Tony Mantor: Why Not Me ? - Meg LaDuc's Journey Through Serious Mental Illness:Living Beyond the Diagnosis

Episode Date: June 26, 2026

Show Notes What happens when the diagnosis changes, the struggle feels endless, and hope seems impossible to find? In this episode of Why Not Me?, Tony Mantor sits down with writer and journalist Meg LaDuc to discuss her personal journey through depression, anxiety, psychosis, suicide attempts, self-harm, recovery, and ultimately healing. Meg shares how years of misdiagnosis, hospitalization, and mental health challenges shaped her life—and how determination, faith, support, and the right treatment helped her rebuild it. This honest conversation explores what it feels like to live with serious mental illness, the realities of psychosis, the impact of stigma, and why recovery is possible even after the darkest moments. Whether you're living with mental illness, supporting someone who is, or simply looking to better understand the human experience, this episode offers insight, compassion, and hope. In This Episode: Meg's journey through anxiety, depression, and psychosis The challenges of diagnosis and finding effective treatment Living with suicide ideation and surviving multiple attempts Self-harm, shame, and learning to heal The role of faith during recovery Relationships and mental illness How stigma affects people living with serious mental illness The difference between receiving help and choosing healing Recovery, resilience, and rebuilding a meaningful life Why psychosis is not a life sentence Memorable Quote "It's a piece of the puzzle. It's not the entire puzzle. There's so much more to me than illness." About Meg LaDuke Meg LaDuc is a Detroit-based freelance journalist, creative writer, and contributor to mental health publications. Drawing from both lived experience and professional reporting, she writes about mental health, disability, recovery, and resilience. She is currently working on a memoir chronicling her journey through serious mental illness and recovery . https://tonymantor.comhttps://Facebook.com/tonymantorhttps://instagram.com/tonymantorhttps://twitter.com/tonymantorhttps://youtube.com/tonymantormusicintro/outro music bed written by T. WildWhy Not Me the World music published by Mantor Music (BMI)  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Joy is essential and it's also elusive, but now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence. Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hoda Kotby. If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on-air chats. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Joy 101 and listen now. Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby is presented by CVS. My first guest is Territ Hilton, Shakira, Luke, and Yarin.

Have surprises? Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group check comes to life. What on? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's lemonade. This is Sweet 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged.

Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. American soccer is exploding. The knockout rounds are here. The U.S. won their group, and now every match is winner go home. I'm TAB Ramos. And I'm Tom Boger. On our podcast, Inside American Soccer, we'll talk about the real storylines. Discuss the tactics that actually decide matches.

And give you the truth about the U.S. national team from inside the program. Whether you're a lifelong fan or this is your first World Cup. We've got you covered. Listen, Inside American Soccer with Tom Bogart and Tab Ramos on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, wherever you get your podcast. Hey, everybody, it's the Jonas Brothers. This week, we're so excited to be hanging out with Mika Abdallah from the hit show Off Campus.

We talk about what it's been like watching the show become such a massive hit, what's next for season two, and just how close the off-campus cast really is. What's the group chat called? One of them is Off Campus Brazil. Okay. The boys have their own group chat called Dean's B-B-Hs.

Our conversation with Mika Abdallah is out now. Go check it out. Listen to Hey Jonas in the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Welcome to Why Not Me, embracing autism and mental health worldwide, hosted by Tony Meantor. Broadcasting from the heart of Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join us as our guests share their raw, howful stories. Some will spark laughter, others will move you to tears.

These real life journeys inspire, connect, and remind you that you're never alone. We're igniting a global movement to empower everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, unwavering acceptance, and profound understanding of autism and mental health. Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the world one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me, embracing autism and mental health worldwide. Before we jump in, if you haven't already, I invite you to tap follow. It only takes a couple of seconds, and it helps this show reach more families who need to hear these conversations. Thanks for being here.

Today I'm talking with writer and journalist Megaladuke, someone who doesn't just talk about mental illness, she's lived it, questioned it, and found a way to put language to experiences that are often hard to explain. What makes this conversation different is that it's not about diagnosis or definitions. It's about what it actually feels like to be inside your own mind when things don't quite make sense. The core of her work is simple but powerful ideas. That our stories, even the ones shaped by pain, are not just something to survive, but something to understand, to give language to, and ultimately to share. Thanks for joining us today. Well, I'm very excited about this. Yes, I'm looking forward to this as well. If you would, give our listeners

a little background on what it is that you do. Yeah, I'm a freelance journalist based in Detroit. I've been doing creative writing for really about 22 years now, ever since undergrad. And over the years, I've got a number of pieces of both journalism and creative writing published. And right now, I'm working on a memoir. Oh, I think that's great. Now, we're going to be talking about serious mental illness today. Can you give our listeners a little background on your knowledge of the subject? Well, my knowledge all comes from lived experience, though I've done a number of journalism articles surrounding mental health and disability over the years. Right now, I'm contributing to a Michigan newspaper chain for issue media group for its Michigan mental health series.

