Toni and Ryan - WILL THEY OR WON'T THEY

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

I've got a hack for the quickest way to wake up in the morning! Also: It's up to me, and I hate the responsibility. Love ya! Toni x Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. I reckon this is a sexy name that you're going to hear and go, that is a sexy name. All right. We're calling the UK. Yep. And we're calling Saxon. Saxon. Okay.

Right. I'll be in that. Literally. Excuse me. Sorry. Hello? Hi, is that Saxon? Yeah, it is.

Hello, it's Tony and Ryan. Will you approve the podcast, Saxon? Absolutely, I will. And I just said to Tony, Saxon is a sexy name. Do you get that a lot of the people are like, ooh, Saxon? Not often, but I'll take it from you, Ryan, anytime. Oh, and that mixed with that accent as well. And would you also take that name?

Yeah. Hey, it's Saxon from Derby in the UK, and I told my wife, Bridget, the other day. Are you married? Congratulations. Thank you, thank you. I was laughing. How was the wedding? I wasn't invited.

Neither were my parents. Well, my. Well, since you asked, it was a lockdown wedding. It was us and the photographer and the celebrant. It was actually so sweet. What a great excuse to not invite any of your family. Don't say that out loud. But like.

I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying. I just avoided a lot of hassles. And also like your mate's girlfriend that you fucking hate. Like you're like, sorry, no plus ones. No plus ones, dog. So I tell my wife, Bridget, the other day about the reason I've been crying. Oh, mate, are you okay?

Yeah, you know, laughing so hard. And when I'm on Twitter and I say something funny, like the reality is on your couch by yourself, you're like, but I lost it. Like completely bawling my eyes out, rolling on the floor laughing. Was it one of our videos? No, no. That's normally what gets me.

Bridget said, not only is it not funny, I'm actually upset that my husband finds this entertaining and I'm embarrassed that you like this. Right. Should we be? So it's about Harambe the gorilla. I don't think, should we talk about it then? So this is what my plan is.

Okay. In the second half of this episode. Yeah. So we're doing Audio Queen first. Audio Queen first, which is fucking still a pretty rough start. Thanks. No, like it's. My starring role and you're like, fuck, I'm going to do that again.

No, no, I meant like it's a lot for the senses because there's a lot going on. It is a lot for the senses. I'll give you that. So after the break, you're either going to hear a story about Harambe or, and to pull back the curtain of the Turning Rhyme podcast, we've done it and then we've decided, nah, that actually is fucked and you're going to hear us talking about a concept called the third place. So whatever you hear after the break, that's how we got there. Okay.

All right. And, Tony, in real time, you don't – because you've said a few times. No, I genuinely don't know. Because I've come in and gone, I've got this story, but it's pretty fucked. And you've gone, well, if it's pretty fucked, maybe it's not. I'm like, no, no, no, like, trust me, bro. I just am of the opinion, like, if in doubt, don't.

I'm doubting. Yeah. And I'm doing. Doubt and do is my – Doubt and do, okay. Get a tattoo, doubt and do. I think that's how my boyfriend feels. Went in doubt.

Pulled out. Mate, I'm trying to start a family. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, that's not the right way to go about it, to be honest. The first, the audio queen. Tony's an audio engineer by trade. And can I just say, by the way, that last week when I was away, another Tony filled in. Yes.

And she said, oh, we're so similar. My name is Tony. We have glasses. And she goes, I'm an engineer. And you said, oh, I'm just an audio engineer. No, she said, you're an audio engineer. I'm an actual engineer, is what Tony Clinton said. Well, Tony Clinton can fuck right off because you are an engineer

and I don't want anyone talking down to my queen. Thank you. Tony Lodge. I really appreciate that actually. First one. I don't know if you saw this. This story has been brewing for like a month. There's a big scandal in the chess world.

Have you seen this? Oh, my God. Like I've seen bits and pieces and then I was just like, you know what? You know when that show The Queen's Gambit came out on Netflix? I'm like, chess. But now I'm like apparently it's a fucking underbelly of crime and corruption. I can't wait for The Queen's Gambit 2, which is anal beads of glory

because that's what's happened. Let me explain. Hans Nieman has been accused of cheating with rumours he had vibrating anal beads. And it must be like vibrate once for go left, vibrate twice for go, like a bit of Morse code through his arsehole. And it's deciding which moves he's going to play.

