Toni and Ryan - We're throwing a party

Episode Date: August 4, 2024

WE'RE THROWING A PARTY!!!!!! YAY!!!! Love ya xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge. She's jazz handsing you. If you can't see that, just know that you're getting jazz hands right now. And we appreciate you listening. You're welcome. We are going to call Cassie, who is here in Melbourne in Croydon Hills. Wow. It might be Cassie Zervos, the crime reporter from Channel 7. Is she from Croydon Hills? I don't know, but her name's Cassie.

Yeah. Zervos. And she always is on the scene. She is. She'll finger anything with a Yeah. And she always is on the scene. She is. She'll finger anything with a pulse. Where is she from? The scene. Yeah.

Channel 7. Riley. Hi, Cass. Cass, how are you doing? Tori and Riley, how are you going? Yeah, thank you. Yes, your new favourite show. Hello, Cass.

Thank you. It's Tori and Riley. How are you going? We're doing well. Apparently, you're a former volleyballer and you played against my school. Yes. Long time ago, but yes. Cassie and her wife, Rikki, have three boys, five, three, and two.

And how fucking busy is your household right now, mate? Very busy. I've got one of them on board with me working with me today, so that's fun. School holidays. Of course. Far out. Oh, no. Very busy. I've got one of them on board with me working with me today, so that's fun. School holidays? Of course. Far out. Oh, no.

Far out. I don't know. As someone that has one kid, the thought of having a second seems like crazy, crazy times. Five, three, and two. That's insane. I think any parent tarpers will just be like looking at the podcast screen and just being like, fuck righto, Cass.

Yes. Yep. Cass, but will you approve? If you've got time, will you approve today's podcast? Well, I was about to fill up with fuel, so I've had to pull out of there, but I will approve the podcast. Okay, great. Oh, thanks for making time for us.

I'm sorry. Hey, it's Cassie from Croydon Hills, and I approve this podcast. Yeah. from Croton Hills and I approve this podcast. Alright, welcome to the show. Exciting times. Some big news coming up in the second half of the episode. Some exciting news and it actually involves you. You listening. And me. It involves you. Well, Tony's there as well. I'll be there. But you have the chance to be there.

This is for you. It's going to be fucking sick. Oh, no. You all right? Well, it's such an exciting day, but I've got something in my eye. Well, wait. Oh, you know when you can't hear when there's something in your eye? Yeah.

Yeah. The way you were fingering your eye just was really graphic. You know when you just really need to like press your eye hard? Yeah. Why is that so comforting? I don't know. I love giving myself a good press on the eye, on my whispering eye. Sorry.

Big day though. Big day. Yeah. Big day. Big day. Today we celebrate the times you've been accidentally naked. Just like Tony was accidentally naked in front of my dog BJ. Accidentally.

Accidentally. Turns out that being accidentally naked is a common occurrence. Which is funny because the term accidentally naked just sounds impossible. Accidentally in love and naked. I love Shrek too because it's like when someone says like, oh, yeah, we had sex but it was an accident. You go, oh, well, did your cock accidentally like fall in their asshole? Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And you go, well, like obviously not an accident but turns out that people all around the world have been accidentally naked. Global. Global phenomenon. Alicia Miller. Hi, Alicia Miller.

Hardly know her. I ran down the stairs to meet a delivery driver at the door. Turns out I accidentally popped a tit on the stairs. And when I opened the door, the delivery man copped a real rifle. Rifle tower. Yeah. Like sort of unbeknownst to her, she just rocks up and there's just a boob out. Yeah.

Sometimes you do get a tit pop on like a loose singlet. A loose singlet. I don't know why I imagined her like in a towel, but it's like popped out the top. Nah. Nah. Because I reckon you'd feel that, but a tit popping out of a sports bra or the side of a singlet or something, I reckon.