So for that, I'm doing stuff like research on CMHs, community mental health organizations here in Michigan. But my primary knowledge comes from lived experience. And just over the years, I've gained a lot of insight, I think, into living with a serious mental illness. Now, your lived experiences are your own life's journey. Is that correct? Correct, yes. I think this is an interesting topic because when most people think about serious mental, illness, they tend to picture young men, maybe late teens, into their 20s. They don't always

think about women in the same way. So have you experienced that? And how do you respond to that narrative when people don't fully understand that this can affect anyone? Well, I think people definitely associate with psychosis with men. And their stereotype is men who become psychotic are violent, even though so many people with schizophrenia are victimized rather than the victimizers. It's far more common for people to be victimized. But yes, I think people don't associate a history of psychosis with women, though I've also dealt with anxiety and depression. And those are definitely associated with women, I think. Yeah, I can't disagree with you there. Now, in the early stages, as we all know, when people start learning that they have some issues going on, it can be a very

scary journey. It's the unknown. Yeah. What did it actually feel like to be inside your own mind during that time, trying to make sense of it all? What was that journey like? It was a really terrifying process. And I remember telling a therapist while I was in college, it feels like there's a hole in my chest and the hole hurts. That's how intense the depression was. And it started out as anxiety, as a high schooler, spiraled into depression. When I think I was a freshman in high school, I stopped showering. I had the greatest roommate. She would tell me, Maggie Smell, take a shower, she would laugh at me. But yes, I kind of spiraled down in college. And then finally, in my sophomore, year I was becoming suicidal and knew I needed help. So I saw it. I was going to school at the

University of Michigan at the time in Ann Arbor. And I just Googled their counseling services. Like I figured a school that big had to have a counseling service and I made an appointment and went. So once you made that first appointment and you actually got to see them, what was some of your concerns? Well, I had a lot of preconceptions. I was very scared of medication. I thought it would change my personality. Sure. At the same time, I was hoping they'd put me on something that would be like a magic bullet

that would just make everything better. They gave me a diagnosis of major depression, which was inaccurate. And they put me on Prozac, which actually made the situation worse. So it was years and years before I found the right kind of medication. There's always that time frame when you're going from something's not right, something's wrong, until you have a name for it. Yes. When they actually came up with the label for it, did that make things better or did it make things more complicated in figuring this out? I think it's made it more complicated because my diagnosis has changed a number of times over the years.

It hasn't been steady. And I think psychiatrists really do diagnose the symptoms that walk in the door. Like the picture you present at the time, as I've gone from being a really out of control young woman into growing up to be a more stable, middle-aged woman, yeah, my diagnosis has evolved with me. In that journey, what's been harder for you, trying to control what you were going through or learning when to accept it, to understand it and kind of surrender to it. Or do those feel equally challenging in different ways?

I say definitely accepting it. I have a tremendous strive. I've always been that way. And in many ways, it's helped me over the years. There was a point where I was living in a group home. I had spiraled down into psychosis. My parents couldn't take care of me anymore. And so they transferred me to a group home for three months.

But I was so determined to leave it. So determined. And I think my inner drive is the reason why I'm not still living in a group home. Since then, I've gone back to volunteer to teach creative writing at the same group home. And many of the people I lived with 10 years ago are still there. But I've moved on. I've had both part-time and full-time jobs. I've learned a master's.

I've gotten married. My life has not stood still. So to get back to your question, yeah, this inner drive also means it's very hard to rest and it's very hard to come to a sense of peace. You know, a lot of people walk this line where everything looks fine on the outside. They're high functioning. They're showing up, doing what they need to do. And most people would never know what they're caring.

What did that look like for you? And underneath all of that, when you were trying to hold it together and appear okay, there are a lot of layers to making this all look good for everyone, including yourself. So what was really going on in the thought processes you had to deal with? Let me think about that. That's a good question. I think over the years it's been so hard to come to terms with it. And I've definitely wanted to present a facade.

I remember when I first went into counseling services at the University of Michigan, the social workers said you smile even when you're saying something sad. I was trying to pretend everything was okay. And I think as I've grown older, I've stopped doing that with key people. I definitely don't do that with my husband. I no longer do it with my parents, my best friend. And there was a point where I was even lying to my therapist, like trying to make her think everything was good when it wasn't. But I've discovered how vital it is, to be honest, with your mental health practitioners. Relationships add another layer to all of this.

