Toni and Ryan - Who's The Father?

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

We also talk about funny things kids say - and some feedback from the week that was. Love you!! [USED TO BE VIDEO EPISODE BUT NOT ANYMORE LOL TECHNICAL CHAT]Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Hi, I'm Tony. This is going to be Alex, who is in Melbourne, and I'm Ryan. Alex in Melbourne? So that's the three of us, all in Melbourne. Tony, Alex and Ryan. Yeah. Hello?

Hi, Alex? Oh my God, Tony? Hi, how are you? Oh my God, Alex, rise and shine. Ryan? Oh my God, hello. Hi, where are you? What are you doing, Alex?

I'm at home. I had a big night last night and that's why I didn't see your email up until like this morning. I emailed Alex and said, mate, can we call you? And then like a few minutes ago, he was like, uh, okay. So what was the big night last night? Yeah, what were you celebrating? Um, I was going out. It's my midterm break at the moment. Um, so. Very good. School blowout. Yeah. Yeah, what are we celebrating? I was going out. It's my midterm break at the moment. Very nice. School blowout.

Yeah. Yeah, nice. Yeah, exactly, exactly, and I'm going again tonight. Backing it up. Midterm break, babe. Don't waste it. I haven't done that in 10 years. Alex, will you approve this podcast as much as we approve your drinking two nights in a row and reminding us how fun we used to be?

Yes, of course. What the fuck? Of course. Yay! fuck? Of course. I mean, I'm not allowed to say that, can I? Oh, fuck yeah. Well, you just did say it, Alex, so yes, you can. Hi, it's Alex from Melbourne, and I approve this podcast. Welcome to the show.

A vodcast. You can watch this one as well as listen. Yeah, welcome. How exciting. You can see how good Tony looks today. Do you think so? Yep. That's nice.

Did you have your hair done recently in the last few weeks? Yeah, I did. Last week. Yeah, it looks great. Yeah. I noticed. I feel like today has that real beginning of summer vibe. Really?

It's got that, and I know it's only spring, but it's got that sunny, fresh air smell. Yeah, it really does. A bit lighter earlier. Yeah. It's fucking daylight savings now as well. That would explain a few things. You're right, there is a summer vibe. It's just getting a bit hot because fucking Melbourne winter gets you down.

It's pretty fucked, yeah. It definitely. Are you saying you back up? I definitely have that like seasonal effectiveness to sort of like sad thing. Yeah. But, yeah, I'm feeling like it's coming back. Yeah. Like the fresh air in the morning doesn't bite you.

Yeah. Like I haven't needed to wear my puffer jacket and stuff. There's a pep in your step. Don't you reckon? Yeah. Now I want to talk about fuck things that kids say. Because kids can bring you a pep in your step, like we found out yesterday, that person that gave

their teacher a hug was fucking cute. That was fucking cute, actually. But then kids also say some fuck things. And I don't think they're meaning to say fuck things. No, I mean. Or do they know what they're doing? I don't know. I just think, like, where do kids pick this stuff up?

Yeah. And then you realise their little ears, they're always on. They're always listening. They are like your phone. Except for when you're asking them to do something. Then they're fucking off. They're like your phone. You get an ad for something and you go,

I mentioned that to Tony the other day. Yes. They're always listening. They're always listening. Kids are the original phone. They won't target you with that. Oh, man, they do. Then they do target you.

They kind of do because they talk about, like, getting McDonald's all the time. Well, if kids are anything like I was. Yeah, if a kid has said something fuck to you, let us know on today's episode thread in the Facebook group. Let me tell you a story from Amy. Hi, Amy. She's recently had a child.

Congratulations. Oh, Ames, good on you. Let me tell you a story from Amy. Hi, Amy. She's recently had a child. Congratulations. Oh, Ames, good on ya. Amy says thanks for the podcast because she listens to it for the late night feeds. You're welcome. We do it for you. Yeah. We hope that you're loving it.

Hopefully the baby loves it too. I would have thought so. I hope so. That's our demographic. Babies. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a teacher, says Amy. I was around 22 weeks pregnant when I decided to tell my class

that I was going to have a baby. Like, what's that? Because, you know, the teacher's like in the belly and stuff. And because, like, do you think that that – sorry, not trying to fuck your story. Do you think that that's the weird thing of, like, because then kids are like, well, how does that work? Kind of.

And she said they're a class of nine or ten-year-olds, completely oblivious to the growing bump because you're just not. No. In thinking about that and you're like, how does it work and blah, blah, blah. No. So she kind of goes, hey, I've got some great news. What are the questions, blah, blah, blah. And like what a cute moment but like an interesting

and informative moment as well. And you're really opening yourself up. There I am. Yeah, because who knows what questions are going to come back. But you also don't know like what their parents have told them. Yeah, one kid goes, so how does that work? And you go, because who knows what questions are going to come back. But you also don't know, like, what their parents have told them. Yeah, one kid goes, so how does that work? And you go, am I the one who's going to break it? Yeah, like, do I have to do it?

Or, you know, one kid says, oh, well, my parents said the stork comes and my parents said that, like, mummy eats a seed and, you know. The stork was his dad's name. Fucking stork. He's coming. So she said it was a beautiful experience. Oh, that's actually, I'm really glad that it was nice and they weren't, like, weird about it.

Well, there's a few weird questions. Kids say the darndest things. One little girl says to Amy, Congratulations, miss, I thought you were a lesbian. Does a nine-year-old know what that means? And surely they're not funny enough to have comedic timing like that. That's wonderful. The way Amy describes this is it wasn't like a zinger.

It was more just like. Matter of fact. That's what I thought. I thought you were a lesbian. Also, when I say do nine-year-olds know that, please know that for me the difference between a two-month-old and a 15-year-old. Is basically.

I don't know what order things happen and when you learn stuff. But, like, I guess it's great that she did know that. Like, obviously they have, like, an open family and they talk about, like, what different families look like and whatever. But to then, yeah, come right out and be like, oh, and also lesbians can get pregnant. Yeah.

