Too Scary; Didn't Watch - PRACTICAL MAGIC 2

Episode Date: September 23, 2026

It might not be the scariest movie but boy does Henley make this recap sing!Thank you to our sponsor, Glendale Lube!Movie Intro @ 21:35Trivia @ 29:15Recap starts @ 32:15 All Hellchella video episodes will be available on our Patreon!Follow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy. And you're listening to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily, and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley, and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy, and I love watching scary movies.

And so I watch them so that you don't have to most of the time, a third of the time. During Helchella 3, triples is best. Triples is best. And today's not one of those days where I watched a scary movie. No, one of us watched a really scary one. It's so scary today.

Ewie. Hold on to your butts. This episode and all the Hellchella episodes are available as video episodes on our Patreon. And again, we do have merch coming. It's so freaking close, you guys. You'll get it right. In time for hell chill if her trip was the best to be able, but you're going to want the memories.

Yeah, we really did try to have it come sooner. It takes longer than you think, well, especially when you're trying to get it right. Yeah. Yeah. We took our time with it. It was quality over speed. Can you rash perfection? Yes.

The quality of T-shirt is really going to shock you guys. You're going to be shocked. You're going to need this extra time to prepare yourself because you're going to be shocked. Again, hold on to your butts. Hold on your butts. But if you want to jump straight to our recap, there are time stamps in the show notes, but first, did anything scary happen to any of us this week? I want to update you guys on my car saga. So as you might remember, we've been trying to fucking sell this car, buy a new one.

We had an issue with the odometer. That's still not being fixed. Then we had someone in our life who told us that they wanted to buy the car from us. And so we were like perfect, great, that'll work. But then immediately less than 12 hours later, we lost both sets of keys to the car. That's right. Hard to hand it over to somebody when you don't have the keys. When you don't have fucking keys.

Can you believe that? Both sets gone. Gone like incinerated into the atmosphere gone. Who knows where? Who knows what happened? Tim literally like drove to the grocery store, came home, and that set was gone. Like it was like, where did that? And then we were like, okay, well, we'll just get the spare. And then the spare wasn't where it was supposed to be. And then we've not been able to find the spare. Still. So still we have no keys. So we have no keys. So then we go like a week with no keys. The dealer says it's going to be $1,600 to get new keys. Like it's so expensive to get new keys. It's $600 if you go through the dealership. I mean, I guess because it's like, what else are you going to do? Yeah, what else are you going to do? Yeah, like you're stuck. Pay up, bitch. So we called around to a few different locksmiths. There's also like online services you can use. We found a guy in the area who said he could help. He comes over really lovely, nice guy. I'm not kidding, spends five hours in our driveway trying to make new keys. Like sitting, he cuts the keys. He like makes them, but then cannot get them to like work with the computer system in our car or something. And so he's really nice. He does, he charges us for like, he doesn't try. He doesn't try.

charges for the key itself, he just charged us for like the base rate or whatever. We still have to pay him $300. Like, fine. Like, of course, pay him for his time. But also now we're down $300. Still no keys. Oh, my God. So we, I don't know. That's that that's just where we are right now. I don't know what we're going to do. Our car doesn't work. We don't have a car. We don't have keys. I guess we're going to have to spend a gazillion dollars with the dealership to actually, or we're going to find another locksmith. Like, but why wasn't it? working? Are we going to spend another $300 on another locksmith where it's not going to work again? Like it's like...

And this is maybe not a rabbit hole worth going down, but like, where are the keys? No, where are the keys? Where are they? They have to be somewhere. Are they in the car? Can you break a window? Believe me, we, no, the cars, oh, we can get into the car. We've been in the car looking for it.

We have looked, that's why it took so long for us to get a locksmith is because Tim and I kept looking at each other being like, surely they're here somewhere. They're here. They cannot be gone. And they're like too big for a child to swallow. so that's not it. And also Salas and May are teeny tiny little idiots, but I'm pretty sure that if they like actually took the keys and put them somewhere,

like they would have like told us by now. By now. They would have like, they would have like, they know the keys are important. They know that that's an important thing. So I might be overrusting my children, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't like throw the keys in the trash can and like not tell us about it. Well, if they did, they certainly can't tell you now. Well, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, they're just gone. They're just gone. They're just gone, gone. This is the kind of thing that makes me think like that this is a simulation and someone playing the simulation of your life like deleted the key. Like they like just like deleted them. And now they're like what are they going to do? Then now they got rid of the keys. Yeah, it's like when you have a sim in a swimming pool and you take away the ladder.

Exactly. Someone just took away the keys. And there's actually like it's not your fault. There's nothing. can do. And they're like, you just have to swim until you die. Like, good God. I'm going to watch you swim in this pool until you die because I'm a fucked up individual. And so, yeah, I mean, we can, we're going to buy a new car, but there's some kind of like block happening in our brains where it's like, but we have to sell our car if we're going to buy a new car. We can't keep our old

car and buy a new car. But now it's like, no, we have to buy it. We just have to buy one. I'm like, Tim, I literally want to just buy one right now. Like I'm like, I'll go, I'll buy any car. Can you just give this car to NPR? Can they take it without keys? Oh, that's interesting. That's an idea. I know because that's the other thing is now we have to get the car fucking towed. If we need to bring it anywhere, like if we have to get it to the dealership, we have to tow it to the dealership. Yeah.

Yeah. Paying $1,600 to like be able to sell it would be so no. That sucks. It's so crazy. It's so crazy how this happened. It's also like we should have just sold it like if we sold it like a week before we started this whole thing. We wouldn't be going to this. You couldn't because of the odometer.

What were you meant to do the universe is conspiring against you as far as the scar is concerned? I don't know. I feel like this is also, maybe there's going to be something where, like, in a week you're going to find like a precious gem buried in the folds of the car. That it's going to be like, oh, my God, imagine if we had sold the car. Like the universe is trying to be like, keep looking in the car. There's something in the car. There's a massive diamond in your club compartment. How many ways can I tell you to not sell the car?

I was thinking that in the beginning, Emily. I don't know if I think that way anymore. Okay, that's fair. That's fair. I was like, this is a sign that we were planning on buying this very specific. There's like, Toyota. Designs for us in this car. And I was like, we were not meant to buy that car.

Yeah. And now I'm like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know. Have you tried digging up every element of the car to find a precious gem? Just kind of take it apart just in case. Yeah, piece by piece. Maybe we should start thinking more in terms of gems. Like, what's, what's hidden in this?

Speaking of, no one was. responded to my text and I'm going to confront both of you on this podcast. Was it the video? Because you know I'm not watching a video. No, it was a link to a very reputable news source. Oh, it was a link. I'm not going to click a link. Nicholas Cage's house is on top of a massive sinkhole. Oh, I did. I did know that. Yes. Yeah, I guess I just, no commentary on that. Sorry. I think it was like, yes, old news to me. This is like our friend, I'm going to call him out, even though I don't know if he's listening. Our friend Marty, who got off Instagram. And so he always comes to arrive at news like two weeks.

after the rest of us have seen it because it's like, well, yeah, this appeared on our Instagram feeds because that's how people get information these days. And it'll like send us an article like, you guys, huge news. And it's like, sir, I already, I've known this for quite sometimes. Well, I said, have you got thought about this and then just crickets. You could have just said yes. Yeah. In my head, I said yes. In my head, I said yes. Yeah. All right. Well, I still feel like that's also the universe giving signs about something. I don't know what it is. There's a precious gem under Nicholas Cage's house. It's a national treasure. He would know.

Oh, that's really tough, and I'm really sorry. So I'm trapped in this house. She's trapped. I'm trapped even more than normal. So that's fine. Ooi. How are you guys doing? Well, I have a car-related scary thing.

It's not quite as scary. So I'm sorry about that. But the night I was driving home from an exercise class, scary, and stopped to get gas. And I'm getting gas. I know a woman comes up to me and she says, when you're done getting gas, can you, can you help us jump our car? Our car needs a jump. And I was like, yeah, totally. I don't know how to do that. Like, I mean, it was like, I was confronted by my own lack of knowledge. And she was wonderful. It was her and her partner, I'm assuming. And like, she was like, it's fine. Like, you'll come on. When you're done getting gas, you're like, come and you'll just like park here. And like every step of the way, I was like a baby being led. Like she was like, okay,

little bit closer. Okay, great. Okay, open your hood and I like pop the thing, but then you have to like use a lever to like actually open it and I like couldn't find it to get the hood open. And she's like, do you ever check your oil? And I was like, no, I have some, I like pay somebody else to do it. Like I was just like, oh my God. I am so dumb and incompetent. And it was really like, I immediately was like, oh, I should know like something about the vehicle I drive through the world. Like I was like, I, I just, I just. actually don't know how to do any of this. Did they have cables? They had cables and she was like, like, I was, you know, just letting them kind of do

the thing. She's like, do you want to see, do you want, I can like show you how to do it. I was like, yeah. She was so nice to me. And thankfully when I was like, I pay somebody else to do it, she like laughed. She was very good nature and she wasn't like making me feel stupid. Okay. Most people don't change their own oil to be clear.

And she also said, don't you check your oil? And I was like, check. Well, it's just like regularly. There's like, there's a light for that. Oh. It's a like for that. Then I take it to a place and I pay somebody way too much money to do it for me and then to also ask me if I want to pay them to do a bunch of other shit I probably don't want to need. Growing up, I remember checking the oil was like a thing. Emily, you're not going to Glendale Lubb because the prices are incredible. Oh, I'll go to Glendale Lou. Plug for Glendale Lou. I truly have turned so many people onto Glendale Lubb. Okay. Hell yeah. Yeah. Jiffie Lubb is too expensive.

It's not sponsored. Not sponsored by Glendale Lou. I'm not if we were sponsored by Glendale Lou. Just kind of casually drop Glendale Lou. lube into conversation whenever you can and we'll pay you lots of money. That's not the case. Also just having the cables in your car. I think I do have the cables because my battery used to die a lot. And so I had to learn this. But I don't know how to actually, I like theoretically know the red goes with the one side and the black goes with the other side. Red on red, black on black. I think is kind of what it looked like on each car and then you turn them on. And you have to like let it charge a bit. That was pretty much that. And another part of my brain, which I was like, oh, this is like a sign of the times that I don't

love is then as I was, we were done, I was driving away and I was like, was like, was I like a fucking mark just now? Like, were they like to, like the way that she was like, don't you want to see how it works? Like, come over. Let me show you. I was like. Yes, the distrust. It was this like a scam. You know, I was being like scammed in some way I looked like a fucking idiot girl who doesn't know how her car works, which is true. And they use it as an opportunity to like take all my stuff in my gorgeous luxury. vehicle, no, like, no one would think that it's worth stealing anything from that car. But I, but I was like, that, I hate that my brain goes there. And like, I didn't, in the moment,

I wasn't thinking that. And I, like, helped them jump their car like a, like a fine community member. But afterwards, I was like, fuck, was I just, like, really stupid? And I just, like, made myself a victim. But I just hate that we don't trust anyone or anything. And it's, like, dark times. I, one time after I took Silas to the movie theater, there are two little, cute little boys who needed help jumping their car. And it's the, I was thinking the entire time, I was like, if this was in a movie, like, I would be like, don't do it. Don't do it. I was like, I got out of my car. I left all my stuff, all my valuables. I like went over. I looked in the, like, I was so fully distracted and engaged in this other thing. And it's like,

they were just people who needed to jump in their car because that's like a regular, that's like a thing. Yeah. These two boys were like, they were probably like 18 years old. I think they had just arrived to go to like college. And they. And like normally like that could that can be like a pretty scary age range. You don't know what's going on. But I was like just. They don't understand consequences.

But just off vibes I was like no, they're just like sweet, sweet cute little boys. And like they were. Sometimes going off vibes is all you can do. They were like so nice and so just like stressed about their car not working. And so. Yeah. As you would be. But also Emily, I like the whole time was thinking like.

if I heard this story, I would be like, don't do this. Like you're with your toddler son. Like you should be more careful. But I was like, no, they just need help. And they really did just need help. And so it was fine. And it's also good to model that you should help people. I know.

