Tooth & Claw: True Stories of Animal Attacks - A Hippo Spat Out a 2-Year-Old!? - News Stories Including a Tragic Polar Bear Attack, a Deadly Great White Encounter in Mexico, and Coyotes Continuing to Wyle’

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

The guys discuss several of the biggest animal attack news stories of the previous month, including the toddler that was half-swallowed by a hippo, the great white shark attack in Mexico, and a rash of crimes involving several monkeys and several zoos. They wrap things up with a batch of listener questions, including biggest pop culture ouchie and coolest fictional weapon. This episode contains adult language and content. Gofundme link for the Summer Myomick and Clyde Ongtowasruk III Memorial: https://www.gofundme.com/f/summer-myomick-and-clyde-ongtowasruk-memorial ~~ Follow us on Instagram: @CrimeSceneQueens Email us at [e-mail] Check out the Crime Scene Queens’ CSI Essentials ~~ Crime Scene Queens is brought to you by QCODE.  To advertise on the show, contact us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jeff, are you really a dad that loves frogs? No, damn, I love frogs. For everyone out there, Jeff's wearing a shirt that in huge white letters says Dilf, and it says, damn, I love frogs on it. And I really like it. I'm a little jealous of it, to be honest. That's our opening for the day. That's our opening, Tooth and Cloth Podcast.

Featured on Forbes magazine. Uh, yeah. Because we're billionaires. That's crazy, huh? If you would have told me, like, two years ago we were going to be featured on Forbes, I'd have been like, I guess solar sales isn't lying about how much money I'm going to make this out. Or just, if you said for Tooth and Claw, I'd be like, one of us is going like a really different direction here in the next two years. I don't even know what Forbes does anymore. Why is Forbes talking about us?

But whatever, it's cool. Sure. I remember when I was like 19, I got roped into one of those solar sales. I don't think it was like pest control, not solar sales. But they promised the most exorbitant amount of money. They're like, you'll make $20 this first summer, but on the back end. They always said back end and it's like billions of dollars. One out of like the hundred people that do it will like get there.

So then it's like, look, we're not lying. Like this person who like just tricks everyone. I went out and tried solar sales for like a day once. Oh gosh. I remember just being like unable to sell. Like people would be like, yeah, I don't know if I really need it. And be like, yeah, I don't know if you do either. You can probably find it cheaper somewhere else.

Solar does help the environment and save people money. So anyone doing it out there, like keep it up. It's great. Hope you're making money. I think I just meant more like I didn't know if they needed to buy it from me where I was making like a commission and they were paying more than they needed to. But anyway. With the Forbes thing, is that because we won the Signal Award thing? I have no idea.

So the Signal Award thanks to everyone who voted for us. That's another thing where it's just like, I've never heard of this before. I don't know what this is, but it's cool. Signal Awards are new, but they're like kind of like. a big up-and-coming podcast award. I was excited for the trophy, and then they're like, you have to pay us $200 for the trophy. It's like, uh, I guess we're not doing that. I guess that's how they make their money.

Well, I don't know. Like, do people, do actors have to pay if they win the Oscar? You have to buy your Oscars. I don't know. I doubt it. Yeah, you know what was cool about that is they, so they had like a jury or judged award. and then they also had like audience awards and we won the audience award and you know that's cool because we got a great audience by a landslide by a landslide didn't we win both or did we just win audience no we weren't in the other category we weren't judged by there I see yeah yeah but you know maybe someday I don't care I'd rather win the audience won yeah it's like the grassroots award we don't need some hoity tooity judge to tell us our self-worth we don't need Forbes all we need is our people So me and Jeff

We just got done helping out at the Sundance Film Festival Jeff you got to see a movie about your favorite athlete ever Yeah A Steph Curry documentary Yeah it's cool You like that was a thing cool Yeah it's like about his time at Davidson And like it is really cool

It's like no one thought I'd be good And then I kind of took off in Davidson And you kind of just need to ignore that his dad was a professional NBA player for 15 years to like really buy into how much of an underdog he was but it is cool I liked it a lot one thing he did not have going in his favor though at Davidson you see pictures of him and he legitimately looks like a 12 year old baby that's like this person cannot play NCAA basketball even his dad didn't think he could like make it right still kind of looks like a child and now like I mean I think he's the best player ever but I was there when Jeff kind of learned

that he was going to be there and then he had a movie. And for a minute, you weren't sure you're going to go. And I was like, you got to go to this. And for me, it's kind of like, it'd be like if they had a movie about the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. Like, I would have to go to that. And the T-Rex is at Sundance. What a comparison there.

Yeah. I can't think of anyone else that I really idolize. Steve Irwin comes back from the dead maybe. Yeah, that'd be a good one. Or David Attenborough. Anyways, we had a good time. I saw a lot of really good horror movies that I loved. There's one called Talk to Me.

Keep your eye out for it. It's going to be a big movie. Nice. Well, we should get into this. We owe everyone a news episode. It's been a minute since we've done one. I think we were maybe supposed to do one last week and we didn't or two weeks ago. So, sorry.

You know, we do what we like around here, though. We've been in Forbes. I just got back from Kansas City. Yeah, Jeff went to a football game. My first NFL game ever. It's fun. It's good. Cool city, anyone out there.

Harambe's soul has to stay in Cincinnati one more year until they can win a Super Bowl. He's trapped. All right. Well, should we get into the old podcast? Let's do it. All right. Yes, please. You know, I'll go first.

I'll just do it. I'll start this off. All right. So we got sent one a lot right at the beginning. Like, right after we did our last news episode. And I feel like this happens every time we do a news roundup. Like the day after, there's a huge story that everyone sends us a million times. So tomorrow, watch out.

Yeah, watch out. Be careful tomorrow. Stay indoors. Doing stuff. So the one that got sent to us a lot at the beginning of December was a hippo that swallowed a two-year-old boy in Uganda. So just think back to early December. So they're eating meat now. Yep.

You're getting excited. Ooh, it's funny you bring that up because I got an interesting paper for you. Yeah. You're getting excited for Christmas season and you read the news and you read this crazy story. So I'm going to talk a little bit about it. On December 4th, two-year-old Ega Paul was playing near his home in Uganda near Lake Edward, which is a really large lake in Uganda. It's home to both hippos and Nile crocodiles. And there's actually a pretty big history of deaths from crocodiles in this lake. In 2019, there was a spate of like three months where 15 people were killed by crocodiles.

in Lake Edward in just three months. So it's not necessarily a really safe lake to be around or to be you got to be cautious around this lake is what I'm trying to say. So as a result, people that live in these communities near Lake Edward, it's almost certain that if you're a kid that's growing up in that area, you're going to be warned about the dangers that the lake presents. And I'm sure that this little two-year-old boy, even though he's really young, Ega Paul, I'm sure he'd been cautioned about staying, you know, away from the lake and not getting too close to the water. water. But on December 4th, he was a long way away. Eagle Paul was at his house, which is 800 meters away from this lake, which is almost exactly half a mile. So that's a pretty good distance

away from the lake. Like my house is more than half a mile from the river, and I never even really think about the river being there because it's so far away. Yeah, and you especially don't think about crocodiles because they're even further. Yeah, for me, they're really far away. All right. So on December 4th, a large hippo wandered out of the lake, and it actually grabbed Ego while he was playing in front of his house a half a mile away from the lake. And it swallowed half of his body. So one of his neighbors whose name was Crispus... What half? Well, I'm the top half, so his legs were sticking out.

That's where I'd want to go if I was. So Crispus Bagonza, which is a great name, was a neighbor that had witnessed the attack. and when the hippo swallowed or tried to swallow Ega, he started throwing rocks at it, and stoning this hippo seemed to be enough to discourage it. It spat Ega out, and it hastily returned back to the lake and the safety of the water. Ego was taken to the hospital, he was treated for minor wounds, and given a rabies vaccine as a precaution. So I think he was small enough that he fit right in between those huge canines that the hippo has.

So I don't think he really got too messed up. And then I want to talk a bit about it and why he survived this and why the hippo was out there. So, police say this is the first time that a hippo has traveled this far in from the lake and attacked a person. There was one article that I read that said it was in April, and they just didn't report it until now. I don't think that's true. I think that's someone that doesn't realize the rest of the world does dates differently than us. So, like, where we start, we go day, month, year. They all go month, day year.

So it looks like it's... No, they go day month. Oh, sorry, they go day month year. Yeah. So they thought it was April, but really it was December 4th. Anyway, so hippos are found in the water, but we've talked about this in some of our hippo episodes. They're in the water, but they usually come out at night or when it's dark to feed. And they'll come out and they'll graze these short grasses and whatnot near the lake or near the body of the water that they're in.

