Toni and Ryan - We're We're Buying A Car Wash

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

Feeling funky - Buying a carwash - Normal or Nah - love ya!!!!!Best hacks to get out of a funk??!! Tell us what you reckon in the episode thread in our FACEBOOK GROUPWatch and subscribe on YOUTUBECheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan and get in the group chat with us!!!Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why the fuck aren't we in the car wash business? I'm fucking sick of talking about it. I'm ready to start doing it. I've been asking you this. I don't know why we don't have one. It would actually be unwise to not do it at this stage. I think so. Hi, my name is Anilin.

I'm from Stuart L norway. Hi, I'm Haley from Southport in the UK. Hello, my name is Rachel. I'm a Kiwi living in Australia and I approve this podcast. Hello everyone. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Tony Lord. my best friend in the whole world, Ryan Jonathan Dunn.

And we have had a little accident this morning. Charles wet the bed. Yeah. Some days you're in the zone and the day's your day and fucking go get it. And slavery day. Yeah. And other days it's not your day. And we're just trying.

We're all just trying our best. We're all just trying our best to get through. And today for me is one of those days. We're on Strug Street. I'm on Struggle Street. But I love every single one. of you and thank you for tuning in. Thank you for coming.

I've never said tuned in in my life. No, because you don't have to tune anything. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what's yum tuna? Underrated, I fear. I would love a spicy tuna something. Do you know what's numbs?

Those spicy tuna like on the crispy rice that we had at Disuko that night we went with Danny. Remember that little crispy rice cake thing and then that. But it's almost like too good for where I'm at at the moment. Maybe I need a fillet a fish for McDonald's. I love a fillet of fish. I might do that actually. That's so, the steamed bun, fuck.

Yeah, I think that's where I'm at. And so to bring everyone up to speed, I thought it would be a great idea to knock over a whole literate onto the floor. Orange Gatorade for anybody playing along at home. Yeah, half orange. It was a little, a full bottle and then like a full bottle of water. Because heaven forbid, you go like full strength on Thursday. You know what I'm saying?

You got to drive home. Yeah. But I thought I just knocked that over. So now next to me I've got some paper towel. A full beach towel. A full beach towel, which is not a bath towel. Apparently it's different. Oh, same as cucumber and pickles and fucking zucchini.

That's okay. Apparently. Hey, that's all right. So I'm washing out. But you don't need to because who fucking cares? There's a little bit of Gatorade on the floor and we've cleaned it up. Yeah. Like, nothing really matters.

Nothing actually matters. Do you know, like it's all fucking? Who gives a fuck? It's going to clean. It's going to come out. It doesn't matter. When you're in a funk like I am. Yeah.

What's your like little like, is it an activity to shake it off? Is it a song? Is it, you know, a little wristy or something in the car? I can give you a wristy in the car. I feel like mine is a change of scenery. Like at the end of. See you. Yeah.

Yeah. At the fucking driveway. Yeah. So like when we're finished recording normally during the day or if we have a big meeting in the morning, I actually have to go home. Well, it doesn't actually matter where I go, but I have to go somewhere else. Yeah.

Because I cannot do something else without like physically moving and getting out of that place. I must be the same in breakfast radio. I'm like, if we've got meetings later, sure, but like after the show, I've been on for three hours. I'll just go for a walk around the block,

go get a coffee. Let me just reset. Yeah. I think I need to. Sorry that this is going to maybe turn into rhyme therapy. No, I love it. Hey, this is Tony and Ryan. I haven't been walking BJ as much.

Yeah, yeah. And it's fully affecting me. Totally. Like, that was my like, even if you're not getting a workout in, that's something, you're getting a little sweat. It's absolutely a workout. But like me and Bron like just two bros like in the forest. And then when I haven't got out there as often, it's like I can tell.

Which seems like if I heard someone say that 10 years ago, I'd be like, shut the fuck up. But I feel it. Because you were a, you're not now. That's okay. I was a **** too. I've been an absolute mild guts. I said that to you the other day.

