Too Scary; Didn't Watch - TOGETHER with Joel Jensen

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

Video episodes available on our Patreon!Movie & Guest Intro @ 18:50Trivia @ 28:13Recap starts @ 33:30TrailerFollow the show: @TSDWpodcast on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram.Check out our Patreon for bonus episodes and additional content!Rate Too Scary; Didn’t Watch 5 Stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Emily, Henley, and Sammy.Advertise on Too Scary; Didn't Watch via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. This is Emily, Henley, and Sammy, and you're listening to Too Scary Didn't Watch. Hi, everyone. Welcome to Too Scary Didn't Watch, the horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves. and I am too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Hemley and I'm also too scared to watch scary movies. I'm Sammy and I love watching scary movies. And so I watch them so that you don't have to. And I'm very excited for today's episode.

Me too. For many reasons. Many reasons. God, so many reasons. And if you want to get straight to our recap, there are timestamps in the show notes because first, you know we got to do just a little bit of haunted housekeeping, to remind everybody that all Helchella episodes are available as video episodes on our Patreon

at patreon.com slash TSDW podcast. And also available on Patreon are our recaps of Alien Earth, which we are really enjoying so far. My new favorite show. And I'm very excited to see where this season goes. So join us. Join us, won't you? Join us, won't you? Go on you join us.

Won't you join us? And the recaps and also just kind of general chit-chat discussion. Just kind of just general chit-chat. It's kind of just general chit-chat. I'm just trying to do a little chit-chat, you know? Just let the girls have their chat. Yeah, another excuse to chit-chat with my friends. Give me more.

Give me more. And that's it. That's all the hana housekeeping, easy-peze. So will you guys please tell me if anything scary happened to you this week? I will tell you. If it did, I'll tell you. did it it did I mean it's not much

it's not much you guys but I have now several times recently woken up with a goddamn crick in my neck for example if you're watching this the video episode so that I can so okay just watch just watch I can turn my head one way more than the other so look look

uh huh great oh no wait I'm gonna try that wait I'm gonna try that right now I have full mobility I wasn't expecting that what I wouldn't get I didn't mean to brag. I wasn't trying to brag.

It's like, like what the hell, you know? Wait, Emily, is it your new pillow? Because you just got a new pillow. Okay, no, I've actually had the pillow for like a few months, but don't think I haven't thought of that. Okay. Yeah. She thought of everything. I did think of that as well.

Because I don't know. I also thought of it. I mean, I might have to get another new pillow. I also think you're stressed. I know that I am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm stressed. It's fine.

I'm. No, I feel really good. I am short-circuiting right now in this moment. It's fine. I'm going to get a massage later. Nice. There we go. But it's just like, you know what the hell?

You know, I need to tell you about a massage spot. I used to go to an L.A. Not sure if they're still there, but there is a masseuse named Pancake who worked there. Oh, wow. Fucking phenomenal. I never had a massage as good as the one I did from Pancake. Was Pancake her nickname because? I don't know.

She squishes you down to a pancake? Probably. Probably. But it said it. It was on her name tag. It was official. Sure. Did you get a look at her birth certificate, though?

I asked for it, as you do, when you get a massage. First things first. Show me your birth certificate. No, but it's also like great marketing because how can you ever forget a name like pancake? I've told so many people about pancake. I'm actually surprised. You've never told me? She hasn't come off yet.

It was the first time I'm hearing about it. She was in Highland Park at like a one, like a random massage place, but she was really good. Do you just Google pancake masseuse or what? I don't know because the thing about a lot of like, it can be too hard and she was not too hard. You know, it's like right? Yeah. Like I want, I actually, I recently got a massage that it was not that good, which was really

unfortunate because it was just like, it was hard. But in a way that I was like, this isn't like you want a massage. If a massage isn't going to be painful, you want to. it to be painful in the way that like you can tell it's releasing something you're like it's not just like oh i think you're just like pressing pressing me too hard yeah right yeah it's just like not what you want so we'll see what happens today but i got to fix this neck oh that's fine i hate a crick in the neck you too i kind of feel like i've i've been sleeping in an non-ergonomic position for long enough that now my body is is

used to it because I used to get really sore all the time because I sleep basically in like a corkscrew shape like kind of twisted in the middle and I do too and I used to always be in pain when I woke up and now it's just gone away from just just persistence you know you just got to keep going with it just push through I think I'm pretty sure become the corkscrew yeah I think I sleep like a tiny little fetus like all curled up oh that's very that's very sweet like in like I make like the smallest little ball sheet. We're supposed to be sleeping on our backs, I guess, is that's like, I think the, like, best way to be, unless you're pregnant, in which case you can't.

Right. But I cannot, I like, I can't fall asleep that way on purpose. I think I have fallen asleep that way on accident. But I don't think I can, like, lay down to bed and stay laying on my back and feel good. I can if I have the right pillow on the side of my head that I can, like, lean my head on. So it feels like you're on your side. Kind of, but also trick yourself into that. That reminds you Tim's dad lays down and goes to sleep like a true vampire. Like he literally goes to sleep on his back. So is Jenis. Not as Joel. Just outing people's sleeping positions left and right.

I really admire that. Like to be able to fall asleep on your back, like no accessories needed. I mean, that's amazing. Because he's just laying flat on the ground, falling fast to sleep. No accessories, no bed, no pillow. I mean, truly, like, I go out in that hallway sometimes, and there is an old man, like, lying prone on the ground. And it scares the shit out of me, but that's impressive. They like to take naps because it is a very thick carpet on our upstairs carpet. You're basically being curled there? They take naps on your carpet? They literally take naps outside the door.

There could be either one of them could be out there right now, taking a nap. Wow. Amazing. No accessories needed. You never know. Just a plush carpet. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe.

Do I think is going to happen to you guys this week? I do want to talk to you guys about the book that I'm reading. So I'm my sister-in-law, I've been avoiding this book because this is all over Book Talk. This is the book of Book Talk, The Fourth Wing, by Rebecca Yaros, which is kind of like an Akitar vibe. Romantici. Acetar? A court of thorn and roses. That one, the Sarah J. Moss series.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Which is also romantic. I didn't know that acronym, acronym, I only know that acronym from Dumois, because they talk about, or they used to talk about it on there. A court of thorns and Akitar. Akitar. Akitar, yeah.

Which I read when I was in like, and they're pretty horny. So. That has been my assumption. Yeah. So Akatar was pretty horny. I read that when I was just getting over being really sick with May, and I don't think I was in the right headspace to read those. You didn't want to be horny just then?

I didn't enjoy myself at all, at all, like didn't. There's no part of me that liked those. So then the fourth wing came out. Everyone's freaking out on that on book talk. I'm like, book talk, I don't trust you anymore. I won't be reading that. And then my sister-in-law, this week at the beach, was like, shocked. I hadn't read it.

And she was like, you have to read it. She was like, it's my favorite book. Okay. And she said that she... How horny is this book? Because I also am really into the idea of it being recommended to buy your sister-in-law. And it's like, like... That is certainly confusing.

Because it is really horny. That is confusing. No, it's not that horny. So that's what I... Basically, that's what I wanted to talk about is that I'm only like... It's a long book. It's like 700 pages or something. but it's like easy to read. I'm like 400 pages in already. It's been like a few days and you just fly

right through it. But it's about a group of dragon slayers at essentially Hogwarts and they're all supposed to be having sex with each other. I personally think that there's been not been enough sex in those 400 pages that I've read. There could be more sex for sure. If you're telling me that the whole deal is they're having sex all the time, like this is what I'm. I was talking about this with that other book I read recently, which is like, yeah, like, I'm a grown-up. Like, let's, like, do it. I know what sex is. Don't protect, like, don't, yeah, don't be wishy-washy about this.

Don't, like, be, are you trying to be, like, coy? Yeah, don't be coy with me. Yeah. I'm a grown-up. Yeah. So, anyway, I'm not, I'm sure there's some explosive sex scenes at the end. But there is, there is, I'm like liking it more than I thought I would. So if there's anyone out there who read Akatar and they thought, this isn't for me,

maybe the fourth wings for you also are they adults or are they teens yeah they're they're adults they're like in their young early 20s I think they're all in their early little too young for me but I well yeah fair enough um in probably like a year when it becomes available at my local library the other thing that's just so funny about it is that she this is always the case with these female protagonists um she is somehow like the most different no believely women. She's somehow the most, like, fragile person on the face of the planet, but also the strongest person on the face of the planet. She has some kind of health, autoimmune problem where her bones... A lot of women do. Her bones shatter, like, upon... Oh, that sounds pretty serious.

It's making me think about, you know, the lady, I think, is it a character in, um, it is in 30 rock that she has bird bones. It's, I think it's like one of Jack's wives are girlfriends and she like, she like, you like can't touch her because she has literal bird bones. She has like, Anyway, it's like, it's like that. Emily, this is serious. Sorry. This character has this condition. Well, also, I think it is a real condition.

I think the author has a condition like this. Oh, no. So it is, I don't know, I don't know the details. It's like Samuel Jackson and Unbreakable. Yeah, all I know is that the concept is basically this woman can sustain the most amount of pain I've ever read. Every single page is, like, her experiencing the most extreme levels of pain and just being, like, fine with it and, like, going on. Well, probably because if that's, like, what you're every day is, what you're supposed to do. And I think that it's really admirable and amazing because I personally don't want to have to withstand any pain.

No, yeah, me neither. But also, like, it's the same thing of, like, what is the message about women here? Is the message, like, you should be this way? You should be able, like, it's like pain. If you're, if you're someone we want to look up to, you should be able to just, like, have all your bones shatter and still want to go out there and fight a war. Do you know what I mean?

I guess, are you saying that it seems like it's, like, perpetuating the, like, minimization of women's pain? Yes. Well, and that, like, be undeniable. Like, that sort of, like, the only way to succeed as a woman in the world. is to be undeniable, be in constant pain, but fight a war. It's like taking it to the extreme and it's bothering you. That's not what you're saying?

Yes, it's bothering me. I got there eventually. There was a while there in the middle of where I was like, what's Henley talking about? Where are we going? And then I think I got there, which is like maybe if you're in excruciating pain, you don't have to be the one who fights the war. Maybe women can be mediocre because men can be mediocre at everything. Yeah.

I don't know. All I'm saying is I'm reading the fourth wing and that's all I want to say. That's a scary part of my week is that I'm reading the fourth wing. So I'm sure that there are a lot of people out there who have read it who are listening who are screaming at the podcast having like lots of different opinions because this is like a huge book. It's a huge book. I had not heard of it. But I assumed when you said you're reading the fourth wing that that was some sort of like political theory book or something like. we're like currently what really what we're in the fourth wing you know like fourth wing capitalism or whatever yeah it does sound like that the fourth branch of government about journalism it's unfortunately no my brain is mush and it's leaking out my ears and my nose my scary thing is politics related but you guys already know it um and it's not it's as far as politics goes it's more benign than others and it's that there was a couple weeks ago on last week tonight there was a segment on Chuck Schumer and this blew my fucking mind I told you about this a couple that he bases his political decisions off the Bayleys he talks about them a lot there's many clips of him referencing

them reference a lot in his book yes 265 times and 264 pages and down to like history about like the Bailey's like the wife's dad had a cancer scare three years ago like a lot of details yes and they are not real people he he made him up wait okay so this is what confuses me all right so these are complete figments of his imagination they're not based in reality whatsoever it's not just a name change it's not an amalgamation of a few different people it's a literal he might be drawing on other people but like these people are not real, no. And they also voted for Trump.

