Toni and Ryan - Wanking At Work

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

I mean... What more can I say. Also, Ryan FINALLY admits I'm a good recommender!!!! Love ya! Toni xoxox Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to pre-order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. I'm Tony. This is Ryan. And we're calling Nicole, who is in Sky. Where's Sky? Look up. That's the grand band in Melbourne. Oh. Hello, Nicole speaking. Nicole, it's Tony and Ryan. Hi, how are you?

We're better now that we're talking to you, Nicole. How are you? I'm good, thank you. I've been waiting for your call. Well, wait no longer. It's here. It's here. It's happening. Will you approve the podcast? I do approve, thank you. I've been waiting for your call. Well, wait no longer. It's here. It's here. It's happening. Will you approve the podcast? I do approve, yes.

Woo! Hi, it's Nicole from Melbourne and I approve the podcast. All right, straight off the top. I want everyone listening to this podcast to appreciate that it's really hot in the studio and that we've got like one of those swiveling fans. Yeah, a pedestal fan. A pedestal fan. It's literally from my house.

It's from Kmart. It costs about a dollar. Yeah, and so we've got Tony here, myself, Ryan, our new team member Cam's in the studio, and we've just tried to spend too much time trying to make sure that the swivel gets around to all of us. Yeah. And I think we've found a sweet spot.

Yeah, but all three of us at a different stage had to, like, get up and turn a little bit to go, like, oh, hang on. Just a little bit more for me. Do you know what I fucking hate? When someone else drives your car or you drive someone else's car and the air cons, like, aren't set up to your face. Yeah, I hate that. Or someone actually did this to me recently.

They got in my car as a passenger. It wasn't either of you. You're both looking at me. It wasn't you. Yeah. And got in the car and just went, oh, that's too cold, and snapped the thing shut. Excuse me? Do you know how fucking long it takes to get them in the right spot just went, oh, that's too cold, and snapped the thing shut. Excuse me?

Do you know how fucking long it takes to get them in the right spot? Yeah, no, I appreciate that. Sorry, is this a – who was it? I'm not going to say. I mean, there's only so many people it could be. I'm not going to say. Was it Jane? I'm not going to say.

Was it Josh's partner? I'm not going to say. I mean, if you want an Uber where you can adjust the settings to how you like it, then get a fucking Uber. Or maybe just go – I actually have, have like climate zone control in my car. So I literally could make yours a bit warmer or turn your fan down. There's options here. Don't touch the stuff.

There's no need to just go snapping them shut. It takes a very long time. Was it Torbs? I'm not going to say. Torbs wouldn't do it. He knows how fucked up that would make. Yeah, Pippa got in and went. She's not a cat, but okay.

Let's get into normal or nah. Speaking of driving in the cars here, we've got Anna. What are you doing? I was doing a video signal to our producer, Cam, but I thought it would go unnoticed, but he wasn't looking, so I had to keep doing it, and then you looked back at me. Do you know where on?

When you see that on Instagram, you'll love it. Do you know this show has started? Yeah, I do, but I thought just a little video signal would be like, oh, maybe that air con gear was pretty funny. Anna Marie needs your help. Hi, Anna Marie. And yes, this is- Is it Anna Marie or Anne Marie?

Sorry? Why would you ask that? I clearly don't know the answer and I just picked one and went with it. But in my notes, I've written Anna Marie twice and Anne Marie once. Anna Anne Marie. A-M. Yeah, A-M. P-M.

Sorry. Normal or nah? Using your sat-nav, Google Maps, GPS or whatever when you're going to a destination that you already know. I called my husband the other day and said, how long to your home? And he's like, oh, 20 or 30 minutes. And Anna-Marie goes, well, I mean, but 20 or 30, like, what is it? Just look at the GPS.

Yeah. And the husband goes, I know where we live. Yeah. Normal or nah? Using the GPS when you're going to a place that you know. Nah. You're a nah? Nah. And if I don't know how to get home from where I am,

I'll, like, use it until I, like, get to the big road, and then I'll turn it off. And then you go, oh, I know where I am now. Because I don't need her fucking going 800 metres. Like, fuck that off. That annoys me. You can turn that off, yeah. But you need it when you don't know where you're oh, I know where I am now. Because I don't need her fucking going 800 metres. Like, fuck that off. That annoys me. You can turn that off, yeah. But you need it when you don't know where you're going, you know?

