Too Scary; Didn't Watch - RESIDENT EVIL (2026)

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

00:00 - Intro15:24 - Movie intro & stats28:42 - RecapSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy. And you're listening to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those Too Scared to Watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Hemley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies.

And I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies. And so I watch them so that you don't have to. And this is the finale of Helmys. Chela 3, triples is best. The crowd goes wild. You guys, I've still never seen the skit. I've just still never seen triples as best. I love your commitment to your opposite of commitment to the bit.

Yeah. I'm, I guess it's commitment to the bit. I'm committing to my bit. I'm committing to my bit to be anti-bit. But I've fully on board for triples as best, obviously. Obviously. I don't need to see the sketch. It speaks for itself.

It speaks for itself. All Hellchella episodes are available on our Patreon as video episodes. We've got some fun backgrounds. So if that doesn't get you interested, I don't know what would. I don't know what would. That's literally our best idea. And our merch is finally here. Some of you have already seen.

It's so good. We're so proud of it. And we love it so much. and we hope you do too. The link to purchase it is on our Instagram or on our website to Scary Didn't Watch.com. I just want to like also plug Ambient Inks who we worked with. They're such an awesome company. I found them through Diabolical Lies, the podcast that I love.

And they're based in the U.S. And they're, they only use like sustainable products. And they're really wonderful to work with. And I'm just so excited about the quality. of the t-shirt. The t-shirt is a really nice quality. You guys like how it feels on your body. In addition to the gorgeous design, of course, the sexiest little demons dancing together. And shout out to Ella Tolkien, who did that sexy design. She made those sexy little demons. I found through a podcast as well. Look at that.

Oh, my gosh. Podcast. Podcast. I'm really excited about our t-shirt. And we also only, it's a limited run. So they're going to sell out. So if you want one, you should get it now. Yep. Yep. Yep. And if you want to jump straight to our recap, why would you? It's the last episode of Hellchild. Don't you want to savour every

last moment? Slow it. Slow it down. Half speed. Listen to our stock like this. Because first, I want to know, did anything scary happen to my friends this week.

I need to tell you guys. So you already know I went to a wedding this weekend. I've been talking about it nonstop. Oh my gosh. You won't shut up about it. I won't fucking shut up about it. It's really rude because I'm going to another wedding next weekend, which maybe may or may not be more important. But while I was at this wedding, I was kind of standing awkwardly by the dance floor.

I didn't know a lot of people. Tim and I couldn't be there together because we were, we had Salison May with us and our camera, which is supposed to be like a remote camera, broke, wasn't working. So one of us had to be in the hotel room with them. So we were like switching on and off. So I was just like standing there awkwardly. For second, I was like picturing like a like a just a camera to see a picture of the wedding. And I was like a monitor, a video camera. Like the camera to to make sure your children are safe. Yeah. So when they're sleeping. The way that you watch your children. Yeah. Yes. Yes. We know if there's a problem. Um, so that really put a damper on the night that we couldn't like actually.

enjoy it together. But this wonderful woman came up to me, our age. She, you know who you are if you're listening. She introduced herself. She was like, hi, I'm a huge fan of yours. Guys, out of context, I was so like, I was like, why? What? Have we met? And she was like, I listen to your podcast. And I was like, whoa. Really? Like, you. Oh my God. I was stunned, floored, honored. Gop smacked.

You guys, she's a veterinarian. She's a genius veterinarian. Can you imagine like a more beautiful, wonderful person? Doctor for animals. So cool. So fucking cool.

She has a one-year-old daughter and I talked to her and her husband for a while. Lovely people, both huge fans of Dropout. And I just had, it was, it's just so crazy to like, have that experience because what I said to her is that I genuinely obviously am in my bedroom. I genuinely feel like I'm just talking to you guys.

I will actually forget that so many other people are listening. And so to have that reminder. I also have no idea how many people are listening. Like it actually like in my mind, it's like maybe 50 people like back. No, I have no idea. And most of them are like my front, like my mom will be like she'll talk to me about things she heard in the podcast. I'm like, that's who's listening.

Yes. And I'll be like, Joel, did you listen? Like, that's, yeah, that's the extent of our audience as far as I'm concerned. Same, same. I don't like to even like think about the fact that so many other people are listening. It makes me feel scared. Honestly, I feel scared. Tailed between my legs. But I, it was just such a lovely and also is like, oh, like, this is someone I would definitely be friends with. Like, it just is like nice to be like, oh, yeah, our like listeners are such wonderful people. And it just makes me so happy I get to do this podcast. I will say every single one of our listeners who I've ever actually met, I'm like, oh, you're who's listening? That's so cool. Absolutely delightful. That's so nice. Thanks.

Yeah, I just felt really grateful. And it was really fun. It was a fun way to meet someone. And also like, you know, especially at a wedding when you're like feeling like, who the hell am I going to talk to? So that was great. It wasn't scary. It was great.

So nice. Wow, I love that. That's really cool. So just Joel, my mom, and that person. My mom. And Sammy's mom. And my mom, but only the beginnings. Yeah, that's usually my mom too.

My mom sometimes will listen. But you know what? I'll say it right now, mom. Don't listen to the recap on this one, I think, probably. I don't think you'll like it. Yeah, my mom. Probably, yeah. I don't think she ever listens to the recap.

What about you guys? How are you doing? Well, we debuted our caddio this morning. Huge. So exciting. Very exciting. We sort of, we have, so we have a deck with like a balcony. Wait. Like an over.

An overhead. Like a ceiling. Like those are the same. A deck roof. A roof over like the first half of it. So we sort of fashioned a system where we got. a catnet from I truly think catnet.com that we fashioned to be like a curtain that it's like fashioned or like a fixed to one side wall and then with a curtain rod and a pole we like can pull it

across and latch it in and then weigh the bottom down with this whole system we'd never actually tried it out for real and we're like okay today's the day we're going to try it and we were out there with them we're like we're only going to be out there with them watching them and and it went great they loved it there's some we do need to like re we need to reinforce some areas because

Mabel was from moment one like Joel kept saying she was like the Raptors in Jurassic Park or she was like trying every possible she was really like headbutting the gate like the net all over and like going up into the corners I was like just

just enjoy it. Just hang out and then she was also the first one and just lay down on the rug and chill and like love it. But I just, I don't, she's, she's trying to figure out if she can get out because she That little lizard brain of hers. I know. And like just like her own, she's like, what else is out there? What else is out there?

I need to see. But then she wants to, she would want to, she would be so scared and want to come right back. I know. But I, so I'm a little like, God damn it. Like I really thought, because we knew it wasn't airtight. But we're like, they're probably going to, you know, it's good enough. No. going to have to really make that thing maple proof.

But it was really exciting to like have them be outdoors in the out in the fresh air. In the fresh air. So sweet. We like let our cats out. We don't have a cationo, but we'll like just watch them and kind of guard them as they go out onto the deck. and they always run to go underneath the deck and eat as much grass as possible and then they're really hard to get back in and so now we're not really letting them out anymore but it's like why can't you just be normal as I feel like like just you're in you can bask in the sunlight

just beach and roll around like I'm giving you something nice why are you making it harder for yourself you're like this is why we can't have nice things actually like we did this for you just please just enjoy it in the way that you are meant to. Yeah. So if anybody has any tips and tricks for successful Cateoing, let me know. Because it's going to be nice out at some point in theory. And we're going to want to keep the doors open. Yeah.

So anyway. Ooh, that's exciting. Trying it out. New Frontier. Sammy, anything. possibly going on with you? Yes. Pretty scary. I am getting married in just a few short days here. It's really coming up. It's really kind of time. She marches on. She really marches on. There's nothing we can do about it. It just keeps on going. I'm so excited for your wedding,

Sammy. It's going to be really fun. We're very excited as well. I really think I really think it's going to be just a great time. I'm still so stressed about all of it. Because it's like until it happens, you're going to be thinking about all the things that got to happen. Like it's just can't turn that, you can't turn that brain off. I do have to say I am as like someone who's just going to be a guest. I'm like, well, Henley, you're the rain bearer.

Oh, right. Oh, no. It's not just a guest. No, now I'm nervous. Never mind. Now I'm nervous. How long do I have to bear the rings? What is the time frame for bearing the rings?

Whatever the ceremony time is, it'll be less than hours. I'm making it long. See, I can't possibly lose them within the confines of the ceremony. You should be okay. I think you're going to be great. Yeah. I think like probably they can be given to you like truly as you like right before you go and like sit in your seat. And then you could just have them with you right there.

And then I immediately put them in my mouth and swallow them. And you put them in your house swallow them. I'm like fuck fuck fuck fuck sorry sammy you immediately like like hop the chain and they like fall out of your hands and go down a drain and dang it we have to go through henley's poop for the whole rest of the night for the whole rest of the night every single one of her poops tonight otherwise we won't be wed so this takes first priority sammy's like thought so long and hard about like what is something henley can do that's like really like low lift like he doesn't have to talk public but it can still be involved. I know, ring bear. She can't fuck that up. I'm going to swallow the rings. I'm sorry. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, boy. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm excited too. It's just,

weird. Like, I feel like, are we the king and queen? Like, yeah. It was, it's a very bizarre feeling that way. Whenever I, like, spoke to the, to the bride of the groom of this wedding, I was like, I literally feel like I'm talking to the to royalty to royalty right now like I can't believe you're speaking to me I'm just a peasant I'm scum I'm worthless I am someone who who it tends to enjoy attention you know I used to perform and I do this podcast just my mom and um but I was I remember like the Friday night the like welcome party for the wedding was I already told something like the craziest I've ever felt and I couldn't even put a finger up my like I couldn't tell you what the sensation was, but I was just like, ah.

