Tooth & Claw: True Stories of Animal Attacks - Amazon Pink River Dolphin Attack - Claire Bye and the River Dolphin Who Fancied Her Feet

Episode Date: May 22, 2023

A British woman was on a river tour in Bolivia when she had an encounter with a dolphin that would see her vacation cut short. Meanwhile, Jeff has a lot of thoughts on Transformers, Wes commandeers Mythology Minute, and Mike has a truly esoteric comparison for pink river dolphin ridges. ~~ To advertise on the show, contact us! ~~ Tooth & Claw is brought to you by QCODE. Support the show and get access to an extensive library of exclusive episodes like this by supporting the show on Patreon or joining the Grizzly Club on Apple Podcasts. For the latest updates on the show and all things wildlife, follow us at toothandclawpod.com and social:  Instagram: @ToothandClawPodcast Twitter: @ToothandClawPod Wes: @GrizKid Jeff: @jefe_larson Mike: @mikey3ds    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tooth and Claw podcast. Here we are. Here we are. Where are we? We're in the cabin. Yeah, we're up in the mountains. We're in the mountains in the cabin. It's cold.

We got Wes Larson. He's our wildlife biologist. That's me. Smartest person I know. Okay, it's getting better. I like that better than smartest person in the world. Alive? Yeah, okay.

We got Mike Smith, our producer, smartest person I know. Okay. Put a little pin in that. And then I'm Jeff Larson, Wes's little brother. So, yeah, we, we hiked into the cabin just to, you know, we couldn't get enough winter. Yeah, we just wanted more snow. And we got plenty of it up there. It's, the cabin's buried, and, like, the chimney came apart from the cabin.

Yeah. So that was kind of crazy. Like a clean bridge. It, like, fell off the cabin. It looks like a Lego piece that was, like, removed and laid down in the snow next to the cabin. Part of the fun of like sleeping here at night is having a fire, so we might pack up. Probably not going to sleep here. That's true.

But we will watch a movie and we'll smash for it. Thankfully, we didn't have too much stuff to pack into the cabin. So the hiking was pretty easy. It's very easy for you. Really quick, it's probably been a minute since we've done this. Let's talk for just a second about what we do on this here podcast. We talk about animal attacks. We talk about how often in the media these attacks are portrayed as being like, like,

a predatory animal or an animal that's bloodthirsty or monstrous. And really, generally, it's that the person is doing something wrong that triggers the animal to respond in that behavior. So the purpose of the podcast is to really explain these encounters, let people know why they happen, and then give people the information they need to prevent them from happening in their own lives. So that's why we're here. My purpose is more just to tell some jokes.

Tell jokes. Yeah. Our gesture. So we're up here, it's cold. My job is to edit the jokes out. To edit out the offensive jokes. What's going on with you guys? What's new?

Oh, man. I still haven't caught my breath from hiking up here, I feel like. Still a lot of breath. I can run an eight-minute mile now. Okay. How impressive is that? Not, but I'm actually kind of, the older I get, the more impressive that's going to be. So keep that out.

Yeah, I feel like it's equivalent to, like, benching 200 pounds. I don't have any benchmark for that. Good for you. Yeah. I'm glad you're out there taking care of your body. What else? You've been telling us to rewatch Transformers? Oh, dude, I got some thoughts about Transformers.

I rewatch the first one, and, like, I think the, like, sequels have made me think I hate Transformers. Yeah. The first one was funny. Yeah. I like the first one. You told me to re-watch it, and I got 10 minutes into it, and I was like, I hate transformers. So I just feel like the bad robots are, like, they're named Decepticons. Okay.

And they have red eyes. Yeah. So, like, how are they ever going to be good? What do you like? How can they ever be reformed? Are they just always been bad? How can they think that what they're doing, like, they're the good guys in the story? Like, they should always know that.

Like, they name themselves Decepticon. Some people just like being bad, though. Yeah. They're just bad boys. Yeah. I guess. But, like, so they just are never, like, can't turn good. No.

I liked Megatron crash lands on Earth and gets, like, frozen in Antarctica. Uh-huh. And Shia LeBuff's uncle disguffs or something like that. No, it's like his great grandpa. But he's been, like, frozen for, like, 80 years. And as soon as he's. unfreezes, he just starts killing people and destroying stuff. Doesn't even like look at his surroundings.

I love that. I love that. Like figure out what's going on. So was Optimus Prime and all the other transformers and Decepticons, were they turning into like semi-trucks before they visited Earth? Semi-trucks are eternal, like truth of the universe? Yeah. Is that like a constant mode of transportation across the galaxy?

I don't know. Dude, if there's like aliens that big that are smarter than us, I don't know what they're doing trying to protect us. Yeah, that's a good call. Speaking of things that are smarter than us, something that's very dumber than us is ducklings. So we got two ducklings, and Jesse was gone for a week, which means I had to do Jesse work, which is like taking care of animals. And our ducklings are in this, like, kind of like area. You call that Jesse work?

She loves it, and I don't. Our ducklings are in this, like, own little space that we had, I would have to go get them in the morning and, like, from inside the coop where they had their own little space. Yeah. And put them in their own little space in the run. And then in the evening, I'd have to go get them from their space in the run and put them in their space in the coop. And this has been going on for like a month. Jesse did it, and then I had to do it. And every time I gone in there, these little assholes acted like they had never seen me before in their life and just lost their minds.

like just like running all over like I was going to kill them yeah and I'd pick them up and they'd just like start shitting on me and like scratching me and I just wanted to kill them because I was just like we have done this dozens of times how has it not sunk in at this point anyway yeah she loves them she loves them to death so with transformers no we're done all right all right so what we're actually going to talk about today is a critter that, you know, I didn't, I didn't, when we started this podcast, I didn't think it would ever come up. But then, as we were doing our news episode, our last news episode, I stumbled upon a story about this animal. And I was like, oh, this is actually a pretty interesting story. And we should probably do a full episode about him. And that's the Amazon Pink

River dolphin. I've never heard of them. Never heard of them. Really? Well, I feel like, I got to give you a photo reference then just so really can, yeah, they're a weird. Yeah, they're weird looking animal. So it's not just like a pink dolphin? No. I think I kind of. For me, yeah, kind of, but for me, I mean, it is just a pink dog. I guess literally. They're, they're a front runner for me for like, nominally it is. One of the uglier animals out there. Really? Oh, I'm excited. I think they're kind of ugly cute in a way. Sure. But they're, they're ugly. What the heck? Like, this is an ugly animal, in my opinion. It looks like a, it looks like someone who got sunburned too bad and it's like scraping off or like blistered.

It looks like a sausage that got seared on one side. Yeah. Or like, gross. Yeah. I don't want that animal. Yeah, they're an interesting animal. I'm sure they're cool. It kind of looks like Jen and Taylor yet too.

It looks like in one piece when Usup gets like super beat up, but then only his mouth is like he can talk. Yeah. Oh, the big alone. I actually saw that one. All right. Anyway, we're going to talk about them. and I'm going to go ahead and launch into our story. Let's do it.

Okay. So in October 2022, Claire Bai set off on a trip of a lifetime. She's going to be exploring the jungles, the mountains, the rivers, the coast of South and Central America for seven months. So the 28-year-old Claire was really excited about these adventures that she was really confident she'd have in all these jungles and mountains and stuff. But little did she know that an unexpected animal would change her life forever. You guys have a pretty good hint already what that animal is. But about three months into her trip, Claire and her friend Lewis were in the Bolivian Amazon Basin. And on the morning of January 3rd, 2023, so this year, they set out with an experienced tour guide as well as a small group of other tourists for a trek through the forest and kind of this like Pompas area of the Bolivian Amazon basin.

