Toni and Ryan - Wet For Life

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

Your dirtiest, JUICIEST confessions - plus, are you in... Brisbane by any chance?! Love ya! Toni xoxox (If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it COMPLETELY ANONYMOUSLY HERE!) Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

But there's another one. Sorry about that fucking. I'm actually really sorry about that laugh. Thank you for apologising. You did need to apologise. I did. And I thank you for doing it. I did.

Should we call someone instead to approve the podcast and not approve that laugh? Yeah. Yeah. Let's call Pete. He's in Edinburgh, Scotland. Ooh, Scotland. Welcome to the podcast, by the way.

And if the first thing you ever heard of this pod was Tony's laugh, I promise you she never makes weird noises. I've just done it again. But that was just as an example. Let's call Pete. Pete. And then we'll move on. Okay, with our lives.

This might be the last podcast you ever hear. Pete. Hello? Hello, Pete. It's Tony and Ryan. How you doing? Yeah, Pete. It's Tony and Ryan. How are you doing? Yeah, not too bad. How are you doing?

Yeah, we're good, Pete. Oh, I love that Scottish accent. Oh, God. Oh, jeez. Not good? Okay. Okay, cool. Pete, can I just ask, when Tony does do accents,

and for everyone listening, in a recent TARPA survey, they were not the most popular thing. They weren't. Did you find them funny? Where did you feel with them? I'd go somewhere in between funny and cringe. Cringe? Okay.

That word was used. In that spectrum. Okay. Thank you. Positive environment. We'll come to a light brain break and listen to the podcast. Pete, will you approve this episode? Yeah, of course I will.

Legend. Hey, it's Pete from Edinburgh and I approve this podcast. Do you have any good friends in Brisbane? I don't think so. It turns out you do. So we'll get to that soon. Okay. First of all, it's confessions.

Sorry, just before we get into confessions, happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day to you. I've actually got you something. Actually? Happy Valentine's Day. What is this? Is the snake going to jump out of this?

No, it's little love heart chocolates. Why are we buying Valentine's? Just thought it'd be cute. They're lints too. Yeah. Do you want one? No, because I'll get all gummy and then I won't be able to talk. No, it's a gummy time.

I have to take my Invisalign out. Go on. We'll wait. Thank you. Your thing is coming up soon. Oh, is it? Yep. Oh, you didn't have to buy me anything, but now that you've promised it,

that's lovely of you. Yep. Yep. Thank you. Thank you. First, let's start with confessions. Jeez, you're allowed to go one bite at a time with the chocolate. You don't have to swallow it whole. Not a lint because it bursts open.

Yeah, that's when it's beautiful. Oh, and don't forget to breathe, mate. Welcome to the show, by the way. This is the high-quality standard of broadcasting that you can come to expect from the Tony and Ryan podcast. You're just embarrassed that I got you a gift and you don't have to be. I was just trying to do something nice. No, it's very nice. Thank you.

I saw them and thought of you. Isn't the little red tin good? You'll be able to keep that for craft or ribbons or something. That's what I would do. I literally saw that tin and I thought, fuck, that'd be good for craft. Actually, now I know what I'm going to get you. Craft. No, not the empty tin.

You said you just wanted the tin because I know what I'd like and I'll take care of the chocolates in the tin. I mean, I'm the only one that's eaten once over. Well, I'm busy doing a podcast and I'm not that rude. Yeah. I'm so gummy now. You shouldn't have done it. I said that. Yeah. I'm so gummy now. You shouldn't have done it. I said that.

Nah, I like a gummy, Tony. Oh my God. Okay. Okay, teeth are back in. Everyone can hear that? In. These are top confessions. And this week is the horny teenager edition of confessions.

We just talked about high schools yesterday, so it really fits. Now it the horny teenager edition of Confessions. We just talked about high schools yesterday, so it really fits. Now it's horny for Valentine's Day. I mean, there'll be a few little chocolates being parked out behind me. Did your school, like, do Valentine's Day? No, we weren't lame. Well, I, so. Tell me about your school, though. No, but all through my school, like, they never did it.

But then when I moved, I moved to, like, a private school. Oh, yeah, righto. And they sold roses. What? Yeah. What, so kids are rolling in buying a rose for their crush or their girlfriend or whatever? Yeah, and you could get them sent to, like, the classrooms or whatever,

so it literally. Is that a bit cute or is it a bit weird? It was cute. I didn't get any. I didn't get any. Any roses? And then like some of the girls sent them to like their friends, like Galentine's kind of thing.

