Toni and Ryan - Toxic Old $lut

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

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Subscribe now using the code FizzC and get 10 gigs of data at 25 bucks. Switch to Fizz today. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur, Tony Lodge. Hello. We are calling Rachel in Queensland. Woohoo. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel. Rachel. No. No. No. Is that Tony and Ryan?

Is that Rachel? Is that Rachel? Oh my God. Hi, Rachel? Hi Rachel! Hi! Now, Rachel, is it true that you're in charge of business development, sales and marketing? True or false? Uh, yes. So does that mean you are...

Hella into BDSM? Because we call Sophie our head of BDSM because she also does business development sales and marketing. Redacted. I did write BDM once and went, Oh, I think I'll just spell it out. Yeah. No, we're not going to yuck your yum, Rachel. You don't have to try and impress us.

We love you. Thank you. And we let Sophie do the work. So I'm sure you'd be surprised let Sophie do all the work. So I'm sure. Yeah, you'd be surprised what Sophie gets away with. Yeah. Well, he minds in a GP practice. So I don't think it would be as appropriate.

GP, oh, goat penis, that real nice Rachel. Oh, surely some people would come in there after having a BDS, don't look at me when I say come in there. You know what, Rachel, will you approve this podcast? I do, I do. Wow. Oh very good. I think you know a guy. Hi it's Rachel from Queensland and I approve this podcast. It's going to be a huge show today. Woo. Tony's come in and she said I didn't have an early night last night and I'm tired.

I've been out having a rager. What's a rager? How late was that? Um, I was in bed after 10. Closer to 11 last night. I just know my strengths and not having a good sleep is not one. Like I'm just, I'm not good on no sleep, which you know, like I just, and I've been trying to, I saw this meme like a couple of weeks ago and it was like single digit bedtime tonight

girl or something like that. And it made me really laugh. And so now I'm like, maybe I can try and have a single digit bedtime tonight girl or something like that. And it made me really laugh. And so now I'm like, maybe I can try and have a single digit bedtime. So I try and get to like a nine fifty. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So I'm really trying.

And last night has just like thrown me out. I think I want to be a single digit girl. Yeah. I just really struggle with no sleep. And also I was telling you about the, I've been doing all these tests for my skin. Yeah. And I found out I've got like with no sleep. And also I was telling you about the, um, I've been doing all these tests for my skin and I found out I've got like really low iron and they're like, yeah, so you must be really tired. And I was like, is that why?

So I feel like that's made me feel a bit better that I'm like, oh, there's actually like a medical reason why I'm fucked. How nice is that to hear? Strangely validating, but also now I'm a bit like, Oh, well, I'm so tired. Cause my iron, you know, then you kind of like lean into it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, question for anyone listening, is anyone willing to go on the record and say, I am

well rested and not tired? Not today. I'm not. No, but like the other day when I came in though, I said, I had a great sleep and I felt very well rested. You know, like genuinely everyone's a little bit tired from time to time, but just someone goes, you know what? I'm just pretty well rested all the time.

I don't know if that person exists and that's where we need to get to as a society. I don't care about technological innovation. I just want us all to be well rested. Do you know that yesterday when we were talking about chat, GPT, one of the questions that I asked her was, um, like, what is the optimal day for like, to have like mindfulness and balance and all of that, and it was like, Oh, get up at this time and do this and like exercise for a bit or like meditate for a bit. And it was really beautiful.

And I had all of these things that you could do throughout the day. How'd you go this morning? No, no. And I had all of these things that you could do throughout the day. How'd you go this morning? No, no. So I had all these things through the day, right? And included in it was not like working at your job, but it was like, it was like it accounted for the full day. Yeah. And it was like, yeah, here would be a good time to do this.

And here, and I was like, so when do you work? So if like, this is the perfect balance, what about like- There's a lot of that shit on LinkedIn. Well, so you kind of go like, yeah, in an ideal world, yeah, you could kind of work all day on yourself, but that's not really- You want to know, and here's a tip for everyone. You want to earn your first million. Here we go.

But then it's always like, get up at this time, journal, run, ice bath. Then I have my smoothie, then this, and then they finish the day and you go, so when do you earn the million dollars? When do you do anything that contributes to anything? Your wealth. Yeah. Like what, like, you're not answering your own question. Yeah. And your health is your wealth.

Obviously it's important, but I was like, so when am I supposed to like go and do my job though? 7.59. Think of brilliant idea that makes a million dollars. So if you're doing that, so if you can, I might come up with a good idea real fast. That's crazy. Let's talk about short Kings. Oh, I love a short King. Cause that might be me. You are a short King. I lived a part of my life being a short king, not that I'm overly short, but when I played volleyball comparatively. By comparison, yes.

I played in a team where the second shortest in the starting six was 15 centimeters taller than me. He was the next smallest guy. Well, Tony's doing some maths. Hang on. The second shortest was 15 centimeters taller than you. Yeah. Oh, second shortest in the starting six. That sounds like a band name.

