Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THANKSGIVING (Vault Release)

Episode Date: November 26, 2025

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This is a headgum podcast. Hi everyone. Emily here, letting you know that this week's episode is a vault release from our Patreon. It is Eli Roth's Thanksgiving, recorded in November of 2023. We hope you enjoy it and we will be back next week with a new episode. If you are in the States, we hope you have a lovely holiday week. If you are not, congrats. And we hope you have a lovely week as well. And we love you. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy. And you're listening to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Bonus episode number two for the month. of November in the year

2023. Thanksgiving episode. And more ways than one. And quite literally exactly that. What better way to spend Thanksgiving? What could we be more thankful for than Eli Roth?

Truly the gift that keeps on giving. He just gave us no goddamn choice, you know? Yeah. So, yeah, you know, in real time, Thanksgiving was yesterday. and oh yeah so i know nothing about this movie i'm going in totally blind here yeah okay well yes we're going to be talking about thanksgiving

directed by eli roth written by eli roth and jeff rendel in theaters now starring nell verloc patrick dempsey people's sexiest man alive wow people's sexiest man alive of 2023 Wait, McDreamy. He's McDreamy, right? He's McDreamy. He's a beautiful man. As opposed to McSteamy. I think McSteamy is hotter personally, but...

I never watched it, so I don't know who McSteamy is. I feel like you would get really into Grace Anatomy. I feel like that would be a good show for the first, like, seven seasons are really good. And then... Is it still on? Yeah. Oh, my God. But it's like probably entirely different actors at this point, right?

Yeah. I think a lot of us. I think Meredith is gone. Oh my God. No way. Yeah. But it's her anatomy. I know.

I know. Mick Steamy. Who is that? He's also in Euphoria. Eric Dane. He has a huge, huge, huge jaw. He's the biggest jaw you've ever seen. Based on photos alone, he's not for me.

Yeah, same. He's not my type either. I'm more of a McDaney type of boy. He kind of looks a little bit like a werewolf. Oh, maybe it's because I like, maybe I'm getting Taylor-Lotner vibes. Honestly, I do get Taylor-Lotner vibes from photos alone. That's funny. Like, Taylor-Lotner are sort of mixed with Carlisle.

Yeah. So that's a mean, that's a vampire. But, you know, you get it. Anyway, not for me. Well, McDreamy's not the only other person in this movie. There's also, no, I don't hear it. Rick Hoffman, Jalen Thomas Brooks, Gabriel Davenport and Addison Ray, who I'm not really familiar with, but I know she's very famous.

TikTok, TikTok, baby. Addison Ray is the butt of a lot of internet jokes because she's the pinnacle of a white girl dancing. She was like famous for her TikTok. She's like a TikTok dancer. Yeah, she made a bunch of, she became super famous off of her TikTok dances. And then essentially everyone was like, that's insane. She's just a white girl dancing. why is she's so famous for doing like really basic dance moves.

That's pretty true. Right place, right time, baby. Right place, right time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good for her. Now, look at her now in an Eli Roth horror movie.

She can do it all. She can do it all. Obviously, obviously a beautiful young woman, but I'll just say this. I just looked at a bunch of pictures of her and they, and I couldn't tell you what she looks like. Yeah. Yeah. Every picture of her looks like a different person. Yeah.

Genuinely it does. True. She does have like all different hair colors and makeup looks and yeah. But should talk about Thanksgiving? I do have another thought I want to tell you guys. Okay. Yes. I thought about this week that is maybe it sounds like the sort of thought you have when

you're really high and I'm not and wasn't when I thought of it and it still blows my mind, which is that Thanksgiving is the way. one day of the year, where pretty much everyone is eating basically the same thing. In America. In America. In America. I know it's a food-based holiday. We get it. But still, think about it. Any household, as far as the eye can see, your family on the other side of the country, every single person you know on that day at some point is eating basically the same thing that you're eating. Yep. That's fucking crazy. You're going to have some turkey.

Crazy. They're going to have some mashed potatoes. It's like the basis of a conspiracy theory. Like that's how the government gets what it needs to and to our bodies. It's absolutely insane. It's like we talk about turkeys. We talk about like, oh my God. Yeah.

Like so many turkeys are consumed on Thanksgiving. Like think about all the turkeys that people get on Thanksgiving. It's like yeah, yeah. Just imagine too, though, that like we're all eating a potato. Green beans. We're all eating like a green bean or a Brussels sprout. We're all having corn somewhere. We're all.

It's like all of us, all of us in our homes eating. I was eating the same thing. It's honestly freaky. Pie? Pumpkin pie? Pumpkin pie? Apple pie. It's very, it's very interesting.

That is a little unsettling. That's a lot to think about. There's a lot to unpack it. It's kind of a lot to think. I don't know if anybody's ever thought about it in that way before. Well, this movie is going to be freaky for you because yes, there is food in it and it's going to seem familiar. Oh, my God. I bet I know some of the key items. Thanksgiving has an 83% on Rotten Tomatoes.

63 on Metacritic 7.1 on IMDB. Wow, Eli. Above average, Eli. Yes. The budget was 15 million and it just opened this past weekend and so far has made 12.6 million. Pretty good. This is the first movie that he directed since Hostel to break 10 million on an opening weekend. Okay.

Wrote down some numbers here. Hostel's opening weekend was 9.6 million. That was 2005. Green Inferno, 2013, made 3.5 million. Big drop off there. 3.5 million too much. Oh, yeah. It should have been VOD.

why did he even come out in theaters and knock knock 2015 made 18,600 shut up no way 18,000 it must have only been a limited theater release yeah I was wondering that be right that's like 10 people went to see that movie it's really funny I mean I hope it was a wide release and it just shit the bed although I'll remind you guys knock knock

I think it's my favorite Eli Roth movie Right. Yeah. And Keanu. I mean... Yeah, Keanu's in it. I was a big draw. It's genuinely very funny and stupid. And it's the most fun I've had watching an Eli Roth movie, including this one. But I did have a good... I had a pretty good time in this one. It's no green inferno. It's no green inferno. Thank God for that. And I'd like barely remember hostile. But yeah, I, I, I, I, I, would place this second in the movies we've spoken about so it'll go knock knock Thanksgiving then quite a drop to green inferno that's all the Eli Roth we've done right I think so yeah also impressive that it did this well with no promotion I mean people weren't really able to promote it yeah that's true but I bet I bet Addison Ray got in there the second

she could and was like no worries I'll tell my 15 million years Followers, yeah. This movie is based on a fake trailer that was in the movie Grind House in 2007. Do you remember that was like Quentin Tino and Robert Rodriguez? It was a two-part movie with Planet Terror as the first movie and death proof as the second movie. It did it in like 70s Grindhouse style. And so in the middle of the two movies, they played a few trailers. that were directed by other horror directors.

And so Eli Roth directed a trailer for it called Thanksgiving. That was very funny. I used to quote it all the time. The voiceover artist in it has this very deep voice like the, you know, 70s trailers do, horror trailers do. And there's a couple lines from it that I would say all the time. And one of them was, you will be coming home for the holidays in a body bag. Is that the trailer that is the trailer for the movie or did they cut a new trailer?

No. So there's a new trailer and Eli Roth said that this movie is not meant to be the version that that trailer was for it. He says, let's pretend Thanksgiving was a movie from 1980 that was so offensive that every print was destroyed. All the scripts were burned. The director disappeared. The crew members changed their names. one person saved the trailer and uploaded it to the darkest corners of 4chan, and now it's made it out. So this is a 2023 reboot of the 1980 Thanksgiving.

I just, I know we talk shit on Eli Roth all the time, but like, Eli, what? Wait, wait, wait, sorry, sorry. Just back up for a second. So this is a remake of the, based on the trailer that was released on 4chan? Yes. Okay, okay. All right. Got it.

I mean, I don't think it was actually released on 4chan. No, no, I know. That's like the story he's telling. He wants to live in a world where he's rebooting the most offensive movie ever made. Yes. And there are some things in the trailer that are very offensive. And luckily, someone must have told him to scale those back a bit. I'll talk about them when we get there.

But there were some things that I was really dreading. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. And luckily, they're not. They're not as bad as the 2007 version of them, which makes sense because 2007 was a darker time for Eli Roth and horror films. I want to talk to Eli Roth more because it sounds to me like his whole brand is just pushing

the envelope to push the envelope. And that's why it's just doing it for the sake of doing it. I think that's exactly right. I really just want to hear from him some more nuance. I want to give him a chance. I want to give him a chance to explain to me why that's not stupid. And also why it's boring after a while. You know, it's kind of boring after a while.