Sorry, that is just a phrase that I'll never forget. Put that on a T-shirt. Morse code through his arsehole. And it sounds like a funny joke. But it actually happened. And so he got disqualified and then he came up against the world champ. And then the world champ like did one move and then just stood up and left the room because he just, he smelt another rat.

And so there's accusations he's still cheating. He's like, no, I only cheated the once. And like once a cheater, always a cheater. You know, like it's fucking, it's all on. Oh my God. cheating he's like no i only cheated the once and like once a cheater always you know like it's fucking it's all on oh my god so um tony's german cousin um tony lodgerson tans lodgerson uh she experimented with the technique of the anal beads which is what you're about to hear um but unfortunately for german tony uh the vibrating was vibrating was a bit too strong. Oh. Yeah.

And obviously chess, similar to poker, you've got to keep a straight face. But as you'll hear, she's struggling to keep a straight face as the buzzing becomes louder and louder and she's pretty close to knocking the king. Yeah. Okay. For lack of a better term. Finding the queen's gambit of her own. So have I got to do the vibrating? Mate, you're the audio Yeah. Okay. For lack of a better term. Finding the queen's gambit of her own.

So have I got to do the vibrating? Mate, you're the audio queen. And the, okay. Ooh, yeah. Pawn to E5. Sorry, E6. That was me figuring out the Morse code in my arsehole. E5?

No. Gotcha. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, knight to E12. Oh, yeah. This is the adjudicator. Miss Lodge, it is now your turn.

You have three seconds to complete your turn. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Queen to A6, yeah. And the other person's going to go. Horse to D5. Oh, thanks. Oh,

audio queen to O. oh, oh, oh. That was a hard, sorry, I had a lot of things. Don't say hard one. There was a lot to do. You know what might have been good there if you did the vibrating to like lead me into it? Just a future reference. I can ask you to do that, do you think?

Yeah. Okay. Because you are. I like to just, so this is now becoming a therapy session. I just take too much on. You do. I do. You need to set boundaries.

I was actually just talking to Jobs about that last night. Yeah, what did he say? He was like, why don't you go and book a massage, have a little. Yeah, why don't you do that? I did. You used the float that I bought you? No, no, no, no. But I do love that. you go and book a massage have a little yeah why don't you do that i i did you booked to use the float that i bought you no no no but i do love that you only got a year to use it and it's been nine ten months yeah well i use your present that you got me all the time um you would think that i

would have nine or ten months but like obviously you bought it for christmas and then the date of expiry is like the 15th of jan or something. They expire after 13 months. Oh, I've heard that. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, and I booked in a little massage to that place that your wife Bridget went that time. Comma. Oh, that's really nice.

In Cremoyne. Cremoyne? Cremoyne. I always say Cremoyne, but you always say Cremoyne. And because you're from Melbourne, I assume you're right. Well, when it comes to pronunciation. Pronunciation, yeah. It's a shameless podcast. Yes, when it comes to pronunciation. That's pronunciation. It's a shameless podcast.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, okay, this one's close to your heart. Okay. Because most people wouldn't know they've seen Pippa, your dog. I've met Pippa. We cuddled. I was on the floor laying on the – did I look like friends with Pippa? Oh, yeah.

She was just not very happy when you were there because she's – her cone. Yeah, she's got a cone on. She just had her little uterus out. So what other people won't have experienced is the sound of Pippa because she's got a little like – Yeah, it's always making noises. And you were like cuddling her and you're like, Tony, is that a good noise?

I was like, yeah. That's her good snort. Yeah, it was a good, yeah. See, it's hard to tell. Actually, so instead of just replaying, can you just give me a good snort from Pippa? So when you're giving her a really nice scratch, what does she sound like?

And when she's like a bit agitated? Are you sure it's not a pig? No, but she does oink. I love it. It's so cute. And finally, there's this beam that's been going around for ages. Yeah. And it's like nothing gets you out of bed faster than a sound of a dog about to throw up.

And for non-dog owners, they're like, oh, what could it be? But this morning for the very first time, Tony, what did you wake up to the sound of? And what happened? And then poor little Pippi, she's in her cone still from her abdominal surgery to have her uterus removed. And so she's got a bed like in the corner of our room, but it's like on my side of the bed.