Yep, didn't get any of those either. Did you consider buying one for yourself and saying like from Anonymous? No. No, I didn't. You're like, oh, who's this from? Oh, a boy's after me. No, because I would accidentally write Tony on the card and everyone would be like, obviously it's from you.

And like I would fuck that up. And they're like, oh, it obviously it's from you and, like, I would fuck that up. And they're like, oh, it's from Anonymous. Tony, did you want the receipt? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Your credit card fucking bounced back. Yeah. The check you gave us hasn't gone through.

Miss Hormones has written in. Miss Hormones. So is this a confession that's come directly to our website? Directly from a tarpa to Tonyonyandryan.com.au, and it says, hello, we were 17 and our hormones were raging. Oh, I mean, what a time of life. Everyone can cast their mind back to then. My confession is that I had sex while sitting on my boyfriend's grandma's toilet.

We were invited to... No, I think I need a bit more time. Okay. We had sex while sitting on his grandma's toilet. His grandma... Okay. That sounds shit. Thanks.

Thanks. We were invited to his grandmother's for a swim, says Miss Hormones. Wet skin. You know, like, says Miss Hormones. Wet skin. You know, like, yeah, I get that. Whenever my boyfriend saw me in a bikini, he was just instantly hard and ready to go. Yeah, they're all instantly hard when you're 17.

Yeah. Like, it doesn't matter what you're doing. They're into it. The problem is that his mum was there, his sisters were there, his auntie, his cousins, his extended family. Everyone's there for a beautiful day by the pool. There is just nothing like the inhibition you feel after being swimming.

Like isn't there just like relaxation on another level after you've been swimming? Whether it's that like you swam for sport or fitness or you had a leisurely swim or you went for a dip in the ocean. After that water comes off my body, I'm fucking anyone's. The smell of sunscreen fucking is lube to me. Honestly, there is just something about being wet that makes me wet. Honestly, and not even just in a horny way.

I mean like I'm just wet for life when I'm wet. After I've been for a swim, honestly, I could take on the world. There is a clarity that forms. In the water. Yeah, and you walk out and you're a new woman. I don't know what it is. If I swam every morning before work, I could start a new business every day. Well, start swimming, babe, because I want to see it and feel it.

That's me. Yep. Okay. I want to feel it. Literally easy. Literally. I want you to come in here wet for life every day. Yep.

And that's actually going to be the new slogan of the podcast. And it's today's episode title. No more wet for life. I am no longer hot fun garbage. I'm wet for life. And you can take that however you want. I will take it however I want. Yeah, I'll be taking it because I'm wet for life.

I'm wet for you for life. Don't you reckon that after a swim? You know what I mean? I was going to say I couldn't agree more because obviously from what you just said, there is nothing more that can be said. Yeah. Don't you reckon laughter or swim? You know what I mean? I was going to say I couldn't agree more because obviously from what you just said, there is nothing more that can be said. Question. Question. If we made hot fun garbage physical and brought it to life

by using a big garbage truck, how would we bring wet for life to life? Okay. I'm going to get one of those jacuzzi suits that Milhouse's mum wears on The Simpsons. So I'm just constantly wet. Oh. But I'm just surrounded by water. You always have just one because I'm swimming at all times.

Yeah, I'm swimming at all times. Or if that's too expensive, you know what we could get instead? Yeah. One of those Zorb balls. Yeah. And fill it with water like know what we could get instead? Yeah. One of those Zorb balls. Yeah. And fill it with water like you would with a hamster. Yeah. And I'll just pound around in that all the time.

And the water is like waves crashing around me at all times. The water's flowing like my juices, my creative juices, my ideas. I'm glad you said creative juices. Self-edit on the fly. Jacuzzi suit, always wet. Have it set to cold though, otherwise I'll overheat and die. Oh, they need to be sweating in a hot plastic ball. Yeah, otherwise I'm saunering all the time.

Soup for life. Anyway. So Miss Hornblows. What a let down this story is going to be. I get this text message from my boyfriend and he says, That's hot. Come to the toilet. No pun intended. She's like, oh, is there no toilet paper?

Do you need help? And when I walked in, there was my boyfriend sitting there on the toilet, full mast, just sitting there ready for what was about to happen. And it pretty much started happening immediately. I've talked about how my boyfriend went and fucked me in a bathroom. Well, last week we heard about a girl that had her labia bitten off. In the bathroom? Oh, God.