So they're in this lush foliage of the jungle. There's buzzing of cicadas, calls of tropical birds, all this really intoxicating stuff about being in the jungle. but one of the biggest draws of the tour would be when they stopped at the local river near this town called Santa Rosa de Yokuma because there they would have the opportunity to swim with Amazon River dolphins. Do you know what?

I really like the sound, like the ambient sound of cicadas and crickets and stuff. I know some people find it annoying, but I actually really, really like it. It's like my favorite. Yeah. Okay, so we're going to actually do our biology pretty early because, like you pointed out, Mike,

this is an animal that I think a lot of people aren't too familiar with. So we're going to talk a little bit about them right now. And I'm sorry, for some reason I am kind of out of breath. We're high altitude. Don't you worry. January 3rd, you were prepping to storm the capital. This is 2023.

It's not funny. No. That's not true. None of us were in any way part of that. All right. I feel bad for all like Mexico City podcasters. They probably, that's so high up there. Yeah, trying to catch their altitude.

Yeah. All right, so Amazon River dolphins are commonly called Pink River Dolphins or Botos, which is their name in South America. What's that translated to, do you know? Botos? I don't know. Yeah, I think that's, it translates to Pink River Dolphin. So, okay. There are a species of freshwater dolphin that are found throughout the Amazon Basin, and there's actually a fair number of freshwater dolphins out there.

There's some in like Asia and some other places. This isn't the only freshwater dolphin. Is it the only one in South America? No, it's not. There's a few, so there's actually like a number of subspecies of this dolphin that they consider subspecies. This is the main species, but then there's also like another freshwater one that lives near the coasts. But this is the one that when you hear about pink river dolphins, we're talking about this dolphin. Yeah.

All right. So they are found throughout the Amazon basin in rivers in Bolivia, Brazil, Colombia, Ecuador, Venezuela. Why do they call them pink river dolphins? Because they're pink and they live in the rivers. Right. So do you guys get the, okay. What about the dolphin part? The dolphins, because they're dolphins.

They're the most widespread of river dolphins and the largest as well. Really? The widest spread of all dolphin's species. Yeah, because they live throughout the, no, of river dolphins. Oh, okay. They live throughout the Amazon basin. Gosh. Which is the biggest river in the world?

Yes, biggest river in the world. The longest is the Nile. Amazon's the biggest. So they are a cetacean, so a whale. They're a toothed whale. And remember, whales is the big circle, and dolphins is a small circle. So every dolphin is a whale, but not every whale is a dolphin. Right.

All right. So there is some disagreement over how many subspecies there are. Currently, there are thought to be three subspecies, I think I said four earlier. For the purpose of today's story, we're just going to talk about the genus. So all of these species, we're calling them the Amazon River dolphin. There's some disagreement in this very episode. There's a little bit of disagreement. Yeah, all right.

They're pretty large for river-dwelling animals. Males can get up to 185 kilograms or about 408 pounds. They can be almost nine feet in length. Females are about half as heavy and about 15% shorter. Average weights are about 185 pounds to 355 pounds. Average length is about 6.5 feet. They have this really long, short dorsal fin on their back that almost just looks like part of their back. Long short dorsal?

I'm going to show you a photo. Okay. Yeah. I need to see something. It's really interesting. It almost looks like it's just their back. It doesn't really look like a fin. Oh, okay.

I see what you mean. It looks like, it looks just like part of their, and their body kind of angles down after it. It looks like their body just kind of goes straight and then angles down. It reminds me of Olympus Mons on Mars. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What is that?

The biggest mountain in the solar system. Yeah. The way it's like so gradual, you almost like. In fact, when I looked at them, I was like, Oh, Olympus Mons. Here's another, like, illustration of one that kind of shows. Oh, yeah. I see what you mean by short.

It just, it doesn't, it looks like a long keel almost. Right. Okay, we're really bogged down in this pin for some reason. All right. They have long and paddle-like pectoral fins that allow them to be really extremely maneuverable in the water. So, like, marine dolphins, their pectoral fins are usually pretty short and they don't move independently.

These guys have long paddle-like ones that move independently. So they can't go nearly. as fast as marine dolphins, but they're much more maneuverable, which is really important for them because they're swimming inside of all this vegetation and stuff. Kind of. They're like looking for fish and all this vegetation in the river and whatnot. So they have to be really maneuverable. And more of a current maybe?

Maybe. I guess the ocean has a pretty strong current. Yeah. They don't have a fused cervical vertebrae like oceanic dolphins have, which allows them to turn their heads in each direction 90 degrees. So it gives them a lot more flexibility when they're hunting in the dark waters of the Amazon basin. So that's kind of an interesting thing you think about a dolphin. When they turn their head, they turn their entire body. These guys like turn their heads to look at you.

Oh, cool. Yeah. They're born a dark gray color, and their coloration turns lighter as they get older. The pink color is actually just from them running into things and getting abrasions on their skin and fighting and stuff. Oh. And that gray color gets rubbed off, and the pink color is actually. colors the color underneath. Whoa.

Yeah. That's weird. So the crazy thing is males are typically much more pink and that's because they fight a lot. So the pinker you are, the more you fight. Oh, that's cool. I like that. Tough guys wear pink. Yep.

Exactly. Dolphin world. Yep. They have long, thin snouts. It's like Seamus in the W.W.E. You know who Seamus is? The Irish, like super pale Irish guy, he gets slapped. Does he live on that?

Or Yokich. Like after the end of every game, his arms are just. Right. pink. They have long, thin snouts with between 100 and 140 teeth. Those teeth have differing shapes with various functions for grabbing, crushing, and eating prey. So they have these long, skinny snouts, plump bodies, chubby cheeks, round bulbous foreheads. They look really unique compared to other dolphins. I said they look ugly. That's a personal opinion. A lot of people think these are really cute animals. I'd love to see one in the wild, so I think they're really interesting

I feel like the people who think they're really cute, though, would, like, think every type of dolphin and whale are cute. Right. They think, like, those, like, blind mole rats are cute. Or, like, yeah. Or, like, they, they're, like, pug. Yeah. Their newborn nephew is just ugly. They're, like, this is the cutest baby.

That's the weirdest, like, I'm sorry. Like, when someone has a really ugly baby and they're like, isn't you the most handsome little man in the world? And you're just like, no. Your baby is, like, objectively ugly. And I'm so happy that moms, like, think their baby's cute no matter what. All right. So they hunt a large variety of fish, reptiles, and crustaceans. And they use echolocation as their main hunting strategy.

So this was really interesting to me. I had never really dug in to echolocation. And I did for this episode. Picture just sonar. That's essentially what it is. Yeah. But when they echolocate, they use an organ called a melon that's found on their forehead. And it's got a lot of adipose tissue in it.

And that organ focuses and modulates their vocalizations and then acts as a sound lens. So that sounds kind of complicated. I'm going to explain what that means. So pretty much they send out a series of clicks. And the echoes from those clicks bounce back and they sort them out. And they can interpret those clicks for what's prey and what isn't prey. That's cool. And that sounds like, obviously that's really hard for us to visualize.

But at the same time, like our eyes are bringing in wavelengths of light and interpreting it as stuff. And it's the same thing with sound. I learned that on the Dark Night, they talk about that. Yeah, exactly. It's pretty much like that thing he uses in Dark Night. Lots of marine whales send out really high amplitude clicks that will travel really long distances because they're in these huge open ocean environments. So they need to send out these clicks that'll travel really, really far.