A guy in that team was that guy that used to live in your building. Tommy, you remember? He's so tall. He's six. He is like massive. He had to bend over getting into the lift. Yeah. He's gigantic. Yeah. And I used to play with him. He was laughing like he wasn't that tall. He got married last week. So congratulations to Tom Borden. Oh, but what's funny is you look at

him and you go, you sleep in the same building. But when you saw him, you went, oh, basketball, volleyball, obviously. Yeah. Cause he's someone that when you talk to him, you had to kind of go look up to him. Yeah. Especially me on the 161 centimeters. So imagine that I've got heaps of people in my life that were like that. So we'd go out and it wasn't until I worked in an accounting firm that I went, oh, I'm actually not sure. I'm not that short.

Yes. Yeah. So I relate to the short king is what I'm saying. Um, Tapa here, I'm a 35 year old female engaged to a wonderful 38 year old male fiance. Beautiful. Congratulations. He's an incredible guy. Smart, funny.

It treats me with so much love and so much respect. The only problem is that he's five foot four. How did we find out? Were you a five foot three? Is that what we found out yesterday? Is that what you said? Yeah. Five foot two, five foot two.

What's that? An inch or two bigger than you. Yeah. That's not a problem. I love his height because it's a part of him, but my mom never lets me forget about it. Mom, fuck off. Nah, that's the advice.

From the moment I started dating, oh, we're saying his name now, from when I started dating Mark, she made it clear that she disapproves of him because of his height. She says, I deserve better and someone taller and more masculine. What the fuck?

That is the worst and most toxic thing I've ever heard in my fucking life. You're literally body shaming this person and say that he doesn't deserve your daughter because you're not tall. And again, not that we doubted him, but she's like, he's literally incredible. So smart, so funny treats it with love and respect. And I'm assuming that I don't want to be like, as a parent or someone with a daughter, but like, but as a parent and someone with a daughter, I think if your child, the only thing you really want is for that person to treat them right.

Well, you just want them to be happy. You want to be happy. If that person is part of that equation, then. So when I read the line, he treats me with so much love and so much respect. I go tick the box, all good. How great's this? Like, you know what I mean? End of conversation.

I just cannot believe that someone would say those words out loud. That is like, that's an intrusive thought that mum's let escape time and time again. During one family gathering, she asked, how does it feel being the one who wears the pants in the relationship. I was furious and embarrassed we ended up fighting I didn't talk to mum for weeks. I would never talk to her again. Yeah what a bitch. That is so fucked up. So Mark proposed. Good on you Mark. And I hope my mum would go, okay, well, this is the real deal. He's a part of our family and kind of, yeah. I can't believe that Mark even wanted to be part of the family

after being treated like that. I invited her over to celebrate, but instead of being happy for me, she spent the entire dinner making fun of Mark saying like things like, make sure they buy a step stool for your wedding day. fun of Mark saying like things like, make sure they buy a step stool for your wedding day. Mark usually takes his heart in his stride, but you could see he was getting a bit sad and frustrated. Don't laugh at stride. Sorry. Yeah. No, that is also supposed to be what, like one of the happiest days of your life. You're celebrating your engagement and you know, you're supposed to be like,

oh, how do they do it? What did you see coming? Had you picked the ring together? your life, you're celebrating your engagement and you know, you're supposed to be like, how did he do it? Did you see it coming? Had you picked the ring together? She really ruined a beautiful day for him. I am so sad to hear that. And in their own home as well. Doesn't that make it so much worse? Yeah.

That you go, you come into my fucking house and say that about me and my fucking fiance, I am so mad. Yeah. that you go, you come into my fucking house and say that about me and my fucking fiancee. I am so mad. Yeah, I think the house thing is extra as well. Because it's not even the daughter's house, that's Mark's house. You've come into my fucking home. You're in a short king's home. The home that we've built together and you're going to come and be like,

oh, hope you got a step stool on the day. I hope that you've got a coffin for your death, you old... on the day, I hope that you've got a coffin for your death, you old. I am absolutely beside myself at present. After that dinner. I knew I had a difficult decision to make. Yeah. Where to hide your mother's fucking body, that toxic old slut.

Oh my God. I don't know if this is a conversation that was on the podcast or just in the office, but when were we talking about hiding a body in a boat? That was just between us. Okay. Well, don't worry about that. All good. Yeah. And no one look in the woodlands behind our office. Okay. And don't look in that boat. You might say some old slut in there. Sorry. Yeah. that boat. You might say some old slut in there. Old toxic slut. I'm sorry. Yeah.

I want my wedding day to be filled with love and joy and not my mum's negativity. And I don't want Mark to feel bad himself on his day, because it's both of our days. So we've decided that my mum is not invited to the wedding. Oh! How vindicating is that? Yes. Sucked in. And I bet, does the mum know yet? Yeah.

