Toni and Ryan - We ❤️ Clit Lit

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

This took a real weird turn and I'm so sorry (nah I'm definitely not) lol LOVE U!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. Hello. We have, who do we have again, Cam? Yasmin. Yasmin, who is a massage therapist. It's set in Brighton and we're about to book her in, but apparently it's the Brighton in the UK. It happens all the time. Yeah. So, let's give her a buzz.

Yasmin, it's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? What's happening? What's happening? What's happening? Hey, have you been to Pizza Meat in Brighton, the infamous Brighton pizza store? I've been to so many pizza places in Brighton. I couldn't tell you, but probably. Have you ever measured a pizza with a dildo, Yasmin?

My dildo is too big for that. Right on. What a great response. Will you approve today's podcast, Yasmin? Of course I approve today's podcast, absolutely. Awesome. Hey, it's Yasmin from Brighton, and I approve this podcast. Alright, before we get started, Tony, we're recording, right? Good, because Tony has just gone on a massive rant about people.

Okay, did someone accuse you in high school or did the cool girls teach you that they Tony has just gone on a massive rant about people. Okay. Did someone accuse you in high school or did the cool girls teach you that they got Inception and you didn't? Because you just for some reason were triggered by someone must have said, Tony doesn't understand Inception, and it just stuck with you. No, because when Inception came out, I must have been like 17 or 18, and I reckon that it was just a big thing. I hung out with a lot of boys. Like my friend group at the time, it was like two girls and like five boys.

And so all the boys were like, yeah, like, didn't you get the movie? And I was like, what's to get? I watched the film. And then so I felt defensive about people being like, oh, yeah, I get it. I'm like, what do you like? So you didn't get it? No. Fuck.

Here we go. No, I'm just asking, though, because you seemed like before we hit record, you said, well, no one fucking got it. It's fucking confusing. There's nothing to get. I don't get it. I did not say it's confusing. The thing is, is that when I watched it, I was like,

I understand what's happening here. But then when everyone made a big deal out of it, then you kind of go, did I? Like, did I get it? Like, you know when something's too simple? Yeah. happening here but then when everyone made a big deal out of it then you kind of go did i did like like you know when something's too simple yeah and i'm happy to wear i get shit wrong all the time like i'm happy to i'll always put my hand up and cop it if i fuck something up but i was like what's to get like actually what's to get it's a fucking movie do you know what happens yeah is there a reason why when we're talking about getting stuff

that you just went, like, Inception? It's like it's been sitting there on the tip of your- It's like a wankers game, I think. What was the example that you gave? Well, some winemakers, it's like- So because your wife was a winemaker. And there's a lot of wank in that industry. Like, oh, if you don't have a refined palate,

you won't be able to appreciate the goodness. And I'm like, oh, it tastes like shit, fuck off. Yeah, like if I don't like something, it's not because I don't get it or because I'm not fancy enough. It's because I'm going, oh, actually, that's not for me. So what happens at the end of it? I mean, I have to ask on behalf of them. I mean, so they do the fucking sleepy thing and they go into deep

and deep and deeper and then the time, like, stretches. It's, like, longer. Sorry, less time in the real world, but it feels like longer in the thing. And, yes, we get it. The score slows down and it's fucking groundbreaking. And then, like, when they all wake up and the spinning top is going, you're kind of like, is he still in the thing? Because that was his totem of figuring out whether he was.

And his kids are still there even though they're not supposed to be there. Like, it's long. Someone could have just texted me that, you know? I wish they did. I wish too. I just. You know how there's Blink lists? We should have Tony's Christopher Nolan list.

I would do that except that it means that I've got to watch the movies. Can you text me what tenant meant? I can't. Honestly, that one, no, I can can't people should be talking about tenant not about inception inception was easy as far as you know nolan goes oh have you seen um my favorite movie at the time was uh what was the first one that he brought out prestige no memento memento have you seen memento i have did you get it. Memento. Have you seen Memento? I have.

Did you get it? Oh, have I? No, I've seen the Prestige. Have I seen Memento? Guy Pearce with the Polaroids. No, haven't seen that. Should I watch that? Yeah, but you've got to sit down and watch it.