And I really, there was a point where I truly was like, I want everyone to stop looking at me. Like I was like, I was just feeling of just like, can everybody just like, fucking go do their own thing? Like, why should they make so much attention to me? It's a lot of energy being directed at you too. I think that's what it is. And like, you're also like feeling the energy of everyone's there for you and you're

excited. And it's just like, it's a very strange. It's a very strange energy. But also, you know, wonderful. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be great, but I'm just in a weird headspace. Yeah. And I think I will be until it's happening. Yep.

Not a bad headspace. Just like, what? Just weird. What? I think the statement that like, I loved our wedding, but it was not my favorite night of my life. Like, I don't want to be in that state again. Like, I'm like, I, it's too.

heightened necessary and wonderful. That's a myth from the patriarchy. Yeah, but I'm like not the best. Like, I'm going to have more fun at yours probably. Sorry. Yeah. It's okay. I'd love that.

I've had more fun like being married to Joel. So, which is great. That's what you want. You definitely want that. That's preferable. But yeah, the myth of, I mean, I think maybe some, look, if you, who's to say? No, if your wedding is the best night of your life, like, all power to you. Yeah.

That means you're like superhuman. I think. Yeah. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's true. See how brain did I if I can't.

It's tough. It's tough to talk when there's a wedding around the corner and you have to do all the stuff. But I can't wait. I can't wait to see you guys there. I remember when I first found out about the real real from a very cool, very stylish friend and I'm not going to lie, I was a little intimidated. I had never in my life purchased an honest to goodness luxury item, and I didn't really think that that was something that would be in the cards for me. But at the Real Real, you can actually find high quality

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is the most trusted name in authenticated luxury resale with over 10,000 new arrivals daily. No one does resale like the Real Real. And now get $25 off your first purchase when you go to the realreel.com slash too scary. That's the realreel.com slash too scary to get your $25 off. Start shopping now at the realreel.com slash too scary. Well, I saw a movie this week. A zombie movie. Triples is best.

I saw three zombie movies. this year. Quite the anticipated one. Today we are talking about Resident Evil. Ever heard of it? Probably. Going back to Raccoon City,

can confirm. Yes. Tube top freedom. No two tops in this one. It looks cold. Too cold for a tube top. It is a cold one. Wow.

It's a damn shame. I would love to see awesome. The audience is that his name? Did I get that right? You did. Nice. It was directed by Zach Kreger, written by Zach Greger and Shea Hatton, starring Austin Abrams, Zach Cherry, Callie Reese, and Paul Walter Houser. But mostly Austin Abrams.

This is kind of a one-man show. Cool. I had so many people come up to me and ask me about this movie this weekend. It's super fun. I'm really, really. excited. Yeah, I can't wait. This was like kind of the biggest one of the year so far for us, I feel like. Yeah. I want to see it. I like want to see it with my own eyes. Yeah, there were, it was, it was scary.

It was a little scared at times. Okay. This movie has a 95% on Rotten Tomatoes. Holy shit. Wow. Really good. How does that compare to the franchise? Definitely. Yeah. How does that compare to Zach's? Other film weapons. I probably. I feel like they're all big hits. Oh, weapons is 93. Yeah.

Okay. And people love Barbarian. It's got to be higher. Barbarian is 92. Wow, Zach. I, man, it's really, he's doing really well. To hit this hard, like, it's actually has anyone ever. Bonus?

Yeah. Three in a row. Triples is best. I just looked it up and Resident Evil. it's gone up 96 on Rotten Tomatoes now. Whoa. She's refreshing. She's refreshing. It keeps going up. It keeps going up. It's going up. It's going up. Oh, it's past 100.

Wow. Oh, it's past 100. It's past 100. I wonder. We've never seen numbers like these before. Do you remember, do you remember when we interviewed him about Barbarian? And he was like, we were like, what was your writing process like? And he was like, I just sat down and I wrote it from like spooky music. He was like, spooky music in my garage. He was like, I just sat down. I wrote it from start to finish. I just started. it and then I wrote it from the beginning of the end. And it's like, what?

It's a pretty annoying answer. For any writers out there, definitely. But honestly, I'm like, I think you, I do, you have a, you have some gift that is not. You have a gift. You have a gift. The man has a gift. This is like chattling something. Yeah.

Yeah. Because it feels like he's just kind of like, oh yeah. I did it again. It again. Here you go. I do it again. I know it takes hard work. I mean, I guess maybe not.

It sounds like Barbarian. He just sat down and wrote it. But it's pretty wild. It really is. Yeah. Nicely done, Zach. Nicely done, Zach. Well done.

And you heard it here first. Yes. Well done. We got an 81% on Metacritic. Hi. Interesting. And a 7.7 on IMDB. Really good.

The budget was 75 million. and so far it's made $119 million. I'm getting tempted to check my numbers again. Oh my God. And look at this. The numbers are changing. It's a number going up. Because I took these notes right after I saw it, which was about a week ago.

Oh, boy. As of today, September 27th, it has made $196.5 million. Holy shit, that is a lot of money that they made in a week. Oh. That's a lot. again, good job. Well done. Well done.

Hats off to you, sir. If nobody has said it to you yet. Well done. You're doing amazing, sweetie. That is a, we'd call that a good job. Some trivia for us. Henley, I was reminded when you asked about the tube tops. I saw a clip on Instagram of Zach Krieger being interviewed.

And he was saying that he felt very strongly he didn't want, like, any hot people in this. And Austin Abrams was in that interview sitting right next to him and looked at him and was like, what? He's like, no, no, obviously Austin's hot, but we like made him more dumpy and stuff. He really put his back on. For somebody who's so good at writing, you really put your foot in your mouth right there, Zach. That really is such a rude.

thing to say to everyone involved. Yeah. It was really important to us that everyone in the movie was awful to look at. I see, I understand what he was trying to say.

Yes. Obviously he was not. And I actually really, I think it's like cool and a good choice, but it is mean. It's mean. It would hurt my feelings. It would hurt.

It would definitely hurt my feelings as well. So, Zach Kragher described his take on Resident Evil as one gigantic sequence that follows a regular guy as he undertakes a perilous journey like Frodo going into Mordor. Wow. It really does feel like that. And this is an original story set in the universe of Resident Evil, so it's not like

actually connected to any of the movies other than just being in the same world. I think that he said it's like closest in timeline to Resident Evil too. This came out the year of the 30th anniversary of the first movie. So Resident Evil One was 96. Zach said that he had to tone down the jokes after a test screening. Everyone was laughing too much. It is still pretty funny. So I'm like, how was there more jokes in it?

This definitely feels like the right amount of jokes. I still would say it's still almost like too funny at times. Yeah, someone told me they were laughing the whole time. Yeah. But I mean, yeah, being a comedian first, really calming more. And it's like, it's a similar like tension release. Like it feels so good to laugh in a scary movie and it like is set up so well to let you do. It's easier to get a laugh too. Yeah. Yeah. So I can see how it would be really tempting to just be like every time you see it to be like, okay, we will. Well, let's just do that here. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Zach also went into this franchise thinking it would be like no big deal in that he he was like not concerned about what fans would say or he was like, whatever, I'm just going to go do my own thing. And people probably like it. He just went in his garage and wrote it A to B. Yeah. A to B. And if you can believe it, he was shocked to discover that there was tons of people who really cared, lots of backlash no matter what. you do. That's always happens with any franchise. There's going to be people who are like, how dare you? And so he said that he will not be doing any more of these.

Oh, because of the one and done. One and done for Zach. Wow. Yeah. I mean, not like specifically backlash, but just like the, I think it was a lot more pressure and it was, I think, more intense than he was hoping. He wrote the script so that it could be separated from the Resident Evil franchise. Like it doesn't need to be a Resident Evil movie. It's kind of like 10 Cloverfield Lane type of thing where it can survive on, stand on its own. But was excited for it to be a Resident Evil movie. And I think it works well as a Resident Evil movie.

But yeah, he's not going to be doing any sequels. So which I'm happy to hear. I like, I don't want people to do the same thing. over and over. Yeah. Yeah. And also it's like I want to see him do more original work anyway. Yeah. So I don't want him to be like tied to a franchise or IP.

That said, I imagine there's probably going to be more Resident Evil's now. I mean, it did very well as we have as we've just heard. Yep. So we'll see. Obviously, stay tuned. But I do think we should watch this trailer. I saw this movie without seeing the trailer. and I liked it that way, but the trailers, there's weirdly not much to spoil.

It's really just a guy. It feels like a video game in a way that is still satisfying as a movie where it's just like a guy facing obstacle after obstacle. And so I think it'll be good for you guys to see the general look of the movie. Cool. Hello? I had a little bit of a problem on the road. I'm wondering if I could use your phone.