I know. And it's like here's the thing is like even if it were a scam, even like it's like maybe some, maybe one person ever does that. But like most it's also like it's tough because it's like most people are not going to try to like fuck you over because that's just not how we all operate, but like the universe and the new cycle and all of it has just make us be like, everyone's out to get you. Everyone's going to fucking take your shit and murder. You would steal all your stuff.

Yeah, that's when you spend less time on screens and more time. Learning about your car. Learning about your car. IRL. So anyway, it was a little scary to be informed that I, A, don't know anything. B, have a horrifying world view. But it all worked out. All worked out.

It all worked out. I have a car thing, too, that I wasn't going to say. But it's just really quick. But I had my, like, low tire pressure light on. And I always kind of kick that down the line a little bit. Yeah, because I think next time I turn the car and it's not going to be on. I got some time. It did go off for a little bit.

I was like, foof, don't have to worry about that ever again. And then it came back on, obviously. And so after – and I commute to work now. So I am driving more than usually. a far commute, but... I mean, nonetheless. Enough that a tire could pop. So I went to, eventually went to the gas station to put air in my tires.

First of all, they've changed it so that it's not the little, like, clamp thing anymore, at least at this specific gas station, it's, like, automatically knows when your tires reach their pressure and it, like, turned off on its own, which very cool. I've never used one like that before. Well, I've only done the thing that you squeeze and you lift it up to see how much of the... Huh. So that was cool. cool, but I discovered that one of my hubcaps has been put on incorrectly, and it is covering the air

like pressure part. And so one of my tires, I could not put air in. And now I'm like, oh, well, that's going to get kicked down the line a while because now I have to take it in and do something about it at Glenda Loop. I thought. I thought that was my first thought. You're like another excuse to go back to Glendale. I actually did immediately check, it's my oil low. Can I just like go there? Can I do it all? I've got 85% oil life right now. But I don't think they do tire stuff. But I'll call them and ask.

That's a great reminder. Glendale Loub is so great. But the other, the thing I was going to say, a financial scary thing. Did you guys have you, I've like vaguely heard about this, but I was listening to the latest episode of John Stewart's podcast where he was talking to an economist. who has done a lot of investigations in like algorithmic pricing. Have you guys heard about this? Yes. Yes.

That people, they like a lot of apps do tests A, B testing on how much you'll pay for stuff and they'll figure out where your cap is like the most they can charge you. Like Uber does this. Like if you are with a friend, you can see like you can call it Uber from the same place to the same place at the same time and you'll get different. prices based on your like payment history because they like know whether or not you'll pay a lot or not. Oh my God.

They do this for flights. They say to use a VPN. They do it for flights. Instacart got in trouble for doing it. I did this. I tried to buy flights at the library once because I heard that same exact prices. So. Yeah.

But I don't know. It might be case by case. It's a little case by case. And some states are like trying to stop it and some aren't. But really crazy. That, I mean, makes sense. Of course they fucking would do that. Of course they would do that. And it's like, how do you protect yourself as a consumer against that? You know, like, what do you do? I understand, like, using a VPN to, like, buy a flight or go to the library or whatever. But then if you're literally, yeah, trying to catch an Uber. I mean, what the fuck do you do?

Yeah. I guess you just have to, like, not book it if it's more. But it's also like what it? Yeah, I really didn't like that. I'm going to be doing more research into that. I like that one bit. It was a fascinating episode of the weekly show. Because here's the thing. I'll pay anything. That's exactly. Like if I'm at the airport and I'm trying to get home, like, I'll pay anything for

anything. If I want it now, there's no cap of what else. There was like more sinister stuff in it too. Like they through like data collection, like can know if you just had a baby. So now they're putting all diaper prices up in like Instacart. or whatever. And formula way off. Formula.

And so like it's like, it's really bad and I really hate it. And I feel like we should be doing something about it. But I don't know what yet. I don't know what it is. But I'm going to be percolating on this for a little bit. And I'm going to fix it. Elizabeth Warren for president. Too bad we should have had her.

I don't know about that. It's not unrelated from us like doing literally everything on our phones and computers. Yes. Like it's like if we were just like shopping in the world like we used to, they couldn't do that to us. Yes. but everything's on our phones, which is tied to our whole existence. Yes, we need to just do brick and mortar.

Yeah. No, this is just, I'm not saying Elizabeth Warren now. I'm saying this is what she ran on. She ran on like basically predatory businesses practices. She's the one that started like the Bureau of Protection, Consumer Protection and stuff like that, that they've now dismantled, obviously. They've dismantled it all. Yeah, I'm mad at Elizabeth Warren for some things, but not mad at her for other things. Nobody's perfect.

Perfect. Perfection's a myth. We all know it. Unless we're talking about your Hell Chella 3 triples as best shirt quality in which case it is. Perfect. And hey, we make you promise right now. Same price for every single person. Every, you pull up that shirt, you and your friend next to each other. Same price. Same price for the shirt. That's right. We can make you that promise. The TSDW promise. Oh boy. No algorithmic pricing. I also learned a new word. on that podcast, agenic. It's like aigenic, agenic. I just had not heard that word before and was like, wow, times they are changing, you know, right in front of our eyes. Things are happening. I was feeling this way even, it's pretty scary. I was hearing this way even listening to Jake Shane's podcast therapist. Do you guys ever listen to that? No, but I know what it is. I see the clips. They're all like best friends with each other, that whole friend group. But they were even,

he had Owen Thiel on and they were thrown around terms where I was like, like, this is interesting because they're talking about GLP ones. They were naming GLP ones. They were like getting so specific into certain categories where I was like, this is almost alienating because it's like I actually have no idea what you guys are talking about. Like they were referencing the same GLP. Are they Gen Z? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Because I feel like I don't know anything that Gen Z knows. Yeah. It's such. But in terms of the vocabulary specifically where it's like, oh, you guys are using words I've never heard of. Yeah. The gap is getting further.

Like these words have not crossed my desk yet. So thank you. How old does Owen feel? I do. Isn't he like our age? I thought so maybe, but maybe not. Yeah. He's like, or like a couple years younger maybe.

He's 29. That's pretty young. Oh, he's so young. He's cusp, he's Cusp Gen Z millennial. 96 is the year that it changes over. Wow. Okay. Anyway.

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Now available in Canada and the UK too. That's QI-N-C-E.com slash Too Scary. Should we talk about this week's movie? Sure. I'll be ready. I'm so ready. Okay. So I watched this week's movie.

It is Practical Magic 2. Oh, yeah, baby. Because, you know, Practical Magic 1 is one of my core films. I probably haven't mentioned it in my list of favorite films before, but I'm adding it right now. Right. Let's put that in. Before or after forgetting Sarah Marshall. For.

National Marshall is number one. Nothing can ever topples. Nothing can ever top it. No. And Dune Part 2 is number two. Nothing will ever topple. God, I forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Incredible. She contains multitudes, you know? It's really... You can't put her in a box. Can't put her in a box. No, then we've got rear window. We've got what lies beneath. We've got Practical Magic.

That's it. And where is Practical Magic 2 ranked in this list? Practical Magic 2 is unfortunately not making my list. However, however, you know, I was getting, I was, I was dreading a little bit having to see this movie because the reviews have not been kind. Yeah. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman went on a magnificent press tour. That should not be meshed. I loved the press tour. Sandra Bullock talked about her alien sighting. She's seen aliens. Yes, she did. Sandra Bullock, what a star. And did you see how I just said her name without any problem?

It sounded like you've been saying it right your whole life, I would have guessed. I would have guessed. I would have guessed, yeah. And so I went in with some reservations. I've went in. It's also two hours and 47 minutes long is that the runtime? What the fuck? It's two hours and ten minutes.

Oh, great. Okay. That's still too long, but I was... I thought we were talking like Dune 2 length. That would be fucking crazy. I mean, 210. 2.10. A little crazy, but...

That's a lot to go into being like, is it... What's it going to be? Yeah. I was girding my loins. But I didn't need to. I actually had a fine time. I had a fine time. And that's a great poll quote.

I actually had a fine time. I had a fine time. I did. We need to be all over the marketing materials for every movie we covered. It was fine. Actually had a fine time. Totally fine. You know, Nicole Kim and Sandra Bullock, they have incredible chemistry on screen.

Some of the reviews I saw were being. like they're supposed to be sisters. It seems like they're wives. And I was like, I'm not bad. I'm not mad at that. Nicole Kiman is such an interesting character to me as like a human in this world. She's in an interesting time as well. Like she's been, you know, she's never looked better. That's actually not true. But she's looking better than she has in a very, she's looking at great is all I'm trying to say. But she's post-divorce and kind of living it up in a way that is like fun to watch and also like sometimes I get a little worried. I'm like, Is she okay? And I also think she's like, she's at a level of fame for a period of time where

who is she as a person? What is up in that brain in life? I see her, when I see her in motion in like, like, for example, like at the Emmys, like dancing in her seat, I was like so fun. Also like, are you a human? Like what's happening there? You know? I do think that there's like a lot of that going on. She's such an actress in her like physicality. And so that really comes through in this movie. They are entangled, the two of them. They are entangled. They're touching each other.

They're touching each other's faces. They're kissing. They're loving. They're scratching. They're like little magnets on each other. I love that for them. Which I liked, but I saw some criticism of that. I got to say criticism everywhere for everything.

I mean, everyone needs to calm down. We live in a critical time. Yeah. like let's just relax and let's just what do we think they think this is supposed to be it's practical magic too we're just here to have fun yeah i also saw some people have some criticisms that were like it's like this one woman who i follow on instagram who i really like her name is dr shan i think she's like she's a phd and something and she's good enough for me she's an expert she like reviews movies from a cultural standpoint and kind of like takes like a macro view of what was going on

in the culture at that point and has a whatever she she had a really hot take on this movie she's called it kind of like a tradwife movie she was saying that it has like some conservative like angles that are unsettling you know I'm going to be really sensitive to that so I was really worried about that going in and I definitely see her point of view I would say it's not as like it's a little loose it's a bit of a reach as that I completely agree with her analysis. Like it's probably trad wifey in the extent that like it is mainstream and currently our mainstream liens incredibly far right.

Yeah. I mean, you'll guys will see in the recap and we can talk about it. But there's just like one main thing that she was criticizing, which I, I completely agree with. But also it's like, I don't. But also isn't the whole thing about practical magic being like, I need my, I need my husband. Right.

It is. It is definitely in service. of heteronormative relationships. Absolutely. There's like no queerness. Because you can't marry your sister. You can't marry your love. Unfortunately. So what else are they supposed to do? They would and they could, but they can't. So they have to marry a man. Henley, I know we did Practical Magic One on the podcast, but, and I've seen it many times, but can you give us a reminder of the ending of that? Who's with who? Who's buried in the yard? So in Practical Magic 1, there's a whole plot line about Sandra Bullock, Sally Owens.

She plays Sally Owens. She gets married. She has two children. But then her ancestral line has been cursed from many, many generations ago from their great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandmother, Maria Owens, who was burned at the stake. Sucks. And she basically was, she was spurned by a man. And so she put a curse on the entire family where any time a woman.

and like fell in love with a man, the man would die. So Sally Owens, a husband who she has two children with dies, she moves back in with her aunts who raised her after their parents died, her and Nicole Kidman. And then Nicole Kidman's, her sister, Nicole Kidman, is the classic carefree, like, party animal. I don't need a man. I don't need a man. Only falls in love, like, just for fun.

Doesn't really fall in love for, it's not serious. It's just fun relationships. She gets into kind of an abusive relationship with a bad guy who... He's the one buried in the yard. Yeah, they end up burying him in the yard. But when Sandra Bilk was a child, she put this spell together about like her perfect man. And then how it ends is that her daughter, Evan Rachel Wood, who doesn't come back in this movie, which is also a huge point of contention in the media sphere. Evan Rachel Wood does the spell and like the perfect man arrives.

His name is Gary, unfortunately. So that's not correct. But he arrives, they fall in love, and that's how the movie ends. So the movie ends with, like, her perfect man. And he has two different color eyes? And he has two different color eyes. Yes. That's incredibly important to know.

Yes. That's true. Got it. It's not. Okay. And everyone's happy, and she's married to Gary. You guys will see how that works out at really, like, 30 seconds into the... Okay, great.

