Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE HAUNTING with Tony Hale

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

Make sure to check out The Extraordinarians, Tony's podcast with Kristen Schaal and Matt Oberg on Apple Podcast and YouTube!Movie & Guest Intro @ 9:24Trivia @ 19:55Recap starts @ 27:08TrailerFollow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch. The horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I'm I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies. And so I watch them so that you don't have to. And this week, we have a very special treat on a lot of different fronts.

On a lot of different fronts. And I am really excited about it. But before we get into that, Henley, Emily, did anything scary happen to you this week? Have you guys ever eaten at a sushi counter? before? Actually, no. Okay. So I've only had sushi like twice. Oh, right. Yes. I'm still, I'm still exploring. I'm working my way up and a counter seems like like a pro level way to do it. So it was, Tim and I, we had our fourth wedding anniversary. We've been together for 400 years, but we've been married for four years. And we, he made reservations at this nice sushi restaurant in town. And so we went

to go get Omikaze at a very fancy sushi spot, which I, you know, I've eaten sushi gazillion times, but I've never like gone to a very fancy place and done the whole like 16 course sushi experience. Yeah, that's, that is pro level. It was advanced. And so the thing I wasn't really thinking about before we walked in was that it's a very intimate experience with the chef, with the sushi chef. Yeah. So you can't be like, ooh, yuck. Which you normally do at a restaurant. You just spit things right out of your mouth if you don't like it. At regular restaurants, that's encouraged.

So we walk in and the first thing I notice, because how could you not, no one else is there. There are probably maybe only like 20 seats in this restaurant to begin with. And we're there on a Thursday night. We're the only ones there. There's no one else. A lot of pressure to enjoy the food. There's no one else who's coming. It's just us.

And you're at the counter in front of the chef. This is like Joel's ideal dining experience, like he would love nothing more. Actually, you know what? I was thinking about, Emily, I was thinking about you and Joel so much during this because it would be the perfect opening to an action movie because there are knives. There were knives everywhere. Yes, you're alone, suspiciously alone. Something is afoot.

Yes. There's so many things that can be used as weapons. Like there's like the butane, like fire that he uses to grill stuff. Kitchens are very dangerous. And we're alone. And he was playing 1980s meat. music. He was on like a Pandora 80s playlist. And I was like, this is giving James Bond. I don't know. But anyway, so the scary thing was that then, yeah, we sat there for two hours and I had to

eat 16 courses of sushi. And by the end, I was like, I might, I might keel over. I can't keep doing this. The thing, too, about eating a bunch of little bites slowly is you actually get so full. Like, you have time to get so full. But I wanted the chef to like me so badly. Well, yeah, you were the one and only. In my head about it so much like, Henley, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you don't eat this piece of sushi. It's not going to ruin your life.

It's not going to ruin this man's life. Everyone will walk out of here. Everyone's going to be okay. But I, you know, my programming, whatever programming I have my brain of being a woman who's just like, yes, I shall eat all of this sushi and smile through it. not reveal any of my discomfort until afterwards when we have to walk home and I was like Tim we might need to order an Uber like I can't walk home because I'm you have to roll me down the sidewalk anyway so that was that was my it was wonderful and the sushi was really good and the

chef was great and not listening it's just I know I'm still trying to please him maybe he is I don't know fucking life so that's really the scary thing I'll never overcome It's over. You're not there anymore. I'm still there. I'm still there. Okay, that's it for me, though. What about you guys?

I just learned about a thing that I've barely dipped a toe into, but I know I'm about to become obsessed with it, which is that our friend, we had dinner last night with friend of the pod, Stephanie Al Bala, and she told us about this thing called The Human Design, which I feel like I had heard of, but I never really explored and it's a thing you put in your date of birth your time of birth all that stuff and it tells you everything about yourself anything you needed to know how you operate in the world it's where like what you're like center of of decision making is apparently it can tell you like what you're supposed to eat which you know i i want that more than anything in the world

it tells you whether to eat hot or cold food well i need so i i i need this in my life so i this morning i like put in my i was just doing like the free get a little free version and so it's already begun but immediately I was like well this isn't enough information I need to like pay for a thing and have somebody tell me all the things like what does it mean that I'm an orchestrator

like what does it mean that I'm a spleenic orchestrator I don't know I need to know Oh you're spleenic too Steph was also spleenic What does that means the decisions are coming from the spleen What is the spleen do? I don't know yet that's the thing hen I need to figure this out

So I'm about If people know if people are into human design I'm sure somebody listening is tell me everything I need to know, where I don't need to go, who can tell me how to live my life, you know all I want is for somebody to just tell me all the things that I need to be doing. Same. Specifically, as relates to like my body, tell me what to eat and when and how and how to and, but I know some of those things and I don't do them. Like, so, you know, there is that.

No, it's the act of being told that's soothing. It's just like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I want somebody to know. And whether or not I do it, well, that's up to me. But I would love for somebody to have all the answers. But yes, I'm an orchestrator, apparently, and I'm splemic, and that's all I know so far, but I can't wait to know more. I'm so excited. I'm going to do it after this and tell you. I'm so curious. I love to do a thing. Stay tuned to everybody. I love to do a thing. Watch this space. Watch this space. It's now a human design podcast. It sounds so creepy. I hope it says that where's all meant to be podcasters forever. I better say that.

I better say Well, speaking of dipping a toe in something I got a real quick one you guys And it's that I stood in cat vomit barefoot No, Sammy, stop it Samantha A hairball, sorry, I know Trigger warning, too late

To lay at talk To trigger warning after the fact Stepping in things barefoot In general is like Real ick of mine Even if it's just like someone's spilled some water And I'm barefoot and I step in the water and I step in the water.

I really don't like that. I really don't like that. I'm really sensitive to that kind of stuff. Do you walk around your house with like with slippers mostly? Usually yeah. Because that would help. But not a hundred percent of the time, unfortunately. And it's hot and so slippers can like get kind of too warm.

I don't I don't have the ideal summer slipper. Is it a closed toe? It's a closed toe. Yeah, too fuzzy. Too hot. And so sometimes I kick them off because my feet are a little hot. but this was this was first thing in the morning that's when the hair balls you know that that's when you find them yeah i'd take care of them pretty quick uh but didn't see this one and stepped

right in it and it was really unpleasant and i won't dwell too much on it but it was scary and upsetting and i believe you yeah yeah that's gross that's like one of the things that keeps me from good wine to get a cat is just how much they throw up there's a lot of hairballs yeah and they really like to be they really like to be brushed and I should do it more because it does help but only so many hours in the day sometimes it makes it worse a little for a little while oh really because there's a lot of loose hair yeah so well and summer they're shedding a lot because it's hot so it's high time for hair balls but yeah just everybody stay safe from there get a summer slipper high time for hairballs would be a really good children's spot high time for hair balls right you should write it endly I I I Yeah, sounds like one of us Delegated to you That's it That's it for me

And guess what, you guys I didn't watch the scary movie this week She didn't So I'm very excited Because someone else got a little scared And that person was Henley It was me It was me

Should I introduce the movie now? Yeah If you want I'm on the edge of my seat Okay, well we are going to be Recapping The Haunting, 1999 version, which is PG-13. I want everyone to know. So let everyone be prepared. However, it is probably the best movie that's ever been made in the history of the universe. Yes, Henley. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. This is such a treat. This is such a treat. I really, I was thinking about it early. I was like, oh, my God, a Hanley recap. I get, I just get so giddy. And then when it turns, when it's something,

that you love, I love it. I love it, you guys. I also just love this for you. You went in being like, oh, I have to watch a scary movie. And you found the greatest movie all the time. I'm so happy for you. I found the last one. This is the last one. The last great movie. I mean, 1999. The year. Peak. Golden year of cinema. This is the golden year of cinema. And we found, we found it. Um, so it has a 5.0 on IMDB, a 4.6 on Metacritic and a 17% on rotten tomatoes. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, go through. numbers. 5.048 and what was the rotten? 17% on Ron. I mean, so many of the greats are misunderstood. Yeah. Pish Posh is what it is. Pish Posh is what it is. Pish Posh is what I say. Okay, it was directed by

Jan de Bunt. It was written by David Self and it's adapted from Shirley Jackson's novel, The Haunting of Hillhouse. Obviously, we covered Mike Flanagan's TV series, The Haunting of Hillhouse. It comes from the same universe, completely different story. It is starring. All right, everyone, hold on to your butts. Liam Neeson, Catherine Zeta Jones, Owen Wilson, and Lily Taylor. I don't think I ever imagined those people in the same rooms together, let alone in the same movie. That's wild.

