Toni and Ryan - When Ryan dies...

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Stealing AND insurance - this ep has it all. Love ya! Toni xo Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the podcast. I'm Ryan. This is Tony. This is the Tony and Ryan podcast. Let's call Morgan who is in, I was about to say Oregano, in Oregon. Let's hope he's got time to talk to us. T-H-Y-M-E. I just love to pepper puns through my day.

Pepper, pepper, pepper. That was very good. Buddy the Elf, what's your favourite colour? Hello? Hi. Hi. What? What happened?

Say that again. You haven't seen the movie Elf? Yes, I have actually. Yes, I have seen that. Yeah, and he takes the phone off him. Yeah, sorry. There you go. Sorry. That's okay. We all make mistakes.. Yeah, sorry. There you go. Sorry.

That's okay. We all make mistakes. Yep, we did. That's okay. Sorry. So does that mean do you approve the podcast? Yeah, well, I mean, yeah. Do you approve the podcast even though we didn't get your reference straight away?

I did. Just one quick question. Who am I speaking to? Oh, this is the gas company. Yeah, you're asking the girls. She's asking me if you paid your bill. No, it's Tony Aram, the podcast from Australia. Oh, goodness.

Yeah, I'll approve. Oh, well, thank God. Excellent. Oh, my God. Yeah. We are getting zero out of ten for our customer satisfaction survey today. You will not be sent. Ten out of ten.

This is Morgan from Oregon and I approve this podcast. It's one of the most awkward but it may be important things in your life is like insurance and wills and that kind of stuff. Planning for the future. Planning for the future. It's a yuck thing to think about but what, you know, those sayings like, oh, it's better to plan now and never need it than to need it and not have it, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

And so with a daughter on the way, we're doing the wills, the insurance and... Was this, sorry, was this something like a big thing before you got married as well? It should have been, but it wasn't. Oh, okay. Because you know when people talk about prenuptial agreements or whatever and then you go, oh, I'm sure we'll never break up. No one gets married to get divorced.

That's the dumbest thing ever. What? When they're like, oh, but we'll stay together. But everyone says that when they're getting married. you don't get married to go oh we'll probably break up in five years so like let's organize something you know like so yeah you hope you never need it however yeah if you and torbs broke up who would keep the dog um i actually don't know probably. And how have you decided that? Just then.

Yep. I just decided. Yep. No, I'd be happy to split custody because I know how... Split custody? Yeah, because I know how important like Pippi is to Torbs as well. Can you split custody of a dog? Yeah, we just share it like two weeks each or something.

Two weeks each? Or like... That poor dog, it needs to find out where... It needs to know where its home is. Well, it would be loved at both places. So, you know what I mean? Like, I would happily do that if he, because I know how important Pip is to Torb. So I would never be like, well, you can't fucking see the dog.

Who would keep the PlayStation? Torbs. Who would keep the rental with the big courtyard and who'd have to move out? I feel like I'd happily like live there together for a bit while we both figured our things out. What if he's cheating on you and he's bringing his hoe around? I actually, I don't think. She's welcome?

No, but like, I don't think that would matter. What do you mean? Well, because yeah, see that could happen, right? We've loved each other for almost 10 years. Doing it for 11. That wouldn't be, no, I think it's like doing it for 10. Did you love him before? Yeah, you did.

Yeah, I did. The thing is, is that like him fucking up once or being like, I don't want to be with you, like you don't lose all that respect we have for each other. Whilst I agree, don't say things like that and give him a green card. Oh, no, it's obviously not the fucking green light. He's going to listen to this and go, oh, fucking right. But like obviously depending on the situation,

I don't really see a lot of situations where it would be like, fuck you. Yeah. You know, like I'd like to think that I could be like, all right, if you don't want to be with me, that's actually fine. Let's figure this out. But if you just slept with someone and it was a mistake and you do want to be with me, like's actually fine. Let's figure this out. But if you just slept with someone and it was a mistake and you do want to be with me, like I'll work through that. You'll work through that.

Yeah, because like we'll waste 10 years. I slept with Cam. Good. We're starting a podcast. Oh, okay. Now we're getting serious. No, I think we would probably both move out. I don't need that big house to myself.

