Tooth & Claw: True Stories of Animal Attacks - Jeffisode About Penis Injuries: The Pacu Fish, the Candiru Fish, and Lorena Bobbitt

Episode Date: June 9, 2025

In 1993, Lorena Bobbitt severed her husband's penis with a kitchen knife while he was asleep in bed. But before getting to that story, Jeff covers a couple of fish that may or may not have a habit of going after male genitalia. Watch here: https://youtu.be/j2iQPZ0txMs ~~ To advertise on the show, contact us! ~~ Tooth & Claw is brought to you by QCODE. Support the show and get access to an extensive library of exclusive episodes like this by supporting the show on Patreon or joining the Grizzly Club on Apple Podcasts. For the latest updates on the show and all things wildlife, follow us at toothandclawpod.com and social:  Instagram: @ToothandClawPodcast Twitter: @ToothandClawPod Wes: @GrizKid Jeff: @jefe_larson Mike: @mikey3ds Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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We did a subscription episode without him. Yeah, an explosive diarrhea. Huge diarrhea problem. Sorry about that. Or you were guiding birds. I forget. One of the two. I forget too.

And then we have Mike Smith, our sound guy, and I am Jeff Larson, our backup bear guy. Yeah, sure. Here we are. We're all three here again. Boy did I miss you guys this week. Yeah. We barely made it without you. Oh.

Yeah, we had a little off the rails episode. A lot of laughing. Yeah. Just a whole episode of laughing. I had a good week in Yellowstone. Hey. You guys want to hear a tiny bit about it. Yeah, I do.

I saw 29 bears. That's pretty good. In how many days? Twelve, twelve grizzlies. And the, the rest black bears in six and a half days. Did you win what? Did anyone see more bears than you?

Are you kind of like the Joey chest? I'm sure there's people that saw, no, there's people that saw more bears. There's people that that's all they do there is they just sun up to sundown, just look for bears in the park. We saw some wolves kill a calf and then the mom like chasing the wolves around and it was up pretty close. That was cool. Lots of great birds.

It was mostly a burning trip and boy, did we see. a lot of birds and some good ones. Harlequin ducks, those are my favorites. Boy, do I love those harlequin ducks. American dippers feeding young? You've lost. You saw some young feeding, Jeff, American dippers? Whoa.

You name two. What were they eating? Dippendots. Probably little bugs. They're little aquatic birds. Aquatic songbird. Oh. The challenge is just to name one.

Yeah, you're right. You know, Wes. I'm not good at following rules, Jeff. Not a rule follower. You're a rebel. I'm wearing a sweatshirt in my studio. It's going to get real hot. So people that are watching this over video will get to see me in different stages of heating up during this entire recording.

Isn't that going to be fun? Yeah, it just seems like you should take it off right now. This sweatshirt's really hard to take off. Oh, yeah. So in the middle of the episode will be much better. Yeah. But that's pretty much it for me. My Robin seems to be gone.

So that's nice. Maybe we won't hear it chirping in the back of this episode. I'm sure listeners will be sad to know it's gone, you know? Yeah, it was pretty much a fourth post. We should have introed it. Yeah. Mike, you got anything new? No, I was thinking about Robin when Wes brought up Robin.

They really did him a disservice giving him his little outfit when he was Batman's helper. I feel like that's kind of primarily the reason we don't see more Robin in Batman movies is because we don't really know how to deal with his costume anymore. It's not cool enough. It was fine back in like the 1950s or whatever, but like we can't really have a little boy running around in like a vest and stuff. Looking cool.

They haven't really updated his costume the same way that we've updated Batman's. There's that one Robin that turns into like Nightwing or something. Yeah, that was cool. And he's like, man, that guy is making me dress like such a dork and then he like gets like a cool one finally. I just know it from the video games. What were you going to say, Wes?

Between guiding and just my property right now is just a lot to take care of, I've just been a little overwhelmed. And so Jeff, you know, graciously is stepping in this week, and he's hosting this. He's going to be the lead on this episode. And I'm really excited to see what he came up with. Yeah. So actually, that's a great segue.

So, Wes, how big is your penis? I'm not going to say Just kidding Measure it by buses How many buses is it But today is a penis episode So that was the segue that I have written down And I thought of before.

Yeah I'm not gonna, yeah, we're not gonna No, I was just kidding But anyways There's a lot of penis talk in this episode I'm either going to be like Let's get more Jeff episodes Or all right

We can take a break from Jeff for a while now. It's not going to be just another episode, though. Jeff gave us a little bit of a teaser with a text last night saying, I'm in a real crazy rabbit hole right now preparing this episode. And now I'm really wondering how to get that rabbit hole went on this one. I'm very curious. I will say to the third, I have three stories. And the third one, you might want to listen to it.

It's definitely PG-13. You might want to, like, proof it for any kids listening. Yeah, this might be like a European PG-13 episode, like whatever their version of PG-13 is. But yeah, Wes, Wes was, well, first of all, I was prepping a hippo episode, and Wes was like, yeah, we told that in a news episode. I could not remember it at all, so I'm losing my marbles a little bit. And it was one within the last year, too. Yeah, the lady who got eaten by a hippo. So anyways, Wes sent me some suggestions.

He sent me two suggestions, and one of them was just a clip from the show River Monsters with Jeremy Wade. And he's investigating Papa New Guinea, the Sepik River. And anyways, so I decided to go with that one. And the episode, it's, or episode one, season three, and it's called the mutilator. And, you know, Wes must have thought I'd be good at a penis episode, too, because, you know, he'd send me that. And he's like, maybe he should do this. You know, over the years of tooth and claw, there's been a lot of penis-related jokes that have made it to the cutting room floor. And often from Jeff, and often, you know, we have to kind of talk a little bit about why those get cut.

And so I just really wanted to just let Jeff get it all out in one episode. Would you say I'm an expert? I would say you're an expert at making penis jokes. Yes. I would say you have excelled in that. And I'm an expert at cutting them out of the episode. So, you know, we're going to let Jeff really take the reins here and just go with it. It's circumcising them out of the episodes.

River Monsters. That's actually not a penis induendo. It's about. That old silver fox. Jeremy Wade. How many episodes of that have you watched? I've probably only watched like five, and a couple of them have been because of episodes that we've done,

like the Gooch, how the Gooch stole Christmas. Yeah. Gooch. Gooch is something else. Yeah. Well, you know, we're on the topic. Yeah, they've stolen a few Christmases, too, I bet. Anyways, in this episode, Jeremy goes out,

to a really remote group of people, tribe, whatever you want to call them, out in Papua New Guinea, who are, like, really just isolated from the rest of the world. You can only get there from a boat, and they're just living off of the water, this Sepik River, and, like, fishing, getting food from the river,

they survive off of it. So they're, like, extremely reliant on this water, but then there's been, like, a few stories that have gone out into the world of people whose penises have been bitten off while they're in the water and that they bled out and died afterwards. And there is like, I don't know, for our female listeners, I think they kind of get it, but not complete,

like you can never completely get. It's just like for a man, it's like, that's just one of the biggest, holy shit, I can't, that's the worst thing that could happen to me type of feeling in you. even if it's not actually the worst thing that could happen to you. Like, it feels like that. Like, I remember as a kid, I brought it up in Mike's most recent episode, watching Mission Impossible 2, where you get shot in the penis.

I was like, oh, no, he can't have sex anymore. It also, like, and I think the female experience in a lot of ways physically can present some, like, pain that we could never understand, like, pregnancy for people that get pregnant. There's certain things that just like men will never be able to understand that type of pain. But there is something very unique about getting kicked or punched in your groin pain. It's just, it is all-encompassing crazy pain. And so when you see someone's genitals get hurt on like TV or movies or whatever, you just feel it.

It's kind of like how when we see someone spraying their ankle because we've all had ankle injuries, it makes us kind of cringe in a different way. And that's how I feel about penis injuries as well. In the jackass movies, they'll have like a someone serving a tennis ball at them like 150 miles an hour. Right. And it'll be like they'll just cover their privates. Yeah. And it's like their face is completely exposed.

