Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE LONG WALK

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

Video episodes available on our Patreon!Movie & Guest Intro @ 18:43Trivia @ 24:16Recap starts @ 33:58TrailerGet an exclusive 15% discount on your first Saily data plans! Use code tooscary at checkout. Download Saily app or go to https://saily.com/tooscaryFollow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Hemley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And it is the penultimate episode of this second annual Hell Chella, Two Held Tuchella. Impossible.

Time comes for us all even our beautiful, beautiful Too Hell Tuchella. I don't want it to be over. I don't want it to be over yet. It's not over yet. I got to stop living in the future, you guys. I have to live in the present. I've lived in the present. Okay. Deep breaths. We got this. If you want to jump straight to our recap of this week's movie, there are timestamps in the show notes because first we have a little bit of haunted housekeeping, which is, as usual, a reminder that on our Patreon, all our two hell, two cella episodes are available. video episodes if you want to see us as well as hear us um we're all stunningly cautious just just to just so you know we really bring our best selves visually um and also on our patreon are our recaps of fx's sci-fi horror series alien earth which that's nearing the end as well oh my god penultimate episode this week too

what a penultimate kind of week It's giving penultimate It's giving penultimate It's giving penultimate It's giving penultimate So go check all those out At patreon.com slash TSDW podcast

And just to update everyone Without specifics But to let you know that yes merch is coming for this year's Helchella There will be merch There will be merch There will be merch

There will be merch. And, you know, check on our Instagram, I guess, for the latest updates on the at TSDW podcast. We will announce here probably next week as well. But don't give up. Don't give up. We've seen you in the comments. And we hear you. And it's coming.

We see you. We hear for you. We hear for you. And we will provide you with shirts. at a price at a price yeah you'll provide yourself with them at a certain point but we'll do our part you'll do yours you get it I think that's it in terms of haunted housekeeping and uh pretty scary a week but yeah pretty weird one but let's not talk about that but did anything scary happen to you guys this week I mean yeah not talking about any of the stuff I'll talk about I'll just talk about

something else which is that you guys okay so i couldn't sammy i did tell you this yesterday because i just i was going to save it for the pod and i just slipped out i'm too excited yeah too excited okay but a scary thing that happened is that our bed frame broke um um twilight style just absolutely destroyed the bed um it it had been on it it's it had been on his last legs for a while but the bed frame broke and we needed to a new bedroom because you need that. And my first thought was like, well, we just have to get.

Like, we're going to probably move at some point. Other circumstances are getting in the way. But so I was like, we shouldn't, we should just like buy a fucking easy cheap bed frame, whatever and like deal with it when we move. But then, you know, a bed frame is not something one just purchases without need, you know?

And I started thinking about it. And I thought, you know, if we're going to buy a bed frame, why don't why don't i buy the bed frame of my dreams are you getting a canopy bed i purchased already and have in my bedroom as we speak a four-poster bed i'm so proud of you i'm so happy i literally i like it occurred i was just like oh my god oh my god i could get we could get a four-poster bed and i've always wanted one i've always wanted one but they're like obviously they don't have to be expensive there are some that are

or not that expensive, but I was like, but you want a nice one and, you know, we're growing up. Don't want us to break Twilight style again. Exactly, Twilight style. Which was a four poster bed by the way. So watch out. Watch out. They are breakable. Um, but I was like, I, I, I, I presented to Joel, how do you feel about us getting a four poster bed? And because he's wonderful and loves me and trust my taste was like, absolutely, let's do it. And I can't, I just, I guess the scary thing is that, like you can just get the bed of your dreams like you it's you can just do it like I just I never I've wanted a four poster bed my entire life it was always like well but you don't get that right right right right right but why not but why not and you can just buy and you can just you can just

get one like they make them and you can get them and I did and it's heaven on earth this is huge this is huge for us this is huge for us because this is us exercising our free will We have free will. We can do things our way. And one of those things is getting a fucking four poster bed. And I love that. I love you using your free will in this way. Thank you. I love it too. I truly, when we decided we were going to do it and we like, I was like running around the house like screaming. I was like absolutely squealing with joy every time I thought about it. Static. Absolutely ecstatic. I remain ecstatic. It's wonderful. I will. So my point is when we move to like really make our bedroom like the room of my dreams like I want like

we're like going to go whole hog and like really like I want like I keep saying like I want like a decadent like a like a sumptuous just like extravagant bedroom not doing that quite yet just because I want to like I want to see the vision through start to finish yes tailored on like where the you know where that ends up being but in the meantime I was like well I do need curtains on my four poster bed because that's like the whole fucking point. So I did get some, you know, placeholder, just some like lineny curtains. Um, and it's, it's so great, you guys. It's so, what's the color? What's the color? Well, our bedroom is currently green. Like the walls are a deep, sagey green and the bedding, our bedding is green. And we've got like plants on the wall. It's very

nice. So I got like a light green lineny curtain. So it's very like, like earthy, which is Lovely. It's not totally like my preferred about like I want like really like patterned velvet. I was going to say velvet pink curtains. That will come. But in the meantime, it's very like airy and natural and incredible. And I and it just I didn't know I didn't know I could be this happy with my bed. I didn't know it. It's huge. It's huge. It honestly feels huge. It feels huge. It feels huge. It feels huge. I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you, too. Because this is another thing. I feel like I've been really worried for most of my life about, like, saving money. And I still feel worried about that.

Don't give you wrong. But at the same time, there's another part of me that's starting to unlock that's like, for what, bitch? Like literally. When you do have children. No, I know. I know. I know. I know. So kind of for them. But like realistically, like, we're not going to buy a house. You know what I mean? Like, what am I even? You can't take it with you. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So of course, of course I will save. I will pass on some funds to my children. I'll figure out their college situation. That's all going to happen. But in the meantime, I also, I too would like to have the bed of my dreams. You know what I mean?

It's, I, it's, I, it has immediately made such, like, I'm, like, so happy. Happy. Wow. Happy. Hippy. You're so hippie. He's happy. She's happy.

Because you're the queen, no. Because I, no, I'm the queen. And I'm the queen's bid. And I'm so viti, very hippie. Definitely has a canopy bid. Um, yesterday, it was like not too hot out. And Joel and I were planning our anniversary trip, which is freaking coming up, which is also crazy. And we, we made coffee and we sat.

in our candy bed and, like, made, and it was, I was like in heaven. Henley, I texted you a picture. You texted me a picture? I texted you a picture. Stop it. That looks a completely different room. Well, and it also takes up the whole room, which is really funny. Joel said we're like a nut in the shell where it's like, it's just, like, the room is the bed now. And then outside, there's like a little bit of space and then walls. But it looks like a fancy hotel. Like a fancy bed and breakfast. I was saying, I want eventually when we do like the whole full vision, I want our bedroom to feel like a luxury hotel. Like, why are we doing that?

You know what the style is now? I feel like for a bedroom so often, every like influencer, everything I see online is like white mental institution. It's like let's remove any personality. I feel like Kim Kardashian started that. Well, I appreciate it. I didn't start it. But I feel like her house is very sparse.

I hate it. I hate it. It scares me. It scares me. Yeah. I don't like that. I want there to be some life in there. Sorry to anyone who feels differently.

I'm sure there are people out there. No, everyone should have the bedroom of their dreams, whatever that dream may be. Whatever that dream may be. I just, I too can have, I too can have the bedroom of my dreams. And the bedroom of my dreams is truly like a princess's bedroom in like, I like, I like want Maria and Twett's fucking bedroom. Like, that's what I. Yeah, yeah. great so we're getting closer we're getting closer it's just it's just feels powerful that is powerful

that is powerful and I think's very happy to you guys this week other than stuff the the only thing is that I am been trying to declutter my house and it's impossible getting rid of everything and having only one white bed I know I just said the opposite didn't I I said the exact opposite I want some life in my house. I want some life in my house. I want there to be stuff in my house. I want my life to be filled with things filled with, you know, I don't mind a little bit of clutter. But my God, you guys, it has reached an apex of clutter. I can't quite manage. And Tim is really, really good at the kitchen. Like, he's really good at doing the dishes. And I'm pretty sure that that's like one key foundational part of our marriage is that like he does the dishes. And if he didn't, like, things would fall apart real fast. But that being said, he also doesn't really see clutter other than outside of the kitchen. And when you have a almost two-year-old and a four-year-old, they thrive on clutter. Piles up real quick. They are, I mean, in a span of 30 seconds, May can rip out everything that's in this desk and take apart every single

sticky note and undo look at this this is just a pen that she just took apart that's just sitting here um and now it now it's now your one pen is three pens oh no now i'm putting pens back together left and right god damn she knows this is a new skill and um and it's also like it's getting comical stuff happens like i was trying to get lunch together for both of them and she both of the sals and may are obsessed with seltzers they call them bubble water bubbles booboos Bubles, and May got a seltzer out of the cabinet. I wasn't opening it for her. She got mad.

