Toni and Ryan - Would You Use A She Wee?

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Another incredible round of confessions (If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it COMPLETELY ANONYMOUSLY HERE!), and the ultimate dilemma: 'how dressed up do I need to be?' Love ya! Toni xoCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. I'm here with author Dr. Tony Lodge. And we are about to call and don't shoot the messenger. I'm just reading the name off the screen. Lisa Atomic Blonde Pickleball Weir. And she's from Canada.

Lisa. For short, we will call her Lisa. Hello, you beautiful people. Oh, that's not Lisa Pickleball Blum's Atomic Bombshell Weir, is it? It sure as shit is. I did all of that from memory. I'd like to be commended for that, actually. That was pretty good.

Linda, what have we... Linda! Linda, after all that. Of all the names. Of all the names, fucked up. Lisa, what have we caught you'm sorry. Linda. Linda. After all that. Of all the names. Of all the names. Fucked up. Lisa, what have we caught you doing today? I just finished supper. Oh.

What did you have? Is that dinner? I had malai chicken, madras chicken, and some basmati rice. Oh, yeah. Some Indian food. Yeah, that sounds yum. Fuck, that sounds good. Lisa, I see that you work at a school for people who are like deaf or hard of hearing.

Is that right? Yeah, well, actually here in New Brunswick, it's all inclusion. So my teachers travel from school to school and kids who are deaf or hard of hearing just go to their regular neighborhood school. Oh, that's great. So I'm like a principal without a school. Oh, that's great. So I'm a principal. I'm like a principal without a school. So if I have to go around and observe my teachers, I travel the whole province, thus my foray into podcasts. And I still remember the very first podcast I listened to from you guys because I thought

it was about becoming president. But it was, are you keen for pre's? Which meant pre-drinks before you go out. And you thought it was like prez? Keen for pre's which meant pre drinks before you go out and you thought it was like yes and then I discovered the world of Tony and Ryan and I have been listening every day faithfully and going back and listening to all the other ones before I found you guys last fall and you realized pretty quickly that it was not an educational podcast obviously it has been the light of my life i drive so much and the true crime podcasts were not cutting it anymore i was still getting sleepy and i thought hey i'm gonna look check out some comedy podcasts and i stumbled on you guys i literally clicked on you guys from

your picture in spotify i was like these two have to be hilarious. There you go. We'll let the marketing team know, which is actually Ryan on Photoshop. I did Photoshop in year 10, so I've been designated the in-house designer of the Tony and Ryan team. Tony does the audio, I do the graphics. So thank you for that. I'll be reminding Tony of that a lot of times today and he'll become quite obnoxious. And Lisa, obviously that was a rave review,

but do you mind approving the podcast for us? It would be an honour and a privilege. Yes. Sorry, I don't know what that... Thanks for apologising, though. Thank you. Hi, this is Lisa from Canada's first incorporated city, St John, New Brunswick, and I approve this podcast.

Welcome to the podcast. Hello. Coming up today, and I actually don't want to be a show that always talks about the difference between boys and girls because that's very like Battle of the Sexes, 1980s vibes. However, there's one thing about being a guy that's awesome and it's like kind of bullshit that girls don't get to experience this awesomeness. Oh, standing up to wee. Two things. I'd give anything.

Anything? Yeah, except for, you know. I could give you a she-wee. Oh, I have used a she-wee. Really? Yeah, I got given one as like a gag gift. I was going to say, I only thought they were for a gag, but you took it seriously.

No, I didn't take the gift seriously. I was like, wonder if that works. It's not great. And the thing is, is that if you use it and if the, like, the idea is that you either, you know, leave it in your handbag or in your car or something, you use it once, then it's covered in piss. That's a great point.

You're not taking it in to clean it? You know, you can't. Then it's in the laundry. There's a toilet next to that. I just think it's... Where do you use it? It's not important. Where do you use it?

Nothing's important. Nothing is. I just tried it like in the backyard. I got it like as a gag gift and then I was like, oh, I wonder if this works. It might have been, you know, late at night. You know, after a couple of bebs or something. Like at a house party? It was at a house, yeah.

Were there other people in the house when you went and you tried it? Yeah. And were you like, hey guys, look at me? Everybody was like in on the gag gift. Yeah, but were you like, hey, guys, I'm doing it? Yeah, it was like a thing. And so people were just watching you piss? Okay, I'm going to flip the script. You've never done that with your dick out at a party and gone like,

oh, look, I'm fucking getting it. I wouldn't say, hey, look, but, yeah, I mean, I've just walked over until I get bushes and piss. Yeah, but, like, people have, have like been standing next to you or whatever. And were people cheering? It's really actually not important. The thing is that I'm just saying the practicality of a shiwi. Did it work to get on your hand or anything?

