, was halfway through. Fuck. He was smoking a cigarette. That's mom. Genuinely.

That's crazy. So they put them both on at the same time and the total was, that's crazy. It was 54 kilos for two bags. And I was just like, okay. And they were like, sick. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah.

That is the craziest thing. Come back out as mine. You love to see it. That is so lucky. I got to love to see it. And I need to show you this immediately. And I'm scared that you've already seen it. Oh, no, I haven't.

Because you know how we go through phase. Yeah. I have it. We go through phases where we get sent memes and like. Yes. Yeah. Or get tagged in the same thing. Yes.

Yes. The one that I'm getting slung with all the time. No, no. If it's this one. If it's this one. No, the one that I'm getting slung with at the moment is that there's a viral video of someone being like, I love going on a long car ride with the wind in my hair. And their toes are outside of the car.

Because I've. talking about having hairy times. And people keep sending it to me. That's not it. It's surprisingly. Yeah. I've had a colonoscopy. I guess you could say I've had a...

Cameron Diaz. Cameron Diaz. I've been sent this so many times over the last week. Coming out, but I was laughing. That is a... I have not seen that. Oh, I've been sent to me. That's a very clever word.

It really is. Did you make that up? No, someone said it you. No, I've been sent it many a times, yeah. That's a thinker. Should we share my camera in the ass news? Yeah. It's quite big news.

And it's okay now. But Ryan did have something removed while he was under the anesthetic for his colonoscopy, his head. Nah. And it was cancerous. Yeah. Oh, here tells us I don't know that. Yeah.

But Ryan's okay. we're all above board everything's okay but it's been removed and they're happy he has to go back and have another one in five years which feels like too long to me yeah Tony was concerned that five

I feel like they should have been also in six months come back but nope so Charles's reaction you were quite shocked for a second there weren't you Charles is that how I should have reacted because I told Tony and she was like holy fuck and I was like is that how

well I also said how are you feeling emotionally about this news and mine was like to be honest i haven't really thought about it and i do also everyone has their own process i like torp started tearing up and then i was like but i said i was like i think it was because obviously there's a difference between something being cancer and something being cancerous or pre-cancerous and it was just it was it was detected so early yes yeah yeah so i think that it's important to note that it's like pre-can it's not a tumor that was removed it was like pre-cancerous cells, as I understand it. So, like, it's not, it's not like a tumour.

Yeah. It is not a tumor. Tony. Nah, it's like, um, but do you know what I mean? So we're, thank God they found it. Thank God. Thank God. No, fuck God.

The doctors. Thank you. Thank you. No, actually, fuck God. Thank me. I'm the one that went to call Mosquee first. Now everyone's going really set a train. And now.

you've had a Cameron Diaz. Thanks Cameron Diaz. Yeah. If it wasn't for me getting a Cameron Diaz, yeah. I might still be cancerous. Yeah, but it wasn't,

like they've said, it wasn't going to be a thing for, you know, five to 10 years. Yeah. Not to downplay it. I'm saying that you're safe and you're okay. No one's downplayed it more than me.

But like, Tony said, why didn't you bring it up already? And I was like, I forgot about it until you mentioned it. Yeah, we're talking about something else and I went,

oh, by the way, yeah. Well, Ryan goes, yeah, it was cancer. And I went, huh, sure. And he goes, no. And I was like, what? I just, a heavy time, you know.

But I just love you so much. And I just felt like worried for you. That's all. But I think if you're fine with it and they're happy with where it's at, then, I mean, no point worrying about it. I'm still no closer to not shitting myself, though. No. See, this is the real problem. And he goes, yes, we've removed that.

So all good. Have a great day. And I went, yeah, yeah, but. Ryan's like, no, that I'm not great. full. Yeah, I'm so happy about that, but... Literally. Can I poo a few less times per day?

And he goes, oh yeah, but you're not a celiac. And Ryan goes, but... Sure, I feel like I've got some intolerances and I've got a funny time and he goes, yeah, but no cancer. Have a great day. So I wouldn't worry about it. Yeah. I've got to love to see it. My love to say it is that you don't have cancer in your asshole.