She threw it on the ground and it burst and it sprayed water all over her, all over me, all over the kitchen. And then she starts crying because she's scared, of course. And I go to pick her up, but before I can pick her up, she takes a step and like Charlie Chaplin-esque slips and falls on the floor. Like it was the fastest, literally. It was like her little legs just went like, swoop, straight up into. the air and like i watched i watched her whole body just go whoop like can't leave her right onto the

ground so then she's hysterically crying and i'm holding her and silas is like hungry and wants lunch but i can't make him lunch because i'm dealing with this and i'm looking around at my house and clutter you guys yeah clutter in moments when i'm not stressed it doesn't bother me but in moments when i am stressed yeah yeah and i like look at the state of affairs i'm So what I've been doing, the scary thing is what I've been doing for the clutters. I've been putting the clutter into bags. And then I kind of scroll the bag away somewhere. And I say to myself, I'm going to go through that bag when I have more time.

Honestly, at some point, toss them in the trash. Never apply that bag. It's just put in the trash. You don't need it. So now I've replaced clutter with just bags of clutter. You don't own it anymore. It's in the garbage can. Squirled away in various spots.

Ah. Yeah, it's a little scary. I know I don't love it but yeah you know it's a it's a band-aid and that's what you needed and for now for now that helps yeah for now and that's working yeah for now and then I'll just have a day where I go through all the bags but then they'll just be more bags or or I just put them in the trap oh I'm taking deep breath so but it's the clutter's important it's things like my Costco card that was just lying out that's now in a bag somewhere I mean I'm an idiot I don't know.

I can't. Costco can send you a new one of those ones that bag goes in the trash. Why isn't that thing digital? I think it is. It actually is digital. It's great. Garbage. Yeah, I did figure that out.

Ugh, anyway, that's it. That's it. I'd really way more like to focus on this four poster bed. That's way more exciting. Sammy, what about you? Well, something kind of scary did happen to me this week. And it has been happening for this one full week. And that is that my iPhone has stopped recognizing my face.

Oh, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know. Who is she now? I don't know. It looks like your face to me. Yeah, I thought so, but my phone just doesn't recognize me anymore. And I haven't quite figured out how to like update it. Have you moved?

No, I haven't. It's not your face. It's the phone. We have to, first of all, we have to clear that up right away. But it is weird. Sammy's face looks the same. Remember when I thought I had, I had tinnitus and it was just the sound playing from my phone? It's not you.

Yeah. But it is unsettling to have your phone telling you like 10 times a day. Like, who are you? Who's this lady now? No. I need to Google this. Yeah, does that, did you Google it? Do you know if it happens?

I didn't Google it yet. No. No longer. Can you reset your face ID without your face ID? I did a very quick search and couldn't figure it out and kicked it down the line and said I'll deal with that later and I haven't dealt with it. What is my iPhone suddenly not recognize my face? Are you on like a watch list of some kind? Oh, okay.

It could be a physical obstruction on the camera like dirt or screen protector. Recent changes to your appearance like a beard or mask. Oh, it must be the beard that I grew. my beard. Software issues. I don't know. That's weird. It must be a software issue. But it is scary how much, like... You guys would tell me if I looked completely different, right? If you suddenly had a beard? I would tell you. Imagine if you're like, you looked completely different and it had it were like, yeah, I don't know. It's definitely just your fun. So strange. You look the same to me. It's scary, though. It's a reminder of how we are at the whim of these technologies. Yes, it did make me kind of have a little bit of fear of that as, you know, like going in airports and stuff. That's a part of how they identify you now. And I don't want to all of a sudden look like my facial structure is changed. And how do I say, no, it's, it's me. And those TSA agents, when you pull out your ID and,

some, I don't know, they like, they don't care. They want it to, the thing that they need to happen, like the scan to give you the little green checkmark, that's like all I care found. Right. And so, and now my phone doesn't recognize me and what next, you know? What next? And what next? So, I don't know, fingers crossed that it doesn't cause any future problems for me.

But yeah, I'll have to be doing some research on how to. re-scaned my face, I guess. Oh, it's annoying. Yeah, I really missed that fingerprint scanner. That was the best version of iPhones, I think. Yeah. I don't think I ever even had that. I loved it.

I do the little thing to turn my computer on to, like, unlock it. On my computer, I have the finger thing. Yeah, I like the finger thing. I like the finger thing. Anywho, okay. so scary but manageable and nothing else happened great so let's move on this week we are going to be talking about the long walk directed by Francis Lawrence written by J.T. Molnar based on the book by Stephen King starring Cooper Hoffman, David Johnson, Garrett Waring, Tut Newt, Charlie Plummer, Ben Wang,

Judy Greer and Mark Hamill. And it is in theaters right now. Miss Judy Greer, I love her. She's fabulous. A weird role for her, got to say, kind of bizarre casting. She was fine. I was just, I just can't see her without saying,

like seeing, say goodbye to these from her development where she just shows her boobs all the time. So that, that didn't. meld well with this role. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She was good. She was good.

Stephen King. Do we want to say anything about him? Do we have any updates for him? I don't really have anything to say about it. Honestly, I don't even think about him. If he wants to know how I feel. I don't even think about you, Stephen. I don't even think about you, Stephen.

Um, I mean, yeah, no, I'm good. I will tell you guys that this is the fourth Stephen King movie that came out this year. Whoa. There was the monkey. The dude writes. Yeah. Life of Chuck and the running man. I guess the running man is not out yet, is it?

No, where I would know. I also did not know that that was a Stephen King book. I didn't either. So, wow. He has written a lot of books. Prolific, absolutely. It's true. It is, that is simply, it can't be denied.

It can't be denied. Anywho. The long walk, I love the monkey. I'm going to come out and say, I did not like this movie. I'm sorry. Wow. Oh, no. It's doing quite well.

It's doing quite well, no, actually it's not doing quite well, but it's getting good reviews. It's well, it's being well received. It's being well received. It has a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 71 on Metacritic, and a 7.5. on IMDB. Okay. The budget was 20 million. So far it has made, I found two pretty different numbers here.

One thing said it's made 11 million and another box office mojo said it has made four million. Huge discrepancy there. So not really sure. It is opening weekend as we record this. Yes. That's interesting. That's interesting that it's not doing well.

I did read that it will probably have to make things. 50 million to be actually profitable. Thank you. I could not for the life of me. I was like productive, productive. Productive capitalism. I'm need to...

Producing money. Earning dollars. Because of like marketing and stuff. Sure. And I'll tell you why it's a real bleak bad time. It's just depressed. I feel like I saw someone sent me a message being like, you're going to hate the long walk or someone

Yeah, well, I don't know why that I would, I don't know why, I think it, I don't know what I was thinking, but in my head for a second, I was like, oh, maybe this one, I was like, I thought it was fun. I don't know why, but last night, I was like, oh, we're doing the long walk tomorrow. I said this to you, Sammy, and I said, that's fun and you said, nope. And I said, oh, there's no fun in here, not to announce. Well, I love, I really like Cooper Hoffman. Me too.

I love David Johnson. Me too. Love David Johnson. Me too. He's really having a moment and I'm really excited because I think he is fantastic. Yeah, he's great. But, huh, bad time. Hmm.