Hello? Yes, I'm sorry. Hey, babe. Um, look, um, I'm, I'm really sorry that we got disconnected earlier, but, um, some things have happened. I'm in like a seriously fucked up situation right now. Looks like there's a chance that we might not get to talk to each other again. Oh, boy. Is that fucking Baron Harkening?

I was about to say, why is the guy from Dune in this? I was really, really looked like. It really looked like. Is this a mashup of my favorite movies? Yeah, incredible. And also, to be honest, like, I don't know enough about the lore of Resident Evil. I'm kind of like, I can't wait for you to situate us in the world because I don't really know. Like, I kind of assumed that it was going to be like they all already knew that there were zombies and they're dealing with that.

But that's maybe not the case. Didn't they like block off Raccoon City somehow? I guess this is why it's closest in timeline to Resident Evil 2. Because Resident Evil 1, it's like, it's not in the public. It's just in their, like, facility. Right. And Resident Evil 2 is when it like breaks out. Breaks out into Raccoon City.

Okay. I see, I see. All right. Wow, that looked really good. And honestly, made me want to see it. Like, I do want to see it. It looks really fucking scary. And I think it will be really scary.

But I want to see it. I'm curious. There's some stuff you won't like. Yeah, with kids. Okay. I definitely, I never like that. But it's, yeah. I think it's mostly fun.

And like I mentioned, there's lots of, there's a lot of laughs. A lot of laughs. A lot of laughs. But there are a few jump scares that got me really good. But the kind that I like, where it's like you're not expecting it. So you're not like so tense, like waiting for it to happen. When is it going to happen? When is it going to happen?

The actual effective kind is where they actually come from nowhere. And it's when your guard is down. Yes, agree. And then it's more fun because you're not stressed, waiting for it to happen. And then you just get the big jolt of adrenaline. You're like, ah. Yeah. So I enjoy that.

Oh, boy. All right. Shall we? Yes, we shall. Let's do it. Let's do it. We begin in a hospital emergency room. Austin Abrams is our protagonist Brian, and he is a delivery driver that's seemingly delivering organs,

like urgent deliveries, like transporting organs for organ transplants to hospitals. So he walks in through the waiting area. of this emergency room. Already he's like cracking some joke. He's on the phone, but he sees someone with like their head is bleeding and he's like, whoa, oh my God, hey, oh. So his vibe already is a little silly. But on the phone, we're hearing him talking to his girlfriend, Michelle. We're only hearing his side of the conversation, but quickly pieced together that she has just found out she's pregnant. and this was not planned and she's asking him

what he thinks they should do and he's giving very like he's not thinking deeply about it he's just like babe your body your choice type of thing which is clearly not what she's wanting to really hear and you know he's at work

he's arriving to work so he's distracted He's not really giving the conversation the gravity it deserves or the attention it deserves. He's like, I got to go. I'll call you back. Goes to the front desk of the ER and everyone is busy. No one's really helping him. So he just starts, like, walking through the halls, calling out the delivery that he has. It's like, who am I supposed to be giving this to?

He's, like, getting in people's way. everybody's like seemingly irritated by him until someone a doctor comes out and is like where have you been grabs it from him takes it disappears he's like i need you to sign for that doctor's gone no one's signing for it he's i don't know trying to figure out if he can forge a signature or what can he do when another nurse pops out out of a room on the side and is like, hey, do you want to do another

delivery? And he's like, oh, I'm off for the night. And she's like, well, this one pays double. It's outside of the regular zone. And so he's like, oh, pays double. Okay, I can do it. And she hands

him another little handheld cooler, presumably another organ inside. and says this needs to be delivered to There's a mosquito in my office No I'm It's

I it's so this is a video episode If you're watching a Patreon In the last like minute You see me being like Oh where is it where is it? Get it get it get it get it get it So I will not rest until Yeah the podcast is canceled

This is sorry you guys see And this is over So. Shut it down. Anyway, I'm so sorry. I am listening, but I might sometimes be trying to catch this. Okay. Well, I'm going to call it right now.

So it's a baby zombie in the, in the, in the cooler. A baby zombie? In the cooler. Interesting. A baby zombie? It's not quite that big. A fetus zombie. An embryo of zombie.

It's certainly big enough for that. Yeah. noted Henley noted We'll see We'll have to wait in see Emily any guesses Any guesses for what's in the cooler Um

A big giant mosquito Okay I knew she was going to say mosquito Mosquito's on the mind When a mosquitoes in the room It's the only thing you can think about Emily's brain right now is just mosquito mosquito mosquito mosquito mosquito mosquito Anyway

I'm fine So this nurse tells him this is going to the hospital in Raccoon City. Oh, my goodness. What a bummer. And he's like, oh, pretty far. And does he have any feelings about Raccoon City at all? It's like there's no awareness of anything, right? No.

No, he just says that it's far and it's snowing. And so she asks to confirm that he's got chains on his tires. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Clearly does not. But he heads out with this new special delivery for Raccoon City. It's nighttime. It's snowing.

He's driving up a isolated road up a mountain. Oh, I hate that. That's like my, that enough scares the shit out of me. Visibility is bad. Yeah, the glowing brake lights in the rearview mirror just you can only see about 10 feet in front of the car. And of course, we're seeing his tires struggling to grip the road. So he's kind of slip sliding around a bit. And he's called back Michelle.

He's like, sorry, I've picked up an, I'm not off work. I picked up an extra delivery, so I'm not going to be home. for a little bit longer. She's clearly very frustrated with him. Growing impatient says like, okay, I think I'm just going to go stay with my friend tonight then. And he's like, no, no, no, what are you talking about? Like, I'm going to be home soon. But my job's important.

Like, this could be a kid's heart. Like, I'm carrying life right now. Bitch. Oops. I don't think he catches it, but it seems like she does. And she's like, all right. like clearly you're not ready to have this conversation right now I'll talk to you later hangs up or she doesn't hang up it's like the reception is also starting to go in and out so we know

that the phone is not working great up here as we're getting closer to raccoon city eventually it cuts out he's distracted he's looking at the phone he's like trying to check his reception how many bars he's got when a woman steps out from the tree line. She's wearing like a short dress, not a snow outfit, steps out, puts her hand in front of the windshield. It's a very bizarre way that she's walking. It's not a way that a normal, you know, person would walk, shall we say. Perhaps a zombie of sorts. Something like that. And he crashes right into her. Um, was this a jump stair that really got you? Or, or we're. Oh, it was not.

Okay. I'll tell you those. Okay. This one is the one where you know something is about to happen because it's filmed in such a way that the, we're looking out the windshield. Anytime we're in a car. He's distracted. You know something's going to happen.

I don't like being in a car on screen. I never like it. I'm like something that's about to happen. And it usually is. Yeah. So he stops his car. He gets out, goes to look. He's trembling.

He's freaking out. He's got the flashlight of his phone on. He's following back to where the collision occurred. And there's just a big, a whole, like, body-shaped hole in the snow. Whoever he hit has gotten up and walked away. And we're seeing footsteps. Did it seem like a fatal hit?

It did, yeah. Or at least one that you wouldn't be able to. to get away from in a matter of seconds. Sure. So he's following the footsteps. They go into the tree line. So disappearing into the forest. And I got to say, Brian, he is a good Samaritan.

He's really doing the kind thing in every moment, which I'd like to think we would as well. but obviously it's not what you think people should do in horror movies you're just like no no no no don't go over there but really I guess if you hit someone with your car and then there was footsteps out into the tree line you'd be like oh my god I hit a person and his phone his signal is gone

so can't call he can't call 911 um so these footsteps are really going in there he's like winding around corners of trees getting further into the woods and finally he comes across her collapsed in the snow her limbs jutting out at like very strange angles but he comes up to her and sees she's just like almost hyperventilating like she's frozen essentially like she's again trudging through the snow in like a mini dress and so she's seemingly walked as far as she could before her limbs have stopped working. Yeah. So he picks her up. He's like, oh my gosh, we've got to get you to hospital. We got to get you to hospital. So he like wraps her in one of his sweaters or something and puts her into the front seat of his car. Oh, God. This is where it is

all very funny because obviously we, the audience all suspect that this is a zombie and he's just being like, oh watch your head watch your head and like gently putting her in the car what's her face like what's her face doing she looks pretty normal she looks pretty but as he gets in the car

we see her from the other side and one of her eyes is like filled with blood like it's I don't know like the whole eye is almost like red and she's bleeding from the

collision, but he doesn't notice anything strange about it. He's just freaking out. He's like, oh my God, well, I was going to the hospital anyways. We've got to get you to this hospital. This is a man who lives on the surface, baby. This is just what we're seeing. She keeps kind of looking at him and reaching to touch his face. And he's like, stop, stop, I need to see what I'm driving. I'm driving. I need to see. So he's Speeding now and still like swerving up this hill when we see Police lights flashing behind him

He gets pulled over by a cop And pretty quickly is like Yeah I have an emergency here there's a woman I hit her with my car It's like very honest about it He's like, I need to get her to the hospital. And I also have this delivery that's urgent for the hospital. So if you could just help me get to the hospital and then you can arrest me or whatever.

But like we need to go to the hospital. And he says, okay, I'll escort you to the hospital. And then Brian asks, can she ride with you? Because she keeps trying to touch my face, whatever. and the cop is like, okay, fine. Cop loads her into the front seat as well, I'm pretty sure, which is, I think. Lay her down in the back. Strange.

