Toni and Ryan - Walking Bacon and Ugly Babies

Episode Date: May 25, 2025

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Hello, welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Tony, this is Ryan and we never start an episode of our podcast without a TARP or approval. Yep, TARP is Tony and Ryan podcast and today's is Kalani down in Camperdown. Now Kalani, what are you supposed to be doing right now? I am supposed to be at school in English. Like high school? Yes, year 12. Oh year 12 that's basically not school. Or as high school teachers will try to tell you it's like the most important year of your life to get into the right college. You know what I didn't do great at school and look at me now.

Kalani go straight back to that class. Definitely make sure you go. Kalani, will you approve today's podcast? Yes, definitely. Legend. Hi, it's Kalani from Campadana, Victoria, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to a brand new week. Welcome to Australia. Back to Top Tower.

Yep. And... All still friends. All still friends. Let me just open the newspaper because it's time for, TARPA'S IN THE NEWS. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. TARPA'S IN THE NEWS. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. If you've been in the news,

let us know what you did and why. Are you right, mate? Yeah, sorry, I just. Throwing out an old newspaper. Yeah. Dakota Harriman. Hi, Dakota. She's a TARPA, she's a fucking legend.

She's also a zookeeper. When people say that, I'm like, that's not a real job. That's not real. It's like when people say they're an architect. You go, that's just on TV. I think I told you, I had a class at Melbourne Business School and this guy was like six foot four, broad shoulders, a bald head and these like really big thick rimmed black glasses and then they said, oh, you sir, you know, any examples from your line of work? And he goes, well, I'm an architect and we, and we, everyone, the whole room just went, oh. As if he didn't have a wall.

Of course, yeah, of course he did. And he just like these big like chunky black boots, some like some black denim. Nice. Yeah, just like one of the... That's very good. One of the way that guy's up too. Anyway, Dakota's a zookeeper. Oh, back to Dakota. Dream over. I'm a zookeeper and I was on live TV with a lizard that I trained. Oh wow. Now I can't confirm if it was Sam Mack or not, but I get the vibes. It was one of those like breakfast shows crossing out to wherever. Yeah.

So I knelt down on TV to try and get my lizard that I've been training to do one of his tricks. Oh, wow. But he got stage fright and a little bit scared because there's all these people around looking. So as I was bent down, he like ran under my crutch and I said breakfast television, Oh, they do like a nice and warm dark place. And she went, Oh, like as soon as she said it, she's like kind of heard what she said. And you know, you can imagine Sam back and the back and then the host just like, Oh, okay. But you try and over correct.

And then you go, Oh, but if the areas moist, even better, you know, like you just keep saying stuff. I'm not talking about my pussy. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. No, um, lizards hate cats. Oh God. But Dakota, great work. Great work.

Oh wow. Also training a lizard. That is on its own. That is incredible. I can't even train Pippa. She's too sassy. Like she'll do it and then when I need her to do it, she just goes, she looks me like this and she goes.

Yeah, pathetic mom. Like she's just too sassy. Megan Urie. Fake name. Great name though, what a stage name. Now presenting Megan Urie. I just said that like she might be a boxer or like WWE like wrestling or something. And now I can't unsee that. I love it. We went to Scotland for our honeymoon and accidentally became cattle show judges.

What? So she was born for the stage. She was a type of stage. They ran a story in the local paper with the headline wedding ring to show ring. Romance livestock dreams. I like the headline. Do you imagine Tony when you're at your next rodeo that if you're this there as a punter to watch and they kind of went, oh, we need some judges. Excuse me, ma'am. I would do it.

I would. I like to fail upwards. And I think that if I was anywhere and they went, oh, we need a judge for something, I'd go, well, you're in luck. Yeah. Because this is actually my niche of knowledge. Judging people. What did you say?

Sorry. Where were they on holiday? Scotland. And what was the newspaper headline? Wedding ring to show ring. Obviously we'll need it to hear it in Scottish. Fuck Scottish. We just did an island reaction video

and I'm more fucking what's Scotland again? Me wee lassie. Wedding ring to show ring. That was good. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. You could have done it. Oh me wee sheepies.