Yeah, all right. Well, in three weeks. It can't be on in the background. Oh, watch it on the plane. No, no. It's not a plane movie. It's not a plane movie. It's not a plane movie. Coming up today today speaking of movies

actually yeah i've got something that i thought i've only ever seen that in the movies and i saw it in real life have you ever had a moment like that where you go oh that only happens on telly and then you go oh that's how it's happening now in front of us. Were you ever really fucking bored by a movie and you go, oh, God, it happens to us as well? It happens all the time, yeah. I don't know why I just remembered this scene in Just Shoot Me, you know, the terrible sitcom with David Spade. Yeah, I fucking love it. And Nina, the chick Nina, I loved her.

I thought she was so sexy. And they were talking about real life versus what you see on the screen. Yeah. And it turns out that David Spade had a really big penis. I have heard this story before. And he didn't realise that he had a huge penis. And he's like, but didn't you like see other people? Is this him?

Sorry, question. In the show. Oh, okay. I was like, is this in real life? No, it's in the show. And he goes, and one of the other guys certainly goes, oh, my God. And he goes, oh, is it? I've never really compared it.

And he goes, oh, you haven't seen other guys in the locker room or something? He's like, nah, because I was so frail, you know, I never did PE. And then he goes, what about like adult film? He goes, yeah, I've seen pornos. I just assumed mine was a bit bigger than average. Because then obviously in the pornos you go, is mine supposed to be that big? Yeah, well, you look at it and it's like them uncoiling a rope. And you go, if you come near me with that thing, come out my fucking mouth.

No, thank you. Supposed to go in the mouth, not come back out the top. Come back out the mouth. Sit on this. It'd split you in half. It actually would. It's not good. No.

It's not a good time. But then do you see that on videos and you go, well, I- On videos. No, but then you're like, well, if I take a boy home, like that's not going to be a fun time. Well, yeah. I mean, not that I was really watching porn when I was younger, just because I never got into it.

I was more of a Tumblr porn girl, which I think we discussed the other week. We discussed, yep. Yeah, I was into artsy pictures of boobs and tattoos. Like, that's more my area. And has that come to life? I do have boobs and tattoos, obviously. Tick the box? Yeah, no, I think I was more into looking at sexy girls

than I ever was into looking at, like, I don't want to watch, like, a boy and a girl fucking. That's not interesting to me. What do you want to see? I'm into, like, two girls and a guy. I'm into that. I was going to say Alfred Power. No, that's the Devil's Threesomes, the other one.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm into two girls and a guy. That's cool. Two girls, also cool. But then also I'm, like, and a guy. That's cool. Two girls, also cool. But then also, I'm like into like horny literature. Like have you ever like – is this weird? Should we fucking – What do you mean?

Nah, I don't mean Mills and Boone like a full thing. But if you Google like erotic stories, safe search off, obviously. Yeah, obviously. I just spout everywhere. Don't do it at work. Yeah, not at work. Or now if you're listening to this podcast on the bus on the way to work maybe wait maybe wait the travel boner might pop up no so if you google like erotic stories it's just like short stories

and they're just like real horny and hot i what like read one the other week and it was like please um because i don't know like yeah share so it's not like a novel even though there are horny novels i've never read so it's just like a blog post even though there are horny novels. I've never read one of those. So it's just like a blog post kind of looking thing. Yeah, like it probably takes you a few minutes to read it. But is it like in first person? Is it like re-encounters or are they telling the story of a- It's normally like-

So the one that I just read the other day was like, I met him on holiday. The sun was hot and the air was sizzling. Like it's that kind of thing. And that gets you going. Well, no, not really that bit. Do you like your air sizzling? Do you like being on holiday?

Does that keep going, being on holiday? The sunscreen makes me wet. No, I don't know. It's like then it goes to like. We just travelled 16 hours from Melbourne to Dallas and arrived at a dingy Fort Worth motel. The air was thick. Like the hot chocolate.

Almost as thick as the hot chocolate on the fly though. Oh, we forgot to get a hot chocolate. Anyway, and then it normally goes to like Damien and I had stolen glances across the thing and like whatever. Stealing glances, write that down, Kim. And then the horny part of this one particularly was that she was like, oh, I didn't have my bathers with me. I was only wearing my underwear.