Even when I don't, I still just prefer to look at the map because I don't like when it yells at me. Yeah. I just hate this is like the most annoying reason to not like it. I hate it when I'm listening to music, which is always because I'm pretty much always in the car on my own, and it like ducks the music to talk over it. And it's always at like a really good part of the song.

Like you're about to belt out like, you know, something awesome. Like what? Like Alana Miles, you know, Black Velvet. That's a huge choice. Great song. Righto. But anyway, you know, you're about to. I want to dance with somebody.

Turn left. Literally, right? It's always at the best part. But having said nah, I figured out the other day that I've driven to the place where I get my eyebrows done probably about 14 times. I've been going there for over a year. You can tell those brows look. Thank you.

One point. And I use the GPS every time to get there and I don't know what, I know the way. And the other day, oh, when I was trying to call you, my fucking Google Maps was fucking up and my phone was all fucked and I was like, oh, my God, how am I going to get there? It was like, I know, I've driven there about 14 times. Like I obviously know where I'm going, but I just couldn't trust myself.

It's over in Brunswick. It's a bit tricky over there. So Anna Marie says that she uses it for everything because what if at a certain time of day there's a faster way? Because you know how it's like, oh, Hoddle Street's a bit busy, here's this back way. Even if mine does that. You still don't like it?

I go the way I know. Okay. Because what if you need to get into a lane and you, like, you know? Yep. If you go the way that you know you're not going to get surprised with a weird turn or something, what do you do? Oh, you never use maps. You actually, this is what you do.

If I say, oh, we need to be at blah, you go, oh, okay, and you drive in the general direction of that suburb and then right at the end you go, so where are we going? I go, bro, we've been driving for 20 minutes. You go, yeah, I was going in the right way. Yeah, I knew it was in Brunswick somewhere. Yeah, but I don't need to know it's on Ligon Street. Is that stressful for you?

Kind of. It's stressful for Bridget. We're like three minutes away and I'm like, where is it? She's like, why didn't you fucking put it in at the start? Well, that is what the annoying thing is because then as the passenger, it's up to me to very frantically go, oh, my God. It's on the navigator to navigate. But if you say, nah, it's all good, then I assume that he must not.

Then I take you at face value. Yes, which I shouldn't. Wow. We're learning about each other. I should never trust you. We've got another car one here from Yevgevina. Yevgevina, hello. Normal or nah?

In a traffic jam, picking a certain car and checking on it from time to time to see if it's behind you or in front of you so you know if you've picked the right lane or not. What do you mean? So you're in a traffic jam. Yeah. And you go, okay, I'm behind that silver Toyota. And so then when you, you know how the lanes kind of, you know, one lane goes, one lane stops.

To measure your success. Oh. And then you go, oh, where's that silver Toyota? Oh, it's behind me. I did pick the right lane. Or then you see the silver Toyota fly past you and you go, fuck, where's that silver Toyota? Oh, it's behind me. I did pick the right lane. Or then you see the silver Toyota fly past you and you go, fuck, should have gone with that lane. So I never do that.

But if someone cuts me off or they, like, rush through the lights behind me or they speed in front of me or whatever. Good luck to them. And then they get stuck at the same red light. I go, oh, that was fucking weird, wasn't it? So, no, I don't do that, but I do do that. Yeah.

So I think in the example it was just more of a measurement, but for you it was like, you're better than me. No, it's not. It's literally just like, oh, so it was worth risking our lives to cut me off. We got stuck at the same spot anyway, dude. It doesn't matter. Now, when you're throwing arms around in the car,

getting all aggressive and like whatever. I do put my arms up in the car, yeah. Yeah, she gets fired up. I never yell at anyone. I was going to say, do you do that if they pull up next to you, will you say that? No, normally if they're – So you only badmouth people behind their back.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You heard it here first. No, so if I do like an arm flap or something and then it looks like we're going to be about even at the traffic lights, I'll just stop further back. So in case they've seen you carrying on, you're like,