Today is not the day. No, but that's fine because you're not anymore. Nah, but do you reckon it's like not only the physical side of, but it's also like you're alone time? Yeah. You're not at work. You're not at home. There's no gatorade to fucking punch.

But there's no like, like punch over, not like punch down. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just punching some gatorade. What are you doing tonight, punching some gym beam and curlers? Are you? Is that where you're at? I know why I'm in a funk. I'm not drinking enough.

Yeah. Yeah. I haven't had enough me time. Yeah. And by me time, I mean having a Jimmy can. I mean me groaning. Meagrang. That would also be yum.

If we had a, I don't know how to have lunch. A me garang and a nagroney. Okay. We can make that happen. Should we do that now and then come back and record? Or should we just get it done? I don't think that you're going to be able to do that after. No, that might do me in.

That might do me in. But I reckon like it's 1,000% a thing that when you're, notice you haven't. Mine maybe is less notice that I haven't, but when I do, I'm like, fuck, I really feel so much better.

Doesn't it suck when you realize that taking care of yourself helps take care of yourself? It's like the most annoying fucking thing in the world. Yeah. Oh, I can't be bothered going to the gym. I'm so tired.

Then I force myself there after three weeks. And I go, oh, I feel so much better. I hate that that works. I have been quite... Why isn't resting what gives you rest? Well,

who designed them? that. When I used to think like, oh, I do nothing on the weekend because I need to recharge, it would make me feel worse. And I'm like, oh, resting for me, it's not the same for everyone, but resting for me doesn't necessarily mean not talking to anybody and sitting on the couch. Yeah. Rest is just like, oh, I'm doing something that's not like my every day. Yeah. And I do need some downtime where I'm alone or crafting or whatever. Yeah. But I really have noticed in the last, what, like five, five weeks or so, I've been like, very, like, what's the word, consistent.

Like, I've been going to the gym a lot. Yep. And I'm really nice. How has your left jab in your right hook at the boxing gym? I'm pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, I've got, like. What's your move?

Have you got a natural combo that just feels right? I love, like, Jab, Jab, Cross. Yeah. Yeah. I just love it. Dropping uppercuts down there? Oh, yeah. Don't they get your fucking going upcuts?

Yeah. I love it. your biceps building. Yeah. But doing like the boxing gym is amazing. Like I don't know. I wish I'd found it so much sooner. It's just the best.

Maybe in the 2030 Commonwealth Games, you won't be bowling lawns. You'll be boxing. I would. We can still hang out in the Athletes Village, but it seems like you found a different sport. Yeah. I just got some like pretty badass gloves as well.

Oh, so the way you touched your foot, I thought you about to go, I got some bad shin splints though. Oh, no. I'm just itching. Sorry. My bad. You got your own gloves. Got my own gloves.

Got my own gloves. Things are getting serious. Yep. Yeah. It's pretty cool. They're like white and they've got like massive red dragons on them. They're like really cool. I should.

I'm going to take a bitch. That red. And did you have a choice? Not really. I got the plain white ones. She don't have any fucking red dragons in here, do you? But then like the red paint is kind of like splattered on them and it looks like blood. Yeah.

So they look. fucking tough. Yeah. Have you snapped anyone yet? No, but I did the closest thing I've done to sparring. Actually last night. That is them. Are you joking?

No, that's the boxing gloves. No, they are. They do look like smeared blood. Yeah. The boxing gloves I have. Aren't they sick? Or maybe they just, that's just there. Like, they are real blood.

They go, oh, no, it's just a design. And they go, yeah, one off though. Like that's only, yeah. No, they're my boxing gloves. See, I haven't punched anyone on the face yet. Big, no, but they're just. the closest to sparring like because I got in the ring last night, which I haven't done before. Yeah, you guys, I love it.