And, like, it's like it's just hot and cool. But then what happened? Then what happened? Don't tell me. Well, and then it was like she's just kind of like the mesh of my underwear, and she was like my nipples were really hard and the mesh of my underwear. And she was like, my nipples were really hard and the mesh of my underwear was like rubbing against them. The diamond cutters.

The diamond cutters were out. And she's like, yeah. And then we were like, I think it's something like pashing on the pier, like they were making out on the pier. And like they're all wet and it's like nighttime and it was pretty hot. And yeah, like. And Piers Morgan was there.

Piers Morgan was there. Yeah, thank God. That's what gets me off anything with Piers Morgan. Anyway, yeah, and that was just like a real horny little blog post. It was real cool. And they used to have stuff like that on Tumblr, but they don't have that anymore. They took it all off.

Bring it back. Should we start our own? Rumbler. Oh, God. That sounds like it might already be taken. Let our own? Rumbler. Oh, God. That sounds like it might already be taken. Let me just Google Rumbler. I wouldn't. I wouldn't Google that.

Rumbler. But, yeah, like, that's kind of hot to me. Rumble. In the jungle. Rumble is your rights management video platform. Okay. Host an – oh, are they like a poor man's YouTube? Ooh.

Ooh. It might be Pornhub. No, it's definitely not. RedTube. Is that still a thing? RedTube? Anyway, what do you – Come to, I miss you.

Now that I did mine, what's yours? My erotic literature. Yeah, or like what do you watch? Because I said that I like girl on girl and that I like Two Girls and a Guy. I just like watching two people have sex is like not interesting to me. But sometimes I do like them if they have a story or if it's amateur. Amateur because that's hot as fuck because they like each other. Yeah.

And you can tell that they're, oh, sorry, I've got to fucking cover my nipples up. The thing about amateur is that it's- It's a couple. Normally. But it's like the acting is so bad. Hey, Brittany, do you have my other tampon? Like I don't want to watch that. I don't think that's-

I mean, I don't want to watch that either. I don't want to watch that. But, you know, like that is- Why did that sentence come to mind? I don't know because before I said pop a tamp and just it's in my head. Anyway, you don't- See, I'm the opposite. For me, nothing gets me going like terrible storylines and acting.

I came to clean the pool. I don't have a pool. Oh, great. But it distracts me from getting the job done. It actually does, though. No, but an amateur, that'll do me in. Or the fake sounds. Like, that just fucking hell.

What are you, a bird? Or when she's moaning when she's sucking his dick. That makes no sense. That makes no sense. Like, to completion, almost. I don't know. It's pretty hot. No, but there's a difference between for enjoying yourself

and like I'm about to finish. Yeah, I mean, she might have something going on down there. She might have like a sex toy or something. Yeah. Maybe. I'm just saying that maybe. Okay. But what do you like then?

Because I said mine and now I feel quite exposed. No, I was saying I agree, the real people because, yeah, the fake just takes you right out of the room. It does. I'm very aware I'm watching a production and just go easy on the lens flare. And the bright lights. Yeah.

We can see it. Yeah. And you look phenomenal but it's just not doing it for me. Yeah. So. Yeah. What. Yeah. What were we supposed to talk about today? I don't know, but I'm off to the bathroom.

That's why me lightheaded that laugh I just did. Lack of oxygen getting through our brains. For more than one reason, it would appear. All right. I've actually lost my page. Should we just go to the break and start again? How long have we been going for? How long have we been going?

12 minutes. Yeah, all right. See you. Up next, only at the movies. Different movies. Hey, it's Yasmin from Brighton, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. I've had some cold water. You guys feeling all right?

Yeah? Had a ciggy during the break? I'm ready for a nap. During the break? Scotty D? Can't get away from the D today. Jordan Montgomery, good on you. Oh, by the way, sorry, these are Champion Tapa shout-outs from our Patreon. Tapa, Tony and Ryan podcast.

Hope our Champion and Exclusive Tapas enjoyed the Freaky Friday exclusive last week. And also the Teleparty, our Champion Tapas. We watched a spooky movie. Sorry for accidentally picking a sequel, by the way, guys. I had no idea. Until it was mentioned multiple times. My bad. My bad.

Caitlin Hoare. You wouldn't read about it. You wouldn't read about it. Billy Brousseau IV and Anna Brecky. Thank you so much for being part of Patreon. Absolutely love to see you. I hope you liked all that shit. Did you want lunch?

