Tooth & Claw: True Stories of Animal Attacks - A Drunken Monkey's Big Day Out - News Stories Including Dogs Painted to Look Like Pandas, A Grizzly Bear Mauling, Brock Purdy vs. the Coyote, and More feat. Jessie

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

The guys at T&C were honored once again to be joined by the inimitable Jessie, Wes's good fortune made manifest as significant other. The group highlights some of the more curious and often violent animal attack news stories from the past couple of months, and then Jeff asks Jessie a batch of questions ranging from her royal tomato family heritage to her 3000+ pets. ~~ To advertise on the show, contact us! ~~ Tooth & Claw is brought to you by QCODE. Support the show and get access to an extensive library of exclusive episodes like this by supporting the show on Patreon or joining the Grizzly Club on Apple Podcasts. For the latest updates on the show and all things wildlife, follow us at toothandclawpod.com and social:  Instagram: @ToothandClawPodcast Twitter: @ToothandClawPod Wes: @GrizKid Jeff: @jefe_larson Mike: @mikey3ds Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello everybody, welcome back to Tooth and Claw podcast. We got me, I'm Jeff Larson, West Larson's little brother, and Wes Larson just happens to be another person on this podcast. Crazy. Yeah. And then we got Mike Smith, who I think is now crowned the handsome one of the podcast. I had that crown for a while, but Mike just took it over. Just in one picture.

I guess I've never been in conversation even. Oh, well, for our guest, do you have them? We'll introduce her in a bit. You guys had crowned me before, I think, is why. Yeah. I said it that way. You know, my whole life, I've just said. You're good-looking guy.

Jeff's the handsomest Larson, and I still believe that. I'm porking up, though. I'm beefing up. You're beefing up. We just got, we're all a little jet-lagged. We just got back from Borneo, which turns out is a hard place to get to. Yeah. For us, at least.

A lot of travel. Yeah. Interesting place. We loved it. You guys loved it, right? Loved. Yeah. It was amazing.

Hot, sweaty, really fun. It was our first trove a trip. I love all the palm trees. The palm oil. There's it, I will say, it's kind of a crazy place to go right now just because of the, like, difference between the rainforest and the palm plantations. It's wild how many palm plantations there are. But, like, also, it's just, like,

It's the most trees without city of anywhere. Like, there's just trees everywhere. Yeah, but like almost all of them are palm trees. Bad palm plantations, monoculture. Anyway, we had a great time. We had a really fun group for, like, it being our first guided trip. It was really fun. So thanks to Kurt, Wayne, Ben, Bethany, Taylor, Lindy, Alex, Chloe C, Chloe C, Chloe M,

Chantelle, Oriana, Kitty, Christine, Sarah, Ava, Haley, Sabrina, Kayla, and Eric. Really fun. Got all the names down like the last day. Yeah. Finally. Like day 70's like, I know it. I got you. Saying goodbye as I nailed it.

Yeah. Nice job, dude. Thanks. Yeah, we had a great time. And we'll talk about it some more probably in a subscriber episode. I was thinking we could try like a travel log episode. Yeah. And we got some questions today too that we'll talk about some of our favorite moments.

Speaking wild animals, Bryce is growling underneath the desk. Bryce is Bryce. Speaking of wild animals, your girlfriend's joining us today. That's me. So, Jesse's with us. And she's excited. Hi. And what?

So, to introduce you, you're a dog owner, a cat owner. Those are my two things. Three horses. Yeah. How many chickens are we at? We're at 17. 17 chickens. How many bees?

Like 3,000 bees? A thousand bees, queen. And it's so hard to name them all. Like 10? Naming all the bees. Maybe you own probably one, like 2% of the snake? More than that. More than that. Jesse actually does quite a bit of care.

I do have a great service every morning. You should do the George Foreman thing where you just name every bee after yourself, just the same name. They are, yeah. I keep doing that. We have two ducks also, and I just keep when one dies, it becomes like puddle too. What did I name mine? I don't remember.

I was trying to think about the other day. So puddle's like more. It was cute. More of a title than a name. I came up with a good name, but I can't remember what it was. I know. It was cute. Yeah.

Oh, well. And you're not usually good at names, so. Yeah. You have like 3,200 something pets. I do. Yeah. I do. I'm rich in.

And she loves them all. She loves them all. We have three baby magpies in the yard right now too. Oh, we're obsessed. That have fallen out of their nest. Jesse works for a birding company, the one that I guide for. Birding and Wildlife. It's not pigeonholers.

Excuse me. My girlfriend of six years. but my unicorn of much longer. And we live together in Lolo. That's so cute. You also have some other jobs that you do on the side. You guys plan on getting married or anything? Yeah.

Yeah. Wait a minute. I'm sorry, what? Jesse didn't say anything, but yeah. This is news to me. Okay. We'll talk about that later. Yeah.

They have a healthy relationship. And you said you're a little anxious to be on with us now that we're. I am. You've been on before. Yeah, I did. But now we're like big time. Yeah. Before we were talking horses, too, which is something right up for Allie.

Before is when I was like, my boyfriend, I was a podcast. And now it's like, oh, the fellows have a podcast and people listen. So I hate public speaking. Sorry. No, you're doing great. Is this close enough? Yeah. Is this saying on?

I hate public speaking, even though it's just you guys. And I only found out today I'm storytelling. Yeah. So that's a double whammy. Yeah. It's public speaking. Retelling this from. No, not.

You're just hanging out. I'm in public. It's a good first step. We're doing the news episode. And I do feel like when we talked about it previously, I was like, it'll be a news episode so we can just have you share some stories. But I didn't like explicitly tell her she'd be storytelling. I don't know why I was just like blissfully. I don't know where I thinking.

I just like put her around and listen in. You just like sit there. Yeah. Yeah. No, we wanted you involved. We want your voice. Thank you. I guarantee you you haven't overthought it as much as seeing.

I haven't. I haven't thought about it until one hour ago. Jesse's underthought it. I guarantee you haven't underthought it as much as Jeff. I don't know. Another good point. I don't know. I really respect your style now, Jeff, because I...

Just go and see what happens. Me too. Should we get into it? Let's go. Yeah. All right. Well, we're going to do some news episodes. If you're joining us for the first time ever, we're just going to talk about animal news stories.

Yeah. Like, we do this about every six or seven weeks. That's kind of what we normally do, except for this is like our time to do more recent stories that don't quite make a full episode type of a story. But it's still worth talking about. Yeah, we're talking about stuff that people have sent us, stuff that people are asking about. Hard-hitting stories. Hard-hitting stories. And probably some weird kind of oddball ones, too.

Because we like that. Yeah, we did. I think we should have you start us out, Wes. Okay. I'll start us out. I'm going to start out with a grizzly attack. What? They're still sleeping.

They're not. They're up and about. It is grizzly season now. If you live in grizzly habitat. It's snowed today. Yeah, I know. They're still out, though. They're drinking that sleepy time tea.

Even the ones with cubs are out at this point. So you've got to be careful. On May 16th, a 36-year-old man and his father were hunting black bears in the mountains of British Columbia near Elkford. Those aren't grizzlies. They're not. But Elkford is just west of the Alberta border. It's sandwiched in between Waterton and Banff National Parks.

So this is a beautiful part of the world and its prime grizzly habitat. I would live there if it weren't for all the Canadians. The nicest people on earth. They weren't for all the nice people. Crabs only. They're using hound dogs to hunt these black bears. So, Jeff, we've used hounds to try and catch and see. to date black bears for research purposes.

Yeah. Once those dogs pick up the scent of something, are they easy to get control of? No. It's one of the most chaotic things I've ever been a part of. Yeah. Was releasing hound dogs on a bear. Once they're off, you're following them until they get something. Until something makes them stop.

And usually that's them treying something or baying something. And baying means they pretty much just back it into a corner and surround it so it can't go anywhere. So really the goal is to get them on the same. scent of the animal you're trying to find. So, like, what people will do is they'll look for black bear tracks or black bear hair, some sign of black bears, and then they'll release the dogs hoping they're on a black bear scent. But if they pick up something that you don't necessarily want them to pick up, they still might chase it. So in a place where there's grizzlies, this actually can be a really dangerous thing to do.

That makes sense. Because, so, like, a black bear, their instinct with hound dogs is, like, 95% of a time run away, find a tall tree. Exactly. And then every once in a while they just don't find a good place to escape and they maybe kill like one dog. Right. But like their instinct is not to do that. Yeah. And there are places where people will hunt brown bears or grizzly bears with dogs.

