Toni and Ryan - Your Mum's Porno

Episode Date: September 16, 2024

CONFESSIONS about... well... your mum's porno??? Love ya!! Toni xoxoxCheck out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Arthur Tony Lodge. We are calling, I actually think her name is Jessica, but I actually think we're calling Tony Lodge and you'll see why. Oh, sorry. I'm just going to take this call. Comedy for me. If it's the first episode of the show, that's the kind of just A grade comedy. Oh, Jessica. How are you doing? Good. How are you? We are very well. Now, Jess, where are you doing? Good, how are you? We are very well.

Now Jess, where are you originally from? I am from Perth. And where have you moved to? Melbourne. And have you been to Japan? I have been to Japan. Same person as Tony! But also you don't need to tell me that.

I remember you Jess, we met at the book signing. Yes, we did. Yeah. Now, Jess, I do have another quick, and I have to ask this of everyone that says this is their job. Jess, it says is an accountant. Yeah. And then you like an accountant, accountant or like an accountant, accountant? I'm an accountant, not an accountant, accountant.

Oh, okay. So was Ryan. Yeah. Don't worry, the podcast is coming, Jess, and it goes really well. I'm an accountant, not an accountant accountant. So was Ryan. Yeah. Don't worry. The podcast is coming, Jess. And it goes really well.

Yeah. Yeah. It's all good. It's all good. It's all good. Jess, will you approve today's podcast? Yes, I would absolutely approve the podcast. Legend.

Hey, it's Jess from Melbourne and I approved this podcast. Coming up today, scandal, scandal, scandal, scandal, scandal between Australian fast food chains. There's some no pun intended. Beef. There's beef guys. There's beef. Oh, so it's obviously. Infecting my world.

Yes. I'll get to that soon. But first, these are top confessions. That was beautiful. And I know you've been practicing because just before we were listening to, I just want to be part of your symphony. I just love Zara Larsson. I love Zara Larsson too.

Tarp Confessions, tonyandryan.com.au. You can submit them anonymously. And this one is anonymous. And I think you're about to know why. They're not only saving their own anonymity. Oh, fuck it up. Sorry about that. I just burped.

They're eating M&M minis in the studio. Don't tell people we're eating M&M's. M&M minis. Sorry. Yeah, because we're tiny girls. I accidentally busted my own mother watching porn. Oh. I accidentally busted my own mother watching porn. Watching porn, hot.

Anybody catching you doing it though, especially your family members, not good. Not good. Walking in on somebody. Okay. Pop quiz. What do you reckon is worse? Someone walking in on you watching porn or you walking in on somebody watching porn. Way worse, you getting busted. I don't know, because I never shut up. So I think that if I walked in on someone watching porn, I go,

oh, no, that's fine. And I would try and- Explain it and I'd be like, Tony, why are you still here with my dick in my head? And you're like, can you just fucking leave? I wouldn't be able to leave. Can you get out so I can get off, please? Maybe I would help. That leave. Can you get out so I can get off, please? Maybe I would help. That's what I was watching. Yeah.

You were watching a Tony and Ron podcast video. You're watching one of our full episodes on YouTube. Subscribe. Mum had been using my AirPods and connected them via Bluetooth to her phone. One day I'm at home and I put the air pods in and they connect to mum's phone. Instead of the show I wanted to watch, my ears are filled with the sound of the loudest, filthiest porn I've ever heard. I can literally visualize what's happening just by listening, the moaning, the dirty talk and the wet squelching sounds were harrowing. Right in your ears as well.

I sat there frozen in shock, in silence. Mum works from home. Apparently not. Apparently so. She's getting something done. Giving it a real work over. Mum works from home and a few minutes later she skipped back down the stairs from her room. Lunchtime nap finished, back to the computer.

That's what I call a nap as well. Just off for a nap. Yeah. A nap and a fap. A fap nap. Yeah. A nap and a fap. A fap nap. Yeah. That's just good self care. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, a bit stressed.

