Toni and Ryan - What JILL ZARIN and TONI LODGE have in common

Episode Date: August 17, 2025

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ACAS powers the world's best podcasts. Here's the show that we recommend. I'm Mark. And I'm Ryan, and you might know us from our award-winning CBC podcast. Let's Make a Sci-Fi. But we want to tell you about our brand-new show, the town show. On The Town Show, we are building a fictional town. Every week, we invite a guest comedian on to riff with us about new citizens, new buildings, historical landmarks for our made-up town.

The best way to describe it is, you know that Simpsons poster with every character on it? We're trying to create that, but in podcast form. So listen to The Town Show out every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcast everywhere. acast.com. Jill Zarin has packed an entire suitcase of... For her two weeks. week trip to Europe.

Like from Real Housewives of New York. Yeah. She's one of my favorites. So she had three suitcases. Yeah. Two for clothes and one for... What? Yeah.

Oh, she's such an icon. Hi, I'm Emily from Thincheon's Newfoundland, Canada. I'm Nicholas Hadley from Eugene, Oregon, USA. Hi, I'm Gab from Geelong, Australia. And I approve this podcast. Hello and welcome to our Airbnb in Los Angeles. Now, before you ask, yes, it is very nice. It is very nice.

And we actually start with multiple disclaimers today. Yeah. First of all, Tony Lodge has not been well. So bear with her. I'm sorry. She's a brave girl. Thank you, everyone. The second disclaimer is I have within the hour,

seen Tony's Puss and it's changed the dynamic of our friendship because she's been unwell

she's been wearing pyjamas they are quite too big loose fit but that's how the pyjamas are supposed to be

but I wasn't wearing Nikki News underneath which is also not how pyjamas are supposed to be worn Ryan said do you want to

watch this YouTube video with me and I went yeah and I tried to kind of slide back on the couch full puss

popped open it was like I was having an exam like a medical exam not like doing

exam and being like, want to see this, boss? You want to see this? Or I'm not to do my CPA accounting exam. Yeah. Yeah. As someone who's done a CPA exam, that's how it goes. I'm doing my first year uni exam. You don't mind helping me out, do you?

Is that why you asked me if this camera was recording before? It's part of it. I saw the GoPro up there and I went, hey, that red light, Charles, does that mean it's recording? Because I was like, yeah, we burned through a lot of topics here. and Ryan saw my whole Vujoo. So I would love it if that wasn't on record. Yeah.

But Patreon exclusive. Yeah, we'll give them a little BTS. VTS. Vigine the scenes. I was just like, I was just doing the... Oh, can that be what the title is of the episode? Vigine the scenes. I don't know if that's going to work for YouTube.

Okay. Well, it works for MeTube. But also... So I'd like to say that, not sponsored, but I'm feeling like a hot girl. Yeah, a hot California girl with her unwell water because she is unwell. And how many of those eucalyptus lollies have you had in the last 20 minutes? I've got eight drinks on the go. I've got a hot tea at my feet.

I've got an unwell. I've got my water. And I've got these little soothing lozenges, nature-powered. Did you say they're the best you've ever had? It is pretty yum. Yeah. And I don't have one in my gob at the moment. because you know when you have a lozenge in your mouth

and it goes like like as it clicks on your teeth. Yeah. Now since we're on the road I've got a few travel stories here and Tony you're going to decide whether like you're for it or against it. Okay.

So it's travel normal or nah. Some of them. It sounds like you've asked me to play normal or nah. No. Sort of. It sounds like you've asked me to play normal or nah. No, the first one's normal or nah. No, the first one's normal or nah.

The other two are fucked and then you will be a policeman in the fourth one. Hot. Foreshadowing. Jill Zarin has packed an entire suitcase of Diet Coke for her two-week trip to Europe. Sorry, Jill Zarin? Yeah. Like from Real Housewives of New York. Yeah.