How did that go? Not well. Because she'd be like, but what have I done wrong? You'd be like, here, here, here, here and here. Here's the fucking receipts of you being a toxic old slut. She is livid and she claims I'm being unreasonable. She says I'm cutting off the family over a few height jokes and that I'll regret not having my mother at my wedding day.

Mark could not be more wrong. Yeah. That is so fucked. Mark is happy with the choice too. I just, the notion of like, they're your family. You have to know if somebody else treated you like that, there's no way that you would let that keep happening. Yep. Yep. How much are you just like, oh, that is, that has fired me right up. Yeah. I reckon I could run a marathon right now. Go on.

While I'm working. No, we'll wait. It's not part of my perfect chap GPT day. We'll get up, run a marathon right now. Go on. While I'm working. No, we'll wait. It's not part of my perfect chap GPT day. Get up, run a marathon. Yeah. And then an hour later, sit down, count with a million dollar idea. That is the most amazing thing I have ever heard in my life. I'll actually stop you right there.

Because not that it's not incredible, but I think this next sentence will be the most incredible thing you've heard in your life. There's just one more sentence. And I'm not saying that that wasn't great. I'm just saying I'm here for it. What is it? I love this so much.

I love this so much. I'm a firm believer that small children don't belong at weddings. And that includes adults who act like one. Old toxic slut. Question. Is the words toxic old slut good for an episode title or do we avoid that last word? No, it's gone in. Congratulations to the happy couple. I hope you enjoy your negativity free wedding day on behalf of Tony and Ryan

and the type community short King. Fuckin get it. Anonymous and Mark. Hi, it's Rachel from Queensland. Hi, I'm Rachel from Queensland. And I'm a fan of your show. I'm a fan of your show. I'm a fan of your show. I'm a fan of your show. On behalf of Tony and Ryan and the TARP community, Short King, fucking get it. Anonymous and Mark. Hi, it's Rachel from Queensland and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is brought to you by Audible, which is awesome because this

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and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Listen now at audible.ca slash best of the year. Today's episode is brought to you by Cozy, the Canadian furniture company that brings adaptable, high quality furniture to everyday living spaces. And probably everybody that's listening is thinking, oh, how can I up the ante in my home? The whole family's coming around for Christmas.

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Transform your living space today with Cozy. Visit Cozy.ca, spelled C-O-Z-E-Y to start customizing your furniture. A massive shout out on this beautiful hump day to all of our champion tarpas, but a few in particular, May Rider, May I Rider, Gary Marshall, who I'm assuming, oh, pump the brakes, sorry. Redacted. Yeah. Nah. Gary Marshall, who I'm assuming is the same Gary Marshall that directed I'm directing one of my favorite films, the princess diaries.

Thanks Gary for being here. Thanks Gary. Heather Brojanski. Love you Heather. Uh, Samantha Wells, good on you Sammy. Sienna Mason and Chloe Pierce. Absolutely loved to see it. Thanks so much for getting around us.

We actually couldn't do this show without you supporting us in patron. So thank you so much to everyone on all tiers for getting around us. Um, and also for sharing your stories. We just heard the story about the short king wedding that makes the pod go around. When you share stuff that we can talk about and like share with the other tapas, it really like is a great community. So thank you for trusting us with your stories. Speaking of which in today's episode thread in the Tony and Ryan Facebook

group, if there's a short king in your life, can you just like give him the rev up? Oh, love it. Yeah. Yeah. I want to say it. And can we cut toxic old sluts out of our life? It feels like the great day to tell someone to just fuck off. Are we telling them to fuck off or are we just walking away? What do you think's better? Like a ghost or like a, hey, you're actually not good for my mental health and I'm going to have to stop you right there. like, Hey, you're actually not good for my mental health and I'm going to have to stop you right there. I would never, but that was cool.

You would never, but that was cool. That was huge. How do you think you would take that? Like, and I'm, no one would ever say that to you because I don't think you're that kind of person, but like, if somebody said to you, like, see this actually, no, I redact the question immediately because as a reasonable person, you would go, wow, if I'm not good for you, then I fucking respect that. It's the toxic people you're trying to cut out. If you said to them, you're actually not making me feel good about myself. I'm going to have to stop you right there. They'd go, oh no.

Is that actually the test? Because, do you know what I mean? No. So let me think about it. You'd be kind of like shocked and like, Oh, because it's a pretty fucking blunt, direct thing to hear. Oh my God. I'm sorry. Just go. I'm really sorry.

And yes. Yeah. I completely respect. And then I'd probably fucking be driving home, having a real good, hard think about a lot of things. But in the moment I'd go, well, that's your decision. And yeah. Yeah. Because yeah, the toxic response is to fucking, well, you're the moment I'd go, well, that's your decision. And yeah, yeah. Because yeah, the toxic response is to fucking, well, you're the one that fucking and you're like, well, and then that's like tit for tat.