Sometimes you just need to like restart the day. Yeah, just go work one out and have a little nap and wake up and we'll try again. Yeah. Can we do that right now? Should we take a little break? There's only one bed. Sorry. Did anyone find it weird that there's a bedroom in our office still? No, we can't really talk about it because it does sound strange, but like it's not strange

because it's- Well, it's only strange if you start making those comments. Yeah. As the head of HR though. Not strange. What do you think about? Okay. Not strange. All clear. My job is Tony's nightmare. I work in logistics. Well, if you can't have a nap and a fap, then yeah, I'm really not interested. I was asked to ship a large shipping container full of machine parts from the other side of the country, which in my line of work is actually quite normal.

I'm going to fucking fall asleep. That's so dull. What is that on the thread from yesterday? What is not normal was her, don't worry about what's actually in the box attitude and her insistence on coming down to our office to pay cash because you didn't want to pay with check or a bank transfer. So this client is like, no, no, no, don't you worry about what's in there. I like good.

And I always pay cash if that's fine. And you know, when you work in this kind of logistics, you'd probably have a bit of a light, bit of a sniff, bit of a. Well, cause if people are doing this work all the time, there's like no red flag. Like the way that you talk about what your shipping is like, you know, you're confident about what you need to give the information, they're like, no, no, don't worry about it. And you're like, well, no, that's not what normally happens. I had a bit of a hunch and a gut feel, says our top of here. So I say to my supervisor, I'm like, no, I'm just,

this doesn't feel right. They've mentioned this. They haven't mentioned that. My supervisor also gets the heebie-jeebies and just goes, you know what, we'll just plightly decline. And that's okay. Oh,. Which is, I think when a boss backs up a worker, that's great. Oh, it's a good feeling, isn't it? Yeah. Months later, I see an article in the news of a giant drug bust with a shipping container full of machine parts, which was hiding millions of dollars worth of the booger sugar in it and multiple arrests were made, both people directly and accomplices

to the transporting of goods. That could have been our Tapa. 100%. Oh my God. One of the great puns from the Tapa here as well, by the way. After I did some sniffing around, I actually can confirm it was in fact the exact same container and the same person. Well, I mean, when someone's on the nose, you can tell. She could be a detective.

She does, you know, have a nose for it. Yeah. She really thought I'll blow her off. Oh, this might be too far. Did she crack the case? Because I think it's one of those industries where if it's not your company, it's someone else and they all kind of know each other. So they might message that other company and go, did you say this guy come through? Oh, you know, we fucking dodged him as well. Okay, great. Well, maybe that, you know, so sort of one of those ones.

Jack in the boss was like, Oh, good gear from you. Yeah. Cross-cultural comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Multilanguages. I'm bilingual. So did I commit a crime? No. But do I feel like I've narrowly avoided prison time for being a drug trafficker?

Yes. I would take it one step further. You're the people's champion. You kept drugs off the streets. Yeah. She didn't dub Min. She just let someone else do it. Yeah. You're the people's champion. You kept drugs off the streets. Yeah. She didn't dub Minchey. Just let someone else do it.

Yeah. But superhero, superhero, that's amazing. Yeah. Oh my God. Give her the fucking keys to the city and a little bump. Hey it's Jess from Melbourne and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. You absolutely fucking love to see it. Thank you so much for being part of our Patreon.

We actually can't do this without you. We can't have M&Ms in the morning unless people are being part of it. Yeah. Where are those M&Ms from? Why do we have mini M&Ms in the office? I feel like maybe they were from the Tarpathon. Oh, okay. Cause there's like just random groceries like left out. I feel like I was downstairs before and there's just like a whole bag of all this weird cake.

I don't know where that's from. Cake? So do you know what that cake's for? What cake? There's like little Swiss rolls in this bag and I don't know where that's from. So do you know what that cake's for? What cake? There's like little Swiss rolls in this bag and I don't know what they're from. But I like got here.