When you're already navigating your own internal world and then you bring another person into it, there's a bridge that has to be built in the terms of understanding each other. What was that like for you? did it ever create challenges in being understood or in understanding someone else while you were still trying to make sense of yourself? Definitely. Though my husband was so wonderful, maybe about six months after we met, my current diagnosis at that time was bipolar one.

So he asked me if he could come to a therapist appointment with me, with my therapist, to ask questions about how he could better support. support me. I can't remember exactly when in the relationship that was, but it was actually early. So he was very much on board from the beginning. It took me, I think it was our third date before I told him about my diagnosis. I both didn't want to conceal something from him, but at the same time wanted him to get to know me, the real mic, for a while before mentioning that diagnosis. And there were other things that I was honest with him about, but it took me a while. At one point, my parents had guardianship. I just fell apart so completely. So it took me a while to tell Tim about the guardianship.

But eventually, when it was terminated, we celebrated by going out for hamburgers. In any relationship, there's always that learning curve. You're getting to know each other, the little quirks, the habits, all of it. But when you're also dealing with something internal like this, it can feel like everything is just amplified. How did that play out for you in your relationships? How did you find a sense of inner peace within that where someone could see your struggles, your imperfections, and still meet you there that allowed you to keep building something special?

I do want to emphasize it's a relationship of equals. I do get very tired because of my medication regimen. So I'd say Tim does more around the house, But on the other hand, I handle all the cooking, which I really love. I really love to cook. And I'm as much there for him as he is for me, like asking him about his day, making sure things are going well for him, just a number of different things that were a partnership. And he's never condescended to me about my mind or the trustworthiness of my mind.

He consults my judgment. Yeah. Was there a moment big or small where things seemed to shift a little bit? Not where everything felt fixed, but where something inside you seemed to change. And because of that, you saw everything moving in a positive direction. Actually, I had a tremendous moment like that. It came in 2016 and I had hit rock bottom. I had driven my car a distance away and over.

overdose two times in a row, like separation of two weeks. I nearly killed myself. And after that, in the hospital, I asked my mom to bring me my Bible because I really didn't know where else to turn at that point. So yeah, I really turned to my faith. That kind of helped me believe I could change. And I just determined to completely turn my life around. So yeah, after too many suicide attempts to keep track of. I haven't had one in 10 years. An I-R-Radio experience. Weekend gold tickets to Ilsoniq. One, two, three. In Montreal with Dom Dalla, Chris Lakin Friends, Woolly, Deadmouse, above and beyond, sub-focus, and more with flights from Porter Airlines, three nights at residence in

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It's given me a belief that we all have one of those treasures inside of us. We just have to find it. Listen to Joy 101 with Hoda Kotby on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. American soccer is exploding. The knockout rounds are here. The U.S. won their group, and now every match is winner go home. I'm Tad Ramos. And I'm Tom Bogart.

On our podcast, Inside American Soccer, we'll talk about the real storylines. I'm not worried about Policic. I'm not worried about Balagan. I'm not worried about McKinney. my only concern is what happens in the back. And give you the truth about the U.S. national team from inside the program. It wouldn't be a huge surprise if our team ends up in the quarterfinals or potentially a great run into the semifinals.

Whether you're a lifelong fan or this is your first World Cup. We've got you covered. Listen, Inside American Soccer with Tom Bogart and Tabramos in the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin, Samira and Gracie. I'm so excited on the bouncy bed. You have surprises, many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to life.

What a fuck. It's like a way to say, like, hello, my friend, hello, my brother. What a! Look, never I've ever been able to talk to. Except with my kids, my children, my children, if you know. See my amante. Oof. Punch.

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on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I've talked with people who describe having this kind of inner voice during their hardest moments, sometimes it feels like a running dialogue, almost like something talking to them or guiding their thoughts. Did you experience anything like that? And if you did, how did that inner voice show up for you during those difficult times and how has that relationship with it changed over time? Yeah, actually today I don't hear voices. I might have heard voices a couple times in my life, but I don't currently. The illness is completely under control. I mean, I sometimes do get odd thoughts, but I manage those. So yes, my medication regimen is working

