Toni and Ryan - Weeing In A Onesie

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

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No, maybe not every day, but like, you know, every day. I'm Courtney from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I'm Daniel from Bandura. This is Bridget from Magnolia, New Jersey, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the show. Hello, happy Thursday. My name's Ryan. This is Tony.

This is the Tony and Ryan podcast. It sure is. Thanks so much for joining us today. We do really, really appreciate it. On a Thursday, Tarpers, that's Tony and Ryan podcast. Oh, hang on. Sorry. This is Pippa.

This is Pippa. For anyone watching you on YouTube, Pippa, my little French bulldog is sitting on my lap today because we're working from my house because of the MB, the moonboat. Yeah, because Tony's broken. And so if you hear any like, that's just people getting excited. Yeah. And I just really want you to be careful of your sight lines with the camera, Tony,

because it does look like you're playing with your dog's bits. No, I know. And we had to address this last week. I'm not touching her swimsuit area. I'm rubbing her on the tummy because it calms her down. Lower tummy. But it's like the little crease between a chicken drummer. If that's what you call it.

Oh, no, it's like the inside of her little. I get I get it But it doesn't look great Yeah I just It's important to know that She just She's a happy girl She's missing her dad

Yeah When we when we're working here She's like hang on Dad's missing out Yeah It's also getting real suss Because Torbs left As I rocked up today

And it just looks like We're like taking turns Yeah it does I wonder what the neighbours are thinking Oh I've told them Yeah I'm telling them straight up I'm hitting that

That's actually so nice You're welcome Would you proud of tell people that. I do it all the time. I know. We have a podcast. They've done 900 plus episodes of me telling people I'd hear that.

How cool. I'd fucking slap your turkey route. Sorry. And me gobble on your turkey. Happy Thanksgiving. Is that yet? You know how he said like, I've your first episode,

welcome. I fucking hope it's not because that's a big introduction. If today's your first episode, episode, it's probably also going to be your last. And thanks for joining us. But people submit their normal or nars. And let's start with Tarpa Laura. Hi, Laura.

Getting the ick from motorcycle kickstands. No matter how badass the bike, once I see it leaning on that dicky little stick, it's over. Instant ick. Sorry, Harley Davidson. Blame physics. It's like, oh, you bring strong bike and you have a little stand, get a little stand on see she's like as soon as i say that she's like don't remember i actually i've never thought about it but i absolutely get what you're coming from but like you know when anybody

pulls in with a motorbike they look like such a badass they pull in on their motorbike no they pull in on their motorbike and they stop and then they like kick their leg down to push the stand down that looks cool that's hot i think that's hot i think it's just seeing it they're standing on a little thing. But is it because it's so skinty? Yeah. Compared to the rest of it. That's like a big heavy bike and it's like,

yeah. Although imagine you are walking with someone and they're like, oh, I've just got my bike up here. I've just got to grab it and you go, okay. And they sit on it and like a push bike and then they kick the little stand up. Oh, yeah. That's not great. Because I agree, putting it down on a motorbike, hot.

Flicking it up on a push bike. Yeah, not great. Because you got a kind of like donkey kick backwards. Yeah. Nah, I get what you mean. I get it. Yeah, I get it. Tapa Morgan.

I saw someone the other day on TikTok and their username was M and like the heart emoji. And they were like, oh, my name's Morgan. Like Morgon? I thought that was so smart. My heart. My heart. Mahat, my heart, my Gandhi. Oh, he broke up with me.

My heart. Oh, my heart. My heart will go on. I ate too much bacon. I feel it in my heart. No, yeah, no, it was Morgan. I thought that was so clever. That reminds me of the other Celine Dion classic.

My organ will go on. I've heard it played on my organ. Yeah. Yeah. The. Not my your organ. You know, my favourite actress in Sabrina the Teenage Witch. What's her name?

I knew. I'm Melissa Joan Morgan. I was about to do one, but it's Jennifer love you at not heart. Oh, that's good. That's good stuff. That's great stuff. Morgan? Morgan.