Yeah. Yeah. So he loads her in. Cop drives off, siren on, and Brian follows close behind. We're continuing up this dark snowy mountain when we see some. struggle some struggle happening in the car some gunshots go off

and the car flip and turn off the road tumble and crash off the side of the road Brian stops runs to check what's happened sees the cop is pretty clearly dead

the cop is hanging like upside down with the seatbelt holding him in his seat still but the woman is gone Brian like crawls into the cop car with the cop

to he's like checking his pulse and stuff figures out that he's dead but then he's looking for the walkies to be able to call for help so he's trying to figure that out it's confusing doesn't know which buttons to press can't figure out how to call for help

when there's a huge jumps here and the woman like appears in the passenger window and like bangs on it and he can obviously see now that this woman is a threat and so he's scared of her and grabs the cops gun using it as a turn at first

like lady stay away from me like I don't want whatever this is I don't want and she is not staying away. She's making her way to the door that she had left out of, presumably. There's like an open door. And he's giving her more and more warnings. He's holding the gun on her. And then she gets like right up on him and he shoots.

And I'm pretty sure there's those safety. is on or something doesn't work. And so he just starts kicking her. He's stomping her, kicking her out, kicking her out. And it works enough that he's able to get out of the car. And then they're just chasing each other in circles around the car, the overturned like SUV. And it goes on for a while.

It's very funny. They're just like, ah, running around the car. And he's trying to like figure out how to get the safety off. He's trying to shoot at her. but he can't figure it out and then he like finally does and she's like

disappeared all of a sudden and so there's a lot of like looking around the corners of the car oh my God where'd you go and he looks up to where he had parked his car and she's running it's not too far away

20 feet away or something and she's like running from that direction now I guess she's stuck over there at some point and she's running straight at him And so he just starts firing, firing, firing, and he shoots, it's clear he's like not super familiar with guns. Takes him like nine shots, but he finally shoots her.

She collapses on the, in the snow. So he runs back to his car, gets inside. He's still trying to call 911 again. and it's still not working. He tries to turn on the car, but it's not starting. He's like, what the fuck? What is what is happening? Rugg goes around to the front of the car to check under the hood and sees a lot of bullet holes in the hood of his car.

So he shot his car. He has shot his own car to a point where it is no longer functional. That sucks. That really sucks. And this really is like would be oh I had a moment of being like this would suck so bad because he's like in the middle of nowhere in the snow with no phone and yeah it just looks really bad and so he's kind of looking around like fuck fuck what do I do and this is like kind of how it feels like a video game like you very much feel like you're like playing as him yeah and like how like what what tools are around you that you could use. But it doesn't feel video gamey in a way that most video game movies do.

I don't know. Zach just did a great job, you know? Well, anytime I've heard that described of it feeling like a video game, like it's like a one-man shooter like video game, immediately my brain goes to, oh, P-O-V, like you can just like see the gun and like that's it. And so watching the trailer really helped because it's clearly not. like that. No, there's like a handful of POV shots, but it's very much like feels like a movie. Like you're watching a movie. But the like what's happening in it feels like a video game.

Doesn't look like a video game. It feels like a video game. So he grabs his important cooler delivery thing and sets out on foot. And he sees in the distance. there's a farmhouse. And so he's like, all right, just got to go to this farmhouse, ask for help. As he grabs his cooler and sets off into the distance,

dark snowy distance, we get our title, Resident Evil, like a late title, fun. So we get to the perimeter of the farm, and it is an electric fence. And he... psyching himself up, okay, okay, okay. He's, like, looking like he's going to try to jump it. It's about, like, three feet high.

And there's one of the wooden poles. He's, like, putting his hand on that. Like, he's going to just, like, thrust himself over. And he throws over the cooler, and he still got the gun. And he goes, like, one, two, three, and just slams into the electric fence and, like, tumbles over. he's gotten electrocuted, very funny. But he's fine. But immediately we hear a vicious dog barking.

And he's looking around in all directions. This is, I think, where we get some POV? It's like, where's it coming from? Where's it coming from? You can't see anything. It's just like crisp white snow. You're doing any business as a dog covered in meat? Well, we don't know yet.

But. It's not good to be confronted by a dog at a farmhouse in the middle of the night, I don't think generally. Yeah. Even just regular dogs. Meat or not. So he sees coming from his right side in the distance a dog absolutely flying towards him. It's going so fast. The closest building to him is the barn.

so he just sets off running towards the barn we're seeing the dog getting closer and closer looks like a normal dog we've got eyes on it like a like a normal like guard dog he makes it into the barn before the dog is able to close the barn doors behind him and climbs up a ladder to the like a little overhang part in the

barn there's like a little little loft a little loft and he climbs up there the dog is right behind him the dog like busts through the barn doors and it's like almost looking like it's able to climb this ladder for a second I'm like is this dog going to fucking climb this ladder

but he doesn't get all the way up and so now Brian is temporarily in the clear but this dog is just down below waiting for him and he is looking around and behind him it's like one of those big hooks that you lower hay bales on I presume

like a like a big hook thing and he's like doing some mental calculations what am I going to do what am I going to do here and then he looks at the ladder and grabs it and he's able to like kind of fend off the dog from it. And then he just throws it down, like, on top of the dog. Like, he's using it as a weapon against the dog. But immediately is like, oh, fuck, I should have used that to get out of the other side because there's this opening where they lower the hay down. So he's looking at that, like, okay, fuck, I guess I just have to, like, lower myself down like hay.

and he's again going to jump to grab the hook. We're assuming there's going to be some amount of resistance on it. There's not. He jumps and grabs it and just crashes to the floor. But it's looking like a couple feet of snow. So it's not too bad of a fall. Doesn't look pleasant, but he's okay. He's okay.

He's like slumped again. the barn now like catching his breath when huge jump scare number two dogs head just busts through the side of the barn breaking the throat needs to chill out what's wrong with his dog is crazy and he jumps up his job way too serious way too serious take a break take a breather and he jumps up gets like five to ten feet away from the dog he's looking back at it he's got the gun but the the dog is it's only its head is out of this hole. It's, it can't get its, like, body through,

so it's just a head poking through. And Brian kind of laughs at it a little bit like, oh, it didn't quite work there, whatever. When the dog's mouth peels back and opens in an alien crazy stranger things like flowery way, and, like, tentacle shoots out and wraps around Brian's ankle Holy shit

So not a regular dog But not a regular dog But not covered a meat Normal on the outside Zombie on the inside Whoa but these are the types of rules This is what I mean with not being familiar With the Resident Evil universe

Where I'm like I didn't even know that was possible Like what is possible in this world I'm excited to find out I'm not like Much more familiar with the rules of Resident Evil all I know is There's the Umbrella Corporation Raccoon City and a chemical weapon testing gone awry is the gist of the video games or I rather the movies that I've seen.

But tentacles have entered the equation. Now we've got tentacles involved? Yeah, the tentacles I don't recall from the two movies I've seen. But that said, the like gorilla dog monsters. share some of these same like kind of fleshy qualities. So they're related for sure. Definitely. So he's like got the little tentacle tug around his ankle, I think, by he pulls out the gun.

And as he's being dragged closer to the dog, he's got like an easier shot and he shoots the dog in the open mouth area kills the dog. So now he runs to the farmhouse. Surely. He's like, he's like, you won't believe. Yeah, I'm like, you won't believe what I just saw. They're going to believe it. This should be pretty safe in here. But what else are you going to do?

He wants the phone. He wants the phone in the house. He's knocking on the door and nobody's answering. It's unlocked. He presses it open. Doesn't seem like anybody's home. He's calling out. I just need to use your phone.

There's an emergency happening. We're not loving the look of this. We're not feeling good about this. Inside the house is filled with a lot of like hunting trophies, like animal heads and taxidermy things. Just kind of creepy, even though we do have one piece of very good taxidermy among the three of us. We do. But you don't want a whole house full of it. No, and if you're going to have taxidermy, you want him to be wearing a fun little outfit

and to be holding a fun little cocktail. That's right. Yeah, tasteful, tasteful taxidermy. Tasteful. You want him to be a little tiny pimp. Tastable. So he finds the landline in the farmhouse, and dials 911 is busy. That's tough.

That is a mother. Must be a lot of people. calling 911 right now. Kind of a thinker there. Kind of a bad sign. So he calls Michelle and she doesn't answer. He leaves a message apologizing. I'm sorry we got cut off.

Something really crazy is happening. Can you please call me back at this number? It's an emergency. I can't get a hold of the police. Like I need your help. Please call me back. Just then we're hearing creaking of the floor boards. upstairs.

Oh, no, no, no. And he is cautiously exploring the house. He's in the dining room. It does seem something has happened. The table is overturned. Things are smashed. There's been some sort of altercation or something here. And then he spots above the fireplace a shotgun.

mounted there, grabs that. This is another thing that, like, is a fun, like, video game essence, where he's just kind of keeps upgrading his weapon. Oh, right, new weapons. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's searching for the rest of the shotgun shells. He wants the ammunition. He's kind of, like, opening all these drawers, not seeing anything.

checks everywhere downstairs, can't find him, and he's like, I've got to go upstairs. Where we heard that creaky noise coming from. He goes up there. Just your classic kind of... Yeah.