I can't wait. My guess is Gary's gone. Well, probably it's really good guess. Well, and so are one of the, because, okay, actually, I'll say my questions. Tell us about this movie. Okay, well, all right. So it's directed by Suzanne Beer. It was written by Alice Hoffman, who wrote all the books.

And then Akira Goldman and Georgia Pritchett. It's starring Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Diane Vist. Sorry. I need to say that not. Diane Vist. Dr. Cheneing, Joey King, Maisie Williams, and Lee Pace. Suzanne Beer, she's a big TV director, right? Yes, so she directed Nicole Kimman in The Undoing, and she directed Sandra Bullock in Birdbox.

So she's worked with both of them. I didn't care for Birdbox, but it's not for me. Yeah, it was really popular, but I think also people also didn't like it too. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. I never saw it, so. Just so everybody knows. Okay.

Thank you. Some trivia. This was Stocker Channing's first theatrically released movie in 13 years. Oh, shit. I know. Kind of wild. Evan Rachel Wood has said that she was not asked back, even though she would have loved to have done it. Oh, she was not asked back.

That's tough. And it's because of the one of the things they do in this movie that kind of makes no sense is the timing of everything. Right. So their daughters are now supposed to be in their like early 20s or like mid 20s. It's a little confusing. So they were like, we aged less than our daughters. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like, doesn't make a lot of sense. And so Evan Rachel would have been too old, I guess. They're supposed to be like college students. And she simply couldn't play someone younger than her age. I don't know. Excuse me, only for Sandra and Nicole. I don't know. They're like, we need 20-year-old women in this movie.

Oh. How else will we sell it? And it's like, we would have loved to see Evan Rachel. Would I love that. But during the press tour, apparently. journalists were banned from asking Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman about the Evan Rachel Wood thing. They were not allowed to ask that question. Interesting. That's kind of it for trivia. Okay. Do we have the like rotten tomato? I want to know the. Oh, sorry, the rotten tomatoes.

That's what I was missing. I just want to know. We can look it up now. Rotten Tomatoes is 36. Not great. Yeah, it's not great. IMDB 6.3. Oh, middle. Metacritic 44. Yep. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So the budget was 75 million and the box office is 76.9 million. So they're squeaking right over the finish line there. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. I think I'd rather watch the trailer at the end just because. I actually, yeah. I have not seen the trailer and I don't really know anything. So this is fun. I think it's better this way. I think it's better this way. Yeah. Okay.

So should we just get into it? We really should. Okay. Normal caveat. I did see this in the theater last night. So my notes are as good as they're going to be for that situation. We start with an opening montage. We're getting a voiceover from Sandra Bullock.

We're seeing drone shots of their town. We're seeing the house. The house is like a huge part of the first movie. they've recreated this beautiful Victorian house, the same house from the first one. They really tried to match it to look the same. I saw some commentary that it kind of looked like CGI. But like they really did rebuild the house. It's just the way that it's shot.

And this is just true of movies now, I think, that like... They're too, like, glossy. Yeah, it's too like HD. It's too like... Yeah. Like the coloring is too weird. So that it looks fake even if it's real. It looks fake even if it's real.

And because I was like gerting my loins for that, I wasn't as put off by it. I thought it was, you know, it was fine. It is like very bright. So we're getting shots at this gorgeous house. We're getting truly like a recap of the first movie. Perfect. This is just a reminder of what happened. We did need it.

We needed it. We're reminded of the curse. We're reminded of Maria Owens. We're reminded of how she thought she was protected. her ancestors, but really the spell was a curse and that they thought that they had ended it. But then when my second husband Gary died, we realized the curse wasn't broken. Shogger, darn. Making room for Lee Pace. We're getting shots of her at a graveyard with her two eight-year-old-esque daughters, putting flowers on the grave. Sally, it gets better. Yeah.

Better than Gary. And at the graveyard, she looks at Sandra Bullock looks at Nicole Kidman. Sandra Bullock, her name is Sally Owens and Nicole Kidman is Jillian or Jillie Owens. I will call them probably Sandra and Nicole the whole time. I think that's fine. Perfect. And please call him Lee whenever he appears. I will.

I don't even know his name. Great. In this, Sally, Sandra looks at Nicole and says, Promise me. Promise me. No more magic. She says what she's swearing off magic. She says, and you have to promise me.

This is always funny when they do this in movies. It's like, um, we know you're not gonna. I don't think if I had magical powers, I'd be able to swear them off forever. And it's also like, how's that going to help? The curse is happening. How's it going to help? Stop marrying men. She thinks it's going to protect them.

This is a huge, huge intellectual loophole. This is the intellectual loophole, plot, plot hole, pot hole. intellectual pothole Pot hole car stuff sinkhole in Nicholas Cage's house

It's as big as a sinkhole under Nicholas Cage's house But a lot of the action In this movie In the conflict hinges on this decision Swearing off magic

No more magic And we're all freaking P-Oed Because this movie's called Practical Magic And we're like Where is the magic gonna be But Nicole Kidman

loves her She understands So she promises She will never use magic in front of the girl. She'll never tell the girls that they're witches. They will never know. They won't remember because they're only eight. Yeah, they won't remember.

So they'll have no memories of magic. Yeah, children don't remember stuff like that. And then we get a shot of Antonia. This is played by Maisie Williams. This is the one daughter who is more like Sandra Bullock. She is the one that's put together, has her life organized, super type A. You can tell because she's in scrubs. A practical magic.

She's the practical. Yes. She's studying to be a neurosurgeon at a hospital. Wow. Where else are you going to do it? Yeah. Luckily, she's in the right place. And then we get shots of Kylie. This is played by Joey King. Kylie couldn't be more different. She has red tinted hair. She's running through a university holding many books straight from the library. She crashes into a boy. They love. The book's spill everywhere. He's touching her face, telling her he loves her. He's saying stuff about how much he loves her. And this is clearly her boyfriend. She's resisting saying, like, she clearly likes him, but she's like not going to say, I love you back.

But like, she's like, if you don't say it, it's not real. Ethereal and, you know, the wild child of the two. So mini Sandra, mini Nicole. Exactly. Then we're getting back to Sandra Bullock. We see her in that house. She is, you know, cardigan buttoned all the way up to her throat. The voiceover says, that's me, Sally Owens.

That's me. Sally Owens full name. She's cleaning her house. She's frazzled. She's planning something on top of everything else she has to do. She's planning a party. Things are not going as planned. She's stuff's getting messed up and she's fixing it.

And the voice. over is saying magic was in our past, but here's the thing about the past. It won't be silenced. And then jump scare, the spoon in her mug starts stirring all. Oh my God. And that is the thing about the past. We all know it. It won't be silenced. It will not be silenced. It won't be silenced. She puts a stop to the stirring spoon before she stumps out into the street to work. But a crow starts following her in the street. Oh, no. A crow is harassing her.

She calls it a gothic chicken. She, like, kicks at it. And she says, I would not mess with a crow. She says, this is avian harassment. There are a lot of, like, little quippy one-liners like this, both from Sandra Billick and Nicole Kidman. Truly, like, the script for this movie, you guys, is really bad. But it, like, but held in the hands of Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman, it's somehow

Sings. It somehow is okay. It's somehow it sings. She goes to her job. She works at a library that looks straight out of Beauty and the Beast. It has like ladders and mahogany bookshelves and Florida ceiling books. She's on the phone. She's stressed.

She's planning this party. Then we get the voiceover's done now, I'm pretty sure. And we get Diane Vist. This is the aunt Jet, who is from the first movie. She's in the same house. They're all living in the same house together. Still. Uh-huh. Yep. But she is anxious about something. She's stressed. She encounters the same crow that was just bothering Sandra Bullock. She says to the crow, like, why do you keep summoning me? Like stop, leave me alone. But then she follows the crow to her destination, which happens to be the exact same library

where Sandra Bullock is working. Sandra Bullock is in the back still on the phone. So she doesn't notice that Diane Vist goes into the library jet. She's like rummaging around in the library. Did the crow come in as well? No, the crow stayed outside, I think. I can't remember now. She pushes some books to the side and oh my God, what's that behind some of the books? A precious gem. A scary, I wish. A scary glowing book. A book that is glowing. Oh, my God. She's hearing like ominous whispering. She's hearing wind. something is up with this book. She reaches out to touch it.

It burns her hand. Oh, my God. We're getting then flashes of a scene in black and white where there's like... So it's the past. Well, we don't know. There's like a man whispering. He's making little witchy circles. And we're getting the vibe that whatever it is, it's not good.

Just then after she's like grabbed the book and kind of put it in her bag, Sandra Bullock walks out. and she's like, what are you doing here? This is the second time this week. Like, you know we're closed. There's a lot of banter back and forth about Jet, like, getting kicked out of places all the time. And she's, like, going to get kicked out of here. How come I walked right in?

I guess she doesn't look up. She doesn't lock up behind her, clearly. And then Jet kind of distracts Sandra Bullock from her questioning by saying, how's the birthday party planning going? And Sandra Bullock is mad that she's. She knows because she's been planning her birthday party for Jet. It's Jet's birthday. And that's one of the things she's so stressed about is that she's been putting this birthday party together.

And she says, at least act surprise. Can you release act surprise? And she's saying, okay, yes, of course. Then we cut to Nicole Kidman. She's pulling up in a light blue vintage bug car. She gets out of the car carrying a massive present. As she walks up into the house, she has a little small talk with a black cat. Sandra somehow is already back at home.

So now Sandra's back at home. She's cooking again. She's putting the party together. She's a witch. She's mad at Nicole for being late. They're calling to Jet. I guess they called to Jet. I don't know.

Or maybe they're calling to Stock or Channing. I don't know. Being like, where are you? We see that Jet is upstairs in that house preoccupied with the scary book that she found from the library. The book is whispering. It's glowing. she does a spell to guard it from anyone using it except those whose powers are as strong as mine or Maria Owens she keeps paging through the book she finds a page that says how to end the

curse very helpful she tries to she tries to rip open the pages that would show her how to and the curse, but they're glowing and they're burning her hands and she can't open that part of the book. Dang it. Dang it. It's too bad. It's the part she needs. So she writes a note to Franny where she says, my time. Who's Franny now? Who's Franny? Oh, that's Stocker Channing. Okay, great. Got it. And who's that? Oh, she's another aunt. She's the other aunt. Yes, sorry. So there's always two sisters. So it's like Jet and Franny are sisters and they raised Right. Sally and Gilly, Gilly.

Gilly. Gilly. Gilly. Gilly. Does Franny still live in the house, too? Yeah, they all live together. For their whole lives. Okay, great.

And the daughters live there too? No. They don't live there. The daughters don't live there. And Nicole Kidman doesn't seem to live there either, but I don't know where Nicole Kidman lives. Got it. Then she writes a note to Franny.

She says, my time has come, but this book holds the key to ending the curse. My time has come. So look, figure that out. So you're going to want to check this out. Downstairs, Nicole can't wait anymore for Jet to show up. So she just rips open that massive present that she's brought. She rips it open.

Gilly. Gilly. She rips it open. And what is inside a massive ninja slushy machine? Like branded ninja slushy machine also saw a lot of criticism about this because, man, You're seeing it from all angles. The brand name Ninja couldn't be more clear, front and center. And this is her own present that she brought.

It's her own present that she brought because in the first movie they make midnight margaritas and they dance around the kitchen. Oh my gosh. We needed to do it again. And so this is like a nod to that. So this is meant to be like the crowd goes wild. I see. I see. The crowd goes wild. Okay.

Yeah. It's just so funny that it's ninja. And then she literally is casually drinking from like a generic non-branded tequila bottle. It's like the juxtaposition. couldn't be more extreme where it's like, this is a brand promotion. The ninja signage. You can make anything in your ninja. The ninja?

You don't need magic for that. It's magic on its own. Nice. And you know what else is magic? Glendale Loob. So then Stocker Channing arrives. She's excited about the ninja machine. And then Jet finally comes down into the kitchen.