Like, my sister and her fiancé, they've, she's, they're two women. They've had a baby. Like, you know, these things, that's how it happens. And what do you say to that? If you're the teacher, what do you say? How do you know that word? I don't know. Or do you just go, well, I'm not.

You go, oh, fuck, I don't know. And because you have to be polite and you can't just be like, what the fuck, stupid kid, shut the fuck up. Or just be like, oh, I shouldn't know. And because you have to be polite and you can't just be like, what the fuck, stupid kid, shut the fuck up. Or just be like, oh, I shouldn't have worn that sweater vest. Like, I don't know. So I guess all the Ellen dancing that I do when I walk into the classroom at the beginning of the day, I guess I'd go, oh, no, like my husband and I love each other very much.

I'm guessing that that is the situation for Amy. Like, yeah, I don't know. You'd be taken aback. Like it's. The second one was the one that hurts at Amy. Oh. And the second, to read what she said, this second girl pipes up and hits me with the best thing I've ever heard.

Oh. So they're like, I'm having a baby. And I was like, wow, that's great. Fantastic. And the teller goes, that's so good, miss. I'm so happy for you. Do you know who the dad is? Amy says, shocked, speechless, but inside,

piercing myself laughing at how a nine-year-old would even think or know to ask this question. That's what I meant. The zingers. These kids are fucking future comedians. Or has the nine-year-old not met their dad and it's just like, that's just how it works? Yeah.

Because it's very normal to not know dads in her world. Yeah. But, you know, this one, all good. Well, you're not, yeah. Fuck. And I think they're actually really good questions. Well, the first one was more of a statement. Yeah, I thought this.

Apologies, Rustin. Do you know who the father is? And she went, yeah. My husband. Yeah. Oh, keeping it in the family. Great. Loved to see that. More convenient than your kid having to spend every second weekend with the milkman. Or some guy you don't know.

Some guy at the club. Has a kid ever? Well, actually, quite similar to that. So my nephew now, Tyler, he's like 15 or 16. Oh, actually, no, he's older than that. Does he follow you on Instagram, your nephew Tyler? No. No, he follows me.

I'm not allowed to follow him back. That's right. I knew there was a source of controversy. And he's banned you from following? No. No, he follows me. I'm not allowed to follow him back. That's right. I knew there was a source of controversy. And he's banned you from following? Yes. I've, like, requested a couple of times and every couple of weeks I'll check it and then I'll, like, cancel it and request again so it, like, goes to the top.

He just won't let me. Tell me he's thinking I'll follow him. No. Then I can give you updates. He's seeing this new bird. Does she know who he is? I thought he was a lesbian um and but anyway like when he so he was born when I was like 11 right so like we're quite close in age compared to the rest compared to the rest of my brothers and sisters um anyway but like so he was probably like two or three and my sister-in-law um and my brother got pregnant again.

Oh, cool. And so she was pregnant and like hormonal and just like eating everything and just like being a snippy girl. And anyway, they're like in the car one day and obviously Chelsea said something or other and, you know, they're bickering or whatever. And Tyler goes, oh, my God. He's like three.

Oh, my God. When are you going to shit the baby out? Someone has not had the chat. I'm sick of this moody cow. Like, you know, he didn't say this. Shit it out already. But he's just like, I'm sick of this going on. She's miserable.

She's making us miserable. All I want is my mum to look after me and give me Macca's fries. Like she used to. When are you going to shit that baby out? And, like, obviously my brother and sister are, like, fucking losing at laughing. Of course. And because how would he even know that that's like...

Obviously, I'm a grown woman. I know how it works. But that's pretty close. I think the fact that it's so close yet so far is the confusing thing for me. But it's pretty like he's on the right track. So I'm like, how did he even get there? On the right track. Do you know what I mean?

Imagine if some guy goes to put it in the bottom and the lady goes, no, that's not the right one. He goes, but I'm on the right track. Oh, yeah. Like close but like nah. But also so far, yeah. And that was like a running joke in my family. She shit it out of you.

Pretty much since then. Like, when are you going to shit the baby out? And has the child since been shat? Yeah, she's been shat out, Ashley. Ashley. She's a gorgeous little girl. I mean, she's fucking a teenager now. But, yeah, like.

Can we follow her on Instagram? No. You banned from her as well? She doesn't have Instagram, but she does use TikTok. And so whenever I'm FaceTiming, because I FaceTime them all the time, and whenever I'm FaceTiming them, like, I'll be like, oh, like, can I, you know, can I follow you? Or my sister-in-law will be like, oh, like, Ash said that she saw your TikToks,

like she sees them all the time. And I'm like, oh, yeah. And no. No. They listen to the podcast, though. Oh, well. They love it. Ashley, if that is your, yeah. And no. No. They listen to the podcast, though. Oh, well. They love it. Ashley, if that is your real name.

It is. I'm glad that you're now finding out that you were shat out by your mum. Mikaela. Maybe I should have used fake names. What if they're friends, listen, or something? If I know your nephews and nieces, and I feel like I do, they don't have friends, mate. It's fine.

Oh, no. That's untrue. They're cool. They are cool. They are cool. That's why they won't fucking let me follow them on Instagram and TikTok. They're too cool for nerdy auntie Tony.

Totty. Totty. Oh, that's such an auntie. Yeah, yep. Mikaela. I work at like a school camp, retreat centre kind of thing, like summer camp maybe kind of. That's cool.

That's a thing. Like Australians go over and do like a stint at summer camp. Yeah. And I was getting one of the kids fitted into a life jacket because we were about to do a little sailing on the lake or whatever. And this six-year-old girl looked at one of the other staff members, one of the other ladies working there, looked her dead in the eye and said,

no bikinis allowed. You'll need to cover up a bit more, thanks. Said that to the counsellor or to the kid? Yeah, the person that worked there. So the people that worked there, because they're in the whatever. Yeah, the counsellor. Yeah. The camp counsellor.