They spent a lot of time and a lot of rooms together. Okay, great. Yes. And we have a guest with us today. We do. To talk to us about this movie, a returning guest. you guys I'm so excited I'm so excited

I'm like Treat number two Treat number two They just keep coming This week doesn't get any better Welcome back to the podcast Tony Hale Hey

Hi Thank you guys Hi Tony I'm so happy to be back I'm so happy to not have to watch a movie And just listen Hen I also know that you're a fellow

Scaity Cat like I am That I do not like horror movies So I know that this is a big challenge for you. So I'm very proud of you. I also love that I'm now calling you by your nickname hen. As you should. As you should. So I'm very excited to hear about it.

Yeah. We let you know. We brought you back being like, well, it's okay. You don't have to watch. We know you don't like it. But we're going to make you listen to something spooky. And they were like, who's the other person we know who doesn't like to watch horror movies. Well, in our spooky season, which we are in, we should have announced.

Sorry, everybody. if you're listening in real time, you're in it. It's spooky season, you're here. We're trying to put you... Every spooky season, we try to push the boundaries a little bit. And so Henley and I will be taking on some recaps this month to try to get scared. And so you're part of that with us this week, Tony.

So... You got to get a little scared. I can honestly say that someone describing it sometimes is scarier than watching it. Yeah, because then your brain gets to make up the visuals. And your brain makes the visuals, and it goes back to, like, ghost stories around the campfire. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.

Well, before we get into getting really, really scared, did anything else scary happen to you this week, Tony? Oh, yeah. I made some notes on yours. Oh, okay. Yeah, let's circle back. Let's circle back. Okay. Emily, I'm very curious about spleenic.

Spleenic. Does that have to do with the spleen? It does, indeed. Very much so. Which is supposedly, like, a non, it doesn't have a job, right? Well, for me, it does. That's true. For me, it has a very important job.

And it's called human design? Human design. Doesn't that sound terrifying? Kind of. And so is it like you just put in all your information? I'm doing this tonight. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You can just Google, uh, human design free chart. And you'll just put it in, it's same as like astrological. You'll put in your date of birth, time of birth and place. And then I remember my time. I've to ask my mom. Yeah. I think even if it's always you can get like pretty close.

Okay. And yeah, it's going to, and then it'll tell you everything that you need to know about yourself. In theory. I'm very interested in what you eat. That's the thing. That's what got me too. You know how they used to have that blood type diet. They just have that blood type thing where it's like whatever you blood type. And I followed it for a little bit, but then I kind of got disinterested. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. I'll be brave and say that that'll probably happen with this too. Yeah. I think probably that'll happen here. I'm predicting that as well. Yeah. But it's nice to have just like a little thing to think about for a little bit.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Now, Sammy, you should be scared of stepping in vomit. That's an understandable fear. You made it seem like, shockingly. Yeah, I didn't like it. But that's understandable. And then, Henn, I'm also a people pleaser. I would do the exact same thing. I would find ways to hide the food because I'd be so afraid that the cook would be mad at me.

Or think that he was a bad cook. Exactly. Yeah, he's going to doubt everything about himself. No. Yeah. It's my fault. I'm responsible for his feelings. Yes. You have come so far. You've made it.

Yep. Okay. So those are my questions. My fear was this week, this week, I'm in New York. And I had to go to this. I've been thinking about it. I had to go to this, I was in this building, but it was really high up, and there was a balcony. And I do not like heights at all. And we had to stand kind of on the balcony.

And I don't know, I know there's a word for this, but it's like, I don't want to jump, but you're afraid what your body is going to do? Yes. Yeah. It's the thoughts. What is the, what is the term? Intrusive thoughts.

Yeah. So you're just like, what if my... What if it happens? What if it just happens? What if it just happens? What if it just happens that I just decide to fall over? I think that whenever I see,

like, well, now my brain knows where the big knife is. And so probably it's going to grab it and do something. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be... I remember once being on a ropes course with my daughter and there was a point where you had to connect yourself to another rope and there was a point where I wasn't

attached and I was like, oh, what if I just, decide to jump. Yeah. You know, it's like, I don't want the choice. You know? I don't want to live in my life. I love my life, but I don't know what my body's going to do. Exactly.

It's that kind of fear. Yeah. So that was mine. Wow. Okay, but you made it. But I made it. I did not jump off the balcony. And hopefully, hearing this recap won't make you want to.

Exactly. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Well, it's the best movie in the world. I know. I was shocked. I was shocked. You said that.

It's shocking to me. You guys, you will see. And you will see. And you're not being sarcastic? No, I, like, really had a good time. Of course she did. I really enjoyed myself. But also you should know.

What's the tub movie that you love? Well, let's do a list of my favorite movies to give you a sense of my other, my other favorites. In form. Forgetting. All right. Close. Close to the haunting. Rear window.

Okay. Dune Part 2. Sure. Oh, yeah. Challengers. And I feel like there's. one more recently like any Nancy Myers thing well no it's complicated what's the tub one what's the oh what lies beneath thank you what lies beneath is like your favorite movie uh after forgetting

sarah marshall and all the other ones you just listed what if I just started recapping what lies beneath again to you how long would it take for you guys to know what I was doing as soon as you got to the tub I'd be like wait a minute wait a minute I know this one um yeah so this is a this is a fun fun one yeah you like a like 90s or early 2000s, kind of over the top, like, those vibes, those aesthetics. Also, like, it's good with your life being what it is that you don't really get scared by ghosty haunty things. Because, like, I really do. Even if it's, even if it's a cheesy movie, if it's, like, dark and ominous and there's things that are going to pop out of corners,

like, I can't do it. And you just, you just love it. That doesn't bug you? I, I've been forced to shut that part of my brain down. She's zero fear of ghosts. I have to. I love. I live literally quite at a church next to a graveyard. If I was afraid of ghosts, I would never leave my room, which I also like kind of already don't leave my room that much. But not because but not for fear. Yeah, yeah. So at nighttime when you hear like creeks and stuff, you don't, that's like like that movie paranormal activity and stuff like that. I'm not playing with that. That's stuff because there is a dark side to this world. And I don't want to entertain myself watching those experiences. See, for me, I think the dark side is just manifested in men that are walking,

Lock in the house. Not you. All, all, man. Is that why you brought me here? That's why you're here, Tony. You will sit here and you will listen to this, Tony. I knew it. There was an agenda.

I do actually, when I hear creaks in the house, like, I think it's a person. I'm like, it's a man on my ceiling. It's a man. On my ceiling. On my roof. There's a man cleaned. This is my ceiling inside out. Spider-Man, Spider-Man.

I actually met Catherine Zeta Jones recently because I was doing press for what will soon be on your favorite films is this movie I did, it's called Sketch. Yes. Wait, no, Tony, I watched, I watched Sketch. Oh, yeah, it's not on your list. I'm just kidding.

I loved it. Oh, my God, you're right. I should add to my list immediately. No, no, it's actually so good. It made me like, sorry, not to like, but it's so good. And it made me cry. Yes. I was just weeping in a good cathartic way.

My sister watched it and she absolutely loved it. But she also told me that we should do it on the pocket. She said it's scary. Is it scary? There are scary moments. It was marketed too young, but it is. It's got some scary moments, but it's really, really beautiful. But I was doing press for it for the Today Show or Good Morning, No, Good Morning, America.

And Catherine Zeta Jones was also on. And I got to meet her and she was lovely. I love that. Oh, I love to hear it. Yeah, really, really nice. I'm excited. I'm going to watch Sketch tonight. It's really, really good.

Because she was promoting Adam's family. That's why she was there, which I have to see to, but I heard that's good. Oh, yeah. Oh, not Adam's family. Sorry, Wednesday. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, right, right.

Okay, trivia. So the house where this was filmed, the exterior portion, is located in Grantham, England, but it's owned by the University of Indiana, and it's used by students who study abroad. Okay. Whoa. Weird. That it in fact check seems suspicious, but, you know. Nonetheless. Okay, speaking of Catherine Zeta Jones, Liam Niesin nicknamed her the Welsh gazelle while filming

because he couldn't keep up with her during all the running that they had to do. She was... She was kicking his butt. The interior sets were so massive. They could only be built in the same airplane hangar that housed the spruce goose, Howard Hughes' mammoth airplane, which is a thing. Okay. Really big interiors.

And then last but not least, Steven Spielberg was supposed to be a producer on this film but was so disgusted by the quality of the final product that he removed his name and ensured that the credit made no single mention of him. Wow. Oh, boy. Well, you got mentioned in the trivia, Steve, so we do know.

It's pretty much all over like the Wikipedia page. It's in like every single news article about this movie. He didn't manage to keep that quiet. Okay, well, Yon DeBant, the director, just throwing this in there. And he was supposed to direct, he was supposed to direct Minority Report. Oh, yes. But Steve was like, I need to take something back from you.