But those are dogs that are specifically trained to bay and they'll try and get a grizzly so it's like cornered. And then the person comes in and shoots the bear. These aren't those dogs. So like these dogs with the black. bears, they're like trying to bite the bear pretty much, right? Yeah, they're just getting it up a tree. Yeah. But like if like, the bear came down, they tried to get close, you know. Yeah. So what might have happened on May 16th is that these two men were following their dogs and it picked up the son of a grizzly bear and they chased them. And suddenly this enraged grizzly bear burst out of the thick, deadfall, and brush and runs at the 36-year-old.

It sounds like he probably got a shot off and hit the bear as it was charging, but it still made contact with him, it mauled him pretty good, breaking some bones, leaving deep lacerations before running off. That's the only information I could get on his injuries, but he was said to have significant injuries. So take that, everyone who says guns are better than bears a break. We're going to talk about that, yeah. Sounds like it kind of worked, but not to prevent entirely an attack. Yeah, and we'll put a pin in that just for a second. Sorry. Or a pen. Pen. Pen. If you're just, The dad wasn't mauled, but he called for help, and a helicopter arrived and took the son to a hospital in Calgary. He's still receiving care there, but he is stable.

Conservation officers for British Columbia went to the scene. They found a dead bear a couple hours later. So he had killed the bear. But I did want to talk about, go ahead and unpin it, rifles and bear spray. So, I mean, this guy probably had a kill shot on this, or he did have a kill shot on this bear. he shot it and he still got mauled really badly. And he's pretty lucky to have even got a shot off and hit this bear. Good shot under pressure.

But even with a great shot, he, you know, ended up in the hospital. Right. The bear died and this bear was not at fault. Like it was chased by dogs enraged and thick deadfall. Like this bear was acting totally normally, you know, charging out and mulling this guy. If he had missed, I think he would have died. I have a pin. Yeah.

Pen. Yeah. Okay, the bear died. Yeah. So then who gets the bear? Is that like the government then takes over? Yeah. Yeah.

Because they don't, they didn't have a license for a grizzly bear. It had it been a black bear, they probably would let and keep it. And that might like encourage people to like be like, oh, this bear was trying to get me. Yeah. What do they do with the bear? Do they use the meat to feed? No, they'll get the skull and the claws and stuff and put it in like they have like a

collection of that stuff. And they do research. Yeah, exactly. They didn't, with our, that one bear incident, they just burned it. Yeah. So black bears, it's less important. But grizzlies, they'll keep it. British Columbia has outlawed grizzly bear hunting since 2017.

That was large part in part of the nonprofit that I sit on the board for, the grizzly bear foundation. They pushed to have that outlawed. So you did it. No, I wasn't on the board at that point. But anyway, you can't keep a grizzly bear to answer your question. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Yeah, sorry. That part.

So I just want to say, like, had this guy been using bear spray instead of a rifle, I don't think you would have been mauled as severely, and this bear would still be alive. Probably not mailed at all. It's possible, but probably not. We have covered stories where bear spray has been employed. That one guy. Still happens. Todd or.

Yeah. But he still credits Bear Spray of saving his life. Right. You know? Oh, no. Listen, I use Bear Spray. Every opportunity is my motto. Perfect.

I don't know if that should be your motto. Hannity presents. In the red corner, the undisputed, undefeated weed whacker guys. Champion of hurling grass and pollen everywhere. And in the blue corner, the challenger, extra strength, Hannity! Eye drops and work all day to prevent the release of histamines that cause itchy allergy eyes.

And the winner, By knockout is Hatterday. Hatterday. Bring it on. So how many Black Bears you think are estimated to live in Massachusetts? My guess would be $2,500. Jesse, guess? How many bees you have?

3,000. Mike? Zero. There's about 4,500. So Jesse wins. You set me up for success, thank you. Well, I just knew you couldn't think of a number. I didn't know it was a state.

Yeah. Now, of these 4,500 bears, how many of them do you think ate a person on May 8th? Probably just one. Yeah, you'd be correct there as well. Crazy if it was too. But here's the twist. The man was already dead. Oh, wow.

Ooh, a little necrose. That's some real M-night. So, yeah, you think if this bear was a person, how much trouble do they get in, Jesse? Dahmer, he got off for a long time. He murdered the people though. Did he? You think he just found him and correct? He's thinking dead people?

The ultimate zag. I'm sorry, I'm a Dahmer apologist. Well, it doesn't matter. I'm just saying. You brought up a real touchy subject. Anyway, what was the question? So if a person didn't murder someone but then ate them, how much trouble are they getting in? Well, none.

Like, If they didn't kill them Okay, okay, I'm thinking about like the plane crash All the soccer I didn't know I thought is a good question Whoa, whoa, whoa If it's a survival thing

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Wes has told me before If I die And we're like on a boat He's gonna eat me I don't know if cannibalism Which we talk about a lot I remind her every morning

But like recreational cannibalism I think there's some laws against that Just dabbling? Yeah, I think that's wrong But I'm not sure I'm pretty positive Okay. Yeah.

Well, turns out... I don't know. It's illegal for bears to do it, too. That's for sure illegal. So this bear happened upon, like, a car accident where a 31-year-old had, like, driven into the guardrail. And then their car, like, jumped off the road into the trees. He was ejected from the car. And...

That's sad. But it's a little hard to tell exactly what happened because a bear had found him first before any emergency help. Or people. Yeah. And turns out this bear was not an EMT. Twist. Didn't resuscitate him.

Fair to assume. But instead, the person was likely dead, but can't say for sure. You know, the bear could have gotten, killed him. Yeah, it is sad. And then they had to, they were just like super over-cautious and killed the bear as well. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah.

I think like any time of. bear feeds on a person alive or dead. You probably got to get rid of that bear, unfortunately. You think that way with people, too? It's probably, no, like, again, if it's a survival situation, I don't think so. So if a person is starving to death, they can eat a dead person's body. But if a bear's starving to death, they can't eat a person's dead body. You can't ask the bear if it's starving to dead.

Sure. Yeah, I guess you're right. So you are for capital punishment, just for bears. No. I'm not answering this. I think you just did. Well, I mean, that's my whole story. I just thought it's kind of an interesting bear eating a person.

Like, you don't really think of that. If you get in a car accident, you normally would expect, suspect, suspect that someone, like, that people would find you before animals do. Yeah. But not in this case. Yeah. It's like a zero waste concept. though I kind of like it. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Who's up next? I can't go because I have another bear story. Oh, I'll go then. So I have a story about a drunken monkey that Wes, oh man, Wes, you really did me a solid this morning by sending this story to me. So just a couple of days ago, you know, small, it seemed like a very small rural village, rural, rural village in Russia called Mililuk.

Sorry, for all you mylokians out there. Or in rurals? Yeah, any of yarls out there? So just a couple of days ago in the small village, Garrick, a small monkey, went a little wild and bit five people. Now, what could cause a small monkey to go on a rampage and bite five people? Jesse? First of all, did you say he's a name already?

Garrick. Yeah. Why? He's a captive monkey. This is in Russia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, a pet monkey.

I should have specified. Garrick? Just the villagers call that. Why do you think he bit five people? He was hot. Wow. Bryce bit me once just for playing basketball. You dog?

Competitive. All right, let's not. Put a hole in my shorts. That's a foul. And he bit five people, right? Five people. That's how many people are on a basketball team, right? They would play basketball?

The article I read did not include that detail, but we have to assume it was basketball. Well, this story actually began. two years prior. What? When Garrick's owner, Anna, got married. With a new man hanging around the house, this monkey got immediately more aggressive and perhaps jealous.

I don't know if we can attribute specifically that, but that's what this article seems to imply that this monkey became really jealous about having a new man hanging around the house. Step parents. No, it's tough. Yeah.

Bryce, Bryce has always treated you pretty well ever since you've been... No. When, like, we first started dating Bryce would like lay down on the bed so I can like lay down she would get in the way like she does the hurting thing she did that with me too you owe me a new pair of shorts oh my god come down why I don't even remember that so she has like three teeth now sorry I'm not sure if this

next part is an accident or if the husband was finally just kind of fed up with this monkey's behavior, but the husband let the monkey out of the cage, let Garrick out of his cage. And immediately Garrick bolted out, and there was an open bottle of whiskey sitting around, and he took a couple of sips. Garrick went straight for it. Yeah, right to it, and then

bolted outside. Thus, beginning a tumultuous day. So he's feeling himself. Well, and monkeys aren't super big, so... We're thinking it's a macaque. A few sips that whiskey goes a long way. Right. Blood, alcohol, levels through the roof.

