Toni and Ryan - WE ARE REBRANDING

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

NORMAL or NAH - New podcast name - What are we wearing to Toni's Hens? - love ya!!!!!Sign up to Patreon Here - www.patreon.com/ToniandRyanFAQ and T&C's PODCASTAWAY - www.toniandryan.com.au/podcastawayVideo for this EP is available on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Slight change of plans. Yeah, we're actually called the two little piggies now. Our listeners, the little piggies. Everyone's a little piggy. And when we go do a live show, they go, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oik, oik, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Hi, I'm Prue, and this is Freya, and we're from Mount Gambia in South Australia. Hi, I'm Elena, Funelost, Sweden. And I approve this podcast.

Welcome to the tone. Tony and Ryan podcast and welcome to a brand new segment called Cozy Thursdays. It is. A beautiful cozy Thursday. We put on a really nice warm jumper and we cozy in for a Thursday. It's very sweet. Do you want to explain your jumper today? Yeah, I'm wearing, it's like a fleece, like a quarter zip fleece, but it's covered in like all these flowers, embroidery.

And it's a two tone. It's a two tone. Three tones. Two Tony and Ryan. But it's from the brand's variety. our that I wear heaps and their stuff but it's all made in Melbourne they're like hand embroidered all it's really beautiful and I love that jumper that you're wearing the danger field one yeah my checkered nissed sweater which got like little flowers and love hearts

on it makes me feel warm and cozy it's very cozy and it's welcome to cozy Thursday and it's also there's some slutty new photos of Ryan wearing that jumper maybe going to hit the internet in the next little while very nice stuff and I'm in this jumper yeah I said we're The Winnie the Pooh? Yeah. So I made the Winnie the Pooh stuff, not the rabbit, but I made the Winnie the Pooh stuff for Mabel. And now we're living it. Do you know how I woke up this morning?

And this has. Fully erect. Mabel comes in. She jumps on me. She, and I've never seen her do this. So it's not like a thing we do. Yeah. So it's out of fucking nowhere.

Yeah. She's like sitting on my chest. She licks her finger and then puts her finger across my forehead and goes, Simba. Has she just watched the Lion King? We haven't watched the line. I think she might have recently, but we've watched it a while ago.

But for some reason, that little part, and she just goes, Simba. And I'm like, oh, are you being Rafiki? And she's like, what are you talking about?

Simba. And it's, I don't know if it's cute or just like, really out of left field. Like, I've had to watch Lion King last night. You'd be like,

oh, I get it. Yeah. No. So the only reason that I know what that, because I've only seen, Lion King like once I think we watched it yeah yeah something yep I never watched it as a kid it's not like a film that I grew up with or anything um is like the sex move of the hat where it's like you come and then you rub the calm on her head and you go simba so that's the only reason that I

knew what you were talking about Charles look on urban dictionary don't look that up on a Charles, just Google it on Urban Dictionary. Just Google it on Open Dictionary. So what made you know that is not one of the greatest kids' films of all time. I'm so embarrassed. It's because of a sex move. Urban Dictionary. The act of smearing a bodily fluid upon the forehead of someone else and slowly saying,

Simba, as Rafiki did to the image of Simba on the tree and the Lion King. Yeah. And the real life example is, and then she said, I drew a line on her forehead with my Carmen whispered simba. I totally simbored Victoria last night. It was priceless. Fucking, they're selling a mug with that definition of it for $32. Fuck, out of now.

That's good delivery. We should, um, so. We should start selling that. That's a great idea. Apparently you can make fucking billions of dollars. If we had to guess where Mabel got this from. Urban Dictionary.

She's been spending some time with Tony. Yeah, I just, I was like, hey girl, you can Google anything. She goes, let's look up the Lion King. And I went, how bad could it be? And oh my God. No, I think it was one of those things that did the rounds when I was like, you know, early days of the internet.

I reckon Urban Dictionary was one of those websites that it was like, oh, let's look stuff up on Open Dictionary. Don't type in Mississippi Mudslide. What is that? The Lion King. You can read that one tone. Okay, Lion King. Come on the woman's stomach,

then take your thumb, make half a circle, and say Simba in an ominous tone. Simba. Yeah. Fuck, maybe Mabel is on Urban Dictionary. Oh. I really don't think that's age appropriate for a three-year-old. No, she shouldn't be looking at that. Until she's at least seven.

Yeah, no, she shouldn't be looking at that. I'm sorry for showing to her. That's my bad. You know what's bad? I'm really sorry that that's why I knew what was. Because I laughed. ruin your beautiful moment. Well, because I laughed and was in shock.

She's going to do it again. She goes, oh, that's a fun one. I'll put that into the repertoire. When she does it, I'm guessing, tomorrow morning. Yeah. Or maybe when you get home today. Like, you know, it doesn't. Now all I'm going to think of.

I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. Should we warn my wife about this? I don't think so. I think that you keep that to yourself. You think it's better that bridge doesn't know? No one else should know that we've just had this. private conversation.

No, because then Bridget, when she, if she gets Simbed. Yeah. No, she's just going to think about it as a beautiful

movie and laugh like you did. You don't want her to think about that. No. I don't even want to think about it myself and I was the one that brought her into our lives. Do you ever wish you could just like rewind three minutes? Yep. Yes.

Which three minutes would you rewind? What's the first thing that comes from? Because for me, it's the last three minutes. Because I thought it was so cute and now what's happening to my... It's still cute. It's still cute. Yeah,

but it's still cute. It's in the back of my mind. Well, then I'll take it back as well. And then it's a... No, no, no, don't waste your three-minute rewind. No, I'll take it back. What would you rewind? Oh, my, I have no idea.

