Too Scary; Didn't Watch - THE MONKEY

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Hi everyone, welcome to Too Scary, Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. I'm Emily and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Henley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammie and I love watching scary movies and so I watch them so that you don't have to. And I did watch the movie this week for the balance has been restored. First time in like a month, my goodness.

And so it also means it's our first true horror episode. I know, I know. It's been a long time. I know. Thanks for bearing with us. If you have indeed been bearing with us. It's honestly, it's not a super scary one, but it is pretty nasty, gory.

Okay. But before we get into that, did anything scary happen to you guys this week? Well, first I want to say that I've been having really intense, weird dreams this week. And I can't really recall a lot of details, except that this morning and I was trying to think about what I was gonna talk about for anything scary, I was like, I remember I had a thought this week at some point that was like, well, this is what I'll talk about on the podcast and I realized it happened within a dream.

I was like in a dream where something scary was happening to me and I was like, well, I'll talk about this on the podcast. I mean, that's, I don't know, that's what you're. Within the last few years, I have a pretty hard time telling apart dreams in reality. Like that happens to me all the time. Like I'm like, well, this thing that happened.

And then I'm like, oh, that was definitely a dream that did not happen. Whoa, I don't remember my dreams and I hate it. I really wish I remembered them because I feel like I've had, I've had like really kind of almost like spiritual experiences with dreams throughout my life. Like I've had a few, like when I was a kid

and when I was younger and now I just don't remember them. I just simply don't remember them. And I hate them. You're just so tired, you know? Yeah, I guess. I wish I remembered them though. I don't know if that's related, but it feels like it would be.

I've had to clarify conversations I have with people because I'm like, I already told you this. And like, oh no, that was in my dreams because my dreams are mundane for the most part. That's really interesting. That's really interesting. When I was in college, I would have this recurring dream of waking up in my dorm room, getting up, getting ready to go to class, like leaving, going to class, and then waking up in bed again.

I have those all the time too. We've talked about that on the podcast before and I can't remember what it's called now, but it's a form of sleep paralysis. It's like a half asleep, half awake thing where you're in the spot where you are. And it feels like you get up and do your morning tasks and make breakfast and then you wake up and you're back in your bed. And that can happen on a loop over and over. It might be called loop something. I hate it.

Yeah, I hate that. Remember that friends episode where Phoebe's so mad at Ross because of something mean that he said? And then they figure out at the end, it's all from a dream. Yeah. So Friends has been at it all along. But I don't remember what that thing was that I was going to tell you guys that was scary

because it happened in a dream and also it wasn't real. But a thing that did happen this week that was scary is that, so I have a new job, that's not scary, I really like my job. But I was talking to a new coworker, we both really liked to shop, so we were sending Depop things we found back and forth and talking about shoes, and she asked me how many pairs of shoes I own.

And I, first of all, discovered, it was a very hard question to answer. I like was like, how many pairs of shoes do I own? And I like started looking and trying to count was like, where to begin. Infinity. And I did, so I did like a rough count and it's north of 50. Wow.

And yeah. And the response has been wow. And I didn't think I had a wow quantity of shoes. And yeah, and the response has been, wow. And I didn't think I had a wow quantity of shoes, but I guess I do. You gotta get a shoe closet. I gotta get a shoe closet. Are they all on display?

Yeah, where do you keep all of them? Well, that was the question too. She was like, where do you store your shoes? And the answer is I have, we have shoe rack in the hall. That's some of them over there. I have some little boxes in my closet that I actually really like. They're like clear, lucite boxes

that like open from the front. A lot of my shoes are like little vintage kitten heels that are like so thin, you know, they're like, so I can shove like four pairs of those into one of those little boxes. And then also they're all spilling out under my dresser in this room that I'm in currently. So like it is too many for me to store,

but also like it's not enough and I need more and I don't have all the shoes I need. So I guess I just don't understand how anyone's meant to have less than the amount of shoes. I was just gonna say, I probably am also approaching around 50 and like none of them are cool. Like, I don't even really like any of them. So I, but then at the same time, when I go through them, I'm like, well, one day that these are going to like be the perfect thing for that one outfit.

That's the thing about shoes. This is how we got here, because I was like, I actually need a pair of shoes for every possible mood, occasion, whimsy combination. I actually, I think I need a shoe for every single, singular other item of clothing I own, because shoes make the outfit and shoes are like the final, it's like, I actually like don't have enough shoes is the thing. I'll never have enough shoes.

I remember, okay, so now- Which is maybe a problem, but oh well. I'm in my, I have only like the lamest shoes ever, AKA just for my dance goes. I love your dance goes and I don't have any dance goes, so, AKA I dress for my dance goes. I love your dance goes and I don't have any dance goes, so I actually need a pair of dance goes. You see what I mean? Like this is what happens.

You do, you need a black pair of dance goes, or you could get a glittery color. I want like the fun glittery rubbery ones. I'm going to buy those when we're done with this podcast. That's the thing about shoes, is I actually need all of them. So I bought my soccer ball Crocs. Oh my God.

So I'm in my era of like kids shoes, like kids shoes. But then also I'm remembering, I am remembering one time when I was in like fourth grade, my parents went on a trip. I stayed with my aunt and uncle and it was like February or something, and there was a random day that it was gonna be warm outside, and I was like, I don't have the right shoes.

So I made my aunt and uncle drive me to my house, which was locked, I did not have a key, and I broke into my house in like fourth grade so I could go find the sandals that I needed to wear to school the next day because there's no way in hell I was going to school not wearing my new sandals. Are you fucking kidding me?

Just how important that was? Like, oh fuck. Look at these iridescent pink dance go clogs. Like, how is it that I don't own those? Well, we don't have to ask that question anymore because I will shortly be owning. But do you know what I mean? It's like.

They'll be the most comfortable pair of shoes you've ever had. You'll never want to take them off. I love them and I need them. I feel like weddings are a big part of it too. Like every time you go to a wedding, you need a specific shoe to accessorize with a specific dress that you get.

That's what I'm saying. You need a specific pair of shoes for every single specific thing. Hold on. I need to show some shoes. Hell yes. I need to show you some. It's truly like, it's, I stand by it. I just, the thing is when I said the number to this friend, I was really expecting her

to be like, yeah, of course. And she was like, whoa, holy shit, where do you keep all your shoes? You work in fashion. I feel like I have- So does she! I know, that's like, I'm surprised. I'm also surprised by her reaction. It seems like not-

Thank you so much. Let's not call her out. She's really lovely. I really like her a lot, and I want her to continue to like me and be my friend. So everything she does is perfect. But I mean, I guess, I think it was more, she was like, wow, where do you keep all your shoes?

Guys, I'm devastated to report that these iridescent pink dance goes are not available in my size. So this is my new mission in life is to find them in my size. Okay, so I'm gonna show you some shoes that I bought for your wedding, Emily, that didn't come in time. Did I show these to you? I don't think I did. So now I have these fucking shoes.

These fucking shoes. Look at these. Wow. Those are fun. They are. Look at these. Pink, yeah. Those are good.

They're platform, pink, hot pink satin shoes that are like, how many inches is this? I don't know, six inches, six inch heels? Yeah, that's not an everyday shoe. I mean, you've got the platform too. It's a very specific shoe. The platform helps. But yeah, I mean, also, I mean, it's a brand called Poo-Too.

I clearly bought these on the cheap online. Yeah. Anyway, thank you for supporting me in all of my shoes. We love you. Thank you so much. It's just, I love shoes. You love shoes and you know what? You gotta do what you love.

And if you love shoes, you gotta do shoes. If you love shoes, you gotta do shoes. If you love shoes, you gotta do shoes. If you love shoes, you gotta do shoes. I'm trying to think of how to segue this into my scary thing, which I've already told you guys about, but I just need to talk about again, because it was the coolest experience of my life, which was zooming with, zooming, zooming,

doing a Zoom call with Sunny Williams, who is the astronaut who is currently in the space station. She was supposed to go up for one week. It has now been, I think, nine months. Is it the number? Oh, hate that. Absolutely hate that. And she's like, oh, sell to the Earth.

Man, astronauts, best people in the entire world. She was an inspiration. She was floating around that space station, gave us a full tour. The thing that's really interesting is how cluttered it is. I mean, it makes a lot of sense. They have to fit a lot of stuff in there,

but there is no surface that is left untouched, which is, I think, in movies, they always depict space stations or spaceships as being like full of- Kind of sparse. Yes, very sparse. And not the case here. So we got a full tour.

She showed us the Earth, like her view of the Earth. It was dark. And then when the sun came up, because you know that there's 16 sunrises, 16 sunsets throughout the course of the day on the space station. That's how many times they're circling. Whoa. Like, that's how like... I did the space station. That's how many times they're circling. Whoa. That's how, like... I did not know that.

That's crazy. I feel like that would really fuck you up. Yeah, I would... That's tough. It's really disappointing. That seems really tough. How do they sleep? You have to be so mentally strong, like the strongest person in the world.

She ran the full Boston Marathon on this little treadmill that's like on the wall. Her hair was just out, crazy. Crazy gravity hair. Her hair was just out. Was it out? I was like, part of me wanted to be like. Her hair was just out.

Part of me was like, put your hair into a ponytail, but also you do you. I mean, the space is so cluttered. I was like worried her hair was gonna get caught in something. You mean because of gravity. Oh yeah, a gravity. Floating out like full floating hair. Way huge, crazy hair.

I mean, I guess when else are you ever gonna be able to do that? I mean, why not? So she was just floating around, talking to us, chatting. She was so delightful, so inspiring. And the best thing that she said, I think, I mean, she had a lot of really beautiful, wonderful things to say.

But someone asked her, what is like the most important thing? Or what is one of the most important things you've learned being an astronaut? And we at this point, we had already discussed like, you know, how your perspective changes when you see the earth from up above and how you realize how trivial a lot of the things that we're fight over and trivial, like a lot of the problems that we think we have on Earth are trivial. Like it's like we have the most beautiful planet

and that is such a gift. And we should just like be so grateful for that. But the one other thing she said, which I thought was really honest and I loved this, she said, I have learned not to doubt myself. She was like, being an astronaut has shown me that I am capable of way more than I thought I was capable of.

I'm like stronger than I realized. And I don't know, I just felt like it was a very powerful thing to say. Also so wild to think of someone who's literally smart enough to be an astronaut. Being like, I learned that I'm pretty great. I learned my cap about myself. What? It's like, let's not doubt ourselves, you guys. We're capable.

