Toni and Ryan - You've been TONI'D!

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

SOME BEAUTIFUL NEWS TO START YOUR WEDNESDAY! And then some sexy news as well. Fucking love ya!! Toni xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. Ryan, Tony. Hi. Now we're calling Nicole and according to my email, she is from Bumblefuck in Pennsylvania. Is that a joke? Because if there's one thing I know about Pennsylvania is if there is a fuck town name, it's going to be in Pennsylvania. So if it's anywhere else, I'd go, surely Nicole's joking.

But... Is Bumblefuck near intercourse, do you think? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Okay. Like if it was anywhere else, I would have gone, it's a joke, but. Is Bumblefuck near intercourse, do you think? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, okay. Like, if it was anywhere else, I would have gone, it's a joke, but because it's in Pennsylvania. You never know. So let's find out, shall we?

Hello? Hello, is that Nicole? Yeah. Hi, Nicole! It's Tony and Ryan. Will you approve the podcast? Hell yeah. Yay!

And Nicole, just quickly, you've said that you're from Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania. Please tell us that that's a joke and not a real town. No, that's a joke. I'm in the middle of nowhere. Thank God. Because Pennsylvania, as you know, has some of the worst, shittest, random town names. So we believe that it might actually be true.

No, it's not. And we did think that if it is a real place, we have to go to Bumblefuck. Hey, it's Nicole from Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania, and I approve this podcast. There's a bad news story concerning Tony, but I actually think it's good news. You don't think it's good news? So you know how you've been to your osteopath many times? Yep.

For a non-sporting injury. Yeah, for like napping on the couch or whatever. Oh, I had to hurt your back. I fell asleep on the couch. And you said it was really embarrassing. It was. Yesterday, Tony had a fall from her scooter. How's your ankle, mate? I know that we're like taking the piss because

I'm a 28-year- old woman that fell off a razor scooter, but it's fucked. So it's the ankle? And my other calf is like bruised. Huge bruise. It is bright blue. So when I saw you in pain yesterday, I obviously

was like, holy shit, are you okay? But I also thought, at least now when you go back to the doctor or the physio, they can go, how'd you hurt yourself? And you go, well, I was riding a scooter because I'm a cool inner city kid. You know, just getting about town, actually do it. I was doing a kickflip. An ollie?

What were you doing? I was ollieing up the curb. Well, I was just driving it. You were going up the curb. I was going up the curb, which is normally fine. I obviously was not like far enough down like the dip. You just slightly misread there. Just misread it.

Hit the deck. I fucking shit. My AirPods like flew out of my pocket and like smashed on the ground. They smashed? Like so you know when you drop your case and they like smash open and the AirPods like fly up? Oh, yeah. So like very humbly I had to like hop on my scooter,

like support myself with the scooter, but like bend down and get the air bolts off the ground. It was fucking humbling. Welcome back to planet Earth, babe. Thanks. Yeah, thank you. I really appreciate that. But do you agree that at least you can like twist it

to make it sound like you were doing something other than sitting on the couch? Yeah, I've got an appointment tomorrow at four. So just say, yeah, I was jumping up onto the gutter. Yeah. And just sort of misread it. But, you know. Yeah. Injuries when you're in the trade, you know.

I mean, they call me Tony Hawk for a reason. Do they? Tony with an I, with a hawk. Maybe it's just like Tony Pigeon. Tony Pigeon. Coming up today, we're going to learn about your Tony and also you listening celebrity crushes and what it might mean. Like we can all say we have a celebrity crush,

but like what would happen if you actually met them? Yeah. What would happen if you had an in and an opening? Because it's going to be a big day today. Yeah, something good's coming and I don't mean me. Yeah, and well, we don't know how the story ends yet. But first, usually I do the flapping of Tony, but then you roll in this morning and go, oh.

Actually, fuck it. Have you done anything in the last 24 hours that hasn't set you? No. It's strange that you being flapped is not the scooter story. Yeah, I know. It actually is. I wish that I'd come in hot with that instead of this thing. No, well, I have a special edition of Unflappable Tony

because something happened on the weekend that I normally wouldn't, like, go with, I guess, and I would, like, just, like, fucking flip out. Are you saying that you handed it with grace and that you are unflappable? Let's see. Okay. All right. I'm going to show you a video. Oh.

And before I hit play, can you just describe to me what you can see there? Is that your courtyard? Yeah. Is that what you can see? Your massive courtyard. My courtyard. All right. I'm just going to hit play on this video.

Okay. Am I describing it? Describe as you see it. Courtyard. There is. What? Fuck you. Youtyard, there is. What? Fuck you, you didn't. What the fuck?