I think I get confused because I associate counsellor with being like a therapist. A therapist. Yeah, yeah. No, but they're called like camp counsellor. Sorry. So she worked camp counsellor. I think I get confused because I associate counsellor with being like a therapist. A therapist. Yeah, yeah. No, but they're called like camp counsellor. Sorry. So she worked camp counsellor. Great.

Sorry. Team leader. Yeah. Yeah. And so they're getting into the rush. Hang on. So the head person said to like, Mikaela, you need to be more covered up.

No. The six-year-old kid says to the counsellor, no bikinis allowed. The six-year-old said to Mikaela, what? Yeah. So. Kids are mean, man. Yeah. Kids are mean.

She'll need to cover up. Now, Mikaela said, I almost died laughing. A, because of what I've just heard. And this little miss being like, you need to cover up. Makayla says the sassiness in the way that she said it. I'm imagining like a finger waggle. Yeah, a bit of a finger wave and a bit of a look. Like that's inappropriate actually.

With a bit of tude. She also said the face of disgust, that I don't know what she's wearing. But Mikaela said the thing that made this the most funny was the fact that there's literally no rule at the camp about not wearing a bikini. It's not as if she was like, I know that you're not allowed to wear that. Yeah. She says all of the guys... She just decided she wanted Mikaela to pick up and hide. She goes, all the guys just wear like little running shorts,

little swimming shorts or speedos or whatever. The girls all wear bikinis because you're in the water all day. You're swimming. It's bathers. And she's like, there's literally 10 other teachers all dressed in the same. And she just picks one of them and goes, no. Mikaela's like, what? Don't you like what I'm wearing?

Yeah. So I am so scared of kids. We've talked about being scared of youths at the shopping centre and stuff. Little, like, really sassy little girls, like, terrify me so much. So if she had, if this little girl had said that to me, I'd be like, oh, my, like, I'm so sorry. I'll go get a dress. I'll pop that on. I'll swim in that. I'll go get a dress. I'll pop that on. I'll swim in that.

I'll swim in the dress. I'll probably drown. I'll get a fucking three-piece suit and I'll fucking swim in that if that would make you more comfortable. So have you been to Vic Gardens in the last week? Yeah. It's school holidays. Have you noticed all the youths just like hanging out?

They're everywhere. The other day I was riding my scooter and I scooted past a group of kids and they laughed at me. Yeah, they'll do that. Remember that time I gave myself a G-string? I'm still mortified. I was just getting home from work, you know, like I'm just getting from A to B

and these kids all laughed at me on my scooter. Did you have to see that? I would have turned off two blocks. If I saw them, I would have gone, oh, there's kids coming up. I'll go the long way. Is that what I should have done? Absolutely. You know what I would have done to your kids?

Oh, my God. I should have done that. Well, that's what I've been doing since the thong incident. Yeah. So I was riding my bike once. Yeah. And I was nervous that my booty was sticking out the back. Yeah.

So I went to pull up my underwear. But instead of pulling all of the underwear, I ripped my own underwear. Gave yourself a J-banger. Gave myself a G-string and then just rode past the kids. Yeah. Which you're not allowed within 20 feet of that school anymore. Yeah, I'm now banned from Richmond Primary. I am so intimidated by kids.

Yes, I have seen them at big gardens. And I'm always like, oh, is this outfit okay? Because they're so well-dressed. They are so trendy. And they've got a phone that's like six models better than mine. Yes. And you just, I don't know what it is.

I just get so intimidated. Well, lucky you weren't wearing your little thong bikini in front of these ones, getting told off by a six-year-old. Put those checks away, sweetheart. Then the next day they all come back and they're like, oh, is Miss McHale still working there? And they're like, she quit. She quit.

The trauma of the job was too much. She needed to go to the camp counsellor. Yeah, she's seen a real counsellor now. Hi, this is Alex from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony and I. Thank you so much for watching, listening. We know that you're on Spotify, so I'm not going to say wherever you're listening, it's only on Spotify. Wherever you get your podcasts, on Spotify. But make sure that if you are watching, no, if you're listening,

that you know that you can watch this episode. You just tap at the bottom, the video will come up and you can tap on that and it will go like landscape. You can also stream to your TV. So there's... If you've got a smart TV. If you've got a smart TV. So there'll be a little...

I think there's like a little speaker button and if you hit that, it'll come up like, where do you want to stream to? And your TV, smart TV, if you're on the same network should come up. So... And if you know how to do that, let me know because I would also like to do that.

What? Ryan's got one of those TVs with the big backs Like it's not even a flat screen TV It's one of those ones that they rolled in You can't all have flat screens, mate It's one of those ones that they rolled in on a trolley at primary school You know when they roll it in and you go We're watching a video today

And they put Casper on because the teacher's obviously fucking hungover. And sometimes it takes like three or four lessons to get through the whole movie. Oh, yeah. I'll just pick this one from where we left off. Yeah, and you go, fucking awesome. Righto, mate. Actually, maybe roll it back five minutes just to catch up to where we are.

Yes, and like year 10 English because you'd watch the movie and then like analyse it or whatever. And I remember we did AI. You know that movie about like the kid who's a robot? It's like Hayley Joel Osment. When you said AI, I thought you meant T.I., the rapper, and I was like, what a fucking study that would be. No, it was T-Pain's episode of This Is Pop.

And we watched that. No. And we watched it. And that movie goes for, like, two and a half hours. It took us, like, six weeks to fucking watch it. Fantastic. It was awesome. Anyway, Jill Shivers, thank you so much.

She's a few of our champion tapas. Hang on. Can we just cut out the bullying? Not all of us, mate, can have flat screen TVs. I know you do and I don't. Not all of us have cars. I don't have a car. It's fine, but just like, just watch the attitude.

You're hanging shit on my car. I'd love to have a car. It's fine, but just watch the attitude. You're hanging shit on my car. I'd love to have a car to have shit hung on. I'm incredibly jealous of your car and your ability to have something to drive. You got a scooter. Can't ride it past kids, though. Does that make fun of you? Might go above 25 kilometres per hour. 20.

