Too Scary; Didn't Watch - ONSLAUGHT with Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: September 16, 2026

PFTS;DW!It wouldn't be H3llch3lla: Triples is Best if we weren't joined by our dearly beloved Dan Stevenspondent, Paul F. Tompkins, for a movie Emily describes as "not the worst movie I've ever seen"!Movie & Guest Intro @ 13:00Trivia @ 17:45Recap starts @ 30:00 TrailerAll Hellchella video episodes will be available on our Patreon!Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy. And you're listening to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those Too Scared to Watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. And I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies.

And so I watch them so that you don't have to. Usually that's the case. but this is Helchella 3, Triples is best. I think it happens. Where each of the three of us are recapping three movies each. And this is an Emily episode today. My third. Emily's third.

Emily's last Helchella 3, triples is best. Wow, after this, I'm off the clock. Two dinosaur movies and you'd think that third one. Couldn't really think of another dinosaur movie to do. It's okay because nobody put those constraints on us. We're allowed to do whatever we want. We're allowed to do whatever we want. So this is me doing whatever I want.

Hell yeah. Before we get into that, do you think scary happen to any of us this week? Yes. I have one scary thing and one fun thing. Which wasn't the question, but I'm going to say it anyways. Okay. And Emily was with me. we did our color analysis.

You know, the videos on Instagram where they're draping all the different colors on you and telling you which ones look good on you. I guess something scary in it is that they did tell me that black is not my color. But not as they weren't like never wear it. Yes. She's a soft. Well, I won't. You say what you are. I won't say what you are.

I'm a soft autumn. She's soft autumn is what I was going to say. And so black is very high contrast, obviously. So we need to do a softer, a charcoaly black, you know. So that was interesting, but very fun. Had a great time. But then the actual scary thing that's happening right now is I was a little hungover today. From the colors.

From the colors. They're directly related. That's wasted at the color analysis. I got so fucked up at the color analysis appointment. After she told me I couldn't wear black, I was like straight to the face. But I'm having a new hangover symptom today where my ears are like pulsing. Like my ears, it's like. What is going on with your bodies?

Inner or outer? Inner. Mm. And just to say like it's just one of those things. A little reminder, alcohol is really bad. It's really bad. And it does bad stuff to our bodies. I know.

And now my ears are pulsing all day to day. It's very annoying. Like could you hear something or is it like a sensation? It's a sensation. I was looking it up because it's like potentially a form of tinnitus, tinnitus. I always feel like I have to say both pronunciations because I don't believe that either is actually correct. But yeah, there's some like a pulsing tinnitus. Tinnitus. Is it related to alcohol? It can be related to alcohol because of the way that it constricts your blood vessels or rather the opposite of constricts your blood vessels. It opens them wide up. It opens them wide up and changes the way your blood vessels are. So that's been a tough day for me today and it's been a little scary.

I've done a lot of Googling about my ears. I think it's going to be fine. I ain't going to be fine. But I hate that you even had to wonder. Yeah. And you had to Google. I don't like that either. You know, I Google every thought that comes into my hands.

I had, today I googled what's Rachel Dolah's all up to now. And what is she up to? What did you find out? What about the internet tell you? You know, she just completed a sex therapy course, and she's doing sex therapy now. Okay. She's a sex therapist. Like, how do you even know this?

Google Gemini told me. So, you know, it might not be correct. Sammy's hardly the only person wondering. So people are trying to keep tabs, obviously. Wow. Yeah. I Google too much. I Google all day every day.

It's not good. That's another scary thing. What about you guys? What's going on? My thing isn't, well, I guess it's scary in the sense that I'll couch this and like how rarely I've been feeling inspired these days and how sad that makes me. And I don't even realize that I'm sad until I'm inspired again. and remember the feeling of being like, whoa, this is fun. It's fun to be inspired.

It's fun to like something. So last night, Tim and I just on a whim watched Run Lola Run. Have you guys seen that movie? I have never seen it. It's 1998. I edit with some music from it as temp music sometimes. I definitely like I can picture the image like so clearly in my head, but I just never seen it. So it's a, it's a German film from 1998.

It's a crisp 90 minutes. I think it's even less than 90 minutes. It's like 80 minutes long. That's why we watched it is because we were like what's a very short movie we can watch. And it's so 90s. That's what's phenomenal about it.

It's like bat shit, wakadoo, like cuckoo banana pants, 90s German film that is like doing so many things that you are not expecting. Love. Everything is like, because personally, some people,

this is like a cult classic. So you might be familiar with what this movie is. I wasn't fully. I'd heard of it before, but I didn't know the details. And I was shocked at the edge of my seat, loved it. And then it also, so it starts with kind of this guy having this existential meandering thought process while there are these like ethereal images of people kind of floating in the foreground. And then it kind of stops. And you just go on a football field.

and there's a guy holding a soccer ball. And he just goes, but the ball is around. The game lasts 90 minutes. Everything else is pure theory. Let's go. And then throws it into the air. And then the movie starts. And like the movie is about this woman who's basically on like the clock to get something done.

And so it's just like click, click, click, click, click, click, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. And it's just like going, going, going. And the quote, I looked it up afterwards because I loved it so much is a famous quote from like a German footballer. They won the World Cup in 1950s or something. But I'd never heard that before. The ball is around. The game lasts 90 minutes. Everything else is pure theory. Let's go. And I was like, yes, I love this. I love starting a movie this way. Inspiration strikes. Oh, it's a good feeling. It's such a good feeling. And I don't know. I mean, I think the thing that's tough about it is it's like you don't know where to look for it. You never know when it's going to happen. And what's going to

land and what's not because part of it is like the state of mind you're in when you're experiencing whatever you're experiencing but run lola run really really did it for me you guys I love that amazing I'm so happy for you I got to see it and then also I was looking it up on like Spotify because I was like who was talking about this movie and I was feeling like people who find our podcast I was like oh this is how people find our podcast is they like see a movie and then they're like who's talking about the movie and yep wow yeah so that's also fun that is that is fun. I like that. Lots of inspiration. Emily, you? I also got my colors done. I'm a cool winter. Thank you. I'm glad you. I wanted to ask. Yeah, I'm a cool winter, which I did suspect. I'm also just a little bit hungover from the colors.

And what I am, I'm the kind of hungover that is usually what happens to me, which thankfully it's like it's, it's because anytime I have any amount of alcohol now, I'm at least a little bit over like my body just like can't well it's poison handle it well it's poison so anytime i have a little bit of poison i feel a little poisoned yeah so i like i don't feel sick but what i feel is so dumb and so i'm so glad everyone's here to listen to everything i'm not saying for the next couple hours um but one thing i did today was i went to the grocery store which when you're this state of mind is impossible taft yeah that sounds like absolutely And I don't normally do our grocery shopping because I don't do any of our cooking. So I was just getting like some odds and ends.

This isn't like a real grocery trip. You know, it's like an odds and ends trip, snacks and et cetera, et cetera. And one thing I'm due, I did that I'm in a place where I'm like, I keep buying weird beverages as if they're going to like change my life. I got this greens, this be amazing. Oh, you can't see it. This be amazing greens drink. Mm-hmm. It's not good, but I got another greens,

Oshwaganda drink. I've been obsessed with those, like, healthy sodas lately. I'm just like, I don't really know what's happening to me. The marketing is working. Anyway, so I did that, and I'm drinking it, it's fine. It's not that good. But another thing I did is I text Joel. I was there.

I was like, do you need anything? Because I had coming back from watching this week's movie for the second time, dedication. Oh, boy. And so I texted Joel, do we, do you need anything? at the store and he was like well we don't really have a dinner plan so if you you know like if you find some stuff that you want to get for dinner and I was like great I can totally totally you're like you're asking the right person at the right time I felt like I did I I came home like I was

like I'm obviously he's gonna cook it not me but I was like I because I also have a little bit heartburn from the poison so I was like nothing nothing too intense but I was like you know what I like some like some like creamy red pepper pasta sounds like so good. Doesn't that sound so good? Yeah. And so I bought a couple of red bell peppers. Sure. But then I was like, how many do you need for that? I don't know how many you need for that. Maybe it's not enough. But they were the last two red bell peppers at the sprouts. So I was like, I can't get me more. So I'll go get, I'll get a jar of roasted red bell peppers so that there's like a little bit of both. And guys, that's all I got.

I came home and Joel was like, you got one ingredient two ways. That's all. all you got. This is not a recipe. This is not like what? But I'm so proud of myself. I thought I did such a good job. So did you have to go back? No, we have spaghetti in the pantry.

We have onions and garlic. I'm like, excuse me, are you, are you not a chef? Like, this feels like enough. Figure out. I don't actually know why you're so upset. I'm so upset. He was livid. It's really funny.

Oh boy. Okay. Okay. And I'm definitely so ready to speak publicly about this week. Wait, don't you guys want to know what my color analysis is? I really do. Desperately. Have you done it?

You're going to have to do it. Okay. I'm actually like scared to say this because the last time I said I used AI, which also, to be frank, I've used AI like three times and this is the third time. All right. And so, all right. So, all right. So I just don't want people coming for me.

I did ask chat GPT to do my colors. This was six months ago, okay? Like, let's just... And it was only one of six months. Let's only one of three times. Okay. Sorry. Hasn't been a hot button week for AI at least.

I fucking wanted to know what my colors were and I needed someone to tell me. And I'm a soft summer. So we got all of the different... Soft summer. I was going to say I suspected you'd be a summer. A summer or a spring. I'm a soft summer. And so we have all of the seasons.

We've got an autumn. We've got a winter. Are you a soft autumn? She's a soft autumn, yeah. We don't have a spring. We don't have a spring. Maybe our guest could. We might have a guest.

Maybe your guest is a spring. Say that you're a spring. Kind of looks like you'd be. Well, okay, yes. We do have a guest because we did, we are covering a movie this week. We're covering movie this week that I saw twice, if you may have heard.

This week's movie is, On slot. Okay, you guys. Onslaught just came out. It's a new release, September 4th, 2026. Directed by Adam Wingard, written by Simon Barrett, starring, Andrea Arjona, Dan Stevens,

Eric Weirheim, Reginald Val Johnson, Michael Bean, Alex Pereira, Blake Kennedy, Drew Starkey, and Rebecca Hall. It is currently in theaters, though. Showings are dwindling. And we have a guest with us to discuss this week's movie. It wouldn't be hell of cello without him.

Welcome back to the pod. Paul F. Tompkins. Hello. Hello. It's me. You're Dan Stevens Bondin. Yes, you are. This is my third Dan Stevens movie with you guys. It's a tough beat.

It's a tough beat. I don't know what color I am. I want to say congratulations to all of you. you. Thank you so much. I also love the idea of buying just the peppers for the roasted pepper pasta. Like it's a seed that will grow the meal. Just plant it, Joel. In his brain, it should. Right? And look, here's the thing. He's going to make something delicious. And I'd be like, see? Yes. And that's because of you. He couldn't have done that without you. But I bet that he will. I believe it. Paul, welcome back.

Thank you. It's lovely to see all of you. Did anything scary happen to you this week? Well, just today. Here's what happened to me is that I woke up to a text saying that someone that I just spent the better part of a week with in planes and cars and green rooms has COVID. COVID's been back a little. It's been spiking a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, I feel nothing. I took a COVID test that expired in January, and I'm negative. Great. Great. I think I've got your answer. I think I'm in the clear. I mean, I feel fine. And everybody else that was with us is also fine.

So I don't know. We'll see. I mean, I remember when my wife and I got COVID, respectively, the second time we both got it, the other one did not get it. Yeah. you know, we just kind of rolled the dice because we're like, well, obviously we'll both get it. So we're not even going to bother separating.