Oh, looking around corners, tiptoeing. Oh, God, oh God, what's in this room? What's in this room? He makes it to, like, what seems to be the master bedroom and opens a drawer next to the bed and inside there are, is the box of shotgun shells. Again, that's where they would be.

Far from the gun. Yeah, it's interesting storage. Next to my bed. I also love it's the first place he looked. He found it. Yeah. And he loads up the gun just as. The man that lives in this house rushes at him, attacks him,

and he is able to shoot him with the shotgun and kills this man pretty quick. But then he's looking out the window and sees the woman that he shot earlier, just running towards the house. Oh, my God, she just won't stop. She's back. Yeah. Does it seem like the man was a zombie? Yes.

Okay, for sure. Yes. I honestly don't remember the man part. I just know that he was there. And so I just am saying it as if I remember it. But I have no recollection of this man. All I remember is the lady.

But there is a man. And we do see at one point a family photo on the wall of a husband and wife and dog. And so presumably that's them. Yeah. And so he's killed this man. I do kind of remember this at very close proximity. And so he's like covered in blood.

And he's panicking. This lady's coming. He's like trying to reload. Like, oh my God, oh my God. Fuck, fuck. At the last second gets the gun reloaded and shoots the lady just as she comes in and shoots her head off. And it basically explodes. Shotgun.

to the head, covered him more blood. Okay. And he's sitting there in shock, just looking at these two corpses. Oh, God. When from her, like, decapitated open neck wound comes a little tentacle. Ew! No. No, no.

Crawling slowly reaching over the man's body, the dead husband, and it goes up to his face and like pulls in his eye, I think. It's like going into his orifices. No, no, no, no, no, no. And essentially like reeling him in. And so they are like conjoining into. one form, like head to head. So the two corpses are, wait, I'm a little confused.

Okay. Yeah. Wait, the tentacles came out of the corpses and then the... Something's keeping them moving. Yeah. And then they're condoining into their own separate entity now. Yes. Yes.

Okay. So Brian watches a little bit of this before running the first. the fuck out of there. Get out of here, yeah. He sees a truck in the driveway, runs out to that, finds the keys

somewhere in the visor or something. I think, oh, no, no. He doesn't find the keys and he goes to run back to the house to look for the keys when we get two hands slamming out of the doorway of the house.

Shots in the trailer, it's really good. They like grab along the sides of the door frame very aggressively. And then like two pairs of legs slam around the door frame as well at like impossible angles. So he does not go back in the house. He runs back to the car and the keys are in the visor. Starts up the car. But we see the security. There's like a security gate and it's locked.

and at the end of the driveway and so he's got his gun and he goes up to it's like a padlock and he goes to try to shoot it it doesn't work he's running out of time this little limmy monster is coming

Have we seen it other than in the doorframe? No no but we're hearing it screeching and stuff Ew I hate that so he decides fuck it he's just going to plow through it he floors it, hits the security gate, and it just essentially totals the truck.

It does not work. I love that it's like, yeah, this is the kind of shit. You would make stupid mistake. Not that this is like a stupid mistake because like what else would you do? But it's like this is, I love how human this feels. Yes. It is. I was like thinking as he was like trying to shoot off the lock, like should he drive through it?

Because like I don't think that actually. I don't think that actually works. And he doesn't have a lot of like runway to do it. So like maybe if he was going at super high speeds it would work. But I think generally like, yeah, you can't drive into a metal gate and it just knocks it open. Yeah. So he grabs a shotgun, grabs the cooler and hops the fence. And we see that there is a wooden fence just a little bit further down the way.

Like the driveways kind of the only part that had a metal fan. But no time to think about that. He is running, hauling ass towards the hospital. We're hearing screeches coming from the shadows around him. He arrives at a tunnel, like a tunnel that you drive through. And it's really dark and scary. There's no other way to the city. So he has to go in this pitch black tunnel.

I hate tunnels in the best of times. Yeah. They're scary. And he pulls out his phone flashlight. And as we are walking through this tunnel, we're just seeing abandoned cars, crashed cars. Oh, God. Seems like we're getting to get to the chaos of Raccoon City now. these guys were on the outskirts and

now we're maybe seeing where most of the carnage has happened so he's climbing over cars he's making his way he's got to go through this tunnel and eventually he comes up against a overturned or not it's not sorry it's not overturned it's just like perpendicular to the road a huge RV that's just blocked the whole road. Mm.

So he realizes he has to go through the RV. He can't go under the RV? Yeah, he's going to have to, no, I don't remember why, but he can't. Okay. So he's going to have to open the back door, like side back door of the RV and go out, like the driver's side door. but we're pretty stressed about it. He opens the door.

He's calling out. Hello. Nobody's answering. He makes his way into like the back of the RV. He's looking around. It's empty. Nobody there. And he goes to the driver's side door,

goes to open it. and it is opens like straight into another car that's crashed on the other side of it So we can't that door only opens an inch or two So then he's got to go through that car too Yeah it's tough no he can't even get into that car Oh I mean I guess if he's yeah goes out the wind

It's dark I couldn't see but Well that's cool that's kind of like a cool Yeah He can't he can't it out that way. And then he hears a noise coming from the back of the RV. And

calling out, hello, hello. Oh, no. And I think we're like seeing, hearing that the noise is coming from behind the bathroom door, there's a little bathroom door in there

and the lights on in there. And he's psyching himself up. he's got his gun drawn and he opens it up and there's a little girl crying in the bathroom sorry

and she does look about it um does she like human yes and well actually when we first see her she's just like huddled facing the wall so we don't see her face

she's just huddled seemingly crying Brian It's a good Samaritan It's like hey hey it's okay It's okay You okay? What's going on? She turns to face him

Normal face And she's crying And she says She says I'm scared I'm scared And then he looks down And sees one of her feet

Has turned into tentacles What? And she says, my mom bit me and then she left me and Brian, it goes, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. And he goes and picks her up this sweet man. Oh, no. He sees her foot. Yes, he sees it.

And he's like, he's got his wide eyes. And he's like, okay, no, you're going to be fine. We're going to get you to the hospital. It's going to be fine. and actually she like puts out her arms like upy upy upy yeah she's like pick me up and he's like yeah totally I like goes to pick her up and then her foot tentacles like wrap around him and she goes through like pretty quick transformation into not a little girl anymore I mean she still looks like a little girl but she's got tentacles flying out of everywhere now and she's screaming

and he's screaming. Whoa. And what the fuck is this thing? Like, I just don't understand even what it is, you know? And this would have to be something in the video game. Right? Because I feel like if he made something like this completely up, people would be really pissed.

I mean, I don't know. Who the hell knows? There's absolutely no way to find out. Just that this is like a brand new, like this isn't like zombies. This is like aliens almost. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It feels like it's not even zombies.

In the movies, it's like a virus that makes your tissue. Like, the goal was to repair tissue really quickly. Oh, so it makes extra tissue. You did turn that guy into a big crazy thing. Right. Right. Right. Her friends.

They turned him into like a big. Right. So it does make kind of like superhumany or super strength or just like. grows extra parts. Okay. I think it's canon. That's right. I forgot about the like the regeneration thing.

Yeah, there's a regeneration aspect of it. It's gone awry because we didn't want it to be a tentacle. No. Yeah, the tentacles are new. Are the tentacles flesh colored? Are they black? Yes. They're flesh colored.

Okay. That actually changes everything. Now it's back to being a zombie film. Yes. So he's following. onto his back. He's trying to get the shotgun. Lots of scrambling with the guns in this movie. And of course,

again, right as she's about to get him, he shoots her the force of the shotgun. Again, she pretty much explodes. And he is very stunned. Oh, my God. I think he even says out loud, like, did I just kill a little girl?

Do I just kill a little girl? There's a lot of, like, quippy little commentary. That again. Sorry, feels video gamey because he's like talking to himself and saying things that normally you wouldn't really say. But it feels like a video game where he's like, hey, look at this. A shotgun. He doesn't say that exactly.

But there's that sort of thing that feels like it's like alerting you to new development here in the video game. So, oh, I totally forgot in this altercation with the little girl before he shoots her, she does bite him. She bites him on the arm Oh And he notices this He does, yeah Yeah And he's not

He's not thrilled about it Yeah He says that's not good news for me Yeah But what else can you do But keep going And he still has the cooler with him He still has the cooler

And he hasn't looked in the cooler yet He hasn't looked in the cooler Notably Yeah Okay Maybe take a little look in the cooler Maybe take a little peek he's now able to exit through the back side of the RV

because he's like gone through to a different part of it so he's able to get out the other side now he makes his way out of the tunnel and we're back on a road with just dense trees on either side and we're hearing the screeching and we're seeing something a little bit in the distance

and it's a as we like get a closer look at it as he's like shining his light trying to be like what the fuck is that we see it is the limb monster and it's moving kind of like a like series of cartwheels just limbs like pointing out at all directions. Okay I did see on my algorithm this was this did come up the like all the dancers like strapped together doing this it's really fucking cool so they really it's human beings doing this together So it does seem like any of the any of them can kind of can join and just kind of grow bigger and bigger. Oh, that's cool.