No. Cam, do you want to move in? Finally, she met. She's got a big courtyard. So it's weird when you're chatting to the insurance guy because like and the wheels go, like he's seen it all. Oh, yeah. And you go, no, we're in love.

I've never heard that before. And there's a lot of like, oh, that wouldn't happen, would it? And he goes. Yep. So they were talking about ashes of a dog that got split. So they had an urn of the dog and they're like, oh, because they just couldn't agree. Surely if you actually love the dog,

you would just let one person have it for the dog's sake. Yeah. No, I agree with that. So, you know, you're going and he's like, I'm sorry I have to ask all these questions. And so he's like, so who gets the app? And you're like, what? And he's seen some shit, man.

Oh, my God. So basically they go, yeah, if something happens to Bridget and I, the other one gets all the stuff. Yeah. If something happens to both of us, it goes to the daughter and then, you know, you figure out who's something happens to both of us, it goes to the daughter. And then, you know, you figure out who's going to take care of them, whatever. Who?

Well, here is where they actually had a few questions for you, Tony. Because the insurance guy said, I've heard Tony is going to be the godmother. Oh, my God. I get totally caught up in this. I get to live in Beyonce's Airbnb. Put the pool on. Coming round. Turn the filter on.

First point of business. Did the insurance, no, okay, tell me honestly, did the insurance person actually say that? Yeah, but then he goes like, is that just like a funny thing you say? Oh, okay. And you said, well, no, she will legally be the codwinner. Well, he goes, so what's the deal? funny thing you say? Oh, okay. And you said, well, no, she will legally be the Godmother. Well, he goes, so what's the deal? What did you say? Bridget's like, no, do not.

And you know what I said? I was like, my first, because Bridget was like shocked and was like trying to say no straight away. But my first response was like, she's pretty good at the voice, eh? Yeah. Good mother. It's better since I've had COVID. Yeah.

I'm your good mother. Will you be the carer of Daughter McDaughterface if something happens to Bridget and I? If she needed me, absolutely. Are you capable? Yes. Are you calm enough to bring her up in the calm environment that she needs to grow up in?

Completely. Does that mean you'll also take BJ the dog? Yep. So you, Torbs, Torbs' new partner, Pip, BJ, daughter, McDaughterface all in the two-bedroom apartment? Yep. Well, we'd be in Beyonce's Airbnb. Ah, yeah.

I mean. You know. I'm getting everything. So then they said um and god forbid what it all goes to daughter mcdaughter face what happens if all three of you are in a car you know then what because um you know siblings we don't like yeah there's no obvious one for us i guess and we don't have nieces and nephews and whatever that's fair enough yeah um and because you go well what like it automatically goes to your next of kin

or whatever, which I guess would be your mum. Yeah, but then you're like, well, if by the time this is. Maybe your mum's, yeah. And she doesn't need it. She's retired, whatever. And I don't know if this is weird. We've allocated a certain amount of money so all our friends can have a fucking huge party and a weekend away and a holiday.

Yeah, that's cool. Like in our name. Yeah. Does that feel cool? Yeah. Yeah. Especially if like it's because all three of you have like something terrible has happened. Yeah.

And we've also given, divvied up some cash for our friend's kids. Oh, yeah. And Pippa's in there as well. Oh. Because I felt weird that you, like I couldn't leave something for you, so I was scared it's Pippa. Sorry, producer Cam is giving the eyebrows. What? Well, he's one of our children.

Yeah. Okay, fine. I'll fucking put you in the back. Oh, it's really bad, but now I want something to happen. Okay, so no, this is the weird thing, right? Yeah. So then I start getting a bit of energy about like, because they're like, oh, you know,

some people just leave it to their siblings, some people leave it to their nephews, some people put it to charity. And then I was like, what about a party? And the insurance guy was like, oh, you know, some people just leave it to their siblings, some people leave it to their nephews, some people put it to charity. And then I was like, what about a party? And the insurance guy was like, yeah, like that sounds fun. I was like, yeah, like we'll play for this whole weekend away. You know, you go to a funeral, it's still a bit sombre. I'm like, in a year's time, buy a 10 million person villa in Bali

and just have the wildest time on us and fucking raise a glass. And then I'm like, and we can have this at the party. We'll have like a little espresso martini bar. I'm good at making those, so that's good. Yeah, that's sick. I mean, you'll be there having a great time. And I'm having so much fun planning this thing that I go, is it weird that I kind of want this to happen now?