But there's definitely been times of time, like, well, maybe would have... Done that a little different? Yeah. Or like, you know? Symbol. Or like, you know the second that, like, you get something off your chest, you're like, oh, that all I needed to do was like, say that out loud. And then you wish, like, oh, I wish I hadn't just, like, hung on to that for ages. I wish I'd just spoken about it.

So, you know, like, that's probably when I'm like, oh, I regret that I wasted time worrying about that and I didn't need to. So true. Because you know that, like, that quote that's like, worrying is like paying tax on a bill you might never get. That's like, you've already paid in worry and you've already paid in your energy, but then it never, the thing never came up. So true.

Yeah. You should watch the Lion King again. It's great movie. I don't really get it. It's not like, I think. I think because I don't have the nostalgia for it. Last time you said you don't get it, we ended up on the show. So if you say that about the Lion King, we could be off to Africa.

Oh my God. I don't get it. Oh, you're off into I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here in South Africa. Okay, well, I'm not doing that. Why not? I don't want to do that. I reckon you could, I reckon you'd be great.

I don't want to. Yeah. Like, it's, I can't think of anything more embarrassing than going on a show where you are called, like, where you have to say I'm a celebrity. What if we, like, that is so embarrassing. went to Africa and like in the Lion King, I held you up. Oh, well, yeah, we'll be doing that. Ah, it's like in, you're pajama.

Yeah, we'll be doing that. Alex needs to pajama. Sure. Yeah. And this jump was probably perfect for her. I look like a little lion cub. You do look like a cute little lion cub. Yeah.

Maybe that's why I thought of that. I just looked like a little line girl. Claire is sent through a normal or nah. Hi, Claire. And, um, I'm just going to say up front, I'm with her. I also don't get it. So we're not adding these people.

No. I am these people. Oh, amazing. Normal or nah, not knowing what a verb, adjective or a noun is. My four-year-old son is obsessed with mad libs. And he goes, Mom, give me a verb. And I'm like, I don't get it. Yeah.

Mom is saying an adjective. Like, he's like, yeah, you know, I want to spit. Yeah. She got a four-year-old spitter. and she like doesn't know what to say because he says give me one of these and she's like I don't know which one of these so I have to Google it every time says Claire he is too smart for me to just make stuff up anymore yeah like you just make stuff up and they go mum that's not right and you go oh yeah googling basic grammar because your kid is better at English than you normal or nah it's a normal for me yeah yeah I don't I can't answer but to the specifics of verb adjective noun are you across that kind of area yeah Well, because a verb is a doing word. Isn't that an adjective?

An adjective is a describing word. And a noun is a person place or thing, like a thing. I thought an adjective was doing. No, an adjective is a describing word. So that would be like the pretty sunset. Gotcha. And a verb is like running, walking, jumping. What if I went for a run?

Yep. I guess that would. No, I don't think that would be a verb. because there'd be a difference between running run and runner right yes yeah see that's what fucked me up but like because run is like past tense so you're not like yeah what are you doing later i'm going to go for a run yeah no the the acting the at the verb there would be like going wouldn't it yeah i guess so like if you're a non-english speaker and no english can you just tell us if english is good or fucked because i've heard it's really hard yeah it's fucked because of stuff

like this. Yeah, and also we just spell stuff really. Like, it's not... Oh, so it's not just me. It's all of us. No, it's like... I mean, the reason I'm good at spelling is because I have a good memory, not because it makes sense.

Gotcha. Do you know what I... Like, there's a difference, like... There's a difference between those two things. No, there is. Because I once had this teacher and someone asked like, why. And he kind of went, with this, I can explain why. But it's probably just easy for everyone.

If you just know it. it and don't worry about it. Yeah, like the logistics of English is tricky. Yeah. And it's like there's all these rules and it's like, oh, yep, I before E except after C well, then it's not a rule. Like it doesn't make sense or just make it across the board the same thing. No, I after E and let's all shut the fuck up.

And it's just fine. Yeah. But so those things like I now know it's because I have a good memory, not because it makes sense. Yep. And question, does it make sense to anyone? Or we've just, we've come this far. Why don't, I just don't know why they made it so difficult.

Yeah. It really, like, it doesn't really make sense to me. Mm. Do you know what? Do you not really gets me? Is that how, like, so if you were saying like, fucking hell, like, minute and minute are the same word, they're said differently, right? Yeah.

Then you're like, oh, so in other languages are they the same word then as well? And they're like, no. Well, then why is it for us? It's like the guy that's got real lazy. And he's like, oh, that'll be fine. Just change the way you say. You've actually already used minute and it's spelled the same. Fuck, do I?

It's 459 on a Friday. Yeah, look, I'm about to clock out. I think it's okay. I don't give a fuck. But, you know, things like that. I'm about to go cimba some bitch. So I remember asking my mom as a kid being like, oh, so for us, if it's the same word for two different things, is it the same in every language? She went, no.

And I remember just being so confused. Then how did we decide that that was fine? and like flower and flower they're spelled differently but we're supposed to just accept it fuck you I don't accept it me either

like shut up I never thought about flower and flower like so you're telling me that I'm just supposed to accept the fact that these two words that are spelt vastly differently so different

because we're talking F-L-O-U-R and F-L-O-W-E-R Fuck you And didn't we get lazy with letters as well Are you and a W? Oh guess what that looks like Two fucking used together

Yeah Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you Which one Just shut up, eh Fuck you Yeah

So true Gold Coast Print it out and give it to strangers I will Katie's got a normal owner lighten it back up. This is a silly one, which I feel like we need.

