Tooth & Claw: True Stories of Animal Attacks - Mothers, Heroes - The Tooth & Claw Mothers Day Special: 2026 Edition

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Wes shares a handful of stories of different kinds of mothers being different kinds of heroes. What can we say, we love moms around here! ~~ Hims - To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/TOOTH for your free online visit. Hollow Socks - For a limited time, Hollow Socks is having a Buy 2, Get 2 Free Sale—visit https://hollowsocks.com to check it out. Remi - Go to https://shopremi.com/TOOTH and use code TOOTH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club Subscribe & Save. ~~ To advertise on the show, contact us! Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/c/toothandclawpodcast ~~ Tooth & Claw is brought to you by QCODE. Support the show and get access to an extensive library of exclusive episodes like this by supporting the show on Patreon or joining the Grizzly Club on Apple Podcasts. For the latest updates on the show and all things wildlife, follow us at toothandclawpod.com and social:  Instagram: @ToothandClawPodcast Twitter: @ToothandClawPod Wes: @GrizKid Jeff: @jefe_larson Mike: @mikey3ds Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello everyone and welcome to Tooth and Claw podcast. We have a special guest today, but first I'll introduce ourselves. We have someone who says that he doesn't wash his hands after he pees, but then he remembered that he actually does. And that is Wes Larson, our wildlife biologist. That's not true. That's so good to know. And then I'm his brother, Jeff Larson. Well, I said you remember you do wash your age. Right.

I do. Yeah. You forgot. made it seem like that was like I made that. That's what you said on the podcast. I said that I don't think it's as important as people make it out to be, but I still wash my hands after I pee like 99% of the time. I'm his brother, Jeff Larson, and we have Mike Smith with us. Yes, sir. And then we have Cindy Larson, the mother of Wes and Jeff. Hi. Hi. Hi. Everybody. Did you teach us to wash our hands after you gone to the bathroom? Yes. And you know what else? Yeah.

I actually wash my hands after I touch animals, which could be a problem for you guys. I generally do too. You would tell us that if we didn't, we'd get worms. And I was always worried about worms growing up. Is that true? I would look at my poop to see if there's worms in it. Yeah.

Because I thought that I would have worms. We're not doing poop this time. I just told you that that's what I would do, though. Okay. We're not doing poop this time. Noted. I'm a mother's day. Scratch out all my notes.

Hey, this is, so it's our Mother's Day episode. Yeah. Which we look forward to it all year. We learned that a lot of our listeners look forward to it all year. So a lot of you that are on Patreon have talked to our mom quite a bit. Whether you know it or not. Yeah. Yeah.

She helps us out on there, but she helps us just through life too. Yeah. Yeah. She does. I try to. What did you, you told me, hey, you should put some. cushions on your bar stool of chairs that are scratching your floor.

I said no. And then the next day I realized you were right. Yeah. I tried to do it in a question form. That's my new thing. Yeah. Like, don't, oh, do you want some pads for the, for your chairs so that doesn't scratch?

And then you said, no. I said, you're old. And then I said, I'm going to lose. I'll go get you some pads. And you said, no. Wow. And then I got some on Amazon because you You were right.

Yeah. Yeah. Jeff actually sent me a text that I was right. Yeah, it was nice. That is nice. Yeah. I've never gotten one of those texts. Yeah, I've only gotten one from Jeff.

Yeah. Well, that was the only time you were ever right. No. I don't think so. Nice try. Well, we really liked this episode, as I mentioned, and we've done it pretty much since we started the podcast. It's been really fun, and we've had a lot of different concepts that we've done. And sometimes, you know, we do like stories of moms that save their kids or whatever else.

And this year I want to do something special and just combine all of our concepts that we've done in the past, but have kind of a central theme. And that central theme is sacrifice because moms tend to sacrifice quite a bit for their young, both human moms and animal moms. Is that true, mom? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you know what's crazy is moms will sacrifice those nine months being pregnant? Yeah. And then they might have a kid that just sucks. And it's like, I went through all that for this thing, this little dud. Yeah. This defect. Yeah. Send it back.

I guess what I'm saying is, thanks, moms. Shout out moms. Yeah, shout out moms. So we're going to do a few stories that involve hero moms. We're going to do a few stories of incredible animal mothers that sacrifice a lot. And then we're also going to do a listener. story because those are all things we've done in the past. Holy heck.

Yeah. Oh, buckle up. It's going to be fun. Mom. Yes. Last time you cursed a lot. No, I never heard. Yes, you know.

We all heard. Are you going to again? No, and none of us are. I didn't give you a proper introduction. This is Cindy Mother Larson. Thanks, Jeff. Don't want.

You're welcome. And just to. Bill, you know it today. There'll be a big old beep there. Sorry, Cindy. That's okay. We really like Michael to, like, we kind of wish he was our son. Speaking of that, we actually got a listener question from Sunny laughs.

And they said, Cindy, what's your bleeping favorite swear word? What's your favorite swear word if you had to pick a favorite? Which one do you say in your head the most? Well, it's hell. Okay. Yeah, I actually. the night my dad died my brother said he had his like six brain tumor and I just kind of went what the yeah and I don't ever do that wow bleep that bill yeah let loose yeah you guys made me swear on the podcast

yeah wow we'll bleep it don't we yeah we last time you said no I didn't you said the C the F no I did not I did not I and neither just so everyone knows the kids that are listening to this my boys did not swear until they were left the house yeah and i used to wash my hands after the bathroom yeah yeah yeah all right well it is going to be fun mom i'm already having fun we're going to start we're going to start with one of our hero moms and mom i have a question for you what large animal probably kills the most human beings each year large animal you get three guesses and if you don't get it right we're just going to end that right now. So like larger than a dog?

Please get them wrong. Yeah, sure. Larger than a dog. Larger than a snake is really what I was going for. But yeah, it is larger than a dog. I think dogs kill the most out of animals. They kill the most humans. Maybe. This one might kill more even. I don't know. I'll give you a hint. Okay. They are a reptile. Really?

Yes. Think of large reptiles. Crocodile. Crocodiles. Crocodiles. Exactly. Okay. Crocodiles are probably responsible for the most human deaths year to year. And there's a few reasons for that.

First of all, we're not too big for most of these crocodiles. So Nile crocodiles, American crocodiles, saltwater crocodiles, Orinoco crocodiles, and mugger crocodiles are all species that are large enough to attack human-sized prey. Except for Mike's girlfriend. Yeah. Yes, I have no idea. She's too big. So that is one reason that we kind of fit into their prey categories that were like not too big for them.

Second, they're ambush predators that sometimes have to wait a long time for a feeding opportunity. So when one comes up, they'll take it. Lots of other animals can be a little bit more selective. But when crocodiles have a good opportunity, they tend to take it. Third, they often live in water that's also used by humans for drinking, recreation, fishing, other uses. So that shared use of water puts us at more, you know, danger from crocodiles. So today we're talking about a crocodile. We haven't really brought up much on the podcast. It's one that the three of us have seen in the wild. And that is the mugger crocodile.

I've never seen one. You sure have, pal. You saw eating a deer in India. Oh, those ones. Those are mugger crocodiles. Those haven't killed a human. They sure have. Yeah. This is a crocodile species. that you'll find in India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, and then a tiny silver or sliver of Iran, which was interesting to me. I had no idea that Iran had crocodiles. So the U.S. is safe. Not in Iran. We have American crocodiles, but we don't have this crocodile. Until we invaded them. Yeah, until we went to war. Now they'll send their crocodiles over. Mortal peril. Okay, okay. Is that what you meant? Yeah.

Whatever. On average male mugger crocodiles are going to be about three meters long, which is about 10 feet. But they can grow up to 5 meters or 16 feet. And females are about typically 3 fourths the size of males. So it's pretty similar size to like an American alligator. Jeff, are American alligator is large enough to kill a person? Yes. They are.

So so are these mugger crocodiles. Okay. Like pretty much all the larger crocodile species when they hunt large, mammalian prey, they're going to ambush them, they're going to lie in wait in shallow water, and then hope that something comes a little bit too close to the water's edge, or maybe even wades in the water, or sometimes they'll even run up on shore to chase prey that's too close to the water's edge. So manatee are big enough to kill a person?

They're big enough, but they're not predators. Yeah. But if you drop the one out of a plane and it landed on someone, it'd probably kill them. What does lion weight mean? What? I would have thought they would crocodile weight. Lion weight, not lion wait. You got to laugh out my mom for that one.