It's a dog. When did this happen? On Saturday. You got a dog. This has been so hard not to tell you. It's been the worst four days of my life. You got a dog. Why the fuck? I was at your house on the life. You got a dog? Yeah.

Why the fuck did... Oh, is that your house on the weekend? I know. Look at him. He's so cute. He's golden brown. She, she... She is golden brown and she's a little... Oh, my God.

Is it Frenchie? She's a French bulldog. Yep. Hang on. This is very un-Tony. Mate, I know. You had spreadsheets. You had like a six-month plan.

I know. You said you can't because you're going away in like two weeks for the weekend. Okay. All right. Listen to me. What has happened? You've done something off the cuff and now I'm stressed. Mate, I'm falling off scooters.

I'm getting dogs. Fucking hell. Okay, so. She's so cute. What's her name? Pippa. Pippa. Oh, Pip.

So let me rewind the clock and explain to you. Hang on a second. There's so much backtracking to be done here. I know. Let me tell you. Stop looking at pictures of Pippa. I'm flat. So Pippa.

So Thursday last week I talked on the podcast about how Torbs and I were waiting to get approved by our real estate to get a dog because we were ready to extend our love and open up our family. Friday morning we actually ended up getting approved from the real estate agent. Fuck you. I was at your house on Saturday morning and I said, where are we up to?

And you went, oh, I don't know. I know. And then so Friday morning they approved it and I was like, well, fuck, let's start looking now. And we'd been kind of looking at like breeders and like online rescues and things like that. Sorry, are you crying? I'm like really because I've been really excited to tell you.

Yeah. Like I just have been so excited. And then yesterday I worked with you all day and I couldn't tell you about it and I was just so upset. Anyway, so Friday morning we got approved. We'd been looking online at rescue shelters, at breeders. We were kind of exploring all of our options. And then we're looking online and I saw this little girl

who needed rehoming. Pippa wasn't in a good spot. Well, they were actually like the woman had three dogs and couldn't look after them anymore. And she was planning on breeding with Pippa. So Pippa's nine months old. Oh, that's perfect. Because then are they like trained and shit?

So she's pretty. Yeah, she's very. Hang on. Just wait. Just wait. Okay. So she was planning on breeding her. Kind of her circumstances changed.

She couldn't breed with her. She didn't want to look after her. and she was actually listed online to sell to another breeder right and i saw her as in like to breed with her for life and i saw her and i went she is so fucking precious i'm gonna save her from a life of breeding she's gonna come and live a life of fucking luxury with torbs and i oh my, my God. So I ring the woman. I found her phone number and I rang her and I was like, hi there. So she was listed called Melody, which doesn't suit her at all. No, she's not a Melody.

I've seen her. She's a Pippa. She's a Pippa. I call her and I was like, hi, do you still have the dog available? And she was just like, oh, yeah. And she's like telling me all about her. And we had a big chat and stuff. She's like, oh, do you want to come and look at her tomorrow?

And I was like, I'd love to come and meet her and make sure we get along and whatever. And Torbs and I were so excited. So on Saturday morning, you and I worked for a couple of hours. We did the live stream for the Patreons. And then I pushed you out of my house. You're like, do you want me to help with the clean up? I was like, bro, don't worry about it.

I got it. You know what? I felt that. I felt because normally you'd be like, have a coffee. Stay. Want to hang out? No. And it wasn't an issue, but I felt like I was being pushed out of your hair.

I'm so excited for you. This has made my day. We drove over an hour to go and look at her. So she was out in like regional Victoria. We drove all the way. out in like regional Victoria. We drove all the way. You rescued a regional pup. We drove all the way out there. And then we got in there and fell in love.

Of course. I mean, I've seen her. She's beautiful. She's a gorgeous dog. She's like a show quality French bulldog is what this woman was saying. And I was like, I don't give a fuck. I'm going to like just give her treats and love her and smooch her little stuffy face.

So because you've rescued her from the regions and BJ, my dog, is a rescue from the regions, do you reckon they can like hang out and share rural stories? They've probably met before. They probably know each other. Yeah, but you know how like old country people when they meet in the city, they have that like, oh, yeah, what's your kind of John Deere's, you're driving.

And they've kind of got this like rural bond. Yeah, I hope so. I really hope so. Anyway, so we go, we fall in love with her. And you go, yeah, we're doing this. What's the process? And I was like, we love her. We'd love to have her.

What do you want to do? And she goes, cool. So like basically when you take her home tonight, she's due for her flea treatment. So if you just put that like back between her shoulder blades. Oh, and I've got a packet of food here that you can take. I've got a lead and a harness you can have and kind of a few, like a puppy pack, like all this stuff.