Also, remember how on Monday that person was like, did anyone else spend all weekend in labour and not give birth? Oh, a bit niche. Just me. This one's how niche. Oh, I like that.

Normal or nah, using... I'm just yelled at the alphabet. That's where I'm at. In terms of niche, I reckon, I'm niche central right now. I just yelled at letters. The concept of the English language. Like, show me something more meta.

Don't let Ryan into the building. I'm meta. Who's... That's a really funny joke, actually. Who would have thought... Thanks for laughing so hard about that. That my ability to spell... Oh, lack of, yep.

Speak. You, same. General grammar. Sure, general grammar. That you would be the one at war with the English language. Because it sounds like I've been at war with it the whole time. Yeah, I think that you've cut like... We've found common ground.

We've broken some bread. I'm just going, hey, I don't get you, you don't get me. And you know what? And I'm going to keep butchering you, but I don't care to change. Yeah, and that's okay. We can coexist. I think I just keep trying to respect the English language and it doesn't respect me. And respect is a two-way straight, sweet heart.

Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah. And without it coming back, it's hard to give. Yeah. I am good in English language. That's beautiful. Thank you. Olivia, no, Katie.

Hi, Katie. Normal or not, using two random pigs in a front yard to predict how my day is going to go. Well, no one could have predicted that. There's a house on our street with two little pigs. Some days they're out the front and some days they are not. Two little pigs. If I see them, I... What you call me?

Maybe that could be the new name of our podcast. Two little pigs. Two little piggies. Oh, listen to two little piggies. snorts guaranteed. Fill your trough. Have a snorting good time. Pull my curly tail.

That's so funny but also cute. It's so cute. It's so cute. And I was like, when you let it go, like the curly fries are hogs breath. And instead of like, what do you love to see,

it's like, what's curling your tail today? Oh my God, That's so cute. I'm all messed up. I've got my tail all in the girl. Yeah. Oh, my trotters are dirty.

What's hoofing your trotter today? I like that. Can we do the Two Little Piggy? Yeah. Would have been good last week before we did all that new photo shoot and cover up for the front of the podcast. For this podcast. Which people will see, so we might have to give them a call and go. We had such a fun time.

I'll do it again. Slight change of plans. Yeah, we're actually called the two little piggies now. Yeah. And we're going to need to Photoshop some piggy noses on. Start your day with the snort, I believe. Oh, I like that. A snort for the cohort.

I like that. Yeah. See? It's a great day. We bought a snort. Like bought, like purchase. Oh, yeah. No?

Okay. That's okay. I can get working on that. There are two. We've caught the snort. That's fun. That's what like our listeners, the little piggy is, they say. Everyone's a little piggy.

Yeah. So we're the two little pities. So when I go to grill, they go, I love the show. I'm a little piggy. I'm a little piggy. And they go, oink, oink. Oh.

And when we go do a live show, they go, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink, oink. Oink, oink, oink. Oink, o'clock. Oh, my, wow. Like that. Dublin, better be listening. Get ready, Dublin. Your little piggies.

We're oinking at a show near you. I love it. The thing that I just did with the snort, could that not be a video? I think the internet would... Could we cover my face for that bit in the video or something? I actually think the internet will be so nice about all of that. Great.

That's good. Maybe you started a new Instagram when you posted on that one. Yeah, okay. The two piggies. Two little piggies. Two little piggies. You know what I've been thinking about? Taylor Nation and Tarpa Nation.

I did check and it's available, Charles. But it might not be available after we say it on the internet, so maybe we should get it. Hashtag to say. Yeah. If you go to it and it's owned by someone, it might be us. But we haven't posted anything yet. Normal or now?

Hello. There are two. little pigs. Oh, fuck, we're on the pigs still. Some days they are out the front and some days they are not. If I see the little pigs out the front, I know I'm going to have a great day. Amazing. And if I don't, today's probably not going to be the one.

I've never questioned the system. I don't know anything about the pigs and I don't know why or why not they may or may not be in the thing. It's not like, oh, well, on Wednesdays they're not there. Or it's feeding day or it's cold or fucking, she's like, I don't know. I just drive out the driveway. A little pigs in a sweater. And if I see the two pigs. Two pigs in a blanket?

Cozy Thursday. And we just eat pigs in a blanket while we're in a blanket. Using two random pigs to predict your day, normal or nah. Normal. Because that's what the tarppers do every day. They rely on us. Two little pigs to set the tone of their day. Two little pigs.

Two little pigies. What a beautiful day. We could just roll around in the mud together. Doesn't that? Honestly, doesn't that? Doesn't that sound lovely? They do that in suits. They have the mud baths.

We could do that. Do you want to go do that? Yeah. You'll be the Lewis lit. Okay. And I'll be Harvey. Okay. And we'll be in the mud.

Is that a good thing? I don't know. For one of us. And they go, like, do you want to go mudding is what they say. Oh. Two little piggies. Yeah. I'll do it.

What a beautiful day. That's fun. This is my, my love to see it is today. Very wholesome. Yeah. I like that. Little too wholesome. Could take a nap.

Oh. Oh, what's that? That's money. Oh, that's their money. Oh, that's Lewis and Mike. Which one am I? The one on the left. He looks like a bad character.

No, he's the best of the bad ones. Is he evil or just annoying? Both. Oh, he's not evil. He has his moments. He's evil. Oh, he's not the villain. He's not the villain, but he's evil.

He's not... I don't want to be... Don't make me a villain. No, he's not the villain. He's not Jack Solof. He's like... like the villain in season one. He's not David.

Who's the guy that plays wags in the other show? I don't know the other show. Daniel Hartman. He's a fucking villain. Fuck that guy. Why would you make me a villain? He's not a villain. Who's Harvey?