But as soon as Jet is, in the kitchen we start hearing a little squeaky, click click click clicky clack clicky clacky. And what's that? And what's breaking these voices? Which is also a reference from the first movie. It is the death watch beetle. I'm pretty sure it's what it's called. And it's the beetle that shows up when someone is about to die.

Well, Jet. And happy freaking birthday. My goodness. Yeah. things take a turn pretty quickly. The room hushes. It's a stupa situation. Like once you turn to a certain age, you just have to die.

I don't know. There is a comment at one point that's like, it's so like Jet to die on her birthday. Everyone is looking at Jet like, what? And Sally's like, why didn't you tell us? Why don't you tell us you're about to die? Yeah. And Nicole is saying, how long, how long has the beetle been here? How long have you been hearing that noise?

How long? And Jett's like, oh, he's been clacking around for about a week or so. And then they know that means tonight. Oh, my. Thank God for that ninja blender so they can have one last margarita. I know. They're processing this information. Nicole Kimman is mad at Sandra Bullock.

She's like, this Beatles has been around for a week and you didn't hear it. And Sandra Bullock's like, I didn't hear it. I swear I did not hear it. And Nicole Kimman is like, you chose not to hear it. You chose not to hear it. And if you'd heard it, maybe we could have changed it. And she's like, change the unchangeable. We can't change the unchangeable.

And Nicole Kidman says, this is what happens when you deny your magic. You shut everyone out. You shut everything out. So this is a core argument they've been having for a while. Feels like really unfair to blame her for somebody else dying. I know. But, you know, in the throes of grief, who knows what will happen. Jet calms them down.

She says, this is my last night on earth. Stop fighting. True. You're really making it about you. Not making about you. She says, no magic. is stronger than sisterhood, then she demands that they hug, so they hug. She also says, don't tell the girls. I don't want them to know.

They're going to know soon enough. Yeah. They're probably going to find out. We're cutting to the girls. We're with Macy Williams and Joey King. Joey King has forgotten the cool whip, which is the one thing her mom asked her to bring while Macy had like seven jobs and did all of them. Joey King's boyfriend FaceTime them and he's like deeply emotionally available and a DJ. So he's setting really high. expectations. Yeah. The dream.

Yeah. Both. And what women want? A DJ too? Maisie Williams says as much to her. Like she's basically like he's great. Like what's holding you back. And Joey King is just, I think she's just a little scared, you know?

They arrive at the house. They go in. Joey can kind of tell that the vibes are a little off, but they don't quite know. They bring the same. They bring the angel wings. that they wear in the first movie, which is like a, this is a classic callback. I just felt like I had to say it out loud because they were the most beautiful white feathered angel wings that I was so jealous of as a child seeing that movie.

Joey says, Mom, I'm sorry, I forgot the cool whip. Then they drink margaritas in the garden and Diane gives out gifts. She gives them each books. And then she says, Frannie, there's a book for you, just for you, waiting for you on my desk. That night, Joey King and Maisie Williams snuggle under a sheet, giggling, having a little sleepover to a little sister. So cute. And they're saying things like, remember when mom would tell us those stories about how when anytime someone falls in love, they die? And she was like, yeah, that was like so crazy.

That was so crazy. Mom's so crazy. So anyway, why aren't you like giving everything over to your boyfriend? Like, why are you emotionally unavailable on your relationship? It could be how when mom told us it anytime anyone falls in love, they die. She's like, that's so funny. And do you remember the one time when like someone said that our family was cursed and that like if we fell in love with anyone, they would die?

Do you remember when our dad died? Do you remember when Gary died? And then remember when our stepdad died? And then one of them is like, but you don't believe in that kind of thing, right? The other one's like, no, no, of course not. Where's the evidence to support it? So while they're having that conversation downstairs, we have Jet and Frannie and Sandra and Nicole reminiscing.

They're sitting around. They're talking about what it was like to arrive. The first, you know, they didn't want to be there at first. But now, you know, it turns out that they were exactly where they were meant to be. Everyone is crying. Everyone is crying. And then Jett says, like Franny, I'll be seeing you. And they ask her if she has any last words.

And she smiles and she says, shenanigans. And then landslide, a cover of a landslide just starts blaring. The needle drops in this film are just like emotional terrorism. Like, whoa, it comes out of nowhere. All four of them are holding hands, crying, landslide, blasting. And then Jett says, and then Jett says, live a little, live a lot. And then she literally starts turning into sparkly dust and starts floating up into the sky. Wow.

What a beautiful way to go. I know. That's a nice. I know. That's really nice. It's a nice last moment. I know. For that to be what happens.

Did you cry, Emily? I was tearing up a little bit. I was emotional. The landslide is playing. What the fuck you're supposed to do? Sometimes I'd tear up without my consent in things like this. Emotional terrorism. Emotional terrorism.

Got me. So immediately cut to. We're in the same house, but this time everyone's wearing black. We're also hosting a party. This time it's a funeral memorial. Oh, the circle of life. The circle of life. Same dynamic, you know, Sandra being stressed about the not wanting to focus on the emotions

around Jets passing, more focused on making sure this party goes on logistics. Meanwhile, Joey goes up into Jets' room to kind of have a moment and finds Nicole Kidman in there and they have a little bit of a heart to heart. You know, Joey says to her like, can I ask you something? Have you ever had anyone in your life? And Nicole Kidman is like, oh, like how your mom had your dad and Gary? And she's like, no. She goes, love is not for our family. She says you can have fun, but love takes more than it gives. And then she takes Joey King's hand and shows her that her, their love lines on their palms are broken, both of them.

Which one is it? I don't actually, it seems like this one, the top one in the, I don't actually know which one it is. And she says, love is our undoing. Joey King is like, don't you think you're being a little dramatic? And Cole Kerman is like, of course, of course we are dramatic. But this is such a confusing. It's like so confusing. You know, like if you're really not wanting this person to fall in love, like this is not the way to go about it.

I have like a spot on one of my palms that like looks like a fingerprint. Really? Yeah. Like it's like circular. It has like a circular center like it's a fingerprint. We should go get our palms red. But it's only on one of them. It doesn't look like it's on the other one.

What do we think that's about? That probably means. something. That looks like a fingerprint. Like it has like the ridges and like whirls of a fingerprint. Well like the whole hand, if you take a look at your palm, the whole thing has ridges, but they're like kind of just sort of swirly and and and, but I have like a full circle, you know, with like a, it comes around and around and around like kind of like the center of the fingers. Hmm. Also, a scar right in the middle of one of my pointer fingers from when I was a little kid and I picked up my mom's shaving razor and I just went like, Quink. Like, because I didn't, you know, no, you can't do that. And I still have a little scar in the center of my finger.

Wow. Wow. Wow. I want to go get my palm red. I want to get my palm red. I want every, I want everything. Colors. Psychic.

Palm reading. Tell me. Tell me everything. While they're having this conversation, Joey spots the magic book, which is sitting on Jet's desk. Oh, Franny, you were supposed to go over there and get that. I'm like, why didn't Franny take the book? I don't know. She spots it.

Is Franny the Nicole and the Joey King of the equation? That's a good question. I don't know if that's ever really explicitly. There's only two kinds of women. So which one is she? That's true. That's true. A serious kind and a silly kind.

Yeah, I don't know if they're slotted into either group. It doesn't make any sense. But it's a huge plot single. Yeah, plot single. Massive. Sorry, then. So Joey tries to pick up the book. It burns her.

And she goes out. She goes, there's a raven on the front. And then Nicole Kidman says, raven, symbol of messengers. Just then someone calls up to Joey. She has a visitor. It's Gideon. Gideon is her boyfriend. He has shown up.

He is wearing a suit and tie. He's really like, was like, I want to be here for you. She's so excited to see him. He's like, I heard you guys don't have a DJ. Yeah, I came to DJ this party. But also be a shoulder to cry on. I have everything you need. He was like, it was.

me blasting landslide. It was me. I knew it was the right moment, but I took a step back. And I let you have it because I understand emotions. Sally is freaked out to realize that Joey has a boyfriend. They clearly they're in love. Like as soon as she sees him, she lights up. They start like making out. Whoa. It's funeral. Sandra Bullock doesn't know how to deal with this. She does kind of like a huge smile. She starts like stumbling over her words in this way that she's, does, Sandra Blake does this like throughout the entire movie. All of her comedy is her like putting her like just having these like little snide one

liners and then also like putting her foot in her mouth a little bit. She starts rambling about tonging a tongue sandwich, something about a tongue sandwich. I don't know. Funny. Funny. But he has brought lemon squares. He's perfect. He loves her.

We follow them as they return back to their college. I don't know where this college is. It's nearby. They just go back to the college. She's an undergraduate studying to be a neurosurgeon? No, no, okay. So that's Maisie Williams. Maisie Williams is a neurosurgeon.

She's older. Joey King is, I don't know how old she's supposed to be. It probably says like in the Wikipedia. I did not look at the Wikipedia at all. Well, younger than Evan Rachel would. She's, I don't know. She's in college, regular college. I guess she could be in graduate school.

She could be like one or two years. But Maze Williams is older than Joey King. They do both have baby faces. So it is like... They're both old on I thought. Joey King is 27 and Maisie Williams is 29. Wow. Yeah.

And we watch them both grow up. Oh my God. So we're seeing them be really cute together as they fall asleep. He's saying, you know, I want to be there every day. I want to be there for all the days with you. And she kind of mindlessly says, I love you. And then she like opens her eyes and it's like, oh no. R-IP Gideon.

She's not said this before, but they're both really excited that she said it and shared their giddy and they're kissing and whatever. The next morning, he goes to buy her flowers and while biking back, he gets hit. Oh, God. He gets hit straight by a bus. Like, it's like so fast. It's so fast. Wow.

Not wasting any time. No. Oh, that's really upsetting. Yeah. This is another plot sinkhole under Nicholas Gage's house, which is that for Sandra Bullock, she was able to be in relationship with this guy for long enough to, like, get married, have two children, have those children grow up to be like six or seven years old. We all know that curses speed up through generations.

Yeah, this is a, this is speeding up pretty quickly. Also, you know, they've probably been in love for a long time, but she finally said it. Oh my gosh, she admitted it. And then that's that. He gets hit by a fucking bus. That's brutal. Regina George style. Yeah.

But the second there's impact, she jolts out of bed. She is tethered to him. She feels it. She senses he's in danger. She runs straight outside just in time to see him being wheeled comatose into the back of an ambulance. He's not fully dead. He's not fully dead.

He's in a coma. Okay. Not dissimilar to Regina George. Oh, right. She comes back as well. She does come back. We cut to Sandra Nicole. They are making like flower arrangement.

in matching tan natural fiber cocoon cardigans with like also matching messy braids. I mean. Wow. Stunning. The outfits in this scene, they're literally wearing their twinsies. They're little twinsies in a way that's so cute. And Joey bursts in, she says, Gideon's in a coma. And they're like, And they're like, Oh, it's like I'm there. I don't really. I can't. These are my notes.

Nicole's going, did you tell him you love him? Did you? Did you tell him you love him? You bitch, this is your fault. Literally it's like you didn't explain the situation to her. Yeah, this is. No one explained this to her.

She goes, is he going to die? Is this real? Is this real? And Sandra Bullock is not. She's just like in shock. She doesn't know what to say. She's not answering. Nicole is going, did you tell him?

And then she says, yes, I told him. I love him. Like he loves me. And Nicole says, the curse is real. And she says, is why dad and Gary died. Sandra Bullock again, like not responding, not saying anything. Tough moment to parent three. I'll give her that.

Yeah. And Nicole is like kind of like, it's real. Like, I hate to break it to you, but we are witches. We're super powerful. You did just kill him. This is your fault. I know it's something you want to hear, but this is 100% on you. Yeah.

But Joey's basically like, I don't need to hear from you. I need to hear it from my mom. Like my mom has to tell me. And so Sandra Bick finally relents and she says, we're witches and we're very powerful. And just then like all of the cabinets. burst. They all like open and then all the glass bursts in the room because of her emotions. She's finally acknowledging it. It's been dying to come out this magic. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Joey King is not handling this well. She's not taking it well. She's saying he's in a

hospital because of me. It's my fault. Yeah. You lied to me. I will never trust you again. She storms out of the room. Sandra's pissed at Nicole. She says you broke the one promise that mattered. This is everyone has really misplaced anger. I know. Nicole is like she's my blood too. She's my niece. She deserved to know. We needed to tell her.