I can't face them. Because I don't want them to then roll up to me and then go. And stare at you. Yeah. Because how terrifying. They might be part of a gang or something. It's like they're flashing lights. Yeah, I was going to say, this reminds me of the time that you drove home

with no headlights on because you thought a gang was going to attack you. No, I didn't flash somebody else because I thought that there is a gang initiation. I have got to get a laugh. Normal or not from the big twig? Having a wank at work. Get a laugh. Normal or nah from the big twig? Having a wank at work. At my workplace, shadows have been seen, grunts have been heard, and there are rumours swirling that this guy has been spoken to about having too much fun in the toilet.

Oh, my God. Is this normal workplace behaviour or nah? Well, it's not normal workplace behaviour. I'm pretty sure that that would be sexual harassment. If someone found you or heard it or whatever, that would be sexual harassment. Even if they were like, I'm not saying it's not completely fucked, but if you were in the cubicle in the locked door,

is it still like harassment? Well, it's like inappropriate, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I'm going to ask you point blank. Have you ever rubbed one out at work? No, but I've worked with a workplace wanker. Really? At Hit 92.9 in Perth.

They used to wank in the toilet? There was a time when it was common knowledge. And I think I said it on air and got in trouble for it. Oh, we'll beep it out. We'll beep it out. Oh, I won't say his name. Yeah. Their name.

Let's keep it vague. Okay. Yeah. Their name. But it was commonly known around the building. So it would be like, oh, Stephanie's not at her desk, but I know where she is. It was like that.

He was an on-air announcer. You are getting very tight into the Zoom of what you're saying. But the joke was like oh, he's put this long song on to buy himself some time before he needs to speak next so he can like duck off to the bathroom. So I know, if someone

tells you something hilarious like that and doesn't say, don't say this on air, you assume that's fair game, right? Oh, yeah, totally. Thank you for backing me up. Yeah. No, I would talk about it. I've still got the written warning to say that other people disagreed.

Oh, framed on your wall. Yeah. Now I'll create my own show. I can say whatever I want. It was my second Perth. I was one from the gate there. Oh, my God. Right, okay.

So, well, I've never worked with anybody where it was, like, a funny ongoing joke about it. Surely it's not like you really need to piss and you have to, like, go relieve yourself. You know what I mean? No. It's like there's always. The only thing I can think of is if you, like,

I don't think that in an office it's ever okay because, like, it's people you work with all the time. The only time I can really think about in an office it's ever okay because like it's people you work with all the time. The only time I can really think about it being a quote unquote problem is that if you were like really hung over and maybe the night before you were like hooking up with someone but you like got interrupted or whatever and then at work you were like, fuck, like I'm so horned up because this thing happened. And the horned dog hangover.

You know, like I can kind of imagine that. But in an office, a sophisticated office, that is upsetting. What are they putting, like, blocking out time in their teams that no one calls them at the same time? Put that in your workflow. Everybody's had a wank working from home, surely. I'd be actually rude not to. Yeah, if you're working from home, wanking from home, more like.

Surely. Surely there's not one person that was doing if you're working from home, wanking from home more like. Surely, surely there's not one person that was doing a stint working from home. Neither of you. That's a big call. There's two people, there's three people in this studio and none of us are looking at each other right now. I think we all know. Yeah, but when are you on the clock and off the clock when you're working from home, you know?

Yeah, wanking off the clock. Hey, it's Nicole from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive thank you to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. We do lots of exclusive content over there. I've got a blog, a few other things. Exclusive videos sometimes. Yep, there's an exclusive video going on. Can we say what their video is?

I'll be vague about it. Yeah. After what we were just talking about, Tony had a bit of a follow-up story about Tony. Yeah. Exclusive and champion tapas. Not exclusive, no, champion tapas. That's a good story. Yeah-up story about Tony. Yeah. Exclusive and Champion Tarpers. Not exclusive. No, Champion Tarpers.

That's a good story. Yeah, but it's exclusive. Nah, highest tier. Okay, we will debate. But Tony has told a story off air and I was like, that's fucking pretty gold, mate. And I said, don't put that on Instagram, but it can go on Patreon.