Yeah, fuck, we probably should have split these stories up. Don't say split. Yeah, well, so casting my mind back to be 17, and I'm sure that everybody listening right now is doing the exact same thing. Even though your mum, your sister, your grandma, they're all out there, but you're, you know. But it was all great. And you're having sex

when you're 17. It takes like two seconds. Well, about five minutes later, she claims. He's obviously written this. Good for me. We're full up. Five minutes later. And we're guessing that's not the biz.

That's not him. That's someone else. Yeah. There's a knock at the door and it's his auntie. Hello? She says, the auntie. Hello? She says, the auntie.

My boyfriend and I's eyes meet, our pupils widen, our eyes glass over in fear. Occupado, you know? And he calls out, oh, yeah, it's just me in here. I'm just by myself. I'll be out in a second, but maybe, you know, give it five, you know? Yeah, have that spicy burrito. Yeah.

Yeah. At this point, all air in both our lungs has been stripped away and our adrenaline is through the roof. Can I just say, Miss Hormones, I appreciate you putting the detail into this story. I was going to say, it's like a really, like, detailed retell of this tale. The auntie goes, the auntie goes, okay, and leaves. But did the auntie go, you know, the fake walk away?

And then gets a glass and puts it on the thing. We're bewildered. What have we become? Why are we like this? We have no shame. Poor Nana. Is he still inside her? Yeah.

Miss Hormone said, we finished up, I tidied up, and he poked his head, his actual head, out the door and checks the surroundings and we're good to go. Yeah. Till this day, we think his family is none the wiser, but we don't ask the auntie for a second opinion because we maybe don't want to know. Why are teenagers so horny?

I still can't really look at his grandma in the eye because every time I see her, I just think the fact that she sits on that toilet every day not knowing that her grandson and I did it sitting in the exact same spot. Okay. So the first part of that is to our knowledge, the family's none the wiser. The family, no.

The family, no. There were lots of times through. He must really need to poo. What's that say? Yeah, is it just constant plops? Is he giving himself a round of applause because he's just really strained out a big dog? Great poo.

You always think, like there are so many. Can you stop doing that please? There are so many times, and I bet you everybody's mind is cast straight back to somewhere where you go, oh, mum and dad didn't know. They fucking knew. They knew. They knew that you'd smoked weed even though you thought that you covered it up really well.

They knew that you were drunk. They knew that you weren't at Claire's house for a sleepover, that you were in a field fucking dying from vodka dehydration. Yep. They always know. When you're walking out of the house with your bag and it clinks on the way out. In your bag?

Why did you use? Oh, no, but oh, it's just my pyjamas. No, it's not. It's high heels and two vodka cruises that you stole from the fridge at Christmas. Also, if someone's going out on a Saturday night and they're wearing tracksuit pants, you know there's something. Oh, yeah.

There's a skirt tucked in. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We've all done that. I still do that. Yes. I tell Torbs I'm going to bed and I sneak out the back door. Yeah.

Go to a party. Wet on Wellington. Offer a sauna with the lads. Yeah. Well, I'm wet for life. So, I mean, I can relate to that. Yeah. Your parents always know. So, Miss Hormone, the family. So, I mean, I can relate to that. Yeah, your parents always know.

So, Miss Hormone, the family definitely knows. I think they're still together. And at some point, I'm sure that they'll go, we know you fucked in Grandma's toilet. We know it. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe that's a speech for the, like, the hen's party.

The 21st, maybe. Maybe. We don't know how old Miss Hormone is. Well, she was 17 when that happened. Yeah, we don't know where she's at now. But they know, mate. They know. They definitely know.

You may as well have used your full name. We all fucking know. Yeah, they definitely know. They're listening to this podcast right now going, Jenny and Steve, I knew it. I knew it. Finally, on the horny teen edition. The horny teen edition on Valentine's Day,

might I add, of Confessions. These are tough confessions. Forgive me, Tarpers, for I have sinned. I fucked a guy for two years and still don't really know how to say his name. Back in my late teen ho days, I met up with a guy from Tinder. His profile had a very unique name, and when we first met, he didn't really say it out loud and we were in this loud dive bar yeah so i couldn't really hear it yeah um but the tarpa she said i kind of