It's awesome. Who you? It's fucking awesome. What did you? What did you do? So it was just like catching punches, but like moving around in the ring, which I hadn't done before. Yeah.

Have you snuck one through someone's face? No, but I almost hit myself last night, actually. When I was bringing back like for defense, I almost fucking like clenched out in the head. Yeah. But, um, yeah, I think that I, this is crazy actually. I think I need to stop wearing glasses, though. Because... Like in general?

Or when you box? Well, especially at boxing. Yeah, you fogging up. Because they fog up, but they slip down and I can't because my gloves. Oh, of course. But also when I'm moving around, they just move around. They get in the way. Well, you need like a boxing goggle.

Maybe, like Mason Cox. Yeah. How he's got like footy goggles. Yeah. Take your prescriptions down somewhere and get them sorted. Yeah. Because you need to be able to see when someone's punching you in the face. Yeah.

So I don't know whether I need to like move to contacts or like, yeah, I don't know what to do. But I'm just like... It's tough as an athlete, man. You've got to make these decisions. I know. I'm late in life athlete as well. It's a big, big deal. And can you give me a sound?

So I know it's true, like when you box? Can you give me an oz? Huh? Like that? Like that? Yeah. Yeah. I love it.

It's so much fun. Did you have a quickie there? I do. I've got a video. Oh, please. Great. I've got a video. Charles, spin that shit.

Oh, there's a poor bitch is. Hose me tripping. Don't wash your comments. at home take it to the chask a car wash so okay do you want to have a crack at explaining that Hannah Stilyard sent this through on patreon and then about 7000 other people did they go the crossover all of a lifetime for tony and ryan a pun yep an old woman falling over that's like me when i broke my foot and a car wash so this beautiful old woman is walking around her car to wash it herself at home and she trips over the hose yeah and then it pans to this

Trips over the hose. What is it, Charles, the Balinese nightclub? And it pans to the old man and he says, hos be tripping. Don't wash your car at home. Come to the Chaska car wash. Charles, can you play it again, please? Because it is, the timing is just atrocious. I love it. There she goes. Oh. Hose be tripping. Don't wash your car at home. That transition.

Take it to the Chaska car wash. He knows what he's doing. I'm looking at him in those shorts. Those little car key numbers with a little pocket on the side. Somebody obviously accidentally bought the in-shot premium package for a month and they're like, we better use it on a video. Well, do not use it? Dude, why the fuck aren't we in the car wash business?

I'm fucking sick of talking about it. I'm ready to start doing it. I've been asking you this. I don't know why we don't have one. Where's Mitch Golding at? He reckons he was good for half. Yeah, he did. He's, um, he and I'm talking about this actually yesterday.

And? Well, we both reckon that between the car, the actual car wash, right? Yeah. And then even if you, because some of them got a little cafe there, but you've got to pay to man that. Yeah. But what if you had one of those like coffee vending machines? And then what if you just had a normal, hang on, then you just had a little vending machine or you had like, maybe you also sold a little car magic tree or something like that, all those things. And then what about these car washers?

that have a little kebab trailer. Yeah. Parked there as well. Yeah. You could really, really do well. All right. Here are a few things. How'd you give way our business?

Nah. So I think living in Melbourne, we have to make a stand and say, no, we're actually not doing machine coffee. I think you're right. Like, nah, I'm for coffee. I'm like, well, let's nail it. Imagine if someone said,

I'm coming to you, Tony, thanks for raising your hand. That's okay. Imagine if someone said like, oh, where should we get coffee? and they go, oh, I know this sounds weird. The car wash down there just fucking... Does an amazing fruit. Yeah. Yes, Tony.

I would like to be the car wash barista. Could I? Yeah, like, you do have another job. I assume this would be like in addition to current tasks. Oh. Charles, how do you feel about the car wash game? What if I went and did... No, hang on, shut up, Charles.

What if I did the coffee from... like five till nine. The morning shift. And then came in. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I would love it.