And then it didn't happen. So I don't know. Yeah, there's so many different strains going around. Who knows? I saw all sorts of stuff. We're all on different. Now we're on like different vaccine schedules too. Like people get the shots at a day.

You know, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Maha. Maha, exactly is what I was going to say. Huge supporters of Maha on this podcast. That's right. Love Maha.

Okay. Well, you know, fingers crossed, and I think no further testing needed. I don't think so, right? Probably all good. Paul, you just watched this movie just now. I did. This is ripped from today's headlines. I just came from the Vista, the newly reopened Vista.

My first time back since it has opened the auspices of Mr. Quentin Tarantino. Yes. And what a lovely experience. It was nice to be back. there and they showed a Bugs Bunny cartoon beforehand. Yes. And then some vintage trailers. Like that.

I like that. Yeah. Yeah. It was one that I hadn't seen since I was a child where Bugs Bunny believes himself to be drafted into the army. Huh. Yeah. That's an interesting one to choose.

Paired with the movie. The matter. Oh. Okay. Yes, Henley knows zero about this movie. Like literally zero. Yeah. So are they choosing vintage cartoons based off of

the movie that they're showing that? Is that how that's working? They try to do everything. Yes. And the trailers, they show vintage trailers too that have maybe some tie into the movie you're about to watch, which I feel like it's not, it can get spoilery sometimes. You know what I mean? Because I've heard stories from other people where there's something that has a twist that's similar to the movie that you're about to watch, but you don't know there's going to be a twist. That's bad. They shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was a little, I will say that the trailer for this was assault on Precinct 13, the original assault on Precinct 13, which.

is about a siege that happens at a police station. And that's a sort of, it's a little bit of a stretch, but there is some relation there which we can, we will get into when it comes time. Yes. Okay, well, let me just give us a little bit of info about this movie. Please. Okay, okay.

I will. I'll be holding. We've been waiting. It has a 59% on Rotten Tomatoes. Sure, sure. 57 on Metacritic. 6.2 on IMDB. Okay.

Everybody agrees it's... Everybody agrees it's fine. Everybody agrees it's fine. Everybody agrees that it's fine. Well, the budget is 15 million. Okay. Box office is 2.8 million. So that's not what you want.

And I will say it was hard to get a second viewing of this movie in. They really took it out of most of the theaters. real quick. Wow. We saw, I mean, I guess it's, yeah,

so it's been out for two weeks now as we were recording this. Joel and I saw it, we saw it on Labor Day. We saw it last Monday, close to opening weekend.

And then I was like, okay, great, I'll go again on Friday, next Friday. They were like only showings at 10, 45 p.m. And then like,

at one, I was able to get in at noon today. Oh, wow. It's, um, they're not going to make that money back if people can't go to the movie, you know?

It doesn't look that way. It doesn't look that way. I don't have a ton of trivia for this movie, to be completely honest. It is set in the same universe as your next and the guest. Oh, I didn't realize those two were in the same universe. Me neither. This is how we find out.

It's part of the Wind Cardiverse. I see. This is where all the pieces come together. But not the same universe as Godzilla. Okay. No, it's not. Do we know that for sure? but it's very

despicuously left out of that trivia but this does mark the first full official collaboration between director Adam Wingard and composer Matthew Pusty who he apparently wanted to do the soundtrack for Godzilla versus Kong Godzilla and Kong what would you what is when there's an X? It was a collab

yeah when there's an X in the title of times are we saying the X out loud Godzilla multiplied by Kong I was told you're not supposed to say the X out loud. So what are you supposed to say? Godzilla Kong. Then why is the X there? They're trying to be cool, man.

I don't think Godzilla married Kong. It's like his last name now. Godzilla Kong, that's... Is that hyphenated? It's like Mr. Kong? Is there a Mr. Godzilla Kong at home? Exactly. Yeah, so that's just he was supposed to do the soundtrack for Godzilla Kong.

but the studio made Adam Wingar picked somebody else. And so apparently the music for the Super Soldiers introduction in this movie. A little of a spoiler, there's some Super Soldiers, is actually a repurpose track of what would have been Mega Godzilla's theme. Okay. Now, and this one says Godzilla versus Kong.

There is, I think, both. Okay. Yes. Well. Which one was Millie Bobby Brown in? I'm not sure. I've seen it. Great question. I've seen it and I also don't.

She in the same one as Kyle Chandler. Is Kyle Chandler her dad? Yeah, that's hard to say. Hard to say. I believe Rebecca Hall is in them too. So that could be art. She is and so is Dan Stevens. Oh, right.

So they love Adam Wingard. And I love that. I love when people love to work together. Me too. And I loved your next and the guest. I love the guest. I love the guest so much. I think the guest is a damn near perfect.

That movie and those movies. And Paul, you weren't here with us for that one, were you? I was not. No, I think that's before I began my 10 years. I think it is. And so I am sorry about that also. Thank you. Because maybe we need to do it again. What if we did it again with Paul? You've seen it, right?

Truly, I can't remember if I have seen that movie. I remember you guys recapping it. And in my memory, I'm like, did I see this movie before? I heard you guys recap it because I have flashes of it in my mind but I truly can't remember. Yeah. It's really good.

Maybe we need to do a watch along. There you go. We'll just pause on Dan Stevens every time he takes his shirt off. Oh yeah, he does. He does do that a lot. Anyway, so this movie is set in that universe in theory, but it's not that movie.

No. Don't get a twisted, gang. Don't get twisted. It's not that movie. It's not that movie. And you'll know because Dan Stevens doesn't look quite the same. He don't look quite the same.

He doesn't look quite the same. And he doesn't talk quite the same. Okay. Joel and I saw this movie last week, and then I was like, oh, I will 100% need to see this again to know what happened. So I went today, but then I got anxious about note taking on my phone. So I went out and bought a small notebook.

And I wrote pages and pages of notes in the movie theater. And so will I be able to? to read them, will they make any sense? Yes, I believe they will. There's one way to find out. You know, Emily, I did the phone technique. It didn't even occur to me to try a notebook. Sometimes you have to be stupid to have the right thought.

Sometimes I'll sit in the very back corner and like just be sure about the phone. I was in the very back corner. And still with a notepad so respectful. And still with a notepad. But then, but it did make me feel like really crazy. because every now and again, it was a pretty loud movie, but every now and again would be quiet, and I'd be turning a page.

And I was like, who does they think I am? Like, what do they think I'm doing? Who's reading in here? You know, who cares so much about this movie that she's like, hmm, mm-hmm. Anywho, but I am ready to, I'm, oh, you know what? No, we should watch the trailer. Let's do it. I think we should watch the trailer because I know that Henley,

you don't know anything and you do like to go in blind. I don't think, I think it's fun to see the visual and the vibe. And I don't think there's enough going on here to... Totally fine. I trust your judgment completely. You know? I think like they kind of let you know what the vibe is right away. So let's just take a little look together.

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I don't want to talk to strangers. I got me jerky. We are all good. Allow me to make proper introductions to the perfect soldiers. Pride baby. Him is weeping as he slaughtered civilians. Shot 48 times and survived. This last soldier you will surely be aware of.

The butcher. They can see better in the dark. Once they begin killing, they will not stop them. They are the human equivalent. Or a heat-seeking missile. Remember the character of the onslaught against us. Go to your room. Get under the bed. Mama needs to get her guns.

They're operating like a military unit. Onsword. Hey, no. No. You are not smoking in front of my child. But against us. Gangsters. Pretty cool trailer. It's a good trailer.

Emily, you watch this twice? Yeah. What? They did once. Once with a notebook. Whoa. You were like, and then he punched him in the face and then in the arm. Well, that's why, because I was like, I'm, when did anything happen?

It's like one of, you know, it's one of those movies where I was, had I not actually rewatched it and taken notes, this recap would have been three minutes long. How long is this movie? an hour 30 which is fabulous. It's pretty crispy. Yeah, they do they do just sort of get

get right into it. Great. And you know, look. I didn't hate this movie. Okay. Okay. That's something.

I, sometimes I watch a movie like this movie and it's my favorite movie in the world. And so bars was quite high for me. Sometimes I watch a movie like this, and I hate it more than anything I've ever seen.

And so I didn't hate it more than anything I'd ever seen. Okay. What a pull quote. They should put that on the poster. I didn't see it more than anything I've ever seen. That's actually huge. We'll use that. It's pretty huge.

But I just think that there are a lot of really good ingredients, and there's a lot of... The cast is fun. The cast is so good. Dan Stevens does just love being a little freak, huh? He loves being a little freak. He does.

And I love that for him. And I honestly, one of my notes for this movie is I wanted more. More Dan Stevens. More Dan Stevens and more of the little freakness. The little freakiness.

Yeah. We kind of were like, we're going to do some freaky stuff. And then I was like, kind of we didn't actually. Could we have done a little more? I don't know why I'm doing all this like hedging. I'm just going to tell you guys about the movie.

And I'm going to tell it, I'm going to tell it as awesome as I fucking can. I will do the same. And I know that you will, Paul. And I believe that we can do this. I believe in the two of us. I believe in the two of us. I'm bringing back to Bill Clinton Little Thumb. You give us a little tiny thumb. The tiniest thumb you've ever seen. Okay. Paul, how would you like to do this? Do you want to kick us off? Do you want let me, yes. My note. I, first of all, I was very in my head about doing this. I hadn't thought about it until I, it actually started the movie.

It was like, oh, shit, I've never done this before. Tried to take notes of a movie while I'm watching in a theater. And so my notes do abruptly stop at some point. And I'll tell you exactly what happened when we get to that moment. Okay, great. But I can definitely kick us off. Great. No spoil.

Don't spoil it. Don't spoil it. Sorry. No spoilers. Sorry. Okay. Okay, nobody yelled at me in the Burbank eight inside the mall. Another thing was I had to take myself,

it was really difficult to take myself out of my comedian brain, which is to immediately try to formulate a comment on something rather than just taking in the information. So I was like, I would find my mind start to make a comment on something and realizing I don't need that. I don't need to remember. Not now, right?

I just need to remember the story. I don't need to be. Trust. I trust that that will happen. Yes. Yes. Yes. But yes.

It's a very difficult. And so it's a real skill. My hat is off. Absolutely. Even though I'm not taking my hat. His hat's on. His head's on. Come on.

Come on. He's on. I want you guys to know. Theater of the mind. Come on. All right. Kick us off, Paul. We open on,

it looks like kind of a desert area. It's at the daytime. We see a bunch of jackal anerns on a fence. They're all lined up on the fence posts. It's a bunch of them. And someone off-screen is shooting the hell out of these jackal lanterns. And then we see it as Celeste played by Adria Arjona. Apologies on the name if I'm getting that wrong.

A helicopter flies overhead. Celeste starts having some combat flashbacks. She's obviously a former soldier. She's remembering black and white times of wartime. She is shaken by this. She wants to go back to her target practice. And so to kind of steady herself, Emily, maybe you can help me here.

She has some sort of ring that seems to have like a couple points on it. And she sort of digs that into her arm to kind of like steady herself. Yeah. And it's like she cuts her skin. Oh, like she does literally. And she pulls her arm up to do this and there's like a bruise there as if like she all, this is like a tick. I see.

Yes. There's a tried and true method. It kind of looked like a regular. ring, but it must be sharper. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't buy those rings, gang. How do you control when the ring

does the cutting? You know, if it's sharp. If you're a hot topic and you see those at the counter, just pass. Yeah. Say not today. All right, she blows another pumpkin of smithereens and then boom, onslaught title card appears. Opening credits roll over a montage of combat footage. We see presidents

talking about the military. We're going back. President, previous president, all the way back to World War II. There's also like newspaper clippings with headlines like, secret experiments? That kind of thing.