Nah, nah, brekkie. Do you do all-day lunch or all-day brekkie? Oh, Fast Eddie's. They used to do breakfast any time. So good. Oh, a 24-hour restaurant in Perth? Uh-huh. Yeah.

If you haven't ended up at Fast Eddie's after a big night. Ed's Benedict. They used to do an Eggs Benedict and it was Ed's Benedict. So good. It's a dry heat over there it is a dry heat yeah

and they used to have a cop the lot burger and it was the best burger ever after what we've talked about today

don't say cop the lot oh sorry and I know that we talked about movies earlier and a few different types we got slightly

we went Nolan we went porn but I do need to talk about movies again but it's a little bit different is it sexy still?

Because I think we all need a cigarette and a breather. This is not sexy. This will bone you right down. I want you to think of a time when you've gone, that only happens in the movies, or I've only ever seen that happen on telly. And you know when something crazy happens or something really like serendipitous and you go, oh, that would so happen in a movie? I don't think this is what you're asking for,

but the first time I like was in a – like and saw a car accident. Oh. Because I feel like in movies there's always car crashes and car chases. Yeah, but you don't see that in real life. You don't see that often. And then when I actually saw a real car crash, and it was just, you know, someone just ran up the back of someone. Yeah, but you saw it.

I saw it happen and I was like, oh, you just, you see it so much in the movies, but you never actually, I mean, and maybe I was just on a lucky streak and I was a bit younger and on the roads, but I was like, you just never actually see it. And it just kind of felt like a bit jarring. Yeah. Oh, those bad things that we see in the movies like that actually happens and it you feel it you know it feels weird well the the sound

of the bang kind of stuck with me for a little bit you know like oh mate yeah i actually i do know what you mean though and i think it is actually a very good example because you kind of go fuck that happens in real life yeah um so i I think that it's like maybe a very Australian thing because you grow up watching American movies and you go, oh, Jenny asking Bill to the prom, oh, that only happens in the – he only says yes in the movies. But in Australia, we don't really have that. So you kind of go, this romanticised idea of like an American life.

So I think we've talked about it a few times and maybe this is like when you and Bridget were chatting at my house or whatever, but my school didn't have like the cool guys, the band geeks, the whatever. And I go, oh, that's just like an American movie thing. Yeah. And then most other people who didn't go to my school go, nah. That was a real thing. Yeah.

As a band geek, it was a real thing. Yeah. So when Bridget tells a story about like the cool girls and the bullying and the this and I go, oh, isn't that like movie stuff? And she's like, no. And you go, no, that actually happened. Yeah. And I think there's a lot of things that I've been mentally preparing

for ahead of us going to the US. You've been watching teen movies to get up to date with the culture. Well, I'm kind of like, oh, that actually, like walking around in New York and maybe seeing someone go, hey, I'm walking here. Is that just something that happens in the movies? Does it happen in real life? You know, like I think it flips both ways. Are you asking to go to a frat party?

No, you'll be asleep before they get started. That would be fun though. We could all, where would we be? Maybe in the land. Where did you go? Mizzou. No, I didn't go there. No, I went there to party.

Oh, right. I wasn't educated in Mizzou. Don't shit where you eat. No, no, no. We could do that. Well, so the other day I was out, Torbs and I were at this big, like, market, like daytime market, like, you know, on the weekends when they put up, so not like a food market, but when it's kind of-

Like craft stalls and stuff? Yeah, and like people selling clothes and, yeah, crafty shit and like crockery. You know, like people make clay shit and they sell it and it's all bits and bobs or whatever. And it was kind of like what? So just clay shit, you mean like pots and ceramics? Yeah, ceramics.

Ceramics, that's the one. Yeah, clay shit. Clay shit. Put it in the kiln, you know, the clay shit. And it was under like a pavilion kind of like what they have like at the show. Yeah. But it was kind of that kind of vibe.

And like we had people with us and stuff and we were kind of wandering around. It was really nice. And anyway, I'm guessing that where the market was they don't normally have that many people like going through maybe and anyway i realized i need to go to the bathroom i saw the toilet sign looked down and realised that there was like 30 ladies in the queue for the ladies' bathroom. This is not something you only see in the movies.