We can do it. Wow. Did she say, I have spent nine months speaking to God? Then she turned into the sun goal. Then her skin fell off. Sure, well, 16 sunrises staring right at him. She told us that she'd met God.

And I believed her. I have been speaking to God and He does not want you to live. What if she said that? That would be so scary. What if she said that? What if you had a Zoom call with an astronaut and she was like, so here's the thing,

I've been communicating with God. And he wants you dead. He wants you to return to dust. That would have sucked. That would have been really something, yeah. That really would have sucked. That would have been really something, yeah. That really would have sucked. That would have been a real bummer. Well, the thing that really sucks is that,

you know who's going to save her is SpaceX, Elon Musk. And that stresses me out. Well. Because he better fucking come through. I mean, he better stop paying attention. He better stop when I fucking see it, man. Let's stop paying attention to the American government. Let's try to get this woman home, okay?

Well, a perfect transition to my scary thing. Yeah, I've been trying to avoid thinking, reading about things that elevate. Really hard to avoid. Really hard these days. Blood pressure. Your cortisol. But you guys know a bit of this,

but I have been like very obsessed with Elon Musk's marriage history and all the mothers of his 14 children. And I can't believe it's 14. Yup. 14. It's very disgusting. It shouldn't be legal to have that many children. It shouldn't.

Oh my God. Women can do whatever they want with their bodies, but Elon Musk can't do whatever he wants with women's bodies. Yeah. It's just so dark and upsetting. It's really dark. One of my favorite podcasts, A Bit Fruity,

just did an episode on Grimes. And there's so many fucking awful things in each of his separate relationships. One thing that really upset me, I don't know if you guys knew this, but while Grimes, I think through a surrogate, was having the twins, the second and third of the kids she had with Elon. He impregnated the woman who had his most recent child, that works for him at X, an employee. This was their first kid they had together. And she got pregnant before, I guess, the surrogacy happened.

It was happening simultaneously, which seems like not an uncommon thing for Elon, because that just happened again with Ashley St. Clair and this other woman that I'm talking about now. But because the kid that was with his employee was born first, he used the name that Grimes chose for their kids. No. Because he was like, well, yeah, I've already got the name that Grimes chose for their kids. No.

Because he was like, well, yeah, I've already got the name. And Grimes was understandably very upset, but like that's the kind of fucking lunatic we're dealing with here where he's just like, well, this is fine. Like everything's mine. Yeah. He's like, oh, he's a full sociopath.

Yeah. Full blown sociopath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. I just, oh, we always end up by care. Always end up by care. It's unavoidable. I just, I, he's such an obvious freak.

Like a true freak. Yeah. The fact that that is not what all of us are going, well, this is the sickness. This is the like corrupting presence in America. And instead we're like focusing on trans children and sports. It's like, no, that's not unnatural. That's not wrong.

It's this freak. This guy who's like on ketamine with a bedazzled chainsaw. This absolute sociopath who like does not, is like not a human being. Like all those videos of him like with his eyes rolling into the back of his head, he's like in a cabinet meeting with his eyes being like, cause he's like so fucked up on drugs.

It's like, because he's like so fucked up on drugs. It's like, everyone's like, cool, cool. Yeah, that's a guy. It's just like, it's so like, it's so wild to me that like regular human beings aren't absolutely losing their shit over everything that he is. Disgusting monster he is. I also saw a very, very horrible podcast interview with his father who admittedly he does hate women. over everything that he is. Disgusting monster he is. I also saw a very, very horrible podcast interview

with his father who admittedly he does hate, which seems like makes a lot of sense. People like Elon Musk don't like come, they don't exist in a vacuum. No, but his dad is the same way. He has like tons of kids, including recently having a child with his stepdaughter who is 40 years

younger than him, 50 years younger, that they reconnected when she was in her 20s and had an undeniable connection and had sex and had a child together. He said in the interview, which he's so calm in it, he's like, well, at first I assumed she was lying that she was pregnant because you know, that's like women's MO. He says it so fucking casually. And the podcast interviewer is like, yeah, yeah, obviously, yeah. He's like, but we took a paternity test and turns out, yep, like I'm the father. So I was just like, what? Oh, it's so horrible. Oh, I feel actually ill. I know, I feel sick too.

It's so scary to think how short a period of time women have had rights. And I don't like this new trend. Yeah, I think the way that they are like breeding, they are breeding in a way that really unsettles me. And his dad said, the point of being alive is procreating, which like in some contexts, I guess, but in the way that they're interpreting that as like, yeah, I need to impregnate anybody at all costs, even if it's my stepdaughter, like,

sorry, this is a real dark one, but like, yes, did anything scary happen? And this is one that I- Look, you had a break, I talked about shoes. Like, the full spectrum of the experience is here before us. Yeah, so I know. And it scares me, coupled with like the declining birth rates globally, it just scares me. Like, I don't, me coupled with like the declining birth rates globally.

It just scares me. Like I don't, I don't like it. There's well, and Elon's really upset about that. I know. I know. And he's trying to lead by example. Right. What we should be doing.

The people who are like, we need to, to propagate the earth are the worst humans imaginable. And people who are not having children, sorry, hand up, that's me. Also, you're the richest man in the world. Right, it's also like- You know how expensive it is for regular people to have children? If reasonable people even attempted to be like,

fine, we'll have some kids. We'll have 14 children. We've already lost. Like there's actually no way to keep children. We already lost, like there's actually like no way to keep up, we're not the problem. It's really horrifying. I know. So yeah, there's a lot of dark rabbit holes out there at the moment and this is the one

that I've been really going down. I do really recommend that episode of A Bit Fruity. It was pretty fascinating, but yeah, just know that you might get pulled into some Wikipedia rabbit holes and see some things that are pretty upsetting. I really liked Mickey 17. Yeah. That's a nice thing that happened recently.

It was not absent of Trump. No, it was not. And that's what brought me back to that. Trump. No, it was not. And that's what made that side, it brought me back to that. Right, right, right, right. Yes. You know? What is that? What's Mickey 17?

It's a new Pattinson movie that just came out, Bong Joon Ho's. Oh, right, right, right. If you can believe it, Pattinson's an absolute sensation and the finest actor of our generation. He's incredible. And Tony Collette, we got Rob and Tony together in one film. We got Rob and Tony.

It's really an exciting... Really special, yeah. Everyone go see Mickey 17. Shhh. Ah, I feel so crazy. That's a nice thing. Movies, movies. Movies, movies, there's the segue.

Movies, movies, movies, movies, movies. Today we are going to be talking about The Monkey in theaters now, written and directed by Osgood Perkins, based on the short story by Stephen King, produced by James Wan, starring Theo James, Tatiana Maslany, Christian Convery, and Colin O'Brien. I think we're gonna have some fun now. Now it's time for fun. Great. Now it's time for fun.

I'm excited. I mean, a real who's who of horror up in that. I know, truly. Production directing side of things. These are some of the, yeah, like most, well, Stephen King, obviously we have a history with him. Sure, sure, sure. One cannot deny that he has made contributions

to the genre. James Wan, obviously just an incredible horror director and producer. And Osgood's really working his way up. I mean, this man is working. Yeah. Remember where he started, Legally Bond. That's right. You can't forget.

And, horror dynasty. Son of Anthony Perkins. Norman Bates. Yeah. Yep. Some fun horror nepo baby. Yes. What do you guys know about this movie?

Has anybody read this short story? Henley, I'm looking at you. You're the only one who's read a single page of Stephen King. That's not true. I read one book, one short. I thought you were going to say, that's not true. I read one page. This did make me want to read this.

No, I have not. This little short story. Yeah. What does a short story constitute with Stephen King? Is it still a massive novel? Well, it's a book of short stories. So I imagine the whole thing is quite big. Still like 400 pages?

Yeah. I, this was just so targeted. Like I got so many targeted ads for the monkey. I actually changed my settings on like Instagram and everything. So now I quite literally only get ads for Fresh Direct. I don't know why, but that's like for the past like two, like two or three weeks, like ads for Fresh Direct. I don't know why, but that's like for the past like two, like two or three weeks, like nonstop Fresh Direct.

But before that, I was getting so much of this trailer, like over and over again. And I never watched it, because I'm scared of it. But I was just seeing like the same kind of like first five seconds of the trailer over and over again. And that's all I know. I don't know anything. I don't know anything else. I got nothing. I know that it's...

People were excited about it. It's a new horror. I know that I'm interested in things that Osgood Perkins is doing, and that is... I had forgotten that Theo James was in it, but that's exciting. That's all I got. Theo James. Theo James being a little silly, which I really love. I feel like he's had a pretty interesting career trajectory. He was in the Divergent movies was the first thing

I saw him in, which were notoriously like very bad. Yeah. Yes. And he was so serious in them. And I was like, well, this guy's extremely hot, but like so serious and not fun at all. And I was wrong. He's one of these guys who like is so hot, but I am not attracted to him.

I agree with you actually. I, I, there's no part of me that's attracted to him. Obviously very hot, but it's. I get it. I get it. But I just, there's no part of me that's... I definitely know what you mean by that. And I've had those same thoughts as well,

but that is not true for me with Theo James. I am attracted to him. Yeah. I'll come out and be brave and tell you guys. Wow, wow, wow. Wow, wow. Yeah, I'm trying to think of like other obviously hot people that it just, I don't know.

Yeah, it's just not, it's like looking at a nice piece of art where I'm just like, look at that. I can appreciate that, that's beautiful. But it's not, I'm not, that's all it is. That's all it does for me. Yeah. The charisma, his charisma isn't doing it for me. Yeah, maybe it's also just the roles I've seen him play.

Well, that's what I'm talking about is that he's been like very kind of one note serious in things until the White Lotus, which I know you have seen. And I liked him a lot in White Lotus. I liked him a lot in it, but it still, I wasn't compelled in a physical way. Yeah. Well, I just like the roles that he's taking now.

And I'm interested and curious to see. Like a Time Traveler's wife?. Like Time Traveler's wife? I love Time Traveler's wife. I'm really sad that they canceled it because I wanted to see the rest of it for those of you who don't know. He travels around in time and visits his younger self and there's a scene where he sucks his own dick. Oh, right, right.

Right. I can't believe they included it in the HBO show. It is in the book. Yeah. Oh, it's so funny. So he's doing some weird stuff and we like that. The Monkey has a 79% on Rotten Tomatoes, 62 on Metacritic and a 6.4 on IMDb.

