Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE LOST BOYS

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Movie Intro @ 30:49Trivia @ 33:30Recap starts @ 47:35 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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So don't wait. Make this holiday the year you give something truly unforgettable. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommon goods.com slash too scary. That's uncommon goods.com slash too scary for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer. Uncommon goods. We're all out of the ordinary. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary didn't watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch the horror movie recap podcast for those Too Scared to Watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And we have a holiday Henley treat today. And also it feels like it's just been ages since we all three were here together.

know it's with the busy y'all holidays are tough November was busy too November was busy too a crazy time but it's so nice to be back but joyful it's a joy to have one's life filled with with blessings and busyness but I'm just so happy to be here with me too me too this is the most joyful place it feels it feels it feels like a holiday because we get to record two episodes today which means we to spend all day together. I know. That's my kind of a holiday. Thank you very much.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. But before we get into our holiday Henley treat, a little bit of haunted housekeeping, a lot of age alliteration happening. Just a reminder that we have a season of TV scary, didn't watch happening over on our Patreon where we are recapping HBO presents

Stephen King's It Welcome to Derry That is available On our Patreon season one yes Of three There will be three The full title HBO presents Stephen Kings It Welcome to Dairy season one of three

There will be three Perfect perfect That's good That's available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash TSDW podcast And I think we're all Almost at Pennywise. We'll see.

I think so. I think we're almost there. So that's exciting. So join us. Join us, won't you? And also a announcing an announcement. So watch this space that we are also going to be having a live holiday themed show where we'll be recapping a hallmark style or possibly hallmark exactly, Christmas movie.

later this month and we don't have all the details yet but we assure you that it's going to be a really great time so watch our Instagram or Patreon for more info there we will let you know as we know yeah we can't wait when we know you'll know and that's a promise and that's a guarantee and that's all the haunted housekeeping for today so emily and henley did anything scary happened to us this week I mean I actually did I had a pretty scary week yeah yes you did

talk to us about this I had a scary week everything's fine I like to sorry it's ruining the tension but I'll just I'll get I'll just let everybody know that everything's fine but we had a really scary week with Mabel we discovered

on a Monday morning that one of her pupils was dilated and the other was not it's called Anna Sequo Correa, and it is alarming to see. And we were alarmed, and we took, she was otherwise acting fine, but we took her emergency vet. They did a bunch of tests.

They took her blood work. They took her blood pressure. They fucking did all sorts of. They checked her eyes. They did all sorts of stuff. Thousands of dollars worth of stuff. And couldn't really determine anything other than she appeared to have a heart murmur. Her blood pressure was high, but she was also really freaking out because they had her

for a long time. Yeah. So we were basically, they gave her some anxiety meds. He gave her some gabapentin. Shout out gabapentin. Yeah. Fucking is a life-changing drug for animals.

And referred us to a cardiologist. And that was pretty much that. Brought her home. She seemed okay. She was limping a lot, but she has arthritis. And she had really put up a fight at the vet. So we were like,

she's probably really sore. A couple days go by. Her eyes go back to normal. Then cut to Friday morning. We look at her in the morning and one of her eyes, the whole eyeball, is like completely black. Because it turns out it was filled with blood. Oh, my God. Sorry, trigger warning blood.

The classic actor after the fact, trigger warning. I didn't hear this part. It's so scary. There was no way. It was, I'll show you a picture. Now that she's okay, I feel like I can show the picture. But it was like, it was so shocking. again she was acting totally fine but it was like what the fuck is going on gave her some gabapentin took her back to the emergency vet again like blood work was fine took her blood pressure and it was a little elevated but not much and the emergency vet who was there that day was like if she has a blood pressure issue probably it would be staying super elevated so I don't think that's what it is but I'm now going to refer you to an ophthalmologist so

then we got a referral to an ophthalmologist and that second emergency vet pretty much was like this is bad like whatever this is this is bad

like all the other symptoms seemed to lead to the possibility of like a tumor or some other very serious illness maybe it's 14 so that's also scary

so we were pretty convinced that she was at the end. Like we, Joel and I were both like, pretty convinced that this was it. Yeah. Which was it's just awful. And, you know,

she is my everything. And someday, it will be her time and I will not ever be ready. But it was like really, I was really not ready. So yeah. Thankfully, we were able to get, all the vets that we saw, particularly the ophthalmology,

and the cardiologists were like heroes icons. I'm obsessed with them. They're perfect, incredible, wonderful people. The ophthalmologists, so this is over Thanksgiving weekend, too, which was like hard to get in and see any places that are normally open on Saturdays were not. I mean, thankfully, the emergency event was open the whole time,

but called an ophthalmologist, left a voicemail. They texted me first thing. And we were able to get a cardiologist's appointment for Tuesday. So then on Monday, the ophthalmologist, texted and was like we have an appointment on Friday but send me pictures like maybe I'll talk to the doctor when he gets in maybe we can get you in sooner I did they called me they were like we can get you at 12 30 this is like 10 30 when they called me like we can get you at 1230 I was like great we're coming I'll say all my co-workers were like so supportive and so kind and we're like do whatever you need

to do like this is priority go be with your baby like it's totally fine so I'm massively grateful to them took to the ophthalmologist no tumor her eyes By now, so it was a blood clot. So she had burst capillaries in her eye, and her eye had filled with blood. So it had already started receding. So she, her, it was just like kind of kind of a little crescent moon at the bottom of her eye. But he was like, there's, I don't see any tumor.

And for these symptoms to be happening, like, it should be big enough for me to see it. Her vision was still like pretty good. He, she was responding. Like, he was like, I actually think it's fine. It took her blood pressure. And it was really high. And she was on gabapentin. So he was like, it shouldn't, it like shouldn't be this high.

for how chill she's behaving. And the ophthalmologist was like, also, God, they, so they got us in at 1230. I'm just really going to shout out. These people, VEC, ophthalmology in Alhambor, California, they got us in at 1230. We showed up. They put us in a room right away. They came in and talked to us right away. The doctor came in right away.

They was like, I couldn't, I was absolutely shocked at the customer service and like the kindness and empathy, Dr. Chang, incredible. But he was like, it's, this can be caused by high blood pressure. Oh. essentially like her blood pressure was so high that it burst blood vessels in her eye. Wow. High blood pressure can also cause

limping and soreness and a lot of other symptoms that are associated with arthritis. So it's like it was some of her symptoms were getting masked by the fact that she has arthritis. Right. But he was like, I really think like it, I really just think it's blood pressure and like once we get that regulated

that should be fine. But like take her to the cardiologist. Keep your cardiology appointment. We'll see what the deal is. But like I really do think that this is going to, this is what it is. Which was the first day that we were like, okay, maybe she's not actively dying. Yeah. But usually high blood pressure is related as like secondary to like kidney disease or hypothyroidism. But we also got all her blood work done.

All her blood work was totally normal. So like she didn't have any of those underlying diseases. So we take her to the cardiologist the next day. We're having all over time. Went to Culver City. We're just going everywhere with Mabel. Damn, Coler City is far away. Took her to, I think it's called care, cardiology, and Chloricity, Dr. Emily Chapel.

Again, another icon. Also, sorry, not that it matters, hot. Like, really hot and cool. And I mean, it was like, well, you're a star. And a pretty cool name. And a pretty cool name. And, again, all those doctors, they got us in a meet. They were so kind.

They were so thoughtful. They were, like, so sweet to Mabel. They were just the best people on Earth. took her took mabel in to get a little EKG so we put her on a little table they did a little ultrasound to her heart I got to see her heart um it was very sweet maybe it was a very good girl and basically her heart looks great no stroke no blood clotting her blood's flowing great but she has primary hypertension which is high blood pressure related to no other condition it's just genetic it's like you either have it or you don't and so when we looked at her heart two

of the ventricles, the muscles were like really big because they've just been working so hard to pump blood through her body. And she was like, it's like if you just like, if you were just like working one bicep, like for a like you would just have a, it would just get really big. Like in lady in the water, which I'm certain neither of you have seen. But I'm sure it's exactly like lady in the water. And so she was like, yeah, I think it's just, it's just primary hypertension. I don't see any other issues. I've never seen this before where like getting blood pressure medication didn't solve it. She's like, she's in great health. I think that we're just going to get her on this blood pressure medication. And I'm, you know, barring something occurring that I've never seen

before. I think that's going to solve it. And so we've got her on high blood pressure medication. So relieved. She takes a little pill every morning now for the rest for life. And we're going to, we need to figure out her dosage, like get that calibrated in the months we do. About nine months after that, we'll take her back to Dr. Chapel for another EKG. And by all, you know, her expectations are that her heart will look great and normal and we'll just manage that for the rest of her, hopefully, very long life. And that's that. Wow. What a freaking roller coaster. Mabel's going to live till she's 42. Yeah. It was, it was an unbelievably stressful ordeal. Also shout out to pet insurance, huge recommendation to get pet insurance. If you

don't have it. Sammy, get it. I was telling Tim about Mabel. And I was like, reminder to you and to me, if we ever get a pet, we're getting insurance. It's like, it's annoying. And the way that it works, it's like it's always reimbursement. So you do stuff to pay up front. And it's like, it's not an ideal system. But I'll just say that these appointments, over the course of eight days, we racked up about $3,500 in vet bills. Insane.

It will come down to being closer to like $700 because of the pet insurance, which is, you know, much better. And it's just already stressful and scary enough You don't want to have to be concerned About spending thousands and thousands of dollars So shout out to pet insurance And another shout out that my dear beautiful friend Sammy Smart Purchased a healing spell from an Etsy witch

Oh no way And sent it to me after we got the good news And I read this healing spell And it made me cry And it was so sweet To hear this witch talking about Mabel and Mabel's energy and how it was like a flickering candle

that refused to go out. Oh, I'm gonna cry. Oh my God. It was a really, and it's like really wild for people who just have pets and not children or even pets and children. It's like, it's all I could think about or care about. It's like it was, it's so massive.

And I'm very grateful that everyone in my life was understanding of like my mental state because it's a lot and to those of you who love and have pets and have dealt with this or just it's just it's a lot and I hope you feel loved and supported in loving your pets because it's there are our whole world yeah yeah it's really a lot I dream about my cats like almost every night just I've noticed that especially in like the past year it's just there just constantly on my subconscious mind as well as my Conscious friends. They're your little demons. They're always around. They're always there. Oh, you guys, it was scary.

It was exhausting. It was stressful. We were so stressed and... Going to all those doctors. So sad all the time. I mean, it's nuts. Yeah, it was nuts. It was awful.

I'm so glad Mabel's okay. Me too. It's truly like best case scenario. It's really crazy. We're lucky. Like, how blood pressure can... It can cause their retinas to detach and they go blind. Like it's actually so insane

Like it's so crazy Oh my god I'm scared of all this is happening to me I know I know a guy who both of his retina is detached Which just seems like so and they've reattached They can reattach them yeah But I mean she can see

But yeah now one of his eyes is His pupil is just like different on both of his eyes All the time now But how did it happen? Was it high blood pressure? I can't remember maybe high blood pressure But Jesus crazy Eyes are like a lot of a lot

It's very interesting a lot of conditions manifest ocularly. Everybody pay attention to your to your eye. Yeah. Like I wouldn't have expected these things to, like it was like

Right. And when the Anusikoria happened and we immediately Googled like cat eyes different sizes what do you do. It was like it can be a lot of things. And all of them are bad. Like eye stuff is crazy. And it's just so weird the way the body works

that it's like it can be something happening in like your kidneys. makes your eyes weird. Like, it's like, I, I, bodies are crazy. Bodies are crazy. I know. We need more doctors.