Washing cooking trays in the bathtub. Norgon or not? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. My sink is too small. for our big pan, so I wash them in the bathtub. No, you don't. I think it's practical, but my husband's horrified. Something about the grease and the oil on the white fiberglass tub just freaks him out.

And the thought that, like, well, you're going to hop in and have a bath and there's like a fucking bay leaf floating around or something? Do you know what I mean? Like, like... Bay leaf? Whoa. Someone is living the fancy life. I'm here on the good side of reservoir. Bayleaf, fuck, what's next?

Lobster swimming in your fish tank? Bayleaves. Oh my goodness. You just had lobst swimming in your toilet. So you don't have a own lobster tank would be more relatable than bay leaves. And you might be able to see behind me the soda stream. There's a lobster in that as well. Yeah. A Bailey.

Fuck, and now. Oh, sorry for loving fine cuisine. Tell you what would do, me in is when you emptied the bath after washing the pots and pans, the like... The orange rim from your spaghetti bowl, eh? Yeah, like where the border got up to. That is so great. No, I'm on your husband's side. And I've always said that.

I've seen his mahogan Put you my organ in here Put your organ in Morgan Managed she has to get a liver transplant Morgan's new organ The GoFund me Sorry the Bayleaf chat That is funny

This is from Tapa Sarah. Hi, Sarah. No emojis in her name. Not as funny, yeah. No. She's just laying down some rules here. Okay. When pissing in a body suit, I pull the body suit to the side.

Yep. When pooing in a body suit, I pull the body suit down to the ground. Yep. Tapa says, is this normal bathroom bodysuit etiquette or nah? 1,000%. You can't risk a poo in it. What's the difference? Well, I think because with a wee, it's like where the wee comes out is like very, like, because that's like, it's more reach.

But like to pull it across to poo would be so dicey. And imagine if it was, because whenever I imagine wearing a body suit, I'm like, you're probably like out out. So I'm like, you probably had like a spicy margarita. You don't know what vibe the poo is going to be. on the moon. Oh. And so I think for me, it's that, like, imagine if you got runny shit on your body, so it's just not worth the risk.

But piss is fine? Because it's just a bit of piss. What's a bit of piss between friends? So true. Do you know what? Like, if you've got a little bit of whey on you, it's fine. You get wee on you all the time. All the time.

How often do you get pee on you? Every day. There's always something going on. No, maybe not every day, but like, you know, every day. Yeah, I'm so glad that my mum is dead. She just would be so disappointed. Like, imagine if she could see this. That would just be such bad news for her.

She'd be like, oh, she said it again. Oh, what? I had a surprise planned, but... Liz, go back. Yeah. Oh, just back down. Stay down there. Back down.

That was in the coffin, not like. My ghost mum, you wanted to give you a blowjob. That's fucked. You can't say you want my ghost mom to gobb, y'all. Ghost gobb. Gobby from a ghost. I don't love my second book. I'm going to be from a ghost.

Me and the other side. I'm Courtney from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I'm Daniel from Bandura. This is Bridget from Magnolia, New Jersey. And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Your idea of finding financial clarity happens here. Brought to you by RBC. Lock in, but don't burn out.

Moving slow is still movement. skip one takeout a week and it's $500 saved keep stacking wins and suddenly you've built something real progress comes from knowing when to pause you've got this

and RBC is here for every financial step I'm going to I'm going to be a lot I'm also shout out to a few of our Champion Tarpers over at our Patreon. Mama Lee. Got on your Mama Lee.

Ross Logan, Caleb White, Megan Bergsmar. I went to uni with a girl and she was called Taylor Bergsmar. That doesn't feel like a super common last name, eh? Do you reckon they're related? Must be. Thomas Erickson, Ben Hootian.

Oh, Hootian for a Doochin. You know how Torbs applied for that job with Erickson like five years ago? Have they ever got back to him? Erickson. Is that with Erickson? Motorola Erickson. Oh!