Look at you. The way Tony nails Scottish and the way I'm, cause I can see the facial reaction obviously is she just gets angry. Yeah. I just scrunched my face up. Yeah. Yeah. Me wee lassie. Yeah. Yeah. Rachel. Hi Rachel. Is that your cousin Rachel? No, it's not. And thank God. No, just a type of Rach, but didn't work out for her. My wedding photographer missed the big day because she was being arrested for fraud and tax evasion. So what she would do, you know how like everyone kind of gets married on a Saturday. So she'd book four or five brides, four or five weddings, take all the deposits, take all the money and not fucking do it. Imagine taking money and then not doing the

work. I can't imagine what kind of person would do that. I could imagine. I cannot imagine. I think you've experienced that pretty firsthand. That is on a wedding day as well. She was running a scam. Tensions already high. Double booking brides and ghosting them. And my locals paper like run a hit piece. And in the favourite said,

the bride said, I'll do, whilst the photographer pled not guilty. I do. What did I say? I'll do. I'll do. Like, I'll do, I'll do. Do you take this wee lassie? Yeah, I'll do. Isn't that fucking brutal though? That is, I just, especially weddings, I just think, God, people are paying so much money. And I feel like the stress already, and this is why I do not want a wedding, the stress already,

and this is why I do not want a wedding, the stress already and then someone not rocking up and then like, what's the backup? Everyone's like, oh, just take some pictures on my iPhone. You go, yeah, it's really not the same fucking thing. It is if I do it. Charles is on the ground, like taking pictures of me with his iPhone like this.

With his GoPro. Yeah, oh my God, Torbz and I and Pippa have the GoPro strapped to us. On the head? Pippa's got, yeah. And Pippa's got the chest one on. And you've got- That I bought her.

Who's the train guy? Francis Bourgeois. So you've got your Francis Bourgeois looking at you. Yeah, and it's like the weird like cam thing. We got your 360 cam. Yes! You guys have the GoPro, Pippa has the 360. Pippa's got the 360 so it's like POV. Pippa Cam. Pippa View. Fuck the photographer, it sounds like we've got it sorted. That actually sounds great and then that way if we end up in the water

we're covered because you can do land, air and sea with a GoPro. Sorry, you just saying that it just triggered me and I'm thinking about their air hog. Oh, you know what it made me think of? Surf and turf. Reef and beef. Like you have some prawns on a fucking steak. Prawn and lawn. Fuck that.

Pfft. That's a vegetarian version. Fish on a... I don't have one. Yeah, if only a thing that you serve food on run with fish. Of steak. With beef. Lobster on a.

Lobster on a cow. Oh, what's your perfect evening? Had a lobster and got the gopster. Trenton, maybe the good time. That is your perfect evening? I don't love standing up the gopster Trenton may be the good time Fucking goby. Yeah A lob in a fuck. A twerk and a jerk. I'm full and I'm going home for a pull.

Now that is the perfect evening. The only thing that could make that better is not having to go home. Like you're already home. Well you're gonna, oh I thought you were gonna say you're gonna jerk it at the steak restaurant. I don't think so man. You'll end up in the local paper. You're sitting in Squire's loft and you go, well, I've finished my food. Now I'm going to be a rude dude. Oh, I'm trying to join you.

I'm really the lobster has thrown me. What rhymes with lobster? Mobster? Yeah. Lobster on a mobster. If only there was a mobster name that had a name in it. Crab and a Drab. Tapa.

I went and got a two pay on the weekend. Yeah. A rug and a tub. Yeah. I had a lemonade. Did you? Yeah. And they said, how would you like to drink? I was like, oh, get a fizz then oh, jeez. drink I was like I'll get a fizz then I'll just get a finger lime then I'll finger it must be the jet lag yeah Charles do you have one look like you have one no you look like you had one just then do you know what rhymes with lobster yeah I looked it up and there's like five words.