Wait, so how? Okay. So I have so many questions. I'm so glad we're talking about this. So did he keep, was this just a big secret? No one knew that the bailies were fake? No. I think everybody knows. And for some reason, he's just getting away with it. And I feel like, I feel like it's so crazy and weird. And I don't know, just like really made me feel like you need to hold ice cream i guess but just like what the fuck is going on i mean we know that the country is obviously being run by crazy people in general but but this one yeah just really semi-spirling and the the amount of detail that he is constructing their lives with like he knows their children's names and like well of course he does he made them up well i don't know

I, like, don't understand. And he's, like, creating this, like, very, very detailed backstory. And, again, basing his decisions off of, like, what would the Baileys do? Yeah. How do the Baileys feel? You made them up. And they're Trump voters. And why are...

It's really strange. It's hard. It is honestly, like, everyone should just watch this segment because it is... It's so hard to describe what exactly about it is, like, so... Because it's like, yeah, you'd think a politician would like, okay, imagine, like, it's like the bailies to him are like the typical American, middle, you know, like middle age, middle class family. Yeah. Like, let's think about them. Except he's like, let's think about this specific couple that I invented that I am actually deciding everything about them.

That's so crazy. It's like you know that you could talk to a real couple, right? And like to figure out what they wanted. And that's actually what you should be doing. You should be doing that. And you should also, like, why, if you could make these people do anything. Why did you make them vote for Trump? Why did you give her dad cancer?

Like, what are you doing? Like, what is this? So does he know that everyone knows it's fake? Or is he trying to get away with something? I think he's been trying to get away with something. Yeah, unclear. All right. Because it's so, I don't know.

there's like a clip of him doing an interview and the interviewer asks like asks him about the bailies and says like well what did the bailies do in this and he says he's like they voted for trump yeah he's like sounds like really dejected he's like voted for trump yeah um because of crime because of crime because of crime and it's like they didn't who is they okay so this is this is a perfect example of why everything has gone off track which is that like truth has become quite literally uh natural resource that is like rare and hard to find dwindling yeah like it's like we have gone so far away from caring about the truth and what's true or even knowing what the truth is and I don't know how to get people back on track like how do you like steer people back towards like no facts do

matter and like talking to a real couple does matter. Okay, well, the point of that was just that Chuck Schumer is a weird loser is really, it was less about like the nature of reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just he's just a huge loser. Huge loser. He just wanted everybody to know what a huge loser Chuck Schumer is and that really sent me spiraling because I was just like, wow, what a loser. Yeah. Huge loser. Um, but. The other scary thing I did this week was watch this week's movie, which is together, written and directed by Michael Shanks, starring Dave Franco, Alison Brie, and Damon Harriman. It is in theaters right now, and we have a guest with us today that you all know and love just as much as we do. Well, not just as much.

Well, yes, I mean, not just as much. Emily, thank you. Emily, show your sweatshirt. Show your sweatshirt. Joel Jensen. Hey, everybody. How's it going? Oh, Joel. Joel. Joel. Joel. Okay. Whoa.

Whoa. Hey, it's nice to be here. It's nice to be here. It's nice to be here. It's nice to be chanted. We've missed you. I've missed you. I've missed you too. How's your summer going, Joel? Um, you know, it's been, I'll say that my, that's a good segue into my scary thing, which has basically been a very broad sense of trouble and fear. Great.

A broad sense of trouble. There's a broad sense of trouble. Our vibe on here anyway, so this is great. Yeah, and I mean it like not even in a political way, although now that Sammy's told me about the, what are they called? The Baileys. The Baileys. And the idea that our political futures are...

Rest on the back of a fictional couple. Not only that, but are being carried by a man whose political imagination can't even imagine people who vote for him. I know. His vision of American politics is that he loses. And that's what we have. I mean, that's my vision. Yeah.

I mean, he's not wrong. but it's like, I don't wonder if maybe your problem is that you're not imagining something to aspire towards, like people who vote for you for a reason. Maybe that should be who you imagine anyway. Well, what's, yeah, what's your trouble in? For me, it's, it's far more personal. And like, the specific that I, that was like this week is so recently I was fortunate enough to be up for kind of like a dream job. Yeah. And I, you know, sent in my application, as it were.

And I didn't get the job. But that's not the, that's beside the point. The point is that when I sent in my application, it was like a, basically like a submission, a sample. As soon as I sent it away, I had like the worst imposter syndrome of my life. Wow. And I spiraled for a couple of weeks, just doubting myself, questioning myself, thinking that I was like, have I just been like a clown for the past couple of years?

Like, have I been a dumb, silly clown fucking around, trying to convince myself that I've been like working hard? And it's all stupid. Like, I know that. But it was like so crazy to me. And I'm sure everybody has this experience, which is why I wanted to like, bring it up in conversation on the podcast is like when you get the it's crazy when you get the opportunity that you've wanted and you have a clear shot at it and you take the shot your brain

goes you fucking idiot well what i would say is that people that think they're silly clowns are not and that the people that are like going full speed ahead are the actual silly clowns that are like have no self-doubt because having self-doubt is what, like, makes you keep working on your craft and, like, honing your skills. And so I tend to think of imposter syndrome as, like, a sign that you're actually really good at. Yeah, I think you're right.

Love that. And as we know, the court jester was often the one who told the truth to the cave. Oh, we're back to truth. Also, I'll also just say, like, if, yes, if you can, if you have imposter syndrome, it probably means that you are, like, really fucking awesome but but also also I just feel like it's a good reminder to like

that voice is not true and we need to be kind to ourselves yeah because that's that's our like I mean I think Freud right Freud over let's bring him in yeah let's get him in your Freud right I mean our ego wants us to do the same thing over and over and over again I want safety it wants comfort it wants familiarity it wants predictability and so the second you take a risk you put yourself out there and do something that might change your situation. Your ego is like, no, absolutely not. We're not doing anything different. How dare you, how dare you do this to me? I want every day to look like every day in the past has looked. Yeah. And so that's also your brain trying to like keep you safe. Like no, don't do it. Don't do anything new. Also, I visualize anxiety as like a

little guy, like a man, a little guy in your brain that like the second, it's just like, when there's no, when there's no, it's like a pouty little kid when there's like no room for it to play. And it's just sitting there being like, I want to go somewhere. When you're like happy and healthy and doing great, it's like, oh man, oh man, oh man. And then you find something that you're like stressed about or anxious or scared and it goes like, and it like gets all excited. And it's like, I'm going to live in there. I'm going to live in there. And it like, it just like, it gets so excited for an opportunity to, like, dig a hole in your little room. Yeah.

So you just have to remember that, like, it's just that stupid little fucking guy. And if you'd be like, no, go back in the corner, I don't like you. And it has to go, oh, man, oh, man, you'll see. You haven't heard the last to me. Shoot, shoot, shoot. You know, I'll be having this. Exactly. Yeah, I mean, it's just, like, crazy the, how much your brain can pull you in

different directions of like something can be the thing you want more than anything and the in pursuing it you spin out because you feel like a complete phony like that doesn't really seem to make much sense to me about the human mind well Joel I don't think you're a silly clown I think you're I don't think so either I don't think so thank you guys not one little bit you know I didn't I don't need like a pep talk but I do appreciate your um your your you're getting one Joel And you don't get to decide if you get one or not because we decided and we're giving it to you. And what a good pep talk. I don't think you're a silly clown.

You're a serious man. You're a serious clown. You're a really serious adult. You're a grown man. You're grown up. Microdosing has been an absolute game changer. And this episode of Too Scary Didn't Watch is brought to you by Schedule 35, our trusted partner for all things, microdosing. I've heard of microdosing.

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I don't know. We could be a little closer together. And maybe people in this movie will get very close together. Too close together. Maybe a little too close. What does everybody know about this movie? We're all excited. We're all feeling. good. Yeah. I mean, I have seen Allison Brie. I just forgot her last name. Alson Brie, is that her last name? I was just like, Brie. I was like, Bree, that can't be right. For some reason, I really wanted to say Allison Janney. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I've seen Allison Brie and Dave Franco, I mean, everywhere. Their press tours are always like. Their press tour has been nonstop. Yeah. A little much, I might say. Yeah, a little bit much. I read that her, part of me is like,

Is she trolling us or is this real? She said that they, every single night, they eat dinner at 5.30 and then she does 45 minutes of her red light lamp, a red light face mask in bed, and then they watch something in bed and then go to bed by like 9 p.m. every single night. Why would she be trolling? Yeah. Just because that's like so specific and so like intense. I feel like my nighttime routine is not too different from that.

I like to be in bed at 9. I like, I love early dinner. Yeah. I love a, I love a skincare routine. We were just telling our friends about our nightly routine and we do pretty much have like, during the week, we're pretty dialed in. We have dinner around 7.30 and while we eat dinner, we watch Bobby Fly and then we watch a narrative show of some kind. Then we pause, we feed the cats, we make tea. We watch another narrative something or a watch.

down show like dog rescue show or somebody feed Phil and we get into bed around between like 945 and 10, 15. And I read my book and I go to bed. Pretty much every night. I think the thing that threw me. If I had a red light mask, I would do that. You'd probably do that. That was the thing that threw me. The 45 minutes of a red light mask every single night. That one's hard because yeah, you can't do anything else while you're doing that. Right. Right. Yeah. That's so intense. And 45 minutes is a long time to just, yeah, like, lay there still. If that's your whole, like, career. Yeah, especially so close to bedtime.

I've been, so that's all I know. And I've seen, like, images and random clips. So, I mean, I know what the movie's about, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I will give us some stats. Together has a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 75 on Metacritic, and a 7 on IMDB, which is a 10 on IMDB. Which is a 100%. The budget was 17

million. It's been out a couple weeks, two or three weeks, and it has made 21 million, which I was a little surprised by it. I don't know why I thought this was doing like super well. I mean, probably because they're press tours all over our fucking algorithm.

I guess that's true. There is just like a curiosity around like what would it be like to be in a couple where you're actually just making movies together all the time because this is their third movie fourth movie um they seem really happy like it seems to be going 13 years it's a long time i mean i think that's a thing that's admirable about it at the end of the day is just that they've there seem to be going really you know it's hard to have a relationship in hollywood and especially with a franco they're figuring it out especially just franco it hasn't been

great hasn't been great for a franco in a long time you know and it's like it's a lot to navigate yeah not getting not getting pulled down by that anchor they've somehow managed to do it well and i think it adds to this film for them to be a real life couple as this film is a not very subtle metaphor for codependency etc and so it's like fun to to know that they're a couple in real life while you're watching it and yeah yeah I think they I think they seemed like they had a lot of fun with it so I'm happy for them and I also just want to note that I am wearing I showed it already but I am wearing my custom requested and made airbrushed sweatshirt that says Joel's name on it where did it come from?

The OC Fair There's a person there doing airbrushing And you can get anything you want Amazing I got it to say Joel It's perfect That's really cute Why do I feel like that works for you guys

But if I got one that said Tim I feel like it would be weird Do you know what I mean? You could do it And it's weird that Emily has it I also am fully intent And I should have thought I hadn't done it in time for this episode

But I will be getting Joel's name tattooed Just like no nothing No strings attached Just Joel Just Joel I just want it You should get it on your knuckles. I actually want it on my like thumb. I want it just like,

J-O-E-L, Joel. Joel. I'm excited to talk about a movie about a couple that's maybe like too involved with each other while my husband is here. Me too. Because I actually like don't think it's a problem

how we are. I don't think it's a problem at all. And I think there's a difference between codependence and just like being really obsessed with your partner. 100% Yeah, I agree So

Yeah, I have a lot to say About codependency I feel like I could talk For hours about codependency So I'm excited I'm excited to know What this movie has to say about it No, I'm gonna hold all thoughts

Until I know the plot of this movie I'm holding my thoughts All right Well, should we get into it? Yeah, otherwise Henley's not gonna fucking say We have to keep going Because I have like I do have things I want to say

but I don't need to say them yet. But not now. But not now. Well, whenever you want to say them. Yeah, whenever you want to say them, say them. Is that how, is that how a podcast works? Yeah, you say your thoughts whenever you have them. Okay, got it.

