Toni and Ryan - Who's pressing Toni's buttons?

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

Things you can say at the FOOTBALL and also in the bedroom. Plus something that fucks me off - surprise surprise!!! Love ya Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello? Bradley, it's Tony and Ryan. Hey, how's it going? Good, thanks. Would you approve this podcast? Of course, why not? Oh, yay! Thanks, Brad!

Hey, this is Brad from Honolulu, Hawaii, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Let me ask you a question. Please. Is there someone in your life, I feel like there's one in every family, is there someone in your family in your life who is, of course, that person that always has a food stain on their clothing? Yeah, there is someone in my life that's always like that

and it's always you. So we roll in to do the podcast this morning. Oh. And Tony goes, you wearing that shirt for the recording? And I came to pick you up and you were running a little bit late. You were a bit flapped this morning. I woke up a few minutes before Tony arrived. Yes, yep.

And you said, are you wearing that? What's on my shirt? Well, it was covered in dog hair and there's like two or three food stains like around probably at like the nipple line and I said, I wonder if the camera will cut off above or below the food stains. Maybe if the microphone's in front of that sort of stern mirror. You'll get away with it. Am I like a dirty person?

When you're running late and you pick up whatever you wore yesterday or whatever, I mean, people will go, oh, who does that? Everyone does that. Okay. People do that. I think that it's okay. But I mean, it's not great, is it? It's not great, is it? No, no. But it happens to the best of us. I just feel like I'm always spilling, like there's only a few shirts that are unstained and I'll put on my good T-shirt to go out to a pub a few weeks ago with some friends and I was holding Poppy, a little baby, six weeks old, and she spewed all over my good shirt. But that would wash out.

Like baby vomit is just milk. That's what her mum said. She was like, oh, it happens all the time. It's fine. I was like, well, this is my, yeah. You haven't seen my other shirts, mate. No, but you're saying like good t-shirt, that will wash out. Have you washed it? I don't know.

How long ago was that? That will stink like off milk. That will be gross. I think you'd know about it if you hadn't washed it. Okay. But my question though is, what do you mean all my other t-shirt, like if you get something on it, you can wash it out. Oh, but wash it out. Oh, but often it stains. How often?

Food doesn't stain clothes that often. No. I mean, it depends what it is. Like if you'd eaten, like dropped a heap of spaghetti on yourself while you were wearing a white T-shirt, like that might not come out. But do you use like a stain remover thing when you do your washing? No, just throw it in the washing machine. Oh, you should buy a sard stick. Ah.

Yeah, it's like a glue stick and you just like rub it onto. You make my life so much better. Yeah. I'm going to buy one on the way home. I also am the queen of getting stains out on a night out. Like at the venue? Yeah. All I need.

All right, we need some lime juice and some soda. No, one block of ice. That's all I need and I can get a stain out of anything. I got blood on my brand new converses yesterday because I had a little, like I'd been wearing new sneakers and, you know, when you get like a little blister. Oh, the worst. And then I wore different sneakers yesterday and it like,

it was bleeding and it was a bit gross. And I got them on my brand new convers It's got it straight out, all good. Next week I'm bringing in a pile of stained shirts. Bring your ice cubes. No, it only works if it's a fresh stain. It has to still be wet. I stand by my statement. It works great on a white linen dress getting an espresso martini out.

I've done that many times. I'll go out for breakfast before the podcast recording and I'll come in hot. You have to like just have done it. It has to be like fuck, I just bit. I'll come in hot. You have to, like, just have done it. It has to be like, fuck, I just bit. I'll come in hot. Okay, that's not going to work. No wonder your shirts are fucked. You've got no idea how it works.

All right, let's do things you can say at the football and also in the bedroom. God, the balls get slippery, don't they? Oh, pitch needs a trim. Should have got the landscapers in before that. Do you have good tickets or did you want to come in my box? If someone's offering, always go. I was very proud of that.

I'm very, very proud of that. Have you ever been in a corporate box? No. Why not into guys in suits? No, I've never actually been in a corporate box. I bet you have with radio a few times. Is it pretty good? It is.

Especially if you don't. The less you give a shit about the game, the better the corporate box is. Oh, see, I love being in the crowd. Oh, you're still in the crowd. You're in a crowd of drunk people with free drinks. But there's something about being right in the front. Yeah, fuck, it's good. It is good.

At Optus Stadium in Perth, the corporate boxes are onto the fence where the ground is. They're right at the front. Oh, I thought they were at the back. Well, they've got those as well, but then they've got these, it's called the bunker. So imagine you're leaning on a bar, but you're just leaning on the fence where the game is, like right there.