Yeah. Yeah. And so delivery drivers are like. Sharon Bosworth. Actually, it turns out delivery drivers are just living the fucking are... Sharon Bosworth. Actually, it turns out delivery drivers are just living the fucking dream. Sharon Bosworth, she lives in Ballarat, so who knows what's going on out there. We live at the end of a quiet dead-end street,

so having our bedroom and en suite at the front of the house isn't normally an issue. One morning, I walked out of my en suite completely stark as to see an Amazon delivery driver standing at the window. I'm a plus size lady with no qualms about being naked. I looked at him, he looked at me and he looked like he was a deer in the headlights and to be fair, he was literally facing the headlights. He was literally facing the headlights.

The worst thing about that, I think, is that you can't really recover because they're outside. Like, it's not having a conversation with someone where you go, oh, well, sorry, like, just jumped out of the shower. They're outside. Like, what are you going to, oh, hi, sorry. Like, you can't do anything. He was blushing. He was shocked.

And then he eventually kind of like came to because, you know, he kind of was like stunned and then just dropped the package at the door. I was like, oh, my God. Poor little guy just trying to deliver his package. Because where your bedroom is is like at the front of your house. Yeah, there's no windows though. No, but there is because your front room is quite open. Has it ever happened to you guys?

So down the middle of my house is the hallway. Yeah. And at the end of that hallway is a window that goes out to the street. So anytime you're up and down the hall, the street can see. Yes. So if you go from the bathroom to a bedroom. Yeah. You have to do a little.

Yeah, got to do a little. Yeah. You have to do a little. Yeah, got to do a little. But one thing I have done a few times is I, because when I'm swimming at home in the pool. Yeah. Oh, no.

At night I'll be sans budgie smugglers. But during the day, still just the budgie smugglers. But I think when a guy's wearing a budgie smugglers, it's not a piece of clothing, it's an event. An event? Yep. What do youler's. It's not a piece of clothing. It's an event. An event? Yep. What do you mean? And it's not my house.

My house becomes a runway because I'm like, oh, this, because it's always funny because I never kind of say, oh, I might go for a swim. I'll just be like dressed and I'll go, oh, I'll go put the budgie smugglers on. Yeah. And then just like appear in the lounge room in like, you know, little speedos. And so Bridget's always like, whoa.

And so like I said, it's always an event. Right. And I'll be like strutting down the hallway going, she's going to fucking just roll her eyes and just fucking whatever. Yeah. Mabel's going to love it. So silly. Yeah.

But the amount of times that I've like got my like. Got your swerve on. What's the movie with Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson when they're models? Your Blue Steel. Yeah. Zoolander. I get my Zoolander on and I'm just like and then I'm like people

who are walking past can see this. Yeah. And good on them. I should be charging. Lucky them. I was about to say I'm surprised no one's knocked on the door and said thanks. They should have. They actually should have. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. I'd love to see that. If you're walking past my place and you hear the

you just know that's me. Or if it's a I'd love to see that. If you're walking past my place and you hear the... Yeah. You just know that's me. Or if it's a hot day, have a peek in because you might get a little gift. Or if it's a hot night. A hot night though, gosh. Too hot for TV. We just got a new back fence put in.

The neighbours were adamant. Is that a euphemism? No. We just got a new back fence. The neighbours were adamant we got this back fence. And they go, oh, since you've got the pool, it just might be better for your privacy. And I'm like, I don't care.

Yeah. And I think what they were saying is. You can make it about you if you want. Yeah. I'm like, I think what you're saying is, is that you don't want to see me in my pool. Yeah. Because the way that the street is sloped.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm really putting on a show for those guys. Nah, but I'll buy the house. I'll live there. Well. Now we've got the fence. We've got the fence up.

So I'm going to save you. Georgie Wickings. Oh, is she? The story about Tony being naked in front of Ryan's dog got me wondering. About how hot my bod is, yeah. Well. It just got me wondering about Tony being naked. About Tony's bod.

Oh, yeah, what a hot bod. What's the deal with being naked when you're house sitting? Normal or not, asked Georgie Wiggins. Like what's the etiquette there? Because you're in a house, but it's not your house. But no one else is there, but it's not your house. Yeah. I'm dog sitting slash house sitting at the moment

and I've gone between rooms naked, not really thinking about it. And now after hearing Tony dancing naked in front of BJ. That's not what happened. It's starting to make me think it's maybe a bit weird. Well, but it's even, I think even if you stay at someone's house or you go swimming at someone's house and then you've got to have a little shower after to like rinse off and then get changed into dry clothes or whatever.