I'll take it. That's pretty good. So on the shore of some water is exactly where five-year-old Viru was on an August day in 2025. In Dacia Village, Uttar Pradesh, India. And this little boy was simply doing the same thing he had probably done hundreds of times. He's playing on this dusty bank. of a river, a drainage ditch, not far from the watchful eyes of his mother. Mom, we grew up around rivers, around water.

We loved it, right? We would go to the water all the time. Yeah. That was like one of our favorite things to do. We still love it. Yeah. You think if the water had crocodiles in it, you would have let us? No.

But people that grow up around crocodiles do, you know? Yeah. And I think... Let you go down by yourself? No, with you watching it. Oh, with me watching? Maybe. Like in India, or not India.

India has everything. But in other parts of the world, they think it's crazy that we go into the forest with bears. Okay. But it's just that you kind of, it's the devil you know, but they're not devils.

So that one Chris Farley skit living in a van down by the river, India, people in India would be like, that's not funny. That's horrifying. Especially, yeah. Or in like,

yeah, parts of Africa with Nile crocodiles. Anyway. Yeah, you never know about it. Bears free doesn't work on them, right? I doubt it. I doubt it. Yeah, that would be a problem.

So as this little boy is playing, a large mugger crocodile completely obscured in the murky water, slowly positioned itself on the water's edge, and then rose to break the surface with the top part of its head, barely making a ripple. Then as Viru took a couple steps toward the water without even realizing what he's doing,

the crocodile explodes from the water, runs the short distance to this boy, grabs him in its jaws, and starts dragging him back toward the water. Viru starts screaming, and the screams cut through the air, over the noise of the village to his mother and his mother Maya

whips her head in the direction of where her son had just been and instead of seeing him playing next to the water she saw him being dragged down by a massive reptile Wow Mom what would you do? I would jump on the crocodile Okay well Without even thinking Maya reached down

She grabbed some iron rebar And sprinted toward the crocodile Closing the distance before it could drag Virud deeper into the water and disappear. She runs into the water. She grabs her son while he's still on the surface of the water. And he's still in the mouth of the crocodile. So she's holding on to like part of his body and the crocodile has the other part.

And they're doing this tug-of-war. And she starts hitting the crocodile with her hands. She's poking its eyes. She's hitting its nose. Nothing's working. And then she remembered that she grabbed this rebar and she starts just slamming the rebar into the crocodile's head. Oh.

Yeah. And it was finally enough. to make it release its grip and swim away. Dang. And for what we know from our crocodile stories like dig dig, you remember dig dig? Yep. It's not easy to make them let go of something. Like sometimes you're dealing, we're talking about like men, like big men in their prime

that are punching as hard as they can. It doesn't even flinch. They say it's like hitting a brick wall. And this mom, and I know sometimes moms draw on this like crazy strength when they're trying to save their kid was easy to. you know, it wasn't easy, but she was able to get the crocodile. That's nothing. She was like a day in the life.

I thought she was going to like keep the mouth open with the rebuye. Oh, like stick it out. Yeah. Like that rancourt. That's a good idea. I thought she was going to pull vault onto the back of the crocodile. Well, Jeff already asked my question, but you would do that if a crocktile grab one of us.

Yeah. I probably would have frozen first at that age when I was. I was younger because I was pretty young as a mom. But now I feel like I've imagined myself in enough situations that I would act fast. I bet you, like you heard the Dig Dig Story, right? Yes. Where he used his dog to hit the crocodile? Yeah.

I bet you like two-year-old Jeff, if your legs were in a crocodile's mouth, you would hit me. No. You would hit the crocodile with me. Not you. But I'd definitely sacrifice my dog. Oh, man. My whole thing was, what if I had Wes's dog? You didn't have a dog then.

If I had Wes, if I was watching Wes's dog or my sister's dog, then I don't think I could because they would never forgive me. I would forgive you, Jesse, probably would never forgive you. Anyway. You could sacrifice one of Shanks' legs. Thanks. So he's just got two? Yeah.

He just scoot around. That story makes me want to always have rebar on me. Yeah. Yeah. Just always. Yep. Yeah, at least two maybe even for redundancy. You might lose one.

Yeah, instead of carrying bear spray around crocodile country, you just carry rebar. Rebar. Do you think like TSA would let you just take like a two-foot bar rebark? It was like short enough. Probably. Not blunt. They probably would fit in your suitcase. Yeah.

I feel like I take a tripod and that's essentially the same thing. All right, well, she drags Viru from the water, and she got him to medical help as quickly as possible. He did have serious injuries from the crocodile, but everything I found said that it seemed like they both made it through. I couldn't find any final updates, but everything said that he was stable at the time of the report. So I think he was okay.

What if you're like a blacksmith and you've melted down some metal into like the liquid and tried to go through TSA? Would you have to wait until it solidifies, Or would they just be like? Liquid metal? Yeah. Is it less than 3.5 ounces? Right.

I mean, if it's more, though. Then probably not. You have to wait a little bit for it to solidify. Yeah, what if you froze your water? If they were like, hey, you can't have that. That's a good loophole. Oh, wow. Yeah.

All right. Freeze our bomb. So we can bring it on. This liquid nitrogen is fine. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Hymns. At some point, you stop blaming stress, sleep, or just getting older. If bedroom performance is in question, it's probably crossed your mind to do something about it.

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slash tooth. Prescription required. See website for details and important safety information. Saldonophil is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viatris, specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Vietris. All right, so that was a mom that was ready to sacrifice her own life to save her kid, and had she hesitated even a few seconds, there's a very good chance this would have ended differently. 10 out of 10 mom. 10 out of 10.

Yeah. Yeah. Great job. Yeah. Yeah. That would have been a hard one. Oh, yeah. That's an animal that I would feel I have a very low chance of deterring,

and she deterred it. That's such a nightmare situation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's also one that it's like there is a breaking point in that interaction. As soon as it gets under the water with the boy, it's probably over, you know, and she managed to stop it before I got to that point. So good job, Maya.

I hope you guys are doing great. All right, we're going to switch gears for a second. We're going to talk about a sacrifice that an animal mother makes for her young. Mike, when we were in Borneo, what bird made the biggest impression on you? Oh, the spoon bill or whatever it's called. Hornbill, whatever? rhinoceros hornbill. That's the one.

All right. They were cool. they looked like they had bananas taped to the top of their heads. They are large, beautifully colored hornbills that have black and white plumage. And then what Mike is referencing, a really big, beautiful cask and bill that are orange and yellow. Have you seen these birds, Mom? No. I'm going to show you a photo just so you have.

They're awesome. A reference. Yeah, that was the first time I'd ever, that was our first trip. And I instantly kind of fell in love, at least in lust with birding. Yeah. There are a bird that when you see like fly, you're like, wow, that looks like a dinosaur. It looks like a terectal or something. Just really cool looking bird. Yeah. Maybe like a sweet potato. It does look like a dinosaur. It looks like a Jurassic Park kind of bird. It does. Yeah. Well, they should have there. Dinosaurs were birds. Yeah.

But teradactyls weren't. That's the crazy. They were flying reptiles. They weren't even dinosaurs. Of course. Anyway, if you want to see what this bird looks like, Google it, but mom, I got a question for you. What was pregnancy like with us kids? Specifically, how did you and dad work together to make sure you were as comfortable as possible and as healthy as possible while you were pregnant? Okay, so your dad, I probably still owe him like 100 anythings because of that. Okay. Dollars? No, anything. because I was so sick and I couldn't like and it was mental too. Like if I walked past the kitchen, I would have to go throw up. And so he would make the food and it had to be very specific like for lunch.

It was usually a cup of soup that had to be in a mug and then crackers, but only two. and two orange slices. So he had to do it exact. If I had meat, he had to cut the meat into little pieces and not bring very many, just a few. Would you throw it at him if he got it wrong? No, I'd just throw up. Okay.

So kind of. Yeah. So he was pretty amazing. Yeah, that's sweet. Pregnancy was not my friend. So it's probably harder for him than you. It might have, no, no. I was so sick by the time I had you guys.

It took me a year to ever even get back to normal. Well, now you owe them 100 at anything. All right. That was actually a great, that was a perfect answer because it's not too different from what these rhinoceros hornbills do. Really? They have a really amazing and extreme way to ensure that both the female and the eggs and then her chicks are safe during a really vulnerable period.

So first what they do is they find a hollowed out cavity in a tree, or they'll even use those big, strong beaks to carve out of smaller cavity into the bright size. The female enters the nest, and the male brings wet clay to the cavity, and then they both apply that clay on both sides of the entrance. And they keep doing that until there's just a very narrow slit of an entrance. So what they're doing is they're trying to make it so narrow that no predators can get through it, not even snakes. They just make this tiny narrow slit, and it's really incredible that they know how to do that. And then the female lays eggs in there, and she stays in there for months.