You would be able to talk to so many people. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. It'd be so good. Charles, how are you feeling about the car? Good. I'm currently just looking.

So there's three for sale in Melbourne right now. Say what? Northside? Bentley East. No. Burn and Doncaster East. Ooh. Other three.

None of them do have a cafe attached to the phone. Yet. Yeah. You know what I will say about. Doncaster East. Doncaster. That's where all the car places are. That's where all.

the cars are because you can never get a parking spot. There's a, it's a densely populated car section of. Yeah. Donka. The Doncaster one, sorry, it is attached to a petrol station. That's like, oh no, that's just a drive-thru. Oh. And it's not owned by the petrol station?

It's not. It's attached to like a metro petroleum petrol station. Yeah, but it's not the same business. Sometimes they are. Like the BP, one that we go to is. Yeah. Oh,

Tunstall Square. Why haven't they called that Doncaster car wash? Because they don't have us yet. Yeah, no,

that's so true. That, no, I'd fuck with that. That's a high traffic area. Look at that fucking massive intersection. Touch free.

I'm not, I'm not, can I just say, I'm not against it being a drive-thru car wash whatsoever. I think that's the best day. Very hands off.

No, but in fact, it is the whole point is that it's drive-thru and you're sitting there and you eat your Red Rooster at the same time. This is what we've been saying. It's not a hand car wash. Yeah, yeah.

Like we're not competing with a hand car wash. But there are some that's like self-serve. No. You don't want to fuck with that. No, no, no, no. That's not what we want the experience. What's they asking for that? That one there only, it's only 800K for that one.

Where the one in Blackburn, it's 1.65 million. 800 for a fucking. 800K for a drive-thru car. No, but see that, that's a full fucking thing. The other thing was just like a single car garage banged on the side of a fucking servo. I reckon that 800K is a good deal. Do you have to...

I reckon that's a good deal. It has been established for three years, so it's like got a name for itself already. Low labour, semi-passive, brand new LDQ laser 360 vacuums. Thank God. I'm always asking about that. Approximately 200,000 residents within 7.000. 7.5 minutes. Not eight minutes.

Charles would have a field day. Yeah, who chose seven and a half? The business requires minimal staffing, strong margins, through the business has a clear room for revenue masturbation. Have I read that right? Yep. Oh, it's got the Aztec entry system. Oh, it's got cash and card.

I like that. Who's taking cash? We would. We do. Here's what I want to know. Do people? Oh. So we're looking at pictures of the car wash.

I like that. They've done a good job on the tile, on the inside. We wouldn't have to redo that. It's right across the road from a fish and chip place. So like... There goes our profits. See you. Okay.

Yeah, okay. Leave that tab open, Charles. I reckon we'll come back to that. Okay. So I just wanted to share that video and look at us now. It's led to a business opportunity. It would actually be unwise to not do it at this stage. I think so.

It's getting to that point. Imagine that like that someone drives through and you just go, hey, enjoy your car wash. Here's a little bag of starburst. Enjoy. You know, imagine if you got a little something on your way through. That'd be nice.

Or like your car is washed and so can you hear some mints, you know? Like I think there's cute little, like add-ons. I reckon a chalk top. I mean, that is a nice, that is a nice time. Yeah. Because how long is it taking the car? Eight minutes? Five, like not even.

Well, it depends what was she doing. Yeah, but like enough time to eat a chock top. Yeah. I reckon I could make a gay time disappear in three minutes. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. Charles, write down how fast can Ryan eat a gay time.

Yep, mate, that are real. And I think today might be the day getting him to make it. Yeah, yeah. Hi, I'm Haley from Southport in the UK. Hi, my name is Anerlin. I'm from Stuart on Norway. Hello, my name is Rachel. I'm a Kiwi living in Australia and you're listening to

Tony and Ryan. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tarpers over at our Patreon. Thank you so much for being part of it with us. Sharing your stories, sending things in. We really can't do it without you. Maddie, good on your Maddie. That's a Maddie with an I-E, don't you know?

