Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ? - Jade Olszewski : Autism - A Journey of Acceptance and Empowerment

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Send us a text What if you could look at your differences not as disabilities, but as superpowers? This is the inspiring perspective that our special guest, Jade Olszewski, brings to light. As an artist, energy healer, transformational coach, and mother to an autistic son, Jade has a wealth of wisdom to share about embracing differences and navigating the world of autism. Through her heartfelt journey, Jade takes us from the initial diagnosis when her son was only four, to the challenges and victories that have shaped their life ever since. She offers a glimpse into her unique parenting techniques, including a calming room for her son and the use of tools like headphones to help navigate noisy environments. She delves into her thoughts on being on the spectrum herself, though undiagnosed, and how labels can be a double-edged sword - providing understanding, yet also limiting. In the last segment of our conversation, Jade emphasizes the importance of acceptance and self-love for those dealing with autism. Her insights into her son's literal thinking, his love for jokes, and his approach to social situations are both enlightening and uplifting. Through it all, Jade reiterates the need to celebrate small wins, foster a supportive environment, and above all, to view differences as superpowers. Come along on this heartening journey that promises to leave you inspired and empowered. https://tonymantor.com https://Facebook.com/tonymantor https://instagram.com/tonymantor https://twitter.com/tonymantor https://youtube.com/tonymantormusic intro/outro music bed written by T. Wild Why Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI) The content on Why Not Me: Embracing Autism amd Mental Health Worldwide, including discussions on mental health, autism, and related topics, is provided for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not reflect those of the podcast, its hosts, or affiliates.Why Not Me is not a medical or mental health professional and does not endorse or verify the accuracy, efficacy, safety of any treatments, programs, or advice discussed.Listeners should consult qualified healthcare professionals, such as licensed therapists, psychologists, or physicians, before making decisions about mental health or autism- related care.Reliance on this podcast's contents is at the listener's own risk. Why Not Me is not liable for any outcomes, financial or otherwise, resulting from actions taken based on the information provided. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome to Why Not Me The World Podcast, hosted by Tony Mayator. Broadcasting from Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will make your laugh, some will make you cry. Real life people who will inspire and show that you are not alone in this world. hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance, and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hey, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me the World.

Today's guest, Jade O'Shecki, is an artist, an energy healer, a transformational coach, and most important, she's a mother to an autistic son. Welcome, Jade. I appreciate you coming on. Thank you for having me. Oh, it's my pleasure. So it's my understanding that you have an autistic son. Could you tell us a little bit about him? Yeah. So he has Asperger's and like ADD and then I do as well that I didn't realize until, you know, just like a year ago.

Wow, that's pretty interesting. I know a few people that I've taught with that got diagnosed later in life and some that actually got diagnosed because their children got diagnosed and they saw the similarities. Yeah, years after he was diagnosed. So what age was he diagnosed? So he would have been, I think, four. How old is he now? 11. So what was he doing or not doing that made you realize you had to get a diagnosis? So it was interesting.

I think part of it was just motherly instinct. I knew he was just behaving differently than what I saw with like my friend's kids and things. Okay. He was hitting those milestones a little bit later. which I was totally okay with. Like I know we all do things in our own timing in our own way. But he wasn't really like making eye contact. He would, if there were certain noises, he was covering his ears a lot.

Things like he would go from like zero to 10 real quick. And sometimes like it would be really hard to calm him down. So there was different things like that. but some of it was just, you know, he would line things up in a certain way. I don't know. Part of it was just, I just knew something was different about him. You know, like I said, some of it was just motherly instinct because he was so young. And then one of my friends who I was close with had her son evaluated.

And they found out that he was on the spectrum. And so I was really kind of looking at similarities to to kind of see because there was a part of me that, I guess my intuition was nudging me. And she told me, she was like, well, if you have any questions, she was like, just get them evaluated. Like it's free. There was this really great program where I used to live where it was like a panel of five people who did this actually. And so there was a like a pediatrician, a speech therapist, a physical therapist. And I can't remember who else. but it was this panel of five people.