It's kind of like Lady Gaga's thing could only last for so long. Like her amping up the... She's running for Gaga. I think people would agree with this. We saw what happened. to Carly Waddell of Bachelor in Paradise when she just talks shit on Lady Gaga. Oh no. Oh no. Fuck. People don't hate me

for this. But I think Gaga would agree with this herself. I mean, you can't just keep there's got to be something more. You don't just want to do one note forever and ever. Yeah. Yeah. You got to evolve. You got to evolve. And you got to there's got to be more depth. There's got to be more layers. Unless, of course, you're a male director in the horror space and then you don't have to change at all literally ever.

I just want him to I just want him to tell me that's not true Look we haven't heard the movie recap yet So perhaps this will be the one that changes at all It won't But maybe it will Well Only one thing left to do

Only one thing left to do Guess what you guys It's a red band No I mean we've got to It's Eli Roth We got to see that red band Okay

I've done plenty to be thankful for I need this small I buy them all at the 5 and 10 cents store Oh I've got Plenty to be thankful for Until what happened that night. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. And I'm tired of pretending like everything is normal and it's not.

I want things to go back to normal too. Show some enthusiasm. Thanksgiving is an institution here. No, no, no, no, no, no! Someone's out for revenge. And they're turning it into a sick holiday game. This is weird. We're all tagged and our names are at the table.

But why us? The longer this goes, the more twisted it gets. The weapon he's using is straight off a Thanksgiving table. I don't want to spend my life looking over my shoulder. We need to stop him. It is going to be a very happy Thanksgiving. Let's see. I think I'm done.

I mean, I got to be honest. I didn't watch that fucking trailer. I couldn't. I couldn't watch that trailer. Is this going to ruin Thanksgiving for me? No. A holiday that's not tainted by anything else at all. and it's only a positive thing.

It's only a good thing and nobody, nothing bad has ever happened. Don't make it bad. Don't make it bad. It's just about being grateful. I did really laugh at the corn. I did as well. It's, you know, I love corn.

I can't, I can't with the, with the cute, that, I don't, I don't, I don't, from that point on, I didn't see a single thing in the trailer because I couldn't, I can't. Also, which one was Addison Ray? None of those girls looked like the girl that I saw on Google search images. She wasn't in the trailer a ton. She's like featured prominently in the movie, but she's not the main character. Okay. Okay, great.

That makes me feel better because I was like, am I, do I have facial blindness? Because I don't know which one is Addison Ray. Here's a question that occurred to me today. What do you think is the percentage of horror movies where one of the characters is not a cop? like 1% you're right so many cops it's probably very low yeah

there's but I mean it makes sense because you know crimes happen so a cop had but I was just like I think there's literally always at least one cop yeah there's a lot of cops that's why we really need to remember the term for a sheriff as opposed to top cop

because top cop works great personally it's really tricky to remember I feel like a lot of the cop names don't mean anything to me like sheriff and deputy and I'm like I don't know what that captain like I don't know what the chain of command is there sheriff is totally different right because it's like county versus city right because there's like the sheriff's department which is different from the LAPD I think captain is like the sheriff of the no but all sheriffs are How does I say all sheriffs are sheriffs?

I know what you mean, though, because sheriff's department does sound like where all the sheriffs are. Sheriff is to cop, right? So then what's that what's top sheriff? Top sheriff? Captain? I think captain is top cop. Oh, I don't know. Like, is sheriff within a hierarchy of cops or is sheriff a distinction all in itself?

I don't know. Well, there's also like the DA, the district attorney. That's different. DA's not like wearing a cop outfit No, no, but I feel like maybe are they They're not in charge of the sheriff

Oh, I see what you're saying Top cop Who is the top cop? It's not Alex Villanueva, I'll tell you that much Okay, well what I just received via Google was As California's Attorney General, Kamala Harris is the top law enforcement office Yeah, the attorney general.

That's what I meant to say instead of the district attorney. The attorney general. Chief. Duh. It's the chief. I thought, I, I have some chief written in my notes as well. And I'm like,

I don't know what any of the chief of police. Okay, hold on. I have a little infographic. Wait, but I thought the sheriff was the chief. No? No, the sheriff's the sheriff. Chief is a cop. Sheriff is a sheriff.

Whoa. Okay. It goes lieutenant. Then. captain then commander are we going down to up or up to down down to up okay so lieutenant's the low cop cop then lieutenant then captain then commander then deputy chief then assistant chief then chief so for example chief is top cop so um chief swan for example um top cop yep i believe in this movie he is a sheriff okay well then who's the top sheriff he's the top sheriff but i don't know

what chief sheriff sheriff chief i don't know should we spend the whole because sheriff wasn't in the list that you just name because sheriffs are a separate thing sheriffs are county cops are city sheriffs are different sheriffs are different than cops all sheriffs are cops, but not all cops are sheriffs. Right, right, right, right. Of course. You know what I mean? Of course, of course. Yeah. It is confusing. And hey, you know what? We should stop giving them so much money. That much I do know to be true. Okay. No, here's what's interesting. Here's interesting, Henley. So in the sheriff's office, it is the sheriff's department, right? So it's like, you'd think that means they're all sheriffs. Not so. The top cop.

of the sheriff's department is the sheriff is the sheriff right okay but then then there's the undersheriff which is a funny title oh no their name is actually the undersheriff they never say that on screen they never say that on screen then the chief deputy then the captain then lieutenant sergeant and then deputy sheriff so the undersheriff is interesting the what's tricky is when you have the same word used over and over again in a lot of different ways to describe. Yeah, I'm here and captain and lieutenant for both of those. Yeah. Yeah.

And sheriff, under sheriff, deputy sheriff, it's too many sheriffs in the kitchen, you know? If there's too many sheriffs in the kitchen, I say, um, we abolish the ball. Yeah, let's get rid of them. Hey, cab, a sab. All sheriffs are bastards. All sheriffs are bastards. That's honestly true. I believe that even more than I believe.

makeup, which I do believe. Yeah, both true. It should be a Shab. Sorry. A Shab. Because this is sheriff, not serif, you know. Anyway, yep. Um, okay, you guys have delayed this long enough. I know what you're trying to do, Emily. It's ruined. Let's, let's ruin an otherwise perfect holiday. Thanksgiving. Yeah, Thanksgiving. So far unmarred by any historical conflict whatsoever. let's tarnish it oh my god wait i just had a realization which is that sammy's our top cop and is scaring me sammy's our top cop i'm not a cop and she's enforcing she's in forcing oh god no now this is asab all sammy's are bastards oh they are not i am a bastard no you're not well out of wedlock i'm not a wedlock baby silas is fun to remember the action

Yeah, Silas is a little bastard. Silas is our cute little bastard. Wow. What a little sweet bastard. He's so sweet. Okay, let's do it. Let's just do it. All right, all right. I don't know how it happened, but the holiday season is here, and that means it's time to start shopping for gifts for your loved ones. Uncommon goods takes the stress out of gifting with thousands of unique, high-quality fines. you won't see anywhere else. Gift giving is my love language, and it's really important to me that I get people,

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Thanksgiving Day. We see two separate Thanksgiving dinner's happening to like two families homes the first one we see mcdreamy arriving to his friend's home his name is sheriff eric newlin i might refer to him as mcdreamy we'll see what happens yeah by mcdreamy sounds good to me and so he's arriving at his friend's house uh this this is a couple named Mitch and Amanda oh i did also want to do like a light disclaimer that I saw this film once in theaters, and there's like one million characters in it. So I think I did pretty well here, but there's definitely going to be some stuff that's left out. So go see it if you want the whole thing.

So Mitch and Amanda are hosting this first Thanksgiving meal that we're seeing, and then we're cutting back and forth between this and another one. And at the second house is our protagonist, Jessica. And this home is really nice. This is obviously a very rich family. We see, we find out that her dad, Thomas, owns the right mart in town, which is like a super store. They're going to be having a big Black Friday sale. And they've decided to open early.

So they're going to be opening Thanksgiving night at like 6 p.m. or something. Black Friday starting early. It's so crazy that that's what actually happens. Have you guys ever done any black, like, in person? Black Friday shopping? It seems absolutely insane to me. Is it still as bad? Because of the internet, I feel like it's not as it bad, right?