They're usually really territorial in the water. They're much more skittish when they're on land. And they come out at night because the sun can really easily. burn their skin and whatnot, so they like to do all that feeding at night. If he had been attacked in the water, almost certainly he would have been killed. But I do think because this hippo attacked him on land, it was much more concerned about potential threats. It wasn't in its element, and it was, you know, those rocks that Crispus threw at it were

probably enough to discourage it. Turns out you don't need a bomb that's painted like a watermelon, Mike. You just need it. You know. Let's get in for, oh, I'm writing that down. Hold on. If you're out of the water. I think in the water you might need that bomb still.

Anyway, so I want to talk just for a minute about why this hippo might have behaved this way. So, Jeff, you brought up hippos don't eat meat. I found a paper. I was curious because I'd heard of them scavenging on carcasses and stuff, but I didn't know how rare it was that they did that. And so I looked it up and I found a peer-reviewed research paper. In 2015, it was by Joseph Dudley at all. and they took a look at this idea that hippos are obligate herbivores, which means they really only eat plants.

And he actually proposed, this team actually proposed, that they're facultative carnivores, which means that they will generally eat plants and whatnot, but if they have the opportunity to eat, they will take it. And they even argued that they will actually hunt down and kill prey. So it's not just necessarily like they find a dead hippo or something, at times when there's something near the water that they see as easy prey, they'll kill it. So they said, this is a quote from the paper,

Our scientific records, coupled with those of other investigators and observers, demonstrate that the phenomenon of carnivory by hippos is not restricted to particular individuals or local populations, but is an inherent characteristic of the behavioral ecology of hippos. So they're not only arguing that some hippos are carnivores, they're saying that all of them have the potential to be carnivores, or display carnivory. So it's a relatively new discovery. Part of the reason they think that is because they feed at night.

It's really hard to observe them feeding and whatnot. And then they also think that this carnivory has increased as an outcome of environmental conditions like drought and habitat loss, and then also convenience. So both of those things could be at play here. It's very possible that in Uganda they were having a drought when this happened, and this hippo wasn't having an easy time finding. food and it decided to go explore and look for easier food. And then as it was doing that,

it just stumbled upon a little boy playing in his yard. And it was like, oh, this is small enough for me to eat. And it tried eating him. And then luckily, someone interviewing and stopped it. And that's my guess what happened here. Stoned him. Stoned him. Yep. Just stoned that hippo. That's really fascinating to me, though. I never would have thought of a hippo going out and deciding to eat a person. But I honestly, I don't think it would have. have seen a two-year-old kid as a threat, especially out of the water enough to attack him. So I kind of think it was trying to eat him. That's kind of my guess on this one, which is pretty crazy. That is, yeah. Maybe the two-year-old just, like, walked in his mouth. He might have just

crawled in there. Yeah, he might have, the hippo might just open. Two-year-olds are pretty dumb. They are dumb. If you got stuck head first in a hippo's throat, Jeff, would you want your arms, like, down by your sides or up above your head? So it's, like, down his throat? up above my head. Yeah, because you can pull the, what's the thing that dangles? Dengal. Uvula thing. Yeah.

Right. Okay. But if you had them down by your side, you could grab the tusk things. I'd want them down by my side just because it'd be a funnier photo. If your legs and your hands are sticking out of its mouth. Yeah. I don't know if we're doing Instagram moment, but that's the number one contender. Can you imagine, like, just like the parents?

being like, here's our little, here's our little boy. She's like that picture. There were photos of him after the attack, and I was impressed that he really didn't have that much damage on him. Yeah, that's what I read. Like, he was pretty much fine. Yeah, he should have been dead. I mean, that's crazy that he survived this.

It did give all these, every single article I read was like, hippos are the most dangerous animal in Africa. They kill 500 people a year. So if you want to hear me talk. about that at length. Jeff did an episode on a guy who had a pet hippo and then also Pablo Escobar's hippos and we talked about that myth of hippos being the most dangerous animal in Africa. So go back in our back catalog and listen to that one because we talk about that a lot. So that's my first story. I'm done. Good story, Wes. You're welcome. Who's

up next? Thanks. I guess. Wishing you could be there live for the big game, soaking up the atmosphere in the crowd, but too often, life gets busy, or the price holds you back. Priceline is here to help you make it happen. With millions of deals on flights, hotels, and rental cars, you can go see the game live. Don't just dream about the trip. Book it with Priceline. Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com. Actual prices may vary, limited time offer. Yeah, you go, Mike. Okay, this story happened on January 9th in Malaysia. A grave robber broke into a cemetery, dug up a grave, and ate the corpse that was laid to rest there. The prime suspect?

A bear. Yeah. Well, more specifically, probably a sun bear, since in the Malaysian area, that's really the only bear native to that area. Right, Wes? Yes, correct. They may have some Asiatic black bears down there, too, but I think it's just sun bears. Yeah. Okay.

So Maslan-Aluiz and his son had established this. routine. His wife had passed away just a couple of weeks earlier from when this event took place, but they would regularly go visit her grave to clean it up and just kind of pay respects, you know, as one does. At the cemetery, it was located in Campoon Ducco. And on one of their regular visits, they were totally shocked to find that the grave site had been utterly desecrated by a wild animal. And he was quoted as saying, Maslan, he said, I visit the graveyard to clean it with my son. on December 26th, so that's either on the 26th or slightly before when this happened. And suddenly I noticed footprints in bear excrement in the area where my late wife was buried.

The next day, I brought the village residents along to check the area. We found that Amec's body, Ammec was her name, her body was eaten by a wild bear, and it was roaming around the graveyard. The bear was roaming the graveyard, not her body. Sorry, the English major in me, it makes me like kind of a pedantic. Mike's been watching. the last of us. Yeah.

Oh. I certainly haven't. Alois, so he called the police immediately, and when they arrived, some further connections were made, because previously, just a couple of days prior, there were witnesses that saw a sun bear

attacking a local dog that was on some property nearby. It's not 100% confirmed that it was the same bear, but it was a sun bear in both of these scenarios. So, Wes. Yeah.

Why, in your expert opinion, why would a bear sink to such low depths? I think that's, we shouldn't say that the bear's sinking to anything there. For a bear, a bear is just looking to get the easiest, most accessible source of calories possible. Yeah, just source of jewelry. They're big jewels, thieves. No, they just want easy calories, you know? Right. Just like every animal.

The easier that come the better, that's less energy. that you have to expend to go on surviving, to reproduce, to do all the things that you're supposed to do as an animal. And so my guess, and this, again, this is kind of a judgment call. My guess is that maybe this person wasn't buried quite as deep as they needed to be to where there's no kind of scent diffusion, you know? Yeah. And if a bear is in that area and maybe they've already been able to get into one of these bodies in the past or something, then they're going to keep coming back. And if they smell anyone that's close enough to the surface, they're going to start digging. You know, bears be digging.

Right. And sun bears, they're a unique bear in that they're mostly fruit eaters. They're mostly arboreal. They're not really looking for much else aside from that, but they're like every other bear in that they will take advantage of an easy meal when they find one. So that's my guess. Mike, yeah. How would you feel if a bear ate your mom's corpse?

You know what? We've talked about this kind of thing before, actually. Like a couple of weeks after we went up in there, we saw a bunch of deer droppings all over her gravestone. And my dad was like, you know what? I think she'd probably really appreciate. You know, nature running its course right over where she's buried. I'd be thrilled if a deer or if a bear in my body.

Yeah. I think that'd be great. I also, so I looked up the penalty. So this is what you'll get slapped with for, yeah. So this is what the bear is facing. It's still at large. They have yet to apprehend him or her. So it's a Class C felony to interfere with a cemetery or burial ground.

Punishable up to 10 years in prison and a $10,000 fine or both. That's the state of Connecticut, though. I don't really know what the laws there are in Malaysia. So it's completely not applicable. Yeah. But had this taken place in Connecticut. By human. So all you Connecticut?

I don't know. Yeah. Connecticians. Yeah. Be careful. Be careful around those dead bodies. I think the bear probably would have been good to pay that fine. Just robbing graves all over the place.

Yeah, maybe. Sun bears are cool. They're kind of creepy. They have like these weird long fingers going on. Yeah, they have super long tongues. They're really short for their. They got like the Batman emblem on their chest. Yeah.

The cool orange Batman logo. They are really cool looking animal. Yeah. All right. Jarf. Jarf. Yeah. Okay.

So I'm going to talk a bit about zoos. Okay. The Greek god, Zeus. Now that's Zeus. What does Zeus do? He gets up to a lot of sexual escapades. Constantly just cheating on Hera and just making new kids. He's heard of lightning bolt to people.

He's not Thor's dead. That's a different mythology. If you're a god that's been alive for like eternity, I don't know. I feel like you should have a hall pass every once in a while. Returnity is a long time to be faithful. Harris is like the most beautiful woman that's ever existed too. Yeah, but it's what's on the inside that counts, you know? Yeah. All right. So my source here is Billy Football from Barstow Sports.