I wonder if there's been any stories at that place since filming this movie. It's a good question. You know, if they've had any. I mean, when you live in a place that the haunting was filmed, you know, prime opportunity. Yeah, they're going to drive some stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Also, like, a bunch of college kids from Indiana going to.

a haunted house that's a movie right there somewhere in england like that yeah yeah it's also not just a house you guys it is a full-blown castle like it is mad don't stay in a castle just don't stay in a castle no no so drafty in there it sounds nice in theory but there's ghosts yeah it's haunted it's made a stone pretty much guaranteed yeah um okay and then i do have a trailer i haven't actually watched the trailer but we'll watch it together for the first time for fun yeah you got to watch it. Gear up. Gear up. Yeah. How do you feel about watching this trailer, Tony? Is that okay? Okay. You feel okay. They really push the turns on a trailer. I mean, they really, they try to get some jump scares in there, so I'm not huge fan of that. I know. I think it will definitely be spoilery, but I kind of feel like for this movie, that's okay. I don't know. What do you guys think? I'd like to see the vibes so that I can picture. Okay. I want to see Catherine Zeta. There once was a house, a bright, happy home.

Something bad happened. Now it sits all alone. Is this where you're going? That's a house. It's perfect, isn't it? You all suffer from sleep disorders. My job is to find out why. What's the deal with the Adams family mansion?

I've got to be honest, I don't get a real strong sweet vibe from this place. Don't you love it here? This is so twisted. Calling it an insomnia study allows me to create a highly suggestive environment to observe the dynamics of fear. You don't tell the rats. They're actually in a maze. I just think Dr. Mero's up to something.

Have you ever considered? You kept something yourself because you were a friend? All the time. Ah! I'm sorry. He scared the... Oh my god, what's happening? No!

No! No! Please! Don't love me! Ah! None of this is real. Oh, it is real! This looks incredible.

Oh, my God. Wow. That's intense. My jaw was on the floor for that whole trailer. You can really tell that it's the best movie ever made. You can really top of that truck. It's really giving beauty and the beast. Uh-huh.

It's also very, the way it's, it's very Disney-looking. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's probably why I liked it is because it felt so, like, fantastical to me the entire time. I wasn't really scared ever. I was just like, this is the best. That little hair parting thing was nasty. Whatever that was. Giggles coming out of the hair. Mm-mm. Because, like, when the gargoyles came out and started to come alive, that's when you're like, oh, this is, this feels like an Adam's family. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yes. Yes. It feels like the haunted mansion ride. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

They were experimenting with CGI. It was 1999. They weren't quite sure what else could we do? Because probably it would look really good, whatever it is. Yes. Yes. When that body is underneath the floor, that was trippy. Yeah. Okay, I'm, I got to say,

I'm very excited. I also, like, this vibe of an Owen Wilson character, just a guy carrying around a baseball glove all the time is like, it's exactly right. Just in his flannel jammies? He's just like, well, I got to be wearing my glove. of course that's the guy thing to do yeah they also like there are definitely things in that trailer first of all that voiceover doesn't happen incredible it really caught me up there all it was

I was like oh oh my goodness there were like so many scenes actually that were not in the movie like lines that Owen Wilson said that they're not in the movie like okay bumping into each other and scare that is in the movie I really like that's in the movie and it's so funny because they're so scared and it's like well okay well they're really scared for like a good like two minutes of both Liam Neeson and Owen Wilson being like, I'm scared, no, you were scared. I'm scared. I can't wait. Also, to that voiceover, it's she made it seem like a fairy tale. Because if they had a different voice, it would have maybe up to the kind of fear factor to it. That's true. That's true. Yeah, it does almost feel like a fairy tale, actually, in a lot of ways, which you guys will see.

I can't wait. Okay, should we? We should absolutely get into it. But oh my God, hon, I'm so excited. If you're still overpaying for wireless, it's time to say yes to say no. At Mint Mobile, their favorite word is no. No contracts, no monthly bills, no overages, no hidden fees, no BS. So ditch overpriced wireless and their jaw-dropping monthly bills, unexpected overages, and hidden fees. Plans start at $15 a month at Mint. All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk in tax.

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spooky the wind is just wildly blowing slowly Mo Fade-in sunrise, bright orange sun over a massive mansion, like the craziest castle you've ever seen, and then the title card, the haunting. Now we cut two. We're in a normal looking apartment building. There are two sisters in there. They're arguing over their dead mother's will. The blonde sister is saying to the other sister, you already owe us two months of back rent. We cannot afford to keep you here anymore. She is in the process of kicking out our beloved protagonist named Nell, who was played by Lily Taylor, and she, Nell, has been caring for their disabled mother for the past 11 years. And then that mother

had the audacity to leave all of her apartment and all of her belongings to the other sister, who was not caring for her. Real family drama. Yeah. And Nell is saying, you know, do you understand that I have nowhere to go? Like, I, will be homeless if you do this. And Jane, her sister, is saying, well, we could use someone to cook and clean and take care of Richie. So it's full Cinderella. Yeah.

And so they cut to a 10-year-old boy who's using his dead grandmother's cane to whack the wall like a maniac. You don't want to be taking care of this 10-year-old boy, very clear. And the sister says, you have no idea how hard it is out there when Nell is like, I don't want to do that. And Nell says, no, Jane, you have no idea how hard it was in here. And then her sister leaves with her son. And Nell doesn't know what to do. She's on the brink of being kicked out of her house. She has a sentimental moment. She walks back into her mother's former bedroom. She's looking around. The wind is blowing through open windows, white curtains billowing.

She's stroking a bedpan. She takes the old cane. And she's she's like having like a real like she's stroking it she's like oh my gosh what am i going to do now she's really having a sentimental moment with the bedpan there's a pet right there she's touching it with her hands everyone grieves in their own way your abs you're so right emily yeah and there is an old necklace hanging from her mother's bed she takes it and suddenly the landline trills and we got a picture of her going, getting a phone. Oh, my God, a landline, you guys, a landline. I miss them.

She picks it up. We don't hear who's on the other line. It's just her going, yes, this is Eleanor. Oh, where? And she opens up the newspaper and she says, oh, I see it. And it cuts to a picture of the classifieds. There's an insomnia study going on, and they are looking for participants. It pays $900 a week.

Hello, miss. I heard you don't sleep. Exactly. She's like to please answer our ad. We've been watching you. We're looking at which houses have the lights on in the middle of the night and yours popped on our radar. No questions asked about this, you guys. Very normal.

Very lucrative job offer. $900 a week. My goodness. She could really take that money right now. We cut to Liam Neeson. He plays a character named Dr. Morrow. He is chatting with his research assistant about potential participants. in this study. They're specifically looking at Nell's profile and he's pleased. He says, oh, what a

beautiful profile, a classic dependent personality disorder. But aren't we looking for someone more suggestible? And his research assistant, Mary, thinks that Nell is actually a perfect fit and thinks she should be included in the study. You guys, Liam Neson's character in this is so horrible, like, despicable. But because he's Liam Nissen, my brain is like, it's fine. Yeah. Right. It does take the edge off. You're like, oh, but it's Liam Neeson. Yeah. So it's okay. It's okay. His voice is lulling me into a false sense of security. Then he is, you know, defending this study to his boss or coworker. Someone is talking to him about how he's not sure he can really conduct this study ethically. And this is where we get Liam Neeson's, you know, explanation of how fear is a non-adaptive sense. And when, you know, a teenage kid, his heart is beating when he's taking the SAT. that doesn't help him, you know, do better on the test. That only helps if you're in the wild with a lion. You know, we've all heard this over and over again. And the man is pushing back and saying, sure, but this is, you're bringing these people in under false pretenses. You really

can't conduct this research ethically or responsibly. And wow, really, like, warmed my heart to hear a man defending, like, ethics and morals in the scientific realm. Like, let's keep going there. Let's keep doing that. But anyway, Liam, which I'll call him Dr. Morrow and Liam Neeson throughout. Well, I did that with all the characters. It'll be hard for me to keep track. He's pushing back. He's saying, put my study, it needs a plausible cover. You can't tell rats. They're actually in a maze, Malcolm. Come on. Trailer. People are rats. Agree. So. Everybody's like, we all agree on that. So, yeah, he just folds. Yeah. He just, I mean, I don't know. We don't.

don't see the end of the conversation. We just cut straight to. It happens. Oh, yeah. The study is on, for sure. It's on. Who cares about ethics and morals? We cut to classic car driving through a deserted wood. This is Nell. She's happy. She's smiling. She's singing to herself. She's absolutely thrilled to no longer be taking care of her mother. She's enchanted by her future prospects. And then she drives up on this honk of a house. That's the only way. It did look like really wide. It's so, it's a honk. It's a honk of meat, a honk of a house. I think it said honk, like honk, honk. Is she saying honk? She did say honk. She's saying honk.

Sometimes it's a honk. Sometimes it's a honk. We like to say honk. Got it. It's too big. I think a honk is bigger than a hunk. Yeah, I think, you know, honk is, it's got more, she's got more meat in the word. Yeah.

A hong is complete and a hunk. is a part. A hunk is a piece of a honk. A hunk is a piece of a honk. Yes. So she's driving up on this hunk of a house that is too big for the camera. You can't even see it in the camera. It's like, with all the lens they have, they could even get in the camera.