knew that it was like a one-time hookup yeah maybe close enough whatever yeah it doesn't really matter yeah we go back to his place. We get it done. One hookup leads to two hookups. Two hookups leads to a very casual dating. And we actually saw each other, you know, every couple of weeks for a few years. Oh, my God. That's like almost a relationship. It got to a point where I had a toothbrush at his house

and we went on a few couple weekend aways together. So it was like we never fully dated, but it was probably more than, well, definitely was more than just like, you know, buddies. Yeah. We don't really see each other much anymore, but we regularly just like see each other like around the neighborhood or at parties or the same bars. And it's like it's all friendly and sort of, you know,

ran its course or whatever. But after banging over a hundred times and knowing each other for now years, I feel like it's a little bit too late to ask him what his name is. I'd say so. Oh, what are they standing at the altar? They're like, will you take Cameron blah? And she's like, who? Who?

And they're like, yeah, that's him. This is the guy. This guy. Oh, my God. I thought your name was Samaran. Well, I don't know. Sorry, I don't know. Couldn't think of anything else.

Well, not many names rhyme with Cameron. Yeah. Glamouran. How many times meeting someone is too late to ask? Or is there a way you can kind of do it? I feel like if you met in passing, like say you met someone like your, I introduced you to someone at the shops, right, and I went, oh, this is Mike who I was telling you about I went to uni with or whatever,

and you go, oh, okay. Then you see him randomly and you go, oh, sorry, what was your name, bro? I know I've met you before. And he goes, Mike. And you go, yeah, of course, mate. I think that's the only time. If you meet someone to fuck them, I don't think that the next time you go, oh, sorry, was it Mike?

Like I don't think you can do that. Especially on Tinder because the name is there. I mean, I guess if it's like a weird username. It was a unique spelling and I think it was from a different part of town. But, yeah, like, you know, like if it was a weird username or a nickname or something and you go, I don't really know what that is. Do you think it's also in the attitude? So say Cam's here and I'm introducing you to Cam.

Yeah. And I'm like, I was like, oh, this guy works for me. I always get your name wrong. You say it to Tony and he goes, Cameron. You go, oh, there you go. Or does that still sound a bit shit? I think that's a bit shit. Yeah, that is a bit shit actually.

I just feel like everybody should know the international sign of like I've obviously forgotten their name. I'll introduce you. Can you do me a solid? Yep. Torbs is so bad at that. Like, you know, so if I was introducing you to Cam, I'd go, fuck, I don't know Cam's name.

And I'd go, oh, this is Ryan. You should then go, hey, mate, Ryan. And then you say, yeah, I'm Cam. Yeah. But Torbs, so bad at that. Nice to meet you, Ryan. No, so I go, oh, this is my boyfriend Torbs. And he goes, hi.

And I'm like, no, I needed you to say their fucking name because I can't remember it. He needs to lift. Oh, he does. Yeah. He needs to lift. He's not a good tri-fi wife. That's all I need him for to help me remember names.

Now, I believe I've told this story before and I hate to bring it up. But once I met this girl called Lauren on a plane. Yeah, and you fingered her. Well, that didn't happen. You fingered her. You fingered her on the plane. And that's okay. I didn't.

We're all really happy for you. We were somewhere near Hawaii when I realised I didn't know her name. Yeah. And do you remember what I said? Can I see your ticket or something? No, I said I'm really nervous about getting to customs because the photo on my passport is so bad. That's so smart.

Yeah, I do remember this. And any person ever, especially female, goes, oh, it can't be as bad as mine. Have a look at this photo. I may whip it out, yeah. And they show the photo and I go, oh, Lauren. So then you go, oh, it can't be as bad as mine. Have a look at this photo. I might whip it out. Yeah. And they show the photo and I go, oh, Lauren. So then you go, oh, yeah, Lauren. Yeah, nice.

Continuing fingering. I'm glad this is not a video show because if anyone saw the horror. Imagine midfinger being like, oh, what was your name again, sweetheart? Sweetheart. What was your name again, sweetheart? We're over a why at the moment Yeah this is new Maui And she goes Yeah I'm wet for life

Oh is that live? Yeah oh Lauren My name's Ryan Yeah Who's he? Hey it's Pete from Edinburgh And you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive thank you to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.

Happy Valentine's Day, guys. Happy Valentine's Day. Got some mint chocolates for you all. Jessica Blythe, love ya. You have to come and get them, though. Matt McMinn, Amanda Farmer and Liana Beer. Thank you so much. Thank you very much.