And so that was on my radar, but it actually didn't happen until my son was in speech therapy. And it was his very first session. And the woman said, you know, I got to be honest with you. And she was really kind of hesitant saying this, you know. And she was like, I think he should be evaluated. And I said, oh, it's like I've already been thinking of, of doing that. And so we got it set up right away. And it was just this interesting bridge of

incidents, this unfolding, you know, with even the speech therapy. He had a hard time nursing and just different things. And the woman at the time who was helping him with with food, I called it food therapy. She was like, you know, he will likely, he has these kind of sensory things going on. this will help, he might, or he most likely will need speech therapy. And so it was all these people were kind of placed in my path. I felt like at the right time and I was just tuned in enough. And that's kind of how it unfolded. Sure. So you had this feeling that something wasn't quite right. When you did finally get that diagnosis, what was your feeling what went through your mind? Evidently it wasn't shock because you already kind of knew something was going on, wasn't denial because you, you

you realized that something wasn't quite right. Did you feel that sense of relief so that way you could start focusing on what you needed to do and then you could start to move forward? Yeah, absolutely. Like I was just grateful to have an answer. And they even told me they're like, wow, it's it's kind of surprising how well you're taking this. And I said, I've had so many years of struggling with my mental health and I have realized to not identify myself by these labels and just know it's something I didn't cause. It's just something I have. The sooner I could just accept it and learn how to cope with it, the better I felt. And so I'm like, I don't think he's any less of a person. I don't look at it in a negative way. It's just I wasn't beating myself up over

anything. It was just, this is, this is just something that he has. And now that it's identified, we know how to proceed and how to help him so that he can have a fulfilling life. Absolutely. So how was his speech therapy? Did that work out okay? Is he verbal and everything moving forward good for him? Yeah. So he, everything went well. And the woman that we had was just an angel like she was so amazing with him he um was just very delayed with everything said he was delayed with with crawling with walking with potty training like everything and i kind of realized as soon as i quit stressing about it and just let him do it his way and just support him then he would do it just fine and so with speech therapy it was kind of the same thing there wasn't any

pressure he would go like every other week and he did this for years He actually did, you know, two years of preschool. He was in speech therapy for six years. You know, sometimes he still might, you know, if you compare him to other kids in his class, like you can tell he might just sound a little bit younger with the way he talks. But he's always been verbal. It just took him a little bit longer. And then when he was working on pronouncing things, you know, again, as a mom,

I always knew what he was saying. Like I could understand him, but that doesn't help him when he's with other people or in school peers. So, yeah, it really was just a work in progress. And I've always been just fully dedicated to getting him the assistance that he that he needs, right, to set him up for success. And so I always followed through with whatever homework the teacher gave us. Sure. So is he in public school, private school? what kind of school system is working for him?

So he's in public school. So he has what, in Montana anyways, it was called an IEP, so an individualized education program. So there's like a set of things that we come up with to give him extended support beyond what his other peers might have. And so he had to show that he had this diagnosis and stuff. and then the school approved these things. And it's something that follows him throughout his schooling from year to year.

And we just kind of keep tweaking it as he goes. And so he's in public school. But, you know, at the start, especially because he did two years of preschool and he really needed that. He really, it's getting better, but he really struggles with emotional, regulating his emotions and just peer to peer interaction. So how did that work with the other kids? being in the school with him, was he able to handle that okay? There was a lot of times where I think it was the first, his first year of kindergarten, or in kindergarten, he was able to go to a separate classroom that was more for kids

with different types of disabilities and special needs and stuff. But the thing with him being on the spectrum is he would mimic a lot. And so if there were kids that maybe needed more support, he would start college. copying their behaviors. And they were like, I'm not sure this is helping him. So it's really been a journey figuring out the best way to support him. But a lot of times he would be able to go to like a, we've been so blessed with the schools and teachers that he's had over the years.