So when you're like, were you expecting cool? So mid-October you'll come round and leave a deposit and fucking. I was expecting her to say, can you leave a deposit? Yeah. So I took a bit of money out to like cover. Fucking you roll in. City girl rolls up with some cash. But I was like, I was like, just in case she wants,

because I probably wouldn't trust a bank transfer from someone I'd never met. Okay. Well, tomorrow on the show, we're talking about Tony's lack of trust of PayPal. I don't understand it. Foreshadowing. And I'm a mum now, so I'm stressed with other things. Oh, my God. Anyway, so she's just like, cool, so when you get her home tonight,

and she's like, oh, hang on one second, I'll just take her out to do a wee before you put her in the car. Yeah. So she goes outside and I turn to Torbs, my partner. And you're like, that's fucking hot. Doing it for nine years together for eight officially on Monday. Oh, that's beautiful. And I'm like, she wants us to take this dog now.

And Torbs was like, yeah. And I was like, we can't. Like, we can't. We're not, like, we're not ready. We don't, we didn't have anything in the house. Like. No one's ever fully ready, mate. And I was like, we're not ready. And Tor't have anything in the house. No one's ever fully ready, mate. And I was like, we're not ready.

And Torbz was like, oh, yeah. And I was like, we love her. She's part of our family already. Of course we're going to take her. Oh, my God. So I went. Chills. I've got chills.

Yeah. And so I like went and grabbed the rest of the cash that we needed. So did you have the like the little mat so they can sit in the car? Okay, so I have bought one of those because we might be looking after BJ and stuff. Well, fucking not anymore. But so I had that in the car. So it just kind of, like, all fell into place.

Destiny. But literally, so, like, she goes, great, well, thanks so much. And I was like, hey, actually this is so random, but we're going to New Zealand in two weeks or in a month or something for the weekend. Like she already knows you. Could I drop her back and you look after her for the weekend? She's like, yeah, great, bring her around.

How lovely is this chick? She's so lovely. And, yeah, it's like no fault of hers that she couldn't look after Pippa anymore. But, yeah, so Pippa's taken care of. She's going to go. And you've saved, you've rescued this dog from a different life. From a life of being bred with.

Yeah. Oh, my God. And who knows what, like, you know, what might have happened. It'd be horrible. So, yeah. Oh, my God. But literally, so she like, you know, what might have happened. It'd be horrible. Oh, my God. But literally, so she's like, great, we'll see you guys in three weeks when you drop her off to go to New Zealand. And I was like, is there a pet shop around here?

And she's like, oh, yeah, there's one five minutes. I was like, great. And we stopped there and bought, like, as much stuff as we could because we were like we need stuff to, like, take her home with. You would have literally got home and just been like, okay, if I could make yourself at home, mate. Well, so I had this whole plan of like all this stuff I was going to buy. Well, we heard about it last week.

Yeah. My mum messaged me and said I might hire Tony as a dog researcher because you sound all across that. I can do that for Mandy. That's no problem. And then all of a sudden my plan's out the bloody window. Yeah. And I was like, fuck, we're going here.

And Pippa's in the back of the car and Torb's like held her. We walked around the pet shop and grabbed all the things, like tried on another harness and stuff. And she's sleeping. Oh, my God. On the floor of our room right now with Torb. Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

This has made my day. I can't even imagine how you're feeling. I'm really happy. has made my day. I can't even imagine how you're feeling. I'm really happy. Oh, my God. Why are we even in the studio? Why are we not with her? I just, I'm just really happy. I just, like, wanted to do it for so long.

Oh, mate. Good on you. Yeah, and I'm really, just really happy. And she's so gorgeous. And because she's, like, nine months old and she grew up without the dog, so she's like, you know, she's so chill. Like she just sleeps on the couch. And she's a chiller?

She's chill as. I think getting one. See, when I was dropped at my mum's, I wasn't toilet trained and shit. No. But I think getting nine months old, they've like had the injections, they've kind of learnt. Yeah, so she's fully vaccinated. The only thing is that.

Oh, she hasn't done her research? She's willing to question it. Hey, it's just your choice. It's your body. No, so she's fully vaccinated so we can already like walk her and stuff. Oh, because the whole thing of like we're going away is like we can't drop her at a friend or. Yeah.

So now we're able to walk her, we can going away. It's like we can't drop her at a friend. Yeah. So now we're able to walk her. We can do whatever. The only thing is that because they were planning on breeding with her, she hasn't been de-sexed. She's ready to go. Should BJ come around? We're actually taking her today. So literally as people are listening to this.