The budget was between 10 and 11 million. So far, it has made 43 million. I think it's only been out for... Yeah, like a couple of weeks. Two weeks, three weeks maybe. So yes, we know this is based on a short story that was in the book Skeleton Crew. But the producers of The Monkey had to change in the book. The Monkey plays cymbals, smashes cymbals together. And in this movie, he's got a drum and he's banging on the drum. And it's because one of the Toy Stories bought the rights to The Monkey to include in, I think it's Toy Story 3. I can't remember. And so they couldn't get the rights to this monkey to include in, I think it's Toy Story 3, I can't remember.

And so they couldn't get the rights to this monkey that's actually like now the Stephen King version of it. And ironically, the Toy Story director asked to get those rights because he was such a fan of Stephen King. I guess that's kind of obvious, but it's just funny. They got rights to the monkey, the Stephen King story, not like the toy with the symbols.

I'm not sure exactly, but yeah, I think the... I think specifically the visual toy of the other symbols. So they had to... You can get the rights for that. That's interesting to me. I don't know how any of that works. It's so strange. Yeah, clearances.

Rights and clearances. But a monkey playing the cymbals, did Stephen King invent that? I know. That's what's breaking my brain. Well, that's why it feels like universal. It feels like just a thing you would show. Why would you be ready for it?

Maybe he invented it. But I guess it's not. It's probably patented. Crazy. So, I don't know. But the original version of this story that was handed to Osgood Perkins, he was like, this is too serious.

This movie's actually very funny in a way that I was like, they must be diverging from the Stephen King version because this is really funny. And I don't like associate Stephen King with being super laugh out loud funny. Having a good sense of humor. There's, I feel like some humor in his stuff, but this was like a comedy.

So I figured there was some divergence and yeah, not divergent, the movie with Theo James. Yes, there's some, we're really throwing that word around a lot. There really was some divergence, which yes, Theo James. Because he's in it. And Osgood Perkins, I guess, had said,

this is way too serious. Okay, wait, I'll read this quote. Jokes, jokes. He says, this doesn't work for me. The thing with this toy monkey is that people around it all die in insane ways. So I thought, well, I'm an expert on that. Both my parents died in insane headline making ways. We probably

talked about this a bit in Long Legs. I don't remember. Me either. His dad, Anthony Perkins died of AIDS. And his mom was a passenger on one of the planes in 911. Whoa, that's fucking nuts. Oh my God, don't bring up plane crashes to me right now. I'm getting on a plane tomorrow and I'm very scared. It's gonna be okay. It's still the safest way to travel. It's still the safest way to travel.

Still the safest way to travel. Ooh. But. Whoa, I think we did talk about this, but it's the kind of fact that will blow my mind every time I hear it. Same, same, same, same. It's just really insane to be reminded.

You know, it's like, it's, that's just, it's 9-11. So it's like, it exists as a massive tragedy and it's really insane to be reminded of like the individual people involved. Yeah. Yeah. It actually comes up quite often here because they're memorials for,

there were so many people who were from Greenwich, Connecticut or like surrounding. Yeah, I mean, I guess too, we live so far away from it that, right, yeah. Like just last night, Silas and I were in a gazebo. Nice. And we were in a gazebo and I was looking around and all of a sudden I realized,

oh, this is a monument to people who lost their lives in 9-11. And it was like 20 names of people who were killed. It was a lot of people. Yeah, it's really sad. I remember talking in long legs about how part of his inspiration with the movie was that his mom lied to him a lot of his life. Anthony Perkins was closeted

and both of them kind of put up a act. And when he found out, he felt very betrayed and had trust issues. And so part of Long Legs was an exaggeration of like what secrets is your mom hiding from you. Right, right. And this movie is more of a, yeah, people can die at any moment,

anywhere in like the craziest ways. And it's all like random. It's like a final destination. It's a little final destination-y, yeah. Oscar is so fascinating. I agree. I am fascinated by him. I'm fascinated by like,

obviously he's had a whole career for as long as a person is an adult and works. But I feel like only recently it's just been like, wow, here he is. He's like made a name for himself. He's doing all these things. He's also like, what? He's like in his 50s,

which also just feels like an insane time to like discover someone. Right. And he's got a lot of interesting things to say, really strong opinions, really strong point of view. I'm really, yeah, I'm fascinated. Yeah, me too. I love that you guys see that he was recently quoted

being like, I will not direct a James Bond movie, fuck Jeff Bezos. I don't know if he was asked if he would or why that came up, but he made a point to be like, no, fuck that guy. I don't know if he was asked if he would or like why that came up, but he made a point to be like, no, fuck that guy. I think if I were a celebrity, I would be saying fuck Jeff Bezos like as often as possible. I just feel like people should be saying that more.

People should be saying, I'm brave enough, I'll say it right now, fuck Jeff Bezos. Fuck Jeff Bezos. Okay, so continuing on in this quote, Osgood says, I spent a lot of my life recovering from tragedy, feeling quite bad. It all seemed inherently unfair. You personalize the grief. Why is this happening to me? But I'm older now and you realize this shit happens to everyone. Everyone dies sometimes in their sleep, sometimes in truly insane ways like I experienced, but

everyone dies. And I thought maybe the best way to approach that insane notion is with a smile. Oh. Okay. I can't wait to smile throughout this film. Oh my gosh. I mean. Smile so you don't cry. Smile, yeah.

I'm already smiling ear to ear. Smile. It really is, it's really true that some deaths are actually really insane. Yeah. Also is true, everyone dies. Yeah, we really do. It's the only certain thing about being alive, everyone dies.

Yeah. I mean, I hope not like this that we're gonna see. I hope not like this, but maybe some people will. Maybe some people will and also honestly, like sometimes violent deaths are quick. Yeah, some of these are very- Yeah, quick deaths, a quick death, I'll take it. Some of these are very quick and they don't see it coming.

So sometimes that's better than a- Perfect way to die. Than a more common drawn out illness type of way like yeah maybe you want to explode in an accident. Maybe you want to explode. Maybe you want to explode. Just out of nowhere just I want to as you know at Jistrpa. Do you know at your stuff? That's what I want to do. The midsummer jumping off of a cliff. Oh yes, definitely.

I don't know that I wanna jump off a cliff if there's another way to do it, but you just wanna be in charge of when and how it happens. I wanna be in charge and I wanna just do it. Yeah, I wanna be in charge too. I know, cause the jumping off the cliff thing, I mean, then you run the risk of- Yeah, we know what happened with that guy.

Well, I wouldn't pencil do it. I wouldn't pencil do it. I would do it like the woman does, smart and head first. Head first seems like a good way to go. I pulled up this trailer and on the side, there's like a Holland trailer with Nicole Kidman. Same, is that real? What is this?

It looks like a Midsommar parody. It looks like her dressed up. I thought it was one of those fan-made fake trailers. You know, we see those where it's like, It looks like she dressed up. I thought it was one of those fan-made fake trailers. You know, you never see those where it's like, Fight Club 2 and it's like a CGI, AI generated, like old. Anyway, that's what I thought it was. Oh yeah, because right below it is Harry Potter 2, but it's ruined by AI and it's Snape fisting two bananas.

Fisting? Wait. Yeah. Henley what? Holding them in his fists? Like going like this, like in his mouth. That's what the other thing is suggesting that I watch. That's not what I think of fisting.

Think, think, think. That's a good point. Wait, wait, no, I think that you can say that. Fisting is up the butt. If someone's like, yeah, yeah, 15 for sure, but. Yeah, and to me it's, it is using a fist. Yeah. Wait.

What you're describing to me is just, I think holding. Let's move on and watch this trailer. Move on. I'm ready to move on. Okay. Do you want to talk about the fisting more Henley? Kind of. Do you want to talk about the fisting more Henley? Kind of.

She looks really focused. Kind of. Yeah. It says to clench into a fist, to grasp with the fist. Well, that's like, remember when Obama fist bumps someone and there was like a news station that was like, Obama fisting this like leaders. I was like, Obama fisting this like leaders. I was like, Obama did what to the leaders?

I think there's like literal definition and then colloquial meaning, which I think supersedes, do you know what I mean? That's like, if we- If I say fisting two bananas, you're gonna think he's putting them right into his butt. I was kind of picturing him putting his fists through them. Same. As if they're a butt.

Oh, fisting. I think of fisting as an active, it's to do something to someone or something. That's what I think. And that's the thing about language is that we cannot, you know, as a culture we can decide one meaning prevails and then it's the only thing anybody can think about when that word is said. Even though technically I think what you said was correct. And sometimes it can change, like raw dogging. Sometimes it can change. Yeah, raw dogging has changed. People are using raw dogging all the time.

Left and right. Yeah, a lot of raw dog. We are raw dogging anything and it's not what it used to be. Now it's raw dogging plane rides. That's how it's running in the green world. Plane Now it's raw dogging plane rides. That's how it goes right into Greenwald. It's car rides. Yep. Okay, are we ready?

Now I think we're ready. We can put that to bed. And watch this trailer. Yay! Okay. childhood memory now was it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no! The coroner said it was an accident, but it was no accident. It was a monkey. When I was a kid, my twin brother and I found something that loved to kill. I did everything I could to make it go the fuck away.

But it had other plans. Hello, brother. Bill, the monkey that likes killing our family. It's back. It must be vanquished. Hello, brother. Bill. The monkey that likes killing our family. It's back. It must be vanquished. Why don't you vanquish it, huh, Bill?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! We have been chosen... to witness its power... over life and death in its most devious ways. It's a toy monkey? It's evil. It's basically the devil. It's evil. It's basically the devil. Everybody dies. And that's life.

Oh, fuck. Uh. I'm pumped. Okay, that looks fun. Yeah, it's fun. I think you guys could probably even handle it's very gory. You saw some of the gore, but the tone is is comedy. It's it's just dark comedy. Everything is ramped up. I mean, as we heard, I was gonna say, why not approach it with a smile?

Why not approach it with a smile? Also, I might need to take it back and say, I was maybe attracted to Theo James in that trailer. I was feeling the same way, actually. Is it the glasses? Is it the humorous tone? It might be the glasses. It might be seeing him, like he always,

because he's so hot, he always plays such an alpha guy. And I'm not, I mean, Joel, obviously, I was super masculine alpha. But I'm not personally super attracted to that vibe of man. Same. So maybe that's it, that I find his characters off putting. Right. But I like to remind you guys that someone recently told Tim that it's really tough raising sensitive alphas. I hate it.