I like leaped out of bed and threw my arms like around her to like try and calm her down. And I was like, no, that's not going to do anything. She's about to throw up. And so I put my hands in front of her mouth to catch the vomit, like the lovely mum I am, without realising that because she has quite a flat face. She can't project her vomit.

It just goes like straight down. She just kind of like. It just falls. It just like fell out of her mouth. Like projectile and it just falls out of her face. It just like straight down. She just kind of like. It just falls. It just like fell out of her mouth. Like projectile and it just falls out of her face. It just like went down. Yeah. And my hands were like right under her mouth.

So I was like, I'll catch it. It's fine. Without really taking into consideration the cone. So my poor beautiful daughter. Was swimming in. Threw up and it went right into her cone of shame. And then the vomit like dribbled out of the cone. And I caught it.

So it was all in my hands. It didn't go on her bed or anything or any on her. But I was like, Torbs, you're going to need to clean up her cone straight away so that she doesn't drip it through the house or get it all over in her ears or something. My poor little girl. And she's fine. She's wagging her tail.

She's all good. So when you heard that sound, your first reaction was to catch the vomit in your hands? A hundred percent, yeah. Can I just give you a tip? Yeah. Your first, when you hear that sound, take them outside. No, because I knew that I wasn't going to make it.

Was there an option to get to a bathroom? No. And by bathroom, I just mean anything that's not carpet, basically. No, not really. It was on. It was happening. It was happening. And I was just like, all right, this is fine.

I think I did a pretty good job. I used my instincts because I was like, if I scoop her up to run her outside, she's just going to throw up on me and she's going to go everywhere. I was like, she's sitting, she's in one spot. And you caught it in your hands. I did. And it ended up in her cone. Fuck, that's sad.

Poor little girl. That's so sad. So then I was holding her. Is Torbs taking the day off work today? No, he hasn't. He's working, working away. Yeah, sure he is. And so I was holding her because Torbs was like,

I have to take her cone off to like clean it. It fucking stunk. I bet. And so I was holding her because Torbs was like, I have to take her cone off to clean it. It fucking stunk. I bet. And so I was holding her without her cone on because I didn't want to let her go because I didn't want to lick her stitches or whatever. So he's holding it. And so it was a bit of a morning at our place. Seems like it.

Yeah. Did you clean up afterwards though? Yeah. Okay, great. So we bought one of those like spot cleaner things. No, I meant yourself. Oh, yeah. You didn't just get spewed on and go, cool. No, I meant yourself. Oh, yeah. You didn't just get spewed on and go, cool, I'm off to see Ryan.

Finally, for Indonesian Independence Day, one of the traditions is climbing the greasy pole. So imagine it's like a flagpole. Is that a you? No, it's not. It sounds like it, though. Well, this is where the confusion sets in for the audio queen, which you'll find out shortly.

It's kind of bigger than a flagpole but, like, more structured than just like a tree trunk. But it's just a big pole that sticks into the ground. But it's like a slippery, like, metal pole. Yeah, and so it's pretty much impossible to climb it. But it's one of those fun traditions where it's funny to see people try. Try, yeah. You know, it's like Independence Day. You try and climb up and you fall down and everyone laughs and, like, everyone tries to climb the, but it's one of those fun traditions where it's funny to see people try. It's like Independence Day.

You try and climb up and you fall down and everyone laughs and everyone tries to climb the Greasy Pole. So Bogan Aussie Sharon, she's just done a bit of Bali time, so she's over in Indonesia. She's got her bintang singlet on. And someone says to her, Shaza, recently divorced, single and ready to mingle. So she's got that tan line on her wedding ring.

You know how someone first takes their wedding ring off? And someone just says to her, hey, Shazza, today you're going to mount the greasy pole because that's what they call it. And she goes, fuck off. She goes, fucking, I've just got divorced. Yeah. There's no nice poles in Rockingham. Yep.

Grease me up, dog. Yeah. So she's fucking revved up. Okay. She knows, she's found out in the morning what's going to happen later. Fuck now, we're on here. Yeah, we're fucking on. Yeah.

Someone's organized a big greasy pole for me to slide up in. Yeah. So she turns up to the Indonesian festival and she's quite disappointed to find out the reality of what the pole, the greasy pole is. Okay. So this is her turning up, excited. Okay. And then realising what's happening.