He's he cool? Because you made yourself Harvey. Yeah, but he's definitely cooler than Lewis. Oh. Can I be someone cooler? You can be Donna. She's a fucking badass. I'll be Donna.

Yeah, but she doesn't go mudding though. Lewis is the mudder. Oh, okay. No, I'll stay with Lewis then. Well, you could be half, you could be, um, Michael Ross. Because he's the other one. Yeah. Who's Michael? He's the main character.

This is the smart one. Oh. Yeah. He passed the bar. Can I? He didn't. He didn't. That's the thing.

Cheated. Yeah. That's the whole story. I reckon you should watch the first episode of suits and you'll just be like, oh, my fucking God. This is crazy. First episode. I think I have watched the first episode.

Can I tell you one of the great traits of a. great actor. Can you look up who plays Daniel Hartman in suits? Because I reckon this guy is the best actor. Yeah, that guy. Oh, yes. Yep. So, Daniel Constable.

David. David Constable. David Constable. Daniel Constable, my favorite actor. So he plays the genuine bad guy in suits. And he's so, like, such a gun. Yeah. And just looking at his face just makes you go,

so mad. Yep. But then he plays wags in billions. I also haven't seen that, but yeah. And he's just like a loose wild card legend. Sure. And it's the same guy. But if I just see his face in billions,

I go, fuck yeah, wags, what up, dog. Yeah. But if I see his face in. suits and makes me furious and it's literally the same face. Yeah. And then I thought, isn't that the greatest trait of a great actor? Yeah. It's that, well, that is what they say.

They go, if you hate an actor, it means they're great because they played their character so well that you think it's then. But also like, if they were just, what's he doing there? Oh, that suits, but the other one was billions. Yeah. You can tell. Yeah. But I think, because you know how some actors just like play the same guy?

Like the fact that he, it's like, they're both in a corporate setting I totally know what you talk about you. And I was just like, who is this guy? Yeah. Because Wags is a legend. I would go to war for Wags. I would go to war for Wags.

Oh, Wags the dog from the Wiggles. I think they're cousins. Yeah. Both called Wags. Is there a character fictional that you would go to war for? Oh, amazing question. Because I would go to war for Wags. I know he would go to war for me.

Oh, so. Does it have to be reciprocal? No, but I think he's just got, he's the dog with a bone, you know? Yep. I think I would go to immediately the person that came to my mind was Fleabag from Fleabag. Like Phoebe Waller Bridger's character because so misunderstood. One of my favorite shows of all time, I would go to war for her, I think. Yep.

Especially at the end. Okay, another question. Yeah. Because mine answer is still Waggs. Yep. But if someone was literally going to war for you, who would you want out there? Your answer still works? Yeah.

Oh, this is a great question. Moulin. Yeah, right. That's a great answer. She did the fuck out of everything, didn't she? What a bad slut. Yep. And I called her Moulin, not Moulin.

So you're welcome. I always call her Mulein. You're welcome. I know it's not the right movie, but that's a big song. Oh, actually, though, Moana is also a good answer. I think she'd be a cool. cool, calm go to war for you. Yeah, but New Lahn could fuck people up.

Yeah. You must be swifters of course. When was last time you watched Milan? I'll tell you who I would go to war for. Yeah. The magic carpet in Aladdin. Oh, it's like, good. Oh, when he's stuck under the rocks and he's like,

yeah. Oh my God. And you just like, what's going to happen? Yeah. Heartbreak. That's a really good answer. I think whilst we're not wrong with what we've said, I feel like I want to go.

Wayne really have a deep dive about this. I think I've got, there's such a better answer out there. Do you know who I wouldn't go to war for? Yeah. Skylar White from Breaking Bad. The worst character ever. And she plays it brilliantly. What a fucking incredible actress.

But just fuck you. Yeah. And she's like the most hated fucking female character on TV or something. Which is crazy. You know, rotten tomatoes have done like an article and they surveyed all these people and she's like at the top of the list. Because if you read a three-sentence synopsis of her scenario, you should be like, oh, poor thing. That's pretty fucked up.

Yeah, she's in a really tough spot. And she does try to get on board. Like, in the beginning, she's like, you know what? I can cook the books for us and I can do all this stuff. But then she's like, this is fucked. And he turns into obviously like a power hungry crazy person. I tell you a lot of chat happening at the moment because the devil's wears Prada's twos is come out. And isn't that all over your feed?

God. Who could give a fuck? the first one sucked enough I don't need to fucking sit through a second suck vest that everyone's getting to stuck into um Adrian Grenier's character so you told me this about how oh he hasn't been asked back it's like well just know

why would he be in it yeah he's not part of it but then there's a lot of chat of like oh he's not like the fucking evil villain everyone makes him out to be like Andy Sacks the character was a bit shit sure during that whole movie she's the one that changed she got caught up in the

Maria Presley's bullshit. Yeah. Because you know, she rocked up and she's like, here's my new bangs and here's my and I'm too busy for my friends. Yeah. It's like, yeah, she was the car. But also, she changed. And she can grow.

And you're allowed. But she, like, he was just a bit of a whatever, but he was just doing his thing, you know. But I think it was probably the way that she was like, I think I care about what. And this is, you know, this might be wrong because I actually don't like the film. I've only seen it once or twice. Yeah.

But he's like, oh, I thought you hated them. And she's like, no, I think I, you know, I want to do a good job. because it could lead to something else. And he's like, fuck them. It's like, oh, you actually, you can't just say fuck them. Like, sometimes you do have to fucking do a shitty job for a bit because you get into your next spot or whatever. And like, if she's then said like, no, I need to stick out it for a bit.