That makes my skin crawl. It's also so funny because the point of view that they're, was this a woman asking him? Yes. Is it someone this a woman asking him? Yes, yes. Is it someone who wants to fuck him? I don't know, but there are so many young women out there. Because the implication there is like,

how do I raise my son to be like you? Yeah, it's so hard raising sensitive alpha. You are such an alpha, but you're so sensitive. I really wish she'd said, you mean a beta? I don't like my son to be like you. I want people to want to fuck my son as much as I wanna fuck you. How do I do it?

How do I do it? Help me. Excuse me. I want ladies to wanna fuck my son. God. But I thought he was hot. I thought he was hot. In that trailer, and are there two of him?

Yes, he plays twins in it. Okay, we talked about this yesterday when we went to see Mickey 17, and we also saw a trailer for that new Michael B. Jordan movie where he also plays twins that like, what's happening right now? What's happening right now in culture that we're like having a lot of twin things

but of the same actor doubling themself? Well, and Theo James has done a version of it before in Time Traveler's Wife, where he had to play against himself a lot because he was going back and visiting other versions of himself. But it just feels interesting to me that it's in pop culture right now.

We're like, yeah, what is that? Somebody explain it to me. Somebody write a... That's connected to doppelganger. That's the, you just read doppelganger, which I sent to Joel. Yeah, he really liked it. Cause there's like a doubling. I'm reading it as well.

There's a doubling happening in our society where it's like, there's a binary, like a dualism where it's the opposites. We have like an opposite side to us. It also feels related to like not being integrated, right? Like distressed and like two, yeah. And like isolating versions of yourself. To realities.

Yes, and in history, and in the history of literature, it's a harbinger. It's like a sign for something bad is gonna happen. Doppelgangers appearing is like a bad sign. Well, yeah. You don't wanna run into yourself. Who's not you? Another version of yourself

because what might you do chew it? Also like Severance. I mean, Severance is all about this too. Your Innie versus your Audi. This happened in Harry Potter when you do the time turner, you can't run into yourself. When Snape was fisting the bananas. When Snape was fisting the bananas.

Two, two bananas, two. Two of them. Doppelganger bananas. Doppelganger bananas. Fully fisting, take that definition, what you will. It can mean two different things. It can mean anything. It can mean two different things.

Two different things. Guys, what's happening? I don't know, but I'm excited about this movie. Yeah, let's talk about it. I'm excited to tell you guys about it. Yeah, this seems fun. This seems really fun. I'm excited.

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Oh, yes. I love Adam Scott. He's having a moment. He is having a moment. He is looking absolutely frantic carrying a monkey. The monkey's pretty big too, by the way. It's not like a Jack in the Box sized. It's like you need both arms to hold it.

It's like small child sized. And it has a little toy drum. It's a very unsettling face. Too much teeth. A lot of teeth. Big wide eyes. It's very creepy. And it's clear that he's very afraid of it. He runs into a pawn shop trying to sell it to them. The pawn shop owner comes out, points to a sign that says, no returning children's toys. He's like, it's not a toy. My god, it's not a toy. Don't ever call it a toy. We're also getting a lot of shots around the pawn shop of all the

different weapons that are on display. There's like a case of knives, some guns, a fishing harpoon, a lot of different things that could kill you. The no returning child's toys, is that just like a moral stance that this pawn shop is taking? Like you can't take things from children. I'm not sure. It is a strange. Yeah, maybe. They don't want things being snatched from children. But Adam Scott is begging, please, it's not a toy. And as he's trying to unload this monkey, all of a sudden, one of the monkey's arms is up holding one of the drumsticks and the stick just starts spinning in its hand. Adam Scott's eyes go wide.

He's like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. He kind of steps back away from it. The pawn shop owner is looking closer at it. And then the monkey starts playing the drums. And Adam Scott, by his expression, we see that this is a very bad thing. And the monkey finishes its song, its little drum song. And we see a rat on one of the shelves chewing on a rope that is holding back something that releases. The rope breaks, something snaps and sets off this chain reaction

that bumps into the harpoon, launches the harpoon gun through the pawn shop owner's stomach. He's impaled. Yuck. Ooh. And then another thing falls, which retracts the harpoon. And so then it pulls back out, hooking his intestines, ripping his intestines out through the front

and like it goes 20 feet across the room, just unraveling his intestines. Unraveling! And he collapses. It's a really, really long, just unraveling his intestines and he collapses. It's a really, really long distance across the store. That is not how you, I mean, how quickly does one die when that happens?

I hope it's immediately, like that's fucking crazy. It's definitely long enough to know like what's happening. It's not even like enough. Oh, there are my intestines coming out of my body. Yeah, he's conscious for enough of it to see his intestines being ripped across the room. That's horrifying. I really don't like that.

Wait, so do we think Adam Scott bought this monkey from the pawn shop or he's just trying to? I don't think so, but he does say something like, I thought my boys were gonna love it, but turns out they don't like it. And... That does feel like that's kind of on you. Why would your boys like this?

It's so scary. Yeah. Also makes me never wanna buy another toy. Regardless of if it's haunted or cursed. This is a scary toy. It's a really scary toy. To give to your boys. Scary Mickey.

So pawn shop owner is dead. Adam Scott is looking horrified, but not surprised. He clearly knows that this is what happens when the monkey plays his drums. And he spies in the corner of the room, one of the weapons, he sees a flamethrower, grabs it, takes the monkey outside into an alleyway, sprays that flamethrower on it, it's burning it, we're seeing it melting and he's screaming, die you infernal beast. Then cut to sometime later we get a date, it's 1999, and we're hearing voiceover from our protagonist Hal, who at this point is a 12-year-old boy, and is telling us about his life. He's a twin. His twin brother Bill is three minutes older and

takes his role as an older brother very seriously by relentlessly bullying Hal as an older brother very seriously by relentlessly bullying Hal nonstop. We see a lot of that. They're also differentiated by Hal wearing glasses and Bill wearing like a cool thin chain necklace. So Bill's the cool one. Hal is the dork. So I'm attracted to Hal and I hate Bill. Well, he's 12 Henley. Okay, okay. Fair, fair, fair. Also, I wonder, I guess like if they're identical twins, wouldn't they both need glasses? Oh, yeah.

I don't know. I don't actually know. I think if they're identical, right? I kind of feel like no, but I couldn't say for sure. I couldn't say for sure. It would be so sad that if your twin bullied you. Yeah, I don't say for sure. I couldn't say for sure. It would be so sad if your twin bullied you. Yeah, I don't like that one little bit. Worse than just a sibling.

That feels really sad. But you're me. You wanna have a deep connection with, it should be like we have a psychic connection. Yeah, we're like, yes. Like let's do fun, freaky things together. We're wasting this opportunity. Yeah. Of closeness. I know.

But we do find out that their dad has disappeared. Adam Scott was their dad. Oh, okay. And so clearly these boys are going through a hard- Really interesting genetics that lead from Adam Scott to Theo James. No shade in Adam Scott. I think Adam Scott is hot.

I think so too. I'll come out and say it. What about the mom? Is the mom around? Yes, the mom is around, but she is very resentful of the dad and talks about it nonstop about how their dad left and left her all alone with them. And she is, there's a scene of them all in a car together and she's basically just talking shit nonstop on the dad being like...

Well, that's not healthy and good. Yeah, she's like, he was a pilot, but instead of ever taking me anywhere, he just brought back crap from everywhere. He went, and one day, boys, all that crap will be yours. Like, congratulations. And then he made like an egg and scrambled. Ugh!

Okay, so do we think that he died, though? No, it seems like he ran away. He just ran away, okay. Ran away from the monkey? Because of the monkey, it would be my guess. But maybe he died. Yes. We don't know.

Identical twins don't always have identical vision. Okay, good to know. Because environmental factors can impact eyesight. I don't like that. It feels like you would be, if you're raised in the same place, I think if like you're one of them is staring at a screen nonstop and the other one isn't.

Yeah, that's true. That kind of thing. But then another thing says that they do. Is this useful? I'm just fascinated by it. Anyway, who cares? Any optometrists out there? Weigh in, let us know in the comments.

So we're hearing more about Bill. Hal describes him as the kind of guy that goes to shake your hand and then pulls it back at the last second and pretends to slick back his hair. And we see Bill do that. He's just always calling him like an idiot and calling him names. And he tells him like, Dad left because of you and now Mom hates you too because she has to date. Oh, wow.

So it's not a happy household. The mom, by the way, is played by Tatiana Maslany, who I had never seen in anything. I know people love her from Orphan Black. I never watched that. Same. I from Orphan Black. I never watched that. Same. I watched Orphan Black.

She was so good at this. She was great in Orphan Black. I mean, she had to play a gazillion different, speaking of doppelgangers. Right. I remember that. And it makes me want to watch it because I really loved her in this. She's also obviously She-Hulk. Obviously. Of course. I did not. I didn't catch, but she's great. Really fun presence on screen.

She has it. She has it. She has it. So we see Hal and Bill one evening going through a closet filled with their dad's crap that he had brought back from his various places that he traveled to. He was a pilot. And find a box that they pull out. And I can't remember what it says on it. It has a label and then below it, it says in quotes, like life. And Hal is reading this out to Bill and Bill says, you mean lifelike? He's like, no,

says like life and they open it up and it is the monkey. Bill immediately grabs it from Hal's like, let me see that. And he starts, it's a windup monkey. And so he starts winding the key in the back. And the first thing the monkey does is its lips retract and it like bears its teeth. It's like, so scary. Oh, it's like a very gross, but also funny. And then it raises its arm, like it's preparing to play, spins that drumstick, we're watching nervously, and then it stops. Nothing happens. Bill tosses it aside, says, this is broken, this is dumb.

So that night, they are going out to dinner with a babysitter. The mom's going out on a date, so their babysitter comes and takes the two boys out to a Benihana type restaurant, like a hibachi grill. And the monkey, when they get in the car, the monkey is just in the backseat. Seems we don't know who's put it there, how it got there, but Hal notices it, kind of creeped out by why it's there, but doesn't mention it.

They go to the restaurant. Babysitter is making eyes with the chef and he's kind of showing off, doing fancy flips of the rice and knife tricks. And Bill is looking kind of jealous of this. He's noticing them looking at each other and is like, oh, oh, like he has a crush on his babysitter. And in the car, we see the monkey is now in the front seat somehow.

