Toni and Ryan - We Both Have COVID

Episode Date: March 12, 2023

You're not gonna believe this..... but we BOTH have covid. Here is our fever-y delirium. Love you! Toni xo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Plus you can find the links to order Toni's book here! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. My name is Ryan. I'm joined by author Tony Lodge, captain of the ship Muscles, and we are calling Melbourne and we are calling Caitlin. Oh, is that two people or Caitlin's in Melbourne? Are we calling Melbourne and we're calling Caitlin at once? Melbourne's in Caitlin and it's two people. Hello. Hi, Caitlin. Hi. It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing?

Good, thanks. How are you doing? Good, thanks. How are you? We are real well. We were just wondering if you'd perhaps approve the podcast. I would love to. Yes. Hey, Caitlin from Melbourne and I approve this podcast. We're just starting to record but you can come back in it's fine because you can't we're not filming video we're uh recording the film um okay sick all right what you just heard

is tony explaining to torbs what's happening we are both in our individual homes and i think we've both got covid by the way so we're in our own homes i would like to say as well that the the approver that you just heard was from a far away time where we didn't have covid yeah and we were happy and life was good and we didn't sound like we're about to keel over and die. But things have changed since we recorded that approval and just hearing you explain to Torbs or trying to explain it kind of just sets the tone of where you're at. I believe Tony has COVID significantly worse than I do. I don't sound great, but you sound fucked. Thank you, mate. I really appreciate that.

So the other day, we like, just to try and make out. See, look, I've lost all skills. All skills of a broadcaster have gone out the window. And I wasn't really doing that well to begin with. No. Torbs and I, and you, all have COVID. Bridget has missed it. Thank God.

I've been sleeping in the spare room. You've been isolating separately in Beyonce's Airbnb. Got a separate bathroom. Sorry, should I close my back door? Can you hear the birds? No, I can't. Okay, because they are, I don't know if they're fucking or if they're fighting or there's like a turf war

about which birds are allowed in which tree, but it's fucking going on. Oh, no, I can't hear them. It's going off out the back. Okay, that's good. We get it, mate. You live in a beautiful, an animal bloody. See, I can't even do jokes at the moment.

I've got no words. Is the helicopter too loud out the back of the helipad? Sorry. I'll ask them to turn it down. Oh, guys, no private jet until after we've done. Sorry, Tony. Let me just speak to the pilots thanks for having a word with them for me i really appreciate it so we were in perth yeah and i'm not

blaming the tapas for the the meet and greet however so i was talking to mum and i got and yes it was nice um i said i we've all tony, myself, the three of us have COVID. And mum goes, oh, have you been like, you know, sitting near anyone? And I was like, well, I sat on a full plane and then hugged 300 people. And she goes, yep. That'll do it. It's almost as if like a what not to do if you. Don't want to get COVID. You know.

Yeah. It is what it is and whatever. But it's like when I had to say that out loud i'm like i know how dumb i sound because well at least you're not a super spreader because we didn't even real like we didn't know we had it yeah and torbs wasn't feeling great before because we went to perth obviously you and i were working but we went because i had to go to a wedding yeah so then you went how many people at the wedding well so we didn't feel awesome torms did a covid test

um and he was negative so like okay cool there's probably what like 120 people at this wedding i know and that was on the sunday we flew home on monday and we were kind of you know when you know you're just going to get to a certain point. I just need to get home. If I just get home, I'll be okay. And we got home basically and both of us like fell over. We were like, okay, we're so run down. We're like, well, Torb's did a COVID test yesterday.

That's not it. And then you and Torb's tested positive like the same time. But I didn't test positive till the day after. So I'm pretending that I'm so innocent and I got it off you too. So it's your guy's fault. It's not my fault at all. Right. Okay.

Yeah. Well, Torbs and I sincerely apologize. Now, as I was saying, Tony has had COVID significantly worse than I have. I've had a bit of a cough, but Tony, dizzy spells, not sleeping. You obviously sound fucking trash. On the first or second day when we both realized we had it and I was really setting in and we were a bit depresso

and you literally couldn't, I'm not just saying like as a joke, but when you say like, oh, I barely left the couch, like you couldn't leave the couch, eh? I couldn't get like, I went to pick up my blanket and it was too heavy so let me was it a weighted blanket no it was a tea towel it's actually like a summer quilt like a light quilt like a comforter let me explain how tony is one of the loveliest people you'll meet and the most endearing little cute sweetheart and when she said like i said i

feel like you can be cute and a dumb fuck at the same time is that absolutely i do it every day so how to be cute but also a dumb fuck yeah i'm saying yep i've moved into the spare room i'm using the the other bathroom you know blah blah i blah, blah. I'm just going to lay low, read some books, watch some movies. And Tony goes, because this is just a natural thing for Tony to say. Bet she didn't realise what she was saying.

