Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ? - BONUS EPISODE: John Rushton: Navigating Human Emotions and the Power of Storytelling

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

Send us a text What if you could navigate the complexities of human emotion with the guidance of a warm, non-judgmental figure? J oin us as we welcome emotions expert and seasoned traveler John Rushton, who shares his unique creation, Auntie Bronwyn, a fictional character beloved by many for her empathetic insights. Drawing from his extensive travels, John reveals how Auntie Bronwyn helps individuals from all walks of life embrace their emotions and embark on a journey of self-discovery. T hrough his latest book, "The Anthology of Antti Bromwen," and engaging radio stories, John highlights the transformative power of storytelling and empathy in understanding ourselves. Our exploration also leads us to the digital realm, where an online advice platform mirrors the classic "Dear Abby" style, offering straightforward guidance in a world cluttered by social media noise. Listen in as we discuss how this platform has become a haven for authenticity, providing users with practical advice that cuts through societal pressures. The discourse delves into the evolution of this space over a decade, underscoring the timelessness of genuine human connection and insight. Excitingly, John hints at the potential for these stories to spring to life through animated adaptations, promising a multi-medium experience for the audience. We round off our conversation by stressing the importance of self-prioritization. John passionately discusses how valuing oneself as the most significant figure in one's life fosters an invincible inner strength that benefits not only the individual but also those around them. By embracing self-worth, we enable ourselves to better support others. The episode concludes with a heartfelt exchange of gratitude for the rich discussion, leaving listeners with a renewed perspective on personal value and the shared human experience. https://tonymantor.com https://Facebook.com/tonymantor https://instagram.com/tonymantor https://twitter.com/tonymantor https://youtube.com/tonymantormusic intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI) The content on Why Not Me: Embracing Autism amd Mental Health Worldwide, including discussions on mental health, autism, and related topics, is provided for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not reflect those of the podcast, its hosts, or affiliates.Why Not Me is not a medical or mental health professional and does not endorse or verify the accuracy, efficacy, safety of any treatments, programs, or advice discussed.Listeners should consult qualified healthcare professionals, such as licensed therapists, psychologists, or physicians, before making decisions about mental health or autism- related care.Reliance on this podcast's contents is at the listener's own risk. Why Not Me is not liable for any outcomes, financial or otherwise, resulting from actions taken based on the information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome to Why Not Me The World Podcast, hosted by Tony Mantor. Broadcasting from Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make your laugh, some will make you cry. Real-life people who will inspire and show that you are not alone in this world. hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance, and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me the World. Join us today as emotions expert and author, John Rushton, shares his experiences from over 40 years of global travel, revealing that people

from diverse backgrounds face remarkably similar challenges. He has recently completed a book featuring a fictional character named Auntie Bromwin, who provides a safe space for individuals to express themselves candidly. The book entitled The Anthology of Auntie Bramwin explores a wide range of thought-provoking topics. His stories are remarkable and we're just so glad to have him on. Thanks for coming on. My pleasure indeed. It's my understanding that you've written a book. Yes, yes. I've written a few actually, but I've got a recent one. Can we get a little insight on your most recent book and what it's about?

There's a story to it. It's a long story, but I were going to that, but it's a story about people's aspects of people's lives. And it came about for my previous books, which are all about emotions, why people do what they do

or maybe they shouldn't do what they do. This came to some radio programs, which I was on, and people were phoning in about various aspects of their lives. I mean, not just, oh, I feel like, not that kind of, but I mean, real problems which they were having to overcome themselves, some with other people, families, friends, whatever. And it came to a level where it was difficult to respond to them all

from a personal point of you, because everybody today is waiting to be offended or upset or something like that. You know, they're accused of people, Noah, me next, me next, please offend me, and all that kind of thing. So we came up one evening with some friends and maybe a couple of glasses of wine that we would actually have a fictitious character and the formulated one and we called her Auntie Bronwyn. And she had a, we created her character and had that ground, the pedigree.

