Toni and Ryan - Weekend At Bernice

Episode Date: April 21, 2024

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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. Now we are calling Justin Jacobs. Justin Jacobs, great name. As someone who loves alliteration. That's good. Doesn't that just get you going? Here we go. Holy shit. Oh my God.

Holy shit, Justin. It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? I'm doing great. I cannot believe it actually worked. Yes. And just to let everyone else know, this is the 746th time we've tried to call Justin. He's a hot girl from California now living in Northern Sweden. Who the fuck knows how this phone line's got through. We don't know how it's working. Yeah.

It's great to chat. It is great to chat. Yeah. It's pretty hard to call a hot girl, and I know that from experience. So is that why you've been evasive, Justin? Like, oh, I'm such a hot girl from California. Like, no one can have my phone number. You know what I mean?

It must be that, yeah. It must be that. It must be that. Well, after a long wait, Justin, will you approve today's episode? 100%. Oh, thank God. Thank God. Thank God.

I wouldn't have called you another time. Hey, it's Justin from California and I approve this podcast. All right, coming up today, I've got a word update. What word? What are you updating? We've been saying something wrong. Microsoft Word. Yeah, there's been a lot of off-air chat and hilarity about it.

Ryan's not just doing a subject telling everyone to update Microsoft Word, is he? No, he's not. We've been saying. You do use Microsoft Word, though. Who doesn't? No one does. Really? Nah.

That old news. Yeah. I still use it every day. Now you do Google Docs. Sorry. Are you okay, mate? There's something in my eye. Big weekend. Yeah, big weekend, mate? Sorry, my eye. Big weekend. Yeah, big weekend and putting stuff in my eye.

What does that mean? I don't know. Do you want us to wait? We'll just wait here. No, no, no, no. No, you're all good. First, things that keep you up at night. The I used to work at McDonald's edition.

I'm trying to think of how many there are. Like how many things really could there be? Do you know, like I'm just so. What does me in in these situations is if I ever say something or mispronounce something wrong, straight away you just like go, bah, and then I laugh and then we just move on. For me, the awkwardness of pretty much all these situations is just the stone cold silence that happens after.

And is it that if you work in customer service or whatever, it's that they're a stranger? So they're not willing to just like laugh it off. They're like, oh, like are you trying to neg me? Like are you being rude or did you make a mistake? Like the guy at the deli that said, how do you want it, slut? Which is so funny and I actually think about that like eight times a day. Yeah, and rightly so.

And so does the person who shared the story with us. They haven't stopped thinking about it. Yep. You can't just laugh that off when it's a stranger. No. Whereas if you said that to me, we'd, as you said, laugh and move on. Danny worked at Macca's. Hi, Danny.

While taking someone's order at the front counter, I finished by saying, thanks, just drive on through. And we both just stood there confused, looking at each other. Because you're just on autopilot, aren't you? And she goes, oh, I'm normally working in the. And she just realized what she's done and goes, and he kind of looks what yeah we drive and they both just stood there oh olivia said that it was someone's birthday about three customers earlier and i wish them a happy birthday so a few customers later instead of saying have a nice day i, happy birthday, right into the face of this 40-year-old man.

And after the longest pause in which he was both confused. He goes, how did you know? No, he just looks at me and goes, it's not my birthday. And she goes, I know. And they both just stood there for an hour. She goes, I know. And they both just stood there for an hour. In the I know as well.

I know. I know. It's not your birthday. I know. It's like you're then trying to be like, I know that. Yeah, you idiot. Like, what are you stupid? You idiot. Like, how embarrassing.

It's not your birthday. Yeah, I know. Also, three customers like you. idiot like what are you stupid like how embarrassing it's not your birthday yeah i know yeah also three three customers later i'm like i'm just so confused how do you do that three people later like the next i mean if you had two in a row, I could cop you accidentally saying a third. Yeah, I guess. Oh, sorry. I said that it was accidentally someone else's birthday 10 minutes ago. But also, who's going up to order at Macca's and going,

yeah, I'll get a large double cheeseburger meal. Oh, by the way, it's my birthday. And they go, okay. Like, what do they do? Well, you know, they still have kids parties at McDonald's. Yeah, I think so. They used to have those when you were little. That was cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They always had the ice cream cakes at the end. Yeah. So good. Fucking awesome. Yeah, collective fuck yeah from the crowd. Yeah, yeah. So maybe she was, I don't know. I don't know.