And that's kind of the point. Cause I think why they've said that. Yeah. Cause if you got broken up with like in a relationship, someone said, I don't want to be with you anymore. How come you can't do that with like people in your life? Like for example, this situation where it was like the mum was like really bringing in a lot of, you know, all like an old friend that you've just forever, you know, you went

to school together and you go, oh, we've just known each other for so long, but you go, fuck, actually, you don't, I think you're a drainer. I think it's because it all comes down to relationships are something that are either Facebook official or not. You remember back in the day when you're like, are they in a relationship on Facebook or not? Like what's the deal with that? I think I'm single on Facebook. Like, I don't think I've like.

You need to change that. I think what I'm getting at is it's such a clean, like, are we together or not? And because you can only, well, you know, have one partner, obviously not, you know what I mean? Yeah. But I think with friends, it's like, you can have a million friends. Why do you not want me anymore? But you can have a friend that you see once every 10 years. You can have a friend that you see twice a day. And I think you can just let them slide out.

Just don't seem as much anymore. And it's just, I think that that's just life too. Every time I hang out with them, I end up feeling shit. So I just probably fucking won't. Probably not going to reorganize something. Yeah. Just, you know, yeah. But I'm just so proud of our Tapa.

Our anonymous Tapa that's married to Mark, who's five foot four. For cutting, very anonymous. The mum's a Tapa. The mum's listening to this. She saw the episode title today and she goes talk to Goldslut. Interesting. She clicked on that and she, she reads about a guy called Mark who's five foot four and she hasn't been invited to the wedding and she goes, Oh, well it's anonymous.

Wonder who that was. And then she goes, Oh, I'll have to see if I can catch up with them. Cause I'm going through something pretty similar. There's two of us. I've been invited for dinner for months. Yeah. Yeah, that's so weird. And my daughter loves this podcast as well.

Do you want to come over for dinner? Tonight? Yep. Probably not tonight. Okay. Maybe on Friday? Uh-huh. Okay.

What? No, just, Tony comes over coincidentally when the weather's good. Well, no, I've got plans tonight with Rachel. Oh, oh. She's flying down from Brisbane. Okay. Having dinner. I just want to know that you're on invited over for dinner terms is what I'm getting at.

Oh, I- As a tier. Oh, you're also that for me. Do you know what you are for me? Drop in. Yeah. Just pull up a, grab a plate son. But if you dropped in, I would like, there's always room for Ryan.

There actually is. There is guys. Huge. There's always room for you Tony Lodge. Mabel would love to see. I love my little Mabelini. Yeah. She loves you too. Okay.

So on Monday, like all beautiful shit aside, don't say beautiful shit. Um, on Monday, we were talking about being victims of medical comedy. Um, I said that I've been having a few tests to start a new medication for my skin. And I just had to go through all of these things and it's just like one thing after the other, and I posted a TikTok that we shared on Monday as well about dropping off a stool sample. Yeah. I'd never, I'd never had to drop off a stool sample before. So it was quite new for me and I didn't really know how to actually do it because they just give you this little tub and obviously it's like, do you catch

the sample in that container? It's pretty small. Like you wouldn't want to miss it. You know, do you catch it in a bigger container? And then you go, well, no, it can't be touching, can't touch another container because it might then get contaminated or whatever. And I don't know really whether this is right. I'm not taking on feedback. Cause I've already done it, but I, uh, put into, um, my hand.

Just to confirm, are you taking feedback? Not taking feedback. It's already happened. Um, that is a big choice right there into my hand. Um, and then, um, I obviously then only had one hand free. Is your dog still with you? So Torb's had to come in and scoop it into the thing. He scoops the poo out of my hand into the little container.

Again, I'm not taking feedback right now. I'm going to let you have your reaction, but I'm not taking feedback right now. It's, um, first of all, it's, it's, it's a one person job. Not how I did it. How many hands do you have? Well, I couldn't. How many hands do you have? Two.

Okay. Right. Okay. So I've got poo have? Two. Okay. Okay. So I've got poo in one hand. Yep. What are you doing with the other one? Well, so you need to scoop the poop and I couldn't, I hadn't taken the lid off. Didn't think to take that first? Well, when I realized I was going to shit, I thought I'll strike now because you've got to do it.

Like, if you- I'm like, oh my God, it's happening. I've got to do it. So if you hold it for a minute to do, add me, maybe it'll go away. Well, I just knew that I needed to get it in there. And this is just where we're at. So like I said, I'm not taking on feedback. That's where we're at. Maybe you do need to take on feedback,

but I'm respecting your decision not to take on feedback. But how are you actually supposed to do it? Cause I'm guessing it can't touch another surface, right? I'm looking at you, Sophie, but you don't have to answer because I know that you've done a stool sample recently. Oh, I'll ask of Sophie is how many Tony needed four hands. Uh, how many hands did you require? Um, just the two.

Okay. I've done a stool sample. Did you put your hands in the bag? No, you can't ask that. Did you put your hands in the bag? Okay. I've done a stool sample. Did you poo into your hand so I can brag? You can't ask that. You can't ask that in the workplace. Did you poo into your product and say, sorry. I've done a stool sample. How did you do it?