This happens all the time. Every nightclub. Oh, the line outside the ladies' is always ridiculous. We can't just walk up to the trough and go. Flop it out, yeah. So there should just be more cubicles in the women's toilet. If I was a lady, I would go to the bathroom and then just walk to the back of the line for the bathroom because by the time

I got to the front of the line, I'd need to pee again. To need to go again. Yeah, that's kind of what it's like. And anyway, so we're standing there and Torbs goes, oh, I might go grab us a coffee or something while you're doing that. And he walked off. More liquids? That's the last thing I need.

Oh, my God. Can you get me like a really big hunk of bread just trying to soak it all up or something? A cork? A tampon, shove it in. Just kidding. They're not all the same hole. I know that.

Please don't message me and say, did you know that they're all the same thing? You obviously haven't been paying attention to those videos we were talking about earlier. Anyway, I'm standing in this line and I'm just like playing on my phone or whatever. And I kind of get, you know how there's normally like a dog leg? Yeah. And so you can't see into know how there's normally like a dog leg? Yeah. And so you can't see into the toilet, but you're lining up and then you kind of turn around the corner and then you turn again and that's when you can see the cubicles and that's where

like the hand washing and stuff happens. I get closer and closer and at first all I can see is that the 30 women that are all lining up for the toilet, there's two fucking cubicles. So no wonder it was taking so long. And whatever, like it is what it is. I was very patiently waiting, but I'm like, fuck now. And then I kind of get further down the line. I see around the corner there's a toilet attendant in there.

A toilet attendant? Have you ever seen that? Not in Australia. But you've seen it on the movies. I've seen attendant in there. A toilet attendant? Have you ever seen that? Not in Australia. But you've seen it on the movies. I've seen it in America. Well, so I've never been to America. Yeah. Ah.

And I've seen this on TV and in the cinema before. Yeah. In Hollywood. Not that I've been there. No. But in the movies. You'll be there soon. I love saying in the movies as if I'm like this like starry-eyed kid.

I just love it. You are a starry-eyed kid. I am really excited about going to Hollywood, to be honest. I need to book in to go and go to like, because I want to go like Universal, do like the backlot tour of Warner Brothers and stuff. Like, I think that'd be really fun. Anyway. You might get discovered.

Stop it. Do you reckon? Yeah. Should I tape, like, do a self-tape before I go and, like, give it to people while I'm there? I think so. On a USB? Yeah.

Do they do that now? So I just, like, have, like, 90 SD cards. Bring a QR code. No, just bring a QR code. Oh, my God. That's so smart. Put it on the back of your jacket. All right.

Get a QR code. Take a photo of my butt and see my video. Tattoo it onto me and go, you can see my self-type here. Yep. That's a pretty good idea. Love that. Write that down. Anyway, so if anybody doesn't know what I'm talking about,

basically you kind of go in there and they like hand you the towel. Yep. They give you like a squirt of perfume or a breath mint or something like if you're on a date. In a nightclub in the U.S., they'll give you like a condom if you ask for one because you get a big night out there. Did you need those? No. In a nightclub in the US, they'll give you like a condom if you ask for one because you get a big night out there. Did you need those?

No. Going dry. Anyway, well, they normally only have them in like fancy restaurants in the movies that I've seen. Yeah. But there is like this woman. At a market. At a fucking market stall.

She's in this dingy like white tiled, like looks literally like the room from Saw. And you see what's holding up the line? No. So, well, I mean, kind of, I guess. But, like, people, like, two people go in, two people come out, but they're, like, alternating kind of thing. And this woman's in there.

And it's like, I thought it was supposed to be fancy. And I kind of saw it and I was like, oh, my God, like, how random. And then I realised, so there's about five or six people in front of me, like, once I'd gotten around this dog leg. Yeah. And then I realised, so there's about five or six people in front of me, like once I'd gotten around this dog leg. Yeah. I realised that every time someone went to the toilet, she went, thank you for coming to my bathroom. And they went, oh, thank you.