And the music is very like, don't on a tonna, don't know, you're picturing Kong, King Kong. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Like rocking, but it's like war,

the American culture of war. Yeah. Can you handle it? Then a time flashes on screen says, T-min, it's 11 hours, and the minutes, in the seconds. As always, this is not important. Put it out of your mind. It has no effect on

anything. You do not need this information. Great. So it does come back. But we're going to get it a few more times. We're going to get a few more times. I didn't bother taking note of it because it truly does not matter. It's not counting down to anything. It's not. It doesn't mean anything. It is. It is, but nothing that we don't know what it's counting down to. We would have had the same effect either way. Yeah, with that doesn't mean a single thing. Okay. Exactly. But I love that anytime that shit comes up on a screen in any movie, I'm like, goodbye to that information forever. I love an editor being like, wait, wait, watch this, watch this. Like, they're like, the movie needs a little bit.

The movie needs something. Just like pushing up their sleeves. Like, hold on, hold on. Hold on. I know. I have the perfect thing. All right. Now we see a woman's back in a kimono.

She's chopping some carrots. Okay. There's a man sitting at a table behind her. His face is obscured by this weird clock that's in front of him. So we don't see who he is yet. But guess what? It's Rebecca Hall. And it's our old pal, Dan Stevens.

who is in mad scientist makeup. He's got a perfectly smooth, bald head fringed by a horseshoe. Smooth this head you've ever seen. It's so smooth. It's so smooth. A bowling ball. Truly.

And like well moisturized. He kind of looks like the guy from Back to the Future, the crazy scientist and back to the future. Is he cosplaying as him? Doc Brown? Doc Brown. He looks like he's doing a Doc Brown

cosplay a little bit. A little wink. A little wink at Dog Brown. Maybe we're having some fun. I think so. I'm having fun. But he at first, and he's got like a horse

of longish silver hair and one cloudy eyeball. And at first I think, oh, is he, and he has a German accent. So I'm like, oh, is he like a Nazi scientist, an old Nazi scientist? But he's not an old age makeup. Mm-mm. Like his face is smooth.

He doesn't have wrinkles or anything. Like a bowling ball. He just has this bald head in the, like, you know how a bowling ball doesn't age? You know, you never seen a wrinkle on a bowling ball? No, he's as young as a bowling ball. So the woman without looking around, Rebecca Hall without looking around, says, Hair Professor, then Dan Stevens, of course, he gets down on the floor and crawls across the floor to her.

Of course. And then starts licking her high heels. Of course. He licks her foot from toe to ankle. That's right. And that's how you know you're in a Quentin Tarantino theater. Quentin was like, this one approved. She takes off one of her shoes and caresses his bald head with her barefoot.

And she tells her. it's going to be a wonderful day. She says that in German. In German. In German. Then we cut to a chopper's landing outside wherever the hell they are. Dan Stevens or Rebecca Hall are watching the chopper. They face each other.

Rebecca Hall puts earbuds in Dan Stevens' ears. We hear a string arrangement of the Rolling Stones' paint-it black sung in German. And this is when someone from the theater told me to put my phone away. And I was mortified and embarrassed. And I'm still a little embarrassed. even though there's hardly anybody in the theater. I'm in the back row.

I get, like, if you looked, you could see what's my notes at? Someone that worked there? Yeah, someone that worked there. Okay, okay. Because I've definitely, I wanted there to be nobody behind me. Yes, yeah. But I think it's just, you can't have your phone out in the theater because what if people are recording the movie or whatever the fuck.

You know what I mean? It's just a thing that you don't do. I think it's just like a no phone zone. You know what I mean? It's a no phone zone. I actually feel so bad because we just, just had this experience happen with our guest Casey McQuiston. They were at the movie theater also taking notes on their phone.

And felt similarly like, and now I'm worried that we are asking our guests to break. This is on us. But I could have brought a notebook. You know what I mean? I have a million notebooks I've been given over the years that I've never used. You got to put those to use. I have a bookshelf of blank moleskins that I could have brought. to the theater. Paul, that's on us and I'm so sorry. It is not on you. It is not on you. I knew what I was doing. It's not on you guys. I get that. If I get yelled at or scolded, I mean, not that they yelled, but like, I'm replaying that in my mind for the next week. 100%. Yeah. Because what am I going to do? Like, I'm doing a recap.

It's for a podcast. I swear I'm good. It's really funny to be like, but it's for a podcast. So, all right. So then Dan Stevens gets in this chopper. They put like this. big blindfold kind of face mask on him and he has flown away. He arrives at a secret facility. He immediately lights up a cigarette. A doctor is working on an exposed brain in this room and says to Dan Stevens, hey, could you not smoke around the exposed brain? Sure. Yeah. And Dan Stevens flicks the cigarette onto the exposed brain and says, it's not a real hospital. This is not a hospital. It's not a real hospital. He's a renegade. He doesn't follow the rules. Then Dan Stevens, meets Baylor. This is a government guy played by Michael Bean, who I haven't seen on screen.

I was just going to say it. I've not seen Michael Bean in a while. I'm going to be honest, I thought that Mr. Bean's name was Michael Bean. This is something that I've actually... Mr. Michael Bean. When I figured out that Mr. Bean's name was Rowan Atkinson. I was like, what the fuck? I thought this name was... While there's also a guy named Michael Bean. Did you think... Did you think the...

character's full name was Michael Bean? I thought that word from... Every time, every single time someone says Michael Bean, I pictured Mr. Bean. I pictured Mr. Bean in my head. Mr. Michael Bean. And I still am even right now. I don't even know what Michael Bean looks like.

I think it's... Like in aliens? You were picturing Mr. Bean. Yeah. Like, actually, though. Did you think it was weird when we did aliens and you were picturing Mr. Bean? He didn't bring it up. I was just like...

He didn't get like an alien stuck on his head at any point? He talked? He had physical comedy. Yeah, I didn't know anything about Mr. Bean, so I was just letting it, I was just letting it roll off of me at that time. Now I know, now I know about Mr. Bean. And I know his name is Rowan Atkinson,

which is fucking really not what I expected. But anyway, sorry, proceed. No, not at all. So, Baylor is a government guy. He says, hey, Dan Stevens, where's your progress? The board is impatient. Dan Stevens says, get a load of this. I took three vicious soldiers.

These are guys who killed dozens, if not hundreds of people without mercy, and I'm turning them into super soldiers. First guy is called Cry Baby, because he slaughtered this whole village and cried as he did it. What? Second guy is called cockroach because he was shot multiple, like, what was it?

48 times, they said. Something like that. And survived. And the main guy is called the butcher because he killed tons of people like hand-to-hand style. he loves chopping people up. Dan Stevens says, I've given them enhanced strength,

durability, night vision, and a relentless drive to kill. Okay. This is what the board wants, apparently. Yeah. While this is, so this is happening, and we know that these are happening simultaneously because at some point been given a countdown.

Yeah, the countdown to nothing. We cut back to Celeste. She lives at Windy Oasis, trailer park. Yes. And she is the on-site manager there. And so she knows everybody. We see her sort of

like checking in. We see there's this Eric Wareheim is there. He's a cop. But he's kind of like a fuck up kind of cop. Reginald Bell Johnson is there. His name is Josiah. And he's like an old vet. They have a nice rapport. By the way, didn't realize it was him until the ending

credits. And I was shocked out of my body. He's great. Loved to see him. I know that feeling, Paul. Yeah. And Mr. Bean is in this. No, he's not. There's a couple young kids, like a guy and a girl. Yeah, like some motorcycle couple, a little motorcycle couple. Guys, revving his motorbike, and then Eric Wareheim runs out, like,

keep that noise down, I work night. I work that night chipped. A real sort of, a cast of characters, you know? They're characters in this trailer park. And so Celeste gets the kid to turn off his motorbike and then says to the cop, Kovacs, hey, where's the rent? He goes, you have to understand, my cunt wife is a bitch.

Is that fair to say, Emily? Is that pretty much... I think it's actually a direct quote. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, I'm sorry to hear that, but you still owe your rent. So then we go back to well, sorry? Then

were you going to go back to Stevens? Yes, because I'm also relying on the Wikipedia summation. Got it, got it. Which I tried to like incorporate into my No, I love that. I love that. But before we go back to Dan Stevens, we do have to know. Thank you. Oh, my God. Emily.

She means it. When she says that, she means it. And I do have to note that Celeste is doing her thing. She's doing her working, you know, hanging at the trailer part kind of thing. She was like cleaning all her guns before she has so many guns. Like so many guns. When she sees a car approaching and it's like, fuck, runs into her trailer.

we see it's messy in there. She puts away all her alcohol bottle. She locks up her gun. She does lock up her gun. So that's, you know, that's good. Comes out and it's her ex dropping off their daughter, which she was not expected. It is not supposed to be her weekend. He had a work emergency. Sharon, his new partner, couldn't get off her work. This Celeste is really like, is this not a good time for me. He's like, too bad. You're the mom. And we also do not know why it's not a good time. time for her. Yeah, well, I can see why it's probably about to be a pretty bad time for her. Well, yeah, yeah. She doesn't know it yet, but it's going to be a real bad. Yeah, it is actually a really bad time for her. But her daughter's name is Daisy and she's very like prim and proper. She's like a very prim and proper young lady. She's also like four. Yeah, I don't know. Is she? Her daughter looks so little baby in the trailer. She's like, she's very adorable too. She's very beautiful. Maybe maybe six. She looks teeny tiny. Maybe six. Somewhere in there. But, um, maybe eight. She's little. She's I mean, could be.

No, she might be eight playing six. She could be eight playing six. She could be eight playing six. She's no way. She's older than six. She's like four of them. And so Celeste sends her into the trailer. She's like,

will you go and I'm going to talk with your dad? And they have a big fight outside. And the little girl, Daisy, goes inside and she turns on. She brought a boom box where she has like an ocean sounds meditation that she plays. She's a little adorable little like glittery light box thing that she turns on. And a framed photo of a black cat wearing a bowtie. And she lays them all out on the counter And then she starts doing the dishes

Oh my God, this child has seen too much That is a child that has been through too many things And already has the coping mechanisms of a 45-year-old woman Yeah, so... Absolutely. Because we can still hear them arguing outside And she's just going about this business And kind of talking to herself a little bit

And just kind of grounding herself She's like five times five. Yes, that's right. She's like five times Kong Godzilla times Kong Godzilla times Kong She's like, I can never remember what it equals. What is it equal?

What is it equal? Godzilla times Kong. It's not Godzilla Kong. What is it? I can never remember my Godzilla Times Kong. That's the one that always gets me. How many fingers for Godzilla Times Kong? But yes, we do hear the tail end of the fight is that the X is moving if they want to move the daughter away.

and Celeste is really fucking pissed you can't do that and he's like maybe you should move too like you're not really you weren't supposed to be here that long you're not like going anywhere it seems like she's stuck in a bit of a rut she's a bit of a mess yeah she's a bit of a mess and when she comes back in

to be with her daughter it's like their relationship feels very like stilted like they're acting kind of like strangers but then sometimes I feel like the movie wants you to know that like no she's like a really good mom and I kind of wonder which one it is because it's like no she's not

Yeah, it is not It's not clear It's not clear It's very Because they do seem like She doesn't really know what to do with her kind of Yeah, it feels like she doesn't know her at all Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

You don't see weekend mom very often We see weekend dad all the time Yeah, yeah It's true It's weekend mom But so that's what's happening In Celeste's world is now, uh-oh, Surprise, Daisy's here for the weekend

And she is like, she doesn't have any food for her She's just sort of like, you know, it's not It's not a good time. It's just not a good time. I don't want to be judgmental, but she's not sounding like the best, the best mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not to be judgmental, but, you know, food is good. Food is good. Don't be judgmental.