But there'd be like a special room where the lights were always a little bit more dim. It was more quiet, less stimulating. There wasn't hardly anything on the walls. And so especially if he was getting worked up in class, he could go. And, you know, before he, we call it like got to the red zone or, you know, something like that, before he would freak out. Because once he gets to that point, it takes a lot, just like anyone, once you get really angry, it takes well to calm back down. So he would go to this other room. Sometimes they would have like a tent where he could just feel more safe and secure.

Sure. Was there any particular times that this flare? up for him? Sometimes it would be like after a recess. You know, he'd be so excited and amped up with all the energy and being outside that that transition into class was a struggle for him. So they're like, okay, you know, he can go to so-and-so's room and they would even set a timer. He's very visual. So they would set a timer that he could see and be like, okay, you have five minutes to kind of like chill out or calm down. And he was very good with that. And once, you know, even if he was upset, Like if he was really mad about something, they'd be like, okay, you have five minutes to get it all out.

And then you're going back to class. And he always did really great with that. That's a great way to handle it. So in other places, did you have any problems with meltdowns at all? You know, it just depends on what it was. So there is something, certain events I've just learned to do in moderation, you know, like you're even just busy stores, grocery stores, and to always have a plan of action and just, you know, because sometimes if he's getting overstimulated, he's a runner,

and he would just run and disappear. And I mean, that happened in a couple of stores when he was little. And I mean, as a parent, it was terrifying being in, you know, Walmart. And all of a sudden, he's gone. He's just gone. And when he would get to that state of mind, there was no reasoning. There was no thought of safety or anything. And so there was the, those types of situations. There are certain things where it's like, I know to just bring headphones if it's going to be very noisy, sometimes even restaurants, right?

Like sometimes it can just be a lot. And so always having tools, like knowing what tools to have available, depending on the situation, because he will respond differently, depending on what it is. Like I said, sometimes he might just take off running.

Sometimes, because he's not super aware of his emotions as they're coming up, he won't know until he's already really upset about something. If someone's picking on him or a teacher's being really loud, even if they're not being mean, it might make him kind of feel anxiety. There's things that, like, once he gets to that zone, like he's been aggressive in the past.

And again, that was a learned behavior. So yeah, it just depends on the situation. So you really got to be prepared. And this has just been something I've just been learning as I go, right? Right. So you mentioned being picked on. As we've all heard, a lot of people have problems with the bullies. Has he had any of those issues at all?

You know, I don't think any more than anybody else. You know, there's just conflict that comes up at times. He's always kind of been that kid that hasn't had a lot of close friends because he was like me where we just love everyone. Like we we we just love everyone and he'll just go up to someone and just start playing with them. So he's more of an extrovert then. He kind of is.

Yeah. We're both. You know, it's interesting. We're both very much alike. And I don't know what we would fall under because we're both. There's times where because we're both highly empathic too. So we feel things very strongly. So especially with crowds or things, even if it's good, it's we love being out with people, but then we have to retreat.

And so we definitely are both. So I don't know what you would call that. I call that good. Now, you brought up the fact that you got him diagnosed, but you felt like you were autistic as well, but you didn't get diagnosed. So you feel you're autistic as well. Yeah. It's kind of one of these things I just know. It's something I've wondered for a while.

And the more I hang out and spend time or interact with people who are, you know, have Asperger's or on the spectrum, I'm like, oh, yeah, like that's, I get it. Yeah. Okay. So he's diagnosed. You're undiagnosed. Do you use the fact that you feel that you're autistic to connect with him so that he feels like you're both playing on the same level in life?

You know, I feel like we've always had that connection. said even without the labels, we are so much alike. And I just, I get him. And so I honestly haven't told him like, you have this or you have that. I kind of joke. And it actually helps a lot of other people I feel too. Because you know how labels can be great. Like I said, it gives you an idea. It's a way to describe something. So then you know how to proceed. But they can feel really heavy and limiting at times too. And so I say I have a squirrel brain, you know, and I say like, you're my little squirrel. Like, and I give him, like, there's all these tools that I've learned along the way throughout my life. I didn't realize that that's what it was. I didn't realize it was ADD. You know, like I just knew I like

schedules. I like routines. If I don't write things down, I forget them. I've always been very organized. I have alarms for things. So I've been. navigating this for many years. But honestly, once I realized and that it just like clicked, I, I just bawled and I had so much relief because I all of a sudden realized I didn't need to be more disciplined. I didn't need to keep beating myself up.