Preferably, you know, when the mic is on. I also did hear that this is like based on a true story that happened to these people, the Bayleys. Okay. Your tone, I was like, I can't wait to find. out what Joel's punchline is of this. Yeah, they, they fused together and voted for Trump.

One unstoppable Trump voter. Well, what's crazy is one of them didn't have the right papers, and so they fused together and then got deported. Holy shit. Chuck Schumer should, you know, become a screenwriter.

Why hasn't he thought of that? Come on, Chuck. Active imagination he has. No, I think the main thing I'm thinking about is that if the kind of like the thesis of the movie is just that they moved to the woods and there was a mystical wood thing happening that was fusing animals and they just got fused to by accident because of like the mystical supernatural thing in the woods, I'll be like a little disappointed because I wanted to say like, you know, Henley, I'm glad you said it now.

Did Henley just guess the whole fucking movie? Did she do it again? Well, I mean, I think the trailer tells you it's pretty obvious. But I want that there to be more of like a complicated nuanced take on codependence. see, but maybe I'm asking for too much. Hey, we'll see what we get. Yeah, we'll see what we get. Okay, that's why I wanted to hold my thoughts until that. Well, she did it again.

Sorry. Let's find out. Let's find out. Let's start together. Yes. We open on a forest, woodland. It's wet, it's rainy, and there's a search party. looking through the forest, looking through the woods, seeking some people.

They're calling out a couple of names. They got flashlights. They got dogs sniffing around, looking for people. And one of the guys in the search party starts looking for his dogs and he can't really find them. He's not sure he whistles for them, calls for them. They're not coming. And we cut down into this sort of cave.

And the dogs are in this cave, sniffing around, looking for, these missing people, and they, in the cave, they approached this kind of wellspring of water. It kind of looks like a big butthole. And it has this, like, very appealing water in it. Appealing to the dogs or to us? To anybody. Anybody's going to want to drink at this one. This water looks really good. Really good. The cave is weird. Obviously, it has a big butthole in it. It reminds me of the empty man, the, like, opening of the empty man. And I was like, this is the empty man with dogs. Empty man with dogs.

Which I would watch that, to be honest. And who on the mom hasn't wanted to drink water right next to a butthole? Anytime. No, out of the butt hole. Oh, it's coming straight out of a butthole. It's kind of for those familiar, gaping. And with water in it. I know it's familiar with gaping but holes.

Goatsey? Anybody want Anybody see know the Goatsey picture? No. Real hands will know. If you go to the Goatsey

drop a Drop a like Drop a big red dot in the comments. I don't know what you're talking about I don't like it. Don't look it up. I'm not going to. Don't look it up.

Do not look it up. Do not. This isn't going to be like when I said I wasn't going to look up fairy fingers and then I did. No, don't do that. Definitely don't look up. Goatsey is better than fairy fingers,

I would say, look it up. It's like one of the old gods of the internet along with like Tub Girl and Lemon Party. I was going to say Lemon Party it's giving Lemon Party vibe. I don't know what I mean that shit is. Don't look it up. Don't look it up. Like truly like the like Eldritch

gods of the internet are go see Tub Girl Lemon Party those are like the OGs. If you keep saying the name I will look it up. Don't look it up. Just drop a red dot in the comments if you know what I'm talking about. 3 a.m. has no impulse control when it comes to looking stuff up on the internet.

I'm, like, looking up the worst things possible. If you do find yourself looking up, do it on incognito mode. That's my one recommendation, if you must, but don't. You don't want that gunking up your search history. Yeah, you don't want that. You just don't want to see it either. So don't look it up. Anyway, so we're in the, we're in Goatsy Cave.

And the, like, weird wellspring, like, it doesn't look man-made, but it is not natural. It's some looks like a big butthole And the dogs The dogs walk up to the water And not knowing any better They drink out of it Um

Done for Then we cut back into the woods The owner is like looking for the dog Dogs and he finds him They're out of the cave But they are silently Staring at each other Face to face

Perfectly still Just like staring into each other's eyes Not making a sound not moving Like really freaky Kind of surreal And they just side, it's time to call off the search for the day, it's getting late, so everybody goes

home. The dog owner brings his dogs back in, puts them in their kennel at home, and they are still just staring at each other silently. He goes to bed, he's like a little weirded out, whatever dogs are weird, but he goes to bed.

And in the night, there's a barking, gurgling, very weird sound. It's like kind of, kind of of dogs fighting but kind of not and his daughter wakes up and tells him to go check on the dogs and see what's going on and so he goes out with his flashlight the sound is really strange

he's like in this like kind of like tent that the kennel's in and so he can only see shadows and there's this sort of like twitching dark shadowy mass this whole thing is very the thing encoded. I think it's like very much specifically an homage to the thing. And he like is scared to see what he's looking at, but he like pulls up his flashlight and the dogs are like half fused together. It looks disgusting. How are they fused together like from the side of their faces? Like their heads and mouths are kind of like conjoined and like it's almost as if one is absorbing the other. And it's really gross and they're like kind of twitching and like you know the face that you would make if you won't look at goatsie is what they're doing

basically oh no i think this is the scariest scene in the movie i thought it was i agree um very well like a lot a lot of dread in here and you know something bad is coming you know it's scary it's dark and it's twitchy it is the scary i would say this movie is not particularly scary it is nasty um and which is i like that about it i like a nasty movie me too So we cut out of there And we cut to New York City Where we're at a going away party For our

Protagonists Tim played by Dave Franco And Millie Played by Allison Brie Yes, Henley This is gonna be hard for you For the rest of the Oh my God, listen to this

I'm gonna get so confused Wait, my Tim or this Tim My Tim? Wait, I'm sorry Hold on Which one? Wait, are you talking about my team? Okay, Dave Franco.

So Tim is like kind of avoiding people at the party. He's like digging around through a crate of vinyals, trying to like pick new music to play, but it's really just kind of like not wanting to socialize at this going away party.

And then in walks Henley, his wife. Oh shit. What? Oh shit. No, Millie walks in and is like, you know, kind of like trying to get him

to like come out to the party. They kind of like share a cute moment. Like, what are you doing? And they're like, You know, nervous about moving, sad about the move, but like trying to be excited, really. She also says, everyone thinks it's really cute that we're matching. And they're like, you see that their outfits are basically this like, just like jeans and a white shirt and a jean jacket.

Yeah. Which I thought was a fun little detail. It's a really fun detail. I also, I have that with Jenna all the time. My co-defendant relationship is with Jenna where we just are blending into one person. one person and then what's really fun is like so she leaves she's like it's cute we're matching she leaves when he walks out of the room he's changed his jacket he doesn't want to be matching her i got to say i relate sometimes emily and i will be wearing the same outfit and i

will change because i not because i don't love emily but i don't want people to say they are dressed the same yeah but in his case he's doing we can tell it's because he's trying to like he doesn't he's kind of like along for the ride with her right now And he is trying to, like, assert some of his own individuality here. He's, like, a little salty about the move. We get the sense. And, but there's, but they're very codependent people. We go, we, like, kind of, like, follow each of them as they go around the party.

Millie is talking to her friend about Tim. He is a musician who has kind of fallen on harder times. He, like, had a record deal. He lost it. Millie's brother is in a band that is doing well. and is like more successful than him and they actually end up inviting Tim to like be their touring guitarist

so he can like work, make some money try to get back good with the label and you know maybe build something for himself but we get as Millie's talking to her friend we get the sense that like he's a bit of a loser in that he hasn't really let go of this dream of being a successful musician maybe he needs to like let it go maybe he is a little bit of a man-child.

He, like, doesn't have his driver's license. He needs to be kind of taken care of a little bit. She's the only one making money. She's a teacher. The reason they're moving is she got a job at a school in, like, upstate New York, basically. And he's, like, doesn't have anything better to do. He works from home as a musician, so he's like, I guess I'm there. Like, we're going to do this.

But when, like, when Millie's brother invites him to. to, like, tour with them. He's, like, really excited, but he's like, I think I need to, like, make sure that Millie's okay with that. And they're like, what do you mean you have to fucking ask Millie's permission to, like, go on tour, dude?

Like, when you got with her, you were supposed to make her cooler, not you get lamer because of her. And so... That's also not very nice. No, it's too, right. Incredibly rude. But it is her brother. And brothers can say that kind of thing sometimes.

So we, there's, like, tension here. And Millie's friend also, like, you get the sense that, like, no one is, like, championing this relationship. Millie's friend is like, you guys don't have sex anymore, like, why don't you, like, are you sure this is a good idea, type of thing? So there's a lot of concerns from the people that know the best. Yeah, a lot of people just being like, why are you guys doing this, man? Like, maybe just call it. They've been together for like 10 years and it's just like not going

anywhere. So they, we cut to like they're going to, they give some speeches for the going away party. Tim talks about how excited he is, but how sad he is because the friends that they have here in the city are like his family to him. They're like, the only family he has is the words he uses. And then he kind of

like passes the mic to her. As he's like in the middle of his speech, everybody starts to kind of like gasp and react and look behind him. And when he turns around, Millie is on one knee proposing. But like, miming, she doesn't have a ring. She just like has her hands in like this clamber.

shell shape and has him open and asks him to marry her and he's startled by this he doesn't didn't see this coming and he kind of hesitates he like dithers are you like are you serious um and she gets upset because it's like i was proposing to you in front of everybody and you couldn't even say yes he eventually is like oh of course yeah of course and they like try to like you know play it off but everybody sees it and knows it's very uncomfortable awkward awkward proposal hate to see it so we cut to that night they're in bed together um she's mad at him and they talk about maybe we should split up but big pivot big pivot uh like maybe it's time like maybe this isn't right this is a big moment it's like make or break maybe we should

just uh call it but neither of them want to do it uh Tim really doesn't want to do it. He loves her. She feels sort of calmed over it. And so she, in pursuing some intimacy with him, she tries to initiate sex. And he kind of pulls away and says, sorry, I think I drank too much. Like, I just can't do it. And so she is understandably, feels bad and is upset, rolls over and, like, goes to bed. And he rolls over and tries to go to bed too. And then he hears her say. resenting me doesn't make you less of a failure and he's like damn like holy shit what did you say

and he like turns over and she's like I can't go to sleep while they're watching me he's like what? She's like they're all they're like watching they're staring at us I can't I can't be asleep with their staring us and he looks down the bed and like kind of like a mirror image to them

are like two ghastly old people who look dead like nasty like decaying old nasty bodies very hereditary coated and they're like in this bed with him kind of like Charlie and the chocolate factory style

I was going to say it's very Charlie and chocolate factory coated and then Dave or excuse me Tim Henley's husband Tim he like hides his face behind the blanket like he's a little boy and when he pulls the blankets up

this like dead woman across room and like jumps up out of the sheets at him like comes up underneath the sheets into his face and like yeah and it's a jump scare and then he wakes up he was having a dream um got it

so the next morning and he's like whoa you know that was crazy so the next morning they are moving into their new house a beautiful craftsman home in upstate New York and it truly is beautiful as like stained glass what you can get as a teacher

a single family like a four bedroom house of state of New York it's really really nice um tim obviously feels bad about things so he tries to be flirty with her and like playful and we do they have chemistry you know they're people who love each other they have a good time together they're just they're married in real life they're married in real life it's just you know things are stagnant and they're both wondering if they're only together because they're together if they're only together because it's too late to separate um and it would just be too hard but they are doing

their best and so they're like unpacking he like pulls out a big saw and he's like I don't know why I even fucking brought this like it was my dad's I barely know how to use this thing like I guess I could try to like fix the deck myself I'm not gonna need it to like cut us apart

I know it's not to say this was a little silly it's like yeah why do I even have this saw this rusty old it's just in a duffel bag with gym clothes Joel has a rusty old saw I do I have the almost the exact same saw And I do use it on occasion to trim the foliage in the yard.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's amazing. So as he's, like, unpacking stuff, Tim smells something off-putting and bad. And he's, like, trying to tell Millie, like, he smells it, but she's in the bathroom peeing and tells him she's peeing in the bathroom, which is, like, another really good, like, co-dependency, like, fuse life touch where, like, there are certain couples who love to just, like, piss and shit in front of it.

of each other. They love that shit. God, I love pissing and shitting in front of my partner. Like, there are so couples who just love and piss and shit in front of each other. You know, everybody out there, you know who I'm talking about. And if you know who I'm talking about, drop a poop emoji in the comment. No, that is, I feel like there is, that is a thing about, there's a type of, um,

it's not me. I think there's couples who, no, no, no, There's a couple who either leave the bathroom door open or don't. Yeah, I'm a definite closer. I try my very hard is to never even fart in front of Emily. I try not even to burp in front of you. Wow. It happens sometimes.