Yeah, it's maybe not as bad because of the internet. It's maybe not as bad, but it still does happen. It's still been bad since the internet, but hopefully it's getting better. I mean, I remember when, like, in the 80s, people stampeded each other to get cabbage patch kids. It was like shit like that. People were stampede pretty recently. In the 2000s, yeah.

There's been stampedes recently. Yeah, yeah. We're still stampeding. They're still doing that. And so we're seeing, we now see the right mart and we see this huge crowd lining up behind a barricade with a couple of security guards, like blocking off the door. We can like, you know, we open at six. Everyone stay calm. Everyone's chomping at the bit.

We're all real antsy to get in here, get our waffle irons. Now we go back to the first house with McDreamy, and we find out that Mitch, the host of this dinner, is the manager of Wright-Mart. And so he has to leave to go to work because they're opening. Amanda and McDreamy are really bummed about this, but he's got to do what he's got to do. So he heads off to work. now we're seeing back in Jessica's house we're seeing a few of her family members she has a stepmom Kathleen who's kind of a bitch to her and says like oh you only put on jeans like criticizing her outfit and saying you could put more effort in clearly they don't have a

great relationship and Jessica's boyfriend Bobby is also there and they're kind of keeping to themselves at one moment. And Bobby says something to Jessica, like, you know, she'll never replace your mom, right? These two like basically adult kids, right? I mean, yeah, they're like high school, I guess. They're probably supposed to be like 17, but it's just, I don't know, struck me as a very funny thing for them to be saying to each other. Like, I don't, I don't think you would say that. No, definitely not. No, not too on the nose. He's like, let me give context for the audience. about this relationship. Also, this is a normal thing for me to say to you about your family.

Yeah, yeah. And we see Jessica kind of sadly grip a charm bracelet on her wrist and open up a little locket in it with a photo of her mom. And on the other side, I think it says mom to really hammer at home. Mom is dead. Mom is dead. She's dead. And she's not getting replaced. So Jessica and Bobby finish up dinner and they're out of there.

They say goodbye to everyone. They're getting picked up by some friends. They're going to go hang out. I don't know what they're planning to do. I forget. But so now we get a big truck full of high schoolers. We have Evan and Gabby are a couple. Gabby is Addison Ray.

And then we have scuba and Yulia. And there are also a couple. Scuba. Yeah. His last name is something like diver or something. There's a reason why his nickname is Scuba, but it's because of his last name being diver. Okay.

Something like that. His name isn't technically scuba diver. His name's not scuba diver. That's not on his birth certificate. Great. Great. No. So they're all getting in the car together.

going to have a fun night when Evan says he wants to go to Rite Mart to get a new cell phone. His cell phone's broken and Jessica's annoyed by this. It's going to be a madhouse right now and somehow she gets convinced

like let's just go. Your dad owns the place we can go in the side before it opens and I'll just get a phone and we'll be in and out. So they head to Ritmart and as they're walking through this very angry, impatient

crowd. They run into someone else they know from school. A guy named Ryan who clearly has a crush on Jessica and Bobby's a little protective. Like, all right, Ryan, like, she's good. Like, get away from us, basically. Some, uh,

tension happening there. And the guys in the group are all jocks. Jocks. You don't say. The, a Massachusetts Massachusetts jock might be the scariest jock there is. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, actually, though. There's a guy from a rival high school there that they got in a fight with earlier and they're like, say it to my face, man. Do it. What's a Boston accent? Well, I think you just noticed it. I mean, that's it. I don't think you can get better than that.

Say it to my face, man. I know. I know. It's like, I can do it's car to buy. Park the car. Pack the car. Pack the car. anybody from Massachusetts here is hearing this and it's like they're so annoyed i know i feel like

any time i do any accent but just know that i'm having a good time and that should be what matters and you know what that how do you like i can't it's really hard can't even finish the sentence how do you like them apples and i'd have to watch goodwill hunting before i could even try mcdreamy's accent is pretty funny but for the most part pretty good boston accents as someone who can't do it. Right. It isn't from there. It doesn't right.

It isn't from there. So I'm the judge. So they push their way through the front of the crowd. They're pissing everyone off, including this guy from the other school that they got in a fight with earlier. His name's Lonnie, the other jock guy. They barge to the front and go enter through the employee entrance door on the side. once they're inside, most of the guys of the group are like taunting everyone outside,

kind of, he-ha-ha, like dancing in the window, mocking them, we're in here, you're not. Crowd goes nuts, absolutely furious. They're not putting up with this. They knock down the barricade. They're like, we're coming in right now. And there's only two security guards, and one of them just runs, which I'm I think is fair because it looks like we're getting into Stampede territory here and he's like, fuck this, I'm out of here. He runs. Oh, also in here before this, McDreamy and Amanda Mitch's wife

have arrived at the store also to bring Mitch some dinner. So they're inside as well. They're trying to coordinate like lock all the doors, get everyone like barricade the doors so that they can't get in here, but the people break the glass. It's like a whole glass front store. They smash the window down. Someone immediately impales his neck on a shard of broken glass. Oh my God. And then it's still like running in to try to get his waffle iron as he's like bleeding out. What? And the people around him are wholly focused on their waffle ir. Yes. It's very over the top. And it's like supposed to be somewhat comedic because of how ridiculous it is. Like they're just one. their waffle irons even if it costs them their life so maybe eli does have a point of view yeah

capitalism is bad yeah thank you eli thank you capitalism is bad and that's why knock knock didn't make any money because it was about art it was about an artiste the power of art so evan one of the friends is filming all of this he's hopped up on one of the displays and he's getting like a higher angle so he can film all this. He's like laughing like, wow, this is nuts, man. People are screaming and being trampled. We see the security guard that did stay is getting trampled underneath broken glass. Like one of the glass doors fell on top of him and everyone's running on top of the glass door with him below it. And Bobby and Jessica are crouched in a corner and Bobby sees the security guard dying. And like, goes to reach out to him and his arm gets stepped on and bent like way the wrong way and we had found out earlier that he's like the star pitcher going to college on a baseball scholarship and now his arm is fucked up uh there's a woman named lizzie that's being real cutthroat in here with her shopping cart throw in elbows being violent

violent and Amanda Mitch's wife who's played by Gina Gershan by the way love Gina Gershon Amanda gets knocked over

I think by Lizzie's shopping cart and hits her head really hard on the ground and as she's trying to get up Lizzie's shopping cart wheel gets tangled in her hair

and she's She's not noticing any of this. Lizzie's, like, too focused on getting her waffle iron. And so she just runs, continues running with her shopping cart and scalps. Amanda. No! What the fuck? What the actual fuck?

A scalping this soon, Eli? It's not like a full scalping, but it's enough of a scalping to be called a scalping. No. Okay, you keep saying waffle iron. Is that just a catch-all? But what are people really trying to buy here? There's like a deal for a free waffle iron with any purchase. And so the waffle iron is a big selling point for a lot of them.

But it looks like a Best Buy type of place. It's like all sorts of home goods and electronics type of store. It's also crazy, Sammy, that you love Gina Garshani. You still haven't seen showgirls. I don't know. She was in it. Sammy. Yeah, I don't know anything about showgirls.

I mean, I do know some things, but I can't wait to see it. Yeah. I really, I really can't wait. She's also in a movie called Killer Joe, directed by William Friedkin, the director of The Exorcist. That is a very, very crazy movie. And she's also in a Wichowski movie, the bound. Great movie. Anyways, so Sheriff McDreamy, I'm going to call him Sheriff McDreamy.

I think that's perfect. Sheriff McDreamy sees all of this and sees Amanda dead now. She's dead. There's like a big pool of blood beneath her. Because she also hit her head really hard. Oh, God. That was fast. So she's like bleeding out and she dies.

She wasn't in the movie for long. No. So Sheriff McDreamy stands up and he shoots his gun in the air. to scream, like, stop this right now, cuts to black. Jesus. Things really got out of hand. So after that, we cut to one year later. Same town, now a traumatized town living with the events of last year's Black Friday Massacre.