But Sandra Bulle cannot be persuaded. She's pissed. She's putting all of her anger on. Nicole Kidman. Joey goes upstairs and she goes straight into Jett's room and she gets the magic book. I guess she just knows to go get that magic book. Then she visits Gideon in the hospital. He's in a coma.

she opens the book. She's having like visions. The book is giving her visions. She starts drawing the visions. And she draws one of those red telephone booths from the UK. And she's, here's a man's voice. It's in a British accent. And she says, I need to go to England.

Wow. Okay. Yeah. Huge. Just then, Maisie Williams burst into the room, bright blue scrubs. She works in the same hospital. They hug. Joey breaks the news to her, the curse is real, we're witches.

I hate to tell you. I need to go to England. I need to just stay with him. I'll be back. I'm going to go fix this. This is a lot to take care of Macy Williams. Masey Williams is like not used in this movie. She's like basically not in the movie.

Like she's like, you see her a handful of times and I really, that's Joey King gets so much more airtime. And it's a shame. I don't know. I just think that that's a little unfair. I think so too. So she goes to England. Do you think when you guys were in college, you'd be able to just pick up and go to England? Absolutely not.

Without, like, no. Asking someone to help you do that. Yeah, no, I would have needed help. Also, like, yeah, I would have needed, like, financial and logistical assistance, I think, probably. Yeah. But she is a witch. She's a witch. She has a job, this witch?

No. She's a college student. I don't know. Also, I'm sure a quick, quick appeal. Video search could have like solved some of these questions for me. But I, the reason she has access to her mom's credit card, that's how Sandra Bullock then figures out where she's going because then there's a whole extended scene with Nicole Kidman being like, you need to just feel her, feel her.

And she's like, I can't, I can't. And then she figures out where she is because of the credit card, not because she's using her powers. Got it. Again, she's really pissed at Nicole. Where the hell is Lee Pace? I know, I know, I know, I know. I'm going to get pretty pissed off. I know.

I know. So Sandra's going to go to England. Nicole says she wants to go with her. Sandra say no, absolutely not. Nicole insists. She says, you've buried your magic.

It's so deep. You can't even access it. I have to come. So Sandra will relents. Stocker Channing gives them a card, the business card of a professor that she knows in London. Better be fucking leap pace. Who might help them on this journey?

Okay. A six foot five man? Six foot five. face. Oh, God. Then we're in the same airport that Joey King was just in. It's so funny how they reuse sets. It's like she's walking there, walking in the exact same hallway Joey King was just walking down. They're walking into the exact same airport terminal that Joey King was just in. Well, that's the terminal to get to London, Henley. That's perfectly realistic. It's the only one. It's the only one. I'm sorry, do you go to a different airport than

then everybody else to fly out of places? It's just funny because it happens in such quick succession. You're like, all right, this is, we're seeing what's going on. In the same positions. Yeah. possibly about 20 minutes later. Exactly. They're still fighting there. There's some more one-liners that I wrote down.

Nicole Kimman is mad at Sandra Bullock for giving her the silent treatment. She says things like you're a piece of meat in 90s clothing. She calls Sandra Bullock a sentient cucumber with an attitude. And then she says you're 80% human and 20% water or something like that. Like it's like there she was she was lodging these like they're mean to each other but I'm also like what? Like it was almost like you're a sentient cucumber. I'd be like what a sentient cucumber with an attitude. And like what is that what does that mean? Am I cucumber shaped? Am I? I had to write it down. I had to write it down. What about me is it? It has something to do with the one that came right before it, which I can't remember. That has to do with water. If it's the percentage of water in your body. But like why is that an insult? What does that mean? I don't know, you guys.

I wish I could remember the exact. I bet even if you could, we still wouldn't know. Piece of meat in 90s clothing. It's 2026. I know, but I guess she's a commentary on her wardrobe. Well, 90s clothing is pretty fucking cool. And they look amazing. I mean, they look phenomenal.

They look phenomenal. He also wore the same exact thing yesterday. Yeah. We're also getting shots of Joey King in her, like, dingy hotel room that she has arrived at, trying to, like, do some spells to figure out what to do, and all of them are failing.

Then we're back with Sandra and Nicole. They've arrived in London. There's a lot of physical comedy about their, like, huge suitcases that they have to haul up a bunch of stairs. This happens again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. Sandra Bullock is a physical comedy.

Yes. It really is. It would be a real shame to not use it. They use it. The woman knows what she's doing. They use it. They use it. So they go straight to the professor's house. They have to haul those suitcases up three flights of stairs. They go... Why they pack so heavy? I don't know. I don't know. It's a really good question. They knock on the door. No one answers. So Nicole Kimman opens it.

You know, Sandra Bullock is like, don't do that. Don't do that. Nicole's like goes inside. She's sensing weird energy. The camera kind of turns into like a fish eye lens for a moment. We're hearing, we're going into this professor's apartment. We're hearing whispering. There are lots of books everywhere. There's some like occult stuff littered in different corners. There's an open whiskey bottle. There's a notebook open that has dark magic stuff written on it. And there's a room divider, not a wall, but like a room divider in the middle of the room. they peer through it and Lee Pace fully butt naked spread out on the bed. Fully butt naked.

We don't get, obviously, we're not getting, this is a PG-13 movie. We're not getting a lot of nudity. But their reactions tell us everything we need to know. Do you see butt? No. Oh, crack? I'm back to being pissed. Yeah, we just see the implication of nudity.

He's completely passed out on the bed, covered in tattoos. They realize that he's paralyzed. He's like awake but paralyzed. Scary. And they quickly put together that he's under a spell. They see like a voodoo doll next to him. Nicole merely sets to work. She puts her hands over him.

She like seems to know exactly what to do. This is another thing where it's like the magic makes no sense. Like sometimes you really are an expert and sometimes you aren't. And in this moment, they know exactly what to do in this situation. So Nicole's putting her hands over him, trying to loosen the spell. that he's under. She's trying to get Sandra Bullock. You got to loosen the spell up. You got to loosen that spell up. She's trying to get Sandra Bullock to help. Sandra Bullock is resisting. She's saying,

this is not our place. There's a funny moment where she covers, covers him with a sheet. Like, oh, my God, I can't believe that I could see his penis. We have to cover it with a sheet. That kind of vibe. Nicole is saying, like, who cares? Like, help me lift the hex. It's not working. It's not working. Finally, Nicole grabs a knife and she cuts open his chest. and black smoke Oh huge swing billows out Sandra Bullock is apologizing She's going oh man I'm so sorry I'm so sorry

Like oh god she's you know Being like flustered doesn't know what to do Nicole seems to know exactly what's going on She starts chanting She gets Sandra to chant with her They're chanting together More and more smoke is coming out of Lee Pace Oh my gosh

The wind is blowing the lights are flickering The lights cut out And Lee wakes up gasping And is his chest cut open? Not really. No. It's not actually cut open. It was just releasing the smoke. Metaphorically cut open.

It was just magic. I think. Immediately Lepeze only has eyes for Sandra Bullock. He smiled. He just makes such intense eye contact only with Sandra Bullock. Immediately is just staring at her. He smiles and he says, thank you. Nicole Kidman is like, uh...

It was more me than her. Like, you're welcome. She's like, hello, hello. It's so ostentatious. It's confusing as a viewer. Because you're like, do they know each other already? Does he know of her already? This is the first time they're meeting.

He wakes up from being paralyzed by dark magic immediately in love with Sandra Bullock. It's, that's just how the movie goes. That's kind of how her whole life has gone, I feel. Yeah, the guys are falling over. People just like see her and. fall in love with her. Meanwhile, we're getting flashes of Joey King back in her hotel room. She's doing all this magic, magic, magic, magic.

This time it works. And we see some similar-looking black smoke come out of the book. And there's like a jump scare of her seeing the image of a woman in the window. And then the words Lachlan Manor appear written on the book. Handy. So then we're back with Lee Pace. Nicole Kidman makes this joke like three times where she says, Anyone fancy a cup of tea?

And then she goes, I have a terrible British accent. She like makes the same joke three times. She's just being a complete loser in front of Lee Pace and Sandra Bollock. She does it, I think two more times where she goes, Fancy, anyone fancy a cup of tea? And then she goes, it's like a compulsion. I can't stop. She's stressed that they like each other.

Is Lee British? Lee is British. Great. Lee is like tall, dark and handsome professor of the occult, I suppose, but also has been kicked out of Harvard and Oxford University. Wow. Being too hot. For being too hot.

And then this would... Man, you gotta go. No one can study. You're way too hot. This is what threw me off, though, about it is that we, you know, notoriously six, five. I know Nicole Kimman is really tall, but in the scenes with Nicole Kimin and Lee Pace, they're the same height. They're the same height.

And it was honestly distracting to me because I was like, how tall are her shoes? How tall are her shoes? Or is this like a, did they do this on purpose? Because it was like distracting. He was so tall. Right. Where's Sandra Bullock ranking in the height? She's like a normal amount shorter than him.

Like not a lot shorter. Just like a very normal amount shorter than him. And Nicole Kimen looks like basically the same height as him. That's movie magic. I was thinking of Gandalf and The Hobbit. She's 511. So you put her in some heels. but there's no way she's wearing seven inch heels.

But 5.11, I can see if she's in like four inch heels, it's going to end up looking pretty similar. Close. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we watch Le Pease do a little spell over the voodoo doll. He incinerates it. Nicole and Sandra are impressed.

And he has a line where he says, it's the 21st century. Men can do anything women can do. And they are like, that's not true. And then he says, I guess my writing really upset someone. He's like shrugs it off. And then he's like, is there something I can do to help you? Sandra gives him the download. She's like, we're witches, but my daughter doesn't know she's a witch.

She took the book of the Raven. She wants to break our family curse. And through this commentary, he figures out, oh, you're the Owen sisters. I have studied you. I've studied your ancestral line. I've studied this curse. Your ancestor was born in the town I grew up in. Wow.

So it can be you. Okay. Again, really handy. Things are just falling into place. He says, your daughter is in very grave danger. Come back tomorrow and we can get started. You just said,

very grave. I don't really want to wait a day. And they're saying the same thing. They're like, oh, grave danger. Like what? That sounds bad. That sounds really bad. We want to start now.

And he says, do you know where she is? And Sandra Bullock is like, no, we don't know where she is. Have you even been listening to us? And then he stops her. And he says, no, it's you who hasn't been listening. And you haven't been listening for a long time. And then he puts his hands on her shoulder. He looks deep into her eyes.

Her head explodes. And he says, because he's so hot. Come back in the morning and be ready to return to yourself. Wow. Whoa. Well, she's about to have a world fucking rocked by Lee Pace. We're back in the hotel room. Nicole and Sandra just, they have more cute sister stuff where they're in bed together,

drinking their generic tequila before bed and talking about a story about something with their hamsters. And I don't know. Okay. So they're friends again. They're, yeah, they're friends again. Cool. Sorry, what about hamsters? Well, so there's like an extended story.

It lasts for like 10 minutes where Nicole came in is like, do you remember when we were kids and like I made your hamster? I thought your hamster could be the first Amelia Earhart and like I put her in that electric airplane. The first Amelia Earhart. The first hamster Amelia Earhart and I put her in an electric airplane and I flew her around and then we lost her and we never found her again. And she's trying to make an analogy to their current situation.

and Sandra Bullock is not following. And she's like, okay, so I, the hamster. And she's saying, no, you're like, you're the remote control operating the electric airplane. And Sandra's like, okay, does that make Kylie the hamster? And she's like, I guess Kylie's the hamster. Would she really name her daughter Kylie? You know what? Every single time I've been saying it, I feel like it's wrong.

Like it's not Kylie? This whole time. Because that does feel strange. Sally just doesn't seem like a Kylie, a Kylie girl. I think the writers or the director or someone, I think their daughter is named Kylie and Antonia. So they're like dedicated. I see. No, her name is Kylie.

Kylie. That's right. It is Kylie. Hmm. Hmm. But Sally's laughing. She's like opening up. She's relaxing.