We're like, whole body doctors who can like, because, well, there's so much, talking about you going to all these specialists. I'm like, for a cat. I know. It was really wild to be like, the two appointments we needed were ophthalmology and cardiology, which are like, you wouldn't think,

you'd be like, well, those aren't related. But it turns out they were like, yeah, it's a heart thing. And the heart doctor was like, yeah, it's a hard thing because it did this to her eye. It's like, what? Yeah. I can't get a doctor to tell me anything. I know, besides drink more water and just relax. I mean, and truly it's just, just relax. But sometimes that doesn't quite cover everything. Oh, can we get gabapentin for humans. Is it just an animal drug? I think it's for humans. Yeah, I think you can get it.

Is that the same as GABA? Because they have that for a lot of like. It seems really nice. I don't think it's the same as GABA. Sleep medicine. There's a lot of GABA. That happened to my peoples when I was in South Africa. Yeah, it can happen to humans. When I was driving across South Africa, I looked and we were in a random restaurant and I went to the bathroom and I looked in the mirror and I was like, holy shit. And one of my peoples was way bigger than the other people. And we were in the middle of South Africa and I was like, Tim, like, what do you think this is? And Tim was like, I don't know.

It's probably fine. And I was like, it's probably fine. I was like, I hope you're right. Because it also can, that was another thing, is like, it can just be kind of a fluke, and then it goes away and you're like, I wonder why that happened. Or it can be like, well, they're about to die. Like, and of course I went on Reddit because I'm a sadist. And it was like, this happened to my cat and she died three days later. And I was like, oh my God. Like, it's like, because it can be tumor in their brain or it can be, I don't know. It's like when I ripped my IUD out and Reddit was like, go to the ER immediately. Like, you're like terrible things. You ripped it out. I ripped her red out. Yeah. It's, I mean, Shuf.

Life's a spectrum, baby. It's crazy. Isn't it just? It's crazy. It's really going to throw some slings and arrows at you that you're not expecting. Goodness. Well, I'm glad your eyes are fine, head. Yeah, I mean, I never, I mean, it went away, like, within 12 hours, and I never thought about it again until right now.

It was like, maybe you were tired. Like, I don't know. The air was weird. I don't know. Did you drink, maybe need more water? I don't know. I need to drink more water. I need to relax.

Anyway, did anything scary happen to you guys this week? I really, really took over the whole conversation. It was a big one. It needed a full debrief. Well, mine will be really quick. I just want to paint you guys a picture of us trying to decorate our house yesterday for Christmas, which we did all afternoon. And I've been having a lot of fun making little Christmas crafts with a hot glue gun. Such as, I've also been using my hot glue gun. We've talked about it before. I've got to love a hot glue gun. You can make anything. And also I can fix everything. Everything I've been like not fixing. I've fixed it all with a hot glue gun immediately. It took two seconds. Wow. But no, I've been making paper stars. I saw a tutorial on TikTok and they're actually like quite easy to make. You're back on TikTok. Yeah. I am. She got off it for a couple days. You're back on TikTok. I can only have to take like a day away. To be fair, she did say I'll probably read download it in two days. Mm-hmm. And I did. Know thyself. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Anyway, so we got everything, we got everything out. Tim and Salas went and got the tree at Whole Foods. And we brought it in. And, like, the first thing that happens is Tim takes out a strand of lights and it unravels and, like, hits the ground and, like, half the lights, like, shatter on the ground immediately. Yeah. And we were like, oh, okay, whatever. And then also my children are, like, never clothed. So they're, like, half naked. And I was like, you guys should put on. shoes. So then they're in their rain boots and like half naked because there's like glass

everywhere. And then so we're like cleaning up the glass. And then May gets her ornament out that she picked out that was, she picked out an ornament that looks like a wine glass filled with wine. It's like very believable. It really looks like a wine glass filled with wine. That was like the one she wanted. Everything. She's so cool. I mean, it's a very cool visual trick. Anyway, so she She is that one. I take my eye off the ball for one second. You better believe she drops it immediately, drops it that whatever that wine substance was, that gets all over her, gets over Silas. Wow, it's a real liquid, huh?

Real liquid. That's interesting. Gets all over the floor. And then not like one minute later, Silas is putting up his ornament that he found, which is kind of like a glass cardinal. he's in a cardinal class. It's the newest class in preschool. He dropped it. Immediately shatters head just shatters everywhere.

Yeah, we've got a lot of glass sort of situations happening here. They love making ornaments out of glass, don't they? And I see a lot of things on Christmas boxes and decorations that's like, shatterproof. And no, it's not. Yeah, no, it's not. But also I was like, okay, Henley, learning, don't let them touch any of this shit. No one is touching anything except like felt. We get stuffed animal ornaments.

Yeah. Yep. Yep. So learning in real time. Tim like obviously steps on some glass. We're like cleaning, we're cleaning everything up. And then, oh, the other thing that happened is that we didn't have enough. So Tim, everything we have to decorate our tree, a lot of it comes from Tim's mom and dad who saved every ornament that Tim or Will made as like a child. So it's like toilet paper roll holders covered in sparkles from like 1995. And then also this string of dinosaur lights that Tim has had since his earliest memory. So the first thing on the tree has to be these dinosaur lights. Sure. And then... It is the season. And then we were going to just put like colorful lights, but then we realized we didn't have enough of the colorful lights. So then we had to put white lights and we had to put this other random string of lights.

And so long story short, we have created a new tradition in our family, which is just every year we're going to make a chaos tree. We're calling it Chaos Tree. I love that. It looks insane. Oh my God. Show us Chaos Tree. I will show you guys Chaos Tree. It includes one of my paper stars that I made that Tim glued a toilet paper holder to the back of it and put it on the top of the tree.

So from some angles, it looks good. From most angles, it just looks like there's a toilet paper holder up there. Chaos Tree. I love it. But yeah, we're just going to do chaos tree every year. That's the vibe. I think that's really special. Yeah, that's great.

That's the kind of thing that like when your kids grow up, they'll tell their friends. Like, oh, yeah, when I was a kid, we did like chaos Christmas tree and it'll make them, it's so fucking cool. Like, that's cool. Like, it doesn't look like magazine worthy. My mom was always so, she made our tree look beautiful. Like it was like, should have been on the cover of like home and garden. I don't know. And this ain't that.

Listen, now that. I love that. Emily came over yesterday while we were decorating our tree and Duncan was was trying to do a chaos tree. It was really, I came on and I relate the whole thing to Joel because you guys were making me laugh so hard. It was such a perfect encapsulation of your energies, what was happening on that tree. And I was really delighted. He was really trying to do a chaos tree. And I was having a conversation with Emily and kept being like so, Duncan, what, what's going on over there?

He, like, started too small with his looping at the top, and so the strain of lights wasn't going to make it. And Sim was like, so I think it's not going to make his body. He's like, oh, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. And then he got, he was colored lights, and then he went to plug in a strand of white lights to do the rest of the tree. And so he was like, well, you can't do color lights at the top.

And he was like, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, fine. And then he kept going. And then half the strand of the white lights was just not working. So he was like, had a whole strain of lights wasn't working. And Sam was like, so do you see how half the lights are not? Like, it just, oh, it was really making me laugh. Oh, it was very funny. So this is like a common misconception about lights.

You need so many more. You need a lot more than you think. And even if you have a, it's like knowing, knowing the ratio, because you have to start at the top and it is impossible to know, like, I, it's because you also don't want to have too many and then you have a bunch extra lights at the bottom. So it's like, even if you have a lot of lights, you need to know the ratios. Yeah, how you're looping, you know, because you don't want it to be like super densely lit at one part and spot it's tricky it's tricky ours is like that partially because

we had the same argument sammy i was like i didn't want to use the colored lights because we had way more white lights and i was like the colored lights aren't going to be enough and then tim convinced me otherwise you guys those colored lights were gone like six inches up the tree like it's like yeah yeah you need so many fucking lights yeah yeah well i came in and brought kate kock's energy and Good, good, good. My tree's looking really good. We've all gotten that gift. You smile, say thank you, and then shop at it in closet by New Year's, and I refuse to be

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1-800 contacts app today. Sammy, tell us about your week. Scary thing, I'm sorry you guys to do this, but I know we don't like talking about real-life things, but it kind of is relevant to our interests here, which is I feel really scared about Netflix buying Warner Bros. Yeah, I feel really bad about it. And HBO. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, you know, I've read some, things that have made me feel a little better of like we it seems like it's maybe not going to happen yeah but just the absolute consolidation of power it's it feels like it's happening like super fast too like it's like rapidly everyone is consolidating yeah they can tell that the government is not in a place to like fight back yeah yeah yep and oh it's just yeah yeah tech tech

tech people becoming the most powerful people not becoming. I mean, they already are the most powerful people in the world. But just there, it's more and more and more and more and more. I saw a tweet about it that like really hit home for me where it's like, you know how when you, what, because I hate the game Monopoly, it fucking sucks. And I'm like, you know how once you hit a point of monopoly where just one person has all the properties and the whole game becomes just paying one person over and over and over again?

It's the least fun thing ever. And it was like, oh my God. Yeah, that's literally the point of monopoly. And that is what is happening? It's like one person just owns everything. Every time you land on any fucking square, you have to give all your money to this one fucking person. And it sucks. And it's happening. Yeah. So really hoping that that gets stopped because it's a, yeah, a monopoly, which is illegal. And it's like, and it ruins movies. Yeah. More than they are, and then they already are ruined. Like, it's really crazy. I know. And in all industries, you just want variety. Like, I feel like you want healthy competition and variety. This is, like, healthy capitalism 101. Like, you don't want every single person in the world to have the same one boss. Like, that's really bad. It's really bad.

And also just makes corrections. And you've worked for this boss and he's really bad. I know. I know. It makes corruption so much easier, too. Because, like, if the government keeps going in the direction, it's going in, they just have to, like, blackmail less people, essentially to do what they want. Right.

So I don't, yeah, I don't really have much more to say about it than that just is a scary thing that happened this week and it affects the future of the film industry. So fingers crossed that, I don't know, worst case scenario gets avoided somehow. Somehow it feels like all we can do is hope, you know, I guess. Yeah. It's like, what are we supposed to do? Everyone's like, call your congressperson. It's like, what the fuck are they going to do? I guess I'll try that. I'll give them a call. Like, they're not stopping, like, police from picking up people off the side of the street. Like, they're not going to stop a Netflix Warner Brothers merger. Yeah.