No, don't paint that. She's still in the bed. She's nice and warm with Torbs. But, yeah, so we'll do that. So she'll be healing for the next two weeks or so. Yeah, it's resting up. And then she'll be fucking right as rain. Yeah.

But, yeah, and Torbs is just besotted with her. Really? Like, I haven't had a look in for days. Like, you know? Okay. So let's wind it back to, was it last, end of last week when you were talking about the research for the dog? Yep.

You said, oh, Torbs won't have the dog in the room. Definitely not in the bed. A few days later. Okay. She's not in the bed. Yeah. We've, we've trained her so we can go in your bed and she sleeps on the bed, on her bed, on the floor next to our bed.

Yep. So you feel like a family. Yeah. So she's in there with us. But yeah, she's not on the bed yet. floor next to our bed. So you feel like a family. Yeah, so she's in there with us. But, yeah, she's not on the bed yet. We haven't caved. She'll get there. We haven't caved yet. BJ was an outside dog.

Oh, fucking hell. And then after a week, Bridget was like, oh, come in and sit by the door because it's a bit cold out there. Because I wasn't living with Bridget that day. And then, like, a week later, she was like, oh, he's only allowed to sleep on the end of the bed. Yeah. Only on the couch for a little bit.

And now he's got his own pillow. Yeah, now. Well, we've just bought a house and he's got his own room. So I predict by this time next week, especially after a little surgery and these little cuddles. Now, the Tony Lodge that I know has a lot of love to give. You're a very caring, generous, loving person. Yeah, thank you.

You have often said, and on the record, and I don't want to like, you know, get crazy here. Yeah. But you've often said like kids aren't a part of your plan and future. Yeah. Now that you know the love of having someone to take care of and me seeing how in love with you, do you think Pippa is a gateway dog? Maybe I should get de-sexed as well.

Is it a discount if you do both of us, Doc? We'll just rest up for two weeks. I'm pretty small. Hey, it's Nicole from Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A quick shout out to everyone who joined us on the live stream, all the champion tarps on the weekend. We did footy food because it's AFL Grand Final week,

Australian football here in Australia. And we... You made some fucking belter wings. Made some belter wings. And you made one of the worst cocktails ever. And to be fair, you didn't claim it was going to be good. No, I knew it would be shit. You just Googled Australian beer cocktail. Yeah.

And it was beer, lemonade, lemons, lime, rum on a salted rim of a glass. It was fucking crook. But then after the wings, it wasn't so bad. I think it was a highlight for people watching when they saw our faces after drinking the cocktail. It was pretty fucking not actually here i am because i went home i had like i because i sculled that whole cocktail and then i drank some of the beer out of the thing and all of the wings so i got home feeling a bit like and saturday i like that face can we franco can we get out of that that was very funny uh so

saturday was like i wouldn't say a rough, but like obviously got off to a weird start. You kind of felt a bit odd. Yeah. Yeah. Because when you're like, well, I've had beers at nine o'clock, so I'm not going to like go to the gym or do anything productive. Like, you know what I mean? And now I hear that you're off like, I had like a really like,

oh, layabout day. And here you are. Went and saved a life. Went and saved a life. The fact, I will share what you told me in the break there, that Torbs cried. day and here you are. Went and saved a life. Went and saved a life. The fact, I will share what you told me in the break there, that Torb's cried. He just teared up a little bit.

He was just really, really happy. You guys got so much love to give. We do. That is going to be the most loved puppy. Oh, my God. Yeah, she's live and love eater. Fucking love her at our house at the moment. Far out. Far out.

But thank you to everyone who joined us on the live stream. Next live stream, we'll have a dog show. Oh, my God. I can make Pippa costumes. Well, you still have to make that card. Yeah, I know. One craft at a time. I know.

Okay. Yeah, one craft. Okay. But thank you to our champion tarpons who joined us. A few of the people who hopefully joined. Tyler Galley, thank you. Shane, Justin Gallagher, Michelle Hannon-Brown, Brooke Toussaint. Oh, can I get a coffee and a Toussaint?

Plain or almond? Pain au chocolat. Sean Johnson. Thank you. Sam Roman, Kieran Norris, Tyler Saleski, Emily Priest, Shelley Hooker, and Autumn Rain. Oh, I'm more of a fan of Summer Rain. Autumn Rain, what a name. Someone, a lot of people have their nicknames in Patreon.

Yeah. And because of some of the shipping with the Frank Green water bottles. That's been a bit of a drama. So a lot of people just by default, it's been shipped to their nickname. And so a lot of people have been asked to the post office, and they, excuse me, Grim Reaper, do you have photo ID that proves you are the Grim Reaper? And he holds up his scythe.