20 per hour. I met a guy yesterday. He's doing 32. Fuck off. The barber, yeah. A friend of mine has, like, you know how you can, like, jailbreak a phone? You can talk them up. Talk.

Yeah. T-O-R-Q. Q-E, yeah. But you can, like, hack it hack it and like fucking pump them, which you should not do. Is it on 40? I think it's 30, probably 35 maybe. It'd be the max.

But that's fucking bucking on a scooter. What I want to do with my scooter is get some bigger wheels. The wheels on our scooters are real small and they like kind of hit every bump and it fucking like feels like you're breaking your wrist every time. And you stacked it the other day. And I really hurt myself. I'm still dealing with the ramifications of falling off my scooter the other day. Luckily I was wearing my helmet though, which everyone always does.

Jill Shivers, thank you so much. Romilly Greenwood, a big thank you to you. Eric Lucero, Janine Giles, Hope Suttles, Mackenzie Dolder. Mackenzie Dolder. Mackenzie Dolder? I hardly know her. Karina Pockets, Layla Hellregal, Rebecca Ocon, and Nikki Jell. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon. You fucking love to say it.

We're still getting through May names. Can I just point that out to everybody? A lot of people got a drink bottle. A lot of people getting shout outs. So if you haven't heard your name yet and it's been maybe a bit too long, send us a message on Patreon. We're up to May. We're still in May. So, like, don't stress if you haven't heard your name yet and it's been maybe a bit too long, send us a message on Patreon. We're up to May. We're still in May.

So, like, don't stress if you haven't. Once we get past May, we'll fly through. Once we get past May, you know, and a lot of people cancelled their memberships. Yeah. We're still getting through those. Kimberly Ann Jr. has messaged through. I know.

And she said, Tony Lodge didn't just ruin my life, she almost ended it. Are you a murderer? No. Maybe I'm like American Psycho, like I don't know that I'm doing it. I still don't know if he was doing it. See, that's what I don't get. That's my favourite movie, but I still don't know the answer.

When he's like pulling her through the thing, like through the house and they're chasing each other, like in the apartment building, I'm like why isn't anyone coming out to investigate? And then obviously at the end of the movie it's like, oh, did it happen or not? I still think he did though. I feel like he did too.

I love Huey Lewis and the News. Yeah, one of the great albums. It's not an album. No, the album he brought out. But I feel like you don't know what it is That's okay, you're embarrassed You're embarrassed, I can tell that you're embarrassed He talks about the album

Yeah, but like I said I said, how good is Huey Lewis and the News and you said, a great album But I said, that would be like me being like Oh, how good's Nirvana? And you're like, oh, love that album. Like it's obviously not.

Do you know what news stands for? This really freaked me out when I found this out the other day because it doesn't make sense. What? What do you mean? What does news stand for? It's news. News stands for news, entertainment, weather, sport.

No, it doesn't. Yeah. No, it doesn't. It does. But the N in news can't be. And that's what fucks me up. It's like an agnostic poem. Yep.

Because before news, how did you get to news? Yeah, like it's like a chicken and the egg. You can't have one without the other. You can't go across without going down, but you can't go down without going across. Do you know what someone told me the other day? That podcast is like POD. What is the thing?

It's playable on demand. Did you read? Did I see this in a tweet? I told you on yesterday's episode. Are you fucking with me? Are you joshing me? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you actually tell me that or are you fucking with me?

No, because we were joking about insects in the city, the callers calling in. Yes. Did you? Oh, my God. I told you that just before. So I was literally like, I've read that online or something. I've read it online.

Hey, Ryan, let me tell you a hot fact. Oh, my God. I do that with Torbs all the time. I'm like, oh, I was watching this thing the other day. He's like, mate, I was there. I was on the couch next to you. I've told you one of your stories back to you and said, my friend did this thing the other day.

And I was like, yeah, me. That was me. Your best friend. Kimberly Ann Jr. Okay, cool. We're getting there. We're getting closer. Toni Lodge didn't ruin my life.

She almost ended it. Okay, rude. What did I do wrong? I was driving home listening to the podcast drinking my bubble milk tea. Do you like bubble tea? I love bubble tea. How good is it? It surprises me that you like it.

It doesn't seem like something you would like. I like consuming it. So you like it. It doesn't seem like something you would like. I like consuming it. So you like it? No, but like the milkiness. Well, I don't get a milky one. Don't you? No, I always go a fruity one or like a black tea or something. You do like a fruity one.

I do, yeah. I'm drinking my bubble tea. I'm driving home and Tony starts talking about Sebastian the crab as I'm taking my bubble tea. I'm driving home and Tony starts talking about Sebastian the crab as I'm taking a sip. She starts singing Touch On My Sea, Darling It's Better Down Where It's Wetter, and I ugly snort, laughing, causing a bob of pearl. You know the pearl things? Yeah, the little jellies.

Yeah, and she like, and it like popped straight down the back of her throat. God, don't say that to Ryan on the weekend. I start choking, says Kimberley Ann Jr. And I pulled off the road. Buy him a drink first. Good job. Good job.

Sorry. That's a smart move. I had to throw my- As someone with a car, that's a smart move. I wouldn't know what this means. Yeah, I know. I had to throw myself into the steering wheel to try and Heimlich manoeuvre myself

because she had to kind of like... Oh, Kimberley... No, that's a lot of carry-on. That's three sneezes if you've ever heard it. So the bobber peel finally Tony dislodges. The bobber peel, Tony. And projectile shoots into the window and sticks to the glass. Yuck.

And then like. It slides down really slowly. Oh, my God. What a visual. Kimberley Ann Jr., I'm very sorry that that happened. However, my boyfriend Torbs, he doesn't find me very funny. No. Because he knows you.