So this is her home while she hatches and raises the young. She's completely sealed inside a dark hole with only a tiny opening. And through that opening, the male feeds her pieces of food. she's entirely dependent on the male for her food, kind of like you were with dad, and her chick's food. And the only way she can poop, and I think this is probably a little bit different

from your experience, was she had to angle her cloaca at that tiny opening and then projectile poop out of that opening. Yeah, that's a little different. Yeah. We're not doing poop this time. We're not doing poop, sorry. And so the cavity didn't just get like filled up with hornbill poop

while she's in there. Oh. So she incubates the eggs, she raises the chick, all while completely sealed inside this little cavity. She can't stand or turn around. Much like mom, too, she would throw up in her baby's mouse. She would. How long is this? She can stand and turn around, actually, but she can't fully spread her wings.

It's a few months. I don't know exactly how long, but I think it's at least two months. Meanwhile, the dad's responsible for getting enough food for himself, the female, and the chicks once they hatch. So he's pretty much constantly searching for food. He stores food in his crop, which is a pouch inside their neck, and then he regurgitates it one piece at a time for the female to eat through this tiny opening. Finally, when the chicks are old enough to fledge and start flying, they break the seal on the nest cavity, and they all leave. It's pretty cool Yeah

You know So are the dads pretty dependable They are Yeah I think there might be some deadbeat Yeah That'd be a bummer Yeah

How's the species doing Are they I think they're doing okay Okay Well I've good dads out there That's a good question Let's look it up

I know that we saw A fair amount Yeah they were worried about them Because they're cutting down All their best trees Yeah I do think You know

When I say But it's not the dad's fault. It might be, huh? The men are destroying the world. No, I mean the dad bird. They're vulnerable. They're icy and vulnerable.

Okay. And I would imagine that they're pretty vulnerable because all of their forests where they live are, you know, being destroyed pretty quickly. So pretty cool bird and a pretty amazing mom to sacrifice that much for her kids. I think that's, it's hard to imagine being cramped in a tiny space like that for that long. It's really amazing how nature just makes moms, have these instincts, these cravings for young or whatever. I agree. Mr. Bees should do that.

Make someone do it for it. You get like a thousand dollars every day you live in a tree with clay around it. And you have to put your bum up to the entry. We're not doing poop. Never mind. Yeah, don't do that. Mr. Bees could do the Cindy video where he's like, I'll give you 100 anything. things if you stay inside this white circle for a month or whatever he does.

Except for he'll be shouting. He's always shouting. He is all shouting. Gilda went through three pregnancies. That's a lot, Gil. Yeah. How many did you go through? Three.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think we need to pat dad on the back for that. But he did it. He was, yeah, he did his duty, but we're talking about moms here, not dads. Okay. You know who Mr. Beast is now because you watch Survivor. Yeah, I actually watched one of his shows.

Oh, Beast games. Mm-hmm. What'd you think? It was okay. A little gross. I just thought the people that could have had a million dollars and then didn't take it. They should have taken it. That's what I thought too.

Yeah. There's no situation in like a game show like that where you put me in front of a button and I don't press it if it's up to a million dollars. Yeah. So I guess there's situations that I would have. In a game show like that is what I've tried to say. All right. Well, they do this to protect their young from predators. And speaking of protecting kids from predators.

Wow. That's exactly what. Not that kind of predator. It's exactly what Lydia Angio had to do in February of 2006, sorry, of 2006. So Lydia was 41 in 2006, and she lived with her family. family in the tiny coastal village of Ivojavik, Quebec, which sits on the far northeastern side of Hudson Bay. So who wants to guess what animal we're probably talking about?

A bear. What kind of bear? The polar variety? Polar bear. Yeah. Oh. So this is a village that only has about 400 people. It's a tiny village with a really tight-knit community.

Pretty big village for being in polar bear country, though. Yeah, it's okay-sized, yeah. And almost everyone that lives in this village are indigenous Inuit people. On a cold Wednesday evening in February 2006, Lydia's walking with two of her sons and some of their friends, while some of the other kids are playing hockey outside a nearby youth center. She's walking a bit ahead of her boys, and the sun that really only appears for a handful of hours this time of year has already set, and it's kind of that last glow of light in the winter that you get. You know, when the snow is kind of glowing still,

but the light's mostly out of the sky. As she's walking, she's hearing the crunch of her foot falls in the snow. That's totally filling her ears, and that's really all she can hear. And then suddenly something cuts through that, and that's the frantic shouts of all these kids that are playing hockey. So she turns to look at them, and she sees they're pointing at something behind her. And she follows the direction of where they're pointing,

and what she sees in the last light of this evening really makes her stomach drop. It's a large polar bear and it's quickly walking toward her boys and it's getting really close to her seven-year-old. That's not good. No, that's terrible. Yeah. So she acts on instinct just like Maya did. She tells the boys to run, which is in great advice, but in this case it ended up working out. She yells as loud as she can and she runs toward the book.

bear with the goal of getting in between it and her seven-year-old. Wow. All that was flashing in her mind was my boy. My boy is going to get killed. But then she felt a huge sense of relief when she saw that her yelling had distracted the bear enough to give her son a little bit of a lead. So what was her son doing then? He was running.

Okay. Yeah. That relief probably faded into this pool of adrenaline that's like totally running through her too. and she accomplishes her goal. She gets in between the bear and her son. She's 5 foot 90 pounds, so she's not a big woman. And this bear is a 700 pound polar bear.

So more than seven times her size. But what's her reach? What's her reach? I don't know. That does matter. It does. Yeah. She doesn't hesitate, though, and she starts punching and kicking this bear.

And similarly, the bear doesn't hesitate either. It quickly shoots a paw out. It slaps Lydia, sending her flying backward. She lands on her back on the hard frozen ground. In an instant, the bear's on top of her. And so she starts, like, bicycle kicking the bear from below, like kicking its stomach and punching and doing whatever she can to try and get it off of her. And then it swats her again, and she rolls over onto her stomach.

And she's kind of just waiting for this bear to bite her and kill her. She knows that, you know, she can't fight back. against polar bear. She's probably a few seconds away from making the ultimate sacrifice for her kids when shots rang out in the air. And it's her neighbor, Sekuluk Ainalik, and he had heard the commotion from the kids. He'd run outside with his brother's rifle, and he sees this huge bear on the top of his neighbor, who miraculously is putting up a fight, and he fires a few shots into the air, which gets the attention of the bear and kind of causes it to separate from her a bit. and then he feels comfortable shooting at the bear,

shoots up four times, and drops it. Right on top of her? I was wondering about that too. Yeah, so neighbors help her at a house of the local constable, and she's really frantic and in shock, but she really only had a couple scratches and a black eye. Wow. So really tough.

Yeah. Yeah. The following year, she's awarded the Canadian Medal of Bravery. Nice. Well, you know what we learned from a river runs through it too. What? If you're going to fight something, you want to swing first.

Get that first punch. Get that first, especially if you think you might lose, because then at least you got a punch in. That's true. So she did good there. Yeah. Mom would always tell us that too. Yeah.

Growing up. You remember telling us that? Yeah. To get the first punch in. Yeah. Pretty cool mom. I'm glad she got like the metal. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Because I feel like that first one that we did, First Mother's Day, Cynthia. I think didn't she get like honorable mention or something? She didn't get the, she got like second. The Mountain Lion one? Yeah. Cindy Perilyn or?

Yeah. She should have gotten every award. Yeah, I know. We give her an award. Tooth and Claw award for bravery. She just didn't campaign very well. FIFA. Well, she was dead.

So it probably would have been hard. We need to do like the Oscars, but for animal. I bet you FIFA would give her the award if she asked. The which one? Just the bravery award. If we give them enough money, FIFA it will do anything. It seems like they give awards for anyone who asks for one. That's true.

All right, Mom. Got a question for you. What was his award? It's like the Peace Award or something. Novel Peace Prize of FIFA. Well deserved. I'm really picky about socks. If they're too thin, they feel just slippery and weird in your shoes.

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I have just loved my hollow socks. I have taken them to very cold places. I have taken them to very hot places. And they just performed wonderfully. And when I say very cold places, I mean Antarctica and very hot places, the hottest parts of Brazil, and I just loved them. They feel great. They're really comfortable. They seem to last forever. I haven't had mine that long, but they feel like new still. And for me, it's just worth spending a little bit extra on some really high quality,

comfortable socks. So for a limited time, Hollow Sox is having a buy-to-get-to-free sale. Head to hollowsox.com today to check it out. That's hollowsocks.com for up to 50% off your order. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them, and you can support you. Port tooth and claw and tell them that we sent you. All right. Let's say we're adrift at sea. Kind of like we just talked about in our whale episode. I'm not jumping in to save you from a shore.