Catherine Bales. Bales are hey. Bail's a hey, Catherine. Connor C, good on you, Connor. Corn on the Connor. Ashley, with two E's. Wow. Is anyone not getting fingered today? I love this. Isabel Stewart Muskart. If I save some names for us of us, Caitlin Klambundi.

Good on you, Caitlin McCauley. Gemma McCauley, Colkin. Kayla Rowley. Rowley. She's going to be Rowley. Rowley. That's good. Georgia Rowl.

Not related to Kayla Rowley. And Brie Paulwick. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. I fucking love to say it. This is normal honor. Still haven't got my own intro for that. Normal or nah, please send you all through in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group or at Tony and Ryan.com.

com. This one's from Rosie Wiley. Hi, Rosie. After a nine hour shift on a 35 degree day in the heat. Nine hours. Yep. Sure. I came home completely cooked and did the only sensible thing to do.

I got a white chocolate magnum. and got in the bath. My husband came home and thought I'd lost my mind. He was like, that's dangerous, risky territory. But I've never been more at peace. Eating a magnum in the bath, normal or nah. What's the risky part? I think magnums have a high, you buy it in and it kind of cracks off.

And like you could be dropping a chunk of chocolate into the water. When you eat it the way that you do, yes. No, because you remember when we went through this, chumper or cannibal or whatever it was. Tony, you know I'm vulnerable today. No, I do. Sorry. And on a day like today for someone to question how I eat an ice cream is really hitting

in the core of who I am as a person. I'm really sorry. No, I'm, do we need the horse photo? No, I just need you to know where I'm at. It's not on, that's not on you. I'm just letting you know where I'm at. Yeah. And just asking if today's the day to like say something like that.

Okay. What's the thing that could bring me down the most? If not how I ate ice cream. What's what you just said was the most? And I think that I'm walking on eggshells. here what could bring you down the most telling you that we have a meeting after this and we don't so that's okay thank Christ for that but you do know me yeah that would be the worst you do know me and we don't so that's fine yeah thank God for that what I thought maybe the

danger zone part was that if you'd had a really hot day like you've been out and it's fucking hot outside the last thing I'd want to do is get in the bath because bath equal hot hot yeah So it's just Stop talking English You're just saying words I did maths Bath equal hot Thank you

You're right though Or if you're hot and sweaty It's like Have a shower to wash the sweat off Then relax You're just gonna be stewing in your own juice I would just love to stand Under a cold shower for 20 minutes

Like I think that when I'm hot That's probably more what I want than Even a cool bath That is just like cold soup To make a Spartio get Spartio get the fuck out of here. Can I tell you the most first world problem you've ever heard in your life?

Sure. I had a day where maybe I was out walking brown or doing something and I was just like, when I get home, I'm going to jump into the cold pool because you just want to like, oh. That's so nice. And my pool, it's little, you just stand in it. I thought you're not diving in and swimming laps. It's like a plunge pool, yeah.

But the depth is perfect. So you can just stand there with your head sticking out at the top. and you just like rest on the... You can hang out. And I was just like, oh, that's going to be good. But it turns out I'd left the heater on. In the house? No, in the pool.

So the water was warm. And I was like, oh, isn't this terrible? Getting in there for a... Whose side are you on? Are you on your own vulnerable side or are you on my side? For a cold, refreshing dip and it's 27 degrees. And you just get weighed to the bottom with all your money. Yeah.

I got him with my pockets full of coins from the car wash. They own. Yeah. Yeah, no, but that is disappointing. I just don't, the way that I eat an ice cream wouldn't be dangerous in the bath. Because I like eat the chocolate and then I like. You're a little Nora. Yeah, I am.