Him being like, well, fuck them off isn't helpful as a partner. Yep. You know? Yeah. So I feel like I see it from both sides. Are there any winners in that story? Oh, the winner is us when the movie fucking finishes. I hate that fucking movie.

It sucks. Oh, it's also how random that Simon Baker is in the first one. Yeah, it is. And Patrick Bramel is the love interest in the second one. We just, did you hear how that happened? No. Okay,

so they're doing the last season of Colin and, Colin from McCallels, which is a great Australian comedy. So good. Fucking so good. His wife is Harriet Dyer. Yep, she's like filming something in the US. Yep, DMV.

Yep. I'm very across their relationship. So they get this call. And he's like, yeah, they're having trouble filling the love interest for the devils wears priders. Do you want to audition? Which is such a crazy. Yeah. And he goes, oh, I'm finishing off this other show.

Harry, it's about to go away. We've got two kids. Like, I'm obviously not going to get it. Thanks, but I'm not going to come over an audition. It's just not the right time. And they went, okay. And then a week later, they're like, do you want the job? After not auditioning.

Well, they're like, we audition. We didn't really like. Yeah. But we like you. And he's like, well, like, I'll do it. I just didn't want to get fucked around because I don't really have time to, you know, fill out your audition. Well, can I read for it over the Zoom? Yeah.

But I think he was like, I'm just, I don't have time to not do it. And they just went, okay. And then they're like, no, the other guys weren't it. So would you like it? And he goes, well, well, yeah. No, yeah. That's crazy. What a great story.

Yep. Fucking RIP to the other. That's an audition for us. If you auditioned to play the love interest in the devil's wear as proud as two. And you know they would have got some talent come through because what a role. Absolutely. And I just feel like... Some didn't even audition.

Yeah, that they got turned away, but like the guy who said he didn't want it and couldn't be bothered flying over for it, they gave it to him. Oh, okay. Oh, okay, sure. Would you go to war for his character in Colin from Accounts? Yeah. And he's a hottie too, Patrick Rammell. He's a bit of me

A bit of like old a bad boy Yeah I love those two Oh I would yeah Should we take a moment Wouldn't read that book in the doctor's office You know what I'm saying These two little piggies

We'll be right back after the break Hi I'm Jack from London England Hi I'm Prue and this is Freya Hi I'm Elena Punt'Ulostom Sweden And you're listening to Tony and Ryan

I just eat It needs to be said that we just spent that whole time snorting at each other. Practicing our snorts. I'm actually out of breath from all the snorting. Because you suck in too much. You need to get some carbon dioxide out. Maybe we should stay as tapas and not as pigies because the oxygen required for the snorting. The snorts get away from you.

They really do. They out up and you just. How about you take some deep breaths? I'll do this. A big shout out to a few of our favorite champion piggys. Brooklyn Butler. Garrett Byron. Shay

Eleanor McIlroy Courtney Patrick Dina, good on you, Dina, Stian R, Libby J I'm really running out of breath Jasmine Fent,

Tieridge and Whit lemons Trottes up Trot us up for the piggies I'm so sorry, I'm stressed. Is it insensitive instead of little piggies to call them little

porkies. Our little porky biggies. Hey little porkies. I'm a little porky. I like little piggies because I think it's cute. Yeah. Little porkies. Our little future bacon.

Yeah. Sorry, that's a big green. I could fuck some bacon right now. Carbillism. Yeah, that sounds like you're waiting for tarfas to grow up and die so you can slice them and eat them on your George Foreman grill.

And I would too. I wouldn't cook bacon on my George Foreman grill, but yeah. Well, you're going to keep the fat in the pan? Bam and the dirt is gone. No, that's easy off bam. What's the thing for George Foreman? Well, the oil goes... Knocks the fat out.

That's... Yeah. And it was the boxing glove. Yeah. For the... You won't believe it. For the Carousel this week, Danielle, can we get the Easy Off Bam and the George Foreman grill next to each other?

And maybe they're having an argument. Like, they're in the ring together. And he knocks the fat right off the other guy. And the Easy Offam is there. And then, okay, all right, laugh brainstorm. And the person refereeing the fight is the sham wow guy. I was about to say,

we were there together. Did you know the sham wow guy owns sham wow? He's not like the guy that does the ads. Like, that's his business. Well, because no one could love it as much as him.

And that's how I, yeah, so true. Yeah. But he's like, he is sham wow. How much is he worth, Charles? Oh, you don't want to know.

It'd be a lot. It'd be a lot. Like a million dollars or something Like eye watering Oh yeah It says his net worth is only It's around 1 to 2 million Fuck that's crazy

I thought he should be worth 10 times out That's so much money It's a fucking towel It's a little cloth Two million dollars I reckon he should be 20 million bucks I've never used a shamwale Did you know launch in 2007

With a relatively small ad budget But they like sold millions That's why he did it themselves. He did them himself. Saves on talent cost. Yeah. And he just cared about it so much that you were like, I need to say this for myself.

Not me though. I've never used it. It is Vince offer. It is Vince. And does he have an offer for you? Yeah, because that's good. Because in the things he'd be like, and I know what you're thinking.

Vince, how good can it be? You know, but like, say she'll like that. So, sorry, back to our. Oh, there's Vince. Oh, is there a mug shop Yeah, is that a mug shot?

Oh. Yeah. Oh, cleans up his act. He's back on the, that good for him. He shamwowed up his hat. He knocked the fat right out. Yeah.

That's the other guy. No, I know. But they just do it all of them. And then he was like, Bam, the dirty's gone. Is easy off Bam only Australian? Or was that?