Okay. I'm sorry. I wasn't going to say that, but that's good to know. Let's say we're adrift at sea and one of us dies. Are you going to eat us? I think we're starving. I'm not. You're starving to death and I die and you won't eat my body.

It was part of your body at one point. Yeah, I really don't think so. What about me? I'm not blood, you know. He's hostile, too. And me and Wes are already eating it. I can't imagine being in that situation where I would, where I would. Yeah.

Like, I just feel like I'd just rather give up. So we eat you? Uh-huh. Okay. Well, that's what I was going to say. Would you want us to eat you to survive if you died first? I would want you to make your own decision. Well, I would eat you.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Well, there's an animal out there that not only wants their babies to eat their bodies, it's something it's evolved to become part of their natural history and typical behavior. This is called matrophagy. I just read about that. Oh, interesting. Yeah. It's essentially the willing consumption of a mother by her offspring. And there's a spider that lives in the U.S. that's well known for matrophagy, and it's called the Black Lace Weaver.

So after mating, which don't even get me started on their mating, mom. I won't. These medium-sized spiders will lay an egg sack, and the female stays with it and guards that sack until about 40 to 140 spiderlings hatch and emerged. They get 100 of whatever they want. Yeah. All right. Now, that's a lot of mouse to feed. So within a few days of her precious little spiderlings hatching, what she does,

does is she goes into this weird little trance and she starts doing a dance and does like a rhythmic drumming with her legs. And this is essentially a call to her spiderlings that they can approach her. And when they do, they also kind of go completely still. And she lays a clutch of yellow trophic eggs. So she squirts out a bunch of eggs too. And these are essentially just unfertilized eggs, kind of like a chicken egg, and they serve as the main food source for these spiderlings, their first main food source, because right now there's tiny, tiny little spiderlings. But these eggs don't last very long. They eat them up, and then they need a more substantial meal.

So after they eat all those eggs, her babies go through their first molt, and they grow quite a bit. And at this point, they're really hungry, and they're ready to eat their mom. So what happens is she starts communicating with them again through web vibrations, through drumming and jumping, and the offspring are able to detect where they can eat their mother. So they move toward her, and a couple of them will actually jump on her back and try and eat her, but then she jumps and drums more frequently to get them off of her, and they'll relentlessly try and jump on her back. And then when she finally feels like she's ready, she presses her body onto her offspouse,

and allows them to consume her by biting her and sucking out her insides. And as they eat her, they also release venom into her body, which causes a quick death. Wow. It's kept for a few weeks as a nutritional reserve. They save her body for a while. Kind of reminds me of like Norman Bates, but if he was really hungry, you know? Yeah. She kept his mom around for a bit.

Sure. But pretty cool. They're originally from Europe, but they become widespread in the U.S. I think it's interesting. It's crazy. Just from a mother's perspective, you say she willingly does that. I'm not sure. I mean, maybe that's what the scientists say, but maybe she doesn't really.

Maybe it's just made to do that. Like she has nowhere to go? Like she's just following her instincts. It's just like instinctual. Nothing else to do. They're tiny babies, though. Yeah. I'm so surprised.

her babies stay around her too. They're tiny baby. She could get away from them if she wanted. Well, she protects them to begin with too. You know, she could run out faster than that. Yeah, that's the thing. I think that's why they say it's willing because it wouldn't be hard for her to get away if she wanted to.

But we don't know. She might still die. But the other thing we see. Maybe God makes her do it. That's good. Could be God that does it. Well, he probably designed her, Jeff. To do that.

So is it willing or is it divine intervention? I don't know all this mother instinct that doesn't get us anywhere. You think God made a spider, doesn't it? Gets those spiders somewhere. Yeah. I'd want to be a really fast little spiderling so I don't get left with like an undesirable part of my mom to eat. You know what I'm talking about. You're going to get bounced off though.

Where do you think I'm going? Well, she bounces off the first ones. Yeah, well, I'm going to be like in the 80th percentile of quick spiderlings. Yeah, that's what I always shot for. I believe you. I mean, you were the fastest sperm once upon a time. That's true. Well, maybe, I don't know.

Did the other faster sperm get bounced off that egg? Oh. I don't know how that works. Scientists? Answer that one. You're just the sneakiest one. They don't. Yeah.

They can't. Apparently, they don't have answers, according to my mom. I think probably the evidence they're using to decide that it's willing is the lack of struggle or like her, she doesn't need any of them. But maybe when she still had energy, that's when she was like flipping them off. Yeah. And then she finally just is like, oh, well, fine. I wish spiders could flip people off.

That'd be kind of fun. They could do it eight times. So I recently read the first Meg book, Wes, and it seemed like more or less the science was intact. They were talking about the ampule of Lorenzini, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. But then it talked about how the Meg ate one of her, like the runt offspring. So does this ever happen in reverse, or is that something the book fabricated?

No, it does. It does. So are we talking sharks here? Megalodons specifically. Megladons? Okay. There's definitely females that consume their young. Like polar bears will do it if they have babies that they don't think are going to make it

through the winter. If she knows inherently that she's not going to make it through the winter. And there's plenty of other animals that will do it, but it's usually a response to some sort of external factor. You know, it's not like that's part of their natural history. It's like they know for whatever reason that young's not going to be viable or that they need the energy to survive. Does that make sense? Yeah. But like this spider, this is part of their evolution.

Like, this is what they do. That's good to know because that was the only thing holding me back from recommending the Meg. I just wanted to make sure it was all scientifically sound. So you like the book? No. Okay. It was fine.

Are you going to read the rest? There's seven more. I'm thinking about it. Oh, man, that'll make me so mad if you do. Did you read it? No. But it just makes me mad because I'm always recommending stuff for Mike. Yeah.

And then he'll read like seven Meg books. Well, he still hasn't read Tarzan and neither of you. That's true. That's true. Sorry, Cindy. I'll read Tarzan. Which one? The first one?

Yeah. Is that Arthur Conan Doyle? No? No, that's Sherlock. What's his name? It is like a three-name kind of guy. Same guy that did John Carter. Okay.

What the heck? Jeff, I think you'd like it too. It's good. I got to look it up now. Yeah, I'll watch it. I used to know when I was reading. Georgia the Jungle's, my favorite Tarzan. Yeah, movies are good.

Oh, Edgar Rice Burroughs. Edgar Rice Burroughs. Oh, he's. of it the same, but I don't think it is. I don't think it is. Georgia the Jungle? Yeah. A couple of the Toothies read it.

They read Tarzan because you recommended it. Wow. Did they like it? They loved it, Jeff. Wow. It was like their favorite book. They'd be better kids than us, huh? You never know.

You never know. Was Tarzan. Tarzan was raised by guerrillas, right? Yeah. And so was King, or Georgia the Jungle? But his dad. But his dad was killed by the gorilla too. Oh, I thought it was a leopard.

Yeah, it was a leopard. Nope. Not maybe the book's different. Yeah, we got to read it. I think I might be wrong. I feel like my memory's not all that. Adaptations I've seen, it was a leopard, but. I don't know.

The leopard, I think the leopard might have made his mom die. Okay. I'm trying to think in the Johnny Weissmuller, the old show. The cartoon is a leopard, and then that one with Scarscar, I think, was a leopard, too, right? I can't remember. That was a crazy movie. All right. It's a pretty big sacrifice

that these spiders make for their kids. The ultimate. Ultimate sacrifice. And our final story of the episode comes from a listener, a newfound friend of ours, Jamie, who's on our Antarctica trip. Yeah.

Shout out. We like her. Jamie. Yeah. This was a story of a mom. She is a claw, not a toothy. Oh, yeah, she was part of a claw.

huh, which is like the left edge of the toothies. I'm in the claw too. This is a story of a mom who sacrificed herself to prove us right. And when I say us, I mean tooth and claw. So here's the story in Jamie's words. Ironically enough, my mom was attacked by a rabid raccoon the day after listening

to Tooth and Claw's 23 Mother's Day episode. When you shared a story about a mom, Logan McNamara, defending her kid from a raccoon attack that happened in the middle of the day. My mom and I listened to the episode together, and we had a very lively conversation about what to do if that happened. We agreed with Cindy that the mom did awesome, and we'd try to lock it in the garage or something if we could too. And I can confirm, Cindy, it isn't easy to throw a rabid raccoon into a box as we thought.