Sometimes someone will slip past the guard. Sometimes you get one. Sometimes it catches you by surprise. Yeah. Or you're asleep. I don't go quite that hard, but I do think, I do like to have the bathroom door closed when I'm in there. You know, that's for me.

business. I don't close it for a pee, but I'll close it for a poo. Yeah. I don't even want it to be my business. I wish I could close the door myself when I'm pooping. I was going to say, I think it comes from, you know, I've just recently moved in with my boyfriend and I lived alone for eight. So you never used to shut the door. So I never shut the door. Because also my cats like to come in while I go to the bathroom, which I think is very cute. Because I read that they want to like defend you while you're vulnerable and they want to make sure that you're okay um and i think it's really cute and so i always like you're going into you're going into a different room now like are you okay yeah well they're gonna be okay well they like they know that you're going to the bathroom and like

sometimes mac will attack bunk when he's peeing because he's like knows that he's like kind of distracted vent slit yeah yeah yeah i watched um mabel said that once the boy the boy was peeing and he he does it like his head just pokes out of the box and his butts in it and she walked past him i just watched her walk right past him walk her head when she just went, Bap, right? Right? It's like, that's so mean. Interestingly, we keep the bathroom door closed,

but I just realized, like, if the three of us are, like, if I'm, like, hanging out with my girlfriends, I don't close the door when I pee. And I think it's usually because it's like, we're just still talking. Yeah, you got to be able to hear. Women, man. What an interesting thing to be?

I've gotten used to not closing the door because of children. And, like, if I need to pee, then I need to, like, be able to see them or they need to come in like if I close the door immediately I have like a zombie children banging at the door like let me in yeah um and so but actually I think it's a problem because I think that I'm I don't want Silas to think that you just leave the door open when you peeve you know what I mean I don't know what I'm teaching him I think you got time to adjust that well he's learned the word privacy so I now say when he's going to the bathroom I need privacy Do you need privacy?

Or he'll say either I need privacy or can you keep me company? He says, can you keep me company? That's so cute. So then I'll have to sit with him while he poops so I can keep him company. Usually I try to encourage the privacy, but it's not always happening. Anyway, yeah. So she's peeing. Millie's peeing.

And so Tim tries to track down this. awful smell. And he tracks it to this kind of like molding around a lamp. Yeah, like sealing light. Yeah, he like pulls the ceiling light out, like reaches up in there, which, why would you raw dog

this the way he does? Yeah, no, this was insane. Come on, man. But he like grabs grabs a hold of something, pulls it down it and it's a dead rat. Yeah, of course it is. Yeah, but they're bare hands. And he smelled the dead smell. Yuck. But there's something else. So he tugs a little bit further, tugs a little bit further.

it's like a bunch of rats connected a whole bunch of rats whose tails are tangled together that are dead except for one is still alive on the verge of death Isn't that like a thing? This is called a rat king Yeah, this is a thing. And it happens.

Rats will get their If they're kind of like in a tight space and there's a lot of them, their tails will get tied together and they all fucking die because they can't do anything. They can't operate as a unit. Yeah. And it's called a rat king which is the name of a character

from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that I really liked which is why I always remember the word rat king. He lived in the sewers and was the king of the rats. He could like control them. He was awesome.

Is that Jackie Chan in the No, that's Splinter. Who is a rat, but... I liked him a lot. He's not the rat king. Oh yeah, that movie's really good. It is. Ninja turtles were great.

So he pulls this whole nasty decaying Rat King out, watches one of the rats die, hauls it outside, throws it into the woods to kind of like get rid of it. And Millie comes out and is like, what the hell was that? And he's like, oh, don't worry about it. It was just like a dead rat. And she was like, how did you know, this is kind of a weird plant that they do?

But it's like, she's like, how did you know, like, where to find the smell? Like, why are you so good at smelling the origins of death? This was very strange. Also, like, to downplay a rat king is a wild choice. Like, if I'm counting a rat king. I found a fucking wrecking. I'd be like, drop!

Yeah, get the fuck out of the bathroom. I'm sorry, if I found a rat king, I wouldn't tell you, Emily. I wouldn't tell you. Oh, interesting. I'd be like, don't worry about it. I do think that's fair.

But can I just say now, Joel, if you find a rat king, I want you to tell me. I don't want you to show me, but I want you to tell me. Can you pay me that promise? I'll try. I'll try.

Make me that promise. I promise you'll tell you if I find a rat king. Thank you. But he's like very triggered by this whole. whole thing. There's some kind of emotional charge to his relationship to the smell of death. Oh, no. We get the sense. But he doesn't want to he doesn't want to talk about it. So now we cut to Millie's first day at her new job, I believe, at this school. She's in the

teacher's lounge, making herself a cup of tea. This old mean teacher walks up to her and it's like, are you using my tea? And she's like, oh my God, sorry, I thought it was like a communal tea for everybody and it's my bad it's okay and then this other like cool younger hipper uh teacher walks up to her and just pours hot water in the teen is like don't worry about her she's like an old bag like fuck that woman uh and this is um jamie mccabe mr mccabe i had a teacher name mr mccabe who is like uh played by damon harriman who is doy co uh doy crow from justified Dewey Crow.

Dewey Crow. Doey Crow. Does he talk like that in this? Or he talks normal? No, he's like cool and like hot kind of. He's like kind of a hot teacher and like a normal guy. But it's like so nice to see him playing this role because he plays Dewey Crow. He's played Charles Manson twice in two different things.

Yep. He plays Manson. That I can see. He does. He does. He does. He really does. And he's good at it.

And he plays Charles Manson in Mind Hunter and once upon a time in Hollywood. He's really cute in this. he's in the nightingale he's Australian yeah I didn't know that until I looked it up just just moments ago but like yeah he's like a cutie man yeah he's great and he's like he's great in this movie and he's like yeah don't worry about it like welcome to the new welcome to the school I'm Jamie um like how's like how's it going how is the move 55 wow um and she's like you know it's like it's like italyed sorry I'm done now but that's anyway Edelide.

Edelight. Damon from Adelaide. But he's like, you know, like, you know, how's it going? And she's like, you know, I'm... And he's like, did you move here with like a husband or sorry, like a wife or, you know, whatever? And she's like, oh, I moved here with... He's my boyfriend, but it sounds so stupid to call him my boyfriend. I guess he's my partner.

Which I could relate to that. I hated calling Emily my girlfriend at a certain point because it felt like I was 12. but I also hated calling her my partner because it feels like... Appropriated? Yeah, it's like that's not really my word. It's also a business partner. Like, people are confused and you use the term partner in certain contexts. They're like, what kind of partner does you mean?

I think everyone's allowed to use partner, but I do understand. It's just like I wish that everybody had a better word than partner. Maybe that's me being wrong about it, but I just think that there should be more exciting word that doesn't denote it could be a partner in any enterprise. I think there should be like something better

for just a romantic partnership. She's my rider guy. That isn't, that's not like, not gendered. She's my end game. Did you move here

with your end game? I hate that shit. I hate that shit. Bay before all else. Okay, twin. Is that end game twin? I've heard that people, they're using twin now.

They're saying twin no. They're saying twin no. Um, anyway, she's like, um, she's my side piece. She calls,

she calls him, Tim, her, he's my boy partner, I guess, my boy partner. And he's like, ha ha, your boy partner, okay. And he's like, have you guys, you know, thought about maybe doing any exploring? And she's like, like, what, like, with Tim? Like, with my partner, he's like, no, no, my God, no, sorry.

Like, the town. Like, you guys just moved here. You should see it, like, see it. I'll actually live down the street from you guys. Like, if you ever want somebody to show you around, just let me know. And he's, and then he pads out. out. And he's like, tell your boy partner, I say, hey, and he heads out. He's like, cool and like, welcoming. So that night she goes home, Tim is trying to learn the music for the tour that he's trying to go on, like on his guitar. He's drinking wine. We get the sense that he has a bit of a drinking problem. And she comes in. She's horny. She wants to have sex. And, like, tries to,

like, get him to come to bed. And he's like, I'm sorry. I just got to focus on learning. this music. Like, this tour is really important. I got to, like, can't fuck this up. I'm, like, stressed. And it's, I think it's fair. Like, he really needs this to work so that he can have something and not just be, like, a body in the house. And he's like, as a matter of fact, like, could you give me a ride into the city for the gig this weekend? Because, like, he can't drive a car. She's like, I can't, it's like a couple hour drive. I can't just, I can't drive you. I can't take you the train station and he's like a little salty they're both like salty about this arrangement basically and fair enough like she's mad that he like won't be bothered to learn how to drive he's bothered

because he's reliant on her to like drive around like she's his mom and they're both frustrated by this and they're not and they're not having sex which helps to resolve some of those problems you know what i mean yeah just being quietly silently mad at each other never works in the long Sometimes you've got to get blasted to get over it. You know what I mean? Now, I did have a question about this book you're reading. Does this girl who has breakable bones? Does she get, like, blasted until her bones break?

So, yeah, so she's like constantly, her bones are constantly breaking. They have magical healers that can heal them, but she doesn't want to use the healers because she doesn't want anyone to think she's weak. Yeah, yeah. Get health care. But is it like a, but is sex, like, dangerous for her? like in a twilight type way like like like it would be like Bella and Edward she hasn't she hasn't had sex yet I'm 400 pages in no there's just been a one passionate kiss that's it you guys

Dan did she break her jaw no hardly a passionate kiss shouldn't break her jaw no I mean and also I should clarify it's her I don't know what's going on it's like her ligaments are also really messed up it's like not just her bones it's like her whole body is like very Fragile. Wow. Thank you for clarifying. Yeah. I just know that I'm getting it wrong.

There's something specific she has that I'm not saying quite right, but who cares? I should clarify her ligaments are also involved. But her tendons are fine. Her tendons are joints. There's something about her joints. Cartilage is good. Tendons good. Ligaments bad.

Arteries doing okay, I think. Just brittle arteries. Yeah, there are going to be people who are going to be like, actually in the comments. Sorry, everyone. Sorry. So they're both aware that there's tension here. And so Tim is like, hey, you know what? Like you were talking about how you wanted to go for a hike in this like these beautiful woods around our house.

Let's go for a hike tomorrow and like have a nice time. And so that's what they do. The next day we're out on a hike with them in the woods. Sammy, let me know if I'm missing anything. And there are. No, I won't. You're on your own. I won't do that.