And just in case anyone was wondering, it was the topic of wanking at work. You said, I'll be back. Thanks for that. Massive thank you to Alice. See, you've got me all tongue-tied. Don't sign up for Patreon unless you've got a cold glass of water next year. Alice Haystwell-Woodman, thank you so much.

Alexis Daly. I wasn't doing that daily, tell you what. Lauren Higgins and Brooke, thank you so much for being part of the Patreon. You fucking love to see it. Enjoy that video today. If you can do us a favour and yourself a favour, if you're listening on Spotify, hit the follow button. It makes it a lot easier

for you to find us in the app and it's really great for us on the back end as well. If you're listening on all the time anyway, just go and hit that little follow button on the Tony and Ryan page. We'd really appreciate it. Also, actually, sorry, on Patreon to double back, live stream on it. Oh, also, actually, sorry, on Patreon, to double back, live stream on Saturday.

Yes, fondue. Fondue, you want to watch our live stream. Ryan and I are going to eat fondue. Our dogs will both be there, both dogs. They haven't met before. BJ and Pippi J. Yep. Oh, I just looked at what we're talking about now.

Wanking at work. Wanking at work. A deep dive. Don't say deep dive. Because, you know, that was Tony's story to tell, not mine. You said you'd be vague. Well, it wasn't mine, but it was one of ours. You can figure out the rest.

Let's get real. Yeah. When Tony gives a recommendation, even though she's been the shitter recommender of the two of us. No, no, no, no, no. She is informed this year. This is good for you. You are informed this year because, in fact,

if Tony makes a recommendation, write it down because she's out here doing God's work. I'm not the shit recommender of the team. Can we just rewind? I'm not the shit recommender of the team. We've both had some fucking corkers, I feel. Like we've both fucked up a couple of times. I think we're probably about even.

That's what a loser would say. That's what someone coming second would say. But. I wasn't coming second, if you know what I mean. Well, you can't if there's only one of you there. You win and lose every time. The other day you made a recommendation and I actually kind of scoffed at it. And you said Frito-Air TV is back in 2023.

It's in. And I'm here to say I shouldn't have scoffed. I was wrong. Frito-Air is where it's fucking at. And then I said, tell me all the shows you've watched. And you said Border Security and Border Security. The Cricket. And Border Security.

I've been awoken. Alleluja. It is. It's so good. I got home the other day. I was tired. I couldn't be bothered choosing something to watch on Netflix, Dan. Disney Plus, Paramax.

What's Paramax? Paramount Plus. Paramount Plus. What's Paramax? Paramount+. Paramount+. What's Paramax? Amazon. Amazon. There's too much. So I flicked on Channel 7 and Border Security is on.

Decision fatigue. You just need some BS. Can I just read a few comments from last time you talked about Border Security? Yes. Taylor. I watched Border Security on Disney+. No shame here. So not only is it the easy free-to-wear, she'll go and find it on a streaming service.

She's looking for it. Yeah. Shez. free-to-air, she'll go and find it on a streaming service. She's looking for it, yeah. Shez, free-to-air just sneaks up on you. One border patrol, then an air crash investigation, suddenly it's the evening news and you don't know where your day went. I totally agree. Red Mag, I love border security. I've watched all the different countries and variations on Netflix. Georgie, I literally drop whatever I'm doing for a three-hour border security marathon.

No shame here. All of those shows, border security, RBT, you know, the Kiwi one, Police 10-7, but it's Police 10-7. Yeah, it's so good. So fucking good. I just, I don't know what it is. They just get me going. And you know when you watch the RBT and they do the,

and it goes... It goes to an ad break? Oh, fucking hook you through. But the sound, it like fucking gets my adrenaline racing. If I could listen to that at the gym, I'd never stop. Imagine if it was just that like, you know, that... Hang on. I don't want to like burst our bubble because we're on a roll here.