But yeah. But you know what I mean? It wasn't his birthday. Yeah, I know. Maybe we should, you know how we've got that list of that video we'll never do, which is stuff that Tony would hate? Absolutely not. Five, go and say happy birthday to a random person. we've got that list of that video we'll never do, which is stuff that Tony would hate. Absolutely not. Five.

Go and say happy birthday to a random person. It's not your birthday. I know. I thought you were going to say McDonald's birthday party. Oh, no, I would do that. That's not a threat. I'm open to that. I would definitely do that.

Maybe I'll do that for my birthday this year. Do it for your 40th. Like do a big birthday. You know what I'm planning for my 40th already though, don't you? Oh, yeah, I do. And think about the contrast. Two castles. Okay, so just a side note, I'm 36.

All my friends are the same year at high school. We said, hey, when we turn 40, let's all chip in. Because you know how on Airbnb you can get like a French castle and they're in the middle of fucking nowhere. They're actually pretty cheap. I actually don't know that, but you've told me, so yes. Like that's something I know. You can surprisingly get a cheap in the middle of fucking nowhere they're actually pretty cheap i actually don't know that but you've told me so yeah like that's something i know you can surprisingly get a cheap in the middle of nowhere rundown castle in france or italy and was like oh if we all i mean it's cheap between what 10 couples or whatever time we all chip in divide it and we've got a

few years to plan ahead wouldn't it be just random and fun to like dress up like fuckheads in an old castle i think it would be a little bit spooky. Yeah. Ghosts. So I'm tossing up between that and a McDonald's ice cream cake. I mean, I'll tell you which one's cheaper. Well, maybe for my- 12 people going in together on a Peter's ice cream cake. That's doable. It'd cost you money not to eat it.

You could hire Ronald McDonald to come to the French- I think they're trying to phase out the clown. Are they? I think I've read that somewhere. Well, they're going hard on grimace at the moment. That's what I mean. Yeah. There's a power struggle at the top.

Yeah. What about the Hamburglar? You never hear about him anymore. He's behind bars. What about that bird that wore the pink top? Princess Peach? No. You're right, though.

There's always a fourth. There was a fourth. That yellow bird that wore the pink top. You're thinking Big Bird. No. Birdie the early top. You're thinking Big Bird. No. Birdie the early bird. What? Yeah.

Birdie the early bird. And there was that bird. Oh, yeah. Yeah, thank you very much. Look at those beautiful eyelashes. So there was Birdie the Hamburglar, Grimace, and Ronald McDonald. You never hear about Birdie anymore?

Never hear about the Hamburglar. He's in prison probably. They're phasing the clown out. And they're phasing out the clown. So Grimace, the big dog, I mean very, very like inoffensive, just a big purple couch, isn't it? They used to be the Happy Meal Gang. Is that what it was called? No, that was just separate thing that they had in the 80s a separate thing oh no

no that sounds awful but i did like that yellow bird with the pink top i thought she seemed lovely she wasn't you'd take you'd take her home to meet your parents oh yeah yeah she's a stayer yeah yeah you know there's the cliche at m at McDonald's like, would you like fries with that? You know how it's like that? I've never been asked that. Because you've always already ordered fries. Already ordered it, yeah. They're the first thing I say.