Okay, well, I guess let's... Bad and I guess I shouldn't just say all my negative feelings right up top. Please listen. We'll still have a good time. We always do. But it's boring. It's boring and like sad. I like cried a lot, but then also was like, I weirdly also don't care at all.

interesting interesting so it just felt you like made you feel like nihilistic kind of like nothing matters yes and tough week for that and we're not going to talk about it we're not going to talk about but also like i wasn't really engaged everyone's really good in it i think all of these young actors were great and and that's about it yeah i feel like i was just kind of like okay um i found myself thinking about a lot of other things during the movie and like what am I going to do after this and like is this is probably going to be over pretty soon hard to tell because it's just one long walk is that really it is that really is it really is it really is it's a long it really is yeah that's tough I don't know much about it other than that it's it's just it's a long walk and I did um see an article

that I didn't read because I didn't want spoilers but um it was like variety or something and the caption that came up on Google was, Cooper Hoffman confirms that the long walk was a lot of fucking walking. I mean, I don't think that was the exact quote, but it was just like, yeah, okay, so they just like really fucking walked a lot. I did think about that a lot during the movie too because you're just like, wow,

they really just had to walk this whole shoot that there's very little time where they're not walking. Oh, okay. And I have a bit of trivia about that. So they did walk 15 miles a day while shooting. And it was in a hundred degree heat for the most part with almost no shade anywhere. It's all this like very wide open planes. And so they are in just pretty direct sunlight the whole time.

What a miserable shoot. That's awful. What the fuck? Where did they do this? It's set in Georgia. I presume it's probably filmed in Georgia, but I actually did not confirm 100%. You know what? To go back to your earlier question, I'm mad at Stephen King.

Yeah, I'm mad. I'm back to being upset with him. Well, I'll tell you that Stephen King wrote this book. This is his first book. He was 19 when you wrote this. He was a freshman in college. Oh. And I think that it does feel like it was written by a 19-year-old.

But also, it's like if this was your son, 19-year-old, you'd be like, wow, my son is going to be a very successful writer. Whoa. You know what I mean? Like it's right, right. Okay, so maybe if we like interpret this through that lens, we'll enjoy it more. The lens of being proud of your son. We're proud of our son for this movie.

Let's just think about this as if this is our 19 year old son and we're very proud of him for what he's done here. I'm so proud of him. Look at what he accomplished. And probably we're not alarmed by the content of what our 19 year old son is writing. We're just proud of him. Right, right. I just feel good. Yeah.

That this came from his psyche. I'm sure it's just. about them bonding on the road, right? On a long walk. On a long walk bonding, getting to know each other. There's some bonding, yeah. There's some friendship to be had. Okay.

Lifelong. I'm proud of my son. I'm proud of my son for that. Well, no. Including that. And then the only other fun little piece of trivia I have is that there was a special screening where the audience were all made to walk on treadmills for the whole screening, which I think is pretty fun.

is pretty funny and fun. I do kind of want one of those walking pads to have in my house. I've thought about that for the, like, at your desk. Yeah, and especially during the wintertime, it's like, yeah, get my steps in, baby. All right, well, let's speak and getting our steps in. Let's get our steps in. Let's get our steps in. Let's watch this trailer first because what could possibly be spoiled?

Yeah, a bad time on long walk. I think I get the gist. I've been traveling to Europe a little bit more frequently as a, of late because my whole family lives there, not to brag, and you know, I'm trying to visit them whenever I can. But one thing I still haven't really figured out is how to use my phone while I'm there. I'm very scared of getting huge international fees. I don't even know if that's a thing, but I feel like I've heard of that being a thing. So I tend to keep my phone on airplane mode. I don't even want to risk it. I'll just beg for a crumb of Wi-Fi anywhere I go.

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Use code Too Scary at checkout, download Saly app, or go to saley.com slash too scary. That's S-A-I-L-Y dot com slash too scary. There are plenty of things that I'm good at. I'm good at talking about horror movies. I'm good at building cheap furniture. I'm even pretty good at doing my taxes, but I am unfortunately not a good cook, and that's why I use HelloFresh. HelloFresh sends chef-crafted recipes and fresh ingredients straight to your home so you can make delicious meals, even if you're not such a great cook. I've been using HelloFresh

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One per box with active subscription, free meals applied as discount on first box, new subscribers only, varies by plan. That's hellofresh.com slash Too Scary 10Fm to get 10.m to get 10.com. free meals and a free item for life. I'm Ray Garrity. He can call me Ray. Pinker Fries. Hank Olsen's the name. Walking's my game. I ain't many that I built like me. I'm the less of my kind. We did the very first long walk years ago to inspire every.

day people. Smile, boys. You're on candid camera. Man, you gotta not think about the things out of your control. Think about your plan. Personally, I can't stop thinking about all that money. You'll never find a loving like me. I'm the last of my kind.

Third warning. Just keep walking. Just keep walking. That's right. That's it. Go on, Tony! Get out. Chicken warning.

Third warning. It takes heavy sack to sign up for this contest. I'm not gonna go through the whole rule book, but it boils down to this. If you fall below the speed of three miles per hour, you get your ticket. Walk until there's only one of you left. Who's ready to wear? Ready to win! Yeah, it took me a while to realize the truth of this.

This is walk or die. You'll walk as long as you can. But sometimes the body will listen. For some, your heart will stop. For others, your brain. And the blood will flow. suddenly there's one winner and no and no finish line Absolutely not

No No It's a bad bad time No I don't want I don't want this I don't want this to exist I don't want I don't

Nope no I'm not proud of my son I'm mad at my son I'm so mad at my son How dare you bring this into the world You're grounded I don't care of you're 19 I didn't raise you the right way

I'm sure you'll explain more of like the backstory and the motives about this long walk, but this long walk seems like the dumbest fucking shit I've ever seen in my entire life. What is the point of this? And are people... And also in the beginning when he's like, I'm not going to go through the whole

rule book, but somewhat to say. And it's like, no, go through the whole rule book. Because, like, you have guns and looks like you're willing to use them. So let's hear about all those rules. I will say, interesting casting with Mark Hamill and I'm sort of like, I like that for him. Yeah. I like that for him.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I hate it and I don't want anything to do with it. It's just going to be so different. It's just going to be another reminder that we need to like gang together and fight all these fucking crazy people who are like trying to make us take long walks. Can't all these boys work together and overthrow the government? Why not? No. Yeah, I mean, it's a good trailer. It's directed well. Francis Lawrence obviously is a good director. but this is yeah just like boring hunger games and also like upsetting upsetting boring and upsetting I like the song they used in the trailer I was wondering is that

Post Malone remember how Post Malone does he did a little country album yeah does it say on here I don't know but I liked it as well and I love post Malone so I'll be looking into that later pretty mad right now not going to lie pretty mad Yeah, I mean... Pretty, pretty mad. And, you know, I've known this was coming all summer. Didn't do an ounce, didn't do one. Lick of Googling had no gotten...

I was like, oh, the font looks kind of sporty. And these are boys. That'll be probably fine and fun, and that's kind of all that I... Cooper Hoffman, David Johnson. You're like, it's going to be challengers. This might be exactly like challengers. There is some queer subtext. Great.

I don't know. But it's not challengers. Oh my god We can do it We can do it They also those two And I'm sure it's all of them Because they're all just like young boys

But Cooper Hoffman and David Johnson have such faces They're they've Such boyish And they convey emotions so what Like those are good actors You can really like read A lot

On their faces And I don't want to I don't want them to suffer Yeah Yeah. So I'm pretty pissed off right now. Yeah, it's, it's, they're not having, they're not having a great time in this. But we'll try to, I don't know, have some fun with it. And we'll also try to get through it. Nice and quick. Short walk. Yeah. A short walk. Let's make this, let's turn this long walk into a short walk.

Yeah. All right. Is it a long movie? It's an hour and 48. Okay. Too long. A little too long, but it doesn't feel like overly long, but just kind of boring. Yeah, we'll talk about it as we go through it. So, disclaimer, I saw this yesterday, two days ago in the theater, and it's just one long walk, so kind of hard to know what specific order things happen in. How long did they shoot? That I don't know.

If they were doing 15 mile walks a day, like... I know. How long can you fucking keep that up? Your hips start hurting so bad. And it's not like... I hope they were stretching after. Well, yeah, and it's like, they're in costume. They can't exactly be like, well, I'll wear my best comfortable shoes and I'll do it.

It's like, no, no, no, you have to, you're like, you have to do it. That is, I don't know if you guys noticed, but all of them are wearing the most inappropriate shoes. There's some, there's some converse, scandalous shoes. They're just. flat, flat arches, no arch support in sight. There's converse and kind of flat hunting-looking boots, but I didn't see a single, yeah, running shoe with nice, healthy arch support, which I was, you hate to see it.

Okay. Okay, we begin with some text, full-screen text that says, Dear Ray Garrity, your application has been selected for. for the long walk. I don't remember exactly what it says, but we see that they choose one young man from each of the 50 states to walk in the long walk.