Why don't you just have that party? Why don't you just do that? Like life is for the living and you actually don't know what's around the corner. Why don't you just do that like life is for the living and you actually don't know what's around the corner why don't you just have that party what is stopping you from enjoying your life and going and doing that start the fucking blog you're right that party sounds amazing it does why would you save that for when you're dead well a lot of the party sounds good but i also love the fact that um for instance uh young billy who's seven months old, Poppy, 13 months old, Summer and Billy, different Billy, we're going to all leave them

a bit of money. Yeah. And because I love the idea, and obviously this is a bit different to the party, but I love the idea. Imagine them turning 18 and then, you know, oh, you know, I bought this car, we're saving for a house, and they go, oh, where did you get the money? And you go, so.

My uncle Ryan. My dad's mate passed away and he left it. What a mad dog. And I'm like, oh, how cool would that be? Yeah. So they can fucking scratch themselves while I'm still alive. But the party, I'm with you. You could do that.

Yeah. Now here's the other interesting thing, right? So I've got like life insurance now. So like if something happens, like the income is replaced and blah, blah, blah. And so I actually recommend that no one get life insurance yeah don't get life insurance because my wife bridget has looked at me many ways over the years she's looked at me lovingly she's looked at me with frustration but it wasn't until the other day that she looked me up and down and she was pricing me up because she's like so so she goes, so if this guy dies, the house gets paid off

and I get the equivalent of his income for the next 10 years? And the insurance guy goes, yeah. And she goes. Pretty good deal. What am I doing fucking hanging out with him a lot? Yeah. So I don't let her see me near the top of the stairs. Yeah, that's fair.

I don't drive when she's in the car. No knives allowed in the house. No knives allowed. But she looked at me and the top of the stairs. Yeah, that's fair. I don't drive when she's in the car. No knives allowed in the house. Yeah. But she looked at me and she just saw dollar signs. She did the, like, the cartoon. Yeah. Yeah.

And I could see her spending it. And she's planning a party in Bali now. Yeah, I bet. She's like, oh, the house is paid off. Oh, well, there's the bloody travel insurance as well. Probably get another little payout. And then there's this other, like, trauma, like the trauma of losing your husband.

Oh, there's an extra couple hundred. And suddenly she's like, fuck, imagine how great my life would be if this asshole died. Yeah. It is pretty. And you kind of, so Tobs and I have life insurance. Do you? We do. Really?

Yeah. Good on you. Why are you so shocked? I'm insurance central. Yeah. No, it does. See, this is an interesting one for Tony because you are insurance and play it safe, but you also don't like admin.

No, this is hell. This is awful. You can see how the characteristics of Tony is conflicting here. Yes, it is. So life insurance, when did you update it? Pre-Audi? Oh, good point. Well, he's not going to fucking drive it.

Leave that to me. Pre-podcast, actually, so it's probably, should probably fucking go another way. I Leave that to me. Pre-podcast, actually, so it's probably should probably fucking go on that. I reckon probably update that. Pre-points. Let me tell you. Pre-paying rent on the car. Yeah, so

yeah, oh fuck, probably two years ago? We've probably had it for two years? Yeah, we were like sitting there and they ask all these like, it's really awkward. And they're like, cool, so if you guys break up, what do you want to do? And you're kind of looking at each other, you're like, this feels like such a private conversation,

but I'm having this with, like, someone else. Yeah, and you're like, well, to be honest with you, mate, Torb's closure is I'd fucking take it all. Yeah. I love this guy. And then it's like, oh, the premium's a bit higher, but, like, if you want the other person to have a bit more time off work, like how long do you want them to have, like, a salary for?

How long will you need to grieve for just, like, five days? Yeah. How long is normal? So when I was like, oh. The long weekend? I was like, oh, you know, like, if tools was to pass away, like how horrible, like I'd want, you know, a bit of time off, but, like, don't want to have to pay the premium tools.

I was like, I'd need two years. And I was like, oh, my God. Who's paying the premium on the fucking insurance? This guy? You are. A dead bitch. And then he gets a two-year holiday. Yeah.