Oh, fucking hell, Janine. Can you believe on our first holiday away from Perth that we're able to fucking come here, get on a pole? Sounds bloody good, doesn't it, Janine? Oh, fucking hell, Janine, can you believe on our first holiday away from Perth that we're able to fucking come here, get on a pole? Sounds bloody good, doesn't it, Janine? Oh, hang on. We'll just tip this tuk-tuk driver. I've got my money belt on. Yeah.

Oh, thank you, Katut. Yeah, that'll be really nice. All right. Come on, Janine. Let's go and check out these lovely looking poles. Do you reckon it's the fucking language barrier, Janine? I thought we were getting right up one, you know? But now they want us to get right up one of those.

Oh, I'd rather have a bunty and cug, darling. Do you have any Cs? Thank you. Shazza and Janine. Yeah, fucking good on them. Janine's kids are now at university, so she's able to go on home. Empty nester. The kids are out of the house.

Let's turn one on. I haven't had a ciggy in 15 years. You know they're $40 a packet now? Yeah, but in Bali, 20 cents a dozen. Now there's another pile I'll get around my lips around. Yeah, I'd rather climb into a Long Island ice jet.

Hey, it's Saxon from Derby in the UK and I'm listening to Tony and Ryan's podcast. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. If you want to check it out, you are most welcome to. The link is in the show notes. Thank you, Dan Fraser. Oh, Fraser. Yeah, big Dan.

Sarah, oh, Sarah Alexander. Sorry, there's no H, so I'm guessing it's Sarah. Sarah, please message me if I've gotten that wrong. You probably will anyway. Yep. Em Wilner, Nessa, Mr. Wallert. Thank you, Mr. Wallert. Rebecca Hancorn. Hand job.

Kaya Snow. Paige Madewell. Oh, you wouldn't want her to be made badly. Rain Escalera, Amy Plowman. I would have thought so. And the Voyage of Mimi. The Voyage of Mimi. What I like is when people have a pretty cook's name in Patreon is that when it comes up on the vodcast, people are circling and going, who the fuck's this guy? Who's that? There's someone in the Patreon called Ryan Gross and I saw the little Woot share a screenshot and he tagged you

and he was like, ew. Little Woot is one of the great trolls. Little Woot is fucking, he's on fire lately. So right now what you're hearing is a pause for edit. So if you hear me pausing for edit and then you don't hear a story about Harambe, I've nixed this and we're going to talk about something else. So everybody, pause. You may begin.

It's also just occurred to me now that if you're hearing this, you already know. So I'm going to pretend like it's gone to air because if it doesn't, you won't hear it. Yeah. So I'm going to pretend like it's gone to air because if it doesn't, you won't hear it. Yeah. So harambe. So give it your all. I'm crying laughing the other day.

Like I said, I've seen a tweet and then looked at the replies and I've just fucking like fully uncontrollably laughing, tears coming out of my face. You actually post, sorry, this is not related, but you posted the funniest fucking tweet the other day, replying to that Spotify tweet. Oh yeah. So there's a radio station in Australia called Triple J and it's real indie. It's real cool.

And like twice a year they do this thing called requestable and you can call up and request any song and they will play it as long as you get through or whatever. And everyone's tweeting about it going like, oh, how good's Requestable? You're hearing the music you actually want to hear. And Spotify posted a tweet saying if you like hashtag Requestable, you'll lose your mind when you see this. And it's a screen grab of the search bar of Spotify saying like,

what do you want to listen to? Oh, what, you can just type in any song and it's a screen grab of like the search bar of Spotify saying like, what do you want to listen to? Oh, what? You can just type in any song and it just plays? No ads, all good. Yeah. And you sent back, ooh, burn, and I fucking lost it. So funny. Anyway, yes, your funny tweet.

So I show it to Bridge and because she's like, what's going on? Like, you know, when your partner's giggling away, she's like, what the fuck's happening? Yeah. And she was genuinely like upset with me. Okay. As in like, that's not funny. Yep.

It's actually not cool and I'm a bit embarrassed that you're my husband. Like, don't tell anyone that you laughed at that because it doesn't sit well for you. But now. Well, if you're hearing this, you're on my side. So here's what I want you to decide, Tony Lodge, and you listening to this podcast right now. Is this A, funny? Is it B, not that funny?