It says, like, please report to the starting line at 8 a.m. on whatever date. The winner will receive a large sum of money. We don't know how much, but a lot. And one wish, kind of fun. Okay. Get a little wish at the end.

That's a little whimsy. Starting with a little whimsy. That does help to like, that really does sweeten the deal. It actually does. It doesn't pay money, but like a wish. A wish. A wish. What the wish is a four poster back.

There you go. That's all I would want. Probably worth it. Probably it'll be worth it, whatever it comes up with this. One wish. Interesting. So we see Ray Garrity is Cooper Hoffman and his mom is driving him to the starting line. This is in Georgia.

He's from Georgia. So he's in his home state, whereas all the other boys are coming from out of state for this. His mom's played by Judy Greer. She's obviously emotionally distraught. You don't want your son to be walking in the long walk. She says something at one point like, what would your father think? And Ray kind of snaps at her. Well, he's not here anymore, is he?

So we get that father is not in the picture. We're seeing some of the town as they're driving. It's looking pretty bleak, almost like Dust Bowl vibes. Yeah. Have we gotten like a year? No, and we never will. Okay. That's giving like great depression in the future.

Yes, it's kind of dystopian dust bowl. Yeah, like how Hunger Games is like both future and past. Yes. Stephen King wrote it in 67, I believe. notable that the Vietnam War was happening at that time. Yes, yes. So they arrive at the starting line. There's a military barricade that they have to go through.

Lots of armed soldiers around. We see a part of the road that just has a bunch of young men sitting there. They all seem to be kind of in their early 20s. And we're all just sitting down waiting as people are arriving. I keep wanting to call him Cooper. Ray says a very emotional goodbye to his mom. She's baked him some cookies that he puts in his little backpack. And he seems very determined.

He's not, he doesn't seem scared. He's committed to being here. And we saw in the letter that it is a voluntary application. That helps. That helps, but at some point they kind of say that it's not really voluntary because the country is in such a state of despair that the appeal of having money is so strong that most people do apply. So now when we see the boys meeting each other, the first person Ray meets is Pete, played by David Johnson. he is a very kind of like happy go lucky guy he's really cheery and they are immediately kind of hitting it off and they stick together as they approach the rest of the boys

I'm just going to go through a list of the characters were introduced to here they first spot a pretty jacked guy that they're like oh superman over here he's going to he's going to be a good competitor when David Johnson is also like completely jacked in this movie and they seem to pretend like he's not because obviously there's an element of athleticism involved in this and so they're all intimidated by this guy. No, you're not necessarily, you don't necessarily want to be jacked. Right. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess I don't know.

More muscle to carry on this walk. True, true. I don't know what the. You want good heart health. Good heart health. Mental fortitude. that's going to be big. And good shoes.

Strong calves. That's going to be big. Yeah. A lot of potassium. You don't want to be cramping. Yeah. So I'm going to call him Superman. Okay.

Okay. Then we meet Hank, who is this kind of wisecracking, funny guy, a bit of the group clown. He's making everybody laugh. And he's also very fun. And they kind of are adding him into the group. Superman is very kind of honest. his own. He's not friendly. He's like, looks like he's... Not here to make friends. Not here to make friends. So they kind of leave him alone. But Hank joins up with them along with a guy named

Arthur. Arthur is from Louisiana. He's got a great accent that now I can't think of how to do. I can't stop thinking about that money. He's religious. I'm like grasping for things to differentiate them because they're all going to die it's fine yeah they they i'm not going to get attached yeah uh but arthur is great this actor i hadn't seen him in anything tutte mute is his name and he was really good um then we meet curly who looks suspiciously young i think you're supposed to be 18 to apply and they all are giving him the eye thinking there's no way you're 18 and, uh, he's like, yeah, yeah, I'm, I am. I'm supposed to be here. Uh, then we meet Parker, who is also kind of surly like like Superman guys also seems to be sticking to himself.

He's, uh, he's played by, oh, I didn't, did I not write down his character's name? I didn't write down his name, but this actor is a native Canadian. He's Kree, I believe, and he's going to be in the It series. So I just wanted to note that because he, I'm excited to see him in that and he was great. But I also was like trying to track if there was any specific reason to cast like a native character and an Asian character, like if it's like a metaphor for something in like the war or in the American experience, so I think that it was kind of like throwing me off. I don't, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what to make of it. But anyways, that's Parker. Then we meet Gary Barkovich. Barkovich is an asshole. He's the guy that's kind of antagonizing everyone being like,

oh, yeah, I'm going to win and you guys are all going to die. He is not making any friends. Not here to make friends. He's not here to make friends. But he seems like he's maybe here to make enemies. Like he's actively being a dick. That's his strategy. Whereas Superman is just being quiet. And then you meet a couple others. But yeah, again, they're not going to be around for long, so don't worry. After everybody arrives, we're all gathered around the major. This is Mark Hamill's character. The guy in charge wearing his intimidating aviator glasses and carrying a big old gun in this like military car surrounded by all these soldiers he says you know listen up everybody uh welcome to the this annual's long walk this has been going on for years now as a symbol of hope for the

country after the after the like great war it doesn't it doesn't give us like a lot of of what has happened, but he does say something along the lines of, like, the war has left our country devastated and in a great time of, like, financial decline. And so the long walk is a way to give people hope at a better financial future. The long walk is televised live. So you're being broadcast to your fellow Americans. Every year after the long walk, there's a boost in productivity nationwide. Yuck. And then he says the long walk is basically an antidote to our biggest problem, which is that

everyone is fucking lazy. Oh, yeah, that's the problem. Yikes. Is that Kim Kardashian on the other line? In her big white bed. She's like, get off your ass and walk. And walk. Not that hard.

If you want to be successful, get off your ass and do the long walk. Thanks, Kim. And then, yeah, here's where he says, like, I won't go over all the rules. But the gist is that you are going to be, you have to keep your pace over three miles an hour. So as he's given this speech, we're calling out each of their individual names and giving them a dog tag with their number. And they refer to them as like number 47. They don't call them by their names. They call them by the number that they've been assigned.

And they give them a bracelet, essentially smart watch type thing that's tracking their speed and alerts them if they go below the three mile per hour limit. So this thing has been televised every year. Yes. So presumably they would know the rules. The death is on the table? Yes. Will we get there? They know.

They all know. Yeah. Got it. So they know that... It's not a surprise. That 49 of them are going to die. Correct. They're being real chill about it.

Yeah. So chill. Okay. So they say if you go under three miles per hour, you'll get a warning. If you do it again, you'll get a second warning. And then you get a third warning. And that's your last warning. And if you get another warning, you get your ticket.

That's how they refer to it. But yeah, there is kind of a weird, like, dancing around it. But it's also, yeah, it's not a surprise to anybody. It's obviously broadcast live. And so I don't know why they don't just say it. But yeah, they refer to it as you get your ticket. Oh, and if you walk off of the road, stray off of the path, you get your ticket, no warnings. Okay.

And now we're all at the starting line. And he fires his gun in the air, his starting shot, and we're off. The walk is beginning. Okay. We're all in surprisingly pretty good spirits, laughing, chatting just the boys, going for a walk. Is this some kind of like demented antidote to the male loneliness epidemic? They're like, we don't know what to do. If you just walk with somebody until one of you dies?

How about we just, we could never get men to go on a normal walk. They would never go on a walk where you don't die. So maybe. You have to either die or become, yeah, billionaire by the end. Yeah, those are the stakes. Unfortunately, I guess any friends you made would be dead. So it wouldn't really solve any of this, would it? You're back to being lonely.

Back to square one. We see that they are able to call for water refills when they need them. They have little packs that have squeezy tubes of food that's like spam essentially. So pretty gross, but enough calories to get them through the next couple days. That's around the amount of time that it takes in years past. apparently. There's no real spectators allowed until the end. So this is a, there's, there's no one really around for most of the walk. There's an occasional person or two, but, and so we're going, we're getting little chyrons that say, you know, mile 20 hour or whatever.