Okay. That sounds like a Jeff source. No, but he has some real sources from like CNN and stuff. Anyways, at the Dallas Zoo, things have been a little crazy recently. So just like a week ago, the zoo's emperor tamarin monkeys, do you know what those are with? Yeah. Mike? No. They look like the, hold on.

Oh, sorry. Well, actually, you can say it. I don't know why it's kind of orange. Do you know what a marmoset looks like? No. So like they're those really, they almost look like a squirrel. It's like a little tiny. monkey that looks like a squirrel almost and they have these little tufts going off their head.

You know, Kill Bill 2. I do know that flick. It looks like the martial art guy who trains her. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot better than what Les is. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, with the big old like fu-manchu kind of mustache. Yeah. They don't all have mustaches like that, but that kind of tamarin does. So their tamarins just went missing. And the zoo just was like super confused, but I don't know if you guys saw this. A lot of listeners saw it.

A few days earlier, their clouded leopard had just escaped. And they had to shut the whole Dallas Zoo down. So then like a couple days later, two of their monkeys get stolen. And it's just like, what's going on at this zoo, right? When the leopard got out, they did a really funny. It wasn't like supposed to be funny, but the Dallas Zoo was like, we have an ongoing situation. The zoo is closed until further notice.

And it's like, you don't want to hear a zoo say that. And everyone was kind of freaking out. Were people in the zoo? I have the tweets from Dallas Zoo. Okay. So it says, this is on the 13th of January. The zoo is closed today due to a serious situation. So you get the zoo and you see that and you're like, wait a second.

I might need a little more detail. Then they followed up with, we have an ongoing situation at the zoo right now with a code blue. Mike, you know what code blue is? Is that the few good men when Jessup's yelling? That's code red, right? Oh, yeah. I don't know what code blue is. Code red sounds worse, to be honest.

Without a doubt. That is a non-dangerous animal that is out of its habitat. Yeah. One of our clouded leopards is not in its habitat when the team arrived this morning. and is unaccounted for at this time. So clouded leopards aren't dangerous? No, they're small enough that, I mean, it would be dangerous if you grabbed it

and tried to, like, subdue it without a net or something, but it's not big enough to hunt or trying to hurt a person. Hmm. Yeah. So they find out that, like, the mesh had been cut to the enclosure, and someone that cut the mesh and let it out. Oh. And then they found the leopard close by.

So then these monkeys, they were gone from the zoo and someone had like broken in and stolen them. Uh-huh. And they found them 15 minutes away in an abandoned house in the closet. Oh, come on. Really? Yeah. Weird.

It's kind of like almost feels like someone just like took them and didn't know what to do afterwards. Just to see if they could do it. Yeah. Yeah. You wonder if it was just some tweakers or something that stole them and went to their abandoned house and were like, Oh, shoot. Like, what did we do? They have.

This was fun for a minute. I mean, they have cameras. I think they have a suspect that they're pretty sure did it, but they haven't, like, confirmed it. So they haven't said for sure. Yeah. But, like, it didn't look like a tweaker. Huh.

And then, actually, this one, I'm going to see if there's been any updates, too. So, okay, no. So I don't see any updates that these monkeys have been returned, but 12 monkeys were stolen from the zoo at Louisville. Huh. What kind of monkeys were those? So the cool thing about podcast is when I don't have an answer, we can just cut all that. And now here I have the answer right away for you.

Wow, so fast. Yeah, 12 squirrel monkeys were stolen from the zoo in Louisiana. Louisville. Oh, yeah, sorry, Louisville. And they're really concerned. The cops are like looking for them. They're just concerned because monkeys need space. They need, I don't know, they need enrichment.

I mean, so obviously the zoo's very concerned about getting their monkeys back. Yeah. And it just seems like- If you know who stole those monkeys, report them. I wonder if it's like a copycat situation or like, because like at the, like, I've seen zoos where I could probably cut a net to something, but it's like, why would I ever do that, you know? Right. It's just a dick thing to do.

It's like putting the animal's safety at risk. It's putting people's safety at risk. It's just not, like, just don't do it. You're not. If you think that you're helping that animal by doing that, too, you're definitely not, just so you know. It's just creating a bad situation for everyone involved. So don't do that. It does remind me of that book idea I had the West where it's just like, if all the animals in the zoo got out.

Like, which one would, which one, if you're at the zoo and all the animals got out, which one would you be most worried about? The tiger. For me, it's a tiger, without a doubt. The pack of lions could be bad. Bride alliance. Pride. Yeah, that's what I mean. What makes that idea a book idea more so than like a movie idea? Well, like a, oh, he's going to option it for a movie.

Okay, I see. You're starting. I mean, yeah. It's a good plan. Like, you can't just like make a movie about that by yourself. He's going to write that. He could make a book. He's going to write it any day. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Who's up next? Uh, you. All right. So I got another two-year-old story. And it's for Coyote's B. I'm taking Jeff's category again. There is a two-year-old girl in Woodland. I think it's Woodland Hills. Woodland Hills.

There was a two-year-old girl in Woodland Hills that got attacked by a coyote. In broad daylight, there's video of this attack. It's pretty crazy, actually. The dad takes the girl out of the car and, like, sets her down, and then he goes over to the other side of the car to get some toys out. Yeah, and he's, like, messing with the toys, and the coyote comes up and grabs the girl, knocks her over and starts, like, dragging her across the concrete. And the dad hears her scream, doesn't know there's a coyote, runs over, sees the coyote,

it immediately releases her when it sees the dad run up. But he grabs her and pulls her up and then the coyote just backs off maybe like 10 feet and kind of watches. And then he finally picks up a toy or something and throws it at it and it sprints off. But it's a pretty crazy interaction. It's all caught on video. So you can see it if you want. They did find the coyote and they killed it. These kind of things are becoming more common in L.A., Dallas, places where there's lots of urban coyotes.

You do have to be really careful. If you're putting your kid on the ground or if you're letting your kids play outside, just maybe do a quick coyote scan first because there are a lot of coyotes in those places. And they are really good at just watching and waiting for an opportunity. So just I think you've got to do your best to kind of be on your guard if there's coyotes in your neighborhood. So that's my first coyotes. In New Island, the city of Cincinnati had to have, like, a council meeting. About coyotes?

9th about coyotes and, like, how they don't feel safe right now. Really? Wow. Did you go? Or no, that was before you. You weren't in Cincinnati. I was in Cincinnati. Yeah.

They should invite us. They should. We should be part of that meeting. Yeah. We've read Coyote America. All right. So there also is another one that just happened in Sandpoint. Idaho. Sophia Montalbano was attending Schweitzer Ski Resort. She was skiing there. I shouldn't

say attending. That's kind of a weird way to say it. She was skiing at Switzer Ski Resort near Sandpoint Idaho when she was attacked by a coyote. She was going down the hill and the coyote came up behind her, bit her in the leg. And in her effort to get away, she fell into a tree well. So sometimes when like a bunch of snow piles up around a tree, there's kind of this empty space. that can be actually really dangerous. If they're deep enough, you can die by falling in a tree well. But she fell in a tree well, and then the coyote continued to attack her while she was in there. And she had to fight it off until help arrived, and she got bit up a bit, and unfortunately

had to get a lot of shots. She said that she got tetanus, rabies, and antibody shots, and she said she lost count after 40, after 40 injections. So it's a lot of injections. It's a big asshole. Rabies shots, like, it's not just one round. You have to keep going back, right? Yeah, there's multiple rounds.

Oh, never mind. What? I heard it's a big asshole. But you said hassle. Keep in that year. This summer, serve up the cookout classics, craft mayo and dressing. Toss green salads with delicious ranch dressing or zesty Italian.

Serve smooth, crave crave-craveably creamy potato salads with mayo. We all know it's not a cookout without craft. Anyway, my guess with that coyote, it's hard to say for sure. But a lot of times, there's a snowboarder. Resorts, places like that, these animals end up getting fed scraps. Like it might have been begging near the lodge or something and someone fed it. And then that just completely changes their behavior. It makes them think that people might be a source of food.

And then also kind of a quick moving object. We've talked about this in the podcast before. when an animal's trying to decide if you're food or not and you pass them quickly, it forces them to make a decision. And that might have been what triggered this coyote to go after her. So glad to hear if she's okay. Glad to hear that coyotes are what? Wylind.

They're Wylind still. Narlah yard sale, bro. People still say that when people fall down on their skis? I hope they do. Yeah. Wes is just completely hijacked my coyotes, Wylan. I always wait for you to say you're going to do it, but then you didn't say it. So I was like, I got to do it.

