Toni and Ryan - We're On Netflix

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

WE'RE ON THE MOTHERFUCKING TV!!!! Love you!!!!!!!!!!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. God, someone's enjoying themselves. What's going on? I've just thought of the shittest joke, and it's just awful, but it's really funny. It's not even a Tony diss because it's so shit, but I just want to acknowledge. Do you want to hear it? Yeah, of course. Because it's where Madison, who we're about to call, works.

Oh, yeah. Is it grilled? Ruined my story. Oh, sorry. Well, she's from Florence, Arizona. Do you reckon they've got grilled there? No, it's Italy. It's a joke.

Oh, well, at least I know mine wouldn't be the shiver stroke. Fuck it. This is so bad. Where do fucking people in Arizona get off calling their places Florence? Do you know what I mean? Madison, are you there? Madison! Hello?

Did you just hear Tony bagging out your town? Oh, no, I wasn't. Did you hear that, Madison? Yeah. Well, what's up with that? Oh, no, I wasn't. Did you hear that, Madison? Yeah. Well, what's up with that? Oh, no. So Ryan said Florence, Arizona, and I went, oh, it's Italy. And he went, well, no, it's Arizona.

And I said, where do people in Arizona get off calling something Florence? Yeah. You know. Does your part of Arizona feel Italian? Yeah. Probably the most opposite of the possibilities of what that could be. Which is kind of where I'm going.

We found when we were in Atlanta and there was a town called Athens, it could not be geographically and culturally further. Yeah, it was just not the same at all. Now, Madison, I believe you work for Trash, so what is it like having Tony as a boss? Yeah, my daughter loves to say that I talk trash for a living. But yeah, I work for a trash company. Sorry, I was just building up to that joke for four weeks

and I just love it. No, I love it too. You're a great employee. It's good to have you on the book. So is that why you feel a connection to our Hot Fun Garbage podcast? Oh, 100%. All the bin talk, all the trash talk, all the everything, it really just makes that connection for me.

And our bin's getting empty today. It really is. So we might see you then. Yeah. Tony, I just want to like stop down for a second. There was a moment in the podcast, I think maybe mid last year. Yeah. Where you did one of the greatest clicks of all time and we really stopped down and just

took a moment. Yep. I'm not saying my click just then was better than yours, but as a not natural clicker, I feel like I gave one of my best. Oh, I didn't even hear it. Check the fucking tape, everyone. Do you mind approving this podcast? Everyone, press the skip back 15 second things and you'll hear that fucking snap and you

go, fuck, he's nailed that. Well, I'll listen when it comes out. Okay, great. Yeah. And I'll text you and let you know. Well, we're out of time for today's episode. What do you want to say? Madison, do you approve today's podcast?

You bet I do. Thank you guys so much. You're welcome. Yes. Hey, it's Madison from Arizona and I approve this podcast. All right. I want to talk about destination weddings. Destination. I talk about Destination Weddings. Destination.

Do you remember that song? Yeah. Destination Calabria. No, you're doing Crazy Frog, I fear. Crazy Frog? No. That was Crazy Frog. No.

That was 100% Crazy Frog. That was 100% crazy frog. That was not crazy. Bing, bing. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I wasn't doing that. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba I think the fuck I just looked Jack barrel of the camera coming to an internet

feed near you oh fuck cut that now yeah cut that do that now actually I think you've been

watching Sex and the City and you assume this is live it's live yeah caller loves that crazy frog um

I wish we could have live call so someone could call in and say what Ryan was doing was not crazy frog what Tony was doing was crazy frog and it was a great crazy frog. I wish we could have a live call so someone could call in and say what Ryan was doing was not crazy frog. What Tony was doing was crazy frog and it was a great crazy frog. Just then it was. Yeah. But so do Destination Calabria now.

That is crazy frog. Frog, frog. Yeah, see, you've accepted me. See, it's crazy frog. Yeah, you've accepted me. You're fucking me right up. Yeah, that's crazy frog. All right, I want to talk about Destination Weddings,

but you have to promise not to bring up the pamphlet. The pamphlet? You know how there's pamphlets if you want to tie a Destination Wedding? Oh, and how you were the face of Destination Weddings for a while? Yeah, but I think they just said, do you want to- They said, we'll give you $50, and you went, great. I didn't even get $50. It was just the day out at the island where they filmed it.