It was that Mr. Worldwide as well? Surely. I'd feel guilty if it was on the house getting easier. We might have used up all our Google credits for today. Yes, sorry, Charles. The internet shuts us out after a bit. It's sold in Australia and New Zealand. Oh, it's local.

Oh, my God. Support local. Wow, yeah, buy local. So, back to our little piggies. It's branded differently in the UK and Europe. Oh, what's it called there? BAM easy off. Siliate?

bang? Clit bang. It looks like clip bang. I don't care what anyone says. Clit bang. That looks like click bang. Are you texting? Yeah.

No, I'm just saying if there's tickets left for the Hens party. Okay. Sorry. Well, because we're about to talk about the Hens party. And I wasn't going to go, oh, tickets are on silent if they're not. If they're not. Yeah. So for our little piggies.

For our little piggies, May 19th at the Troxy Theatre in London is Tony's Hens Party. Hens party like in brackets live theater show. Yes. So everyone who comes is a bridesmaid. We would love you to be a bridesmaid. Come and support Tony. Give her the glorious Hens Night she deserves.

Tuesday night at the Troxy. Tickets still available at tony's hensparty.co.uk. Fuck off now of that. And like Ryan said, it's a comedy show. It's like a sit down show. So you'll sit down. We'll be performing, singing, dancing, whatever. And it will be lots of fun.

And yes, send me off into married life. Yep. And how? Now, every single person that comes is a bridesmaid. Yep. And I've got something here. Every single person in the crowd will be given this pink sash. So included in your ticket price?

Tony's Bridesmaid and it says... Has the date on it. Troxy Theatre, London, May 19, 2026. So you can keep that. But as we look out into the crowd and as I... And there's the drinks waiter. Maybe. goes into the crowd, everyone will be wearing this pink sash.

They're going to be on the seat when you walk in. So everybody will be twins. Yep. And like I said, that's included in the ticket price. So you get a little gift to bring everybody into it together. Yep. And it's hot pink. So if you need to consider that into your outfit, a bit of a heads up,

that if you were thinking of wearing hot pink, if you were thinking of not wearing hot pink, there is an element of hot pink coming. I was actually thinking about what I was going to wear last night. and I facted in the fact that I was going to have a hot pink sash. That you've got the hot pink. Yeah, you have to take it in. Because I was going to get a hot pink top and I was like, oh, but then the sash wouldn't like. Doesn't show up as much.

Yeah. Yeah. So if that needs to be taken into consideration, just a flag. Now, we have had lots of questions about what should I wear, what's going on. Is there a dress coat? There is no, like everyone's welcome wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Yeah. Whatever makes you feel like a hot slot?

Tony's official line. is whatever makes you feel like a hot slut. And if you feel like a hot slut in jeans and a t-shirt, hell yeah, bitch. If you feel like a hot slut in a ball gown, if you feel like a hot slut in a bikini, I don't give a fuck. Whatever you want to wear, love it.

I believe that some people who are performing drag on the weekends, I've gone, you know what? Even though it's a Tuesday, I'm going to dress up and fucking give it. Oh my God, I would love for people to come in drag. That's amazing. Now, I wrote this down before because I was really feeling the concept of whatever makes you feel like a hot slide. Love it. Now, I don't know if we need some like dramatic poetry music to go underneath me right now.

Well, I can hear right now is the helicopter above us. No, that's just me. Oh, okay. Sorry. Sometimes we have an outfit that we feel incredible in. Yes. We feel confident. We feel fun.

We feel fully ourselves. But we feel like we wait. Like there has to be. occasion or a moment or some sort of permission to wear it. Yeah. And even though we feel so great in it, it just ends up sitting there in the cupboard. Oh, you go, oh, I don't want to be too overdressed or I don't want to be too this or if it's too revealing or something, totally.

This is the occasion. This is the time. Tony and I and everyone else, permission granted. Oh, my God. I would love for you to wear that thing that, like Ryan said, makes you feel amazing. but you go, oh, it's a bit much or maybe it's too dress, whatever. Nothing is too much or too little. I absolutely love it.

Ryan said to me, what would you love to see? What would make you so happy? If someone wants to wear their fucking wedding dress, it's like fully welcomed. If you want it once, which most people have, and then you go, oh, I'd love an excuse to wear that again. Fucking get it out. I love it. Would you, where could you see yourself wearing your dress again?

because I remember Bridget saying, because again, she was like, I love this dress so much, it seems silly to just like pop it in the cupboard. Yeah. And she goes, I just have this vision of us having like a garden party in the backyard. And just like, I'm going to put my wedding dress on and we're going to pour a wine. Yeah. And she loves that vision. Yeah, I do really like the idea.

I mean, because I haven't worn mine yet or even trotted on. I don't know how comfy it is. So I don't want to overcomit. But I think that I'll wear it every weekend. Yep. Because I'm going to look so good. You invited Bridget to wear her wedding dress to your wedding, yeah. Which felt a bit like it's the bride's day.

Oh, but like feel like a hot slot. But then this is what Bridge said to me. Yeah. She goes, I would. She's like, I'd love to be able to fit into that dress. And I think this goes to the point of wear it while you can. And if while you can is the 19th of May. at Troxy Theatre.

I'll be wearing my wedding dress. Yeah, great. I won't be because my hands tonight on my wedding. Yes, so true. I won't be wearing mine. And I don't have it yet. But you should wear

whatever makes you feel like a hot slap. Anything you've been looking for an excuse to wear, you don't have to wear heels. You can wear fucking crocs. You can wear slippers. I don't give a fuck. But also, if you want to slice some fucking high heels, do it.