And it starts playing those drums, bang, bang, bang. Wow. So its powers can work all the way through a car and through a building. Yeah, we're not sure the rules of this monkey. Sure. Right. And Hal seems to sense something. He looks uneasy as everyone is very, all paying attention to the hibachi show. And the chef does like a finale

as the monkey finishes the drum song. The guy tosses his knife up in the air, a big spin, and we don't like really see it. It like goes off camera, but there's a little noise of something like a whee, and then he catches it and smiles like, ta-da. And Hal turns and looks at the babysitter. Oh no.

Who's got a little thin red line across her throat. And as she turns to look at him, her head slides off of her body and onto the hibachi grill. Ah! What, she could turn? Even though her head was sliced off? It was probably sliding. Sliding off. Yeah.

Yuck. It might've just slid in that direction. And cut to her funeral. Oh. All right. So the monkey can kill even if he's not in the same room. Yes. We hear that this is the funeral of Annie Wilkes, which is just a kind of fun Stephen

King stuff does this a lot. Annie Wilkes is the name of the main character in Misery. And I got to say, I like the Stephen King universe. I like anyone that has a universe where characters appear in other things. I really eat that shit up. You guys will probably both know this reference, but Taylor Jenkins Reid has a character that's in all of her books called McRiva. Doesn't necessarily like super add to anything, but it's just fun to be like, I know that name.

I know that name. And I guess, yeah, I can mention that this all takes place in Maine, like most Stephen King things as well. So, okay, we're at the church for this funeral, open casket. Oh. But she is wearing a turtleneck. A turtleneck. Ooh, okay.

But I feel like she landed face down on that grill. But you know. It does a lot of work. Undertakers do incredible work. Yeah. I do feel like she was like, if I knew somebody died by being decapitated, I wouldn't want, even if they made it look like they weren't,

I'd be so aware that their head was detached from their body that I like would not want to have to look at it. Yeah. Open caskets in general are pretty wild. I know, I really do. I've never been to an open casket funeral and I hope I never do.

Yeah, me neither. Oh, I haven't, it's fucking weird. I really, really didn't like it. I do kind of understand. Wanting to say goodbye. I understand it for the people closest to the person of like needing to see it to believe it type of thing cause you have like a denial that it's real.

But yeah, I feel like in general, it's, I don't, I don't want, I don't want to see it. So the priest gets up and gives a really insane eulog He's like a young priest, a Tim, if you will, but like way less professional. We've seen Tim work his magic and he's an incredible speaker. Sensitive alpha. Sensitive alpha. And this guy stands up and is like, oh, fuck. And he's like, yeah, that's in the trailer. Yeah, it's in the trailer.

And he says, Annie Wilkes, why her? Why not you or you? And just starts pointing to people in the audience. And it's just a heads or tails situation, but not heads, not Annie's head. That's separate. That's a separate situation, not separate from her body. He just keeps stepping in it. Did this guy just find out he's a priest?

Yeah, it seems like it. 30 seconds before being told he has to speak. He has his own movie that's like a sort of Santa Claus type situation where he immediately had to put on that, you put on the robe, you're the big guy, you know, that sort of situation. Yes, it's very silly. And after the funeral, the mom, her name is Lois, Tatiana Maslany's character, Lois is sitting outside with her two sons holding her arm around each one of them and gives a very upsetting speech about life

where she says, boys, everybody dies. I'm gonna die, both of you are gonna die, all your friends are gonna die, all of their parents, all of their pets, some peacefully in their sleep, some really horribly and violently. Wow, okay.

And then after this speech, she says, let's go dancing. And they go back home and put on a record and they have very joyful dance. And we hear through Hal's VO, he says, even though that was a really dark day, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Or this was one of his happiest days of my life. This was one of his happiest memories, was like dancing with his mom.

Oh, that's so sad. And then we see another day sometime later, Hal at school. This scene really made me laugh. He is also, he walks into a, it looks like a locker room, but it's this like gang of girls in there. It's like seven cool looking girls, one like with her foot up on the bench and they're just like mad dogging him looking like such bullies. And they're like, hey, Hal, heard your, I can't remember what they say, but they're just so mean and bullying him. They're like, oh yeah, I heard your dad isn't around anymore, so your mom wears the pants now.

He's like, yeah, I guess so. They're like, but it looks like you're wearing pants. What? He looks down, he's like, yeah. It looks like we got a little bit of a pants problem, don't we? They steal his pants and he like comes home, they pants him and he comes home pantsless and he's very frustrated just getting bullied by- Wow, getting pantsed all the way off. Yeah. Yeah, no more pants at all. They take his pants.

Wow. Because his mom wears the pants now and he can't wear pants. Can't wear pants. He can't wear pants. It's really fucked up how kids, when something sad happens to a kid, other kids like to just bully them about it. Kids are freaking vicious. Yeah, they're vicious. And it's because they're just like, the brains aren't done developing yet, so they don't

know better. But it is, I mean, the thing we've talked about in horror movies before, where like, kids just can't stop themselves, regulate certain things and you're so filled with like hormones and you don't know how life works yet. And you're trying to feel like immortal. You feel like nothing can ever hurt you. Nothing can touch you. It's a scary time. It's a really scary for everybody, for the children and for everyone around them. And it's made so much worse by the internet. Yeah.

Yeah. Luckily this is taking place in 1999, so the internet's not like a big factory yet. But Hal comes home looking very upset, storms up to his bedroom, and then sees the monkey on top of his dresser. Him and Bill share a room. And he calls down to his mom, Mom, why'd you put the monkey in our room? It's creepy.

She's like, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't go in your room. That wasn't me. And he looks creeped out by the monkey and he goes closer to it, is kind of inspecting it, and whispers, did you kill Annie? And then at that moment, Bill walks in, catches him talking to the monkey

and he's like, oh, you love that monkey. You wanna be Mrs. Monkey. He's like, say you wanna suck that monkey's banana and I'll let you be Mrs. Monkey. And I can't remember what he threatens him with, but eventually Hal says it and he's like, okay, you can have it. It's yours, Hal. Enjoy your Mrs. Monkey now. Back at school the next day, they're having a lesson on sexual anatomy and just already

a mortifying day in class. We see that the monkey is in Hal's backpack, has appeared there. He opens the backpack, freaks out. The gang of bully girls see it, start yelling to the teacher, Mrs. So-and-so, Hal's touching his monkey under the desk. And then during lunch break they bring a bunch of bananas and like slather them on top of him. So he comes home from school that day covered in banana. Now the monkeys feels protected because that's his wife. Yeah, exactly.

He runs past his mom who's making dinner and runs upstairs to the monkey and is like, I hate Bill. I wish he was dead. And like, if you did kill Annie, I want you to kill my brother. And he winds up the back of it. See, this is the kind of shit kids don't know what they're saying. This is really, really bad. I used to tell my mom I wanted her to die like all the time and that's a crazy thing to say.

Yeah, yeah, and not true, but. It sucks, it sucks. Cause as a parent, you're doing absolutely everything you can possibly do. And then your kid is like, I fucking hate you. I want you dead. I hate you so much. You're like the bane of my existence.

If it weren't for you, everything would be perfect. Yesterday, Silas just said so matter of fact, that he was like, daddy, I don't like you. He was like, I don't like daddy. He was like, I only like mommy. It's so devastating. I only like mommy. And it's like, that's A, not true, and B, so hurtful.

So mean. It's so mean. So hurtful. It really is wild to remember that like now as adults that our parents were like our age when we were saying like, I want you to be dead. Yeah. I was just like, oh no.

Not strong enough. Oh no. Even, yeah, even just like, I don't like you was like that would destroy me. And you have to just be like, that's not nice. Yeah. Come on. That's not true, you don't mean that. Come on. Yeah, that's not true. You don't mean that. Come on.

Don't say those kinds of things as if it's just like very matter of fact. It's not like, well, I'm gonna go cry in my room. Not like burst into tears. So we hear again, Hal's VO talking about how he felt like he wanted his brother to die. And he says, but the monkey doesn't take requests. We see Bill arriving home from school a short while later.

He's in like a Guy Fieri flame button down. That's very funny. And he walks past his mom who's again, making dinner the same way that Hal did. But now we see his mom is's again making dinner the same way that Hal did, but now we see his mom is just frozen still. I think this is like the most upsetting part of the movie. It's really, you like immediately know something is wrong just by the way she's standing, like kind of hunched over chopping, but not moving. And Bill senses something's wrong right away as well and is like, mom, are you okay?

And approaches her and as he turns, he just sees blood pouring out of her ear. And she turns to look at him and blood starts coming out of her eyes and then she just collapses. Oh! And they say, we hear Hal's VO saying it was like a specific type of aneurysm that only happens to one in every 400 million people, but just another way of saying like, it's gotta happen to somebody. Like, this shit does happen.

Fuck. Oh, that's good. You're fucking me up right now. Stop it. Don't tell me about that aneurysm. I don't want to know about that. Yeah. I don't actually know if it's real.

I think he says it's a boomerang aneurysm. So we don't research, but you can do your own research. See if that's real or yeah, don't. And so then cut to her funeral. We see the boys at their mom's funeral. And in a very upsetting scene, Bill stands up in the middle of it and starts yelling at his mom to wake up and like says, like, ha ha ha, mom, ha ha.

Wake up. Wake up. And like, that's so sad. Nobody stands up to hug him. I'm just like, somebody help this little boy. It's very sad. Hal is riddled with guilt over this. In the middle of the night that night, he takes the monkey to the basement,

grabs a butcher knife, chops off its arm, and it bleeds like a living creature. It has flesh. Great. It's very gross. But then he just starts hacking it. He hacks it into a bunch of pieces, screaming. He's so upset. We see that they are taken in by their aunt and uncle, Aunt Ida and Uncle Chip. Uncle Chip is played by Osgood Perkins, which is fun. Great. Aunt Ida is played by Sarah Levy from Schitt's Creek. Uncle Chip sits them down and says, you know, boys, your aunt and I never wanted kids. We like being able to sit down on the couch and only get up when we feel like it. Then he's like, but we're going to do our best with you. But just so you know, our best might still be pretty bad.