Were they shipped here with machine parts? And I was the first person here and I'm like, John says, I was like, where's that come from? I don't know what it is. It's in like a Coles bag. Little cakes. Little cakes. But I think they've been there for a while. I don't know what they're for. Oh, I actually, no, I do know what that's from. What's it for? I think, remember when we check out on YouTube, Australians try British snacks.

Yeah. Because remember how one of them like really didn't travel well and they got smushed up? I think they would like the mini cakes. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no They've traveled across the globe. No, no, no. It's from, it's Coles branded. It's from Australia. Coles in Britain. Okay. No, fuck. Well, then I'm, yeah. If not that, then fucking right. I thought that too, but no, it's not that. Anyway. If anyone wants a few months old of squashed cakes, come over and check out the Tarp bin. They're actually not even squashed. They're in like good condition. The basement in Tarp Tower.

even squash there in like good condition. The basement and tarp tower. Um, anyway, Samantha, Nivette, thank you very much. Georgiana Johnson, Kristi Painter, fake name, Pat Donald, Gronya and Mad Fabie. Thank you very much for being part of our Patreon. Absolutely love to see it. Uh, and if you'd like to vote for us in the People's Choice Awards, not the Kids' Choice Awards, People's, what's it called? The Australian Podcast Awards, People's Choice Awards, Listener's Choice.

And I actually think considering all things going on in the world, this is the most important vote for this year. Yeah. Forget the US election, forget Cosy Lives. Vote for us. Vote for us. Don't actually. Because what did we promise yesterday if we win?

No, you said that you were going to show my boyfriend naked in the shower. That's obviously not happening. No. We will give you one of the squashed cakes. Squashed cake for all. We will put that squashed cake somewhere in Melbourne. And you can go. And you can go and find it.

What an offer. That's a good deal. I looked at them and I thought, oh fuck, I wouldn't mind it. There's a link in our episode thread today. There is a link in the show notes. There was a link in the show notes. I haven't, I haven't organized that. Can you organize that? Yeah, maybe. I mean, I would appreciate your vote in the, our link in bio.

I voted. Vote again. Oh, can you? You don't have to be in Australia by the way. It's like it's world WWW worldwide. And then we'll also put cakes everywhere. Well, no, there'll only be a cake in Melbourne, Melbourne, Pittsburgh and Madrid. Cakes.

Oh, so if you write that down. Only if we win. Yeah. If we don't win, then get your own cakes. Fuckos. Now I'd call them fuckos and expect a vote. Brave. Um, I know we were just talking about cracking cases and fucking,

but this is fucking wild shit. This, I wouldn't say it's illegal, but it's like audacious. What's audacious mean? Well, that's like audacity, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great.

Great. Great. But it doesn't really make sense. I don't think. You wait, just you fucking wait for the audaciousness of what I'm about to tell you. And I hope it's audacious. Cause if not, boy is my face red. My face actually is a bit red. I've got like a little red scratch. Shaving rash? Yeah. Yeah. I'm giving it a bell this morning. Around this time in Australia, McDonald's does the best game of all time, which is?

Fucking McDonald's Monopoly. Why are you fucked off about that? Oh, no, I get sucked in every year. Every year I get sucked into the McDonald's. Do you know how, this is fucking rock bottom. The other night, Torb's actually, fucking hell. Torb's cut his finger and he had to get a tetanus shot. Is that mother fucker ever not hurt? I know. finger and he had to get a tetanus shot. Is that motherfucker ever not hurt?

I know. He had to go and get a tetanus shot and I was like, well, I'll go with you to hospital. He's like, mate, I'm going to be waiting there for a while. I'll just go. And I was like, okay. So he left and I was like, it was really late at night. And I was like, I might just order a maccas for dinner on Uber Eats. And the food came and they didn't give me the actual cup with the monopoly on it. Send it back. I did look on Uber Eats to see if I could complain. Tony.