It's even a bit like, oh, I'm in someone else's house. A friend of mine was house-sitting, this is ages ago, and the person whose house it was, they had like turbo dog cams in their house to like check on their dog while they were at work. And then while the person was house sitting, they were like, hello, talking through the Furbo. Isn't that so fucked? No, that's fucking weird.

I think it's actually illegal. I think that's Big Brother. That's how that started, that TV show. Isn't that so creepy? That's fucking creepy. Hello. And the guy who was being house sat for, like the one that talked through the camera, was like, oh, I just thought I'd like check in.

And the person who was house sitting, like a girlfriend of mine, was like, is that weird? And I was like, yeah. Yeah. And they knew each other, but it was still strange. Nah, it's still weird because like when you have a rental inspection, it's like, cool, in a month's time, we're going to come at 10 a.m. on Thursday. And you go, great.

Yeah. They don't just beep, boop, boop. Hey. Yeah, just log in. Unexpected. Yeah. Because imagine if, I don't know, like you're living there. Doing the hippity-dippity.

So you could be doing the hippity-dippity or doing the mad dash because you forgot a towel. Yeah. Or even just like sitting there like picking your nose. Yeah. You know, like fucking things that you do at home. Or you're home alone and you just like need to do a little fluff. Yeah.

So you're like, there's no one here. There's no one here. I'll just do a little fluff. And they go, whoa, the furbo's got smell-o-vision. Hi, it's Cassie from Croton Heels and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapions from the Patreon. Shout-out to our Patreons from Patreon. Shout-out to our Patreon, Patreon Patreons. A little bit of exciting news for anybody exclusive

and champion tarpers that maybe missed our tarpathon last, last weekend, it's now available to watch. Great. Yes, which is very exciting. Go and check it out. If you've got a spare 21 hours, you can watch YouTube here. Yeah, fucking roll it on in the background. Or if you want to do the full Monty, chuck on the 50 hours first

and then roll into this one. I mean, it's all there but no, surely not. A lot of people said that they re-watched the 50 hours to like get pumped for the 20-hour one that we did for the Olympics. I mean, we actually physically did it but watching it seems gruelling. Well, I wonder if it's a bit like whenever like a TV show comes out, Torbs and I will re-watch all the seasons up to then. There's a new season of Outlander.

So Bridget's like, oh, I better watch the first seven seasons just to like get up to scratch. Yeah, fucking like, yeah, tune my bloody dials a little bit. I'm on Bridget's side. Pre-Olympics we were back to the start of either Downs and Abbey or Bridget and they're all the fucking same to me. But apparently there's a new- I fucking hate period TV.

Yeah, same. I fucking hate it. Bridgeton, Downton Abbey, all that shit can fuck completely off. I fucking hate it. It's so boring. I just can't do it. This is the one where it's like, oh, the Titanic happened and the war happened and it follows some bullshit in history,

which I'm so bored saying that sentence. I can't believe you can get fucking 10 seasons out of it. But some new spinoffs coming out so that she's, oh, you know, I better back it up. Not right at four up because you've got to do background work. But a massive shout out to a few of the people that are hopefully going to be trawling through our old shit content. Elise Galea, thank you very much, Elise.

Bradley Miller, Abigail Walker, Jazz and not her freeloading husband. Thank God. I've actually never liked Jazz's husband. Yeah. Ellie Rose. Good on you, Ellie. And Jordan York. Thanks, Jordan.

I've been to New York. I haven't been to Jordan York. I've been to York in Western Australia. I have also been to York in Australia. Would you say it's the national home of hot air ballooning? Sure. I've never been hot air ballooning. We've never been to York then.

That is blasphemy and not true. I've been to York. And the home of Chance Bateman. Shout out to one of the great NFL players. Have you been to hot air balloon? That town? Yeah. Have you been hot air ballooning That sounds. Yeah. Have you been hot air ballooning?

No. Me either. Don't like it. Don't understand it. No. I can't be letting hot air just control my life. No. Well.