But is it sort of a compliment that he thinks, like, how could he go on living without Tony in his life? Because if he said, oh, I'll take the afternoon off, you'd be a bit offended, right? I would be offended, yeah. So you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I don't think there's any winners in this situation.

Well, there is. Torbs has got two years off. Two years off. And you're paying the premium. He's going to your Bali holiday. This is Morgan from Oregon, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas. Ali Zouchi, Kate, Emily Holbron,

Carmella Mummy Pie Rodas. Excuse me? Mummy Pie is... Don't say Mummy Pie. The word pie... Is like in quotation marks. I'm guessing it's like a nickname. Love it for you, Carmella. Sticks on Fire and Emma Eadie.

The first name I read out, Ali Zouchi. Big Zouch. Ali messaged and said, my last name is quite hard to pronounce, so do you want me to send you a thing? And I said, no. I'd like to get it wrong or maybe right myself. And you're backing in Zouchi. I've gone with Zouchi.

Z-A-U-C-H-E. So it might be Zouch. It might be Zouch. It kind of looks like if you were to spell the word bocce, but with a Z. No, bocce is B-O-C-C-E. Zocce. So it's not the same at all. What did you say?

Z-A-U-C-H-E. What did you say? Zouchy. I reckon you could be on to a winner there, mate. I think it might be zouchy. Anyway. Well, we'll soon find out today when you check the comments on Patreon and she'll be like, I fucking tried to help you.

I tried to tell you. It's Smith. Well, I may have committed a social crime. Okay. But last week I almost committed a real crime. Stealing. Do I need to again get my police uniform on? I think so.

God, I've really fucked up a few times in the last week. Over the last few weeks, I don't know if you know this, but I actually had a book come out. Did you? I wrote a book and had it published. Yeah, that's actually kind of a bestseller. Outsold Prince Harry, Outsold Atomic Habits here in Australia. For one week, just for that one week.

Small details. Yeah, okay. But so because the book came out, I've been doing lots of, like, random press and, like, you know, went on the radio to talk about the book came out, I've been doing lots of like random press. Yeah. And like, you know, went on the radio to talk about the book, which is really cool. And, you know, been on a few podcasts and stuff like that. And every time I go to an interview, because I used to work in radio, right?

And I work at this podcast. I used to be a producer. I know the score. Most people don't really probably care about your book, but they go, cool. Someone to talk to. She might do all right. That'll be fine. Fill a break. All good. And so because of that, I take a book with me because I'm like, you probably don't have one. You probably don't care, but it might be good for the photo or whatever. I just feel like it's like good organisation.

Very considerate of you. Yeah, because I'm like I know that you probably don't really care about my book and that's fine. You haven't read this whole book for the sake of this four-minute radio spot. Yeah, exactly. And so I'm like I actually know the score and I'm not offended by that, but like if I can bring something to make it look like, oh, a bit more organised or whatever. Would you categorise it as a prop?

Yeah. Because when I went through a prop phase in the podcast, that didn't go down too well. That's okay. When I brought the sickle. Yeah, because it wasn't a sickle. I thought it was a hoe. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, anyway, so I take a book with me just to be like, oh, if you don't have one, I've got one. Don't feel like you have to go and buy something, whatever. I had a full day of interviews. So I had this book in my handbag. Yep. And I had gone and done a million things,

and I was driving back from the last interview, and I was like, oh, I need to go to the shops and get, like, heaps of stuff. And I needed to buy, like, go to Sheridan. Yep. Like, you know, the Sheetz place because we needed new Sheetz. I'm getting a blanket from Sheridan. Oh, really?

What are you getting? A little fun, spicy coloured one. Oh, nice. Like a throw. Oh, yeah, nice. You know what? The throws in Adairs are really nice as well. I've never bought one.

It's like my dream goal is to have like a $70 throw from Adairs. I don't have one. Yeah, that's why I'm going to Sheridan. The one that I've got is from Kmart. Sheridan's more expensive than Adairs. Is it? Yes. I don't have one. Yeah, that's why I'm going to Sheridan. The one that I've got is from Kmart. Sheridan's more expensive than Edis. Is it? Yes. I've been conned.