Yeah. No, it's fine. I like it. You know, Jeff, you created our one running news gag, so it'll forever be. Hats off to you. There's been fan art about it. All right. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Okay, next one. On January 13th of this year, I just said January really weird. January 13th. January. January. A Ketcham Idaho woman was out in her driveway when she was headbutted by a moose. So, tale as old as time, the moose got all riled up, we've heard this one before, by a small unleashed dog that got a little bit too close to this moose for its comfort.

Yeah. Mortal enemies, we know. It's not cats and dogs. Small unleashed dogs. Moose and dogs. Well, didn't they just headbut the dog at least, though? You know? I know.

Well, it might have. Just stomp it. Yeah. There's more details. We don't know exactly. it could have headbutted this dog. I didn't see anything confirming or denying that. So the woman has since explained that she was attempting to intervene.

She was getting in the mix a little bit. And the moose took exception to her taking exception, charged at her, headbutted her in her head, and knocked her out completely. She was unconscious laying in her driveway. It's crazy. And while no one else was really around to witness what happened in the aftermath of her being knocked out,

The injuries they found all over her body indicate pretty clearly that this moose was not done with her yet. Trampled her a bit. Trampled her a little bit. Might have headbutted the dog. I don't know. She was passed out. There's no witness besides the dog. Yep.

Huh. Was the dog laying unconscious on top of her? Yeah. You're probably wondering why I'm sharing the story. You're probably like, I get knocked unconscious by moose all the time, right? No, I'm not thinking that. I don't think anyone's thinking that. Is that what you're saying, Jeff?

I was wondering that, yeah. Okay, well. Boris and Natasha are wondering that. But you always wear a helmet everywhere you go, so I don't know. Exactly, yeah, for a variety of reasons. So while this encounter happened on the 13th of January, this is kind of why I thought this is interesting to share, it wasn't reported to Idaho Fish and Game until January 17th,

so four days after the fact. Is that when she woke up? Yeah, still in her driveway, just like, what the heck? Time traveled. But that prompted. the department to reaffirm just how important it is to report these kinds of encounters as soon as is possible. And maybe Wes, you can explain why that's important.

Yeah, I mean, the important thing. Why do you not know? Well, he just has like, he has firsthand experience, so maybe he has some info that I just wouldn't share. Yeah. It's just so they can respond. Like, if they respond four days later and they find a moose that matches the description, they're not going to be 100% sure that's the right moose.

but if they can respond an hour later, they're going to be pretty confident it's the right moose. And so you don't want to get multiple moose killed. I like the idea of the right description. They have like a sketch artist there. Just like drawn. Brown moose. Like the usual suspects line up with six different moose.

I think I'm going to write a book about a woman that gets headbutt by a moose, passes out, wakes up four days later in a zoo where all the animals are out. And she doesn't know what it gets. Yeah, it's a good one. Good book, dude. All right. That dust cover elevator pitches got me sweating. That would be like that's one video.

I wish there was like a nest video of that one just because. It's a good Instagram contender. It is. I love like a fail video where the person just goes down like a sack of potatoes. Anyway, I hope she's okay. I wonder what the dog did after that. Probably went in and like ate all the food it's wanted to eat. It probably kept like going at the moose.

I bet she just like didn't. do anything. It turned into like a home alone situation where the dog was laying traps for the moose. That's what I like to imagine. All right. I'll do my, I'm going to just do two here because one of them I just have pretty short. Cool. So on January 16th in Johannesburg, South Africa, a tiger escaped from its backyard enclosure and killed four things and also injured one. You guys having guesses. Hmm. In Johannesburg?

Yeah. I'm going to guess it killed... It's got to be a giraffe in there. Some pets. Like some dogs and cats. And injured... I think it's all dogs and cats, is my guess. Chicken.

Two dogs, a pig, a deer, and then injured a man, like it got his legs really good. Oh, geez. And then went into town until people chased it off with torches. Like I can say. And then they had a really hard time finding it because there's a lot of thick brush, but they ended up finding it and euthanizing it.

I guess in that area of South Africa, it's just kind of like, well, like we did, the Humphrey Hippo episode was there, but it's kind of just like a free-for-all for what type of pets you can have. So like they might need some more laws there for it. Yeah. It's like our version of, their version of Florida. Can you imagine just like going on a walk right now? being attacked by a tiger?

No, I couldn't. Because, like, they don't live in South Africa, you know? Yeah. It'd be so weird. That's true. It'd probably be annoying to be, like, to tell people that you got attacked by a tiger in South Africa, and they'd be like, there's no tigers in South Africa. Yeah.

Do you mean a lion? And you'd be like, no, it was a tiger. It's like the guy I know whose arm got bit off by a lion in Guatemala, and someone told me that. I was like, no, it didn't. Like, lions don't live in Guatemala, and then end up being true. It was at a zoo. I'll have to do that story at some point. Yeah, I have to talk to him about it.

Yeah. January 24th, officials in Kansas say a man died after he was shot by his dog in a freak. What? Hunting accident. Huh. So this isn't the person you guys are thinking of, but Joseph Smith, 30 years old in Wichita, was killed Saturday morning. I'm reading the clipping. He died on a Saturday.

the dog discharged the gun from the back of the truck and it went through the seat and shot him. What the heck? I was looking it up though and this isn't the first time this has happened. So I found two other stories and there was one in Moscow, Russia in 2018 where the guy just had the gun pointing at his stomach

and the dog like came up to the gun and stepped on the trigger and shot him and he died. So I'm wondering if he was, It's kind of like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park where once they like learn how to open a door, then just all of them all know how to open a door. Or it could have been the same dog. You ever think of that? Yeah, that's true.

That dog might be bouncing around the world shooting people. So I don't know. Watch out for dogs and guns. Yeah, I will. Maybe don't leave a loaded gun around your dog or pets or anything. I don't know. All right. Well, I saved my sadder ones for last.

So I'm going to do a sad one. This one's sad, and then my last one's very sad. This one was a man who died by musk ox, which is kind of crazy, got sent to us a lot as well. This was December 13th. It's Officer Curtis Warland, who worked as an Alaska court services officer. He was found dead outside his dog kennel in Nome, Alaska with a large wound in his leg. Responding officers learned that he had been armed and was actively trying to protect his dogs from a her. heard of musk oxen that had entered his property and he had been using his snow machine,

which is what Alaskans call a snowmobile and his Glock to try and get these animals away. And at some point, no one really knows when one of these musk oxen had gored him in the leg. And my guess is that probably got his femoral artery and he bled out. Because when they found him, he was dead. Yeah, it's just an unlucky spot to get gored. Apparently, he had served the court services for 13 years. He was a beloved member of the Gnom community. Because he was on a paid break when he was killed, he was technically on duty.

And he's the first court services officer to ever be killed while on duty, which is kind of, you know, not the list you want to make. But he did make it. So musk oxen are a really common site in Gnome and throughout parts of northern Alaska. They're known for having a really thick, shaggy coat. They have these long, curved horns that kind of like fold down their head and then curve out. and they have a really musky smell that males put off during their rut. That's where they get their name muscox. And they stand about four feet tall.

They can get up to 900 pounds. They're kind of crazy because you picture them being a lot taller than they actually are. So you usually see them in these places where they're on tundra and stuff and there's not a lot of stuff to give them, you know, a relative, what's the word I'm looking for? Like you can't really tell how big they are because there's nothing. Like a reference. Like scale. Yeah.

Right. There's no scale. So they're actually not that tall or that big, but they are, they're like, they're kind of like a small cow, but they're covered in hair and they have these big horns. They're very defensive of their young. They're famous for this defensive circle that they make when they're confronted by a threat. They all circle up and put their horns to the outside and then their calves will be in the middle.

When I was working on my polar bear project, a lot of times I would stumble upon groups of musk oxen and they would always form that circle, almost always. If they had enough space, they would just run. But if we were close enough, they would form that circle and protect their young. They're really cool. They're such a cool ungulate. Why would he have to protect his dog? I don't know.

There wasn't a lot of details about this one. I think he had dogs on ropes or something in his yard, and he's worried about the musk oxen going through there and them trampling his dogs. I doubt they would have done that. But who knows? This guy's lived in Gnome for so long. He probably knows musk oxen really well. well. They're like you see him just in the main streets and gnome and stuff. So I'm sure he had his

reasons for being nervous about it. Yeah. Musk oxen are found throughout the circumpolar Arctic. They have ones that are that were never eliminated in Alaska, Canada, and Greenland. And then they've been reintroduced in other parts of the Arctic. We'll probably do an episode on them at some point because I really like them. But that's a sad story about a guy that recently got killed by one. Yeah. Poor guy. It's not an animal you'd think. would kill you. Well, I've got a sad one for you. Let's hear it. Okay. So we're going to end real sad.