Maybe that's new. I've not seen that before. But he's not happy to see this. It's coming right towards him. He is shooting at it, but he runs out of bullets. He like trips and falls. and it's getting so close to him now we're like oh my god

how is he going to get out of this one when a truck pulls up someone inside the truck shoots and shoots and shoots this limmy monster either dies or runs away it's gone

and out of this truck come Callie Reese and Paul Walter Houser two just two people Human beings Trying to get through the day Regular looking human beings Not hot

Notably Extremely normal I really do love Callie Reese She was in the latest season True True Detective That's the only thing I've seen her in But she was so good in that And I was very excited to see her in this

And she's a total badass She is the one that's been shooting And she just looks like Oh yeah she's great A freaking force to be reckoned with Like exactly who you want to be with during this sort of event. And they pull him into the truck.

They're driving towards Raccoon City, getting a bit of a... Giving us some exposition. Okay. We're finding things out. And Paul Walter Hauser says we work for the umbrella corp. There has been a mistake at the lab. And inside the cooler that you're carrying is the key to... the antidote.

Oh my God. Like things got out of control. We have an antidote, but we ran out of the ingredients for it and you have it in that bag. So we have to get that bag to the top floor of the hospital. It's secured off, but the rest of the city is in absolute chaos. This has gotten out, infected everybody. and only that top floor of the hospital is safe, so we're going to have to get there. But Callie Reese is a total badass, and she's going to get us there.

Fuck, yeah. So, and we're seeing Brian being like, oh, the itty-do. How long is that going to take for them to whip up once we get this to them there? He's like, maybe if they need to test on anyone, like they could test on me, hopefully. Potentially. But he's hiding his bite. Yeah. They drive and we're getting our first look at Raccoon City and it is apocalyptic fires everywhere.

Everyone's in a tube top, everyone? Everyone's in a tube top even though it's extremely inappropriate for the weather. But that's what they were wearing inside. They didn't mean to come outside. No. And they are kind of where we see the hospital is like a big building in the center. We see the top floor lights are on, like, okay, we got eyes on our target, but it's not looking like it's going to be an easy journey. They're driving through the, like, downtown area of Raccoon City when a horde of zombies are infected, like, run.

they're chasing a woman seemingly non-infected civilian and Callie Reese stops the truck. She gets out with her gun and we're saying, no, no, we need to continue on with our mission. But, oh, whatever. Okay, she's got this. She's such a badass. She turns around a corner. We see her like shoot and kill all of these infected and then she goes around a corner and disappears. And then we just sit there for a while.

like, yeah, she's going to be back any minute. She's coming back, I bet. She's so cool. And it's time is passing and she's not coming back. And then Paul Walter Houser is like, okay, so you should go and check on her. You better go out there and check on her. And he's like, why me? He's like nose goes.

Yeah. Yeah. And Brian discovers in the like further. back of the of the truck there's an even bigger gun than before no idea what kind some a military grade weapon it looks

like an automatic weapon yeah okay he's leveling up leveling up again he grabs it he doesn't want to do this but um he's like it does seem like we need her so I better go get her

uh he turns oh they no they are actually both kind of get on the same page of like well we can leave her we'll probably just leave her and she'll like be fine but she has the keys to the truck and so we can't actually leave and so we do have to go find her yeah yep yep uh so brian grabs the big gun there's a funny scene where he's like trying to load it and is just like pointing it directly at paul walterhauser as he's like trying to jam the ammunition up like into it. And Paul Walter Houser is like not really flinching at it. He's like, no, you got to hit it up there, get it up. He was pointing the wrong way. Pretty funny, silly.

And eventually Brian gets the gun loaded, hops out, turns the corner where Callie Reese had turned and immediately sees her collapsed on her back. And he sees the car keys in her pocket. is she dead what's happening he's tiptoeing towards her and as the kind of light

filters in we see it's just her bottom half it's oh yeah there's no top half of her which I was a little I really like Callie Reese yeah

yeah damn it can't we hardly knew you freaking I guess I guess he'd say yes to this role though it's like why not but he

we're hearing also like grumbling screeching coming from the darkness within this building that she's on the precipice of. So something's back there. Obviously something got her. So he's very delicately and quietly trying to reach for those keys when her legs are pulled backward by something. We don't know. We don't see. But it's almost like something is like fishing for him.

He like keeps reaching for the keys and it keeps pulling it back a little bit. Like it's reeling him in. And after two or three times, he's like, nope, fuck this, fuck this. And he goes back to the car and says to Paul Walter Houser, I couldn't find her. Like, she's not over here. And just then a big tentacle crashes through the window of the truck, pulls Paul Walter Hauser out of it. He's gripping onto like the side of the door of the truck to hold on while the creature

is trying to pull him back into the building. And Brian, like, holds the gun up and this is a gun. And he's also never shot before. It's a very crazy gun. And he just pulls the trigger and just, like, shoots Paul Walter Hauser. So he's not. Of course, of course. He's obviously aiming for the tentacles.

But, like, he's a terrible shot. It's very funny. But, oh, shoot. Sometimes when I hear it, when we listen to these movies, the only thing I can think of is like, I got to get to a gun range. Man, I've got to get to a gun range. I've never held a gun. It'll come in handy for that apocalypse. Don't understand.

I know if I'm going to be preparing, I don't want to go to my house, but I should probably like learn how to use one just so I know. I don't know how to take a gun. I went to shooting range one time, but I don't think I would remember how to do it. It was quite some time ago. And I was really scared the whole time. Yeah. It's scary. It is scary. I took archery lessons and I was really scared at archery lessons too. I was just like, just anybody here could shoot me with a bow and arrow at any point. Like these are weapons that would be an accident, but it could still happen. So, but I hear you. Yeah, maybe I'll close, I'll like do a private gun range lesson. Yeah, do a private. Close it. Close it down. Do some privates. Do some private lessons. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing could go wrong. Just. me and one man alone.

So Brian just starts running. We're hearing the roaring of this monster. He does refer to it as monster. He's like very like there are monsters in this world. And he's running. We're seeing

little peaks of tentacle here and there like feet, arms, limbs. But the like rolling limb monster seems to be getting bigger as it's absorbing more people. Yeah, picking up more limbs. And so he's going down these alleyways and running. He doesn't say, he's never been here before, it seems.

So he doesn't know where he's going, but he's just running. And he makes it to like, he gets stuck in a dead end. And we're just seeing like the shadow of the approaching monster. but there is like a chain link fence that he, it has another padlock on it and he shoots it. Again, I don't think it works. I think he still climbs over the fence.

It's a lot of very joking. Like, come on, why is this fucking working? And he's able to get on the other side of this chain link fence so that by the time the rolling monster arrives, it can't get to him. And it slams up against the chain link fence and you see Paul Walter Houser's face like as part of it

he's like fused in it and Brian is like huh you can't catch me again he's being a little silly some hubris here when

a little snake arm tentacle thingy reaches through the chain link fence and comes toward him And now there's nowhere to go and he's looking around panicked and he sees a pothole cover sewer thing below him. Pops it off. Jumps into the sewer.

It's going to be great down there, I bet. Oh, my God. Oh, no. No, no, no. No, no. In Raccoon City? The sewers in Raccoon City. The sewers in Raccoon City aren't good when there hasn't been a medical outbreak.

Wait, you guys, I didn't tell you, we have a raccoon in our yard. Okay. And he comes right up to the table. doors and the windows and just looks at the cats and they all just look at each other. How big is he? Big. Really big. Yeah.

And the cats get really freaked out. They don't like it. But he just stands there, frozen staring at them. Whatever. Didn't think too much about this raccoon and I was doing some gardening today. And in our outdoor fire pit, it's just filled with shit. It's his toilet. Oh, no.

He's using your fire pit as a bathroom. Oh, no. That's not okay. That's so strange. It's honestly, like, kind of makes me respect him. Like, he's, like, just looking for a bathroom. He, like, needs a bathroom. He, like, needs a bathroom. He needs privacy. He has his needs. And he also has his routine. Like, he, like, knows the place he's going to go. He's not going to go anywhere else except your fire pit. Oh, my God. It's really funny. That's his spot that he likes to go. What do you do to prevent that? What did you Google? Did you do? I needily Google Raccoon using fire pit as toilet. What do I do? You know, surprisingly I did it. Raccoon made my yard his bathroom, his own personal bathroom. Help me, help me. I just moved the like great on top of the fireplace.

It was only like halfway covering it. I covered it all the way. And I've left it at that for now. More Googling needs to happen. Wow. And it's cleaning of the poop eventually. But I'm like scared of the poop also because it's like, Yeah, full of scary stuff.

Is it dangerous poop? Definitely. It's definitely shouldn't get too close to it. You got to use gloves. I am so curious what a raccoon is capable of. Like, I just want to know what a raccoon can even do. A lot. Can a raccoon?

Raccoon has hands. A raccoon has hands. It might lift that grade off of it once. I'm just imagining the raccoon just takes the grate, just moves it right back. They're like, what the fuck happened with this? That's true. But it is kind of heavy. Yeah, but it said it's a big raccoon.

And I think they might have been lifting weight. they would be strong enough to do it. It's true. It's so swole. What do you think when the raccoon's staring at your cats, what's going on in the raccoon's brain? Like what is because the raccoon doesn't want to like eat your cats. The raccoon is just like what's it like to like what what's.