Or C, extremely inappropriate? Okay. So for anybody that maybe doesn't know, which everybody I guess would, the story of Harambe. So he was a gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo. Yep. Beautiful big creature. And a child jumped into the pen and the zookeepers were like,

fuck, what do we do? Harambe could kill the child. Yep. And he was killed by the zookeepers. And there was a big brouhaha like, fuck, what do we do? Harambe could kill the child. Yeah. And he was killed by the zookeepers. And there was a big brouhaha like, well, it's not his fault the kid jumped over the fence. Where was the kid's parents? And there was this big kind of moral like, who's at fault?

It was just a real yuck situation. And unfortunately, the loser of that situation was Harambe. And again, beautiful, like gorillas, like incredible creatures. And also massive. So you understand like- Oh, the weight and the size of them. You understand them being scared for the child's safety, but then also it's like, oh, well,

zookeepers are supposed to protect the animals in the- Yeah, Harambe didn't- Do anything wrong. Yeah, and he didn't attack the kid. They're like, well, what if he did? So yeah, it was a real murky, sad situation. Yeah, and how long ago was this? It was four years ago.

Four years ago? Yeah. No fucking way. It was way longer than that. Maybe it was a real murky, sad situation. Yeah. And how long ago was this? It was four years ago. Four years ago? Yeah. No fucking way. It was way longer than that. Maybe it was way longer. It was not four years ago. Four years ago was fucking COVID. When was it?

2016. Okay, six years ago. Yeah. Okay, that's it. If you told me that was in 2009, I'd go, yep. Yeah, right. Yeah, it was a real. Oh, shit.

I thought it was way longer than that. So the headline comes out all these years later. Yep. Oh, yeah. So like a million pop culture things, phenomenons have happened since then. And this is the Cincinnati Zoo like trying to make a slightly good piece of news off what's a terrible story.

Yeah. Harambe's sperm was collected after he died so he could continue the bloodline. So then, you know, there can be more gorillas at the zoo and they can do whatever. And you're starting to smile. The look on your face is the same thing I started thinking about. Okay, yep. And my first thought, embarrassingly, is I'm starting to think about,

how do I say this, the logistics. Yep, of them collecting. Dead gorillas. And now it turns out that similar to taking blood through a syringe and tubes and whatever, there's a very normal, you know, veterinary surgeon's... Procedure. Procedure. That they would...

It's probably really common. Especially for, like, because this would be about... Keeping bloodlines going and stuff. Yeah, so that, like, they don't become extinct. Absolutely. It's actually very important work. And I don't want to, like, downplay that this is actually a good thing. Yeah.

But my first reaction is like, what's happened there? And as I said, it turns out that it's fine. And I don't know if you ever get this, and Twitter's the best for this, especially when I'm watching TV. I kind of go, I wonder if anyone else noticed that. And I kind of get a vibe check online or I go to the comments section. Yeah, or see what their responses were. Yeah.

And so I actually read the article and found out about the surgery and the blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And went, well, of course. Yeah. But it turns out a lot of people did not read the article and just made some assumptions about how they collected sperm. And just going through the comments section.

First comment, top 1,000 likes on the reply. Greg, and they're all like middle America white guys. So you're telling me someone jerked off a dick? I don't know. I once dated a zookeeper who I thought was an absolute wanker. Now I know for sure. It's Chloe. You're laughing.

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking at the moment. And again, if people are hearing this, then we've decided to keep it. I'm not saying that this is like good gear. I'm laughing at those people commenting who didn't read the article. Who didn't read the article. The joke is on them. It is not on her. Because it's like for half a second you go, oh, and then you go obviously that's not what happened.

Yeah. Right? Like the half a second of you cracking a smile is like, oh. But then you're like obviously that's not what happened. Let me read the thing. Why aren't people reading the article? No one ever does. They read the headline and go, oh, well, here's my hot take.

Mate, have you ever seen a comment section of the Daily Mail? Like that is literally all people do. Correct, sorry. I feel like this story wasn't so bad until you read out the tweet replies because it was like, oh, we all knew whatever I was, you know, like we all, it was left to the imagination, you know, and now it's like, oh, no, we got it. But I feel like.