She's one of my favorites. So this was a while ago, but she went to Europe for two weeks. Yeah. And someone told her in Europe they only have Coke Light or Coke Zero. and to quote her, and that sucks, I was made aware they only had Coke Light and Coke Zero, which looks similar, has the same amount of calories, but it just doesn't taste the same.

Yeah. Yeah. So she had three suitcases. Yeah. Two for clothes and, like, accessories and one for Diet Coke. Oh, she's such an icon. I love Jill Zarin so much. And like, in all of the real house size of Newla, the early ones,

all the ladies are sitting around like, you know, because Bethany Frankl, who, like, the skinny girl margarita. Sure. That she created, oh, my God. I've met her. What? Yeah. Yeah, when I was in Perth, like, she came into the studio.

You met Bethany Frankel. Yeah, and it meant, like, very little to me at the time. Because I was like, oh, good on you, man. Wow. Okay. Crazy. But so. Heidi, who I was working with was freaking.

Oh, yeah. And it was like, yeah, cool. So for context, I've never really been a real house. but I've never watched it. But I'm doing Real Housewives of New York at the moment, like the OG once because they closed it off and then rebooted it with like a whole new lot of ladies. But anyway,

that'll be sitting around having a, you know, Ramona's having a peanut grigio, you know what I'm saying? And then Jill would always be sitting there if she had a Diet Coke and I'm like, Ike on. I love that you trouble with that.

Normal. It's not normal or no. Oh, sorry. Just a good job. Yeah. approved now if it wasn't a hazy day Charles in theory should we be sort of able to see the ocean I don't know I don't think so

I think it's hazy a lot no but like just if haze didn't exist in this world yes if haze did not exist then yes we would be able to see this oh really it's like just there it's just there oh I mean yeah oh unreal 40 minute driveway yeah it's a 40 minute driveway but I feel like we could see it LA traffic um I want us to all keep this in mind because researchers at Ohio State University Ohio have examined population data focusing on life expectancy and the proximity to water.

If you live close to a river or a lake, there are some increases. But if you live near an ocean, you live for one year longer compared to if you didn't. And that's on average accounting for all other factors. Approved. Normal. Normal. Because I know you're wet for life and a notion, girl. Yeah.

How does that make you feel that science has proved to make you live longer? I'm just like not surprised by that information, you know? It's like, well, of course. Of course, being in the best place on Earth makes you live longer. Do you reckon it's because you're more likely to like get outside and like go to the beach though? Like, is it more about the like fresh air and movement that you get from doing that or just purely proximity? Well, they've said it accounts for all other. factors so like you compare someone that exercises the same amount with someone who can

exercise the same amount and stuff so maybe it's just the salty air or just knowing that you're an ocean girl do you think maybe it's like the salt air and the rust on your door i've never needed anything more oh that was not in the oh higher estate University of Staten. Oh my God, Ryan, there's another eagle. Tony's...

The craziest fucking thing happened before. Tony took all these cold and flus and then started seeing birds. And I thought we were past that. Oh, sorry.

Was it a bald eagle? Because it'd be the first one I saw today. Oh! i'm about to shit i'm about to shit i'm about to shit i'm about to shit i'm about to shit my bad yeah sorry it's been a big day yeah for all of us i am actually crying now that is really funny I mean, I don't feel great But that has tipped me right over the edge

That's amazing Megan Rhiniston Had you Had you? Let's just call her Megan Megan had such bad diarrhea on a plane That they had to cancel a United Airlines flight This is my worst nightmare

That would happen to you as well She had food poisoning The night before a flight Oh. And from the moment she walked on the plane, she was pooing and spewing. She had to be wheeled off the plane in a wheelchair. The toilet was removed and destroyed and needed replacing. And this was done by a team of men in hazmat suits.

Normally you destroy it and then they remove it. So it's a bit round the wrong way. Yeah. Question. If you were that sick, surely you wouldn't get on that plane. So, I don't think you could pay me to get on a plane if I was coming out of both ends. I know, right. So she was in Europe and she's an actress and she had a movie premiere like the next night.