This was just something that I have. And now that I know, it's like I can just accept it and not be so hard. on myself and be like, okay, I just have to do things differently. That's it. But it's like I was always trying to be more like, I'm like, well, how can this person do this and I can't? I just need to try harder. And it's like, no, I just need to do things differently. And so I talk to him in that way. It's like, well, this way isn't working for you. This way might work better for you, you know, and just things like that. I think that's actually pretty good. You can show him there's,

different ways of doing things and it doesn't fall under just one template. That way, if he sees someone else doing it a different way and then someone else doing a different way, he might come up with his own way that's unique to him, but it still works and gets things done. Yeah, absolutely. And I even tell him, him doing it his way is going to inspire other people because it's like everyone has their own way that's unique and there's just more than one way to get there. But by you being authentic and honoring your way, you might inspire a whole bunch of other people, you know? And like he really has those leadership qualities. So I'm like, don't he can be such a people pleaser and try to fit in, which again, that was totally me.

It's like, no, just be authentic and do it your way. And it's like you're going to inspire and show so many other people the possibilities. Absolutely. That's a great mindset. you get to instill upon him that different is okay. Yeah. I just interviewed a 16-year-old artist from South Africa, and that's his slogan. It's okay to be different.

He has a T-shirt that he did. The slogan is, it's okay to be different, and different is spelled wrong because it's supposed to be different. Oh, I love that. Yeah. So I think that's great that you're showing him that there are different ways of doing things. And the label, it can help, but it also can hurt. So it's just a matter of when you use. the label. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. That's even, you know, introducing myself, you know,

like you asked earlier in different things. There's times when it's like, okay, well, I do all these things. But depending on who you talk to, every single person is going to interpret what that means and who you are differently based on their lens, their filter, and their set of beliefs. So it's helpful, but still at the end of the day, I want people to just get to know me, just, you know, connect with me, experience me. And that'll tell you a lot more than what a label can, same as him. You know, it's like just be yourself. Absolutely.

Some people are judgmental, not because they're trying to be judgmental in a bad way. It's just they're judgmental because they don't understand or know any different other than what their perception is. Yeah. So you said that early on you thought you might be autistic as well. So how is your teen years compared to what your son's is, even though he's not quite a teen yet? Do you see any similarities? It's something that I wondered for many years.

I remember, and I think it became more prevalent where I was wondering as I was an adult, probably after I had my son. And, you know, one of my clients worked with, you know, kids with autism and even her, her grandson was. And I asked her and I was like, do you think I have that? Because I'm like, I struggle with eye contact and, you know, this and that. And she's like, no, like you seem way to, like, I have people tell. I had multiple people tell me you're way too, like, normal to have that. And I'm like, but I just have always felt different. And I've always processed things different.

And sure, the eye contact could have been a confidence thing, but it's like, no, like it's making eye contact. I don't know what it is. And I consciously know nothing's going to happen, but it's like, I feel like I'll explode. Like it is so unnerving. And it's something I've continually been working on. But yeah, other people will have their perceptions. Still, they're like, I don't think you have that.

And I'm like, it doesn't really matter what you think. That's right. It only matters what you think. You have to learn what is acceptable to you, what is not. And you have to take and incorporate that into your life every day. It's a challenge to some degree. It doesn't matter what they think. It only matters that you know how to deal with it yourself.