The whole movie is just constantly panning side to side being like. Move further back. Move further back. Technology is pretty good today. There's a lot of lens you can get. I don't know. They couldn't do it. It's too big. There's, of course, a wrought iron gate covered in dead thorns that's held together by a padlock. The wind is blowing ominously. She stops the car in front of the gate. She gets out.

She's calling for help. She starts banging on the gate until an old man with wild white hair leaps out. He's kind of a jump scare. Are you serious? Yeah. What you really gets up. Are you serious? Are you for real right now? I'm so undead, serious.

What, did he work there? Yes, this is the caretaker. This is Mr. Dudley. This is Mr. Dudley. Him and his wife are tasked with taking care of this house. She asks him, why do you need so many chains? He says, that's a good question. People on either side of the chain feel more comfortable when these are on.

Why do you suppose that is? it's a rhetorical question we're not going to get an answer to that he leaves her she gets to the front door alone so she walks up this long driveway gets to the front door alone she's still blissfully happy she is like having the time of her life she's her hair is lit by this golden light she you know knocks on the door no one answers she kind of pushes it open it creaks and this is a common the noises throughout this movie a lot of creaking a lot of groaning a lot of wind wishing Just imagine that in the back your head at all times. And this is the weirdest house in existence. It's like parquet floors, dark wood mahogany, everything,

and then simply too many intricate carvings and statues. And there's like 100 foot tall ceilings. There's like 500 foot tall fireplace. Is it like the traitors? Is it like that castle on the traders? It's like the traders, but times a million. It's like you did the traders and you put it into ChatteeBT, B.T, and you were like in Make it bigger.

Inhance, enhance, enhance, enhance. She's going, hello, hello, no one's there. She hears a kind of pounding and she starts walking towards it. Why? Why would you walk towards a pounding? Oh, there's a lot of stuff people are doing that they shouldn't be doing in this movie. The halls are curving onto each other. There are statues of really terrified-looking babies everywhere in candelabras are lighting the way.

And the doors are so... And then Louvier goes, be out of a guest. Be out of a guest. The doors, you guys, the doors in this film, the doors in this film need to be studied. They're so big. Every single doorknob is the height of a head. It's all, everyone's like reaching up and it takes, like, your whole hand to, like, turn the doorknob slightly. So she finds one of those big old doors and she opens it.

And there's Mrs. Dudley. Mr. Dudley's wife. She is your classic. The teapot? Yeah. Yes. No, but so much less nice. She's your classic pissed off elderly woman in a 1999 film who's probably like 40 years old in real life. You know what I mean? Like they've just aged her up real, with like a shawl mostly. And so she's pulling that shawl close to herself. And she's saying, I couldn't answer the door. It's make dinner or answer the door. Can't do both. She's not going to be a friend to know. She starts walking her through the house. She wants to show her to the room. There are statues of, like, fucking hippogriffs everywhere. There's a massive oil painting of a mean, scary man at the top of the stairs.

And Mrs. Dudley says that this is the first time visitors have come to this house since Mr. Crane died. So it seems like this man died a long time ago. Nell's room, she gets to stay and is the red room. She loves the red room. It is... Oh, Nell. So many signs run to your life. Okay.

This is a woman who's been taking care of her mother for a long time. She doesn't. She's like having the time of a goddamn life. She's ready to fucking. She needs a place to stay. Yeah. And she needs a place to stay. She's getting $900 a week to be here.

It's a lot. In $99? Mm-hmm. So, um... It's like $10,000. I was going to say it. It hasn't changed. Uh, it's still, still that.

It's, so this room, you can imagine what it looks like, covered in red velvet, Human-sized fireplace, adorned with several babyheads. Nell thinks it's beautiful. She comments, it's stunning. You must love working here. Nothing in this woman's demeanor has told us she loves what she's doing. Mrs. Dudley kind of shakes her head of that. She tells her that she doesn't wait on people.

She does not stay after dinner. And she is very clear to emphasize that there will not be anyone around if she needs help. She says, we couldn't hear you in the night. No one could. No one will come in the night, in the dark. No one will come. No one will help you. She says it. So many times. At night, no one will hear you scream. And you will be screaming. And you will be screaming and no one will be screaming and no one will hear you and no one will come. How's Nell doing with that? She's like, okay, whatever. Great. No one helped me before. Why would I need help now? Fair enough. Yeah. Nell notices another car in the driveway. It's a red convertible. And oh my God, who's getting out of it? Catherine Zeta Jones, the Welsh gazelle herself.

Oh, my God. She plays Theo. She is wearing prod of boots from Milan, not New York. She's quick to tell us. She's there to have a good time, there to party. She's commenting on the architecture. She's saying things like, I love it. It's sort of Charles Foster Kane meets the Munsters.

And Mrs. Dudley brings them to Theo's room. And Catherine Zeta Jones thinks it's twisted. And Mrs. Dudley gives her the same exact speech that she just gave to Nell. In case, in case Nell doesn't let you know what I just told, no one's going to hear you in the middle of the night. In the dark, in the night. But also, side note, doesn't need the money. Doesn't need $900 a week this one. No, no.

She's looking for an adventure. She's here to have fun. She's here for a party. Mm-hmm. She's here for a life experience, 100%. Theo is bouncing on the bed. She's not listening. She doesn't care.

And Nell and. Theo are immediately bonding. They're giggling over Mrs. Dudley and how, like, silly she is. They're thrilled that their rooms are adjoined. We get a bit more about Theo, mainly that she has a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Oh. And it's implied maybe that Nell might be gay. The movie never really goes there, but that implication is put forth.

And then before it gets too real, they run to look at the bathroom where there's yet another a bunch of carving of tiny baby heads. Sorry, there's so many tiny baby heads, but, like, I just have to laugh about it because I don't have another choice. I'm sorry, did you just smell a candle? Was that soothing after the baby heads? She's self-soothing. She's self-soothing.

Those baby heads really get you. It's soap. It's soap. It's soap. It smells real good. Tony, it's soap. Don't be weird. Got it. It's a glass.

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Ends November 23rd, but bonus play ends November 2nd. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro. Copyright McDonald's. Okay, so they're looking at the tiny baby heads. Nell does some immediate art analysis. She says, These children are reaching for heaven, but their souls are trapped in purgatory. And the skeletons and the carvings are the demons who can hold on to your soul or as long as they want.

Who's saying this? Nellis. Nell, just out of the blue. She's riffin? She's just riffing? She's just riffed. Okay. And yeah, Catherine Zeta Jones is just as impressed. She says, oh, you study art? And she said, no, I studied purgatory. I was there once for 11 years. Boom. Nell. She's in Cnell. Yeah. We get more of a house tour. They're roaming the halls. They're getting a sense of the place. Chandeliers everywhere, trick mirrors. There's one circular room with a moving floor that's a place. playing actual circus music. They're like children prancing around.

They love it. They love everything they're seeing. At one point, Theo says, she says, we're like rats, rats in a maze. And she says that as she's hopping over the like stones in that one room that's covered in water that we see in the trailer. They're aware of this, but they seem not, they're up for whatever this is, you know. So then the rest of the group arrives. We've got Owen Wilson, who plays Luke.

he is another participant in the study for him i bet yeah i know no i'm owen he kept saying i was i actually was confused by that my brain was like that's too confusing for me that his brother's name luke not him that is was this pre royal tenemones or post i think pre wait when was royal time was that 2000 or 2002 because i know luke was in realtor wait wasn't yeah 2001 so this is pre pre just luke just luke just luke earlier Owen Wilson, I suppose. But he's looking like classic Owen Wilson. He's got a bright orange vest on. He has a platinum blonde, shaggy mullet. And then Dr. Mero walks through the door, another crazy wish. And he's with Ted, a man named Ted, who's going to be in this movie for like an infinitesimal amount of time. I mean, we basically don't see Ted again. And then his research assistant, Mary. He welcomes everyone. He says, welcome to Hill House. And then we cut to dinner time. Catherine Zeta Jones, she's wearing a deep, feed tight velvet mini dress. She's got a Baroque choker on.

She's open a bottle of red wine. Waxing poetic about how she's unsure whether she wants to cure her insomnia because it's during those sleepless hours that she gets her best ideas. Owen Wilson doesn't agree. He says he loses his mind a bit at 3 a.m., listening to all those infomercials. You know, everyone's getting a sense of each other, getting to know each other. but it's time to get down to business and Liam Neeson says

we're here because we're looking for a common psychological link between insomniacs and we believe him everyone believes him but he's lying and he's a really good at line and it scares me

how good he is of that Nell says that unlike the others she doesn't have a reason to be an insomniac it was just that there was always somebody calling me banging on the wall

ever since she was little Ever since she was little, her mother would bang on the wall in the middle of the night and demand that she come and help her. Do you need a reason to be an insomniac? I think it's kind of like. This feels like a pretty good reason to be an insomnia. I think it's kind of you don't normally. It's a thing you are or not. Yeah.