What if the air just goes cold and then we're fucking done for? So hot air can't control your life, but it can control this show. I don't get it. There's a lot of hot air coming out of Tony's mouth. Yeah. 5 a.m. weekdays. A lot of gas on that. This is what I don't think Tony would like I don't get it. There's a lot of hot air coming out of Tony's mouth. Yeah. 5 a.m. A lot of gas on that. This is what I don't think Tony would like about hot air ballooning. So where do we land?

Don't know yet. Depends on the wind. Yeah, nah. I can't leave that up to the big guy. Not for me. And then Gary, he just comes in his four-wheel drive. He'll just come pick us up. Does he?

Yeah. Well, no thanks. Yeah. Oh, we landed in some field in fucking Kalgoorlie. Righto, Gary, bring the trailer up. That's not what happens. Oh, if the wind's going south, you're going south. So do you not land where you take off from?

Well, the wind goes places. Yeah, science. Yeah. But also, so then what's the logistics chart of like where are you picking me up from? Gary drives you back in his truck. I don't want to do that. No, I don't trust you.

Okay, well, let's not go. I think that's fine. Here's my thing about hot air ballooning. Tell us. Don't like heights. Yeah, fair. Caustrophobia. You tip straight out of that little wicker basket.

Yeah, no, fuck that. Don't like heights, so it's a no from me straight away. I am a bit claustrophobic, the fact that I couldn't just like hop off. Yeah, you also couldn't go to the bathroom. Is there a bathroom on board? Is there an en suite or something up there? Yeah, that little port-a-potty maybe on the back of the- Or could everyone just face the other way?

Everyone just look over there for a sec. I'm just going to like hoist myself up, sit on here and just like poop off the back. That's disgusting. What a vision. I actually like could not, like my worst nightmare. Yeah, that is your worst nightmare. Lots of things combined.

No toilet, heights and little space. Yeah. In fact, throw a snake in there and I'm fucking done. That's the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. And we a snake in there and I'm fucking done. That's the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. Oh, okay. And we don't do pranks on this show. James, cross hot air ballooning off the list.

So what's on tomorrow? Oh, I'm not sure yet. But don't worry, I'm not going to pick you up at 3am anymore. Gary? Yeah. Cancel the trailer, Gary. Imagine if Gary called him sick. I'll get out, Gary, we've landed in Hampton. And he goes, no, I'm off today. Yeah.

I went to Mount Bulla for the day to go skiing. Yeah, I'm skiing. We go, oh, fuck me. What are we going to do? I'm actually in the marathon in Paris. Yeah. I'm actually testing the water in the sand to see if the swimmers can go in there or not. No, I'm still getting yesterday's hot air balloon.

They landed in Antarctica. Yeah. Diplo's there. Yeah. No, I'm still getting yesterday's hot air balloon. They landed in Antarctica. Yeah, Diplo's there. Yeah. And he's DJing. It's crazy. Oh, sorry. Random. This Tasmanian was doing something in the Olympics

and I heard like the international broadcast try to explain like what Tasmania is. Yeah. And it was so funny. I believe the American commentator said Australia is Alaska because you know alaska is just like randomly off the side and i was like get where you're coming from but also but also no that makes it sound like tasmania is huge as well yeah and connected to canada yeah just like

yeah yeah i don't know which it's not no it just simply isn't yeah um but he know. Which it's not. No. It just simply isn't. But he was like, yeah, it's the Antarctica of Australia. No, the Alaska of Australia. And I just went, well, that's just really done me in today. The Alaska of Australia. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. It's this little island. Well, it's a little not that little.

Yeah, I don't know. Well, we just spoke about fears of Ryan's snake in his bathroom and his small spaces. That's not his snake. I'm scared of you, Python. So am I. Don't do it. No.

Don't put your penis in my mouth. But another. That wouldn't be the first time I had a bag of killer pythons in my mouth, you know what I'm saying? Who's Alan? Anyway. Schoolies week. The first time I ever went to Brazilian barbecue,

like, you know, it's all like meat. And I was like, with my family, and I was like, haven't had this much meat in me since Leavers. Which is Western Australian for schoolies. For schoolies. And my mum. Shut up. Tony Lewis.