Yeah. And so whenever I make a joke or if he listens to the podcast or whatever, he goes, I appreciate that people think you're funny, but it's not for me. But this ain't it. It's just not for me. And I showed him the video, the clip of me singing Touch On My Sea. Yeah.

And he laughed and made noise. Like he ha-ha'd at that video. So Kimberley Ann Jr. You're fucking welcome. I think that of all the ways to go, pretty good. One of my better jokes. Some of my better gear, I would say. So a pretty good way to go. Pretty good. One of my better jokes. Some of my better gear, I would say. So a pretty good way to go.

Well, Kimberley Ann Jr. sort of has a similar sentiment now that it's all been said and done. Yep. Said and sung. I never thought my cause of death would be choking on black balls. Or hearing me sing about my sea. And when they shot into my mouth. Here we are. Well, you're welcome. You're fucking welcome. I've made that dream come true for you. And what a dream. Yeah, what a dream. Exactly. What a dream to have.

Emily Louise. Do you know this story? Yeah, I do. I hope that my fucking comment that's gotten some bloody made some moves over the week i hope that that's coming as well it's not so you might need to prepare it great okay dear tony and ryan says emily louise i'm writing to inform you that i will no longer be able to listen to your podcast every day i decided to put on today's episode while driving home from work and everything was fine until Tony started dry heaving over a hanky issue. And can I just say the concept of hankies is worth dry heaving for? Yes, it's disgusting. And we did discuss it.

We talked about it and it made us feel a bit crook. And there was a call from a few people to maybe, you know, announce that next time or cut it out. So this isn't the first time we've had an issue with you making a vomiting sound and that making other people want to vomit. Yep. Now, the way Emily describes it is... Is that my fault?

I mean, you're definitely contributing. But you're in control of your own body. Well, apparently not. That's literally the point. They're not. Yeah, right. Okay. Yep.

Sorry, that light's turned off, everyone. I know that you can see it. I think it's gone flat. You must not put them on charge, you fucking idiot. Anyway. Nah, just kidding. The blue from your eyes will light up my world. You're just angling because you know you've almost killed someone.

Two people, actually. Being a sympathetic vomiter, which is a word I didn't know existed, I unintentionally began gagging and promptly threw up driving 80 kilometres per hour down the Nepean Highway. And you know what I take from that comment? What? Great to have an Australian listener. I know.

She's one of three. Melbourne. Melbourne. Melbourne. We should catch up with her. I was going to... Well, not after hearing that. Melbourne. Melbourne. Melbourne. We should catch up with her. I was going to. Well, not after hearing that. Yeah, sorry, Emily.

I was going to include a photo, but given Tony's gag reflex, I thought better of it. So let me get this straight. Yeah. You've caused her to throw up. Yeah. And she was going to send a letter and she went, no. A photo.

Yep. I'm not the kind of person that wants to contribute to someone else throwing up, so I'm not going to do that. That seems like she's not selfish. Sending someone a picture of your spew is fucking a lot worse than me dry heaving on the podcast. That's your opinion. Your opinion and your title to it.

No, no, no. You have to agree with that. Don't tell me what I have to agree. I'm my own man. It would be like if I said, oh, I pooed this morning, is you're saying that that's the same as me showing you a picture of my shit? You want to back this in, mate? There's many hills that I'd like to die in, and you're right,

I am questioning whether this is the one for me. Because otherwise, every time I shit, I could send you a picky mate if you think it's the exact same. Please do. You'd get about 20 a day. Now I'm in a pickle because I love your show But I would also like to keep my stomach contents where it is What should I do?

Now, you've had some correspondence There has been an official response from camp Tony and Ryan Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa This ain't on me, dog No, you were sick, so I took this off your plate while you were ill. I looked after this. You're responding from Tony Lodge, not from Tony and Ryan. I'm Team Emily.

Hi, Emily. Tony Lodge here, part of Team Tony and Ryan. We have received your inquiry and would like to thank you for your honesty and kindness during this time. We have spoken to the perpetrator of this crime that you have described and it will be dealt with swiftly. We can, however, not ensure that it won't happen again. We have spoken to the perpetrator of this crime that you have described and it will be dealt with swiftly. We can, however, not ensure that it won't happen again.

Thanks again for taking the time to share this with us. We love to hear from a fan. Regards, TFL. Tony Police Lodge. Okay, that was... I think that's quite good. I'm not saying it's not going to happen again, but I'd like to appreciate that I get where you're coming from. I'll describe that as stern but fair.

Thank you. And I took that out of your plate while you were sick. I thought, I'll deal with this. Yeah, I'll do the correspondence. Yeah, it was like I had to have a fucking press conference about, you know. And did Emily respond? No. I haven't heard back from Emily again.

Is she still in the group? Maybe not. I didn't remove her. If she isn't in the group anymore, it is because she removed herself. Post and toast, baby. But my comment did get 437 likes. How many did hers get? One and a half thousand.

Okay, you've been ratioed, dog. Yeah, so, I mean, in the scheme. Sounds like most people are team Emily. Yeah. Yeah. People said maybe a warning at the beginning of the episode would have been good. Well, here's the thing.

We didn't know. We don't know at the start of the episode what's going to happen during the episode. Thank you. We aren't organised. At the start of Wednesday, I didn't know that I would be looking for flights to Hawaii. No.

But then we learn about the Hawaiian toe clipper key rings and fucking Hawaiian airlines. And all of a sudden we're on the phone to Honolulu saying, when can you bring us in? Yeah. Yeah. So good things move quickly and we don't know. Yeah.

Yep. And I don't want to make a spoiler. Someone yelled at me the other week after we talked on the podcast about me getting a puppy and I post on Instagram and then the comment was, it would have been great if you put a spoiler alert on this because I hadn't listened to the episode yet. That's fucking beyond me.

All right. I can't take that on. Can you? Yeah, no, you're right. I can't. No, you can't. I'm not a fucking the finale of Breaking Bad. Hang on a second. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, you're right. I can't. No, no, you can't. I'm not a fucking the finale of Breaking Bad. Hang on a second.