It isn't as easy to throw a rabid raccoon into a box. It isn't. Okay. even if it's attached to you. Fast forward to the next morning, and I received a call from my dad. He was out of breath, and he said, this is serious, Jamie,

and started to explain that there was a weird raccoon in the backyard that kept coming after him. It was acting crazy and was not afraid of him. So he ran inside and took a video. I wish I still had the video, and I told him to stay inside because it didn't look normal. It had a very strange gait, and it seemed disoriented, and I asked where mom was.

He said she was out running errands, so I called her and said there was a potentially rabid or sick raccoon in the backyard. And given the podcast episode we had just listened to, she better be careful when going home. I advised her to drive into the garage and shut the garage door before getting out so she could safely get into the house. That's good advice. Jane, you was listening.

That's great. But her mom was about to sacrifice herself to prove us right. About 25 minutes later, I received a son. second call from my dad saying, Mom was attacked by the raccoon. There's blood everywhere. She's at the hospital. Turns out, even though we had listened to Logan McNamara's story and the warning

from Jeff that raccoon bites hurt, rabies shots are expensive, and the advice from you and Sydney, Cindy, Sydney, I said Sydney, she said Cindy. She didn't think she'd be in trouble. She ended up parking the driveway, and as she walked to the front door, the recumbes. literally flew out of an elevated garden bed by the door, it immediately latched onto her arm and then went down to her leg, were it bitter a few times. She started running back to her car,

but was wearing slip-on clogs and fell to the ground. Screaming and kicking it didn't phase the raccoon, so she started swinging her purse at it, which eventually helped dislodge the raccoon from her leg. She had a few seconds to jump on her car and drove herself to the ER, into her car, not onto her car. It'd be hard to do it if you jump onto the car Raccoons can't climb cars

Yeah I think they could She later told me he went crazy on my leg Hanging from his teeth like you see on TV And then the bite itself was like her leg was on fire And she was in complete shock at just how strong it was They never found the raccoon But maybe if she'd just gotten into a damn box or dog crate Like Cindy suggested

They could have tested it She ended up getting a series of IV antibiotics, a tetanus shot, and the rabies series, a day of the attack three days later, and a follow-up one. And the bite hurt for weeks. The rabies bill came out to $15,000, but she had insurance, so she paid $75. It was great. Yay. Not so many people are not lucky.

The ER nurses loved my mom, though, and nicknamed her Raccoon girl. She bought Bear Spray, although I'm sure you've covered this a thousand times. think that would have worked in this situation? I do. I think it would probably stop a raccoon. I don't know about a rabbit one. Who knows? Yeah.

I think it probably would, though. And she hasn't worn slip-on clogs since that day and is always in sneakers prepared to run. What might have stopped it as a rebar. Some rebar would have done it. I can stop a crocodile. But then if you hit its head, you can't test it. It's from what I hear it.

I think you could still test it. You need the brain. Yeah, but I don't think you would hit it hard enough. You would knock its brains at? I don't know. Just totally vaporize its brains. When you go for the head if you were hitting it? Yeah, its brains will still.

It'd probably be easier. Easier to get its brains then. That's really too bad. They didn't find their raccoon. Then we can double up the study for like raccoon C-T-E too. It was funny because we were on the boat in Antarctica and Jamie was telling me that. And I was like, wait, did you send this story to us? Because this is a good one.

Yeah. We actually need to tell the story. So I was glad that. it was good timing. Yeah, that's great. A fun story. Makes you wonder what more we could have done, you know? I feel a certain amount of culpability.

Like, we should have maybe been even better at warning them out. Yeah. Jamie's mom. No. She got a text from her daughter. How much more warning do you need? Okay. Mom's sticking the hard road on this one.

I guess maybe if her mom had been a listener. Yeah. Well, she is. She is. She listened. She did that episode. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely would have.

We could have done. is all I'm saying. Yeah. I do think I agree with you, but I also think I would be like, you know, I'm going to, the Strachan is not going to get in. Yeah, I know you would. You know, like I'm going to be fine. Yeah.

Yeah. But you might as well just go in the garage. Yeah. Anyway, she got got. That's wild. Yeah. The day after the story. The day after.

What the heck. Yeah. You know, when I was growing up, old yeller was, came out. And old yelor gets bit by a wolf. Yeah. That was rabid. And that was how I learned about rabies. And then that was so scary for a child.

It's also how I learned about it. And then their dog dies. It's so sad. That's a movie that when you show a kid, it's like the funnest best movie. And then it's absolutely traumatizing. I almost showed it to my grandkids. Yeah. It's a bad one.

Yeah. Oh, Jeff doesn't remember. Oh, we better watch it. Old Yeller is like he's this kid's best friend. They have all these fun adventures. The movie's just this gorgeous. look into like a relationship between a boy and his dog and then he gets bit by a rabid wolf and they put him down he like attacks the boy the boy does no the the dog almost the boy does yeah first the

boy the boy hides the dog from his family so that it won't won't do anything but then the mom sees it's like a Disney movie too it's a rough one it's gonna night on you watch it yeah oh yeah I did spoil it oh yeah yeah every dog owner there's some it's the guy the kids the kids from Swiss family Robinson is in it. So it makes it fun. The middle son. Isn't the little one out too? I don't, oh, he might be.

I think he is. Francis. Middle one's name? Ernst? No, Ernst. Ernst. Brits is the oldest. How old was old yellow?

Died prematurely is all I'm saying. Not that old. He was a yellow lab, right? He was a yellow lab, right? I think so. Well, he was a stray dog. Oh, so we don't know. Mike, do you think?

If Jamie's mom knew karate, like three years or four years of karate, that encounter with the raccoon would have gone better for her the exact same or worse. What kind of belt are we talking after three years do you think? What color are we at? Maybe it's a darker color. Like purple? Maybe. Yeah, I would have gone. Yeah. No, it would have gone so different. You could, if you can chop a board in half, you can chop a raccoon in half. No brains would be left, though. No, yeah. You avoid the brains of your chopping raccoons in half. Yeah, but the cougar one, she knew it. And so she stayed alive for an hour.

Was she a karate practitioner? She was not a practitioner, but she had been taking it. Okay. Well, maybe if she hadn't taken it, she wouldn't have had such false confidence. No, I don't think so. She saved your kids. Yeah. What martial art you think would be best for fending off a raccoon?

Maybe more of like a submission? Like judo? Yeah. Like submission. Yeah. I'd say power. Lifty. Yeah.

Is that a martial art? I don't think so. Sumo wrestling. Sumo wrestling. That's a good one. Just squish it to that. Just squish it. Push it.

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Remy Club, subscribe and save. That's 50% off at shop remi.com slash tooth with code tooth. Thank you, Remy for sponsoring this episode. All right. Well, that's it for our stories. So we had two hero moms, two hero mom animals, and then someone that was sacrificed to prove us right, Jamie's mom. That's heroic. Thank you. So last year right after the Mother's Day, someone sent me a story. And I thought, oh, I'm going to save it for next Mother's Day. And then, Mike, you did it for the Toothy Tales one. And I was like, what? I'm so sorry.

In front of the monkeys, the mom, the monkey was going after her daughter and the mom jumped in front of her. And the mom was just a little mom and did it. It's okay. It's okay. And then we got one yesterday from a listener. Her name's mourning. But Wes said, we'll do that one later. We're going to do it on it.

Yeah. It was a good one. It was a good story. Yeah. Well, we've done the same story several times. on accident on this year show. Yeah. It's happened to a couple times.

Yeah. We almost did this one again, but then Wes came up with some good ones. Okay. And people may say, oh, you guys have told a story of a mom saving someone from a crocodile before. Yeah. That was a Nile crocodile in Africa. Not a mugger.

Different circumstances. Yeah. I'd still try doing the nostril thing, huh? You try everything, you know? Yeah. You got it. But turns out it's a rebar. Yeah.

Big piece of rebar. Redar is a sure thing. Bend the rebar. like in a horseshoe shape and go both nostrils. Get both nostrils or both eyes. You got to be careful not to close it around its mouth, though, so then it can't let go. Oh, yeah, extra strong. Jaw grip.

All right, do we have any questions? Should we rate these moms? Yeah. Okay. No. Let's do it. I don't think so. All right.

Every mom is doing the best they can. Every mom? I don't know. I wouldn't say that. Okay, that's a good statement. But a lot of moms are. I think all these moms were. Okay.

Yeah, let's say 10 out of 10 moms. 10 out 10 for all these moms. Yeah. Who, Wes, gun to your head. Which mom was better? Our mom or Mike's mom? Gun to my head? Yeah.