But they are still gearing up for another Thanksgiving. You know, this is Plymouth. Thanksgiving is very important to them. It's where the Mayflower was, again, all good people that didn't do anything bad. deserving of recognition on a national scale for the goodness. Does the movie ever acknowledge any of that? The actual Thanksgiving massacre? No, it's, that's, I was going to say, like, I think there are more interesting points to be made about Thanksgiving than this movie.

But also, I feel like Eli Roth is probably not the person to tell that story. We've seen Green Inferno. He doesn't handle, like, different culture as well. different cultures well and indigenous people respecting indigenous people so i'm kind of glad he didn't try to but it is annoying that he co-opted thanksgiving as a horror movie he did it first yeah he was like he was like the bad thing is capitalism the bad thing is black friday wow that was a great massachusetts accent like right after the

right marked fiasco, Bobby left town. He disappeared basically without saying goodbye to anybody, including his girlfriend, Jessica. He was so upset by what happened. So Jessica is now dating Ryan who we saw earlier

that had a crush on him. And we see a YouTube video that Evan has made. He was the one filming on his cell phone, his new cell phone. He was the one that needed a new phone. And And it edits into this extremely disrespectful video, like, definitely made for the likes and the views. And it's just, yeah, like, the craziest thing happened.

Like, boom, like editing effects to make it really stylized of this massacre. And then at the end, it says, like, RIP to those who lost their lives. Don't forget to like and subscribe. Oh, man. So that kind of vibe. And we see someone watching this YouTube video. in a dark room somewhere, not getting a view of this person's face,

but we see them sharpening some carving knives. Okay. So someone is up to something. Mm-hmm. Do we want to make some guesses about who it is right now? Sure. The obvious one is Bobby. Obvious one is Bobby.

Right. It could also be Amanda's husband. Um, and that's, those are all my guesses. Those are probably, those are probably the only ones. We see Jessica and her friends at the town diner, and the owner of this diner is Lizzie, who was at the massacre with the shopping cart. Who killed someone. Who killed somebody and doesn't seem to feel any remorse about that. As they're sitting at their table, they all get tagged in an Instagram photo posted.

from a new account of a man named John Carver, who is one of the pilgrims that was on the Mayflower, but it's also a popular mask that is worn around this town at this time of year. There's like all these plastic John Carver masks. They like make some comment like, these masks are going to be everywhere this year. So the killer is using a mask that is very popular.

We find out that John Carver masks. Jessica's dad is planning on having the store open again, but they are getting more security this time. And Sheriff McDreamie has hired another deputy. Oh, I don't remember. I've already forgotten everything. But I think he's called a deputy, like big guy. We're getting our force a little more. What's the word I'm thinking of? Four to five. Four to five. We're trying to Fortify the Force. So, okay, so they're tagged in this Instagram photo. Did I say what the Instagram photo was?

I just kind of moved right past that, didn't I? Yeah, no, you didn't say. What is it? What is it? So it's a Thanksgiving table setting and they all have little name placards at the table. So it's set with where they should all be sitting. Just kind of weird. Nothing extremely sinister yet, but they're freaked out.

who is John Carver, what is this all about? And there's some, I think, I can't remember what the caption says, but it's something, I think it says the table is set or something like that. And they don't really know what to make of it. They might tell Sheriff McDreamy, just because they're a little on edge or something. And we just don't, we're keeping an eye on that for, for now, but we don't really know what it means. That night, we see the diner closing. Lizzie is shutting it down.

by herself getting it all cleaned up when she sees it's dark it's night time it's empty in there she sees a john carver mask on the countertop okay can you tell me what this john carver mask looks like looks like a white guy yeah looks like a white guy pilgrim okay thank you she's not too freaked out by the mask but she looks confused like who put this here throws it away or something goes back into the kitchen, and then John Carver, the killer, pops out, grabs her, dunks her head in the dishes sink of like hot water, and then opens the freezer and smashes her face against the freezer door wall so that her skin kind of melts into the ice. Yeah, that's fucked up.

So she gets stuck and then he turns around and leaves her as he goes to grab his axe and she's trying to pull her face off and we're getting some close-ups of that. Her fingers are also on it and she's trying to push off and her skin is ripping off and she does get it off but takes a chunk of her cheek off as well. She grabs her purse and she runs outside but she doesn't have her keys. She's trying to look through it panicked trying to find her keys. and it's taking too long. She's lost sight of John Carver doesn't know where he is and she's ruffling through her bag

and some headlights turn on of the car right next to her and John Carver is in it and he floors it and pins her between a dumpster and the car and cuts her in half hamburger style. Hamburger style.

Not my favorite style. Not my favorite style. It is very silly. guts really spill out in a very unrealistic way. But it's very, it's gory. We're getting maximum gore here. Sure, sure, sure. But it's not, it's not particularly realistic looking. We see that he afterwards puts her bottom half on the Ritmart sign on the lettering outside of the building. So props it up there for everyone to find. His first. little murder victim trophy basically letting the town know we're not safe and after after that he

posts another Instagram photo tags all the same kids again and this time Lizzie's top half is seated at one of the seats. Oh so that's what you've been up to John Carver so clever How did you figure out your table scape? Because I'm still curious, John Carver. A table shape is tricky. It's the thing I've been thinking about the most for my Thanksgiving. And clearly that's something that you really thought through. You could take some inspiration and look at some photos.

He's really put a lot of thought to this table scape. Amazing. Okay. I'll definitely look into it. So, yeah, now the town is on high alert. cops are involved in the crime scene. We're figuring out we're interviewing the kids. What does everybody know?

What is there anything that anyone has seen? We see that Bobby has returned home for the holidays in a body bag. He's not a body bag. He's alive. He goes up to Jessica kind of sheepishly, a little ashamed, obviously, of having ghosted her while they were definitely like fully boyfriend and girlfriend and and experienced a real trauma together. Yeah. And she's still angry at him, but it's clear that she also still has feelings for him and he apologizes and says, you know, it just was so much for me to handle. I like didn't

know how to process it. I just had to disappear and that wasn't fair. But that is what I did. And there, you know, she doesn't necessarily forgive him. but she's not furious with him anymore. It looks like they can be friends. Somehow someone figures out that the killer is probably killing people that were at Rite Mart, I think, because of Lizzie... Put in the body at Rite Mart. Yeah, the body at Rite Mart and Lizzie being in security footage from that night.

Mm-hmm. And so, yeah, Jessica and Bobby, like, team up to look through this footage. Jessica says she has the security footage because it's her dad's store. And so they're reviewing it and taking screenshots to bring to the cops to see if they're of any help. And we see Lizzie, that jock guy from the rival school, we see the second security guard that ran away. away and didn't help and yeah then obviously all of them Mitch Amanda sheriff McDreamie all the all the kids and in one of the shots Ryan her current boyfriend hugging the security guard that was killed and they say he's never mentioned

knowing that guy so it's just a we're now Ryan's and stuff Yeah, we're feeling like that's a little weird. They take it to Sheriff McDreamy. He says, yeah, he's never mentioned this in his interviews. We've interviewed him about that night. But it could be nothing. It doesn't necessarily mean, you know, he's the killer. But we'll follow up.

Thank you for giving us these images. This is helpful. So now we are at the second security guards house. and he's got a beautiful cat We're feeling nervous about that Tell me more about the cat Longhairs the cat looks like It's maybe Maine Cooney

But it's really pretty It's kind of like a gray And brown It was very cute Very cutie kitty We know something bad to happen To this second security guard He's getting ready to go out of town

for the holiday and sets his passport down and then when he grabs his suitcase and goes back to reach for his passport his passport is gone and he's looking around for it.

We know John Carver is in there somewhere. He goes into his room and then he comes back out. We see the John Carver mask on his couch and he's looking at it confused when John Carver pops out behind him has kind of a brazier wire that he

puts around his throat and is strangling him and then slowly decapitates him and he sets his head right off and John Carver is about to leave the crime scene when he hears the cat meow and he looks back and the cat is meowing next to the food bowl empty food bowl

and John Carver goes and fills his food bowl and pets him on the head and then leaves. Oh, okay. So this isn't a horror movie. We like John Carver actually. Yeah, this is about a man that loves cats.

Now we're rooting for John Carver. John Carver's just trying to get revenge on the bad people from I mean, I think fleeing the scene is they don't deserve to die, but I'm starting to understand. I understand. John Carver. We're cat people. We hate capitalism. So, yeah. It's all tracking. A-Shap.