That's good gear from you. That's funny. Yeah, that is good. From what, 17-year-old me, 18-year-old me? Yeah, and your mum was shocked and horrified. She died on the spot. Yeah, we had to pretend she had cancer for 12 months to just kind of justify it.

Just because we couldn't tell, you know, all my aunties and uncles about my disgusting joke about me on LeapFest. Cause of death. Fucking joke about meat that hit, you know, like figuratively and literally. Cause of death, too much meat. Yeah.

Extremely well-landed punchline. What a way to go. That's how I'll go. Cause of death, Tony just fucking lit something up one day and I just pissed so hard I died. What a headline. Yeah, and what a way to go. How good is that?

Exactly right. Yeah. I went out doing to go. How good is that? Exactly right. Yeah. I went out doing something I love. And it was me. And it was Tony. Haven't had that much meat in me since I was at Lapa, Brazil. I haven't had that much meat in me since my mum died. That sounds like, yeah, okay.

Righto. What are we talking about? Oh, sad story. Yeah, sad story. Sorry. Look, we've said before on the pod that you and I, we don't love our birthdays. So, you know, I think like between the two of us,

with dead mums, um, what, what would you call your situation? Abandonment? Uh, yeah. The Australian Madeline. Well, the day I was born was also, you know, the, the day that, you know, that was, that happened that I last saw my birth mother. Uh, and yeah, so it's just like every day when it's my birthday, that's just, you're reminded of that. Yeah. And I think, oh, that's what she'd probably be aware that it was that day. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

That you're like, oh, it's not a nice day for anybody. No. Not that I'm not so glad you were born. You're not so glad I was. What do you mean you're not so. No, I'm so glad like that you're here. Can we replay the tape? No, why is it there?

I feel like you said, it's not that I'm not glad that you were born. No, I mean like, okay, hang on, hang on, hang on. I mean like it's not that I'm not so glad that you were born, but I'm obviously not glad that that happened to you that day and makes you feel shit. So we kind of like we ignore our birthdays. We don't celebrate them with each other. It's just another work day and it's all good.

But aside from, you know, the dead mum shit for me, I actually, like, haven't celebrated my birthday since I was, like, 21. So my mum died when I was 18 and the birthday, like, birthdays right after that were pretty rough because I just missed her and it was really hard. And my 21st birthday came around and I was like, you know what? Like it's a big birthday. I want to do something nice.

And I was like I'll hire out a little bar, put a tab on at a bar and invite all my friends, made a Facebook event, which was like that's what you did then. You still do now. I don't know if people still do that. We do just as my social calendar is kind of. Facebook. I go what's on this weekend

i'll go into the events tab and go oh it's buddy so-and-so's birthday yeah oh interesting yeah um but anyway i think i've told this story on the pod but basically it was a bit of a comedy of errors i left work i got like the afternoon off work so i could go home and like get tarted up and i was wearing a mink pink dress for anybody playing along at home. And I sat at this bar and like, you know, half an hour went past. I was like, oh, it's early. Like, whatever. Another half an hour. I get a message from someone being like, oh, I'm running a little bit late.

Or, you know, whatever. And it's going like times passing, times passing, times passing. All of a sudden, three, four hours later, I'm still sitting there just with Torbs. And no one came to my 21st birthday party. Was Torbs comforting or was he hustling the phone? So one of his mates ended up coming down and, like, we hadn't been, like, we'd been officially dating for two weeks. Oh, my God.

But we'd been kind of seeing each other for like a year. He goes, why have I just made it official with no friends, Nancy? Yeah, like kind of. But I didn't know any of his friends yet. Right. So he had like a mate or two come down who like he was sitting with and I was just sitting there. Like I wasn't talking to them because I didn't know them yet.

And they're also like 20-year-old dudes who are like, oh, yeah, Torbs is Mrs. Fuck it. you know, like that, you know. And, yeah, so no one came. And then what was the – like was there a moment where it went from they're not here yet to – No one's coming. Yeah. Well, I posted in the Facebook group kind of being like, hey, everyone,

just like, yeah, we've got the table at the thing, like maybe people are lost or whatever. And then a couple of people were like, oh, yeah, can't make it, sorry. And then another person was like, oh, running a bit late. But like the result was the same and no one rocked up. And how did that make you feel? So embarrassed. Yeah.