Oh, no, they would have paid a little bit, but it was Thai baht, so the exchange rate is awful. No, no, but you go, oh, well, that's dinner. That's fine. Yeah, it'll cover me. Yeah. With the cost of living crisis. Yes.

And travel being really expensive. You know how you just don't get those cheap flights anymore? No. Like when people used to be like, oh, yeah, we got a fucking $1 return to bloody. Yeah, somewhere. Bali. That's never happened.

I've got a return flight for $5 on AirAsia. I remember when they were doing that. Like you pay to get there and then they're way back. $100 there, $5 back. Fuck, that's all right. Yeah. They don't do shit like that anymore. Flights actually are just never cheap.

No. Like you never really get a deal on a flight these days. Well, it's because the petrol is so expensive. Is it? Like it would cost that much per person in petrol. Yeah, right. Is it? Have you not looked when you filled up?

No, no, no. Not is petrol expensive because I know fucking petrol is expensive. I meant is that the reason? I'd be one of them. Yeah. Because it's Cozzy Leaves for them as well for everyone anyway what i wanted to know is where are we at with destination weddings because i feel like if you want to go get married on a tropical island fucking power to you go hard but where are we at with like the assumption or the expectation the expectation that people who are in a cozy

lives crisis it travels expensive as fuck is they just like oh well they're getting married i assume you'll be there like what you know what i mean like um is that fucking murky i feel like going to a wedding in your own city is expensive enough well that's like it is being a wedding guest yeah is expensive especially if there's like a dress code or, you know, whatever. I've never been invited to a destination wedding, so I actually haven't been faced with the problem of like do we go, do we not go. I've been invited to like weddings in Perth though.

What's a destination when you're in Melbourne? Well, when we've moved. Like that sounds really stupid, but like we've been invited to weddings and we go, oh, well, of course we'd love to go but like the cost of flights and then wherever we are going to stay and the time off work and all of that stuff, like it adds up, eh? So have you said when you've been in Melbourne, like, oh, have a great weekend, I'm sorry, we're just not going to be able

to make it and they go. Like to people in Perth? Yeah. Yeah. And have they gone, yep, understand, or there's a bit. Well, I guess it's like when you invite people, you can't know whether they're going to come, I reckon. Really?

Like I reckon you've got an idea of like, oh, they probably can't come because of work or because they're far away. So would you say if you had 100 seats, hypothetically? Yeah, I don't even know if I can 100 people. But would you invite 120 knowing that 20 of them probably aren't going to roll in? No, I would not roll those dice. Yeah. No way.

Because then 120 fucking people rock up and you go, oh, my God, how much more chicken can we get? Who's sitting on the floor? Yeah, like, oh, we won't go. Yeah. Someone can have my seat. You got a late invite to a wedding, though. Three days prior.

Three days before and someone went, no, we're not coming. And they went, Ryan, you've got the call up. It was Alana and Robbie. Yeah. And Alana texts me and goes, do you want to come to my wedding on Friday night? This is on Tuesday. And I go, ha, who got COVID? Yeah.

And she goes, my uncle. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, he died. Yeah. But like, you know. Because the uncle was a close, like his seat was right up the front. Oh, so you're like in the wedding. Yeah, he died. Yeah. But like, you know, you were- But because the uncle was a close, like his seat was right up the front. Oh, so you're like in the wedding all of a sudden. Yeah.

Yeah, you got the call. Because they're like, oh, we're not going to redo the whole seating arrangement. So you just take their spot. And Bridges never met the bride or the groom. Yeah. And she's like third from their tape, like sitting right near him. They're really nice though. They are great.

And their wedding was unreal. It was awesome. It was a great night. It was just like, oh, where are we going out for dinner Friday night? Alana and Robbie's wedding. Yeah. It was sick. So how did that make you feel being like you weren't on the list originally,

but you got the call up? Because people would be like, oh, how dare you call me last minute? But I'd be like, oh, first reserve. Yeah, I'll tell you that. Like, you're fucking second string. I'm pretty sure. That's a good sport chat that's great sport chat i reckon they might have even been engaged before i met them yeah they've been together for a really long time because i know them as well the covid might have like delayed the wedding a bit so they were kind of like new friends

and so yeah you know maybe i wasn't on the original list and then i think i'd only just i'd finished working with Alana, started working with Robbie and kind of saw him in the lift at the radio station and stuff and I was just like, yeah, sounds like a great Friday night. But you imagine how some people would take that. Yeah, I know. Because some people need to get the fuck over themselves. Yeah, okay.