Everything else is just like I'll take it everywhere but there, you know. Yeah. So anyways, there's just something ingrained in us. don't mess with that area. So I think it's like a fascination. And obviously Jeremy was like, let's go figure what's going on out there. So he talks to some people and there's like someone named Francis

and then also a local fisherman who have both been attacked in the water. And they both say it feels like humans are biting them. And it's like human bites on their legs. And one of the people thought it was like the spirit. of the river was trying to like pull him in because it felt like humans just like biting him and pulling it. Yeah. Interesting. Probably not, right? I'm going to probably not. So yeah, Jeremy starts to catch fish and he catches a fish that really surprises him called a

Paku and it surprises him because these are from South America. Yeah. And he did not expect it in this water and he goes and talks to the tribal leader and the tribal leader. Like, yeah, they introduced them 15 years ago to, like, try to give us more fish to be able to catch, and it's, like, destroying everything. We're going to be eating Paku when we go to Brazil soon. Ooh. That is the fish that more than often you get served. Okay. Yeah.

And they're closely related to piranhas. They just look like a big piranha, but they have rectangular teeth instead of, like, the sharp pointy teeth. and they pretty much in Brazil in their native area they pretty much are known as being like a vegetarian fish that eats nuts that fall into the water so they have super powerful jaws to like break open these nuts and eat nuts so when Jeremy first catches one it's like kind of a smaller one he's kind of like it probably isn't this these don't eat

like these don't target meat and then he starts using meat and he just keeps catching them. And then when he, like, interviews more of the villagers, it's just like, yeah, we're getting bit by humans, and these things look like they have human teeth. They really do. Mike, look at this. See, I don't like it when fish have teeth that,

I guess, really have teeth at all, except for shark teeth, I guess. But these aren't nice to look at. Yeah, they're still, they're sharper than a human's teeth, but they look like humans. They look very human. Yeah, it's unsettling. So it stands the reason after he keeps catching these,

you know what, maybe these are the fish attacking people. Biting people's nuts. But in the episode, they're nut eaters, dude. Like one of the people that was reported to have died from one of these fish, he actually interviews that person. The person obviously didn't die. He was hospitalized. So I'm not sure how much truth there is to the,

the whole viral thing of them, like, specifically targeting penises. Okay. But they definitely are attacking people whose legs are in the water, and it stands to reason that, like, yeah, they might get a penis every once in a while. Right. But it's one of those things. I couldn't build a whole story off of it because this is, like, a super remote tribe who, you know, they're not, like, reported. stuff to the outside world. So it's really hard to really verify what's actually going on there.

Yeah. And, you know. It doesn't, yeah. It's not like totally outside of the realm of possibility that these would bite people to because they are closely related to piranha. This is a really close cousin to piranhas. So it doesn't, you know, I'm sure he wasn't totally shocked when people thought they might be getting bit by Pakus, right? Well, at first he was really dismissive of it.

And he was like, that's not going to be it. But then, like, once he kept catching him and, like, once he interviewed more people and they were like, yeah, it was getting bit by humans, he was kind of like, well, I think he just viewed it as a fish that wasn't going to search for meat. Okay. But then, like, the thing, the other thing is you, he was, what it took in the episode was, like, Jeremy was, like, he knew Pacu fish and he knew their habits and what they did. and it didn't fit the narrative.

But then the fish doesn't fit the ecosystem either. So, like, they ate up all of the vegetation really fast and honestly did a ton of damage to the local fish, to the local vegetation, to the crocodiles even. Like, there's a report of them, like, eating hatchlings. One of the tribe leaders that he saw, like, a crocodile trying to get out of the water while they were just trying to eat it. Oh, wow.

And so it's like destroying this ecosystem and pretty much probably what's happened is in Brazil, way more nuts and fruit fall into the water and they're able to just live off of that. But in this ecosystem, there wasn't nearly enough vegetation. So they turned to meat. Turn to dicks. Yeah. Exactly. Well, I was thinking if you see something swimming around and you're trying to get at kind of like the easiest to bite part,

I think the penis might be it, right? Yeah. Like, nothing else is quite as, like, dangly and just out there for you to go grab on to. Yeah, exactly. And it's, like, the best, if you have, like, big old jaws like that, that's, like, the most meat you could bite off with one bite. Yeah, it's going to be the most satisfying bite for sure. What's his name in Game of Thrones? There's Theon, and who's the guy that cuts it off?

Yeah. Rampaster. Ramsey. Is it? Ramsey and he's just eating a big old sausage. Yeah. He's a Baku fish. Wishing you could be there live for the big game,

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Book it with price. Download the price line app or visit priceline.com. Actual prices may vary, limited time offer. Alright, so that's what I got for Paku fish. I couldn't really find anything about an actual case of a penis getting bit off and them going to the hospital though. Oh, okay. But you can imagine what it'd be like if one did.

There weren't any stories on the episode? There's stories, but it's all just like the villagers saying that this. saying this happened. Okay. So that made me have to look into other penis fish, right? Yeah. So there's the Kanduru fish. Wes, you know that one?

Yeah. The Kandiru fish is found in the Amazon region of South America. Conjured. And it's a type of catfish. It's about an inch long and has a thin eel-like appearance. and it's parasitic, so it uses spines on the covers of its gill to attach itself to gills of other larger fish, and then it's able to feed on those fish blood.

Oh, weird. This is the one, Mike, you've seen the movie, the rundown, right? Of course. Where the rock gets in the water, and she's like, don't pee, or the fish will swim up your penis. Oh, I know that. This is, I watched that movie once a week. Saturdays at 8.

Sean Williams got movie when it I think it's great Yeah loved it Christopher Wachan There's a while Where that just like Was a thing that everyone thought existed though In the world

Yeah To this day it's still When you're in Brazil People still talk about Conjuru I think I'm saying that right But it's like happened like once It's

It's C-A-N-D-I-R-U Yeah I couldn't I couldn't find any like scientific proof that's ever happened. Really? There's stories of them removing them from urethras. Are you sure?

Because I've looked into this for an episode before. Yeah, they're out there. Okay. It's happened. Yeah. You know what? But mainly it is like myth, right? No, it's happened before.

There's like a medical record of them removed. I think it's only happened once though. And that's why it's, and they think it might have just been like a freak accident. But because of that, the myth has been passed along. but it has happened. Right. If you're wrong about this, I'm going to be mad. The myth is that it will happen if you pee, I think, is more what's being said rather than it's never, ever happened.

Right. The most recent reported case occurred in 1997. A report made in Portuguese, a Brazilian neurologist claimed to remove a conjure from a person's urethra. But there's inconsistencies, yada, yada, yada, yada. Okay. Yeah. Well, great. That actually makes it better, I think.

Yeah. Like that it can happen. The things that are myth is like, there's a lot of talk about if you're peeing, it makes it so they're attracted to the pee and will swim up your urethra of your penis. And there's like no evidence or anything to support that. Right. And there's even myths that have gone so far to say that they can climb out of the water and swim up. If you're peeing into a pool of water, they'll swim up the trail.

Stream. into your penis. So like, it's kind of good because, like, you really shouldn't be peeing into fresh water. So it's like, at least people aren't peeing into fresh water pools then just because they're afraid of it. Maybe that's how it all started is just someone was like, I'm so tired of everyone peeing in this good water. Let's make up a lie so people stop. Yeah. That they can only be removed through surgical meth thids, which is.

include penis amputation is like a myth that goes on about them. Also that they'll lay eggs in the bladder. Ooh. Yeah, that one's good. But you know what? Maybe one has went into a penis and put its little spikes in there and won't get out. So that's pretty crazy. Yeah.

I mean, I found a medical paper that says when it swims into the urethra, it can be difficult to pull out by its tails because the umbrella like spines near its head may extend and prevent its removal. Forced extraction may cause lacerations of the urethral mucous membranes, which has caused death by exanguination. Remedies have ranged from penile amputation and sub-repubic cystolomy to application of a native herb that softens the spines of the conjuru. So maybe, I mean, maybe in some of these, like, little villages in the Amazon, this has

happened more than we know. Yeah, kind of like our piranha story where it's like, from like, from like, scientific papers is like hard to find any proof that piranhas had killed anyone but once you started interviewing people it's like no there go yeah my cousin got killed by one yeah yeah okay yeah yeah that's on me i should have researched that a little bit harder i guess but thank you west for knowing that and pretty serious stuff yeah so here's the one i really dove deep into and you guys Probably are familiar with the story, but I'm sure a lot of our listeners, maybe some people have never heard it, but I don't think the majority of people have dove deep into it.