How long do I have to answer this? I'm saying my mom because that's my personal experience. That's incredibly insulting. I'm right here, Mike. But Mike's mom was like a root. She's right here too probably. Yeah, she's probably. She's in the room with us.

She was a great mom too. But if I had to pick, I would pick mine. Did you even meet her? How do you know? Yeah, I've met her a couple times. Yeah. But I've got a new mom now, Cindy. So she's, yeah.

The thing is, if I didn't say mom and then I get shot or I don't get shot, then like she's going to be mad at me my whole life. Yeah. But you're sincere. I am sincere. Yeah. Okay. Everybody has to say their own mom.

Yeah. Yeah. Not everybody. Okay. We got to stop saying that. Okay. We got some people out there at bad moms. Okay.

All right. So let's move on to our categories. We have some fun categories because our mom's here and it's always fun to have her involved. So the first one is hottest pop culture mom. Mom, who's your hottest pop culture mom from my TVs or my. of these. Go to someone else. You could say most beautiful.

Was there ever a mom growing up that you were like, wow, she's so beautiful in different movies or TV or whatever? I didn't ever think of them as moms. What about like Julie Andrews in Sound of Music? You want one? No. What about the mom in kindergarten cop? She's pretty. It's pretty.

Yeah. Yeah. Or go with like an animal mom. Yeah. I thought Kim Bassinger. There we go. Yeah. Out of Africa?

No. the cell phone one. Oh, cellular. Yeah, cellular. Okay. It's the first movie I think I saw Chris Evans in. He was in that, right? Yeah.

That's a good poll. I forgot about that movie. Never in a million years, what I thought of it. That's back when cell phones were like cool technology. I said, you know, I really want to look like her and your dad said, okay. All right. Mike, hottest pop culture mom. I think I'm going to go more in like an in-universe canonical sort of answer

Mrs. Robinson from the graduate he ends up with the mom instead of the girl his age so she must have had it going on wow and Bancroft that's a good pick or Carla Guzino and Spike kids that's a great pick yeah I'll go Ava Mendez in Training Day she was a mom wasn't she or I will go or and place beyond the pines as well that's true um or I'll go the mom from Incredibles. Elastic girl. Caked up. Thick.

All right. I, you know, we actually, someone said this mom the other day and I was like, it's got to be her for me. Marge. No, not March Simpson. Marissa Tomey, Aunt May from the most recent Spider-Man movies. I know not technically his mom, but his adoptive mom. She's not, that counts.

She's, yeah, she was a mom for him. I think about stretching it less. I don't. because there's probably people out there that are in that same situation where their adoptive mom was much more important to them than their actual mom. No, not really. I think they don't really ever explain that, to be honest. But definitely his mom figure.

You're doing the Toby McGuire, Aunt May, right? No. We'll do hottest dads. We got to do hottest dads on Father's Day. Okay. Can we please? Sure. Okay.

Do you have one in mind? No, I just want to even the playing. Arnold's George, Naga. kindergarten cut. Deadbeat dad. Oh, wait, he's not a dad. Oh, yeah, he is. He, like, abandons his kid, and they never, like, he talks about him a little bit.

Wait, really? Yeah. He's a dad in that movie? Yeah. It's a terrible dad. Yeah, he's awful. And the bad guy, like, wants to be with his son at least. Yeah, right.

We're looking at that movie the wrong way. I think it's a karate kid situation. Johnny Lawrence is the, he wasn't bad guy. Someone runs over an elderly woman kills her. What? That does happen. a time that you didn't listen to good advice and it cost you just like Jamie's mom sometime in your life that you didn't listen to good advice

oh so any advice are just from your mom bonus points if it's from your mom do you have an answer for that mom not from my mom that's fine yeah it's been too long But your dad, he's given me advice. Like one time, he just said, someone asked me for, like, are you going to pay half or something? And I didn't think I should. And he said, just pay the whole thing. And I should have just done that. Yeah.

It would have been the classy thing to do. Yeah. And made a point. Okay. It's good advice. Yeah. Interesting. words to live by it.

Mike, do you have an answer for that? I do. And this is a little bit out of left field again, maybe. But so I've always been a little bit of an eclectic, as far as like clothes go. I don't really care too much. I just kind of put on stuff that I think is interesting or fun. But my mom, she would always buy me clothes before school, the school year started. And I would always think they were so dorky and lame. And then by the end of the school year, they're like always in my regular rotation.

because she just kind of had a good eye, you know? Yeah. She's like, I want you to dress better. And I'd be like, no. Well, yes, you do, but no, I won't is how I would more accurately answer. But she just, she knew. She kind of had me, had a pig on me as far as fashion goes. She'd buy me these pants.

I was like, I can't, I still can't buy pants for me now that fit me very well. But she could do it. I have a question. I mean, just to go off for just a second, how were those jeans working out for you? Oh, the true denim. like the raw denim. Yeah. Are they soft yet?

Yeah. We're getting there. We're months away still. I haven't been wearing them very consistently. It's a real chore. You're still doing it, though? Yeah. But they're not there yet.

Not yet. Okay. No. Okay. And I lost a little bit of weight so they don't fit me very well anymore. So it's like, well, is it even worth it? They should never fit you. Shouldn't have lost the weight.

I can tell they were. Yeah. Yeah. I'll gain it back. That's a good solution. I'll say like two days ago, the grandkids were over. My niece and nephew were over, I should say. And they asked if they could eat shanks dog food.

And I said, yeah. And we all ate shanks dog food. And then mom said, you guys shouldn't eat dog food. And she was right. Kid shouldn't eat dog food. They shouldn't. No. Yeah, you were right.

It was good advice. I was wrong. Thanks, Jeff. The one that I thought of with my mom was like in college, I wasn't, I was in a relationship that wasn't good for me or the girl. And she was really nice, and we all really liked her. And my mom was really nice to her. But, like, privately, sometimes you would be like, I don't know about this, you know?

And I just kind of ignored you because I thought I did know about it. And it cost me a lot of like suffering and time because of that. And I should have just listened to you earlier on. But you know, boys will be boys. Right. Yep. The other one I had is I had a friend that like really got into Bitcoin in like 2012 or 2013 and just like based his whole life around it and told me to buy some.

And I could have bought like a thousand Bitcoin for like $10. And I didn't do it. Oh, wow. But then you could have made a whole. lot of money and then lost it all. Yeah, that's true. I probably would have sold it when it was like worth $5,000 or something. Wait, Cindy, were you involved in the Bitcoin?

No, this was just outside. It could be advice from anyone. It didn't have to be mom. Okay, yeah. Yeah, I see. Yeah, my mom was still needed by baseball. I still don't get it. I'm like, I don't get what it was.

All right, mom. Okay. If you could try any drug and it wouldn't have any negative consequences, physically legal or spiritually, which one? would you try? I'm passing on this. Okay. Mom, if you could get a tattoo, where would you get it and where? If you had to get one. I'm passing on this. Pass. Okay. I am one of Motenui. On July 10th.

Maui, you will board my boat and restore the heart of Tefeiti. And here we go. The journey begins. See her light up the night. The ocean chose you. Let's go save the world. I got your back, chosen one. Disney's Moana. Bootsnack. His name is Hay Hey Hey. His name is Yum. When he goes in my tum-tum.

In theaters July 10th. Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different. Locked in.

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Spotify advertising. You're among fans. Okay. Would you rather answer one of those questions or go to the moon? Answer one of those questions. Which one would you rather answer? The tattoo one. Okay.

So where would you get it and what would it be? I'm not. That's not. Nice try. All right. Well, spaceships outside. My mom famous doesn't want to go to the moon. I'm not going to the minute.

What do you think would be, what drug are we trying to give, Cindy, you think, for, like, maximum benefit? I don't know what she would like. Okay. Mom, you could be the first person to walk on the moon. Are we ready for my categories? Jeff would maybe finally believe in the moon. You could be the first person to walk on the moon. That'd be amazing.

All right. You can, yeah, let's do your categories, Mom. Okay. So the first one, we're going to just mess with you a little bit with. Okay. I think I deserve it. We're messing. Yeah.

Yeah. So I thought we could all just go around. We have a game, your dad and I play where we each name a color until we can't name anymore. And then whoever was last wins. So I thought we'd just go around and name some of the stuff that you say every podcast. Okay. Is that game always colors between you two? Or does it change?

No, it can change. It changes. But colors are what we're most equal at? Okay. They play it five times a day. No, we only play it driving when we're really bored. So we're just doing roasts like stuff that I say too much. No, not that you say too much.

That I say every episode. Just you say every, almost every episode. Who's going first? Micus. That's a good question. That's a good question. when it is in fact not a good question. I think I say that to buy myself a little bit of time sometimes.