We got it though. Do you see what I'm saying? I see what you're saying. Like the. I guess what I'm saying is the joke is that there's thousands of people out there who think that's what happened. And. I'm not laughing at Harambe.

I'm laughing at these people who still believe, like they read the headline and now they're telling their friends, did you know they. read the headline and now they're telling their friends, did you know they winked at the TV? They think that and now they're telling their friends. I just don't know how you would, yeah, like, for any longer than half a second not assume that that, like, you know, it's the half a second of the, like, but then you go, obviously that's, like, not what happened.

Yeah. Well, that's what I did. But thousands did not do that. Yeah. Yeah, right. Their half a second is still going what happened. Yeah. Well, that's what I did. But thousands did not do that. Yeah. Yeah, right. Their half a second is still going. Yeah. Yeah.

And they went on for so long that they wrote a tweet about it. And then people are replying to other people's replies. And they've spent a lot of time discussing. And like this, I've picked four tweets, but I could have picked 100. And now there's a whole Reddit thread about. About it? Yeah. What about people that still don't understand how it works?

No, about people discussing. Or being like, how fucking stupid are you? No, about people going like, I'd live my whole life not knowing that people jerked off dead gorillas. And with all sincerity being like, this is news to me. And then other people being like. People are so fucking stupid. It's not news to you.

It's not news. It's like. It's literally fake news. You know, when like someone says something like milking a snake and it's like milking their venom, not like actually milking a snake. And, you know, those things where people go, oh, well, yuck. I wouldn't drink snake milk well no no one's offering it to you now i want you to here's some other people that we

haven't um considered in this story and this is like i also don't know if this is funny or really fucking sad so like the zoo loved harambe and like they were shattered that they had to do what they did they weren't like you know like what a traumatic time for them. And so they're trying to like by collecting the sperm and continuing the bloodline, like they want his legacy to live on. Because it's for like conservation. Yeah, absolutely. Like it's to prevent species from becoming extinct.

And like zoos, whether you agree with the like notion of a zoo, like it's to protect them for the most part and like breed them and try and. Have people come and see them to make money to fund the conservation. Exactly. Yeah. So they're doing good work and they're proud people and they're like, hey, a tragedy's happened, but we can continue his bloodline. And I think the reason this story's come out years later is because I don't know if they've, like, used it and there's, like, been a burp or, like, you know.

Sure. And in the, like, scientific veterinary community, this is, like, a fucking great day. Yeah. And so they've gone. And it's a triumph of science. It really is. Like, to be able to do that stuff, like, posthumously. Yep.

To be able to continue that stuff like posthumously. Yep. To be able to continue on. Incredible. Yeah. So someone at the zoo speaks to what I assume is like the comms team, the marketing department, and go, we've got a great story to share. Let's write this. Harambe's sperm was collected after he died so he could continue his bloodline. Let's put that headline out.

Let's post it on the Cincinnati Zoo. What a feel-good thing because people obviously were really sad that he passed away. He's like a cultural figure now. Let's post that on Twitter before we leave work tonight and we'll let everyone just enjoy this fantastic story. So they post the story. They high-five.

They go have a beer at the Cincinnati Zoo bar. Cincinnati Zoo bar. They come five. They go have a beer at the Cincinnati Zoo bar. Cincinnati Zoo bar. They come into work the next morning. How'd that tweet go? Hey, Sam, did you tweet that thing out? What are people saying? I bet they're loving it. Yeah.

And then fucking the social media intern that's just graduated from Cincinnati U and is the social media intern goes, oh, there's actually a bunch of comments. People are loving it. Let me just have a quick. Oh. Oh. No, that's not how we.

Yeah, people have got the wrong end of the stick here. Don't say that. All right. So Tony Lodge and keeping in mind that the Taffers already know the answer to this question. Is this story staying in the book? You know what's fucked up? The Tafas know before you do.

They already know the answer. They already know. And you are undecided. I think that it's okay because we're laughing at how stupid people are. Yeah. Like we're not laughing at like how did they do it? We're like laughing at people taking a moment out of their life to write a tweet of being like, oh, so is that what happened?

Like, you know. Someone spent a minute of their day crafting a tweet. Writing that tweet instead of just clicking on the article and being like, oh, that's obviously not what happened. You're going to say yes, aren't you? I've been fucking nervous about this story. I didn't think I was going to make it. Yeah, I think it's okay.