Oh, that's fucking sick. So when the ball goes out of bounds, it bounces into the box and you're like, throw it back. That's sick. It's unreal. But when the ball comes in and knocks your beer over and you're like, who the fuck did that? Who's fucking done that?

The game I'm at. Of course. Shit. I'm so drunk. I thought we were bloody at Crown. Things you can say at the football and also in the bedroom. Tony, you have first class ball skills. Believe it or not, not the first time I've heard that.

It's quite exhilarating when this many people are watching, isn't it? It's so much better with a big crowd. Yeah. I don't think we're all getting paid the same. Political one. I like that. Thanks. I like that.

Women and men, they don't get paid the same. They don't. And the rookies, they're just. Oh, man. Trump change. They're paying to be here. What a great come from behind victory. I love an underdog.

Underdoggy style. Goodness, that got away from me, sorry. Nice tackle. He's taken her down. Oh, God. Sorry. What sport is that? We'll probably need to take a break for some Gatorade soon.

Yeah. That is a nice touch, though. Refuel the electrolytes. Oh, I've been on the bench for weeks and it's my first time getting in. Cramp! Cramp! Holy fuck! Cramp! I'm going to need physio.

Cramp! Cramp! I'm going to need physio. So we're talking about football, right? Yeah. In America, we play with our hands. We only do feet in Australia. Don't get me started on Europe. They used their head.

It's going in. It's going in. Oh, it's only the point. He shoots, he scores. That's more basketball though, isn't it? It's okay, mate. Not everyone's a sports guy. I obviously am of the athletes of this team.

I thought it was more of a hockey or a soccer. Is it? Hey, don't worry, mate. We're not all sports. Okay, all good. Yeah, all good. These uniforms, they're quite revealing, aren't they? Did you see the photo in the group? Yes.

That I posted and everyone's like, what is this photo? It's a lot. I just Googled sexy football and I was like, oh, the first one that came up. Yeah, and I hate to sexualise people while they're working. I hate to sexualise people while they're working, but they are short shorts, obviously for being able to move around and run around and stuff.

And they were tight white shorts as well. But because I get chub rub when I walk for too long if I'm wearing a dress or something, like my thighs rub together, how do they not get that? I know that they're not chubby, but, like, your thighs are like, you're running and you're moving around and you're sweaty, you're wet and stuff. Don't they get a bit of, like, friction burn?

Well, I think that's often why they wear the, like, the bike shorts underneath. Wear skins underneath. Yeah. Okay, okay, yep. That's what I do when I wear a dress. Anti-chafe shorts. Well, I've started wearing the longer short underwear.

Because it gives you like... No rub, yeah. Yeah. And there is actually nothing worse than having, like the day after having that chub rub or at night time. It feels awful and it's hot and it's fucking yuck. Oh, I hope that's mud. I underestimated the fitness required to go the whole 40 minutes.

Mate, in your defence, that's a big stint. That's a month's worth. Yeah. The umpire will blow his whistle if you don't stop tugging me. I hope they don't. Are you David Beckham? Because I'd like to bend you. Bloody hell.

That's a great movie, by the way, Bend It Like Beckham. One of the greats. A great fucking movie. Yep. There's just so much going on. It's hard to take it all in. Never heard that before. Especially not from me.

He hasn't quite performed to his potential, so the coach had to pull him off. Some words of encouragement. You've got this. Keep going. Don't stop. How the fuck did he miss that? She was wide open. Oh!

How the fuck did he miss that? She was wide open. Oh! It's easier to see when you're not right in front of it. Oh, I'm sore this morning. I played an unusual position last night. Hey, this is Brad from Honolulu, Hawaii, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. All right.

A massive thank you to a few of our champion Patreons over at our Patreon. You okay? Yeah, people just hate it when we call them Patreons of our champion Patreons over at our Patreon. You okay? Yeah, people just hate it when we call them Patreons because it's Patreons. Oh, yeah. I thought you were just still in the sporting mood from the last segment and you were just up and about. Here we go. No, okay.

All good. Kristen Page, thank you. Monique DeRocha on the treadmill, thank you so much. Lexi Whitlock and Isaac Timonenhang, good on you. Thank you so much for buying our exclusive content, supporting us over at our Patreon. You love to say it. Yep, patreon.com slash Tony and Ryan.

