Toni and Ryan - Two Girls One Book

Episode Date: July 14, 2024

A TARPer has messaged in with a problem for us to weigh in on! If you have a great story or harrowing problem you want us to chat about on the pod, submit it here!!! Love ya xoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony. Hello. Bit of a fun one. Fuck. All right. Yeah. Okay. Today's going to be a huge ep. You can tell already. No! Sorry. Tony, today is a walking meme that is like when the pre-workout kicks in.

We are calling Cindy in Connecticut. Cindy, the TV's leaking. That's from Scary Movie. Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you're trying to reach is not available. At the tone, please record your message. I don't like your tone. Yeah.

Yeah. Some attitude on that bitch. Not Cindy, the girl who works at the thing. Does she know this in real time or do you reckon it's pre-recorded? No, she answers. Yeah. Cindy. Hello.

It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Oh, hi. Hello, Cindy. What have we caught you doing? What's going on? We interrupted, mate. I'm watching some other podcast. I'm sorry. What have we caught you doing? What's going on? Are you interrupting me? I'm watching some other podcast.

I'm sorry. What? What are you watching? Oh, you ever heard of this one called H3? It's a guy in Los Angeles that's really popular. Yes, I have. I actually will cop being ditched for H3, I feel. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. And they're doing this really funny thing where they're swapping roles. Okay. Well, I don't want to hear it. Oh, it's so funny.

Well, fuck you and call them. Cindy, why don't you swap roles and swap into the role of liking the podcast you're currently on at the moment? Have you considered that? Oh, absolutely. I absolutely approve this podcast. Okay, great. Yeah, sure.

And the other one too. It was just going to be such a good day. It was. Tony was revved up and then here we are. Hey, it's Cindy from Connecticut and I approve this podcast. Tony, I need to apologize to you because I've embarrassed us on my global stage. Oh, no. I've done something terrible.

It involves Olympians. It involves the tarpathon, and we'll get to it soon. But I've made us both look fucking pretty shit. Oh, no. Actually, I don't know if it looks... I don't know if it makes you look bad, but... I've come in happy from the weekend, and now you're doing this. I don't know if you'll think, A, I've besmudged our name, or B, you'll just laugh at me and say you're a fuckhead.

I'm definitely a fuckhead, but I don't know if it rubs off on you. I mean, you just said besmudged instead of besmirched, so we're fucking, we're off to a flyer. We'll get to that soon. But first, someone has sent this in anonymously, and they said, Tony and Ryan, I need your help, and I want the advice from the Tarpers as well. We're here to help.

I'm stuck between a book and a hard place. I wrote a book. I did. Bestseller, award winner. You know, just letting you guys know that if the book you want to be between is mine, there are signed copies available at www.tonynryan.com.au. International shipping available. Signed copies.

Just if you want one. It's strange that it's a bestseller, but yet there's still so many copies to go. Is that? No. Well, being a bestseller doesn't mean selling out. It means selling an amount. Right.

So I think the amount to be a bestseller is like $10,000. $10,000 books, fucking crazy. Oh, but there's still so many. Yeah, it's actually not available anymore. Yeah, shit. It did so well that we can't get any more. I'll send you the PDF. I had to return a book to the library.

Was it my book? It's available at libraries? Isn't libraries just for an author just the worst thing to exist? No. Buy it, you cheapskates. No, no, no, no. It's great. You get money per time people rent it out.

Really? Yeah, you fucking do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now the other half live, folks. So you don't get like, you don't get $30 every time. Obviously. But you get like a little. A trickle.

Yeah, it's like a few cents per time, which adds up like worldwide. Yeah. You know what I mean? And also, if people want to access my shit, like I already wrote it. Yeah. So, it's like enjoy it for free if you can. Work done. Yeah.

I'm stuck between a book and a hard place. I had to return a book to the library and a girl I work with said, oh, I have to go to the library this afternoon. I'll drop it off for you. No. If you had a library book Tony Lodge due back tomorrow and I said, oh, I'll take that for you. I'll drop it off on the way home today.