And then she walked into the stall, looked into the bowl, like checked it, and then walked back in and went, yes, miss, next, like next person. So she is holding up the line. But do you like that? Do you like it? Because heaven forbid you walked in there and the bowl wasn't, you know, of a good standard. But like so immediately I just get nervous that I'm like I've probably,

I've been standing in this line for a while. I just needed to wait at the beginning. But I've been brewing. And I could poo now. Yeah. But there's someone who's in the bowl after. Well, it's not to judge you. It's to clean it for the next person.

But it's still just the thought of going in there and then her poking her head in and deciding whether it was good or not. Or, you know, like what if it wasn't? She goes, yeah, we're going to need the hose, you know. And she's like starts, she goes, oh, we're going to have to wipe it down. Or she's plunging it like this or something. Anyway, and so I start to get really anxious because I'm like, how do people go into a fancy restaurant?

You remember when Tobs and I went and did that degustation dinner and I ate like 50 plates in a row and like 70 glasses of wine. I literally almost died. With the red wines. Well, I'm imagining with the rich food and the red wines, like I saw you the next day. I could only imagine. And I actually, when I was paying the bill,

which took a long time because of how fucking expensive it was. Can I split this over five credit cards? So I'm, like, standing there and I had a fart and I'll be honest, I couldn't keep it in because I was so drunk. And I farted and the man, who unfortunately was a sommelier, so very good nose. Yeah, very strong palate. He went, oh, thank you so much, Miss Lodge.

And choked on the fart that I did. I wasn't planning on talking about this today, guys. It's a really fucking rank episode. And so anyway. Why did you tell us that? Because I just. Anything else you'd like to share? Why did you tell us that? Because I just. Anyway. Anything else you'd like to share?

So I'm at this market and I'm living away. I've got a little hat on and a little jumpsuit and I'm just thinking I'm so like funky fresh. And then instantly I'm like, well, I can't shit here. Of course you can't. And so what I need to know is like if you go into that fancy toilet though and then he goes in with a spray or whatever, are you not like, fuck, don't go in there, mate? No, it's the opposite.

You can go in there because they've cleaned it. It's the opposite of what you're thinking. See, I thought- That's your chance to go to- Fucking put it all over the walls because I'll make them clean it. Oh, my God. This is your chance to have a free swing and know that you've got a personal- Because imagine if you did whatever you had to do and no one went in there and cleaned up,

then the next person's going to cop it. This is like easy breezy. Maybe I am. And when I mean easy breezy, I mean easy for breezy because they go in there. Maybe I am thinking about this. So immediately for me, I saw her and got anxious, clenched up and was like, well, now I can't go in there and do what I want to do. And because also we've been walking around for ages,

I was like maybe I could use a little sit down. So I was like maybe I will play on my phone for a bit. Yeah. You know? So the person that used your cubicle before you, what were they like? I don't remember what they looked like. I'll stop you right there because no one gives a fuck about anyone else. Oh, my God.

Love that. Yep. Okay. Can I? I literally could not tell you who they were. Yeah, but people will think this is like, yeah, but can you think about that of anyone else? Nope, because no one does.

Can I tell you a story? Please. And I'd like you to choose between the awful situation you found yourself in because it is a bit weird. Like it's private time. There's someone. I get it. I get it.

And also because I was going to walk right out and she was going right in. Like, you know, when you kind of walk out of the cubicle completely. Yeah. But when you go to a plumber, you go off poo and you feel embarrassed and the plumber's like, I literally do this. I literally deal with your shit. If you didn't shit, I'd be unemployed. All right.

You're welcome. Yeah, you're fucking welcome, mate. Putting your kid through college. So imagine you're in that awkward situation. Yeah. I'm in Thailand. I'm in a nightclub bathroom. Yeah.

And I go and stand at like the piss trough thing and I stand there and this guy in a, not a full tuxedo, but he's dressed professionally. Oh, in a suit and whatever. Yeah, and he's the bathroom stall attendant. Oh, sorry. I thought you meant like another punter. Yeah. So he comes up behind you while you're peeing and gives you a massage.

Oh. And you kind of like. Well, you can't wee with a boner. He's spraying it everywhere. and you kind of like well you can't wee with a boner but it's more you're just very aware that a man's touching you while your dick's out and so he's like

doing a bit of a shoulders normal for Cam normal for Cam yeah but also he does this like he kind of like grabbed my ears and sort of like and sort of rub

and it kind of feels nice. And you're like, mate, like I'm fucking down for this, but just like, I'm actually trying to piss. Well, yeah, you're busy. Yeah. And so, and in the, like in the room. Are you sure the car worked there? Are you sure the car worked there?