Fucking love to see it. Love to see it. Now, Tony, between the two of us, who's more reliable when it comes to details, organising, making a plan, double checking, making sure everything's fine. Okay, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I'd say me. You're better at that stuff.

I'd say that I'm probably the go-to. I'd say that you're macro and I'm micro. Okay, okay. Like that maybe you're good at being like, Tony, could you do this and I'll do all the bits? Yep. You know? So you know how for Christmas I booked you a little cinema in Melbourne so you could watch Harry Potter?

Yeah, so I accidentally booked a massive cinema but in Brisbane. So I asked earlier, do you know many people in Brisbane? So my friend who you'll probably say is a friend. How many times have you met in person? We've never met. Rachel, Sarah, I bought the art piece for you actually for Christmas. She lives in Brisbane. So there's 110 seats in this cinema.

Okay. And it will feel empty if it's not pretty full. So who's going, me, you and Cam? Cam is actually working. He can't come. So it's me and you. And Sarah, apparently. Oh, Rachel.

Rachel. Who did I say? Sarah. Her last name's Sarah. Oh, sorry. Okay. I was like, who the fuck? Okay. So there's three and you. And Sarah, apparently. Oh, Rachel. Rachel. Who did I say? Sarah. Her last name's Sarah. Oh, sorry. Okay. I was like, who the fuck? Okay.

So there's three of us. Yeah. Okay. So I assumed. So do we still have like a tiny little private cinema? No, it's a massive one. Because like there's a drop down menu and you've got to click the right one. It's a whole thing.

And it's not even in Victoria. No. So I actually didn't realise Because I was like well this is going to be awkward It's your Christmas present And it's going to feel empty and weird And it was supposed to be like a nice date night for Torbs and I to watch my favourite movie Yeah what's Torbs doing?

Working Thursday night Oh probably nothing Thursday night But he's working like Thursday and Friday during the day So he can't come up to Brisbane? Probably not. And Pippa as well. Someone needs to look after Pippa.

Okay. So Torbs can't even come now to this thing that you said was for my Christmas. Merry Christmas. Thanks to the Christmas and you got me the painting. It's beautiful. It's in the baby's room. So I actually made some phone calls.

Turns out you've got a few more friends in Brisbane that you may think. Hello, this is Emily. Hello. Is that Ian? Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, hello. Hello.

Hi, is that Lucy? It is, yes. It's Ryan from the Tony and Ryan podcast. How are you doing? Oh, my God. Hello. Hello. Hi, is that Abby?

Yes, who's speaking? It's Ryan John from the Tony and Ryan podcast. Oh are you doing? Oh my God. Hello. Hello. Hi, is that Abby? Yes, who's speaking? It's Ryan John from the Tony and Ryan podcast. Oh my God. Hello. What the hell? Did you think you were getting scammed or something?

Yes. I was like, oh my God, here we go again. Well, not only am I here to sell you life insurance and tell you that you owe the tax office

tens of thousands of dollars, but I'm actually calling to see if you want to come and watch Harry Potter with me and Tony. Get fucked. Seriously? Absolutely. Oh my God. I was actually calling to see if you want to come and watch Harry Potter with me and Tony. Get fucked. Seriously? Absolutely.

Oh, my God. I was just calling to see if you wanted to come and watch Harry Potter with Tony and I. I would love to. I would absolutely love to. Oh, my goodness. I'm going to cry. Yes, of course I do.

Oh, man, that is so good. Oh, dude, that's awesome. All right, so are you in Brisbane and are you willing to dress up? Um, hell to the fuck yes. Yeah, yeah, I'll get myself down a costume shop. I think I'll have to pull out the old Hermione costume. Yes, done. So I'll be there with Bells Up.

Now, as you know, this is Tony's Christmas present. It's for Tony's close friends. Can you explain how you and Tony actually became close friends? Oh, me and Tony actually became close friends? Oh, me and Tony go way back. We used to be in a band together in Manchester. Tony and I were the bestest of friends in high school. We were actually in choir together. Yeah, we used to play in a ball too every Saturday. So Tony and I are really close friends. So you know that other day in the Coles car park?

Yeah. Yeah, that couple of years ago, I actually walked past her at the end of that and she was so embarrassed she had to get out of the car and walk to me. And that was just our instant bonding. I will pick you up in a jimny. Alright, and a final message for Tony? Merry Christmas, Tony.