She's. Okay. She's feeling like better now that her daughter's in grave danger. Sure. Yeah. That's how it would work. work. Okay. Now we're with Kylie again, Kylie Jenner. She is on a British train. This train is so British. It has mauve carpeting everywhere. She's watching videos of Gideon. She's crying. She arrives in this

adorable tiny little British village and voila, the telephone booth that she drew at the very beginning. It's exactly the exact same telephone booth right there when she gets off the bus, the train. The She facetimes her sister, Maisie Williams, who's in the hospital. She's with Gideon. She's also there with Stocker Channing, who has been doing, like, casting, like, witch spells, doing, like, which stuff. She's getting, like, witch dirt all over the sanitized medical stuff. And Macy Williams keeps being, like, stop, like, throwing your, like, dirt everywhere. So there's, you know, that kind of thing going on.

Kylie asks to talk to Gideon. She says she wants to speak to. him directly. She's crying. She's like begging him to hold on to wait for her. She's going to fix it. This is really dark. Very sad. Very sad. Then she's walking around this town. She asks an old kindly gardener where she can find Lachlan Manor. And he immediately says, that place is too dangerous. Don't go to that place. Is this a scam? Are you trying to scam me right now? this is the gas station warning before the camp before the haunted summer camp he's saying don't go there it's too dangerous it's never you'll never come back and then but he says but this guy lives nearby

you could go with him maybe he can help you never go but if you were to go it would be right this way follow me and then like out behind him pops a young hot gardener um who is like my family is taking care of Locklanda for generations. I live right there. I can bring you. His name is Tom Bailey and he brings her to his house and makes her tea and toast. Before we get there, we're going to go back with Sandra Nicole. It's the next morning. They've woken up. They are. Is she ready to return to herself? They have their suitcases. They're hauling their suitcases up those stairs. Again. Why do they have to bring them every time they come over? They're bringing them everywhere. You never know. You never know. where you need them. Upon arrival, Lee Pace tells him he's been up all night working. And then there is

some extended lore stuff that is discussed that I can't remember. It has something to do with a scroll and a scroll being stolen and a witch of the bloodline, only a witch of the bloodline can control the full power of the scroll. And so whoever has the scroll has been like summoning Kylie so she can do stuff with a scroll. And then he's like, we just need to figure out where it's summoning her too. So he takes out a device that looks old on the outside, new on the inside,

opens it up. And he like sprinkles some like cocaine. It looks like cocaine. It looks like fucking cocaine. You guys. He sprinkles it all over. He's on the outside. It looks like cocaine.

It looks like fucking cocaine, you guys. It's distracting because it's on like a, it's on like a mirror. And it's kind of like, right, right, right. What are you guys doing? It's fucking cocaine. But whatever, it's Hollywood baby. So then he takes Sally's hand, take Sandra Bullock's hands. Then he says, like, you have to trust me.

He stands behind her. He's holding her hands and he puts one of his hands on her chest. And he closes his eyes. They're very close together. Closes his eyes and he's feeling her feelings. He's saying you're scared. You're afraid of your power. You're ignoring your heritage at your own peril.

You're blocked. Sandra is like, I'm a human being. I'm not a drain. I'm not blocked. I'm not a cucumber. I'm not a drain. I'm a lady. I'm a real lady.

That's the humor in this movie. He says, have you lost people? and it's a sobering question she tries to deflect but then sir last i heard you'd studied my whole bloodline so i feel like you should know i guess the older bloodline not he's got us up to snuff on the new stuff but she says yes and she says but nobody gets a love story that defies death and then he says what about the the great love stories that transcend time and he says Ross and Rachel, Sam and Molly. He seriously says Ross and Rachel?

He says Ross and Rachel. First, he says that one first. I think he says, I think he says like, like, Gwynnevere and Lancelot, or like another. Sure. Gwebrian Lancelot, Ross and Rachel. But then he immediately goes to Ross and Rachel. And then he says Sam and Molly and Nicole Kimman goes,

Who are Sam and Molly? And then both Sandra Bullock and Lee Paceko, from Ghost, of course. and then they both bond over their love of the movie Ghost. Okay. But now her chest is glowing because she's laughing and she's feeling her feelings again. Wow. This was a really bad boyfriend. Yeah.

I know. Maybe, yeah. So Lee's hand is still firmly on her chest. Her chest is glowing even more. And after laughing, we start to hear like sounds of a little. Laughter is the best medicine. It is. It is. It's magic. You're hearing sounds of a baby laughing, baby giggling in the background. And then he like rips his hand away. And there's kind of this like big whoosh in the room and she stumbles forward. She looks shocked by whatever has happened. Joey King is pregnant. Nicole Kidman just like holds her shoulders and it's like, Sally, there you are. There you are. You're back. You're back. I guess I'm pretty sure the baby was supposed to be like Joey King's.

laughter as a baby. I think this is all about like her like feeling, getting back in touch with what matters. Yes. Yes. And like not being so scared of her like her ability to like love. I suppose. Right. If you shut off some of your love, you shut off all. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. You have to learn to love like Ross loved racial. Yes. Yes. That's how we return to ourselves. That's what makes us a Tradwife movie. Yeah, fair. So Sandra Bulk is back somehow. She's back.

This has fixed her emotional blockages. And now she can do what she needed to do in the beginning. She can sense Kylie. She can kind of sense. Where is she? I know, I know. Where is she? Where is she?

Where is she? So she now is able to kind of like run her hand over the cocaine-like substance. And it turns into a map. and they see immediately Lockwood Manor Lockland Manor or the Village of Thornfield Lockland Manor

Yes Then Lee Pace is like I grew up there They're like okay So they get on the same train That Kylie was just on again The exact same set Same people same passengers

Same angles for the camera Didn't move the camera angles at all Yeah we don't want to waste time on a reset No no no And Sandra Bullock and Lee, they have a little chat. They're getting to know each other more. She asks him about his tattoos. We find out that he followed the quote unquote left-handed path as far as he could go until he was able to like come back.

There has been this discussion of the left-handed path, which is a reference to going down like a dark, I don't know, way of doing magic, I suppose. Seems rude to left-handed people. Yeah, I know. It was a little, that is, your right, it's a little insensitive. A little problematic. And then he's saying, you know, we have to find Kylie before she goes too far and can't come back. In this conversation, Sandra Bullock shares that her ex-husband died. And he says, magic makes everything more difficult, but there's always hope that you'll meet someone who understands. Me, I know magic.

You don't have to hide anything. We can be our true self. Yeah, but Sandra Bullock is not. I definitely won't die. Yeah, she's resisting. She's resisting. Thomas I'll never die. She makes a quip about them not being, he's like, we're not strangers.

And she says, well, I have seen a lot of you. There are a lot of, like, little, like, quippy little ha ha ha ha ha. He-hies and ha-haz. Then we are back with Kylie and Tom, the young gardener. They are at his kitchen table, having tea and toast. the first thing she says is I'm here because my boyfriend is in a coma because of a curse that was started by my ancestor who was a witch. Okay. And the worst part is I completely blame my mother.

She literally, it's the first, it's like, we're not sort of like ramping up to this reveal. No. And the worst part is I completely blame my mother. That's the worst part. That's the worst part. It's not the coma. Uh-uh. Or the curse.

I was really feeling for Joey King in a, this moment. I was like, wow, you have been handled, you've been handed like a really tough. A really tough scene. Like, like, I don't know how you make this. I don't know how you make this feel normal or natural. He's literally like, this part's not singing so much. Yeah. He's like, he's like, well, how, why are you here? And she just is like, well, it's going to sound kind of crazy, but my boyfriend's in a coma because of a curse started by my ancestor. It's like, But, you know, then he responds and he says, it's not a competition, but if it was a competition, I would tell you that my dad left and my mom drank herself to death. Oh, game set match.

So, and Joey King is kind of like, oh, that is tough too. That's also pretty tough. That's also tough. Game recognize game. But then she's like, enough about you. Look at this magical book that I have. Look, we could go back and forth all day, but I am here for a reason. Your life sucks.

My life sucks. Look at this book. Here's a page that says how to break the curse. Let me show it to you. It's too hot. Ouch, out. Ouch, out. He's like salivating at this point.

The young gardener has been giving off so many. red flags, like in this whole dynamic. Perhaps he summoned her here. Dark magic. Yeah. Is his dad 6'5 and incredibly hot? No. Oh, okay, great.

There's not, there's not going to be a complication like that in this book. Okay. Okay. Things are just as they seem always. Okay, great. Love that for us. Yes. But Joey King, despite things always being exactly as they seem, she's not.

She can't see them. No, she's not being up. he's putting down. And she looks like the big bad wolf in like grandma clothing. Yeah, like his eyes are absolutely popping out of his head and his tongue is dangling. And he's saying things like, wait a minute, you're related to Maria Owens? News to me. Her mom was burned here.

Hannah Owens. Hannah Owens was burned here. Not by anyone that I know. So far in this, we had only really know. known about Maria Owens. So now we're finding this is another person. Now we're finding about Maria Owen's mom, Hannah Owens. Also burned here. Also burned here. Burned here. Maria would have been four pretty dark stuff. And so we're finding out that Hannah, the mom was here. And he's saying like, the manner you're meant to go there, you're meant to find out. You guys, I'm sorry. I should have

like done some more research into like exactly the like dynamics of this. curse and I'm sure that if I thought about it for five seconds, I could figure it out. But basically, he just like wants her to go to the manner because then he can burn her. He's an illegitimate air. He's a left hand, left hand path. So Hannah Owens, I think, was raped by the person who like was in charge of the manner. And maybe the person who like burned her. Then he burned her alive.

Wow, really tough. really, really dark, but she had a son. So she had Maria Owens, who was a witch, but then she also had a son who was not... Didn't get all the magic because of the way he was conceived, which is horrible. And then, like, through generations has been, like, stuck in this taking care of... And took the left-handed path because he's inherently evil because of how he was conceived. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of like the backstory there. We don't know the details exactly. have that yet, but we're about to talk about. And this is this guy, Tom? Or this guy's, uh, ancestors? Yes. Yes. Um, so more of that's going to come out soon. But for now, he just ostentatiously

drugs her and she doesn't notice and falls asleep, passes out at the table. Then we're back with Sandra and Nicole and Lee. They have arrived at the same adorable little village. Lee Pace's mom happens to own a tiny, adorable little hotel. that they're going to stay in. It's the middle of the night when they arrive. Lee Pace's mom feeds them pie by candlelight. But Nicole needs to go to bed because she drank too much on the train. And so that leaves Lee and Sandra to have a really romantic pie moment in the kitchen.

He pours a gravy boat of custard all over her pie in a way that disgust me more than I can explain. It's an actual gravy boat filled with custard. A whole gravy boat. doesn't pour the whole thing, but he pours a hefty amount. It is a lot of custard. There's something that feels like, like some nasty innuendo there too. I don't like it. No, you're not wrong. But Sandra loves it. She loves custard. She loves the way Lee's pouring it and like you have her. Yeah. See, nasty. There is subtext there. She's apologizing for her behavior on the train. She's a little rude on the train. He understands.

He understands. He says, you know, they talk about how she's a powerful. witch and she's saying I know and he really likes that about her. I really like that you're a powerful witch. One of my favorite things about you is that you're just like such a powerful witch. And so the next line, the next line he says, I like this. And she's like what? And he goes, my molecules being near your molecules. Oh God.

Oh, God. And then we get another needle drop. Fade into you. Needle drop blasts into the sea. blasts in as he's pouring more custard onto her pie from the custard gravy boat oh my she loves him she loves him he loves her they're looking at each other longingly wow and they love their molecules being near to each other's molecules this this part was just like oh god it was so i like cringed out of my seat i was just cringing that's tough because you have lee pace there and like

it should this should only be good you should have been second Like what we're seeing and hearing. It's just they don't have enough time or the time that they had was wasted. Like it was like the lines that are going back and forth are not establishing intimacy actually. It's working because of the absolute like magnetism of these two actors. Like that's the only thing that's saving it from being terrible. Both of them are unbelievably like I'm drawn to both of them. My God.