Yeah. It's bad. It's dark out here. It's tough. And also, this actually touches on something I want to talk about more as I'm really interested in this idea. but I heard someone recently talking about how power feels like nothing, which I think is kind of a huge revelation in my mind. It becomes ambient? Well, when you just have power, when power is just given to you, like just thinking

in terms of like, you know, how power is distributed and the people at the top who have the most power, like it doesn't feel like anything. It doesn't give you energy. It doesn't give you ideas. does. It doesn't give you creativity. It doesn't give you like extra knowledge. It doesn't like warm and happy. You know, like how like love makes you feel good. Beauty is inspiring. Power is like it only makes you feel depleted so that you feel as if you need more. Well, it's like a high. I mean, because the only time you feel it is if you've been powerless and then

you're given power, then it feels really good for a moment. Or if you're, like, subjecting others to it. Well, so then, yeah, then it immediately gets twisted. I think it's just this idea that, like, that's why there's so many people out there who have implicit power. I think even including me, like, as a white woman who's, like, so many privileges, I don't feel the power that I have. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, like, feel my power. Do you know what I mean? Right, right.

Which is kind of like a huge. God, imagine even the power disparity of. like if you were a white man. Yeah. You know? Take your power, but then take away your fear. Well, that's why like men aren't even aware of patriarchy. Right.

I also, that just reminds me of a tweet I saw this week, which was a guy tweeted something like, did you guys know that girls text each other things like, hey, here's my location I'm going to be at tonight with the first date for the guy in case he murders me, like, love you girl. Like, how many men do you know who are like text me when you get home? How many men do you know who say that to each other? Oh, yeah, like none. That's just a, that's it, bye, text me when you get home.

That's like, that's just like a part of saying goodbye to my friends. Right. So crazy. Anywho. Anyway, we have a Henley treat. We have a Henley, happy Henley holiday treat for us. Oh, goodness. Okay, you guys.

Yes, so the other scary thing that happened to me this week is I watched this week's movie, which is The Lost Boys. Have you guys seen it before? I haven't 10ly. I'm so excited. I actually don't know a thing about it. Is it Peter Pan related? It's vampires. It's 1987. It's called a horror comedy, which kind of makes sense. Okay. Kind of makes sense. Yeah, no, it's it's, I don't know. I don't know, you guys. I have like a lot of feelings and thoughts about it. I, yeah, we will, we'll get, we'll get into it. it. So, lost boys. Cult classic, 1987. Yeah, true classic. I can't believe you've never seen before, Sammy, Emily. It's been on my list for probably 20 years. Okay. Okay. Never got around to it. So this is great. It's pretty beloved. I mean, it has a 75% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.6 on Metacritic and a 7.2 on IMDB. And the production budget was 8.5 million, and it made $32 million.

Okay. It was directed by Joel Schumacher and written by Jan Fisher, James Jeremiah, and Jeffrey Boehm. Jan James and Jeffrey. Yeah. And Joel. And Joel. And Joel.

And starring Jason. Starring Jason. Yeah. So it's starring Jason Patrick. I think that's how you say his name, even though it's P-A-T-R-I-C, Jason Patrick. Yeah. I mean, how else I think? Patriek?

Patricke? Patric. Patriek? Could be that. I mean, we did call Toby Hooper. Tob for... And I will till the day I die. Yeah, me too.

I mean... I know. I should have looked this up. I... Yeah, okay. So this guy, Cory Heim, Diane West, who I fucking love. Bernard Hughes, Edward Herman.

Kiefer Sutherland is in this movie. I knew he was in this. Jamie Gertz, Corey Feldman, and Jameson, Newley. Lander. So The Lost Boys has been credited with helping shift depictions of vampires in popular culture and bringing a more youthful, sexier appeal to the vampire genre. Oh, my God.

We owe them everything. They gave us sexy vampires. Thank fucking God. Yeah. And it inspired subsequent projects like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh my God. So it all started with this. Yeah, Joel Schumacher, the director was quoted as saying or asked why he did the film

He said, vampires are hot. They're the only erotic monsters. Frankenstein is not hot. And I said, say that to Jacob Lordy. Say that to Guillermo del Toro. Say that to Mia Gough. Okay, so more trivia. So the main character in this, the actor, Jason Patrick, he was dating Julia Roberts.

Oh, he started dating Julia Roberts a few days after she canceled her wedding. to Kiefer Sutherland. So Julie Roberts and Kiefer Sutherland were together. And they were planning big, big wedding. They were planning a big wedding. They were planning a big wedding. Everyone knew about it. Everyone knew about it.

And then Jason Patrick got uninvited from the wedding a few days before the wedding's supposed to happen. Then Julia Roberts cancels the wedding. Then a few days after that starts publicly dating Jason Patrick. And this reminded me that Julie Roberts does have like a pre-a-old. messy. She's a pretty messy like, I think, dating. And where does this timeline happen in the narrative of this movie? Had it already been filmed? So this happened in 19. Yikes. This happened in 1991.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Like a few years later. And then Jason Patrick and Kiefer Sutherland were supposed to work on another project together. But obviously that fell apart. And they didn't talk for like 20 years or something. And then they recently reconciled. I don't know. Oh, good for them. Yeah. That's nice. Isn't that so nice? And that's nice. This is Corey Heim and Corey Feldman's first film together, which marks the start of the popular 1980s trend, the two Corrie's in which Feldman and Heim starred together in a number of teenage films. We'll talk about this like at the end maybe.

I don't think I want to talk about it now. This is why I struggle with this film is because of Corey Heim and Corey Feldman, which we will talk about, I think, at the end. I need to look at these faces. Yeah. One of them passed away, yes? Yeah, Corey Heim passed away. And it's just like kind of the darkest corners of the internet in terms of what happened to the two of them. Like the darkest part of Hollywood.

Yeah, this is like some pedophilia Hollywood shit, right? Yeah, it's like really bad, you guys. It's really, really sad. And it made me kind of like worried about even recapping this movie just because I was like, oh, shit. I have to talk about this. And this is so upsetting. It's like really upsetting. Oh, no. Also, like my first night in Los Angeles, I saw Corey Feldman at this weird, like, wet t-shirt contest in West Hollywood. And he did not look okay then. And I don't know. It's like, I have this weird memory of Corey Feldman being in West Hollywood at this wet t-shirt contest. I don't know. I just confused about my feelings about this. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so.

So we'll talk about them more at the end. Stop Googling because you guys are going to feel sad. Don't feel sad. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. We're going to get our spirits up for the recap. Okay.

I'm excited for the recap. The recap is so fun. Okay. Great. Oh my God. We're going to have so much fun before we have a really bad time. I see that Alex Winter is in this movie. I did see that as well and I like that a lot.

That's exciting. I will say I have a friend who went to see Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves perform waiting for Godot. Oh, my. on Broadway. And he said it was pretty bad. Oh, no. He said Alex Winter was great. And you guys know I'm the biggest Keanu fan.

I love Keanu so much. But he's not the best dramatic actor of our time. His skills are specific. And he's incredible at what he does. What he does, no one else can do. But there are some things other people can do better than him. You know? It really made me giggle of just how excited he was to go see this show and then was like, oh, right.

Maybe this is not going to be that good. But still. Oh, we love Keanu. We love him. And I love Alex Winter as well. I do, too. I love Alex Winter. What a guy.

Alex Winter, unfortunately, doesn't have even one line in this movie, I don't think. Damn. But you do see him? I'm rioting. You just see him a few times Okay Make sure you really highlight those And Alex Winter's there

I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm joking I'm joking I'm joking I'm joking Should we watch his trailer We should Is Alex Winter in it? I don't know I haven't actually watched it

Oh let's find out Let's find out Let's find out I feel like it's okay If this one gets a little spoiled Yeah I'm not so worried I'm not so worried I mean I feel like you could probably

Guess what the entire movie's about already I think that also I was having this feeling of like, how do I feel about 80s? How do I like feel about 80s movies? I haven't quite put my finger on that yet. I don't really know. It's an interesting time. It's an interesting time because there are some great ones.

Of course. There are some great ones. I can't tell if it's weird products of our, you know, childhoods because I'm such a 90s, obviously 90s kid. I love 90s shit so much. And I'm also, I feel like the insinuation I've, getting is that you're not as big of a fan of the 80s movies. No. And I wonder if it's because of what you're saying when I was a child, everyone made fun of the 80s. It's like you just talked shit about

the 80s. Aesthetically, the 80s are pretty funny. Yeah, funny. But I also, I like, and I feel guilty about this because we have a horror podcast, but 80s horror movies are never my favorite. And some people are obsessed with them. And I don't, I don't think that's, they're wrong about that. It's just a personal preference. Yeah. Okay. I did a quick Google on best 80s movies, and so just because people are probably going to get upset about what we're saying. I'm not saying there's no good ones. I'm just saying it at large. A movie that I prefer a 90s movie. Meaning to see for a very long time and have not seen yet, but Will that came out in the 80s is a room with a view. I know I need to see a room with a view. And I will. Die Hard. Came out in the 80s. Fucking love Die Hard. And it's a Christmas movie. One of the best movies of all time. Emily, I forgot to tell you. I watched Moonstruck. Excellent. Excellent. It's perfect.

It's an absolute perfect film. It's also fucking nuts. It's so great. It's nuts. But it's also like the most beautiful movie. Like it's like both crazy and so touching. Like I, oh God, I love Moonstruck. Risky business. Another fucking great movie.

When Harry Met Sally, one of the best movies of all time. And obviously I'm like, you know, selecting my personal favorites. Mm-hmm. Because, you know, maybe I need to rewatch them. but like I the like pretty and pink 16 candles breakfast club is like it's not totally my favorite vibe right I think I want to rewatch it I mean but I think I should I think I should rewatch it is what I'm saying well they hadn't quite come up with the formulas that we so rely on now and so that's what's kind of fun about the 80s I mean speaking about moonstruck that's not falling in that fucking formula I've ever heard of in my life. Oh, moon struck. That's fun.

There's, like, a lot of experimentation that's allowed, I guess, but... E.T. was in the 80s. That's pretty crazy. Yeah. First Terminator. I mean, The Shining came out in 1980, but for some reason... It feels like the 70s movie. It feels like the 70s.

Right. The 70s completely different. Vampires Kiss is an 80s movie, which obviously is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love Beetlejuice. So there's exceptions to the rule here. I'm just saying in general. A Princess Bride was the 80s. 80s, that's a really good one.

There's so many good ones. I think I'm just, I think I just have a problem with the decade. I have a problem with, like, Reagan, with, like, Reagan economics. I have a problem with, like, being preppy, becoming cool and, like, everyone wearing polos. And just this, like, wealth, you know, Greta's good type of vibe, Gordon Gecko. Oh, I mean, dirty dancing came out in the 80s, which is, as you know, the best movie all the time. Right, right.

No, there's so many good ones. There's so many good ones. It's more just like the 80s in general. It's more just the 80s. People are going to hate that I said that. I know. Sorry. Something about the 80s, and it's not the 80s fault.

No, it's not the 80s. But there's something about the 80s that feels dated, but not nostalgic. Right. I don't feel like, have any nostalgic. Like, the 70s is like dated, but like cool. The 90s is dated, but cool. Something about the 80s is like just feels dated. Mm-hmm.

And I bet we would feel differently if we grew up in the 80s. We probably would feel different if we grew up in the 80s. So we did it. We did not. We grew up in the 90s. And I will say, wedding dress was an 80s dress and I fuck I never felt cooler in my life I was a perfect aesthetic as that dress was smack out of 1984 um but it's just yeah visually it feels a little like it's like it okay and don't hate me for this but it it summed the 80s does a similar thing to me visually a little bit just a little bit of like fluorescent lighting oh wow

It is a bit like maximalist at times and like silly and over the time. I'm thinking killer clowns from outer space, which it is a very funny movie and I enjoyed it. But that sort of aesthetic of just kind of, blah. Yeah, it's just loud in a way that is sometimes jarring. But sometimes not. Sometimes it's stunning. Like Emily's wedding dress. Like my wedding dress, like every outfit and dirty dancing.