Tony, bloody merry Christmas, mate. We'll see you soon. Tony, I want to wish you the merriest Christmas. I'm so excited to see you again. I also want to wish a Merry Christmas to little Miss Pepper. Tony, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Tony. I'm so excited to see you.

Who would have known you had so many close friends in Brisbane, a place where you've never even been? I mean, the only one I will question is the one that said that I played netball together. I think she might have the wrong person. I bet you were in a band in Manchester, though. Well, yeah, I mean, that's believable. Yeah, that is believable. With my musical background, obviously.

But, yeah, the netball, I don't really believe. So in two nights' time, this Thursday night, there are, and that was just a sample, 100 Brisbane tarpers are going to be watching Harry Potter 4, your favourite movie, all dressed up as Harry Potter and we're going to be flying up there because of the few administrative errors on my behalf. We're going to be flying up there and meeting 100 tarpers and watching Harry Potter all dressed up in our own private cinema.

That actually sounds like so much fun. Are you going to dress up? Are you going to watch all of the first three Harry Potters so that you know what's happening in the fourth Harry Potter? Do you feel like I need to? I feel like if you fucked up my Christmas present, you should probably have to watch. You didn't fuck up anything.

I created a beautiful time for us. Yeah, but you did fuck it up. Nah. I mean, it's still going to be great, but you did fuck it up. What would you prefer? Keep in mind a hundred people are getting costumes ready as we speak? Yeah, that you did fuck it up. Nah. I mean, it's still going to be great, but you did fuck it up. What would you prefer? Keep in mind 100 people are getting costumes ready as we speak. Yeah, that is lovely. I'm excited about Brisbane and a little holiday.

How long are we staying? Did you book us a ritzy bloody place to stay? Oh, I'll be staying with one of my friends. Yeah. Get the band back together. So after Harry Potter, we'll be doing a gig down the corner. And playing netball. Playing netball.

The Mixed Nettyty finals on Saturday morning. And it's Dan who's going to pick us up from the hotel. And he's going to pick us up in his chimney. Fuck off. Yeah. How fun. So that's this Thursday night. Do three people fit in a chimney?

Because isn't there? Well, I wouldn't know. I've never been in one. And you know what they say. You don't truly appreciate a chimney until you've been inside one. That's what people say about Tony. And I'm wet for life. You heard that here first.

Wow. Dan, put some tarp down in that chimney before Tony sits in. Love that. Oh, and could you pick us up? I know you're picking us up in the chimney. This might be a bit much to ask, but could you get some takeaway salt and pepper squid as well on the way? On the way or on the way home?

No, on the way. On the way home we No, on the way. Okay. On the way home we'll get a cheeseburger. And also to the 100 Brisbane tapas. Yes. Obviously they're all getting the free movie and we're going to dress up but we've also got free popcorn and drinks and the ice cream. Can I get a choc top?

We can arrange that, yeah. Okay, yeah, I'd like a choc top, chocolate, chocolate. It's your Christmas but you can have whatever you want, mate. Is everybody bringing me a present? No, so this is your present for your close friends. Yeah, but everybody's coming to my Christmas present, so do I get presents from everyone that's coming? It's 100 people, 100 presents.

I hope you booked me checked baggage. I'm going to have heaps of stuff to bring back. Well, first of all, I actually did get you checked baggage. Yes. But I don't think it's a problem. Their presence is at your present. Okay. Are you not? I'm just wondering. I was just wondering.

A hundred tarpers are going to join us Thursday night in Brisbane. Fuck yeah. That's going to be awesome. That sounds awesome. And don't tell me I'm not good at organising things. And we could go out, like, we're just going to have a great time. Yeah. Yep. Chalk top. Yeah. Yep. Chalk top. Chalk tops.

In fact, you know what? Fucking treat yourself. Have two chalk tops. Okay. All right. I'm so excited. And thanks to all the Brisbane tapas who are coming. Who are coming. Yeah.

And thanks for getting me out of a tight spot. Should we sit next to each other, do you think, or will we be separate? We're going to hang out a fair bit, so I think we can mix up. All right. Where should I sit? Whatever. No one wants to sit with me, do you think, or will we be separate? We get to hang out a fair bit, so I think we can mix up. All right. Where should I sit? Whatever. No one wants to sit with me. Do you want to be middle, front?

Where's, if you've got the whole cinema. Middle, middle. Middle, middle. And no one behind me. Actually, no, no one around me because I hate it when people make noise at the cinema. Or what if people make noise at the cinema? I hate that. Okay, it's actually funny you mention this.