Oh, what else is there? Mobster. Mobster monster? No. Okay, I'm reading what it says on rhyme zone. I wanna hear a bad word about rhyme zone. That got through me through a lot of song parodies and commercial radio.

But monster does not rhyme with lobster. Cause the next one's roster. And I don't think roster rhymes. No. No. So maybe one's roster. And I don't think roster rhymes. No. No. So maybe there's one. Show me your lobster. And I'll eat a lobster.

Then give me a monster. At the top is mobster though. We'll eat a rock lobster. Then show me your cock monster. Megan Grace. Hi Megan. Did you already read one from Megan? No, I've been trying to for five minutes.

Sorry. That was Rachel. Tax evasion, weddings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Surf and turf. Surf and turf. Yummy. When I was five years old, I was too scared to jump off the diving board at the public

school. And so I got off the diving board and I was going to jump and I got a little bit scared and I was like, oh, and I kind of just sat on the edge, I was a little bit scared. That would be scary. A photographer snapped me doing this and there was a story in the local paper about the girl who refused to jump off the diving board. I was horrified. So embarrassing.

That's unsolicited. She got papped. She got paparazzi. You know how like on a scorching hot day, there's always that colour news story. We're like, oh, hot day and the pool's full. Everyone's at the pool. Yeah and so they're like oh you've the photographer from the local paper, oh yeah just get a few snaps of the crowd and then you know and has like the little text under the photo like young girl is a

fucking pussy. Like won't jump off the thing. To add a layer of embarrassment my grandma was like oh my granddaughter's in the paper and cuts out the article. But it's not like a good story. And puts it like frames it up and goes, Oh, yeah, because I've got all the little clippings from you know, and here's when her cousin was in the school newspaper and the letter and the fucking blah, blah, blah. And then there's a picture of her just like, Oh, too scared to jump. Oh my God. Immortalizing my fear of heights for eternity.

Hopefully that grandma's dead now. Sorry. Bet she probably is though, eh? Well like, probably. You do the maths. Yeah. Old plus older. Dead.

Sorry Mr. Nichols son. Put you in the grave and then eat me on the shave. Hi, it's Kalani from Camp Down Victoria and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. It's the Adam, Well and Jack show. Podcasts, we're doing it. So I've got a kid. Shocker, I'm gay.

Here's what happens with open relationship. What about us scream 60 minutes? All right, let's welcome Milana, Chase, Dara, Dan to Left on Red. Son of a... You have a lot of set times and you're still late for them. Yeah, take care. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Massive shout out to a few of our champion tabbers over at our Patreon. Amy Gray, good on your aims.

Jackie Carroll, Robbie Sleep, Robbie Awake, Emily Hudson, Lacey Kay, Randall and Natalie Mahoney. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Absolutely love to see it. Who's the opposite of Robbie sleep? Gift him awake Rob yeah, I'll just leave it to its rightful owner awake. Yeah Don't rob it. Yeah, don't this Rob Sans crime, fuck. Oh, Sans,

Rob, Sans Rob, sorry. I'm really upset that I didn't get any good reef and beef jokes. And that's normally my area and I'm just, I'm off, sorry. But- Yeah, I had some like weird seafood and then had the old reef and quay. It just doesn't sit right, you know, and you get a bit gassy.

Or if you want a steak and then you have to leave urgently, so it's reef and leaf. Reef and leave. Reef and leaf. Yeah. What's wrong with me? Reef and leaf. Reef and leaf. Yeah. What? What's wrong with me? You know, you have a flake then you want to smoke so you have the old shark and dart.

Well, no, shark doesn't mind my dart. If I can't have reef and leaf then you can't have shark and dart. What I will give you though- Mate, I just had a shark and a cigarette so I don't give a fuck. What I will give you though is flake and bake. We get stoned in order of fish and chips. Flake and bake. I'll get the flake and bake thanks baby. Yeah and a dim sim.