Do you know what I mean? No, no, actually, no. I'll question this. Did you or did you not in this very studio, sitting in that very seat, talking to that very mic, and suggest that you were a psychic? No. No.

No, I said. No, the little woot will go find the clip. No, I said. You know the little woot will go find the clip. No, I said that I had a kooky dream that a girl I went to uni with had a baby and it happened to be the same day that she went into labour. Because I'm a psychic and can predict the future. I don't think I've ever said that. You definitely said you're a psychic. Okay, let's.

I can predict the future. Let's agree to disagree, but yep. I can predict the future and I would like to, in advance, give a warning. Oh, you think it's my job to use my power of the beyond? Can you just look down the barrel and say the end of this feedback segment will be lacklustre, just wanted to let you know in advance. Oh, yep. The end of this segment will be shit because Ryan's leading it,

but no one will dry reach, I promise. We giving them a heads up? Yep. Cool, is that it? Yeah. Cool. Do you have your love to say it? Should we just enter the podcast?

No, no, let's get your love to say it. Let's get your love to say it. Would you prefer Ryan's hot take on where you shouldn't propose or would you like some glasses comedy? Do the proposal and do the glasses next week. But my, you love to see it. How about I go first? Sure.

Because yours sounds like a fucking knee slapper. So I'll go first. We hang on to yours for a moment, all right? My, you love to see it. Round out the week. You are very funny. You love to fucking see this. There's not a knee that's not slapped when you're on form.

Tiger rolls. Also a bit of fuck you, but yeah, well played. Tiger rolls. They are the unsung hero of the bakery universe. Do tiger rolls exist in other countries? I don't know. Do they exist outside of coal? Yeah, I think outside.

Because you can get like a tiger loaf as well. Yeah. So I don't really know how to explain it if you don't know what I'm talking about. We'll put a photo in the episode thread today. Why did we start talking about tiger rolls? I told you that we got a hot chook and some tiger rolls for dinner. And I got all fired up. And we chatted about tiger rolls? I told you that we got a hot chicken and some tiger rolls for dinner. And I got all fired up. And we chatted about it.

Yeah. And I appreciate that I, as soon as we talked about this at your house, I shotgunned it being my love to see it. And you've given me about two weeks. Yep, the statute of limitations on you bagging that. Yeah, and I snoozed and I loosed. And here we are. Tiger rolls.

So it's like perfectly white, fluffy, soft bread on the inside. And then a real crispy, like cracked crust on the top. Would you describe it like that? And then it's got like in the coating or the crust, the thickness, it's like a tiger because it's got these like cool fun stripes. It looks a bit like when you need to scrub off a fake tan. It does. Yeah. And it's like that's kind of like the...

Oh, my God. Are you okay? She's thinking of Tiger Rolls. Guys, she's got carbs on the brain and she can barely contain herself. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. You must know how Emily feels now choking on the freeway. Oh, my God, I made myself laugh so hard that I choked on my own vomit. Tiger Rolls. You'll have to fucking say that. I made myself laugh so hard that I choked on my own vomit. Tiger rolls.

You'll have to fucking see that. I just think that we need to appreciate the little things in life a bit more. Yep. And mine today is a tiger roll. And you know what? I'm going to go home. I'm going to get some fresh ham and some fucking, like, mayonnaise or, like, avocado or. Yeah, cheese, but not a cheese slice.

Like a thick cut of the tasty bit of mustard. Do you like a mustard? I love a spicy mustard that, like, hurts your nose. Like an American wasabi-ish kind of that kind of. Yeah, it's like the peppery one. I think it's like the Old English is, like, the hottest one or whatever. I'm on the record somewhere as saying if there was, like, a mustard festival, I would be in attendance.

Let me Google that, actually, everyone hold the phone. Imagine if there was one in Hawaii. Mustard fest. Two birds, one stone. Mustard music? No. This year's mustard day. Oh, what's mustard day?

Oh, this is at the mustard museum in, I'm actually not even fucking joking. You are fucking me. It's called the National Mustard Man in I'm actually not even fucking joking. It's called the National Mustard Man. Sorry, I'm just like mustard me. Pop it in me. It literally is called the National Mustard Museum. Where is it? Sorry, I've got my iced coffee.

Look at it. It looks beautiful. It doesn't it? Is that in like Louisiana? That is a bold guess and stand by. By the colour of bricks and the colour Look at it. It looks beautiful. Doesn't it? Is that in, like, Louisiana? I'm trying to... That is a bold guess and stand by. By the colour of bricks and the colour of the logo. Stand by. Let me find out where it is.

Because of the purple, it looks like LSU. What did you just say? Where is it? It's in southern Wisconsin. Is that the way you just said? No. Okay. I mean, considering it could have been anywhere in the world.

Okay. Admission to the museum is free, although the best way for the museum to remain... I am not even fucking kidding. Although the best way for the museum to remain free is for visitors to visit the museum's gift shop. Do you think that they have Museum of Mustard? Toe clippers. Toe clippers. You got the toe jam and your mustard.

Your toe mustard. Toe jam, toe mustard in Wisconsin, baby. Oh, my God. Okay, no. We have to go to the mustard museum when we're in America. So the tour now includes the gift shop in Hawaii. Yes. And the gift shop. Oh, so we're just going to go to Hawaii on the way to America. If we've now includes the gift shop in Hawaii. Yes. And the gift shop.

Oh, so we're just going to go to Hawaii on the way to America. If we've got time to go next week, we'll go. Next week. What have we got on next week? We could make that work next week. Cup Day weekend? Is it? The long weekend?

The long weekend after. Anyway, we will. We'll figure it out. Visit the gift shop. But definitely we've got to go to the Mustard Museum. When's Mustard Day? Oh, it's open six days a week, closed Wednesday, so we'll make sure we queue that up.