So Tamara was working there when they were like really drilling in this, would you like fries with that? And to the point where you actually got in trouble if you didn't ask. You know how they send in a mystery shopper and they go, oh, well, she was polite but she didn't ask for this. Have you ever been mystery shoppered at a place you've worked? I think when I was at the hotel, a mystery shopper and they go, oh, well, she was polite, but she didn't ask for this. Have you ever been mystery shoppered at a place you've worked? I think when I was at the hotel, a mystery shopper came to stay. Oh, and like check out the experience, what it was like to check in

and all that. How'd you go? Do you remember? Yeah, I think pretty good. We used to get mystery shoppered at Coles Heaps because it's like, it's actually quite cool. You do it like. It's quite detailed.

It is very detailed. And you can always tell because they ask you like crazy things. But it's cool because you can sign up to do it just like we used to get people that came through that were like not the working parent and they would come through and do like their food shopping because you would get your food for free or you would get like vouchers towards your shopping.

Have you been a mystery shopper? No, I've never been it. Could we go undercover as a side hustle and be mystery shoppers? Maybe, but yeah. We could pretend to be like French lords or something. I'm going to actually dress up as Grimace and go in there. Go to KFC, Mel. See you.

So this guy rolls in and goes, Tamara's working at Macca's. Tamara, hi, Tamara. So this guy rolls in and goes, Tamara's working at Macca's. Tamara. I hate Tamara. This guy rolls in and goes, Can I have some Tamara sauce? So this guy walks in.

He stresses the hamburger. He goes, you never hear about me anymore. He goes, can I just get some large fries? And what does Tamara say, Tony? Do you want fries? He looked me in the eye and said, are you stupid? He handed me his money and honestly, it's been over 20 years and I'm still horrified by it. I promise, sir, I just had a really long day.

What a dickbag. Yeah. Obviously, it was just like a knee-jerk reaction of like what you say when you're working. Speaking of knee-jerk reactions, is the word dickbag a knee-jerk reaction for you? It's a new one. I don't think it is.

Yeah. Sorry. It's been a very long rotation. But what a dickbag. What a dickbag. Yeah. Sorry. It's been a very long rotation. But what a dick bag. What a dick bag. Yeah. Because also whose automatic response to anything is, are you stupid?

Like surely you would be like caught off guard and go, oh, just the one fries is fine. Yeah. Or just that's fine. You wouldn't even really calculate that that's what happened. It's very easy to not be a dick. Yeah. If you have the option between being a dick and not being a dick. It's very easy to not be a dick. Yeah. If you have the option between being a dick and not being a dick,

it's pretty easy to not be a dick. It's actually much simpler to not be a dick bag. So how's that Hamburglar going? Quite well. Hannah, last one. Hi, Hannah. This guy had ordered a chocolate thick shake. Thick, three says.

Thick shake. And I was repeating his order back to him. Some people find that annoying. I like that. We just want to make sure we've got it right. You ordered this, this, this, this and this. All good? You go, yep, they go great. Especially if you've asked to add something on or take something off or whatever.

So you can't have onion. You don't really like pickles. So if you ordered something without those, you'd want to hear that they got that so that when you get it, you're not like, oh, they didn't even write it down. Exactly. Yeah. I was repeating his order back to him and instead of saying thick shake, I said, and a large shit shake.

And he said calmly, I hope not. That's funny. That's quite funny. And she goes, oh, sorry, wrong button. Oh, sorry, I pressed the shit shake button. It wasn't just a typo. I was about to say typo. Word-o?

Mouth-o? Button-o? Don't say mouth-o. I'll cop a mouth-o for you later. I'll give you a mouth-o. I'll cop a mouth-o for you later. I'll give you a mouth-o. I'm the cum burglar. Play the song thing. Sorry. Hey, it's Justin from California, living in northern Sweden, and you're listening to

Tony and Ryan. Before Tony reads out the champion tarpa's names, I'd just like everyone to know that she has lost it a little bit. Fuck. Well, we were just discussing a quick where are they now of the McDonald's characters after talking about Grimace and Birdie and all of our friends. And there's someone who's a character. A McDonald's character.

A McDonald's character called Bernice. And I said. And I said. I'm right. I'm right. I'm sick. I'm right. I'm sick. I'm right.