He's like, is this enough? Excuse me, Hayley Noodle, it says here you've got a slightly different name on your driver's licence. Can you explain this? Just the fun of being in shipping. Yeah, I imagine, mate. All right, this is for you, Tony. I always feel weird doing this now because you're a family girl.

I'm a mum. You're a mum. I have a little baby. So, yeah, maybe we should have – well, we couldn't have planned this because I didn't know. I wanted it to be a surprise. And then you were like, oh, do you have any updates on the dog that we could talk about on the podcast?

Did you lie to me? Mate, it was the hardest, honestly, the hardest four days of my life. And last night you called me and we were having a yarn and I've got a snorty, stinky little pup next to me and she's like. And I'm just like I had to go into the bathroom so that you didn't hear her because I was like I've gotten this far. I'm not letting you know that we've got her now. You've kept the secret this long.

Yeah, it's so worth it for an extra 12 hours. Like I just need. Although a peek behind the curtain, I think kept the secret this long. Yeah, it's so worth it for an extra 12 hours. Like I just need to. Although a peek behind the curtain, I think I can say this. We sort of a family medical thing last night in our family. So I was in the hospital all night and I called you late at night and was like, can you go grab BJ? And I just said, oh, like you don't have to take him back to your place, but just like go and give him some food or whatever.

He's there by himself. Go give him a cuddle. Yeah. Little did I know that you're like, man, I don't need to go give BJ a cuddle. I got my own one. No, but I still went. We had a smooch and a snuggle. But I was almost going to say, do you just want to take him home with you?

Oh, we could have. No, because it's a turf war. No, it's not a turf war. No, no, but like we don't want it to be a turf war. Like Pippa needs time to learn that this is her space and her safe place. She can't have some other bro from down the street just fucking rolling in. No, that's her place. You know what I mean?

She needs to know that this is comfortable. I just like it feels so much more real now that I'm talking about it to you. Yeah, I felt like that with the house. I was like, I felt homeless until I told you. And then when I told you, I'm like, now I can start planning to be there. And because people are going to listen to this. We're going that with the house. I felt homeless until I told you. And then when I told you I'm like, now I can start planning to be there. And because people are going to listen to this. I'm going to have playdates. But people are going to listen to this and be like, oh my god, can't wait

to see Pippa on Instagram and you know, shit like that. And it just doesn't feel real yet. But I've just got this beautiful little supermodel in my house and I love her so much that I want to throw up. Also, I hope people... You know when you love something so much that you want to throw up. Also, I hope people. You know when you love something so much that you want cuteness aggression? Yeah.

Yeah. Literally. Don't rip its legs off. I almost did. I just wanted to chew on her little ear. If this is your first episode, I'm sorry. Usually we, I don't know. Is this interesting for everyone else?

Because we're just having, I love it. I could talk about Pippa all day. At the moment, we're kind of doing like BFF catch up. Let's put that on pause. Pause and do a podcast. Pause. Pippa's got the cutest little paws. Oh, fuck. Let's talk about this offa all day. At the moment, we're kind of doing like BFF catch up. Let's put that on pause. Pause and do a podcast. Pause. Pippa's got the cutest little paws. Let's talk about this off air and let's, you know,

provide some value to our loyal tarpers. And talk about me fucking a celebrity. Oh, yeah. It is a very Tony heavy day. I made it the day ends with Y. Who is your celebrity crush? You listening to this podcast, you, Tony Lodge. Think about all the actors, musicians, athletes, models.

Is there one that when they pop up on the TV screen or on Insta, you kind of go, ooh. I reckon it's one of those things people talk about a lot and go, oh, if I had my shot, I'd definitely, you know, try it on or whatever. Well, here's what I want to know. Like if you did bump into them one day, would you, and this is a question for you, Tony, would you play it cool? Would you like shoot your shot?

Like, hey, this is my one chance I'm going to run into this person. Or do you reckon you'd fangirl and like totally embarrass yourself and like you're trying so hard to be cool that you're clearly not cool? Well, I'm always the last one trying to be cool, not looking cool. I fell off a scooter yesterday. Like I think we all know that I'm not that cool. And now that I have Pippa, I feel like I'd be like, do you want to see a picture of my dog?

She's so cute. But I'd love to talk a big guy and be like, yeah, I'd play it really cool. But I would never. I don't think I'd ever. I've seen you around Sam Draper. You don't play it cool. You just get giggly.

Now, so who is your Tony Lodge drum roll top three celebrity crushes? Childish Gambino. And number three? All tie for first. Okay. Childish Gambino. Childish Gambino. Childish Gambino. Travis Barker from Blink-182.