No, yeah, it was like awful. So it got on your hand? Yeah, it was like because obviously you need to. And then when you walked back into the house, were people like, ooh. Well, this is really, you know, quite intense line of questioning that you're giving me. It's only intense because you're clearly in denial about something. No. So it was just like.

Fucked. I think a bit like, you know, moon cups. Yeah. Yeah. So I've never used one because I'm too scared. So for anybody that doesn't know, Moon Cup is like a period cup. So instead of using like a tampon or a pad or whatever, you use a silicon cup.

And it's like you have to get the positioning right or it can be – it's the same with a tampon actually. The positioning has to be right. Otherwise, it's either uncomfortable or can leak or whatever. I think it would probably take a few goes to get the shiwi right. And you were in no state to be nailing it first up. Yeah, to be troubleshooting what I was doing.

Don't say shiwi. Yeah, okay. You know what I mean? The thing is, again, is that the shiwi, you use it then it's covered in piss. The practicality then goes out the window because it needs to be cleaned. Welcome to the podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Has that made it in? Yeah, something that guys can do that girls can't. That's not it, by the podcast. Welcome to the podcast. Has that made it in? Yeah.

Something that guys can do that girls can't. That's not it, by the way. Yeah. But I reckon that's a close second. Leave it in. Oh, don't say leave it in. Don't say leave it in. Oh, it's coming up soon. But first, confessions.

People submit their confessions to tonyandryan.com.au. And I'm loving people. You know how he said, don't give away the punchline in the name? Yeah. Because these are all anonymous. We got ones that were like, shout on my boyfriend. Ha ha. And you go loving people. You know how he said, don't give away the punchline in the name? Yeah, yeah. Because these are all anonymous. Because we got ones that were like, shout on my boyfriend, ha ha. And you go, well.

Now we know the story. Yeah. Now this one has a tinge of spoiler, but what I am going to encourage and appreciate is a pun. Oh, I like a pun. You know me. So this isn't from the horse Whisperer. This is from the horse Pisperer. So this isn't from the horse Whisperer. This is from the horse Pisperer.

Actually, it's funny you talked about the she-wee because this is the pissing edition of Tony and Ryan Confessions. Sorry, we've come out the gates pretty hot with the piss, haven't we? Sorry. My boss at the horse stable was a fucking lunatic and I promised myself I'd get revenge after she fired my favourite co-worker over Snapchat. What? Fired someone over, as in like sent a Snapchat?

Yeah, it was like, bitch, don't come in. Or was like, don't go on Snapchat at work, you're fired. No, no, like fired her using Snapchat. Oh my God. Like, you don't work here anymore. Lol. And then they've got like the filter on. The cat face.

The ears. The rainbow vomit one. Don't come in, have fun at the filter on. The cat face. The ears. The rainbow vomit one. Don't come in. Good. Have fun at the unemployment line. You're fired, but it's not that changes your voice. It's like, you're fired. Yep.

That's exactly how it happened. Yeah, great. So this girl is like, she's fired by a bit. And I think the boss was like, not maybe officially. You know, those people just assume they're in charge. Sometimes even people that are officially in charge shouldn't be. Yeah. You know?

Let alone these assholes. Yeah. She was a smoker and I decided to soak an entire deck of her cigs in horse piss. Fuck. Fuck, that's brutal, eh? I let them soak for a full four hours to make sure they were nicely marinated. Then I blow dry them and pop them back in the box for the next morning. Okay, so my first question was going to be, they wouldn't light.

Yeah. Because it would be wet. The horse pisperer has thought about this. So use the hair dryer, let them dry back out, then put them back in the box. She's a packaday smoker, and I can confirm she smoked all 40 of those piss-soaked cigarettes. And I even heard her mutter under her breath that it must have been a bad batch or it tastes like shit.

You know, oh, there's got to be a bad batch. Something's wrong there. And she ended up changing brands of cigarettes. So someone's lost a customer. The original anti-influencer or de-influencer. Fuck. She was, and wait for it, pissed off about it. I mean, if she's smoking that much in a day,

she's probably got a horse throat as well. Yeah. She's probably a pony, she's probably got a horse throat as well. Yeah. She's probably a pony, you know, a little horse. Well, if she's firing people on Snapchat, I guess your employment isn't that stable.