Turn it on. Like I just, there is no limit. You wear runners. You can wear heels. whatever makes you feel comfortable, whatever you think that you're going to be able to like, you know,

not worry about. I feel like there's been so many times I've gone out back in the day when you'd wear heels or just wear uncomfortable, like cheap shoes and stuff. Yep. That you'd be like, oh my God, I look really good,

but I have to walk somewhere, I'm going to pass away. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's the perfect night for it. Yep. Now, I've seen something the other day.

Oh yeah, Tony's hands, papardi dot co. UK. Yes. Grab your tickets only a few weeks to go. Yep.

Dublin's already sold out. Yeah, and we don't want to miss you. Yep. There's this park near me. Kids playing in the playground. Yeah. Dogs running around.

Yeah. Real family vibes. Like the one at the end of the street. I don't want to say exactly where. But not, not that one, because that's just like more of a dog park then it is like a playground, right?

No, that's probably both. Is that my brother? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, swings and slides. Oh, I actually didn't. I thought it was just like a field. There's this man all dressed in black who drives up, gets out of his car. Yeah. No kids.

No dog. Walks with a tote bag, picks up some dog shit, puts that in his tote bag, walks back to his tote bag, walks back to his car and drives off. The parents are all kind of looking around. The kids are sort of like, what's up? Pretty sure one of the dogs was even giving him a bit of a look. Yeah, that's mine. No, that's funny.

I thought that there. What's that all about? What? And just everyone at the park felt very unsettled by this man dressed in fully black without kids, without dogs, who just turned up and took some dog over and took it with him. In a tote bag. Mm. Mm.

Mm. So that person was me And let me tell you what happened I don't want to hear it So I was there with Mabel and BJ Yeah And I saw BJ like do his business And I didn't have a bag on me

It was in the car And I sort of did the like oh Before I go I'll Deal with that Yeah And I didn't And I got home And was like

I've got to go back. Yeah. And you do. It's fucked. If we're being really honest, sometimes that'll happen. But I was like in a kid's playground kind of park area. I was like, no, like some like I was just like, if Mabel stepped in a playground in dog shit, I'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Like if you're in the middle of the bush and you whatever, and I'm like, this is actually a playground. And I was like, I actually, no, I'm, I'm going to go back. Yeah. And I told Pritch, just like, yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah, and I was like, yeah, I should have done and I forgot. So get in the car, drive back to the playground. And when I get back home, I like, BJ gets out and I take his lead inside and the doggy poo bag is like tied on the end of the lead.

Yeah, that's why I was about to say. That's why I have for Pupa. Yeah. And then because he doesn't go on the lead in the park, it just stays in the boot. Yeah. But then I hung up his lead when we got back to the house. So then I get back to the park. I've gone.

I don't have the one thing. I don't have the doggy poo bags. But what I do have is someone who likes going to the cotton-on bargain bin. Shut up. And when they say, oh, you don't want that in a bag, do you for two bucks? Yeah. Yes, I do. You've got bullets for charity.

Yeah, they get you with that, don't they? So I look in the back and there's a cotton-on tote bag. I mean, they are reusable. Yeah. Yeah, they are. That's probably not what they had in mind. I think that's what it is. Yeah, you can take your clothes home today and clean your dog shit up with it tomorrow.

Yeah. Is part of the offer. That's their marketing at the moment, I believe. So I get out of the car. Yeah. I think I'm wearing these exact jeans and a black t-shirt. Holding a tote bag. Yeah.

No kids, no dog. No kids. No dogs. So you walk in and they go. And you get your sunglasses on like trying to hide your identity. I walked over. Are you wearing the bridesmaid sash at the time or is that? I am wearing the bridesmaid smash now.

But at the park, were you? Okay. Yes, I rock up and they go, who's that? And it's a Tony's hens party, proxy theatre. And are they just like, oh, a walk of shame? Big night. But was that last night? Wouldn't that be awesome?

It's not dog poo, it's your poo. Yeah. You shat in the park and you're like, I've got to come back and fix that up. I can't just shoot me a kid's park on my way home after a vendor. You can't. What did you call me? So I walk in and I didn't know whether to go, oh, like, my dog was here and I forgot. Oh, blah, blah.

And I'm like, just put your head down, get the poo and get the fuck out. Yeah. So I just like, I thought I was like being pretty like, I'll just go to the poo and I can leave a no one or leave a notice. They did. They did. Yeah. I mean, I'd probably notice that.

Yeah. So. If I were at the park, like, say I'd taken Mabel to the park, I'd probably be like, whoa, who's that guy picking up dog poo? If you were at that park and you saw a man all dressed in black with no kids, no dog just walk in and take some. It's like, what was he doing? Is he like an artist who's like, yeah, I like, I find dog poo and I'm making a mural at home.

Yeah. Or like, you know? Oh. Yeah. Also. The fact that's in a tote bag as well does imply you're keeping it. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So, well, here's the thing. Then I like threw the tote bag out. Totally. With the poo in that. Totally. High five.

Um, but I feel like a tote bag could be in that category of. of like you put it in the, you know, so it goes to the salvos or whatever? Sure, yeah. And I just hope that the garbologist honored the bat, like, did I put it in the bin bin? In the bin bin. Instead of being like, oh no, that's a recycle. That's probably a good one. It's not.

It's really not actually. Yeah. You know that recycling isn't what goes to the salvos though. No, I mean like to the clothing bin. Yeah, no, I know, but when you put things in the rubbish, that's not what they do with it. Don't they sort it? but not for things to go to the salvos. They sort it for like...

Oh, that'd be. Someone will take that. They sort it for recycling. But there's like the tip has that shop. Yeah, the tip shop, which is different because that's not like rubbish. That's like... Like tote bags and stuff like that. But it's like if someone has a...