And she was an elderly lady who has been around, Dennett, seen it, got the T-Share, the beanie cap, everything. And now she's come home to retire. But she doesn't want to give up life. She's full of life and wisdom, and she likes her gin and tonic late afternoon. So she's everybody's sort of favourite aunt. But she doesn't take any rubbish from anyone. She will say exactly what it is, not necessarily being offensive,

but she will say exactly what it is and how it should be. She won't tell you what to do, but she'll say, you know, why an L did you do with that? And then when you do that, the person who's actually asking you the question has to explain themselves. And normally the answer comes out why they explain themselves. And we did this, and it was so interesting that we decided, or I decided, to make a book of the transcripts of all the radio interviews that we'd had. and there was some amazing people, some quite sort of taboo subjects as well, but they went for it. You know, we would listen and we would get other people's aspects of life as to why it happened, how it happened. And sometimes it was quite sort of heart-wrenching as to how it happened and why it happened,

completely different from a viewpoint of you saying, what about this? Oh, I don't like that, you know, but have you heard it? No. So you say, we'll just listen and then make you make it. judgment. And so this is the book, which is coming out shortly. I think it's 150, 160 chapters, so it's 160 different stories of people's lives and how they came about changing their lives themselves. When you hear people that call in, they tell you about their lives, they go into different things that happens during their life. How do you react to that? I mean, you've got an

unknown person calling in, bearing their souls to you of the deepest heartfelt feelings and emotions. So how does that affect you? Maybe I'm just thick skin but I don't know. But quickly, I think within the first couple of minutes, you know the kind of person as to what some people just want to air a view about themselves. You gave them three days air time. They would be there three days, non-stop, talking about it. Other people just want to talk about an aspect of life, which is troubling them. And usually you find the people who have that minuscule part, that aspect of life, are the ones who are the most interesting. That's very interesting. I think I'm going to have you expand on that. Because when people are having problems within their lives, they either go

to a therapist or close friends. And then sometimes the best therapy they can get for their mental health is talking with someone just like yourself that they don't know but have respect for what you've done. And then they tell you their stories where they have their emotions on their sleeves, as they would say. And then you react, give them information, and then hopefully it's helped them to move on with their life. That's absolutely bang on. And that's why we, actually developed anti-Bronwin, this inanimate person, and we found people would actually talk more in depth to Antibronwin online. I mean, they couldn't see it. They could see a caricature. And then when she replied, sometimes making fun of them, I mean, not nastily, but saying,

why did you do that? What were you thinking of at the time? Don't you think that sounded a bit stupid? And there's a silence. And then sometimes they burst out laughing, well, it was, but I did it. all of a sudden you have this warm rapport which comes out and it's a free as opposed to me telling you and you telling me and all of this kind of thing and it's quite sort of elevating have you had any people that have contacted you you listened to their problems you listened to what they had to say then you kind of thought that maybe they had more issues than what you wanted to deal with but you can't kept working with them, talking with them, and then all of a sudden things just changed. They changed their way, which made you feel like you had really helped them move forward with their life. Yes, I think quite often people have a list of things.

It's like going to the doctor and saying, Doctor, I've got something wrong with my finger, and they're winning, oh, by the way, I have this and a rash here and a spot there and something and it goes on, and it's a bit like that at times. you find, as you just said, if you just go through the first couple of layers, then the rest seems insignificant. If you actually tell them something to the effect that, well, look, there's one enormous thing in life which can help you, which will make you overcome all of your problems, which will give you the strength and the courage to go forward, and it's called you. go and look in the mirror and see that person and think, wow, I am fantastic, I am brilliant,

I'm going to come out over on top of all this, and sometimes it's a not, it doesn't happen with everybody, but a lot of people by putting similar things in front of them, they realize that, you know, what they're telling me is all about them, which is quite right, but it is all about them. There's no unperson data sold it by themselves. You know, the world isn't a merchant want out there. Yeah, right. That's so true. Have you had anyone that's come to you where you just thought, I don't know what to do with them? They are just so far off center. They really, truly needed some professional help. How did you handle that if you had a situation like that? I'm quite blunt, or anti-blomeren's quite blunt, and saying, you know, because some people come to you