So the reason that I went to Sheridan, because Sheridan at the Vic Gardens near my house, it's like an outlet one. Yeah. So they've always got like random colours of stuff. Yeah, right. But it's like a bit cheaper. So you've had this huge day and you're like,

I'm going to fucking get blankets, I'm doing a Kmart run, I'm getting food, I'm just like stocking up in. So I was actually going to do a big shop for when Cam babysat for Pippa and house sat for us. And because we were like leaving really early in the morning, I knew that I wouldn't have a chance to wash our sheets. So I went and bought sheets and a doona cover and like pillowcases and everything for Cam.

This is actually hilarious because I was like, how fucked are your own sheets that you, for a guest to come for two days you're gonna buy new sheets oh no no no i was like i was like what have you done no no no so because we were leaving home at like 5 a.m but obviously had to sleep in our bed the night before don't have a spare pair um no i don't know why yeah because the here's okay not like it would be for me to lecture someone, but I would have assumed you put one in the wash and then you put the other set on. Well, that's what I did because I bought the new ones.

Okay, so now we're in the rota. Okay. So normally. So, hey, you've been wearing, like, the same actual sheets, like, every night for how long have you been rocking one pair of sheets? I know you clean, you wash them. Yeah. Oh, we've probably had that pair for, I think I bought the sheets we've got in the Boxing Day sales like last year.

So probably like just over a year. Shit. You know what I mean? Yep. But like, yeah, we wash them on the weekend because we've got a washer and a dryer. We do all of it at once and then you just like in the morning you put it on and by the end of the day it's done. Yeah. You know what I mean?

So it's not like we've been using those sheets. Yeah, I know you're washing them. Anyway, so we, I don't like this. Anyway, so I went and bought a bunch of new sheets because I was like, oh, then in the morning we can just make the bed and that'll be fine. Yep. I went to Sheridan and bought all this new stuff and they gave it to me in like this massive plastic bag.

And you know when you buy sheets, they're in that like plastic sleeve? Yeah. And so it was like all these little sleeves from Sheridan and I had it in my trolley and then I walked into Kmart and I was like, cool, I need a bunch of like, you know, those little travel like jars and stuff for like creams and like shampoo and it was like lots of little things. I was going through. I got everything that I needed to get and then I was like,

oh, my God, I'm going to go to the book section and see if there's any copies of my book. Of course. Because like how cool, it's like such a buzz seeing it in real life, whatever. I walk around the whole like caima. I'm like on the other side. I've walked all the way around.

And right at the front on this massive display is my book, right? And it's like right in the middle. Like it was so cool. It was fucking awesome. And it's honestly still like gives me a little like. A little buzz. A little buzz. Yeah.

Anyway. Were there plenty on the shelf? There were a few. Hopefully they just restocked. No, no, no. I actually spoke to them and they had just restocked. But there was a couple that were right in the middle and I went, oh, my God, I have to take a picture. Like I want to take a quick snap.

And I reach into my bag to get my phone and realise that I have a copy of my book in my handbag. Got a receipt for that? Well, so here's the thing. Immediately I start panicking. Of course. And I'm like, looks like I've stolen this. Yeah.

And then I was like, oh, my God. And I'm saying this all in my head to myself, like standing at the thing. I'm like, oh, my God, it, and I'm saying this all in my head to myself, like standing at the thing. I'm like, oh, my God, it looks like I've stolen this. Oh, my God. If they say anything, I'll be like, this is my own book. Obviously, I haven't stolen it. And then I was like, it's the perfect crime.

Like, of course, like, you know what I mean? Like, what an egotistical asshole. They stole a book and not only was it a book, it was their own book. Yeah, like it costing me money. You know what I mean? Like, why would I do that? I cut out the publishers in the Kmart. They don't need a cut. You just take it a book, it was their own book? Yeah, like it costing me money. You know what I mean? Like why would I do that? Cut out the publishers in the Kmart.

They don't need a cut. You just take it straight home, mate. Anyway, and so I'm like panicking. I've got my phone out. I've got my hand like still in my bag trying to decide what to do. And I take a photo of the thing to be like, okay, I'll cover my tracks. I've taken a photo and I'll just pretend. And then I was like, oh, my God, now there's evidence that I was in the book section.