Could not drive like those monkeys and Jumanji were driving. Right. This one would not be able to. So Garrick was out for a day of satisfying an appetite for both violence and whiskey. Cookies. He already had his whiskey. So during his rampage, Garrick attacked at least five different people.

You pause for us to guess cookies? Yeah. You got it wrong. So sorry, better luck next time. So one of the five people was a pregnant woman. And that's two. That's two, yeah.

And one of the other victims was a local journalist who, he got bit on the lip so bad he had to get it stitched up afterwards. But I think it's worth it having like, basically a free story for tomorrow. And that's kind of a kiss then, right? Yeah. If you bite someone's lip. Some people do.

It's consensual. Like in Raiders to the Lost Ark, I think Marion gives India a little lip nibble. Yeah. Very sexy. That's just what I think. up when I hear about kisses involving bites. Jesse just looked at me for approval when I shook my head and she immediately quiet.

Let's get in. Nobody's ever been there. No one's ever done that. Garrick also found the time to find and eat a bunch of tulip buds. You just said cookies. An apple and a handful of cookies. The drunken monkey was so strong that it took three men to restrain him after he was lured in with some more sugar cookies.

More cookies, Jesse. He is now at the Python's Z. zoo center where he will stay, which doesn't make sense. Wrong zoo. Yeah. Pythons. Like, he's probably, like, in a corner, like, back to the corner, fearing his life from all these pythons.

But he's staying there since his owner can no longer control him. His drinking problem. Yeah. I love the thought of him just getting his strength from whiskey. He was so strong. He was un-touchable. Whoa. Maybe I should switch.

When the monkey... When Garrick was examined, vets did not find any diseases, thankfully, so it doesn't seem like anyone's in danger of rabies. However, they reported a strong stench of alcohol. Yeah. Fair. Garrick, big day. Big day for Gary. Garik's big day out.

Good for him. Got to deal with all those backbones in a worse situation. Is it me? It's you, Jesse. I'm going to take this off because I'm sweating. But we already talked about our bear section, so you can't talk about bears. It's not even bears. I'm going to, oh, that's right.

What? Wait. Sorry. All right. There should be good. I am more prepared. You did that dress yesterday. All right.

This one's, the headline was outrage over imposter pandas. So speaking of Borneo. Fake bears. Yeah. Yeah. Hot on the heels of the Malayan sun bear human conflict. In China. Controversy.

Controversy. Conflict would be. If you guys don't remember that, it was like a sun bear that was standing up in a zoo that a lot of people thought looked like a human in a bear suit. Which the zoo. Had like natural baggy pants as a bear. And the zoo said there's no way that's a human because a human in a bear costume couldn't withstand the heat.

That's the... I believe it. That's the answer. And we talked to a sun bear expert last week who also said they just got weird baggy legs. A zoo in China has been accused of trying to deceive visitors with two dogs dyed black and white to look like pandas. There's been some viral videos circulating showing the two, quote, panda dogs in an exhibit that opened May 1st. China has pandas.

What are they doing? Well, not all of them. Not all of China. My favorite quote was this, quote, the wagging tails gave them away. That was it That was the clue Yeah They almost got away with it

It wasn't for the dog A spokesperson said their chow chow's painted To resemble giant pandas Black and white Adding that they clearly advertised them as quote Panda dogs and made no false claims Which I don't know what that means

Yeah I think they weren't like saying these Like giant panda Right but what is that is like a Is that an animal? It's not a thing So if I went to a zoo and it said panda dog, I would be like, oh, is there some, like, animal I've never heard of?

They are, I watched the video. They're really cute. Yeah. They do look like little pandas, like cub pandas. And it's, it is a dog that's really special to China. Yeah. I mean, I think they're from there. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

As of Friday, the dogs are still at the zoo. Another favorite quote is where the number of people coming to see them remained, quote, at a normal level. The zoo, which does not have any real pandas, was nonetheless criticized for misleading visitors and potential mistreatment. Go ahead. Okay, thank you.

I have an interruption problem, apparently. No, come back in. Apparently. They said you have a problem interrupting? No, he has no problem. I'm good at it. You are. But I saw once a dog

that was like made to look like a lion in a zoo? Was it a poodle? I don't know. But it just got me thinking right now, like, what if we did a whole zoo, all of dogs, just trying to make them look like all the animals? Yeah.

Yeah. Do you think, Jesse, as someone who's had dogs your whole life and you're very passionate about dogs, do you think this is unfair to the dogs? I don't know what the zoo conditions are like. How about just the dying? That, there was some controversy in the article where people were like, people dye their hair, what's the big deal?

And then other people were like, that's really toxic. And I don't know what, because they do it to those poodles in those competitions all the time. Dye hair dog, pink orange. I mean, I've seen plenty of like freaky dyed dogs, but I don't know if it's... Yeah. To me, that didn't seem like the big issue to this. The thing that made me kind of sad about it is that our wildlife is like so scarce. and like pandas are so hard to get at this point

that we're painting dogs as pandas to put them in zoos to try and attract people like that's how hard it is to get a panda and to me that's like and you know it is a zoo so it kind of is different but it still is kind of a little

no I agree we should all have pandas we should bring them back San Diego's getting their pandas back this summer oh wow just in time for the election

for me that's Biden's big push yeah Good luck. This episode is brought to you by Netflix. Most valuable promotions in Netflix are hosting a blockbuster triple headliner Saturday, May 16th.

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6 p.m. Pacific Time. All right, I have another story for us. This one is another one that's kind of close to Borneo. And so I wanted to include it. It's about Sumatra. So Sumatra is the big island south of Borneo. It's part of Indonesia. Borneo is the third biggest island in the world.

Sumatra is the sixth biggest island in the world. Oh, wow. Is it Australian island? No. There's some debate over that. I looked into this. Because it's a continental mass, they don't count it as an island. I think that's fair.

Yeah. It's too big to be an island. Yeah. So number one is Greenland. I can't remember what number two is. But Borneo's three. All right. So much like Borneo, Sumatra is rapidly losing forest to palm oil plantations, other types of monoculture and logging.

And habitat loss there is quickly leading to some really huge conservation concerns. Stuff for, like for native wildlife like orangutans, clouded leopards, Asian elephants, Asian rhinoceros, and Sumatran tigers. So pretty much the same stuff we saw in Borneo Plus some other animals that aren't in Borgia Yeah So some animals we saw plus some animals we didn't Yeah sums it up Mike does

So when we were in Borneo We saw this stark difference between the plantations And the native rainforest Can you just describe that really quickly? Yeah so the rainforests were kind of a beautiful chaos To my eye just trees and branches And different kinds of trees All kind of intermingling

And then there would be a really harsh cut off and it'd be a grid-like system of palm trees that look very manufactured all the same height all the same height there's no differentiation between like the size or the color of the look no one just the scourge yeah it was awful yeah so for an animal like a Sumatran tiger not only do those plantations remove habitat for them but it also removes habitat for their prey stuff like sambar deer or a mouse deer or a lot of other animals that they can eat so as a result conflict between human

and tigers is increasing in these places. So on May 11th, the first day of our trip in Borneo, workers on an acacia plantation in Sumatra heard nearby humans screams that were suddenly and abruptly cut short. So they ran to the area. They couldn't find their coworker who had been screaming, but they found tiger tracks in the area. They started calling for help,

and they started searching for this guy. Not long after they found him, he's a 26-year-old worker, who's dead on the ground. his hand was completely severed and missing, and then he had large puncture wounds in his throat. A hunt was launched for the tiger, but I have yet to find,

like I couldn't find anything about whether or not they caught it. Still at large. Yeah. There's roughly 400 Sumatran tigers left in the wild. Not only are they facing this kind of deforestation, but they're also being poached for traditional medicine. So even though these conflicts are terrible, and obviously our hearts go out to these victims,

these tigers are in a lot of trouble. There are subspecies of tigers like the Javan tiger that have gone extinct in our lifetimes. So that could very possibly happen to Sumatran tigers too. And like Malaysian tigers, we saw the Malay tiger at the zoo. There's only like 150 of them left. So we really need to do a lot to protect these animals. I recommend people following this photographer named Paul Hilton. He does a lot of work in these ecosystems.