I think it's totally fair to say the 80s is it's not our favorite decade. That's fine. I think that's fine. And there's people out there where the 80s are their favorite decade and that's fine too. And that's fine too. It's not my favorite decade either. And I love and respect many people whose favorite decade it is. Don't you dare try to cancel me. We're not having the 80s my favorite decade. Don't you dare try to cancel me over that. I'm allowed. I'm allowed to not find people like the 80s is my favorite decade. Don't cancel me over it. Do we watch this trailer? Yeah, let's watch it. Let's do it. Thank you to ORA Frames for sponsoring this show. That is correct. The Hidden Gem, which has become the favorite gift long after that wrapping paper is gone, everybody.

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Thank you. aura frames and thank you. Listener. If you're a Martian? Or a vampire. So where are you? I'm your brother, Sammy, help me! Stay back, stay back. What's happening to me, star?

Get yourself a good, sharp steak. Drive it right from his heart. You're a vampire, Michael. My own brother, a damn blood-sucking vampire. Well, you wait till mom finds out, buddy. When a vampire buys it, it's never a pretty sight. Michael, they're coming. Oh, shit!

Wow! Yeah! Wow. Yeah, I mean, I think that tracks pretty well with the conversation we were just having. It tracks pretty well. That was a lot. It was a lot to take in. A lot to take in.

There were a lot of sounds. I was just, I find the 80s to be over stimulating. It's over stimulating. There's a lot. And maybe that's a problem with me, you know? Maybe I'm too small to handle the 80s.

Don't cancel me over it. Don't fucking solicit. Come for us. 80s thing. Yeah, that trailer does a pretty good job of, that's pretty, That's it. That's the vibe.

Yeah. That's the vibe. A lot of wushing. Oh, there's so much washing. And there's that song. People are strange. I do like Kiefer's hair. Yeah.

Like platinum blonde mullet. I like when vampire teeth are really close together. I liked that they were like righty. You know? Because I feel like sometimes in like a vampire fangs that you get at the Halloween start, they're like out here. Right. Too far away.

Too far. Like they're usually like your canines. But that sort of had it as like the little two next to the main ones. That's fun. The big ones. Oh, that's fun. That would probably be better, don't you think? Yeah.

More efficient? I think so. Anatomically, it makes sense to me. Yeah. So, oh, I think her name is Diane Vist, not West. But I fucking love her. As you remember, she's one of the mom or grandmothers and, or aunts in practical magic. Sorry, mom, grandmother, aunt.

That took us a really long time. A mother, a lady, an older lady figure. If you want a little hand. Yeah, she's got a great little voice. Recap is going to be. It's going to be a lot of that. It's going to be a lot of me going. I love.

I love. ready. And Alex Winter, as far as I could tell, was not in that trailer. So I'm actually pre-pissed. Yeah. Alex Winter Erasure in this film. Yeah. That's a big note on my end as well. Oh my God. I can't. This is exactly the kind of movie that I want you to recap Henley. And I got to tell you, I couldn't be more excited. Okay, good. I'm thrilled. Good. Let's do it. Let's do it. Also, I just have to say, I hate the doors so fucking much. I do, too. Don't cancel her over it.

Because some people who really like the doors. And that's fine. To each his own. We're allowed to have opinions. I think they're really bad. You guys know I don't like music in general. I can't believe this is our most cancelable episode. Unbelievable.

Yeah. Okay. Are you guys ready? Yes. I'm so ready. We open. we're hearing a haunting little girl song, you know, of course. Of course.

We're panning over some water. Immediately it's interrupted by the loudest 80s synth music, steel drum. We're into this chaotic energy. Well, now I'm back. Steel drum. I do like that. It's like giving Carly Ray Jepson emotion. You know, Carly Ray Jepson obviously referencing the 80s, unfortunately.

My only reference for the 80s is Carly Ray Jepson. She didn't do it first. We just want to make that clear. That we know that? We know what we know. Okay. And that's it. So it's nighttime.

We pan over the water. We're up. We're looking at a pier that is very hectic, very crowded. There's carnival rides, a big roller coaster all lit up, Ferris wheel all lit up. Sounds colors. Sounds colors. Lights flashing. And we zoom in on a merry-go-round.

The most crowded merry-go-round to ever exist, every single horse. is taken. There are teens standing next to the horses. Not a free seat in the house. You freaking joke in my house right now? Every single horse is taken? Not a single available horse. Wow. And that doesn't matter because people are standing, they're moving around, including Keith for Sutherland and his little gang, including Alex Winter. So we do see Alex Winter right away. Unfortunately, as I've mentioned, you will never speak. So we just got a good look at him. And you know who I was thinking he looked like?

He was reminding me of E.J. Marcus in this film. Do you guys know who E.J. Marcus is? He's like a TikTok. He's very funny. He's so funny. I love him. I don't know him from. I don't really know where I know him from.

I don't really know where I know him from. Just on internet videos. Somewhere social media, yeah. And he writes a funny show, right? Is he a writer on I Love L.A.? Yeah, he writes on I Love L.A. And he's a writer on a funny show. Yeah.

So I see this name on the funny show that I watch. Yeah, of course. All right. So Kiefer Sutherland, his name is David, which is like the wrong name for this character. Yeah, it's not right. Not the right name. But I will be mostly referring to him as Kiefer, which feels better. Which is more of the right name for this character, I think, probably.

He's dressed like a punk rock, Jack Sparrow. So he has like a bleach blonde mullet, thick black eyeliner, long leather jacket, fingerless gloves, and one dangly earring. and everyone in his crew you can tell they're all together they're all wearing the kind of like the same version of this outfit

they're walking around this merry ground like they fucking own this merry-go-round you know they're making eye contact they're on it or they're walking around it they're on the merry-go-round however they are not on a horse because as I mentioned

all the horses are taken right let's linger in this moment for as long as possible this first like 10 seconds with the movie let's see how long we can do it first 10 seconds So, but they're walking.

They're not just enjoying the road. No, they're looking around. They're kind of like, you know, they're like, I own this. Is they're walking in the direction of the merryground or opposite the direction of the direction? Whoa. How are they not getting dizzy? They're always going upstream, baby, you know?

Whoa. You know, Kiefer Sutherland makes eyes with a girl. He starts to hit on her. Her boyfriend immediately, like, lunges at him, grabs him. A fight breaks out. But before anything too serious can happen, a police officer who's all. so on this very crowded merry-go-round, grabs Kiefer Sutherland, puts him in a chokehold, and he's like, I told you to stay off the boardwalk.

Kiefer, you know, he's unfazed by this police officer. He kind of laughs. He shrugs him off. He is like, okay, man, okay. He gets off the merry-go-round. He's got a cigarette in one ear. He lights that up. He's not getting off the boardwalk anytime soon.

What's his police officer think he's doing? So eventually the night's over. Everyone's left. The lights have turned off. the only person who's still here, wouldn't you believe it, the police officer? He's walking through the parking lot all alone. Suddenly the camera zooms up as though from the point of view of someone flying,

flies over this, like empty parking lot, spots the police officer, flies down to the police officer, the police officer stops, hear something, turns around, looks at whatever he's looking at, screams. And then we just see the police officer screaming, his car door get ripped off, and cut to black, the implication being he's dead. Q opening credits. So the opening credits, we got a vibe shift. It's daytime. We are getting a long drone shot of Lucy, who's Diane Veist, and her two sons, Michael, Jason.

Patrick and Sam, Corey Heim, driving windy roads through California, a little trailer in the back of their car. They've got a beautiful husky in the car named Nanook. This is their dog. It's important that you guys know about Nanook because Nanook is like a main character in my mind of this movie. They're moving into Santa Carla, which is Santa Cruz, California. Okay.

When they drive past the Welcome to Santa Carla Billboard, one of the. kids notices that someone has spray painted. It's the murder capital of the world on the back. And this is actually true about Santa Cruz, California. So one of the trivia that I didn't mention is that it was literally known as the murder capital of the world because of a very brutal string of murders by three different men in the early 1970s. There were 28 murders over like a two-year period.

Jesus. Like, or between 1970 and 1973, 28 murders. And Santa Cruz, which is like also such a small town. Anyway. Yeah. So no thanks to that.

Which people have speculated all those murders during that time period were from lead poisoning. Do you guys hear about this? No. They've done these stuff. They're thinking that like these men were just had lead poisoning and turned them into serial killers. Oh, I see. The people were murdered.

I was like, how are we going to make? But the murder. be mixing. I was like, these guys were like, no, I did it actually. Sorry,

sorry. That would be crazy. That would be crazy. It's like it was all lead poisoning. And we covered it up using serial killers. No, there's no lead poison here. It's actually we have three crazy murderers.

Yikes. I have not heard that, but that reminds me. Were they like friends? I guess I don't really want to know. Yeah, I don't know any other details. I stay away from true crime.

I don't know. I have previously mentioned bodies. I don't know. Yeah, that's true crime stuff. I mean, it's too real. It's true crime. It's too real. It's too real. So they're driving into their new homes, Santa Carla. They stop at the boardwalk. We're going to spend a lot of time here. And we're getting the vibes of this town. It is wild, chaotic energy. First of all, that song is playing the doors. People are strange. There are people everywhere. There's a really bad song. A lot of Mohawks, a lot of like naked people. shirtless people. Making people. Like, yeah, a lot of, because it's a beach, it's beach town. So, you know, not a lot of clothes, a lot of tattoos, everyone's smoking cigarettes, a lot of, like, bright red mullets and hippies pushing other hippies and grocery carts. Yep, yep, got it.

You can picture it in your mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seen it one, seen it a hundred times. You've seen one hippie doing that. You've seen them all doing it. It's all intercut with shots of the boardwalk rides and also lots of missing children posters. Michael, who's the older brother, he walks up to someone and he's like, any jobs around here? And the guy replies, nothing legal.

Uh-oh. They drive up to their new house. It's on the top of a hill. It's giving like Santa Fe, New Mexico vibes, like a lot of like wind chimes and, like, statues made out of, like, garbage and, like, reclaimed wood. and like skinned animals and stuff birds and like kind of like a chaos tree situation kind of except I don't want my chaos tree to be like this but it is like skin skinned things on your tree no no and it is it's like really strikes a good balance between Texas chainsaw massacre and like homie vibes like it's like not actually scary but it's like this close to being

a little scary right yes but really it's just fun because we're having a good time it's the 80s for having fun. And there's an old man passed out on the porch. Is he dead? What's going on with him? No, ha ha. It's just Lucy's dad. He's taking a nap on the porch. And he is kind of like the comic relief of the movie, sort of. He is just like a kooky old man who loves taxidermy and loves living in Santa Carla. So this is why we're here. This is why we're here. So Lucy has just divorced her husband. We like basically, there's one line about this. So they just moved here from Phoenix and she's getting back on her feet, basically.