Oh, yeah. If there's anything you need me to do, you just let me know. I'll do anything I can to help you out. And then... Like what? And then I was like like you know what that was the emptiest offer ever i can't do anything like but it was like happening in real time because my brain is just working so slowly that i'm like oh that was really i didn't mean that i can't do

fucking anything i think we've talked about empty offices are we talking about on the podcast that georgia ducky came to perth i think so that you did no empty office and you went why don't you come over and ship okay yeah when we lived in canberra the rule was no empty office so if someone offers you jacket you go yeah no i will take that or do you want me to get you know and so the joke went on and on to the point where i said to georgia who i don't really know that well at all you should come and stay with me in perth for the weekend and she went well i mean with the empty offer all i have to and then she came over and we had a great time so when you said the other day oh if there's anything you need and i was like i really appreciate it obviously you're not

gonna fucking do it and i was like no can you just grab me a hot chook from the chicken shop and and a salad and some milk and And you're like, go fuck yourself. Have a good night. I was going to say, okay, that's obviously not going to happen. Ha ha. Is there anything else? Another big point of contention on this podcast over the last probably two years. I don't even know if the podcast has been going that long.

No, it hasn't. But yeah. I got invited to a wedding uh about a year ago i guess wedding franko's wedding our video guy and uh he so kindly invited me and i realized that i had a decision to make because a year before that i'd bought tickets to go and see lord and they happened to be on on the same night. And it was a big conversation on the pod and I was like, oh, Lorde is my very favourite person in the world and I'm not going to be able to go.

And so you very kindly bought me tickets to Lorde in Sydney. It's like if you go to Sydney for the wedding, while you're up there, Lorde's doing a show two nights later, Franco's wedding, day off, straight into the Sydney show. I'll take those Melbourne tickets off your hand. Everyone's a winner. So as I sit here recording this with you, almost dead, in an uddi, sponsored by a non-disclosed chicken shop, it would appear that all of that was for nothing.

I didn't go to the wedding. I didn't go to Lord in Melbourne. I didn't go to to the wedding. I didn't go to Lord in Melbourne. I didn't go to Lord in Sydney. You didn't go to Lord in Melbourne. And so, yeah, I feel like all of that was absolutely for nothing. So I've decided I'm no longer going to plan anything because I'll probably just get COVID. No, no, no. I mean, you're right. It's literally been 18 months of planning. We've both spent a fortune buying each other gifts and presents and flights and stuff. But don't, nah, because you, when you joke about,

I'm not planning anything, but you fucking, you're the kind of person that might be a doomsday prepper and never leave the house. You've got that in. So I said to Bridget, we're gonna go see lord and i said this to her a year ago yeah and your wife's a kiwi she's a kiwi it feels right kiwi supporting kiwis women supporting women and then selfishly bridget gets pregnant yeahget. So she said, she's always pregnant. Oh yeah.

What a bitch. Um, she's like, I feel like, like she's great in the mornings, but as soon as it's late afternoon, she's tired. She's fading.

Like five o'clock. It's like dinner and bed like gone. So she's like going out at night, even just being around lots of people with a big tummy is a bit, you know, parking, catching the train. Like they just, she's like, I just night, even just being around lots of people with a big tummy is a bit, you know, parking, catching the train. Like it just, she's like, I just don't know if I've got that in me. And I was like, you know what?

You're seven and a half, eight months pregnant. I will allow that. Yeah, that is fair. Yes. And then I was like, well, I've backed myself right in because Tony's like, if you don't want to go, Ryan, I know you want to cancel. You're such a fucking counselor. I'll just give them to someone who deserves. And I was like, no, even if it wasn wasn't for lord it was just to fucking prove you wrong i'm not the kind of guy who doesn't turn up i'm gonna fucking go um so then i messaged um

liam and go do you want to say lord and he's like no and then i messaged phil and he's like no and then i met him and he was like oh i heard the album. It's not for me. And so getting a plus one to go see Lord was actually... I'll go with you. I'd love to go. Have you got tickets? It was actually quite difficult to get a plus one. So finally, I speak to Tim and I go, Tim, we haven't actually caught up for a while. So I was like, even if it's just an excuse for you and I to have a couple of beers,