We've done horse puns before, haven't we? I've got so many ready to go. I would think so. I surely have done this before. I mean, once you get fired, it does take a while to adjust. Like a horse adjustment? It does, but then, you know, you've just got to get back on that horse. Get back in the saddle.

Yeah. This confessioner says, I've always thought of myself as a horse whisperer, but now I am the horse piss-perer. Fuck. That is, I mean, I don't know if you could get sick from that or whatever, but it's a pretty good prank on someone who's an asshole. Well, if you're an asshole, you deserve to die of smoked urine.

I mean, you're smoking anyway. Is the horse piss much worse than what's in a cigarette? Actually, no way. Probably not. No way. There's no way that horse piss is worse. Taste worse? Sure.

Sure. I'll give you that. I wonder because, you know what, like we don't do pranks on this show. We don't do pranks. But you know what's really unsatisfying about when you're watching something on TV or whatever and they're doing a prank that is like a long con. Yep. But because of the pack of the day, she, you know, she did the prank,

came up with it, got results. That's a quick turnaround. I like that. Yeah, that is. That is. New confession. Uh-huh. These are top confessions.

Like Ryan, I have to go to the bathroom all the time. Look, confessions aren't a place for me to get slandered. Yeah, you probably don't need to get roasted in there. And that's the opening line. So I'm like, fuck, do you want me to read this out or not? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, do you want me to pick it or not? Like Ryan, I have to go to the bathroom all the time.

You do have to go to the bathroom a lot. That is true. Yeah. I also have social anxiety. So asking where the bathroom is or, God forbid, asking someone to pull the car over is torture. Yeah. I also have social anxiety. So asking where the bathroom is or, God forbid, asking someone to pull the car over is torture for me. Like this person, she just won't. She's like, I'll just wait.

And as someone who needs to pee all the time, like a long car trip, that's the bus. And it makes you quite anxious, right? Because you're like, oh, I don't want to be the guy that's holding everyone up. Yeah, absolutely. So I get that. Confessioner. Confessioner. say because you're like oh i don't want to be the guy that's holding everyone up yeah absolutely so i get that um confessional confessional i work in government and myself and my husband were traveling with a minister to go and see another minister and even though we just had a minister

like church minister or like minister for women minister for health yeah yeah like a high up in government yeah and so it's the husband and wife who both work in government. Another minister's driving. They're off to see another minister. So maybe, you know, the health minister. Have you ever heard the fucking word minister so much in your life? Well, settle in, folks, because there's a lot of ministers going on here. But, you know, the health minister's off to see the treasurer to do a pitch.

And, you know, now you've said that. I can't say minister. Sorry, yeah. Now every time you say minister. I'm in the back seat. My husband is in the passenger seat up front. And the minister is driving. Yep.

So I'm in the back. Yep. My husband's in the front. Yep. And the minister. So am I in the back on the left or the right? Don't know. Okay.

Not important. All right. Yep. I text my husband, who's in the front seat, slyly, and go, I really need it. Yeah. I really need a pee. I need a wee. Like, could someone bring it up somehow?

Yeah. So my husband very slyly asks the minister when the next stop was, and the minister goes, oh, actually, we're only 25 minutes from the final destination. So, yeah, not far at all oh and 25 minutes is kind of it's a bit too long if they say nine minutes you go i can fucking do that yeah 10 minutes no worries but 25 minutes because that's like half an hour and half an hour is a long time we need do we obviously the matter couldn't be pushed as i would never bother anyone else with my bodily functions. The feeling starts to build.

My legs are crossed. I'm considering all my options. And I'm texting my husband a play-by-play. You know, she's like, oh, I don't know. And he's probably like, it's all right, mate. Just like stay calm, take breaths. Until there was no longer a choice. Pissed herself.

I text my husband and say It's happening I'm peeing In the back of the minister's family car Leather seats? No He's a minister surely He's got leather You know He's doing alright

I mean the government probably paid for it anyway Yeah they're all getting kickbacks You know From ministry Yeah Ministry all right. I mean, the government probably paid for it anyway. Yeah, they're all getting kickbacks from industry. Yeah. Ministry. Thankfully, I'm a great actor, says the confessor. Oh, you know what I would do? Okay, I don't know how this ends.

Surely, then you tip water all over yourself and go, oh, my God, clumsy old bitch I am. Well, it seems like someone else had a similar idea, but unlike the grin on your face, maybe it didn't turn out the way it was planned. Oh. Thankfully, I'm a good actor and did not express my horrors straight away. So it just happened to my husband. We were just being cool, even though I was sitting in my own piece in the backseat of the minister's car.