And that is a reason. A huge reason. She's not like bitter about any of this, by the way. The way that she brings it up a lot. That's true. That's true. She does bring it up a lot. But also what else?

Kind of every chance she gets. And she says, even though my mother's dead, I still hear it in the middle of the night and I still wake up. And Liam Neeson says, you know what? That's why we're here. We're going to figure it out. During the day, you will be taking a variety of cognitive and perceptive tests. You will not be able to go into town. You have no telephone service, no TV service.

We'll have one phone here in case of emergencies, but that's it. And then someone asks, well, what's the deal with Hill House? Like, who built it? Who lived here? Then we get the story of Hill House from Dr. Barrow. Lily's already got the story. She could just tell him. I know.

Well, the skeletons are the demons coming from hell. Exactly. Babies are stuck in between. They're looking to heaven. They're grasping towards heaven. The whole time, Lily's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me do it. I got this. I know what I'm doing.

Well, so the story of this house is that 130 years ago. Which, by the way, there haven't been any visitors since this guy died, apparently. So there haven't been any visitors for 130 years. Okay. 130 years ago, Hugh Crane made a fortune on the backs of workers. And then he married Renee, who just wanted to fill this house with children. But all the children died at birth. And Renee also ultimately died.

And Crane became a recluse, but kept building and building and building and adding on to the house and adding on to the house. Like the Winchester house. But no one saw him for years, but townspeople could swear they could hear the voices of children coming from the house. Mary, the research assistant, is feeling very spooked by this story. She does not like it. She's the first one? I know.

I know. She's the only one so far who's feeling nervous. She was nervous the second she walked in the door. She's saying, I think there's more to that story. I can feel it. It's in the ceiling. It's in the furniture. It's in this.

and she touches the strings of a piano, I think it is. I don't know what it is. And it snaps whatever's on that instrument. And it snapped and it flings up and it hits her right in the face. And it almost takes out her eye. And it's pretty bad. It's the first like scary, really scary thing that happens. Everyone jumps up to help her and gathers around her. And Todd, this man who I think is here just for this reason. I thought his name was Ted. Who knows? It could be Ted. I don't actually know. I think it's Todd. It doesn't matter.

He brings her to the hospital. That's the last we're going to see if them. Okay. Great. They're gone. They're in the hospital. They're safe. They're fine.

They're fine. But while they're walking back from the car, because seemingly Liam Neeson and Owen Wilson, like, walk them to the car. While they're walking back, Liam Neeson tells Owen Wilson, Luke, that there's actually more to the story about the Hill House. Renee. the town beauty she actually killed herself and he says very explicitly not to tell the women wait sorry back up sorry Renee is the was the wife of the guy of Hugh Crane okay yes

got it yes and he says don't tell don't tell the other women that I told you this don't tell them I don't want anyone to get it's just a guy thing it's kind of just between us men Because it'll plant the intrusive thoughts and then they'll just not be able to. Right. Oh, women kill themselves here? So we see that, you know, Owen Wilson, of course, immediately tells them. But then we also see immediately Dr. Morrow back in his office with his little voice memo thing talking about how, as soon as Luke tells the other participants about Renee hanging herself, I'm sure we'll have like better results. I don't know. All this to say, it's all been orchestrated. Mastermind. By Liamneesim.

Side note, Hill House, Haunting of Hill House, House on Haunted Hill, the haunting. All the same kind of vibe? Why we got Hillhouse in there so many times? Why the house on the hill? I don't know. I must come from, well, it comes from Shirley Jackson's novel, which I've never read. I mean, maybe they're just trying to like cash in on like people getting confused and seeing the wrong movie. Yeah. It's branding, branding. It's all branding. It's all branding. They're smart. It's very smart. It's really smart. Okay, so now it's time to go to bed.

Okay. Nell fall asleep. She immediately starts hearing Eleanor. For someone with insomnia. Exactly. They can't. I know. She's fine.

She's drifting off, but there's a child whispering in her ear. Eleanor. And the statues turn to look at her. But she's just dreaming, right? I don't know. Then we cut to, she's like sleeping more. and in her sleep she kind of hears pounding and without hesitation she gets out of bed and says coming mother I'm coming she's like still asleep though she gets out of bed and she starts putting

her shoes on and while she's putting her shoes on she wakes up and realizes that she's like not with her mom and she's not at home and she hears Theo shouting for her from the other room so she rushes through the bathroom that adjoins their room she rushes through the bathroom into the joe bathroom it's so cute they're loving it their best friends she rushes in there there is you can hear growling you can hear screeching the walls almost seem to be moving something is wrong it is not this is not what's supposed to be happening in this house they hide in Theo's bed cowering in fear they start to be able to see their breath they start to see it come out in little little puffs in front of them and you know katherine

Zeta Jonas is going do you see that do you see that what is that what is that and they're like breathing and looking at their breath and they're like holding each other. They're so scared. And for a moment, it seems like it might be over, but then they start hearing more pounding, but this time it's just Luke. It's just Luke. And he, you know, takes a look around. Before this, I hadn't even written it down in my notes. It's funny that it's in the trailer. But before this, we'd seen the Luke and Owen and Liam Neeson run into each other in the hallway. So just so you know, that happened right before this. He's thoroughly. scared out of his freaking mind.

He's thoroughly scared out of his freaking mind. He's just bumped into someone unexpectedly. He's wearing also like a bright yellow shirt on top of like four other shirts. And then he's also wearing white flannel pajama pants with rocket ships all over them. It's like, I bought a rocket. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's why.

That's why. And so he noticed the manly. thing, he looks. He says there's nothing here. There's nothing to be scared of. You guys should consider yourself lucky. I just ran into a guy in the whole way. The whole group convenes in the kitchen where they try to understand what was happening in the bedroom. Luke turns on the water and it makes the pipes start to rattle and it kind of sounds a little bit like what they were hearing in the room. And they try to use that as an excuse to kind of dismiss it and say that it was in your head. It wasn't real. Mel, though, no, something's up. She's like, I know what

I heard. That was real. The thing about Nell that I really admire throughout this entire film is she stays so true to herself. She never second-guesses herself. Like, she... I love that. What a lesson. Can you imagine what that would be like... Wow. I, like, really... I wonder what her human design situation is. I wonder what she would have done at that sushi bar. Exactly. Oh my gosh, we can all take to take a page out of Nell's book. She's very self-like sufficient and very self-aware in a way that's really admirable.

Love it. And so she tries to go back to sleep. The window bursts open. There's white curtains floating in and up. Those white curtains are floating up in a way that seems a little unrealistic. stick and then through the white curtain you see the shape of like a tiny little baby and the tiny little baby starts floating up for the sorry Tony starts floating up like that and then someone's going to have insomnia tonight you know what I'm saying?

I'm sorry I'm sorry does it does it help if it kind of looks like it's like it looks like a it looks like a like a chocolate Easter bunny like a precious moment's tall it's like really like it's doesn't make any, it doesn't look real at all. It's really silly looking. And then it starts kind of swimming up into her bed. And she's asleep? She's awake. She's asleep. She's able to fall back asleep a lot of different times. I know exactly. I don't know why. She said this insomnia study. I know. She wakes up. She wakes up and she starts hearing the baby voices going, find us, Eleanor. Find us. Find us. Find us, Eleanor. Oh, no. Oh, no. I know. Wait, how did you...

Oh, it just went, your mic went out for a second, but... Oh, is it back? It's back. Yeah. Spooky. Oh, my God. Stop it. Don't scare me like that.

Yeah. We don't need any of that, kids. None of that. Any of that. Okay. All this and my glass starts floating back. No. All right.

It's okay. It's not real. You guys, don't worry. It's not real. She gets up. She closes the door. And now the statues seem to be looking the other way. How that.

happen. But she's also kind of happy about it. She's kind of like, someone needs me. She wants to be needed. Oh. So she's a codependent. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Classic. That's what he said. Mm-hmm. Yeah. This is one big reason why the movie's tolerable to watch is because she's like kind of okay the whole time. I mean, she's not by the end. She has a moment. She's not okay. But she's like, she's okay. So the next morning back at the castle, Nell is taking her personality tests. Owen Wilson is commenting on how human design. Yeah. She's finding out her human design. Owen Wilson is commenting on how Hugh Crane definitely ran a sweatshop using kid labor And kid labor is a very kid labor never I've never heard of phrase like that

You're making it more fun and cute right instead child labor Just kid labor um and she's like don't say those things I like this house I think it's beautiful here And Owen Wilson is like why do we have to be here of all places I think that Dr. Merrill is up to something. I'm going to get to the bottom of it. But after I check on Theo, he has a crush on Theo. Then he leaves the room and there's a hilarious bit where he tries to shut one of those big doors. And he says, I'm going to shut this door to give you privacy. But the door is like 500 feet tall and he like can't really pull it goes easily. So he's just like pulling on it. He's reaching up above his head to reach the door now. It's taking a long time to close the door.

finally he leaves a second he's gone the fireplace the big massive fireplace kind of starts twiddling in the breeze just making some little twiddle noises and her hair Nell's hair starts pulling like one piece of the hair just gets pulled out straight in front of her and she starts to get pulled towards the fireplace by one single strand of hair by like a little chunk of hair that's a strong piece of hair a hunk a hunk of the hair a hunk of the hair not the hunk but the hunk. And she screams, she runs away. And then Catherine Zeta Jones runs into Chuck on her. She's wearing a massive fur vest. Chef's kiss to this fur vest. My goodness. They're looking into the fireplace. They're just seeing ashes. Someone's making a joke about seeing Santa. And just as it seems like everything's okay in this fireplace, all of a sudden, some huge boulder swings down. And then, narrowly misses, like, hitting, I guess it was Cather's Ada Jones. And it's the flu.