It is. It's different. And there is a scale, just like. like with almost anything of the severity, you know. So it's like with my son and myself, it's, it's fairly mild, but it still impacts our daily lives and everything we do. It impacts my business,

my relationships, my habits. So it's just about navigating it. But with him, it's honestly, it's just been such a gift. It's opened my eyes. And this was before I understood myself,

but it's open my eyes to a whole, whole lens of life that I never knew before. You know, him with his sensory processing disorder, there are so many things that we celebrate. Like, we really celebrate that most people would take for granted. Like, for him, getting a new pair of shoes was just horrid. You know, like, it was so awful because of the textures and something new. Same with, um, with wearing. hats and gloves. You know, I grew up in the, in cold country, and it's like he could not handle the

feeling of, of wearing those things. And so he couldn't be outside for very long, or I mean, his poor hands would just be beat red, and he wouldn't even know what was happening. So it's like when he actually got to the point where he could wear, you know, a hat and gloves outside, like we celebrated when he could actually wear a coat, because, you know, the certain fabrics, uh, especially winter coats, Halloween costumes, all those things. So every time he's been able to actually do it, we celebrate. And that makes him feel good too, right? Like, because it's not, it's not something that's necessarily going to go away. He's just learning to cope with it better. And we know what works and what doesn't. But it's like, I don't want to make him feel bad about

having to do things different. Like, like, it's just the way he, he is. Like, he always wears soft. unless he's in the bathtub. He always wear socks. He doesn't like, like what I think it is is the feeling of his toenails touching, you know, sheets or I don't even totally know and it doesn't matter. But it's like this is just the way he is. And that's okay. Same with clothes.

Once I realized he can't wear jeans, it was like, wow, that makes it so easy. Now I know like what clothes to get him. And honestly, I'm so grateful. care what he like dresses like as long as it feels good. He's good. And I love that he doesn't put, I mean, he's only 11. We'll see what happens as he gets older. But he doesn't really put any weight on what he dresses like. He's like, eh, doesn't matter. He's like, I feel good. And I'm like, great. Like, that's all that matters. That's really all that does matter. At this point, things can change. But hopefully it just stays the same and he keeps growing. Yeah. Well, like,

Even Halloween, you know, we would go trick-or-treating for years and he wouldn't have a costume on. And people would be like, you know, some people were super sweet about it and some people would kind of look at us funny. And it was just like, what, like we're having, as long as he's having fun, it doesn't, it doesn't matter, you know. Absolutely. It's all about kids growing, evolving and just having fun. Sometimes people just forget that that's all it needs to be is that simple. let's address some of the things that maybe he had a tough time with when he was younger, but now that he's 11, evolving, growing, he's looking at it now and saying, hey, this is okay.

Those are a really big one. And I mean, again, that's something that we all take for granted. People don't think twice about getting dressed in the morning or get excited about shopping. And for him, that was a struggle. So that's a really, really big one. and him just I keep things structured and he just knows he feels good when we do things this way. And he doesn't argue about it or anything. Like he doesn't really fight me.

He just knows because he's experienced when things aren't like that or when we're on holiday or, you know, when things are a little different. And he starts having these meltdowns. And I kind of explain, well, it's partially because. of this and, you know, we'll, we'll do what we can. But he navigates, um, traveling so much easier than he used to. Staying in hotels used to be. Because it was just horrible because it wasn't his room. He would just cry and just want to be back in his room. You know, so traveling, you know, vacations wasn't something that was fun for him. So he's at a point now where getting dressed in the

day, just daily navigating structures and things like that and traveling. Those are all things that he does really well now. And I make sure I always praise him too. Like praise is a really big thing and just acknowledge because he might be getting used to those things to an extent too. And I just want to be like, hey, kiddo, like, you're doing great navigating this. That's just so good to hear. I'm just glad for the support you're giving him and how he's responding.

What about food? I know I've heard that certain autistic people will have issues with textures of food. Does he have any issues like that at all? Yeah. So he definitely has that as well. And it's interesting because it changes. So it's like, as soon as you almost like figure out what this kid likes to eat, all of a sudden he'll be like, nope, like can't do it. And I'm like, and he's like, I'm sorry. mom and I'm like, don't feel bad. Like, it's okay. Because I can tell the difference between when it's sensory and when he's just being picky, you know, because there's times when he's just being picky and it's like, you're fine. Sure. We all have that problem from time to time.