Yeah obviously. Obviously. Yum. Okay sorry. Now I'm back in. So then we get our rips and chips. Okay let's push on. Okay, sorry. What's going on here?

We, Tobbs and I, we went out for a little breakfast yesterday morning. Yep. And fucking Sunday morning, breakfast in Melbourne is busy. There's things going on. And you know when like, when you're out somewhere, and like, you're awaiting the line or whatever, or like, oh actually no, even better.

You're at the supermarket, and you're like, oh like you're awaiting the line or whatever or like, oh, actually, no, even better. You're at the supermarket and you're lined up behind somebody else and they like, are too quick to be like, oh, I'm not with them or that's not my toilet paper. Like if you put your stuff up on the thing and they go, oh no, just that's mine up to here.

And they get quite like kooky about it. So we're waiting at this cafe, right? And there's like a side door where you have to wait to get sat. Like they seat you, you can't just take a table. But where you have to wait to get a table is also where you go in to pay or like order takeaway. I hate that. So it's just, it's like-

You're all in the- yeah, have you ordered? Have you ordered? Oh, we're just trying to pack- Oh, we're waiting. Yeah. You accidentally push in and it's a whole thing. Yeah, that's fucked. And I feel as well like it's like you're all congregating in the same spot.

So you kind of look like you're all Like it's hard to tell who's with who whatever so when you're rocking up you're kind of expecting the old weight and cake But why and cake doesn't rhyme? No Cake and back Sorry, we didn't see it. Yeah. Yeah, that's not what we were doing. Even though it sounds like it, it wasn't. Anyway, so all these people like congregating inside and we were like, oh, you know, we'll just wait outside along the wall until like it kind of quietens down.

We approached the door from one side and a woman and a man and a baby stroller. So I'm guessing that they were together and their pram glued them together. Do you know what I mean? Like they're obviously a small family. Approach from the other side and decide to do the same as us,

like wait by the door. It kind of, it dissipates and a guy comes down who works there and he's like, he's like, oh, you guys waiting for a table or waiting to come in or whatever. And he kind of looks to the left and the right and sees like, we're both waiting. We are very clearly not together.

Like it actually could not be clearer that we are obviously separate parties waiting for a table. It's because the other couple were males and you're like, I wouldn't be staying with them. I would not hang out with them. No, but it was just like, we were like, Torbzahn was standing like- Yeah, it just wasn't it, yeah.

Body language is a thing, you know? Like we were standing there together, the other people are standing there, we weren't talking like, whatever. And like she, and I went, oh, they were here. I kind of, I didn't say anything, but I kind of just like, oh, they were here. I kind of, I didn't say anything, but I kind of just like, oh, they were waiting first. And so the guy kind of whips back around

and the woman goes, we're not together. And like points at Torbz just like so quickly. Like she just could not have said. Is she embarrassed to be seen with Torbz? Well, I don't know. Or whether it was just like, oh, this is awkward. We're not together. But it just, it was-

We're not together. It was just fine though. Did Torbz go clearly with you in those shoes? Oh no. No! Anyway- I'm team Torbz. Well, me too.

And I kind of was like- So what the fuck's wrong with him? Why don't you want to be associated with him, bitch? That's kind of what I... See this ring? He fucking got that. But I was just kind of worried... Show me your ring.

How many social streams have you got? Yeah. How many social streams have you got? Who's fucking judging who now, bitch? I don't want to sit with you anyway. And your baby's ugly. I get it. Okay.

Okay. Anyway... I'm loyal, mate. Okay. Anyway. I'm loyal, mate. No, so true. Did you ditch Torbz and join them? Yeah, I was on with them. This guy's so embarrassing.

Well, no, I was just standing behind Torbz. And as she said that, I did feel a little bit defensive because I was like, yeah, we don't sit with you anyway. And then the guy who works there is like, oh, that's okay. He all of a sudden was also like- Yeah, he was like, oh, I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz.

I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I'm going to go with Torbz. I did feel a little bit defensive because I was like, yeah, we don't sit with you anyway. And then like the guy who works there is like, oh, that's okay. Like he all of a sudden was also like, whoa, all good.