Okay. So I was just thinking penises, right? Right. I was like, what's a good penis story? I was like, when I was growing up, there is a lady who cut off a guy's penis and like, Lorraine Bobbitt. Yeah, threw it out in the grass. Yeah.

So, yeah, John and Lorena Bobbitt in Manasseh, Virginia, June 23rd, 1993. And before I get into this one, I just want to quote Logan Paul real quick. And he says, I don't want to sound like a woke asshole, but dude, women have it hard. Okay. Wise. But, you know, I'm fine sounding like a woke. asshole, but also I do agree women have it hard. Yeah.

So wait, you're just telling the Lorena Bobbitt story for the end of this episode? Yeah. Okay. All right. Welcome to our wildlife podcast. Yeah. Well, don't worry, I'll tie at least two animals into it. Okay.

Yeah. I'm fair. All right. So, June 23, 1993, 4 a.m. Cops were called about like a domestic violence dispute, right? Yeah. So some of the cops go to this house and they like hear what actually happened, but then they're too afraid to put it over their radios because people listen into cop radios, I guess.

Yeah. So they're just like- What was the date? Sorry. June 23rd. Okay. What year? 1993. All right.

It's like two weeks after Jurassic Park was released. Nice. A lot of stuff was going on, right? Yeah. There is peak entertainment, possibly. But anyways, they're on the radio telling responding officers that there's a missing appendage. And people don't really know what they're looking for, but they don't want to, like, air everything out over the radio. So anyways, Lorena, she went to her sleeping husband.

And then she played with it while he was asleep to make it hard. And then she made a clean cut at the base and cut it like straight off. Wow. What was the tool? Do you know? Yeah. But no, it was like an eight inch knife, like really sharp Japanese kitchen knife. Japanese.

Oh, interesting detail. Yeah. So then if that's going to happen to you, you want it to be the sharpest possible. knife. Oh, I should say to my source, I watched a four-part documentary series on, it's called Lorena and is produced by Jordan Peel. You've watched it. Oh, wow. It's really good. So then in this documentary, there's a lady who was supposed to, you know, help find the knife and penis, and she says that cops told her that they thought Lorena may have swallowed the penis. So, So there's just like mass confusion right now.

They don't know where the penis is. She's pretty, she's not found at this point. So they just don't know what's going on. That's such good plausible deniability. Like you swallow basically the centerpiece of the crime. They can't blame me for anything. You're going to, you're walking free after that. You know, but they're like a really good looking young couple too,

just to set the. stage a little bit. So I'm going to get into John a little bit here. John says that he was asleep and he felt a tug and then a hard jerk while he was sleeping. And he says that he was just imagining Freddie Kruger's hand coming through the wall. I think he probably is like made that up a bit, you know, but it's still funny. He's an ex-Marine and then at the time was like a current bartender, 26 years old, he fell in love Lorena and he's kind of a bit of a character. Just wait for me. I'm going to get into all of it.

But just to show, he found her engagement ring at a public pool and came home and just like proposed to it after he found the ring. Sure. Like, I don't know. Was he like not going to propose had he not found that ring? and he just saw the ring. I guess maybe that's a sign. He was waiting until he found one.

Well, let's just say one of his nicknames after the incident was Forrest Stump. Great. Instead of Forrest Gump. He wasn't the smartest guy, so it could have just been like, he found a ring and was like, all right, I'm going to. Nothing else to do with this ring. Yeah. That's great. But, yeah, when it happened, his friend Robert Johnson was all.

also staying at the house, which, like, that'd be insane to, like, be invited to your friend's house and have your friend get his dick cut off. Yeah. And then, uh, I just want to play a little clip from the documentary here. I collected myself and apply pressure and, uh, um, my friend Robbie was staying with us. I woke Rob my friend up. I kicked him and, um, he didn't realize what was happening, uh, because he just woke up asleep. I kind of was like waiting for my friend to get ready because he went and brush his teeth. Why do you think she did this to you?

Well, I was divorcing her, leaving the marriage, telling her our marriage it can work out. She wanted to keep the marriage and try to make it work. And she felt real hurt about me ending it. All right. So it's just that was like pretty quick after that interview, he's young. It's like pretty quick after the incident and the audience are. just laughing at him, right? Yeah.

But pretty much he says, like, I woke my friend up, and he went and, like, brushed his teeth, and here he is just bleeding out. And he even says, like, it took him a really long time to figure out what happened. So, like, cops on the scene, the bed, there was, like, a big pool of blood on the bed. The, you know, Dexter, whoever their blood scientist is, comes in there. And they're just like, yeah, this guy stayed on his bed for like way too long. He was just laying in bed. Oh, no.

But yeah, anyways, John claims the reason she did it is that he told her he was going to divorce her, right? Right, yeah. If that's true, huge overreaction, right? Well, let's get into Lorena a little bit. At the time, she was 24 years old. She's from Ecuador. She moved to the U.S. at 18 years old and met John at a Marine ball type of thing where he was like, you know, when Marines are full uniform and he's already pretty good looking and he's got the full uniform on. So he was peak hotness for him in his whole life.

Can't resist a man in uniform. She falls in love with him at the dance. She says he's super handsome, beautiful eyes and like fell in love with him. Well, here's the knife part. Jinsu carving knife that she found. I'm envisioning like a little, like a mini katana kind of thing. Just like a little samurai sword slashing it off. But yeah, so she, the night of the incident, you know, she went to the kitchen after she was very upset with John and we're going to get into that.

It's very serious. and she goes into the bedroom, pulls down the sheets, cuts the penis off. Then she went to her car and drove away. Now, Mike, in mob movies or mob shows, if someone stab someone or shoot someone,

what do they do with the weapon afterwards? They're usually not super smart about it. They like toss it in their trunk and then just like kind of forget about it sometimes or like throw in the garbage can or something. Yeah, but off the bridge. A lot of, a lot of shows and stuff,

teach you get rid of the weapon, right? Yeah. So she's like, all right, I'm going to get rid of this knife. She throws her way in a garbage can. But then she's also driving and she's having a hard time driving because she's still clutching this penis. Oh, she's still holding her. Oh, yeah.

Wow. And she's probably got blood on her hand, so it's hard to hang onto the wheel. You can only imagine how much harder it be to stay at 10 and 2 if you're clutching a penis in your hand. Yeah. A severed one. She also throws the penis out the window. Okay.

Into like a grassy field by a 7-Eleven. Yeah. Not a good place for your penis to be. No. Some unsavory things happen outside a 7-Eleven. If your penis ends up in a 7-Eleven parking lot, you know that somewhere your life went wrong. That's the check engine light. Yeah.

That's when you should be like, huh, maybe I made some bad decisions. Although this guy, he doesn't really seem to have like, when does he acknowledge that he no longer has a penis? Because when you said it took him a while to figure it out, I was like, there's no way it takes more than five seconds. Maybe he went into shock or something. Yeah, it could be. He claims he was just super tired. But then like, I'll just, I'll just skip ahead to the trial part of this. His friend who was the one who brushes his teeth, Robert, was like, yeah, we got pretty drunk.

that day. So he was just like so drunk it was like he couldn't tell what was going on still. Sure. Sure. Which is the it's still weird but it's the only thing that makes any sense. Yeah.

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I can work with that. This should be tons of fun. Marvel Television's Daredevil, Born Again, now streaming only on Disney Plus. So, I'm going to share my screen once more. Okay, so Lorena, right? She's very panicked. She knows she is probably in some trouble,

and she goes to her. friend's house it's super almost like early it's so late it's almost like early morning at this point right goes and bangs on the door until the husband comes down she's like i need to talk with jana jana comes down she's like what's going on lorina like what's wrong and i just want to play this clip so this jam her down and she's crying and then she said i cut his penis off and i said you did what that's it you did what you did what You did what? Oh, gosh.

So that was Jana's perspective of the incident. So then she gets pulled into the police station. They're like, hey, before we take your statement, before we like hear what's going on with you, where's the penis at? And she's like, it's just in the room. And they're like, no, it's not. And she's like, well, I threw some stuff out the window. So then they go on like they're like well what was like your path and she like has to give them the route that she drove and then they're on a big search for this penis.

You know these cops like probably worked harder to find out than they've ever worked for anything. Oh man. So motivated. I envision them finding at like the scene in ET where they find them down by the weird It's like feeble and lamped down by the riverbank. Shribbled. So, yeah, I did John and Lorena, and now this next section I have bullet points is just labeled the penis.