Only two hands required and I didn't poo into my hand. No hand touched poo. Poo did not touch my hand. But like, how did you do it? Did you let it drop to the bottom of the toilet and then scoop it from there? Because I'm like, it probably can't touch anything else. Did they say it can't touch anything else? Well, when you do a urine test,

you can't weigh into something else and then decant it into the smaller thing. As someone that has a really nice wine decanter on my bench, can you please not use the word decant? But you know, like, because that could be, cause the inside of the cup is like sterilized. I think. You know what I mean?

So I don't think. This might even be worse than what you did now that I'm saying it out loud. But I think it's also just cause I'm a fucking child when it comes to this stuff and it's just embarrassing to talk about. I think I went into, like I got a plastic bag and kind of like put that in the toilet and like pooed into the bag and then just like scooped. And then scooped from there, scooped John. Yeah.

I mean, it's not a bad plan. Please don't bring scooped on into this. Anyway, like I said, I'm not really taking on food that. Two hands didn't touch. So you're sitting there with poo in your hand and Torbs has to walk in. And I was like, this was in my house, by the way, it wasn't in like public toilets, obviously in my home. Oh, that makes this whole thing completely fine then. And I was like, this was in my house, by the way, it wasn't in like public toilets, obviously in my home. Oh, that makes this whole thing completely fine then.

No, but I'm just like letting everybody know that it wasn't like, so you're sitting in the big toilet at the shopping center or something. Like this is like sitting there on the toilet still with poo in your hand and your boyfriend walks in and you're just sitting there holding a poo. I called, I was like, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I need some help. And he came in and like a champ and he just did it. And that was fine. Anyway, so it's-

Fuck dude. I don't know if you heard when I said I'm not taking- I'm not giving you feedback. I'm just letting my body react. No, and that's fine. That's actually so fine. The thing is, is that obviously that was like fairly like involved and traumatic and like-

Did we talk on the show about that other thing that he has to, when he gives you the sponge bath? What sponge bath on the show about that other thing that he has to, when he gives you the sponge bath? What's sponge bath for the skin? You know how he has to like, no, when he has to put my cream on, we have talked about that. Don't be so nasty. I'm not being that. I'm just saying I'm very vulnerable about my skin at the moment. So don't be nasty. No, I'm not being nasty at all. I think what I'm saying is,

is that Torb's just seems like such a caring and understanding and generous person to, you know, the thing is, is that Torb's just seems like such a caring and understanding and generous person to, you know. The thing is, is that it goes both ways. Yep. There have been things, like there's nothing that if he needed me to do, I wouldn't. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's very even.

Cause some partners wouldn't do that. Oh no. And that's fucked. Fucked that completely off. Yeah. No. So where it's all good. Yep. Anyway, so that was all pretty traumatic anyway. And then I take the sampling as we've already discussed the other day. I took it in, I dropped it off and I fucking got the hell out of there. I get this call yesterday from my doctor and she's like, yep.

So I've got all the tests back because basically they need to get them all together so that they can sign off. And then I can start this medication. But until they've got everything back, I can't start this thing. Yep. And I get this call from my doctor and she's like, yes, I've got all the other tests. I'm just wondering when you might be able to do the stool sample. No.

And I was like, oh, yep, no, it's already done. And she was like, oh, let me like refresh the thing. Cause they've got like a portal and whatever. Um, I was like, yeah, I already did it. And she goes, Oh, let me refresh. Maybe it's just like a bug with the system or something. And she goes, when did you do it? And I was like, the day that I saw you, I went and got the bloods X-ray and I did

the stool sample and I dropped it back off that same day. Yep. She was like, Oh, that's so strange. Um, and she goes, I can't even see that your results are like pending. Yeah. It's like you've never, yeah. It's like, it wasn't like entered into the system or whatever. And I was like, Oh, that's, that's really weird.

Cause I definitely did it. And I'm like, I've done this. Like, that's one thing with when I did it. They're like, Oh, we want to test this other thing now. I was like, no, I've done my fucking stool sample debacle. It was so fucking uncomfortable. You've got no, you don't get another one. You actually like, I'm closed for business.

I'm actually so fucked off at this point. Yeah. Anyway. And so I'm on the phone to her and I'm like doing them. I'm actually so fucked off at this point. Yeah. Anyway. And so I'm on the phone to her and I'm like doing them. I'm like, I definitely did. Like that happened. Yeah. Anyway, I didn't go through that.

And then to nothing. Yeah. Like what was that? Just for fun? Like, are you joking? For some people, man. Anyway, yeah, not to yack anyone's young. Anyway, I'm like, we're on the phone and I'm like, I'm like, all right, well, I dropped

off the right place. She's like, look, maybe it's on its way. We'll give it a couple more days and whatever. And so that was yesterday. And I was like, great. Okay. Just like hanging weight. Anyway, last night I'm talking to Torbz and I was like, I got a call from, um, Dr.