Nora Jones. Oh, this is great. And of course it's great because it's from Nikki Carlotti. Hi, Nikki Carlotti. car wash a lotty i'm gonna that's good can we use that we'll use that at a bit's what it's going to be called can i tell you something fucking crazy please because i'm on the board of aimco the australian influencer marketing council i get some like weird legal fucking conundrums across our desk and it's sort of like where do we stand on this as a industry this person pitched

an idea to the brand the brand goes hey we love your stuff um do you want to do something with Like, what do you, what do you think? And they go, yeah, I love you guys. I've got an idea for this. And they went, no, it's not really what we're with. All the best, though. And then just did her idea. What?

Yeah. So hence me asking your permission if I can use the Carlotti joke. Yeah. But they were just, oh, no, we're not interested. Thanks. And then just did her idea. That's fucked. So then this creator who is not represented by an agency or whatever,

it's kind of like, what's the deal here? And we're like, there's no. like a law against that yet but like there should be and that's why we exist. But if you sent them the idea though. It's yeah, yeah, I'm ropeable. Yeah, that's. Yeah. The goal of these.

The goal of these. Do you know the brand? Yeah. Big brand? Yeah. Can you tell me who it was? We don't have to do it on the pub, but can you tell me? Because I don't know why, but I got a feeling who it was and I don't think it's right.

Say it. No. Oh. Nah. It was a, uh, I'll say like a skin. hair, beauty sort of. La Roche Pose. I don't know.

Oh, so you don't know. I don't. For legal purposes. What are we talking about? So I will be using that Carlotti joke though. Oh, okay. Because it's our car wash. Yeah.

Oh, it's our car wash when it suits you. This is really funny though. And Nikki Carlotti is a fucking legend. We're going to have to use our imaginations, no offense. Okay. I don't have that. So. Every time I walk up to order.

automatic doors, I give them a little hand flourish and pretend it was my own personal magic that opened the door. Slave. Every single time without fail. And then she'll be like, I did that. And my friend's like, no, you didn't. She's like, well, watch. Oh, what an unwisical slut.

Yeah. Not Nikki Carlottie, her friends. No, not Nikki. The other one. The spare. Making my own day by bringing magic to the store. Normal or nah. Yay, normal.

Absolutely. That is so whimsical. Have you, I think we talked about it. the pod but it was all those people being like how do you add whimsy to your day and people being like when I do the dishes I say it's time for your bath and you know things like I love I think it's so sweet I would like to yes and Nikki Carlotti and say I would add a sound effect yes it's like a harp right yes beautiful that's what is going to happen that's the sound that's going to play when you drive through our car wash.

I've also just realized that Nikki Carollotti's name is actually Nicky Okay, well I care a lotty. Yeah, it's not gonna work as well for the car wash though because it's Kate, not car. You can keep your idea.

What should the car wash be called? We did say a name. What a mad car, like tar, like. Tar Car, par. Like, yeah, tar wash

or something like Tony and Ryan wash but something. like car, tar wash. Tawash. I'll give a 1% share of equity to whoever names it. Okay, well, I hope it's me. Finally, Sarah Allen has a normal honor. Hi, Sarah Allen.

Walking into a blockbuster or HMV used to make me need to urgently poo. Yeah. But the second I stepped outside, all good. Sarah has a theory that for some people have just, some stores that just make you need a shit. Yep. Yes. Do specific shops give you the sudden urge to poo?

Normal or nah? Three. Hang on hand on anything about it. You don't. No, but I do. What? Because there'd be so many options for me. I know, but the one that I'm thinking of, you, we have said this before.

I'm certain. Three, two, one. Bunnings. Every time I go to Bunnings need to shit. It's a smell of the wood. It's actually the smell of the wood. It's actually the smell of hard work that frightens me and I shoot myself. Now, you're always good for a clean toilet at Bunnings though.

You are. You got to make sure you don't go to the display ones though. Whilst clean, not plumbed. Best is both. If you had a choice though, plumbed or clean. Clean. I don't work there. I don't do that.