So she got up early and was like trying to get back for the premiere. And she, she, spoiler alert, didn't make it. You honestly, there basically no reason. Unless. Miss the premiere. Unless Torbs or Pippa was like dying. I don't think there's anything that could get me on that plane I'd be like it could probably wait two or three days

Have you got in a car on the way home From the WMBA needing to shoot yourself That yeah that did happen We were a minute away from home last night And Tony goes oh I'm probably gonna make it And we went what She goes there was a moment there

Where I just accepted I was gonna shit in the back of this high car And uh Well like you could have said something It's fine I know Lily goes we could have we would have pulled over But you know when you just want to poo in your own toilet. Yeah, I get it. And this... I've never had the choice because I've just have to go, but I get it. Sorry for rubbing my privilege in your face. But I, and even

the toilets in this Airbnb, they're not my toilet, but I didn't want to like, you know, go to a Maccas or something. Yeah. Yeah. I get it. I think it was, it was also because I knew it was a clothes off poo. I knew it. Like, you know, when you know, I knew it. I knew it. But you know, I knew it. So you just get home and just strip off. Yeah. Because there's just too much happening. There's no way I could be wearing clothes. No.

And then I got in the shower because that's how bad it was. We already knew this because this was announced to the house. Sorry, this wasn't meant to be an anti-20 episode. She's just had a big 24 hours. Oh, yeah. No one cares about me. Oh. What they said.

Europe is combating overcrowding by fining people. They're coming up with new fines because they're like, if we just start finding tourists, maybe they'll stop coming. But then won't they not come and then what will you do? Well, they just want a bit less. Oh. So, okay, how far do we all think is fine to be wearing bathers like away from the beach? Oh, this is a great conversation.

I'm wearing bathers right now. You ready to swim? However long is left in this episode, that's how long Tony is in till swimming. Yeah. Not the red ones? No. The butter chicken. The butter chicken bakers.

They, they, they, well, I wore them the other day. Um, and they are quite revealing, which wasn't really a problem, not for trials anyway. Um, but then I swam underwater and my both tits popped out straight away. Yeah. Yeah. It was definitely chicken breast in that butter chicken and not five, you know what I'm saying. Um. Yeah.

People who are wearing a bathing suit not on the beach in Barcelona, split, Sorrento, Cairns and Venice could face fines of up to $1,747. She just like, cans? Khan. No, this is Europe and Northern Queensland. And Queensland. Fines of $1,7477. So wearing only a bathing suit too far from the beach.

Well, if you had like a little crochet dress over that, would that be okay? Well, that's where there's all these mergers? areas and stuff and also like if you're heading to the beach and it's hot and you're like in your bikini and you're fucking in the car ready to go to the beach and you just like stop to pick up some coffees like yeah you know yeah no I know I imagine getting fined for that that's so fucked up I'll never go back to cans um now this fucked me right off okay in Spain leaving your towel to like reserve a pool chair yeah can now cost you two hundred ninety one bucks

you do hate it when people do that but they like line up at six a m and then the pool opens and they all run and put their tower down and then just fuck off back to bed get a life sleep get an actual life I do agree with that fine because I think it's really shitty because we can all share yeah and there are always the people that are there all day so you don't get a chance to try it they fuck off just before dinner yeah and you go well what am i going to do lay on the concrete. Yeah.

No, I just thought about the reality of that. The option is like that they get those sick things. Do you know what? I had never done this until Torbs and I were in Hawaii. But at the like communal pool in the middle of the resort, there's obviously like a little like snack and drink like a bar and you can kind of get like little food and stuff. And we ate next to the pool.

I had never done that in my life. It is, honestly, a crazy life achievement that I didn't realize I wanted to achieve, but I have now. What, you ate at a pool? But, like, so, like, well, I'd obviously eaten near the water before, like, in my life, but I'd never been to, like, an all-inclusive resort where you're there and they come over and they go, what can we get you? And you go, I would love a lobby role.