Like anyway, and so I'm like it obviously looks really bad that the book's in my handbag I pull I pull the trolley into an aisle like where no one was I think it was like the men's work boots right around the corner from there's no one in there and um that's where I steal stuff I go in there yeah so I went into this aisle where there's no one. I pulled the book out of my handbag and I put it into the Sheridan bag. Do you think this makes it look better or worse? What do you think? If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say significantly worse. So I'm standing in this dark aisle and I'm just like, you know,

just like trying to shimmy all the stuff from Sheridan around in this fucking plastic bag, a see-through plastic bag. And I'm trying to like put it under stuff and I'm realising anyway that it looks way more suspicious now. Yeah. But I've kind of already backed out of the dark aisle and I'm walking through and I'm like, oh, my God, it looks like I was at the book section and then I went in there

and then I hid it. But I hadn't. It was in my handbag. Like I said, if I was to steal something, that's how I'd do. I know, right? And I don't know. I haven't read the fucking robber's handbook. I didn't know that that was like.

You're too busy reading your own book five times. I didn't know that that was like fucking stealing 101, you know. Anyway, so then I'm going through. Neither do I. I went through the checkout. And you know how it K-marts now. Oh, so then I'm going through. Neither do I. I went through the checkout. And you know how at Kmart's now. Oh, the Kmart's. It's like a million self-serve checkouts.

There's no one ever there. It's in the middle of the store. But it's like the middle of the shop. Yep. So they would have people stealing all the time because you don't actually come through the checkout to leave. You like go back into the, you're in the store still. You just need to go out with confidence.

And if I know something about Tony is when she thinks she's committed a crime, confidence is not her strong suit. Out the window. Like, honestly, nothing. You couldn't look more sus. I'm sweating. And anyway, so I buy all this stuff from Kmart. I purchased everything that I'd, like, actually gone in to buy.

And then I'm trying to like carefully place all the stuff that I bought from Kmart into the, like the chick's like, did you want a bag? Like whatever. And I was just like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, I've got this other bag. And then I'm trying to cover up all of the stuff in the Adairs bag with the stuff that I bought from Kmart.

You couldn't have fucked this up more. You're allowed to go shopping in other stores. But I hadn't bought the book. Like, I didn't have a receipt from any. I was just so panicked anyway. And then, like, you know how they never ask to look in your bags as you leave Kmart? They asked me.

I was going to say, when someone's sweating and looking like they just stole something and been hanging out in the dark corner, yeah, guess who randomly gets selected? And then I'm, like, walking through the thing and the guy's like, oh, yeah, like, do you have your receipt? And I was like, yeah. And this book is actually, I brought it from home. Tony.

And, like, oh, my God. It was just the, and he was just like, oh, I don't care. Like, I'm 16. I couldn't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care. And then I was like, oh, it probably looks like I'm actually trying to flex the book.

Yeah, it does look like. Oh, well, this book. Oh, where'd that come from? I didn't have to buy it. I wrote it. This is all a thing. And he's like, imagine if the 16-year-old kid goes, I've actually got a girlfriend.

No, he's actually just like on his phone. Yeah. And he's just like, cool, bro. Like, I could, you know what I mean? I actually don't fucking care. It was. Were you trying to pick him up? I actually don't fucking care. It was. Were you trying to pick him up? No.

Cloning with him to get out of a crime? No, it was fucking humiliating because I just made it so much worse. You know what's funny? Is that someone has definitely witnessed this and gone, you know that fucking chick that pops up on TikTok all the time? Yeah. What a dumb bitch. I saw her trying to convince a 16-year-old security guard

that she was an author and she was so desperate to, like, point out her book. And she was wearing a grey T-shirt and she was sweaty. Yeah. And she went to the outlet centre of Sheraton, not even the real one. Well, fuck me. What a pov bitch.

Okay. Well, I can't afford nice sheets because people keep stealing my book. If people were paying full price, I wouldn't have a problem. Have you been into bookstores? I have, yeah. Do they kind of look at you and do you look at them or you just? I was expecting that, but no. I kind of thought, you know.

Guess who's here? You've probably just unpacked this. Oh, you okay? Sorry, I don't normally sing. The singing. Post-COVID. I was thinking. Oh, are you okay? Sorry, I don't normally sing post-COVID. I was thinking. Target country, you okay?