Kourtney Kardashian's husband. Have you loved him more since he's been in the Kardashian clan? Yeah. He's got a hard to be more light on him. But a boy who's been a fan. He's got French Bulldogs as well. So we'd have something to talk about. And Durs from Workaholics.

Now this is the one that surprises me. Because as I know that you love like a shit tat and a rough boy. Yeah. I would have thought. Oh, can I add Pete Davidson in? When I heard of your top three, I was surprised you didn't have a Pete Davidson. Because I've had a few slutty dreams about Pete Davidson. You have.

Well, I'm. Oh, can I have a top four? No. Can I swap Travis Barker for Pete Davidson? You wouldn't. You love Travis Barker. Fine, you can have a top four. I won't have you do that to Travis Barker. Yes. All You wouldn't. You love Travis Barker. Fine, he can have a top four. I won't have you do that to Travis Barker.

All right, thank you. He listens, he'd be upset. So Ders from Workaholics, the TV show Workaholics. Yeah. I would have thought you were like me and were team Blake. I love Blake because he's fucking weird and I love weird people. Yeah. But someone about Ders, I don't know what it is.

Really? And he's also in the TV show The Mindy Project. And you love. Yeah. But someone about Durs. I don't know what it is. Really? And he's also in the TV show The Mindy Project. I knew you loved. Yeah, and in that, he's hot in that as well. He's in a movie where he is married to Anne Hathaway. Yeah. The intern? Yes.

With Robert De Niro. He's fucking hot. He's just fucking hot. But considering we know that you love, like, a bad boy with shit tats, he's got very, like like private school clean skin vibes, which is a bit off brand. But then I'm like, oh, but he also just like smokes weed with his friends and he's like a comedian.

He's like 6'5". Yeah, he's tall as fuck. He just ran a marathon, a triathlon on the weekend. I saw it on Instagram. He's been doing a bit of research. So the reason we bring this up and the reason we ask, what would you do if you like, for lack of a better word, came across this person is that I feel like we have an in

because who started following you on Instagram on the weekend? Oh, my God. Pippa is no longer the best thing that happened to me on the weekend. Jillian Bell from Workaholics followed me on Instagram. And we love her. She is fucking hilarious. She's so funny. And she's so great in Workaholics.

She's also done a heap of shows on her own, like since then, has gone and done a heap of stuff. Like did you watch the show she was in where she was like trapped in a supermarket? No. So like there's just like all these, yeah, oh, she's fucking, I find her so funny. So she starts following you on the gram.

People was asleep? Yeah, what happened because you two days later told me about it and you were like still stuck. So people was asleep on top of me and I like had to stifle a squeal because I checked my Instagram and I was like, until I was like, what the fuck happened? So it goes you've got a new follower, like that little notification. Yeah.

So-and-so is now following you and you go, holy fuck. And because she's verified on Instagram. It sticks out. It comes up as like priority notification or something. And so it just like went to the top and I was like, sorry? And I like looked at it and I was like, is this like a fake account? Yeah. And it isn't? Like, but okay, like, looked at it and I was like, is this, like, a fake account? Yeah. And it isn't?

Like, and, but, okay, so, right. Instantly I said to Torbs, oh, my God, fucking look at this, and he goes, oh, my God, now you can fuck derrs. So Torbs is all about this. Well, he knows. I don't think I could ever do it and I don't think he'd be stoked if I did, think I could ever do it and I don't think he'd be stoked if I did, but I could now.

Now, when I first heard of this, you were like, what should I say? Oh, my God. You were freaking out. You were having a little like. Should I message her? Well, I have pre-prepared a DM. Okay. I'm just going to take my phone off the table.

Pass it over. No, because. Why not? I fucking read the message that you sent to those house people. Remember, not that long ago, you DM'd someone and it didn't come off great. History would show that I now own that house. Yeah, but the bank owns it. The bank owns that.

History will now show I'm in significant debt for the next 30 years. So I think we can all agree that it worked out pretty damn well. Your accountant's like, what the fuck happened? Oh, mate, that's a story about DMs. Mate, listen to the podcast. Can I hear the DM and then, like, approve or disprove? OMG. That does sound like me.

I'm starstruck you're following me for two reasons. One, I love you and I love workaholics so much. And two, my life goal is to bang Anders home and how do we make this happen? Home. It's Anders. He's got a hard on. Anders. Anders.

That's not Anders. So your friend Anders is on. Anders. Anders. That's not Anders. So your friend Anders is Anders? Anders, yeah. But. To be fair, in text, it's the same. Okay. Yep. All right.

How are we feeling? Okay. Can we scrap number two and I just say that I really like her? No. Okay. Eyes on the prize. Oh. Oh, my God.