And then they bring one over. Fuck, yeah. Like, I'd never had that. before and that was so crazy to me was it the person bringing it over or the proximity to water maybe this is what they're talking about at the oh ohio state university we were close to the ocean and the pool so what's that two extra years god sandwich that's good chapter gold coast cans Hi, I'm Emily from St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada. I'm Nicholas Hadley from Eugene, Oregon, USA.

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Little warning, you may develop unrealistic expectations of real-life people and that's okay. That's fine. Totally fine. Um, I see, my pubs aside, obviously, my, uh, few shout-outs to a few champion taffers over on a Patreon. Sarah Beth, good on you, Sarah. Thanks, Sarah. It might be Sarah, actually.

It's S-A-R-A. That's normally a Sarah Yeah Chugg a H on if you want to Sarah Yeah Elizabeth Good on you Elizabeth Louis David

Tribu the third Oh Okay I didn't think I'd ever seen someone richer than Charles There you go Bethany

Bootori Good on you Bethany Jake love to see it Bentley Garrison Also a very rich sounding name Raich Montgomery Thanks Rachina Potter

Shawna Potter Sonna Potter Gotta Gotta get to Sorry gonna do Some I get to Shut up Yeah

And Anna No, good on you. No song or wealth attached. No. As far as we know. Now, we have said that Tony is suffering from a cold flu symptoms. Yeah. I'm pooping.

Yeah, it's all happening. Yeah, so I cried before. Yeah. No, it's okay though. Yeah. But how hot today's take on it? Like, I mean, you're going to get revved up? Oh, but I do have a fever.

Maybe, maybe I'm, looking at this all the wrong way. Yeah. She's hot, she's bubbling, she's sweating. It could be the hottest take yet. It could be the hottest take. Before you get there, I do have some correspondence and some thoughts from last week's hot take. Yep.

Can you remind us what last week's, can you cast your mind back to the boat? Yep. It was also very hot there as well. Very sweaty as podcast, yeah. That I think that they turned the aircon off in the airport to sweat the criminals out. So Tony, myself Ryan, Charles and Lil had a, what I'll describe as an extended. conversation with the people at the border. Beautifully worded.

Is that fair to say? Yep. Pretty extended. Yep. I'd say, a couple of hours? Yeah. You could have watched Shrek a couple times.

What's disappointing is I thought if I'd spend a few hours with customs and the police or whoever they are, that we'd at least get to be on border security. This is exactly what Torb said. Yeah. Like, give me my half hour. You've taken three hours off me. Put me on TV. Torb said, did they film it?

And I was like, no. And he goes, so you're not going to be on board a security international? What's the point of getting reprimanded by customs? What's the point in shitting your pants in a line at the border? Yeah. Everyone did a good job, by the way, keeping calm on the outside. But one thing I wanted to bring up, which I would say is the one saving grace of our ordeal. Very well air-conditioned was that building.

I thought the exact same thing. So is your last week's hot take already? Because it was a fucking hot day. Okay. And we walked into the bill and it was air condition and I went, oh, no, I could fucking interrogate me all day, dog. It's nice in here. Did you guys remember the cool?

It was nicely air conditioning. But I wouldn't want to get interrogated all day. No. No. Because the car was also pretty nice. Yeah. Very true. Yeah.

It was cool in there, but I still felt sweaty when. No, we were being interrogated. It's what I was about to say. This is what I was about to say, maybe that it's the reverse. test lure you into a false sense of security because you go oh god it's so nice in here you want some drugs that i've got in my bag yeah and they just slip out your asshole because you're so relaxed fuck they're coming at your all angles aren't they honestly you can't get away with it not in this country no not here no oh that's good so anyway new hot take

I do have a hot take and um as we've been traveling I haven't got my outfit I don't have my costume but you're on a pretty red couch yeah I am on a pretty red couch yeah I am pretty red couch. Do you want to wrap you in a blanket or something? Well, Charles has gone crazy. I think I've just seen it. With the company credit card. And bought me this 99 cent pool noodle, which is probably more of a pink, I would say,

but I think we'll pay that. It's a light red. What I will ask is, Charles, how many kids did you have to fight for that in the store? Sixth. Great. Age is five plus. Are you allowed to? Was Lily with you and you bought it?