Yeah. We begin to pull up to the other minister's house and i had to think fast so i get a bottle of water and once we stopped i accidentally spilled the water all over myself in the seat genius move genius move as i try to go and wipe up the mess the minister who is genuinely the loveliest person ever says no and actually grabs my hand and said, don't you worry about that, love. I'll take care of it for you. You just, you know, go on inside and clean yourself up.

I'll take care of this. And she's obviously like, no, it's fine. It's fine. He starts wiping it up. Because it's obviously not water. But he doesn't know. No. But he's so lovely.

He's like, oh, don't worry about it. Oh, it's just a bit of water you head inside if you want to get changed that's all good i'll take care of this you go do that hey seriously it's totally fine it's just a bit of water who cares is what he's thinking as soon as he goes for his first dab with a cloth and it's warm it was immediately she says with the smell it was immediately obvious what it was. He realized, then looked at me, and I realized that he'd realized it wasn't just water.

There's some poetry going on here. Oh, I love that. It wasn't just water he was washing off me. It was every ounce of dignity and respect I ever had. Oh. Okay, in that situation, okay, you're the government official who's gone, oh, sweetheart, don't even worry about it. It's just a little bit of water.

Like, I'll clean this up. When he realises, say if you're the government guy and you are cleaning up the wee, you realise it's wee, do you kind of keep going and like play along or do you go, actually, did you want to clean that up and I'll go inside? Because I feel like you want to give someone the opportunity to go like, because he was just trying to be nice

by being like, no, no, no, no, I'll clean it up. So it's like, do you give them the chance to think you didn't notice? Yeah. Or do you go, oh, no, I'll clean it up. So it's like do you give them the chance to think you didn't notice? Yeah, or do you go, oh, actually, I'm busting to go to the bathroom. Do you mind cleaning this up? Just so that that person can go, yeah, I don't want you to do that, but I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Like it's almost kinder to like say to her like, how about you do this

because then you're not cleaning up someone's wee. Do you remember, was it in Billy Madison where Adam Sandler... You ain't cool unless you pee your pants. Yeah. Because I think the minister should have pissed himself on the spot and gone, oh, we've all been there. Yeah, and then the husband starts weeing as well. Then the minister whose house that they're at, he comes out,

he's covered in wee. What would be nice? Yeah, I like that idea. Yeah. My original was sort of the opposite but because they both knew yeah it wasn't like what and even if he goes hey like it's happened to the best of us seriously just go inside yeah i'll take care of this and i won't mention it ever again seriously yeah like and then and then do the honor of don't wink or nudge or

kind of your good like and then actually don't mention it. Yeah. You just got, because obviously you're clothed. So you've also got that to worry about. You're covered in your piss. Seriously, you just fucking go take care of yourself. I'll take care of this. Nothing ever happened in five minutes.

We'll never mention it again. I think also if I was the minister, I'd be like, I should have just fucking pulled over. But she didn't ask him. She texted the husband. No, no, no. But he would have been like, I think you would probably put two and two together.

If you needed to wee that badly, that you wee in the car. He surely would have gone, oh, you should have just asked. Do you not know how anxiety works? Yeah, true. But like, you'd probably just feel like, oh, if you'd asked me, I would have just pulled over. I should have been like, oh, that's what I did. Like I did ask, but through proxy. Through my husband.

Yeah, well, he hasn't pissed himself. He was the one asking about it. It wouldn't shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. So really, what are you doing? What's going on? Sort yourself out. Yeah, God, he could hold on to it.

He was busting and he held on. Hi, this is Lisa from St. John, New Brunswick, Canada, and you're listening to the Tony and Ryan Podcast. A massive shout-out to a few of our champion top films from the Patreon. David Eats Berries. Love to see that, David. David Eats Berries, thank you. that, David. David Eats Berries.

Thank you. Cass Kirtner, Brad Hartchess, Jenna Conron, and Brianna Barkey. Brianna Barkey. Oof, oof. I think I said this to a Brianna that we met in Adelaide. Yeah. When we did a meet and greet there. Every time I see a Brianna's name pop up in like a normal or nah,

all Briannas are cooked. Are they? Sorry just in the, all Briannas are cooked. Are they? Oh, sorry. A high percentage of Briannas are cooked to the point where I now. As in like cooked stories that they send in. So to the point where when I now say a Brianna, I go, oh, fucking what's going on here? And then I met, we said, oh, nice to meet you.