I'd probably just go, no, no, no, I can do it. No, it's fine. I don't mind. No, no, no, I want to go and get. No, I'm actually heading that way. probably i'd probably just go no no i can do it no it's fine i don't mind i've got it no no that's i want to go and no i'm actually heading that way i actually want to go and visit valerie who's the librarian because she's an old friend of mine i'll say hi to her for him and there's no one named valerie that works there no um or nah no no no so the lady goes who sits next to her at work oh good i'm heading that way i'll drop it off on the way home she goes oh that's actually great Oh, nah. No, no, no, no, no. So the lady goes, who sits next to her at work,

oh, all good, I'm heading that way, I'll drop it off on the way home. She goes, oh, that's actually great, thank you. A few weeks later, I received a letter from the library. This is what I was fucking worried about, and that's why I wouldn't trust you to do it, Ryan, because it would never go back to the fucking library. Then I get a black mark next to my name, never got returned. The book hasn't been returned it's overdue I've been fined and the fines will continue until the book is returned

seems like my colleague who I actually really get along with um you know just maybe forgot life gets busy mistakes happen but I am full natalie embrulia i really want to ask them about the library book but it's all just a bit fresh but like the library needs their book back and i'm getting fined so a normal person maybe would go say it's you and i ryan we sit next to each other at work and i go look this is this is so random i think that the library's fucked up um because they reckon that i didn't return that book the other day is that though do you remember because i had two i had to return around the same time do you remember which one i gave you? Do you know what I mean? And kind of don't put it on them but be like, oh, I've mixed something up. No, there's another book involved.

Well, like, and that one's a make-believe book because that one is. I know. Yeah. You're prepared to lie other than ask the question. The person says, I've been considering moving cities for a while. Maybe this is just a message from the universe I've been waiting for. But then moving cities over a library book maybe makes me the most overly dramatic person in history.

What should I do? Also, I believe that your finds follow you. They do. You know, like moving cities wouldn't actually like achieve what you want unless the reason you want to move is so that you can say to the person you work next to, did you return my library book? Then there's a bit of awkwardness and you go, well, I'm moving to Melbourne next week, so who cares?

Yeah. I'll tell you who cares, the library. Well, yeah, because I mean and there might be people that are waiting to check it out as well. Like there's often wait lists for like popular books. When I worked at National Australia Bank, NAB, there were often times when someone was trying to get a loan for their business or something structured and the one little thing

that was doing it out was like 10 years ago you owed $8 on an overdue video at Blockbuster or whatever. No way. Does that stuff stay on your record? Yeah, because like after a while. How did you get a loan? If you think I ever borrowed a book from the library,

you're very much mistaken. But a video though from the Blockbuster. Yeah, I just put on the mum's name. Oh, she's on Mandy Dunn. Oh, so your mum's never going to be able to get a loan. No, she's done. She's really done. Mandy Dunn.

She's Mandy Dunn. But apparently it's just like a little red flag and they go, even though the blockbuster is closed, there'll be some phone number from a debt collector that's in charge of the fucking whatever. Covering that. And they're like, just go pay the eight bucks. What if it's plus interest?

I haven't gotten a fucking video out in 20 years. That could be a lot of interest. Yeah. Fuck. Oh, I think that you- Would you move cities or would you do- I think what you did was like just sort of tiptoe around enough to kind of just- And you see it in their face and they'll just go, oh, fuck.

Or you pretend, right, that you're reading the email for the first time. Here's me reading that email for the first time. Oh, sorry. Beep, beep. Just got an email. Sorry, Sally. I won't be a moment. Oh.

What the fuck? And then Sally goes. The library's accusing you. Oh, what's what happened? And then Sally goes, what's wrong? And I go, oh, my God, I just got an email from the library saying that I owe all this money for an overdue book. How could that be true considering I definitely.