And he did a documentary called War on Nature that's really good. And in relation to Paris? I don't believe so. Yeah. Second time she's been brought up. Anyway. So about average for us. I do.

Again, I want to, like, I want to know every time we do these news episodes, if you search Tiger Attack, there's always something. Always. Which is crazy. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Wow. No hand.

Tough way to go. Punch wounds in the longs. Something. Give that guy a hand. Mike. Mike, what do you think about? Pat McAfee. I don't much care for him, Jeff.

You're always complaining about it. He's always yelling. I don't know. He's always yelling. Is he the antivirus guy? No. No, that's McCaffey. McCaffee. Okay.

Because he's not a great guy. He's the, he's like the new ESPN. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Pat. Faked his death. That's a whole story.

That's a big. We'll do an episode on him. Some day. Pat's an ex kicker in the NFL. Who's big on. That's his. He kicks it. Yeah.

It's is football, you know? Right. He's like the one true athlete in the NFL. It stays true to the name. Jesse, who's your favorite football player? None of them. What? Wow.

Do you know what? I don't think you could get her to name a single one. No. Yeah. I like, I'll go to your parents' house for the food. No. Have you heard of Tom Brady? Yes.

Patrick Mahomes. Is he the Gaunt one now? Yes. He's just gay. He got a, what's the best? What's it called where you get the fat sucked out of you? He looks like he did it. No, it's like a new fad.

Yeah, I don't remember. I don't care. Well, anyways, he's the new guy on ESPN. Matt. Pat Mackey. That question really took us around. I missed the old days the Lentart show. That was our favorite.

Yeah. That's your like Glory Day ESPN. Probably. But Pat's the new guy. He does podcasting. He does a bunch of stuff. But anyways, in April, he has. And Brock Purdy, what team is he play for?

Jesse. They just lost the Super Bowl and overtime. Quarterback. The what now? You're barking off the wrong tree. I don't. I do not care about football. No, Brock Purdy is the San Francisco 49ers quarterback.

And Jesse's a big fan. Huge. And he was talking about how he... You're not that big, Jesse. ...saved in quotation marks a lady from a coyote a year ago. Okay. But he was doing like a John Deere promotion thing. Uh-huh.

And there's all these people filming them. And then he just like stops everything and like goes off to the side and is like, Hey, watch out, lady. And there's this, he thought is like a wolf-sized coyote following this lady and her dog and got like super close. And then the lady ended up being like a local news person. So she was kind of like. But yeah. So then Brock Purdy probably saved her dog or something.

Yeah, sure. Good for him. It's possible. And she said that, like, she turned around first was, like, confused. Like, Brock Purdy's yelling at me. And then, like, sees the biggest coyote she's ever seen in her life, like, right behind her. I wish Brock Pretty would yell at me. And I just be like, this is weird guys.

That's Coyote's Bewilin. Also, Coyote's Bewilin, Part 2. Yeah. Is May 23rd. happened in Rhode Island. Is that today? Yeah. So this must be an old one.

Last year, maybe. I just recently saw the article. Yeah. Let's go for it. But a 58-year-old strangled a rabid coyote to death. So that one, I don't want to get too much into, but people always ask, like, what's the most impressive animal you could kill? Yeah.

Did we talk about this? I think I covered that story last time, but it might be different. No, you're probably that, right. And then University of Iowa police are investigating a coyote attack on campus in Iowa. And I just want to bring this one up. What are they going to do about it? The victim told police she was walking along the Mormon handcart trail near Hawkeye Court at 4 p. She's getting the real authentic experience then.

Yeah. So, you know. And then my last little thing I had was just a recent story from Borneo that I heard with no news, news clippings, no things straight from a Bornean who told me a story that recently happened. Yeah. And he said that his friend's sister recently died. She was pregnant. And she was by the river with her mom and a saltwater crocodile like came at her mom.

And she pushed her mom out of the way and got eaten. Oh, wow. That's sad. It's, I mean, we've talked about this a little on the podcast. When you look at numbers of people every year that die by crocodiles, it's up to like 20,000 people. And numbers will range from like 500 to 20,000. And the reason there's such a big gap is because a lot of stories like that

where the person's just down by the water and then they disappear. And they can't say for sure it was a crocodile, although this one probably for sure was. But like this happens a lot. This is an animal that like takes people. So I don't go by the water. Yeah. I feel like a lot of the community.

that live right by crocodiles don't probably always report all their deaths very efficiently. Yeah. What's funny, I feel like when we travel around the world, usually anywhere I go I feel safe, like going in the water. Like in Brazil, they say like, oh, there's piranhas and I don't worry about it.

In Borneo, there's no way I would have swam across that river because there's saltwater crocodiles everywhere. You signed your flashlight on it. There's immediately one there. Yeah. Would you push Wes out of the way of a crockmouth, Jesse? Push him? Yeah.

Yeah. And like take the mouth for him or however you phrase them now. We kind of have an agreement where like if something's going to kill one of us, he's going to let me live. Yeah. We talk. We also. Chivalry, not dead.

I don't really remember the agreement. It's mostly bears. It's mostly a grizzly thing. I think she just knows that I would, I would respond to any animal that we encounter. Well, you know how to take out a crock. Yeah. Well, okay, if I was like primed in a position where like I could. Yeah.

You'd get in the way of like a horse. if it was coming at me. There's many things I'd get in the way. Yeah. But if it was like, if we were real close, I don't know. It's situational. Yeah, right. Sure.

Would you at least warn him? Yeah. The other thing is, I also like, I know that he'd like love to die that way. So if we were in. I scared me so bad right now. Get you down there? Clocked you? I don't know.

Obviously, I try to do something. But I also respect that, like, you'd love to be eaten by an animal. animal. Yeah. I don't think I'd love it, but I wouldn't. You've said that so many times. If I go that way. Does he say that a lot?

Yeah. And he wants to get eaten by animal? I feel like my, I feel like my tone has changed since we started a podcast. Okay. This isn't a good way to die. Yeah. Interesting.

Because people will be like, do you get scared when he goes and does stuff like that? I'm like, no. Yeah. Do they always do it in like a squeaky old lady. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to do a real short one.

Mostly just because it's pretty tragic. It just happened. and, well, it happened like a month and a half ago, but it's still pretty recent, and because we haven't done a full episode on this animal yet, but in late March, an elderly American tourist in Zambia was killed when a bull elephant charged and flipped the safari vehicle that she was in. A 79-year-old Gail Mattson was the victim, and several other people were injured in this accident.

So there's not a ton of information about what happened, but there is a video, and you can see this bull elephant just come charging, and the safari vehicle starts to move and then it stops. And what I read is there was like a bunch of debris or something in front of the vehicle so he couldn't go the way he wanted to. And so the driver, which typically would just get away from an elephant, wasn't able to. And the elephant flipped the vehicle and that killed this woman. Which to me is, and I've mentioned this before, is the uniquely scary thing about elephants

is that they're one of the few animals in the world where when you're in your vehicle, you're not necessarily safe. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. So a Big Bull elephant like this, Big Bull African elephant, has no problem. Kujo and elephants. Yeah, Kujo. They're kind of safe, but D-Rex is. Yeah, they can't leave. T-Rex is another good one.

We've done two elephant episodes, but not in the main. Yeah. Yeah, we've done some good subscriber ones. And the lady whose funeral got crashed. Yeah, we have yet to do an African elephant, though. Mm, yeah. You're great at protecting your data, but lots of places could still expose you to identity theft. I thought it was safe. If that happens, LifeLock gives you a U.S.-based restoration agent

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So my next attack story, I guess, it is an attack. It's both an attack and a story. Both. Nice. All right. So this happens in Homer, Alaska, which is about 200 miles south of Anchorage. And this also reminded me of our trip to Borneo with the crocodile specifically. We were just talking about that.

How we got super freaking close. You were like three feet away away. Way too close. And even our guide, Kurt, was like, we got to move back. Our boat driver, like, beached our boat right in front of it. And I was on the tip of the boat. Yeah, I was kind of like, I'm like, I'm like. Four feet from a big saltwater crock.