Who hired the thing and he goes, oh yeah. I was like, yeah, they haven't got my, and he goes, oh, is everything okay? Like, can you start a thing? I was like, they haven't got my, and he goes, Oh, is everything okay? Like, can you start a thing? I was like, they haven't got my stool assembled back yet. And he goes, Oh, that's so weird. And I was like, I know it cause I dropped off of the thing and he goes, Oh, did you put your name on it and everything? Anonymous shit floating around a country town.

And I was like, what? And he goes, you know how they give you the specimen job with the sleep and stuff in it? Did you write your name on there? Just fill in the form. And I go, well no. When they say put it in the basket over there. Well, I go, well no, I didn't write my name on it because when they give you the jar, don't they put the sticker on it?

Like when they take your blood, how they've got the stickers on the thing. I was like, didn't they just put that on there? And he goes, did you see her do that? Like at the pathology place? And I was like, well, no, I guess not. And he goes, did you write your name on the slip of paper that goes in the front of the bat? Tony Lodge.

I think what has happened by accident is that I've actually pranked the doctor's surgery and just left an anonymous shit in their office. Did you? Because all of a sudden a stool sample without a name on it is a prank. Don't you think? I think what you should have done, instead of putting it in the basket, you should have put it in a paper bag and lit it on fire. I left it on the doorstep.

That's feeling closer to what I've done. Yeah. What you've done is closer to that. That's what I mean. Yeah. That feels closer to what's occurred. And so he goes, did you put it on when I was like, no. And he was like, oh, like, obviously. This is the anonymous shit.

So there is actually just- New challenge for this weekend. It's been an anonymous shit. So there is actually a new challenge for this weekend. I think we should all go and just deliver an anonymous stool sample somewhere. Just pick a random doctor's office on Google maps and just drop it off and just walk in. I'm actually not going to endorse that because as someone who's done that this last year, excuse me, when I drop off the samples, they go over there and they go,

okay, cool. And then I'll just leave it there and fuck off. It'd be BJ shit. No, we're not endorsing that. We're not doing that. We need chocolate mousse for what? Anyways. Or like a voucher to grilled.

So I'm waiting, I guess, on the thing. What do they do with anonymous shit? Well, so Tob's go, should you call the doctor's surgery and be like, did you get a- How many days in between? Did you get a random one? How many days in between? I don't know. I did the tests like over a week ago.

Yes, Sophie. I do have logistics chat. How long have you got? You have to, as a seasoned professional in this area, you have to write the time of day on it as well. Cause there's probably a four or six hour window where they. Yeah. Oh no, so I didn't do any of that.

I definitely have. But as in like, if you call them now, they're like, oh, it's too late anyway. Yeah, probably. Cause they. So then what do they do? They just have an anonymous shit and they just put it in the bin? I don't know. I literally don't know.

Well, I'll tell you what I do know. Yeah. Is that Torbz has to deal with my shit again. Yeah. You don't have to do it again. Yeah. Is that towards us to deal with my shit again. You have to do it again. Is now the time for feedback. He's now the time for feedback. That's a great question. Sophia star woods.

Maybe because I feel like when you go back in there, you should go, I took a question. Like how many hands is it more than two people should be involved. Yeah. Does Ryan need to come around? I think I could use you. Do you want me to do it? Do you want to do it now now? Do you need to go? I don't have the specimen jar. I've got a coffee cup. Just pop it in.

The thing is, is that now that's happened, it was so fucking over the top and traumatic that as if they think that they can get another shit sample out of me. You're the one who didn't label you. You're the one sending anonymous shits into Dorovitch's. I didn't say it was their fault. It was traumatic. I'm just saying like, after all this, I'm the one who didn't label your, you're the one sending anonymous shits into Dorovitch's.

I didn't say it was their fault. It was traumatic. I'm just saying like, after all that, like if I'm a celiac, it doesn't matter. Cool. I'm not interested. Yeah. I don't need any confirmation either here nor there for me now. An anonymous shit in a reservoir doctor's office.

Dropped it off in Preston actually. Oh, so I wonder if there's a podcast where a lady is telling a story about how she got an anonymous shit. It's a confession. We should do a crossover, a shit. It's a confession. We should do a crossover, a collab. It's a confession. So I work at the doctor's office and someone pranked us. A beautiful young woman came in.

Considering we don't do pranks, how do you feel that your first foray into pranks is anonymous shits? Because that's like, that's not like a level one prank. That feels like an eight. Yeah. Or a nine out of ten. That's like a high level prank. That feels like an eight. Yeah. Or a nine out of ten. That's like a high level prank. Could be Steve-O.

Actually, I've got a different idea. Different idea. I'm no, someone will drop something off at your house this week. If you bring a shit to my house, I will fire you from being my best friend. Oh, you're just looking for an excuse. I should have asked Chad GPT what to do. Ask it now. Ask it how do I?