Do you know what do you think it's very like how the other half lives? Like it's just like whoa. What's it like being a cat? These rich assholes in their nice house and I've shit in the fire pit outside. Is it just rich raccoons that live indoors? Yes. Yeah, because it lasts for too long for it to be like pure fear. Like if it was just like frozen in fear, it would, he would dart off after a little bit.

He's like he's, he's thinking. He's thinking. He's wondering. He's saying, do you have hands? He's making a plan. He will be inside your house next time we see them. Did you ever hear the story about a friend of ours was, I think he was out of town or maybe he was just like at somebody else's place. and like three raccoons broke into his apartment.

Oh my God. And made their own. That's scary. And like ransacked his place. Oh, I hate that. That's so fucked up because what do you do? You can't, there's no one to call. It's like, well, okay.

I need to get the, I need to have Joel remind me the details of this story. Because I'm pretty sure he came home to the raccoons still being in his home. Oh, God. Okay. Yeah. It feels like you got to call someone at that. call animal control to get them out. Yeah.

But anyway, raccoons, I'm just, I'm just saying they could do a lot. Again, like, what are they capable of? They're capable of so much. They have hands.

The hands, imagine. They're wrapped with hands. Yeah, so I'll keep you posted on that situation. So Brian's down in the sewer. Yep, great. We're seeing it's real gross

down there. He's turning corners. He's figuring out. have a way out when he comes across a very obese baron harkinen is in the sewer here with him got it got it so scary i could have done without this this must be like part of the video game i feel like this is a random one to throw in here a weird choice yeah but he's calling out to the man, sir, are you okay? Are you okay? Always the model citizen. And he's approaching him when he sees something within this man's belly moving. No. Something beneath his skin,

little lumps moving about, and his stomach bursts open and a bunch of rats come out. And these are zombie rats. These are covered in meat. Ewe, sick. What? It's really gross. Oh, my. No. What? Really gross. And he's shooting at them with the automatic gun. And so he actually does kill all the rats. But it's really gross and nasty.

And he runs and finds another manhole that he pushes up and he's able to come out through another part of the city. We see in this, on this road that he's on, it's like a straight shot to the hospital. So he's just He's Running down this road When He sees someone on the roof Next to him

He's looking up And the person's making noise Like So pretty quick When this isn't like a regular person And he's just Keeping on running mind in his business When this guy just jumps at him

Off the roof And Hits a car and bursts blood spray everywhere. This was the trailer. This looked like a really cool. This looked really cool and scary.

Yes and more just keep appearing people on the roofs around him and he's just got to book it as they're throwing themselves down at him and exploding bloods brain everywhere. But he makes it, he makes it to the hospital.

we get to the emergency room entrance and it's inside the ER just filled with with zombies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it would be. Yeah, this is going to be the epicenter here. So he can't go in the main entrance. So he's scoping out the rest of the building. He finds that the parking lot is chained closed.

There's like bars on the parking lot that you like roll up and down when you're opening and closing the parking lot. And if you can believe it, they're locked with a padlock. So he takes the gun and goes to shoot the padlock. He's like, this time it'll work. This time it's got to work. And I think this time it does because he's got an automatic weapon. And I think he just shoots it until it happens.

Great. So he's able to slide up the little metal gate and go inside the parking lot. We're feeling like this is maybe a good sign and it's been gated so people can't come in. Maybe there's like a few in here, but probably not tons. Doesn't seem like there's any around. And he,

there's the parking lot elevator. So he goes to elevator and he's like pressing wanting to go up to the top floor, obviously. But the elevator is not working. It's not coming, not arriving. He's pressing it. Nothing's happening. Collapses, sits, sits down in defeat, slumped against a car, and decides, let's inspect this bite, see how this is doing, takes his jacket off and his shirt off, and it looks really bad.

He's got like purple veins climbing from the wound, like up his whole arm, looking like they're almost about at his heart, which we presume is bad. Yeah. Yeah, it's not looking good. And so he takes out his phone. He obviously does not have reception. He's like below ground in a parking lot. So he takes out the recorder, voice notes, and records a message for Michelle.

where he apologizes again and says, there's a chance that we might not get to ever finish our conversation. And I am really sad about that. I'm sorry that I was really scared. I think I just didn't want to, like having a kid feels like such a grown-up thing to do. And I don't know if I'm like ready to be a grown up and agreeing to that feels like I can't like escape it anymore. But that's just that is the truth that like we are growing up and like you'd be an amazing mom.

And like I'd be so happy to be a parent with you and I love you and blah, blah, blah. And so an emotional little voice note for Michelle When a voice comes over the intercom Saying hey you You have that cooler You need to bring that up to us And I freaking know The voice by the way is Zach Kregor

And the voice of Michelle Sarah Paxton Zach Kregor's wife Oh that's sweet They do this I think in all of their movies if there's like a voice, well, all of their movies. Sarah Paxton was in weapons, but she was a voice in Barbarian. I don't know why I just said they do it in all their movies.

She's done it once. This is the thing they do. This is just a thing they do. That's a cute thing. That's a cute thing for them. It's just classic them. I also saw an interview with Zach where someone asked him if you'd remake Aquamarine as a horror movie. I saw that.

And I'm pretty interested in that. Fingers crossed. So he tells them the elevator's not working. The guy on the intercom says, yeah, you need to take the stairs. It's like to the top floor, like how many floors is that? And he says, 28. And he's like, oh my God, okay. He's like, be quick about it, come fast.

He's like, okay, I'll try. but it's actually he's going to go up to the 24th floor in this building and there's a sky bridge that he needs to take over to the like the conjoined building to go up to the 28th floor at that of that building and so he gets in the stairs and again a very funny sequence he's like going up and up and he's like oh my god oh my god you're seeing like the down the or up the spiral of the staircase like it looks never ending there's so many and like he's like oh my god oh my god he's trying, he's sweating, he's sweating, he's sweating. He looks and sees like he's got, he's at the second floor. And then, and then does it again and he's like, oh, my God, it's going to take so long. It's going to take so long. Looks now, he's at the fourth floor and he's like, fuck this. Nobody can do this.

This is not humanly possible. And he just enters into the hospital at the fourth floor and presses for the elevator. No. What? Yeah. It's not a good idea. Not a good idea. But the elevator works there.

It comes to the fourth floor and he gets in. Oh, my God. This is so much easier. I definitely trust this elevator. This elevator is so trustworthy. When there's a little bit of a bump in the elevator, it's something happened there. What was that? And a noise on coming from above the elevator, something on the roof.

and then we see acid breaking like dissolving the roof of the elevator and it's spreading and so and dripping and he's dodging it because it's the thing about acid it just kind of keeps going

it keeps burning through and through down every floor and so it goes through the floor of the elevator and we're seeing more like bucketfuls of acid coming from somewhere dumping on top of this bucket of a bucket of the acid

And so the floor of the elevator is dropping out piece by piece And he's having to like kind of back into Acid is crazy It really is crazy I really don't like it I hope I never want to see it I hope I never have it running with acid And finally the whole roof of the elevator is missing

And he's bouncing on the little remaining piece of the floor of the elevator And we look up and we see there is a little monster guy that's vomiting acid at him. Oh, man. It feels very video gamey. And he's able to hop onto the like elevator right next to it, the second elevator so that he's not in that elevator. But the vomit guy is just like moving, like aiming for him. And we're in the like elevator wires now.

Like you can see the whole elevator shaft. And from below, we're seeing the huge now. limb monster climbing up. This guy needs to chill out. What? Like find another target. What's your deal with me?

Find somebody else. Find another target. I'm not your man. Like, golly. I've got other stuff to do. So he rides the like elevator cable up to where the vomit monster is and he's able to like grab him by the,

he basically puts him in a headlock. It's pretty funny. He's like, that's like, You motherfucker. And he aims him out of the elevator shaft down at the limb monster below. And he's like, throw up right now. It like squeezes it out of him. And so he dumps a bunch of acid on the monster below.

It falls. And then it kicks out the acid throwup guy down the elevator shaft as well. He falls to his death. And so now he's on the 24th floor. and he's just like, okay, great, basically in the clear. Everything's going to be great from now on, and I'm going to be able to get home so easily from here. So easily, everything's going to be totally fine. I'm going to be a dad.

I'm going to be a dad. He is like, okay, I just need to find where the sky bridge is. I need to cross over. So he's looking at the map. And the sky bridge is just through the maternity ward. And he's like, that's getting great. No way. Oh, no.

Okay, great. That's so cruel. Oh, my God. Do we have to do this? Can we just skip over this part? Henley, I actually, I mean, yeah, you wouldn't agree, but I thought it was so funny. This scene really made me laugh. But, yeah, obviously it's horrifying.

If it happened for real, it would be really awful. It'd be bad. But it's not real, Henley. Don't worry. No, I'm far past believing any of this is real. don't worry. So he grabs his cooler, heads off to the maternity ward, and through the window into the maternity ward, where you would see all the, like, babies in their little beds, little hospital beds.