I know that's rock bottom. And I like sat on the couch. I was like, I need to think, like I need to look at myself, like give myself a hard look here. Yeah. Where am I up to? What am I doing? So I canceled the complaint and I didn't go through with it. So you started the complaint. I went looking for it and then there was no option for like, I did not receive my McDonald's

mumbling. So I like, you know how right at the bottom it's like something else? Yeah. So I clicked that and I'm like, well. And then I was like, hang on, hold the phone. Is this what I'm doing with my night? Is this what I'm doing? Yeah night? Is this what I'm doing? Yeah.

Yeah. But, so I never got the ticket, so I could have gotten a new car, but I'll never know now. So, my ass is a Hungry Jacks girl. Oh. Which is Burger King in Australia is called Hungry Jacks. Yep. That's so weird that Bridget's a Hungry Jacks girl. What are you?

Cause I can go either. I love my, for me, Ultimate Double Whopper from Hungry Jacks girl. What are you? Cause I can go either. I love my, for me, ultimate double whopper from Hungry Jacks. Mm-hmm. Can fuck it. That could fuck me. Yep. Um, but I'm a double quarter pounder girl from McDonald's. McDonald's, I'm a-

Or a fillet of fish, controversial, but delicious. At McDonald's, I am obviously a nuggets man. I have flirted with, uh, being a McChicken man for a while. Oh yeah. And then I felt like getting a McChicken and nuggets was just like too much chicken. It's a lot. No, like I liked it, but I felt silly for getting-

Oh no, that sounds silly. It's like when you and your partner get the same dish in a restaurant. Oh, you're going now and I get to try two things. Yeah, so you know. KFC can obviously fucking get it in my world. Oh yeah, as in a stacker. Yeah, Hungry Jacks, pretty much anything on the Hungry Jacks menu. Yeah. Their Perry Perry know, KFC can obviously fucking get it in my world. Oh yeah, as in a stacker. Yeah.

Hungry Jacks, pretty much anything on the Hungry Jacks menu. Yeah. Their Perry Perry chicken burgers pretty good. I reckon the reason you like Hungry Jacks is because you love barbecue sauce. And they do do barbecue sauce well. Really good. McDonald's though, a Big Mac sauce, fucking shits all over everything. The Hungry Jacks barbecue sauce is more of a plum-based barbecue sauce. Excuse them one, as a me.

Which is... Exacto mori. Pretty elite. Okay. Pretty elite. That sounds like Asian inspired, like a plum barbecue sauce. It does. Doesn't it?

It tastes like that. Wow. It does taste inspired. Yeah. Okay. But at McDonald's I'll be a sweet and sour man though. Yeah. But I don't get that anywhere else for some reason. Um, but then McDonald's I'll be a sweet and

sour man though. Yeah. I don't get that anywhere else for some reason. No, Maccas I would only get sweet and sour or big mac sauce. Sorry, we're off topic. We're about to talk about nugs. We're falling out of it. Sorry. But what would be your preferred place? No, it's so I would like- Happily either. Because across the week, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Royal Sampler. We'll go, oh, I had KFC the other day. Bridge wants some as well. Okay, we'll go there.

We'll do that. Yeah. Time and place. Interesting. So I'm at Hungry Jack slash Burger King. Should we go get an ultimate double whopper after this? Like, yeah, too smart. Pull my finger.

With a McFlurry? Do you know what is like an elite. McFlurry's? Ice cream. Nah. Chocolate sundae with a flake from McDonald's. Their chocolate sauce, fucks. I think I'm pregnant.

Yeah. Just hearing this. Do you know what's good though, from Hungry Jacks, The Storm, which is more like the original Oreo McFlurry used to be when they used to actually mix them up. What happened to the KFC crush bar? Oh, I was talking to someone about this the other day. I crushed, I remember that they had the golden gay time one and stuff. The golden gay time crusher can crush me into anything.

I used all my pocket money to buy one of those ones. I was like, I think they were like seven or eight dollars. They were really expensive. Can you, Sophie, message our mate Foxy at KFC and tell him- And ask if they're thinking about bringing back the KFC Crusher bar. And can it be- And Mashie's also, cause they're my favorite.