But you got some good picks. I did. Right. So this story involves 70-year-old Dale Chorman, who is also a wildlife photographer. And he was trying to get a good shot of a moose and her moose calves. When the moose came charging out of the brush. And according to Dale's friend Tom, who was out with him that day, they both turned Tom and Dale, turned to run away. But when Tom looked back, Dale was on the ground and the moose was standing over him.

I hate it when that happens. Happens a lot. Usually it doesn't end in death. But in this circumstance, it did. And this is the second, I think, fatal moose attack in Alaska in the past three or four decades, I read. Yeah, there's like a 1996 one where some kids were harassing a moose, I think, at the university somewhere. I'm not sure. It's either Anchorage or Fairbanks and then it trampled a guy to death because it was enraged.

So this doesn't happen very often at all. Tom, he ran away to get help as fast as he could, of course. but by the time the medics arrived, he had unfortunately passed away, and the moose had retreated back into the forest or wherever it ended up going. And when the scene was investigated, there actually weren't any signs of trampling. There's like no traumatic injury discovered on Dale's body. Weird. So they have a heart attack or something?

They're thinking, yeah, some maybe just like a light brush or a bump or something that obviously he died, but we were just not sure how at this point. Sometimes when they trample too, they're not like putting their full weight. they're kind of like dancing almost. So it could be that it was doing that and he just had a heart attack or an aneurism or something like that. He's playing sternums.

I don't know. Yeah. Sternums. We haven't brought up sternums on the podcast yet. We should play. Just a real quick round right now? We used to, I think dad probably invented this game,

but he would like sit on us and then just thump your sternum and he makes you name like 10 things. It's really hard to think. Like he'll like name 10 dinosaurs and it's really hard to think of that when someone's just counting on your sternum with their knuckles.

And then Wes and Sy, they were like, that's a fun game. Let's play with Jeff. Oh, Sy played it plenty with me too. West does it to me a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I think I'd have a hard time with 10 dinosaurs without getting sternums.

It's really hard because the panic sets in and then it starts hurting. Thumped, whatever. Yeah. Okay. So biting lips and sternums, huh? We have a lifestyle. Friends and family. have since come out talking about Dale. His son specifically was like, he's the best dad, an

amazing husband, such a good, awesome guy. We're all very sad, but we don't want to blame the moose. We don't want it hunted or killed. Good for them. That's really sweet. And this guy, they were like very specifically, they wanted it known that Dale knew the risks. He was like a wildlife guide, always out taking pictures and very involved in, you know, like the outdoors community. So he knew the risks and he wouldn't have wanted things to happen any other way, really. If they It had to happen this way. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

If they had to happen this way, he doesn't want the moose to be killed. I was really about to, yeah, we were about to check you on that. Specifically what I said. I love that response. That's a really, yeah. That's the best outcome. I will say they said the same thing about the Africa one with the elephant that this woman was like doing what she loved. And like, they were very happy that she got to die like in a beautiful place in a way that, yeah.

Anyway. Like you, Wes. I like that. Although you seem to be walking it back. I don't want to be eaten by an animal. They're trying to get you to that crocodile. And you're like, get it a spec. He used to say that.

Yeah. All right. Well, Jesse, are you going to keep your coat on or off this time for your next story? I feel like. I stopped sweating. It's been going on and off. Is it my turn? Yeah, please.

I have a Florida man story. Nice. Yeah, we love a Florida man story. So that's the thing I didn't know that we had to do the date, but it's May. Well, with Florida man's, it's important because then you look up your birthday. and someone might be able to look up their birthday. We'll do like a correction. You will do a correction corner.

So someone can check about their birthday. All right. This one has some really good quotes. So I am going to read a little bit. I wrote it. I put in my own words. Anyway, a super laid back 24-year-old Florida man was bit by multiple sharks

after he slipped and fell from a fishing dock while working in the Bahamas. He was working on a marina, charter boat. And he accidentally fell into quote, shark infested waters, which is a dirty phrase. Waters, the ocean. But my favorite part is they also referred to it as a shark den, which I love to imagine is just like a little cave with a bunch of sharks down there.

Just waiting to buy people. Yeah, it's their little house. The funny thing though is like I've been in the Bahamas to these kind of marinas. And as they pull fish in, they cut off filets and stuff and throw it in the water. So there will just be hundreds of sharks. sometimes there and they're going crazy for any, yeah, just dabbing. They're going crazy for any scraps, but that's 100% because of what the people are doing. Like they're bringing them in, they're baiting them.

Yeah. Anyways, low tide, he was attacked by at least two sharks. Attack by both his, I'll get into that. Well, and there's been. Sharks are probably like already been eating fish guts and stuff, so they're just like ready to bite. They're going to bite anything that hits the water. Yeah. They report at least 20.

We're swimming around him during the incident. So he slipped off. He was hanging on to the boat cockpit. What is that? Sure. Like where the captain is. All right. He's hanging on to something. And the first shark grabbed his leg and pulled him underwater.

The second it let go. He resurfaced. But then a second shark, this is why I attacked was in, like, quotes. A second shark grazed his shoulder with its teeth, just as he grabbed the deck. After that, he said he did a full pull-up, because he's so strong and got into the boat. Jeff take notes. And then his quote was, I was like,

hey man, I don't really want to die right now. This ain't it. He recalled coolly. He is super laid back. He's a cool guy. This ain't it. This ain't it. Put his sunglasses on. It's hard to do a pull-up when you get your shoulder bit by a shark.

True. Grazed. His leg got bit. If you're going to get grazed by an animal, the last one I want is a shark. Yeah, for sure. I don't want to get grazed by a shark. Porcupine.

Like, yeah, of black Mamba. Yeah. So. I think that's a bite if it bites you, though. A graze would just be it slithered onto you. Well, it grazed him with his teeth. How is a shark graze different than a bite? Like, it's still going to cut you up, you know?

I figure you're saying. Yeah. That's all they said. I don't really know what that means. I'm picturing Nick Cage and Conner, where he does the one arm pull up because his other arms hurt. He could have done a one arm pull up. Like, we don't know. I saw what he looks like.

He's in pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's hot. I was just going to say it. While remaining calm is like elevated, there was a sailboat guide who saw his injuries and started yelling that he was bleeding out.

The next quote from our guy was, and I was like, hey, can we get this guy away from me? This is freaking me out a little bit. The captain helped tie a tourniquet to his leg, pushed him into a van in a wheelbarrow where he finally passed out and headed to the hospital. According to the surgeon, the bite narrowly missed a femoral artery in his leg, which would have caused him to bleed out and die. The surgeon, upon assessing the bite, estimated the shark was about seven feet long. If they've done enough shark bites, they can, like, judge by the bite radius. And they suspect them to be Caribbean reef shark.

He's healing nicely, expected to make full recovery. And then one little note is that Susan Backlady, who played Chrissy. Watkins and Jaws, the victim. The initial victim. Yeah, she just died at 77 on May 11th. So rest of her. Yeah. Some of her, no.

Some of the best attack acting in all of cinema, in my opinion. Yeah, I feel like her audition story is like really interesting too. She was like a swimmer or something. She's like a surfer swimmer or something. And they like were pulling her on like a rope. Yeah. And like she always turned out. Right.

Yeah. So anyway. I don't know if you want to do two seconds of silence. I think it's an interesting one because... Nope. Oh, sorry. He hates silence. Yeah, I don't like silence.

We can do two seconds. Sure. Interesting, because you want me to be quiet all the time. That was two seconds or seconds for me. We got that. We're dead. I don't want you to be quiet, just quieter. In the morning.

Yes. You tend to yell in the morning and stomp around and stuff. You got here to the studio now. Yeah, that's true. Anyway, I do think. this is an interesting one because this is a one that would probably be a provoked shark attack. Like I don't think they would put this under unprovoked because they're like feeding these sharks. They know there's like 20 swirling around in their den.

Yeah, in their debt. I like the idea that Florida uses wheelbarrows instead of gurneys. The wheelbarrow part really got me. Yeah, it does seem very Florida. Like he's 24, they couldn't just carry him. There's like plenty of people. Get him in the wheel bag. Miami Dolphins like when a player gets injured. They like just bring a little. a whale barrel onto the field. Yeah. Bryce thought that was funny.

Jeff, do you have more or are you done? I must have something in my pocket because Bryce is going for you. Going for me. I've got one more. No, I'm done. Me too. I've got a quick one and this is one that happened in Grand Teton. It's another bear attack.