You guys know a flu in a fireplace? It's a thing that opens the chimney or closes the chimney. Well, this fireplace is so big that the flu is like, I mean, it's huge. It's huge and deeply dangerous. Can we pause and do a quick test as to what order people think is going to die first? Yes. I think it's going to be, I think the first one's going to die is going to be Owen. and then it's going to go

CZJ and then it'll be Lily's going to stay alive. Oh, that's a good guess. I'm kind of feeling like maybe everybody stays alive. It might be that kind of movie where nobody dies.

Might be that kind of movie. I think Liam Neeson's going to get God. Yeah, that's true. Okay. All right. Well, you're going to have to stay tuned. Those are good guesses, you guys. Okay, so while they're all distracted

with the flu, suddenly they realize that there has been vandal up on the top of the grand staircase. Someone has written in huge letters, Welcome Home Eleanor. Welcome Home, Eleanor is written in what looks like blood is obviously red paint. And everyone is like, who did this?

Why is this here? Everyone starts accusing each other of it. Then they all accuse Nell of doing it to get attention. Nell says, I would never do that. And then she says, whoever wrote this, it's cruel. Then there's a close-up on Dr. Morrow, because I think it's him. I actually don't think the movie ever answers this specifically. Maybe it's a, I don't know who's, well, anyway, I was assuming it was him.

He was trying to, like, you know, amp up the fear. Yeah, the fear factor. She starts walking back to her room. And then it looks like little baby footprints in blood are following her behind her. Not cool. Not cool. Then Dr. Morrow brings Nell to, an old greenhouse with a bunch of dead plants now says oh this is beautiful i love it here there is a big

fountain in the middle of this greenhouse she's disassociated from yeah yeah her version of life is different you know she's working in a different awareness different framework for life there's a huge fountain in the middle of this greenhouse with a massive statue of a dead man well it looks like a dead man lounging half submerged in the water half unsubmerged in the water with just water gurgling out of his mouth, like he's in a constant state of bleeding out from his mouth. That's the vibe in this greenhouse. The only living plant are violets. And Nell immediately is like,

Vilets, someone must have died here. And then she says, she's like, she's skipping around. And she's going, all my life, I've been waiting for adventure. But those don't happen to me. They're reserved for soldiers or the women bullfighters fall in love. What's happening? Oh, wow. I mean, the tail is all this time.

The women bullfighters fall in love it. Wow. Every young girl dreams of being a bullfighter's wife. And so at this point, you start thinking, is something wrong with Nell? Like, is she okay? At this is how we're thinking it. We are thinking it. Yeah.

And Liam Neeson says, do you always think that people, are messing with you now. And she stops and she really thinks about it. She really seriously thinks about it. And she says, it doesn't matter. I can be a victim or I can be a volunteer. And I'm going to be a volunteer. And then she starts walking up this rod iron like staircase that seems dangerous. She's humming a lot to herself. We're getting a little worried that, you know, she's something's a little off. And then we cut to back to that oil painting of Hugh Crane. The oil painting has been defaced. His face has been

scraped off and now it looks like there's a skeleton staring out from it. Literally defaced. Defaced. Defaced. The face has been defaced. And okay, so then I guess she goes back to sleep. Sure, it's her favorite thing. She's so good at it. No one has ever been better at sleeping than this woman in the insomnia study.

She didn't go to a clinic where people sleep too much. Yeah. Nell wakes up from sleep And there are more of those red baby footsteps leading from her bed through Theo's room With a baby voice going, Now find us, find us. So she follows those bloody baby footprints until she gets to,

you guessed it, another 100 foot secret bookcase door. She enters, it's like, bha, the sun noise for these doors is insane. Is it the old guy again? No, this is just her walking through this big door. And there's another wrought iron spiral staircase. This time it's descending straight to the first level of hell. That's what I wrote in my notes. Where a ghost toddler is telling her to find the ledger.

Find the ledger. We've reached Hugh Crane's office. This is like a tomb encased in leatherbound books. One of which is dated 1886 to 1887. And yep, what do you guess is in this book? But a bunch of people's names and their ages. and all the ones that are aged 12 and under have been crossed off with a little skull and crossbones

put next to them. So this is a ledger. He was taking meticulous notes, almost as though he wanted people to find them, about all the children that he murdered. It's never clear what was going on with these children murders. Like there's... Sweat shop?

Yes, but also there's also a lot of talk about him bringing them back to his house, which I don't know. I think they wanted this movie. to stay PG-13, and I do too. So, what's not even think about that? Yikes. So Nell is obviously upset by finding this. She takes the ledger book. She goes... Surprisingly, actually. But she didn't find some positive spin to it. It's not whimsy. That's right. There's no whimsy. There's no whimsy in this ledger. She goes and she wakes up, Catherine Zeta Jones, who's pissed. She said she was having the best

sleep of her life. So here you go. These insomniax are not insomnia. somniaking to the way that they should be. She starts talking about finding this ledger, knowing that the children brought her there, the children need her. And Catherine Zader Jones is like, I'm worried about you. You really need to get some sleep. Like, you just need to go back to bed. You need to both leave. Yeah, GTFO, for sure. So she goes back to her room. Now goes back to her room. She sits down at her vanity. She starts brushing her hair and she says to the mirror, she says, I'm listening. Here we go.

I'm listening. Tell me what you need. I'm listening. And then the ghosts come. We sell us in the trailer. They start to do her hair. They part. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Hi. And she realizes that they're doing her hair in the same way that the woman in the oil painting in her room is wearing her hair. So it's a bunch of young child style. Yeah, there's gorgeous. Yes. and there's a there's a sunrise the next morning so many sunrises

Nell goes to look for Dr. Mero she finds his little voice recorder instead and which she immediately plays I guess like what that's probably what you would do and it starts this is what it says Eleanor Vance continues her alienation from the other subjects it remains unclear what she saw in the fireplace

and whether she truly believes she did not deface the painting interview with Vance and Greenhouse to ascertain an extent of self-delusion was inconclusive due to emotional instability. She clicks it off, devastated. I mean, can you believe? I mean, that would be a tough thing to hear. Yeah.

I was like, is this a plant? Like, why is this here? And so easy for her to access and, like, rewinded perfectly to this part. But whatever. We cut to Owen, Wilson, and Theo, Catherine Zeta Jones in the greenhouse. Owen has figured it out.

He's saying that this is not an experiment about insomnia, but clearly the doctor is trying to do some kind of research about our reaction to the phenomena that he is planting. And then Nell appears out of nowhere, and she says, no, it's not Dr. Mero. And Owen Wilson is like, if it's not Dr. Mero, then why are you still even here? What do you think is going on? Why didn't you just get in your car and leave immediately if you don't think it's him? And then she goes, because home is where the heart is. no no she does not come on she should just like being a little house in the prairie but also like what is that what wow I'm shocked at the same moment she says this bam she has a vision of the oil

painting lady hanging from the ceiling in the greenhouse she screams she screams I am not making this up I'm going to prove it to you guys, and she runs to the library. And then, boom, a photo album falls out of the shelves. It opens perfectly to a picture of Hugh Crane, who does look like The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. And I wish I had a picture to show you guys because that's really funny. It's a really funny photo. And then the book flips.

We are in Disney, aren't we? It flips. And there's Carolyn, his second wife. And then you better believe this book starts flipping. It becomes a flip book. It becomes an animation of Carolyn raising her hand, pointing to the fireplace and saying, Eleanor, the fireplace. And then looking at Eleanor. So you know where we're headed next.

Cut to Nell's in the fireplace. She's digging through those ashes and she finds a skull. The children are really, really whispering now. They're whispering, whispering, whispering, whispering. Mel is asking, where are you? Where are you? Where are you? And the whispers lead her to a tiny, tiny, tiny door. A tiny, tiny door.