Like that's fine. I wouldn't stick you together against your will. It was just like everyone was the enemy all of a sudden. But then he comes back and goes, guys, there's a booth for four. We've got one table available and it has a baby seat and it will sit for adults. Can you get over your previous grievances? Can you reconcile your differences? Well anyway and then she goes like, and then he goes, oh, that's okay.

Like I'll go grab some fucking water or whatever. And she goes, oh, we'd like to sit outside. And he goes, okay, there's a table just there if If you want to take a seat and I'll grab the stuff and come back. And then he kind of looks at us and goes, I'll be back in a sec. I was like, Oh good. They go to walk past us to get to the table.

Shame. That's outside their city. Did Torb say something? Well, no, but she goes, Oh my God, Tony. And I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nofully, I went, no, no, no, no, no. You didn't want to fucking borrow me a second ago. You don't want to sit with us. That's actually fine. Oh, now she gets chirpy.

Yeah. Oh, now you're interested in us. Yeah. But and then they come back and we end up like getting a seat inside or whatever. But I was the ferocity at which she could not be clearer that we were not together. And Torbz was not her baby's father. Yeah. which she could not be clearer that we were not together

and Torbz was not her baby's father. Like she just could not have said it any quicker. What's something else someone could say too quick where it just shows that like. Oh, well I think the classic like at the supermarket, like, oh no, we're not together. I also think that when somebody asks you if like you like their haircut and you go, love it before you've really looked.

I reckon if you ask. You know, like one of those kinds of things. I love it. And you go, oh, you probably don't and that's okay. What about this one? Someone at work's a bit quiet, a bit... And you kind of go, everything right at home, fine!

Yeah. Yeah, you say that too quickly and you go, oh, well... He's cheating, obviously. He's cheating? Well, not with that woman. Yeah. She would never! She would never! But yeah, we would just like...

Do you like the new car I bought? Yes! Yeah, I love it! So, will you be going back there? Have you seen them? Haven't seen them. Don't know if she's still listening to the pod. No. Hello, if you are. Welcome. Yeah, I do. And I hate to be the one to break this to you.

But we're not with you. Your husband's probably cheating on you. No, no! But we do also- And when I called you baby ugly, I didn't know that that was just comedy. Yeah, that. I mean, if I'd seen it and then commented. I was about to say we don't say it's not ugly either. Yeah, but you just haven't seen it.

I didn't see the baby either. It was just a stroller. I'm in no position currently to judge your baby. I was too busy not being with them, so I didn't see the baby. Imagine if there was no baby. They just had a pram as a power move to get good seats at cafes. I mean, that would work. That would work.

Yeah, I was gonna kid on them. They got seated first. Nah, they were there first. Okay. They were there first. And that's why I said, I just did to be like, I asked them.

Yeah, I get it. I just did to be like, table for five? And she was like, well no. No. That would be such a power move. Can you imagine you're waiting

for a table at a restaurant? There's two of you and there's like another couple behind you and you go, yeah, table for four, we're thinking we'll sit together. And the people go, I've never seen that before. I like that. That's our challenge this week. Can you imagine doing that?

That is the most hor- If someone did that to me, I'd start crying. No, okay, you ready? This is what you should've done. Table for four, yeah. I'm gonna get to know those two, especially the husband. We've already met.

Yeah. It's like, oh, see this guy? I have to pretend like I haven't met him before. I've got a love to see you from Catherine, who another line joke, which this killed me. Catherine says, was just in line at the bank with my son and he asked why we have to. You know, like you're in a line and the kid's like,

fuck, I can't, like. And goes, why do we have to line up? Like, why are we in this line? Why are we at the bank? Like, I fucking hate this. Yeah, lines at the bank suck. Catherine said, I explained it's just one of the crappy things about being an adult.