You know, it's okay, Wes. But I think it's a good one. You should just say, that's a good answer, Mike. Yeah, that's a good answer. That's a great answer. Okay, Jeff. I'll say they should have had bear spray. Okay.

Do you want to play with? Sure. Okay. Sure is a word I say too much. You know, one time someone sent me some sure. shirt ideas and they had some of the things you said but I didn't know where it was. Okay, mine is put a pin in this. Put a pin in it.

That's a good one. Yeah. I'll go with, I'll go first. Oh, that's a good pick. That's not true, Jeff. All right. Man, what else do I say? You talk about that bullet, like every day.

Ouch. Oh, don't go out of turn, Jeff. Sorry. I'm good. I don't want to do anymore, but you can do more. Mine would be put a pin in it. You did that already. That's the one you just said.

Oh, I'm sorry. No, okay. You're right. Oh, no, I have a better one. What's the better one? It won't count, but you can say it. Well, we can see if you guys say it. You guys keep going.

I can be out. Okay. Oh, you always end every episode saying, we love you. I love you guys. Love you. Love you listeners. Yeah. Something like that.

Variation on that. You're always telling people that they could subscribe for the price of a coffee. Yeah, I got to stop saying that one. I get in trouble every time I say that. Yeah. I'm out. That one, you know, said one. Well, it's because it's something that like millionaires and billionaires say too.

Oh, okay. They're always like comparing things to coffee and like, oh, you shouldn't be paying for overpriced coffee and that's not what I was saying okay okay I was just saying our my do you have another one I mean it's all just stuff that will almost necessary or logically come up during an episode like let's go to categories or like this is gonna we got a good story today yeah how cheese yeah do you what's yours I did a lot of research on this one okay I read oh yeah so we could go on for a long yeah I've have I do what was yours mine is um it's been a minute oh

It's venomous since we talked about this. And then I have one other one. I love this animal. Oh, yeah. This is one of my favorite animal. How did we not get that one? Yesterday he saw this bird and he's like, that's my favorite local bird. I was like, really?

And he's like, yeah. I was like, what do you mean by that? And he's like, it's like my favorite bird that's around locally. I was like more than like kestrels and, Golden Eagles and he's like, well, no. To Jeff's credit, he pushed me the like perfect way where he just kept asking more

questions of like, what about this bird? And I was like, yeah, actually you're right. And then I was like, it's probably my local favorite local songbird and I was like besides maybe Red Wing Blackbirds. Okay, we're moving on though. I have a couple more categories. Let's go. Okay, this is I asked for some help.

This is my friend Nellie that helped me. She's from Tasmania. And she said, is there any animal physical feature you would have to make parenting easier? And what would have been? I'm asking you guys. Got to be a pouch. That's so good. That's probably the best pick.

Koala pouch or kangaroo pouch. Okay. Yeah. Or a wombat pouch. Yeah. Or a squirrel pouch. Just pouch, yeah. Sure.

Squirrels have pouches? Some squirrels. What the heck? Well, actually, I don't know about that. Some might. Flying. So do you guys have any other ones? Let me think.

A feature that an animal has. I think wings. Like I always like when like birds can like tuck their young under their wings. Yeah. I think it always seems really comforting and nice. That is cute. Yeah. How about you, Mike?

Tails just to corral like a monkey or a capuchin or something. They corral their young with their tails sometimes. I think that's kind of fun. That'd be more of a fun than a practical, but also practical. There's a lot of good reasons. Yeah. She had a couple, well, the hers were a different question, but goes with it.

Has thumbs. I liked hers because she asked her friends that had kids. She's not, anyways, one of them said an owl because they could turn their head all the way around to watch her kids. And then this is the one I would choose, though. She wished she could have slept like a bear in the hibernation phase when she had kids. Just let them nurse. That's the one I would choose. Yeah.

I'd pick that one spider where it can eat you. Yeah. Where your kids can eat you. Right. Yeah. Okay. And then also she said which animal would get you kicked out of a Facebook group. That's a good point, Mike.

That spider's almost kind of selfish. Like a mom who really sacrifices herself as a mom that sticks around It helps raise them This mom's like She's lazy Welcome to the world kids I'm out Good luck

That's a good point Anyways sorry mom What kind of animal would get banned from a Facebook mom's group Because of how bad of mom Or because of the mom characteristics she has That spider The spider A female cassowary.

Yeah. Because they don't do any young raising. They lay the eggs and then they're out. Okay. What are the ones that let the dads raise the eggs? Cassuary. Cassowary, yeah. Also, any of the ratites, like emus, ostriches.

I think they all do that. She had the cuckoo bird that, and this would irritate other moms too. Oh, yeah, plants the eggs in other people's nests. Other not people Mess parasitism And then they're usually bigger And they'll kick the other babies out of the nest And then she said elephants

Try to like overshare or parent other people's kids Who likes that as a mom? No one likes that Maybe those turtles that let their young Just sprint across the sand and hope they don't get owned Sea turtles Yeah sea turtles Coalas

Not only have kids and leave But they put them in the worst possible spot Awful Yeah Coalas they allow their babies to eat the mom's poop. Sorry, I mentioned poop. And they give them chlamydia too.

But that's like a good thing though, right? That's how the young eat. And the sand tiger shark lets their kids eat their other kids. Yeah. I guess a lot of animals do that. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

And lastly, the last thing is would you rather situations? You let us eat your poop. No, I didn't. Okay, so each of you, I have them written out, so each, everybody gets to choose one. So wait, you did or you did not let them. I did not. No. She might not let Wes and Mike, but she for sure.

Okay, we're not getting into poop again. Jeff, you took two. Jeff, pass one of yours to somebody else. Okay, I'm going to start with mine because I've read these before. Would you, and this one is from my friend Sam, would you fight off one giant aunt, the size of a horse or thousands of real sized ants thousands of real sized ants Really?

Yeah Okay One horse size ant What can ants do I mean they have like types They have mandibles Yeah the mandibles and they Some of them sting

I think I'd still rather Depends if I get a weapon or not Yeah If I can have a gun I'll fight the one Sure If I don't get weapons I'll fight the mini Okay. I think I agree with Jeff's answer.

Okay. We're kind of always fighting hundreds of thousands of ants in a way, right? Okay, next? Who's next, Wes? I'll go next. Harry Lyme and the third man. Looking down on us like ants. Would you rather swim as fast as a dolphin or run as fast as a pronghorn?

The catch is, there's a catch. If you choose dolphin, you have to have a blowhole for the rest of your life. That's not a catch for some of us. And if you choose pronghorn, you have to have antlers. Pronghorn actually have horns. This one's from Sam to. But, yeah. Sorry.

You can swim as fast as a dolphin or run as fast as a pronghorn. Pronghorn are the fastest land animal in North America. Yeah. The second fastest animal in the world. The catch is if you choose dolphin, you have to have a blowhole for the rest of your life. And if you choose pronghorn, you have to have horns. So for me, I was going to choose pronghorn because I thought maybe I'm on land a lot more. But I just can't live with antlers

So I think I have to do dolphin I think horns look kind of cool though Yeah on you guys I'd rather have horns than a blowhole Horns would be hard to sleep with Right? I don't think so You don't?

No Maybe you can fold them up And prong horn horns are cool looking too Fold your horns up I don't know Maybe I think we're bound by the same rules That the animals

Okay So I'm picturing prong horn horns No they don't fold them up They don't fold them up They do They're really interesting horns that they have a sheath that they sometimes drop. But they are horns. I would pick the prong horn.

I'd rather, I think I'm with you. Like, I live on land. So I'd rather be able to run fast. Jeff? I'll take the pronghorn. Okay. Blow. I thought you would say dolphin, yeah.

Okay. Okay, next, Jeff. This is from Caitlin and Jordan and Brooklyn. Would you rather? Or so you have two. would you rather say. Okay. Would you rather have a fly buzzing around your face all day

or get bit by a mosquito once every hour for the rest of your life? I don't know. Let's just decide. How about for a week? How about for a year? A year? Yeah. Okay.

I'd rather have the mosquito. Oh, wait. For a year? But it said all day. So I figured that one's just one day. If it's one day, then I'm picking the skeeters too. Yeah, I think I would too. Flies are annoying.

If a flies buzz around me for more than 10 minutes. But mosquitoes buzzed too. Yeah, but that wasn't part of the question. Does anyone change for a year, though? Are we all picking mosquito? I think over a year I'd just get used to having mosquito bites. Is it like the same mosquito? Like if you try to like smash it, it's just indestructible?