It's so tough because I want to fuck him. Yeah. But I also like her. Hey, she'd get it. I was like, she'd understand. She'd be like, right? Oh, true, actually. I wonder how she bloody kept it to herself.

Do you reckon they've had sex? Probably, aye. How could you be around that hunk of beefcake and not, you know, like me and you at work? I just, whew. Because I think if you, like we said before, if you come across too fangirly. Oh, he's going to come across me.

Yep. With her. Oh, yeah. But if you kind of, you know, because it's kind of funny. It is funny. The thing is, is that I don't't i do want to message you because i do actually really like it i love why didn't you message her before well because i'm not going to message a celebrity like but why why has it changed but now i feel like don't you feel like

there's kind of like it's like a level playing field or something because not in terms of who she is and who I am because she's obviously a fucking celebrity. But now that we follow each other, I'm like, oh. Were you following her? Tony Lodge. I wasn't. You know what's awkward? Oh. That she would have got a notification.

That I followed her back. She's just not someone I ever thought to look up on Instagram. You said you liked her. I do. You're a big fan. Lots of people that I don't follow on Instagram. Do you follow me? I don't think so.

I hope not. Some of your stuff never comes up. You always go to my requests. Can we? I'm not sending. I don't want to send that message. I've got a vital piece of information that you might be interested in hearing and I'm not going to tell you until we've sent it.

The stakes. Yeah. What is the information? I can't tell you until we've sent it, but it's very important to this story and I think you're going to want to know. Let's just fucking send it. I have to. Don't fucking bullshit me.

Is the information actually good? Oh, mate, I'm going to say it's extremely important to your mission. About fucking Ders or about looking cool? Mate, you'll never look cool, don't worry. Yeah, okay, great call. I don't want to do this, but I really like curiosity killing the cat. I had a weird night last night. I had a lot of time sitting around waiting,

and this is what I was thinking about. Okay. Because I've done some groundwork. What do you mean? The information I'm going to reveal is very important. Okay, can we change what the message is? No, no. I can't send that.

Go on. I can't. Hey, I want you to channel the energy that you had yesterday with Turf War Tony. Everyone was like, I love the power and the aggression. I can't message her about someone she used to work with. That's so inappropriate. How many messages do you think? I've objectified him to work with. That's so inappropriate. How many messages do you think?

I've objectified him in his workplace. That's not fair. How many? Yeah, you, queen of I will never objectify anyone in a workplace. People can't see the face that Tony's pulling right now. I'm a mum now. I'm a mum now. Tony, do you get DMs about me?

Because I get DMs about you. No, you don't. Yeah. Like people DM me and go, oh, I saw this mum now. Tony, do you get DMs about me? Because I get DMs about you. No, you don't. Yeah. Like people DM me and go, oh, I saw this funny thing. You should tell Tony. Or like this is good for Tony or tell Tony that I love when she had her hair done and stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I get ones that are like, well, Ryan, fuck me in the ass and stuff. Yeah. So like that's the same thing. And we don't judge. We go, that's funny. So what's the difference?

Because I just think I should open with. You're going to open with, I love you and Workaholics so much. I'm starstruck you're following me. And then there's just like a little fun thing on the end. Read the message out. OMG, I'm starstruck you're following me for two reasons. One, I love you and Workaholics so much. Two, my life goal is to bang Onda's home.

How do we make this happen? Ha-ha. See, this is me learning, putting a ha-ha on the end. See? Old Ryan wouldn't have done that. He would have been aggressive. I added a lots of love, Tony, on the end. Great.

Yeah. Send? Show me it's sent and then I'll reveal the information. Oh, my God. I can't believe you did that. What's the information? Onda's married his college sweetheart, Emma, and they've been happily married for 12 years.

Luckily, I didn't send the message that you asked me to send. Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck? What did you send? You didn't ask to read it, so I just sent something else. What did you say? I said, oh, my God, Gillian Bell, I have gotten such a kick out of you following me.

I love you and Workaholics so much. You're fucking hilarious. Such a comedy inspiration. Lots of love, Tony. Fuck you. You got. Fuck you. Tony. What is this? We're not doing that. Lots of love, Tony. Fuck you. You got... Fuck you. Tony.

What is this? We're not doing that. That's not a thing. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. He's married, mate. I could have Googled that. I'm a mum. You'll consider it.

Yeah. Fuck, I've been Tony'd. Yeah. It's my least favourite podcast episode ever. You've been... What? You learnt about your niece, Pippa. What do you mean?

Am I her niece? Am I her uncle? Yeah, Uncle Ryan. Uncle Ryan and Aunty Bridge. I take it all back. Good subject. Yeah. Good subject, good episode.