So there's been an article I've seen flying around. A few people have posted it into our Tony and Ryan Facebook group as well. And I didn't know that this was a big deal, but apparently it is. In Australia, our pedestrian crossings make a noise. So when you're waiting to cross the street and it's the red man, then it finally goes green and you get a... And there's like a button that you have to press to like activate it. They're not automatic. Anyway, and I didn't know that that was a big deal i assumed that that happened everywhere because it's obviously to help like visually impaired

people so you can hear that it's you can have enough of that yeah oh don't that's awful um so you can obviously hear that it's time to go and that the car's it's going to be safe a few years ago it went like a bit va-va-va viral because it was in a Billie Eilish song, like in the background of a Billie Eilish song. And not just a Billie Eilish song, Bad Guy, which arguably kind of put her on the map, right? Yes, yeah.

So the... Yeah. Yeah. So it's like we shifted of that. And I'm pretty sure that video, the brother is explaining to Jimmy Fallon that that comes from the... Yeah. And then everyone loves to tag us because we're their Australian idiot friends.

How good's Australia? That's incredible. But isn't that a thing everywhere? Because it's literally for safety. Well, apparently not. Anyway, I thought it was like a normal thing. I didn't that a thing everywhere? Because it's literally for safety. Well, apparently not. Anyway, I thought it was like a normal thing. I didn't know that it was weird. But it made me think about something that really fucks me off.

Okay. So when you are walking, if you hit that button, it literally like stops the traffic. Yes. So instead of it being like at a normal intersection, obviously like the car's going straight and turning right, they'll get a green first, then you can't turn right anymore, and then the following people opposite, they can come forward.

So instead of it following like its normal order, it changes the order and adds the pedestrian crossing. So when you press that, it fucks the flow of traffic. And all good because like the- We're taking our turns to cross the road. We're taking our turns and it's totally fine. But when you do it, it actually affects something. Like there's cause and effect there.

If you press that fucking button, it fucks the traffic. You are fucked off. What's happened? I'm really fucked off. Something that really grinds my fucking gears is when you see people press the button and then not fucking walk across the street. What do you mean? So the other day I was driving, I think, to come and pick you up or something. Yep.

And I'm, like, waiting at the lights or something. And this group of fucking kids. How old? Oh, 13. Youths. A hard age, obviously, granted, but youths walking over the road and they walk past and there's like three pedestrian buttons that they could cross because it was like a big intersection.

They hit every one and then walked the other fucking direction. How dare they? So. Did you tell them what you thought? Well, no, of course not. But so I'm sitting in my car and I'm like, fuck, I've got to get somewhere, like I'm doing something, whatever. They hit all the fucking buttons so it fucks the traffic.

And then you've got to wait. They fuck off and I have to sit there and wait because it's like, yep, because fucking the thing goes off and then they can cross the road and then the other people can cross the road and it's fucking. That's fucking going off. No one's crossing. What about Tony Lodge? But we're all sat at a red fucking light. She's got somewhere to be.

She's a busy lady. But even if I didn't, you'd be fucking everybody off. Question. Question. Question. Sometimes I'll cross the street over here at Bridge Street to get a coffee or something, Bridge Road to get a coffee. I'll push the button. Oh, don't.

Don't you fucking dare. I feel awful now. I never thought about it like this. I'll push the button and then I'll look and go, oh, it's sort of clear anyway. Oh, you're a cunt. Do we say that on this one? I'll beep it out. I fucking hope so.

Are you fucking kidding me? So I'll push the button and then I'll see that the road is clear. And then I'll just go, oh, the road's clear. So I'll go over. Not only is that illegal, it's jaywalking, which you have been arrested for. And put in jail. Yes. The Queen thanked me for her time that I served.

But then I'll walk across and I'll go to the cafe and then I'll, like, look back and go, oh, there's my... And then it's... I'll see that in the background. Is that bad? Yes. So what would you do if you pushed the button? I wait until it lets me go.

So there's no cars coming across. You need to cross the street. You're just going to stand there. Yeah, every time. Unless if I was going to jaywalk, I wouldn't press the button. I, like, look at my surroundings and then go, oh, I'll just run across, depending on how busy the road is and where it is and stuff. What about this one?

Mm. And this can also be applied to getting the lift in a building. Oh, yep. When someone's in a hurry, they'll just like. Press it a hundred fucking times. Or someone's already pressed it. Yeah. And then someone else will press it.

Fucking. Because some people actually go, I've already pressed it. Really? Yeah, because they don't want to rejig and fuck up the thing. Oh. And reset the timer. So in Melbourne, this isn't a thing. So I'm from WA. This isn't a thing there. Yeah. In Melbourne, this isn't a thing. So I'm from WA.

This isn't a thing there. In Melbourne, well, in a CBD at least, if you've pressed it, it like illuminates a little light. Lights up and says this has been pressed. Yeah, but it doesn't do that in WA. So I understand. So everyone just keeps pressing the time. But here you kind of, there's an indication that it's already been pressed.