You've probably heard, many of you have probably heard this already, but first reported, at least from what I saw, by tracking sharks.com back on January 5th of this year, there was the first shark fatality in the world down in Mexico, the Sea of Cortez. The first of the year. First of the year. Yeah, thanks for correcting me on that. First ever shark fatality ever. in the history of... We're back in the 1700s.

Yeah. So Manuel Lopez, he was diving for mollusks in Tabari Bay, Mexico, when he encountered a great white shark about 50 feet under the surface of the water. And seagowers had actually been warned previously a few days beforehand that there had been a pretty sharp increase in shark sightings in the area. And for a few days, that did take effect on every... Nobody went there. No one was testing fate by going out there.

there in getting back to work. But a couple days later, Lopez and a couple of his fishermen mates decided that maybe it was safe to venture back in and do some fishing. Well, we'll get into that later, but there's a reason why they would be testing the waters, as it were. So feeling that maybe the danger had passed, Lopez and the two other fishermen set out to get back to work, two of them stayed up in the boat while Lopez hopped in the water and went down to do some mollusk fishing or harvesting, whatever you call it. And he was connected to an air supply source that was back up on the boat. So just picture like a big tube going from his mouthpiece all the way back up to the surface onto the boat.

And that was supplying him with air while he was under. So the two other fishermen who were with him at the time of the attack estimated that the shark might be as long as 19 feet. That's huge. That's a big shark. I don't know how accurate they could be if this happened 50 feet under the surface. Maybe it came back up closer to the surface. I don't know. That's what they said.

Okay. They also, unfortunately, were witness to Lopez being completely decapitated by this shark. That is crazy. Jose Bernal, he was speaking on behalf of these two other guys, maybe like an interpreter's situation. He said about the attack. He was diving when the animal attacked him, impressively ripping off his head and biting both shoulders. That's wild. Which is kind of a strange way to articulate the situation.

but I mean it is crazy how powerful they are. How would you say it? Well, you guys hate when I'd put any extra words into my stories. So I'd be, the shark ripped his head off and that's all I would say. And you guys would be like, finally, Mike just getting to the point.

What do we hate? You hate when I add any kind of language flourish into what I say. Are you still mad that I said her family and friends called her Jen? Affectionately refer to her as Jen. Do you think they do not affectionately refer to her? I think it's just her name. I think it's just her name. So when you say a name, it's not affectionate, ever.

You just don't need to ever specify it. Okay, that's what I'm saying. A shark bit this guy's head off. End of story. You guys want any more details? No. Any questions? I don't think we should diminish it to that.

Like, this is obviously... Thank you. According to Trackingsharks.com, there had been like a pretty major shortage of seafood. Okay. So just kind of like economic and financial stresses made these guys maybe feel a little more down in Tabari Bay, Mexico. So is that on the Sea of Cortez side or is that the Pacific side?

That's what the articles were saying in the Sea of Cortez side. Interesting. That's not like a place where there's generally many gray whites either. They were saying that January and December were kind of like a high season for them to be cited in the area just because that's where nursing mothers would, I don't know if that's where they give birth, but that's where they find a lot of food. Yeah. But yeah, that's, I guess, moral of the story is take heed of these kinds of announcements.

Yeah. And maybe be aware of like the status of the waters if you're ever traveling to these locations for certain times a year. Those honestly like abalone divers, people that are harvesting muscles and mollisks and those kind of things are at a really high risk of running into Great Whites. A lot of times those animals that they're looking for share space with like marine mammals where. Great Whites are actively hunting. So like Rob Rebstock, our first Great White story we ever did, he was doing that sort of thing. Like he was looking for Abiloni and whatnot. And that's when he got attacked.

And it sounds like this shark just, it could have been an exploratory bite. It could have been a predatory one. But it was the wrong spot to get bit. Yeah. Maybe had it been his arm or leg, he would be alive to tell a story. But unfortunately it wasn't. So pretty sad. Well, rest in peace, Manuel.

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Plus $30 off your first online order. Ralph's Fresh for everyone. All right, well, should we do one more downer story real quick? I can do, I'll finish us off with a good one. Okay. So yeah, go for it. So I got a really sad one. This one really bummed me out pretty hard,

and I think of all the stories we've done, this is one that probably needs an extra level of sensitivity just because it just happened. The community is still mourning, and it involves a mother, or a brand new child, which is just really devastating. But I do think, you know, it was one that got sent to us a lot. It's one that happened that's like an extremely rare circumstance.

So I do think it's worth talking about. But I do just want to say that this is a hard one to report on. It's not an easy one to even talk about. So we're going to talk about it quickly. On January 17th, summer Miomik left the public school in a small, mostly inupiac village of Wales, Alaska, which is located just under the Arctic Circle. It's a whaling village, has a permanent population of around 140 people, and it's a really tight-knit community.

And Summer and her one-year-old son Clyde had just left the school. She has Clyde tucked against her chest. She's walking from the school to like a hospital clinic that's about 150 yards away, but the conditions are so bad that she can't see anything. It's really blowing snow. It's super blizzardy, almost no visibility. But she's really familiar with this area. She knows where she's going.

It's only 150 yards away, but she wouldn't make it. Almost invisible in that very same snow was a roving polar bear. And she wandered right along the path of this polar bear, and it did attack her and her son. It grabbed her. It began mauling them immediately. Nearby in the school, the principal saw what was happening, told everyone to shut their blinds, so this wouldn't scar all the kids that were in school. It could probably see it as well.

And then the principal and some other people that were witnessed to this ran out to try and stop the attack from happening or from proceeding and they threw or they got shovels and they went to hit this bear with the shovels which did stop it from malling summer and Clyde but the bear then turned on them actually chased the principal to the school door and the principal just barely made it inside and was able to close the door before the bear got in which is very lucky that the bear didn't get inside of this school with a bunch of school children inside it did go back then to malling summer and Clyde and unfortunately they did die so They attempted rescue later.

A guy showed up with a rifle, was able to shoot the bear, killed the bear. It was a few days before anyone could respond to take samples and whatnot, just because the storm really lingered and it was hard to get help in there. But it is the first fatal polar bear attack in Alaska in over 30 years. This community is still reeling from the incident. There is a go-fund me for the family of Summer and Clyde. So we are going to link to that in our show notes and on our Instagram. It's something that if you do have the means to contribute,

You should. I'm going to contribute some money to them as well. It's a really it's just a tragic one. There's no way around that. That's just a terrible terrible thing to have happen in your like tiny little village where everyone knows each other especially. I do want to talk a little bit about you know why this might have happened. It's kind of it's really it's interesting that this happened in January because polar bears typically in the winter the ones that aren't denning like if they're not a pregnant female they should be out on the ice hunting seals. And we've talked about polar bears. bears, they're really the only thing that's going to keep them alive throughout these cold, you know, regions where they inhabit are, is like marine mammal fat. So they need seals or beluga whales or whales that have been killed by people that are on shore that they can feed on. But they need that really dense marine mammal blubber to survive. And so it's not common to have a bear on land this time of year looking for an easy meal. Now saying that, this bear is part of the Chuchkees sea subpopulation of polar bears. And that subpopulation has seen a lot of instability with their

sea ice. They've lost a lot of volume of sea ice. The sea ice isn't nearly as predictable as it used to be. And it's possible that sea ice conditions this year influence this bear to go look for alternative sources of food. And that could be what was happening, but it's impossible right now to say that's for sure what happened. It could be a bear that was sick. It could be just a subadult bear that hadn't really figured out how to be a bear yet. It could be a lot of things. We just don't have enough information yet to say for sure. So as a data point, it is interesting because of the conditions around it.

As a personal kind of human interest thing, it's just completely devastating. And our hearts go out to the people of whales and summer and Clyde's family. I can't imagine being attacked like that. Seeing that attack happen, someone you know, like a newborn is what, that like a newly introduced to the world. Yeah, one year old. Yeah. Oh,

yeah. Yeah. It's hard to, and I know we've all run into this as we've done research for these stories. It's hard to like, like as a scientist, you know, I'm reading through them, kind of pulling out these lessons so we can learn about the animal and whatnot. And then as you're reading these articles, you're like, suddenly there's a picture of this person.

And it's like, man, she was just a kid. She was so young. So it is, it's just really tragic. Jeff, why don't you? give us a nicer story to end this news episode on. This is more just like two headlines I saw. One isn't feel good, but it's just interesting. It's a very specific thing that I'm going to tell you right now, but whatever.

It's from Hindustan Times, and it's from India, Hindustan. Oh, that's right. Hindustan, yeah. But I guess in Kerala, India, the government was kind of, denying that people were dying by animals. So someone went back and found that 637 people have been killed by animals in the last five years. Crazy. And just that part of India.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Mainly, it sounded like a lot of it was from boars. Huh. Oh, okay. Interesting. Yeah, that's just a headline I saw. It didn't have a lot of information, to be honest.