Okay. Could you imagine? They obviously go out for a bender on a Tuesday night. Yeah, well, it's like cheers in Hawthorne, Tuesday night special. What else have you got? I'm not even kidding. The next National Mustard Day is Saturday, August 5th, 2023.

You keep thinking Paige's wedding is in August. It's in October. We've had this conversation about 55 times. Yeah, we actually have. So next August. No. I'm really upset. I'm sorry.

I've got to get up to see it. It'll cheer you up. Don't be upset. We'll go to the museum. It's open six days've got to get up to see it. It'll cheer you up. Don't be upset. We'll go to the museum. It's open six days a week. Yeah. But not Wednesdays. Just don't go on Wednesdays.

Wednesday's the day I like to eat mustard, so that's a shame. But that's okay. Well, big, big roast. Big, big roast. Could you imagine if we just turned up there and we booked in a day to go and we get there and they go, oh, we're closed Wednesdays. And we're like, what could you do? Mustard day.

Call the colonel. We could take our roles with us. That was a good joke, by the way. Call the colonel. Why? Those Wednesdays are like... Mustard day. Call the Colonel. We could take our roles with us. Call the Colonel, why? KFC. Colonel Mustard. Nah. Nah. No, that's actually so funny, except I thought you meant KFC.

Like Colonel... Yeah, nah, yeah. What is his name? Sanders. Yes. Yeah. This is the shittest episode. This is truly hot fun garbage.

This is us. To a T. If this is your first episode, this is what they're all like. No, it's not. They're all significantly better, I would hope. Congratulations to Tarpers Ethan and Dean on getting engaged. Two Tarpers. Beautiful. Two Tarpers Ethan and Dean on getting engaged. Two Tarpers. Beautiful.

Two Tarpers? Yep. Hope they're not sharing an account. No. No. You know my thoughts on that. Ethan says... When did they get engaged?

How'd they do it? Wow. Oh. I'm happy for the guys, but I'm fucking a bit sus on, I'm sus on Dean. I'm team Ethan. Okay. I'm sus on Dean. Well, I'm team Dean then, in that case.

Oh, this is Australia. I'll take Dean to the mustard museum with me. Not on a Wednesday though. That's not the only day he gets off work. He's like, well, I work at the mustard museum. So the only day that gets off work. He's like, well, I work at the Mustard Museum. So the only day that I get off is Wednesday. Because it's just... What if you want to...

It's not the Wednesday. It's the only day off. Well, everything's closed on Wednesday. How do you enjoy the Mustard Museum as a patron? If you work there, you can only go on your day off and then... No. Imagine then he goes, you would eat the mustard at work.

I'll call in sick. But then he's like, I'm too sick to come in. And then he's in the front of the line at the mustard museum. Ethan, what are you doing here? I thought you were sick today. Oh no, I'm not Ethan. Don't you know how to English? No, he's Australian. I'm not Ethan. Got any of that hot English? Yeah. No, he's Australian.

So Ethan and Dean. And they're Australian? Well, this happened in Mount Kosciuszko. Oh, my God. Australia's highest peak. Highest peak. Dean proposed to me at the top of Mount Kosciuszko while we were skiing. Could you imagine the piss?

Can you imagine the piss? You're at the top of my head. Do you know what I'm trying to say? Picturesque. Picturesque is the word. Fuck. That's not even that hard of a word to say. Can you imagine the piss?

Put that in a fucking t-shirt. Can you imagine the piss? Oh, I was just so piscorette when I was up there. Why did I have trouble saying that word? I don't know. So I kind of get the concept of it being picturesque. Yep. And it's a beautiful whatever.

Backdrop of like, yeah, you can see everything. And they like skiing. They like the mountains. Beautiful memory for Ethan and Dean. However, I've got this thing about proposals. You do, personally. Yep. There needs to be an ability to say no and an ability to leave.

Because, you know, if you're asking a question, there's two variable outcomes. What I'm saying is it's kind of hard to say no when you're on the top of a mountain cliff. Yep. In the middle of a national park, in the middle of... Because Kosciuszko's barren as fuck. Like, what I'm saying, you've got proposed to in the middle of the desert?

Yeah. You're going to say no? Yeah. I have a question. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm saying? Okay, so you just said that your requirements for a proposal are that they have the ability

to say no. Yep. Because consent. And that, like, you're in a place that is... You can leave. You could leave. Well, that's part of consent. There needs to be an out.

Yeah. No, like, you're in a place that is... You can leave. You could leave. Well, that's part of consent. There needs to be an out. Yeah, no, no, no. But, like, when you proposed to your wife, it was on film and you were out in the middle of nowhere at a winery. It was out in the middle of nowhere. It was at a winery that she worked at. Her car was down the road because she was at work. It was, like, 100 metres from her office.

But, like... It sounds very unromantic when I explain it that way. But, like... She could have said no. But it was on film and you'd run across Australia. I did run across Australia. So, you know, that's pressure. But she didn't know you'd run across Australia. I did run across Australia. So, you know, that's pressure. But she didn't know I'd run across Australia until I explained it to her after.

Okay. She would have really fucked the video up, eh? Yeah. And what's more important? Yeah, exactly. The views. Anyway. I hear what you're saying.

Yeah. And I'm saying no to a proposal is hard. Oh, I don't... Because you break their fucking heart. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, is that, like, don't make it harder. Yes. So what if Ethan goes, oh, it's not the right time.

I don't think I can, yeah. And then they go, cool, now we're on a cliff top. Yep. On Mount Kosciuszko. Yep, the air's pretty thin. Yeah, only one of us can probably make it back. What? What? Both of us can probably make it back. What? What?

Both of them can. Okay, well, I hope so. Is there enough oxygen for both? Yes. It's not a tank. It's just that when you're up high, there's, like, the air is thinner. So, you know, if you're hyperventilated from nerves or something, it's not a great place to feel nervous.