I would never do that. I would never ever do that. Hey, we're friends. What are you? What are you trying to? What did you say? Best friends. Thank you.

Sorry, I thought you said we're friends. You don't need to like pretend and say like, oh, like the politically correct thing to do is like not shit in an unplum toilet up by things. No, mate. Hey, we're way past that. Have you ever watched, um, weirdo? Like Donald Glover's stand up show.

No. And he tells, he tells his story about how like he grew up with a lot of foster. staying with his family. So did my family. And they're just the one. Yeah. And then they all like, they're in these bunnings or like whatever the one in America is

called. Like, what is it? Lows. Loz. Yeah, fuck whatever. And Home Depot. Yeah. And they're like standing over the unplum tours, be like, oh, like pretending to do it.

And the foster kid like pulls his pants down on shit's in the thing. And then like, this is why kids should not be separated from their parents. We're always shitting. Us foster kids are always shitting. And Donald Gle, he tells it so well. He's like, and we just all go like, oh my God, be cool. No one, we won't ever ride on each other. Like, this is a safe space.

And then they're like, and then two minutes later, they're like walking out. And they just hear, ah! It's so fucking funny. You're not going to believe this. And neither will I. I didn't think we would ever find a flaw in the perfect human that is Donald Glou. lover. Yeah, no, there isn't one. There isn't one. I won't hear it. I won't hear slander against my second husband. Charles and I just fucking painted on. Fourth husband. I'm going to tell

you two different stories and you tell me which you feel like is the morally correct one. Okay. One is you have a foster sibling. He shits in an unplum toilet at Lowe's. Yeah. You all look at each other and go, we fucking take them. this to the grave. Yeah, this is it. And then we walk out and we hear the scream and we look at each other and we go, Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And then we leave. Who was that? Yeah. That's story A. Sure. Story B is you become really famous, get a stand-up special and fucking tell everyone on Comedy Central. Yeah.

Actually, I'm hearing what you're saying. Yeah. Because I don't know what he thinks take it to the grave means. That's a really good. And I didn't think the guy who sung, This is America. Yeah. was a snitch and a rat. But he's let this poor kid have it.

Well, that poor kid let something else have it. Yeah, the un-plumptu. I know whose side of my eyes? Yeah, true, true, true. And that for me, whilst I appreciate a good story. I live on the side of comedy, though. Comedy or morals? Well, is it time, like, tragedy plus time equals comedy?

How much time? By that point, has he talked to his brother and been like, are you fine if I tell this story now? Is to the grave a saying or does it mean to the grave? I don't know. Because I agree about the time, but the time was to the grave. Yeah. Maybe the brother died and it was to his grave.

And he tells that story at the funeral. And he goes, well, finally, finally, the riots have expired and I'm allowed to share this story. And he tells that story and then someone down the back who's in a Lowe's uniform goes, Oh! Oh, kick us on a fucking month, don't know. I've been wondering this whole time and now I find out. I just love what he says like, and they just hear this like, ah, like this is like some woman's found it and be like, oh, this is a nice thing for the new onsuit.

Yeah. Oh, how much shit does it hold? Oh, about that much apparently. About the size of a foster kid shit, brother, looks the things. A foster kid shit. Yeah, well, they don't shit that much because they don't get fed as much. Yeah. Well, they would have once in the family.

No, but you got to ration it around. Yeah, true. A lot of kids. Yeah, he's got to fight. for it. What do you love to see, Tony? I do have a you love to see. Besides that, obviously.

Obviously, aside from that. This is very lovely. This is from Brooke Winter, hardly know, on Patreon, says, I've been listening to the podcast on my work lunch breaks. The other day,

one of my work besties asked what I was listening to, so I played her a little bit of the episode. I was like, oh, I'm listening to Tony and Ryan. Sorry. They're my favorite podcast. They're from Australia,

whatever. Brooke says, she absolutely loved it. And now her and her husband are tarpas. Brooke, welcome. We're always laughing about something that was in an episode. And now it feels like we've got this whole deeper bond and this other thing that we can kind of chat about.