I won't be doing that. I won't be doing that. I will not be doing that. You are on your own. they're having a great time you know again they love each other they have they're very close they're like walking around the woods

having a great time it's beautiful the weather is lovely they're laughing and smiling and reconnecting like they can always find each other and they arrive at this like weird like off the beaten path path creepy kind of tunnel in the trees

maybe leads to a butthole yeah might lead to a big butthole this is like the mouth that leads you all the way down into the butthole. But above this path is like this weird bell, kind of a non sequitur. What the heck is a bell doing in these trees? There's no buildings here. The bell isn't even able to ring. What the hell? It's kind of swallowed up by these trees. And so he's like, dude, we should let's like go in here. And she's like, no, like it's getting late. We should probably go home. And he's like, but it's like so beautiful out.

we're having such a good time like the weather is awesome like let's just keep going and she's like you know what yeah you're right let's let's keep going smash cut to a downpour and they're lost in the woods this was a mistake the weather is unpredictable you know how upstate is and um they're soaked to the bone it's like cold it's dark night is falling they're lost they don't know where to go they kind of stumble their way into this clearing trying to figure out which way to go and then uh-oh Tim falls into a big pit. She runs to grab him. He's like hanging on to the edge of it,

hang on to a similar but larger bell. What the heck? What the heck is a bell doing in the ground? First of you got bells in trees, now they got bells in the ground? The heck kind of bells are ringing. What the heck? And as she's like, it's slippery.

On top of everything else, this bell is very sling. very slick. It has been boring. And this is, this isn't a dream. This is just another, this is a bell in the ground. This is a classic like, ding-a-ding-dinkly, you know, like. Big bell, church bell size.

Big bell. Church bell size. Not as big as a Liberty Bell, but getting. I was about to ask. Yeah, not as big as a Liberty Bell, but on the way. On the way. 60% the size of the Liberty Bell. Thank you.

Thank you. Now, now it's clear in my mind. That should be, that should make it pretty clear the size, right? 60% of the Liberty Bell. I'm using that, I'm doing percentages of the Liberty Bell for all. sizes for everything. A baseball is about... You do it for each of us. Say a baseball is 1% of the

size of the Liberty Bell. A baseball. Well, it's interesting when you're starting to talk about human women because are we talking you know, hide or width? I'm not talking about human women. What are you talking about? Sammy asked to give you what size we are and how percentage of the Liberty Bell. Are we going by mass?

I never. talk about human women because I've never spoken about human women in my life thank you very much it's none of your business it's none of my business it's none of my business

what you do peeing with the door open pissing and shit in front of each other to form a community to form an unbreakable bond with each other we gotta keep chitter chattering that I could never even begin to fathom as a man who I can never even begin to fathom that connection

that you women have pissing and shit with the door open in front of each other well men have to go and piss in the same room together. I know, right next to each other. But they have to go in piss. A men's public restroom, I think I've talked about this on this podcast before.

There is nothing closer to being at a funeral than being in a men's public restroom with other men. Yeah, it's interesting because you're closer in proximity. Does conversation just stop? If you are talking to your friend, say we're out with our friend Marty. And you guys happen to have to go pee at the same time. And you're talking as you walk. The door opens, you both go silent.

Cuts off. You pick it right back up where you left off. When you leave the bathroom. Nobody's talking. People are like, you get some quiet coughing maybe happening sometimes. And if someone's talking, it's like a red flag. You're like, uh-oh, this person is, get away from me. Yeah. Wow. I'll tell you this. I'm going off on so many tangents. But one of the craziest things that ever happened to me was I was in a bathroom. I was in high school at a bathroom at a bathroom at a movie theater. Not the one I worked at a different one, a sister theater. Sister theater. And I was peeing at a urinal and a stranger, an adult man walked up. I was the only

person in the bathroom, there's probably like 10 urinals in this bathroom. It was luxurious, really. This guy walks up to the urinal next to me. Oh, no. Pulls out his dick, pulls out a ruler, and measures his dick next to me. Oh. That I think was a sexual assault. It was. I never realized until I was pretty recently that this was a, this was some kind of overture. Like an intentional. That was a crazy person. Because for many years, people would be like, why did you do that? I'd be like, I don't know. He had a big dick. wanted you to know it. Yeah. Yes, he very much wanted me to know it. And I did not, I did not put two and two together at the time, which I was like, probably like 15, 16,

which is like, good that you didn't put two and two together in the moment. Oh, people are so scary. Yeah, that's scary. Did he say anything to you? No, he didn't say a word. And then I just like finished peeing and left. I was like, what the hell was that? It's for the best. But yeah, anyway, that's what men are, that's like why men are awful. We're horrible. We don't have, we don't get to have nice things. It's, it's also like, That is a scary story. That was a scary thing. I did not realize how scary was at the time.

But because you were a young boy who was not primed to look at the world with fear, you were just like, I was so weird. That guy was weird. Whereas I heard that story and I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. That's like, like, I would have been like so fucking scared.

Yeah, it should have scared me. But it didn't. I, like, laughed about it because I wasn't trained to feel fear. Right. But that's also because of, you know, I was born on a secret military camp and I was a trained to not have fear.

You're a Russian asset. Yeah, you're working for the government. I was born on a secret military camp. Okay. I can talk about it now, though. Now it's all out in the open. Tim falls into the pit. Uh-oh.

And Millie falls in right behind him. They land in a puddle. They're okay. They're like bruised, but they're okay. and but they're stuck there's like no way out um it's raining it's cold they're like they realize pretty quickly they're going to be like stuck in this cave they start looking around too quickly for my liking i feel like they're pretty quick like i guess we got to stay in this cave until it stops raining i'm like i'm not staying i'm not resigning to staying in a cave that easily

maybe that's a metaphor for their relationship could be they gave up they settled and i i do think they handled their entirety of their time in this cave very poorly. I have some notes. Yes. But as they're like looking around, Tim pulls out a lighter to like, you know, have some light. And she's like, why do you have a lighter? And he's like, don't worry about it.

And he looks around and they start to see that like, this isn't just any old cave. There are... There are bells. There are church pews, like, grown into the rock. Like, or like, rock has, like, grown around

he's like, it's behind Sammy. Sammy's background right now. There's like church pews like kind of like cantilevered up and like rock has grown around them. Wow, that's kind of cool. And then he finds the big weird butthole well.

And it's like filled with water. Is that the puddle they fell in? No, no. And so they decide like we're just going to hang out here. He tries like build a fire and he does it badly and she laughs at him and he's like, remember how we used like a little bonfire. he like uses wood from the pews. He has a lighter.

Yeah. And he like does it badly. He's like, they're like, he's like, this is how bare grills used to make it. Remember we used to watch that? And she's like, that's not how he made it. You don't know how to do it. And they share a nice little laugh. And they end up having a really nice little evening together. They are running alone on water. And this is another note I have for them is like, if I run out of water and I'm planning to leave the next morning, I am just going to be thirsty. Or I'm going to go collect rainwater. I'm not going to drink water from this fucking. well. No matter what, I'm not drinking cave water. No, no, no. That should be a basic life skill. Don't drink cave water. Yeah, they're running low. He actually pulls out something. He's like,

I'll have something else to drink, and he pulls out a bottle of wine. And they end up like cracking this wine open, passing the bottle back and forth, drinking wine, having a nice time. He ends up getting drunk enough to kind of like, I'll fucking drink from this well. They're not scared? No, it's like not It's weird, but they're like, they're creeped out, but they're, they're having a nice, they're

reconnecting with each other. And that's what they're more focused on. But again, I want to, I want to, yeah, say that if I were ever in a fallen into a cave with, like, relics of church, I would not be chilling and drinking wine. No, I'm getting out of that. I would be trying, like, really hard to get out of the cave. They don't really even try to get out of the cave. No, they, they, they don't. It is pouring rain, and it would be hard, but they don't try. And do they have phones? Are they, like, trying to call people? No.

He lost his phone, and she has hers, but there's no reception or something. And so he ends up drinking some of the water from the well, fills the water bottle up. They start, like, drinking the water from the well together. While they're doing this and drinking this wine, he is like, basically like, so you ask me how I would, so good at smelling where death was coming from and I've actually never told you this but um when my dad died my mom was so codependent that she like dissociated and like basically pretended that he wasn't dead he died in bed she left his body there for weeks and the smell slowly slowly, slowly built up.

So she, like, just never smelled the smell of his dead body. She slept next to him every night. She was just, like, went crazy, and he went home to visit. And as soon as he walked in the door, the, like, smell of death was, like, a wall that just, like, hit him. And he could, like, taste it. And he walked up into the room and opens the door and sees his dad's decaying corpse and his mom next to him smiling at him as he opens the door looking like crazy. and that's why he's so good at smelling death is because of that story. What the fuck?

Wait, did he know his mom? Yeah, and I guess I never told you this, babe, but... Yeah, I guess I never told you this most horrifying thing that's ever happened to literally anyone that happened to me and I didn't tell you. Really bad. Really bad. Did he know, sorry, it doesn't matter, but did he know his dad was dead before that? Or was he, like, surprised by his dad's dad. No, this is how he found out his dad was dead, I think. Oh, yeah.

Nobody knew his dad was dead. So he's just so traumatized. really traumatized and like his mom lost her mind and I think she killed herself afterwards I don't I don't remember I can't remember but he doesn't have they are both dead yeah now and he needs a therapist yes he does and and that's like when he was in bed and had that nightmare about those weird old people in bed across him that was his parents and she's like oh my god I can't believe you never told me that I'm like so sorry I wish you would let me in on this stuff and then she pulls out a pack of cigarettes and

asked for the light, he pulls out a pack of cigarettes and they're like, when did you start smoking again? I started smoking when we moved again. What about you? I started smoking when we moved again. And so it's like a really good effective storytelling moment of like them missing each other, like not knowing that each of them is picked up smoking again, but now like connecting and like being afraid to reveal to each other that they've done it. Now they see that they're both the same and they're both in the same place and they smoke a cigarette together and then they go to sleep in the cave. you do. And then he wakes up. He's like breathing really weird. He's like shallow breaths,

fast breaths. And as he looks around, he's the cave itself is like breathing with him. It's like expanding and contracting with his breath. And then he like turns to Millie and she's like hyperventilating, hyperventilating, hyperventiling. And then he wakes up again. Another bad dream. They're laying there in bed or in the, not in bed, in rock. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, And, um, in pews and they're going to have a crick. Yeah. They like slept together, like spooning each other is cute. But when they try to like pull their legs apart, they're like, there's like something

sticky between. They're like kind of stuck together. And it hurts to, it's like as if they're like glued together or something. There's like a, some substance there that's sticky. And as they try to get up, it like is really painful to pull it apart. And then even their like clothing is stuck. sticking to the rocks. And he's like, I don't know.

I think it's like, maybe it's like some kind of mildew or something. But like they basically decide, like, we have just like yank our shit apart. And so they rip off the Band-Aid more or less. And like, skin gets pulled off of both of their legs. It's like, ow! They've figured out a way to climb out of the cave. It's not hard. They should have just climbed out in the fucking first place.

But they get up to the top and we see like these wounds on their legs are like, they really tore a lot of skin off. that was, like, not easy. So they go home. It's a pretty weird night, but, like, they feel a little bit closer. Millie takes a shower. She gets out and is, like,

you know, I slept badly in the rock. I have a kink in my neck. Could you, like, give me a back rub? So he's like, okay, and starts, like, rubbing her back. And, like, basically, I wrote in my notes, gives her a massage that Emily would love because he's just, like, cranking.