Like, sometimes you've got to go to the fucking bank or whatever and you've got to wait in the line because you've got to talk to the person. It whatever, and you've got to wait in the line because you've got to talk to the person. It's just, it is the way that it is. And Catherine's son said, well, so glad I don't have to worry about that. I'm nine years old. I said, she just lost her shit.

And she could only think of us because Charles is nine years. Yeah. We have one of them too, Catherine. Yeah, just our little baby. Wouldn't you give like... Now that we're in our thirties. Yeah, I like being in my thirties though. But wouldn't you give anything to just knowing what you know now? Because you don't know the responsibilities.

You don't know what's coming. And so imagine just going back to nine years old. Oh, Charles, you strapped yourself in mate. Yeah. You got a wild ride coming up. Go to the bank. Yeah. And just going, oh, I don't have to worry about anything

except just playing today. Like just playing with stuff. I remember though. What's for dinner? I don't know. Someone else cooks that shit. Yeah, I don't even have to think about it. What are you doing this weekend?

I don't know. My parents will take me there. Yeah, and it's probably going to be sick. Yeah. You you doing this weekend? I don't know. My parents will take me there. Yeah, and it's probably gonna be sick. Yeah. You know, I'll probably go into the park or the cinema or something. Also, when you're a kid, you just can't wait to be a grownup

because you're like, oh, I can't wait to stay up late and eat whatever I want. It sucks. It sucks. It is awful because you end up going to bed earlier because you've got to go to work and you're really tired. Yeah, and you don't start up and eat shit food because you're getting digestion. It's hard to sleep when you get a sore tongue

when you eat later in the morning. I got indig're getting suggestions. It's hard to sleep when you get a sore tongue when you eat late at night. I got indigestion last night. We got heaps of Fijoles and Bridget made Fijo a crumble. Yum. Yeah, but like having that much- But like acidity coming. Yeah, late at night. Yeah, I was, yeah.

I got a love to see it. Yeah, yeah. What was your love to see it again? No, my love to see it was about the son that was like, I don't have to worry about the thing. Oh, great, of course, of course. I'm nine years old. It was quite a good love to see it, I thought. Thanks, Catherine Jones. My love to see it is about the son that was like, I don't have to worry about the bank, I'm nine years old. It was quite a good, you loved to see it, I thought.

Thanks, Catherine Jones. Fake name, obviously. My love to see it is from Adriana. Adriana, what a great name. Yeah, now. That's a lot of A's. I don't have any A's in my name. Isn't that crazy?

Tony Felicia. No, that's a you. Oh, Ryan. Oh, I think that not having any A's in my name is actually so fucking rogue. Like it's the letter. It's the letter. Yeah, totally is. A is the letter. No, A is over-hyped. Well, I mean, I have to agree, but like,

I have all the other vowels though, I don't have an A. Isn't that crazy? We should do a whole episode on that. That was bitchy. Cause Adriana has an A, many. Heaps. This is some advice for maybe the cafe you went to the other day and all other cafes. Oh, take note.

Adriana... Cafe has an A. It sounds like it has two, but it's just one. Cafe! I know the first one. Cafe! Case! Umla. I was ordering a sandwich and-

You're fucking joking. And guess what sandwich you had? It had the best thing you could have in a sandwich unit, which of course is? The letter A. Bacon and aioli. Oh, aioli? Fucks. Yeah.

I was somewhere, this is like not that long ago, but it was like a fancy grocer and they had like a big jar of really fancy aioli Like it was like tall, you know when you get a jar of aioli, it's like normally shallow. It was huge Yeah, and it was good. I didn't buy it was too expensive. It was like a tall skinny one. Um Fist yeah. Yeah, it was big Fist in an aioli isn't that a great way to spend the Sunday? Yeah, it was big. Fist in an aioli, isn't that a great way to spend the Sunday? Aioli, do you know what's really good

and I think super slept on? Do you reckon she'll say aioli, Charles? Steak sandwich. Yeah, it is. Slept on, people do not talk enough about, oh, I have a burger, I have a sandwich. What about a steak sandwich? Okay, you get a crusty baguette, like long,

then you slice the steak up into little bits and then you sprinkle a little salsa verde on there. Oh yeah, chimichurri vibes. Yeah, because Bridge does a little homemade salsa verde because we're fucking got basil coming out of our, there's lots of basil in the garden. It comes out of the ground. But the aioli on the steak sandwich, fucks.