I didn't do a great job keeping track of that. But we get some amount of hours in. We're still all pretty fresh so far. When Barkovich gets a big, old rock in his shoe and he's like like shit shit and like stops to untie his shoe seems very tightly tied which you would want it to be I suppose but it's also he's like now struggling to untie it

he's getting a warning and as soon as they call out the warning they're being followed by the way the whole time by these army trucks filled with armed soldiers just at the ready And so as soon as he stops, a soldier gets off and just aims a rifle at his head. They say, warning one, and he's like, sweating, panicking. Like, I got to get his rock out of my shoe. And it's stressful.

He gets warning number two, warning number three. And just in the nick of time, gets the rock out, gets his shoe back on, and speeds back up, and joins the rest of the group. And he's kind of laughing about it. No big deal. He says, I only need to not get a warning now for three hours and I'll reset. So we learn that you erase your warnings one per hour and can get back to zero essentially. So that's a good rule to know. I'm glad we know that rule now. And so he said that, you know, this is all part of his plan because he's early and he's fresh and now he knows, I don't know. know. I don't even really know what he's saying here, but he seems like pleased with himself that he's got, everything's going according to plan. We see Ray, Hank, Arthur, and Pete are kind of the four main friends that we're focusing on. They name themselves the four musketeers. They're sticking together. Again, like surprisingly really high spirits. We got our arms around each other. We're joking around. We're laughing.

We're saying, what's your wish going to be if you win? And Hank says he's going to wish for 10 naked ladies. Oh, right. I forgot. That's what a teenage boy wishes for. Right. Right. And they're all making fun of him saying you can buy, you can pay naked ladies to

to be with you once you have all that money. And he's like, well, I don't want to have to pay them. And they're like, well, if you wish for them, like, someone's paying them and he's, he's upset by this. He's like, I didn't think about that. But, yes, bonding is happening. We're becoming friends, specifically Ray and Pete, who are really sticking together in here. And I can't really remember anything they talk about, but they form a closeness pretty quickly. and Pete says that if he wins he's going to wish for there to be two winners of the long walk every year

because that like promotes friendship and like working together and it's not going to help you this time right that's sweet though a noble idea and we are throughout the movie getting a lot of contrast between Ray and Pete Ray as kind of more negative and like focusing on the bad, which in this situation I think is fine, but Pete is very half glass full looking at the bright side. There's a scene in which they pass a family at a table watching like a mother and two children. Sorry, Henley and Ray looks at them and sees he's like look at these like people coming here to like watch us suffer as is fucked up like why are they out here and Pete chimes in and says they're just a family struggling just like the rest of us and he's looking at the bright side he's trying

to see the good in people and Ray is noticing this and appreciating it but also is still feeling pretty negative in this situation. I think we're about eight hours in when Curley, the young guy that we think lied about his age to get here, gets a Charlie horse, a really bad Charlie horse. And he screams in pain, he's grabbing out his leg. Pete and Ray run to either side of him and are kind of hoisting him along, trying to help carry him to keep him.

at that speed limit. It's not going away. It's like getting worse. He's like, oh, my God, it's so painful. And he falls. He's getting a warning. They try to pick him back up again, but he like can't keep up.

He gets a second warning. They also can't go backwards. Like that counts against their speed. And so he gets just like too far behind them for them to help. and he collapses on the ground and gets his third warning and still cannot get up and we see him shot in the head

full frame close up like a very gnarly shot of his head being like shot through the back and like out the face and he is obviously dead it's very gnarly and guess what we're going to see lots of young men being shot in the head in this movie it's it's so it's the first of many it's pretty jarring and i mean i think obviously that's

the point but it's i think reminiscent of of war and like how you see them kind of getting more and more desensitized to it as it goes on but you're just hearing like shots and seeing like bodies like fly to the ground and it's very upsetting. We're continuing on. Was he the first one to die? He was the first one to die. And... Wait, they say it only takes a couple days.

That's what you said in the beginning, right? Yes. It's like the implication they're all going to like turn on each other or I guess it takes a couple days because they can't sleep. Their bodies will start like... Their bodies just literally start falling apart. They'll probably some of them, I'm sure, will die. on their own or like

I did have that question and I wonder if there's a rule that he didn't mention because he didn't tell us all the rules but like why they wouldn't be sabotaging each other I presume that that's a rule because none of them ever do anything to further

it's like not like the hunger games in that way I think they like have to just walk just walk yeah okay they're not allowed to sabotage there can be a sabbatore Saboteurs. No saboteurs. No saboteur. So they're all obviously very rattled by this. This is real. We are going to die one by one on this long walk. One of the guys has a seizure at one point and falls to the ground, like seizing, foaming at the mouth. He is killed.

Oh, so sad. Barcovich is very insensitive about this and it's like, oh, you must have a medical condition that he didn't tell us about. And they're like, Barcovich, come on. Like, that's fucked up and you're being an asshole. And Barcovich is kind of like, my odds just went up. Like, why aren't you guys happier? So Barcovich is the only one that's like kind of delighting in other people's demise. We see him bullying a guy named Rank.

he's asking him what's rank short for he says my name's just rank and he's like riling him up and being like oh your mom must have really hated you what a stupid name just being a dick and pisses this guy rank off who runs at him to try to punch him barkovich dodges it this guy so he gets off the road no he doesn't get off the road but he with the like force of the run and not landing the punch he just like falls and slides forward on his face and gets this like gnarly road burn on his face and like legs and he just like really fucks himself up in this fall and he can't get back up and eventually one two three warnings he gets killed and this does seem to like actually really upset barkovich he like was fucking with him but it's

clear like he didn't he didn't actually think that this would happen and you see his he kind of like looks like he's seen a ghost and it's just like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck everyone's obviously so pissed at him calling him a murderer and he's like I didn't I didn't murder that wasn't I didn't know that that was going to happen I didn't like murder him I'm not a murderer and they're like you fucking got him killed um and so you're all gonna get killed my dude yeah and Barcovitch has like a bit of a turn here where he is really now like not talking to anybody and not engaging with anyone and he's like you can tell like feels like extremely guilty but is also like you know on a lock walk to probable death so um we'll come back to him later and then they answer a question that

I'm really glad that they did, which is, what do you do when you have to poop? And the way that they do is because one guy starts having uncontrollable diarrhea. Great. And keeps, like, pulling his pants down and kind of, like, walking as he's just, like, spraying diarrhea on the ground. We're seeing everything. Sick. That's gross. I was so shocked, but also, like, this is all right.

All right. Okay, we're being real. We're finding out what happens in this scenario. And he's, of course, getting his warnings because he can't keep the three miles per hour speed while he's shitting. Cheating his pants. And eventually, he also gets killed. Oh, my God. While having a horrible diarrhea.

Just shot in the head while you're... On television. Yes. It's the message like, no. None of us have any dignity anymore. Like, what is this? That's what I was really trying to figure out the message the whole time. I was like, what are, what is this a metaphor for?

And Stephen King has said it was not intended. I mean, again, he's 19 when he wrote this. And I think that's part of it is like, it does seem in the midst of the Vietnam War. Like, he's probably just fucking nihilistic and was like. And also scared and feels like life is this. She probably felt like life is, okay, well, great. My point of my whole life is to be drafted. and go to war. Some young men, yeah, you get drafted, you go to war, it's awful. It's for

nothing. You fucking die. You watch everybody you went there with die, and it's for nothing. Yeah. And like, what's morality, what does morality even look like in the, when, when you're at war? Like, how do you have, like, dignity about yourself, dignity with others? Like, how do you act? How are you a good person? Yeah. In that context. And, yeah, I don't know. And he said he didn't, like, intentionally write it as a Vietnam War allegory parallel, but I mean, obviously that's happening in the background and I think it's definitely part of it. So we're, I don't know, 15 hours in, 20 hours in. People are starting to get a little delirious. You know, the food supply is not great. I mean, they can have as many of the squeezy tubes as they want, I think, but it's also like, you know, 100 degree full sun walking and it starts getting dark.

It's nighttime now. And Ray and Pete are walking arm and arm. Ray is kind of nodding off and has like little flashes of dreams of his mom and memory of. her making the cookies. And then Pete kind of shakes him awake. He's like, oh, you're sleeping, you were sleeping for a while. And apparently they do sleep during this walk. Oh, a strange type of sleep, I presume, but they are able to kind of sleep, which I was curious if you would be able to in this situation. I kind of feel like the only thing I could think of was when the one time I nodded off while driving, which was so fucking scary, obviously, but like how you can be

doing something so like kind of monotonous, repetitive, mindless, and that can put you to sleep. But yeah, kind of fascinating. So he says you were asleep and you've gotten three warnings, so you need to wake up now. like you can't you got to look alive focus focus up you're on your third warning you just need to now you need to walk would have to be woken up at two right right and he says you just need to like walk three hours without any warning and you'll be reset back to zero and Cooper Hoffman does like a really good job of capturing that moment when you like wake up from a nap and you're like what What?