So police found the penis lying in the grass by the 7-Eleven. Willard Hurley, which I love this guy. He was like one of the sergeants, he was high up in the police force. He found the penis, but he was a very religious man, so he couldn't touch the penis. Come on. Yeah, that's gay. He had to call someone, Mike Perry, a volunteer firefighter, to come grab it as he was, like, standing with his arms stretched out, pointing down at it. Oh, my goodness.

So crazy. Just grab the penis. Homophobia was like at a different level. Some of the cops were like saying that they think he stepped on it is how he found it. Like a banana peel to do you just slip and fall. So then they bring it into the 7-Eleven and what do you do if you have this penis now? Put it on ice. Well, where would you put the ice?

In a slushy go. Yeah. Well, they put it in a hot dog bag. What? It's hot dog shaped. Sure. I guess that kind of makes sense. And then enters David Berman, who is a microsurgeon, and this was his first ever penis

reattachment. He was like very young for a microsurgeon. Must have been a small penis. Before his 30, so. And he looked younger than he even was. So like when he'd get interviewed, like, one guy was like, you don't even know what a penis is yet which is kind of a weird thing to say yeah so his main plan i mean he'd never done it before but he's kind of like well i just need to attach the major artery and then the major penis veins and like

it should work and he does that and then the real moment of truth was removing the turnicet and restoring blood flow and just seeing if that blood was going to flow back into this penis that's been disconnected for a few hours now. Yeah. And it does. So he's able to successfully reattach this penis. Nice. I'm just thinking about all the people I had on my trip in Yellowstone that I told about

our podcast. And like they're all in their like 60s and 70s. And I really, really, really hope they don't listen to this episode. Like I really. This is the best one to start with. Avoid this one. Now, why'd she cut the buddy's penis off? Okay.

Yeah, he's not the buddy, first of all. He's a pretty bad guy, it turns out. He is. But, yeah, so she gets questioned by police. She actually gives a really bad answer. It's too bad she didn't ask for her attorney. She says that the reason she did it was because he is a selfish lover pretty much. I'm going to paraphrase some stuff.

We don't need to get like super into it. But comes out later in the trials, like he was a rapist to her as like, as spouses. Like he just didn't. He was sexually assaulting her. Yeah. Sexually assaulting her. Yeah. Sorry, I'm trying to like.

Be diplomatic, but no, you're doing it. For something that was like a really like long process, I'm trying to sum it up to not get too gross in this episode. If you want to more info on that, watch the documentary. They do a really good job of painting the picture of what was happening in their house. But yeah, for the purposes of our podcast, like, there was a lot of sexual assault happening. And he was being very dominant in taking advantage of her background. Yeah. Yeah.

And yeah, it's always a really hard scenario for someone who's not a U.S. citizen yet to be able to, like, leave. an abusive partner so there's just like a lot of really components against her um so in the aftermath brett and todd who were also my college roommate's names yeah are her brothers or i mean are john's brothers and they went looking for lorrainea the night of it all saying that they were like going to try to kill her because what she did was worse than kill him and it's just crazy this is all just like them on TV like a daytime TV interview just saying like yeah

we were trying to kill her well again I was old enough to kind of remember this I think I was like nine and I remember every news thing was just about how he was maimed and she did all this to him and how it was like this vengeful wife and this innocent guy

and so I think a lot of the initial news coverage was really kind of compassionate towards John. And so people saying this kind of thing on a talk show, you'd kind of be like, yeah, of course they did. Like she just cut off his dick for no reason, you know? Yeah, especially at the start before, like, the sexual information really came out. Everyone was on John's side.

Like, this lady's crazy. And, like, the way I remembered it was just, like, some crazy lady cut off her husband's penis. Right. You know? That's how the news reported it for a long time. time. Yeah. And like it's still really hard for women. Like there's a whole, would you rather see a bear or man in the woods conversation that even us, we didn't really get it at first, right? But it's

like women have every right to be like very afraid of men in general. And it makes sense that a lot of women. We're the biggest threat to them. Right. Out of everything. Yeah. And honestly, it's gotten a lot better since the 90s, but it's still really bad. But like if you watch like some of the documentaries, like Woodstock, women just didn't have a voice that people wanted to listen to about sexual assault in the 90s. And it's at least getting better even though we still have a long ways to go. Yeah, I think especially, I'm just saying like this time period was like a shifting point in culture.

I think especially within marriages, it was really tricky for people to understand that there's there's still consent there's still all these different things that have to happen for there to be like appropriate sexual activity and i think during that time a lot of people just thought oh if you're married like you have to have sex with your husband and that's not the case like no one has to have sex half of the states it wasn't even illegal to like there wasn't a law against like marital uh rape there's just marital sexual misconduct yeah so anyways Yeah, there's just a lot of mistreatment to women in the 90s and women. It became like a real, once it started coming out that she was saying, like, no, he was like sexually abusing me all the time.

A lot of women started like taking her side, which was like, you know, a lot of guys were like, wait, she cut off his penis and people are like on her side. But then it started to make more and more and more sense why this happened. and Oprah, or not, no, Whoopi Goldberg, there's a clip of her doing stand-up where she's just like saying, it wasn't even really stand-up when she was doing it, though. She was saying, now men have a little bit of what we feel every day when we're around them. We've put a bit of fear into men. I actually think it's a really good point. I think every man after hearing that story was like, that's scary.

know. Right. Yeah. But anyways, another funny little tidbit from it was newspapers weren't allowed to use the word penis. So there was a bunch of newspapers just using like tallywacker in different names. Wait, is there like a governing body that told all newspapers they weren't allowed to use that word? I don't know. That's crazy to me. It was like their editors or or whoever said that's a word we can't use. But then New York Times said, like, wife cuts off husband's penis, and then everyone started using the word penis a bit,

which got me thinking, you know how in high school, I don't know if you're, you were a bit ahead of us, West, but for us especially, I'm sure you had it too, where it's just a joke to yell penis in class and stuff. Yeah. So I will say you a lot of this stems from that. I remember it was such a taboo word for us. I was in Sunday school right after this happened in church,

and the teacher was trying to illustrate some lesson about how, like, she was using a newspaper for some illustration, and she held up a newspaper to, like, kind of show us something, and the headline just said penis in it, because it was the Lorina Bobbitt headline, and we just lost our minds, like lost our minds, and she just couldn't realize, back in because I was like a nine-year-old boy. Yeah, this is great.

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So it was marital sexual assault. And for some reason, he could only be judged for the day of the incident in five days prior. Interesting. So then, like I was saying, in this time period, it was like very against women being able to like come out against sexual assault. Yeah. So it's just a really hard. It still is in this time period too.

Like it's very hard for women to get there. And I'm not saying it's not. I'm just saying it was worse. Yeah. And it shifted the culture a lot, this whole thing. So with John, a big part of his thing was that his lawyer said he's incapable of lying. And when you watch him in trial, When he lies, it's like, oh, this dude's lie.

But that happens more in two months from now when Lorena goes to court. There were some parts of Lorena where it looked like she was assaulting John, like he had had scratch marks on his face, and like her mother had told the police that she was like being bad to John. So like there were things that really brought all. of the sympathy to John during his trial. There was a quote that looked really bad for him that he said, I will find you whether we're divorced or separated, and I'll have sex with you whenever I want.

So, like, there's some really bad stuff. And, uh, but anyways, John ends up getting cleared of the charges. He's found not guilty. And nine of his jurors were actually women. And like, the whole, everyone in the media, everyone just like living. in the world, honestly, because it is covered by the entire world, are on John's side right now, right? He goes on, like, Howard Stern. Howard Stern raised almost $200,000 for him to pay for his medical expenses and stuff.

And then he's just partying. But he also, sorry, before he does that, he goes to a ranch outside of Colorado Springs to try to stay out of the spotlight for a little bit. And this is where he's just like working as a rancher with his brother Brett. And he says that one of the bulls got away, or is this steer, I think. And he had to wrangle it back into its pen. And it kicked him in the penis. No. It's just like the worst pain ever.

Good. So there's an animal attack. Yeah. Hey, he brought it. I knew it. I knew you'd bring it all the way around. All right. It was crazy, though, because for like two months, John's just like this innocent guy.