Including this guy. Oh, I fucking love wedding chat. It's rife, isn't it? Hold on to your fucking assholes because it's about to get wild reddit user jess my brother and his fiancee are nudists great and power to them they live in adelaide and for their wedding they have booked fuck isn't adelaide just the least exotic place you would expect a fucking nudist to live. Yeah, my brother's a nudist and he just lives in Adelaide. That's what someone who hasn't been to the Woolshed nightclub would say.

Oh, apologies. I was at the Crazy Horse, Shannon North. It's actually across the street. Is it? I'm pretty sure. I was over the road having a dart with Nolsi out the front because he couldn't get in. Yeah.

Yeah, he couldn't get in. He didn't have his driver's license. During the wedding, the couple and all the guests were expected to be naked for the entirety of the ceremony and the reception. You know what? I didn't see that coming. Really? And I don't know why.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hang on. So they were the brother and the husband, brother and the partner, sorry? So Reddit user Jess, it's her brother and his fiance. And his fiance. They're nudists. And they said to come to our event, you also must be nude. Yep.

So we've hired a naturist resort. Like, it's all good. That actually sounds like, what am I to dip your toe in? Let me. Well, sorry. You know what I mean. Let's all be real careful about okay okay okay the word dipped yeah toe toe yeah and because when everyone's naked like you fall on your back

who knows where your feet are gonna fucking oh yeah yeah that's a wait no happen if you got pregnant after a nudist wedding like you'd to. How do you think things work? I don't know. We did IVF, so I don't know the normal way. I can tell. In fact, some would argue that this is the reason we needed to do IVF. Yeah, because you just couldn't figure it out. You go, but you've been naked in the last year.

Surely it should have happened by now. I've dipped a toe in and no babies. Don't speak about your wife like that. and no babies. Don't speak about your wife like that. So my thing is like how freeing to be like in a nudist event. Yeah. But because a lot of the people there aren't nudists,

it maybe wouldn't actually be a very welcoming and nice experience. It would be, you know, like Aunty Anne and Uncle Jeff like standing there like with their handbag over them, you know. Yeah. Like whereas if you went to like a nudist event. Yeah. It would be so inclusive and everyone would be like, everyone's got a body, who cares? Well, I've been to a nude beach many times. Yeah.

But that's me choosing to go to the nude beach. Yeah, yeah. Do you think that when you go to a nudist wedding. Yeah. What do you wear on the way there? Do you leave your clothes out by the door like you would your shoes? I believe you get an Uber in a robe. And then you just slip that off and leave that at the door? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you're saying. Like how do you get there? Well, I think it's because it's a naturist resort. Oh, you stay there. Yeah. You walk down nude. Yeah.

What about the sunburn situation? Yeah. You want to have a lot of sunscreen in all of the places. Yeah. Don't apply too. Not too much. Yeah, just slip around. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, but, you know, like you just see some guy like putting too much lotion on his hand and he's like, oh, I'm just putting some sunscreen on. Oh, yeah, it's just sunscreen. Yeah. Would you go? Just lubing it up. To this wedding? No.

No? No. No? No. How come? It's just like. Just out of your comfort zone? I think the admin and the logistics and kind of like, oh, if I wanted to do a nude thing, I'd go to a nude beach. But just like there's family and there's this and I've just, yeah,

it's not for me. And so anyway, Reddit user Jess says, when I told my brother, I wish you the very best, but I'm not going to be able to make it, he was furious. I am respectful of their lifestyle, but surely they should respect that it's not for everyone. I don't want to be in photos and standing up there as a bridesmaid naked for all to see.

They shouldn't have to buy the matching dress. Do you reckon they all get their pubes done the same way? Yeah, yeah. That would be expected, I would think. A little ribbon or something. My brother said it's only for one day, and his fiancée said if she looked like me, she would be nude all the time.