So the next day we see our whole gang are like six main characters. I mean, I guess they're not main characters, but you know what I mean? The six friends. And they are at school getting invited to a party by some guy named McCarty who is, he's got like a, a, Peter Pan Syndromey vibe. It's like clear that he's an older guy that has just trying to still be in high school parties and he's like probably 23 or 24 and it's just like, oh, you guys come to my house. And Jessica and her friends roll their eyes at him and they're not excited about it, but he's really trying to get him to come. So I don't know. They're thinking about it. They're like, we'll see. Whatever. Somewhere in here, John Carver posts another Instagram post. now with decapitated head on one of the plates. So the table is really getting set.

Oh, and he writes on the caption of this one, which was a line of voiceover in the trailer, white meat, dark meat, all will be carved. Oh, so good. And I think there's a football game that night or something. They're supposed to have their game with the rival team. So now we're seeing Lonnie. at his high school and all the beefy jocks in the in the weight room lifting hyping themselves up yeah

yeah like we're gonna win tonight we're gonna fucking win and Lonnie's girlfriend Amy waves him over from the hallway and beckons him to follow her kind of seductively she's like I just want to give you a little a little treat before the big game tonight and she takes him to a part of the gym that is, like, is empty and turns on the lights and there's a trampoline in the middle of this room. I don't know. Maybe it's like a gymnastics room or something. I don't know.

Sure. But this is the part in the original trailer that I was really dreading, seeing a full version of because in the original trailer. Well, I'll tell you the original trailer after. I'll tell you what happens here first. So she's jumping on the trampoline and kind of flashing. I think she's a cheerleader. So she's in a cheerleader outfit.

She's kind of flashing her butt at him while she's jumping. She's doing splits and like landing in splits on the trampoline and then bouncing back up and being very flirty. and sexy and Lonnie's watching this like loving it and we see John Carver comes behind him snaps his neck rotates his neck a full 180 all the way to the back John Carver is very strong and seems to like nobody's doing it feels like he's killed before I think they even say that at some point like he might be ex-military because yeah it's clear he has like some skills I think they're as they're gathering their lists as well that they're like Mitch was in the military so

there there's you know little little things like that we're trying to we're trying to figure it out and so Amy the girlfriend doesn't notice Lonnie just was killed it happens very silently quickly and so she's still jumping and giggling and we see a carving knife come up through the trampoline right below her as she like bounces down and I think she lands her leg on it but then is still bouncing because trampoline and she was bouncing a lot and so she just bounces all over the knife kind of stabs her in the chest and maybe even in the head or arms or something okay and it's awful but if you can believe it the original is much worse yeah I think you can probably know what it's going to be yes what it is first of all in the grind house trailer she's naked she's

takes off all of her clothes and she's jumping on the trampoline naked and then yeah she they you see the knife come up. Same thing kills the boyfriend and then sticks the knife up in the middle of the trampoline and she does the splits right down onto it. Okay. Yeah. Thanks. I'm very happy that someone told him. Eli. Eli. You can't pull it back here. You can't do this. You can't do this. I'm really curious if you wanted to. I'm curious if that conversation happened. If I mean, I guess, yeah. He wants to know the shock factor, the biggest shock factor. He already did it.

I know. So I think, yes, he did want to do it. But maybe he's evolved since then. You really don't think even in, yeah, like 15, 16 years. Maybe he has. Maybe this was his call. Maybe this was his chance to rewrite his own. I wouldn't be surprised either way.

Wait, what is Eli Roth's relationship to us again? Is he married? Has he ever been married? Yes, he was married to the star. of knock knock and green inferno right but are they still married no they're divorced i don't know if he's currently married i don't actually follow his relationship status wait you don't someone that i i'm curious about that i'm just curious so that scene wasn't as bad as it could have been but i did tell you how bad it could have been so it's already in our heads so either way

and because they're supposed to have this football game this night now our Jessica and her friends and our main crew are all arriving at this high school for the game and it's now been closed down as a crime scene we've discovered the bodies and so Sheriff McDreamy and all the rest of the cops are there they're putting up there police line tape and saying the game's canceled

and he advises them all. to go home and be like stay safe maybe stay in pairs like don't do anything alone so evan and gabby say that they need something from inside the school i was confused on this because i didn't think it was their school but i don't know they go inside the school for some reason and jessica's waiting for them and they're all going to go home together and so jessica's at like the front of the school And there's people around outside the school, but no one really inside the school. So Evan and Gabby'd go down this hall and we're getting creepy vibes. It's like a dark, empty school.

Empty schools are pretty scary. Yeah, they are. Dark empty schools are very scary. Yeah. Sure enough, they turn a corner past some lockers and John Carver pops up. He's right there in their faces. Jump scare got me really good. But it cuts away.

We don't see what happens. So now Jessica's texting. Gabby, where are you? And we see John Carver has Gabby's phone and texts come here. And so Jessica, like a total fucking idiot, starts walking into where they were. And she's clearly having bad vibes. She's like sensing something is wrong and she's calling out to Gabby. Nobody's answering. She's texting. like where are you what what's happening and then she hears the text alert coming from somewhere and we see a trash can and she leans over to look in and sees gabby's phone in this trash can and cuts back and john carver is right behind her of course and he tries to grab her but she she manages to get away they have like a little struggle she escapes and she runs into one of the classrooms. I think she gets enough of a head start that he can't quite tell what room she's in. So now it's a little cat and mouse. He's, he's looking for her. And he hears a noise in the room

that she's gone into, opens the door. And it is some sort of hair dressing class. So there are all these like doll heads, like mannequin heads with long hair. It's like a hundred different doll heads. And we see that Jessica is hiding among them. So her, she's frozen still facing into a bunch of the doll heads crouched down under a table so that it looks like she is just a lifeless mannequin head. And it's a pretty fun scene. He just starts randomly swinging at groups of mannequin heads with his axe. So we're pretty stressed. We're pretty stressed. she's like reaching to try to get a pair of scissors on the table and in doing so knocks over a bottle of hairspray he turns he sees her comes at her with the axe she grabs the hairspray sprays in his face it's enough to give her a little bit of head start and she's able to run out of that room and make it all the way back out to the front where there are other people and so John Carver does not pursue her she gets away she like reports this to Sheriff McDreamy and he's asking like tell me anything you can think of like any small detail that doesn't seem important to you like could be the thing that helps us get him like small details are the things that end up mattering the most and she's trying to think but she's like I didn't really see anything other than the John Carver mask and we've gotten a few good looks at this person and they're in all black even covering their like a back.

of their head too. So we can't see even any hair. It looks like a man, like a big dude, but I don't know, but we can't tell for sure. So we understand that Jessica doesn't have a lot of details to give him. But

Evan and Gabby are gone. Now they're missing. No bodies, but... Though they're going to be at the table. Right. So now we're all like outside the school again and there's after this has happened.

Everyone's worked up yelling at each other. Bobby is there and Ryan who are getting in a fight because, you know, they both like Jessica, but also because tensions are high and they're accusing each other. Like, you just came back here and where have you been the whole last year and your arm like got messed up? So you could be getting revenge for that. And like everyone is at the scene of the crime currently. And so it's like could theoretically be any of them. and like one of those fun scream moments exactly and so jesska loses her patience she says both of you like get out of here i don't want i don't want to be around either of you just i want you both to leave

so they leave julia's dad shows up this like big slovenian dude is very funny and he's like julia we're going to florida we're moving we're getting out of here he's like doesn't want to be in Massachusetts anymore we're just going to go to Florida where nothing bad ever happens the very very safe normal place

and this is yeah where we're getting a lot of the like who done it trying to figure it out like they now they're saying maybe it's Mitch getting revenge for Amanda he's ex-military it could be Bobby because of his arm

could be Ryan because of him like not mentioning he knew the security guard and that's just weird and um so uh jessica leaves now with just scuba scuba scuba's julia's boyfriend um but julia's been taken away gabby and evan are gone and bobby and ryan also leave this is so many characters it's crazy right sammy it really is impressive that you just watch this once in a movie theater and are keeping track of all that did help but I yeah it's a lot it's too some might say too many I would say it's too many and none of these characters actually are fleshed out in any meaningful way and it's clear that I mean Eli just wants to have a slasher with a high body count and I get that and there's there's yeah that's

okay but it's not my favorite kind of slasher okay to have a name like scuba in the midst of all these other names is a real interesting it's interesting point of view you know Yeah, and to not really give him any personality to go with that name. His personality is Scuba. His personality is Scuba. And I mean, the actors do what they can, but the script is thin. So, Jessica and Scuba now go to McCarty's party that he invited them to because he's a shady dude and they know that he has guns and will sell them a weapon. They now want weapons.