Okay. So now my feel good one is that Trail. cameras in the sierras in california they've cited a sierra nevada red fox which was kind of thought to be extinct or like critically endangered and they haven't been able to spot one since the 30s huh 1930s so yeah it's been like they actually found it in april but they just released the news january 24th cool but it's like a Different species of fox, and it's a Sierra Nevada red fox that they were able to spot. That's amazing. So I guess animals are doing all right.

I have another small piece of news. I don't know if I'd say that. The extinct ones aren't even extinct, you know? I have another one that could be seen as being good news for animals and could, it kind of depends on what side of this debate you fall on. I meant to say it when Mike did his great white story. But Guadalupe Island, which is kind of seen as the premier place to get into cages and see great white sharks, has been closed to all shark tourism. And for me, that was a huge bummer because there was actually number one on my bucket list

place to go. I was thinking about going this year even to see them. It was always seen as being like the clearest water, the most, the biggest sharks, the best place to see them. But then I was kind of digging into why they did it. And part of the reason was some of these film crews that were doing really kind of insane stunts out there for Shark Week and for some other programs. Like there's this one this last year where they put this floating glass cage on the surface of the water and then they had a guy in it. And of course, after a while, a shark decided to go up and Great Whites often do this underneath kind of ambush attack where they launch up like a torpedo.

And the shark did that and it broke through the glass. and the guy had to like scramble to find a piece of glass to kind of float on while he's looking for the shark and then he got into the boat. And I think the Mexican government was just tired of stunts like that. They're tired of people taking advantage of an animal like that and they shut it down. So there are people out there that think this is going to be bad for the sharks. I think the jury's out on that. I think it could be good for them to have a break from all those kind of hijinks. So, yeah.

All right. It's going to be bad for the sharks. Andy Sandberg, who hosts Shark Week frequently. He does. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, he's out. He's out of a job. I think he's done it like twice.

Okay. Huh. It's been a while since I've watched a shark week. Sometimes it is a little hard for me. I know he did it once. That's the only person I could think of it. Ever since they teased Michael Phelps racing a shark and then it just ended in like total disappointment, I was like, I'm out.

I'm never. What did you expect? I don't know, but I expect it's something more than just like. Yes. That's true. There's always like a megaladon, like the hunt for megalodon. There's just, it's like how many, how many shows can you see? It's like cool the first two years and then they were, like the first two years is new.

And now it's like, okay, you can't really do anything new anymore. Right. I do tend to feel that in the past, maybe they've gotten better with this. The past, they've done a lot of programming that's made. made people really afraid of sharks too. And, you know, I think we sometimes are maybe guilty of that, but I think we're doing our best not to do that, to explain why you shouldn't actually.

We as in tooth and claw? Yeah. I think I'm doing a good job being, don't be afraid of them. Right. Just swim away from them. Yeah, I don't think that's what you should do at all. All right. Well, what should we do on the back half of this whole episode?

What do you guys think? Yeah, let's do. Instagram moment from our news stories. Okay. I'm picking the hippo. If I could have a photo of my legs sticking out of a hippo's mouth and I could say I survived that, I'm for sure picking that. Yeah, I picked the hippo.

Yeah. Yeah, I want the moment the child gets dislodged from the mouth because I want to envision that it like spits them out, like projectile baby out of the mouth. I think that'd be pretty fun. The neighbor catches them. Yeah, like a. Yeah. I like that.

Touchdown. Yeah. A perfect baby spiral. We all agree. We all want the hippo photo. Did we want to, I think we were going to talk about our, this month, if any of us have had memorable experiences with animals that we want to talk about. On my drive yesterday is a crazy drive. Every drive I've done, like road trip this year has just been like a blizzard for me.

Yeah. And like it's no different yesterday driving through Wyoming. and I saw like the semi off the road and I almost crashed because the semi in front of me was going like 10 miles an hour so it was hard to like avoid him. But then like right after that I saw these two coyotes right in the center of the road like in the median and they were like the coolest looking coyotes and it was a really pretty sunset so kind of like calm me down. But I don't know it's negative 10 degrees with 50 mile an hour winds.

So, like, they just looked completely fine, which I thought was cool. It's always crazy to think about. Their coats were just so thick and pretty, and they were just out there whiling. They were doing their thing, living their best lives. Good for that. I got a good one. So I maybe already brought this up, but I was in the Bahamas a few weeks ago. I went down there to go on a dive to see great hammerhead sharks, which were on my bucket list for a long time.

This is a trip I've been looking forward to for like a year. or more. And kind of as an afterthought, we went on another little excursion with the same dive company. And they took us out to see dolphins. And I learned that this is one of the only places in the world where you can go out, get in the water with wild dolphins, and actually like kind of dive down and swim around with them. And I've tried that before. Me and Jeff have tried that before. And usually, like when you try and get in the water with dolphins, what happens, Jeff? They don't want to swim with you. No.

Like you hear them for a second, you hear some squeaks, and then they're gone. But that's like more Mexico. I think even California they get kind of close to you. I've tried in Hawaii. I've tried in California. I've tried in Mexico. I've never like really had an opportunity to swim around with them. And we found these Atlantic spotted dolphins, which are really beautiful.

And you get in the water and they truly were like swimming circles around us and weaving in and out of us. Oh, that's just. It, like, lasted for almost an hour. It was just really magical and really, and this bright blue, like, crystal clear water. It was just such a neat experience. And it was the standout experience of me for the trip, even more so than seeing the sharks. Because the sharks were, like, being baited in and stuff. But these dolphins were just, they're just out there being dolphins.

And they let us join them for a second. And it was cool. You said this place was steps from the water. We just haven't found the steps yet. How much did we save? Enough. Enough to get lost. Or you could book a stay with Hilton.

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Mike, what's your cat do this month? Oh, man. My cat's been. It's been an absolute nightmare, to be honest. But I was out on a walk late one night, and it's not uncommon that I see some deer just running across the neighborhood streets. Yeah. But this time, it's a little weird because it was just one deer alone, and it heard me kind of shuffling, I don't know, probably 50 feet away. I was, I'm a noisy walker, I guess.

It's kicking rocks. I don't know. But somehow it took notice of me, and it froze in place and just stared at me until I walked past it and around it. and like a long ways away. It was still looking at me even after I had passed it. It was really unsettling. Yeah, that is unsettling. And I kind of like sideways shuffled when I was passing it

because I just didn't want to break eye contact because it looked like this deer was getting ready to head buttoning or something. I think, well, like, the reason they do that is to see if you'll get too close for them to like allow it. Yeah, but like it's still just you start to think that one of those hoofs placed in the wrong spot. Like, I'm dead. The girl. Yeah, right in the groin. My dad had a similar one.

You're just dead. My dad had a similar one a couple weeks ago where it was like a buck in his yard that he walked out to check the mail or something. And it just didn't move. And he was like, I'm going to see how close I could get. And he said he caught within like an arm's reach. And then he was like, oh, this thing might decide to charge me and gore me. And then it finally took off.

And it does make you feel a little like when an. An animal that always does one thing suddenly doesn't do that thing. It is a little unsettling. You think who would win if you headbutted each other? I think it would. I think it would probably win with the center nurse. With my helmet. With that I'm wearing all that I have a shot.

You do the Vindizofastis. Headbut. Diving headbut. Both arms at your side, dive. Yeah, that's my go-to move. The torpedo. Yeah. All right. Well, should we do some, you know, let's do some listener questions. We got a backlog of both patron and listener questions. I think this is a great opportunity for us to answer some of them. Should we do them? Oh, yeah. All right. Should I start with the patron ones? Yes, please. All right. It's fine. I will.

So, this one's from Colin. It's not much of a question, but I did want to read it. I hope it's Colin. My boss Kyle, Colin says, my boss. Kyle got his question. I know. Yeah, he's nominated. Banshees. It was a great movie. I love that movie. You want him to win?

Oh, yeah, for sure. I'm over Brendan? Yeah, I love Brenn Frazier, but it's Colin's time. So, this is from Colin, not Colin Farrell. As far as I know, this Colin was not nominated for an Oscar. He said, my boss, Kyle, got his question read on an episode, my biggest 2023 goal. Well, I got news for you, Kyle. You're going to get this goal.

I am unbelievably jealous. Should I quit my job in protest? We should have saved it for the end of the year, though. Now he's going to have to figure out and come up with a new goal. And I just called him Kyle, which is his boss's name. Ooh, rough. We're big fans of quitting jobs. Kyle.

Yeah. Kyle, yeah. Kyle quit. Colin? Kyle sounds cool. I'd stay put. Colin, you know, we're all fans of not working around here. So if you need to quit.