I did a steak sandwich recently with like, I'd baked a sourdough and it was kind of like, it was almost ready. So I was like, well, we have to toast it anyway. Be fucking rude not to. And it fucked. I'm gonna have a steak sandwich tonight. Oh, yeah, you should. Should I call Bridget now?

And organise that. I would. I think you're gonna get your ducks in a row urgently. And then I'll tell you what happened to Adriana. Oh, I can't. I don't give a fuck. Nah, trust me, when you hear this, you will. Okay. You'll never give a fuck about anything else.

Right. Do you think she could make it for all of us? What can I ask?. Your ping's great. She did not miss you while you were in America. I had a little lady sleep in my bed last night. Someone missed dad. One of two, the ladies in my house. One of two?

Okay, what happened with the sandwich? So she's ordering a bacon sandwich. I assume it had aioli takeaway from the cafe, delicious. What kind of bread was it? Did she say? No. And then so the guy's like kind of serving it up and he's obviously been cooking a whole bunch of bacon because it's cafe.

Oh, yummy. So he wraps up the sandwich and there's like more stuff around and he goes, oh, here's your, cause she was like taking it home or whatever. Totally. Maybe to work. Maybe she got a takeaway to, you know, eating the park before something. Delicious. And here's what he says to her. Oh, I know you're taking that away. Would you also like some walking bacon? And he goes, what? That's some for the road. Yeah. And so he just like gives her, like he gets the tongue and just like hands her a bit of bacon,

just to gnaw on as she walks wherever she's going. And that was 10 years ago and they're married now. Don't you love to see that? That is so sweet. I tell you what I would love. And you used to work in a deli. Yeah. Anytime they're cutting off a slice and some ham or slice and some chorizo and they'd say,

Hey, do you want some walking chorizo? And I go, fuck yeah. We would do with chorizo cause it's not cooked, but yeah, I get what you're saying. You actually definitely should. No, you do not have to. That's not medical advice. I'm not a doctor, but you do not have to cook chorizo.

It is fucking better if you do, cause it like chars up, you get on the pan, fuck yeah. But you do not have to. You also don't need to cook bacon. That's ready to go. Well, treats and bacon both smoked, but no, you should cook it. Yeah, so whatever you want, all good to go.

Tomorrow on the show, these are top confessions. Oh my God. We've got a confession from a gas lighter. No, not our former, but no. No, a person who's a gas lighter, not the actual one. Oh, big of reached out. Sorry, that really fucking, that threw me. Okay.

Like someone who is gas lighting someone. Yeah. Oh my God. Do you think that was like a gas plumber who's like, No, I thought it was. Oh, I was installing the gas for someone. Yeah. Oh my God. Did you think I was like a gas plumber? No, I thought it was- Oh, I was installing the gas for someone and I- Someone was lighting the gas. Yeah, I don't know.

Sorry. Great. We'll get a confession from a pilot light. I'm not always on. All right. All right. See you tomorrow. I'm not always on.

Confession. I turn off at night. Ah! Oh, I love you, boy. I'm friends a wasp! Confession! I turn off a knife! Oh, love you bye! I'm friends with the little guy in the fridge who turns the light on! Nah, you lost me on that. Love you bye! Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. It's the Adam, Wild, and Jack show.

Podcasts, we're doing it. So I've got a kid. Shocker, I'm gay. Here's what happens with open relationship. What about us scream 60 minutes? All right, let's welcome Alana, Chase, Dara, Dan to Left on Red. Son of a... You have a lot of sad times and you're still late for them.

Yeah, take care. Kara, Dan to Left on Red. Shut it! You have a lot of sad times and you're still late for them. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, take care. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.