if we're going to have a beer someplace someplace we might as well go and see the lord and he's like yeah man of course like whatever sounds like a lot of fun um actually that's a lie when i say it sounds like a lot of fun i actually had to coax him for probably half an hour and no see this is why i said to you i don't want you to go i want someone to go that really enjoy them because they're really good tickets. So that's why I kind of had to sell it to Tim. Like, Oh,

you know, if you're not into law, whatever, it's just a great chance to catch up. You know, what a great night out for the boys. Um, and so then he's like,

fine, I'll do it. We'll have a good time. So then I messaged him and I'm like, I'm out. Yeah. I'm actually not going to be attending i'm not going but you can take whoever you want hey no is that not what you would they're my

tickets you can't just give them i'll give them to somebody that actually wants to fucking go well we're not into empty offers here so we'll have to wait to see how it plays out for Tim. Oh my God. This is ridiculous. You're right. So no Lord for you. No Lord for me. No wedding for you. Um, I've actually got a bit of a birthday party, uh, baby shower thing that all my friends are going to have a sick time at, and I'm probably not going to be at. Yeah. I wasn't even invited cause I was supposed to be at the wedding at Outlawed. Yeah, the irony. It's like, oh, Tony, now that you're not going to those, do you want to come down?

Oh, I'd love to. Would you like me to give all of your friends COVID? You're welcome. Yeah, there's a few young mums and other pregnant ladies as well. It's probably the worst place to spread. Yes. I've heard that before. Yeah, no, it's not the first time i've said that actually all right up next when tony was going to perth and then we said this months ago

we set a challenge and a lot of people be messaging being like when is the perth challenge happening when are we going to hear the results so we'll do that up next on the most riveting exciting energetic edition of the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hey, it's Caitlin from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas. I promise I feel a lot happier about things than I sound. Yeah, it sounds like you hate the tapas. No, I do. I love them.

Kaylin Sandoval, thank you so much. Josh, Fiona Skensos, Amy Chominen, Tracina Cisneros, Nancy McLaren, and Emma Fakwa. And I'm pretty sure we saw Emma in in perth i think that emma might have given us covid emma if you're listening do you have covid or did you yeah i was gonna say emma fuckwad sounds familiar because yeah we just spoke to her because she was a super spreader so thanks for that emma in fact let's just fucking blame it on her anyway no no no no but it might have been i'm not gonna rule it out there's a one chance. I mean, maybe because you haven't had it before me. Maybe you gave it to Emma.

Then how did you get it? Well, who knows how these things work? A fake virus from a fake lab in China. No, we believe in science. We're both jabbed. It's fine. So, Ryan, you were just saying that a little while ago, I think it was actually your your love

to say it about how there should be a time limit on how late into the year you can say happy new year i think we were all and i speak for everyone we were getting over how obnoxious tony was with her um see you next year haven't seen you since last year year and i said we need to draw a line in the sand and it turns out the line in the sand was a wedding in early march well so i said that i think it depends on who the person is you're saying it to yeah yeah because if you're really good friends with someone and you have happened to like not have seen them because you don't live in the same state or someone has long covered etc that uh maybe you could extend that right out and so you sent me the challenge of saying happy new

year to people at a wedding in march with a straight face unironically yeah uh and the whole idea was like can you get away with it like will someone call you out and i like many people have actually been fucking hanging to hear this story and i say a lot on this podcast that i don't embarrass very easily oh no but in the lead up to this i was actually really nervous because this it ended up being like the perfect situation to try this out because they are all of my friends. Plus we live in different states. I genuinely hadn't seen them in ages. So it feels like it would be just like the perfect opportunity to be like,

you know, all of that. And we walked into this wedding and I remembered how much cooler all of my friends are than me. I remembered how much cooler all of my friends are than me and uh and the first person that I saw I was like oh we're just just trying to do a sneaky one yeah and I was like oh my god hey like so good oh it's been from like happy new year and she went what and I went nothing I said how are you and I fully chicken? And I fully chickened out. I fully chickened out. I'll just sneak one in here.