Like, really, like, trying to, like, pull her up. apart and like get in there like like he's like squeezing her so hard that it like it like hurts her and she's like out like what the fuck are you doing like are you is this a joke that like really hurt stop and he's like but he's like so what's a joke so what's a joke so he's like but he's like in a daze he's like kind of catatonic kind of like drilling because he's like touching her flesh is like giving him this fucking feeling yeah something's up with him and so she's like why don't you like take a shout

and like just fucking get your shit together if you're so tired. She goes to like run some errands or something gets into the car, he gets into the shower and as she, and he's like still kind of just like catatonic and as she drives away his body starts to mirror the motions that it would be doing if he was in the car with her.

So like when she turns his body is like he's like not conscious. His body just goes like and when she goes faster his body moves like this and when she goes forward his body his head base like slams into the wall of the shower and as she drives every time she turns he's like his body's like whip bam against this wall bam against this wall

bam against this wall bam against this wall smash against the tiles when she goes forward so hard that it like cracks the tiles knocks him unconscious and he's like bleeding out of his forehead and he slumps down and then like comes to him's like what the fuck just happened to me pretty creepy stuff

as I put his back up pretty creepy stuff so he's like fuck i'm like fucked up what is going on with me he goes to the doctor um and the doctor's like you know like you have a history of mental health issues in your family like is is it is it like what happened to your man he's like i'm not my fucking mom like i know what this is is i just need like something to like take the edge off so the doctor prescribes him diazepam which used to be used to be called valium but now it's called diazepam they do say that a lot Do you say it a lot in this movie? I think they think it's a funnier line than it is.

I think they think it's a joke, yeah. Yeah, but it's, you know, whatever. The doctor is like, and then the doctor tells him this story of like, yeah, like, the town's been a little bit weird lately because there's these hikers who went missing. And we were all looking for them. The doctor was part of the search party. And we never found them. And so, like, everybody in the town is maybe like a little on edge.

And Tim kind of scoffs at the idea of, like, how big of a deal could anything be in a town this small. I'm from New York. But it's like, people were missing. They didn't find him. Yeah, that's a huge deal. Honestly, especially in a small town. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? Yeah. So he gets diazepam which is basically like a muscle

relaxing. So the doctor's like so it'll cut short the feedback loop of like when you start having a panic attack which is what we think this is. Your body somatically responds to that. But if you're on muscle relaxants, you're like shit can't get, your body can't like get hyper. And so your brain

can't feed off of that and then they can't feed off of each other. So Tim goes home later that evening. He's home with Millie and Jamie McCabe, Mr. McCabe from the school, our fun, cool, handsome teacher comes by, knocks on the door just to say like, hey, welcome to the neighborhood. That's my house, the yellow house down the way. I just want to say hi. And Millie, it's very clear that Millie has a bit of a crush on him. And so she invites him in for dinner. And he's like, I don't want to impose. And she's like, I insist, please come in. And so, Tim cooks them dinner he's a good cook they have a nice little dinner

they're drinking a lot of wine Tim won't really let Jamie pour wine for Millie because he's like getting a little jealous and a little drunk he's like I got it I got it yeah I got it and Millie's like you know Tim is just such a good cook because he doesn't really have anything else to do

and he's like yeah you know like I am just stuck here like a fucking captive and she's like well captives don't cook themselves dinner do that and he's like, well, but captives have to, like, they start having this, like, really passive-aggressive argument. Yeah. And McCabe is like, all right, well, hey, we have a great time. I think we had a head home. Oh, but before he does that, he, like, tells them, they're like, they tell them about what happened in the cave.

And he's like, oh, that's so weird. They're like, this cave was so weird. There was bells in it and pews. And he's like, oh, you know, there used to be a church out there that these, like, hippies, I don't know. like 30 years ago started and they were like weird little hippies out in the woods and they the church collapsed because of the weather and like they never rebuilt it they just kind of like went on their way and left it so that's what that cave was it was just like whatever remains of the church like fell in there i guess and and whatever so he he heads out and as he shuts the door

tim is like you know expresses like oh you sure like him a lot don't you and she's like oh you're just jealous fuck off and then he's just like gets over tim gets over come by horniness and like desire for her and just starts making out with her like hot and heavy and she is like shocked by it but like loves it and so she they start making out big big time tongues going crazy and and then they're really don't like how you're describing this tongues going crazy tongues going crazy those tongues aren't going to get stuck to each other are their lips do and so their lips are sticking together and so their lips are sticking together and then they pull back

and they're both like what the fuck and she's like did you just fucking bite me and he's like no like something weird is happening and then she's like

you're fucking so you're hot and cold you like act like you want me and then you don't you won't fuck me like if you don't want to fuck me just fucking

just tell me and then she storms upstairs and it like leaves him so the next morning Millie takes him to the train station he's like feeling really bad

he looks like shit he's like freaking out she's mad at him and like annoyed by him but she ends up dropping him off the train and she's like you know why don't you stay in the city tonight like don't worry about coming back like have fun go out and party and like be free i know you're like frustrated here like just have a good time you don't worry about coming back and he's like you know what you're right you're right thanks i appreciate it i should like cut loose a little bit i've been stressed out so she goes to work it's recess the kids are all playing outside she's talking with her she's video chatting with her

friend who hates Tim on the phone and she's still like trying to convince her to break up with him like what's the last good thing he even did for you and she's like well he did like he is like a serious musician but when he found out that I love spice girls he found like the an original run vinyl pressing of spice world the album and gave it to me and it was really sweet and her friend's like that was 10 years ago Millie like what has he done lately bitch and so Millie ponders this and she looks out the window and, uh-oh, Tim is just kind of staggering around the playground. He left the train station. He's not going to New York. He's wandering around looking like a total freak around these kids. So she like runs out, grabs him, brings him into the boy's bathroom. And he's like,

what the fuck is the matter with you? And he was like, I just, I just need you so fucking bad. And he starts kissing her again. And she's like, tell me you want me. And he's like, I need you. Every part of me is thirsty for every part of you. I like have to have you right fucking now. And she's like, oh. And so she's like, they go into a bathroom stall and they have sex. And it's like, who is watching her class? They're at recess. It's recess.

So they just nobody has to supervise the kids while they just run around outside. There's other teachers. There's other teachers. I don't remember really being watched at recess. I mean, I'm assuming I was, I guess, but. There were some people watching them. Just not her. Okay. And she's like, she didn't expect this to happen. She's swept off her feet.

Sure. They have sex in the stall. So romantic. So romantic. So romantic. Have sex in the boys' bathroom of the school that you're a teacher. Really bad, really poor judgment.

Yeah. Really poor judgment. And while they're having sex, Millie looks down and sees two shoes of a student. Yeah. Standing outside the song, she's like, oh, fuck. Shh. Stop, stop.

Oh, wait, but it's like they finish sex. They both come. It's hard to finish sex. Jesus Christ. and and so and then they're like saying like oh my god that was so hot that was fucking awesome hell yeah and then they then they see these kids this kid's shoes and she's like fuck you got to go like go and he's like okay okay okay kid runs out kid runs out she's like oh he's gonna fucking say something to somebody you got to go he tries to pull himself out and he cannot his dick is stuck in her

and they're both like what the fuck and he's like I can't get it out she's like well like try harder and he's like, I'm trying. And they're both like, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, out. They cut to a shot. It's such a funny shot of his dick stretched like a big long, like, empty balloon. No, no, no. And eventually she's like, look, I'm like, I have to get you off of me. I'm so sorry.

She like covers his mouth and just pulls his dick. Yanks, yeah. And they both like, like tears from their eyes. Like it hurts so much, but they're trying to be quiet. they don't get out in time Mr. McCabe comes into the bathroom and be like what's going on and Millie like comes out by herself

Tim is like standing on the toilet trying to hide she comes out and is like I uh um uh uh oh yeah and he looks Mr McCabe looks down and he sees blood running down her leg and he's like oh

turns to the student like hey everything's fine like you go you go on ahead everything's fine and he turns to her and he's like hey that's like your business it's like a woman thing just next time try not to do this in the little boys' room

try to get to the staff bathroom but like I know no big deal and as Mr. McCabe walks out Tim steps off the toilet he sees Tim's foot he like knows what's up but he doesn't say anything

he doesn't say anything because he's cool he should yeah I was gonna say this situation this is bad to happen around children it's fine for you to say something in this situation so they go home

or like, you know, at the end of the day they're home and Millie's like, man, I can't believe you did that shit, Tim. Like, what the fuck is the matter with you? Like, I'm going to be honest, man. You've been... You've participated Millie. I know. But she's like, you know, you come in there, you like, sweep me off my feet and then you're

like weird and like, I'm being crazy and like you're being crazy. And like, I think like, look, my parents are coming to visit on Sunday. I don't want you here. Like, I don't want to be with you. Like, I need you. We got to figure this out. This is done. I hate this. And so she's like, I got to go over to fucking Mr. McCabe's house to apologize.

She says actually like the meanest thing. Oh, right. She's like, she's like, she's like, I feel like you're, like, I'm your fucking mom. And he's like, what is that supposed to mean? And he's like, because you're just fucking, I'm like, you're just dead. Like I'm living with a dead person. Yeah. Wow.

So, so mean. Wow. And then she, like, is like, I have to go clean up your fucking mess and go apologize to Mr. McCabe. Um, also are we, they're not like, we need to see a doctor what the fuck happened to our bodies like why was your dick stuck inside me and why did it hurt and why was I bleeding? No. And they're like, keep getting like progressively more bandaged because like their legs are all like bloodied. No, they don't go to it. I mean, I guess is it like the metaphor is like, look how bad it has to get before you acknowledge it. But yeah, I guess so. I mean, they're also

both infected by this. So I think there's maybe something like the cat parasite that's kind of like being like, don't worry about it. This is like what it, yeah, this is what it is now. Okay. So she goes over to McCabe's to clean this up, and he's like, you know, come in, come in. I insist. And she goes in and has a sea. He pours her some water. And they start talking. She like opens up to him about the problems she's having with Tim and like the doubts she's having. And he's like, you know, I get it. You know, when I moved into this house, I moved here with a partner. And we see a picture of like younger them on the wall. you know like I just want you to encourage you like when you find so he's like you want to know what I teach my ninth graders and she's like yeah and he's like there's in like the Greek philosophy some Greek philosopher used to believe that like in the beginning basically every being like humans were perfect beings and they were all had like four limbs and four eyes and Zeus became afraid of how powerful people would be in this state so

Zeus split them into two people. Each half has a perfect match. And if they're together, they're stronger. And I just want to encourage you, like, if Tim is that perfect person for you, take it from me from experience. Don't let that get away from you. Like, hold on to that, even if it's hard. You have to push through things sometimes. But it's a very special thing to have your person. And like, don't take that for granted. And so he's like, I actually, she's like asking about his husband and like he's wearing two wedding rings and he's like talks a little bit about his wedding he's like actually you know what i have a video of it like i'll show you if you want like i don't know it's maybe corny but like i haven't watched this video

in a long time and it would be you'd be nice to watch it and milly's like yeah yeah yeah and she looks at the window and tim is just like like staring in the window it's very funny it's a really funny like snap zoom and she's like oh i got to go i got to go sorry sorry i'll some other time and She leaves, grabs Tim, and he's like, what the fuck is the matter with you? You fucking freak. And so... He says, I didn't know where else to go. Really funny line.

Because he's basically like getting stupider as like as he becomes more codependent. It's really funny. And she's like also infected so not noticing. Like even though she's not getting stupider, she's... She's far less infected than him, let's say, for now. He maybe drank more of the water or something. It's kind of not explained why it's. working on him the way it is, but it just is.