Oh, that's good. I don't want to fuck up my, doesn't it? No, no, no. You open a new one, a new tab and go, what is the process to give a stool sample? I bet it says that put your name on it. How do I give a stool sample? Giving a stool sample is a relatively simple process. Get the stool. Wow. I'll actually stop you right there, chat GBT. It turns out AI doesn't know everything. Get the stool sample kit tick.

Yep. Prepare for collection. Wash your hands. Oh, if the kit includes a liner or collection paper, place that inside the toilet bowl. That's what it was. So that is actually, but I didn't know the bag was like, No, but you didn't use a thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't mind. Didn't have that. Didn't it. Did it all. Was it next to the name form? No, it was just a form piece of paper.

Should write your name. I just assume it's about the form. Make sure the container is clean and dry. Collect the stool sample after using the toilet, use the provided collection tool, spatula or scoop, et cetera, to take a small sample of stool from different areas of the bowel movement, not just the top. I put my whole shit in there. Like it was literally like the poo emoji sitting in there.

Full to the brim. I might've had to pay for excess baggage if it was a plane, if you know what I mean. She was full to the brim. Excuse me, doc. There's only one tub here. You typically need to, you typically need to provide one to two tablespoons of stool. How big's a tablespoon? Tony's holding up her hand.

Seal and label the sample. Yeah. Okay. Place the sample directly into the provided container or jar. Avoid touching the stool with your hand. So it's contaminated either way. provided container or jar, avoid touching the stool with your hand. So it's contaminated either way. It's fucked either way. In other news, how good is chat. GPT? Well, where was she last week?

What I need is right there. Yeah. She was right there this whole time. So how many mistakes have you made? Oh, no, I can count them. Okay. Get the stool sample kit. Tick.

It didn't have the little liner. So, prepare for collection. Wash your hands. Tick. Yep. Don't let it touch your hands. There's mistake number one. Make sure the container is clean and dry. Tick.

Yes. But we're counting mistakes. Okay. You touch it with your hands. Use the provided collection tool. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.

There's one mistake. Get samples from different areas of the bowel movement. Mistake. Gave them the whole thing. One to two tablespoons. Mistake. Gave them the whole thing. You...

Label the container. Mistake. Mistake. That's four. Place the sample directly into the provided container or avoid touching the stool with your hands. Mistake. Five. Label the container.

Mistake. We already counted that. That's five. Okay. As Sophie said, label the container with your name, date, and any other information. Touches time of deposit. Yeah. Which mistake?

I'm going to give that a six. Yeah. If you can't deliver the sample to the lab immediately, put it in the fridge. Oh no. That's a mistake from them to take one off me. Things to avoid. This is a special, a special part of the bottle. Don't mix urine with the sauce stool sample.

I don't think I did that. I don't think I weighed at the stool sample. I don't think I did that. I don't think I weighed at the same time. Uh, you don't think? Well, like, probably not. You're sitting down. Yeah. Uh, avoid contamination from toilet paper or water when collecting the stool. So yeah.

Follow any additional instructions. I don't think they give enough instructions. I think this might be on the healthcare system. Well considering 999,999 people per million figure it out, maybe it's not the system. Like why is everyone else figured it out? Is it common to make a mistake while collecting a stool sample? Great question. It's not uncommon for people to make mistakes while collecting a stool sample,

especially if they're doing it for the first time. Oh, one of the common mistakes is not collecting enough stool. You didn't make that mistake. I didn't make that mistake. I didn't make that mistake. No errors here. Yeah. Okay. Well, I guess we'll just wait on the feedback for that one.

As in from the medical professional. So what are you doing this afternoon? I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to do another one, I reckon, especially now reading through all of the fuck ups I made. Yeah. It wasn't just one fuck up. I've just done an anonymous shit on someone's desk. How did I not know?

Also putting poo in your fridge, that's upset me greatly. That's pretty bad news. Yeah. I'm not doing that. I know. Now I know Torbz is at work this afternoon. Did you want me to come around? He goes, Oh, Ryan's there.

What do you guys have? You wouldn't believe it Torbz. Do you want to, um, some advice I got that I haven't actually tried that one of the nurses said to put down, I'm like glad rap on the. So like what Ryan did. Yeah, yeah. I didn't do glad rap. That was only a thing I did in college was a prank.

Right. A prank. Disgusting. I didn't send an anonymous shit to a fucking medical provider. I've basically committed an act of terror. I've sent my raw shit to someone. Yeah.

Imagine they would have opened it up and gone, and then gone, Oh, it's full. And then they would have gone, no name. Interesting. Interesting. Shame for them. Just love for me also, cause now I have to do it again. Lobbed it into the bin. What a waste.

Literally. What a waste. What a waste. Hey, I got a You'll Love To See It here. Because actually, let me just pick the most wholesome one I can find. Because. I've got a You'll Love To See It of somebody else making a mistake, which I absolutely love. Chris Tucker posted this on our You'll Love To See It. Did Chris Tucker? Yes. Posted this on our- The Chris Tucker?