Like I was really devastated and I think I was embarrassed that I'd put effort into something and gotten excited about something and then it like didn't come off yeah like i felt like i'd really put myself out there to be like people are going to come and celebrate me and then i was a bit like well of course they fucking wouldn't why would anyone come yeah you turned on yourself then yeah it's fucked that's so and so one of Torb's friends ended up like he wasn't drinking. He drove us home. He like got us a cheeseburger on the way back and I cried in the shower.

With the cheeseburger? Yeah. Now, I believe. What? Last week we said that you making a coffee the night before and just drinking it cold in the morning was rock bottom. Yep. I feel like eating a burger whilst crying in the shower is,

I can't really think of a visual that's more rock bottom. Let me add another detail. Please. So we drove back to Torbz's share house. Yeah. And so all the boys like, like Torbz was share house and so all the boys like, like Torbz was obviously coming and checking on me. This makes him sound like not very good.

He was coming and checking on me and stuff, but all the boys he lived with, it was like a Saturday night, so they were all having beers at the house. And I am wailing in the bathroom. Oh, so not just like a TR? No. Nah. Wailing in the bathroom. All these boys are out the back like fucking

smoking ciggies and having fun like so you got more people turning up to your let's play mario cart and have a beer in the backyard then then my actual 21st birthday that i'd like paid for food and drinks for people um that's brutal and so so I haven't had like a birthday party since. I don't think I ever like would because it was so traumatic. Like it is just crazy. I sat there for so long. Obviously, I fully understand the birthday being like, oh, normally like mum would be here and she's not here.

So it's like just it's just so obvious that she's not here, which is why I don't want to have a birthday thing. Yes. But, I mean, surely this experience has also significantly contributed to not wanting to have a birthday party. Yeah. Surely there's something like, oh, if I just fucking have a thing, then no one will come.

Well, yeah, I'm like, well, what's the point the point like i put myself out there once and like got it thrown back in my fucking face um and then i posted a really nasty message in the facebook group and i was like like thanks everyone for not turning up like just sat there for four hours by myself i hope everyone has a great night with whatever the fuck you're doing instead. And then two of the people commented. I'm like, that's really unfair. I'm on my way now. And I was like, well, that's okay. And they drank on the tub that I'd put on the thing at the bar after I'd left.

Oh, that is the. And I get a call and it's like, hey, like, yeah, this thing. And I was like, no, no, no. Like I paid before I left. They're like, oh, yeah, someone came after that, I guess. And just started drinking your booze. Yeah. Fuck, that's even worse.

Yeah. And they were like my friends. That's shitty behavior. Yeah. So I just like Tony'sheartbreak.com live on air, but, you know, it is what it is. I feel like there would be a lot of people listening right now that would be thinking, oh, Tony, you poor thing.

I'd love to just come and give you a big hug. I would have come to your party. I would have come to your party. I wish if the party was today, I'd come there. I'd be there for you, Tony. I'll support you. Yeah. So with this in mind, we have something we'd like to share.

We don't like our own birthdays. No. But something we are proud of Is the Tony and Ryan podcast And next week The Tony and Ryan podcast is turning three years old The big O3 The big O3

The big O3 Where in the world Are Tony and Ryan? Where? Somewhere in the world We're throwing a party. We're paying for the food. We're paying for the drinks.

The music will be pumping. So triggering. Everyone is going to be invited. It's on Saturday the 17th of August. It's in a physical location. All you have to do is find us. That's the only catch. The only catch is you have to find where we are

and you can come and have a beer and we'll hang out. Okay, honesty chat for just one second. Yep. What if no one finds us? From Monday, August 12th, there will be a daily clue. It's your job to figure out the clues, figure out where the party is and come on down and let's have a good time now i need you to pay attention to these clues because if tony rocks up to a birthday party and no one else is there i don't want to be the one holding her hair back in the shower

with the cheeseburger later that night. Yes, you do. You'll be holding my hair back. Yeah, it'll be pretty similar but different. I'll be turned a different way. Yeah. Instead of being like, come here, sweetie, I'll be like, come here. No, I'll be like, come here. So similar.