What does that mean? Teton? It means tits. They named the National Park after boobs. Yeah. Nice. Basically. High five.

It was French. I love these shows. Orny. All right. So I have some friends at working Grand Teton. They've been messaging me about this. Both Yellowstone and Teton have done a really good job of preventing bear encounters, negative bear encounters. And they really don't happen that often anymore.

So when it does happen, it's generally a pretty big deal. And on May 19th, this is straight from the source from one of my friends working there. On May 19th, the 35-year-old male visitor from Massachusetts was hiking off trail in the back country near Signal Mountain. He was carrying bear spray, he was intentionally making noise, and he was hiking through a forested area, I think, looking for owls, trying to photograph owls. And suddenly he saw a smaller bear close to him running away, which is never a good sign. So out of his peripheral, then he saw a large bear running at him, and he was able to get his bear spray out of his holster, and then the bear hit him and started mauling him. So he went down

into the fetal position, put his fingers interlocked over his neck, and had his bear spray. And he was spray in like one finger still. The bear bit him a few times, but then bid into his bear spray canister. It exploded. No way. And the bear ran off. Nice. Yeah.

So he was able to get out of that encounter because of the bear spray in a really interesting way. Yeah. It did bite him a few times. So they had to call for help. Or he called for help. They sent a helicopter to pull him out, I believe. And then he was taking to St. John's Hospital in Jackson.

So some people, some Rangers visited the site where. it occurred. They figured out, you know, this is a female with cubs. She wasn't doing anything wrong. There's not going to be any kind of action against the bear. Like this was typical normal bear behavior. Right. She got a spicy mouth. Yeah. She's all spicy now. She can be oily spicy. Yeah. All right. So that's a quick one. Close to home. And that's all I got. So we could just invent bear spray clothes. People have tried. So there's a, there's an idea someone tried inventing a backpack that had like a compartment that would explode. Oh, yeah.

If a bear bit into it. But I think it was just a little too complicated and not really. No, yeah. I think you just need like hats and shirts with bearspray. That tastes like, bear spray. No, that like blow up. Yeah, like a little parachute thing. Yeah.

That's pretty much what this backpack thing was. But yeah. Or skin that blows up with bearspring. People have sprayed themselves. That's true. Doesn't work. Don't do that. All right.

That's it for my stories. You guys got anything else? Nope. No. Sir. Jesse? No, ma'am. Excema is unpredictable, but you can flare less with ebbglis,

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All right, so let's get to our categories. All right. So I got a couple categories and then Jeff has some questions. We got some listener questions. First of all, Jesse, you're going to be part of this one. Mike, we love our listener question. That's not what I was. You don't want to do the questions for Jesse?

Right, that's what I was just talking. We can skip them. No, I'd love nothing more than to hear your answer is Jesse. All right. Quickly, first one for just Mike and Jeff and me. Your favorite non-bird animal from Borneo? orangutan. Mike?

Mouse deer. I'm also going to say orangutan. I really fell in love with those orangutans. All right. The mouse deer was very cute. They were cute. Favorite bird from Borneo? Jeff?

The rhinoceros hornbill. Cool bird. Great bird. Big old bird. I feel like the trogon would have been mine if I got a good look, but I didn't. So it's the rhino hornbill. For me, it's the black and yellow broad bill. just like weirdly proportioned beautiful colors

love that little bird you were like breathing heavy I was so hard to talk about he's made this category just to talk about I just like huge head nobody can't get it out of his mind this is the first time I went out birding with Wes

he's good he's pretty good at it I got this inch I went this morning he got the bug bird bug it really does get you all right and then this one will be for all four of us, I want to hear your best wildlife moment from the last 10 days.

So I imagine the three of us will have a Borneo story. Jesse, I know we've had some interesting wildlife stuff happen recently. If you want to go past 10 days, well, I have like two. Okay, I think my favorite thing we did on this trip was we went out real early one morning because we knew where an orangutan nest was. And we got there, it was still dark. It was like just starting to get light and you could see the silhouette of like the baby's head sticking out of the nest and then the mom's head and we sat there for like two hours probably

maybe not that long. No, an hour. As it got lighter, watch them wake up and they kind of just were like staring at the sunrise and then watched them climb down into the trees. And it was just really peaceful and nice. They were like so silhouetted in like the Bornean sunrise. Yeah. It was like all you saw were these orangutan silhouettes moving through the trees, but it's so cool.

Yeah. And we had a like with 20 people, we can be pretty loud. and I felt like everyone was really quiet and just like feeling it. It was just a really nice moment. I like that too. The first thing we saw was the little baby fuzzy head pop up out of the nest. Yeah. Yeah.

It reminds me of the Donkey Kong Tropic Freeze game where there's like some silhouette levels. Yeah. He's an orangutan, right? Well, Lanky Kong is and he's part of the DK crew. What are your guys' favorite moments? Mine's an orangutan as well. When we showed up to our third hotel, right when we got there, We saw a boogie boy, and he had some bread in his hand and had just raided the kitchen, got some milk and bread.

Yeah. And made his escape right when we got there, climbed up this tree super, like, agile and easily, and then just posed at us. And then came back the next day and stole more stuff. Yeah. We should have just stayed there and waited for boge boy. And we, like, looked for orangutans for a while and it was just kind of funny to, like, show up to our hotel. Yeah, here's an orangutan. One was raiding the milk fridge.

Some people gave us videos of him rating, and it's like the comical, it's like exactly what you'd expect. Like him pouring a whole gallon of milk on his face and stuff. And I saw one of our other places that was close by, that like Skywalk where you saw your little black. Yeah, black and yellow broad bill. Black and Yale Broadbill. Uh-huh. They had showed our guide a video the day before where Boogie Boy had raided their fridge at the cafe. Really?

He's just like rating fringes in that area. That's his name. You name an orangutan boogie boy. He's going to buggy. He's going to party. Yeah. I'll go with the first time we saw a proboscis monkey. I'd always seen pictures of them and they always look really fake to me.

So I was interested to see what the experience would be in real life. And the first time I got a very clear look at a proboscis face through my binoculars, it looked even more fake than in pictures. They just don't look real to me. And their noses are like as floppy as you'd want them to. be they're just like a weird fascinating and cool animal weirdly beautiful too yeah really they are it's like the guy in one piece who can't draw very well but his drawings come to life yeah if he were to like draw monkey that's what it would be right jesse i think it's our magpie fledglings yeah we've been

watching the we we always have magpies but we've been watching before leaves run the trees and building this nest and then they just uh hatched recently and now they're on the ground and they're kind of our little obsession, mostly because we have a really hungry fox and they're not super great at flying. And they are loud and they're just like a massive attractant. But the other night it snowed and Wes went out to like check for them in the snow before we went to bed to make sure like they weren't stuck in the snow. And then this morning they were on the ground and they were really cold and wet and I just throw them back up in the tree. It was funny because the first one that fell out, we were like, oh no.

and we like did everything we could to like put it in the tree and now there's like every time you look out there's like three or three of them on the ground and it's just like okay this just if they were so loud I wouldn't be concerned but like our fox is active and they are just they're real they're quiet right now maybe they're all dead yeah yeah we're so cute I watched fantastic fox what's it called fantastic mr. fox yeah on the plane and it's kind of like fox are awesome I have they eat all of West and Jesse's chickens. Cool. Thank you. I know we've talked about this before.

And by virtue of telling that story, I guess you've kind of answered this question. But when you find a bird on the ground, you have no qualms about putting it back in it. No, honestly. I wouldn't normally touch one, but you're not supposed to. Okay. Yeah.

Like if its nest was right there, sure. You know, you can put it back in its nest. The mom's not going to, like, abandon it because the humans touched it or something. But often, like, they're fledging and they just fall. and that's part of the learning process. And then mom will come down and feed them. Like we've been watching this magpie adult go and feed each of them on the ground. Oh, interesting.

And they're slowly going to learn how to fly it. And Jeff brings up a good point. Predators like foxes, this is also an important time of the year for them because they have an easy access to food that they typically wouldn't. So you are interfering if you continue saving them. So we did it at the one time, but now we're kind of just letting things run their course. They're like in the space where we let our chickens and our duck. out and they may go like mess with them peck them Bryce is out there she wouldn't hurt one but

she might like push it around yeah they're just not in a convenient it's an active area yeah they're not in a super convenient area to be like on the ground screaming it's supposed to be a nice shorts what you shouldn't yeah I didn't hasn't forgotten it what you shouldn't ever do is is like take it away like oh it's abandoned I need to save it because mom is most likely on top of still, yeah, okay. Yeah. We have like a ladder and a drying rack up there so they can perch to keep them off the ground. Well, let's stop talking about this.