But I would always look at the road and go, oh, it's quiet. There's one car coming. I'm not going to press the fucking button and fuck up the traffic. I'm just going to sprint across the road, which I would only endorse if, like, you know what you're doing and you're an adult and you, whatever, disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer. But I just could not believe the gall of these children fucking up my day. These youths.

Because pressing a button's fun. Press a fucking button anywhere else. Get a fucking fidget spinner. Fuck off. Thank you for diffusing me there. I needed that. No, I'm with you. Except obviously from the crimes I commit.

Yeah. But I'm with you in theory. That really fucks, like, it fucks everybody. It does. Oh, I just had to get that off my chest. I'm glad it's off your chest. Thank you. Do you feel better for it? I'm still fucking riled up about it, to be honest. Yeah. I just,

it's fucking disrespectful. It's fucking disrespectful. Speaking of disrespectful, this is, I was like, oh, I'll do the things you love to see, but this is going to rile you up even more. Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm loving the dropout on Disney+. It's amazing.

With Elizabeth Holmes. I told you that that was amazing. It is amazing. It's Amanda Seyfried, but it's the Elizabeth Holmes story. The Elizabeth Holmes story, Amanda Seyfried, amazing. And what did I say to you the other day? That if you hadn't watched the original Elizabeth Holmes documentary, you would think that Amanda Seyfried was a really bad actress.

But having watched Elizabeth Holmes, I'm like, she's fucking nailing it. She deserves a fucking award, an Oscar or Emmy or whatever it is. She should win something for that because she's doing a phenomenal job. I agree with you wholeheartedly. Yep. Oh. No, no. I'm not about to.

Do you need to take a breath? No, I'm okay. I'm not about to. Do you need to take a breath? No, I'm okay. I'm all right. That felt better. I felt that. Yeah, thank you. Yep.

It's quite triggering because, hey, I mean, we've all worked with people who I just, I mean, Elizabeth has been convicted of fraud and lying, but I think we've all worked with people who have interesting choices with what's really happening in the workplace. Totally. I don't, if you can't relate to that, then I'm fucking jealous. Yeah, so it's fascinating TV, but it's also watching it being like, oh my God, that looks familiar.

Yeah, but also watching it and seeing how outrageous it is and then being like, this is a true fucking story. This is a true story. This happened? My specific you love to see it. Yes. The show is great. Disney+. Yeah. Stephen Fry. Oh, yeah.

I love Stephen Fry anyway. Yeah. But his character is so like like, cute and lovely. You know how British have that kind of charm? Yeah, maybe stop watching. What happens to Stephen? I'm up to episode four. Maybe stop watching. No, what happens?

Maybe stop watching. The lovable chemist Stephen Fry. Stop watching the show. Maybe. We don't love to see that. No. He is fantastic in it, though. Also deserves a fucking Emmy or whatever it is.

Yeah. But Amanda Seyfried, if anybody is watching this show and thinking she's not a very good actress, watch the original first. Watch the documentary on Netflix. And then you will see how fucking amazing she is doing at this. That's my love to see it. I'm going to bring the mood up a little bit from that.

Great. Cassidy Fisher, she posted in our Facebook group this week. Hi, all. Happy to report today is my one-year anniversary for being cancer-free. Woo! For the second time. Shit. Since being cleared for the second time, I've made a point to do a lot more things that

make me happy. And one of those is listening to this podcast. It brings me so much joy and laughter throughout the day. You'll love to see it. And Cassidy, we are so fucking happy for you. That is fucking awesome. And we're happy to, you know, take the credit for clearing your cancer. Well, I've often said I'm probably the person who's going to cure cancer.

Yeah, and Cassidy, we took the chemotherapy for you. We did all that treatment for you. We've dealt with that. No, but honestly, you love to see it and we're fucking so, nothing could make us happier than hearing that. So that's awesome. Question, we've got 15 seconds left. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is in the light of beating cancer, is a cancer joke appropriate or is it still a bit taboo? Oh, my God, no, I think it's fine. Okay. As somebody who has lost their mum to cancer, I think cancer jokes are fine. The name again? Cassidy.

Cassidy, no more key meow for you. Oh, no, that's great. Oh, key meow therapy. It's over. Thank you. See you later. I thought you were going to say cancer-dy. Love you, Cassidy.

Congratulations. Good job on the cameo therapy. Love you, Cassidy. I'll message you separately to this and make sure we're all good. Stop hitting the fucking button! Very impressive. Are you fucking crossing the street? I can't believe there's a video

bathroom in the rotation. Fucking use. Stop fingering the button. Finger each other. This is like when you hated the post office. Bye. Love you.