I tend to err on the side of caution, as you know. You do, but I tend to err on the side of just fucking do it. I am Nike. Yeah, their famous slogan, just fucking do it. I can't believe how fucking dumb people are, to be honest. Like, to actually go through with writing that tweet and going, yep. But it actually is amazing. It is.

Tell me something you love to see. We need to finish on a really fluffy, get a nice one. Okay. So you and I, Ryan, we love to send each other fucking schmick looking kitchens. Yeah. And we love watching Architectures Digest open doors. Oh, fuck you. You steal them. Yeah. And this went viral, like, last week.

But I just have to fucking share it because it's so great. So Emma Chamberlain, who is like a, she's like 21. Just turned 21, which is so insane. Yeah. She's like a YouTuber. She has, like, makeup and makeup and skincare and like lifestyle vlogging. Classic vlogging, yeah. Yeah, back in the day, like when you used to watch her fucking Get Ready With Me

and it went for 45 minutes and stuff. Anyway, and she's like this amazing vlogger. She's got like 16 million fucking followers on Instagram. Like she's fucking killing it. And she did an Architectures Digest shoot for their segment called Open Door. And she's just moved into this place. She's just moved into this house. And oh, my fucking God.

It's stunning. It is incredible. So I saw it. I sent it to you straight away. And I watched it straight away. And you watched it straight away. And I'm like flicking through all the photos. Like there's just stunning pictures.

And it has literally gone viral overnight. V-v-v-viral. Yeah. Anyway, but I wanted to share this tweet from Discount Dakota Johnson, Taylor's version. Yeah. And she said, girls don't want boyfriends, they want Emma Chamberlain's kitchen.

She ain't wrong. And it's this fucking, it's like a minty green with like a, like wood panelled roof, but it's all glass skylight across the top. I believe she described it as a sage. A sage. Oh, beautiful. roof but it's all glass skylight across the top you described it as a sage a sage oh beautiful she's got this like amazing all the um tapware and all the fittings are brass she's got like this huge like pot filler over her stove and everything and like people are just like mazen

over this fucking kitchen at the moment and you fucking love to see that what a fucking boss bitch 21 yeah she's launched chamberlain Coffee, which is like gone for nothing. Holy shit. Because one of her vlogging, like every day she'd like make a nice coffee and it was like part of her like shtick. I love that. And then in her kitchen, she's got like these beautiful coffee machines and stuff.

And then she opens the drawer and it's like all the different types of Chamberlain Coffee. She's like, hey, like it's my own brand, but I'm proud. She goes, it's a bit silly to have your own stuff but like I'm so proud of it. I actually really rate that. Same. I think that the silliness of being proud of yourself gets like, like people hang shit on everybody, right?

You're not allowed to be proud of shit that you do because you come off as like. A bit of a wanker. Yeah. Where I'm like, no, you make this. I actually love seeing people use their own products. Absolutely. Why do you want me to fucking buy your shit thing if you're not even using it?

Yeah, that's so true. She's like, yeah, buy my shit coffee, but I use Macona. I'm like, oh, I'm something drunk here. Yeah, a coffee expert wouldn't be Maconering it up, dog. Yeah. So what I like is, and it's sort of what you're saying, I sometimes see like some young rappers who have made some quick cash and a lot of cash.

Yeah. And they kind of look like fuckheads, you know, with their cars and like the light shining out of it and they're just like throwing wads of cash and posing on their like Bentley and stuff. And for her, it's actually the opposite. I'm just like, fucking good on you. I'm so jealous of you, but good on you. I'm so jealous of you being good on you.

But even if a rapper was posing on their Bentley, I'm like, if that's what you fucking want to spend your money on, let it rip. Yeah, okay. Like, if that makes you happy and you've gone like, oh, when I make money, this is what I want to do, then fucking like... I want to do a photo shoot on my Bentley,

throw in cash at the camera. Then fucking live your best life. But I just, watching this, I'm just like, you're 21, you're fucking killing it. You've obviously got, like, so much going for you. People love the shit that you make. Yep. And, yeah, I just thought you'd love to see that.

I just thought that's so cool. You're allowed to glom onto my love to see it, if you like. You're also allowed to love to see that. Yeah, I do love to see that. Daniel Carroll. Hi, Daniel. He took his grandma to Starbucks for the first time. Oh, yeah?