Sorry. I want to hear you answer some questions, Jesse. This has been the thing I've most been looking forward to you. Yeah. So Jesse. Yep. So your dad's like a satellite astronaut. Yeah, my dad's an astronaut.

No, he's a satellite engineer. He's a satellite engineer, astronaut. Yeah. So he... Hand in hand. Think the moon landing was real or Hollywood? He thinks it was real. He does?

Yeah. Okay. I think if you asked him that question, if you asked him that question, you would, you should be ready for about a half an hour of him telling you exactly why it's real. And that would be like the only time he talks. Yeah. The flag doesn't move in the video. No stars in the background.

Should we call him in? Should we phone in dad? No, I'm just kidding. Like, if I asked me out about aliens. Huh? The flag was like a wired flag. I'm debunked that. If we, I asked him about aliens coming here and I got like the longest email response back about like why they don't just whiz by here.

Yeah. We're not going to ask him the question. Could you forward me that email? I've been trying. This was like 15 years ago. I'll ask him again. But the end I remember he was like. And lastly, why would they?

He explained like our closest star and how long it would take to get there and from another gals. Alexie. It would take like 30 years or something like that. What? And basically, he was like, why. He's like, why would they spend all that time just to whiz by and not even stop in a McDonald's? And I was like, fair point.

Good point. They got the, what, McRib or something? Yeah. Yeah. That's probably why. They just show up every few years. Why would they whiz by without trying a McRibb? That's probably why they keep visiting.

Yeah. Because they're not back. Like, McRib's back. We gotta go. All right, Gimley versus Aragon versus Legolas. Erigorn. Eregoorn. What, like all three of them?

Yeah, well, which one? Yeah. Doing what? Just pick one. Fighting. Each other. Yes. Who would win?

Uh, I feel like Legolas would win. He'd be so fast. Maybe snip them. I tend to agree. He would just do like a twirl with three arrows and they, or two, and they'd be gone. I think, Gimley's hard to kill, you know? Maybe not. It's just hard to hit with an area of twerbs and meat.

immediately died when the ballrog showed up. Or Erigorn would cheat. He got, like, tossed a few times. He was... He uses the geeseer. He uses the ghost. Sorry, we kind of hijacked that one out of your hands. Frodo versus Sam versus Pippin versus Mary, who comes out on top?

I would say Frodo or Mary. Sam's just kind of like... Yeah, he comes through, but he's a little too sensitive. Yeah, okay. And then Pippin's just always getting in trouble. All Frodo would have to say to Sam is like, I'm disappointed in you. Right. Cromple.

Sam would never kill Frodo. Maybe it should be Frodo and Sam versus Mary and Pippin's a better call. I feel like Mary would just like by sheer luck get out of him. He'd be fine. And Pippin would like stumble into something and fall into a well. Fall into a ball round pit. He would fall down to well. Do you think it's realistic that no man can can beat the king ring race?

Litch King? Are these all Lord of the Rings questions? But then a woman can? But then a girl can do it, no problem. Yeah, girls can do anything. Okay. Do you give that kill to her or to Mary? He just hit the calf.

Yeah. No, I give it to her. Okay. Yeah. And it hurt her. It did. It did. She like had a sprained wrist or something.

Yeah, her fingers. I just wonder, too, like, who made that rule? Like, no man can kill me. And then when he sees he's a woman. He's like, oh, shit. I never thought of that. Oh, no. Loophole.

How did you in West meet? This, we have different stories. He just says, okay. Well, I knew about him through someone I dated. And so he was on my radar. But this was like, how many years ago? This was 2012. Yeah.

And he was like, you didn't live with him. Did you live with him at one point? No. No. Wow. But they were in the same friend circle. And he was like, oh, you like my friend Wes, like as a friend

because he likes animals. And that's how I... And Lord of the Rings. I remember you guys talking Lord of the Rings. We did talk some rings. And I think we were like Facebook friends first because Instagram wasn't really a thing. But yeah, you had more followers. Jesse.

This was like it, this just wasn't, everyone was using like hipstomatic or whatever. Yeah, this was early. So you didn't really show interest in him until he had more followers than you. No, I unfollowed it when he got a bunch of followers. because then he was in let's not get into it

initially there was mutual interest then there wasn't it was just me interested in her mutual disinterest and then she unfollowed me which is a touchy subject I feel I heard his feelings and I feel that makes me feel sad now

and then we talked every day and then she unfollowed me but then we all met up with you and Vaughn and then we were friends and then we didn't talk for a while And then we reconnected over a book and then we went to hike. Finding Ever Ruth. I highly recommend it because I was going to go camping.

And we went hiking in the spot where he disappeared. And that's when Jesse said she started. That's the most I can contribute about like having read books. It's a good book. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a long story though. Books, huh? That's when Jesse said she started out of feelings.

Yeah, I felt different about him then. Yeah. But I will say the first night we camped and he was like, do you want to sleep in my tent with me? And I was like, no. I tried. Hey, you go. Yeah.

Michael joining, right? That's it. No, you guys are very cute together. Oh my God, thank you so much. Since you've been dating West, recently especially, you've both been able to travel, but especially Wes. So I was just wondering what moment or thing like you feel like you missed out on the most that he's done. Nothing.

Nothing. Yeah. That's great. No, I like that. It's fun to travel together, but I like, I don't know. I do a lot of other stuff. You built a home here too where you kind of have to stay and that's what you love about it. Yeah.

Like, we went through all your animals. We named all the bees. When we got our place, it was supposed to be a place where we could have animals. And for me, that was scary because I don't like having anchors. And you have a lot of allergies too. Yeah. And for Jesse, that's what she wanted. So she said, hey, I want a place with animals.

And I said, great. as long as you don't resent me if I go travel. And she said, great. And you don't resent it? So far, so good. No, we also like time apart too. Yeah. Do you like frogs?

Yeah, big frog fan. Yesterday I just said it was raining and I was like, it sucks. We don't have frogs. She did. That's a good question. Raining frogs? Well, that's when they're making sounds at night and it's just like really soothing. Yeah.

Oh, cool. I have a couple more. So I think that your guys' house, you get some really good gifts for people just from the house. So what do you think is like the best gift that you give people? You got quail eggs, chicken eggs. Oh, that we give them because of the house. You got the rhubarb and now you got honey on the table.

Your mom loves that rhubarb. I don't know. The eggs. Yeah, the chicken eggs. The chicken eggs are beautiful. Like, we have a bunch of different types of chickens that lay really beautifully colored eggs. And Jesse does a really good job of, like, placing them. When I go to get with their eggs.

It's all like color-coordinated. When I go to get my like allotted allowance of eggs in the day, I'll ask Jesse like which two can I have. He gets the ugliest ones. And she'll give me the ugly ones. Yeah, the root burb, anyone can have it. It's cool that we have one that just keeps growing, but it's toxic for horses and chickens. And so it's kind of like it's bought this for me. Your mom can come make all that syrup she wants.

She's going to show up, all right? That's like, she'll be like, my still skin. Oh, just give me a heads up. Tell us about being tomato royalty. How's that? Huh. Okay. My great, royalty.

My great-grandfather came from India when he was 16, and he was a farmer, and he bopped around. He was in Colorado. Actually, he was, like, right by the ranch, like 30 minutes. That ranch I was out for, like, eight years. He was a potter ranch in Colorado. Yeah. He farmed out there.

forever where he met my great grandma, who was a day laborer. They got married. They moved to Southern California, and they were the largest tomato growers for a really long time. And then my mom was the COO there. Largest in like quantity of tomatoes. Not like. The largest tomatoes grown.

They grew like the biggest tomatoes. Were they big people? How big were the tomatoes? They're little people. I love growing tomatoes. They're like the easy. It's in my blood. Yeah.

So I, yeah, that's my story. I wear the crown. I like that. I didn't know those things. Well, here's a couple questions from listeners, too. I'm just going to do two. We don't have a ton of time. This one's from Laurel.