She didn't know she was coming. She locked up her guns. She did lock up her guns. She did lock them up. That's true. But yes, back with Dan, they are about to this, this, what's the, what is Michael Bean's character in this? Baylor, of course. Baylor, thank you. Baylor is like, Baylor fucking hates. Dan Stevens, by the way. He, like, thinks he's a big joke

and his vibe is like, okay, time's up, you gotta show us your what you've been working on. This better be good. Yeah, this better be fucking good, but I also kind of hope it's not because I want to see you fail. That's kind of the vibe. And the woman who was doing brain surgery when Dan Stevens put a cigarette out in the brain

was, she's also German. Yeah. And she keeps being like, I really don't think we should be doing this. Like, I don't think we're ready. And Dan Stevens says at one point, progress doesn't crawl on its belly like the worm. I don't really know. Which is really true when you think about it.

It's so true. So it's time to start. Oh, and they brought in a bunch of soldiers into the facility. Yes. Blindfolded. Yeah. To do this exercise, to test the guys.

So they have the three super soldiers kind of chained up in this room. They start pumping this gas into the room, which I don't remember what the purpose of the gas was. So they start pumping gas into the, the room as it just to be like look how cool our super soldiers are. It's like tear gas or something.

It doesn't affect them. It doesn't affect them because yeah, hell, why, what's his name? Baylor? Baylor? Baylor? It will not say my brain. Baylor, Baylor, Baylor, Baylor, baby. Mr. Bean. He is like, well, my guys

have gas masks, so that'll be fine. And Dancy was like, and my men will be holding their breath. Like, whoa. Yeah. They're holding the breath. So they release the chains. They send in the soldiers.

They have glowing pupils. They see better in the dark. Scary. Yeah, pretty scary. That's pretty scary. But are they happy? Especially crybaby I'm worried about. Well, he had said they can't feel pain.

They're not there. They're not there anymore. They're basically they've been, because he was like a soldier, their body, wears down, but I don't fucking know. But it's, it's, they've made them, they're not human anymore. They're just, they're just, killing machines.

Exactly. And they, all they know is to kill. Then they've been sent on a mission. The only way to get them to stop is like, to complete the mission to kill everybody, essentially. To kill everybody that's around. Yeah. So soldiers go in. They start shooting. They get almost completely wiped out by the super soldiers.

And they're getting killed like gnarly. Like, yeah. These guys are nasty and bad. And, like, one guy, like, drags him by the butcher or the crybaby or I don't know, fucking one of them. Yeah. Like, strangles a guy, wraps the thing around his neck and then starts, like, dragging him around by it.

Like, they're... Well, he's shooting other people in the face. They're brutal. But eventually, they do get... The super soldiers get taken down. Well... And... They...

Dan Stevens and Bueller... Baylor. Mr. Bean. Dan's who's and Mr. Bean are watching from behind glass. Yes, they're watching from behind glass. In a like a control room, yeah. At some point, Baylor is like, all right, I get it. Point proven, like cut the experiment off and he's like, they cannot stop. They will not stop until everyone has been killed.

There's no way to stop them. And at one point, one of them, the butcher, takes a guy's soldier's head and shoves it against the glass and basically like squishes it to kill him. And so they're like watching. and Baylor's like really fucking like that's one of his guys you know and Dan Stevens is making eye contact with the butcher and he's like loving it he's like this is amazing

and he's staring at the butcher the butcher's staring at him and the guy dies and the butcher's just standing there staring at him and then he sort of starts like short-circuiting like yes sorry he he thank you for apologizing he starts short-circuiting and they're like what's going on and they look at their little monitors and all three of the super soldiers are flatlining. And they're like, what's happening?

Are they going to cardiac arrest? Like, what the fuck? And the other German lady is like, we're going to have to go in and like revive them to see what's going on. And he's like, fun. You can get to defibular leg to. He's like so pissed. Dan Stevens is so upset.

Like, Mr. Bean is cracking up. He's so, he just watched his, his men in theory, like just get brutally murdered. And he is cracking up like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You just shit your pants. You got to get any money from us. He says you ate shit, doctor. You ate shit, doctor.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. The board is done with you. And Dan Stevens puts his little, the best noise cancelling head was in the world in his ears and he plays orchestral music to drown out. He's like so pissed. And we see all these doctors or whinia, whatever. Not doctors, not hospital,

but those guys going in to defibrillate the main guy, the butcher. And they're doing it. They're defibrillating, defibrillating. when suddenly all three signatures come back up. The hearts are beating again. Mr. Bean sees the EKG spiking and he's like, what? Everybody puts on gas masks and grabs a gun to go into the danger room. And the super soldiers kill Mr. Bean.

They kill the German doctor lady. And then last but not least, they shoot the hell out of Dan Stevens. What already? He falls down on the ground and the butcher comes towards him. Dan Stevens pulls out his little Nazi knife and it's just like holding it up in the air weekly. And, you know, the butcher like takes aim at him and Dan Steven says in German, my pearl. Mine a pearle. So he's, even though he's about to get killed, this is what was supposed to happen.

He's so amped. He's so amped. And that is a purple. picture wrap on Mr. Bean and Dan Stevens, everybody. We will not see them again. We loved it. We loved it. Wait, really? Yeah, he's done. How far into the movie are we?

30 minutes. 20 minutes? Yeah, something like that. Wait, what? He's out so fast. So fast. He spent more time in makeup than he did in this movie. That is insane to me. I'm so, I don't even know what to expect. I was really shocked. Yeah. I mean, I guess the child is going to be the star of the movie. Is that what's going to happen? is Daisy the star? I just looked down at my notes to see what I had written, to see where we're at, and I had

written Beetlejuice boxes in a big warehouse. Beetle juice boxes in a big warehouse? What? Wait, say that again. The danger room has this has, it's like striped black and white, and then there's these sort of obstacles that are also

black and white striped. Oh, Beetle juice vibes. And they said it was a specific kind of camouflage that they did, used for a Navy exercise. Yeah. I don't get this at all. No, but I'll show you a picture. It looks like Beetlejuice boxes. It looks like Beetlejuice boxes. I wrote Beetlejuice boxes in a big warehouse camouflage. Um, okay, yeah, so Dan Stevens is fucking done, done, done, dead and I'm devastated. We get another time call 6 p.m. Countdown reads 20 seconds and we're like, okay.

Yes, there's 20 seconds left. And then they count down the seconds. They cut away from the seconds at like seven. Yeah. They don't go all the way to zero. No. And then that's, nothing happens. Well, we see, we see an old guy.

We see an old guy in the trailer, another of our character, trailer park characters, hanging up some laundry outside for about seven seconds. and then an explosion goes off in the distance and he looks and he's like, what the hell? And then we kept back to the, I kept calling it a bunker, you know, that, whatever that. Yeah, the secret facility.

The secret facility. And everything's on fire. Everyone's dead. And those super soldiers are standing outside with their big, big guns. Yeah. Okay. So that's what we were counting down to. Yeah, we're counting down to the moment that the super soldiers are loose now.

They get in a Humvee and drive off the base. Remember Humvees when Humvees were all over the place? Yeah. I do. And now it's just cyber trucks. Yeah. Now we're back at the trailer park. No, we go to, this is where I meet Drew Starkey. Sorry, it's just really important to me.

Oh, shit. Because he's my favorite part of the movie. Honestly, mine too. Yeah. He's the most interesting character. I also had never really seen him in anything because I know he's like a hot boy now. He was in Outer Banks, I guess, or is in Outer Banks,

which is a show that a lot of people love, I've never seen it. People really love it. But I'd never really see him anything. Joel and I both left us me being like,

we are Starkeyheads for sure. Yeah, I think he did a, I think he did a good job. He kind of reminded me of Ryan Philippe when I first saw him, because I'd never seen him before. But he has like very like blonde, blonde blonde, blonde eyebrows.

Yeah, he's like bleached his eyebrows. He's got a sort of almost Mohawk kind of haircut, bleach blonde. And when we see him, we see him after first, the screen is filled, absolutely filled with ass.

There's a lady's ass that is taking up the entire screen. Wait, that happens in Evil Dead Burn too, so two movies in Helchella three. Nice. He's at a BDSM club, but the shot is full ass and it is up crack. Like the shot is a woman

bent over and we are fully up crack. Wow. Without a paddle. I can't be guys almost skipped over this part. That was a close one, Emily. Really was. And also, it lasts for a long time. Long time.

She finally straightens up and then she turns around. She's like in a leather harness. Everything's out. She's got a gimp mask on. There's two other people with gimp masks. He is just like, Starkey is just like watching this, right? He's loving it. Then somebody,

a government-looking dude in sunglasses. Very men-in-black vibes. Very men-in-black vibe. Shades on. Shades on. Black escalades. He comes in and says, hey, we need you right now. And Stark, he's like, I'm on a break. Like, this is my time.

I'm busy. And they're like, no, this can't wait. This has to happen right now. So he leaves the club. And he's briefed by the men in black about, like, what's, like, given some guns. He's like, what's the situation? And they tell him it's,

job is cleanup and containment. Like a secret military facility project got out of hand. And it's, he's a cleanup and containment purely janitorial. Yeah. So just to circle back, these guys,

they're not going to stop until they kill everybody in the whole world. I mean, that's kind of what we're... Well, it's hard to say, but it does seem to be. Okay. This is all we know about them is that they will not stop until there's no one left to kill. Well, and seemingly, it seemed like in the experiment, I'm not sure, but it seemed like they were, like,

fake heart attacks to get everybody else in the room so they could, like, literally kill everybody else. Oh, that's right. Dan Steven says they can manipulate their own heart rates. Wow. But still, when they go down, this is how, I forgot it immediately as well. But when they go down, everybody's like, oh, my gosh, what happened?

They must be dead. It's like, what? He told you. He said they could do it. He said they could do it. They did it. They did it. They've been turned on their masters. So, yeah, presumably they're going to kill just literally everyone.

Okay. Yeah. Until there's not. If they're a threat or not, they're just going to kill everybody. So this is like just a big metaphor for AI. Literally this movie is just about AI. Perhaps. Yeah.

Well, right? I mean, I felt like that was too on the nose. You guys seem not convinced. I mean, it's about like a culture of violence. We can definitely discuss themes at the end. Let's discuss themes at the end. Once we have the full picture. Yeah, we should.

We should. We should. but I'm only going to harp on this just because Drew Starkey was my favorite part of this movie and he's having the most fun and doing the best he's doing the best of this that they do ask him they're like his name is Cyrus Cyrus Cyrus are you sober

and he says I took 100 milligrams of pure MDMA an hour ago it won't affect my performance but I am gonna need some protein but we do then see his vision go kind of like cuckoo so he is which again it doesn't really lead to anything but he is like going to be sort of tripping and he's having

and he's just kind of having fun his vibe is, I like his vibe. Great. Yeah. He's doing subtle, like, sort of, I'm on drugs acting. It's very subtle, and I have to, I have to say it's very, it was very enjoyable. Yeah. Like, he's not overplaying

this at all. It's really, it's very good. It's very good. I'm on drugs, but I'm trying to get my shit done acting, too. Like, he is like, not a good time to be high, but like, it is what it is. But yes, then we see, what is, see Celeste go to the truck stop

is what happens next. And we had seen, she had had had a little conversation with Reginald Phil Johnson, who his name is Josiah. And they have like a really nice rapport the two of them. He's a vet. They have like a nice back and forth. She said she was going to go to the truck stop

to get some stuff and he asked her to get him some cigarettes. So they've got like a nice little bag of and forth. But she has to take Daisy to the truck stop to get some stuff including food for her child because she doesn't have many food in her house. Right. So she parks in the truck stop and says to Daisy, do you want to come in or you want to stay here? She goes, I'll just stay here. So Celeste gets out of the truck, does not lock the truck.