But these dolphins will send out like much smaller, lower amplitude clicks because they're in shallow water and there's lots of plants and stuff around and they don't need them to go really far. And the benefit for them is because they're sending out smaller clicks, they can send out a lot of them at once. So when a whale, any kind of whale sends out these clicks, they have to wait for the click to come back before they can send out a new one to interpret the information. Otherwise, they get bogged down in like tons of clicks. So when I read that, I was thinking like, oh, so they probably send out like a click every few seconds or something. Guess how many clicks these Amazon River Dolphins send out? 200 per minute.

I'll say 30 a second. Wow. 30 a second. 30 to 80 per second. What? I got it. You nailed it. Yeah.

It is an extremely high rate of clicks. Yeah, I watched the dark night and they tell you all about it. So that's a fast rate. I don't know what like a marine dolphin is, but I have to imagine it's still like a pretty mind-blowing amount. I guess it would almost be just like the more you can generate, the better. Right. Like you're getting all of that. That's like you kind of need a ton.

Yeah. But that is crazy. So they also have sensitive bristles. at the end of their snout that can detect movement from prey when they get close enough to investigate. And then they'll just grab them with those long snouts and the sharp front teeth. They're really efficient hunters. They'll eat about 6% of their body weight every day. Wow.

And they have really tiny eyes. So there's a popular myth that they're blind. But they actually have really good eyesight. There's not much like clarity where they live, though. No, the rivers there have a lot of tannins in them. So it's like clear but dark at the same time. That makes sense. So it's not super clear, but it's not like it's all muddy.

Kind of like nighttime? Yeah, I guess. That's actually a pretty, yeah, that's not bad actually. I was thinking a mirror, but that's not right. Like nighttime would actually be a good, like as opposed to like being in a storm where there's stuff blowing around. All right. So this is a crazy story. In 2021, a pot of Amazon River Dolphins was seen to be playfully, I'm doing quotation marks, interacting with a large anaconda in Bolivia.

And it was one of the first interactions ever recorded between these two species. One of the most notable things about this interaction was the obvious sexual arousal of the male dolphins. And some of the males were fully erect while playing with this anaconda. The males were. Yeah. Like they were like, wait, what do you say? Nothing. Okay.

Because it's an anaconda. Okay. Anyway. My anaconda don't want none. I got it. I got it. Unless you got puns. Yeah.

I know, but the anacons. You knew that. After seeing those photos, after seeing those photos, marine mammal scientists theorized that the dolphins may have been aroused from rubbing on the snake or from actually trying to, like, penetrate the snake. Like, they think they're really going for it. Or it could have just been from the exhilaration of interacting with an animal that they don't typically interact with. And they just got like way worked up, which that's happened to all of us, right? That's kind of like dogs of the water.

Yeah. Find a new... Huh? Nothing. I was just like that. Yeah. Dogs of the water. It's like chicken of the sea.

So they called this a playful interaction, but it was a lot less fun for the snake. It was likely sexually assaulted by these dolphins multiple times. Yeah. And died as a result of this behavior. Whoa. Which, you know, it's nature. It's fine, but it was a really interesting thing for these... Yeah, tell that to the snake's family.

Yeah, that's true. A paper was written on the interaction titled A Case of Playful Interaction between Bolivian River Dolphins with a Benny Anaconda. Benny Anaconda is the species found in Bolivia. Not its name. Yeah, it's not named Benjamin. They are less social than marine dolphins. They're commonly seen singly or in groups of two. Large pods of 30 or more can occur, especially in places where there's a lot of food availability.

Mating has really only been observed in detail in captivity. males and females really only interact during breeding. And courtship involves males chasing and nibbling the fins of the females in an effort to encourage them to mate with them. It's a good move. It's a great move. This one is not such a good move. If the female's not receptive, the male will often become very aggressive and essentially

force her to mate with him. No. Lots. That's a bad move. Yeah. Like lots of other dolphin species, they will mate a lot after courtship. and one captive couple made it 47 times in less than four hours. Whoa.

So it's a lot of mating. That's like third date material. I guess. Once you know each other. Mike's DMs are going to be blowing up after this. All right. So they do it in three different positions. They face ventrally at right angles.

So ventral is like the underside of a dolphin. And they'll both be at right angles to each other. They go head to head and they go head to tail. So we got these are some freaky dolphins. Yeah. All right. So gestation's thought to be around 11 months. A mother will give birth to a single calf that has to be pushed to the surface to breathe.

They lactate for around a year. Dolphins stay with their moms for two to three years, which means that there's thought to be a pretty strong connection between mothers and calves, because they lactate for so long and they stay with their calves for so long. They don't have many natural predators, although both Black Cayman and Jaguars have been observed feeding on river dolphins. When confronted by threats, they'll both bite and ram the threatening animal with their snouts and their bodies. The teeth can rip apart flesh, and the force of their ramming snouts is thought to be pretty extreme.

So Jeremy Wade is one of my favorite TV biologists to bring up on the podcast. He's the guy that did river monsters and stuff. Yeah, that guy's cool. I really like him. I like him a lot. So I watched an episode of his. He let one head button? No, but he did get in the water with them because he was investigating them as potentially an instigator of some kind of attack or something. and he got in the water with them and swimming with them.

And then when he got out, he was talking to people about how much pressure they might be able to exert on someone. And he did this demonstration where he just grabs a watermelon and sets it on a table and then just hits it with a baseball bat. Gallagher goes into slow motion. And he's like, it might be this much. That's so good. It was so funny to me. It reminds me there's this movie called The Core. Did you ever watch that?

Yeah. where they have to go into Earth core. And he, like, gets an apple, and he's like, this is what's going to happen to Earth. And he just, like, blow torches it. It's like NASA or something. That's exactly what this was like. And he even knew, I could tell in his, like, in his face, he was just like, this is the dumbest thing. But whatever.

I'll hit this watermelon with the baseball bat. It's got into fun. So there's actually a lot more we could get into when it comes to their biology. but we're going to get back to the story just so we don't get too bogged down in it. So Claire and the other tourists enter the water, and there's already a group of children swimming and playing with a group of dolphins. This group of dolphins was accustomed to playing with humans in the water. So they're kind of friendly dolphins, like humans and stuff?

I was about, can I finish my sentence? Normally you just take my segue, you didn't go with it. Yeah, this one's a little harder. They are because the second part of this, they often get handouts from people swimming in the area. Uh, food condition. Yeah, so they are food conditioned, and they are somewhat of, they're a curious animal just like any other cetacean. Yeah, but like some, like the dolphins we see in Mexico, like, won't really swim with us.

Right. So these guys are more curious than bottom nose dolphins. Bottle nose dolphins are kind of known for not being very curious about investigating people. These guys are much more into it. But Claire gets a little uneasy when she sees one of the children that had been playing with these dolphins, pick up a dolphin calf and lift up a dolphin calf and lift. it out of the water. And she actually noticed a noticeable change in the behavior of the rest of the dolphins. They were really playful and friendly up to that point. And suddenly they became, they became aggressive. And they were actually biting and nipping at swimmers in the water.

So they started swimming faster, more aggressively. They were like ramming people and nipping at people. So she got really uncomfortable and she decided to get out of the water. And she retreats to the safety of a floating pontoon nearby. And her guide there shows her how to like use a water bottle to throw in and the dolphin would grab it and like bring it back to her and then she'd throw it in. She's playing these games with the dolphins. That's funny. Yeah. But after a few minutes of playing, she drops the water bottle in the water.