Laurel says, I have a better question than my last one. If you could chew any five liquids from fingers on one hand, what would they be? My only stipulation, we're just going to say one liquid, is that the liquids have to be real. For example, I would choose water, Coca-Cola, Arnold Palmer, and non-lethal poison for when I'm annoyed at people, and a slightly more lethal poison for when I'm really ticked off. Another example is my boss choosing Scorpion Venom is an infinite money glitch. Because Scorpion Venom is very expensive. That's what I was thinking.

Let's just say one. We'll say one thing. Can I shoot frozen liquid? That's by definition. It's not a liquid. Yeah. It's three states of matter. Solid gas liquid.

He broke the rules. I would want to shoot. Can you do liquid gold? Liquid gold? I was thinking gold or like patrol. Like crude oil or something. Before you said the whole money thing, I was like, oh, it's going to be red wine. Oh, yeah.

Just do a little squirt in my mouth from time to time. Coalade. Red coolade for me. Red coolade. It can't be the answer. Yeah, I mean, whatever I can make the most money off of. Yeah, great. I'll go with water.

Water could be really useful. I could go to all the places. the droughts, California. That's a good point. It's like an endless supply. You'd be there for so long. It was just coming out of one finger. Well, I mean, like, we didn't stipulate how much is coming out.

This thing's like a fire hose. You'd be sitting forever. Then you could fly with it, too. True. You could do like the jet. Put out all those. I would want water then, too. I'm not changing mine.

I'd want water, but it freezes when it comes out. Okay, frozen. We're skipping this. Okay. This one is from. Madge Hand, 5-6-96. What song has left the biggest impact on you personally? And is there a song you can play on repeat and never get tired of again?

Tired of. Thanks again. Sorry. Mine's probably vindicated. That's a good one. Confessional. Amazing. That was just like me and my high school buddies's song are like senior year.

And like we sat like when we graduated, we sat outside the school and like listen to it. I like that. And we liked Spider-Man. And there's a big song in Spider-Man. It's a good one. Jesse, what's your answer for this? Probably an in excess song? Yeah, definitely.

Thank you for reminding me because that was hard. Probably in excess. I, by my side is one of my favorite songs. That's like my desert island. If I just had to listen to the best hits, it'd be in excess. But also, I was going to say Texas inner smile before you reminded me of that. Yeah. It's just such a jolly, jolly song.

Mike, do you have an answer? So a song that I could listen on repeat forever. is Loro by Pinback. It's just got like the most peaceful, chill groove. Love it. Song that changed my life, and this is kind of a weird one, but what you want by the Beastie Boys, because it was the first time I was like,

white people can make and listen to rap. When I was really little, I was like, I didn't think I was allowed to really, but when my brother played that for me, I was like, whoa, this is cool. How did it change you? I listened to hip hop and stuff. Okay, okay.

Musically, you were changed. I don't feel any guilt. I got the gap into that culture, which he appreciates. Yeah. Yeah. I had a similar answer for like the song that changed me the most. And it's actually, damn it by Blink 182, which is not a great. It's like a fun song.

It's whatever. But for me, up until that point, I really only listened to like classic rock and a little bit of like alternative rock, but not much or like pop. But that song was like the first punk in quotation songs that I heard. And I think for me, that was. the biggest span of my life where I listened to one type of music was when I listened to punk music from probably when I was like 15 to my late 20s and I still like it but that that like changed the way I listen to music so that for me and then my

my on repeat song what's the songs from it's the the one that we both like I can't think of it all of a sudden songs from Ohio or whatever farewell transmission yeah I can that song song over and over and over again songs Ohio I always forget their name because it's a tricky one. I have a subscriber question before we get to. From Molly. You're your subscribers too. Yeah, I know.

I'm adding this in before the Instagram ones. From Molly sent me to the Bengals game, which, Molly, yeah. She's been with us for a while, supporting Tooth and Claw. But she's been sending the Tooth and Claw Instagram some pictures of gators. Okay. She lives in South Carolina. There's just gators in her town and she'll, like, see them under cars and stuff. Yeah.

So she wants to know, like, what do you do with a gator on land? It's, like, far from water. You just get away from it. Like, they can be fast, like, explosively fast on land, too. But just for short distances. So you just don't get close to them. And you're fine. Okay.

Yeah. So let's do maybe two Instagram ones. They're on Creewalt 18. Really quick, too. On land, they're just acting defensively. They're not attacking people, like, on land. They're not like trying to kill someone on land. Not usually, yeah.

They're just sunbathing when they're way up there. Or moving from place to place. When does a rock become a boulder? Is it size or perspective? Huh. Perspective. Like if you're seeing one and gets bigger, me. Or like an ant looks at a pebble as a boulder.

Maybe that's, yeah. I don't know. I don't know if there's like an actual classification, like a size or a weight. Yeah. But for me, I think if I can't pay. pick it up, it's a boulder. If I could pick it up, it's a rock. Oh, that's a good way to think about it.

I'd say like that 127 hours guy. That's like a boulder. You get into boulder zone. Yeah, sure. Okay. Okay. You got any input? Jesse's got nothing now.

Nothing? Oh, I like this one. Libby, MCA. Could a panda kill you? Would a panda kill you? Has a panda ever killed anyone? Uh, yes. So a panda definitely is capable of killing a person.

they're not a very aggressive bear. I would save all the bear species. Either them or spectacled bears are probably the least aggressive. But they could. And there's videos of people harassing them in zoos where they like attack them and won't let go and it's really hard to pry the person away. As far as whether or not they have, I haven't found anything that says they've killed a person. You did a panda episode. Yeah.

And I'm trying to remember. I think someone did die due to he was a very old man who was already kind of precarious. in health, but I'm not even sure if he died. I'm not remembering clearly. I feel like I've done like a cursory search and there's no recorded deaths attributed to pandas. But maybe we'll dive into it some other time. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't find any.

Okay, I got two more real. Okay. So Swar Zink asked, would you rather have a talking cat or a million dollars? Million dollars. We already have a talking cat? This one I just was like, I wish our cat talked less. Why would you want a talking cat in the first place?

Right. It's just going to be like food. Cuddle. Like, food. This person's debating a million dollars or a talking cat is why I thought this was interesting. Why do they want a talking to talk to them? They want. They would spend a million dollars for their cat to talk to them. Well, that's it. Thanks, Jesse, for joining us.

Thank you. The Fox showed up, so we've completely lost Jesse's attention here. But, you know, sitting for an hour and a half is pretty, it's pretty. good for you. Yeah, I do love to putter. Thanks guys for coming over to our place. Putter? She putter. She putters. What's that I mean? She just says

and she's moving. Always has to be doing something. You have looked at like every single window at some bite. There's something going on. We have like, sorry. There's like horses over there running. There's something over there. We should do this in like a dark enclosed room next time. I'll just wear a blindfold. Thank you everyone out there.

Thanks for joining us, Jesse. Yeah, it was great. Thank you very much. You'll be back soon. I want to do a beekeeper movie review and talk about your bees. Okay. Okay. Candyman, B movie.

We'll just rate all the movies about bees. Thanks to everyone out there that subscribes to our Patreon. If you're interested in more content, there's a bunch more there. I recently compared the cost of it to a fancy coffee, which Jeff warned me is what billioners say, and it is what they say. And someone brought that up in our reviews. Yeah. And I, you know, if there's one thing that I would hate to be compared to, it's a billionaire.

So, let's just say avocado toast. Let's compare it to avocado toast. I think you're in the same. No, I'm just kidding. That's not what I meant by that. I just meant like, at this point, at this point, even a coffee costs $10. I'm not saying like, oh, you guys are drinking so much fancy coffee. Just, you know, do whatever makes you guys happy.

Listen, $10 you get like a hundred hours. of subscriber exclusive content, whether that's on Apple or Patreon, either place has the same stuff. And we're adding to it two new episodes every month. Every month that are just for subscribers. I just did one I really liked, not to toot my own horn, but it was about an orangutan. It was a good one. Yeah.

Like, escaping zoos. Yeah. And, you know, the story itself was pretty good, but I think we had some really funny banter between us three. We've had some real fun ones in a row. You gotta give. We don't slack on. Sign up and then just get rid of it after you listen to it.

Whatever do you want. Listen to Jeff's episode and cancel. And now we're doing an extra, we're doing an extra free episode every month too. So we'll have three free episodes and two subscriber episodes. I know. You're telling me, dude. We're doing that product. All right.

Okay. Thanks guys. We love you. See you. Love you. Bye.