They are all, like, nasty cocoon things. It looks like the, like, egg room. Like incubators. Yeah, incubators. Ew. Like spider eggs Yeah, it looks like spider eggs And it's all very goopy and nasty

And all red Literally from my nightmares Red goo What I was so scared of as a child This was actually it Being put into a little spider cocoon Yeah, it's gross But he's tiptoin through

He's trying not to disturb any of the spider babies Don't wake the babies Don't make the babies And he hits one of them accidentally and it like shoves it and rolls across the room. And then all the like cocoon, it's like jelloy and it's like shaking and going like, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. And he's like, no, don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't do that. And it bursts. And a lot of things bursting. Yeah. And then from the side of the little like hospital crib, you see just a little baby hand, grab. I have over the side. I really laughed.

It's actually funny, I think. No, it is funny. And then it reaches up and it just keeps going and going up and up and up. And it's the longest baby arm you've ever seen. And he just gets up and runs and all of these little eggs start hatching and bursting and popping. And some of them are like... Ew, popping. Yeah.

And some of them, like, you can see, like, part of the... like the doctors and nurses are like also cocooned in the walls so like some of them are like adult size coming after him now and so there's like I don't know 40 oh monstery guys chasing him he runs through he makes it to the sky bridge he closes the swinging doors behind him and puts a like broomstick through the handles to lock them all in there but they're banging on the other and it's a broomstick, so it's not going to hold super long. He's got to keep moving. Skybridge is pretty much also exploded.

It's like there's just one little stretch of it left. Oh, boy, oh boy. All been destroyed. So he's having to like climb carefully across when from the street below comes the huge. huge monster again, even bigger now. This fucking guy. Climing up the side of the exterior of the hospital.

He's like, oh, my fucking God. Yeah, yeah. He's shooting at him with the gun. It's scary because he's balanced on the ledge and it just doesn't seem safe to be shooting from there. It's not working. It's not slowing the thing down. When he has the idea to shoot the broomstick to let all of the,

them out because they'll fall down. It's like a straight drop essentially to where the monster is. Okay. So he aims. And for the first time ever, he only has one bullet left. And he gets it. And he gets him out. And they fall on top of the crawly monster and they all plummet to the, plummet to the ground.

So he is... able to get across. They open it for him over the intercom. They're like, you're here, you're here. Come on in. They're being real fast and loose with any, you know, procedures, safety procedures right now. We should be maybe scanning this man for any signs of infection. Zach Cherry is who lets him in.

He's like, come on. We got to get in here. We got to make this antidote. Goes in. they grab the like vial from his cooler and put it in their machines and there and he's again going so how long is that going to take pretty quick I hope and his hand is starting to turn into tentacles and he's hiding it under his jacket and they're like are you okay man you look pretty bad he's like oh totally fine totally fine I just need that just pretty pretty excited for you guys to get that that cure going to and let me know when that's ready. And he starts morphing into a tentacle monster. And the tentacles are just attacking the other doctors in this room.

And it does not seem within his control. And he's like going like, please, please, the cure, the cure. And while he's like killing them one by one and reaching out and as he's killing them, he's absorbing them. So there's like, oh my gosh. But he's like still conscious and aware of what's going on. Yes. And he's just like screaming at them like, please, I need the cure.

And we see that they like have it in a syringe. And they're trying to hand it to him. But the tentacles are like swatting it away. And they're trying to be like, we got to like, you got to go inject him with it. And nobody can do it. He eventually kills and absorbs like all of them. Wait, but he's like still himself throughout all this? That's so sad.

He's like getting he's getting absorbed too. So his like form is dissolving but his face is still there and he's like calling for them to please like give him the syringe. Oh my God. And none of them can like get close enough to do it. But he's like trying to grab it. It like falls on the floor after everybody's dead and he's trying to grab it. but he like doesn't really have hands anymore and he can't really get it. And it's like rolling towards the sky bridge and he's going after it.

And he's like hanging on to the sky bridge and it rolls down like to a couple floors below and then you lose sight of it. And he's screaming and trying to grab it when the like national. guard helicopters arrive and are fly and shine in spotlights down on him, presumably about to start shooting him as well. And we see a close-up of his face as he sees them, and he just opens his mouth and roars at them no longer speaking human words. And that's the end of the movie. Whoa. Oh my. Whoa. Oh my God. Oh my God. Just like a lesson in futility, I suppose. Like it's like a man's hero journey, but actually a journey for nothing. For nothing. I really was thinking about like the human will to survive being like a bit of a curse.

A bit of a curse. In this scenario, for sure. It's like, God, because you really, unfortunately, I think. just would kind of do all the things that he does. Or at, I mean, there wasn't a ton I could identify that I would do differently. No. Yeah. No. Which is kind of fun, I guess, because in horror movies, usually you're like, well, here's all the things they did wrong. Well, and it was really, I was thinking that, but I was like, it's probably-

The only thing you did wrong is accepting the job in the first place. Go deal with your, go home to your girlfriend. But I was also thinking it's really smart to, like, put that, have him. be bitten and be told that the antidote is with him. That happened like right at the right moment because normally you'd be like, okay, well then turn the fucker. Like, why are you still going? Like, who cares? Abandon the job. But then it's like, I know he has to finish the job. Yes. Yes. It really gave him like perfect motivation to see it through. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm really, again, I'm really glad that we saw the trailer because I think that

that grounded me in understanding like what it felt like. It feels like it's like a roller coaster. It's like you're on a ride. It's nonstop in a fun way. And it's 90 minutes. So love that. It's very fun. Yeah.

But also real nasty. I still want to see it. I do want to see it. I'm sad for him. I know. I'm sad for him. I'm sad for us. I'm sad for us as like a human race of being like bumbling idiots.

We don't fucking know what we're doing. Like that's like the sad truth of us is like we love to pretend that we're competent and we like can get shit done. And sometimes that's true. But more often than not, we're just fucking bumbling idiots trying to get through. I read about this recently actually, which is that our brains or do we talk about this, our brains are constantly trying to solve problems. Like that's just how our brains are wired. It's like we're constantly solving a problem. And if we don't have a problem to solve, our brains are like, where's the problem?

We'll create a problem. Yeah. Yeah. And that's like the one point of meditation is to like train your brain to stop doing that. Yeah. As humans, we have to actually like train ourselves to not. I don't know. I was thinking about that.

Well, it's so hard. Well, it's so hard to train your brain to do anything. I couldn't possibly even begin. Sammy, that was. What a ride, man. It was really fun. It is very fun. It's, it's, uh, I think part of his not wanting any hot people thought process is like, also,

obviously not wanting any like competent people. Like the Resident Evil movies are just like hot military experts. It's like a myth. It's like a fantasy we have. Right. And so it also probably helps you to feel a little bit more like it's like real people. Mm-hmm. This is just some guy.

It could be anyone. Could be you. Could be me. Fucking not hot guy. Surrounded by regular not hot people who are stupid like me. Or even if you are really good. Finally, I see myself represented in cinema. Or even if you are like a fucking good at your job like the woman who got you're going

get killed anyway, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's not. It's beyond our capacity. It's beyond. It's beyond. Damn, that sucks.

Well, I'm going to go to bed. Good night, everyone. Bedtime story. Bedtime. Good time for me. Well, I'll miss you guys while I'm gone. Oh my gosh. I'm leaving for my honeymoon.

After my wedding. So I'll be out for a couple weeks. It's just going to be me and I'm talking Gilmore girls. She'll be back. Yeah. Get ready for a whole new podcast. No, no, we will take care of you. And I'm going to see some. I'm going to watch a.

I can't wait. I can't wait to listen. Who knows what we're going to do. You know what? This would be fun. I'm coming up with this idea right now. Maybe we'll do a poll and you guys can pick the movie that you. Let's do a poll.

We're going to bring polls back on the Patreon. Thank you all for indulging our weird little Helchella 3 triples as best journey. Big summer over here. A lot's been going on. We wanted to do Helchella as best we could. had a great time. You had a great time. It's almost spooky season.

Samie's getting married. The time marches on and we shall forge ahead into this future exuberantly and we will keep doing the podcast. The podcast continues. The podcast continues. And I actually can't have said it. better. And I couldn't have said it better and nobody could have said it. No, actually, I think that's our next t-shirt is everything you just said. Let's just put it on a t-shirt. Let's put the whole thing on a t-shirt.

Time marches on. I was trying to remember a single word that I just said and I can't remember a single thing that I just said. That'll go on the t-shirt too. Luckily, we recorded it. Luckily. Thank God. Thank God. Can you imagine if that had been lost? Oh my God. No, we do this podcast so I can remember anything.

It's for my own memory. Oh, that needs to just be living forever. Ever on the internet. Yeah. Everyone. And as a video. And as a video. And as a video.

Yes. Because I had a feeling I looked really good while I was saying it. You did. You looked beautiful. There's only a tiny little top of a bald head come peeking out right behind you. Yeah. I know, I can tell.

It felt really good. So, thank God. Well, we absolutely nailed it. Yeah. Another one. Another one. Another one. Another one.

In the books, we love you all very, very much. We love you very much. And I hope you're all very excited for spooky season as well. No voices. really? So, from all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. We didn't. We made it. Thank you all for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you enjoy the show, please remember to subscribe and rate us on Spotify and Apple podcasts. Five stars only, or we will haunt you. And if you simply can't get enough of us, we have good news for you.

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