So now that he's 11, where do you see him, say, six or seven years from now? When he's just about ready to get out of high school or he has graduated, what do you see his future looking like? Hmm, you know, again, I've looked at this as a gift. Like he's, he's super gifted. He sees things and experiences things in ways that other people don't. And like his imagination is absolutely incredible. So I know beyond, you know, like these early years, I just think he's going to do really great things.

I just really know that, especially with, um, him having so much empathy and just wanting to help people. Like I know if he desires to, he will do really great things. But I think it'll be really interesting. Now, he's in middle school navigating. Because again, with the social stuff, it's like middle school's just a hard age. I feel like for a lot of kids, because your bodies are changing, your hormones are changing, your thinking's changing.

So it's kind of a confusing time for a lot of people. So I just remind him to communicate, you know, to just be honest and communicate, to be himself, and to know that if he's feeling a certain way, a lot of other people are probably feeling that way, too. They just might not be talking about it. That's a great way to look at and you're giving him great information. Now, I've been told that some that are autistic tend to be a little more literal than others. Does he fall into that category at all? You know, he is, but I don't think quite as much as me.

I think I have more of that than he does. And he's honestly, he's great at jokes. Like he doesn't always get them, but he's an entertainer at heart, that kid. And he loves telling jokes. But yeah, he has a literal mind, but I don't think quite as much as me. But it depends on what we're talking about. If I'll say, you know, it's 830. it's time for bed, he'll be like, it's actually 828, you know, or, you know, or I'll say,

we'll leave about this time, you know, we'll leave about 8.30. And so like he, with times and things like that, you know, if it's with numbers or anything like that, he's very literal. But as far as jokes and, you know, certain things, he actually does pretty good compared to how I, how I do with it. Sure. I really think this is quite amazing, actually, because some of the things that you've said, because you brought up the fact that you thought you was autistic because you saw some of the things that he was doing that you might have gone through. I think that you have a lot of similarities within each other. I think that's just awesome. You know, like I said, our personalities a lot alike, and my parents always tried to give me as much support as they could, but this was stuff we just

weren't aware of. So there was a lot of social things where I think I really just tried to fit in. I always loved everyone. But where I grew up, it could be very clicky. And that just, you know, I just have never understood that. And so there was a lot of years I really struggled or even just I have a very literal mind. And so understanding jokes and things like that. Sometimes I just don't get it or I'll get it later and then I can laugh at it. But when I was younger, I used to really beat myself up and feel stupid. And I was so embarrassed. And so just different things like that.

But overall, I've really felt like he'll navigate a lot better than I ever did because we understand what's going on with him. And because of my journey that I've had and being a life coach and understanding all these things and having all these tools, like I feel like he really has the best support that he can. Obviously, he's still going to go through struggles and have lessons to learn, but he's really set up for success, the best that I feel like so much stage can be. Yeah, that's awesome.

The reason why he's set up for success is how you're raising him and your mental approach to everything. I think that's great. Is there anything else that you would like to tell people that we haven't discussed? I would say to really find a way to just love and accept yourself as you are and to understand that these are not limitations. These are actually your superpowers. And when you can understand them and know how to navigate them, like, that is a gift that

you can give the world. Like, and it's beautiful. So it's like it's not a limitation. It's nothing to be down on yourself. or you're different. We're all different, you know. So do things, work with your body, work with your brain, and just see it as a superpower and really love on yourself.

And I promise, like, things will work out. They just will. That's a very good way of looking at it. And I just love the word superpower because I've taught with other autistic people that feel like autism is their superpower. So I've really enjoyed this conversation, really really, really. good. And I just got to say thanks for coming on. I really appreciate it. Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm so grateful for this conversation and giving me the opportunity to kind of spread my message and

some positivity out there. And yeah, I appreciate it. Yes, it's been my pleasure. And positivity has been a very good point to bring up. So again, thanks for coming on and we'll talk with everybody later. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know anyone that would like to tell us their story, send them to tonymentor.com. Contact, then they can give us their information so one day they may be a guest on our show. One more thing we ask, tell everyone everywhere about why not me the world. the conversations we're having

and the inspiration our guests give to everyone, everywhere that you are not alone in this world.