I fucking hate, you know that I hate that. I know you hate that. And lots of other people actually know you hate that as well. So this is one of the people that I called before. Oh, okay. Now, I believe you've made a promise of something you're not going to do if you're invited. Do you remember what that is?

I will not talk the whole movie. I will sit in silence for Tony's benefit. Good. So people know the rules. That is good. As long as people know the rules. No one behind me because if someone kicks my seat, I'll fucking go spare. And if no one's sitting right next to me because I like to lounge out. Sounds like it's going to be a lovely night. Does everyone still want to... Yeah,

maybe update your RSVPs if you're not keen. Also, the person who promised she wouldn't talk, her name is Emily Chatterton. Oh, Emily, you've lied. All those days playing netty together and you fucking did a lot. Oh, really? I thought she was the one in the choir.

She was. We actually did both together, choir and netty. It was the same event. It was called Quiet Ball. Net Quiet Ball. Oh, give it in. So, I mean, I've got another that you'll love to see, but that's my love to see this Thursday night.

A bunch of Queensland tarpers in Brisbane. That's awesome. Fuck yeah, how fun. My love to see it is a tweet that I saw from Connor Hunnigan 2, and it says, a guy in my class got called on to answer a question, and after a short pause he said, hang on, I'm not dumb, I'm just panicking.

I felt that. The girl next to me felt that. Everyone in the class felt that. The world felt that. I felt that. And I would just like to say, as someone who does the exact same thing, like if you say, oh, do you have that thing? And I go, it's not because I'm dumb and it's not because I'm not organised,

it's just because I start to panic. And I just am so glad that other people feel the same way. And are you proud of him for just saying it out loud? Yeah, and just owning it and being like, I promise it's not that I don't fucking know, it's just that I'm panicking my little heart out right now. Would you also accept, and this is a genuine question, because this might be a stretch of what he's laying down.

I'm not dumb. I just didn't do the readings. But, I mean, that's an excuse, isn't it? Yeah. But, yeah, like, obviously I can read. I just didn't do it. Yeah. But I think in that situation, it's like, no, I have the answer. I know what you're asking me. I just, like, need a second to, like, I can read, I just didn't do it. Yeah. But I think in that situation it's like, no, I have the answer.

I know what you're asking me. I just like need a second to like regroup. Yeah. I think that. Yeah, I do love to say that. You should be allowed to just say, hang on. I promise I'm not an idiot. My love to see it is from Stephanie Rides Hard.

She should. Hang on, that's not her name. Sorry. Stephanie Rose Hards. My, I thought that was... I mean, you say what you want to say, don't you? As soon as I thought of that, that's a little bit too perfect. Yeah.

Stephanie Rosehards. My husband and I just bought our first house. Oh, congratulations. That's fucking so exciting. That's huge. I had to hold off pre-ordering Tony Lodge's book because we didn't have a stable address of where to send it to. I didn't want them to buy a book and get it sent to my old place

that I've moved out of. Yeah. Oh, and then the bloody people that buy it, they get the book. Yeah. You know, or you've got to do that awkward knock on the door and be like, I think a parcel got sent here. Yeah. I mean, maybe it's a selling point of the old place.

Comes with a free book. Comes with everything we've accidentally ordered off Amazon to this house. Now that I have a permanent fixed address, I've finally pre-ordered Tony's book, so I look forward to reading my new book in my new house. You'll love to see it. You do. That is lovely.

Thank you so much. That's fucking awesome. Thank you, Stephanie Rosehards. I appreciate that. Rosehards? Does she? Does she? Thank you so much for listening.

Tomorrow, what are we doing tomorrow? Oh, fuck me. Oh. I mean, not great for either of us, I don't think. I don't know your story and you don't know mine, but neither of them are good. If anyone's ever been to a masseuse, I did something by mistake. By mistake.

I didn't intend on doing it, but I reckon it's one of those things. As soon as it happened, I was like, fuck, I'm going to read an article in the Daily Mail in a few years that's going to be like five harrowing things that masseuses said happened to them. Oh. Did you jizz? Don't bother listening to my words.

Apparently, what happened? Well, actually, there's a tarpa who themselves is a masseuse, and so I'm going to ask them, is what I've done normal or is it frowned upon? Is it okay? Is it rare? Is it common? Straight from the mess horse's mouth.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Wet for Life featuring Tony and Ryan. Love you, bye.