Nah. And they just never got back. Still waiting. Yeah. Yeah, the guy, his name was Ed. Ed from Erickson. And we were like, oh, what's the go? And he just, like, ghosted him. A couple of interviews.

It was a good vibe. It was going really well. Yeah, I actually totally forgot about that. So did that. Yeah. But Dan Talks is actually, he hasn't gone to work. He's just sitting out the front. He's like, doesn't want to tell me you didn't get the job.

Ben Hoochin, Justine the Raccoon. I'm Roycein Palmer I know that's Rochine I think Anna and AJ Smith Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon and being a champion tarpa Now everyone who's a champion tarpa and signed up on November 1

will be getting a Tony and Ryan 2026 calendar And don't you just love to see that? Don't you just love to see that? Imagine knowing what day it is every day What a blessing It is a blessing This year's one will really great

Yeah Really poppy a lot of people like How do I get it? And like we can't actually buy it. The only way you can do it is to be a champion TARPA on the 1st of November. So everyone who does that is getting a calendar. And if you just want the calendar and then fuck off, fair. That's actually fine. Fair place. We get it. But one TARPA, one champion TARPA will be randomly selected to get the golden ticket.

Now, wherever you are in the world, if you get the golden ticket, you and a friend will be flying to Melbourne, Australia to come to Tarp Tower. Tony and Ryan, that's us. We will personally pick you up from the airport. We will be holding signs that we've personally crafted saying welcome. We'll get frappets from the McDonald's drive-thru. Then you'll come to a podcast recording. Oh, normal or not?

Now, we just did normal or nah. You'll get to ask the normal-on-a-question. That could be you. Someone can prepare them. You just need to read them out and be part of the episode. And then very importantly, you will choose where we order lunch from after the recording. We'll all eat together. Me.

We've also got... I just want to be part of it. Flights included for you and a plus one. Five nights accommodation included. A thousand dollars spending money. Cha-chang! And there'll also be the Tarp Goody Bag. Which includes possibly one of a kind Tarp merch,

which we haven't thought about what's going to be yet. A hand-drawn map showing where Tony and I met. All the recommendations from other Tarpers about where you can visit, explore, eat and drink. Check this out. And I was actually thinking, if we do a live stream with, like, Melbourne tarppers, everyone can contribute to the like, what should you do when you're in Melbourne? 1,000%.

Where should we eat? Where should we go? What do you need to see? And I have pitched the name the tarp itinerary, which I'm pretty proud of. There'll be a list of personal recommendations and a drawing of where to eat at the Vic Gardens food court. And also, I just got subway from there the other day. Took the other half into the cinema. Did you?

Which didn't go down so great. the guy that I was with. Did you have something to say about that? Did you guys go to Vic Gardens? And you took a subway. Jesus Christ. And we went to Lux. You went to Lux.

That is so. They served gourmet food. I know. Yeah. Were you embarrassed to be seen by her, Charles? It was the way she was holding it. She had it like in her eunucho.

back like hidden she offered me some and i said oh what's on her and then i was like oh i'm good charles like unfortunately i can't have what did you have instead did you like a nice drink and some food in there i didn't it was like a weird time we went i just had a heaps of popcorn i got a refill of popcorn yeah yeah you got it yeah you got it yeah yeah you got it yeah well because i got a foot long subway i just had the six inches and i thought i liked the sandwich lighter uh sorry and then um put the other half of the sandwich into my handbag and then we went in the there and then I was like, something in you.

And I showed her and he went, Tony, uh, it's so embarrassing. Yeah. It smells, like Subway has a smell. Yeah.

Yeah. Everyone in that theater knew that someone had Subway. Yeah. She had to finish it before I dropped her home. Yeah. Did you say in your Uniclo bag to like the small one? Yeah. It was taking up like the whole bag.