Mom of the year over here. I know. I know. We need some work. It was wild to me like, do you want to come with me or do you want to stay here in 2026? It's like insane to me. She's not in a baby seat even. She's just like, she's a kid.

You know, she can come in there. Yeah. So Celeste. goes in there, buys some burritos and shit, gets the cigarettes. She runs into the young kid and the girlfriend who apparently works at the truck stop. They're

hanging out. Meanwhile, in the truck, Daisy is just kind of looking around and then she sees to the back window of the truck cab. She sees the super soldiers in the distance. They're like at the entrance. They always stand in like the same formation.

A little line of three, the butcher's in the middle. They're very, very, very still. And They just have like glowing eyes. And they're big dudes. Yeah. They're really big. What the hell? And so Celeste gets the food, gets back into the truck.

And she sees Daisy looking, you know, out the window. And she turns back, looks, nobody's there. Wow, that's fast. They take off, right? They take off. She's like, I got burritos. Let's go. They drive back to windy oasis.

And then it's time for the truck stop to turn into a slaughterhouse. The super soldiers come in. They kill the... They onslaught the shit out of this place. They onslaught. They unslaught the mall. They won't slot the ball. Everybody.

And it is really gnarly. Like... Yeah. Why did they have to start... Did they follow them home? Why did they start the gas station? Why were they being like specific with who they wanted to kill? I think they're just on their way.

They're just like going down the highway. Yeah. It's very in the middle of. of nowhere. It's like very middle of nowhere desert. That was the first spot. That was the first stop. Yeah, they don't have a specific target that they're going after. There's just people inside there and they're going to kill them. If they see

people, they're going to kill them. Okay. They're going with the flow. Okay. They're letting go and letting God. They actually are going with the flow. They're really going with the flow. They're letting Jesus take the wheel. Let's not make plans. Let's just see what happens. We'll go where the muse takes us. Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. You know, we're just going to be present. They're being

Very present. And there's Orinoco Flow playing in the background. Yeah, there's a lot of Orinoco Flow. There's so much Anya in this movie, it's off the charts. Okay, now I'm into it. Now I like it. But it's very, it's like very, a really upsetting scene. Yeah.

They really don't shy away from the gun violence and what it looks like and and how like scared everybody is and no senseless it is. Yeah. And there's some, some shots are like very POV. from the, I just call them the guys. From the guys. The guys. The boys.

And so it's very like, almost like video game like. There's like the gun in the foreground kind of very video gamey, you know. Yeah. It feels like it's doing a like you like this kind of. Oh yeah. Like do you want to see what it's like to like shoot these people? It's like kind of how I was imagining. Very Michael Hanneke.

You rubbing your face in it funny games. You like this. You piece of shit. And I. They really like after every- I dare you see my movie. Fuck you. Fuck you.

They, everybody dies pretty fast because they make quite quick work of it. And then we follow Zabucha as he walks through the truck stop to sort of just make sure

everybody's dead. And we like really linger on dead bodies on the ground in a way that just like was really, it's like, it's quite upsetting. Yeah. It's just straight up.

violence. It's not clever. It's not, you know, horror movie fun. It is just horrible violence. People die. He goes into the kitchen to kill the truck stop chef. I know. Who's still kind of alive. And he fires his gun, click out of ammunition, throws the gun down, looks around, picks up a giant, like a gigantic meat cleaver that I, I've never seen a meat cleaver this big in my life. Only in a Halloween store made of rubber. By the way, I used to think it was called a butcher knife. Right. Yeah.

But that's a cleaver. Yeah. It's a meat cleaver. And a butcher knife is just a big knife. A knife. A regular knife. Yeah. But I was like in my 40s when I found out.

Yeah. I think it was recent for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he now had, now the butcher has this meat cleaver. And it's a way we can tell him from the other two guys.

Yep. And he does. He brings it down and he cleaves him. He cleaves him. He cleaves his meat. Oh. He's onslaughted with extreme prejudice. So Daisy and Celeste are they...

They have missed this. They are driving their en route to Windy Oasis. Oasis, yes. So they get back and Celeste is giving Daisy the burrito. Daisy's cutting the burrito with a fork and knife. And Celeste is like... Daisy's so proper. Come on.

Your father is making you be so prim and proper all the time. You eat it with your mouth. You just pick it up and eat it. And, you know, we're animals and all this. that. And so that Daisy takes a big bite and they high five. So, okay, it seems like they do have like a mother-daughter rapport kind of or that's thawing out or whatever.

She puts her to bed and starts to tell her a story, but she falls asleep. The story that she starts to tell is that her fellow soldiers were having like a boxing night where they're bare-knuckle boxing each other. And then one of them challenges her to a fist fight. And then Daisy falls asleep. She's like, I'll finish this story later. Heard it. I'll finish the story later.

Then, Kovacs, the cop is coming home. He's drunk. He's drinking beer in the car. He's listening to a McGruff, the crime dog song on the radio. What? The song is like, I like my life,

so I don't do drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't know if this is a, you know, from his personal library or if this is on the radio. I think it's his personal library.

because it comes back. It does come back. So he gets out of his patrol car. He's drunk. He swings a big bag of his empties into a dumpster. And then we see one of the trailer park denizens is, you know, an old man is hanging up laundry or collecting his laundry. There's a guy who is cooking burgers on a grill in the dark.

Wait, first. Oh, so sorry. Nope. And thank you for apologizing. Protect yourself. Protect yourself. Please don't be bad at me. We cut back to the bunker.

Drew Starkey has arrived. Oh, Jesus. Oh, that's right. I'm so sorry. Thank you. How could I leave this out? How could you ever leave Drew Starkey out of the retelling? They arrived back at the bunker where everything's like on fucking fire and they have to assess what happened there. He does have a little, he looks at like a body burning inside a burning car and has like a drug trip where the face like turns into.

three faces and then it kind of looks like his face and he's just like staring at and he turns around and pukes. One of the most disgusting throw-up scenes I've ever seen on film because it is backlit in profile. It somehow made it so much worse. I can't describe it to you. The light like shines through it. It was horrible. I really don't like that.

No. But they go, they get into the bunker and they're looking around what the fuck happened here. They're like, we've IDed all the bodies. The only one we don't know who it is. is this guy, and we get one last little Dan Stevens appearance of his corpse. They go over to Dan Stevens. He's wearing like a gas mask so I can't see his face.

And he's been shot to have hell. And he got, he ended up getting like a head shot anyway. So you can't really see who he is. Like, who the fuck is this guy? Drew Starkie comes over. He sees the Nazi knife and the noise cancelling headphones. And he takes it out of his ear and he puts up to his ear. And it's playing like the German national anthem or something.

Okay. I think this guy might be into some Nazi stuff. And he's immediately like, oh, I know who this is. Starkey says, this is Hans Campbeller. And if he was in charge of this, things are very bad. He says he's a third generation operation paperclip. He was tried at one point for crimes against humanity. He's been presumed dead for the last six years.

So now that I know that he has something to do with this, our new priority is search and destroy. We need to close all the surrounding roads. This shit is really, really bad. And they say they just got word that there was some shots fired at a truck stop. And they're like, okay, we're going there. Close all the roads.

So yeah. Nice little moment when they're leaving where there's all these soldiers on the ground, blood everywhere. And Starkey does a little hop over one of the corpses, which was... Which I feel it very much felt like. an actor's choice and I thought it was, it was good. Yeah. He's also wearing like a purple suit and little

like steel-toed boots. He's like really a fancy guy. He was, he was having a big night out. Like he was like at his fun BDSM club. But also just like a man who's good at his job. You know, you love to see a man who's so good he can like even put in a little flare every now and again. He's got flare for sure. We could use more of him. Yeah. So now we're back at the truck stop. Wait. Or at the, at the, at the windy, windy oasis? We are about to be, but now is actually right

when Drew calls Rebecca Hall. Right. Because he's like, I know who this is now, therefore I know who his wife was. Yes. His lovely wife. So she says,

yeah, man, this is actually great that this is happening. Yeah. All you have to do is like, you know, make sure there's no witnesses, take care of these guys.

I mean, what is, what is her plan? She, well, he calls her and he says, like, you know, first my condolences. And she, it's really interesting. She answers the phone and her hand is all bloody. Like she's, I guess, been punching the wall. Yes. And she's like crying. Yes. But she answers the phone. And he says, you know, I need you to tell me what we're up against here. She said, my, my husband's work. Prolonged exposure to all breaks the mind. My husband's goal was to create the perfect soldier without conscience. These men are conditioned to, hold up. I wrote this in the book. I wrote this in the book. I. dark. This man are conditioned to kill until they're stopped. He says, so what did you be any advice or how to engage with them? And she says, do not

engage. I am in charge now. Your new job is to observe and record and cover our tracks. The work must survive. She doesn't want these guys dead. She's basically like we've been given an opportunity to see

like a real world test. Yes. She says the idea is to unleash them on a civilian population because something about like if there's always a war going on it controls the population or some shit like that like... Oh yeah, yeah, war is necessary for population control. Yes.

But soldiers have weaknesses. Soldiers become fragile. So this is a way to be like, we won't need war because we'll just have these guys killing people. Civilians? I don't know. It's hard to say. Yeah, what is the thought process there?

It's not a great plan and I don't endorse it. Yeah, I don't know if I can get on board with this one. There's a great moment where after Drew Starkey, who I just love, after he hangs up, he rolls his eyes so hard in the back of the car. It's really good. He just is like, it's simultaneously this is bullshit and also I'm on drugs. Yeah. It's really good. Yeah. And so, yes, now we're back at Windy Oasis. We're sort of just checking in on our, you know, cast characters here.

A guy we had seen earlier who Celeste went to, like, get the rent from, and we had seen him, like, chainsawed up some wood. Don't worry about it. He's grilling some meat for dinner. That old man before with the countdown, the 20 seconds, who was putting his laundry out, is coming to collect his laundry again and makes a real big show of being like, oh, so cold outside.

So fucking cold out here. So fucking cold, what the fuck? Crazy it. I don't know. I don't know why we needed to. It was just a really big choice. Oh, this is a cool shot. That guy's collecting his laundry.

And Zabutja comes up behind him, and he just raises that cleaver. Cleaver. That's a cleaver. Brings it down. We don't see it come down, but we just see a white sheet gets splattered with blood.

So the guys, the boys have arrived. The boys are back in town. The boys are back in town. Our boys are here. that's a picture wrap on old man then we see chainsaw guys now flipping some burgers on his grill he's out there in pitch black

it's so weird it's like well wait how do you know when the burger it's lit from below it's just intuition it's just a man's just a man's intuition has never been stronger than in front of a grill I gotta say it actually looks very pleasant he's having a beer and flipping his burgers

and everything then one of the guys one of our boys comes up behind him, Cox's gun, the guy turns around, he gets shot and falls on the grill. The grill, which is like, wow, already big flames grill. This is a fire grill. Yeah.

And there's moments throughout the rest of the film where we will check in on his burning corpse and seeing the progress of how much of him is on fire, which is a great way to mark the passage of time. When you're no longer have use of the countdown. I was going to say. I have something to replace the countdown. When you've squandered your countdown.