I think because he's the more pathetic. Yeah, he's a bigger loser. Women are strong and impenetrable to cave watered curses. Exactly, exactly, exactly. Girl boss. So that night, she's like, I don't sleep

in the same room with me. I'm pissed at you. So he stays up late and he decides to pull up Facebook and look up this missing couple. And he sees a picture of them. She has pink hair. He has, like, long hair. They're, like, outdoorsy people. They look happy.

And lo and behold, it's right where that cave was. And when he looks closer at the picture, he can see that freaking bell in the trees. Hmm. They went missing right after being in the same cave that they were in where Tim is like, weird shit is happening to me. Two and two go together pretty easily on that. And as he's doing this research,

Millie slams. This is like the middle of the night. Millie slams into the glass door behind him. Like, bam. like smashes her face and as he stands up she goes up and he like bends down

she goes down her just face like sliding across this blood starting to come out because she hit her nose so hard against it to the point where like as he stands on his tiptoes she levitates off the ground

like matched with him and so he like opens the door she flings through it jumps on top of him is like trying to get all over him and oh fuck I miss a really scary moment where the night before I guess

they were sleeping in bed she wakes up being like Tim you're like laying on my hair you're laying on my hair and he's not responding Tim stop like it hurts you're like pulling my hair stop she turns around and all of her hair is just

in his mouth he's like swallowing like a snake swallowing her hair just like it's so gross this man I must have hated that I hate hair stuff and like so they like he like wakes up and she has long hair too so it's like

down his throat He wakes up and he's like, what the fuck is going? Like, it's like, he doesn't know what's happening. She's, she's like, you fucking crazy. They have to, like, pull her hair out. And, like, it comes off. Like, like, a clump of her hair comes off. And it's, like, all this, like, slobbery hair comes out.

He's, like, chewed it off. Yeah, that was after they, I don't remember what, when that was exactly. Yeah, I don't remember either, but that was nasty. So she thinks he's, like, gone cuckoo. So now she's, like, he, he, like, slaps her and wakes her up. And he's like, what the fuck is happening? She's like, what are you doing? He's like, what the fuck?

am I doing? What are you doing? And so he like sits her down at the table and it's like something fucked up is happening. Like I've been acting all crazy. The missing hikers went missing right by the cave. Like we got to go to the cave and figure out what the fuck is going on because like some dark magic shit is happening. She's like, no, it's not. You're like, that doesn't exist. You're being crazy. You're such an idiot. I don't love you anymore. You're dead. I hate you. She's just over it with him, tired. And so she like gets up to walk away. and takes three steps and then stops

dead in her tracks. He gets somebody who's like, you can't go any further, can you? I know why you can't go any further. I felt what you felt. I know that you like want to, but you can't take any further steps because you're drawn to me the same way. I'm drawn to you. Something is going on and you know it stopped denying it. And then she like

musters all of her willpower, girl bosses it, and walks away from him. Damn. Damn. So then she gets back into bed. He goes to sleep in the guest room. They're basically like on opposite ends of the hallway together like straight shot one end is the their bedroom one end is the guest bedroom they both shut the doors

and try to get some sleep he says I love you she says okay yeah he's trying so that night Tim wakes up he's like literally sliding across the hardwood floor beautiful craftsman hardwood floor they didn't have to restore this shit he's like squeaking his skin is like squeaking across as he's sliding towards Millie's door and as he's but he's wakes up comes to and starts like grabbing the door frames and like what the fuck is happening he's like being tugged by something

and then as he's like holding on to stop sliding Millie's door starts going to like bang bang bang bang bang and the door handle starts shaking and then the door busts open and she's being like dragged too but like body contortionist like flipping

and flopping like broken back type shit. Really cool yeah I liked the choreography I guess is what you would say for the this because yeah she is just like moving in all these very strange positions and I think she was at the dragon academy every single bone of hers will be breaking in this situation shattered in one second um but they're like sliding towards just she wakes and was like ah like what the hell and he's like I told you like this is fucking happening and as they get close together they like hold

hands and then their hands push down into the skin and then their hands are like inside each other's arms and they're like freaking out obviously what the fuck it hurts it's scary this there's no blood it's not like their like skin is breaking it's like truly fusing it looks so cool it looks awesome you can still see their fingers like articulating underneath the skin each other's skin as they like basically like moving up their like arms And they're like, holy shit, what the fuck? And Tim is like, oh my God, grab my... Sao.

Okay. And she's like, what's diazepam? They used to call it Valium. Now it's called diazepam. She grabbed out of like a cabinet or like a drawer in the hallway. Because they have like a free arm. Yes. Okay.

And she grabs out, they have to like work together to open the child safety lock. It's a funny little beat. They spill diazepam all over the floor. And she's like, how do you... Because he's like, if we relax our muscles, we'll be able to pull apart is the idea. I mean, worth a try. And she's like, how many should we take? He's like, fucking take them all.

And so they're just like smashing these pills. Then he's like, it'll work faster if we snort them. So then he crushes them up and they start snorting them. And it starts to work. They start to like pull apart. And they keep just like eating and snorting diazepam until they both fucking pass out. Holy shit. Are they still connected when they pass out?

So cut to Tim wakes up the next morning. He's like, woozy. he's like what the fuck he's strapped he's like duct taped to a chair and milly is sitting on his lap with the fucking saw and he's like what the fuck and she in a big bottle of liquor and she's like he's like what the fuck are you doing and he looks down and their arms are still partially connected it's just like the skin so they each have like their arms it's just like their forearms like with like a batwing between them you know what i mean like oh yuck and she's like we don't have any more diazepam but like while we are still kind of high

from this, we need to cut ourselves apart. I feel like there's better things than a saw. Yes. If all we're cutting is like some webbed skin, I mean, ow, but like just get a really sharp kitchen knife. I would go to the doctor. I would be going to the doctor. I would just go to the doctor and be like, I don't, I can't explain this to you, but this is

what's happening to me. But what the fuck? Some of the explanation is we have to do this now. We don't have time to go to a doctor because we might fucking suck into each other by the time we get there. So we got to do this now. And he's like, all right. And this, I think is...

And there's also, like, a reference to earlier when, as they were about to make the move, they are like, should we split up now? It's only going to get harder to split up later. And so there's kind of a mirroring happening. Very good. Like, it's going to get harder later. Yeah. Which part is they're like, so I guess we just do it.

And now they're like, all right, we have to learn to like rip the bandaid, rip the bandaid off. And like, we have to split apart, even if it hurts. For otherwise, we're fucking dead. So... What a gorgeous metaphor. You have this whole thing. Beautiful. I think this scene is like my favorite scene.

It's not the scariest, but it's like, it's where I found like the tone actually worked the best because when they're like, when he's like telling her about the fucking death smell and stuff, they're like, the movie's like, oh, we're doing like a hereditary trauma metaphor. And it just doesn't quite work. Yeah, it doesn't need it. And then when they're like, when they're like, let's saw each other part. This is crazy.

Like, she like turns us on and like almost like drops it in. into his face like they're so unequipped to deal with this that is where it's like the best part I wanted more of this movie to be them like doing exactly this just in different scenes yeah anyway so he's like all right fine fuck it

and so they like pour liquor on it they each take a shot and she turns us on and just starts cutting and we see a little bit of blood not enough and we cut to after it's done they've like duct tape their arms together and they're just

like sitting on the floor eating like leftover chicken and like he offers her some chicken really made me laugh it was so funny they're like feeling crazy but they're like still they're just so used to each other that he's like offering her some chicken from the refrigerator or whatever but it's like it's like a dialogue free scene where they just kind of give each other those looks when you're like hmm like do you want the chicken and she's like no i don't think so and then they do it like back and forth and they're like it's really funny so then they're like all right now that we're cut apart now we need to go to the hospital while we can the drugs are still a little bit active we need to drive to the hospital but you have to sit in the trunk and i'll drive

because we have to be as far away from each other as possible so that we don't get sucked in together smart um and as she's like running for the car she's like oh fuck i left my fucking keys at mr mccabe's house i have to go that mind you they're covered in blood and they look insane and she's like, I got to go over there and get the keys. And he's like, no, no, no. What we need to do is get to the cave. Like, we don't need to go to a hospital. This is, like, beyond what any doctor can do.

We need to go to this magical cave and, like, figure out what to do there. No. And so they're, like, she's like, no, we're going to go to the hospital. Now, look, I'm going to go get the keys. You stay here. Do not do anything crazy. You better be here when I get back. Like, stay fucking here.

we have not had control over this thus far he's being very much a man about it I would say I can handle this you know what I mean also call call 911 like don't even try to drive that's honestly a really good call 911 twice to get two different ambulances yeah yeah and get a get paramedics in there who can like

help the insurance on that also bear witness two separate ambulances I know yeah but she's a teacher she's rich as hell in that house teacher and up same New York York, excuse me. So she's like, look, just don't fucking do anything stupid, you idiot.

I'm going to go to, she didn't say it like that. They're doing fine. Don't do any stupid. I'm going to go grab the keys. I'll be right back, like, just like, stay here, okay, please. And so she runs to go to Mr. McCabe's house. As soon as she's out of sight, he turns and runs towards the cave. So she goes into Mr. McCabe's house, knocks on the door, no answer.

So she opens the door. It's not locked. And as she steps through the gate or the door, the camera pans up. And what do we see? A freaking bell. A bell. Oh, oh, I was joking. There's a bell. This very same bell.

I was curious. I'm like, is the wedding video that we didn't see just going to be like a bunch of cult people staring into the caribing like, you know? Yes. Yeah, close. She walks in. Yes. He has a really cool house. It's an awesome house.

Yeah. But that's beside the point. But he, she like walks around. No answer. The lights are all off. Jamie. Jamie? Can't find the keys.

Can't find the keys. she sees down one of the hallways though there's a door open and in the it's like a closet kind of like a large walk-in closet type thing and there's a TV playing the wedding footage so she obviously walks further into the house to go watch this TV closer and as she's watching it she sees the two guys the like younger version of Jamie that was like in the photos that she saw are, it's like their wedding. But it's like everybody attending it is

dressed in like weird, cult, white robes and they are walking into a church in the woods with that big damn bail at the top. And we know pretty immediately this is what the cave

is. And the church is like built over it. And so as they walk to the front of the, of the, like, altar, They, like, open kind of, like, two doors. You know, like, when people have attic or basements that you can get to from outside? Like, they, like, open those up, and down there is the cave

in the, in the butthole of water. And... Gaping butthole of water. Gaping butthole of water. And she keeps watching... Irresistible water. There's, like, in the footage, there's, like... And meanwhile, we're, like, intercutting with Tim, like, climbing down into the

cave and he's looking around at all this same stuff that she's now seeing from like a decade ago or whatever and um there's like paintings like religious paintings on the walls of like bodies being fused together and then tim sees the painting in the rocks in the cave and he looks around it looks as if there's like people's faces in body parts in the rocks themselves and she continues watching as the couple being married these two men, they cut their wrists open

like suicide level cut open and like melt them put them together and like dip it into the water or whatever is a very ritualistic thing as the people the other cult members are like cheering them on and celebrating

and everybody's having a great time as these two guys are like bleeding out together Tim is looking around, looking around, looking around, and he hears a shuffling sound. And he's like, what the fuck was at? He turns, and the monstrous, partially fused form of the missing hikers, there are two human bodies, like, connected

in an absolute abomination monstrosity. Their faces are, like, partially fused together. So you see a little bit of her face, a little bit of his face. they're like drool it's like very much there's um in the thing there's like one of the like gross thing that they see is like these two faces fuse together it's a very direct homage to to that I think it's a little monstro eliza sue as well yeah I was gonna say it's giving the substance it's like yeah very much and it's just like it's just like you know like

and he finds a knife and like slashes at it and like they're like basically be like help us help us they're not trying to like hurt him or anything they're just like help Oh, buddy's. This is awful. You, I mean, help us by killing us, right? Yeah. And like, you know, we know it's them because one of one side, the hair is pink. And they're like, kind of like, it's like his stomach is kind of fused to her back a little bit.