Okay. Well, at least setting expectations properly. Yeah, so they move to their aunt and uncle's house and not long after they get there, the monkey just appears back fully formed in their house. At this point, Hal confides in Bill, not with the full truth, but says this monkey has something to do with the deaths, this evil monkey, I chopped this monkey up and now it's back together,

this is like, something's not right. So they're at least in on this together and they're like, okay, we need to- Bill believes him? Bill believes him. Well, no, actually Bill is like, let's turn the key so I can see it and we can prove it. And he's like, but one of us could die.

Bill's like, yeah, and I'll pretend to be sad when you're dead. Like, who cares? Bill, by the way, there's another devastating scene where he won't take off his funeral suit because he's like, if I take it off, I'm just gonna have to put it back on. So if I keep it on, no one will die.

It's a very, very devastating child logic. Oh God. So Bill goes to reach for it to turn the key because he wants to see for himself if it's true. You see Hal going, no, don't, don't, don't. Hard cut to Uncle Chip's funeral. Very funny. And we hear that Uncle Chip was camping in the woods and was run over by a

stampede of horses. And we see a shot of his sleeping bag being opened with just like fleshy slop inside of it. It looks like Bolognese. It's disgusting eww, eww, eww. Bolognese! Eww! It's disgusting. And so now Bill believes and he's like, all right, we got to get rid of this monkey. They put it back in its box. They wrap chains and locks around the box and they throw it down a well on the property, which seems a little too close, but it seems to work. We hear from Hal's VO, for a long time it seemed like it worked.

We get Chiron 25 years later. Now Hal, played by Theo James. Now I have a crush on Hal, sorry, just to clarify. Now we have a crush on him. Now he's an adult and it's like. Now I do. He does have the exact same glasses. And to be fair, it's a good pair of glasses.

They have like kind of a nice red tortoise shell tint to them. Good glasses. He's working at a supermarket and he goes to his boss in the back room to remind him that he's going to be gone for the next week because he has his son. So hot dad alert. Oh, I guess we already had a hot dad alert with Adam Scott. True double hot dad. Double hot dads.

Exciting stuff. Adam Scott's been a hot dad in in Krampus though already. So. Oh, that's true that he the list just one. One Adam. Theo James is the only new addition. His boss is played very funnily by like a 20 year old kid that's just vaping and being like, yeah, man, okay.

And- Whoa, Theo James is three days younger than Joel. Exactly. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow, they're basically twins. Basically Joel. Exactly. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow, they're basically twins. Basically twins.

Whoa. Anyway, so we also find out that Hal and Bill are estranged. They don't speak anymore, which is fine by him. Yeah. So he tells his boss that he's going to be gone for the next week. And he says he's seeing his son. He's like, I didn't know you had a son. How often do you see him? And he's like, just one week a year.

He's like, oh man, like your ex-wife must be a real bitch. And he's like, actually it was my decision, which we assume is because of the monkey. Of the monkey. What bad thing could happen in just one week? You know, it actually is like completely impossible for anything bad to happen if you only see your son one week a year.

Exactly. So we see him after work driving to his ex-wife's house, which is like a mansion because her new husband is a very successful author who writes self-help books for fathers. And we see Hal in the car as he pulls up writing in his son's birthday card. I don't think it is his son's birthday,

but he only sees him once a year. So I guess this is when he gives him his birthday card, it's very clear that he is not doing a great job at being this kid's dad. He buys a card that's not quite right. So he crosses something out and I don't know if it's the wrong age or something. And then he writes love Hal.

And then he goes like, oh shit. And then puts dad in parentheses. Oh brother. So certainly not father of the year. That is in fact, true puts dad in parentheses. So certainly not father of the year. That is in fact, drawn into his hotness. So we can still allow it. Yes, oh, we've had some bad dads on the podcast. Bad dads, hot dads. Doesn't mean they're not hot dads.

So if we go inside, we see his ex-wife and her new husband. I don't know their names, but the new husband is played by Elijah Wood. Very fun. Oh! I feel like I haven't seen him. When was the last time he was in? Hot Step Dad!

He was in Yellow Jackets. Oh, okay. And he was at Greekman's. There we go. A few months ago. Joel and I saw him there. So. There we go.

I've seen Theo James at the Silver Lake Farmers Market. That's right, you have. He has all of his books on display. He refers to himself as a leading expert on fatherhood, even though he does not have any children of his own. Yikes. And... I love Elijah Wood.

He's very, he's playing it real big. It's very funny. And before his son is in the room, it's just the three of them talking, and they say to Hal Petey, his son is in the room, it's just the three of them talking and they say to how Petey, his son, is starting to ask more questions about you. They're doing a family tree project at school. I think this is all very confusing for him that you're not a part of his life. So we think it's best if Elijah Wood, the actor, legally adopts Petey and you are just not in his life anymore.

And Hal is upset by this, protests, says like, what? You can't do that. That's not surely you can't just do that. But at this moment, Petey walks in and they all drop it and turn and pretend everything's fine. They're like, Petey, hey, okay. Like, are you excited? We're going to go.

They're planning to go to some theme parks. So they're like, all right, let's hit the road. And Petey is like also like 12. Yes, he's also about 12. And I just have to say that I found this child actor and I'm sorry, he's a child. And it's probably not okay to talk about this, but I found him very distracting. He looks like an adult man. You know how Selena Gomez looks like a child still? It probably not okay to talk about this, but I found him very distracting. He looks like an adult man. You know how Selena Gomez looks like a child still? It's like the opposite of that, where I find this child to look like an adult man

in a way that I found very distracting. And he also looks like Casey Affleck and Jesse Eisenberg and Will Poulter mixed together, like Benjamin Buttoned. So I spent a good- Mix them all together. Benjamin Buttoned them and you have this child So I spent a good- Mix them all together. Benjamin Buttoned them and you have this child. I spent a good amount of time just like trying to find

the adult male actors in this child actor's face. That said, he was great. It feels like he's definitely too old for them to convince. Absolutely. You know what I mean? He's not like- Oh, for him to be like- Yeah, he's not gonna forget for them to convince. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Like he's not like, Oh, for him to be like.

Yeah, he's not gonna forget that his dad exists. Yeah. Right. Absolutely. He is like probably older than 12. Well, but again, he looks like an adult man. So it's hard for me to tell. He's 17.

Yeah, he looks like a teenager. Also, if he's only around for one week out of the year, that seems like not that big of an ask anyway. One week is not very much interesting. Okay. So they, he leaves with Hal. They hit the road for their week together. Oh, they like go away together.

Yeah. Really, I feel like a lot of bad stuff can still happen. This is not a great plan. The plan is they're going to a theme park too, which seems like a place where all sorts of freak accidents could happen. Oof, oof, oof. But we cut to Aunt Ida alone in the house

that the boys grew up in. This is again, 25 years later. So she's older and living alone now. And we see that she is, there's like a for sale sign up and she's clearing out a bunch of stuff. And we hear a drum start playing, wakes her up. She grabs a gun to go investigate. She eventually finds that the sound is coming from the basement. We're seeing

all of their dangerous looking items around the house, a lot of guns and yeah, just things, especially because everything's been taken out of wherever it was put away. So there are just things like loose, raw dogging. Loose. Raw dogging weaponry. Raw dogging weapons. And she goes down into the basement, turns on the light. We see a brief glimpse of the monkey, but then the light bulb goes out and the drumming stops.

She presumably turns to go to find a new light bulb, walks back up the creaky basement stairs She presumably turns to go to find a new light bulb, walks back up the creaky basement stairs and they collapse underneath her. She falls through the stairs into these storage boxes filled with fish hooks. Oh shit, yuck. She pulls her head up screaming,

there's fish hooks all in her face. Yikes. pulls her head up screaming, there's fish hooks all in her face. Yeah, she runs, she like climbs out, goes to the bathroom, is painfully pulling out all of these fish hooks like screaming in pain. And then once she's bandaged her face a little bit, we see her sniffing, she's smelling something. She goes into the kitchen and leans down over the stove, smelling if there's a gas leak. And the stove just turns right on, lights her head on fire. She runs out of the house screaming.

Wow, the monkey is really fucking with her. Yeah. This is too many things. This is a- Make it quick. Make it quick, monkey. Ext really fucking with her. Yeah. This is too many things. This is a- Make it quick, make it quick monkey. Extensive one, yeah. I guess this is his, he's finally back. He's back and ready for action.

Yeah, he's been like, yeah, he wants to try a bunch of new things out. Yeah. He's had ideas over the last 25 years. You're right. As she's running out of the house, she steps in like a pot plant that makes her stumble and then she kind of run falls, she's gaining momentum as she falls onto the wooden stake that is holding the for sale sign that just

impales her, stabs through her face that her head is on fire also. So, and it freeze frames on her head impaled and on fire on this for sale sign. Oh, freeze frames kind of funny. Yeah. The monkey is back. Monkey's back. We see, I guess a few days later, they are having an estate sale at her home

and a guy with long black hair and bangs, Joey Ramone looking guy, young guy, finds this monkey and has a vision of his father that I'm not really sure what this is about. I wonder if this is in the book, but he says like, I can't explain it, but this monkey really reminds me of my father. I have to have it. And so he buys the monkey from this estate sale and we're like, oh, we go back to Hal and Petey. They are stopping in a motel for the night.

They're in their little beds next to each other. Petey asks him, do you have because he's doing his family tree project, he says, do you have any brothers or sisters? Hal says, no. He says, what was your mom's name? He says her name was Lois. Then he's like, oh, we haven't had dinner yet. We better go get dinner and very quickly changes the subject, obviously doesn't want to talk about his family history. And we just cut to later in the night when they are asleep. Hal has nightmares about the monkey being human sized and him on the table where he chopped the monkey up. Now the monkey is chopping him up, wakes up sweating, and sees that the heat in the room is up to like 88 degrees.