And it's shallow water. It's right by the pontoon. She thinks, you know, I'd been swimming with these dolphins. No big deal. She hops in the water to get this water bottle. And as soon as she hops in, one of these dolphins surges forward, clamps its jaws down on her foot. Jeez. They kind of have like gnarly looking mouths, too.

I don't know, it feels like Lots of sharp teeth It's not like the top animal I would want to bite me No, no Yeah, not even top 10 A worm would probably be like top one It's not like the worst probably either though

Okay I would agree with that Right in the middle All right so she gets bit on her foot And shock just pulses through her body And she scrambles to get out of the water And back on the pontoon But as she scrambles to get out

The dolphin drags her back into the water refusing to release its grip on her foot. Oh, man. She starts screaming for help, like top of her lungs screaming bloody murder, several people gather on the boat and they try pulling her in from her arms and they still can't get her out of the water.

Like this one dolphin is pulling her back in. Oh my gosh. And it's just not letting go and it's continuing to bite into her foot. So after about 20 seconds of this tug of war, the dolphin finally releases its grip and the screaming and terrified Claire is able to crawl back up onto the pontoon

where she gets her first glance at her foot. The sharp teeth, and the powerful grip of this river dolphin had almost completely severed the top part of her foot. Blood was pouring from a large gash, and she could see the exposed tendons as well as the bones of her foot. Wow. So she's staring in horror at skin that's flapping around this big open wound

and blood's just coursing out. And immediately she has this realization that's like, oh, I'm in some real trouble here. Like I might lose my foot if I don't get some medical attention. Yeah. What's the tooth situation again like with these dolphins? They have 100 to 100. And they have different types of teeth throughout their mouth.

So the front teeth where the dolphin used its front teeth to grab on their foot, they're conical and they're very sharp. Oh, wow. So those are the teeth they use for grabbing and like ripping. Right. Yeah. So a bystander takes off his shirt. He ties it around Claire's foot and they load her into nearby car and they speed off toward the local hospital, which was only about five minutes away. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. It's a short drive out in the Amazon. Right. She's screaming in pain already, and she's just pleading for any kind of pain relief. And they get to the hospital, and they realize it's very rural and completely underprepared for injuries like hers. So they do the best to sew it up, but they didn't have any pain medication for her. They gave her a shot of anesthesia, and then the tour guide went to a pharmacy nearby

to try and get some pain pills to use their suffering. They take her into recovery room after her foot was sewed up, and she remember saying that she saw blood all over the recovery room, and she wasn't sure if it was her blood or someone else's blood. Oh, man. And then there was a large ant nest in the hospital bathroom and no mosquito netting, and there was bugs just swarming everywhere. So this is like a very, like a pretty rinky dink hospital.

And I'm not like that there's no judgment call there. Like this is a small town in the Amazon, you know. Yeah. So due to the fact that this like local hospital wasn't sufficient for her injuries, the decision was made to drive her to the next nearest hospital, which was four hours away in this town called Rorinbake. I'm probably saying that wrong, but ruin Bake. So it was like a harrowing drive.

They're going down mud roads. They learned that the hospital is full when they get there. So they put Claire in a hostel nearby, and she's hoping that these doctors are just going to come visit her, and she said a guy showed up a couple times a day, and you just gave her antibiotics, but didn't really even look at her injury or anything and just kind of showed up and gave her antibiotics and left.

So all the treatments she's received so far is just getting her, sewed back on, basically. Yeah, and then getting these antibiotics. Oh, man. Like no anesthetic or anything? No, and she's starting to notice that, like, her skin is dying and rotting away and that she can, like, smell the wound and stuff. So she knows it's starting to become infected.

So she's panicking, which, you know, I get that. Like, it's your flip. Sure, yeah. It's something you use. I would already have been panicking for a long time at this point. She calls the British Embassy, and they arrange for her to fly to La Paz the next day, where she'd be checked into the same. Semes Hospital. That's C-E-M-E-S-S-S. Once they get to that hospital, they perform surgery on her mingled

foot. They cut away the stitches. They cleaned out a lot of infection in the dead tissue, and it left her with this really open hole on the top of her foot. And she had to spend two weeks in the hospital in La Paz before she was able to fly home to the UK. When she gets home to the UK, she goes to A&E Hospital, where once again they inform her that her foot is really infected and that she would have to undergo another surgery to clean away dead and infected tissue. So they do that, and then the doctors ended up taking skin from her groin and attaching it to her foot to try and patch the hole. And they also had to go in and reattach blood vessels to get the blood flowing again. So as of late February, when Claire was interviewed, and I should say that a lot of this information I got from an interview she did with the Independent,

but there was a lot of other articles that were available. She stated that she was only just starting to be able to put pressure on the foot in February, and that she was worried that her mobility would be affected for the rest of her life. She describes her foot as looking like a bit of pork wrapped up in string, which it kind of does, to be honest. I want to pull up a photo so you guys can see it. So, I mean, they got a big chunk of the top of her foot. Like, it looks pretty good there, but it's like,

that's a good area that that dolphin bit off pretty much. Yeah, that's crazy. So she was really traumatized from the attack, and she's been seeing a psychologist to help with the daily flashbacks to that 20 seconds. Since the attack, other people have been bitten in the area, and they put up signs warning people. about aggressive dolphins. I don't know if this tourism's still happening there

where they're swimming with them. I would hope not, just based on this interaction. River Dolphins specialists believe that it was a combination of unsafe tourism and food conditioning, as well as that kid messing with one of the young dolphins

that led to the attack. Typically, these dolphins are non-aggressive, but they have been known to, like, give little bites and to ram people and stuff. All right. They ever arrest that dolphin? I don't think they arrested it. I think it's still at large.

Yeah. Really quick. pick up the babies, you know? Don't pick up their babies. Yeah, don't do that for any animal, probably. Except for like a, no, wait. Except for ones that you can easily beat up. A golden retriever.

Sure. If the person lets you. Yeah. Baby mosquito. All right. So really quick before we're done with this part of the episode, I want to talk a little bit about mythology, which is usually your purview, Mike, but I'm going to go ahead and do it.

Oh, it's all you do. It's all yours. This is an animal that has a lot of mythological meaning to some of the tribes and peoples of the Amazon. And one of the most pervasive legends is that at night, these dolphins morph into a tall, handsome, elegantly dressed man that actually has a hat over its blowhole so that people wouldn't be able to tell it's a dolphin. Because that's the one thing that's getting it away. I saw a person with a blowhole. I think that's a dolphin. Dolphin guy. So the man goes ashore and he goes to parties and stuff at night in the Amazon villages. And there he charms

the most beautiful girls at the party, impregnates them, and then goes back into the river. Oh, nice. The, like, main theory, like, so now in a lot of those villages, they would, if someone, like, suddenly had a pregnancy that maybe, like, the father wasn't accounted for, they would be, like, it was a bota. It was a daughter. So that's, like, honestly, sometimes what happens, which is pretty funny to me. Oh, that's so funny.

It's, like, a cover story for unwanted or scandalous pregnancies. Sure. Another legend is that the dolphin serves as kind of like a siren that will call people into the river. And then if the person comes into the river, they take them to this mystical underwater world of incante, which they can never return. But the nice thing is this is supposed to just be like the best place in the world. Yeah, it sounds magical. Yeah, it sounds nice to me. They're also considered to be the guardian of the Amazonian manatee.