Thank you. Oh, actually... Cancer ass. No, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. I'd like to get Charles's vibe on something I said to you on the phone yesterday. Yeah. You weren't sure how you felt about it.

You're going to hear a beep on the podcast. You're going to hear a beep. I said something we were chatting and I said and Tony was like, I don't know. And Ryan goes, I'm going to change my Instagram bio. Oh, that was. Oh, hilarious. No, but I mean that I wasn't actually. No, I know you weren't.

Comedy. Hilarious, but there's a beat. No, it's very good stuff. All right, I've got to. Do you reckon, Charles, if you had in your Tinder bio cancer free, that would increase your swipes because people would be like, this guy's a hero? I don't think so.

I'll try it. Do you know what someone said in Patreon to me the other day? I was replying to messages and, I saw one that was like, ha, if you died, it would be Charles and Ryan and we'd all be Charpers.

And I was like, we've skipped over a very key part of the story there. There's a few fucking steps before that. Surely. Yeah, so the Charpers, maybe that's going in no context. Danny,

if you're interested, you can have that. I liked that if it was the Ryan and Tony podcast would be rats. Yeah, the little raddies. Raddies. Yeah,

I quite like that. Piggies. Do you think Charles, A would replace you and B, get top billing? Well, it's interesting, isn't it? It's a huge assumption.

Yeah, lots of things have changed, obviously. Yeah, wow. In this universe, lots of things. And I went, well, it's a pretty good name. I don't know. A charpa sounds a bit like a tarpa. It'd be easy for people to change tattoos. C.A.R.

We could probably keep selling our merch. I'm just trying to in my mind. We just scratch off my face from the tumblers and just make it look like Charles's face. Well, no, Charles grows his hair out. to match the faces. Besides wearing glasses. What do you love to see, Tony Lodge, besides your own pending death? Besides all the charpers.

Yeah. The champion charpers. Rye sent this through on Patreon, actually. It was not the person who was glorifying my death. So thank you for that. Hey, Tony and or Ryan. Tony. I've just launched something I've been working on.

I've just beaten cancer. No, you actually have. And I'm so proud of you. Do you know who helped that? God. No. Pepsi. Chili and her horse.

So true. The horse trampled the cancer out of your ass. Did you know that I've been on this planet for 38 years? And the only time I've beaten cancer is the time I've had chili and the horse photo in my life. In your life. No, and that is huge. Thank you. Rye says, I've just launched something I've been working on for a while, a creative page called Ells.

It's a mix of poetry and stop motion. all made by me and it's built around challenging everyday thinking turning small moments into something a bit more meaningful um Rye says I'm trying to build like a small creative space around it they say so if you like supporting new art and being part of something from the ground up I'd appreciate you following along get around it everyone is more than welcome so if you want to support Rye who is a very proud chopper yep um um Facebook a link in the fire on the show notes just Is it carper or charper? They have backed in charper.

Hmm. Okay. Because we're not tarppers. No, we're not twerpers. Tuarper. I'm a twerper. Hey, I'm twerper. But I love that, Rye.

Well done. Thank you for sharing that as well, Rai. It's hard when you're launching something new and it feels like a bit vulnerable. Absolutely. So good for you. Very proud of you. Tomorrow, we've got a confession from Atapa who actually put their name to it, and I'm like, I've taken it straight back out because absolutely not.

We've done you a favour. Yeah. We have had some chat previously about the do's and don'ts of ashes of dead people. Remember that person went to the pub on the way home? Yeah, phone keys, wallet. Ashes. Yeah. This is, I thought we'd heard the worst of Ashes' behaviour.

No. What we've heard before, I would do every day before I consider doing this. And this isn't a friend of a friend. This is what Atapar did with the ashes of her brother. Oh. Okay. And actually, I'm going to give you one more line. Of ashes?

She goes, Mom didn't agree, but I thought it was funny. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. I love it already. Yeah. Okay, okay.

We'll be back tomorrow. Love you so much. Bye.