Just go ahead and quit, but if you... Kyle's listening, dude. Yeah, Kyle probably is listening. Anyway. Wait, Colin, ask Kyle for a 10% raise. Kyle, give that raise to Colin. Was there a question? No, that was it.

He said, should I quit my job? Oh, yeah, for sure. Okay, yeah, quit your job. Sure. Okay, this is a new question from Kristen. There's a few questions in this. question. First, Kristen asked, West, do you have a photographic memory? The way you pull up info on any kind of animal is amazing. Thank you. I don't, but I do have a good memory for trivia and for animal

facts. It's just kind of like I'll forget, I'll open my phone and forget why I was getting on my phone, but then if you ask me who our great white shark attack victim's name was from our fifth episode, I'll know it was Rob Rebstock. Who's the 22nd U.S. president? I don't know. Do you know? No. Taft. There are other questions. But I'm not good at trivia. You're good at trivia.

Yeah. They had two more questions in their question. Kristen says, if you had to choose, would you rather die by grizzly attack or shark attack? I'm going to have you two answer this one since the other questions were for me. Why don't you guys answer that? The band? Bono? What are you talking about?

You two? You said you didn't have you two answer? Yeah, we got you. We got Bono here to answer this question. I mean, for sure, shark. Yeah. You'd rather die by shark? I think so.

Like, worst case scenario, I drowned, I think. It'll probably be over a lot faster, right? I agree. Way better than worst case scenario with a bear. I think the initial attack by a shark is scarier, but I think the outcome is better than a grizzly bear. So, yeah, I agree with you guys on that. The last question was,

Wes, how are you able to do so much traveling all over the? world shouldn't you be tagging bears uh i work seasonally with bears so in my off season the way i like to spend my money is traveling i i don't really have fancy tastes but i do really like traveling so that's what i do what was her name christin i think christin should quit her job yeah yeah that's what i get from that uh christin's a 57-year-old mom grandmother wife who loves that oh yeah leave that family bind all right you've done enough um Is there any animal that actually kills people, so not like a squirrel or something, that you would rather a grizzly bear kill you than that animal, or like a bear?

Bear seems like the worst to me. Yeah, like ants. I wouldn't want to like be paralyzed and getting alive by ants. No, I'm saying like animals that like actually frequently kill them. Oh, okay. That's why I was just saying. So rabies doesn't count either really? Because that's not.

You'd rather have rabies? I'd rather get killed by a bear. I think I'd rather get killed by a bear. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, but I'm saying like crock. Like things that eat you. No, I think I think bears are maybe the worst for me. Yeah.

Yeah. You've done a good job of Kim Insomnia. I'd maybe say like I'd rather get killed by a grizzly than a black bear. Oh, for sure. I'd much rather get killed by a grizzly. Yeah. All right. Here's another question.

This one's from Tracy, another patron. Why did... Tracy, quit your job. Yeah, quit your job. Tracy says, when did Neanderthals or cavemen start having fun? What did they do for fun? other than sex. I picture them in winter sitting in a cave with full bellies, grunting, trying to figure out what to do next. You know, I think from a scientific viewpoint, this is a

really interesting question because as humans, we've given ourselves the space to have fun. We're not just like constantly thinking about surviving in food. Like we're secure enough that we can kind of have fun. So I, for my, my answer would just kind of be my like not fun answer would be whenever they were able to have shelter where they felt safe, I think is probably, and like consistent food is when they were able to start having some fun. But I don't know. Well, like, I'd just view it like animals now.

You know, they're probably just more similar to like primates, but couldn't swing on vines, which is kind of a bummer. Yeah. I don't know. Like, they were still like the smartest thing on earth, right? Yeah. What do you guys picture him doing for fun? That was their other question.

Like making a wheel and spinning it? Okay. Yeah, quit your job, Tracy. Okay, so, Jeff, you got some listener questions, general listener questions. Yeah, let's do it. All right. From Jeffrey M. Ward, Correction Corner here. So Jeffrey Epstein's another bad of Jeffrey when I said there's no bad Jeffries.

Is Jeffrey M. Ward a bad Jeffrey? He seems cool. He does birding in Texas. Ah, that's cool then. He's a good Jeffrey in my book then. Birders are normally pretty good. Yeah. So they want to know which of y'all are the best dancer.

Ooh, it's not me or Jeff. I don't know with a... Mike's not like a good dancer. He's... I've taken, like, ballroom dancing. It's Mike then. And, like... We're bad dancers.

I don't love it. But I've... done line dancing and stuff. So maybe just by default. I'm not good. I'm not saying that I am good. I can line dance. I have burned in my head when my brother, when Cyrus got married at the very end of his wedding, my whole family was the only ones left on like the dance floor, I guess, dancing. And I remember just looking at us and thinking, as a family, we are the worst dancers I have ever see. Like, not one of us is good at it. Dude, if you put some 50s music on, just get me, like, shaking my knees a little.

Yeah. Yeah, you're a goofy dancer. My money would be on Mike, though, still. Mike's really into break dancing. He's really excited for it to be in the Olympics. Oh, the Olympics. It's going to be sweet. Wait, that's real? That's happening. Yeah. Yeah. It's cool. It's really cool. It's such like a weird thing to judge. That's a very weird thing. It's not even going to be like who can do the best tricks either. It's just going to be like who can like spin on their head the longest without falling over or something.

Or I think the parameter is who gets served the hardest, I think is what they're going to score it by. Braxton Martin 87 wants to know why doesn't Mike like my question. They're so bad, Braxton. All right. Quit your job, Braxton. It's Comrade Lucas wants to know biggest fictional ouchy from pop culture. For them, it's the assistant from Jurassic Park. The assistant.

Like the lawyer? I think he means the lawyer, yeah. Man, he died so quick. Oh, no, they're probably talking about Jurassic World. That's the only assistant. Oh, yeah, because she gets like picked up by the Big Waterer. Yeah. Yeah, and then the little one, the little flyer dino attacks her, and then it drops her to the other terosaur, and then it drops her in the mosasaur.

I don't know. Yeah, I mean, still a quick death, but pretty funny. You know what? This is kind of one that is real predictable for me, and I probably should have taken longer to think about this. I'm going to pick Leonardo DiCaprio and the Revenant, Hugh Glass, because the bear attack that he had seemed really bad, but then he had to just, like survive in the really cold, wet wilderness by himself for a long time and crawl. And just, it just seems so miserable. Like, it seemed like conditions where I would have killed myself long before I ever got rescued.

So that was my pick. I was going to go to something, like some horror movie thing where someone's like in hell or something. But I'm going to go with a more realistic one and say Hugh Glass in the Revenant. I mean, he's even colder in the Titanic. That's true. But he gets to sit there with. rose. He gets to die in the arms of his love. And she's, yeah.

I think he had a broken heart by that point, because it was clear that she was not going to make room for him. Not going to let him on that. Yeah, nothing hurts worse than that. What are your guys' answers? So mine kind of in a similar vein, but I have Ted from I have no mouth and I must scream. I made West read this story a long time ago. That's such a dark story.

Put them in a pretty dark place. But basically, this master AI computer. turns this person immortal and just inflicts like ungodly pain on him for the rest of forever by the end. He's like this big jelly blob. Yeah. Spoiler alert. Like he's about to kill himself to escape endless torment. And then the AI thing stops him.

Yeah. Turns him into jelly so he can't kill himself, but he's still fully conscious. And he just has to survive eternity as a jelly blob unable to kill himself in physical torment and mental torment. And it's so the worst. That or the Revenant. Those are pretty close. Oh man, that made me think of another one. I'm going to say it after Jeff's done.

Yeah, so I guess I didn't know how to do like the biggest fictional ouchy. I didn't know what biggest meant. To me, like the biggest moment is probably like the this is Sparta when it kicks him into the hole. Oh, okay. So like, but if you're thinking just like another. one would be bone tomahawk comes to mind where he just splits the guy in half that's pretty that's just a rough one to watch quick death again but rough and then hitler and inglorious bastards right just gets shot like a million times yeah mike your thing just reminded me just while we're talking about just really messed up endings for

characters and books i think i had you read uh the stephen king short story the jaunt oh yeah the kid Which, spoiler alert, it's about like this, these machines that can like, what's it called when you bounce from one spot to another? Teleport. Teleporting. I don't know why I couldn't think of it. These teleporting machines that are made, but like they don't really understand that when you teleport, you go into like an alternate dimension. So you have to be sedated as you're teleporting. And this kid decides not to take the sedative.

And when he teleports, he gets like put in this blank nothingness. for billions of years. And then he finally, and then he jumps back. And so for the family, it's like a teleport of like a second. But then when he wakes up, his eyes are all like clouded, and he's been existing in like a white space for a billion years. And he immediately claws his own eyes out. And it just haunts me thinking about that.