Yes. Posted this on our You Love to See It thread in our Facebook group. You Love to See It was meant to take a photo of the Holland days in Walmart when I was visiting the USA last week and I just totally fucked it up. And he sent us a picture of a packet of a different type of sauce. Thank you, Chris Tucker. Oh. So it's not the sauce that we talk about mostly every day.

It's not the source that's available on our Amazon storefront, which is now in our link in bio in our link tree, if anybody is interested. Oh, and an Amazon storefront update. I don't know if you know this, Sophie, but we we checked about how many sales we've made and we have made none. You might not believe that, Sophie, but. Huge. It's been as effective as my stool sample. Not, not effective whatsoever.

Thanks for that Chris. I really appreciate the effort because the thing about life is that it's all about effort. And if you try, what did you post on your Instagram story last week? If you don't try, it's a definite no. If you try, it could be a yes. Yep. Yep. And I actually foreshadowed this story when I posted that.

You were thinking about that. Yeah. Stephanie. Hi, Stephanie. She said, I'm not sure if it's a start the fucking blog or you love to see it, but here we are. We'll take it. Stephanie is disabled and she is a producer director

and is excited to highlight the skills of disabled people. So she's just like in the industry. Yeah. And just sort of be like, well, there's some jobs that are more difficult, but you know what? These are ones you can do and I'm fucking getting around you and give you an opportunity to shine. Amazing. So I've produced and directed my first ever TV series. It's called Date My Nan. first ever TV series. It's called Date My Nan. And all the makeup artists on the show were disabled and they came in and did their work and we just gave them an opportunity to do a really, you know. Oh, and it gives a bit of a plug for their like Instagram or business or whatever to be like,

oh, this is such and such who does makeup, like if she's in your town or whatever. It's really cute, heartwarming and funny show and as disabled producer directing myself, I'm excited to highlight the skills of disabled makeup artists and disabled people putting together a great show. That's really amazing. Feeling really overwhelmed and excited, blown away by the audience's reaction at a screening last night. Dreams do come true and I'm super proud of myself.

Is the show available for people to watch? What's it called? Date My Nan. Date My Nan. I think the first screening was like a, maybe like an in-house kind of like a premiere type thing. So watch this space. But that was by Tarpa Stephanie. So well done, Steph. That's pretty huge. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, well, if we can get an update on when we can stream it or buy it on Apple or something like that, that's awesome. Date My Nan by Tapa Steph. So there you go. Oh, Steph, you fucking nailed that.

Yeah. Someone's done something right today. Yeah. Yep. I'm glad we finished on Stephanie. Don't say finished on Stephanie. But I'm glad that we finished on Stephanie. Tomorrow on the show.

Normal or nah, and I think I mentioned this yesterday, but it's, is it normal or nah in places that aren't Western Australia or Queensland? Okay. Okay. And it's something that is taught in primary schools. Okay. And I read this as someone who's not from Western Australia

or Queensland and went, okay. Yeah. Sure. And as tomorrow is Thanksgiving, if you hate your fucking family, we're here for you. We're here for you. So we're a safe space if you need to fucking spare half an hour away from your family that are making fun of your short husband or whatever. But we're here for you as always. But the holidays fucking suck sometimes. So we love you. We're here for you. And another thing to keep in mind is that tomorrow is Tony's birthday. Now we don't do birthdays,

so don't send any well wishes or whatever. It's not birthday. It's not about the birthday. But Tony believes that because her birthday is the same as Thanksgiving, that she is sweet tiny baby Jesus and she'll be giving a semen. I will be giving a semen.

I'll be delivering a semen for everybody. We'll just label it this time. Please. Have a great day everyone. See you tomorrow. Did you come into your hand and then put it in the jar or did you just come right into the jar? When I was doing the semen sample? No, I just stood at the door and just jerked it. Just into the- Into the reception. Yeah. I just stood at the door and just jerked it. Just into the office. Into the reception.

Yeah. Catch whatever you can. Yeah. Merry Christmas. You know I took it in in an Uber. Loosed in an Uber. Yeah. In my pocket. Yeah. All right. And then she said, where are you going to put the jar?

And you said, jar, which is very, very funny. It was quite funny. Yeah. I'm proud of you. To me, not to her though. So that's what I mean. They've heard that a hundred times. I don't think they have.

Not that one specifically. Not that one. Okay. All right. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye.

Can't wait for my semen tomorrow and given a semen. Today's episode is brought to you by Cozy, the Canadian furniture company that brings adaptable high quality furniture to everyday living spaces. And probably everybody that's listening is thinking, oh, how can I up the ante in my home? The whole family's coming around for Christmas. I've got people coming in, people are dropping in for a holiday party. Yep. And Cozy has matched their top products to make styling your home for the holidays even easier.

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