So it's good for the, for the club because they go, oh, this guy lives off tips. Yep. And it keeps the bathroom fucking fresh as fuck because a nightclub bathroom can get pretty fucked pretty big. Oh, mate, yeah. So he's in there. It sort of feels nice. You kind of leave going, oh, great, you leave him a dollar. And then I remember in some of the clubs and because, you know, you're young and you're dancing and trying to meet girls or whatever,

there's always like a mint or a little like a deodorant. Which is what I had seen before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like a mint or a little like a deodorant. Which is what I had seen before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this guy's like, well, the better the service, the better the tip. And because you're drunk as well. Oh, and I just, yeah.

You go, mate, thanks for the condom, 50 bucks. Would you rather, if you had the choice, to have to mentally prepare for someone maybe walking into the store after you've been in there or to prepare for a guy massaging your ears from behind while you're peeing? I mean, I talked about how my mum massaged my tummy when I had to poo, so maybe I'd pick that one. Do you think it's better when you've had a couple of brewskis? It's great, but just like maybe I'm a dance floor in a minute, bro. Follow me around all night.

I'm fucking full of dollar notes. But the thing is, is that this feels- I don't even know what the currency exchange is. I'm just throwing Monopoly money around. I'm just giving you money. My thing is I was at a daytime market. That's weird. Which is quite different.

And obviously she was not a bathroom attendant. Was she doing massages? She was obviously like the cleaner who was like, oh, maybe the toilet's going to get really clogged because there's more people here. Was she doing massages? She was obviously like the cleaner who was like, oh, maybe the toilet's going to get really clogged because there's more people here. Was she doing massages? Not for me. So maybe I stunk it up so bad that she went,

I'm not going to rub your ears, you fucking bitch, and she set me on my way. Did you leave her a tip? I didn't, no. Well, tipping is not customary in Australia. Well, neither is bathroom attendants, but here we are. Yeah, and that's the weird thing, isn't it? What was the mark?

Are you at liberty to say the mark? No, I'm not. It was- To be honest, I think it was like, yeah, less of an attempt, but it just really shocked me because as soon as I got around the corner, I was like- Has it prepared you? I can't do what I need to do now.

Do you feel a bit more- So when we get to America and you see that, you'll be a bit more like- No, I'm not going to shit for a month. If there's people in the toilet that are going in after me, like, for their job, I just don't think I can deal with that. If I do see them though, and I don't take a mint, because I don't like mint. I don't take a condom because I'm not having sex in America

with anybody except for you, and I know you're all good. But, like, do I have to tip them anyway? I read this thing on – so the tipping, maybe this is a whole – I've got this – no, I've got it written down. Okay, all right. Well, I'll save it. I literally have – before we leave, Flap Tony plus tipping. I read something that was horrified me, and we need to talk about it,

so I'll save it. But anyway, I'd never seen that before, only in the movies, and I was not prepared. Did you? I just waited and got straight out of there. Then what did you do? Walk around eating to poo the whole time? Yeah.

And then have the coffee. Jesus Christ, you're on the edge. And I like picked people up and I was like, we've got to go home. Get the fuck out of here. Like waddling home like this. I was going to say, as someone with IBS, I'd love to have the choice. I'd love to choose not to need to go. And I understand that.

What an option. What a privilege. What a privilege for me. And I understand that. Oh, I don't think I would. Oh, there it goes. Oh, yeah. And that's just now.

Yeah. That's not even in the toilet. That's just in the podcast studio. I'm going to love to see it. Great. Chloe has started the fucking vlog. Woo! Chloe, nice.

Her Instagram is at love.chloexox. Fucking hell, Chloe. I'll put it in the episode thread. I finally bit the bullet and started my own cricket personalisation business on Instagram. Awesome. I've always had a passion for cricketing, just like Tony, but I was very nervous to turn it into a business in case it flopped

and I wasted my time and got embarrassed or whatever. But I popped a reel up. It went really well and I got my first ever order and it made me so happy. So thanks to Tony and Ryan and the Tapas for inspiring me to put myself out there. What was the thing again? Love, Chloe.