So if you want to see a manatee, you first have to make peace with the dolphins, which is a really interesting. interesting myth. They're revered and they're sacred, so a lot of indigenous Amazonian people won't eat them, won't kill them. And it's considered like a great sin to kill a dolphin. And then also a lot of local fishermen and peoples are a bit superstitious about looking them in the eye. And the thought is that if you look a river dolphin in the eye, you'll be cursed with bad dolphin nightmares for the rest of your life. So maybe Claire just looked it in the eye. Maybe that's why she was traumatized, not that it ripped half of her foot off. She's still like talking to a Right?

Yeah. Yeah. Do you think the psychiatrist was just like, did you by chance look at these dolphins in the eye? All right. So that's it for mythology. That's it for our story. But let's get into our ouchies.

Who wants to go first for outchies? Yeah, I'll start us off. I don't know. It's an interesting one. Because like the attack itself is really low. But then like the lasting effects seemed like it might even last her whole life. Yeah. Yeah, she had tendons severed and stuff.

I'm going to give it a six. Okay. I think I'm going to go with a five. Okay. Because of all the parts to have mangled on a body, like the foot isn't the worst place to have traumatic physical damage done to. Of course, it's debilitating forever. Yeah.

And again, our ouchy scale, we're talking like bears eating people to death. Right. So like on that scale, this isn't nearly as bad as that. But it's bad, especially like. It's not one that I would be like, eh, no. big deal. No, definitely not. But like the panic that's induced when you like can't find correct medical treatment for a long time and it seemed like a really brutal first little weeks of like having to deal with all that. I'll go six. I'm going to, I'm going to bump it. I'm going to say six

two. We're doing six six six six. There we go. Number of the beast. Yeah. Like Megatron or whoever. And I'm like I have the same things. I don't think the actual. On is pure evil. You should not have brought it up again. I know. I'm sorry. I don't, I never thought that Jeff would take a right turn into loving transformers in 23. It's character growth. I, I tend to agree with what you guys said just that like, it's a part of your body

you put weight on. So like if it's messed up, you might be dealing with that for a long time. It seemed to be pretty traumatizing to her. Yeah. If she was on a seventh month vacation that got cut short to three months, that sucks. Uh-huh. So, yeah, I'll do six. Yeah.

Sorry, Claire. Yeah, sorry. If you're out there listening, Claire, hope your foot heals up well and hope you can get back in the water and be okay. Yeah, no bad dolphin dreams. Yeah, hopefully you didn't look it in the eye. She kind of has like a proud foot from that little bit. All right, let's get into our categories. I do think at some point we're probably going to do like a dolphin episode, a more traditional dolphin. So I didn't want to do favorite dolphin from pop culture.

We're saving it. Yeah, we're saving it. So I picked favorite pink animal from pop culture, and then I also want to hear your favorite pink animal from nature. So go ahead and give me both. I'll start this off. Okay. So my favorite pink character is Courage, the Cowardly Dog.

Okay. There's a lot of really good options here. I was going to say Pink Panther, specifically from A Shot in the Dark. That's one of my favorite comedies. But he's not really, the actual Pink Panther himself is like, He's basically in the credits and that's it. Yeah. Courage the cowardly dog is, I kind of, there's...

I love that show. There's a big part of me that I see in him in vice versa. So, yeah, I love that little guy. He's got like that hole in his tooth. You remember that hole that goes through his tooth? Yeah. It just makes me wince when I see that. Jeff, you want to go next?

Yeah, I was going to say jiggly puff, but then Mike brought up Licketong earlier. That's better. But then I might just choose Millennium. and my beanie baby too. Okay. Yeah, sure. That counts.

I guess we'll do all our pop culture and then we'll go back and do our animals. Cool. Mine's probably not an animal at all. I'm picking Kirby. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad you did. Just my favorite Smash Brothers character, which he's the laziest Smash Brothers character, but I still really like playing with him.

He's a killer of gods, slayer of gods. If you get into the Kirby lore, he's like maybe the most powerful character like ever. Really? Yeah. It's pretty deep in. dark. I love a chubby little pink cloud that just like eats and is always happy. Yeah.

All right. And then for my animal, I had actually really hard time with this. It came down to a rosate spoonbill, orchid mantis, or an axolotel. And I went with axelotl because I just think they're such a cool little amphibian and really interesting looking. So I picked axolotel for a pink animal. Yeah, you mentioned mine. Orchid mantis. Orchid mantis.

What was that first one you said? A rosate spoonbill. It's a type of bird. Yeah. Gotcha. The one you chose, like, looks like a Pokemon more than any animal. Exolodal. More than most Pokemon.

Yeah. Their little smile is just adorable. They're great. They should have been a cutest animal contender. I was going to pick Axelotel, but I had a backup. Oh, sorry. I just ripped through everyone's animals. It's cool.

No, it's fine. I'm picking pig. All right. Oh, I like pigs. You do like a pig. Pinkle pig. Not worm? No.

I was close runner up bronze bronze medal winner worm all right so we're going to do we're going to do I want Mike to win his money back so we're doing more Mike and Jeff paying attention oh gosh it's three questions each starts easy gets hard who wants to go first are we double in or nothing I always yeah four billion four billion a little less than four billion yeah it's like a million less than four yeah yeah who's going first and a few dollars because they a few listeners, Venmo, be a dollar. I'll let Jeff go first. Okay. Jeff, these first two are real easy.

Okay. What country was Claren when she was bitten by the dolphin? Bolivia. Correct. Mike, what kind of snake were the dolphins getting all horned up for? Anaconda. Correct. Jeff, what is the echolocation organ found on the forehead called? Oh, it's a bee.

I don't remember. Mike, do you want to try and steal? Melon? It is a melon? Oh, yeah, no, it is. Nice job. Mike, name two of the three sex positions that Pink River Dolphins commonly use. I could have done this.

Head to tail. And then you said something about like a perpendicular right angle. Yeah, I'll give you that. Did you be? Yeah. Ventral right angled. And then face to face. Yep.

Yeah, but that one's all three. Those are the only three out there, right? Yeah. Which one would you want to do? With a dolphin or with the human woman? I'm doing the perpendicular. I don't know. I don't even know what that means, but.

I would say, I don't know, head to tail. There you go. Yeah. All right. All right. Who's next? Jeff's next. It is three to one?

Yes, three to one. Jeff, what's Claire's last name? I don't know. Mike, do you remember? Buy? Correct. Mike, you're on a real tear. Four to one.

He always gives us a winner takes on. I do. Jeff. No, Mike. How many clicks per second do echolocating pink river dolphins send out? 30. I gave you a range to 50. No.

30 to 80. Correct. Two to four. This bonus question is easier than I thought, but I'm just going to read it and whoever yells out the answer first, if either you know it wins the whole thing. Okay. How many months was Claire hoping to spend on her vacation? Seven.

I think Mike beat you. Back to even, baby. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Don't worry. You'll be back in the hall for billions again. All right. we're going to do cage match.

Mike, do you want to introduce our cage match category? Yeah, sure. So this is a category where we take the animal of the episode, this being the Amazon Pink River Dolphin, and we place it in a hypothetical fight against... Like a hunger games type cage or something. Yeah, like a 1v1 matchup against some of the similarly sized and weighted animals that we've talked about previously on other episodes of our show.

For this one, I decided we're just going to do animals that mostly spend time in water? In the water. Okay, cool. From my research, it sounded like there was some anecdotal evidence that they could take a smaller bull shark. Oh, wow. By ramming them and stuff, they could kill a bull shark. Anything bigger than that, I think, is probably being these guys.

That's probably not like a one-on-one type thing either. It's like multiple dolphins ramming the bull. I'm not sure. They're pretty big. They're bigger than like an average river bull shark in the Amazon. Okay. But I think like a big marine bull shark would probably win. Okay.