And can Tony be like the face of the Crusher's bar? And I'll say- The body of the Crusher's bar. Crusher Crusher from KFC, crush a crusher. Hardly Noah. Sophie send them all of that. Okay. I said, we're off. Can I, should we get back to the scandal?

Yeah, sorry. McDonald's is sponsored by the way. Welcome to this KFC. I will. will tell you how much I love McDonald's. Yeah. The McDonald's monopoly, it gets you every year, doesn't it? McDonald's monopoly is happening right now. And right now at Burger King, they're doing UNO. So, yeah, they are.

They are. Guys. Yeah. Guys. Would you say that's audacious? I would actually. Thank you. And for them to be on at the same time.

Is, I reckon even Uno might have started like half a week before Monopoly. I think it did start. Just to go, oh, if we're gonna, if we're gonna do it. So is your whole point like that it's a bit audacious, as you said, for them to both be running at the same time? There's a million ideas out there. Cause they go, are you copying McDonald's? And I'm sure they'll go, oh no, we just thought of this thing.

And you just go, come on guys. So it's really funny that this is your take on it. Can I share with you Sophie and I's take on there being an Uno and a Monopoly game going on at the same time? I did not know you were going to bring this up. Is this why we're talking about board games the other day? Yeah. Because, because Sophie and I-

Is this why we're talking about board games? I started bitching at Sophie about, I didn't get my McDonald's monopoly on my cup the other day. And she goes, have you seen that hungry Jacks doing the Uno? And I went, isn't that random? And she went, oh, it's not even the second best board game. What is the best board game? No, so Monopoly is the best.

What was the second after all that? It wasn't Troubles. Wasn't Trivial Pursuit. Sophie goes, yeah, we were talking about this in the car. What do you reckon is the second? Oh, welcome to the Dole cast. We should change the name of this to Dole cast. Sophie, what is the second most Oh, welcome to the dull. We should change the name of this to dull gust.

Sophie, what is the second most purchased board game in the world? Uh, well, we had to eliminate chess and checkers. They were the top two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just to further dullify this conversation. And, uh, so then Monopoly and then Scrabble. That's what KFC are doing. But I actually think, I actually think that a Scrabble takeaway fast food game would be

quite good. Yeah. Like you're trying to get the letters, you're trying to build the word, like maybe the first prize, like this is a good idea. I'm going to sell, write this down. So imagine if the top prize was winning, like you won a Toyota and you had to, and there was only like two wires in rotation and like, do you know what I mean? And you're trying to spell out Toyota. I think

that's actually a sick idea. That's a great game. And that's how Scrabble works and that's how winning prizes works. Cause the thing about Uno is I don't really know how it works. I don't really know how it works. So if I've got a draw for, do I get four extra chips? Okay. Let me just tell you where we're up to because, um, it's been, it's been a tough time in a couple of weeks in our household with the kid and we've had a sixer. Then, you know, we've maybe ordered like some food, like a bit more than you. You don't have to do that.

The first time we got a free small fries. Thank you very much. And don't they know how, and then we go, Oh, well, if I'm going to go get a small fries, I'm obviously going to get more. That's how they fucking get you. Yeah. And then I think it works. It fucking works.

Then I think the second time was like a free coffee with something else, something which is great. And the coffee hungry jux is like, it's surprisingly good. All takeaway coffee these days is pretty good. Yeah. You can't not be good in this town and fucking get away with it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, we're on a bit of a minor hot streak. Of wins.

Yeah. Free fries, free coffee. And every time we go back, we're putting an extra 15 bucks through. So I mean, who's really winning here? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But then you get a free fries. I'm like here bagging out the marketing department as I'm just funneling cash. Oh yeah. We're paying for their holidays to feed you. We then won a $50 voucher. What? To a place that sells appliances. To a place that sells appliances. That's amazing. I am so happy for you. Oh no.

At first. $50. That's not getting you a fucking bread maker. I go, oh yeah. Maybe we'll get a blender or a juicer. Oh yeah. It'll be a fun new toaster. Oh yeah. $50. You're fucking kidding yourself mate.