Inappropriate. Sorry, you're actually sucking my brother's dick. Yeah. It's not time to drive him out. Not currently. Am I being a bitch and prude for not supporting my brother's wishes on his wedding day? That's so tough, isn't it?

Yeah. Because, yeah, you'd want to support. And it's like, it's not coming from a judge. I love that you do it, but I just don't want to be nude. And I think that's so tough isn't it yeah because yeah you'd want to support and it's like it's not coming from a judge you put i love that you do it but i just don't want to be nude and i think that's okay you're allowed to be protective of your body that's what your body your choice and similar to whilst the destination wedding is like if you choose to have it on an island fucking ages away yeah you're also deciding yeah that not everyone's gonna make it and when you decide to have a naked wedding you're deciding that not everyone's gonna attend make it. When you decide to have a naked wedding, you're deciding that not everyone's going to attend.

I didn't say come. On purpose. Hey, it's Madison from Arizona, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to all of our friends over in our Patreon. These are champion tarpers that are hopefully joining us for our tarp-a-thon. Well, champions they will be. Yes, absolutely.

They're allowed to. Yeah, hopefully they want to watch. The Bearded Stag. I think that's the club next to the wool shed that we were just talking about. Yeah, across from the Crazy Horse, but on the other side. Bearded Stag. Lana. Good on you, Lana.

Thank you so much. Ana Brecky and Michael Walter. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. We absolutely love to see it. Love to see that. And like Tony just mentioned, Tarpathon, the second annual, is happening live stream till gold. Tarpathon till gold. Tarpathon, the second annual, is happening live stream till gold. Tarpathon till gold.

Tarpathon till gold. So we're going to be live until Australia wins a gold medal at the beep. At the Paris Beeps. Games. From the start of the opening ceremony until Australia wins gold. Will it be two days? Will it be ten days? Will we win a medal at all?

Who the fuck knows? Come and join us. Don't wait till the end because we don't know when it's going to end. We actually don't know. Sign up now. Tony's actually wearing a Tarpathon second annual hat. Uh-huh. So we've got some memorial hats.

Yeah. Not our memorial, but memorial hats for our second Tarpathon. Half of them are gone. Half of them are gone already. So if you go to tonyandryan.com.au, go to the merch, there's the limited edition hat. And the sooner you order it, I mean, I don't want you to miss out, but the sooner you order it, you'll guarantee that you'll have it

so you can wear it while you're watching us live. Yeah, I would get it. Which is cool. I don't want to tell anyone what to do with our lives, but if you wanted it and you're over set, I'd get it this week. Yeah, I would hop to. Yeah, I'd get on that. But aside from that, some more exciting news.

Oh, I'm ready. Tony and Ryan are on Netflix. Fuck yeah, we are. Welcome. You won't fucking believe it. Well, I won't because this is news to me. Isn't that exciting though? You did a great job. Thank you. Did a great job. Thank you. Isn't that exciting? It is. You look great on the telly, by the way. Always do. I look pretty good. Why? Well, so we've talked about celebrity tapas before.

Who was it? Jessica Biel. Jessica Biel, celebrity tapa. Because we talked about something, then two days later she posted on her Instagram story being like, isn't this thing crazy? And we were like, that was us. She's lifted our story. Yeah.

We didn't accuse her of theft or intellectual property. We just let it slide. Yeah, we'll let that one slide. But if she does it again. I've seen her in candy. I don't want to fuck with that bitch. Oh, no, no, no. Absolutely not.

But there's been a few times where we've gone, hmm, is there a little tarp connection there? And it turns out that someone at Netflix is a tarper. Is that right? You know the TV show The Mole? One of my favourites. One of my favourites too. Yeah, the OG with Abby Coleman was in season one.

Was she? Yeah, she came second or third or something. She got to the finale. I didn't know that. And Grant Bowler. Bowler. Yeah, he was the host. Host, yes.

I love that show. It's a show where there's someone doing nefarious things, hoping that no one wins any money, and it's just like a reality game show. They're sabotaging. And like two years ago, Netflix did a version of The Mole. If you did the show, would you want to be The Mole? Yeah, because it's basically like zero risk. You can out yourself at any time.