So he goes to turn the AC full blast. We're seeing a pretty rickety AC unit on the roof of the motel turn up, and his phone rings, it's an unknown caller. And he answers it and we hear his voice on the other line. This is obviously Bill. He goes outside to take the call while Petey's still sleeping into the courtyard where there's a pool area

and we see a woman getting ready for a nighttime dip. Bill tells him Aunt Ida is dead and they're calling it a freak accident. You know what that means, the monkey is back and it must be vanquished. And Hal says, well, why don't you vanquish it, Bill? I haven't talked to you in like 10 years. You vanquish it. I'm with Petey. I have a week with my son. Bad timing for the monkey to be back. So they get in an argument and Bill's like, you got to vanquish it. I'm not vanquishing Guy hangs up. At that moment, we see the AC unit come loose from the roof and tumble down

next to the pool, smashing and sending an electric current through the whole pool as the woman is on the diving board about to jump into the pool. Hal goes, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, but it's too late. She jumps in and the second she hits the water, she fucking just completely explodes. In a very funny way. All her body parts are raining down on top of,

he's like her foot hits him in the head and he's just sprayed with blood, cuts to him and then cuts back and there's still mists of blood falling down. It's like a very comically over the top, not realistic at all death. But yeah, it's very funny. But he starts panicking, runs in, wakes Petey up. We got to go, we got to go, we got to go. Feels like it doesn't. We gotta go, we gotta go, we gotta go. Feels like it doesn't matter where you go if the monkey's out there.

There's not really a safe place, but he doesn't wanna be at this motel anymore. Well, that's fair. And he's in a complete panic, totally freaking Petey out. Petey's like, what's going on, what's going on? He's like, just get your stuff, we gotta go, we gotta make like eggs and scramble. Okay. So after this, he says he's got to take Petey back home. He's like, you can't. I can't. My aunt died. I have to go take care of this.

You can't come. And Petey is really hurt by this and is like, I never see you. This is apparently the last time I'm going to ever get to see you and you don't want to actually spend this time with me. Like I want to know about your family. I want to know about your aunt. Like that's where you grew up. Like I'd really like to come and it seems like this is our last opportunity to do that. And so how caves and it's like, you're right. Okay, you can come. He's like, I have to warn you, you might die. There's an evil monkey that's possessed by a demon. There is an evil monkey, I might die.

You're probably gonna see somebody die in a really upsetting way. Definitely someone's gonna die. Yeah, but you're right. We barely get to see each other. It's our last chance to make memories. So if they're deeply traumatizing, so be it. Yeah, I will say one thing about this movie is that because everything is so

elevated and silly and over the top, like most of the emotional moments don't really land because you're just like, well, whatever. So how they go, they go to aunt Ida's, they are greeted by the real estate agent who is selling her house who knocks on the window of the car and talks to Hal and says, I spoke to your brother Bill on the phone. He's such a character. Your brother, Bill? Your brother, I mean. Of course, we see Petey's face looking very hurt and betrayed. She says says like, Oh, who's this little slugger? Is this your son? And PD says to the real estate agent, Oh, well, actually, her name is Barbara. He's

like, actually, Barbara, I this I am his son, but I'm being adopted by a leading expert next week. So don't worry about it. And actually, I didn't know he had a brother. So that's cool to know. And like, thanks for letting me know. Hal is obviously looking like he's been really caught red-handed and he's like, fuck. So, but he still tells Petey, like you have to stay in the car. You can't come inside.

And he goes in with Barbara. Barbara tells Hal how a lot of strange deaths have been happening in the town ever since Ida died. Basically like one or two a day, we see a montage of crazy deaths. The only one I can remember is someone being run over by their own lawnmower, but clear. The monkey is wreaking havoc in this town. Hal's asking Barbara, you didn't find a monkey here, did you? She's like, oh, no, but we did have an estate sale. Oh, no, was it like a cherished childhood toy? He's like, no, no, it's okay. I'm just trying to figure out where it is. She's like, oh my God, oh, we have to find it. She's like, they're going through all of the closets.

There's one closet that's locked, just by the way that it's shot and edited. She's like trying different keys. She's like, huh, I don't remember locking this. And we're like, oh no, something bad is about to happen. And sure enough, she opens the closet and a shotgun falls off of a rack inside and goes off shooting her, and she again fully explodes.

Okay, okay. Hal is once again covered in blood and body parts, does a gag like, and spits out one of her fingertips. Ew. No. The police come, I don't think PDC is the scene of the crime, but sees his father covered in blood, pretty scary. And the police tell how like you have to stay in town, obviously, it's ongoing investigation, we got to make sure that there's no foul play. Why don't you find a motel and stay in town? So they go and find a new motel and

Hal is looking for Bill now. He's like, Bill, talk to the real estate agent. I think Bill is in town somewhere. I need to talk to him. And he looks up his name in the phone book, doesn't find anything and then has an idea and flips to another page in the phone book and we see him scanning his finger down and he finds a Mrs. Monkey. He calls the number and it goes to voicemail and says, you've reached Bill and if you're calling about the monkey, don't worry, I found it. Wait, what? I don't understand. Mrs. Monkey? So he lists his name as Mrs. Monkey in the...

I guess so. We're not sure Bill's deal yet, but now we cut to Bill's point of view and get Bill's story more or less over the last 25 years. Starting with them throwing the monkey in the well. And now we're hearing Bill's voiceover saying, the second we threw it in the well, I got a vision of what happened. I knew how killed our mom. Like I knew he was responsible. And the very next day I went back into the well and you see him like lowering himself in the well

to retrieve the monkey to kill Hal. Because he's like, I have vowed to get revenge and kill my brother. But when I got down there, the monkey was already gone. And all that was left was the key. The implication that he killed the mom by making a request of the monkey? I guess so.

But you're about to do the same thing, bitch. Yeah. Oh. Okay. That doesn't make any sense. They same thing, bitch. Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. They're 12, they're 12. There's a few things that don't make sense. But we just gotta roll with it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Monkey doesn't take requests anyway. Yeah, which he doesn't know, and so he thinks that he can request to kill Hal. Oh, sure, sure, sure. But the Monkey's gone, only the key was there, and he's like, I knew it would come back eventually. And so he has like, I knew it would come back eventually.

And so he has spent, I guess a lot of the last 25 years searching for this monkey. And Bill's adult vibe is very funny. He's got a m And eventually we see that he hired the Joey Ramone looking guy to help him find it. Aha. And so we see a scene of that guy's name is Ricky, of Ricky asking if he can have the monkey back because it really reminds him of his dad. He really likes the monkey.

Oh, he meant that. Yeah, he really meant that. That's funny. But also it feels like the monkey can like put ideas into your head. Yeah, it does seem like there is a little something going on there and Bill won't even let him in the door and is like, no, I hired you to find the monkey,

not fall in love with it. This is my monkey. Get out of here. This monkey already has a wife actually, so. Yeah. So when Bill called Hal and said, you have to vanquish the monkey, that was him being like... -"Come here so that I can kill you." -"Come here so I can kill you."

Yes. Yeah. Great, great, great. So... Yeah, he's been obviously the one turning the key, killing all these people, hoping that it will kill Hal. Okay, so every time the key is turned, someone dies, but not the person who turns the key. Okay.

There's no rhyme or reason to it, just like life. The box, remember, said like life. Got it. But he's still trying to find reason in it, and he's like, maybe if Petey turns the key, because he knows that when Hal turned the key, his mom died, so maybe when Petey turns the key because he knows that when Hal turned the key, his mom died. So maybe when Petey turns the key, his dad will die, which is the goal. So he's also got this kind of goal of getting Petey there to turn the key. Good God. They eventually get on the phone together,

Hal and Bill, and he's like, I can't believe this has been you. Like these are innocent people. Like I want my son to be safe. Like you're insane. This is so dangerous and wrong. And he's like, I want your son to be safe too. I don't want anything to happen to Petey, which is why you should bring Petey here and he can turn the key until you die. So either I'm going to be turning the key and Petey's at risk, or you can bring Petey here and he can turn it, and then he's going to be safe. Whoa. Wow. This is probably the worst brother you could possibly ever be given.

I mean, what a curse. What a curse. Then Ricky shows up at their motel with a gun and takes them at gunpoint to Bill's. But not in a way of like Bill wants Petey here. Ricky is like obsessed with the monkey and is like, because there's a doggy door at this house, he's like Petey will be able to fit through this doggy door

that I can't fit through. So he's like Petey, I need you to sneak in and get me that monkey. Petey obviously doesn't want to but they're both being held at gunpoint. Hal is like begging him, please don't make us do this. He's like, I'll kill you both if you don't do this. And so Petey crawls through that doggie door to go into Bill's freaky little lair. He's living in an abandoned building part of town that looks very reclusive and weird. He's got it all booby trapped so that there's trip wires because he's trying to protect

his monkey. Nobody can come for his monkey. My God. P.D. hits one of the trip wires and an axe swings down and slices right behind him, just missing him. But then he knows to look for the rest of the trip wires, so he doesn't set off any of the other ones. But he does pass one of swords that are hanging above, and there's something with a bowling ball on a little rolly thing. So a lot of booby traps.

So a lot of booby traps and cut back to outside, we see Ricky still holding the gun to Hal's head and they notice right in front of Bill's house, a huge hornet's nest, which we just presume is gonna come into play. And they're parked basically right underneath it. Hal says, do you want me to reverse? Ricky is like, no, stay where you are. We're staying right here until I get the monkey. Oh, sorry, Ricky. Bye, Ricky.

So Petey makes it up to the top level of this layer and finds his uncle Bill, calls him uncle Bill. Bill turns to him and is like, Petey, thank God, you're here, you're here. But he's holding the monkey and talking to the monkey just insane about his monkey. It would be so crazy to not know that your father had any siblings and then to find out that he has a twin, and then to be like interacting with the twin, and this is the twin. Like, what a mindfuck. That would be.

Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. Bill tells him to turn the key. Petey has been told not to turn the key. Hal is like, whatever you do, if there's a monkey, don't turn the key. And for some reason, again, maybe because this monkey has some sort of powers.

Mind control. Petey does turn the key. And we see the little drumstick spinning. And then, Monkey plays the drums. Back to the car. Ricky is wearing, he's wearing a police uniform that he had stolen to trick them to come with him at first.

And so he's wearing this police hat that he's like, God, this hat is so itchy. And he's using the gun to scratch it with, like, the bad end of the gun. And he accidentally shoots it, but it's at an angle where it just like shoots out the windshield and just gives them both a big scare. And-

Wonder what's gonna come through that windshield. Like, let's be a little more careful with that. Let's not use it as a scratching tool. Yeah, that's not- Let me take the hat off. That's not smart. Let's take the hat off a scratching tool. Yeah, that's not smart. Let's take the hat off. Let's take the hat off. Take the hat off. The jig is up.

I like how everything is like a mild Rube Goldberg. It's like very final destination. Yeah. It's like the very final destination part of it. Yeah, yes. So, but then we noticed that not only did it shoot a hole through the windshield, it shot a hole through the wasp nest.