So it was bulging. Like the little, the little bum bag was bulging because I had a chicken fill at six inch in it. Yeah I had to throw the drink out They wouldn't let me Take the drink in Patreon.com

Slash Tony and Ryan We will add Oh this is really unfair Because we were going to draw the Vic Gardens food court From memory Yeah And I haven't been there in years

It's different That's what I mean No well you can do yours You've got a fresh look And I can be Well that's how different They'll be That's art

We should do them side by side And like put it on a poster This is not spoilers, but the EB Games is gone. Really? It's now a float tank place. Tony started going to Vic Gardens again more regular. Philo's playing all at home. You couldn't have a wank in the food court.

That's the title of my third book. And I actually won't have you telling me where and where not I will and will not be wanking. No, and that's actually so. fair that's civil rights the TARP constitution the Tony Lodge law you have to say congratulations and you look beautiful to a bride if you see them in the wild and the 69th amendment is

is that you're not allowed to tell people where they can cannot wank yeah legally you can but there's consequences so true but at your own reason God this is all good stuff isn't it I've actually had a few moments recently where I'm just like, do you mind if we all just get like a bit woo-woo and like what is the world?

I absolutely love it. You know that. I didn't yesterday. I say there's no scarcity of love. I mean, that's pretty, that's getting serious. How many conversations do you reckon us humans have in our entire lives? It'd be like hundreds of thousands, right? Like it'd be billions.

What constitutes a conversation? Or just any verbal exchange, yeah. Well, we have more than the. the average person true or are we just having one long one each day anyway of the hundreds and thousands maybe billions of conversations you know how some just like probably transactional not memorable but does everyone else have like like my mum has said so many things to me over the years but there's like some sentences or specific things that are just like for some reason just really fucking stick and you're like I'm always going to I always remember that conversation

absolutely I had one of of those with a four year old kid in a park the other day and he said something so fucking insane and i was just like because i have conversations with kids because you know when i'm at the park with may we're like hey may oh you're on the swing now and you know you see the same kids all the time and you talk to their mom or dad and it's all very like hey how you're going oh you're done on the swing oh we'll wait for him you know you're all good this kid just said something and i just like for the rest of the day was just was it one of those things that makes you think like, oh, you've been here before?

You know, when you talk to, talk to a kid and you just go, fuck, this is not your first time. I reckon he said the sentence before, but I haven't heard it before. So it was on, there's this park on St. George's Road. Yep. On the Google Maps, you know how it goes, St. George, right? Yeah, and there's a park like on St. George's Road with a playground. Is that the one where they fix bikes once a month for free?

Maybe. Yeah. It's a cool place. you know the park I'm doing that's not what that is I've driven past and been like what are all these people doing with all these bikes yeah once a month they service your bikes for free

and it's like a it's in like a green initiative to be like we'll service like the council services the bikes for free because there's a bike path that goes right down the middle yeah but they do that so that like people use their bikes more so I was at my mate Kate and Cheryl's house who they live like pretty much across the street and then I was just I was with Mabel and I was like oh we've hung out with my friends and had a coffee

let's go to the playground we can't with you. That's fun. And then we're in the sandpit. Oh, take me back. Yeah, I know. And this kid waddles over and he just laissez-faire just nonchalantly just throws out a question. And I just can't get my head around it. Like, is this kid fucking with me? Is it a prank? Or is he just... Well, we don't do. Did you say that to him? Well, I know that we don't, but I don't know this kid. and I don't know if it's like a trick question like you know like the if a tree falls in the forest

and no one hears it does it make a sound yeah so the kid comes over and sees Mabel like playing with the sand and he goes do you want to do a sandcastle competition whoever makes the smallest one wins and I just

well that's I've won I don't know what that means because what is like is it and then he just goes and Mabel kind of goes

and he goes have a good and there's like leaves and Mabel keeps playing he keeps playing and I'm just sat there in North Kent Dodd what are the logistics of this

what does life mean? Is one speck of sand a castle in someone's world? What tools are we working with? Is there a minimum? Who, you? Yeah.