Oh, okay, fair. and so they go to McCarty's they get a gun neither of them have ever really used a gun before scuba's like acting cool like he knows how to use it but he doesn't know where the safety is it's like he hasn't actually used a gun and Jessica says I used to use muskets when I was a kid my like dad made me learn how to shoot a musket

but I've never shot a handgun which is what these are so I don't know they're this I guess better than nothing but they're also not like skilled with guns Yeah. So it's nighttime now and I can't remember where they are. They maybe go to Jessica's house or something and they're video chatting with Yulia as she's packing her stuff up to get ready to go to Florida. There's a cop stationed at her house as well because I guess they know that these kids are

targets because they've been tagged in these Instagram posts. So there's a cop station there and her dad's there. but we see John Carver arrives, sneaks in, breaks in and has a gun now as well and shoots the cop with a silencer so nobody

hears the Yulia and her dad are upstairs and he's coming upstairs. I can't remember what happens with the dad but he kills the dad but I don't remember how there is another good jump scare

in here. And she's through all this video chatting with Jessica and Scuba and doesn't see anything that's happening. John Carver is doing this all very quietly. And we see John Carver, she's moving around in her room like in the closet and in the bathroom. And as she's moving around, we see John Carver like comes in without her noticing and is hiding in a little corner in her room behind a door. this is where she sits down at her little vanity table gets her cute tips out starts cleaning her ears

never clean your ears this because i just love cleaning my ears you're not supposed to wait you're really not supposed to i do it all the time but but like i do it every day cue tips exist for a reason and the only reason is to clean your ears it's so crazy to be like hey you Sometimes you feel like you need to clean your ears. And here's a tool that seems to be perfectly designed for. Don't do that. Don't use it. And I know you have used before and it's been fine and it works, but don't use it.

It's like, come on. The light was shining straight into Tim's ear earlier today. And I could see all of the earwax in there. And the only thing I could think was, why have I never bought Q-tips? I don't buy them because I'm like, I know I'm not supposed to use them. So they're not in the house. but I want them. I think there's other things.

You ever do it, your candle? He could do it your candle. What? Yeah, you can do an ear candle, but can you buy an ear? I thought that was a professional thing. You can buy it. You pay someone to do an ear candle. My mom used to do them at home.

Like with the wax? Ew, ew, ew. It's a literal, like, looks almost like a, like a candle stick that you put in your ear and you light it. and it somehow suctions up the wax. I don't really remember. I remember being very confused by them as a child.

But I know that they exist. And I believe they are available over the counter. Well, you can also go to your doctor's office and they'll shoot water into your ear canal. How is that not worse? Also, I don't want to keep talking about this. Why not?

You're not going to like what happens next? No, I'm really not. So just do it just fucking do it fast, okay? After she throws away the Q-tip, John Carver is right behind her and freaking stabs into each of her ears with corn holders, which is very funny, but looks very painful, yes. Would that kill you instantly? I don't think so. No. They're not too long.

They're not. They're not, I feel like they're not even like two inches. Oh, right. They're little. Yeah. So does she die? I'm picturing like fucking screwdrivers. no it's not it's not that long they um she doesn't die but she you know falls to the ground screaming

in pain we're hearing a little bit of the sound design of her losing hearing john carver is walking behind her we see her like pluck the little corn cob things out of her ears ow i don't know why it was very funny to me i guess it's just it's just funny i really laughed because there was in the trailer there's this shot of like the corn cob holder fall to the ground so dramatically. And it has like a little smiley face on it and like a blood on it. And it was like so crystal clear and so outrageous. I don't know. It really made me laugh just that shot of it like being like tumbling to the ground. Yeah. I think it is funny. Also just like it's a new and surprising weapon. Don't think I've seen a corn come. Yeah, fair enough. Be used as a weapon before. So good on you, Eli. I enjoyed that. we cut away we don't see what happens but obviously this is not looking good for you lea and she was video chatting with jesska and scuba during this so they have seen and they are running to her house i think they like must live nearby and they arrive they've got their gun they're coming to save

the day and john carver is standing it there's like a bottom part of their house that's under construction like a little room that's sectioned off with like plastic sheeting hung everywhere and tools everywhere and John Carver backs in there and he's holding Yulia in like a you know the way you hold hostages like right in front of you so that someone with a gun especially someone inexperienced with a gun would not probably want to shoot at you but Yulia's yelling like shoot him shoot him shoot him scuba's trying he he presses the trigger but the safety's on like he just doesn't know how to do it and it's it's too late someone trips and turns on a buzz saw in the middle of the room and john carver like falls forward with julia in front of him so

julia lands like chest down on the buzz saw it's very bloody and violent she like is trying to get up but then keeps falling down so she's just getting sliced and sliced and sliced and sliced John Carver runs because Scuba still has the gun and now has like unobstructed view of him and has turned the safety off. And so John Carver is just being like, all right, guys, I probably should leave. Jessica and Scuba are holding Yulia's dead body, extremely traumatized now looking like dead behind the eyes. This is really bad. Really bad. Cut to them at the sheriff station.

and I think Jessica's parents, her dad and her stepmom, are there now as well. They're trying to decide if we should cancel the Thanksgiving Day parade. Yes. I think we should. Yes. We should have canceled. We should have shut down right, Mart. Why are we having a fucking parade?

Yeah. And so just, everyone basically says, yeah, we got to cancel it. This is crazy except for Jessica. And Jessica gives this rousing speech about how we're all. going to be looking over our shoulders we got to draw him out and like the only way any of us can ever feel safe again is if we get this motherfucker so she hypes everyone up and they're like all right let's do it let's we'll we'll plant a bunch of cops hiding around so that we always have yeah so that we always have reinforcements back up everywhere so we're feeling pretty good about that and we see the

parade is is starting and we see Mitch putting on a John Carver mask in the in the crowd. We see Jessica see another man in a John Carver mask because remember this is a pretty popular mask and we're looking at everyone suspicious. Everyone's looking like they're up to no good. Crazy year to do it in public though. Yeah. I feel like at this point we should maybe. Yeah.

Feels like we should maybe not be wearing that. Um, but they're on this like float for Ritmart and going down the main stretch of the parade and Mitch like slowly walks up in his John Carver mask right in front of the float and then holds up a sign, a protest sign that says it's Thanksgiving, not thanks buying. And he's just got a little, little protesting, a little healthy. the civil unrest. Yes. And we see one of the people in the parade is a someone dressed as a turkey. And someone has a killer clowns from outer space mask on, I think. It was like a very scary clown mask.

And it's daytime and everyone's like, you know, it's a parade. It's celebratory. There's a marching band. And this little killer clown guy is like dancing around for some reason, don't know his connection to Thanksgiving but seems like he's having a good time and then the killer clown guy swings

an axe and decapitates the turkey guy, guy dressed as a turkey his head flies right off spurting blood everywhere. Crowds screaming now. Killer clown guy throws smoke bombs so that

it's hard to see now and we can't keep eyes on him gets like thick cloudy smoke and they're trying to the cops are trying to direct excuse me the sheriffs I guess they're cops all sheriffs are cops

but not all cops are sheriffs exactly so they're trying to get Jessica and her family onto the into the back of a cop car patrol car to get them to safety and as they're getting into one the killer clown guy

shoots the cop that's helping them and then while they're all in the back seat of this cop car he leans in and shoots all of them with tranquilizer darts cut to black okay so now we come back to and Kathleen stepmom is now laid on a kitchen table surrounded with veggies in her little pilgrim outfit and the John Carver is like right there at the stove preparing something she pretends to still be unconscious as he starts basting her, putting salt and pepper on her legs and putting little spices on her. It's pretty funny. I thought it's pretty funny. And she's

strategically pretending to still be unconscious until he turns around to a further part of the room or something. And then she sneaks off. And he comes back, sees that she's not there. Another little hide-and-seek ensues where he's looking for her. She's crawling through stacks of old furniture and stuff. Like it's just kind of as if it's like a garage backhouse, a kitchen, I guess. It's like industrial looking. And so there's a lot of stuff for her to hide behind. But Lonnie's dead body falls over in front of her.