The charisma. But my molecules being near your molecules. I really don't like that. I find that really upsetting. That really takes you out of it. It's really unpleasant to hear. Mm-hmm. Especially when there hasn't been enough time to like establish their relationship.

Mm-hmm. They've only known each other for like 24 hours. Like you know what's an oldie but goody? Like, hey, I'm having a really nice time. Yeah. That would work. That works or like. Yeah.

Or like it's really easy to talk to you. I'm, yeah. Like, I'm glad you're here. I'm going to reaching over and like tucking her hair behind her ear. Hey, how much custard do you want? Would you like to pour it yourself? These are the kinds of things that I feel like work for regular people all the time. Or we could just get rid of the custard.

We don't need the custard at all. You don't have to have custard at all. How do you take your pie? Custard? Yes or no? And while we're at it, I'm enjoying spending time with you. Yeah. And maybe we don't have to do this with my mom right here.

Well, his mom is not in the room, to be fair. His mom is not in the room. But she's there. I know that probably your daughter might be about to die. Exactly. There's also that. So they're looking longingly at each other, but she needs to turn in. Nothing can happen.

Then we're back with Kylie. She has, I guess, woken up at that kitchen table and not really thought much of it because now they're stomping through the forest going up to this abandoned. Kylie. She's not concerned about. There's a line where she goes, sorry for passing out.

I guess I was really jet lagged or something. Oh, Kylie, honey. Oh my God. Also, like, you'd be feeling, like, you'd be like, why do I feel hungover? Like, it's like, that's not, I got drugs. Like, it doesn't feel like jet lag. She's too distracted. Maybe it was magic.

Maybe it was magic. Maybe it was magic with no hangover. But still, yeah, falling asleep somewhere unexpectedly and waking up there, I feel like, you should be like, at a table after eating and drinking food that has been given. What the fuck happened? Yeah. And also while she was passed out, the garden guy was doing bad spells in a hoodie in the other room all in a room. Oh, in a hoop. Like, it's so funny that that's how they like signal, I mean, I guess this is another problematic thing. Like they signal he's bad by having him in a hoodie. That's another like textbook. Like do not do that right now. Well, they did that. Um, so they're hiking through a forest. She's apologizing to him for him drugging her. Swimming. Love apologizing in this movie. Um, he's, the mansion is like, the manor is so abandoned. No one has lived there for centuries. It's just a foundation at this point. And we're like not clocking this that we're like, huh. Well, for me, I'm like, what is she really thinking is going to happen right now? Like what? And so they, so they get up to this manner. She needs more of the societal distrust that we want less of. Yeah. Let's meet somewhere in the middle, us and Joey King. Um, yeah, it's just overgrown. It's being. It's basically like a stone foundation at this point. They walk into this kind of open room that has,

and he's explaining to her, he's like, my great, great, great grandfather built this. And then he's explaining the whole lore. He's like, you know, we actually, we share an ancestor, you and I. Then he explains the whole Hannah Owens. I had a son, but he was an illegitimate part of the line. He didn't get any magic. She's, again, she's just not picking up on anything that he's putting down. He, like, dramatically pulls away a tarp, and underneath of it is a star that looks like it could be lit on fire and all these, like, magical little witch symbols everywhere. And in the middle is the pyre where apparently Hannah Owens was burned alive. Oh, God. Yeah. Oof. So that's also, like, he, like, with a dramatic flourish, reveals that. Check out where your great grandma died.

Joey King is like, wow, that's nuts. You keep that kind of intact all the time. It's sort of like an important thing that you like to preserve. Yeah. Maybe it's old on the outside, you on the inside. It stays up. No problem.

So also Sandra Bullock. Sorry, my notes are going to get a little crazy right now. Then we're back with Sandra Bullock. She joltz out of bed. She has senses that her daughter is in danger because now she's in touch. She throws her clothes on. She runs downstairs. Conveniently in the lobby of this hotel is the old man gardener who says, I told her to go to

Lockland Manor. To be fair, I told her was bad. Oh, that girl I told her to go to Lockland Manor. And then we also find out that Tom Bailey. used to be Lee Pace's student also in this conversation. When he was left-handed. Yeah. Doing the left-hand path.

I don't know. So they rushed to Tom Bailey's house because that's where the old gardener told them to go. They break into the house. They are immediately seeing signs of black magic everywhere. They immediately can tell that Kylie was poisoned. They find his secret magic room. It's filled with all the things. you would expect to see like heads floating in formaldehyde and bones of animals and feathers and shit, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like books opened and to like evil page. Yeah, Nicole Kimman going, these are spells for vengeance. And then there's like a newsletter article about Hannah Owens, like right on the wall too. Then Lee Pace is putting pieces together. He's going, oh my God, there was always a rumor that Maria Owens had a sibling, a brother. there was always this rumor that this happened. And he was part of the illegitimate bloodline who didn't get any magic again. We're getting that again. And then they find a picture of Lee Pace with Tom Bailey. Now, I believe maybe the audience found out that Tom Bailey was Lee Pace's student.

I can't remember exactly. But maybe they don't know that. So they see this picture of Lee Pace with Tom Bailey. They're like, oh, we can't trust him anymore. It's like a revelation. Yeah. They're like, oh shit, we can't trust. So like a bit of a red herring.

So they immediately decide they can't trust Lee Pace, which is like fair. I mean, they just met this guy. But it's so fast. Like they're all in it together. They find this picture. Immediately they're like, we don't trust him. But what an interesting choice to have the audience be in on the truth for that moment rather than letting us be.

The movie, the filmmakers never wanted you to doubt Lee Pace. They really wanted to make sure you were always on. Leapace's side. Yeah. So Sandra Bullock knocks him out with a cast iron pan. Sure. And there's more physical comedy where he then falls backwards on top

of her. And there's a long extended scene of well Nicole Kimman putting some I think Bella Donna, whatever makes you fall asleep. Putting that in his mouth to make him pass out while Sandra Bullock's like lying on the ground with Lee Pace on top of her. And then them trying to get Leepace off of

Sandra Bollick, which is tough. And then her arm gets stuck under Lee pace. And it just lasts for a while. How much is a six foot five man, muscular man way? Yeah. 200 something? It would really hurt, actually, to have something like a man like that actually land on you.

Then we're back at the manor. The young gardener guy is telling Joey King exactly what to do. He's saying read from the book, read this part of the book. This is the part you should read. No, baby. Joey King is kind of like, wow, you really know what you're doing. And he's like, I do. And then she starts reading from the book.

And then she mispronounces it. And he's like, isn't it actually you should pronounce it this way? Oh, no. And then she's like, okay, you're right. And so then she starts pronouncing it that way. The spell starts working. You know because the wind is going. The book starts flip a flopping.

And suddenly Joy King's spidey senses kick in. Better late than never. Better late than never, babe. She's like, this, wait, this is wrong. This feels weird. This is really weird. This isn't right. She drops the book.

She starts running away. He chases her. Chases her through this abandoned mirror. Clear sign of someone who's bad. Yeah. And so now she knows. Like he is bad. Now she knows.

He's bad. Now she knows. And he slams her head Into the wall We see at this point Nicole and Sandra are running through the woods To get to the manor When Joy King's head slams into the wall

Sandra Bullock's head slams into a tree So they're like tethered to a certain degree When Joy King wakes up Her she's tied to that pyre Yeah She's surrounded by the star That is lit in flames Like a pengegram?

I guess It's a pentagram. No, it's not a pentagram. It's an actual, I mean, was a pentagram a star? What does a pentagram look like? It's a star with like the middle part drawn in too. Like if you did it all in one stroke without lifting the pen with a circle around it. They didn't do the lines. It's just a, just a star. It's just a star without the lines. From what I could, from what I remember anyway. So he is saying, give me your power. He's like, Tyler. you don't deserve that power. Give me your power. It's rightfully mine. She's saying, I can't help you. Stop. You're insane. She's saying, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. He's saying, I've had to beg for everything. If I have this power, I'll never have to beg for anything again. He's doing the classic maniacal. Villain. Villain stuff. Yeah. Meanwhile, Nicole and Sandra are arriving at the manor. They're sneaking up. They're peeking through the door. They're seeing this happening. They're hiding, trying to figure out what to do. And just then the young Gardner guy stabs Kylie in the chest and a bunch of... A similar like black smoke stab. Yeah, black smoke comes out. And Sandra Bullock rushes out to try to stop him. But it's too late. The black smoke has like gone into him and now he has powers. It happened super fast. So like she tries to blast him with her powers,

but he blasts her first, pushes her back. They scream at each other. They're screaming at each other. One thing that I did enjoy about this is that his maniacal villain, like, monologing, then kind of goes to the background. So he's still maniacal villain monologuing. Like, he's still saying stuff about, like... But we kind of just, like, turn the volume down on that.

We're like, there's a kind of other stuff going. Yeah, and then there's kind of other stuff going. Sure, sure. You keep going. You keep going. We just kind of we don't really care. So we've heard it before. We've heard it before.

You know, he's talking about how everyone. and gossiped about me my whole life and I was always an outsider and no one liked me and blah. And while he's doing that, Nicole Kimman sneaks up behind him and unties Joey from the pyre. She grabs her, takes her away, takes her off to the side and then cuts her palm and then they put their palms together, which I guess is like somehow giving her some of her power maybe and also just like tethering them to each other. Tom should have tried that.

And then at one point Tom Bailey says like even Ian who's the professor, Lee Pace, even Ian, he's the only person who could have ever helped me. And even he said no, even he wouldn't help me. So showing that Lee Pace is innocent and he was knocked out for a reason.

What have we done? What have we done? Thank God he chose to include that in his monologue. It's really helpful. Even Ian, a guy that you probably don't even know have never met. Why would I talk about him now? But in case you had met him, you should know that he's actually a really good guy. Also, he's not noticing that Sandra Bullock is whispering to Nicole Kippman going, run, just run, take her and run. And Nicole Kittman is saying like, no, I'm not going to leave you.

They're having like a full conversation while this guy is like monologuing in the background. Then Nicole like puts her palm with Joey King's palm. And then they like combine power. and then they're able to sneak up behind Tom Bailey and who is he talking to if they're able to get up behind him well no he's talking to Sandra Bullock and then Nicole Kim and and Joey are behind him oh and Joey come up behind him okay okay yeah picturing him just like screaming to the forest while they all sneak up behind him that was funny and they start like blasting this guy with their powers I keep using that term because that's just what's happening yeah yeah yeah and then we start to hear like voices in the background so we're getting the sense that maybe Hannah Owens maybe

Maria Owens are like involved maybe helping maybe adding their powers to the mix then they link hands with Sandra Bullock they're able to surround him they link hands so they're in a circle around him all of them have triples his best triple's best all of them have like just to call it out because it's so insane in this shot I mean I was finding it a little distracting they have like zero percent body fat between the three of them. And then they're tensing their muscles so intensely. They have their like ripped arms. And so we're just getting like the most ripped shoulders arms like chest shot of all of them just straining as hard as they can as they like. Meanwhile, Maisie Williams is like, I'm available. Yeah, she's like,

if you guys like need anything. I also booked out to do this movie. And if you want or of me, I could come. Yeah. She's like, I'm missing. I'm, I, Yeah, like, what do you guys need? So they like push him onto the pyre. So now he is on the pyre. And they take back the power from him. And then they burn him with magic, I suppose. And he kind of just disintegrates into black dust.

Oh, God. So they commit a murder. Yeah, they commit a murder. Great. And then they are all embracing. They're hugging. They're crying. And so what about that curse? Sandra Bullock is, you know, saying like you are, you're a witch.

I'm so sorry I should never have taken that from you. And Joey King is like, scrolls about? Are we going to find a scroll or something? So the scroll? We don't have to, we don't have to worry about it. Yeah. Maybe now we can read the page of the book that says how to break the curse? Well, so then the curse, then they look back at the book and the book says,

the curse shall not be ended by charm or prayer alone. A witch's life must be sacrificed to end the curse. Well, Jed just died. So it has to be sacrificed by will of her own. So this is where the problematic part of the movie comes in. This is why this commentator was making the argument that's kind of a tradwife movie. It's kind of like secretly a conservative male talking point movie because to end this generational curse, a woman must sacrifice. her own life. And it's like, haven't there been enough stories where women have had to sacrifice?