I know, in contrast to the big doors, this one's tiny. And she says, I'll get you out, I'll get you out. And then it starts to smell really, really bad, but she keeps going. She's going to keep, she's going to get these kids out. Does she have any candles or bars of soap nearby that she could kind of palate cleanse? No. Give her strength. no but it helps

and so she goes to open the door but then the door turns into a big fist and it punches her to stay away oh oh I was in it

I was in it there for a minute I really is not expecting the door to turn into a big fit like a human And she doesn't get hit with the door. It becomes a fist. And it punches her.

They were having some fun. They had so much fun. They were like, somebody you learned, they were like, okay, if you press these buttons, you can turn the door into a fist. Can we use that somewhere? We have to be able to use that somewhere. And just knocked her in the face? Yeah, punches her right in the chest, like right in the sternum, really gets her.

Knocks the wind right out of her. Yeah. They were like, guys, CGI is so cool. So cool. So cool. So Dr. Mero and Theo run in. They find her. They start comforting her. She's, you know, hysterical. She's telling them he killed them. He took them from the mills and he killed them. Caroline found out what he'd done. And now he wants me to. And he's still here. Hugh Crane is still in this house. And Theo is like, what if she's right? What if this is real? And this is when Dr. Mero is like, okay, I need to come clean. He's like, stop, stop, stop, stop. stop. You guys are all, and Owen Wilson's there, too, he's like, you guys are all participating in a group study on fear and paranoia. This is not actually about insomnia. I'm sorry, like, this was my whole study. This is my plan. None of this is real. You're just reacting to, you're just creating this in your mind, basically. Nell obviously is like, no, it is real.

Theo is pissed off. She's like, you just brought us here to scare us. And Nell is also having like a full-blown panic attack at this moment, and they decide to put her to bed. So they put her to bed. What she's best. Which is, you know, what you do when someone's having a full-blown mental health crisis. You just put a... Go sleep, go see, go sleep, go sleep, go see, go back that bed. Covered in baby statues. So then Theo and Liam fight in the kitchen. And, you know, Catherine Zia Jones is saying, you don't care about us. You're just trying to use us. And then he gets really angry. And Liam Neeson, scary, scary angry Liam Neeson says, that's not true. I'm trying to help people. I try to understand why people act the way they act and why they feel the way

they feel. And then she slaps him. And then there's a pause. And then she says, you don't feel. Boom. He walks away. Mic drop. Mike drop. Excellent acting. I mean, my God, no one can do it better. No one can do it better. The way she said, you don't feel. I felt it in my whole body. I was like, oh, I hope that got through. So he walks away to investigate what Nell was talking about. He tries to open the fireplace, but he can't. Back to Nell. She's in bed.

She's moaning and groaning. She's not okay. Wind is blowing. Candles are flickering. Her breath is coming out in big puffs. And then a big scary jellyfish-like black smoke thing floats into the room. And she starts screaming. at it. She's like, no, I will not let you hurt any more kids. I'll not let you hurt a child. And she takes

a big rock. I don't know. Where did you get the big rock? I don't know, but it is like a big rock. This movie is really blending some very heavy subject matter with just the absolute silliest loony tunes. Like, yes. What decor. This was pretty cool. So she throws this rock at what I guess is that was supposed to be Ukraine. It goes through the glass. And then the CGI guys were like, watch this. It goes through the glass, the glass shatters one way. And then it's a loombo boomerings back into the room and kind of like comes back into her and like kind of a whole bunch of glass shatters onto her. And just as this is happening, Theo runs in and sees the broken window and calls for the others. Nell is running around the house.

Now, she's running around the house. She looks at a mirror. She starts to see her face turn into Carolyn's face in the mirror. She's saying, no, that's not me. She's racing around the room. She goes through the water room. She goes to the circular room. She's in a nasty nightgown.

She's screaming, why do you want me? What are you trying to tell me? She looks at herself in a mirror. She sees that all of a sudden her image starts to get pregnant and you see big pregnant belly. And then you hear a little voice is going, welcome home, Eleanor. welcome home. Ew. Ew.

And then a little ghost baby is like, don't be afraid, don't be afraid. And then immediately the ghost babies get afraid. They're like, oh, no, oh, no, he's kind. Oh, no. And so the ghost goes into her body. Ah. And there's a lot of, there's a lot of. There's a lot of trippy things happening.

For anyone who's just listening and not watching, somehow my Zoom just did fireworks right when I said that. I actually don't know how it did that. The ghost entered her body. I don't know how I did that. But, you know, that doesn't actually mean anything. The ghost just floats right back out and is like, help us, help us. And she's like, how?

And the ghost baby is like, help. And she's chasing the ghost baby going, how do I help you? Then we cut back to Owen, Theo, and Dr. Morrow. And it's revealed that Eleanor is chasing after that baby straight up those wrought iron steps in the greenhouse. She doesn't realize what she's doing. She's lost. Is she pregnant now? She's not pregnant.

She's not pregnant. Yeah, don't worry. She's not pregnant. Dr. Morrow chases after her, but the wires start snapping. The bottom of the stairs break. Then the middle of the stairs break. Catherine Zeta Jones and Owen Wilson are to stay at the bottom looking shocked, not sure what to do. Liam is trying to get her down

Nella's refusing. She's very matter of fact too. She's not freaked out at this moment. He's saying you need to come with me right now and she's saying sorry I can't. The children need me. Theo and Owen again so scared. What the hell? Eventually it gets the point where

it seems like they're clearly going to die if they stay up there. So Nell agrees to go back down with Liam Nason and then they put her back to bed. Oh, and Wilson is saying, we have to bring her to the hospital immediately. We have to go. Liam Neeson is saying, we can't.

The gate's still locked. We have to wait till the morning. So then they agree to take shifts watching over her. Cut to Liam Neeson in the greenhouse doing more voice memos. It's doing these voice memos that he realizes, oh, my God, it's dangerous here. We need to leave. He hadn't thought of that before. He has that moment.

He was like, wait, what am I doing? we need to get out of here so he's like about to run he's about to run out when the statue in the middle of the greenhouse comes alive starts like spurting blood instead of water grabs Liam Neeson pulls him into the fountain starts drowning him and then just like let's go and then Liam Neeson gets out and Liam Neeson's fine and then he goes back to the others he's soaking wet they're like what happened, he's like, we got to get out of here. And back at her bed, Nell is just lying there, staring at the spikes coming out of the walls, freaking out about how she's in a literal death trap. She's hearing children's voices echoing everywhere. The babies start coming to life

in the statues. They're going, oh, no, no, oh, no, no. The house is creaking and cracking and coming apart at the seams. And then all of a sudden the entire house tries to kill her. I mean, the little spikes by her bed become tentacles. And then they reach out and trap her in the bed. And She's about to be pulled into the mouth of a ghost when Owen Wilson wakes up. He was supposed to be watching her and he fell asleep. But he's so good at sleeping. Oh, my God. And all these people are so good at sleeping.

He fell sleeping. So he wakes up. When he wakes up from his little nap, the ghost gets scared and they retreat. And Luke and Theo and Liam Neeson are able to run in, help Nell break out of this bed cage. Then the ghost comes back, starts to threaten them again. They all run out of the house. They go to the gate. which is indeed locked, they're trying to climb over the gate outside, and they're trying to figure

out how to get out of there. Nell has this moment of lucidity, and she asks Dr. Mero, she says, how did you know the house wanted me? He says, what do you mean? She said, how did you, you called me? How did you know to call me and tell me to come here? And he says, no, the first time I spoke to you was here at the house. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Owen tries to slam the gate with his car. It doesn't work. He narrowly avoids being impaled. Nell turns back to that house. She sees all the lights turning on. A baby saying, Nell come home and she is going home. That's where the heart is. Home is where the hardest. Home is where the hardest. They rescue Owen Wilson. They go back into the house to find Nell. When they go back in, they find her. They find her in a room

that looks exactly like the room we saw in the beginning, her mother's room, bedpan, everything. She has put the pieces together. She tells Luke, Theo, and Dr. Murrow that she finally understands. Carolyn, Hugh Crane's second wife, was her great, great grandmother. And the children in this house are her family. And this is where she belongs. And Hugh Crane is still haunting the children. And if I'm here, he can't harm them. They're like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not right. Yeah. You're checked out. Yeah, no, we're not going to do that. And she says, Hugh Crane doesn't want you here. You need to leave. They try to escape. They can't. All the windows and doors are slamming shut. They're locked in. Then Owen Wilson goes to deface Hugh Crane's portrait again. And he says he's

going to burn the house down. Hugh Crane doesn't like that. Luke gets swept up, sucked straight across that living room into the 500 foot fireplace. And then the flu comes down and takes his head right off. The heads him. Chomp. One point for Tony. One point for Tony. The fire fireplace that explodes, ashen debris. But heads him in a PG-13 movie? Yeah, head gone. PG-13 movie. Wow. Everyone else is running for cover. Now, Dr. Morrow and Theo are looking at Nell as the expert. They want answers. They say, what do we do? What does he want from us? And luckily, Nell is an expert at this point. She knows exactly. She says, he built this house to play, hide and seek with the kids. We must hide. Then a big bronze bird statue comes to life and

Nell successfully beats it off with a stick. And she's empowered. Then she looks. looks at another oil painting, and she sees that Carolyn is wearing the same necklace that she's wearing from her mother's bedroom. And then she gets even more empowered. And then she starts shouting for Hugh Crane. And she dares him to come and face her. She's walking barefoot through this massive, creaky, disgusting house. It's breathing like a human being. Their baby statue is reaching out for her to help them going, Eleanor, the doors, the doors. And then suddenly a big, like, deep voice who's like Eleanor and a massive black smoke like boogeyman flies out of this to face portrait straight to her this is Ukraine he's a big smoke guy there's music swelling so many strings and Nell just stands there

still in the face of the storm she's no longer scared Dr. Morrow and Theo run in and she says I'm not afraid of you anymore the children need me I'm going to stop you now and she just stands there while he just rages and screams at her. And then Theo's like, he's going to kill you. And then she says, it's not about him. It's about family. It's always been about family. Well, I'm family grandpa and I've come home.