She almost screams, but she doesn't. But that like alerts John Carver to where she is. So she just makes a run for it and she runs upstairs, which we know you're not supposed to do. You're not supposed to do that. She finds a room where all the windows are boarded up so she can't, like, jump out the window. And she opens this fridge in the room and there's a girl in a body bag, in a body bag. Who I didn't know who it was. It's maybe

I just couldn't recognize whoever it was they're still alive but they're in a fridge in a body bag so they're not doing great and Kathleen reaches and grabs this wine bottle that's in the fridge

she's just looking for any things she can use as a weapon and John Carver comes in there he's now got a pitchfork pretty good weapon not quite fire poker status but I think a pitchfork I could use a pitchfork.

I don't know. Fire poker is way better. Yeah. But he's stabbing at her and chasing her. She runs now back downstairs and out the front door, but he's close behind and he launches that pitchfork, rain to her back. She falls.

He grabs her by the ankles and drags her back inside. Her fingers are clawing into the dirt. Her fingernails are coming off. I hate that so much. and he throws her in a huge oven. Oh. And, oh yeah, you didn't watch the trailer. Nope.

This is in the trailer. Yeah, nope, didn't watch it all. Extended in the trailer. You see a lot of this in the trailer. Okay. I didn't see a single frame. Yeah. And he throws her in the oven and it is pretty gross and turns it on.

She starts cooking. She's like, please, please, like let me out of here. And he's looking and it's a mask so you can't see any emotion in the face. obviously, but he's just watching her and then opens it and you don't really think, but you kind of think like, is he going to let her out? And he stabs a thermometer in turn and then closes it back up. And then we see the little thermometer thing pop when she's done. She's dead. Ew. Now we see the Instagram has posted another post. Gabby and Evan are at the table. And oh, oh, no, we like come back to the table and everybody's there now because they were all like tranquilized and unconscious.

So they wake up tied and gagged in all the rest of the chairs around the table. So now this is Jessica, scuba, Evan, Gabby, Jessica's dad, and then the corpse of Lizzie and the security guard. And I think the Lonnie and Amy. And there's a really big looking turkey in the center covered with. the cloth that we suspect we might know what that's going to be the biggest turkey you've ever seen

rude John Carver walks in and he's got a little voice modulator on and it sounds a little bit like the voice in the trailers which is very fun like a little deep voice where dinner is served

and he takes off the little cover of the is there a carver barely knower joke i think there is something in there yeah i think that's it i think it's exactly that carver i barely know her um he yeah reveals that it is Kathleen all all done up like a turkey splayed like with the stuffing and everything you know where like that would go in the butt or vagina just stuff that goes in the butt right yeah no I didn't get too good of a look

but it's in one of those Jessica's dad is vomiting through his gag and John Carver says let's all say what we're thankful for goes up to Evan says you're going to go first and John Carver starts live streaming now he says Evan's going first because Evan's the one who made the video that inspired me

in the first place, the video we saw in the beginning. So it makes sense that you should go first. You're about to really go viral this time. And pulverizes his head with a meat pulverizer. Oh, Jesus. Doesn't even give him a chance to say what he's thankful for. And the cops see now, like where they are, they're seeing that a live stream is happening.

So they're trying to use the technology to figure out the location. They pinpoint where. saw too they figure out where it is and they go like send everyone to this one location and it's not the right place there it's a it's another phone filming a tv of the live stream which is pretty clever oh yeah um so they realize that it's not the right location they shut that one down another live stream pops up. We see that Jessica has a ring that McCarty gave to her. It's like so meaningless. There's like a lot of dumb stuff that I feel like, I don't know. It is just here for convenience. This ring, she finds out has a knife in it and can cut her. So she's cutting her ropes that are

binding her hands together. Just a little good thing she had that for no reason. I don't know, whatever. So she, she frees her hands and she's, like, doing it secretively and she passes the ring to scuba. Scuba undoes his as well. So they're, like, quietly getting out of their restraints. John Carver cuts off a piece of Kathleen's leg and it's about to feed it to her, her, Jessica's dad. And saying, like, it's your store. That's like the whole reason why I'm doing this.

I can't remember any of the lines he says here, whatever. But at this moment before he's forced to take a bite of his wife, scuba launches at John Carver and Jessica gets up and runs. Also, they both run out and John Carver runs out and chases them. They're running as fast as they can. They don't know where they are. They're kind of in the, it seems like they're kind of in the woods, but they recognize something and I think there's like something that they recognize in the distance so

they're running towards that scuba sees that they're not going to make it that he's like too close so scuba does the little like sacrificing himself but he doesn't he doesn't die but he does like throw himself basically at john carver who gets him with the axe he gets axed in like the arm or something but it puts up a good fight scuba's like a big guy so it slows john carver down enough that Jessica is able to get away. She hops over a fence and she sees in the distance the warehouse where the parade floats were built that they like were there earlier setting up for the parade. So she's running there. I guess it's the only thing really in sight. She sees a cop car and she runs and we see Sheriff McDreamy collapsed on the ground. Not sure if you

she's dead or not, he's bleeding, and she sees someone in the John Carver mask walking into the warehouse. I think she has the gun, but either way, I don't think it's a great idea to run in there and follow this John Carver mask person. And so she goes in and she's kind of like silently following this person, trying to see who it is. And the person takes off the mask and it's Bobby and her eyes get in it the same John Carver we don't know okay like does that make sense logistically with like where she just came from um I think it's like in the realm of possibility because she was like lost in the woods for a little bit and so okay okay theoretically John Carver like knows their way knows like exactly where they are so could

yeah go directly there while she might have been lost for a little bit. Okay. So she sees that as Bobby and she looks scared. And Sheriff McDreamy pops up behind her. He's alive. And she's like, it's Bobby, it's Bobby. And he's like, okay, shush, shh, like, I'll go in there.

And he gets out his gun and he's, now Jessica's outside of the warehouse and we just like see Sheriff McDreamy go in and Bobby's in there. And we just hear gunshots, but we don't see what happens. Is Bobby McDreamy's son? she would know that presumably wouldn't she um i don't think that he is no i mean he's not he's not um but i guess it could be possible he he he he says like he got away um i saw him but he got away and i've called for backup they're coming right now so the rest of the cops arrive or like a couple other cops arrive and

And they have to take Sheriff McDreamy's gun because he fired it, which I guess is a rule. Okay. Yeah. Like for evidence? Yeah. To make sure that I don't know. It aligns with what we think happened. Yeah.

Yeah. So he turns over his gun. And we're feeling a little anxious about that because there's still a murderer out there. Mm-hmm. But Sheriff McDreamy is like talking to him. Jessica being like, we're going to find him. I swear we're going to find him. It's okay. And they're like trying to tell her like, you can go. You can go home. And she basically says, I just need a minute to catch my breath. Like there's so much has happened. She's just really stressed.

Also, like my dad is still presumably tied up somewhere. I think the cops. Got them. Yeah. Say that they're okay. Yeah. Sorry. They, they, if they don't say they're okay, they say like we're going to get them at some point it's confirmed they're okay okay but yeah she's obviously extremely traumatized and exhausted and so she's like can I just sit here for a little bit sheriff McDreamie says of course um the rest of the cops have to go back to the station he sits there with her and they're talking and he's like this is so crazy and like you've been through so much I'm so sorry and she notices he has little burrs on his ankles that match the forest.

Is it going to be McDreamy? No. Is he McDreamy? And she like flashes back to... I really wanted it. I don't know who else it could have been. That would have been surprising at this point. I was convinced it was Gina Gershahn at for a while because...

Oh, that would have... See, that would have been fun. That would have gotten me. But I guess it wouldn't have gotten you. And so here we are. Yeah. I did guess McDreamy at one point as well. I mean, you're running out of characters, I suppose.

Yeah, it's got to be one of us. But I don't know why yet, and I guess I can't wait to find out. It's not that interesting. Okay, well. But so, yeah, she's playing back in her head how he had said the small details are what give people away. And she's noticing these things on his pants that are matched the force that they've just been, she's just been chased through. And her eyes get really big. Her demeanor really shifts.

And she's not playing it very cool. And because he's still trying to be. like, all right, like, let's go, let's go home. I still want you to trust me, yeah. Yeah, there's like a world in which she could play this cool and probably get out of there alive, but she's like, has no chill in this moment. She looks like terrified. She grabs something off the desk.