Haven't women sacrificed enough? Do we really need another narrative that's about a woman sacrificing her life for heterosexual relationships for like. And I definitely see that point of view. But that's just what this movie chose to do. So that's what's happening. Sure. So dang, the curse still there. Um, nose goes. However, we do get another needle drop this time. It's Olivia Rodriguez, the cure, blasting. As Sandra Bullock runs, all the first movie, runs to Lee Pace to apologize. Um, because she did hit him over the head with a cast iron pan and leave him for dead, essentially.

He is drinking at a bar. He's pretty pissed. He's not happy that she didn't trust him. Well, she didn't know him. Yeah. And then he's saying, I've waited for you for a long time. She says, I just wanted to thank you. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, and that's my fault. Why? She says, I just want to thank you. And he's, he like loves her. They're, there, they're, it gets over it pretty quickly. She thanks him for introducing her to custard, literally. Wow. And so much at once.

And then there's really like the tension could have been cut by a knife. He holds her face and looks into her eyes and acts like he's going to kiss her. And then they like talk about kissing. Like we do molecules and stuff. He's like, why can't just one kiss, one kiss? And she's like, why have like one kiss can like change it all? We can't. We can't.

So he's he's just he just nods and he stands up We should maybe like try to figure out the curse thing first Yeah well she's just saying no she's saying it's not going to happen He's saying you're not coming back she's saying no I'm not coming back like Okay okay this is up she walks away Joey King she saw the whole thing She's in there her hair is wet she just came from a shower she's watching her mom right Heartbroken she's empathizing with her mom she's realizing this has been tough on my mom as well. It's been the worst part is that she blamed her mom. I know it's a worst part by far.

So then we are back in the hospital. Joey is sleeping on Gideon's hospital bed. He's still in a coma. We see Stocker Channing take the book. Oh, fuf. It's not going to be one of our core characters. Who's your walk? Well, here I'm thinking, oh gosh, Sandra Bulls going to kill herself to save her daughter. I was worried about that too. I wasn't sure who's going to. No, she's not going to do that. It's Dr. Cheney and she goes to a river. She's here in the Beatles, the Death Watch Beatles, is clicking and clackin. She sees an image of jet across the way.

She's wearing a purple boa or like a purple feathered dress. She waves to her. She then just walks into the river. You see her cloaks billowing behind her. Oh, God, what a way to go. It's actually really sad. It really does feel like, did we need to do? do this, but,

uh, so she walks in the river, and then the next thing you see, Sandra Bullitt will. Well, if a woman is going to die, it should be the oldest woman. Yeah, let's kill that old woman. I mean, I wasn't going to say it, but yeah.

Um, the closest to a hag. A crown. The one with the least left to offer the world. Yeah. Yeah. Um, the ugliest one. So,

they, like, clearly didn't put her in the movie that much. purpose so that it would be like less of a blow when she just killed herself at the end. Disappears from this earth. Sheds her mortal coil. Macy Williams was these close. You really dodged the both there.

Macy. It could have been you. It really could have been you. We sense that the curse breaks. We can tell and also maybe they can tell that Franny has died because Sandra Bullock is in her garden. and she looks up at the sky and she puts her hand on her heart with her gardening glove on. She says, oh, thank God. She says, oh, thank God.

Thank you. I wasn't going to say it, but we're all crying out. We're all thinking in you. God. We barely even saw you in this movie. And then we're back in the hospital and Gideon wakes up. He wakes up. Wow.

And then the sisters look at their. Their hands, their love lines are healed. Their palms are. Okay. Oh, wow. Transform. We see, like, the ghost of stalker chanting float away. Oh.

And then we cut to a year later. Maisie Williams, Joey King, Sandra Bullock, they're on the bed together. They're trying on lipstick. Sandra Bullock is saying she's not sure she's a fan of the bold lip. They're laughing. They're giggling. They're close to each other. She's a dark autumn.

Yeah. I don't know. Actually, what she does. I actually don't know. What do you think are? are. Sandra Bullock, not a cool winter? I think she's probably closer to a cool winter than a warm autumn, but.

I said dark autumn. Sorry, dark autumn. Let's see what the internet thinks. Yeah, she probably is a winter. You're right. I'm looking at her IMD picture. And she is wearing a bold lip in her IMDB profile picture. Singapore's color season is widely analyzed as a cool winter or deep winter.

Whoa, not to brag, but I did call that. She's a deep winter. She's a deep winter. Oh, deep. Not a cool. But she is more cool toned than warm. Winter. Yes.

That's the winter of it. That's the winter of it. So bold lip would be fine on her. It would be fine. She really could do it if she wanted. So, yeah. They're giggling in bed. It's nighttime.

She brings them to the mantle where there are a bunch of candles and she blows on a candle and it lights up. And the girls go, And then she goes, you guys do it too. Try. And then both them do it. They light up the candles as well. There's pictures of Frannie and Jett on the mantle. One of them says, I can't believe it's been a year since Franny and Jett died. And then all the light. One of them died. One of them sacrificed herself for our future. And that's how you know it's a year later too. Then all the candles light up. So you can tell that they haven't really died because Frannie and Jett are in the room. They're lighting up the candles too. That's nice. is an extended cute goodnight scene that involves them like joking about Sandra Bullock like not being able to say goodnight. Her like standing outside the door like with her head on the door like not able to say goodbye to her daughters that she loves so much.

Wow. Trying lipstick right before bed is really interesting choice. Well so tomorrow's a big day. That's why because tomorrow is a really big day and they're getting ready for the big day. Tomorrow's going to be a really big day. Wedding. And then while Sandra Bullock is outside in the hallway, Nicole Kippman comes up behind her and surprises her. That's they have a lot of physical touching and kissing and hugging. And they're saying we're the aunts now. We're the aunts. And then we're getting the voiceover again that we got in the beginning.

Now we're getting at the end. We're seeing images of a wedding the next day. It's all in the backyard. And the voiceover is saying, for most of my life, I wanted to be normal. But the truth is life without magic is no life at all. and we're seeing Gideon and Joey King get married. Afterwards, we're seeing her throw the bouquet. What's everybody's lip color?

And I can't remember. We're seeing Maisie Williams catch the bouquet. Again, this is all in celebration of heterosexual relationships. Very heteronormative. Yeah. And marriage. In med school, so it's going to be a while. She's got a lot going on.

And then finally, we get lime in the coconut at the reception. Okay, great. Everyone's dancing to lime into coconut. not my favorite song by Henry Nelson. Ninja blender. There's a blender. They have a blender. It's not the ninja and they use their magic to turn it on.

Okay. I think they use their magic to turn into a ninja. We only have ninjas at this house. This is not a good blender. Excuse me. Replays for a ninja. Then Sandra Bullock does an extended dancey, dance scene with two margaritas, two lime and a coconut.

Who she dancing to? Who is she dancing to? Who is it? Who is it? It's Leepace. Oh my God. Not her sister. Fuck her sister.

She can have men now. So Leipace is happy. He takes the Margarita. They have, I think they kiss. They better fucking kiss. I fucking hope so. That's crazy how I don't even remember. That's like they kiss.

Really saying something. Sorry, sorry. They definitely kiss and it's hot. Hot and memorable. And memorable. And then Sandra Bullock is like, come on, girls. We're going to go do something.

you haven't done in a long time and they're like, what's this? And they go up to the top of the roof and she goes, you'll remember it when we do it probably. And they have umbrellas and they go to the top of the roof and then they look down at their feet and their feet have turned into witch's feet. Like with like white and redstripe socks

and like pointy witch boots. Okay. And then they open their umbrellas. And then that song, dancing in the moonlight everybody's singing warm and bad is such a man and that just said yeah that that needle drop happens and they open up those umbrellas and they just jump off that roof and they float down to the front yard it's in front of the entire in front of everybody in front of everyone it's in front of this is also how the first movie ended the first movie ended by being like

They've been accepted into their neighborhood. Everyone knows their witches. On every Halloween, we like celebrate it by jumping off the roof. Got it. Now they're doing it again. Everyone is astonished. They love it. They cheer.

And then the voiceover says, live a little, love a lot. Roll credits. End of movie. Live a little. Love a lot. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dancing in the moonlight.

In the moonlight. Everybody feeling wrong. Wow. Okay. Was that exactly what you expected? It was perfect in every way. No notes. Oh, my. I do have one question. There's a lot of children on the IMD page credited as botany child. Botany child. I'm just a little curious why there's seven botany child kids listed on the IMDV. Wait, let me look. I can't even think of what that is. I don't. know when I like actually hold on I need to look they're all listed above Joey King which is they're listed above Joey King and Maisie Williams but that's less surprising wait it must have been

oh my god there's so little the botany children they're like little teeny tiny babies what is that I'm just curious about that yeah I actually genuinely don't know and I would also like to get to the bottom of that. Someone in the comments is going to be like, you fucking idiot. It was obviously this. How could you forget

the botany children? How could you fucking forget about this? I don't know what that is. Well, wow. It was fine, just as you said.

And it was totally fun. It's totally fine. And that's a pull quote that we can all get behind now that we've heard such an excellent recap. What a fine film. What a totally fine film.

Oh, and he's, I'm looking at the Wikipedia now. I should have looked at this before. Sorry, guys. It was Tom who cursed Ian. Yeah, oh, right. So Tom Kurt. Oh, it's the one who cursed Ian. He's the one who,

because he knew they were coming to see him? I, yeah, he, he, or he's just mad and didn't want to help him. So he's the one that paralyzed him in the beginning. And then also he stole his grimroar. So he stole the, like, like scroll. Because he was like you're bad.

And then he knew that would lure Kylie to Thornfield. So he had also done that. Got it. Yeah. My children still question mark. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

So, well, there you go. You know, the idea for Triples' best was to do three witch movies. We did two which movies, both with kind of. not the right witch message. I know. I was, oh, I was trying to explain to Silas yesterday that witches are good and that he needs to be careful because often narratives try to tell you that witches are evil and bad. And he might see that displayed in a lot of the content he's consuming, but I just want him to,

I want to raise him to be, you know, kind of a speculative thinker. I want him to think, I want him to think critically about what he's watching and what he's consuming. You know, he's five. So that was a tough message to get across. I don't know exactly how to clarify that. But he was saying witches are good. I think probably got it. He was saying witches are good.

He was like, who's a good witch? And I said, well, you're on Sammy's a good witch. I was like, Sammy's a witch. There you go. And he was like, he was like, Sammy's a witch. And I was like, yeah, Sammy's a witch. And he was like, oh, okay. And I was like, and she's great.

She's good. Witches, they're just like us. Yeah, witches, they're just like us. They, in fact, are us. They're us. Witches? They're us. Yeah.

I mean, we should do, I should just do like a little bonus episode just on witches. You should do some little spells with Silas and be like, now we're witches. We do play backyard witches all the time. That's one of our main games. There you go. That's fun. But you can like mix up some like oregano and basil. You can be a kitchen witch.

That's a thing. So when you're cooking, kitchen witches, garden witches. There's real household witch stuff that you can do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, that was, that was, that was okay. That was a movie. It was totally fine. Yeah, that was a movie.

Thank you, Henley, for your service, going to the movie theater, which I know you don't get to do often. And thank you for doing that with this movie rather than another movie. Any other movie. I know. I haven't seen any movies except this movie. I haven't seen The Odyssey, haven't seen anything important. I was worried because I heard people say that it felt like even though it's two hours, it felt like it was seven hours. For me, I felt like it was fine. I don't know. I just felt like the length that it was. Yeah. Yeah. Me. It's only fine.

Yeah. Thank you guys. I love you. Love you. Thank you for your service. Love you guys. What a totally fine time. Totally fine time. It was a totally fine movie, but Henley, you made it sing. Oh, you made it sing. You really made it sing. In less capable hands. I didn't even want to know. I don't even want to know.

I don't want to think about it. Thanks, you guys. And I don't have to. Thanks to you, Ann. Thanks, you guys. There weren't really any voices. I mean, there were British accents, but. Some British accents.

Some British accents. So, I'll say. from all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye We didn't

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