No, but if people know that you're The Mole, that's like not really that bad because you keep voting yourself in because you do the quiz. Yeah. So you still get to the end, but if people know, obviously, then they get to the end as well. Yeah. But I don't know if I'd like to be the mole. I'd be so anxious I'd get – well, actually, let's stop

because we're in the mole now. Oh. So Netflix have remade this one like two years ago. A brand new season of it's just come out and they're dropping like four episodes, then four episodes, then the final. So it's only like the first four episodes that are out at the moment. Torbs and I, I've been sick. We've been watching a bit of shit on TV.

We go, fuck, new season of The Mole. How fucking good. Yeah. I flick it on and I'm on the TV. What do you think? And I can't believe it. There is a contestant on The Mole called Tony. Well, I mean, there's lots of Tonys in this field.

That's not that crazy, is it? This is Tony. Tony's on The Mole. Oh, he's an attractive looking man. He's very good looking. And he's a bit of your energy. Got some tats on there. Yeah.

Beautiful smile. Yes. Thank you. You know, you didn't have to say that, but I appreciate that you did. Did you get Invisalign? I have had Invisalign in my life. That guy does remind me of you. Yes.

And there's another contestant called Ryan. This is Ryan. Have you put them up around the right way? Yes. Ryan is a female contestant on the mole. With long blonde hair. Beautiful blonde hair. And guess what Ryan does for a job? Volleyball coach. I'm not even joking. What does Tony do?

Model. So a lot of similarities, isn't there? Yeah. It's like someone's lifted us out of this reality and there's another version of us somewhere else. Well, there's a bit of mashups going on. Isn't there? Do you want to have a look at tony and ryan close up so there's like an episode right where they're kind of going head to head about something yeah and like all of the vos like all

of the voiceovers of the show were like will tony and ryan through this? And like, what's going to happen to Tony and Ryan? And I was like, am I sick? Or what's fucking going on here? You know what I would love? Because you have been very sick, if it was in fact. I just made it up and there was something going on. And Mark goes, yeah. Yeah, that didn't happen.

And then two weeks later I go, God, that Tony and Ryan, he goes, yeah, I didn't know when to bring this up. That didn't happen. Can anyone, I'm not, it's not that I doubt you, sweetheart. Oh, yeah. But can anyone listening just confirm that these guys are actually called Tony and Ryan? Here is an article on American Today.

Today show. There's Tony. There's Tony. There's Tony. And I'll find Ryan for you. Okay, yeah. And this is Ryan. All right. I don't want to like downplay our looks because we're beautiful.

So good looking, yes. But would you rather be these two? I wouldn't mind being him. Yeah, same. Or inside him or anything. Yeah. It's just like can you believe there's Tonys out there that look like that but I look like fucking this?

That's what I'm saying. Like what a fucking ripper. Like imagine if I was a Tony that looked like that and instead I'm a Tony that fucking looks like this and I'm called Tony. Like it just seems like such a fucking ripper. Well, when you say imagine. Well, imagine. Like it is happening.

Yes. And we're watching it live on the TV. And then so they have this. Are you doing crazy fictional? No, like here it is. So they have this big bust up and it's like, who's going to be right? Like Tony or Ryan? And I was like, oh my God, this is like at work.

Who was right? Just out of curiosity. No spoilers. But Tony didn't. That hasn't made it very far. Okay. Yeah, unfortunately. Yeah.

And Tony starts fucking a girl in the show. What? Yeah. Side quest. I'm fucking Hannah. Yeah. Big girl, yeah. I get all around, yeah.

The mole seems to be a bit different to when I used to watch it. You need to watch it it is so good was he just like what when you like he's just what shows are they just fucking contestants or is that they're fucking each other so it's not like a host and it can it's too content you know it's like but he's one of the questions like who did the mole insert this week yeah maybe and maybe that's why he went home Just trying to fuck the truth out of her. Yeah. But so Tony and Ryan, live on Netflix right now because that's

how live works. Watch The Mole. It is excellent. And this is not sponsored, but it fucking might as well be because we're on Netflix. Thanks for letting me know it's not sponsored. Isn't that great? Well, I just said Netflix a lot, so I just wanted to make sure.

I just thought it must have been sponsored for a while there, just after a glowing review. Well, it is fucking phenomenal, but I'm not paid to say that. I thought her name was Hannah. Fucking. Yeah. But isn't that crazy? That's us.