We don't see what it is, but he's like, definitely knows something is up. And he looks down and sees the burrs on his ankles as well and does like the, oh, fuck, like, she got me. She got me. She got me. And he does his whole big confession, speech, menacing confession of like, well, well, well. And we find out that he was in love with Amanda. And she was going to leave Mitch for him because she was pregnant with his baby.

And we see him like, yeah, God, it's really dumb. and yeah we see like a flashback of him like crying with the with the son or the ultrasound and like it's just yeah pretty pretty lame twist yeah uh but anyways it's scary she's in there alone with him does doesn't have any weapons now and he's a crazy serial killer so odds are not in her favor he basically walks through everything he did and why he did it like that security guard and I hate all these people and I hate this whole town and I'd kill everybody except in his like crazy Boston accent oh I'd kill everybody in it if I could oh why I ought to kill everybody wow I can't believe we didn't do that head body head body head body head body that's the way to get it head body head body head body head body

why I ought to kill everybody why I want to kill everybody That's so... Why, yoy, you want to... That would be funny in this... Oh, it's very funny how much I was judging his accent in the movie, and I literally can't do it at all. But I would do it if someone was paying me money to do it, you know? Absolutely.

I would do it well. You would do a great job. I would do it perfectly. Trust me. And after he's done confessing everything, he's lunging for her, and she says, wait, wait, you never ask me what I'm thankful for. And he kind of indulges her. her for a second. He's like, all right, what are you thankful for? She says, the service in here,

and she pulls out her phone and she's been live streaming this whole time. Great. And he still attacks her. Kind of nothing left to lose, really. Yeah. But Bobby comes in and saves her. Bobby was like still in the vicinity, saw the live stream presumably, and gets her away. Does it? They don't kill him, but they, like, just are able to escape. They're hopping in a truck to drive away. McDreamy hangs a cable on the back of the truck so that they can only get so far. But before they got in the truck, Jessica turned on this flammable gas thing that's inflating this huge turkey balloon from the parade. Okay.

So being filled with flammable gas. So they can't get away. but they're far enough away from this flammable balloon thing that Jessica starts, she sees a musket in the back of the truck and she knows how to, yep, she knows how to shoot a musket, but she drops all the bullets. She puts the gunpowder in it, but all the bullets roll away. so she grabs the charm from her charm bracelet of her mom's photo, rips it off and drops it in the musket, and is able to shoot the turkey, it explodes, engulfing the whole area in flames, and we don't see Sheriff McDreamy die, but we also, he's not pursuing them anymore, so they do get away. And I think it's like later that night or the next day, the rest of the cops are all finding out the truth. And they do confirm that we're not able to find his body. So he still got away and we see Jessica still having, or she's now like haunted by nightmares of him.

There's, like, a scene of her in bed, and she, her closet door opens, and she goes to investigate it and, like, out pops Sheriff McStimmy, excuse me, on fire. That's why I was thinking steamy. Obviously. And, yeah, just she's haunted by him now, and that's the end of the movie. Oh, I can't. Wait, what? That was the end? Mm-hmm.

Wow, what a meditation on grief. What a meditation on late stage capitalism. Eli, you have done it again. Yeah. Eli, you just can't lose. But yeah, I mean, it's like, it's very dumb, but fun and like not as infuriating as other Eli Roth movies. So that's something. Yeah.

I think there is a place. for this type of horror. Obviously, it's not my favorite kind of horror. I feel like it's, I don't know, it's pretty boring, but I do like seeing some inventive kills. You made it not boring at all, Sammy. You're posse. Yeah, I wasn't bored for even a second. Maybe I wasn't bored either, but it's like afterwards, obviously, I'm never going to think about this movie ever again. It's not left. Yeah. You're not left with anything afterwards. No. Because the characters are literally nothing. Like, none of them have any personality at all. yeah it's they're just there to be killed because it's a slasher and i i get that yeah but i mean

give us a little something but it could be more interesting if i cared about anybody in this movie sure sure sure they're not a lot of thanksgiving horror movies that's the thing i could see myself watching this again on thanksgiving like it's an untapped market the way i would i'll probably watch black christmas on christmas like it is fun to have a little holiday horror movie Sure. I will watch the National Dog Show. That's what. Better choice. That's what I'll watch. Emily. Way better choice. I love to watch the dog show. I love to watch it. Eli, it wasn't disgusting in the way that I expected it to be.

No, I was, it was not upsetting. Besides, the, the scariest kill was the woman in the hot water and then the freezer. That was the grossest kill to me. Yeah, it was really gross. And, like, the trailer was horror. I know that, like, if I even saw a single moment of this movie, I would be so upset. And I, there's nothing in this for me at all. Same, same, same. But as far as a recap goes, it was okay. I think being cooked alive is...

Yeah, bad, bad, bad. The worst one for me. I don't want to be cooked alive. I don't want to be cooked alive. And to be clear, I also don't want to be cooked alive. And I don't want to be corncobbed to death. And I don't... I don't want any of these to be completely honest.

No. But I'd maybe take the little, like, you know, neck break. I'd take the neck break or, yeah, the decapitated turkey guy. That was really quick. Both of those were like... Oh, yeah, that one was really quick. Not the razor wire. Not the razor wire one.

The one in the parade. And now let's not forget the McDreamy likes cats. Yes. And I didn't forget. Now it's kind of fun to picture that that was him being that cat. It makes... make dreamy yes exactly right now it's more of a drama than a horror movie now it's more of a drama about a man who loves cats who just got a little caught up in something you just had a

moment he just was like he was love sick and he didn't handle it well we're not saying he handled it why the fuck was Patrick Dempsey in this movie like is he hard up for cash sexiest man like no way is he hard up for cash. He was on Grey's Anatomy. No fucking right. Grace Anatomy, they're like friends rich. Yeah, they have so much money. In the back of my head, I was thinking the whole time, I was like, he's just hard up for cash. No, he, maybe he just loves to perform. If he's not hard up for cash, why the fuck did he do this movie? I think playing a serial killer would be fun. Let's isolate those vocals and just fucking put it on everything. I mean, like playing a villain.

With a perfect Massachusetts accent, I mean, come on. Somebody pay her to do it. She'll do it great. I consider this episode my audition. Eli. Eli. I will be expecting your call. We have no reason not to hire us.

Ed body, ed, body, ed, body. Ed body, ed, body. Why, I, I am. I don't know why well why I order specifically for a Massachusetts based serial killer yes from born and raised in Massachusetts yeah lived there her whole life I think that's my wheelhouse opposite Casey Affleck Casey Affleck has got to be there that's also in my contract also not problematic nothing like Thanksgiving and not problematic at all Casey Affleck and Eli Roth sign me up I want to work with Casey and I want to work with Eli and I want to do it in the state of

Massachusetts. And I want to talk about Thanksgiving, the least problematic thing holiday that exists. Please, oh, please, oh, please, my dreams come true. Oh, my God. Yeah, let's all start manifesting that. Everybody send your, send good thoughts. Sammy, knocked it out of the pock. He knocked it out of the pock. He knocked it out of the pock.

You knocked it out of the pock. Oh, God, we got to call it. We got to call it. Yeah, we got to get out of here. Listeners, Tony Heads. We hope that if you are in America, you had a great Thanksgiving. And we know what you ate. So don't even try to tell us.

Don't even tell us. We get it. Everybody ate the same thing. And if you're not in America, Thanksgiving is actually a really problematic how to call it. It's super problematic. Don't participate. Don't participate in it. Yeah, just don't even worry about it. But eat some good food if you want, if you want, because that's always fun.

Whatever you want, though. Not turkey. Anything you want. Anything else. Yep. And we didn't have a regular episode this week, but we will be back next week with the regular episode. Yeah, baby. So stay tuned. We love you very much. We love you. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Boy. We did it. We made it. Thank you all for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you enjoy the show, please remember to subscribe and rate us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, five stars only, or we will haunt you. And if you simply can't get enough of us, we have good news for you. We have lots of bonus content available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. You'll get access to video trailer reactions to bonus.

episodes a month, the power to vote for upcoming episodes, and more. And last but not least, you can follow us on social media at TSDW podcast. We'll be back next week with a new episode. We love you. That was a HeadGum podcast. What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a new girl rewatch podcast now on HeadGum. Now here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our time's on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog. That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working

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