And if there's a minimum, then why don't we both just do that and it's a draw? Like, yeah. And there's no other adults around because I kind of wanted to lean over and go, does he yours? Yeah. Like, do you know what that means? Because that's fucking Nietzsche and shit. No, but here's even the thing like,

I don't know if this four-year-old's like, I'm going to throw a curveball at this dad and going to fuck his Sunday up. Yeah. Or if he's genuinely like, let's play a game. We can't get too crazy. So let's just keep it small. And I just, for days on end, every time there's a spare moment.

You're like, and I just had a small. And I know deep in my soul that in the 100,000's conversations I have in my life, I will never forget the moment with this kid. Have I smoked weed today? No. Did you on Sunday with the kid at the pub? I wonder,

and I don't know if this is, I don't think that this is anything groundbreaking, but maybe because you didn't grow up with siblings, this feels like a really like older, other thing to me. Like a prank. Well, yeah.

Like a left-handed screwdriver. And a bit of like a, oh, do you want to play cards? And I'd be like, yeah. And they go, 50, do you pick up, they throw the cards.

I mean, fucking leave. Yeah. That's why I was, Like, that's what brothers do. Am I being pranked right now? And so the defensive little fat Tony is like, that's a prank, and I don't like it. Big brothers are mean.

But he also didn't have the like, Charles is fucking having it. He's an older brother. So, oh, you're a younger brother. That's worse. Of course he is, though. That's worse. But he didn't have that like older brother swagger of like, he didn't look like. He didn't look like he was saying something.

You know how there's an attitude? Yeah. He didn't have that. Or is that how they get you? Is it? He's a younger brother and his older brother has done it to him and he didn't like that. And he went, I'm going to pay it forward. On to Little Mabel.

Who kind of just went. Beautiful little Mamu. And she's only two. So she's kind of like, what are you like, what he's saying? She had a shovel bigger than she was. And she was just slinging sand everywhere. It was so funny and. and so dangerous

because I'm like she's gonna slas her like head off and I was like she's having fun she's having fun oh PC gone mad yeah

kids can't slice their heads off anymore what can they do yeah cool the fucking brigade yeah so if anyone would just like to let me know if I was being pranked

or if this guy just said it and didn't really but that kid had an agenda yeah I'm on your side thank you thank you

and then this is why so this is the mood I'm in right Yeah. I'm having a day. And then we get in the car. We're coming back down St. George's Road in Preston, Thornbury, wherever it is there.

I'm in the right-hand lane. And do you know what? It's 70 along that fucking road and no shit does 70. It's fucking revolting. Okay. Okay. It makes me sick. If you live in this area and you don't do 70 chances are of big.

You slow bitch I'm fucking ruthless on that road I actually couldn't agree more And it's like you've read my mind But this is going to fuck you up I'm in the right hand lane And it's 70 In the left hand lane

There is a car doing 45 They always do And so normally when you're in the right hand lane You would just overtake them right the car doing 45 was a police car are you allowed to overtake a cop yeah

on fucking St George Road everything's off it's Cowboy World on the road it's 70 but I'm like I can't just cruise past a cop because then I'm like am I doing am I speeding oh hang on like you kind of do the way round and then maybe they were looking for

I thought that and they were looking for an accomplice They were looking for a very small sandcastle. They were looking for that little boy. He'd been harassing kids at the neighborhood. But like, because I kind of saw it and I kind of went, oh, I'm, oh, oh, oh. Is it a school time? Yeah, kind of. Yeah, it was a red light coming up.

And then I'm like, oh, maybe they're looking for someone. So I kind of like tried to peer. And they're just like cruising along, having a gas bag to the other cop in the passenger seat. And I was like, I think I'm about to take a cop. You've got it. I would do this if I saw any, yeah. Yeah, but you're a... No, no, no, no.

If I saw a cop, though, I would be like, oh, are they slowing down because there's something on the road or... All right, now he, now, I decide I'm going to take him. Yeah, nice. Do you look? No, you just fucking, you know what you do. You zoom past and you wind the window down, then you go, chopped. You've got to... Chopped, motherfucker.