I was just talking about the tip shop the other day. This is so random that this is car. But that's like if a couch is in pretty good Nick, they'll put that in the tip shop. But they don't go through it for... Oh, I... There's a, like, that's not how. But would they go that tote bags in pretty good Nick? No, no way.

Would they, a suitcase? I think that there would be. Where's the line where something can be in good Nick for a tip store? Nah, so here's where my mind goes to with that. I reckon a bag or a suitcase or anything that can be like closed, they don't open. Oh, I hope they didn't because what a surprise in that tote bag. Well, like, I reckon that people would just put some. Like, do you know what I mean?

Like some fuck stuff in there. Well, do you remember that story we had like years ago about the dog in the suitcase? I don't think that was true. Oh, well, still. There was internet chatter about that. Oh, was it? Or like I've heard that before on Reddit. But also you wouldn't put a suitcase in the bin.

You'd send that to the salvos or you would take it to the tip or whatever, but you wouldn't put it in the bin. Would you take the dog out before you sent it to the cellar? I would. In my mind, the dog never makes it into the suitcase. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, doesn't that story Every time I see a suitcase at a train station now

I'm sorry for bringing it up because That's actually throwing me to make me feel yuck And you're right to bring it up Because it is in context But isn't that just fuck? But I reckon though I stand by what I said I reckon bags and stuff

I reckon they wouldn't open them To bring people up to speed This person was dog sitting there Oh I don't think we need to But don't they need to know No, I don't think so And I think that even you said it's not true Like

But isn't it? No No, you are the one that just told me It's not true Well, that's what they're saying. No, I don't think that we need to read, tell the story. But I reckon that stuff like that, they wouldn't be opening those bags. I really hope so.

No, they wouldn't. Not in rubbish like that. So are you saying that me getting rid of a poo-filled tote bag? That's a safe. I think so, 1,000 because, well, I hope for this. But I reckon it is. Yeah, but if you saw a man dressed in black stealing dog poo in a tote bag from a kids park without a kid or a dog, that was me and I am sorry.

Yeah. In Melbourne, if you saw it. somewhere else that wasn't Ryan and call the cops call someone about that what do you love to see today Tony Lodge? I've actually got a sweet little Instagram real that's going to bring us back from you stealing poo from the park wasn't stealing it's from my own dog um so true as far as you know no I knew it looks like a brum there that's one of ours okay oh my god Ryan

you ready what's your favorite color don't know don't up Donut. What's your favorite color? Donut. Oh my God. I saw that video and thought it was so cute. Isn't she adorable? And you know what?

It's my favorite color too. Yeah. And also doesn't that donut look like an emoji? Like it's such a perfect looking like. And perfect bite taken out of it? Yeah. Just like it looks so, so perfect. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I've just realized that's on loop. Yeah. I was like she's saying that a lot. Yeah. No, no, no. It's the same video. Yeah.

Yep. Okay. Well, that's what I'm... That is really cute. How adorable. Yeah. We have donuts today. They are delicious.

Donuts also my favorite color. Would you like a donut adjacent story or would you like a PhD story? PhD. Shout out to Vanessa and her husband, Greg. Hi, Vanessa and Greg. Vanessa is a type of. Amazing. And Greg is like a,

what do you know, like an indirect tarpa where he's, he's getting a lot of the jokes he's listening to a lot because she's like watching it on the TV and he's in the room and blah, blah, blah. So he's not a little piggy yet. No. But he's on his way to being a little piggy.

They met when they were both studying advanced mathematics. Oh, they sound funny. And we got to know each other, did a group assignment. Years later, we are married. And I finished my PhD. Fucking hell. That is crazy.

And now he's finished his PhD, two PhDs in the household, both in advanced mathematics. And yesterday, I went to his like thesis defense and whatever. It was like the final, like, you know,

you have to kind of like defend your fine. So people like try to pick holes in you, you defend it and stuff. And he said, I couldn't be proud of him and his achievement. Can't wait to see what he'll do next. And I thought,

Have a look tone at, first of all... Are you sending me something? I'll show you on the phone. Oh, yep. One of the hottest mathematicians we'll see. That's the husband, if you don't mind. I'd give him a PhD, didn't me? I'd poke holes in his thesis.

If you don't want, nah. But then do you also... Like we just... Oh God, that's going to take... Put your trotters up. Zoom in on the whiteboard. I can't even understand it But I think the fact that we can't even

Know what language that's in Just goes to show how fucking smart these guys are I'm just I love seeing people in their element Yeah And this is just like He's just up there doing his fucking thing Like That's so fucking cool

So congratulations to Greg And congratulations to Vanessa And they're both supported each other Through how Because there's like times in the PhD We're like why did I start this? It's fucked but they've supported each other

you love to fucking see it and congratulations Greg congratulations Vanessa and enjoy that PhD Vanessa both of you enjoy each other's PhDs extracting a factor of P squared

I mean pick something more difficult it's pretty basic it's just a bit basic for me I'd prefer he just pushed himself a bit more now I know you're joking

But I'm actually going to have to ask you to take that back. No. No, I won't. Just saying. Thanks for hanging out with us on a cozy Thursday. Yeah, it was a cozy Thursday. It was such a cozy Thursday. Let us know what you think about being little piggies.

The only rate. Was that a little snort, Charles? Charles did a little piggy. You know what's a Thursday, Alvo, when we're so amused by that. Yeah. Yeah, we've gotten to the end of the week. Yeah. Love you.

Love you. Have a great weekend. Oh, there's a video. tomorrow. What's the video tomorrow? And mate, you'll love it. Like and subscribe. What can you do?