We go inside this house, beautiful house, wide open, airy space filled with like Dr. Pepper Cans line around, more laundry, knives, tools, weightlifting gear, a whole room devoted to animal skulls. And then there's also like wild horses in the backyard. So as a nook starts playing with the, I'm assuming they're wild, no one seems to be taking care of these. these horses. So I don't know. But it's like very like in nature and kind of beautiful, but also kind of like a shithole at the same time. There's marijuana growing outside the window. And Michael and Sam immediately asked, they're like, grandpa, is this really the murder capital of the world? And grandpa kind of laughs. And he says, oh, just say this. If all the corpses were to stand up at once, we'd have one hell of a population problem. So,

Oh, my. Pretty dark, grandpa. Yeah. Immediately we cut to that night. They are back out on the town. This is another thing that's like kind of fascinating. And I want to watch more 80s and 90s movies with this in mind. Like teens being out and about and just like free to do their own thing.

It's kind of alarming how little we see of that anymore. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because I think that should happen. That's good for us. And it was just wild because they didn't have phones or any means of communicating or, like, their parents knowing where they were. And yet they were out so much more than modern children. I know. It's really sad. Kids, like, don't want to get their driver's license or, like, have sex.

And it's like, get off your phone and, like, learn how to drive and have a lot of sex. Have a lot of sex. Why aren't the kids having a lot of sex? Why aren't the kids having sex and doing drugs and driving and being out and about? Anywho. So this is from the trailer, which was like, Sammy, I saw you laugh. I laughed so hard. They're at an outdoor concert. It's a bunch of like a saxophone guy. Bulky shirtless men like lubed up with baby oil wearing heavy, heavy chains playing like horn instruments. They're playing like the saxophone and the trumpet. And they're really like like thrusting. Thrusting. A lot of pills. motion happening. So much thrusting. And the chains are really big. It must be heavy. Yeah. But they're so strong. They're so strong. It doesn't matter. They're so strong. There's so many teens, like teens, wall-to-wall teens, enjoying this outdoor concert. And it's here that Michael first spots star. This is going to be his love interest. They kind of look at each other from

across the crowd. There's a lot of like half mouth open, blank, dead eye, staring, yearning, needing, like, sexual tension happening between the two of them, which also like we really need more yearning. And it was reminding me like the teens need to like get outside and we need to be yearning. Let them yearn. They, you know, they're doing a lot of this and then she suddenly runs away. And he starts to follow her. Sam is like, where are you going? He starts to follow his brother. Meanwhile, Lucy, their mom, is walking around. She's kind of noticing all the missing person's posters. And just then there's a little boy who's looking for his mom. And she says, you know, she stops to help him and starts to bring him into the store and ask the shopkeeper for help. And just then the mom shows up, takes the kid. But now she's talking to the shopkeeper. That's the whole point of this interaction. The shopkeeper, is Max, a.k.a. Rory Gilmore's grandfather. I can't remember his name. Edward Herman. A much younger Rory Gilmore's grandfather. He is wearing a plaid blazer with shoulder pads

and a purple and pink silk button down, buttoned all the way to the top. And also within the store, Kiefer and his little crew are walking around menacingly. And Max is kind of like, I told you not to hang out in here. Like, get out of here. And they kind of like, look at him and laugh and then they walk out of the store and they'll get on their motorcycles and you know literally like a cloud of dust comes up and they squeal away and Lucy's saying like they're just kids like you know remember we were that age once and Max is saying you're such a generous person he clearly has a thing for her he thinks that um she's beautiful and he likes her lot and she had noticed that there was a help wanted sign so she says she's looking for a job

max hires her on the spot then we are back with michael and sam michael is continuing to follow star through the crowds star has a little kid with her like a eight-year-old boy and michael kind of turns to sam and is like do you have anything better to do than follow me like just leave me the fuck alone, which is also so funny because like, again, no cell phones, no plan. You know, how are we getting home? Right. What are we doing? We're children. We don't know where anything is. All right. Whatever. And Sam then notices right in that moment a comic book store. And he's like, yeah, I do something better to do. So he goes into that comic book store. This is a dork. Yeah.

to say that. I just had to. What just came over you? It was her OC training. I don't even, I don't even think it's dorky. It just, uh, I just have to say it. It's like when you hear 69, you have to say nice. Um, yeah.

So this is when we get a full body shot of Sam. So we get his full outfit. And he's wearing like a horizontal striped floor length blazer. It's like a blazer, but it's literally touching the floor. And then also a Hawaiian shirt buttoned up all the way to the top underneath of it. Wow. Both colors popped. Blazer color popped.

Wow. Hawaiian shirt popped. And so he's checking out the comics. And this is when we meet the Frog Brothers. This is Corey Feldman and Jameson Newlander, who are Edgar and Alan Frog who work at this comic book store. They are like not the most welcoming people. They immediately start making fun of his outfit. But they're wearing, like, equally nuts outfits.

And they're saying things that don't make any sense to me. They say they're scoping out his civilian clothing. They say, we're just scoping out your civilian clothing, brother. Then they say, are you looking for a frozen yogurt bar? Sick burn. What a dig, yeah. And so, like, I'm not getting these cues. So they're wearing flannel buttons over, like, graphic teas.

And then Corey Feldman has some fabric tied around his head, which I feel like Corey Feldman does in like all of his movies. And, you know, but then Sam quickly puts them in their place. He schools them on comic book knowledge. Dork. Nice. Dork. Nice dork.

He is wowing them. Dork power. He's wowing their socks off. He has a deep insider info on the additions of Batman versus Superman and which one comes first and how rare it is and how many are existence. And he knows the answer and they don't. And actually he knows way more than that. Whoa.

So he's passed some kind of first test. And so Corey Feldman pushes a comic into his hand. This comic is called Vampires Everywhere. And he says, this could save your life. And Sam brushes him off and is like, I don't read horror comics, man. I'm not interested in that. Outside the comic book store, they like, just, it's casually in the background. It's like teen bedlam out there.

Like the teens are moshing. They're rioting, moshing, like pressing up against the windows. It was like, I guess it's just another night on the boardwalk. Again, like, is this what the 80s was like? Then we got back to Michael. He finally spots Star, but her and her little sibling are getting on the back of Kiefer's motorcycle. Uh-no. Three people on a motorcycle?

Well, no, the other one gets on maybe Alex Winters. Let's just give Alex Winter something else to do. Let's just say it's how it's going to get. Yeah, gets on the back of someone else. motorcycle. They are making so much eye contact. Kiefer is making a lot of eye contact with Michael. Starr's making eye contact with Michael. Kiefer and Star making eye contact. Star and Michael are making a lot of eye contact. And everyone's looking like something's about to happen between all of us. We just don't know what it is yet. Michael is jealous. Again, longing,

yearning, dismayed. Then we get a quick little scene of two teens making out in their car when zoom nether overhead shot we saw this in the trailer roof gets pulled off red light shines on them wind blows so much wind wishing they scream and one by one they get sucked up by what we never see it you're just going to have to use your own imagination sucked up by what we'll never know I mean it could be what we think it is but they never show us so it could be anything there could be anything could be like big vacuum cleaner maybe um so the next day sam returns to the comic book store this time during the day and the uh what do they call it the frog brothers frog boys the frog boys this is also in the trailer they're questioning him they're saying

notice anything strange about santa carlo yet he's saying yeah martians and they're like no vampires sam is like brushing them off we tried to just give you a cutie little code yesterday but we're fucking over it we need to tell you the real thing read between the lines or just read what we're fucking giving you And Corey Feldman, like, you know, like grabs his shirt and it's like, you think we just work at this comic book store? This comic book store is a cover. Really, we're fighters. We're out here fighting for truth and justice, the American way. Again, I think about the 80s is like, all the American, like. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, you know. Sam, again, doesn't believe them, but Cory Feldman forces him to take the comic book this time. Again, vampires everywhere is the name of the comic book. He says, think if this is a survivor manual, there's a number on the back. Pray, you never need to call us. So then Michael, he's back at the boardwalk. He's, you know, looking at an ear piercing place because, like, he might have noticed that some of the cool kids might have their ear pierced.

And then Star sidles up behind him. And she says, don't go there. It's a rip off. I can pierce your ear. Michael, he's so excited. Earning is over. Star is now here. yearning is over yearning is over now it's time to you know get it on have sex like regular

teen yeah have sex like regular team he asks if she wants to get something to eat she's about to hop on the back of his motorcycle because he also has a motorcycle oh my god

one key for Sutherland rolls up and is like star where are you going he's very controlling he won't let her get on the back of Michael's bike he forces her to get

on the back of his bike But then he also implies Michael, he like, follow us. And Michael's like, okay. So then we cue a nighttime motorcycle race over the beach. 80s music is blaring. They're zooming under the pier. They're zooming out of the beach and into the woods, into a grove of trees. There's fog everywhere.

Suddenly the music stops. You really can't see far ahead of you, but Kiefer is going faster and faster and faster and faster and faster. And, you know, screaming for Michael to keep up, Michael is grabbing his engine going faster and faster and faster until he like has a sense and squeal stops. Wouldn't you know it right before he went off a huge cliff down into the ocean very far away? That was a nasty trick, Kiefer. Nasty, nasty, nasty trick. Michael's pissed. He's like, what the fuck?

He tries to attack Kiefer. Kiefer is calm and is like, this is all part of the plan, brother. He just looks him in the eye and says, how far are you willing to go, Michael? How far are you willing to go? Cut to Kiefer leading him down into his little vampire layer. Wow. Just like that. He's like dressed kind of like David Bowie in the labyrinth.

He has like riding joddbers on and tall riding boots and then also a long leather jacket. and his crazy mullet, I mean, the outfits, I think the layering, the layering just goes beyond what my mind is capable of processing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's in this underground layer. We find out that apparently this spot used to be the hottest resort in Santa Carla, but then the 1906 earthquake made it fall into the cracks of the earth. Sure.

And so now it's their lair. it's exactly what you would imagine. It was the hottest club prior to 1906. Yeah, like in the late 19th century. So it's exactly how you would imagine. Just like random shit all over the place. The main thing I want to talk about, because this is like a thing throughout the movie,

they're always barrels of burning fire everywhere. And it's like, who lit these fires in these empty barrels? Are they always going to someone like tend to the fires? because they're always barrels with fire in them. And is that part of vampire magic? Maybe it's coming straight up from hell. Yeah, that's what I was. I guess it's just hell doing them a solid by keeping them like always lit.

And fire lighting is quite flattering. It's really nice. So they're all like joking. Alex Winter's here. I forgot to mention. Thank you. Someone says feeding time. Ha, ha, ha.

They bring out some boxes of Chinese takeout. Kiefer encourages Michael to try some, he takes a bite, he looks down. It's not rice he's eating, it's maggots, just a box filled with maggots. That's an even nastier trick. So mean, he throws it on the ground, spits it out, but then they all laugh. He looks at it again. It was rice. It wasn't maggots.

What is going on? They've glimmered him. Magic. Then they do the exact same thing. He falls for it again. This time it's worms and noodles. They do it again. And this time Michael doesn't eat any of it.

Then they bring out a deeply or neat bottle of wine. And there's a lot of light spotlight and kiefer as he lifts this totally normal bottle of wine up above his head and drinks straight out of it. And then hands it to Michael and says, some of this, Michael, be one of us. And Michael is like, okay, and takes it. And Sky is like, don't do that. Stop. Don't do that. That's blood. And Michael says, sure, whatever. And then chugs it. Then there's like another hedonistic montage all, wait, okay, within slow motion of Michael drinking the blood. So then we just get like Michael drinking the blood over and over again. And then then dancing to a song that also kind of repeats throughout the movie, that's like, Thou shall not fall, thou shall not die, thou shall not fear, like, it's that, someone whispering.