There's also like color out of, color out of space vibes to this as well. Right. How are they like moving? Crawling. Crawling on all four limbs. And their backs are all fucking, ugh. It's really great. It's a really good.

practical effect. It's nasty. And their eyes are all like glassy and gross and milky and like it's gross. And so he screams, stabs in with a knife, runs away, climbs out. Meanwhile, Millie is still watching his wedding and then

behind her appears Mr. McCabe in his white robes being like, hey, like, I know what's happening to you guys. It's too late to stop it. There is nothing you can do. Like fighting, it only makes it worse as we just saw the two fucking hikers he's like you just like once you push past it the the hard part

everything is great you get to be with your person you get to share memories share dreams share a vision for your future it's like all the stuff of like what is like that they've been budding against that they're different and they're in different places in their lives and they have different desires and and all that is solved if you're just the same person because now you want the same thing always because you're only one guy or girl or whatever you are and so mccabe absorbed his partner yeah completely so this is a really fun touch so like the photograph that we saw earlier of him and his husband when they were younger neither of them were him right they're two guys they're two guys who look like him right if you combine them they would be him yeah yeah yeah yeah that's cool

which is really cool too because when you're watching you're like that's also fun to think about casting wise being like okay i need to find two guys each look kind of like this other one guy. It's really fun. And it like is a really cool effect because it's like just weird enough they're like I guess maybe they just like cast the younger version of him a little weird.

Like one of them is wearing glasses. One of them isn't. The guy wears, McKay wears glasses. And so you're like, you know, whatever. But it's a really good,

uh, reveal. And he's like, and that's why he's wearing two wedding rings is because he's one guy. And so he's like, you just, just like given your chosen. And as he's like talking,

he's like getting a little bit more. sinister his voice starts to sound like two different voices like and then he grabs her by the wrist to be like you just need to like let go he puts his hand his other hand on the end of her arm and drags it across and pulls his hand back and there's like a blade in the rings and in fact when they cut their wrists in the video we saw them do it with their rings as well so he opens up her wrist in like basically a dead a fatal cut down her wrist wrist she freaks out punches him in the head and it kind of splits his head back into two people's heads which is a really fun but like you only kind of see it in silhouette and he's basically

like don't run and like now there are two voices like you're meant for this like it's better this way it's more perfect this way you could have it all you know she runs home same time tim is running home from his little scare in the cave they both get there together they're both fucked up and like freaking out and sweaty and bloody and like as soon as they get within range of each other they start being sucked towards each other they both are like slammed to the ground and dragged across their driveway at each other they're trying to like fight it grab onto whatever they can and Tim is like Millie I like it's okay I know what we have to do I know how to stop this and she's like what do you mean and he like gets he like let's go gets like dragged toward her by this

invisible force when she looks at him he's down on one knee doing the little like hand clamshell proposal and he's like Millie I love you so much you're everything to me I love you I'm sorry for everything I'm sorry I suck I like should have told you this earlier but I suck I'm an idiot but I love you so so so so much you're everything to me will you marry me and she's like what like what is that the solution to and but she's like yeah I mean I love you I love you so much and of course and then he goes okay now close your eyes and he takes his knife out and he puts it to his neck

and he's going to cut his throat and she's like, what are you doing? Stop! And he's like, please just close your eyes. Let me do this. Like, one of us has to die to save the other one. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, not you, not you. And then she, like, he sees how much she's bleeding

and then she, like, pulls her sleeve back and this gaping wound in her arm is, like, bleeding like crazy. She's faint. She falls over. And he's like, no, no, no, no. And she's like, no, like, let me die. Let me be the one to die. Like, I want you to be free.

Like, this is how it's got to be. You can go on and, like, be okay. And he's like, please don't I love you. I love you. It's like really touching. And she dies in his arms. And he weeps and he cries. And we cut to a little bit later.

He is carrying her body into their house. And he like gently places her on the couch. And he like cries over her dead body. that is not looking very pale and her lips look pretty flush and her eyes flicker open and she's like what the fuck i like what happened what did you do and he's like i couldn't let you die i couldn't live without you and she looks down in there his hand has like fused into her arm. And he's like, I would rather do this than lose you. I would rather

be one with you than live without you. Like, I want to do this. And he's like, do you want to do this? And she's like, yeah. I want to do this. I love you so much. I want to do it. So he puts on the Spice Girls vinyl to become

one, tonight is the night when to be become one. That's such a good song. And they get up and they listen to this song. They take all their clothes off, they get naked, and they slow dance together as their body's just like... I don't know why I felt like shocked to see Allison Bree's boobs. Yeah. Yeah, you see that. I don't know why I like in my brain was like, she would never...

She's shown her, she's been naked in a few movies. She talks on the press store anyway. She's constantly talking about how she gets naked. She's always like getting naked and like surprising people and like jumping out and being like, oh, I'm naked. Whoa, that's what she does? Yeah. She does naked jump scares? Yeah. Um, worked on me. so they're so they're like just slow dancing and like naked slow dancing and as like the camera like is like kind of like moving around them as like his fingers like press into her back and just dig in and like move under her like scapula and then their like hips start like clacking in together and like their feet start like wriggling around each other and they're just like really slowly coming together they like start making out and then their lips like connect like connect they like no longer have a mouth they're just like one thing and the camera's like pushing in pushing in pushing in on their

eyeballs as they get closer together and their eyelashes start to like tie together and you can hear them like muffled voices be like I love you so much their eyeballs connect and then you cut out we open back up it's Sunday

Millie's parents have come to visit they park their car they step out through the driveway they see the like pool of dried blood and they're like what the heck is that they ring the doorbell to let to get let in the door opens and like a very uh like androgynous like non-binary person who looks like a perfect fusion of of the two of them opens the door and goes like hello it's a really weird like hello it looks like a very AI face. It looks like AI did it. Um, and then so yeah, they fused into one person who now has to

explain what happened to Millie's parents. And that's the end. Huh. Oh my God. That's a very silly ending, but I really laughed. I liked it as well. I thought it was fun. It does. It turns it into a date movie, which is what they've been trying to tell everyone. Like, it is kind of like funny and romantic at the end. Yeah. It's like, I love it when movie can do like can be like both like the romantic ending and the most like nauseating version of the ending and it's the same ending and I really like when a movie like sets up its pieces well enough to like hit that mark because all you can do is kind of like laugh and be like whoa and that's a really fun way to walk out of a I do want to get like a screenshot I maybe it's online but like I

it's a really funny little little person them mixed together it's almost on par with Renez may. Like, it looks really, like, this person looks strange. Okay. Like, not that they're, not that this person's face is strange, but like, it has like a digital statikiness to it that just like looks like Rennesme. Okay, well, I'm glad. So it was, it was the supernatural thing in the woods, but I feel like, at least it's clearly trying to say, like, you, the reason my codependency is dangerous is because you have to just completely sacrifice your own sense of self and so if you really want to like individuality yeah like you want to commit long term to a relationship where you're like that codependent then you're just saying okay I'm fine with

like sacrificing myself then yeah because Emily to your point earlier you and Joel I don't think are codependent you are independent and obsessed with each other and that's different yeah I'll get an Emily tattoo if you get a Joel tattoo I will I know you will and I you know that I will So I guess it means we are. I feel like codependency, and we should talk about this more, but what is the difference between, because Tim and I are definitely codependent, but like highly functioning, maybe it's like highly functioning codependent. Well, I mean, I think there's a, there's a, there's a, there's symbiosis, which I think is also like, like, we're not codependent in that we cannot be independent from each other. but our lives are fused in a way that they like each of us has adapted to a shared life. So there are certain things that we only do together or that like I stop to do.

Like I don't, I like literally never cook. Like I, I, that part of me atrophied when I got together with Joel because he always cooks. So like I do think there's like there is a fusion that happens no matter what. The point is just like it's, I think it's like co-depend. in a negative way when it's like who you are becomes who they are. Because also inevitably we are different versions of ourselves because of the time we spend together and who we become together. I also just a huge part too is like the resentment part.

I was going to say, I like, give it on like an emotional level of like you, well, yeah, there's the resentment, but also like the second the other person is in a bad mood, you're in a bad, like you absorb their emotions immediately. you can't like man regulate your own emotions because they're so enmeshed with the other person's emotions and so you can't like navigate difficult situations together because you're like going to be on the same negative emotional wavelength together.

Yeah. I think it's like, yeah, like the whole matrix that you engage the world in is about maintaining a certain like dynamic. and like it like informs everything but and i think it's like codependency is more of like an individual thing than a relationship thing i think like every relationship has those fusions but like if you are for example the cases in this movie is like each of them is like holding themselves back from who they want to be in order to maintain that relationship for what it is and like and they cannot imagine a world outside of that

matrix. And I think that's because they are each codependent and then created a, a relationship that wasn't healthy. But, you know, like, he's like, you know, I got to ask her for permission to do stuff, which is like very on the nose, but like some version of that, I think is very true in, like a gradient is very true in a lot of relationships. And codependent ones. Right. Exactly. Like you saying the entire matrix of everything is defined by the relationship. Yeah, it's like that's why you can't leave a codependent relationship because you feel like your entire world is falling apart, even though you are misery. You're willing to put up with a lot of misery and a lot of pain and a lot of things because you think that everything will end. There's something about it where it's like, if I end this relationship, then my world falls apart. Yeah, and I think like the world, you like want the world to bend to what that relationship is rather than your relationship to bend to what the world is around you. And so, like, I think, you know, you can, like, treat people in certain ways to, like, uphold whatever story you're telling yourselves about your relationship or, like, the choices you make are to uphold this version of it.

I also thought it was, like, really interesting about this movie that I wasn't expecting, but I did think was smarter and more interesting than what I thought it was going to be is, like, that they, because, is that they resent each other so much. Like, I thought it was going to be a movie about two people who were obsessed with each other becoming one. rather than like two people who are, who really don't, are not having a good time together, but cannot bring themselves to just make the choice. Yeah, yeah, it's like there's codependent anonymous. That's like, like, Coda is a, you can go to Coda meetings. So it's like, it's as if it's, yeah, you're just like addicted to the person even though they're not healthy for you or whatever it may be.

And it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. It can be with like anybody, a family member or friend or whatever. So it's like, yeah. Yeah. I think. And it takes up so much of your brain power, like, thinking about the other person and thinking about how to... Addiction is, like, helpful. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And like how to maintain the relationship or like obsessing over little things with the relationship or like obsessing over like the ways the other person makes you upset that you're not like focused on yourself or what you can do to like improve yourself or think realistically about like anything basically. Your perception is totally skewed by this like obsession with the relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. So I think you guys are good.

Thanks. That's really what I wanted us to talk about here today. I think everybody on this phone is doing pretty good. Everybody on this Zoom is doing pretty good. We're doing pretty well. Everybody's doing really good. I think we're really, really good and healthy and have really healthy relationships. I think so. I do the best at this. I'm doing the best at this. I'm doing the best at this. I'm doing the best at this. I'm doing the best at this. Joel. Wow. Joel. again every time it's really my pleasure

should we all get Joel tattoos yes yeah would that be weird everybody out there listening oh me and all my best friends we have my husband's name tattoo out there if you get a Joel tattoo drop Joel in the comments

wow well thank you Joel we love you so much we love you so much I love you guys you guys are my heroes and you're our hero yeah wow

well should we all I was just going to say should we all say it together say it together together okay ready set

go from all of us here that too scary didn't watch goodbye goodbye That's what we would sound like if all of us got fused together.

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