But then Lorraine's trial comes two months later. And hers, because the first one was domestic violence, it couldn't be televised. But then, like, for whatever reason, they said this one was about, like, her cutting his penis off. So it could be televised. So court TV, like, gets it on TV. She's also facing 20 years. She was offered a deal to take four years. then be let out of jail, but then she'd be labeled as a felon, and she wouldn't be able to get

American citizenship, which was her dream. So she decides to fight it. And honestly, by the end of the documentaries, you're completely on her side. But, like, it's a huge risk because, like, she definitely cut his penis off. Yeah. You know? So it's going to be really hard. But tons of witnesses come in and testify of John's abuse, including some of John's best friends who played basketball with them. The neighbors would like come in and say like, yeah, we could tell that what was going on. And now what was really crazy is the prosecutor for when the prosecutor who tried to like find John guilty of marital sexual assault, he was the same prosecutor in Lorraine's case.

So he defended Lorina. Or no, sorry, he prosecuted John and then he also prosecuted Lorina. So he is on Lorena's side in the first court hearing. And then he was against her in the second one. You think there would be laws against that. Yeah. Yeah.

His name's Paul Ebert. And like when you hear that, you're like, this guy sucks, right? He was on her side and now he's going against her. But there's a lady who went to the nail salon that Lorraine worked at and like saw signs of her abuse and like saw bruises on her arms. And she called into the courthouse just like trying to talk to whoever she could to tell them like, listen, I like saw it firsthand.

Once I asked her about it, she said my husband did it. And then she did like a terrible job on my nails and eyebrows. And she like couldn't function anymore because she was so traumatized. So this lady calls in and she actually gets a whole. to Paul who's the person persecuting Lorena. So like... Prosecuting. Prosecuting.

So most any time the prosecution would just bury it, right? Right. Yeah. Paul sends it to the people defending her, sends her over to him. Has the psychiatrist who's like determining if Lorena's insane or not call this lady to like get her story? So Paul's actually like playing double agent. and he's like pretending that he's on John's side, but he's actually protecting Lorena.

Oh, so easily. Yeah, okay. Yeah. And he's like all mad that like this lady didn't call in earlier because then he's like, I could have got him had I had this. Yeah. So there's all this court coverage. And during the hearing of Lorena,

Tanya Harding does the whole poll on what's her names, on Nancy Kerrigan and the Menendez, twins are in trial. So it's just like crazy. Like everyone's just entertained. OJ is coming up pretty soon too. Yeah. Yeah.

I think OJ happened already, right? I think 94 was OJ. I forget. I think it's coming up. Yeah. So she is found not guilty, but she has to go 45 days in the mental hospital, which honestly she's still kind of bitter that she had to do anytime, anywhere, and he didn't.

But it's just like the law. If you win an insanity plea, you have to do that, which makes sense, honestly. Yeah. At the end of the day, listen, I don't want to defend or like, I'm going to take her side. I think at the end of the day, she was going to get a lot worse. But also at the end of the day, she did cut his penis off. So maybe some kind of recompense should be paid a little bit. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't think. You don't know. His penis was cut off. Yeah, but he did. There's any kind of punishment that would be justified. I'm saying bury him beneath the prison, throw away the key. Right. So, don't cut penises off.

So for me, for me, say he did go to prison for 20 years, then sure. Maybe she has to pay, like, the tiniest price for that. Right. But he got off Scott free. Yes. So no, I think like that is his punishment. And I think it is, I think he deserved worse, in my opinion. Definitely.

I think by like the letter of the law, they both should have been punished, but I kind of like how it played out where neither of them got punished because, like, he had his penis chopped off and she was able to, like, I mean, I wish that she had a better time with it, honestly, because she had everyone just making jokes about it and stuff,

but honestly, she kind of laughs about it when they tell her where they found the penis in the documentary and stuff. So, like, she even finds some humor in it. And they honestly kind of both set up their rest of their lives off of it too. So to me it's like you can either, I mean, the other thing that, like I was saying, legally, there's obviously still a ton of abuse towards women nowadays. But like in the 90s, especially the early 90s, women would call and like say like my spouse is abusing me.

and there wasn't much at all cops could do about it. Yeah. Like, they needed witnesses. They needed... Like, there's a lady in the documentary who was, like, beaten really severely with a tire iron by her husband, and she wasn't able to do anything because there's no witness. And it's like, obviously, it happened, you know? So a lot of legislation passes after this, but, like, I guess my point is,

if she didn't cut his penis off, he would have never... Like, she couldn't have just called for help. Yeah. So this was kind of her only way out. Sure. And I understand Mike's perspective where he hasn't. Sorry, Mike. I just want to defend you real quick.

Where you haven't seen the documentary and me and Wes have because it paints John much worse than I am right now. So, like, I just, yeah, go ahead. Yeah. I just, I think in this situation you should be able to. I think the amount of, like, psychological, emotional trauma that women in that situation are going to have to deal with for the rest of their life. For sure.

Like she should be able to cut off all the penises she worn. And she didn't, like Jeff was saying, she didn't really have another course of action that would have been as effective as that. There's a weird power dynamic. Like he's a Marine and she's an immigrant. There's just a lot of things that play. Yeah. So, yeah, chop away Lorena.

Well, and in 1994, like, I think there was a bunch of attacks that spawned this, but especially Lorena. Lorina attacking her husband, but also all the attacks that happened to her. But a violence against women act passed by Bill Clinton, and Bernie Sanders is on the documentary, just saying we need this bill. And then New Gringrich took the funding,

Gringrich. Gingrich. Gingrich. Takes the funding away from the bill. Uh-huh. And then there's a ton of protests. and they make them and re-insert it. It's just crazy that nothing changes.

You know, it's just the Clintons and Bernie Sanders and New. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on anti-a-sulsafebruary. acids, ginger tea, and milk. Haboniero? More like habanier, yes.

Save the everyday with Amazon. But, okay, so yeah, a bit of aftermath now. Yeah, so he was hiding out at the ranch, a bull kicked him in the penis, and then he calls his lawyer or whoever, and he's like, listen, I think I'm going to leave the ranch, and the guy's like, I think that's a really bad idea. And he's like, well, there's a lookalike. There's a John Wayne Bobbitt lookalike contest at a local hooters. So I think I can win.

So then he starts partying. He seems like he just says yes to like every opportunity anyone presents him. And everyone wants a piece of him right now, you know? Yeah. So he started a band called The Sever Parts. and it doesn't do well at all. So then if you can't make in a band, you got to go to porn, right? Yeah, of course.

Frankenstein penis. So first he goes into a porno called John Wayne Bobbitt uncut. And it's like one of the highest, like, most successful pornoes ever. Because everyone wanted to watch it just to see what his penis looked like. I'm kind of curious, honestly. Even like the microsurgeon was like, yeah, I got it just because I want to see like how my handiwork was looking. That's awesome. And then the porn guy, Big Shocker, turns out, was just taking complete advantage of John.

And like, it's sold a like record amount. And yeah, does huge numbers, but he doesn't make nearly what he should have. And then because it's so successful, he decides to do another porn movie called Frankenstein. And in this movie, he decides to get a penis enlargement operation. In, like, he's going to make his penis bigger in the actual porn movie, and he does it. And everyone's like, that seems like a really bad idea, John. Yeah. And only him and, like, the penis surgeon are like, no, don't worry about it.

And turns out it is a really bad idea to do a penis enlargement surgery on me. to surgically attached penis. So the guy, like, adds fat in it or whatever, and it just causes him a ton of problems in, like, severe pain. So he's kind of starting to get his come up into a bit, right? Yeah, yeah. Then he starts working at the bunny house. Mike knows what that is.

Mike was the bunny house. No, it's like a... Petting zoo? It's like a sex site in Nevada. Oh, I have heard of that. Yeah. It was like kind of their way around not being able to advertise because like they couldn't advertise, but then like TMZ or whoever could say like John Wayne Babbitt, now he's working at the bunny house. And so then people would find out what the bunny house was.

But while he was working there, he got arrested for stealing $140,000 worth of clothing and then returning it to other stores of the same brand. So he's like stealing clothes and then returning it to its store. down the street. And turns out that wasn't the best system. So he gets arrested and then the bunny house posted his bail. And when they post his bail, they have this huge party set up for him. And instead, John takes one of the workers, like one of the girls from the bunny house and goes all the way to Niagara Falls with her and he's just on the run.