very well for me. But yes, in the midst of my bouta psychosis in 2015, 2016, I had some terrible delusions, really tremendously traumatizing. It's obviously very traumatizing to believe somebody is trying to kill you and really, really believe it. And there were a couple times where I thought somebody had poisoned me and I was going to fall asleep and never wake up. But yeah, nothing like that in a long time. Now, from what you just said, you felt like someone was trying to harm you. Yes. Now, you've also mentioned at different times you tried to commit suicide. Now, you had two very different directions. Part of you wanting to disappear and another part of you trying to hold on and stay safe. Can you explain your thought process of that? I think the,

crux of it was that who was in control. When I was trying to kill myself, I was in control. At least I thought. I wasn't. Sure, that makes sense. But if somebody else was trying to kill me, that was very scary because then they were doing something to me that I couldn't control. That's a great answer. I think that explains everything about as good as you possibly can. Now, I've had the opportunity to talk to people about their medication regimen. It seems by the time that they found the correct medication and got it all under control, they lost a decade. For most of the people I've spoken with,

from the time that they find point A to point B, they've lost a decade. Was that a similar situation for you or did you get from point A to point B a little sooner? Actually, no, I do feel like I lost, gosh, I was sick from 19, to when I was about 33. Okay. So maybe about 14 years.

And I do now feel much younger than I actually am. Okay. Like I'm starting to get some gray hairs. I'm like, who in the world is this person? I feel like I'm in my early 30s. Yeah. Developmentally, I might be more in my early 30s too. I think I was kind of frozen in time for a while.

I often think about this idea of shame versus is truth because mental illness can carry a lot of stigma, especially early on. Was there something you once felt ashamed of that now you're able to talk about openly? And what changed for you in the shift from holding it in to being willing to share it? Well, for a number of years, I dealt with self-harm. I was tremendously ashamed of that. I tried to hide it unsuccessfully. And it kind of took over my life for a while. It really was an addiction, but as I've moved away from it and I've stopped, I've gotten more comfortable speaking about the struggle, maybe because it's from a place of security and wellness, but I'm no longer ashamed. It's a very common struggle. It's a way a lot of people

deal with their big emotions. It's a coping tool. I now at least understand why I was doing it. This seems to be a gap between help and healing. A lot of people out there are looking for help, yet they still feel stuck. What did you learn about getting help and then actually really healing? I think healing takes a choice. Number one, it probably stems from a choice, so it's motivated by yourself. I think help comes from outside. It's something mental health professionals and parents and love,

loved ones, kind of try to impose from the outside, but healing comes, is self-motivated. When you're living with that stigma of mental illness, you have a position of where you overcome, then you have a position of where you manage. How has that become a part of who you are? How does the definition of overcoming, managing, and healing overlap each other for you? It's another good question. I've noticed a lot of people. when I attend a support group, they introduce themselves by saying, hi, I'm Meg and I cope with anxiety. Or, hi, I'm Meg and I'm depressed.

I try to avoid that. Like, I'll say, hi, I'm Meg. I'm married. I have four cats. This is what I do for a living. Like, I don't define myself by the illness. It's far from the most important thing about me. It's a piece of the puzzle.

It's not the entire puzzle. There's so much more to me than illness. So, yeah, I just encourage people out there to brainstorm, like what is important to you. Introduce yourself using those other aspects. Let's say a person is listening to this podcast, 2 o'clock in the morning. They are feeling alone in their own mind. What would you tell them, not as advice, just from someone that's been there? It does get better. It really can. I believe anybody can turn their life around. But yes, it does come,

I think, from a personal choice, which is not to dismiss the power of these illnesses or the fact that everybody needs support, but ultimately who is in the driver's seat. I think for so many years I put other things in the driver's seat. I put self-harm. I put my illness. I had issues with eating. So I really put fear and shame in the driver's seat. And then when I kind of made a decision to get better, it was doing little things for a long time even before they paid off, like going for a walk around the neighborhood or taking that dose of medication in the morning.

I wasn't seeing them pay off yet, but I had to have faith they would. And eventually as I did that day by day, they eventually did pay off. When you reflect on your story and your journey of what you used to think back then, it could have been, I'm broken. I've got problems. Do you look back now at some of those things that you thought were broken and look at it completely different than you did? Has that perspective changed for you at all?

Yeah, absolutely. It's actually changed quite dramatically. I'm at peace with having this illness, and I wouldn't change anything about the past. Like, I'm okay with the past as it is. I used to feel tremendous shame around my illness, but I've gone through an immense amount of suffering while suffering shapes a person, and it's made me the person I am. Okay, so going along with that, if you were to go back and talk with your earlier self, knowing your mindset back then, what would surprise you?

you in how you're living in today's world? Well, I've had to modify expectations. Like my life looks very different than the one I had hoped for when I was a teenager. On the other hand, I think it's better than the life I had hoped for. My mom once said to me, she gives great advice. She once said something to me along the lines of, I don't think you would have chosen a person as gentle as your husband to marry, if you didn't have this illness. And I think that's true and he's the right person for me. In conversations I have where we talk about serious mental

illness and other forms of mental illness, the word strength always comes up. Inner strength, outer strength, strength to get through things. What does strength look like when you're in the middle of a crisis, not after it? Oh, wow. I guess get through minute by minute. Okay. It really is minute by minute. Yeah. Minutes grow into a half an hour, an hour.