Then Kiefer is going, Michael, Michael, Michael, and they're all laughing, and they're laughing. And then suddenly they're all on their motorcycles, and they drive to a bridge. And Kiefer's like, I think we should tell Michael what's going on. And the crew's like, yeah, let's tell Michael what's going on. So they all start getting off their motorcycles, and then they, it's the iconic shot on the cover that we've all seen of them hanging by their hands off this bridge. They just hang there for fun. And then they say, Michael, join us. Come with us.

Michael, do this, Michael. And Michael's like, okay, so he does it too. He looks down, shot of his feet dangling in the air, and it's a long drop. And then just then a train starts coming because it's not just a bridge. It's also a train track. Train starts coming. He's screaming. And then Michael says, you're one of us.

Just drop off. Michael drops off the bridge. Oh, wait, no, sorry. Kiefer drops off the bridge. Michael's still holding on one by one. All the other ones drop off. Michael's the last one. He hears them calling them at the bottom.

Michael, Michael, it's okay, Michael. but he's obviously very scared. But then he drops. And he drops for a very long time. It's just going and going and going and going and going and going through fog, through fog. And then he wakes up on his mattress at home. Birds are chirping. It's morning.

Sam comes in, opens the blinds. Michael can barely handle the light. He demands sunglasses. He says, Sam, you have to go get me sunglasses. He puts them on. Sam is saying mom's on the phone. She has a question for you. His mom is asking him to stay home with Sam because she's been asked to go on a date with Max. Wow. A morning date? I guess so. And then also I want to note that now Michael has a long dangly earring. He did not use to have that. Oh my God. So he's wearing sunglasses inside and he has a long dangly earring.

You're really cool. That's how you know. He's on the wrong path. Then we cut to that night. The wind is rushing through the front yard. The grandfather is chitter-chattering about how he's going on a big date tonight with the widow Johnson. And he's so excited. And Mike in kind of an uncharacteristic way is being quite mean to him. He's making fun of him. And Sam is like, dude, this is not nice. Like, what's going on with you? Why are you wearing sunglasses inside? You're acting super weird. Have you been watching too much dynasty? Like, what is up with you? Then the motorcycle group shows up in an absolute windstorm.

It blows out the windows, knocks pictures off the ground. It's like a tsunami of activity in the house. And then suddenly it all halts. The electricity has shut off. It is completely dark. Sam is like, what the fuck was that? And his brother is like, don't worry about it. Just go take your bath.

It's time for your bath. Like, shut up. Just go take your bath. Dork. Teen, teen boy. Go take your bath. Exactly. I was like, when did we start taking showers? Where baths the thing in the 80s? Where people taking showers in the 80s? I mean, if children take baths, but at a certain point, they start showering, right? 80s or not. He's like before 8. 15 in this, maybe. Oh, the 8 year old is with Sky. Yeah. So I think that Sam is like, if I would guess, maybe Sam's like 14 and Michael's like 17. Yeah, I think he bath standing up at that age usually. You bathe standing up in a shower. So he doesn't do that. he literally takes a bubble bath and has so much fun in the bubble bath. What an interesting child. While he's doing that, Mike, I guess also again, Mike doesn't go with the motorcycle gang. The motorcycle gang just like came, showed up, like knocked all the electricity off, blew out some windows, and then left. Because the next shot is Mike alone in front of the refrigerator, opening it up, looking at the food, trying to figure out what to eat, takes out the milk,

tries to take a sip of it, gags, almost passes out. Yeah, well, milk's pretty gross. Milk is so gross. It's the opposite of Frankenstein, where they're just drinking milk all day long. Which someone, I saw someone commented that that's also unpasteurized milk. So it would have been like... Oh, like an RFK style.

Oh. Anyway, so Sam's in the bath. He's singing along to his stereo. His dog, Nunuk, is at his side. And Mike, you see from the outside, starts approaching the bathroom menacingly. He starts to turn the knob. You get the sense that he is maybe going to try to suck Sam's blood. I don't know.

The dog senses this. And right as he's like turning the knob to the bathroom, the dog bursts through the door. And this is just as Sam goes underwater. So he kind of misses this interaction. But he hears something. Classic bath time activity for a teenager. just submerge yourself under the bubble bath. And he's like playing in the bath too with like bath toys.

Like this part too is like, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, so it is. I guess. What the fuck? So then he bursts out of the bath. He's looking around. He doesn't see his dog. He's going, Mike, no, no.

Mike, where are you? What happened? It's a completely dark house. Sam gets out of the bath, like puts a bath row on. He's like trying to turn on some lights. And he walks downstairs. It's very tense. It's scary.

It's dark. suddenly we see Mike he looks up at him he's holding his hand it's covered in blood Sam is like what did you do to my my dog you my asshole what did you do my dog you asshole very different movie and um Michael's like he bit me and Sam is like he was protecting me and then Sam says look at your reflection in the mirror Michael they look at his reflection in the mirror There's some terrible 80s CGI. Michael looks like kind of semi-transparent. And this is met with the following reaction.

Sam is like, you're a vampire, my own brother. Wait until mom finds out. And then he runs upstairs and locks himself in the bedroom. This is where it's like the comedy in this film is so all over the place. It's also just this like, you know, it makes sense. It's like this like Goonies Adventure slapstick boy. but it also has kind of like darker feeling to it too so Sam locks himself in that bedroom

he calls the number on the back of the comic book it's time for him to seek out counsel from the Frog Brothers Mike meanwhile turns out all the lights lies down he's listening to his heartbeat one of the Frog brothers is explaining to Sam here's what you need to do you need to go get a sharp stake you need to put that steak through his heart

Sam is going But it's my brother. I can't kill my own brother. Yeah, that's tough. The Frog brothers are saying, you need to make a t-shirt out of garlic or it's your own funeral. And then they hang up on him. A t-shirt out of garlic. That's what they say. You have some structural questions there.

Yeah. He does do this later in the movie. Is it like a bunch of garlic cloves like all woven together? So it's like kind of like open weave like mesh. Like I'm pitching like a beaded shirt, but instead of beads. it's cloves of garlic which is actually pretty fucking cool that's an idea and something you should take to your design team no he literally just like puts garlic clothes on a t-shirt like you like garlic on a t-shirt tapes them or like safety pins them on but i like your idea better but yeah

but like do you do you do you picture what i'm absolutely i'm it's like chain mail but with garlic exactly yeah like big bulbous garlic somebody do it you would smell so good but even just like for a vampire movie like somebody in the costume department like that's fucking cool yeah it's a good idea take notes take notes everyone um so then mike falls asleep and when he wakes up he's on the ceiling he floated to the top of his bedroom while he was sleeping and it's not great he doesn't love it he's freaking out he's trying to get down but he can't he's reaching out his hands like he can't control himself And Sam can hear all this commotion in his room.

And just then his mom calls from her date just to check in. So I guess it was like it was night time. He woke up and it was like almost nighttime. I don't know, whatever. What the hell were they doing all day? I don't know. I'm confused about the time. But I think that he woke up late.

It was like probably woke up like 4 p.m. or something. I mean, the first time he woke up. So then Sam is saying, mom, we need to have a long talk. Because Michael's a vampire. Yeah. And we ought to do something about it. I was like, well, what are you talking about? Just then we get the hilarious scene of Michael floating outside Sam's window, out of control, floating through the air, saying, Sam, you need to help me.

Sam is terrified. He's like, ah, he's trying to kill me. He's trying to kill me. Lucy hears all of this on the phone. Of course, she's like, what the fuck's going on? so she is just about to meet Max at the restaurant and hasn't met him yet. Max sees her on the phone and then sees her running away. Michael is saying, Sam, you have to help me, help me, open up your window, help me, help me.

Sam is going, you're a vampire. No, I'm scared of you. Michael's saying, open up the window. He finally does. He says, thank you, Sam. We've got to stick together. You can't tell mom. I'm going to figure this out.

you can't tell mom like don't worry and um sam is like okay so then his mom comes home and it's like what the fuck is going on with you and michael and he says that he just read a scary comic book and it scared him and that's why he reacted that way because he's a little baby boy who takes bags and is scared of his book i know um she's obviously pissed she looks in the kitchen she sees the mess michael made he dropped the milk carton on the ground we get a good look at that milk carton guess what's on the back of the malcarten missing children missing child

the same child that was with Star oh no oh no this is not good this is not good that was not her sibling no oh no so then Sam sleeps with his mom that night he's very scared he's covered in garlic he's wearing a chocolate t-shirt

and sorry you're really surprised me. I don't know why my brain really went to the worst possible thing. I'm in a weird place today, you guys. Movies doing weird things to say me. So then Michael goes back to the vampire layer looking for a star and she's there with the missing kid and he runs up to her and he's like, what is happening to me, what's going

on? The missing kid is there but asleep like in the other room. And Michael didn't see the missing kid. I guess not. And also, like, this missing kid is not even a thing. So, like, whatever. So don't even worry about it. It's the 80s. Yes, the 80s.

Who cares? So then, yeah, he's like, what's happening? He's looking for answers. And she's, like, I told you not to drink that wine. It was David's blood that you drank. And I don't know how to tell you this, but the same thing is happening to me. There's a lot of sexual attention. And then they start making out.

And then there is an 80s sex. Tension's gone. The tension's gone because now they're having sex. And instead it's a sex montage with 80s music and like lots of like gauzy white curtains. Sure. And, you know, like suggested shots. Sure. And then, you know, kind of as a metaphor for like young love and like orgasms, suddenly

we're soaring across clouds. over water up a rocky cliff into the sky then into the cave and then we hear the lost boys that's what we're calling the vampire group they're hollering they're laughing um michael and star wake up they're in the layer michael notices that the cut from the dog on his hand completely healed he goes back home his mom clearly she wants to talk she says why are you wearing sunglasses inside You look so stupid. So she's saying, Michael, Michael, look at me. He's going, I'm tired, mom.

And she goes, what? Let me guess. Like, there are things going on that I wouldn't understand. He says, yeah, there are things going on that you wouldn't understand. Then his grandpa walks in and says, it looks like I'm not the only one who got lucky last night. Whoa, grandpa. And again, he's the comic relief.

in ways that like I don't know like what really inappropriate Sam is looking on despondent he's worried his brother's a vampire and he doesn't know what to do about it then there's this scene of Sam's mom Lucy bringing wine to

Max's house to apologize for missing their date she hops out of the car she brings it to the gate and as she's approaching the house Max's dog starts chasing her and actually like Sammy I feel like you would have been genuinely scared of this scene. It was like a scary dog chasing scene.

Like he really chases her and really tries to get her. And she like just clears the fence, which is I'm going to say another 80s thing. I feel like 80s dogs were always attacking everyone in the 80s. Do you guys feel this way? I do. Coojo. It's a time of Coojo. It's a time of Coojo.

Yeah. So that's worrisome. What's going on there? But at least there's also good dog representation. in this film. Yes. With the husky. That's true.