They asked me for ID. Great. I wasn't there. They said, who let you into this country? Lily didn't have ID at the basketball, so I had to buy her alcohol for her. You know you're not supposed to do that. You can get fined for that. But she's 30.

Oh. Yeah. 31. Yeah. Lily, did you know that Lily's three days younger than me? We're like the exact same age. Well, you're not your three days different. But, like, roughly.

Roughly, exactly. Yeah. I do have a hot take, though. Okay, please. Okay. I'm going to put this down and concentrate. This hot take is a bit of a question. Why don't you ever cheers with a coffee?

Sure. You've been scorched. Now, I'm. I'm not saying that we should introduce this as a concept. I am. I love it. But why don't you ever do that? Often you go out for coffee with a friend or like the four of us.

Obviously, we've been like going out for brecki or whatever. And if you sat down anywhere, like for dinner or lunch, you'd be like, oh, yep, like, great job today, everyone. Or, oh, this trip's going so well, whatever. But if you sat down with a coffee, you would never be like, oh, let me cheers my latte into your cappuccino. And I agree. and it's a travesty and I stand by sitting on this couch before you today yeah it ends now it ends with us yeah I if ever I have a coffee with you guys we're chees and yeah because why not so Mabel and I cheers yeah because I make her like a a hot frothy milk in the coffee machine so cute

and because she's not like sucking down that many beers at her age we don't get that many chances to cheers yeah so I'm I've got to take my chances with the frothy milk. Yeah. And so when you say, and I've been living. She loves a cheers. She does love a cheers. I bought Mabel a new drink bottle the other week and she's loving cheers them with that

as well, I believe. And I'm hearing rumors from Australia. She's, I don't know if you were on the, did you hear the phone call little? She's telling everyone about the new drink bottle that you guys got her. Like she's like, oh, hey. Well, Tony got it. Did you get that? I got it.

Oh, I thought it was. Oh, okay. We both admired them on the website, but I believe Tony. chose and paid. I did pay. On her personal card. I did personally pay. Freaky Friday.

Freaky Friday, the sequel. But I'll take, I'll take after. Well, she was just very proud. She's been telling everyone. She's been telling everyone about a new pink little drink bottle. Great hot take. I am scorched. Yeah.

Yeah. I just think we've got to be chees and more. Yeah. Do you remember the conversation though we had on the pod once about like cheering food? Hate that But cheasing your coffee I think we should introduce

I have cheered cheese pizza slices before Don't know how I felt about it Was that with Mabel as well? No I think sometimes I just You know how sometimes I just get like excited And just like I'm just like want to do shit Yeah

And I'm like I love this Let's cheers And people go But let's do that more Yeah Do you know what we should do Go and buy another pool noodle And cheers those

You can't that one enough Do you reckon I could rip that pool noodle apart Okay, Tony's been asking everyone recently If they reckon they could punch Through a window A glass window in a car So we're sitting in the back seat And Tony goes,

Do you reckon I can't fucking punch that through? Okay, that's not what happened. That's exactly what happened. No, I said, do you reckon you could punch through a window And my mum was like, what? And I was like, look, do you reckon you could? We had a long conversation about it. We had a long car trip, so I was fine.

And then Lily the next day goes, Tony, what's on your window? And I was like, what do you mean? She goes, there marks on it and then she said have you been sizing it up

have you been seeing if you could smash through the window she's been sizing it up and I have I'd been like like giving a little tap a little knock

and just saying yeah Tony also googled what's stronger glass in a car or her diamond ring like if they if they happen to collide

if they went one to one yeah who's coming off better now I don't condone breaking glass in the car But I reckon as a sign of strength and with not much to lose, I reckon we could witness history here today.