Yeah. But a little bit different. So where in the world are Tony and Ryan? So similar. Yeah. But a little bit different. So where in the world are Tony and Ryan? Saturday the 17th of August. Every tarpa on the planet and those everywhere else are all invited. Extraterrestrial tarpas. Extraterrestrial tarpas. E-T.

E-Tarpas. E-Tarpas. Isn't that what it is? Extra-tarp-rest-rial. What does E-T stand for? Extraterrestrial. But that's the E and then the T is for tarpers. Or is extra-terrestrial two words?

Well, E-T-F-R-M-H-R-M-E-T. Extra-terrestrial is the E. Yeah. Tarpers, T. Oh, E-T-T. Yep. Yep. Yep.

First clue next Monday. Yeah. As we go through the week, you'll hopefully be able to find, well, because this is a bit of the thing, isn't it? We want people to be able to find us so that I'm not by myself again. I'll leave. You would not. Imagine if I didn't turn up.

I'll be there. No, you would not. Well, I'm proud of this as well because we're turning three and it's crazy. It feels like 20 years and it also feels like two weeks at the same time. It's pretty amazing. Yeah.

So our third birthday, Saturday the 17th of August, where in the world are Tony and Ryan? Hang on to your fucking hats. Can we work up a few hours later and drink on your tab? Oh, James, no. Yeah, actually, because then I can leave early. There will be a tab. We'll be open for hours and hours and hours.

The food and drink is, oh, not hours and hours and hours. Three hours? Yeah. Okay. Hour and hour and hour. I can say the time. Yeah. It'll be from 2 o'clock till 5 o'clock.

Local time. Local time. And we'll be putting on the food and drinks for the afternoon what does that mean and then we'll be like i assume be in a pretty good zone and probably stay all night but officially yes officially two to five open slather come on down bring your dancing shoes and your hugging arms and i think that that we'll. And your selfie fingers. Selfie fingers, yes, absolutely. I'm fucking nervous because I don't want to say anything. Shut the fuck up.

I know. Shut the fuck up. I know, and I can't just do anything. Actually, on that note, in today's episode thread. I've come so. I can't talk. I just can't do it. When have you stuffed up a secret?

We'll go through these on an episode soon. Yeah. But basically the whole thing about the secret party you're finding us is based on the fact that Tony has to shut the fuck up about it. I'm so nervous. And every time I go to say something, I like overthink whether what I've said is like a clue. Like I'm like, oh, we'll be breathing while we're there.

I'm like, oh, my God. Is breathing an Italian thing? Yeah. Do they have air in Tasmania or the Alaska of Australia? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I just can't. How do you pronounce breathing in Adelaide? Yeah.

So I like, I can't not overthink every single thing that i'm talking about let me tell you the tarpathon was a real push for me to not mention it to not mention yeah yep and i'm only gonna make it like two more weeks two more weeks two more weeks watch this space but please i want to know if you've stuffed up a secret yeah i want to know if you blurted out a surprise party yeah maybe you told the family that your sister was pregnant before your sister had a chance to do all that kind of stuff. Maybe you were the one that said something that triggered a series of events that exposed an affair.

Oh. You know, oh, no, he's in that meeting with- And then they go, no, he's not. No, he's not. And they go, what? And they go, oh. Oh. And so it doesn't have to be like, you didn't have to, it's not like And they go, what? And they go, oh. Oh, okay. And so it doesn't have to be like you didn't have to.

It's not like you might not have even known the secret that you ruined. Yeah, but something caused a chain of events that, yeah. I want to know when did you stuff up the secret? Oh, Tony Lodge has called in. Yeah, I blurted out the party. Don't joke about it because I will say something by accident. Do you think it will be warm where we are? I don't think so.

What will you wear? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Watch this space. I've got a You Love To See here. I've got a You Love To See also and I'd like to go first then I can stop talking and I don't have to think about it anymore. I've got a You Love To See here from Ali J.