Because I'm usually like a girl. They didn't have Chamberlain coffee? Didn't have Chamberlain coffee. Oh, Chamberlain. Is Chamberlain coffee available at Starbucks? I actually don't even, I didn't even know that she had a coffee. But it's like beans that she sells. Yeah.

Anyway, probably not Starbucks because that's a fucking whatever. He takes her grandma to Starbucks because he's like, I'm going to do something nice. I'm going to take grandma out for the day. We'll go get a coffee and we'll go for a drive. How cute. Very cute. And you know how there's a bit of a process that you just kind of become

accustomed to when you're in a cafe about like, because back in her day you would like go and sit at the table and like the waitress would come over and pour you a coffee. Yeah. But now like you go in and sit at the table and the waitress would come over and pour you a coffee. But now, you go in and you make your order and you wait. And she didn't know the process. Sometimes it's

a bit intimidating when you go into a new place and you don't know where to stand or whatever. So the barista goes, she goes, I'll just get a black coffee or whatever she goes. And the barista goes, can I get a name for your drink? And she doesn't really know what that means. So she goes, oh, I guess we'll just call it Bob.

And that's not like a fucking written joke. That's what she said. Like, can I get a name? And she's like, sure, let's Bob, I guess. Like it was a pet rock or something. Or like, oh, she's like, oh, what happens? You rock up, you say what you want, you give it a name? And she's like, sure. Let's Bob, I guess. Like it was a pet rock or something. She's like, oh, what happens? You rock up. You say what you want.

You give it a name. Yeah. And then they'll make it for you. Here's little Bob. Little Bob. Bless your cotton socks. I thought you were going to say that she said grandma. Like because she's like, oh, well, Daniel calls me grandma.

Yeah. Fuck, that would be cute. Could you imagine? They're like, because she's like, oh, well, Daniel calls me grandma. Yeah. Fuck, that would be cute. Could you imagine them like, Dan and grandma? Grandma. That's great. That's what I thought you... Sorry, I wasn't trying to fuck your story. That's just what I thought you were going to say.

I've now decided... That that would be funnier, so get Daniel to change the story. Dan, can you just let your grandma know? No, I've now decided... That Tony's given her a new line. We'll go to Starbucks again. I've decided that when I become a grandparent, I will be exclusively known as Grandpa,

i.e. I won't just be Grandpa to my grandchildren. Oh, you will go by Grandpa in all situations. We'll change the name of the podcast. Tony and Grandpa. When I go to a coffee place, even if I'm not with my grandchild, can I get a name? Grandpa. That's all I'll be.

It is a power move. Yeah. Is it a weird power move? Yeah, it is. Can you imagine, like, the young girl at the coffee shop? Like, because the coffee shop downstairs that we go to, all the girls in there, like, are so lovely. And if you said that to them, they would go, okay.

But I'm just imagining, like, the power that to them, they would go, okay. But I'm just imagining the power move of them looking at me like. Grandpa? Grandpa. Yep. Right over here. No, maybe I'll workshop that. Okay.

I've probably got, fuck, we start a family, they have a kid. Probably got 30 years. Longer than 20 years. Yeah, 30 years to just maybe sleep on it. Yeah. Yep. Keep working on it, though. Emma Chamberlain, though. Yeah, you'll have to say it was a lot better than mine.

I get it. No, I like the coffee, Bob. Should we go down and get a coffee after this and say... Debrief? No, when they ask for our name, say Bob. Or say Grandpa and see what they say. They know us, though, so... Yeah, they do. We go there every day. They don't even ask for our name anymore. say. They know us though. Yeah, they do.

We go there every day. They don't even ask for our name anymore. No. Which is like my dream come true. My love to see it is that we go down there and they don't ask for my name anymore. Yeah, because they've been in there every day and now they know. G'day guys, did you want the smoothie, Ryan? Or the coffee?

I might go for coffee today. Yeah, and then today when we went down there, she like went to grab the small latte cup that she normally gets me. And I went, no, I'll have an iced latte. And she went, ooh. Anyway, we digress. Now, that's probably the best story of the day. Oh, I mean, it's no you calling yourself Grandpa at the coffee shop. Thanks for listening.

See you in the comments section. Let me know. Oh, I love you both