I'm Ryan. This is Tony. She goes, I'm Brianna. And I go, oh, fucking hang on a sec, mate. Hang on a sec. Let's back it right up here. On whatever you've done. It's always a Brianna. And I go, well, fucking hang on a sec, mate. Hang on a sec. Let's pop the brakes on whatever you've done. It's always a Brianna. It was probably Brianna that weed in the minister's car.

Poor bitch. All right. Are we done with the wee? Is wee over? Yeah, we are. And I'm sorry that was a wee heavy. We didn't plan on she-wee chat. We didn't.

No, we didn't account for that. And how could you plan for that anyway? Do you know what I mean we didn't know we didn't account for that and how could you plan for that anyway do you know what i mean yeah you actually couldn't account for that regardless okay so someone once asked uh and sorry to do like business chat but with um the podcast just tony and i work here cam works part-time helping us out with the recordings and uploading some stuff like it is just us that's a very small crew it is yeah and so someone once said like because i don't know how big TV shows or big radio shows, like Howard Stern, I don't know how they operate.

Yeah. But someone goes, oh, like, does someone, like, write for you? Like, do you have a writer? No. And I'm like, imagine a writer, like a degree in English or literature or performance. Yeah. And they go, guys, I've written a script about she-wees. Like, you know what I mean?

And we go, well, obviously not. Who's written that script? Yeah. Oh, obviously not. Who's written that script? Oh, my God. Who's writing that? To be honest, I said it and I'm pretty. No, no, I don't like it either. The best thing about being a guy, and again, guy versus girl chat, I know it's old news, whatever,

but I feel like this one also a little bit like, no one gives a fuck what I wear. Yeah. I wear jeans and a t-shirt every day. Yep. And if I wore the same pair of jeans and the same t-shirt every day, it would be fine. I pretty much do.

White shirt, black shirt, grey shirt, rinse and repeat. I think Karl Stefanovic, who hosts the Today Show, famously wore the same suit every day because his colleague wore the same dress twice in a month and it was like the Daily Mail and, oh, she's worn the same dress again. Oh, she's an outfit repeater. And I think it was like a month later or a year,

some crazy amount of time later, he said, just to let you know, I've worn the exact same suit every day for the last six months yeah and no one's said anything which is pretty interesting isn't it is it fair to say the guys have got a pretty fucking good when it comes to that shit because i feel like uh the pressure to wear something different and then people are judging you and then you're judging yourself because you're like oh but if i wear this then i wore that last week you know i know that like we're not big event people right no but some people are going to a wedding every second week yeah and go into a an event during the week and stuff and

like well i can't wear i've like and because when you post something on instagram you go well i probably can't wear that i can't post that again yeah i've posted about it i actually sometimes uh when bridget goes oh can I wear this again? I go, yeah, but we were hanging out with radio mates last night and tonight it's my high school mates. It's a totally different crew. There's no Instagram post. There's no evidence to suggest you wore this last night.

Yeah, yeah. But, Toni, and feel free to – this isn't a touchy subject or it doesn't have to be as touchy subject, but do you sometimes, because I know Bridget does, can struggle to leave the house going out? Like we need a factor in time for her to freak out about what she's wearing. It's like, yep, walk the dog at midday, have lunch at 1 o'clock, 2.30 I'll have a shower and like put a face on,

and then from 3.30 to 4 o'clock I'll fucking burn this house down. So I'll try this on, no, I can't wear that, and then there's clothes spread out everywhere, and like leaving is like it like i can feel the pain um yes and so to mitigate that a lot of the time i will try on the outfit like the day before or two days before just like just so that i know that on the day like i i don't have to account for something either not fitting or not looking right or not going with shoes that I have or whatever. You sent me a sexy elevator selfie yesterday and you look fucking good.

Thank you. Do you know what? Okay, sorry to make this about me. No, but you did look good, didn't you? So that outfit, right? Yeah. I would never wear that to work because I would think that I looked like too high maintenance at work.

You've got to think about high maintenance. I don't even know what that means. No, me either, really. You're like, oh, she's too high maintenance. Yeah, but I was wearing that and Tobbs was like, you look fucking great. And you did. Torbs was correct for the once in his life. Once in his life.