So they're pissed because they paid his bail to get him back and he just leaves. He's gone. And then later with this girl, he gets arrested. for domestic abuse and he gets 15 days in prison. But then when she tells her story, is like, no, he almost killed me as like three days of just like all the worst stuff you can imagine, a man doing to a woman. And then she's like, I eventually just played dead.

And he like would talk to me and I just played dead. So then he thought I was dead. And I saw him like getting bed sheets and stuff. And I ran out of the room and was able to get help. But then, like I said, the laws were really bad. She didn't have any proof of, like, what all had happened. So he didn't get as much punishment as he should have. And then he got married again in Vegas, and his second wife, when they got divorced,

was able to prove a bunch of abuse and able to take all of his money. So now he's pretty broke again. Keeps getting taken advantage of every turn. In 2024, he lost all of his... all 10 toes, apparently because of drinking water, he drank in the 80s at some camp that was, like, contaminated. I wonder how they can trace that specifically back to that event. I think probably other people got it that were at the camp, too.

And then the documentary ends at his house. Of course, he has a, he has the custom license plate, and it just says DJ Trump. Of course. And it goes to him, and he's sending freaking Lorena love letters every single Valentine's Day. Weird. So then it goes to Lorena, and she's like, I don't know why he's still doing this. I cut his penis off. I obviously don't like him.

Like, she's awesome. So a little bit of her. After it, she went straight to Disney World, and then she went back to Ecuador for a few years. she met the president of Ecuador and this was just a Wikipedia sentence they became the godparents to the same baby at a baptism together her and the president of Ecuador

oh wow good for her then she remarried David Gallinger and they had a daughter and you could just tell like they had such a healthy relationship so but it seems like she could have been a very love

loving partner to anyone who showed her love, you know? Yeah. So she's a really good person, is my point. She found Lorena's Red Wagon Organization, which helps prevent domestic violence through family-oriented activities. So I'm going to donate to that. And then in April 2009, she went on Oprah Winfrey and said she had no interest in talking to John.

But then in May of that same year, the show called The Insider just paid him a ton of money. I think, and they got them both together again. And he apologized to her for the way he treated her during their marriage. And it's like, if you watch the documentary, he's in complete denial still of everything. He's just like, yeah, she didn't like me because I was divorcing her. And it's very delusional. But at least he was able to say in this, I guess, that he messed up. Or like that he's an awful husband.

Good. Yeah. But how else can I tie this? this into animals, what? I don't know. Besides the bull. At this point, yeah. Well, the

scientists also named something the bristle worm is also now informally known as the Bobbit worm after the case, because it attacks its prey with scissor-like jaws. The Bobbit worm

is a predatory species that gets up to 10 feet long. It's like an ocean worm and has the average diameter of one inch and then it has like razor sharp jaws that can just cut. That's the final story of this. Okay.

And I just want to say to if you're in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 800-799-7233. But yeah, I don't know. I just hope, I think it's good to, like, help clear Lorena's name, you know. I think a lot of people like me were super young when all of this happened. And all we know is a story of, like, angry wife cut off a husband's penis. And it turns out he totally is deserved to get his penis cut off. Yeah, sure.

I think we also learned an important lesson about how ADD works on this episode. where I sent Jeff a prompt about Pacu Fish and it turned into an hour-long episode about Lorena Poppet. Anyone could have seen that coming? Yeah, man. But yeah, I don't know. I thought it was a good story. Sure.

I mean, yeah. They made a whole documentary out of it. It must have been pretty good. All right. So do you guys have any questions? No, I think I'm good. Nope. I got a lot more info.

No, I think we're all right. Let's move on to our categories. All right. Wes, you have a good time? It was an unexpected time. It's not what I was expecting out of this episode. Yeah. Yeah.

You know what? Next time I think I'll just, I think I'll just do my job. Learn your lesson. I think people are going to like it. All right, categories. So first category. All right. So you know, like, the over-under game?

Uh-huh. This time we're going to do it with Mike. Mike, how many pop culture injuries can you name in 30 seconds is the game? And Wes, what do you think the number is? Pop culture injuries. Or sorry, pop culture penis or ball injuries. Like, not, like, yeah, groin injuries. In under, in 30 seconds?

Like, I'll give you a freebie. like the Simpsons football to the groin would be one. Oh, I'm not. I'll say four in 30 seconds. I'll take the over. All right, I got a timer. All right. And then if I lose, I'll donate an extra hundred to that domestic charity.

Okay. You want to change your number? No. Four is low. In 30 seconds. Set, go. We've got Chris Paul. hitting any number of other opposing players in the balls starting at Wake Forest back in his college days.

We have Carlos Boozer punching the referee in the nuts. Football to the groin, Lorraine Bobbitt. I don't know if we're going to count those. Wait, you can't do football. You can't do any that we've mentioned. I said I was giving it to him. Keep going. Lou Dort grabbed another basketball player's balls.

I'm just doing basketball stuff. This is maybe not fair. The guy in that one, oh, shoot, what's his name? He falls on his... a branch on his groin. No. Or exactly. That way bad.

I tried to explain him a little bit too much. That was a lot. Not efficient at all. I didn't know sports counted, but yeah, it should. That is pop culture. No, it's okay. Yeah, we got in like a West got in an argument during the counting of it. Delailed it.

I wasn't going to be able to go anymore, but whatever. All right. Shout out a 90s daytime TV. moment. So what, me and Mike, we were both, when the 90s ended, what, we were 11? 12, yeah, 11, 12. And West was like 15 or 16? I was 7. 17 when I was raised more in the 90s than us. The 90s was like my adolescence. Yeah. One that I remember very clearly is the episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, where his uncle talks about his dad leaving him

and it's like this really kind of emotional moment between Will and his uncle Uncle Phil. Yeah. And I think for me it was poignant because it's like it was a very funny show and they always kind of had this like conflictual

relationship him and his uncle like they kind of were always at each other's throats but then they have this really emotional moment where you see how much they love each other and I just thought it was for me it made me realize like oh, like men can show their emotions too. Nice.

Yeah. I did a real one. This is just a 90s daytime TV moment. Yeah. Uh-huh. One that always sticks out in my brain is Michael Jackson dangling his baby over the balcony. That was like a really, really huge thing. For some reason, like, I'm sure there were bigger stories that happened in and around that time.

But that was one that was just a really big focus of attention for everyone at my school. So, it was weird how he like came out, put his baby over and like laughed about it and then went back in. Then he like came out and people were screaming and tear, but also like celebrating him. It was a weird, really weird footage if you go back and watch it. It was kind of around when public opinion was turning apart like against him to. Yeah, for sure. I think I'm going to Zach. I didn't think it was that big of a deal.

No. Well, yeah. Yeah. In today's news cycle, like wouldn't even make the headlines probably. I'm just shouting at a moment. I'm not saying this is the craziest. Yeah. Oh, I'm not saying you're wrong.

I'm just saying the public opinion. Yeah. To me, it's like if you're holding a baby, don't just like drop him accidentally normally. Normal. Like he had the baby pretty well grabbed. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like some poor judgment, but. Yeah. But like people act like he almost killed a baby, and I don't really see it that way. No, I agree. Not even. I mean, the classic for me was just, I didn't even watch it that much because it's a little too gross for me, but like, just the Jerry Springer showing you how different people's lives are from you. And the whole, are you the father or not the father, was just so bizarre to me.

I just couldn't believe it. But, yeah, I think I'll go with Zach from Saved by the Bell when he narcs on the guy for doing drugs. Oh yeah There was some crazy say by the bell episodes The I'm so excited I'm so excited I'm so scared moment Do you guys remember that?

Okay That was another drug episode Like caffeine pills Yeah Your most shocking breaking news You remember from the 90s For me it was Kurt Cobain dying We were living up just north of Seattle at the time

So even when at my very young I think I was like five when it happened, but it was all anyone was talking about. And for that to be like all pervasive into even like kindergarten school kid conversations, it was the first time I was kind of confronted with the reality and the grittiness of life and death and stuff. It was a pretty intense little stretch of time there for us. For me, it was the OJ Simpson Bronco Chase. I still remember like the class I was in when that happened and oh no you know I remember when they found him not guilty but I but the Bronco chase was just crazy I have Bill Clinton's sex scandal breaking mona colloinski yeah because I was wild I was like 11 so I just kind of barely could comprehend

what it even meant yeah but I was getting there so it's kind of like how I learned what She put her mouth on it? Yeah. That's another one where, honestly, the news did such a bad job of painting, like, the portrait of her. There's a podcast I really like called Slow Burn, and they did a whole season on the Monica Luancy scandal, and you get a really good feel for just how kind of abusive that relationship was, too, and the weird power dynamic and stuff. So, yeah. Okay.