Yeah. That's a pretty fucking big statement there. If I heard that sound at the gym, I would never stop running. Okay, it's not a test. This is not a test. Don't be, let's not get carried away. But don't you reckon, though, it, like, fires you up? It's like pre-workout.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's just like, tell me how much alcohol is that? Or, you know, when you watch one of them and, like, the guy is, like, totally fucked. Yeah. And he's just, like, slurring his words and his car is full of shit and everything's fucked and then it comes up and it's 0-0-0

and you go, what the fuck has happened? Drugs has happened. Oh, my God. He didn't really hit that. They're like, oh, there's zero alcohol in your breath. And he's like, yep, see you later. You've got to let him go. I'll run home.

Yeah, spoiler alert. They're like, oh, there's zero alcohol in your breath. And he's like, yep, see you later. You've got to let him go. I'll run home. Yeah, spoiler alert. That's what's going on there. Oh, I'd never thought about that. But I was so tired that I decided to watch free-to-air TV. It's good. But the border security got me so revved up, I didn't even realise that I'd begun live tweeting it. That's how invested I was in border security.

Can I ask a question? Yeah. Was it like normally people like tweet about like new TV, like if you've fucking got really nothing on and you're watching The Bachelorette or whatever and it's like hashtag Bachelorette. Well, that's on the show tomorrow. Oh, great. You know, and everybody's tweeting about it so it's like hashtag Bachelorette. Well, that's on the show tomorrow. Oh, great. You know, and everybody's tweeting about it.

So it's like trending. Was it like a new episode or did they have a hashtag come up or something? I mean, is there any new episodes? They might have made 10 episodes 10 years ago and just keep re-rolling them. I'll just keep watching them. Though sometimes if you watch during the day, it is a really old episode. And you can tell from the way it's filmed and the outfits and stuff. So I didn't know if anyone else was watching.

There was definitely no hashtag on the screen. I just tweeted, in quotation mark, oh, this bitch is fucked. Quote, my wife just now watching Border Security and loving herself sick. And the replies coming in then showed me people are also watching this same episode in real time. Didn't I say it's a phenomenon? Linny replies on Twitter. Hi, Linny. Then showed me people are also watching this same episode in real time. Didn't I say it's a phenomenon? Linny replies on Twitter.

Hi, Linny. Oh, are you also watching that episode where the Asian lady is on her knees begging? And I was like, yes, I'm watching that as now. I'm surprised there was any produce left in the entire country of Hong Kong because this girl opens her suitcase and it's like there's prawns, there's fish, there's grains, there's fruit. And the pineapple rolls out. Yeah, and all this food and they're writing her up for a ticket

and she's on her knees begging, begging not to get fined. And the lady's like, because they're obviously like police and it's pretty straight, like, excuse me, ma'am, begging doesn't work here. We're going to need to fine you. And she's like, but is there anything more annoying than someone just like on their knees in front of you begging? If someone did that to you on the street, would you just be like,

take whatever you want? I think I would just be like, well, yeah, what can I do to make this stop? Yeah. Like how do I stop this from happening? Yeah. So while some people were tweeting about the Asian lady begging on her knees, everyone was talking about Coke Shoes Karen. Coke Shoes Karen?

You don't know about Coke Shoes Karen? Mate, this girl was on to a fucking winner until she got caught. Some of them are fucking pretty clever. So Coke Shoes Karen had cocaine. She had like these big, like a wedge heel, but the wedge heel was hollow and it was filled with cocaines and the dogs got her. And then when they like, the dogs are off,

then they go, oh, we'll test everything else. All of the buttons on her jacket were, like, hollow and then there were, like, little opening cases. They all had cocaine in them. Her earrings. And they just kept finding this stuff all over her. And we're like, oh, my God, Coke Shoes Karen is fucking, she's gone. And because you know how usually at the end of the episode it's like,

oh, and it turns out the Asian lady was fined $308. And enjoyed the rest of her holiday or whatever. Yeah, and it's always like, oh, Kyle had the wrong piece of paper, so we had to fly back to Dubai and get his work visa and he returned three days later. Coke Shoes Karen got four years prison. That never actually happens. And I don't know why, because I was so invested in the story,

I was like, oh, justice has been served. Like I felt satisfaction. Yeah, because you go, the Australian Border Force have done their job. Good job, guys. Like you're so proud of them. No wonder we're such a safe country. I don't know how they think to look in those places. Right.