I'm sick. This is why I needed to give everyone a warning because Tony has lost the plot. Hug and rise and... I can assure you it's not that funny. And rise and... Weekend Bernice. What a letdown after all that. Hug, i'm literally going to shit myself that was that's a big lunch sorry water just came out of my nose eyes and mouth all at the same time it was electrolytes as well, so that's going to be salty. Yeah.

I'm not like a big cry when I laugh person, but they're streaming. I think I need to go blow my nose. Okay. You take a second and I'll do the champion type of shout outs. Ryan's just going to spend a weekend with Bernice. All right. Massive shout out to Jess Nolan. I'm going to spend a weekend with Jess. She didn't bloody ask you, mate.

Ryan's genuinely gone. Massive shout-out to a few of our champion timers. Jess Nolan, good on you, Jess. Do you reckon Jess Nolan knows Christopher Nolan? I got Inception. Helene Miller, good on you, Helene. Oh, Helene Miller, hardly know her. Ali Smith, good on you, Ali. Broene miller hardly know her uh ali smith good on your alley brody dom bro and i co rescind is ryan are you ready to go everybody ready to go

how was bernice how was bernice i was laughing out of my nostrils oh that's a funny thing to think about guys got a words update and no it's not a microsoft word update are you okay nice one thanks um yeah i'm okay that was just so funny it was really really funny you know how only australians can pronounce adidas correctly yeah i am aware that only australians can say adidas correctly? Yeah, I am aware that only Australians can say Adidas correctly. Everyone else says Adidas wrong. What are you wearing there, Tony? My Adidas.

Don't contort yourself too. Ooh, did you throw a leg up? Shit. Yeah. I hope the camera can see that. Me too. It was worth it. I hope it was worth it.

Yeah, me too. It turns out everyone, including us, has been saying something else wrong this whole time oh now i'm gonna get something out of my pocket i'll be honest hearing you say something like this is like a bit triggering a bit misplaced well yeah because often the mispronunciation i mean what was it last week you called someone called Olivia Aloe Vera? I just believe that's what her name is. Her Christian name, her full name is Aloe Vera. All right.

So Adidas, we're saying correctly, obviously. What have you got? What are these? Chop-a-chop. A lollipop. Chop-a-chop. No. They're called a chop-a-chop. Nope. It's chop-a-chop. We've chop. No. They're called a chopper chop.

Nope. It's chopper chop. We've been saying it wrong the whole time. What do you say? Well, it's not what I say. What do you say? I have been saying chopper chop this whole time. What is it?

Chupa chup? So. If it's chupa chup, I'm going to prison. Chupa in Spanish means suck. And they are a Spanish lollylly it's a spanish product and it's actually called chupa chups i've given you a chupa chip cheap cheap chupa chip yeah you're the cheapest chupa chup i've ever chopped is it really chupa chip they're not chupa chups they're chupa chups we've all been saying it wrong words sound wrong right now because we're all saying chupa chupa Chopped. Is it really Chupa Chups? They're not Chupa Chups. They're Chupa Chups. We've all been saying it wrong.

All words sound wrong right now because we're all saying Chupa Chups, Chupa Chups. So a spokesperson has come out and said everyone's been saying it wrong this whole time. Why did they let us do it? The correct way to pronounce this is Chupa Chups because Chupa means to suck in Spanish. Well, they'd Chupa if you ask me because why did they let us just fuck it up for so long?

Well, I think they just exported it to Australia. And they didn't know? Yeah. Then one Spanish guy came to Australia and went, oh, no. Oh, that's wrong. You fucked that right up. Excuse me. The laughs have really gotten into my throat.

I've got a question. It was the weekend at Bernice. Question, though. Question, though. In other countries, then, are they all saying chupa chup correctly? Are we the only people that were fucking it up? I don't know. Because, like, in New Zealand, they're basically Australia.

Chip-a-chip. How do they say it in England? Chop-a-chop. Or if they weren't so fancy, yeah, did I love, I'd love a chop-a-chop. So I just get loud. Like, I don't think I sound more English. I just get louder. That's not just for English accents.