You took it back for me the other day. I did, yes. I'm going to have to call them. Oh, no, I'll call them for you. Oh, well, you didn't return my fucking book, so I'm probably not going to trust you to return the call. I reckon you could do the same. That was quite good acting.

Yeah, I reckon you could do the same, but a phone call, like a fake phone call. Hello? Janine speaking. That's my robot vacuum. Yeah. Hello? I'm looking for a robot vacuum.

Sorry, Stephanie speaking. Change the name. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. Thank you, Valerie. Yeah, Stephanie speaking. Change the name. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. Thank you, Valerie. Yeah, how are you? She does exist.

Sorry, I'm on the phone, Sally. One moment. $5,000? Oh, my God, for the book from last week. No, no, no, no, no. I've got Sally here. Let me put her on. She returned the book for me so she can attest to the fact that she definitely returned the book from last week. No, no, no, no, no. I've got Sally here. Let me put her on. She returned the book for me so she can attest to the fact that she

definitely returned the book. It's Valerie from the, sorry, it's Valerie from the library. Let me just pop you on hold, Valerie. It's Valerie from the library. They are saying that you didn't return that book last week. Oh, that seems strange. That seems really strange. Okay, it's a fake call so there's no one there. Oh, so you can't, you can't Hello, this is Valerie. Hello, Valerie. Oh, it must have dropped out. The call? Oh, Sophie

could call. Pretend to be Valerie. Alright, well I hope this type of, and again, this is That would have helped. Yeah. But I think she will gain some clarity from the play that we just did. Scene. That was submitted via the anonymous part of our website.

So I hope they're listening and I believe on behalf of Tony and I and people, we'd love an update. I would love an update. Yeah. Let us know how Sally and Valerie are going. Yeah. Salary. Vegetable conspiracy.

Hey, it's Cindy from Connecticut, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. I don't like it here. Oh, a few of the people that hopefully will be watching our Tapathon to a Gold livestream, if that's still going ahead. Lindy Bouchard, good on you, Linds. Mayhem is Neat, Drew, Ruben Martinez, and Keith N. Dringer. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. We actually can't make this podcast without you.

You're such a huge part of us being able to do this every day and have a great team and stuff. So it really makes such a huge difference to our lives that we can do it. So thank you so much for being part of it. And you're all free to leave now. Oh, fuck. I'm going to get a job at Coles.

Tony. If anyone's hiring, let me know. I think I might be in need for a new fucking job. When you arrived today, because you had to take your car to the shop again. Let's not. God, if you don't want me to be in a bad mood. Yeah, no, but what is that three times in the last fucking three weeks? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you got an Uber from the mechanic into work, and what did you say about what was on the radio? Oh, yep. So I was in an Uber and the guy was listening to like, I got in the Uber, right? And I'm like, oh, for Tony because the mechanic orders it. So I didn't know if he had like my information. I'm like, yeah, Uber for Tony. He goes, yep, all good.

And I jump in and go, oh, how's this rain? Not a word. Yeah, good. I hated it. I was ready to chat to him how's this rain? Not a word. Yeah, good. I hated it. I was ready to chat to him. I was ready to have a yarn. Anyway, so because he didn't talk to me, I had to listen to the radio. He was listening to crazy, old shit, boring talk back.

And whoever it was, this male was on the radio. He was interviewing, the host was interviewing an Olympian. And it was just so fucking boring. It was just a bad interview. I don't know whether it was like whose side it was bad from because I don't know who the host was either. Sometimes people who focus on sport don't focus on broadcast and that's okay and they're not always.

Like it just might not have been a good interview as well, but I was listening and I was like, fuck, why aren't you asking anything interesting? Well, Tony rolls in. And the person sounded fucking bored, like the Olympian. And I, again, don't know who it was. I got in the car and had already started. Tony rolls into work this morning and goes, oh,

some Olympians on the radio and it was so boring, not knowing that I've actually spent the weekend trying to get an Olympian on the Tony and Ryan podcast in the lead up to the tarpathon tool gold. Well, what I will say to that is the fact that we wouldn't pick a boring person. Would we? But I think it's the interviewer I feel was more the problem than the Olympian. No, I'm saying. So anyway, I spent was more the problem than the Olympian. Look at her backtracking. She knows it's her. No, I'm saying.