And now it's just you and me. I'm family grandpa. Perkatory's over. You go to hell. And he does. And he watches as these demons drag him out of the house and into the mouth of another statue. And she's just watching it.

The tornado of debris and everything starts calming down, settling down. And she is, you know, just standing there peacefully. She collapses. And she did it. He's gone. All of a sudden, these baby voices are coming up. Thank you, Eleanor. Thank you.

Thank you, Ellen. And these baby ghosts are floating up into the air. there's literal lullaby music starts playing. It's so peaceful. And then we see her, the ghost of her. She comes up. She flies up and out of the air. I was like, she's dead too? Okay. She's also dead. Theo and Dr. Morrow are just sitting there taking everything in. They check her pulse. She is dead. They look at each other in shock. They're like, okay. The sun rises yet again on this monstrosity of a house. The Dudleys drive back. They see the car that's at the gate. Clearly someone's tried to get it. out. Mrs. Dudley mutters, city people. Mr. Dudley asked Liam Neeson, did you find out what

you wanted to know, doctor? They don't say anything. They just stare. Blake stares ahead. And then the Dudley's open the gate and there's a dramatic zoom out as they just start walking away from the house. And that's the end of the movie. Wow. Wow. Okay. That was a twist. That was not expected Lily to be taken out. There's a lot of things I really didn't expect that happened in that movie. Wow, wow, wow. you see why it's so good though can you see why i had the time of my god damn absolutely i was really having a good time great breakdown great breakdown yeah ben really really good thank you yeah what a thrill i felt like i was on a roller coaster

yeah it was very fun okay good i'm so glad i really just man if i could only watch movies from 1997 to like 2000 for the rest of my life i would be happy you know yeah there's some good ones in there. Also, two of the, even though Theo was, like, two of the, like, the really unfortunate people are the ones that live. I know. Because, uh, you know, Luke was pretty decent. Yeah. Yeah. But I guess the implication is like she went to heaven with all of her bait. Yeah. And maybe. I guess you're supposed to feel okay about it because she has like literally no prospects outside of the house. So it's like, yeah, she's like, they really made it clear that she had like, nothing going on for her. Even if that's not a good reason to die, but I mean, it kind of makes

to go down there than he's here at the end. Wait, now, since you guys have seen Mike Flanagan's thing, do you see a connection between these two? The spiral staircase. They're the same character names. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, Theo. So in Mike Flanagan's, there's the same concept of, like,

one of the wives killing herself and then seeing visions of her hanging from the greenhouse and, like, building on the house, building and building and building and building and building and building on the house. but um sort of tonally not the same definitely not not the haunted house from Disneyland yeah yeah definitely not totally the same

wow what a time yeah it is really funny to picture Spielberg watching this and being like oh no no I'm not I'm not associated with this which is funny because he's so associated with it almost because he said no to being associated with it it's like he's all the more associated with it for that reason I can honestly say I kind of want to watch it now

Me too I definitely do as well Because I know you know part of it I don't like the shock I don't like things coming at me Now that I know how it unfolds And I kind of know that it has kind of a cuteness to it almost like a Disney feel to it

I think I can handle it Okay I think this is a good way I think this is a good Halloween time movie for people who don't want to actually deal with anything to upset Yes. Like if you want to put this on in the background of your Halloween party, it's a good vibe for like. Yeah. Good vibe. It's like a scarier hocus pocus. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And yeah, just all the greats, you know, in one room. Henley, I'm so, I'm so happy for you and I'm so happy for us that we just got to do that. This was great. Me too. Me too. That was really fun. Thank you for giving me the excuse to watch this movie that I probably never would have watched. otherwise yeah would you say the most brutal thing in there was him getting beheaded yes i think it was

i'm trying to think if there's anything else that was scarier than that um i mean that's that's it feels like it's probably all pretty pretty like couched in cg i in a way that yeah it's never actually that's scary probably doesn't get no yeah it was all too gory yeah it was all it's all it's all fine It's all, it's actually really, it's all fine. It's really, like, really racking my brain for another moment when I was scared and I really wasn't that scared. When the old man pops out? Yeah, I was scared by the old man popping out, Bruce Dern.

Bruce Dern. Yeah, but that was, I was like scared of her a situation before the movie more than the movie, which I think is also kind of the point. It's like she's already been through shit, you know. Yeah, she's not doing great. Yeah, but I loved it. I loved it, too. Yeah, I loved it too.

I did this one. I know we're wrapping up, but I had a situation in college once where I was, I woke up and there was this black blob on, I saw like a black blob on my chest. No lie. No. And I couldn't, I couldn't breathe. No. And I started saying in Jesus' name, Jesus' name, Jesus' name, and it went away. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. You just been keeping that. And it made me think. And it made me think when that black blob came into her room. I remember having that I was in Sanford University and that happened. It was terrified. I couldn't breathe in that wild. Oh, my God.

That is so scary. It's like you performed your own exorcism. Yeah. You performed your own personal exorcism. Yeah, it was really wild. Oh. Imagine, yeah, let's not imagine anything else. Oh, my.

Don't play with it. Don't play with that stuff. Don't play with it. Don't play with it. Don't mess with it. It's not worth it. No, it's not. Wow. Oh, well, I hope we all go right to sleep tonight. No insomnia. I mean, they did. They were fine. I hope we take one thing away and that's you can kind of sleep in any situation. I don't matter what. And if you're having a panic attack, just go right back to bed. Just go right to bed. Just lay down. Just go to bed. It's easy. It's so easy to do. There's nothing easier than going to sleep and staying asleep in my experience. Same.

The easiest thing in the world. Oh, my God. Thank you guys. Tony, thank you for joining us once again. Loved it. Loved it. Tell our listeners, what should they be looking out for? What you got going on?

Well, Sketch did come out and then I'm really proud of it. I guess it's now it's on the streaming land. Yes. Perfect. Little scary, but not too scary, but also full of heart. Full of heart. Full of heart. It's so good. It's really good. It took us a long time to make, and we're really proud of it.

It's really good. Under that, just live in life. Just live in life. My daughter is a sophomore in college, so I'm going to Parents Weekend next weekend. That's fun. That's fun. Yeah. Oh, that takes me back.

Yeah, fall parents' weekend is such a vibe. Wow. Such a vibe. That's fun. Hopefully she'll hang out with us. I hope so. You know, but also it's kind of cool if she doesn't. Because, you know, it's like, it's like, she's having a great time. She's having a good time. Yeah, kind of a win-win.

Either way. Yeah. Thank you guys for having me. That was so fun. Thank you, Tony. It was so fun. It was great. Thank you, Henley for, wow. Really good job, Henley. Really perfect. And what kind of voice should we do to close it out? A baby voice. Leibati's voice. Little baby whisper. I know. I think we need Henley's baby voice again. I need the baby whisper. Maybe I'll just do like wishing wind in the.

background. And I'll just keep saying, in Jesus' name, in Jesus' name, it's perfect. From all of us here. I think it's when you're going quite, it's going quiet again, Henley. It went away. It doesn't want you to do it. It doesn't want me being quiet, like being like spooky. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. Wait, oh my God. Show yourself right now. How am I? Show us in the name. In Jesus's name. In Jesus, it's what I do in the middle of the night, actually. It kind of helps. Well, that was kind of Nell's vibe is a little like come out and show me and I'm I like that yeah yeah but then she died exactly exactly that's she died because of that so let's just don't play don't play

good boy okay from all of us here too scary didn't watch and she was listening goodbye goodbye and Jacey we did it we made it Thank you all for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you enjoy the show, please remember to subscribe and rate us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Five stars only, or we will haunt you. And if you simply can't get enough of us, we have good news for you. We have lots of bonus content available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash TSDW Podcast. You'll get access to video trailer reactions, two bonus episodes a month, the power to vote for upcoming episodes and more.

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