But yeah, and I was like, oh, I don't know why I would never wear this to work. And he was like, I don't either. Was that one that you would have thought about the night before kind of vibe and tried on? I did try it on the night before. And so you were confident you had it locked in. So I was like, cool, I know that that's going to be good and then i went oh like maybe uh that dress looks better if i wear like this kind of underwear you know because you know maybe it's a bit kind of vpl yeah exactly right um so i often do that and this might be a a hangover of radio days yeah but

even day to day i'll like get all my clothes out the night before and then in the morning like all of my outfits already ready. Yeah. So I'm not fucking rifling around being like, oh, does this smell too much for me to wear it or whatever. So yesterday Bridget and I are at the hospital because now we're getting to the business end of the pregnancy. Yeah. It's like every couple of days check in check the baby's heart

rate yeah they're going and um that's good though isn't it it is good because you feel like you've got like a team of people like behind you can i just get up about australia real quick oh yep we don't have private health insurance for this where it's like the public system we're not paying a cent and it's been fantastic come in as much as you like the midwives come in and check you they're really, really sure. Is there any questions? If you're scared about anything, tell us and I can let you know the information. That's so amazing.

They'll tell you everything you need to do. We spend like a little bit of time in like the waiting room, but like half an hour. Yeah. That's fine. Who gives a shit? And it's all for free. Yeah. That's amazing.

It's incredible. Dil, who we work with, obviously he's fucking rich and has went private. So he's telling me, he was telling us the hospital stories the other day yeah unrelatable content unrelatable so you know how you like check out then you go to the hotel and into the spa thing in the day spa yeah i actually don't know how they give you a glass of wine while you're waiting and you were like um yeah they didn't even have the 2009 bordeaux yeah so um we're off to go to the hospital and bridget's finding it hard to dress for a few reasons A, she's got a massive belly

Big belly, yeah But also she's hot, she's cold She's like, is it hot outside? Because I'm sweating Like Bridget, it's freezing outside She's like, nah, I'm fucking So she's like You're layering up

You're layering up But then you're sweating and you're layering down So it's like, you know So you can imagine that aspect is like She's like, what do I wear you can imagine that aspect is like, it's just like, what do I wear? Hard to like plan for. Is it going to be hot at the hospital? Am I going to get a bit of the heat or the colds?

And because you hear as well like a lot about like pregnant, because you get like such a big belly so fast and you're like obviously gaining weight because you are creating a fucking human person. But so because your body changes so quickly, you'd feel really like disconnected to your body, I can imagine. So there's probably a bit of that as well that you go, I don't look how I normally look.

So the hospital we go to is, it's a women's hospital. It purely deals with pregnancy and women's issues. So it's like floor one, haven't been born yet. Floor two is where you get born. Floor three is postnatal. Like it's, everyone is there. Haven't been born yet. Floor two is where you get born. Floor three is postnatal. Like it's everyone is there. Haven't been born yet. The technical term is prenatal.

No, but I like that. That's funny. Has she been born yet? Yeah, level two. Yeah. Now she's still cooking. All right, level one. So we're sitting in the waiting room and everyone in the building is pregnant

or their partner's pregnant or they're a doctor helping someone who is pregnant. Yep. Yep. And so we're getting ready to go to the waiting room and Bridget goes, I've got this singlet on, but I've also got a puffer jacket because I'm freezing, but I know that I'm going to heat up and want to just wear a thing.

Yeah. Will people judge me if I just wear a singlet? No. And I'm like, every other girl in the room. Is thinking the exact same thing. No, but they're going to go, oh, she's obviously warm because like me, I'm pregnant and I'm fucking hot. Or are you just thinking they're concentrating so hard

on the fact that you're pregnant that you go, was there someone else in there? Yeah. You know, like that classic. And this is something I'd probably say to you in probably like a shitty, like judgy way. It depends. And this is what I said to Bridget.

Do you judge other people there? And she goes, no. And I go, well, there are like. Yeah, that is a really good filter to run through. You know that guy yesterday who was wearing that hat that was slightly like an off-color yellow and you go, no. And you go, yeah.

Yeah. Who gives a fuck? But I was like, so, but it's like incepted that bridget need is like people are gonna judge what i'm gonna wear and i'm like there's a room of a hundred pregnant ladies yeah they got bigger fucking fish to fry they got bigger fucking things fish to fry they got babies to grill oh no babies were grilled they're in there a little butt in the oven. A little butt in the oven. Just a little disclaimer. And so I went, hey, Bridge, everyone else in the room is also hot and they're also in.