So anyway, I was spending the weekend trying to hit up Olympians for the tarpathon. I thought it would be great for the buildup. Yep. And you can see Sophie's like. Pissing her pants. Because she saw this happen in real time and she nearly fell off her chair because it's fucking harrowing.

And so I tried to find some people who were competing on the first day. Yes. Because I feel like hopefully someone wins gold on the first day and we're only going to do 24, 25 hours. Yep. Because we're live until Australia wins gold. Yep. And so I was like, let's get someone who's competing on day one

because we'll literally be watching them. Yeah. So then when we're watching, we go, oh, remember we chatted to them and it feels like we feel a bit closer to it. Definitely. So Sophie, I'm going to have to ask you to stop looking at me because i can feel it did sophie see you naked no but i wish you had instead of this just in general you can't say that okay so office drama my boss said that he wanted to see me it turns out the

women's time trial road like road race time trial, is on the first day. Yep. Time trial. So that's cycling. Yep, cycling. Yeah. But it's like they all do the same 20-kilometer course

and it's like first. Isn't it to figure out what your starting position is? No, that's it. Faster time wins. That's a time trial. Oh, I thought a time trial was like before the thing. Interesting. No, no, no.

That's F1. Well, that's what I thought. It must all be the thing interesting no no that's f1 well that's what i thought it must all be the same i went to the f1 i put the train um and so the girls are on and so i found some um some of the cyclists are cool too and one of them's from the brunswick cycling club and she's like cool i was like that is cool and our hood as well so you know and so i maybe the person that i heard on the radio was someone just from the Olympic village. Maybe it wasn't an Olympian. So I'm trying to make. Here's what I was going to send.

Okay. Oh, no. Hey, girl. My name is Ryan. Hey, girl. These are Olympians. I want to seem casual. Global level athletes.

I just want to seem casual. Global level athletes. I just want to seem casual. I don't want to be like, hello, Olympian. Who is the team manager? Why wouldn't you just say, hey, blah, love your work. Use their name. Don't say girl. That makes it look like you've copied and pasted to a million people, which is so embarrassing.

Well, that's part of the – yeah, because I've messaged a few. And you couldn't even just write their name in the message. Hey, girl, my name is Ryan. Hey, girl, I'm sorry. That's awful. Yeah. I'm from the Tony and Ryan podcast and we'd love to chat to you on the show in the lead up to the Paris Games.

I understand you've got a busy few weeks of preparation. All good if you can't. Just thought we'd ask. It'd be 10 minutes on the phone. If not, all the best for the next few months. Yeah. We'll be watching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she wrote back, hey boy.

Now here's where the technical chat starts. Because these guys, Sophie, can you fucking just stop? Oh my god. She's lost it. So how are you feeling? She's lost it. Soph, how are you feeling? She's all red. Soph, can you speak? Her face matches her. Talk into the mic. Tell us how you're feeling.

Her face matches her hair. Actually bright red. I'm crying. Pull the microphone over to yourself and just don't. I have to leave. I think I need to leave. I don't work here anymore. Do you want us to work here after what happened?

You did something that made Sophie quit. That's not good. She's actually crying. She's laughing so hard. I stopped crying since it happened. Oh, my God. Okay, so you've sent this message. Did you send that message to multiple people or is this just?

This was the first one I tried. Okay. But I was planning on sending it to multiple people, hence I was like. Yeah. Because in the women's cycling team there's four or five people, so I'm like I'll send it to all of them. They're all blue tick professional athletes. Totally.