You already gone into zero. What else are we supposed to do? How are we going to mark time now? Wait, so is the countdown? The countdown's over now. It's over. That was the countdown. That was the countdown.

That was the countdown. Sure. Okay. Yeah. I think the countdown was the moment that they were free on the world. It was a countdown to the inciting incident. Yes.

Like the part of the script that sets things into motion happens now. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. Great. End act one. All right.

So that guy gets killed. Everybody hears the gunshots. Mom of the year has tucked her child into bed. She's drinking whiskey with noise-canceling headphones. So many noise-canceling headphones. There really are. She hears the gunshot and she knows what it is immediately. She tells Daisy, get under the bed.

She grabs her gun, says, get under the bed. I'm going to go see what's going on. So she goes out with a handgun. And our boys are on the prowl around the trailer park. One of them sees her, shoots near her. She's like, fuck, she gets down on the ground. She returns fire. And then one of our boys, I guess, shoots her.

And, like, it grazes her head. She's got this wound now on the side of her head right near her eye. She's like, like, her face is covered with blood. And, like, she was, like, covering her. I thought that, I thought that they, had. shot her eye out, which I was like, that's crazy. I thought so too. Yeah, because she's holding her eye. I'm like, wow, that's a big wound to deal with.

And it was a lot of blood. I was like, whoa, crazy. But it's not quite that bad. But I mean, it's still bad. But one of our boys is now on top of her. She's like scrambling, you know, backwards on the ground. And she can't get a shot off at him. And then the guy is one of our boys is about to kill her when... Well, sorry. He goes to shoot her.

Thank you. He goes to shoot her. I do, I accept. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I accept. Don't take it for granted. I don't.

Thank you. Thank you. He goes to shooter and once again, barrels empty. So he looks around. He picks up that chainsaw. Of course. How could I forget? So now this guy's going to have a chainsaw, and he's coming up at her with a chainsaw,

which is so much worse than a gun. I would so much rather be shot with a gun than gotten with a chainsaw. Is this a crime? Crybaby or cockroach? This is cockroach. That doesn't matter, but I think that this is cockroach. Great. I only know that because of the trailer, they showed him in that moment in the trailer. During the movie, I didn't know.

So it doesn't really matter. But it's not the butcher because the butcher has the cleaver. Yes. But he's going to be chainsaw guy for the rest of the time. Yes. And he's coming out with a chainsaw. And she's on the ground. Like, she's going to get got.

Like there's not. This is really, she's screaming. She's going to be onslaughted with a chainsaw. She's about to be onslaughted. She's about to be onslaughted. And, yeah. And then a shot rings out. And guess what?

It's Reginald Val Johnson, Josiah. He's got a gun. And he's like, get out of there! So she is able to scramble away. And we see shots of the rest of the boys, our boys, going into other trailers, just like killing the shit out of people. They're kicking in doors and, you know, blood spraying everywhere.

Anywhere they can go where there's a person, they're killing them. They're on spotting them. So at this point, Celeste runs back into her trailer. Daisy's out there like, Mom, what's going on? She's like, help me turn out the lights.

They turn out of the lights in the trailer. She locks the door, which, man, that depressed me so much. Just like that door, why bother locking it? That ain't, I know.

That ain't gonna, I know. It's so, flimsy. It's really, it's really terrible. And now it's like, you know,

obviously Henley, this is a child in grave danger, and it's a real bummer. Celeste is like, stay with me. no matter what happens. So she's calling across to Reginald Vell Johnson. Like, what's going on?

He's like, I don't know. These guys are crazy. They're killing everybody. And then I believe, and then, okay, Emily, go ahead. I'm not apologizing anymore. She goes inside to clean her wound. She wraps a little, like a scarf around her face. She's going to look really fucking cool for the rest of the movie with a scarf as a bit of an eye patch.

And she's like, I got to get all my guns. when a chainsaw goes through that door. She has locked the bathroom door so Daisy's on the outside because she doesn't want Daisy to see all the blood and her cleaning it up and everything. But I'm still like, what are you doing? Keep her with you at all time. Keep her with you at all time.

Yes. Oh, I'm so stressed. Really, really crazy. And yeah, that chainsaw goes right through that door and it is scary. We're screaming. She doesn't have time to get her guns out of the locked cabinet. No.

And this, one of the things that bother me about this movie is they really make a point to be like she has so many guns and she knows how to use all her guns. This is a Chekhov's gun reversal. Yeah, Chekhov's gun, it will not go off. She never gets the rest of her guns, no. And that bums me out.

Maybe this is the rule. If it's a bunch of guns, they never go off. They never go off. One gun? Yes. A bunch of guns? No. Yeah.

But we're, we have had to have to get out of here when, once again, Reginald Vell Johnson, our hero, shoots at chainsaw guy and in the nick of time they get out and they get into his trailer. And that's when they're like regrouping and that's she starts talking to him and they're like what do we think is going on who are these fucking guys? Super soldiers

obviously. Yes yes yes. Great. But she doesn't have a gun. Well she has her one gun. She has a gun and when she goes to Josiah's trailer he's a vet as well so he has a couple of guns but he doesn't have that many. They have hardly any ammunition. That's when again she's like but it'd be

nice if we could get back to all my guns and I'm thinking, yeah, that would be so would be nice. If we could do that at some point. We're not going to. And Daisy needs a gun. She's sick. She's old enough. She is old enough.

But they are. In America, she's old enough. They're behaving like a military unit. Like, this is what they've gathered. And so it's gone quiet. They're no longer shooting. But they are both like, they're going to come back. Like this is, I think they're like intentionally laying low for a second to like regroup as I guess military units do.

Clearly one is a leader. They have, they're making plans. They're like trained. And then Reginald says something about, you know, they keep fucking with us vets, you know. And I want to get back to that later because I have thoughts about that. So they realize we have little ammunition and we're trapped in here. What are we going to do? So then we go back to druggie.

Yep, yep, yep. Druggy. Druggies at the truck stop. He's wandering through. Drug is at the truck stop. Doug is at the truck stop. They say, hey, we go. got somebody who's still alive.

So Druggy goes into this room where there's blood all over the floor and there's this guy lying there who's bleeding out and Druggy like carefully steps up to him and he's handed a gun with a silencer on it and he points it at the guy and the guy's like, oh fuck. And then he stands up and then tries to walk back to the door and he's slipping and sliding in all of the blood. Then he finally makes it back to the door and then turns and shoots the guy from there. Yeah, he has a moment where he realizes he's wearing a suit.

Oh, he doesn't want the blood. And it's like, oh, I'm not going to shoot him up quite so close. I don't want to get blood on my nice suit. It wasn't a empathy thing. No, it was logistical. You do get the impression that it's, he's not like relishing this. He's not being, but he's, he's, this job. It doesn't.

it's absolutely yes he isn't like yeah fuck you you're gonna die he's just sort of like well it's clinical yeah it's janitorial you know yeah it's janitorial and I'm not gonna get my suit dirty what if I can make it back to the Dom Club I've got big big plans tonight yeah they're probably open all night right

definitely yeah oh so yeah we go back to we obviously now we've gotten an indication that like oh well there are not going to be survivors no matter what right yeah so this doesn't vote great Truly not. We're back at Windy Oasis and it's still quiet.

And so Celeste is like, hey, here's a good distraction. Let me finish my story, my bedtime story, about my big army fight. Right, right. Remember my bare knuckle boxing I was telling you about? This is a good distraction. Incredible. Hey, while we're waiting to see what these three lunatics are going to do. Let me comfort you with another story about violence.

I mean, that is actually probably on purpose, right? Yeah. If this movie is... Yeah, if this movie is about our relationship to violence, this fits in nicely. So she continues the story, which is they square off, she and the other soldier. And we're seeing this in a black and white flashback.

Yes, black and white. So it's the past. Black and white times. They're like, you know, Marquis de Queensbury style circling each other. Why, I know it? Like Popeye. And then the fight starts

and she just kicks him right in the balls. And then he goes down. wait this is huge wait this is huge news because I don't understand why we don't do this more honestly it's how I would that's how I would engage in any fight my number one move man woman whoever I'm kicking you in the crotch like if you are trying to fight me you're getting kicks with a crotch thousand percent shin to crotch yeah in real life that's what they tell you're done classes yeah because in the movies it's always a thing this is I'm sure other men share this that when you see that

that happened in a movie that somebody gets kicked in the balls and then like two seconds later they're back up. They shake it off. No, no. Doesn't worry that way. That's the rest of your day. You're taking the day. You are clocking out. Yeah, that's not a hiccup. That is your day. So, so Daisy laughs

like this is a great story. It is. It is. Well, she says the moral of the story is, never pick a fight with someone who has more to lose than you. Namely, balls. And then what happens? Then we see the boys outside.

They have regrouped. They are back in their little formation. They always kind of get in this little formation. And everybody now has a big blade-like weapon. We've got the chainsaw. We've got the cleaver. And we've got an axe. Yes, an axe.

That's right. And they stand in their little line. And the butcher's always in the middle. And he does this thing. He always does. and he goes like, makes a little hands signal. And they turn to the other, and they go like, so it's back on.

And Celeste has a little moment with Josiah where she says, hey, you know, if anything happens to me, will you make sure she gets back to her dad? Like he's, he's an asshole, but he's a good father. And he's like, yeah, I promise. And he says, if anything happens to me, I've got some library books that needs to be returned. And can you please turn them in for me?

She's like, yeah, I'll do that. We're having a nice little moment. And then the power goes out. Oh, yeah, he's had a lamp on this whole time. Uh, oh. Then Kovacs is in the next trailer over. The cop. The cop.

And he's yelling out of his window. Hey, hey, hey, hey. If you can get to my car, my patrol car, there's a radio in there, and you can radio for help. And they're like, why don't you do it? And he says, my, I twisted my ankle. And they're like, this guy fucking sucks. So they say, okay, look, you got to, we'll come over to you. you or whatever.

Well, they're about to, they're about to, sorry, go ahead. They're about to do it, but they get tear, they get teardast. They're they get gassed out of the... Yes. So our boys have spent this time saying, how do we get into this one

identically flimsy hiding space? Can't be one of our blade. We still have all these huge weapons. Yeah. We're three gigantic monsters. So they tossed in, some tear gas and they're like, we gotta get out of here. So they

bail out of the Reginald's trailer and they make it over to Kovacs trailer, lock the door. Safe. They're like, okay, how many guns do you have in here? What do you have? Sorry, go ahead. Reginald also got, he got a little bit. He's fine, but he got he got shot. Or axed or

some. He got. Yes. Yeah. So he's now in bad shape. Yes. And it seems like he's not going to make it. So now they put the pressure on Kovacs get in that car, get help. You know,

Kovac says, all right, I'm going to do it, you know, and Celeste says, you know what? You're a shitty human being, but you're a great cop,

which I don't know where she's getting that from. So he says, I'll cover you. You run out there. He runs out there screaming for some reason and runs to his patrol car.

Well, he's being chased by a chainsaw guy. But he screams before, he screams on the way out. Yeah, he shouldn't be screaming on the way out. He shouldn't be screaming. So chainsaw guy's chasing him. Celeste is shooting at the guy. At some point, Daisy has been keeping track of how much ammunition he has.

She's shooting. Celeste's shooting at chainsaw guy. And he's got, he's hot on Covex's tail like, this is really bad. She needs to shoot him. And Daisy goes, it's your last bullet. I mean, I guess earlier we saw her doing multiplications and maybe she's like a mathematical savant.