We get all the different sides of a dog. Sam goes back. All the different sides of a dog. Maybe not all of them, but a few of them. Sam goes back to the comic book store. He now believes in vampires. We're on a whole different place in this relationship. Their frog brothers are immediately telling them

ghouls and werewolves occupy positions in City Hall. You wouldn't believe what's going on in this town. town, they tell him that he has to kill his brother. They're saying he has no other choice. And if he doesn't kill his brother, they will. But Sam tries to make the argument that there's a main vampire and they have to kill the main vampire because that's how vampirism works. Right. Like it'll take away everybody else's.

It'll take away everyone else's. Cut off the head. Yeah. So he makes an argument. He says, I just had this really weird experience with a dog. and I think that Max is the main vampire? What if my mom is dating the head vampire? Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Mom invites Max over for dinner. Oh, no. Max shows up at the door. Michael opens it. He's wearing his sunglasses. He's pissed off.

He's turning to a vampire. It doesn't feel good. Max tries to shake Michael's hand. Michael won't do it. Max is like, okay, man, you're the man. of the house. I get it. I won't come in until I'm invited. And Michael goes, you're invited. Oh, no classic vampire thing. We're getting a lot of mixed signals in this scene. We're getting like one thing, one and another thing. So, oh, first of all, their dinner is interrupted by the

Frog Brothers and Sam who crashed their dinner and they say that they want to have dinner too. Okay. Hi, we're the Frog Brothers and we're coming on a dinner date. We're coming with you. At the dinner, Max is eating a lot. Max is eating a lot. So you're like, okay, not a vampire. Then Lucy says, whoa, somebody around here has really bad breath. That's a vampire thing. So maybe he is a vampire. Then someone says, it's no nook. Who knows? Okay. Interesting. They offer Max, the Frog Brothers. They offer him, Parmesan cheese. He puts it on his pasta, takes a bite. He's like oh sick they're like uh-huh and he's like is that garlic they just put grated garlic pretended like it was parmesan cheese he's fine he's not he just grossed out because he didn't want

to eat like a you know bunch of raw garlic grated garlic yeah sure and the mom is so upset she's saying i'm so sorry like why are you guys doing this this is so rude and max says hey hey i know what's going on i know what's going on he says i'm not trying to replace your father he looks at Sam, or still your mother. I just want to be friends. And Sam and the Frog Brothers are looking at each other. Like, I guess we made a mistake with him. Like, okay.

So then Max and Lucy make a plan to have another date because this one has been ruined. Meanwhile, the grandpa is in the corner watching all this unfold. Imagine trying to have a date. Your father's watching from another room. Yep, yep, yep. You're like two random teen boys. What if grandpa's the head vampire? It's a good.

Good theory. So then Michael is back at the boardwalk. He's confronting Kiefer. He's saying, where's Star? Kephyr's insane. If you ever want to see Star again, you better come with us now. So they have another motorcycle montage. This time they go to a remote windy fog laid in place that's only lit by the glow of

bonfire. they climb a tree. They're all on a tree. They're staring at the partygoers who are like, you know, partying as teens do, partying so much around the bonfire, having so much fun. As teens used to. And Michael isn't in the tree yet. And Kiefer says, come over here. You don't want to miss this. Get in this tree with us. Get up in this train. Initiations over Michael. It's time to join the club. And just then he looks at Michael. Michael's in the tree already. And he reveals his fangs and his red eyes. Michael shocked. Oh, my God. We zoom out of the tree. We see more of that flying massacre stuff. We don't actually see them like kill anyone. We're just seeing a lot of like overhead people screaming. Michael is still in the tree. He is not into it. He's looking scared. He doesn't want to participate. Clearly the idea is like you need to kill some people and then you'll be part of our group. Michael doesn't want to do it. It's like pretty gross what they're doing.

It seems like someone gets like scout. Like there's like blood everywhere. It's really yucky. But as there's more blood, he, Michael kind of gets like blood crazy. He can't help himself. He's like smelling the blood. He's seeing the blood. He screams in the tree alone for Michael.

He develops fangs and his eyes turn red. And suddenly he falls out of the tree. And then he's falling down. a sand dune. And then Kiefer and his crew are now at the top of the sand dune looking down at him, back to normal, laughing, saying, now you know what we are. Now you know what you are. You'll never grow old and you'll never die. You must feed. You have to feed. They're all laughing. They're having the time of their life. Michael doesn't still is like on the fence. So then we're back at the house. Sam is sleeping in the middle of the night. He wakes

up he's scared because one of his grandpa's taxidermied animals scares it in the middle of the night. Do you think they, like, wrote this to be like an eight-year-old boy and then couldn't cast, like, ended up casting a teenager and we're like, I just keep it all. It's like a really weird blending. Like young and old. Not to say the 14-year-old can't get scared because they can. But there's a lot of details here where I'm like, this feels like it was written to be a much younger, younger. Yeah, it's weird.

I don't know. I don't know. It's weird. And so. But then he should be scared because not all. Only was it a taxidermine animal. It's also Michael sitting in the dark staring at him. Sam is like, tell me who the head vampire is.

You know who's the head vampire. And just then Starr shows up. Sorry, these are my notes are so bad. And Michael is mad at Starr and he's like, what is happening to me? What the fuck? And Starr is going, it's my fault. I tried to warn you. That was David's blood.

But you're not like them. You're like Lattie and me. Laddie's the kid. We haven't made our first kill. So you're like us. She says you were supposed to be my first kill, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And Michael is like, why? Because you cared about me so much? She's like, yes, I do care about you. But he's mad. Sam's watching all of this. Like, whoa, this is intense? And he's saying, is it too late for us? Michael's saying it too late. It's too late to go back to normal. And Star is saying it's not too late. But it gets harder and harder and harder to resist blood. It gets so hard. I really need your help. You have to help me and Laddie. And he's like, like, I'm not going to fucking help you. And then she disappears.

Seems like could be mutually good official. Sorry, my notes are bad. And then Sam picks up the phone, calls the Frog Brothers, and Corey and the other guy show up on the next morning. So now we're in the next morning. Corey and the other guy, of course, we're not going to come in the middle of the night. Got to the next morning. They show up, ready to fight.

They're in full battle gear on their bicycles. and vampires have motorcycles so you really showed up to a gunfight with a knife yeah but you know we are always reading for the underdog so then they borrow the grandfather's car they ditch the bikes they borrow the car they go to the vampire layer in the daytime so again morning it's important we get a beautiful daytime shot of where this vampire layer is it's on a barren cliff it's absolutely gorgeous. They're like yelling at each other about stuff and then Sam is basically saying like don't kill my brother. And then Corey's saying if you try to kill me or vamp out in any way, I'll take you. Oh, he says that to Michael. And vamp out is an important term because that's then

used. They coined it in this movie and it's used a lot in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh, fun. Vamp out meaning I guess just, you know, drink blood. Be a vampire. Have fun. Yeah, do vampire stuff Yeah, just vamp out Just kind of vamp out You're vamping out Michael is like Where did you meet these guys

And Sam is like Shut up Star is asleep down In the lair And she says Take Laddie first So they take Laddie The little kid who's asleep

They bring Laddie up to the car Then they go back down To get Star Then while Michael is getting star Sam and the Frog Brothers Explore the Cripmore They go deep down under and seems foolish they're looking for the vamps

Sam's going what's that smell and the Frog brothers are going Vampires my friend you're fucking idiot like get it together their vibe is just like You're so mean to each other They're so mean they're so mean But that's how they love each other

They are looking for coffins They're not seeing any coffins They can't find anything Then suddenly one of them shines a flashlight up And there's a jump scare All the vampires Bats Hanging like bats, hanging like creepy little bats.

Makes a lot of sense. Up at the top. These kids are not being subtle. They're screaming. They're shouting. They're doing their flashlights in the vampire's faces. That's going to wake him up. One of the Corrie's pushes a stake through one of the vampire gang members. Whoa. So kills one of them. I don't know if it was Alex Winter or not. I can't remember. Okay.

Everyone starts screaming. Kiefer Sutherland wakes up. He says, you're dead meat. As they are rushing out of there, they're running away from the vampires, run, run, run, run, run. They almost get out, and then Kiefer grabs Sam's ankle, tries to pull him back in. You think he's going to get him. You think he's going to get him. Just then, a shaft of sunlight hits Kiefer's hand. Fire. He screams.

He pulls back. He can't be anywhere near the sunlight. Because he's a full vampire, but the star and Michael are not quite full vampires yet. Yeah, so Michael only needs sunglasses. Like, that's a pretty huge difference. That's a pretty huge deal. Because it seems like Keeper will burst into flames. Like maybe once he actually kills somebody, then he'll be full-fledged vampire.

Yeah, exactly. So a single tear leaves Keith for Sutherland's face as he stares at, as he stares at Sam. And he says, tonight, they get out of there as fast as they can. They're getting in the car. They're yelling, burn, robber. They almost drive off the cliff. They make it home Grandpa is unfazed

By all this energy He just says he takes a look at them And he says You know the rule about filling up the car with gas When you take it without asking, right? And you're like, no, grandpa But I guess we've seen grandpa Outside during the day

Yeah, that's true That's a really good point So they put Star and Laddie in a bedroom And then like figure out a plan First, Sam goes to find his mom in the video store, tells her Santa Clara is calling with vampires, she doesn't believe him. He goes back to the Frog Brothers and says, we're on our own.

It's just up to us. The adults aren't going to believe us. And all they have are their bikes. So they use those bikes to go to a church. They rush into a church. A priest is doing a baptism. They ostentatiously fill up their water canteens with holy water. The whole congregation is just staring at them.

They're just filling up one canteen after another, getting as much holy water as they can carry. Sam tells his grandpa that the widow called and their date starts at seven, not eight. And the grandpa's like, I didn't know I had a date with her tonight. That's great news for me. Teahee-he, they're getting him out of the house. It's going to get late again. Yeah, got to get late again. And tell everybody.

Then we're, you know, we're doing like the preparation. We're locking all the windows. We're boarding up the windows. We're filling the bathtubs with holy water. and crushed garlic, then we're filling Nerf guns with the combination of Holy Water and crushed garlic, the sun's going down, ominous music cues up, there's more shots of the pier, sunset surfers, nighttime carnival rides, the abandoned crypt. Suddenly, we get a shot of the vampire's feet hanging. The feet are so gross. They must have spent a long time figuring out how to make

these feet look as gross as possible. It's a very quick shot, but, you know, the intention is to show them, like, zooming off of their perch. Right. Like a little bat feet? Oh, it's like bat human feet. Ew. So, meanwhile, Lucy's having another date with Max. She's just telling him about how Sam told her about vampires being in Santa Clara. Max is going like, ha-ha. That's nuts. Then we're back at the house, Nunuk. We forgot about Nunuk. She's outside. He's outside barking. Sam is like, fuck. Oh, no. He runs after her. The dog is a girl or a boy. I don't know. Goes after a no no. Everyone inside the house screaming, Sam, no, no. The sun literally just went down. Don't do this. No, no, no. Very tense, long. You know, we get a POV flying shot. Vampires coming in. They see Sam outside running to the dog. Sam gets the dog right in time. gets inside right in time while sky is screaming run run they're coming they're coming everyone's screaming no sam gets in the house right in the last second all the screaming honestly

kind of for nothing because immediately the vampires just burst into the house like there's like all the work they did like didn't i mean but they just burst right through that um they're run upstairs one of the vampires corners the frog brothers at a bedroom they throw a whole holy water on him. It only hurts him a little bit. Then they like run into the bathroom. And then the nook tackles the vampire into the bath filled with holy water and crushed garlic. Oh, kind of nook. And the vampire, uh, the vampire, you know, burns, thrashes, dies like he's swimming in acid. And then when he dies, somehow all of that water like drains into the pipes and then bursts out through all the other pipes in the house. So like a toilet explodes with like vampire guts and like

kitchen sink explodes with like holy water and vampire guts. And anyway, it's a goddamn mess. And then it's all dark. Not a light is on. Sam turns on a figure out how to turn on a light. He's using it like a flashlight. He finds Michael who's been knocked unconscious. He tries to wake him up until a vampire grabs him, flies them both up to the ceiling, but somehow he fights him off, crashes down. He grabs his bow and arrow. He has a bow and arrow. And he aims, misses, the vampire goes, you miss sucker. And then Sam goes, only months, pal, hits him again. When he hits him with an arrow, he flies back, the vampire flies back, hits a stereo. And then the stereo explodes, Sparks flying everywhere for a long time until the vampire's head bursts.