So I'm assuming most of them aren't even going to see it. So I'm like spread the cast the net wide yep and so oh and so i type in hey girl my name is it's ryan and then i press enter to start a new line and it just sends and goes um you can only message them once if they accept um the transaction uh if they then you can chat afterwards but we've sent this message if they approve or not so they've just got hey girl my name is ryan and that's it so they're gonna get this request that says, someone's requested to send you a message. And it's going to come from Ryan from the Tony and Ryan podcast.

And it goes, hey, girl, I'm Ryan. And that's it. That's all it says. And because you've got a blue cheek. It's been the top of the pile. That's it. I'm glad. Here's what it says. I'm very glad, though, that you didn't mention Tony and Ryan in it.

Why did you get a chance to? Yeah, but I'm not included. This is just you. So here, look here. It just says invite sent. You can send more messages after your invite is accepted. Well, they're not going to accept that, are they? No, they're not.

Okay. So we won't be having an Olympian on because they suck anyway. Are you able to unsend? Is that possible? That's a great question. I don't know if you can if it's a request. I don't know if you can if it's a request. I don't know if you can, if it's a request. I know you can, if it's like, but they still get a notification that says like, Ryan, I'm

I can, I think I can unsend, but you won't be able to send another one. I don't think. Cause that's still your one attempt. Otherwise people would just like unsend and re-send shit all the time. Cause it's like an anti-bullying measure, you know, so that you don't get trolled by people. I've unsent it. Yeah.

But it still says invite to send. So she'll have to accept for us to DM each other. Yes, yep. Should I say who it is or do I want to out them? No, no, no. And especially if you've sent it to a few people, I think the less information people know, the better. See, this is why.

What have we learned? We have to draft our messages in notes and then copy and paste back in. In one go. Yes. Did you do that? Oh, I'm just pissed. Are you joking? You're pissed. A little bit of weight's come out. Oh, Tony'm just pissed. Are you joking? You're pissed.

A little bit of weight's come out. I just laughed so hard at your lack of game. We did draft it. At the fact that you drafted. Do we need to stop? What's happened? You drafted a message. No, but I wanted there to be like a line indent to spread it out.

Why didn't you just do that in the messenger that you copied and pasted. Copy the first bit, press paste, then press enter to create a line down. Oh, no, you've got to shift enter. Oh. Yeah. Fuck me if that isn't the funniest thing I've ever heard, that you had actually drafted it. That makes it way funnier.

I believe Sophie just said you upped an Olympian. Hey, girl, I'm Ryan. And the Olympic team is currently in Italy, so that would have arrived about 3 a.m. And the Olympic team is currently in Italy, so that would arrive about 3am. I probably woke up in the morning in the middle of the Giro d'Italia that they're doing at the moment. Not that I've been looking online or anything.

So we're already probably skating. Here's the state of play as I see it. We're already kind of skating. Says the girl who's literally sitting in her own urine. Please tell me how to be better at life. Say urine, you fucking nine-year-old granddad. Use Instagram better, you fucking loser. We are already kind of skating on thin ice with the Schmalympics

live stream. I don't know. I disagree. Disagree. The ice is thick with the Schmalympics. So we've done that. And now we've drawn more attention to ourselves because you've sent this creepy message to all of these.

Only one because that happened the first time. So I've sent some other messages, but I've changed the way I did it. But she was the only one that got a U up. Okay. But she's going to say to all the other women competing in her event, go, don't reply because he sent me the creepiest message the other night. Creepiest motherfucker I've ever met in my life. Imagine the whole team.

Sitting around laughing. No, but they all get the message and they all think you've just messaged every single one of them. How come you got a full message and I just got a U-up, girl? Do you know what I thought you were going to say? Is that you're like, look, we just want a quick 10 minutes with one person just to like, you know,

set the scene, you know, create a bit of a closeness between us. I thought you were going to say you copied and pasted it to 20 people and they all came back and were like, would love to chat. We got 20 Olympians on the line. Quite the opposite. Yeah.

Yeah, so. That is just. What was your, can you recreate the moment that you realised that you'd U-upped an Olympian? Sophie, do you want to recreate it? It was like we just froze. We were like there's a T-Rex in the room and we froze hoping that it would be undone.