Because it's sort of not funny, but like you go in and it's quite hot. You go singlet, singlet, puffer jacket, puffer jacket, singlet. Oh, you're on different waves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we all get it. And it's actually like the cutest because, you know, like everyone's smiling because everyone's going through the same thing. It's actually like the most wholesome beautiful room because you're all yeah in the

same position and all the dads are like hey you're doing good get the sleep where you can you get the sleep where you can yeah and how are you feeling oh how long are you up to oh 38 weeks oh i'll go on the other side but everyone's on the same team and it's so fun and i was like do you think these people are going to judge you for wearing a singlet of any place you go the safest place safe place yeah yeah this is where you want to be wearing a singlet of any place you go this is the safe place yeah yeah this is where you want to be wearing a singlet um so there were tears um and and we took it and i compromised and i said i'll put a couple of your t-shirts in my bag oh that's good so like not that you'd ever need it but i was like just so you know that if you feel uncomfortable in a singlet yeah

you got a tea you got a backup you got a backup a singlet. Yeah. You got to back up tea. You got to back up plan. She goes, okay, I just don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's very kind of you because often people, you hear horror stories about people who go just fucking get dressed and get in the fucking car. Yeah. Pregnant or not.

And you can't be that guy. That just makes everything take longer. It does. It does. That's why, you know, not pregnant. We'll go, cool. We're leaving it for. That's why, you know, not pregnant. We'll go, cool. We're leaving at four. Let's work backwards.

Let's work backwards. I'll leave an hour for you to freak out. We'll leave 45 minutes for me to pee three or four times before we hit the road. And we've fucking got our shit down pat now. Yeah, what a motley crew you've got over there. Yeah, it's a wild ride. And can I just say, despite the fact Bridget's pregnant, I'm still winning in the Who Pees More stakes.

Oh, great. And we'll never lose that battle. I just, when Daughter McDaughter phase does come, probably pretty soon, I imagine. Yep. Hopefully. So do I. Then that's going to really change your routine. To leave the house at 4pm, you'll have to start get ready lunchtime the day before.

I actually won't come home. Yeah, you might as well just stay out. Yeah, yeah. By the time I get home, I'll have to be midway through the prep to leave again you know i'm just not gonna go out we'll just be circling around in the car um i gotta i love to see it here oh hang on can i go first because i've got a bit of a baby related one oh sure um so my you love to see it it's a bit of a callback tour you love to see it around eight or nine months ago so do you remember when i shared that there was a tarpa who was pregnant

and decided that she was going to be like a single mum? Yes. And she did IVF, I believe, and ended up pregnant with triplets. Holy fuck. The triplets have been born. Oh, shit. The tarpa triplets are here. Tony and Ryan.

Yeah, Tony. One of those guys. Nice, nice, nice. I was like third one? Yeah. Tony and Ryan. We're on the same wavelength. Yeah, I get it. So on the 17th of April, so a little bit ago now, 35 weeks, Mum and Bub and Bub and Bub all doing well.

Just like so, so beautiful. Hunter, Arlo and Isaac. So congratulations to our Tapa triplet mama. Hunter, Arlo and Isaac. Can I put something on the record? Please. I actually love all three of those names.

Aren't they great? Hunter's a great name. And they've got great middle names as well. Hunter James. Yes, strong. Powerful. Arlo William. Powerful James. Yes. Powerful. Arlo William. Powerful.

Isaac Edward. Powerful. Sorry, have you just fucking birthed three fucking hot as fuck lawyers or something? Oh, I was just about to say that sounds like a law firm in the future. Oh, yeah. James William and Edward. Yeah. Come right through.

Yeah. Oh, wow. You've birthed them for success. You have. You really fucking have. Our manager'sed them for success. You have. You really fucking have. Our manager's name is Bradford. And isn't that just like a powerful fucking successful name? Bradford.

Not Bradley. Not Bradley. Bradford. Just a great name. Another one of our- With great baby comes great responsibility on the successful naming convention, I think. How about this one? One of the bosses at Spotify is Ben.

And one day I dropped a bit of a, oh, Benjamin. And he goes, it's actually Benedict. And we all went, oh. And we all went, whoa. Fucking righto. My pay grade is too low to even hear that. Yeah. I'll see myself out.

Yeah. Sorry for bothering you. Yeah, he's a Benedict. Yeah. What a power play. God, it's good. Have you got a name ready for Daughter McDaughterface? Because you're the godmother. you get to name her, right?

Oh, yeah. Well, I've already come up with something. Okay. Tony, obviously. No, we can't. Tony Jr. I can't. Could you imagine?