Love.ChloeXOX. And you will notice that I'm following her because I am her second order. Oh, Chloe Maui Ngoa. Yeah. Oh, we know Chloe. Yes. Oh, Chloe Mawingowa. Yeah.

Oh, we know Chloe. Yes. And she is now making a little, well, like she's got a little like pink elephant thing and then she's like cricketing like Mabel's name and a few like little personal, because she does like personalisations is the whole thing. So if you want like a little toy or card or whatever, but she's going to make a Mabelised. Mabelised.

Personalised Mabelised little elephant. So there you go. Oh, beautiful. Yep, orders in the mail. Oh, mabelized little elephant. So there you go. Oh, beautiful. Yep, orders in the mail. Oh, you love to see that. Love to see that. My love to see it is a tweet from Nathan Pyle, you know, the guy who does the alien things like Strange World,

Strange Planet or whatever. No, Nathan Pyle. I've talked about his tweets before and you knew who I was talking about. Anyway, he tweeted. Oh, Nathan Pyle. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I thought you knew who I was talking about. I'm a fan. Anyway, he tweeted. Oh, Nathan Pyle. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I thought you said Blaython Pyle.

He tweeted and said, occasionally you'll discover a universal human joke. Yeah. Actually, I've looked it up. I do know that guy. These pictures look very familiar. Recently, I had to carry a cake on a walk through New York. Obviously, had made it at home and was carrying it to a party or the office or something.

And multiple strangers asked, oh, is that for me? Really? And he said, what's fun is that you can be pretty emphatic in how you say no. And the harsher the tone, the funnier it is for everyone involved. No. Is that for me? No.

Anyway, but yeah, the universal human joke, I think, is just like has got me. Should we? The theory of that. If anyone's got a universal human joke, let us know. Yes, send those through. Because I reckon there's those things where you see it like with flowers, like, oh, for me.

You shouldn't have. Yeah, you shouldn't have. Yes, yeah, yeah. Are you also proposing that we get a cake when we're in New York and just walk down the street? Yep. Sure am. Write that down.

And just see how many people say it's a bit like our Australia's friendliest city. Yeah. New York's cakiest cake. Some ideas are good. Actually, we don't even need to do that in New York. I just realised cake. Some ideas are good. Actually, we don't even need to do that in New York. I just realised. We could do it anywhere.

New York seems funnier because the people are nastier. So I've heard. Is it also funny if you not overact it? Why did you say that so pointed to me? Oh, no, because it's not like as a joke, but there you go. Is that for me? And you go, yeah, here you go. And you just hand it to them and walk off.

Walk off and they go. No, I was just sort of like, I was just trying to be funny. And you go, oh. Oh, sorry. I thought you wanted the cake. I made it for you. Yeah. And then you like take it back and then they feel like the fucking.

Yeah. I've also, I've been walking through the city with balloons for someone before. Like I'd picked them up from the Lombards fucking party world and was taking them back to the car or whatever. And the amount of people, like, you'll fly away. Oh, you'll let the old man from up. You know, shit like that. Obviously not universal.

Also write that down. No, I like this. It's good areas. Anyway. Fuck, tonight's been really fucking off the Richter, eh? Off the Brandon Richter. Yeah. Off the Brandon Richter.

All right. Tomorrow, I was going to say, let's get back to normality with some confessions. Oh, no. Oh, the grilled cheese sandwich. The grilled cheese sandwich. I literally haven't thought about anything else all week. I know you love a grilled cheese sandwich. It is my favorite food.

I know you love being grilled by your partner, Torbs, on a Sunday afternoon. Oh, my God. Have you ever combined these two loves, though? I ate a sandwich while I was getting... Sandwiched? Tomorrow on the show, one of the stranger... I'm not allowed to eat in bed. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Or drink coffee, as it were. And you know what? Of the two confessions tomorrow, that's the least fucked one. Oh, no. Okay. Thanks for listening this week. It's Monday. That's what I mean. This week's going least fucked one. Oh, no. Okay. Thanks for listening this week. It's Monday.

That's what I mean. This week's going to be cool. Oh, I thought you were going to say just turn off. Have a great week, everyone. This is the end of the week. We're just stopping at Monday this week. Have a great weekend. Love you.

Bye.