telling you really what is wrong with them. And within that framework, they're also telling you what they want in return. You know, I'm not well and I want you to do this for me, basically, which of course will never happen. And I'll quite often say, well, what I'm actually picking up from you, and I give you all my sympathy and respect and love and everything else, but I think you need help over and above what I can give you. Because it seems to me. you're in such a place where I'm not qualified to go there or understand where you're from. And sometimes when you've said that, they back down like a million miles. Well, because what has happened, they've built up, they're going to come on the radio,

so they've been on the phone or on the PC or whatever, and they've built up a scenario as an entree in their own mind. It's grown and grown. And when I get online, I'm going to tell them, okay, you're online. And it, out it comes. And it's just like the damn gates opening. You know, it's more than your faucet in your kitchen or your bathroom.

It just comes gushing out in millions of gallons. And when you say that and you say, well, I'm sorry, I can't help you, they suddenly back, most of them suddenly back down. and they're quite meek and mild after that. And it's not as a lot of it's their own fabrication of their own worth and value and their own problems. And it's almost selfishness. Like everything is about me. Of course, you've got to do this degree.

It's got to be about you because nobody else can be about you. But it's all always, you know, so much everything is about me. My friends, my family, the world. world, everything. Why do they doing this to me? How can they do this to me? And the answer is quite easily, because it's not about you. It's how you react to what is happening when you're not reacting well to anything. This is your own making. And that's sobering. When you've been on the radio, you've had people call in. Have you had instances where you could actually hear the pain in their voice in what they're going through? And you could tell that it was real and so real that you

had to just take a deep breath and stop for a second to formulate your answer so you didn't push them over the edge and you could still help them. I have. And sometimes you can hear what they are not saying. And quite often it's the people who are not saying fully. They're being quite nice about their pain and everything else. They're not screaming and sobbing and deep breaths and gesticulating and all of this. You can say, they're saying it in such a pleasant way.

And on a number of occasions, I've said, oh, Susan or Brian or whoever, do you know, if I was there, I would give you the biggest hug ever. And then the tears start. Then it's all gone. I said, in your own time, just say bit by bit what it is. And afterwards, invariably end up with when you say goodbye, you're laughing to each other on the line. So you've created this online form where they can send you emails and questions for the show.

Yes. Do you find yourself getting a wide range of questions that will be asked to you? Because in the States, we have a Dear Abbey. This was questions and answers that was in the papers where they send in questions. and then Dear Abby would give them advice on what she thought that they should do. Yes. She passed away and then her daughter took it over, and I still believe that it runs in select papers across the country.

So do you see a similarity between our Dear Abby and the one that you created in the UK? Quite similar. Quite similar. The responses are very. You'll get some weird people on board anyway. hey, that's just part for the course. And you get also those people who want to tell you their life story, you know, and you can't get more than 25 pages before it cuts off. And other people will give you two paragraphs or paragraph.

It's quite succinct. Those are the people who you find you can help the most because they don't waffle. They don't tell you about the weather and when they were going to the store and someone smiled at them and they wondered why. And now they're going to therapy and all this business. The Antibon is quite sharp with their answers because there's no good humouring people, because that gets you absolutely nowhere. I mean, they may not like it, but that's not a problem anyway.

So don't like it. Next. For those in between, I mean, you had some very, very good responses back saying, well, I took your advice, I didn't want to, but I took your, well, it wasn't, it was we would suggest. We took your suggestions, and it's changed immeasurably. It really does work. I do feel better. I feel more in charge of my life.

And sometimes they're very simple things. But you've got so wrapped up in it, it's become habitual. And it's sort of trying to pull out of the habit. How long have you been doing this online form as it is today? On and off, about 10 years. In the 10 years that you've been doing this, what kind of changes have you seen from when you started to the way it is today and the way they form and phrase the questions that they ask you.

I think I can honestly say about 10 years ago when I started, people were more wholesome. They were more down to earth. They were more brisk with what they had to say. They had a problem and they told you the problem and that was it. Today there's so much social engineering picked up from Instagram and Facebook and so many people telling you, have you got this? Have you got that? Get this. This will help you do this. You know, did you fall down and hurt yourself when you're at school? You may be suffering from trauma. I'm 74 years of age. Hello. You know, haven't I haven't you got over it yet?