Sling me that noodle, dog. I've been waiting for you to ask that all my life. Well, you weren't interested when you saw me today. All right, I'm going to just... Did he want to stand up and really give it one? I don't know if I'm going to be able to... No, it's so flexible. You've got to rip it.

That's where the strength comes in. Oh. Oh, shit. It is. It is. Stop flirting with it. I feel like a chiropractor. I think you are a chiropractor.

Why are you? Massaging it and trying to crack its vertebrae and not ripping it. I'm not very well and I don't have a lot of strength. Hang on, you guys are chatting with myself. I don't think I can you know how it's got a little pussy though yeah that's interesting I'll keep this out of Charles's room sorry sorry I've had some cold fluids um oh no it's a test of strength not a test of like I want to use that in the pool later well you can still And now there's two

So one Dib's the big one Dibs the big one Dibs the little one You know how I used to Keep that out of Charles's room For sure Look at the top of it

That one's for you Oh So we could have an end age Oh There's not what you were suggesting No I meant like you got a little penis Oh Yeah sorry

I've got you love to see it here cool um so you know how you still are or do love watching the turkish barber like bash people oh yeah i think watching that back is my new one of those the pool noodle watching you try to rip the pool noodle which just done something uh katherine hi katherine was at the party last week of course because i just went i've been reading through the youtube comments uh-huh um of that episode and there's a lot of like oh so much fomo wish i was there and kately went To everyone who wasn't able to be there on the day You didn't miss much

To everyone jealous that they didn't get to go You should be It was awesome Hashtag year of smug That's amazing It's funny that you should bring up some smugness About our fourth birthday boat party Because my you love to see it is similar

I got lots of compliments at the boat party about my playlist. It was a great playlist. I made a playlist on the boat. It was just, it was a great balance, I feel. Did you feel the energy change when Becky G singing in the shower came on?

Because you said, I put this one in for you, and everyone just sort of went. Yeah. And because you stand by the fact that you think that's the greatest pop song ever written. Yep.

And that's what's on that playlist. Thank you. I shared the link to the Spotify playlist in our Patreon. So if you're in Patreon, you can see it. But Bron Ward commented on the link that I shared and said, thanks, Tony, great playlist.

I'll be borrowing this for my late night wedding reception playlist for my wedding. So what I think that means is that I've got to update my link in, LinkedIn to DJ. I don't know if you're allowed. Is this a separate employer? Wedding DJ. Because your current role with Tony and Ryan, you have about seven. Yeah. Is there a limit?

Because you are. Do you think I'll have to get an ABN? You're a CEO. Yep. You're the bird in charge. You're the muscles because you carry this show. Captain. Captain of the ship.

Not on Saturday. No. I wasn't. Obviously because we didn't go anywhere. So didn't need a captain. Wow, that's interesting because the invoice that we were served by the boat would imply otherwise because they charge for one. Are we talking about that? No, okay.

Cool. No more. No. No. Charging for a boat party that didn't move. Apparently normal TBC Watch this face

Apparently Thank you for hanging out with us today Sorry that I'm a bit sick And I ripped bull noodle And Ryan saw my pussy hole Thing Not my pussy hole Like the whole thing

Sorry for that last 15 seconds Of your life Sorry love you Tomorrow on the show we have confessions These are confessions One of them is from Amsterdam, and it's the most late-night red district Amsterdam confession we'll ever hear. Hot.

And another is, Atafa is now in the instruction manual at a school of what not to do. So imagine for the rest of time, everyone goes, well, and don't do this, because remember when an old mate did that? So they're like in the wrong side of history. Oh, great. So that's tomorrow on the show. We'll chat to them.

Yeah. Love you. I've just stopped working. Sorry, Ryan just powered down. I've just stopped working. Love you. Another eagle. No, she's not.

Love you. Bye. Biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween.

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