Like, it's almost like I'll get a score on the board without her noticing. What? Cancel the wedding. Everyone stop. What did you just say, Tony Louise, Felicia, author, Dr. Lodge? Like, she just fully was like, what? Like, I think she was like, she obviously has it like in her mind. She's's like you obviously haven't said happy new year because it's fucking march dickhead yeah and then she's like well what did you say instead uh and she just fully was like yeah it was very embarrassing

and i was like oh what no how are you like so good to see you like love your dress oh and um so that didn't work out and did that just shatter your already you're already nervous but did that just ruin your confidence yeah it did and i'm so confident like i honestly never have a problem filming stupid stuff but it was it's like how it's worse talking to like four people than it is talking to like a thousand yeah because you're right up in there you can't just like keep walking you're like so hang on just quickly set the scene for me in terms of if there was a scale or a spectrum of like fancy formal tuxedo wedding or like fun quirky alternative because you know

how like some weddings are a bit more fun whereas other when it's formal you're like it's a formal wedding the parents are here i'm respectful like i'm not gonna try a dumb fucking joke for a podcast you know what's the scale wedding the parents are here i'm respectful like i'm not gonna try a dumb fucking joke for a podcast you know what's the scale where do you reckon this one lands so it was definitely on the more formal end but it was still fun and like chill yeah like um wasn't stuffy no it definitely wasn't stuffy not like your nose right now oh oh nice i can't even laugh at that because i don't have the energy. But know that I'm laughing on the inside.

Thank you. Thank you. It definitely wasn't stuffy. It was like, it was outside. It was summer still, so it's pretty hot. Yeah. So like Torbs was wearing like a button-up linen shirt with like a couple of buttons open, if you know what I mean.

You have like a bit of chest hair poking out the top there? Yeah, he did. It was very good. It was very good. It was very good. And as you can tell, I've got all this energy to tell you how much I enjoyed that. While I was staying at my brother's house also, might I add. Absolutely not. No fucking way.

Just really setting the scene. I've got a global virus inside of me and I'm in my brother's house. The scene is perfect. Yeah. Let's light a candle babe we're on here did you say let's light a candle babe we're fucking on here and then taking a sip of tea because my fucking throat hurts so much but the other part of this like weekend challenge was that um our producer cam who actually doesn't have covid thank god he did go to franco's wedding yeah uh he's staying in a beautiful hotel room that i fucking paid for

that i couldn't use um i might put that on the work card actually um and uh that he was uh babysitting and house sitting for pippa which i'm'm sure that we'll get to later on in the week. I'm sure there's something fucking to be had about that. But you said that you were going to renovate my house. Yes. And I've come up with a term that I'm going to lay flat on the ground that I think is really fucking funny, but I've also got a lot of drugs in me at the moment.

Yeah. And it's like, you're a flipper crit because you did not flip or flop my house while I was gone. There's no fucking air conditioner in my room. There's no fucking bird bath out the back. Nothing. Nothing was done. Flipper crit.

First of all. Is flipper. Flip a crit. First of all... Is flip a crit funny? Okay. I think I can venomously, vehemently... What's that word I'm trying to say? Vermently. What is it? Vermently.

Remember, because I said vehemently and everyone was like, no, that's not what it is! I think I can vermently disagree with what you're saying, but also really fucking appreciate the Flipper Crit term. Thank you. I can do both, right? Good. Yes, you can do both because I was very proud of Flipper Crit.

In a fever dream, I woke up in a start and I was like, that's great, I'm writing that down. First of all, are you using the flipper crip and you flipping the script onto me because you're about to also tell us that you said happy new year to one person lost all confidence and then didn't try again is this a distraction are you trying to lash out on me because you are a flipper creel second of all I had COVID mate so sorry I'm not renovating in COVID time. Oh, don't do that.

And we won't go into details at this point, but is it true that I turned up to your house and was not fully well? We all didn't know that we had COVID at the time, but we were definitely not in our best state. But is it fair to say I turned up to your house the other day and was told in no uncertain terms that this was not the fucking time? I don't recall.

I don't recall. Are you sure you don't recall? I've been so sick, mate. I don't think you understand. Just really not feeling well, mate. Okay. Okay. Okay.

We'll get to that later. But no, I did not. Well, you were pretty clear in your instructions. I didn't. I am a flipper crit. There, I said it. It's made worth it because of the pun, I feel. I think the pun makes it worth it.

I don't like being a failure, but I can handle being a flipper crit because it is such a funny thing. Well, I didn't want to fail either, but I just, I sucked dick on the challenge, everyone. I'm so sorry. I just got so nervous. So what, you were one and done? One and done. And I thought I can't fucking do this to myself. Zero from one.