What was that earlier you were saying about the, Kaman? Yeah, so Black Kaman have killed them. So that pretty much means that we've done alligators and crocodiles. A large alligator or a large crocodile could kill them. I don't think there are any match, though, for our bigger marine predators. Well, from our story, too, they can kill an anaconda, but they get killed by a jaguar. Right. So, Jaguars kill them. Yeah. Jaguar. We're overcorrecting on that, I think. I don't think they're a match for our bigger Marine predators. They're definitely not. So like great whites, tiger sharks, polar bears, orcas, they're all easily killing these guys. I bet Quinn Tarantino would love these dolphins. I just thought

about that. I think he might be one of these dolphins. Because they're white feet. They love feet. All right. You think he might actually secretly be an Amazonian pink river dolphin? He might be. Very possibly could be. All right. So let's do what would Mike and Jeff do. You guys are on a little tour in the Bolivian Amazon. How many of these dolphins could kill a polar bear? How many would it take to kill a polar bear? I don't know. Like probably 20 or 30.

Just ramming. And I think the polar bear would kill them in a faster rate than they could like hurt. I don't know. That's a good question. Okay, what would Mike and Jeff do? You guys are on a little tour in the Bolivian Amazon basin. You're swimming in the water with some pink river dolphins. A little kid picks one up.

Yeah. A little shit. And then one comes up and bites you in the foot and won't let go. What are you doing? I'm going to hug it and cover its blowhole so it can't breathe. It's a good move. That is a good move. Yeah.

And if it turns into a guy, it's got nowhere to put its hat. That's this. I'm going to have to rethink my strategy. You could plug it with the water bottle. Just shove it in there. That's a good one because you had the water bottle. Oh, she did have the water. Is that your pick?

Yeah, I'll just kind of jam it in there. Ride your coat tails. But then the dolphin has a projectile weapon, because, it'll blast that back out at you. Or like, you just pull the dolphin out into the boat, and they can't breathe if they're in the boat. I don't think you could. If you get everyone in the boat.

Well, it sounded like they had a bunch of people there, right? Yeah, that's true. I stick my other. You know they can breathe, like, air, though, right? I stick my other foot in. That's a good point. Why? So how long would it take for them to die out of the water?

They don't. They do if they're out of the water. They don't. They, like, drive. up or something. Yeah, sure. I guess if you had it out of the water for like hours and hours and hours. Yeah.

Okay. But if it was under like a shady tree, it could just be out there for as long. I don't know. That's actually a good question. But I know they transport marine mammals by just like pouring water over them. Yeah, right. No, I think I'd put my other foot in there and just try to get more leverage to open the mouth. In its mouth.

Okay. You love. I'd put my other foot in the mouth and then lift up. and try to get it off. So because this is an animal that doesn't hardly ever attack people, there's not like a lot of information out there on what you're actually supposed to do. I think the main thing is avoiding it. So there are a number of somewhat unethical tour operations out there

that advertise like swimming with river dolphins. If you're ever in the situation where you have that opportunity, I would just take a really good look at the ethics of that company because from reading a little bit from these marine biologists, it seems like they don't really think that's ever a good thing. But I do know there's a lot of, there's a lot of like people, like Jeremy Wade, for example, that I respect to has swam with them or fed them or whatever. So I don't want to come out and say that that's always unethical,

but from what I can see, like whenever they have seemed to been a problem outside of impregnating people in villages. It's problematic. I would say it's almost. I was thinking maybe like just take everyone's hat off if you're in a bar and out there. Yeah, look for the blowhole. Just make sure. Yeah. Do you think a blowhole on a human would be on like the head though?

Because I always thought it would be like on the neck. That's what I would think. So where are you wearing a hat? Maybe those like hats with the string and you flip it back and you like flip it back and have the string on your neck. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. I would just say my general advice for this one is to,

to avoid getting in the water with them. Just enjoy them from the safety of a boat or the shore. If you're with someone who has a lot of experience with them, then maybe, I guess. It seemed like Claire had the right idea when she was noticing some aggressive behavior and she got out. Yeah, she honestly, Claire did everything right here. Yeah. Like, she shouldn't have expected one to charge her once she got back in the water. She didn't do anything wrong.

Right. Yeah, and she's hardly even, that she's unlucky. It is. It truly is just bad luck. But I would say, like, don't, you probably shouldn't swim with them. I don't think it's a good thing to swim with them. Let's be honest. Buying cannabis shouldn't be complicated, sketchy or low quality.

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Who's got a patron once? I gathered up a couple. First one is from Ruby. Ruby. I like that name. I do too. What is your all-time favorite SNL skit? Mine is Bill Hader's puppet class.

That was Ruby. Huh. That's a good question. No, I'm going to go with the classic Chris Farley getting mad about the fake sugar in his coffee. Yeah. Where he, like, destroys the entire restaurant. Yeah. My friend recently sent me the gif of when he's in his, like, oh, what's the down by it living in a van?

down by the river, but he was on an exercise bike for some reason, and the exercise bike started moving, and he just, like, crashed through a wall. Okay. Anytime Chris Farley crashes through stuff. It's the best, like, physical comedian ever. Yeah, for sure. I would probably pick, like, all of Chris Farley's. They're just so good.

They're so funny. You guys kind of already said them. If I were to go outside of that, I would maybe pick that SNL Digital short that Will Forte did the first date one with Megan Fox. Yeah, that one's so funny. The SWAL. That's one that I've like gone back and watched a lot. Yeah.

Yeah. The one, the weird one that always sticks with me, Chris Katan. There's one where he had like really brittle teeth. Okay. So he had to have everybody else chew his food for him. Yeah. And then they would like spit it into his mouth. Do you remember that one?

Yeah. It's like not that. It's funny, but it's more like what is. This is so gross. Yeah. Yeah. That's just the one I remember. It's a great question.

Okay. Next question from Melanie. My older brother, wants to know, if you were a fish, where would you like to be hooked? If I'm a fish, where do I want to get hooked? Probably, like, in the really dense, like the really thick skin of my back, you know, somewhere where, like, just somewhere where they're going to be able to pull it out and it's not really going to affect me in any way.

I don't know. I'm not much of a masochist. I don't want to get hurt somewhere. Yeah, I mean, the mouth. You want to get hooked in the mouth? Yeah. I feel like sometimes when you hook a fish in the mouth, though, you really mess stuff up in there.

I've always heard that, like, they don't have really the same. like nerve network as humans and they don't really feel pain in quite the same way. I don't think anything feels pain in the same way as another animal, but they definitely still feel pain. Like I'm not, I fish. I'm a fly fisherman. I love fishing. But I feel like that was a talking point that like fishermen came up with to like try and convince

people. Okay. When you hook into a fish, it starts flopping around in the water like crazy. It's like feeling it. I would say more the type of hook. I don't like a nat fly fishing. Like a tiny little jackets. It's like tiny little, like, fly.

Yeah. I was thinking maybe the tail, because I was thinking, like, what part of a fish would have the fewest nerve endings? Yeah. Maybe just the tail is, like, a weird, dead spot on them. I have been, like, long in. Weird question.

Get, like, a pierce lip anyways, you know? That's true. I'm glad we have been talking a lot about. Yeah. Like, thronged along from Blinklin 82. It's so cool. This one's from Michaela. Why doesn't your older brother Cyrus come on the podcast?

and secondarily, Mike and Wes now, what is one place that you would love to dive but haven't been able to yet? Jeff, you can even get it on that one. Size is so boring. He's really funny. He's just talking about teeth. I just think it just hasn't happened.