You know when they show the ones where they're like in the post depot? Yeah. And they're like, oh, yep, this baby's pram. Oh, there's like a little nick in the edge of the box. So we think that we might be on the side. And the fucking baby's pram full of heroin. Yeah. I mean, thank God.

But how clever. It's actually like we probably shouldn't be praising the ingenuity of like this horrible shit. But like it's fucking, how do they come up with this shit? Okay. We shouldn't be praising these people. We're like, how great are drug dealers? No. Is that, we shouldn't be praising these people, but like, how great are drug dealers?

No. Is that what you're saying? That's not what I said. Is that what you're saying? That's absolutely not what I said. But like, the shoes, the wedge on the shoe, what a, like. Coke shoes, Karen, baby. So do you know when this episode came out? Because if she got four years in prison, she might be out by now.

Those wedge heels might be back on dance floors in a club near you. You know, what's she coming up with now? She's the smartest woman ever. Apparently the street value of the coke in like all of cocaine Karen's person was $380,000. Fuck off. Yeah. What?

Are we glamorising drug dealers? No That is shocking Yeah What the $308,000 $80,000 Yeah

$380,000 Yeah Show me your shoes No No wear chill It's fine It's fine They're just runners

But I am here to say Holy shit It is incredible That they catch those people Imagine how much drugs Would be on the street if not for them catching those people. That's fucked. Here's my top three findings. Top three, yep.

Drug dealers, genius. Asterisk, don't condone. Yeah, no, we're not obviously condoning the trafficking. Second one. Okay. I feel like with these shows, the more you lean into it, the more it gives back to you. You do have to kind of go along with the...

Oh, but like if you get into it, it'll return. It'll give you more love than you thought you could receive. Oh, my God. Yeah, I've never known true love until embracing border security in a much larger way than they expected. I'm doing an elective in my MBA called Innovation. Yep. If Coke Shoes Karen isn't doing a fucking guest lecture spot.

Yeah. Again, we're not glamorising. And the number one takeaway. Yep. When Tony Lodge gives you a recommendation, you write it down. Yeah, see, now we're condoning it. Yep, nice. That was all me.

I told you Frida Air was coming back in a big way. And it's back, baby. It is back. I love it. Yes. I finally won. It's here. Finally.

You've made my life better. In more ways than one, I hope. No, I think just this one. Okay. Oh, no, this is the main one. Okay. What's another way that you make it better? I mean, you got to quit your job because of me?

I did. Because you do this podcast? Is that okay? So when I went to the bank to get a mortgage, they go, Ryan, you don't have an employment. And I go, yeah, but this bitch is funny. Yeah, I think it's fine. Yeah.

It'll be fine. And they went, how funny? And I said, she's recommended border security. And they went, how much do you need? My comedy was your guarantor. They said. Did your mum be a guarantor? No, but Tony's got a dick joke.

But Tony's pretty funny. Yeah, but watch Tony explain how soap works. And the guy's like, how much money do you need? You just show him the TikTok, he goes, fucking hell, three million? You can buy one tenth of a-wedged heel for that. I'll just mortgage for a house. Again, not condoning the use or selling of drugs. Actually, I'm not condoning, but, I mean, it was an interesting episode.

It's interesting. And that's why it's TV, right? It's entertainment. It's showbiz, baby. Yeah, you know, it's not fucking research. Yeah, it's not real. Anyway. What do you love to see, Tony?

A couple, a little while ago. Don't do drugs, kids. Don't do drugs. A little while ago, I mentioned Garrett Mutoff in our Patreon. That he shared that he learnt something from Tony and Ryan because he used one of our lines on his mother-in-law. It shut her up for Christmas and it was the best day ever. Well, he's now learned from Coke Shoes Karen.

Yeah. And he's on this week's episode of Water Screws. No, Garrett, Garrett, Garrett, Garrett. No, Garrett's a great guy. Yep. I got this message on Patreon from Bex Groose. Yep. And she said, I just wanted to quickly say that Garrett's not the only one

that's learned something from TARP in 2022. Oh, great. I also learned something. What did you learn? And it's that salt and pepper squid won't ruin your dinner, but it will make your afternoon. I've done it and you were right. It did both. I got to enjoy

the afternoon, have a little bit of squid, still enjoy my dinner. And Beck, you know what? You're fucking welcome. You are welcome. You know what would be great? If you sat down, salt and pepper squid, popped on some border security. I mean, that's a fucking winner of an afternoon, isn't it? Open some boxed wine, something nice. In my time, and tell me if I'm wrong and I'm getting too far ahead of myself here.