Zero from one, actually. Actually, though. Zero from one. Fuck. All right, so here's the plan for the rest of the week, everyone. Tomorrow, Tony and I are back and so is the in the bedroom segment so tomorrow not only will we have confessions but things you can say when you've got covid and also in the bedroom

that's tomorrow recording from home uh wednesday we're off there's no new episode and then by thursday hopefully we'll be feeling better and we'll be back in the studio and everything will be back to normal so that's the plan for the rest of the week. But considering how shit we are, have you got a really juicy, wholesome, you love to see it, to like pick us up? I do. And aside from it being like that today is legally the last day, I have to be in isolation. It obviously won't be because listen to me.

But aside from that, I don't know if you saw this, but it's going viral online and it literally had me in tears. And a bit like Flippercrit, I don't know if it's just good because of how fucked I am, but you remember Rihanna's Super Bowl performance? Yes. So only very recently she did the Super Bowl. It was amazing.

It's been like a real moment in time. The ladies of the Arcadia Senior Living Bowling Green, they reenacted it. Have you seen this video? Yeah, it's fucking the absolute best. I'll find the link and I'll pop it in the episode thread on our Facebook group for today. But basically, this group of old women,

their video's gotten 31 million views or something. It's absolutely insane. 31 million views? You won't even get that many views if you confess to sticking a bar of soap on your arsehole. Yeah, and I would know. But basically, their video went fucking insane. It's lighting

up the hearts of millions around the world. And Rihanna sent them flowers oh how lovely yeah so she sent them uh a bunch of flowers and they're these beautiful white roses she probably could have sprung for like one each she's only got one one bunch but it says you your lady's dance was amazing love rock nation rihanna that is lovely isn't that so sweet i was gonna say sending them a bunch of like uh fenty underwear it's probably not on brand for the older ladies yeah or some makeup or you know or just money like i'm like rihanna could you just send them a couple grand each i think just the acknowledgement that i actually saw it is like the biggest gift of all because what a fucking crazy thrill i know uh but i just thought

you love to see that i thought that was so wholesome it's keeping me going during my trying time right now do you reckon any of our clips like have ever just popped up in rihanna's feed oh my god that's making me surely sick. Surely of the millions of views, one of them, one time, was Rihanna maybe. Do you think she's scrolling? Like that would be my first question.

Like, do you think she's actually scrolling TikTok or Instagram? Surely. Yeah, you get into bed and you're like, oh,

you know, you scroll for 10 minutes before you fall asleep or you wake up in the morning and see what's happening. Or you do it a little poo and that's, you know.

Yeah, I mean, Rhianna probably poos, I would have thought. Sure. Everyone except my wife, Bridget, poos. Yeah. Do you have any love to say it aside from Rhianna pooing? Sorry, yes, I do, I do. My love to say it is, have you heard of Rohit Roy? Oh, my God, the soft drink guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he's this wholesome as fuck lovely dad from melbourne he used to drink too much soda um and so he had a day without fizzy as he described it and then he had another one and then another day and similar to tony's like slay the day one day at a time he's like all i aim to do is have no fizzy today and no fizzy tomorrow. And every day he does a little update on TikTok saying, hey guys, no fizzy today. Hope you're having a good one. Well, guess who just got to 1,000 days with no fizzy?

I was emotional when I saw that he hit the 1,000. Isn't that so cool? Should I play his 1,000 days? Here we go. No fizzy eating for me today. Finally the day has arrived and my dream has come true. Today I have completed 1000 days of my no fizzy eating journey. I've got the cake here which says 1000 days and thank you.

Thank you is for you guys who have been supporting me since ever and my family, especially my wife. Today to celebrate I'm going to have a glass of water and I've got the cake as well. He's got a little cake that says a thousand days. I love that he said in the video, I'm just going to have some water to celebrate. Like, that's so sweet.

It really is so sweet. He seems like the sweetest guy. And I love that everyone's getting around him. You know what I mean? People are just like, you get it, son. Like, good on you. Like, just slay the son. Like, good on you. Like, just slay the day.

Slay the day. Oh, we did have two really good, wholesome. Sorry, I forgot they were called. Fuck. All right. I've got to go. We will chat to you tomorrow and then we're going to go on sick leave. Yes. But tomorrow we're back and so is the in the bedroom segment.

Yes, you're welcome. You're welcome. All right, we'll chat to you then. Love you, bye. Oh, that was crook, wasn't it? Love you, bye. Paddy and Selma are in the house. Yeah.

Love you, bye. Bye.