Oh but like if it's $80 and we only have to pay 30, you know, fucking, you know what I mean? You know? Listen to you. You know, I'm like, there's some options. Bridge, pull up the website. We're going fucking shopping. They only sell ovens and the cheapest one's like five grand. No, no. You can't expect me to put in more than you're giving me. Yes. Meet me in the middle. You bunch of-

So they're like, Oh, Tony? Friends of the show. They go, Oh, this oven is now only $4,950. I'm like, well, I've got an oven. But also $50 doesn't really take the edge off of a $5,000 purchase. No, not even close. If something's $200 and you got 50 bucks off, that's pretty great. But like, taking the edge off of five grand is like, we're giving you $3,000 off.

Yeah. Like, do you want to do some business school chat? Yeah. If you had a five- Is it about my awesome marketing idea for KFC Scrabble? Yeah, it's called Scrabble. Is it about my awesome marketing idea for KFC Scrabble? Yeah, it's called Scrabble. Say there's a coffee for five bucks and they go, oh, $4 discount because it's fucking discount day.

Are you stoked? $4 off. Yeah. Or it is $4. It's $4 off. Oh, a dollar? Sick. Happy? Yeah.

So what if you take $4 off a new car? Oh, yeah, no. I could literally not give a fuck. Charge me an extra four. Yeah. Yeah, no, 100%. Where's the charge me an extra four? If they charge nine for a coffee, you're like, I will never come back here again in

my life. Well, that's what percentages is, is the thing, isn't it? Yeah. So when you save 50 bucks, I'm like, fuck yeah. But suddenly we're talking about $5,000. And an oven is a whimsical purchase that you make in the drive-through of Hungry Jacks. You know what I mean? No, it's serious.

And the oven is like a next year, we're going to do our kitchen. Yeah. And we're going to get an oven and we're going to plan. You don't just go, ah. We might as well. So what I'm saying. Why did you pick that oven? Oh, well, so we were playing fucking McDonald's, whatever the fuck it is. That would have been our renovating show. Why did you go for that one? And, oh, well, so we were playing, um, fucking McDonald's, you know,

whatever the fuck that'd be now renovating show. Why'd you go for that one? Yeah. On the block. They're like, Oh, we got the $50. So what's more audacious. Great word. Yeah.

The fact they're doing uno or the fact they think that, cause when they give me a 50 all about, so they're actually just giving me nothing. Unprecedented third option that KFC aren't doing the scrabble. Scrabble. Oh God, sorry. I think that's a good idea. Give me a Toyota. Give me a Zinger.

Give me some Scrabble. But I agree with you. That's, that's, it's sneaky I think. Yeah. Because it's basically like you're giving people that being like, Oh, how generous of us. They're not going to take us up on it. Yeah.

They get to make the offer and know that no one's going to actually do it. If anyone high fives me in the next five seconds, a million dollars. I'm just so generous. Yeah. I know Tony wasn't doing it. Surprised by Sophie not diving. Yeah, Sophie, that's interesting. I really consider the amount of cables in there.

For a million bucks, I would have dived across the fucking cables. But yeah, dunno. Some people need a lift. Some chats need to be had. Business, business, business. What do you love to see, Tony? I've got, you love to see here from Chantal Dodd, who has started the fucking blog. You legends have shown me and inspired me to take the jump and really put into my longing, wanting to try a new hobby. I love hobby chat. I'm big hobby girl. Big hobby girl. It's still the introduction to the blog and I have a long way to go, says Chantel,

but I'm gaining confidence to hopefully start taking it seriously. I've just started cake decorating. Fuck yeah, that's sick. And here's the part that I thought you would really like. This has got a bit of Ryan John energy. Chantel posted under her little comment in the Facebook group saying, I'm a cake decorator, posted a bit of Ryan John energy. Chantelle posted under her little comment in the Facebook group saying,

I'm a cake decorator, posted a picture of a cake that she's decorated and said, P.S. any fellow cake decorators out there in the Tony and Ryan Facebook group, I'm open to any advice or feedback on my work so far. Great. That's a bit of you, isn't it?