And then most shocking breaking new, or no, that's someone I just said. I want just a memorable penis from a movie or TV show. How can I decide? My mind goes to Eastern Promises. There's the whole scene with Vigo Mortensen where he's fighting like Russian gangsters in a bathhouse. And his dick is just swinging the whole time. So that's just when I hear like penis scenes in movies, that's where my mind goes. I kind of think it was a bad decision because when I watch that movie, that scene, the only thing I can look at is his penis.

That's all I remember from that movie. Yeah, that's truly it. I remember he has tattoos and that his penis is swinging around in that bathhouse scene. Yeah. Like it could be like Jackie Chan level of choreography fight scenes and I'd just be like locked in on the penis. It's like, why even bother, you know? Yeah. Growing up, like, conservative religion or religious family, right? We didn't watch our rated movies, so I never really saw a penis in anything until in college I'm watching the movie Amadeus.

Yeah. The Mozart movie. And it's just like, no reason for a penis to be in that movie. And I was just shocked. I was like, I didn't even know they could put penises in movies. that's a great great movie i love that yeah the one i think about a lot actually is in ingmar bergman's movie persona in the old 1960s movie and at the very beginning there's a prologue where it's doing like subliminal imaging kind of like that scene in fight club where he splices in a couple of frames

of like sexual content into the movie uh film reel and at the very beginning of persona there's a frame or two that just flashes so quick. And I wasn't all the way locked into the movie just, like, quite yet because it was just starting. And I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to, like, rewind because I was like, let's get into this movie. Let's get going. But for the next 15 minutes, I was like, I'm pretty sure I saw a penis.

I need to go back and make sure. So like a half hour into it, I went all the way back to the beginning just to make sure. And yeah, there's a penis there just for a big festival. You're good at spotting them. Yeah. LeBron? You got a real eye for him. Oh, yeah, LeBron's.

All right. And then next category is a person where karma eventually caught up to them. You guys are going to hate my answer for this one. I thought of the warden from Shawshank Redemption, because that one's always, like, really satisfying to me, where he, in spoilers, if you haven't seen this movie, where he, like, has the one guy killed that could get Andy Dufram like off just because he wants him to keep cooking his book.

for him and stuff and then when Andy gets out he just completely screws him over and and the police show up and he kills himself so I yeah that one was always really satisfying to me yeah I hate that guy yeah me too obtuse as Andy calls him um I'm gonna go with so this is another real life one so do you remember a couple years ago there was a 101 year old former SS guard that facilitated like some of the concentration camp goings on. And they wheeled him out in his wheelchair and he was like holding the binder up in front of his face because he didn't want anyone to see him.

But he was 101 years old and they gave him like 10 years in prison. It was just like, you know what? It better late than ever, I guess. Ideally it would have happened 70 years ago. But like at least he's, you know, still alive to acknowledge and get kind of owned for what he did. Yeah.

Because it always, it feels so terrible when those people die and then they find out and it's like oh, he just got to live his whole life in anonymity. Anonymity. So yeah, I'm glad they caught that guy. Mine is, I came up with the question. It wasn't like I wanted to just shout this answer out,

but then the more I thought about it, the more I think it works. I'm going with Steve Irwin. Whoa. Kind of. I do kind of ate that. Honestly, though. Yeah.

But then, like, he was picking up deadly animals all the time. Totally. and like messing with crocodiles, messing with wild animals that can kill them all the time. So like, it is karma, as Norm would say, a fruity fish got him. Is that karma though? Yeah. Okay. Like, I think there's a lot of defense to what he was doing, but I still don't think there's any defense that he was like, at least at a minimum bothering wildlife.

For sure. That was dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's a hard one for V. But I will say my view of Steve Irwin has changed a bit. Like, I still, he was still like a huge hero of mine. And I think he inspired so much good for wildlife that the bad that he did outweighs the good. But I kind of, you always wish that person could just exist in a vacuum where like they got to do it.

and they could pass that message, but now there's so many clones of him doing it that I wish weren't, you know, like out there harassing wildlife. So, yeah, so he definitely did do some harm too. Yeah, and I don't think karma necessarily, or I should just say, like, I don't think he was at all a bad person.

Right. But I do think it's still karma. Yeah, for sure. Sure. Yeah. All right. Should we go to listener questions? Yeah, let's do it.

Let's go. All right. So I did 90s themed and we got some fun ones. Wes, this is your friend, does nails, long time listener, gaudy octopus. Val. Yeah. I should say our friend. Our friend.

Yeah, you know Val pretty well. Okay, so you can only keep one of these 90s animal movies. Homeward Bound, Free Whaley, or Air Bud. I'm keeping free willy. I think I'm keeping actually my least favorite one of them. Now, but Homeward Bound, just because I got a lot of use out of that as a kid and just We watched that a lot. We loved it.

True. Which movie do you think involved the least amount of animal cruelty? I don't know. I mean, I... Probably Air Bud because it's just a dog doing trades. Yeah. That dog probably loved its job. Yeah, probably Red Bid.

I've always wondered in Homeward Bound. Is it the first one? In one of the movies, I forget who it, Shadow, I think, gets the porcupine needle. in his face. And that just looks so real that it's like that probably they just actually let that happen to that dog. It's so sad. I'll change my answer to Air Bud.

You just talked me out. Or Free Willy, I guess Free Willy was really good for Orcas. Yeah, it's good for Orcas. I wonder about the one they used in the movie, though. I don't know what happened to that orca. Sometimes, you know, that Orca sacrificed itself for the good of all Orcas. Fair enough. I'd heard they released it.

and it just wasn't able to re-assimilate back into like normal orca life. But that's just hearsay. I have no idea. I think that's pretty typical for most. Well, that's on it. That's it. After being in like a tank, they could barely fit. If we put you back in the ocean, it's up to you now.

Right. They're supposed to be smart, aren't they? Couldn't figure out how to put on a hat? All right. Like the rest of the workers. Gons artist As favorite 90s toy Another friend of ours

She did the art for the Treadwell episodes Favorite 90s toy? Yeah Bop it Mine was my creepy crawlers oven Oh yeah Little plastic bugs with That's way better than I actually don't like Bop it at all

It's the only one I can think of it Superheated and had like weird chemicals For kids to play with So cool My friend brought one into school for show and tell and made everyone little treats, and it was just like abhorrent, and there was like a pink fog

that gathered on the ceiling and stuff. Like I couldn't go in my room for hours after I ran that little oven. Yeah. It's great. Those ovens are so fun. I'm probably going to go with Beanie Babies. You love Beanie Babies.

Man, Millennium, when I got my hands on that, I thought I had it made for life. Your retirement plan was... When I think of 90s toys and you, I do think of Beanie Babies. So I think that's a good answer. Yeah.

Okay. Edda Grub wants to know if Wes ever had sex with that Robin. No, I did not. It's not chirping. Yeah, it's gone. It's not chirping, but I didn't. I don't think you would tell us if you had. When I left for Yellowstone, it was still chirping.

When I came back, it was not. So hopefully it found a mate and it's happy. But I'm glad to have it gone. Jessica had fair once Jessica's fares. I don't know. If you could bring one piece of fashion back from the 90s, what would it be? I think for me, just like really bright neon clothes. I just really liked all the neon.

That's more of like an 80s thing, though, right? That's kind of was my first thought, too. No, when there was like a lot of like pink and yellow and like neon green. Definitely more than there is now, for sure. In the early 90s. You know, okay, a backup then would be silk shirts. Silk shirts really had a moment in the 90s And boy, did they feel good

So I'll say silk shirts I'll go jinko jeans The jingos I don't even want them for me But like seeing someone Which is the hugest jeans So like I loved it Kids are wearing those again

They're kind of coming back Yeah I like the wallet chains Those are kind of making a little bit of a comeback But those were like If I saw someone with a wallet chain. I was like, that dude is sick.