And it's the middle of the night, and we've got our first uphill incline right at this moment, and all the kids are like, moaning and groaning, fuck up. You don't want to be having to keep up a speed uphill. And in this, we're just hearing gunshots now. Like, they're calling out, like, warning number seven, number 14. and a bunch of them are killed off in this hill. We see the sun coming up the next day and the crowd has thinned out to probably like 20 or so of them left.

It's like more than half are gone. Ray and Pete are talking. Ray is, tells Pete, he's like, what I'll do if I get my wish is, I'm going to wish for a gun. and I'm going to kill the major right then and there and I'm going to I want to like start essentially like a revolution and I want to inspire like action against the government type of thing and Pete is like oh that sounds like pretty pretty risky I don't know if you should do that and we find out that Ray's dad was killed by the major

Oh. For breaking some sort of law, I think it was presented as something like reading an outlawed book to like engaging in outlawed material by this like authoritarianish government. So this is another little like glimpse at the larger world just through like the police arriving at his house being like we know that you've been like engaging with forbidden. material and will you swear to never do that again or something and like swear your allegiance to this country here and he refuses and he like looks at Ray while this is happening and is like stay strong and I love you but is essentially like dying for his beliefs and this part was emotional just like for Philip Seymour Hoffman reasons like I feel like the most emotional I got in this movie was thinking about Phillips Seymour Hoffman and like not being able to see Cooper

Hoffman be like a good actor and see the movies that he's in and made me feel really really sad and also yeah Cooper Hoffman choosing a role in which his father is killed and having to like deal with that performance-wise as a as an actor i thought was like really emotional um so so yeah that's ray's point for entering this situation is just like wanting revenge for his father and also like anger at the government in general so we see that one guy in the uphill part has twisted his ankle and we get a nice... Did you see this in the trailer?

He sure did. That was sick. I see a nice close-up shot of like... And not just like a not a little twist. It is fully at like a 90 degree angle so he's walking on the side of his foot.

And he's been walking on it for a while like that. Like he's really trying to keep going. I mean, what's the alternative? Yeah. Yeah. But of course he can't. He's in excruciating pain.

and he eventually drops to his knees and is killed. We're at 100 miles now. One of the guys peels off of the crowd and just tries to make a run for it. Killed. Art now, Arthur has to poop. So they're answering this question, not once but twice. This one's not diarrhea.

So what does a regular poop look like? We were all wondering. Thank you. And he stops and puts his pants down and, like, squeezes it out real quick. And they're just, yeah, it's, they're yelling like, pinch it off, Arthur, pinch it off. He's getting warnings and warnings. And then he does, he gets it out in time and runs back up. And he's like, oh, man, that was the fastest shit I ever took.

And I'm just like, wow, we really are just. Okay. fully answering this question. So. I feel like we could have sacrificed one poop plot point for any kind of plot point about any of the character's backstories, I'd say. I agree. Yeah. Not a lot of backstory in here.

But two poops. All right. So I don't know if anything notable happens in between here, but we're at like 200 miles now. Hank are like Joker, fun guy that everybody loves, is like fully delirious muttering to himself, hunched over, barely keeping pace. They're kind of trying to help him walk along and he's brushing him off and like, and he at one moment turns and just starts walking the wrong direction back towards all the soldiers. and they do kind of run to try to help him, but he's, again, like, I'm going, I'm going, I'm doing what I need to do.

And so they can't help him, and he is killed. Okay. That's the first of the four musketeers to die. And so everyone's very devastated about this. We're continuing walking, kind of eulogizing him as we go. Parker has found out that he Hank had a wife Parker's the native guy and he's like had been talking to Hank and was like he had a wife he's the only one out of any of us that had a wife like can we all make a promise right now that whoever wins will like give some money to his wife

take care of her and we all we all agree um barkovich who has been not talking to anyone kind of really not doing great off by himself in this moment comes to ray and like puts his arm around Ray and he's looking a little like manic and he's like I'll do that too like if I win I'm going to give money to Hank's wife will you tell all the guys tell them that I want to do that too and I want to help him and will you tell them and will you tell them that I also want to be a part of that And he's feeling like a real intense energy. We're nervous kind of what he's definitely changed from last time we saw him. I thought this was pretty interesting.

Like, someone would have a mental breakdown, right? Like, you would fully, like, kind of lose it. And so he is, yeah, like, really manic and, like, kind of like, great, great, great. Yeah, you're going to tell him. You're going to tell them. And, like, I'm cool. And you guys, I like, I didn't. I didn't mean to kill that kid. You know, I didn't mean to do that. And I didn't mean to do that. And I didn't kill him. And that wasn't me. And I'm sorry. And I, like, I don't know what I'm doing. And he, Ray is like really trying to calm him down. He's like, he's okay, man, it's okay. Like, we just got to keep walking. You know, we're just going to keep walking. You didn't kill that kid. And I'm going to tell the guys. I'm going to tell them that you're going to take care of Hank's wife, too. And like, it's all going to be okay. But Barcovich turns around and faces all the soldiers. And I think.

think pulls a spoon out of his pocket and stabs himself in the throat with the back, like blunt edge of a spoon, like kills himself with a completely blunt instrument. Okay. Unless I missed, because we saw him holding a spoon earlier. And so unless I missed something where he also had a knife, I was, all I had seen was a spoon. And I feel like he killed himself with a spoon, which is gnarly. so now we get another kairon says day we're day five

ray's shoes are one of his shoes has like lost the bottom of its soul because they're not wearing good shoes i mean i think if you're walking for five days straight any shoes gonna start to fall apart true but so there's like a flap so he has an uneven gate now and arthur tells him you got to you got to lose the shoes because that's gonna slow you down and so Ray has to take off his shoes so now he's and we see his feet which he has his socks on but they're just like bloodied like terrible terrible condition we did not like to see this uh there has been some talk leading up to this they're about to hit mile 300 which is where people are like allowed to come and see like it's a little like part in a marathon type of thing

where this is a part with spectators. But everybody's jealous because Ray's the only one whose family is, like, in the state. It seems like no one else's family is able to be there. I assume, like, travels expensive and we're in the dystopian dust bowl. So there's, like, a conversation about, oh, he was so jealous. He gets to see his mom and none of us get to see our family. and Pete is sensing that they're kind of turning on Ray in a way that seems a little, we're feeling a little stressed by that.

And so Pete chimes in and is like, I actually think it's harder. Like, he's going to have to, that's a really hard thing to have to see your family when you're in this state. And like, I think mentally, I'm happy that I don't have to, like, deal with that. And I can, like, keep my focus just on my, just on walking. And so then it kind of just, you know, smooths it all over and the tension is diffused a bit. Pete's like the guardian angel. Pete is very sweet.

Mm-hmm. And so we make it to Mile 300. Judy Greer is standing there waiting to see her son and she sees him, obviously sees his feet and just like burst into tears, just sobbing like, oh, my God, your feet. and he has a breakdown of his own where somewhere in like this discussion and this is where I feel like I'm like missing the point of the movie so I'm sorry I'm sorry but there's I think Pete is kind of of this like kind of trying to teach him like the point of life is like friendship and like loving your family and being together and shouldn't like sacrifice yourself to get revenge because you're like filled

with anger like you're you should like be with your mom or whatever which maybe this is I made this up I'm I'm not sure but in this moment Ray has a moment of like also sobbing to his mom and just being like I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry like regretting having done this and like having left her behind essentially but then again it's like i'm thinking about like hey what is this movie trying to say like just eat shit and like count your blessings when you're living in an authoritarian regime like what like i'm a little lost on the message here but uh so he kind he runs to give her a hug and like gets a warning and she's like no no no like keep go keep going and it's like really intense and emotional and sad

and I'm crying but I'm also like mad and so after we pass this 300 mile point we now see that we're down to just four guys we have Ray and Pete and Arthur, five guys

sorry Arthur, Superman and Parker and Parker now has a moment of rage and like runs at one of the soldiers, grabs his gun, just starts, like, shooting at the soldiers, kills one of the soldiers, and then is shot by another soldier. And as he, like, falls down and they're coming up to him with the rifle aimed at his head,

he turns the rifle on his own head and, like, kills himself. But before he does, he does kind of like a chant in a way that I was also like, what is this saying about like the native experience? Like, I don't know. It felt like super thin in a way that I think is like almost disrespectful and I don't know. And maybe I'm getting like too caught up in this, but I just wasn't really sure what to make of this moment other than it just being kind of like devastating and traumatic and like I don't know. So at this point, I'm just getting like more and more mad. It's nighttime.