So that's my new answer. I'll change my. I think Stephen King ever did. I think it's his best work personally. That's a hot take. Okay. I'll change mine to, I'm going to do Casino Royale where he's like on the chair. The balls.

Oh, yeah, that's another hard. If you've ever got hit in the nuts, you know. Ah, you was laughing. It didn't look that bad. The little left. Samcat 821. Would Mike attend the Kentucky Derby if someone got him a ticket? Would you want to see a horse race?

No, I don't think so. It seems like a long wait in kind of some sweltering heat. All to see. How long is it? Like two minutes? Not even. How long do they run? I forget.

Big hats are cool, though. I'm a big fan of those big hats that everyone wears. Drinking mint julep. Yeah. John Conboy wants to know favorite pop culture weapon. Narsal, the blade that had to be reforged for Aragorn. Ooh, cool. Aragon.

Oh, I'd said Aragorn. No, it's Aragorn. It is. See, now Jeff's in my mind. Uh-oh. Aricorn all mixed up. Yeah. Gotcha.

Yeah. I like when they pour just like a pot of oil on people trying to knock the door down. So he's just like, that's so mean. Why? That's, that's so mean. Stop doing that. Just shoot them with arrows. It's so satisfying for the dude that poured it too.

And then they always light it on fire. Yeah. Yeah. That is a good thing. But then like one or two of their guys always gets it on them too. Yeah. Their arm is like on fire as they run off. Like the door they're trying to bring up.

Ket Ketch is on fire. Yeah. Okay. Mine is the Buster Sword. Cloud inherits it from Zach, Final Fantasy 7. I don't really need to go into that too much more. If you know, you know, kind of thing.

Okay. Not surprised. Big old fat sword. Yeah. Big sick. Libby MCA wants to know Cage Match baby animal version. Would the outcome still be the same?

They're like baby versions. I mean, kangaroo and koala that aren't doing very good. No, they're jelly beans. Or polar bears. Yeah, I mean... Why not polar bears? Because they're totally altricial.

Like, they're completely dependent on mom for their survival. So there are some animals that are born, like, able to survive on their own. And then there's others that are born, like, completely dependent on their moms. Like, humans are altricial. Like, a newborn human baby can't survive on its own. But like a baby crocodile can't... Giraff. Yeah, giraff still need...

Drafts are all running around after, like, eight. seconds? They're mobile, but they still depend on mom. But like an animal, like a crocodile or an alligator or something, it's on its own. From the second it's born, it doesn't get any help. And so alligators sometimes do, I guess. But anyway, my money would be on one of those kind of animals, an animal where the young has to immediately survive on its own. Yeah. Like a sea turtle. I went, yeah, sea turtles, sure. but I would probably say like a saltwater crocodile baby or a baby rattlesnake. All right. From Aaron's 393 and also Jules, they both want to know how I did in my fantasy football leagues that I did with a bunch of listeners.

I won one. One of them going into the last game, that guy on Buffalo died for a couple of minutes and had to be brought back to life in the game. canceled. So it made it really complicated because I had a lot of players in that game. So we just split it. And then the other leagues, other people won. And I haven't paid anyone money except for like two people because I'm a terrible commissioner. And I actually tried to pay people and it took me a while to find this guy's Venmo and then when or like calculate his winnings. And when I asked for his Venmo, he was like, oh, I'll do it later and never did. it and I just gave up on everyone.

So if I owe you money, please reach out. And like, whoever wants to play next year, I'll do a better job of, like, having chats and paying out and remember everything. But I'm going to pay everyone today. I'm sorry, it took way too long. Is that league that you won the one that you were the only one in and you just had like eight different teams? That was last year.

And I lost. What is your single favorite non-tooth and claw podcast? I just re-listened to a re-watchable episode about the movie Hard to Kill with... John One. No, what's his name? Stephen Seagall. Oh, yeah. Which, like, they do a great job of making fun of him as a person.

And, Mike, you listen to that episode, right? Oh, yeah, for sure. Amazing. Like, the way they talk about how he runs, and then if you watch him run in the movie, It's just like no one said anything to him. That's so funny. I'll listen to it. I need to.

My probably, you know, so I want to do a quick shout out for one I'm currently listening to. It's called blowback. And it's all about kind of the history of U.S. intervention across the world. The first season's all about the Iraq War and just kind of how we like, we were totally responsible for the conditions that led to the Iraq War, like the sanctions that we imposed on the people over there, all the things that we did to create the problems in the first place. So it's really interesting. It's just like a fascinating listen.

It might radicalize you a bit. So just be prepared for that. Do you think you learned more or less from years than mine? Than the rewatchables? Hard to kill. I probably learned more. My all-time favorite is this podcast called In the Dark. I've shouted it out before on the podcast, but seasons one and two of In the Dark were life-changing for me.

They're both true crime stories, but they talk about injustices that happen because of true crime or because of, like, police and some other things. And I just think they're really fascinating stories. So that's my shout out in the dark. I've been really into one recently called a Hardcore Lit. This guy named Ben McAvoy just talks about classic literature. It's just like a really sereneed way to talk about. to wind the night down.

I usually go out on a walk and just throw an episode of that on. But I think I can confidently say at this point, my favorite podcast is 60 songs that explain the 90s. Because that's like, that's my era of music, really. That's just the era of music that I identify with and like the most. And Rob Harvilla, the guy that runs it is just, he's so funny and so self-effacing and like so, what's the word?

Good at what he does, I guess? I don't know. Good. That's the way you're looking for. Yeah. No, I really, really have been loving it. A whole lot. Let's try to do two more here.

See Baby 3 is asking, you get a text that Jeff was arrested. What charge do you assume he caught? Oh, indecent exposure. I was going to say the exact same thing. Your pants, the Larson butt is pretty insubstantial, so the pants slip down a lot. So you'll get a lot of.

So that. You'll get a lot of butt. I got some butt. A little bit. More than West does, for sure. More than me, for sure. Yeah. And then strawberry shortcake 419 wants to know what's everyone's death row meal.

One of my favorite questions to ask people. Yeah. I'll start us off. Okay. So I'm getting a lot. I'm stuffing myself. I'm getting a big steak with barbecue sauce. Maybe like a fillet mignon.

Filet mignon. And then I want my dad there to cook me some spaghetti with garlic bread. And then I want a pinocalada and a caramel cheesecake. Okay. Cool. I, you know, I, when I was in Bangalore working on that sloth bear project, I got this Mali Kofta from this local restaurant there that was like the best. Indian food I've ever had and maybe some of the best food I've ever had. So I want that molly kofta

and then I want a mango that I had in Taiwan, which I think is probably the best thing I've ever eaten in my life. And then for dessert, probably these Christmas cookies that my mom makes, like the Hershey Kiss ones on the peanut butter cookies. She just makes them just right. It's probably my favorite treat or Oreos and milk. And then for a drink, just like a really nice mojito. would be great to go with it. Yeah, that's what I'm going with. Mine is Rice Krispy Treat cereal. You guys ever had the Rice Krispy Treat cereal?

No. Oh, it's my favorite thing ever. And it's been possible to find. Yeah. I've never even heard of it. So I'd request that they rustle up a box of that from somewhere. Your taste buds have changed so much in a decade that you're like, this isn't as good as I remember.

No, it's got to be, though. and a glass of chocolate milk. How about that? All right. So milk in your cereal and a glass of chocolate milk and some rice crispy. Yeah. You're a man of simple pleasures. With like a world-class chef making it.

Exactly. The perfect cereal to milk ratio. All right. You think it's like good to give someone like the best meal ever right before they die? Or is it kind of like, you know, makes you want to live more? I think it's good. It's like one last little thing to look forward to.

That's true. You look forward to it. But like the inverse of that logic, if it's something so terrible, they're just like, you know, I'm not going to miss this place all that much. That's true. If it's like a break. Or just like, don't give them food for four days. And they're like, I'm so hungry, I just want to die.

That's a good point. Yeah. I think if you heard of poll most death row prisoners, they're going to say they want a really good meal before they die. All right, well, thanks for all the questions, everyone. Thanks for sending us news stories. We'll be back in a couple weeks with a new episode. And as always, if you want more content, we've got our Patreon. We've got our Apple Gris Club. Mike just did a Greywell episode that was really interesting and fun. Well, it kind of had a not fun story. We're on a real streak of not fun stories. And then what was our subscriber episode before that? Jeff, what did you do before that? Tyke? Oh, Tyke the Elephant. Yeah, another good one. Really fun.

Yeah, super fun. Circus is involved. How could it not be? Anyway, feel free to sign up for the extra content. We promise that you're going to enjoy it. I'm not promising that. I promise I'll stake my life on it. Stamping it.

What? I promise if you don't enjoy it, you can just cancel. Yeah, that's true too. All right. We'll talk to you guys later. We love you. Bye. Love you.

Bye.