Just stop it from continuing. I don't think I've seen Ryan be so still. Oh, God, I can't speak. I actually haven't stopped crying. Sophie was gone. She couldn't speak for an hour after it happened. That is so fucking funny. I think I, in the stillness, was still making noises, though.

Like I'd sent it and gone. Yeah, see, I was picturing her. Yeah. I was still, but it was just audible, just sounds. Sounds. Coming from my person. So. Oh, great.

But I really want her to accept just so I can explain. Yes. Yeah, just so that you can. And if she wins gold, I'm going to be so embarrassed. Do you want me to message the person and just say, look, my friend Ryan accidentally messaged only one line of a copy and pasted message that he was going to send to several of you and your teammates.

He's not creepy. He just is bad at using Instagram. Do you feel like? Is that better? That's who it is. Yeah, okay. Look, okay, it's who it is. Yeah, okay. Look, okay, it's not looking good. All right, well.

A previous medalist, like they're good. They're at the top of the chain. Oh, look at the Olympics. I don't think you have to stipulate that they're good, but you know. They're a previous medalist at the Olympics. Okay, so yeah. Well known, lots of requests. Maybe they won't see it. Maybe they won't see it.

Maybe they won't see it. They will. But she also looks cool. You know when you're embarrassed to sit in front of someone that's cool. Yeah, it happens to me every day at home. Not here, but at home sometimes. Should I try and turn this around? Yeah.

A bit of you love to say it. Yeah. We got a message from Gerard Clark on our Patreon. So hopefully Gerard is someone who's going to be joining us for the Tarbathon if that ends up going ahead. We're still around. Gerard says, my husband Beau recently won. And this is maybe the Olympics of this situation.

Can I ask another question? If someone knows an Olympian, can you just message them for me? I know an Olympian who's not competing this year. No, someone who's competing this situation. Can I ask another question? Yeah. If someone knows an Olympian, can you just message them for me? I know an Olympian who's not competing this year. No, someone who's competing this year. So that's the stipulation. If someone's listening now. Because someone goes, my granny ran the fucking hurdles. Can you message, instead of me messaging you, can you message me?

Are you listening now and you're in the Olympics in Paris? That would be amazing. Send me a DM. Imagine if an Olympian's listening. No one needs to you up anyone. Messages can be sent that aren't like that. You up someone. I can remember what we talked about last week.

Sorry, I can just. I'm not saying I'm in the right. I'm just saying let's not get too high on our high horse. I don't think I was high on my high horse at all. I think I'm just telling you that you. You are now though. No, no, no. I'm saying.

Sorry, I'm just being defensive. I'm lashing though. No, no, no. I'm saying that. Sorry, I'm just being defensive. I'm lashing out. I know because you just. I'm lashing out. Oh, and I won't speak ever again. I'm just embarrassed. I don't think you need to be embarrassed,

but I just don't think that any message ever needs to be. You know what? Everyone listening, everyone DM me today and ask if I'm up. No, you can't ask for that. You're swiping. You're making so much work. I just need to feel loved. You should feel loved.

Look at us. We all love you. We're here. No one DM Ryan. Don't give him the satisfaction. He deserves to sit in his field. If you're an Olympian, message us. Yes. Sorry, back to Gerard. My love to Sam in his field. No, but seriously though, if you're an Olympian, message us. Yes.

Sorry, back to Gerard. My love to see it. Sorry, Gerard. Gerard's husband, Beau, won the Olympics of bonsai. Beau won... Like the plants? Yeah. Yeah. He won the World Bonsai Friendship Federation's Most Outstanding Tree Award. That is incredible. What the hell?

Gerard says that Beau is incredibly passionate about Bonsai in Australia and like trying to get young people involved because it's kind of like an older, slower hobby. But isn't it like a really great mindfulness like something that's slow and chipping away at and like not like but like, you know, there'd be a calming influence about it. Yeah, I think that's what it's supposed to be is that it's like, yeah, you have to be very be a calming influence about it. Yeah, well, I think that's what it's supposed to be is that it's like, yeah, you have to be very aware of what you're doing. I feel like you could be a bonsai guy if you wanted to be.