You know who character? She reminds me of Matilda. She's been giving Matilda this whole time. She's been giving Matilda. She's been giving Matilda neglected prodigy girl doing the dishes. That is peak Matilda. I mean, this movie is really referencing

some really interesting things, I think. Yeah. Yeah. This is like a sort of secret. remake of Matilda. It's just kind of like Matilda through and through. Matilda for the modern age.

Well, exactly. 2026 Matilda. But so it's her last bullet and she she's going to shoot and she's getting those. We see her trigger finger get tensing up. She's getting some more flashbacks.

That's right. Yeah. It's, I don't know what's going to happen. She takes her ring. She slices her little arm again so she can focus breathes out, choose that last bullet straight into his

fucking brain. Head shot. Great, okay. Fatality. Done. He's done. He's done. He's done.

Great. Not only Dunzo, but Bunzo. Dunzo and Bunzo. So Kovacs, not just does so. So Kovacs makes it to the car, gets on the radio. Oh, sorry, he gets shot.

This is just an important note for the podcast. He gets, he's a chainsaw guy, and he gets shot, Headshot, falls, he's dead, falls onto his chainsaw that's still going. Oh, that's right. A little hot dog hamburger? It's, he doesn't, we don't see it go all the way back out, but you better believe that most of him is hot dog.

He's being chainsawed. He's being just sot away on top of the sawed. Felt on his own batard, fell on his own chainsaw. Yeah. Exactly. If you live by the chainsaw, you die by the chainsaw. Exactly. So Kovacs gets on the radio and says, hey, I need everybody.

to come here to windy oasis there's shooters here blah blah blah and it wasn't until we sat down to record this that I realized the rest of those cops nobody ever shows up we do see him

radio for help nobody comes and it's never explained why nobody comes but nobody comes there's nothing that tells us the radio doesn't work

there's nothing that tells us that the police were stopped, nobody shows up. Okay. So then he does like a weird fish tail and goes back towards the trailer park to pick them up. Yep, because they're gonna get the hell out of it.

Yeah, he pulls up alongside the trail. Like, get in the car, get in the car, get in the car, and then all of a sudden, one of our other boys rips open the door and gets in the car and starts, they get in the car, but then they get in the back seat. Oh, and they tried to get Josiah.

he's like he can't we can't rouse him he's like don't you gotta go ahead we don't have time to lose so we can't get in the back of that car but then yeah one of our boys comes in and is to stabs coax a bunch of times there's a lot of this in the movie a lot of like

quick stabbing like very like psycho tear stabbing yeah yeah yeah so they're like the car is driving around like crazy covacs is dead did they manage to kill Does she manage to shoot? She manages to get her foot on the gas.

Yes. Somehow. Oh, I think it was his foot. It's his foot. I think it was Kovacs's foot. Like, as he's like flailing around, he puts the pedal to the metal. They drive into a wall or something

and the car crashes. And guy number two, our boy number two, smashes through the windshield and he is now also dead. Okay. Okay. So two down.

So two, we're two down. Yes. One to go. But this was a gnarly little crash And Celeste is knocked out And Daisy is awake But can't get Celeste awake

She tries to open the door But it's blocked by You know a pillar or something She crawls over Celeste Opens up that side door Which I also thought you couldn't open The backseat of the cop car from the inside Kind of famously

I thought famously we all knew this Yeah yeah She gets out of the car She runs And this is a little more acceptable because she's 6, 4, 8. She screams the whole time she runs. She gets out of the car and immediately goes like, ah!

Yeah. And just like runs and is like for the entirety of her run. Like screaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we see the butcher follow her. Obviously, she hides in a crawl space under one of the trailers. Yeah, it's like lattice work all around. Which you're thinking is pretty smart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he does, he does come in. in there and starts trying to chop her. Yeah. Luckily she is little, so she is scrambling away from him. He has to like, you know, infantry crawl after her, still trying to

stab. He like grabs her shoe at one point, takes her shoe off. He just like, you're just like, for her. All he wants to do is kill. Everybody is like. This is one thing. That's his thing. Yeah. So she does manage to get out and run away. Celeste is

now awake. And Then what happens? And so Celeste is, Daisy gets out from one of the house and Celeste is like, Daisy, come run, come run behind me. And Celeste is there with the chainsaw. And she's like, let's fucking go. It's just you and me now. Oh, we did see a little bit earlier when they were trying to reassess, how are we

going to get these guys out of these trailers? The butcher was in Celeste's trailer walking around. Oh my God. Of course. This is huge, guys. This is huge. It's huge. It's huge and stupid.

Let's let the audience be the judge. He is in her trailer and he's looking around. We saw earlier she's photos of her time in the military up on the wall. And there's a photo of her with the fistfight guy. You know, presumably they were also friends. I guess. I know. It's like, why this guy?

What's her favorite story? And he walks over to that framed picture. He picks it up. And he really stares at it. Is it him? And then he drops it on the ground and smashes it. Yeah. Because guess what?

It's black and white times. And that's him. That's him? Yes. Is it him? Yes. It's him. It's him.

It's him. And so just now. Kismet. That is Kismet. That's a beautiful story. How else could you describe it? That is Kismet. So sweet.

This was meant to be. What are the odds? What are the first? So good to see you. How have you been? So they face off here. She's got her chainsaw. And he,

because they're also wearing like a bit of a face mask, a spooky little like mouth covering face mask. And he just like pulls it down to show her his face. And she goes, Hugh, I watched you die. And he pulls his little face mask back up. And they're like,

they're squaring off again. I do have to say, I would not have been able to recognize him. No fucking way. of his face is all like painted like charcoal or whatever and then the bottom of his face I don't know that you could put together that that was the same person because honestly it didn't look like the same guy to me I was like I guess that's the same guy you'd never forget your first bare knuckle boxing opponent yes I guess that's true who you also saw die in combat I was gonna say

yeah we have seen some other like war flashbacks yeah but just the fact that this guy has memories it just puts in a question like everything about it. It's like, what? There's so many implications to that. Yeah, it's confusing. You think, like when he first sees the picture, you could think like, oh, he has some

core thing in him that knows that's him, right? But then when he pulls the mask down, it's like, no, he's fully cognizant of we know each other. Hey, look who it is. It's me. It's me. Surprise. So she's like, what the fuck is going

on? But then she revs up the chainsaw and she's like you picked the wrong mom to fuck with and they run at each other. She doesn't move where she's able to sort of sidestep him and then swing the chainsaw out and cut his legs off. Nice. Well, because it's, I think it's harkening back to the like, which I only picked up on my second, viewing the fight where it's like he now has an axe and the cleaver and he's going up to her face. like how, you know, you'd bear a knuckle brawl.

He's, like, getting ready to go. And she goes low. So he got gone to get. Slides on her knees. She knows his weakness is I'm going to fucking go low. He won't see it coming. And she slips under, he could do like a very slow mo of like the blade coming over her head. Yeah.

Leaning back. And she just. This guy hasn't learned shit. And she, yeah, slices. Slices. He forgets about the world below his waist. Every time. He can only think about what he can see right in front of him.

Oh, there's also, she also has a flashback before this happens. Oh my God, yes she does. Post fight, post ball kick, he's on the ground and she reaches her hand down to help him up. So they're brothers in arms, right? They were, they served together. This is a special bond. But also he's the butcher who slaughtered all these people and loved it. And the media called him the butcher.

That's where he got his nickname. Right, right. So he's a war criminal. He's this guy's a monster. But she's like, oh. She had a picture of a war criminal up on her wall. Yes. The media called him the butcher and she was like, I want to have the frame photos.

That's my guy. That's my old friend, the butcher. Yeah. Hey, you can't pick your friends. Right? You can't. They're mandated by the government. So she chainsaws the shit out of him.

She's the onslaughter now. She chainsaws him straight down into his back Because he's now on the ground Because he got his leg cut off And so she just flips that fucker around And says right in the back And did you think Paul when when the flashback When he reaches she reaches her hand down to him

Did you think it was gonna he was gonna like sucker punch her or something Or like prove that he was like a bad guy? No I did not No I did not I purely thought I was like that is there for emotional reasons But also I don't get why She would be having this

reaction. Yeah. Now she chainsaws him in the back and he's dead. Blood goes all over her. I mean, it's onslaught. Absolute waterfall of blood. Yeah, I feel like it's mostly just blood spray. Like, you don't see a lot of the chainsawing the body. It's just like her going, ah, and the blood is flying everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, not to be a jerk or anything, but like the super soldiers didn't last that long. They were kind of taken down by a bunch of losers, to be honest. A bunch of huge losers. Two people who have not been an active service for decades. Sorry, no, like not to be judgmental.

Well, it's a work in progress, Henley, obviously. I know, but three generations. It's a work in progress, but I have to say, Dan Stevens did eat shit. Yeah. He experimented eat shit. Yeah, he did. Baylor's laughing in the grave.

Then it's like dawn all of a sudden, and these, you know, unmarked government cars are showing up, and it's time for Druggy to get on the scene. and he's looking around like, wow, they really did. Then Rebecca Hall is there. Well, Josiah comes out. Josiah's alive. Yes.

So that's nice. We got a little moment of Josiah being alive. He comes out smoking. Yeah, he comes out smoking because that's his kind of vibe and it's fun. Daisy runs over to him. She's so happy to see him. Drew Starkey comes out and goes over to Celeste before Rebecca Hall arrives and is just like, you know, we had just seen he, they killed.

the survivors. Like, we're not feeling great about this. But he says to her, he's like, are you guys the only survivors? She says, yes. She says, who are you? And he says, you're government, ma'am. And he says, you have two options. This is now an issue of national security. You can move, relocate,

and sign some really airtight non-disclosures and put all this behind you. And she says, what's my other option? And he says, not as good. And then another black car pulls up. He visibly reacts to it like, oh, fuck, okay.

No, my boss. He, yeah, he says to Celeste, he says, a little word of advice, don't ask any questions. And you need to forget that any of this ever happened. And she says, well, I don't think I can do that. And he says, well, then you need to pretend. You need to pretend and fucking be cool. Yeah, never break character.

Is it Mr. Bean now? Now it's Mr. Bean. Now he's Mr. Bean. So Rebecca steps out of the car and surveys everything. And she's like, honestly, this is great. Okay. What metrics are we using? This is terrific.

And now we have so much more information. We must not let these results go to waste. No, everything's going to be even better now. I'm proud of these boys. So that is the movie, right? Well, they say, he says, she says, we must not let these results go to vase. And he says, what about the witnesses?

She says, we must not let them go too waste either. Yeah. Put them somewhere they can be watched. Yeah. They're taken into some sort of custody. Glory, Gloria, Hallelujah starts playing. Mm-hmm. And Celeste is sitting with Daisy as morning breaks.

And she says, I think mommy's ready for a move. And that's the end of the movie. Huh. Yeah. Credits are rolling. And then there's all these, sort of like the montage from the beginning, we see these newspaper clippings of photos and everything.

Like, these people are missing. Whatever happened with, have you seen Celeste and Daisy? There's a Polaroid of them. Written on the Polaroid, it's like, where are they?

But their faces are exed out and red for some reason. I'm like, do you want to find them or not? see them. Where are who? Where are who? But somebody, there is a photo of, there's a picture of a map with like drawings on it and then it says protective custody? So somebody might have figured this out

the whole thing. But it does sort of seem like there is going to be another movie in the Wingardian verse. I see. This one didn't do so hot. So I don't think it will be quite this one. I think they got a little over their skis

on this one. And the thing that really gets my goat is that they've been saying they're going to do another fucking guest movie. So it's like, that's the sequel we want, my friends. Yeah, you should have started with that one. Wow. And I wonder if the idea was they were thinking that, like doing like a Chamalan sort of like, you know, glass type thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All these worlds are going to meet up.