That's everything, yeah. Is that really ruined your day? I'm just kidding. Why did they let us go for so long? Chupa Chups. That was English. Oh, no, you weren't doing an accent? Okay, I've got a question.

Yeah. What is your go-to, I'm going to say Chupa Chup, what's your go-to Chupa Chup flavour? I love the creamy vanilla and i love the cola and i believe one of these is a cola yeah what do you like i really like the pink the raspberry one the one that's not so strawberries and cream yeah no oh no it's just the raspberry one and they're different um because i don't like the creaminess of the, so you know how that one's like pink at the top and like vanilla flavour at the bottom?

It's like an opaque thing. But this one is like pink and like see-through. Now the thing I- You would like cola. If I was ever going to a shop to buy you a Chupa Chup, I would 100% buy you a cola one. And that's not me saying that because now retrospectively i know that a hundred percent the thing there's two things wrong with chupa

chups one is one's the chups one is that they're called chupa chups apparently not chup chups the second is who the fuck knows how to open these stupid fucking things oh no that's fine all right set a timer you're about to watch two adults take the wrapper off a lollipop. All right. Ryan, do you want to do it together or separately? Yeah, if we do it separate, we'll be here all day. Okay. Ready?

Go. Oh, fuck. Oh, I went in so cocky. Ah. Oh, they've changed since i was a kid oh my oh hang on see i don't even want to fucking chop a chop anymore it takes too fuck by the time i get to the chopper chop i'm ready for bed these are harder than when i was a kid definitely

you were so confident as well. I actually was. That's 25 seconds. I'm not even at the tub yet. You're going to sound really bad if I do that. I'm going to open it. Cola, lolly flavour cola is better than cola flavour cola. Yeah, well, diet cola obviously is better. I can't fucking get this open and I'm getting angry. We'll actually wait.

I'm feeling angry. We'll actually wait. Well, time check. We're at one minute now. Why aren't I thinner? I can't get food open. Hold it up. No, I just want to see that you're doing it.

Oh, sorry. Halfway there. This is great. I've had to go top down in the it. Oh, sorry. Halfway there. This is great. I've had to go top down in the end. This is great for the audio medium. Fuck you, Sophie. No, I think this is great.

I think this is the pinnacle of digital media. Time to clap. What was the time? 118. Fuck, if you're still listening, thank you. I've missed the bus now. Do you know what I mean? Like if I'm getting that at the deli counter. Yeah, you'd be dead.

At the milk bar. I don't know. Thinking about what we did as a kid. You're going to love to see it. Do you want to try this? Nah. Can I try? You don't want to try mine?

You want to try the cola? Nah, you're up. You don't want to try mine? I know where that mouth's been. Yeah, know where that your mouth hasn't tried to go. Sorry, I thought you'd want to try mine okay i'm just gonna pop mine down on the plastic um i've got a love set please beef stroganoff yes yes um so i actually yeah is it. Yep. My love to see it is Beef Stroganoff. Thank you.

Because I'd actually like to make a little statement here. Please. Torbs explained what Beef Stroganoff was to me for a really long time. And I was like, well, no, that sounds disgusting. I was like, I don't want that. That sounds awful. On the weekend, he said, what about a strog? And I said, no, I don't like that. I don't, I don't want that. That sounds awful. On the weekend, he said, what about a strogg? And I said, no, I don't like that.

I don't. I've never had it. I don't want to try it. It's fine. And he went, let's just try it. And if you don't like it, we'll order a pizza. I'm like, okay, done. I'm going to get a pizza.

Twist my arms. Yeah, I have to. He made it and it was elite. It is the best. It's so good. I know everyone's going to be asking this. Did you get the pizza anyway? No, we didn't.

We ate the strug and it was absolutely divine. And so I've got a little question off the back that I thought that maybe we could do a little question in our thread today. What food did you say no to forever and then finally caved and, like, it was awesome? Great question. Great question. Beef strug and off, excellent. I'll tell you it was awesome? Great question. Great question. Beef stroganoff, excellent.