Oh, my God. We're fucking flapped. Let's get out of here. I was going to say this is the worst episode yet, but the worst one was, remember, that episode we just talked about McFrappes the whole time because we were so tired and thirsty? Oh, my God.

That was such a good episode. I disagree. And you know why? Why? Because afterwards we got Frappes. We got Frappes and it was fucking unreal. Let's do things you love to see. And, I mean, are you just going to say Pippa?

I would love to, but I'm actually not going to pike out in the way that you thought. I saw this story on the weekend, which I just fucking love to see. And the headline is, The Last Laugh. Gold Coast businesswoman Michelle Newman has had the final say at her own funeral, arranging a plane towing a sassy banner to fly over mourners with her last message. So over her funeral, she had a plane fly over with this big banner behind her and said, I'm watching you.

Cry harder. M-X-X. That's fucking. I love that. She Tony'd everyone at her funeral. What a Tony move. Yeah. I love that.

That's such a Tony. Yeah. It's not really catching on. No. But I saw that and I fucking I thought how special. That's like a really

nice thing I think. Yeah. We should come up with something quirky for me to do at my funeral. Like it'd be like my last Tony.

Like you got Tony from Beyond the Grace. I don't think that's going to catch on. Okay. Especially the way you did that like gangster hand

signal on the sound. Yeah. But no I like that. The fun. Like that is the sound. But no, I like that. That is the last one. I think that's so fun. What did you love to see? So, like I said, last night I was in a hospital. Everything's fine.

Everyone's okay. Everything's fine, by the way. And it was about midnight and I was like, I might sneak out and get some Maccas because when you're the patient, they've got the sandwiches and the whatever, but obviously you get nothing. And then after a certain time, all the places are closed. So I'm like, oh, I'll go to Maccas.

Yeah. Great excuse. Oh, I'll have to go to McDonald's. You like watched the shit sandwich place, like lower their fucking roller door out the front. Oh, I guess I'll have to go to Maccas now. Just the usual, Ryan. Yeah, I'll get those nugs.

But I got there right on midnight. Yeah. And you know how I used to work in like a seedy motel? Yeah. So I used to do the night audit. So what that is, right, is basically you need to pick a time where like yesterday's trade has finished and the next day's trade starts.

Just there needs to be a line in the sand. You need to draw a line in the sand just for like reporting and to like turn the computer off and to go, you know, the accounting system to reset and all that kind of shit. Uh-huh. I assume now that McDonald's have to do the same thing. Surely, because they're 24 hours, so there has to be a stop and start at some point. Yeah.

And even just my accounting brain goes, yeah, when you want to compare like yesterday's numbers to tomorrow's numbers, where do you draw the line? Otherwise, they just all roll into one. Yeah. So I got there right on midnight and I ordered my 10 nuggets and sweet and sour sauce and a medium Sprite. And I get to the, and the lady goes, oh, we're doing the like, re-collaborate, like the computers.

Oh, we're rolling over. We're rolling over. Yeah. I can't put your order through. Just take it. Oh, what a win. What a fucking win. Because McDonald's, I've always had this thing,

and you don't become the global business success that McDonald's has without being like a bit of a stickler for the rules in your process. Totally, yeah. I just didn't ever. No, you don't think that's going to happen anywhere, to be honest. Usually it's like if the old bloke runs the fish and chip shop and he just chucks in a couple of potato cakes because it's his shop. That's different.

But he doesn't have anyone to answer to. Because at McDonald's you go, you've got a boss and they've got a supervisor and they've got a regional. And you can't just be like, I'll chuck a few extras in the bag. Yeah, because you never get an extra nugget. Nah. Like I don't think I've ever gone through and gone, oh, there's 11 nuggets in the 10 box.

Or they go, sorry for the wait on the egg and bacon muffin. I've chucked you an extra hash brown. Have a great day. No, never. You never get that. And so when she goes, and she like leans in and goes, hey, we're rerolling this. Just take it.

And I looked at her and just went, you'll love to see that. You know what? Da-da-da-da-da. You'll love to see that. You know what? Da-da-da-da-da. You'll love to see it. 30 years of you investing in McDonald's has finally paid off. Yeah, it paid for itself. Yeah, I know, right? I've been parking up with thousands of dollars,

tens of thousands of dollars through you blokes. And finally, who comes out on top? You big Tony. Ooh. Oh. Finally. Who comes out on top? You big Tony. Ooh. See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. Fucking chaotic day.

What a great day. What a great day. I love every single one of you, but not as much as I love Pippa. Also, Tony, you are now not in the top two of my favourite beings in your house. Fucking hell. Top three ain't bad. Pippin at the post. Love you, bye.