I was thinking that most bookstores would be like, I've only just unpacked that box. Your face is obviously on the cover. Then I walk in and nah, no one said anything. Nah. But that's okay. Is it? Yep.

Maybe I'll go around to the Dimmick Civic Gardens this afternoon and just say, hey. Oh, that's me. You know, I've actually gone in there and spent a bit of time in there waiting for them to recognise me twice. So I think if I go a third time, they're going to be like, she's stealing. Like they're going to be like on to me.

Don't take your bag with the book in it. Excuse me, have you paid for that? Oh, yeah. Well, actually, I wrote it and. I think that doesn't get you out of theft. No, it doesn't. Like if I was a carpenter and I built a house, I can't just live there. That's a really good point.

It's actually a really good point. Someone's like, hey, dad, there's some guy fucking living in the laundry room. Oh, he built it. Don't worry about it, mate. Like, excuse me, can I help you? I built this house. Yeah, well, I have a mortgage on this house. Yeah, so get away from my children.

I paid your daughter. Stop looking at my children. Yeah, so probably would not hold up in court, so don't recommend. What I do recommend, though, is that if anyone listening sees Tony in a shopping centre. Please don't. Is that Tony Lodge, the author?

Please don't do that. Tony will buy you a coffee if you do that. I said that if I saw someone reading my book. You'd buy him a coffee. Have you seen anyone yet? No. Not doing well. And I'm hanging out at bookstores all the time.

All the time. I've got a You Love to See It here. And it's from Dunny, Beth Dunlop. Hey, Beth Dunlop. From one Dunny to another. Beth has bloody been part of the Facebook group forever. Yep, absolutely. My love to see it is that I produced my own short drama

while at university. What? After filling out all the necessary paperwork and getting permission as well, it finally came around to the big day and I finally did it. I girl bossed it. I put my big girl pants on even though I was terrified. I got wet for life, pushed through, and I made my film.

Oh, my God. Don't you love that? Congrats, Beth. That's amazing. I'm bloody proud of everyone, even with, let's just say, the sexiest men who clearly don't being told what to do by a girl. Sexiest, you mean sexist? Yep.

Yeah. Similarly spelt, very different meaning. you mean sexist? Yep. Yeah. Similarly spelled, very different meaning. Different, very different. Yep. Beth, good job. You're not stealing a book, are you? Maybe you should. The sexiest misogynist I've ever met.

Okay, I might do one. Yeah, I reckon you have a go. Hills McKay. Hillary has been bloody popping off lately in her Facebook group. Seen her all over the shop. Hills said, I'm really proud of myself. I've been admitted into studying my honours research degree in archaeology. Four years ago when I started my Bachelor of the Arts,

I didn't think I'd be able to get in, but I did last week. Yay. Legend. Isn't that amazing? A young Indiana Jones on our hands. Exactly right. Yeah. So pretty cool.

How interesting would that be? I love Jurassic Park, so I feel like crossover. Is that as, like, the Indiana Jones and Jurassic Park give us, like, a sexier, more exciting glimpse of what it might actually be? Yeah. I don't think it's actually. Like a sheep fighting dinosaurs? Well, I think that it actually is quite hard to get like deployed on a dig

and they cost a lot of money, take a lot of time and stuff. So no, I don't think it is all that. Have you got a bid to win it? Exactly. Like, you know, who's not fighting a dinosaur? Someone who's not trying to find one. Yeah. You know, Hillary is a hundred steps closer than us.

Yeah. She'll find a dinosaur before we do. Yeah. I hope so. For her sake. For our sake. Yeah. She'll find a dinosaur before we do. Yeah. I hope so. For her sake. For our sake. Yeah. The dinosaur rocks up.

Oh, yeah. True. There's fossils. Oh. Yeah. Like, it's not like... Well, it could be. Okay.

You know what? I do recommend stealing a book for you, actually. I think that you would really do you some good. All right. Great. Everyone have a great day. We'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you.

Bye. Right. Oh, my great. Everyone have a great day. We'll chat to you tomorrow. Love you, bye. Right. Oh, my God, a dinosaur. Luckily I studied archaeology. There's a dinosaur in here. I don't know what to do. Finally I've done that honours degree. Hilary, please.