And suddenly you've been alive for another 24 hours, which is good. Yeah. So yeah, just get through minute by minute. One time somebody said to me, Meg, sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing. And I think she said that to me because I was so important. impulsive. And many people in the throes of a crisis are impulsive. So maybe sometimes just take some deep breaths and do nothing. Was there a moment, whether it be talking with someone or in any essays that you might have done with your publications, where you finally felt like, hey, I'm being seen

here. They're not just seeing you, but now they're starting to understand you. I think that's been the project of the book I'm working on. Okay. All right. I really want people to read my story. Okay. And it's very healing when they see it as a whole arc with a beginning and an ending. And also, the writing can get across experiences in ways I can't. Actually, my therapist is reading it.

She's going above and beyond. And I deeply appreciate that. I think it makes her a better therapist. You know, a lot of therapists come from a strong educational background. They've studied it. They understand it from a clinical perspective. But there's always something different about lived experience. Over the years, have you noticed a difference between providers who are more textbook-based

versus those who seem to really understand it on a deeper, more human level? How did that impact the kind of guidance and support that you received? Yeah, some people understand. and where I'm coming from much better than others. There were therapists who told me I should make peace with living in the group home. It was a good place to be at the time, but yet I needed to move on. So there were times when I needed to move forward, and therapists weren't as supportive as I wanted them to be.

So do you have people that reach out to you and tell you their stories? Is that part of your writing as well? Actually, usually I'd go out and find them. if anybody wants to find me, that's okay, too. Okay. How do they find you? Well, I do have a website. I have a portfolio website and there's a contact page. And then I've also been writing for psychology today. And I believe there's a contact link on my articles. Yeah, that's great. Now, is there one last thing that you would like to tell our audience that would give them a little more knowledge on the perception they have in what they think it is to what it actually is in reality.

People get very scared when you start talking about psychosis, and they think it's a death sentence. There are no words for how traumatizing it is, but on the other hand, it's not a death sentence. People with the illness can endure recover. The stigma is so intense. I don't think people understand, one, how traumatizing it is, but two, there are ways to manage the trauma and recover.

Sure. Well, I've really enjoyed this very interesting, very informative. I really appreciate you taking the time to join us today. No problem. This was great. Thanks so much, Tony. It's been my pleasure. Thanks again. A big thank you to our guests for sharing their journey. If today's conversation helped you see the world a little differently, then we're doing exactly what we hope to do. Until next time, keep believing, keep learning, and most importantly, keep asking yourself, why not me? Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know someone who has a story to share, tell them to contact us at why not me. One last thing, spread the word about why not me. Our conversations, our inspiring guests that show you are not alone in this world.

Joy is essential and it's also elusive, but now there's a new and exciting way to start your journey toward a more joyful existence, Joy 101. It's a new podcast hosted by me, Hoda Kotby. If you're craving inspiration to maximize your joy, tune into these candid, uplifting, and moving on-air chats. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Joy 101 and listen now. Joy 101 with Hoda Kotfi is presented by CVS. My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin.

Have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group check comes to life. What a lot? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's lemonade. This is Sweet 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged.

Listen to Suite 305 with Llele Pons on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. American soccer has exploded. The knockout rounds are here. The U.S. won their group, and now every match is winner-go-home. I'm Tad Ramos. And I'm Tom Bogart. On our podcast, Inside American Soccer,

we'll talk about the real storylines. Discuss the tactics that actually decide matches. And give you the truth about the U.S. national team from inside the program. Whether you're a lifelong fan or this is your first World Cup. We've got you covered. Listen, Inside American Soccer with Tom Bogart and Tabramos on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcast. Hey, everybody, it's the Jonas Brothers.

This week, we're so excited to be hanging out with Mika Abdallah from the hit show Off Campus. We talk about what it's been like watching the show become such a massive hit, what's next for season two, and just how close the off-campus cast really is. What's the group chat called? One of them is Off-Campus Brazil. Okay. The boys have their own group chat called Dean's B'I's. Our conversation with Mika Abdallah is out now.

Go check it out. Listen to Hey Jonas in the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.