And that's why Dan Stevens looked so different in this. Uh-huh. So that he can still be. and be the guest again. Well, look, and I'm back on board. Yeah. But, okay. Okay. I was frustrated by this movie in many ways. And the main way is, I don't know what it was trying to say. And I think a big thing in horror is that you have a point. You have something that you're trying to say. It's satirical or it's, you know, a sort of morality play or whatever.

And I couldn't figure out, are they indicting our system? Are they indicting our addiction to violence, like the whole, like the whole showing the government and real life politicians, you know, in that opening montage, the sort of video game style shot that we see in the truck stop and the, you know, they're always fucking with us vets. Like, are they trying to say something about the way we treat the military, how we exploit them, how we use them, and also how we kind of fetishize them? It wasn't real clear to me. what I was supposed to be getting out of this movie

because when the boys lose their guns and they pick up these traditional kind of horror movie weapons what does that mean? What are we, now they're just like three Jason Voorheises or whatever, you know? Like what is? Borges.

Vorheesian, in a Vohesian way. What are we, what are we, what's our takeaway from this, you know? I very much agree. I was, I was, there's also a line that Drew Starkey gets at one point they're going into the bunker where he's like what was this place and one of the men in black is

like private contractor with the that's what we do now that's how the military system works like very little oversight and it feels like okay are we made is that a comment or making a comment about like the current state of the military industrial complex and like and is that about like our like I think

I think this movie thinks it's saying something big. I agree I agree. Like especially with the opening montage of after onslaught where it's like all these presidents talking about how war is bad and we always want to avoid war but we're always going to war and like images of soldiers and but then it's like but what what are you saying though i'm going to say something controversial i think i get ready hold on to your freaking butts i remember having that feeling

with the guest i'm really sorry to say but the guest is a lot more of a fun watch but i do remember at the end of the guest being like, I don't really know what it was trying to say. And that one is also kind of just like... And I think the guest is more effective than this. In terms of having a point of view. Yeah. So I guess...

There is, I have to say, and I think the thing that hurts this movie is, there is a lot of sloppiness, you know? There's a lot of things that's like, that didn't pay off, that didn't pay off. Right. They mentioned a thing that doesn't happen. Whatever the opposite of using the whole buffalo. Like, they killed 20 Buffalo and took a little part from each. Yeah.

They used too many buffalo and not enough of any of them. It's like they, it was so many buffalo and then the parts were all in there and they're like, I don't know if we use the whole of even one buffalo. Yeah. I think we used too much of the same part of several buffaloes. Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of a mess. Well, that's a, that's a bummer.

Yeah. It's a shame. Yeah. It's a shame. I'm really trying to like, like, squeeze something out of it. And all I can think of is like it's kind of just reminding us of something that we already know. Yeah. I think that's kind of maybe why it doesn't feel like revolutionary or it's not revealing anything new to us because we already know that the military industrial complex is corrupt.

We already know it treats vets horribly. We already know that the government is doing shady shit that is escalating at a clip that is alarming. We already know that they would do something so far. fucking stupid like this. Like they would do something stupid. And we also already know that we're like desensitized to violence by watching movies and through Hollywood. So it's kind of like, okay, yeah, all right, sure. Okay. Okay. And we know this. Thank you for reminding us. And cool. Good. Well, it was nice to meet you. And so long. Have a nice night. The thing that made me not hate it as much as I've hated other things is it's not at least it's not um glib it's not being like

winky like ryan rey it's not being winky but it's also did you say like ryan rey i don't know why it's the first one i thought of it was the first one i thought of is a winky guy yeah i can't fault that comparison at all it's a perfect example um that guy. And it's like I love Andrea Arjona who hate Ryan Reynolds. I like genuinely hate him so much with a

burdened person. So much. Yeah, I hate Ryan Reynolds. Do you guys not hate Ryan Reynolds? I don't love him. I don't like him. But I just I didn't know I didn't know you hated him so much. You seem surprised yourself

when you said. It kind of just came out of you. You had to look at your face like well it's out there I guess I I guess I do Everybody knows I guess that was in there somewhere I wanted to keep that close to the chest I meant Blake is a close personal friend

I didn't want her to hear that Of course and Blake's going through a lot Yes she needs her friends Look as a mid mobile customer I'm not going to comment I appreciate that Um okay yes it wasn't glib Yeah like when they when they do that That's what so

It's There's so many things about it that don't line up. Like, when they're doing the, when the guys are, our boys are doing their kills early on, it's not horror movie kills. It's just straight up violence. It's unpleasant. It's not fun to watch.

They're not trying to be clever. They're not trying to be like, ooh, this is sick, right? You know, like, it's just unpleasant people getting mowed down by guns. But then you have Dan Stevens in this crazy... Right. Right. Feels quite mismatch. That's a different movie.

Licking feet. Yeah, licking feet. There's, and look, I, I, I love, I was like, huh. Yeah. I don't, I do not mind stylized, weird shit thrown in there for no reason. As long as that's the tone that you have through the whole thing, and they did not have that tone. Like, there's nothing like that again. And then when they get to the trailer park and they're out of ammunition, then they pick up the horror movie weapons.

And now it's like, oh, now we're going to be, we're going to have cool fun with horror. And it's like, well, I don't. don't I don't get what you're trying to tell me, and I don't get what you want me to feel, and are you trying to indict me in this? And it's like, you're presuming something on my part that is not necessarily there.

When I go to a horror movie, it's not because, oh, I want to see, I'm absolutely, what I'm signing up for is a bunch of pointless gore that I think is cool. It's like, I want some thoughtfulness. I want some thoughtfulness. I want to you. You know what I mean?

Right. And it really, yeah, it was kind of a head scratcher and disappointing in that way. I kind of was really given it the benefit of the doubt and wanted to like it. I mean, I don't go into a movie wanting to hate it. You know, like I went there because I thought maybe this will be an entertaining movie.

But yeah, really, I felt like it really dropped the ball and I didn't get what they were, what their point was. So a big reason why I went to see it a second time, honestly, was that I was like, I'm going to look for the things to love. Yeah. Because it's not fun to recap a movie that you didn't really. like that much. And I know that it's not fun to listen to. I didn't like that much. So sorry. But I, you know, I felt the same way about it on a second viewing that I did the first.

That's what I was so shocked when Dan Stevens died that early on. I was like, wait, what is this movie going to be? And yeah, then it just turns into like slasher essentially like kill, kill, kill. It does feel like they just had like pieces of ideas and we're just like put it all together. They're like, we have Dan Stevens, and he loves doing weird stuff, so let's just like make that part of it. Throw him in there. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know if it was is this just to promote

the movie that we gave him this role, which is essentially like, are they trying to do like a Janet Lee and Psycho of, oh, isn't it shocking that, you know, this person that you're coming to the movie to see dies so early on? Oh, yeah. I don't know. And I'm like, no. I don't think so because he's not really in the trailer.

And I didn't know when they first like announced this movie they like it was like kind of a secret that he was in it because everyone they were like trying to be like is it the guest is it not so yeah pretty unclear on the strategy now as far as dan stevens goes i have to say this yeah what's what's he doing huh dan stevens me once shame on you dan stevens me dan stevens me twice shame on me den stevens me can't get stan stevens again can't get st and stevens again stevens again oh no wait is this you you, is this you resigning from your role is on the ground, Dan Stevens course?

I gotta say. I think you're done. You're hanging up for that. I can't trust him. I can't trust him. I know. I know. I also can't trust him.

No, we've got to release you from this. We've got to release you from this because it's not fair. It's not fair to you. It's not fair to you. It's not fair to, it's not fair for our fate to be tied to Dan Stevens, who is so erratic. He's simply too erratic for us to put this much on him. I mean, he's making choice.

that none of us can understand or track. So I don't think that we should lock ourselves so tightly to him. Yeah. Yeah. Is he, what's he, is he doing it? Is it Robocop that he's doing next? That sounds really. Sounds right.

They're remaking that again? I think as a show, he's doing something like that. Which I will say, Dan Steven's speed, who will be four or five times. Dan Stevenson. I, I, I have historically preferred his television choices.

Yeah. Legion, Downton Abbey. Maybe he's a television man. Maybe he's more of a TV man. Well, but Legion and Downtonabby are so different. What's he doing? He's so talented

and so weird. What's he doing? Well, that's the thing. I wonder with guys like that, is it that they get in a certain strata that they can't break out of? And so he is making his choices based on the best things that come to him. him. Well, he also clearly likes working with Wingard and maybe he keeps doing it.

It's like, this is fun and fulfilling for me. I like doing it. You know, it's not like I'm stuck doing this. To me, it's like I'm enjoying doing this and I'm choosing to do this. It's not the best I can do, you know. And also, also, maybe he just doesn't have

great taste. Whoa, shots fired. We can't discount that as a possibility. I said, he might not. We can't discount as a possibility. We can't discount us. I see. We can't discount us like, we don't know him. And we haven't talked to him about it. So it's certainly possible.

It's compelling. It is compelling. He might think some things are good that I don't think are good. We might just disagree fundamentally. Yeah. It's an intriguing theory that we can't just count. A butterfly flaps its wings in Asia. Dan Stevens does this movie.

We're just going to keep building on this theory as his, as we, as his, you know. Filmography develops. We'll just keep continuing on with this. theory as well. But, but Paul, you, you are released from this role. We really appreciate your service. And it was service that you did. I mean, I feel like this is a good one to go out on. Yeah. I think so. I think this was it. I think this was it. You know, I was, I was really excited for this movie. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Sorry everyone. I like how this whole podcast you guys have been apologizing to each other back and forth.

To each other, to the world, to, to Dan, honestly, too, because I do love the guy, but I'm not, I didn't love this. So, you know, I am sorry. Yeah. We're all sorry. I'm sorry too. We're all really sorry. We're all sorry. We all owe each other an apology.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I accept. And we all accept. And I accept all of your apologies. But look, if it was a reason that I could see you three, then that's good enough for me. You know what I'm saying?

Hey, same. Hey, same, Paul. What else you got going on? What shows we got coming up? Where can people listen to you, so you engaged with all that you do? Oh, my word. Well, we do have more comedy bang, bang coming up on the road. We'll be back on the East Coast next month.

We're going to be in, God, where are we going to be? We're going to be in Huntington, New York. We're going to be in Troy, New York, and we will be in. in Medford, Massachusetts, making up for a show that we had to cancel when there were explosions under the street in Medford and manholes were flying up into the air and right in the same neighborhood as the theater.

So we could not do that show, but we are rebooked and coming back and hopefully no more manhole explosions. And couldn't possibly happen again. Could possibly happen again. Who knows? I'm sure there was a great explanation for that. Then Stevens did Onslot. You know what I mean?

It's confusing. Nothing is certain. But yeah, go to Paul F. Tompkins.com to see live dates and, you know, whatever. Follow me on Instagram. I always plug my shit. Algorithms are broken.

Everything's broken. Look, you'll see me when you see me. That's the best I can tell you. Nothing else we can do. There is nothing else we can do. No, I'm out there in these streets. Find me. Find him.

Take some fucking ownership. Okay. Find him. Find out yourself. Excuse me. I'm not hiding, guys. I'm not hiding. He's not making it hard.

So just figure it out, okay? Aye, hi. Okay, well, okay, okay, okay. The butcher, okay. From all of us here at Tuskeye didant watch? Did you get a little Dracula there? Goodbye. Goodbye.

Good, bye. Good, and juice. Bye. We didn't. We made it. Thank you all for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you enjoy the show, please remember to subscribe and rate us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Five stars only, or we will haunt you. And if you simply can't get enough of us, we have good news for you.

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