It's raining, of course. And we've seen that Superman is like getting sicker and sicker. He like has just like a bad cold. And he's so mad about it because he's like, I haven't had a fucking cold in like 10 years and now I have the worst cold. What could possibly have brought this cold on? Why all of a sudden am I sick? And so you see him kind of like getting like shaky and delirious.

What are the chances? five days now in the rain. But I've fully depleted my whole body's resources and I'm under incredible stress. I am sick. So he's like muttering like angrily to himself like, God, so fucking stupid. And Arthur, everyone's like delirious now. So Arthur is kind of like, my nose is bleeding. Like I haven't had a nose bleed in years.

my grandpa used to put, oh, it is Louisiana draw. He's like, my grandpa used to put aspex on my nose. Arthur is like, he's so good in this. And I don't even, it's, this is one of the things that's just the actor's performance because, like, the character

is nothing. There's nothing there, but like, this actor just brings a lot to it. So you, like, really love him. And I hate to see him with this nosebleeds. Devin's sick. Superman, excuse me. His name is Stebbins, but I haven't called him that yet. So that was probably confusing for you guys.

And it's the next morning. We've like, we've made it through. But we turn back to Arthur and he's like, my nose is still bleat. My nose hasn't stopped bleeding. And he's like covered in blood. Like his nose has just been pouring blood all night. And Superman turns to him and he's like, you've had, you're having an internal hemorrhage, man. It's like not, it's not uncommon on the walks.

Oh, my God. And so Arthur, we like realize Arthur is, he's toast. He's going to die. He's dying. Yeah. And so he's. It's not uncommon on the walks. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. Happens on these walks that we should know about. Yeah. I don't know. But he has his arm around Ray and Pete and they're still trying again. They're like, no, no, we'll keep going. And he's like, no, like, this is it. me and it's been an honor getting to know you guys and he's like doing me a favor and like tell

my mom goodbye or something like that and and he's like and don't watch when they do it please don't watch when they do it and so we just like get a shot of him stopping in place and them kind of continuing on and crying and we just like see him out of focus in the background getting shot in the head and collapsing and them crying so now we're down to the three. What the fuck? It's a fucking miserable ass movie. I'm having such a bad time.

It's a really bad time. I'm having such a bad time. But you know, it does help to be angry as well. Right, right. That does help. Like, I feel like we've done a lot of movies where I'm having like a really bad time, but I'm like so, I'm so sad. Yeah.

And I'm sure I'd be really sad if I were watching it. But I'm like hardened by my anger at. That's good. at Stephen King. You've done it again, Stephen. And we're back. You dirty dog. Just because also he writes, all of his books are like this.

And it's like, I've now changed it. Did Stephen King cause the male loneliness epidemic? Did he cause it? Is he the reason why we have it? Because I feel like his depictions of male friendships, they always end in tragedy, you know? They're just. tragic um what would it be like to be stephen king's best friend i don't think he has one if you're stephen king's best friend and you're listening let us know in the comments let us know

drop a um drop a i don't know king crown drop a king crown king drop a king drop a king crown in the comments if you're stephen king's best friend you're stephen king's what if two people do it and then they're like oh no tragedy drama yeah which one of us is your best friend okay okay so now we're down to Ray Pete and Superman Superman is also realizing he's not gonna he he ain't gonna be the one he's falling apart he's very very ill and he says he has this like moment of vulnerability with the other guys and he's like all right I'm about to drop out of this um But the reason I was in it is because the major is my father.

And... Wait, Superman says this? Wait, who says this? Superman. And he says that the major has, like, lots of children, like, in various towns. It's, again, not super explained, but I'm, like, imagining it as he, like, sleeps with women wherever they're stationed and then just leaves and is, like, not. in any of these, any of his kids' lives. And so Superman was also in it, in like a revenge type of way?

I think it's a revenge type of way, but also kind of just like, I want him to, this is like the only way that I feel like I could get him to notice me. Yeah. But that he, but that he like doesn't say anything. I like thought he was going to be like, hey, dad or something like that. he doesn't he just stops and then is killed does mark camel know that's his son i don't know i don't know it didn't say i don't think and then we're down to our final two and you was going to be these guys obviously the stars of the movie the stars of the movie i was kind of like hoping like maybe one of them

would surprisingly die at the halfway point nope no so we're down to pete and ray and when it's at final two spectators are allowed for the whole rest of it. And so now there's, it's in the middle of the night and it's raining again. But there are people everywhere cheering. Oh my God, one of them's going to win. And Ray and Pete, or Pete has a moment of being like, you should win Ray and he stops. And he's like, I want you to win.

And I haven't like flush this out because I honestly don't remember any dialogue or moments that I could explain that would be examples of it but this is kind of like a queer subtext between them like there is

there are a few mentions of like maybe Pete is gay but again like nothing is really well flushed out and so it's doesn't really i don't like i just again don't really know what to make of it like okay uh so pete tries to sacrifice himself for ray ray doesn't let him and grabs him and there's kind of like

back and forth of both of them trying to stop and get killed and have the other one win and ray has a moment of saying to pete like you see the good in the world and i don't have that and so you should win for that reason because you need to like hold on to that and you need to help other people's I don't even know I don't even really know but that's kind of what I took from this moment is ultimately Ray sacrifices himself for Pete because of his like optimistic world view and so Ray is killed and oh it's all right. Yeah, all right. Okay, okay.

And Pete, I can't really remember the, like, exact way that that happens, but. So Pete is the winner. Everyone's cheering, and Pete is just, like, on his knees, sobbing the death of his friend. And it's, like, a pretty, like, interesting dynamic of just, like, everyone, like, Yay, oh my God, you did it. And him just like, ah. And they ask him, what do you want your wish to be? And he says, I want a gun.

Yeah. Yeah. I thought that's where it was going to be what he did. And they're like, okay, yeah, you'll get a gun. And he's like, nope, I want that gun. And I'm going to show it to my kids one day as like, a trophy from the long walk. And they're like, all right, give him your gun.

He grabs the gun. Ames it at the major. Major tries to talk him down as like, you don't have to do this. You can be rich for the rest of your life. Just think about this for a second. Pete kills him, shoots him. Major's dead. Okay.

There's like a hush in the crowd. and the camera is now just on Pete he drops the gun to the ground looks off into the distance on the road ahead it's dark but like dimly lit with street lamps and he just keeps walking off into the dark and that's the end of the movie okay

that so So is something. Emily's furious. Emily is processing and furious. I'm sitting here realizing that if you're not watching the video episode, I'm just simply being completely silent on an episode. She's fuming. She's fuming.

The whole point is to listen and I've got nothing to say. Okay, let me work out some of my thoughts out loud right now, which I think is that it's, You know, talking about how hard it is to stay a, like, morally righteous person within a system that is actively trying to kill you. And, like, how do you fight a system that is deeply violent and literally meant to kill you without becoming deeply violent and killing? And that is, like, a very intense moral quandary that I think this movie. maybe is trying to address, but doesn't really say anything interesting about. So I think that's it, right?

Yeah, I think so. And I mean, that's also what I feel about it being written by 19-year-old. I'm just like, it does feel like for a 19-year-old, pretty like poignant, probably. But it is all just quite undercooked and relentlessly bleak. and not fun at all. But apparently there are a lot of differences in the book and the movie, which I, again, was just, like, not interested enough to do research. And I guess that's my job. And I'm sorry that I didn't do it.

But I was kind of just like, I don't know. I'm kind of done. I've really had enough here. So I don't really want to go digging into the book version now. but, you know, maybe the book is different in a better way. Maybe it's different in a worse way. And we'll never know, unfortunately. I'm really in this moment trying hard to have something.

And I, um, it's, I'm coming up. I'm coming up. Yeah. Because what I feel is bad. And I'm confused. Yeah. And I know that I know that there's people who like this movie.