Whoa. And then Sam says, death by stereo. Wow, I take it back. This kid's not a dork at all. No, we're really getting mixed signals here. Then Michael and Sam run out of the room. The kitchen is filled with, you know, drains, screting blood and holy water. And then Kiefer bursts from the ceiling.

He's taunting Michael. Laddie, who's a vampire. comes out and hours screaming. The Frog Brothers try to attack Laddie. Star stops. She's like, he's only a boy. He's only a boy, please. He's like a little kid.

Don't attack him. He's seeming like a lot like a vampire right now. We're kind of like not sure what to do. Then it's time for the final showdown between Kiefer Sutherland, aka David, and Michael. Michael walks through this torn up living room. Kind of like, you know, Jennifer Love Hewitt. I know you did last summer style. What are you waiting for?

Yeah, you're free to face me, David. David appears, and he says, I tried to make you immortal. And he says, you tried to make me a killer. And then Michael turns, like his eyes turn red, his fangs come out. And Kiefer's so, and it's like, you are a killer. And then they both fly at each other. Nice. And they meet in the middle.

They're entangled in the middle of the living room, flying, floating above. The living room is set, if you will. He's saying, like you're saying, I don't want to kill you. join us join us michael say never and kefer's saying it's too late my blood is in you and then um is there any like homo eroticism in this is it like ever kind of implied that keifer is attracted to him i think yes also there's like a lot of talk about that because joel schumacher is gay and like very like sexually promiscuous and has said that he's probably slept with 20,000 people and he's like what that's a lot there's like a poster of like

Rob Lowe. There's a posters of like naked men and but again like this is I also want to talk about it because like we'll get you at the end but um 20,000 people and then Michael has the final word. He says so is mine, which I don't really remember keep her drinking his blood. Yes. I was I was interrupted and I forgot. So is mine what. I don't know. That's what I've written down. I guess my blood oh isn't you so is mine too. I might have missed I might have just written down the mind. No, okay. So Kiefer was saying, my blood is in you. And he's saying, my blood is also in me. Like, I'm still me.

I see. Oh, that's it. Right? Like, I'm not you. I'm me. That's it. You cracked the code. I cracked the code.

Thank you. Yeah. Jesus Christ. And then right in that moment, he impales Kiefer on some antlers. A lot of antlers in here. Very useful. Nice. There's that child orchestra again, the,

Thou shall not fall, thou shalt not die. Like long extended shot on Kiefer Sutherland, who's suddenly dying. Yeah, who's like dead. He's like on these antlers. His face is suddenly bathed in this white light. He's absolutely steaming. There's steam rising off of him. Kiefer Sutherland is dead.

Michael's looking. He's looking aghast. His eyes are still glowing. His fangs are fully bare. Star comes up to him and like tries to comfort him and Michael hides in the shadows and is like, don't let anyone see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this. Sam runs in. He's like, Michael, Michael, Michael's hiding in the shadows and he's going, get away, get away. And the Frog brothers are like, everyone's still a vampire. So there must be one more vampire we have to kill.

So then Mom and Max pull up from their date. Max Rory's grandfather comes stroll. He sees Kiefer Sutherland impaled on those antlers. He sighs, despondent. He walks over, kind of cups Kiefer's face with his hand. He says, I'm sorry, Lucy. It's all my fault. David and my boys misbehaved. So, Max is the ringleader. Max is the head vampire. How come he could eat food Amp garlic. Yeah, I don't know. I guess garlic isn't a thing. The mom is so confused. She's going, Max, what do you mean? Max, what could you possibly mean by any of this? What's happening? It would be pretty confusing, I'd think. Yeah, yeah, definitely. He says, I knew that if I could get Sam and Michael involved, you couldn't say no. It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. It was all

going to be so perfect. And just then Michael attacks him, but Max easily throws him off. Then Sam attacks him, Max puts him in a headlock and says, join me, Lucy, join me, be with me, be with me forever. Lucy clearly not into this, however, it feels like he's going to kill Sam. So she's like, okay. She's like about to let Max bite her when slam the living room wall crashes in, Grandpa in his car just drives right on through the house. Oh, nice. Impails Max, shoves him into a pile of glass, a lot of smoke. Smoke starts clearing.

Everyone's coughing. Everyone's looking around. Michael and Star look at each other. No more fangs. Eyes are clear. Back to normal. Laddie's back to normal. Laddie's no longer faceful of prosthetics, just a normal little boy.

And he's going to stay normal forever. Yeah, this won't change you one little. little bit. Everyone hugs. It's a huge fief. Corey Feldman says, how much should be charged them for this? Then the dad, or the grandpa, he's stunned. He's in the car. He slowly gets out of his car. He walks calmly through the rubble. Everyone's like, what's grandpa doing? They all follow him. He walks into the kitchen slowly. Still not saying anything. Everyone's like, what's going on? he walks to the fridge he opens it up he grabs a beer pops it chugs the whole thing they're all looking at him and he goes the one thing about living in santa clara i could never stomach all the

damn vampires then they look back at him everyone's looking at him they're kind of amused it's kind of funny the end and that's the end of the movie wow wow Jesus. What a crazy movie. I know. I know. Yeah. So, yeah.

So the reason why this movie was then like kind of hard to recap for me and then hard to talk about is that like it's kind of a long extended metaphor for how like adult white men use their power to manipulate and hurt other people, especially people who are more about vulnerable. especially like children and so it's kind of like a whole movie about that and then Cory Heim and Corey Feldman were like their lives were ruined by men doing that to them um like they were children like 14 15 I don't know like rising stars and there are a ton I mean I don't know exactly what happened but like both of them were for sure sexually assaulted and then like it crippled their sense of self. I mean, Corey Heim was like super addictive to drugs. Corey Feldman's been super addicted to drugs. And like Cory Heim was homeless for a long time. And then A&E decided to make a reality TV show about Corey Heim's like come back in the early

2000s. But really it just became like it was uncovered that Corey Heim and Corey Feldman were assaulted when they were children. That came out in the reality TV show. And, like, Corey Feldman also, like, didn't want to talk about it. So it was, like, pissed that Corey Heim said it. Yeah, I vaguely remember that. And then they, like, didn't talk to each other. And Corey Feldman, like, left the show. It's just, like, the darkest corners of Hollywood in terms of, like, the industry just, like, using people, just using them.

And it really makes me really fucking sad. And it just pisses me off because we also have so many movies and books. and TV shows that are like the same story over and over and over again about like people using their power to hurt people and then it's like and then it happens in real life over and over and over again and it's just I don't know like the whole thing made me feel like kind of like gross and icky yeah so yeah and I feel like the the way it's like infanticizing Coreyheim during it too is also like uncomfortable yes I can see how that would be

unpleasant to watch. And it's just so sad because these were, they were like idolized. You know, no one knew. They were like on the cover of like Tiger Beed and Teen Beat and they were beloved. They were the Cori's. Everyone fucking loved them.

Meanwhile, they're literally children who are being like abused. It's horrible. It's horrible. So dark. I know. I'm sorry. So I didn't really want to say this in the beginning because like,

no, yeah. It does kind of, I mean, we should separate the movie from the Corrie's, but also it's hard not to. Yeah. I'm just really sad. It is very sad.

But thank you for doing this service for us. Thank you for doing this. Part of me was excited after the movie. I was like, oh, I'm going to like get into like, because I read the thing about Julia Roberts. And I was like, I'm going to get into all the like goss about the 80 stars. Like this is going to be so fun. Like, whoa, Julie Roberts dating.

Like, what else is there? And then I immediately read this and I was like, well, fuck, fuck my fucking life. Like, fuck. Yeah, that's... It's really sad. Very upsetting. And that shit still happens. Well, and this is the most insidious part is that it's like they were victims, but the way that it really victimizes someone is it makes you turn on yourself.

Like, that's what happened to them. They like, clearly it made them like hate themselves, you know? And that's the worst part of it because, like, it just keeps going, you know? Yeah. And it just really put me in a bad headspace last night. Yeah. But, yeah. I don't know.

I don't know. Well, we got a couple shots of Alex Winter. I'm trying to think of the good things. Buffy existing is really. really great. Hot vampires. We will unfortunately be canceled. Oh, right. For this episode. So this is our final goodbye. This is it for us. Yeah. This is it for us. But, you know, some good came out of it.

Something good came out of it. Yeah. Those things we just said. So the other things that we just said are the, so what we're going to hold on to. The silver linings. Yeah. But it's been fun. And it's been fun. And I also thought that like it was going to be short. I can't believe it's like, how long did that take? I thought that was going to be a short one. It's crazy how you always think it's going to be shorter. And then it just... It takes a long time to tell a movie. It takes a while. It does. It takes a long time to tell a movie. It takes a while. I love you guys so much. I love you guys so much. And we love you listeners so much. If you love the 80s, we're sorry. But it's okay for to have different.

to like different things yeah it's why variety is important so why Netflix shouldn't be variety is the spice of life to bring it back around yeah it's it's you know let's have let's learn a lesson from chaos tree you know

chaos tree everything just it doesn't all need to it doesn't need to be perfect I don't know what my metaphor is but we don't all need to fit into a expected picture a little bit of everything you know we should all have a little bit of everything you know

we should all have a little bit of everything is kind of what I'm trying to say, so. Yep, which is really smart and good. Thanks, thanks. And I think it's a good note to end on, so. Okay, well, then there we go. And we love you. I love you.

Have you. Any voices? Any fun, silly voices to get a little silly voices to get a little silly at the end? Just do the, like, child orchestra, like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. From all of us here, too scary. didn't watch.

Goodbye. We didn't. We made it. Thank you all for listening to another episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch. If you enjoy the show, please remember to subscribe and rate us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, five stars only, or we will haunt you. And if you simply can't get enough of us, we have good news for you. We have lots of bonus content available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash

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talk. We're best friends. We talk and then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience owners can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. We are professional friends. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast,

or wherever you get your podcast and watch videos on YouTube. New episodes drop every Wednesday. That's the middle of a work week. I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing. You are. I'm really sorry. I felt the support. I was so, okay. I was trying to be supportive.

Yeah. But I was like, I don't know, reading seems pretty hard right now. It's a lot. I think you did good. Thank you so much. You're welcome.