That guy has to be the coolest. I'm going to get one. I'm going to order one right after we finish recording. I liked grunge fashion, too. Jeff kind of has a grunge look going on right now. Like a bandana and his hair is a great look. Yeah. Yeah.

Should throw on a flannel. Be in the sweatshirt group with you guys. Not a sweatshirt, but bundle. Back J. Reid wants to know thoughts on Fred Durst. Oh. complicated. I don't want to say anything definitive because he seems like the kind of guy

that might have skeletons in his closet that I just don't really know about. But I will say that in the year 2025, still kind of in the public discourse in as far as like rock music community is concerned. And I have the utmost respect for anyone

that outlived the new metal phase and can still kind of pull his weight. socially. It's like kind of amazing that we all know his name and what he looked like and who his partners were and all that stuff. It's pretty crazy. Yeah. For me, new metal isn't good music, but sometimes it just like scratches the right itch for me. And especially like at the gym or whatever, sometimes I'll relisten to some new metal favorites. Fred Durst specifically always seemed like a really bad person to me. But, but he kind of led that movement and who knows?

That was kind of his like persona. So I don't know if he actually is or if that's just kind of what he was just trying to be like a bad boy, you know? Yeah. So I think again, growing up conservatively, he was like too much for me. But I still listened to Tillint Biscuit. To me, their first out of is so good. Yeah. Like the sole patch and like backwards hat and stuff.

Like he was always like kind of cringy, but it always felt like genuine enough that it didn't bother me, I think. Yeah. No, I think he was being very true to himself. Also, if you watch a documentary called Woodstock 99, he's like such a crazy character in it because it's just like, obviously things are going off the rails. Like it's badly organized. People are getting hurt. And then like they're trying to just settle everyone down. And he just like turns the volume all that. He's just like, let's just get this thing as like crazy. crazy as possible.

The song breaks stuff and like everyone just like destroys everything. They told him to bring it down and he was just like no. And honestly, that's fair. Like you don't put limp biscuit on at that point if you want them to like turn down the volume. Like I get it, you know. The organizers were to blame for that. Yeah. Okay.

Frosty Tube asked, favorite television commercials from the 90s. because commercials were often big, bright color, well, geared towards young people, especially in that time, like soda and fast food or whatever. Yeah. I'll start us off. I love Capri-Sun commercials. That's my really.

Yeah, Capri-son. Where it's just, like, following the stream of liquid and all the kids were just, like, surfing and doing whatever. It's just very... It seemed like crazy technology. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was like the...

the got the Terminator and Terminator 2, but it's a Capri-Sun Juice flying. Yeah. That's so cool. I'm going to pick a weird one for me. But there was a Marines commercial in the 90s where it's like a knight that is fighting a dragon or something. And then at the very end, he turns into a Marine. And it was like peak military propaganda, I think, because it really made Marines seem like the coolest. Mike's brothers joined up that.

both my brothers. You get dragons? I'm going to go with the Budweiser, what's up commercial. It's probably the most annoying in retrospect. How many people copied that and did it for decades and continue to do it today? Me and Jeff still do it to this day.

It's insane. But it was a phenomenon for weeks after the Super Bowl. I think it was the Super Bowl. I forget who it was. The Packers were playing, I think. Yeah. But just everybody was doing it to each. I was doing it to my dad.

and he would do it back to me, and that's, like, not a thing that my dad would do, you know? It's crazy. The golden age of Super Bowl commercials, because now they just, like, throw in celebrities and think that's enough. Right. But, yeah, back then. I hate it. Some great commercials. Watching, having been watching Wimbledon or French Open, Matt Damon's in, like, these commercials where it's just, like, talking like he thinks pickle balls is about the food pickles.

It's so stupid. And it's just like, I don't like you as much anymore. Right. Like, you're an A-List celebrity that I don't want to watch as much anymore. Or, like, Will Ferrell and, like, the PayPal commercials. So bad. I think you're less funny now. You're ruining your entire reputation by a little paycheck.

Well, they do it in movies now, too, where they just throw in someone that you're like, ooh, I know that person. And they think that's enough to, like, make their movie good. That's not. Yeah. We're better than that. Yeah. Commercials.

It would better than that. All right. Should we give her a claw rating? I think I had. Oh, yeah. I'm giving, what's her name? Lorena Bobbitt. I'll give her, I'll give her a pretty easy ten, claw.

Sure. I'm all the way on her side. What about ouchies? Oachies, that's a pretty big ouchy. I mean, he didn't get out of bed. Yeah, that's true. The bull is almost worse. To me, the Franken penis is like.

The Franken weenie. Got it the worst. I'll give it six out cheese, but I'm going to give Lorena nine claws as well. I would say if that... Or you did 10. I'll do 10. I gave her a 10. I will say, I think the...

Dude. That fish, the... Pacu fish. No, the candoroo. Yeah. Canjuru. Yeah. I'll give that a 10.

Yeah, that would. Swimming up there and putting its barbs into you and you can't get it at. That's a good fish. I want to do one subscription. question too because we should get our subscribers on here okay so this is from brittany hey guys so i just watched the movie 65 and it got me thinking do you think it's possible we have already been visited by aliens back when dinoes roamed the earth and possibly around the same time earth was being destroyed by asteroids and they just looked at our planet like a total uninhabitable place not worth

the time the way you're reading this makes it hard to it's possible i guess yeah i didn't really follow well. Yeah. But Mike, we saw that movie together, didn't we? 65 or whatever? Yeah.

Forty-five, 75. With Adam Driver. Yeah. That's a crazy movie. But there was always like crocodiles and sharks and stuff, right? Yeah. The thing that really bothered me about that movie,

and I still remember it to this day, is that they've, like, created fake dinosaurs for it, like dinosaurs that didn't exist in the paleontological record. Yeah. And I remember thinking, like, do they not, like, have the rights to dinosaurs? Like, why didn't we just use dinosaurs?

Like, why do we have to use these weird... So many options for dinosaurs. Right, like, why'd we use these weird bizarre ones? So... There's a lack of dino action in that movie that I found back. That would be our world to have rights to dinosaurs. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think so. I don't think... Me and Mike talked about this a little bit. I think the only way aliens could get here is if they're robots. I don't think... I don't think physical... beings can I just I feel like in a in a limitless universe

surely there's beings out there that have invented a way to do that but the thing that I don't think is that they would come here just to like observe or like like I think if they came here they would destroy us so I don't think they visited us yet right but that's what that's just because we would destroy them yeah I just that's the whole dark forest thing and read those books they're great waiting for us to be able to make peace so that they can bring us in the full do you know yeah could be

uh also regina was asking if you think horses and zebras switch places like zebras are horses now and horses are zebras would would it how similar would everything be like would we still have like all the zebra lore that we have around horses Mike do you think you would still hate horses if horses were just like zebras and zebras were like horses zebras i mean they're like they're just horses with a barcode right it's like they're the same but you like seeing zebras in the wild the zebras are so much cooler than horses out there yeah not being subservient to humans just for a little handful of alfalfa or whatever horses eat yeah i wonder because i've just

heard zebras are so mean like people that have worked with zebras just say they're the meanest But like, so are wild horses, right? I don't know. I think it's different, though. I think zebras are even worse. But who knows? I don't know. I honestly don't know this one.

They're probably get pissed. They're not quite as big, right? So they probably get mad at us riding them all the time. I personally, like, I'm glad we, I think horses are more beautiful than zebras because we have so many varieties of horses. And zebras all essentially look the same to me. So I'm glad that. The Olympics of, like, how good your horse is would be so boring with zebras. Yeah.

True. So. I give horses a zero claw. Zebras get an eight. All right. All right. Well, we'll see how people react to this one. Not really a typical.

We'll closely monitor the metrics. It's fine. This is your first episode. I was giving you a hard time, but it, you know, that's this special sauce that you bring to this podcast. A lot of times it's more animal focus. Sometimes it's not as an animal first. Yeah. You know, we've really.

least hundreds of episodes. There's, there's going to be some that go a little different direction, and that's totally fine. There's the Bobbitt. There's a Bobbitt. How else am I supposed to tell you about a Bobbitt worm? Yeah, that was the whole point of that, was to just be able to, for 30 seconds, tell us about the Bobbit worm. Yeah, great. All right. Thanks, guys. Well, thank you, everyone. Love you. See you. Yeah. Love you, too. Bye.