Maybe you, dear listener, are one of them. And... and I've got nothing and I've got and that's great and I and I'm sure there's reasons I mean I lots of people made this movie and they had to have had a reason and they had to have felt things and I conveyed them I'm sure and there this movie is nonstop talking walking and so I'm sure there are a lot of things that I missed but I was again just kind of um not super super engaged and also probably like detaching as like well this I feel bad and so like kind of looking for um yeah you know it's just distraction too it's like we're not going to talk about this things that happen this week but they're not not on my mind and so I do think there's something to, and like people we make, like, I'm like, okay, this is Stephen King's first book. He wrote it a long time ago. And it were, it's, someone just decided to do it now, you know?

And, um, there's a lot of things happening now, particularly with young men that feel upsetting in a way that I don't, I can't begin to, go there and I think I'm getting quite upset I think I'm just getting quite upset that this movie yeah I think I'm just I'm honestly just quite upset I think I'm angry because I'm upset because of a lot of different things

yeah that's like as much as I can come to like I'm like well and it feels like this movie doesn't necessarily add value to the conversation It's like a very conversation I do think we should be having, but it's like, and what are you saying here exactly? Because I don't know. So all I am is just reminded of all the bad things that you're talking about, which are very real. What I keep thinking about is the like noble lie, the concept of the noble lie, which is like what you tell citizens to justify war, which is like you're protecting your. country and you're standing up for your fellow citizens and all this stuff. And it's like such a, it's a thing that people have used to justify war over and over again. I mean, I think Plato was the one who was like, the noble lie. That's important. I don't know. I don't know.

But I feel like this is just replicating that conversation and showing that it's like a crock of shit. I mean, it's violence just hurts everyone. The more, the more violence. The more violence. doesn't, only begets more violence. It's, that's, it just snowballs into more violence. And so, like, I feel like it was, nihilism is really bad. And nihilism is really bad. And friendship is the only thing that matters at the end of the day. Friendship is, like, quite literally the only thing that matters at the end of the day. And it just sucks that these boys, these teen boys had to go on a fucking long walk to death to find that out. Like, can we find out sooner? But also in for nothing, because then they all died. Can we create the conditions where we can be friends with each other without

out there being like literal death on the line with a gun to my head? Can we make friends without a gun to our head? Like it's like, I can. I can't too. And I have. And let's talk about that. Let's talk about how to make friends without a gun to my head, you know? And I know, people, you know, we do a horrible podcast. I get it. I got it. We know what we signed up for. Not unlike the participants of the long walk. We had all the information. We knew what we were here to do. But we're also allowed to feel how we feel about it. And right now I feel pretty upset. Yeah. And I don't always feel upset. I like horror movies. I do. I do. I like what we do here. This one made me upset. Yeah. It made me upset as well. And also somehow bored, you know,

which is weird. Because it's, and yeah, I just keep coming back to like, it's written by a 19 year old. Like I, again. I mean, that's all, honestly, let's come back to that. I mean, the screenplay was adapted by an adult who. wrote a, did a great movie that I did really enjoy. Straight to Darling. That's a, that's a good one. Yep. But, yeah, I mean, 19-year-olds are babies, even the smart ones. Correct.

Yeah. So we're, you know, proud-ish of our son, Stephen King. Right. But also worried. But I'm not happy. I'm not happy with him. Yeah. And I'm immediately sending up.

the game night, a weekly game night, um, at Buffalo Wild Wings, I'm inviting all his friends. We're playing charades. We are talking about shame. We're talking about things we're ashamed of. We're dispelling that shame. Yep. We're getting rid of it immediately. Yep. Yep. I think that's a good takeaway. I'm like, not sure what to take away from the movie. So that's as good as anything. I'm just like, go have a little game night with your friends. Yeah, maybe let's just, let's just, um, I was just go do something fun Just have a little fun Um

Um Cooper Hoffman is only 22 years old It's very young He is young David Johnson is 32 Which is older than I would have thought He looks very young He does look very young

But he's an adult Huh Well Sammy I mean Excellent job per usual You made It never felt boring to me So you made a movie that, I guess, was boring to watch, riveting to get listened to.

I listened to the pop culture happy hour, which was fun because one of them loved it. One of them was tepid and one of them hated it. Oh, okay, fun. The person who loved it, what did they say? You know, I don't know. They're like a big fan of horror movies and they... Well, that doesn't explain it. I know, I know.

I actually like can't. even remember what they said because it was like we like horridges too he is David Jonathan is jacked in this movie I just saw a picture yeah really jacked really jacked really jacked um and oh the one that was tepid on it is someone that goes on a lot of long walks they live in LA and they said that they walked to the airport which I was like damn that's long walk wait why why's a horrible walk that's a really bad walk but um Um, the fuck. She was saying how she wanted more variety in it.

And I, I think it's confusing because I think the point is supposed to be part of like trudgery and like monotony of the walk. Trudgery is a good word. But it is also like, the, that just comes across is being pretty boring. Because there's like one uphill part and there's some rain. but it's like she was saying how when she goes on walks there's like all different scenery sometimes she's walking through water sometimes she's walking through really tall grass and she's like there is ways that they could have made it a little more like visually varied and interesting and I can totally

understand if that like is antithetical to the the point that they're trying to make so I can understand why they might have made the active choice not to do that. But I think it would have made for a more entertaining movie because I was just bored a lot in this. I agree. And that actually makes me think it doesn't need to be visually different. It could also just be, it could have been like outside agitators or like protesters or people who are against this or like someone's family member shows up unexpectedly or like there could have been more people who surprised. and, like, brought more information out of it. Right.

Or, like, one of the soldiers does something that you're not expecting. Right. Right. There's really no variety, and it's literally just one guy being killed after another on a long, mostly flat walk, which, again, I do think is the point. But it's also, like, makes for just an absolutely miserable viewing experience. That's also quite boring. Yeah, because, like, there's so much more to life than this, you guys.

I mean, if this is what... There's so much more than this long walk. If this is what my 19-year-old son is thinking life is, like, we got to go out there. We got to go to, you know, we got to go to Niagara Falls. We got to go to, we got to go visit. Go apple picking. Get a four-poster bed.

Get a four-poster bed. Have your friends over. Have a little sleepover. Learn how to make an apple pie. You can tell spooky stories in the four-poster bed. Like, we're okay with spooky stories. We can go rock climbing. We can listen to music.

Let's make a pizza. from scratch. Ooh, yum. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. Okay. Okay. What can we, okay, what can we do to bring us back? What's, what's fun? I'm going to go to the flea market after this. And I'm hopefully going to find some cool, unique, interesting little knick-knacks. Oh my God, I hope she finds some cool, unique, interesting knick-knacks. And I'm definitely going to eat something really delicious. Because everybody Eat something delicious What am I going to do?

Playing a little game sounds fun I love a game I love a game Oh I'm going to go take care of my children If I had a pool I'd go swimming You can plant a tree You can make a list of all the movies

You really can plant a tree You can draw You can pay You can collage You can paper mashay. You could make a house out of cardboard boxes and make your most beautiful hotel boutique, West Anderson, boutique hotel out of paper meshay and cardboard boxes. I'm going to play with the new toy that I got for my cats. There's a laser pointer, but I like to give them a real toy that they can grab afterwards. Because have you heard that when they get mad? They get mad. Because it's not satisfying to just chase a laser because you never get to catch anything. And they're hunters. So they want, like, prey in their teeth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I'm going to do that. sounds great yeah go make the life of another living being happier go make your cats happier yep yep

we love you listeners we are sorry that we might not have major days happier on this particular day but i'm so sorry hopefully we do we have other times you know and we will again yeah it gives another shot it can't always be like this guys remember when never when betsy was here that was fun That was very fun. That did he come back. I am worried about how our final movie is called him. Him. That might have some similar themes about young men if I had to guess.

But I am excited for it. We shall see. We shall see. We must. That's how this goes. For our finale for Two Hell Tuchella. Oh, what a journey. And there's merch coming.

So there's that. That's going to be good, you guys. There's a lot to look for. forward to. There's a lot to look forward to to and I'm looking forward to it. Me too. Me too. I love you guys so much. I love you listeners so much. I love you. I love you. I love you. And there was a Louisiana drawl.

So from all of us here at Too Scary, didn't watch. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. We didn't. We made it. Thank you all for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you enjoy the show, please remember

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