I'll tell you what I reckon a lot of people might say. Oysters. Oh, yeah. Because they just seem off-putting. They look gross. The concept is gross. I agree. I just don't think I'm going to like it.

And then you have it and you go, nah. It's also kind of one of those foods that you're like, oh, it's for rich people. I thought it was for adults. When I was a kid, I'm like, oh, no, kids don't have oysters. Yeah, like that's for those foods that you're like, oh, it's for rich people. I thought it was for adults when I was a kid. I'm like, oh, no, kids don't have oysters. Yeah, like that's for grown-ups and like I don't feel like I'm old enough or rich enough to try an oyster. Yep.

But, yeah, I would love to know what food you said no to forever because it was unreal. And I'm like upset that I've spent all this time like not eating strog. So could the strog be a gateway strogg? And maybe this opens the door for other things that you go, oh, I've always assumed I wouldn't like this. But then Tobbs goes, yeah, but that's what you said about strogg. Yeah.

Like, could this open the floodgates? I'm actually pretty open about most foods. I don't know why I had in my mind. Maybe my mum made it when I was a kid and it sucked and I never wanted to try it again. I think the word stroganoff doesn't sound like a good word. No, it doesn't. It sounds like a dank word.

But it's delicious. Do you like it? Yeah. Do you have it on pasta? We did have it on pasta. Yeah. Because you can have it on rice and like mashed potato and stuff. But no, we did like a real thick, fresh fettuccine.

It was fucking mean. It was so fucking good. So I just wanted to share that with everybody. That's my love to say it. Perfect winter meal. Perfect winter meal. Warm your belly right up. Right up.

Absolutely stunning. Tapa Sophie. Not the one that works here, apparently. Sophie, you could lift and you could bring her. You love to see her. I've been working two jobs for two years and I've been juggling mum life, work life and zero social life. It's been crippling my soul.

I work eight-hour overnight shifts twice a week and the rest of the time is building up my own little business and reputation as a local gardener. Soph, that's insane. After two years, I have quit the overnight shifts. I'm now full-time gardening with my business, and I couldn't be more proud of myself. Sophie! Working for myself, I can be flexible to suit my children

and their childcare, and on the plus side, I get to see my kids on the weekend again instead of using them to catch up on sleep. Doesn't that. You know what you should do, Sophie? Celebrate with a strug. A celebratory strug. Celebrate with a strug.

Yep. Strug me right off. That is. That's really cool, Sophie. And you must feel so proud of yourself. We're proud of you, Sophie. That's massive. Congratulations.

Definitely celebrate with a strug, though though because that will do you right up. Do you reckon everyone could just strogg sometimes this week and have a strogg post, a strogg thread? A strogg off? Because it sounds like strogging off. Yeah. No, we got it. Oh, okay.

Just workshop that. Love workshop. Sorry. Okay, post us your strogg. We'll do a thread. Tell us your strogg. And we'll keep it open for a week or so because, you know, you'll have to get the ingredients.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't think about it. People don't just have all the stuff in strogg. I know Torb wouldn't have done this. I know your sister definitely wouldn't have done this. But if times are tough, can we strogg from a jar? 100%. Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no – you can strogg however you want. Yeah. And you have always said. Yeah. Great. Strogg off. Strogg right off.

All right. Tomorrow. Strogg on? Nah. Strogg off. Don't want to be strogging on tonight? Nah, I want to be strogging on. Oh, you're really turning me strogg on.

Oh, don't do that. That'll turn me beef stroggon on. Oh, that's good. That's better than a stroggon. Tomorrow we've got confessions. These are top confessions. And the question I'm going to ask you, Tony, and you listening to this podcast, is this first confession fine or is it a crime?

Final crime. My favourite game. Tomorrow on the Tony and Ryan podcast. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Stroganoff. Do, do, do, do, do. Post your pictures of Strong in the thread. I believe that's the original.

It is, yeah. They actually copied that for the show, yeah. Love you, bye. Bye.