It's a bit of me, it's a bit of Pixar. Being able to, but being like, yep, open to feedback, we'd love to hear your thoughts. And you know, there's a million people that are better than me. So I'd love to hear from you. Every cake will be slightly better than the last cake and off we go. Exactly right. Um, but congratulations, Chantelle.

I thought that was really, really cool. Congratulations. Can Chantelle make the cake for the Tony and Ryan team Christmas party? The team Christmas party? I don't know if Chantelle's in Melbourne. Chantelle, then. Yeah, and I don't trust, actually I think tomorrow on the show I've got an update for Australia Post.

I would not trust Australia Post with the fucking $50 fucking voucher that I'm not gonna use. Okay, working progress on the Christmas Party, Kate. My love to see it is from Anastasia Sitton. Not to be confused with her friend. Anastasia Sitton. Not to be confused with her friend. Anastasia Sitton? Yeah.

My 14 month old has cerebral palsy. His name's Max Sitton, but we call him Max Danger Sitton because he's a superhero. Oh, Max Danger. Maximum Danger as well. That's so good. Max Danger, that maximum danger, that's so good. Max Danger. At 14 months old, he is crawling. Oh, that is so exciting.

And we've got a little video. So no longer sitting, he's crawling. Max Danger crawling. Oh. And this has already got hundreds of likes in the Tony and Ryan Facebook page. Oh, Anastasia, you must be so proud. It's more dragging himself like a zombie with his legs chopped off, but he's the cutest and Ryan Facebook group. Oh, Anastasia, you must be so proud. It's more dragging himself like a zombie

with his legs chopped off, but he's the cutest zombie of all time. Oh, that is so sweet. Do you have a video there? Oh, he is Max. That's super hero shit. What a legend, little Max. Thank you so much for sharing that, Anastasia. That's so sweet.

He's worked so hard in therapy and his papa and I are so proud. And you fucking would be. We're proud too. All the Tapa babies are our babies. Yeah, well, not legally. Not legally or by blood or anything, but like. Oh, thanks for clarifying the blood bits.

Fuck, for a second there. Not that you can't be someone's child without being related by blood. Why, what do you, why? To my beautiful, best adopted friend. Who's adopted? Sophie. Oh.

Must be hard news to take, Sophie. Would you like an M&M? Oh. Oh, everyone's getting around him. Super Mac says, Loreen. Jenny says, what a cutie, what a rock star. That's so cute.

Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. Tomorrow on the show, fucking postal service. Australia Post hasn't been like a friend of the show for a while. In COVID, a lot of postal services had it tough, but then some have like got back to normal. I've got a specific question about it,

something specific that's happened. You know that this really gets my goat though. Well, you don't have a goat because it hasn't arrived yet. I thought it was online. That's what they sound like. Anyway. Oh my God. Is your name Gary?

That's quite good. That is incredible. I might be the goat. Greatest of all time. Gary. That's quite good. That is incredible. I might be the goat. Greatest of all time. You know, they say that about like Michael Jordan, et cetera. What do you want to go to you have in common? I wish they were both on my face.

How would you want to go on your face? Goaty. Goaty. So not the same thing at all. Why is it called a goatee? Because goats have that little- So it is the same thing. Yeah, but that's not called a goat. A goatee.

What do you and a goatee have in common? I want them both on my face. Sorry, I was just trying to say that I loved you in a weird way. That you wanted me to sit on your face? Your words, not mine. Oh! Oh, right, mate. We're in a workplace, Tony.

I actually asked you to calm down. Give me some mini M&M's. I'll take you to the work bedroom. Oh, come on, my face. All right. Love you. This is the worst thing that's happened to me since Tony implied I was adopted three minutes ago.

I'm sorry for bringing that up at work. Love you so much. Talk to you tomorrow. Love you. Bye.