That is us. But literally when it's like volleyball coach Ryan, I went. Like you couldn't wipe a smile on my face. Like I knew this secret. Do you know how many times I got told to be like a volleyball coach? Oh, those who can't do, teach. No, but like just when you play and just like doing sport, people go, oh, you should be a PE teacher.

You should be a coach. And I go, what the fuck? No offence, Ryan. It's like mixing the best part with worst things. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I know high school kids. I was one of them.

They seem like fucking assholes. They're nasty. Yeah, I don't want the youth to tell me. I go, hey, kid, why don't you do this? And he goes, fuck you. And I go, okay. Okay. Yeah, literally.

That's why I don't want kids. Yeah. Because they'll get to that age when they tell me to fuck off. And I go, oh, no, okay. Yeah. Sorry. Just hate the car. Do age when they tell me to fuck off and I go, oh, no, okay. Sorry. Just take the car. Do whatever you want.

They're six years old. I just throw the keys at them. Take the Audi and never come back. Kate Kissel. Hey, Kate Kissel. This is my love to say it. I've done my version of start the fucking blog. Oh, Kate, fuck yeah.

But this is like, it's pretty huge. It starts dark, but like stick with it. Amazing. Her and her ex have broken up. Ex? Obviously ex, yeah. And it was pretty brutal. But I have bought him out of the house. As in like I've paid for his half of the house.

Paid him out, yeah. Yep, and it's all mine. And I'm absolutely buzzing because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it. And it was like touch and go and trying to get the finance and it's obviously murky and stressful and the anxiety. And the admin, the admin, the admin. So she's finally done it.

So he got all like a bunch of the stuff from in the house, including the router. So she had to go and get new Wi-Fi. Right? And she goes, I was really excited that i could keep my house but i'm even more excited that my uh new route is now called router hardly noah i'm clapping on a podcast yeah that's amazing i'm super proud of myself and super happy it's all worked out i I'm so lucky. And is the internet working? Well, she's written that. Great.

Oh, true. That comment came from that router. Kate, with your internet, you should watch the mole. You should do that. Oh, Kate, congratulations. That's fucking rough. But getting the internet working, I'd say, is maybe the biggest exciting part about this story

because isn't that a fucking – when you're on the phone to the – sorry for saying – beep both of those. But you're on the phone to them and it's not – and they're like, it should be beeping. And I go, I know it should beep, but it's not. Hey, mate, stop telling me what it fucking should be doing because I'm telling you what it is doing and it ain't that.

Fuck you. Oh, it's the worst. And you know when you call the internet people and they go oh you can actually do this online i go with what imagine my surprise when you tell me i can do something online the reason i'm calling the online people is because the fucking internet's not working if i could go online and do it online i wouldn't need to fucking do it online if i done If I didn't have to talk to you, I would obviously choose that.

You know what fucks me off? Oh, tell me. After you've dealt with them assholes for a three minute job that seems to take them 50 minutes. Or two days sometimes. And then they have the goal to go, and is there anything else I can help you with?

No, you know what mine is? Wait on the line and give me a fucking review. I will. Oh, I will. Oh, sorry. Can you do your love to see it so we can get out of here and watch the mole? Oh! You sweet, beautiful fuckhead. I've got a love to see here from Megan Rose.

My love to see it is I finished my shampoo, conditioner, face wash and body moisturiser all at the same time. I do love to see that. However, Megan, fucking RIP your groceries this week because when you've got to replace all of those at once, that's a fucking take the mortgage out. You'll have to move in with Kate. Yeah.

She owns her house. Yeah, she's got a spare room. Yeah. I got some news for the ladies. The ladies. The ladies. Dr. Love. All men finish all of their stuff at the same time, every time,

because it's always in one bottle. Oh, yeah, you've got eight in one. Yeah. You just put that on your eyebrows, your gooch and your fucking asshole and your hair and everything. And your hair, yep. Anti-dandruff face wash. Great.

How's that going? Is that good? Yeah, well, ask the top of this black shirt. I thought it was snowing outside. Thank you very much, Melissa. We'll be back tomorrow. See you later. Love you, bye.

Let me know if you watch The Mole. Yeah, please. You'll see us on the telly. Love you, bye.