It's a bit late now. And all of these kind of things. And there's a, they put all, I think, where did you get all this from? Is that true? Or are you just copying and pasting it mentally from somewhere else? Because there's a lot of copy and paste, you know. They've heard phrases and sayings from the internet, and they're reciting them. It's not smart. It's not good. It has no bearing on you. It's just something you think sounds good.

And that's a little rubbish because it may sound good, but it doesn't go anywhere. Once you've got through all that, and people have told you that, and I said, well, that your email sounds absolutely amazing, but I don't believe any of it at all. This is not you talking. You're giving snippets of everybody else. So, whose life are you living, yours or somebody else's? And what they said, well, I don't care what they said. You know, if they died tomorrow, you would still keep on living.

So what is the problem? It's just getting really down to brass tags. So the book's been written and it's ready to go. When is the release date for it? It should have been this month, November, but we're hoping it will be sort of mid-December. Oh, that's great. So where do you see this going? What type of person do you anticipate is going to be the ones to go out and purchase this and read it?

Because you've got all kinds of stories with different issues that people have gone through. So what are you anticipating on that front? I think there are three areas. There's the one person who's interested in sort of people's lives or social understanding of people. there's the person who likes to travel because you can pick up the book and you can travel and read one chapter or chapter one, then chapter 14, then chapter 73, then chapter 122, and then go back. So you can pick and choose from the index and what you wish to read. And then there's the other person who really just wants sort of a more grounding knowledge of a widespread of the population as to how they think and feel. When you've read a few, I mean, from the people I've shown it already. And they said, well, I never thought of that. Gosh, that's opened my eyes a bit.

I never even realize that people like that would think like that. And there isn't, you know, and why not? Well, it's because a lot of times things don't cross your mind. You're living your life as best you can, and you're not going around being an amateur psychologist to everybody around you in the store, your friends, your family or whatever. you have a thing called to live, which is called your own life. And that's the most important thing, because if you're not important to yourself, then nobody else will be.

And so it's just those three things. We've even had an interest in a company doing some animation, basically sort of Simpsons style, but not like that. Having characters and caricatures of the characters involved in various aspects. It was one particular. There was an elderly couple, and this is a religious thing, and the husband kept the wife almost locked in at home. He would allow her to go to the store, and she was 45 minutes, and any more than that, and he would hit her and everything else.

And this went on, and one day she had enough. She just got up literally with her purse and left, and she was walking up and down the road outside a coffee shop, And there was a woman inside and she said, to her friend, do you know, I've seen this one walking up and down half a dozen times. She just goes there. And of course, the woman didn't know what to do. She didn't know where to go.

She had no freedom. She didn't know who's who, what's what. And so she went out and asked her and said, are you all right? She said, no, I'm not. She said, I'm lost. She said, where do you live? She said, I've never been further than the store. Anyway, they phoned her son.

And her son came and took her in. and now she's absolutely enjoying a fabulous life. And there are lots of stories similar to that where people have just said enough is enough. And they haven't gone hysterical or going mental. They've just got up and moved. There's only one person can do this, me. That's such a great story.

When we think of mental health, we think autism, ADHD, bipolar, and all those things. Yes. We don't think about mental health being just the every, day burdens of life that some people have to go through. Yes, that's it. Well, that's what the book contains, a lot of sort of everyday aspects of life,

which for some don't go well. And it's not mental health. I mean, both parties are all right, but one has a controlling interest in the other or some other aspect. And it's that person just saying, I've had enough, I'm going. I don't care why, how I'm going, and they go. and it's quite a revelation in what they say and do,

and it's quite inspirational, even to myself, that they do that. Yeah, stress and outside burdens like that put so much on a person, and that can affect their mental health just like anything else can. It comes down to, like you said before, how they view themselves, how they view the world, ultimately how they view themselves in that world. hopefully stories like that that you're telling and they're reading will give them the inspiration

to change their lives as well yes yes well there are quite a few like that in the book in different aspects and that's one of the reasons why i thought i ought to put this down pen to paper and put this and the transcripts down because they were i thought they were inspiring and a lot of these people were not loud or brash or anything, but they just had enough. Yeah, absolutely. Now, you've been on TV, you've been on radio, you've done all the press and all that. Have you done book signings where people have come up to meet you, where some of the people that told their stories that made it into the book, you got to meet face to face? I haven't because my other books were launched and there were no book signings at all. But,