Yeah. And all of those. Oh, death by wasp nest. Yeah. And all of those. Death by wasp. This is the craziest one. You've never seen a death like this. They just absolutely projectile shoot thousands of wasps from the wasp nest through the hole in the window

directly into Ricky's mouth. Oh. Yikes. There are just like so many. So he's just filled with wasps. Ew. And then they start eating their way out of his face. So then his like body just kind of slumps over

as he's like eaten from the inside by wasps. What the fuck? Wasps do like protein. We've talked about this. Yes, they do. You're right. That's why they love a picnic. They love a picnic.

Hal sees this, runs out of the car, tries to run in through the doggie door, but he can't fit, but Petey comes downstairs and lets him in. And we get a confrontation between Hal and Bill. And Bill is like, God damn it, it didn't work again, like killed Ricky instead of you, like it should be you. And he's trying to turn it. It's like not turning for him. Like it seems like the monkey is mad at Bill at this point. And he's trying to force its arms down,

but it won't move. And he's like, you're so strong. And the monkey, I think it like, like either falls out of his hands or something. But it seemed to me like this monkey is mad now. And it like slides across the floor. But looking directly at Bill, Bill gets a sense like, oh, I pissed it off and the drumstick spins and then he starts playing his little drum beat and it gets faster and faster and faster and he's just drumming and drumming and drumming more than he's ever drummed before

and it's not stopping and he's like going crazy and we're like, fuck, what does this mean? And then we just hear like explosions happening outside, a plane falls down from the sky, sorry Henley. And there's just like screaming and chaos in the whole city, just like everybody dying. Oh my God. And this monkey is too powerful.

It's a really powerful monkey. You don't piss it off. Don't piss it off. Don't piss it off. Yeah. And they watch through the window basically as the whole town collapses. Like the apocalypse happens? Yeah. And then things kind of die down and they're all still alive looking at each other like,

well, real nice one, Bill. Nice one. Yeah. And Bill looks at Hal and says, I know you killed my mom. And Hal looks surprised by this. Like he really didn't know that he put that together. And he says he's sorry. And they have this kind of heart to

heart moment. But he didn't kill her on purpose. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if that matters. But not to Bill. Yeah, Bill is kind of like stuck in 12 year old brain. Like this was such a traumatic thing for him that he has not like developed normally. Right, got it. And Hal is talking really kindly to him and saying, Bill, she was my mom too. I never would have done that if I had known. And Bill truly is like, oh, I never thought about that. In a way that's again, like kind of stupid the way that these emotional moments are a little silly. Hal invites Bill to come on the road trip with them says we can be a family. Like it's not too late. And like I want you to be part of

our lives. Bill looks really excited by this idea and like, we're having this moment of like, oh, maybe everything's going to be fine. And then the monkey one last drum hit one last little bang. And then the bowling ball that was, I don't know, hanging on a little thing falls down and just plows through Bill's head. His head explodes. Bill is dead. What? Okay. Hal and Petey just have like, ooh, faces. They've seen a lot now. Petey, are you happy you got to be there for all this? Yeah. Pretty bonding, probably.

Yeah, it is bonding, I guess. But so they leave in stunned silence and get in the car and they're driving somewhere. Do they take the monkey with them? Yes. Because I feel like you just you own the monkey with them? Yes. They do. Because I feel like you just, you own the monkey and you never turn the key. And that's, Petey does say,

what are we gonna do with the monkey? And Hal says, we're gonna hold it close and never let it get into the wrong hands. And they're driving through towns. I guess who turned the key when the babysitter died? It's fine, I don't need to ask questions. That was from when Bill turned it the first time because it like got jammed. Right, right, right.

But who turned it when Ida died? Because if he found it from the estate sale from her house, he theoretically wouldn't have had then. So that was a thing Jenna caught. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. So I think there are some logic holes in it. Sure, sure. But so now the two of them are driving through town,

seeing all the carnage and wreckage of the night before, it's daytime now, like dawn. We're seeing a man impaled with a surfboard against a tree, a woman running with a stroller on fire, sorry Henley. Oh, Jesus. It might've been a dog stroller. It might've been dog stroller. Definitely a dog stroller on fire, sorry Henley. Jesus. It might have been a dog stroller. It might have been a dog stroller. Definitely a dog stroller for sure.

Then they come to a stop at a stop sign and a man on a horse crosses in front of them that's ghostly and smoky like a horseman of the apocalypse or death himself perhaps and they lock eyes, Hal nods, like gives him the right away. He crosses and then he turns to Petey and says, you know what we should do right now? He says what? He says, we should go dancing. And Petey says, what, like with our bodies? That's really funny. He's like, yeah, I think that's what we need right now is to go dancing. And so they drive off into the sunrise and the camera stays at this intersection they were at and we see this bus filled with cheerleaders crossing and all the cheerleaders are hanging out the windows with their pom poms cheering like, woo. As

I said, my truck flies down the opposite direction, decapitating all of them. And that's the end of the movie. What? What? Wow. Wow. Wow. wow, wow. That is a really funny way to end it. Because it's like, what? And so I guess the implication is people keep dying? Like the monkey got pissed off and now- I think that's like the point of the movie, yeah.

People keep dying, monkey or not. Yeah. Like the monkey's definitely causing some death, but also maybe people are just dying because people die. Sometimes it's violent and insane. I feel like, yeah, the takeaway of the movie is that people die and all you can do is go dancing sometimes.

Go dancing with your body. Don't forget to use your body when you go dancing. Truly don't forget to use your body. That is the message. Well, maybe laughs because of how kids are so online that there's probably ways to dance online now. That I was like, that made me laugh as children just need needing to be out in the world using their bodies.

Yeah, the concept of using your body is just so foreign to us now. Like for what? What do you mean? Yeah. But then there is also a post credits thing that's just like a trailer for Osgood Perkins's next movie called Keeper that I was like, oh, Osgood Perkins is doing this now, huh? Just kind of a little. I mean, that's interesting. It's fun.

Another horror, Keeper. Yeah, why not? Well, it looked upsetting, I will tell you. It was all just POV of someone looking at a bunch of different women in different like places and them looking various degrees of happy to annoyed to scared. Great. Great. Great. Great. Okay. Well, that was like a fun one. It was a fun one. It was fun to watch. I had a great time. I think if you can handle gore, it's not scary really at all. It's just very gory. But the gore is mostly very over the top and not realistic.

So yeah, I think if you're okay with gore, check it out. I had a good time. And Theo James is extremely hot. So yeah, there's that. A very, very hot dad. Not a good dad, but a hot dad. Okay. All right. Well, wow. Wow. Wow. That was the monkey. Thank you, Sammy. So great to have you back in the hot seat telling us everything there

is to know. And that's also very impressive because you obviously saw it in theaters. Yeah, I mean, there's some stuff that I was not certain about the order of, but I think that was... You did great. It all made sense to me. Great. Me too.

I will have Joel fact check when he gets back. Thank you, yes. I would expect nothing less. Let him know to tell me where I fucked up. And is there a, I've been like purchasing toys from this thrift store near us. There's a thrift store that benefits the hospital. And I was like, why am I buying full price toys?

There are all these toys here. They're like a dollar, two dollars. For no reason at all. Certainly they're 100% good and unhaunted. I will only ever buy toys from here now. And now my house is filled with these toys. So we're just giving these old toys away. That I'm a little scared.

I need to collect them and bring them back today. I don't think so. They might have rules about returning child's toys. That's true. As any reputable store would. Yeah, what if that's the lesson is like any secondhand shopping is bad. What if this was just like a secret way

to get us to participate in consumerism? Jeff Bezos is a producer and all this is a front. Well, Chuckie was new straight from the box. So I'm just saying, Oh, that's true. New toys can be bad as well. But wasn't Chuckie like bought in a back alley deal? Yeah.

Yeah. Because someone found him on the street. Chucky was the soul of a man inside of a doll. Yikes. Surely nothing can go wrong with something purchased new off of the internet. Also in this thrift store, you guys, not to bring it back to the thrift store, but I have been going there a bunch and there are regulars in this thrift store, you guys, not to bring it back to the thrift store,

but I have been going there a bunch and there are regulars in the thrift store, but not the regulars you would expect. There's like this older woman and her adult son and he's always in like a three piece suit and they're clearly wealthy, but he just like, I don't know what's going on. Both of them just like hang out in this thrift store

and talk to everyone who comes in and they want to know your life story. No, no, they're just customers. It's like a meeting spot. It's like a watering hole. Yeah. I mean, thrift stores have cool stuff. Yeah, it is cool.

It's just like interesting for a thrift store to be like a community center where people are just chilling and chatting. I haven't been to a thrift store to be like a community center where people are just chilling and chatting I haven't been to a thrift store in a while. I think I'd like to do that. I Feel like I used to do that in college all the time was just like go find funny stuff in thrift stores Yes, same in college. All my clothes were from their stores Those were the days. Yeah, those were the but no creepy monkeys. None of us would have bought this monkey.

No, obviously not. It's, and that's the thing. I would have. I would have bought that monkey. You guys, I need to really think about my life choices. Yeah, show us an inventory of the toys you've bought recently, just in case. Yeah, we can see if any of them look creepy

because I don't like. Because that's the thing. The haunted dolls are never like normal looking cute dolls. It's like Annabelle. They look haunted. Remember I showed you guys one of them. There's the bear that's holding a globe and it's surrounded by woodland creatures.

Sounds fine. I bought it for May because she's obsessed with like little figurines. Oh, fuck my life. Fuck my life. Well that one sounds okay to me. I hope so. Well your husband's a priest.

That's true. Does that put me more at risk? So just have him bless them all. Yeah, totally. I think in a way, yes, it does put you more at risk. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Little more exposed. But it also gives you a great tool to vanquish.

Right, exactly. For vanquishing. Really good point, really good point. So. Wow. Okay, well this has been a delight, a pure delight. A pure delight. We love you all.

Love you so much. We love you. Life is crazy, life-like. Go dancing. Life-like. Go dancing. We did talk about going dancing recently, how that, we haven't done that in a while. I would like to do that as well. I'm gonna go to a thrift store and I'm gonna go dancing. We did talk about going dancing recently. How that we haven't done that in a while. I would like to do that as well.

I'm gonna go to thrift store and I'm gonna go dancing. And I wish you all the same. Things are only looking up. And voices, no voices. So from all of us here at Too Scary Didn't Watch, goodbye. Bye. We did it. We made it.

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