And Ali posted this, sent this to us, sorry. Oh, Ali Jacket. Yes, Ali Jacket. No, Ali J. My twin has showed me your podcast and it's changed our lives. My twin Kiralee has been going through a rough patch and she listens to your podcast everywhere and every day. And I just want to thank you for creating such great content

and making her life a bit more happy. Do you reckon they fucked the same person? Only by accident. Yeah. I have found love for this podcast as well, and I can totally see why she loves you guys so much. So thank you, Ali J, for sending that through, but also a big, like, kiss across wherever to wherever you are,

Kiralee. A lot of love to you, and hopefully that your day gets a little bit better today. Have a great one. Have a good one. and hopefully your day gets a little bit better today. Have a great one. Have a good one.

A student had to message his teacher because he was late with an assignment, but that student was accidentally hammered on the way home from a party. Let me read the email. Accidentally. Imagine emailing your teacher plastered. Imagine being a teacher and receiving this email from a student at midnight. Yeah. Imagine being a teacher and receiving this email from a student at midnight. Mr. Martin, just letting you know that you're a motherfucking G.

And I'm sorry that you are bald. Lol. Lol. If you want, I can hook you up with a girl who can get your hair back and keep you banging. Also, I needed to ask you for an extension on my paper. I'm really fucked right now and will be sick as fuck tomorrow. Keep slaying, boy, B-O-I. Nice.

And sorry I forgot to do the schoolwork again. Love you and see you Monday. Good fucking yard, Patrick Davidson. What did Mr. Martin respond to, no? We do have a response. Patrick, sounds like you had a great night. I will extend your paper deadline to Wednesday at midnight. Please submit it to turnitin.com. Yeah.

Please refer to the syllabus for information on how to submit your paper. I appreciate your concern for my bald head. My wife likes it and I don't get paid enough for hair implants. On a side note, what were you drinking last night? Next time you email me, I'd like to have a bottle of whatever you had so I don't have to remember what you said to me.

Good job, Mr. Martin. Beautiful. Everyone's a winner. Teachers are so important. I think every time and this is coming from an MBA student who's at the number one business school in the Asia Pacific region. Oh, flex. Any time you email a teacher, you should open with the line,

just letting you know that you're a motherfucking G. I think that we should just be saying that at all times, not just to teachers. MFG? Say that you're going through the checkout at Coles. Hi, how are you going today? Oh, you're a motherfucking G. Wouldn't that put a smile on their dial?

We have to go shopping later today. Yes. Do you reckon you can drop some motherfucking Gs while we're up at Northland? I can. I bet you. In Northland especially, that'll go down well. It will go down well. Yeah, there are a lot of Gs at Northland, if you know what I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a cool area. Yeah, a lot of Gs. Fuck yeah. Gs are amongst us. Everyone is a motherfucking G, including Mr. Martin. I like that. My wife likes it.

Keeps laying, boy. Oh, amazing. All right, tomorrow on the show we have confessions. There's a type of confessions. And you might not know this, Tabitha Lodge. That I'm a motherfucking G? No, you do know that. Yeah, I do know that.

And you should because you are. It's pretty common for lads on the work site to be like Snapchatting themselves all day. What do you mean? Like Snapchat's really popular with young guys. Yeah. And they'll like snap each other like a photo and it's just like lunch in 10, start for the day. That's how they chat.

So it's like Instagram stories. Kind of, but they're like snapping each other and it's like a bit of a joke like they're snapping from inside the toilet. Oh, gotcha. And they're just boys being dumb and like blah, blah, blah. from inside the toilet. Oh, gotcha. And they're just boys being dumb and like blah, blah, blah. Yeah, love it.

But sometimes because it's a workplace, things can go wrong. And in tomorrow's confession, what did the apprentice send his construction site boss? Okay. And spoiler alert, which state did that guy have to move to? Oh, God. Once again, shout out to Adelaide. Yeah.

And we'll see you. Is it Adelaide or is it not? Shut the fuck up. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, I'm playing with fire. See you tomorrow. Love you.

Bye. Happy birthday, us. Happy birthday. For next week. Next week. Love you. Bye.