No, I'm just saying it's very remote. Yes. For me, it's the equivalent of being in the middle of desert no i get that oh do you want to lift home by the way you want to get married and then like oh no and you're like cool well um yeah that's a shame i wish i'd said yes yeah like and because if you said no does that mean you have to break up because you might not want to break up but you might just be like i just don't think we should get married right now. Or like, I don't think we're there yet, but I really, I love you, but I don't think we're there yet. But is it assumed breakup town if you say no to a proposal? Because I would assume you'd break up,

but there's probably a lot of reasons why people would say no. My mate Scott, he was together with this girl for, I reckon a year or two before they moved in. Oh, yep. And then they've been I reckon, a year or two before they moved in. Oh, yep. And then they'd been living together for a year or two. Okay, so they'd been together for maybe three, four years. Something like that. And they were like 27, 28.

Oh, yeah. And he proposed to her. Yep. Beautiful. And she went, oh, no. Like, you're not like my, like, forever partner. We're just like. They live together.

Yeah. And she thought she could just go, oh, no. And he'll go, oh, okay. And just keep living together. So, you know, a few years later when she decided she was ready to go find her forever dude. And then he was a bit like. That's so horrible. It's fucking horrible.

And Scott's a legend. And she was a fucking, what's that girl horrible. It was fucking horrible. And Scott's a legend and she was a fucking... What's that girl's name? Carla Conti. Carla Conti. And he was a bit like, oh... That's really nasty. It really is.

And like stringing him along and stuff. Exactly. So he was like, oh, like... I thought we were on here. But then he was more like, and I'm 100% with him. He goes, well, if I'm not it, like... Then that's it. Don't worry about it. Yeah. And she was like, no, no, no. Like, I still like, you know, I, if I'm not it, like... Then that's it. Don't worry about it.

Yeah. And she was like, no, no, no, like, I still like, you know, I like living together, I really like you, but, like, not for that. That is awful. And she assumed that he would just go, oh, okay, I just thought I'd ask. Yeah. Well, did you want to get Thai for dinner tonight?

Should we ski down this mountain? Yeah, like... Yeah. Fuck. And carry on with her day. And he just went, oh, well, if this ain't it, then don't worry about it. All right, well, I need to know, though, but Ethan and Dean, he said yes and they're all good?

Yeah. Oh, thank God. Sorry, I thought you were going to say that he said no. Do you reckon... Mount Kosciuszko's a... I've never been. It's a mile above sea level, right? I don't know.

Do you reckon they consummated the proposal and joined the Mile Higher Club at the same time on the top of Mount Kosciuszko? No? That's funny. Why are you looking... No, the Mile High thing. It's pretty funny.

Do you reckon they did? I wouldn't want to fuck someone on a mountain. All that snow, be pretty cold. Yeah, and you'd be short of breath. Yes, exactly. And I already am. Just generally. Well, congratulations you'd be short of breath. Yes, exactly. And I already am. Just generally. Well, congratulations

to Ethan and Dean. That's fucking so exciting. I do stand by that I am team Ethan. Nah, I agree. I watched recently, did you see that TikTok video that went viral of that guy proposing on like a jetty? Oh, yeah. And he like opens up the ring, it accidentally flicks out, it falls through the cracks of the thing and like down into the

ground. Propose at home. Safer. down into the ground. Propose at home. Safer. Yep. Way safer. Propose at home. Go out to the jetty after. Sure. When you know that the ring fits.

Great. If the ring fits, that's what they always say. That's what they always say. Thanks so much for watching this podcast or listening to the podcast, however you're consuming it. I'm sorry for everything. I liked today's. Did you?

Yeah. Loved it. Love you guys. Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon. Did you? Yeah. Loved it. Love you guys. Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon. Did we decide to do not the news thing? I don't know. Maybe I'll just...

Oh, that's warm now. I was going to say, is your iced coffee as room temperature as my hot coffee? How come when hot coffee goes cold, it's not as good as iced coffee? Save it for next week, mate. Next Monday. A deep investigation. A deep dive into it. A deep dive investigation.

That's a fucking good point. Hot coffee does not become iced coffee when iced. When it's... I know. And if iced coffee goes hot, it's like disgusting. Okay, next week. Yep. What is iced coffee?

Yep. The third place. The third place. What else do we need to Okay, next week. Yep. What is iced coffee? Yep. The third place. The third place. What else do we need to get to next week? Why New Zealand is better than Australia? Yes. Because I'm about to head across the Dutch. We're going on a flight in a few days.

Yes. Quick question. Would you like to get to the airport separately? Yes. I talked to Torbjorn about it last night. I just think that if I can see, you know how before you said that if you see kids up ahead, you're going to detour? I'm seeing you.

I'm a scooter. You're a kid. I think that I should detour. I think it's just the safest way because not only do I not want to be over the top, I don't want you to have to deal with me on the way to the airport. Are you just saying that to manage me? No. I just think it's better for you.

Because I appreciate not having to deal with you. No, that's no. No, because I knew that you'd be stressed. And I just want to let you, like, I don't want to add to your stress. Are you doing that thing where you make it seem like it's my idea, but you're, like, trying to lead me down the path of, like, going by myself to the airport? No, no, no.

I tell you what is funny, though. When you said, I talked to Torbs, the fact you're already thinking about it... Oh, yeah, it's on the brain. See, I would have been like, oh, fuck, we're leaving in two hours. Hey, Tony, how do you want to get to the airport? Mate, I've already booked an Uber. You're there.

You're in the lounge. Anyway, we've got to go. We've got to go. We literally have to go. We can miss the flight. You're such a bitch. You're being a little bitch. What are you being mean to me?

You're being a little bitch. That was bitchy. Why? Everything's turning off around us. We're falling to pieces. Why am I being bitchy? That was bitchy. I'm just trying to be there on time.

And it's because it's a work flight. Like, someone else has paid for it. Did they? Didn't they? Did we pay for it? Oh, my God. Yeah, I'll turn up whenever the fuck I like. Oh, yeah.

I'll pick you up ten minutes before we leave. Who cares if we miss it? See you later. Bye. Bye. See you later. See y'all later Bye See y'all later