Wait to you join us at the Car Wash, Brooke. And I said, what are their names? Like, let's welcome the husband and wife, the new tarpers. So welcome to Brooke's friends, Jessica and Juliano. Welcome. Jessica and Juliano. Yeah. Wow.

Juliano, no way. His name sounds like. like that. Yeah. Juliano and Juliano, I believe, is that cooking movie with Meryl Streep. That's very funny. Thank you. That's very, very funny.

Is that rain? It is. And I said I wasn't going to wear jeans for the rest of the year. And I'm still not, but I do have a jumper on. That's not cheating, though. You're going to get wet legs on the way home. Yeah, well, butteeep, butteeep, that's the pins clinking in the wind. When it started raining earlier, I said, is my car outside?

And Tony's goes, your car's waterproof. Yeah. You guys, oh, is my car okay? It's like, well, yeah. It's been a bit of a day. It has been a bit of day. I mean other windows up, but I just said it as my, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Or if I left the door open or something? Yeah, totally. No, it was fine. It's safe space. I say stupid shit all the time. No one cares. It's like it's waterproof. I'm like, yeah, it's not what I meant.

That's what I said. Yeah, sorry for being a bitch. No, that's on me. No, don't take it on. I can't alley you for comedy and then get offended when you slam dunk it. You know what I'm saying? Are we playing basketball or not? Write that on my tombstone.

Okay. Take it. to the grave. Take it to the grave. Take it to the grave. Geez, those sayings need to get their story straight. They mean completely opposite things. What's happening?

Yeah. Oh, you'll love to see it. Do you have one? Yeah. No, I got plenty. What am I doing here? I've got plenty. Okay.

Oh, Amber McLaughlin. Hardly no, Glockland. My little sister's getting married in October to a super cool dude. Oh, fuck yeah. I'm excited to see her so happy, especially after all the shiploaks she's been with in the past. Slay. Yeah.

That's so nice. Sometimes you're just got to blow a few cobwebs out, you know, before you find the one. And because Amber's, she's seen the worst of them. Oh, yeah, I bet. And then she has to do that, oh, nice to me. Yeah. But then she's like, oh, she found a good one and she's getting married. She's like, I'm proud of you, sis.

That's really nice. So Amber McLaughlin and soon to be not Miss McLaughlin, because they'll change. Well, McLaughlin might be Amber's married name. Yeah, we're going to need a piece of paper. All right. Love you all. Well, it's not your day. It's just not your day.

No, and that's okay. And that's all right. Would you like to wrap up the episode with the horse photo? Because it is, you know, getting to the end of the week. Does it feel nice? It's laminated now. It is, but I feel like the horse photos you and me. You all have been carrying this ship, like the muscles that you are.

But this is just a quick, a quick love you before the end. Throat doctor. Throat goat. Throat, doctor throat. Here we go. The love between two best friends will never cease. Love you. Can you do that little thing when you rub my hand?

I'll come over to you. Yeah. You say goodbye. All right. I'll keep working. You sit down, little dude. My little bud. Love you, everyone.

I hope that your best friend, if they need you today, that you're there for them. Oh, thank you. And if you need somebody that your best friend's there for you. And if they aren't, tell them to fuck off and come and hang out with us. Love you so much. Have a great weekend. Fucking daylight savings, eh? It's fucked you.

Look at these. Yeah. Think about nice things. Imagine how fast you could eat sushi. I'm imagining nice things. The thing I'm imagining is Tony rubbing my hands. Imagine me sucking your dick. No.

Love you. I'm rubbing my hands still? Yeah, I could do both. Oh, I like to hear my hands involved. Yeah, I don't respect that. Yeah. Love you, bye. Your hands are really on my knee.

It's like quite sensual. Yeah, you're not wearing pants. Bye everyone. This is us now. Love you.