Okay. But I'm all fucking jazzed up. Yep. I've written some shitty jokes. I've written scripts for radio prom jazzed up. Yep. I've written some shitty jokes. I've written scripts for radio promos and whatever. Yeah. I've written assignments for university.

Yeah. Has that line, is that the best thing I've created? A hundred percent. And you just said it so quickly and with such like, I can't. Salt and pepper squid. It won't ruin your dinner, but it will make your afternoon. Okay, I've got another asterisk here. Tony and I were hanging out the other day in Sydney.

Yes, we were. And it was like. We were in bed together. We were in bed together. It was 4.30 in the afternoon and we had a dinner meeting at 5.30. Yep. An hour later. We were 15 minutes away from the place. So it was about 45 minutes before we had to leave. And we were about 15 minutes away from the place. So it was about 45 minutes

before we had to leave. And we were fucking hungry. We'd flown during the day. So we're in this hotel and then we're like, well, let's get a quick snack room service and just a quick snack and we'll head down. And then they had salt and pepper squid and we went, won't ruin your dinner, but it will make your afternoon great. So we ordered the salt and pepper squid, but then we also ordered karagi chicken, tacos and a burger. Now, our dinner was ruined. Yeah, it was. And we were sitting there and they're like, oh, the burger here is awesome. And I was like, I think I might just – Ryan,

did you want to share a plate of three tacos? Do you want to split a Caesar? No chicken? And then we were sitting there and they're like, have you guys eaten? And we were like, oh, we're starving, like shoving food into our bodies. And we were like, oh, we're starving. Like shoving food into our bodies. So whilst I stand by my line, it did ruin our dinner.

Or was it the burger tacos and karagi chicken? It was the other side. It was the club sandwich we went halves in. That was the one, actually. Yeah. Okay, new line. Salt and pepper squid won't ruin your dinner if you don't eat other shit. Yeah.

On its own. Yeah, on its own. As a side plate with some Kewpie mayo. That's fine. That will make your afternoon. Don't add anything else. Yeah. What do you love to see?

What do you love to see? You might have seen this video during the rounds, actually. A bride and groom have just got married. It's a beautiful moment. Beautiful. And then she, the bride, whispers to the groom in a bit of a sexy tone and goes, you excited to lose your virginity tonight? And the husband goes, we're still mic'd up from the ceremony. Everyone heard that.

I mean, I'm sure the parents were relieved to hear that they were still virgins if that's what they're, you know, I'm guessing. I think he was. Right. Because now, obviously, you want everyone to hear what's being said in the vow, so you've got a little microphone. And it's for the video, isn't it? It's for the video, yeah.

And straight away he's like, we're mic'd up! She didn't care. She was ready to roll. And wouldn't you be? She's put a ring on it. She's waited. I love to see that. I love to see the look on his face because he's so embarrassed.

All of his parents. You would be so. I would fucking pass away. His nieces and nephews. I would pass away. And it's also, I feel like after you get married is already awkward because everybody knows that you're going to go and do it. Yep.

So that's already awkward. But the fact that they've already, they've now heard it and know that, yep, that's what's happening tonight. Oh, we just need to duck back to the room to change my shoes. Oh, I forgot my veil. You're wearing your veil. No, I'm pretty sure it's back in the room. I have two. I've got two veils.

I'm doing an outfit change into the same dress. Yeah. All right. Tomorrow on the show is a video show. Video show. And we actually have a story from a tarpa in Italy. Italy. And.

And I want to talk about dads. Any dads in particular? No. Oh, maybe actually. Do you think I'll be a good dad? We'll see. Ooh. Okay. Well, that's tomorrow on the show. We'll chat to you then. Do you think I'll be a good dad? We'll see. Ooh, okay. Well, that's tomorrow on the show.

We'll chat to you then. Love you, bye.