It'll probably happen at some point. The dolphin teeth. Yeah, we'll get them on at some point. What animal? I don't know. It's got to be like a shark. Yeah, something with lots of teeth. Yeah.

He's a dentist for contacts. Yeah. Yeah, he's great. We love Cyrus, but he's not part of the podcast. That's why he's not on it. Cyrus trolls West more than anyone in Earth. I feel like to. It's like global warming.

It's like impossible. It's true, but just like as a way to rile Wes up. Yeah, it always works. As far as my favorite place I'd want to go diving or a place I want to go, I really want to go to Raja Ampat in Indonesia. Oh, yeah. It's this little island there that is supposed to just have like the best diving. in like the most marine biodiversity.

So that's where I want to go. I just want to go so many places. It's like overwhelming. Yeah. Spalsvard. Go to Spall's Guard. You want to go diving in Spallard? It could be cool.

I want to go to Egypt. Apparently there's some really cool Red Sea. Red Sea marine life to check out. Those Red Sea liverboards too are cheap. It's like a thousand bucks for like six nights or seven nights. Let's do it. Let's go. Sure.

Jeff get certified and we'll go. Yeah. Is that it for Patron questions? To you, Jeff. Hey, thanks, patrons. We say that. a lot, but we sure love you. We do.

And you Apple Grizz Club people, too. Love you too. Yeah. Wait, look, the first question I'm going to read is the text I got from a random number. Is it Mr. Jason? I'm Anna. Is there any news about the medical equipment you contacted me last time? That's a great question.

Careful with that one. So that's a tip of violations. Number one, all right. No updates yet, Anna. If you're listening, Mr. Jason. All right, Tarcuna. Who's the better wizard? Merlin, Dumbledore, or Gandalf?

I'm saying Gandalf. You guys know I'm a big Gandalf head, though. Dumbledore is bottom tier. Yeah. Dumbledore can hardly keep those kids alive. Yeah. Gandalf's like an eternal angel spirit. I'll ride Dumbledore.

Okay. I'll pick Merlin then. I don't really, I don't have much Merlin lore in my five tips. Yeah, let's get them all fight. Yeah, that'd be sweet. Sure. some nerd out there's probably done it. Dumbledore even better than

Voldemort or he shouldn't be named. Shit, we got to get out of here. I'll cut me saying his name. Yeah. Okay, so you can know the movie The Other Guys. Yeah. Rockin Russian boy wants to know where do you stand on the lion versus tuna debate

in the movie The Other Guys? I don't remember that. Okay, so pretty much Mark Wahlberg. says to Will Ferrell, like, you're like a desk cop and you're never going to be a cop like me because, like, you're just a tuna and I'm a lion. Yeah. And Will Ferrell's like, I'll take that all day.

Tunas get to a thousand pounds. You come swimming out in the ocean. It's over for you. Like, tuna's taking you out a lion in the ocean. I would say, like, a big bluefin tuna if a lion's floating around in the ocean could probably ram at enough times that the lion's going to die. Yeah. I would agree with that.

But then I would give the lion. higher odds in the water than I would give the Tuna on land. Sure. So I tend to still pick the lion. Yeah. What about like three feet of water? I'm picking the lion and three feet of water. Yeah.

Big male African lion. Yeah. More weapons. They just got more weapons. That's what it comes down to. G.S. Dog Mom 89 wants no favorite battle scene from a movie. I mean, it's got to be a Lord of the Rings one for me. Yeah.

Yeah, I want to say Holmes Deep. Yeah. I think it's a good choice. But I also really like the like Normandy scene and saving Private Ryan. Like I always get really wrapped up in that. Those are such cliche answers. Yeah, I mean, it's not a movie. Game of Thrones has Battle of Bastards.

Yeah, but you're right, it's not a movie. The one I've been most emotionally affected by was the very end of a Davy Crockett movie. My dad and I used to watch when I was little at the very end at the Alamo when he dies. You don't see him die though. He's just waving the, I think it's like the Texas flag or something. But I remember I was like I'd run out of the room when that part happened because I didn't want to see him. Well, I didn't want to not see him die, I guess. That's how you would say that.

This doesn't really count as a battle, but the last scene of the last duel where they have Adam Driver and Matt Damon fight. Like they're both so terrible, but you just want him to kill Adam Driver so bad. Yeah. And like you're, yeah, anyway. I like the end of Monty Python, too. Yeah, I'll get arrested. That's a great battle. It's a great.

I would go home steep. I think just like, swords and arrows are, like, so much better than guns for the battles. Like, weird creatures and stuff, too. Yeah. And the battering ram. Yeah, he throws a dwarf. Yeah. All right.

Aliens? No, for me. I would probably say predator. Oh, yeah. A battle is kind of a... The start... Sure. Where do you draw the line between fights and battles?

Yeah. Scirmish. Katie Healy 28. The duck. Tell us about them. I already did. Annoying as hell. Jesse loves them to death, though.

They're cute. I feel like I like yellow ducklings more than the ducklings you got, but like for adult ducklings, they're really cool. We're a little disappointed because we're not ducklings anymore. Yeah, we thought they were Cayuga ducks, which are really beautiful, and we just learned they're like khaki ducks, and they're just going to be kind of brown. You got scammed. Yeah, we got duds. Hopefully that fox will eat them. I don't think they're devastated.

I hope that. Loop looks says, is celery ever an acceptable food? Mike, I'll let you style. Never. What is it doing? It's not giving you much. What are people ever doing with it? Fiber.

So, yeah. It fills you up. Apparently, yeah, I've heard that you actually burn more calories eating it than you get from eating it. Like the act of chewing. I don't know if that's true. I heard that with like cherries and I don't believe it. It's like, it's super. bitter and it's really sinewy so it gets stuck in your teeth and like the crunch it's almost like a soggy crunch

there's nothing good about celery i like it in like a green juice like i like the flavor of a little bit of celery in my green juice but i don't like just eating it no anytime you have to like put peanut butter and like chocolate chips on something to make it palatable and it's not that good yeah i'm gonna stand up for celery i love it go for it it's like it's honestly probably like a top five vegetable for it It's great dipped in ranch. Yeah. I like it dipped in some ranch. Like I love the crunch of it.

Like it, Buffalo Wild Wins and stuff? I just like the texture. Yeah. You get free floss. If I'm getting wings, I'm more excited about celery than carrots even. It's weird because, like, I'm the least picky eater, I know. I love all food. That's like the one thing you don't like.

It's the only kind of like regular food. You'll eat poop. I'd regularly. All right. When I go to the bathroom. Benson Benji. Particles. Part of the particles.

Molecules. Whatever. Of the baby animals on the cute baby animals bracket, which is the most dangerous as a baby? Whatever. Do we have any venomous snakes on that? Probably an elephant. We didn't have anything venomous.

Well, that swordfish. She's got that sharp little nose. Pokey roland cow. I'm saying the elephant. You might be right, because I don't think we really have any dangerous babies on there. I don't think any of them could kill you. Maybe a baby stingray.

They might be able to sting when they're that young. They're so small. Yeah, but still, stingrays really hurt. What's an elephant going to do? Like, step on you. Headhog, you step on that thing. Whip you in the groin with its trunk? Baby hedgehog.

Ouch. Yeah, there you go. Baby hedgehog. I would almost say baby giraffe. Just I think a kick from a baby giraffe would really hurt. Yeah, I like that. I think that's probably what I'm going to pick. Baby girl.