I feel like that would be healthy, yeah. And you'd enjoy it. I think I would because it's a bit crafty. Yeah, that's what I mean. You're caring for it. You're chipping away at it. Using your hands as well, which I like. I can see it.

I can see it. Interesting. Well, actually, Bo is trying to kind of start the fucking blog and trying to make this his, like, full-time thing. But he started a little Etsy shop called Bonsai Stationery, so you can check it out. And he's got heaps of products like T-shirts and bags and books and stuff. But it's all stuff about, like, bonsai, which I just think is so nation really sweet.

Yeah, I love it. Congratulations on the win, though, at the Bonsai Olympics. Huge win. Yeah. Maybe I'll message you. Hey, Bo, you up? Hey, girl, my name's Ryan. Hey, girl, it's Ryan.

A tarpa who's named himself Big Papa Bear. Ooh. I've been injured in the most pathetic way possible, but at least the tarpers will love it. And is that not one of the great opening sentences you'll see? That's very selfless. Yep. I was having a wank and sneezed, threw out my back and broke three ribs.

And I don't even know how that's possible, but I love it. Throwing out the back adds up for me. I'm like, yep, you do a sneeze and it's like a bit of a jerk. Don't say jerk. But breaking the ribs, that feels extravagant. Don't you have to like, wouldn't there have to be like impact on the ribs? You can twist and hit the rock, yeah. Oh, I've never cracked a rib.

Have you? No, but I've, yeah, I know. Breaking sounds impact. Surely they would have to be like a hit or. Well, sometimes people. Maybe it was like a bedside table or something. I believe some people can break a rib, but it's more like of a whiplash than a physical bang.

Like it just twists. But that's pressure, isn't it? Yeah. We don't know how hard he was wanking. Or how hard he sneezed. You know, and I love you saying wanking in that way. Imagine if he sneezed at the same time he came. Wouldn't that just be the ultimate feeling of all time?

Because then they say a sneeze is an eighth of an orgasm. Yeah, they do say that. I don't know if that's true. So it's like a one and an eighth. So if you do sneeze eight times, do you do a cum? No, it feels as good as an eighth of an orgasm. But not every orgasm feels the same. No.

Not every sneeze feels the same. True. I don't know where people are getting their data from. Yeah, by the way, Big Papa Bear. Good on you, Big Papa Bear. Thank you for sharing that with us. Very, very funny. And just explain that to the hospital.

Yeah. Yeah, so I that to the hospital. Yeah. Yeah. So I was jerking it. Yeah. I also, the concept of it's embarrassing for me in the moment, but I feel like it's a good story for everyone else. There's a selflessness to that. I agree.

It's like when you fall over and you want to laugh because other people want to laugh too. Yeah. It's like when you DM an Olympian and ask them if they're up and you go, well, I'm a fuckhead, but I hope everyone else enjoys this. And then you tell all the people on the podcast and ask them to DM you up to you back because you did that. I don't know if you maybe blacked out during that period,

but that happened as well. I think we're going to go take a little break. Yeah, I'm taking my DMs now, but I just realised that podcasts aren't live. Yeah, podcasts aren't live. No one's messaged me yet. No. Well, yeah'm checking my DMs now. But I just realised that podcasts aren't live. Yeah, podcasts aren't live. No one's messaged me yet. No, well that, yeah. That's how that works. Thank you very much, Sex and the City. Including the Olympian.

Like you said, they get so, they would get so many DMs, especially at the moment. They probably won't even see it. Alright, have a great day, everyone. Watch this space. There could be an Olympian on the show on the next fortnight. It's next Friday.

I said that last Monday, but this time it's right. I was like, hang on. Have we got it this time? All right. Chat soon. Love ya. Love you. Bye.