That's what you do. St. George Road, bitch, it's so many. That's what I would do. What I don't know. That's chopped chopped. Like chop chocked. Chopped. Is that a thing?

Nah, that's a thing. Chopped jar. Choppeda. Tell me in the comments that you haven't heard chopped. Shit. All right. But I don't know if I've made any progress, but I just needed to share that. No, and I love it.

And you met, I get home. Bridge goes, how wasn't I go? Oh. You got, I just... Some real weird shit's happening in Northgett and Preston. Yeah. Thornberry, I'm never going back there. I'm not like, I just need to really think about this.

Yeah, I just need to... Oh, well, I'm glad that you were able to share your thoughts here in a safe space. Someone help me in the episode thread all the YouTube comments. Yeah. I feel better. I feel better having shared, but I still don't feel resolved. Yeah. And I can't, I don't think I can do that.

I think that only you can resolve your feelings. Thank you. chopped I've got to you love to see it here because recently there has been a lot of chat on our podcast about everyone's second favorite cafe which is the rainforest cafe

obviously everyone's first favorite cafe is dome what up chopped and Kay Lana sent this video isn't it sent this video I've just sent you a text with the link it's a TikTok

and Kalana said How I imagine Tony would have felt at the rainforest cafe No shame because same girl I'm mad at me No they're not mad at you

The kid asking If the fake elephant Is they mad at me They're yelling The elephant is like stomping Yeah And there's like all this music Was my sandcastle too big

And yeah So Kalana Thank you for seeing me For who I am I really appreciate You would I don't think you'd like it. Oh, no, I would have been so overstimulated in there.

That would be way too much. Yeah, like, funny, but also like... But also just like, you're trying to talk to someone, you're like, yeah, so the KPI and the Q4 and the... Too much. Too much. Now, Tony is a big advocate for cost per wear when trying to decide if it's, you can buy expensive clothes.

$5 rule. Because if you wear it enough times that it becomes less than $5 per wear, all good. Or how many times you have to wear it for it to be $5, then you go, wow, that puts it in perspective. So, um, Tapa Amanda has been impressed and inspired and influenced by Tony Lodge's cost per wear. I love that. And now she are saying, I've made a great investment here.

Love it. I measured the use of my body wash as cost per shower. Okay. I just checked my body spray. It says Amanda. she bought it in 2005. It's lasted 20 years in her bathroom. Oh, cost per year.

I mean, that's got to be making money. And she said, I think I've made money on this investment. And she's like, got a photo here. We can put it in the thread, but it's got all the like, oh, you know, all the details on the back produced at this factory and this city, blah, blah, blah. In 2005.

That is amazing. And for those playing on home, it's called BodyFend. fantasies. Oh, okay, Mariah Carey. Girl Math here. I think I've made money on this investment. Cost per shower.

Can I just say, though, that from, like, at a quick glimpse of that, I thought that was a ham hawk. I saw, like, the quickest glimpse of that photo, like, from a far. How was that a hammark? No, just a quick glimpse of that from afar, I went, are you about to tell me someone's Girl Math to Hamhawk? Because I don't think that's how it works. I know Ryan had a Christmas.

for three months well I've had mine for three years cost per month in the fridge so you know what I'd love to see it and that's from

Parfam's to Coor Oh hardly no one Yeah packaging by Parfam's Decoa 2025 2020 Sorry

2005 2005 Avoid spraying in the eyes Oh she's been Avoid spraying it anywhere Seems if it's still

gone from 2005 All right Tomorrow Oh, I'm going to test Charles here. What's tomorrow on the YouTube channel and the Try Not to Laugh? It is Hotel Nightmares. Welcome to the Hotel, California.

Nightmare edition. Such a lovely place. Such a lovely face. Bow, bow, bow. That's tomorrow on the Tony and Ryan YouTube channel. We'll chat to you then. Bye. Love you, bye.

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