I can probably like, punch you in the balls. There's a lot of these babies that have. they bit you would hurt, but like, I think the most dangerous I'm going to say the giraffe. Okay. I'll trust you. You're the biologist. All right. For this one, so not Taylor Lewis.

Ask least favorite celebrity. I'm staying out of personal lives for it and just saying like least favorite for me in like a movie. This is such an easy pick for me. Go for it. Jared Leto. Oh, really? Okay. I just find him so annoying.

Yeah. And he's a bad person that takes advantage of underage girls. Wow. There you go. Yeah. And he has like a cult kind of, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I guess is R. Kelly count in that case? Like anyone like that? Yeah. That's why I was trying to say not personal lives. Yeah. Right. Like, how about celebrity who's like they're the product that they put out? You know what I'm going to go with is Machine Gun Kelly.

Okay. Like I actually kind of like them outside of what they do. But when I listen to his music, I thought it was like the worst music. It's pretty tough. Yeah. You like him outside of his music? I mean, I think he like is interesting and like, yeah, like it's not like I, he's on jackass. That's kind of funny.

Yeah. And like it's not like he's like someone I hate because of who he is. It's just like his actual like music sucks. Like my anti-celebrity feelings really peak this time of year because of the Metgala. Like that's the time of the year where I'm just like, we need to stop this. It's so hungry. Game Z. I know.

I've always had this weird dislike of, I don't hate him, but Ed Harris. Okay. Because he really reminds me of a neighbor that we used to have that would always yell at us for any, like, we would ride our bike in front of their house. He seems like, get out here. Like a mean, kind of like older man. Yeah, like he would be very strict. He looks very stern.

Yeah. I like that. Ed Harris is in a lot of awesome movies, though. I like almost everything that he's in. I'm sure it's great. Yeah. Unless he goes to get to that gal, then I hate him. Uh, four H-C-H.

Which hoggward houses do you all identify with? Gryffindor. Slythering, dude, I'm bad. You're a bad boy. I've always, I've always felt, I've never done anything good because the whole house is never done anything good. You're literally a servant of the dark lord. Yeah. There's no other.

Honestly, people that try and say they're good. It's like, oh, there's good. It's like, no, there's not, not a single one. They're all, yeah. I've always identified with Ravenclaw. Yeah, I see that for sure. I kind of wish I didn't identify the Gryphanort, but I just, that's who I figured.

No, that's your name. Lauren VXP, if you could have the hair slash fur of any animal, which would you have on your body? The hair slash fur. I would want one like an otter or something where it's like really water repellent. And so I can just swim around in the water and float too, but just also have like a really nice time and slide around and stuff.

Yeah. So yeah, Otter, River Otter. I'm going to go with the River Otter, not Sea Otter. Cool. I think I'll go with the lion. Okay. The main. Yeah. That's really good.

I'm going to go zebra. I like their mohaws. They're so cool. I like, I've said this before, but the fact that like the color of their like stripes on their skin, it goes up onto the, yeah. Yeah, I guess Maine you would call it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I thought you meant the color of their skin also matches the color of their fur.

Is that also true? I think so. I think they have striped skin as well, because I know tigers do. Real Aza Wilson wants to know, what's Jeff's golf handicap? I don't know. I golf like 118. I always feel like golf just seems like you're hitting a ball, like, I don't know, like 400 yards, and you're supposed to get it there in like four or five turns.

It's like kind of crazy. Jeff, every time I've gone out with you, you're like a bogey golfer. The dwarves invented it by chopping that guy's head off and it fell in the gopher hole, too. That's canon. That's canon. What about you guys having golf things? I know. Because dad wants me to be an alternate on his team.

I'm not a good golfer at all. Not that in the golfing, but I'm an 18. I'm the lowest handicap possible. Because his driver to like the three wood, he hits them all about this. Or like the driver to the pitching wedge is like about the same distance. Yeah. Well, should we go on to conservation? Yeah.

All right. So these guys are IUCN endangered. It's actually thought that the populations of them are like pretty dense and there's a lot of them. But they're also thinking that we're going to lose about half of the population of Amazon River dolphins every 10 years. So, and that's largely due to deforestation loss of habitat. That's interesting that that affects rivers so much. Yeah, I mean, if you cut all the trees down, it just completely affects, like, amount of animals that you find in the river, the prey, river clarity, all sorts of things. So, yeah, it's a huge thing for them.

Mining is a big deal where there's a lot of mercury and stuff getting in the water and it affects them. They're also targeted by fishermen, both because they directly compete with fishermen, so fishermen don't like them and they'll kill them on purpose. And then because fishermen use their flesh for bait for a specific type of desired catfish. So a big risk for them is actually just like direct human conflict. Yeah. So they are in some trouble and hopefully. That sucks. That's actually even like river dolphins are getting killed by fishermen.

Yeah. Because you know ocean dolphins. Yeah. It's so. Dolphins don't have it easy right now. If half of them die every 10 years is what you said? Yeah. What happens when there's only one left?

Then it'll, I don't know. It'll be functionally extinct. Oh, yeah. I guess that's, yeah. We'll have to find. some tree sap with their DNA and make some more. Frog DNA, yeah. All right.

Finally, our last category, how much do we like this animal? Let's give them our claws. I'm going to go first. I'm going to give them a six claws out of ten. I feel like I'd be really thrilled if I were in the Amazon to see one. I'd feel like I saw this kind of like unicorn at the Amazon. I don't find them particularly like a beautiful animal. I think it's really cool that they're a dolphin species.

that lives in the rivers. You know what, I'm talking to myself into a seven. I'm going to give them a seven. The sex part. It's cool that they have so many positions. The right angle. Can you believe it? And just, I think it's cool that they turn pink and stuff after they fight.

They're a neat animal. So, yeah, seven. Yeah, any animal that's so distinct looking that, like, all of that mythology is built up around them, I think it's just really innately cool. So I'm also going to give them a seven. And that might bump up the more I consider it because I've only really known about them existing for the past hour or so. So, like, I don't know. I haven't really landed that plane yet.

Okay. Look at a bunch more photos. I will. I'm going to go with a five. Okay. I'm going to show you a bigger photo one. Four or five. Yeah.

Just because, like, I like my dolphin's cute. You know, I'm a simple guy. When I see a dolphin, I want to think that's cute. And I don't think I would. Sure. I do think it's really cool. They live in rivers. I think I'm going to end up putting a type of dolphin in my top, like, 40 to 30 animals.

Yeah, Wes is showing me just the ugliest dolphin right there. It really does look like a naked mole rat kind of thing. So overall, I'm going to rank Amazon Pink River Dolphins. They're going to be 416. If that dolphin that he just showed us was wearing a hat, could you tell if it was a human or not? Navarved into a handspool. What was your claw rating?

5. 4 to 5.5. 4.5. 7. All right. Well, as always, guys, thanks for listening. We truly appreciate it. Are hippos pink? Yeah, they get pretty pink. And they have that bloods flower. That's my favorite pink animal. Okay.

Yeah, you can count them, I guess. Thanks for listening. As always, if you're interested in more content, especially content that Jeff and Mike are leading a little bit more often to check out our Patreon. Yeah. Check out our Apple Gris Club. It's really fun. There's like you're going to get double the content on day one. You're going to pay 10 bucks a month for it, which is cheaper than paying for, oh man, like three Snickers bars at this point.

We didn't adjust to inflation. No. Staying at 10 bucks a month. So sign up. And it is like it's the best way to support us. It is. Yep. Yeah.

we appreciate it if you can't afford it too like you just appreciate having listeners we love you we love everyone listening right now yeah all right okay bye guys see yeah