But this one, we are going to, because we have a lot of interested parties, similar to what I've just said to you, who are interested in these aspects, and they think it would be very, very good to make it available, just for other people to read and think, as you said, wow, that's me. That's me, took a tea. Yeah, that's pretty awesome, actually. I think this will be a completely different scenario for you, because you're going to get a chance to meet some of these people that will give you a completely different perspective rather than reading something that you see in the forum. Yes.

Or from the ones that called in. I mean, you can feel the pain through words. You can feel the pain through them calling in. This time, it might be a little bit different because you'll actually see it in their face as they tell you their stories again. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Well, the few people I said the book to for sort of reading prior to getting it published came back, and I was quite actually surprised at what they said. It was quite an emotional thing because some of them resonated with quite a few things in the book. And then they also said on things which they had never thought of before, oh, I never, gosh, I never realized that. Or it never came to mind. Yeah, yeah, I get that. you know people are all the same it doesn't matter whether they're from the u.s the uk europe australia people around the world are pretty much the same they are oh oh people don't realize

this they think they're different because they're from someplace else but they're really not they may speak different they do from day to day life pretty much no matter where we're from all the same. We all have the same problems. The only difference is the location that we live and how the country handles it. Yes. Yes. The beauty of this book, as I see it, is that it has common sense practices. You give great ideas and great resolutions. People have the same problems worldwide. So hopefully someone reads this, no matter where they live, gathers something from it. And it helps them so that they can move forward with their life wherever they are? Well, in my previous life, I was traveling a lot of around the world.

So I've been to Africa, India, China, South America, Europe, across the States, Canada, New Zealand, Indian Ocean Islands, all of these things. And I was doing that because of my job, and I was traveling nonstop. And just what you said was absolutely spot on. everybody in every country has the same problems. It's just that they deal with them differently. In Africa, they have a lot of cultural differences, so they deal things because of cultural differences.

In the Middle East, because of their religious things, they deal with things in a different way. But it's the same problem. One thing I mentioned about the lady who actually broke free, it was an Islamic family, and it was a very tight Islamic sort of control, of women and men and all that kind of thing. And she didn't, and she didn't, oh, she couldn't.

And all I had, and all this, these false barriers which are created in your mind. Until that day, she broke them. And now she's, well, I mean, this is going back a while now, but since she actually broke free and she went to live with her son, she would never recognize her at all. She's a completely new woman. I mean, and she's actually. enjoying life. Oh, that's just great. I mean, that's really great. What do you see for yourself in the next three to five years? What's your future hold? I would like to develop more on this book.

I've actually got another one in the pipeline, which I've been writing, on a slightly different level, but it's the same basic content, because I think it's quite cathartic, listening to what other people have done, as opposed to having somebody who's a psychiatrist or psychologist telling you this and that and that and that, and you should do this and you should do that, because a lot of them are not quite right themselves, to be honest. And so, but getting it firsthand from people who've done it, seen it got the T-shirt, the Kastika, the Kovietoi, and everything. They've done that from the heart. It's absolutely 100% accurate, and that is where the real inspiration comes, that someone's done it and you think my God if you can do that so can I. I'm in a better position than you but I

am going to do it. I think it's good. Oh absolutely. What would you like to leave us with that we might not have touched upon? Just based on the book and the P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. The most important person in the entire world is yourself. If you're not the most important person, are you the second, third, fourth, most important person, when you're number one, and you don't have to have riches and grandeur, when you're number one, you can help everybody, including yourself. If you're less than that, you're not doing yourself any justice. When you become number one, you're invincible. Absolutely. I like it. This has been great. Great conversation, great information. I really appreciate you coming on.

My pleasure indeed. Very much so. I've enjoyed it. to. Thank you for the excellent questions. It's been my pleasure.