And then if you and Daughter McDaughterface wanted to film any videos or anything, you've already got all the stuff because it already says Tony and Ryan. Yeah, well, we get off you and I'll start a podcast with them. I don't have to change any of the graphics. Yeah. And how easy is that? Yeah. But you love to see that.

Congratulations on three healthy babies. That's insane. And I just feel like we're kind of in baby mode at the moment. Oh, absolutely. So I'm like, ah! Yep. My love to see it actually just happened just before we recorded this episode. Oh, what was it?

You know when, for some reason, when you're at a cafe, you order your food and they say, yeah, but it'll be this much. And you say, thank you, yep. And then they bring the food over to the table and you go, yep, thank you. And then there's this weird, like, when you leave the cafe, you feel the need to kind of look back over to the kitchen and kind of do it like, thanks, guys. You know, like one of those ones. Yeah, I do.

I know it will. I always do it. Whenever I leave anywhere, I always do that. Yeah, just let everyone know you're leaving. Oh, it's not like that. It's just like a final. Yeah, thanks, guys. Yeah.

So what I love to see is Tony and I got an iced coffee each from the cafe downstairs before we started recording. And we're like, we just ordered takeaway, so we're standing by the door. And then this table gets up and walks past and just looks at Tony and goes, thank you. And then Tony goes, i don't work here and i'd already i'd already opened the door for me yeah and they started they thought you were bringing it for them yeah and then there was like six of them

i'm trying to leave and then you've opened the door for yourself and they've gone, oh, thank you. Thank you. And I was like, I don't want to get like. You had to stand there for half an hour

and buy the whole fucking thing. Fucking everyone streams in and out. I don't want to get. And then they were kind of like walking in the same direction as us. They were like right there

and I was like, oh, I feel like. They were following them. Imagine a waitress opens the door for you and follows you home. That's what they thought was happening. They were like, oh Imagine a waitress opens the door for you and follows you home. That's what they thought was happening. They were like, oh, does she need something?

Did we not pay? Imagine if they turned around and went, oh, there's no toilet paper in the bathroom. I'm like, I don't work there. Like, I cannot help you. Hey, mate, we're not asking you about your employment status. I just need to know where the TP is. Yeah. But I like the thank you on the way out.

If actually. I like it if it's directed accurately. You know what I'd love to know? On today's episode thread in our Facebook group, Tony and Ryan Podcast, I'd like to know from waitresses or maitre d's or whatever, people that work in hospo. What's a maitre d? Like the table person.

Like so they don't actually wait on you, but they like show you to your table. Because that's a fancy word. I thought it was like the lady who runs the place that does sex work. No. What are they called? I don't know. I don't know what that is. Because maitre d' is just such a fancy name.

It's like the host of the. So you assume that they. Well, when you said, oh, you know, like a waitress or a barman or a maitre d', I was like, oh, actually, maybe they get the same. I don't know what they're called, but them as well, I'd like to know. Yeah, when you walk out of the parlour, you go, oh, thanks, love. Yeah. But so anybody that works in like hospo, do you like the turn back and thanks?

Yeah. Great question. I do it there because they know us. Yeah. At the cafe downstairs, I do it because, yeah, we're always regulars. Like when we walk in, they go, hey, Tony, hey, Ryan. I'm not against it. I like it.

But I loved it when they gave it to you. Yeah, I did cop it. I'd love to know whether people like the turn back and face. Could you have any faster said you don't work there? Could you have said that any faster? I think that I just wanted to be like, because I was a bit like, oh, I don't work here. Like, should I be doing this?

Because I don't know if you noticed, but someone who does work there walked over very quickly and took the door off. Yeah. They knew the agony and pain and embarrassment you were experiencing. Well, it was almost kind of like, that's actually my job. Or you've just taken a thank you that was for me. That's what I mean. You've stolen my letter.

So I'll just be like, oh, I don't deserve the thank, like somebody. And then she ran over and yanked the door out of my hand. I thought, oh my God. What was funny was when filming I Still Call Australia Home, you were wearing black pants and a white shirt and you looked the same as every waiter that we came across. Yep. And then, yeah, that happened a lot.

Actually, I'll stop you there, love. Can I just get a latte extra hot? And you go, I don't actually want extra hot though. And I'm like, oh, yep. And so then I walked up to the counter and I just ordered it and paid for it. And I went, yeah, it's on the house. Yeah, it cost a fair bit of money to fly Tony around the country to film that. But she made it up in tips.

Yeah. So no problem. No problem. All right, we'll chat to you tomorrow. Have a good one. Love you. Bye. alright I will chat to you tomorrow have a good one love you bye