Oh, good question. That's a really good question. Because that's actually kind of cool. I almost said that and I caught my name. No, that's what I didn't want. No, it's all right. Okay, I didn't want that to happen. I'm not going to stop.

Okay. Yeah, I'll take Mosquito, I guess. Okay. Mike, your question. Okay. Would you rather hike with someone who moves at an insane pace or one who stops every two minutes? This is from the Jordan and Brooklyn. I'm going insane pace.

I need this hike to be over pretty quick. I think I am, too. How long are we stopping? just like a quick stop? I don't know. If it's a quick stop, I'm picking the stops. If it's like a leisurely stop, then I'm... I mean, it's crazy.

Picking the... Yeah. Yeah. What if it's a really steep hike? Then I want to stop every time. But like, I'll just get... I'll just let the guy go and now hike by myself. What if it's like beautiful though?

And you're just like, man. Yeah, I would enjoy it. Grinnell... Glacier hike is the whole thing. Sure. These are all good questions. Oh, definitely stopping every two minutes. Gun to your head, you just get

shot instead of having to hike. Do go out there. Would you rather hike? No. Mike just wants it over. Yeah. Yeah. So I like hiking with cousin Brent because he just hikes like 30 miles an hour.

It's crazy to me that you'll go. So does his mom. You go on like a walk around your neighborhood for hours. But then you don't like hiking. It's very different. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

That's similar. Yeah. How? You're both like walking. Yeah. Well, we walk everywhere all the time every day in our house. house. Is that hiking? Like walking up the stairs? It's like hiking upstairs. It's like closer than a lot of things. Sure, but it's all like just walking in general is kind of like all the same to you. Walking in the house

normally has purpose, walking around like, like you normally have to walk around the house, I mean. Necessary purpose, I should say. Walking around the neighborhood is more of a choice like hiking. Yeah, but I'm never outside of 30 seconds away from like a toilet or something. nice to drink or an Uber ride to a restaurant or anything. You go to the bathroom like once a day. I know. I've optimized that whole situation for myself. It's so inefficient. I don't know how you guys do it more than once. It's nice. It wasn't a little break from the monotony. Go sitting there. All right. We asked our listeners to ask advice from you. So we have a category called Some Nice Advice would suffice. And this time we want you to

give our listeners some advice mom okay so me and jeff both picked some answers to that question and we're going to read them out and we want you to give advice to these people do you pick the answers we sorry we picked the answers the answers to our question oh okay i get advice for you okay some responses wait pass me the answers no responses this is from slither ends slither ann's response what do you do for self-care oh i almost do too much red light here. Yeah. I go to red light. District. I think more than like just skin stuff like for your mental health.

For my mental health? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Also, you can do both. Yeah, I do lots of stuff just to make myself feel good. Now that I don't have any kids in the house, but I read a lot, which actually just takes me out of my environment and puts me

in a different situation mentally. And I use it for escapism a lot. Like if anything bad is ever happening, I read just to get out of it. I paddleboard. That's my favorite thing. And if I can't paddleboard, then I'll go swimming. Swimming just makes me, it makes me happy.

Like sometimes Gilbert will just say, why don't you go swimming? Yeah. You know, just to, so I'll come back happy. Weather related is really, I'm weather. They're sensitive. So if it's going to be dark and dreary for a month, then I go somewhere else. Yeah. I go a lot.

And, you know, it's not always expensive. Sometimes I just go to Utah. You drive. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Those are good answers. Yeah.

Allie Sannix asks tips for raising a kid with ADHD. My daughter is 10. Not enough space to go into detail here. So from what I've found is that every child. with ADHD or ADD is different. And it seems like the professionals don't really have a pat answer for it. Like I know when I took Jeff to different things, they'd always look like, oh, this is, you know, I'm not sure about this situation. Kind of like I'm not sure what to do.

I'm thinking, I mean, there's people much worse than him. But so my thing. That's too bad at school. Yeah, but not that bad. I mean, you- I rode the long bus. You graduated university, Jeff. So not that bad.

Anyways, what Gil and I finally decided, I mean, we tried all different things with being strict, being lenient, all different things. We just decided we wanted Jeff to be happy. And so that's what we concentrated on. And not just like giving him gifts, but just like trying to put in situation.

where he is happy and trying to just act so we weren't stressed out. Like, okay, we're all a team. What's the team going to do now? How's the team going to figure this out? You know, and how are we all going to just be okay with this and be happy? And that's what we did. Yeah, I think that's good advice. Yeah.

Cindy, I married my husband last August, but I think I might be gay and in love with my friend. what do you think Corey should do? So I don't have a lot of experience with this. I think communication is the key. Yeah. I think you just have to communicate with everyone. And just communicate, but with love. Just, you know, because you love these people

and treat them with respect and love them. Great. All right. So this one just said it's from Kate Huntley. and they it's more of a comment but says i don't know but cindy and two dictators is a dream blunt rotation a dream what rotation like to smoke smoke marijuana together oh did you hear me say that on a recent episode no that like so like it's like you choose like three people and yourself who you would like get a weed cigarette and you all share it with them and i chose you

with Vladimir Putin and Benjamin Netanyahu, I think, right? Kim Jong-un. Or no, Kim Jong-un, yeah. Is that flattering? It should be. It's not flattering. Do you have one? I just wish that you wouldn't even think about it.

You know? Yeah. I just think the most brain activity you can have in a normal way. is the best. My thing that I said is like when I'm at a table, look, we can get rid of drugs and just say like you're at a table with someone. Yeah, like share a drink with someone. You're good at, not a drink, nothing.

A Diet Coke. Oh, sure. Yeah, some juice. Okay. You're at a table with three people. I think you get right to the point with people. Okay. We're at a table with Putin and Kim Jong-un.

I think you're going to be like, so what was you? So what was it like for you when your mom died? Okay, okay. Okay, then it might be a compliment. I think I might be out of my... I'm not very political. It's shorthand for... I feel like I'd really like to spend time with this person,

be comfortable with them and learn more about them. Yeah. Is kind of what people mean by that. Do you have anyone from history that you'd want to, like, sit at a table with and have dinner? Abraham Lincoln. Yeah? What did you ask him about? He'd be fun.

Probably... Would you be like, why'd you do that? No, I'd probably... I ask him about the failures, how he kept going with all the failures that he had. Because he really, I mean, he really had a lot of adversity and he just kept going. And I don't get that drive. I mean, that's just amazing to me. I saw a statue of Abraham Lincoln recently built in 1941.

It's like sexy Abraham Lincoln. It's called the Young Lincoln. Look it up. No shirt, no shoes. His pants are on buttons. Really? Yeah. His pants are in button?

Like, yeah, it's weird. When was it built? 1941. Look it up. The Young Lincoln. The Young Lincoln statue. I don't think it was meant to be like a, because he wasn't a sex symbol. I've actually talked to a girl about this recently.

He's like holding his like thumb hooked into his pants. It's weird. Yeah, he's not a spectrum. You don't think, he's like tall though, right? He's tall. That doesn't matter. Sometimes that's all that. Got a cool beard.

That doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah. Smash her pass. Cindy's a pass. on Abraham Lincoln. All smash. Me too.

Yeah. I think politically, charismatic. I don't like talking about that type of stuff. Okay. All right, I got one more, Mom. Okay.

This one's from K. Flogger, 09. Happy Mother's Day, Cindy. What's a mindset shift that made your life better? You've had to do a few of these. I have had to do a few. The one I'm working on now

is where you just have to live your own. life and let your loved ones live their life and just have a like a neutral ground and just live your life and that fit people in how they they fit in and not worry too much. I actually stopped worrying a lot. You've done yeah you've really come a long way with that. And I just read a quote from Michael J. Fox and it talked about how if you worry about things then you're just experienced them twice because you worry about it so you're experiencing it then and then if it happens then you're experiencing it again yeah so why worry about it if it hasn't happened yeah that makes

sense yeah i like so i did i gave up the worrying with the animal stuff and the swimming with sharks and that i'm just like well if it happens then i'll worry about it that's kind of a good way to go to prison though yeah i'm not going to worry about this so i can do i'll just set this building on fire Okay, thanks. Thanks for that advice. I'm just saying, don't take that too far. Okay, I won't. I won't.

I got my last one. This is the, like, I've been giving you easy ones. This is. Oh, Jeffrey. Domesee says, what's the best way to stop hiccuping? Oh, eat sugar. And I prefer brown sugar. Really?

It doesn't work at all. Oh, it totally worked. It doesn't work. It works every time. Every time. But I remember pretending to get the hiccups when I was a kid because you guys would give me a spoonful of brown sugar. And it stopped right away. Well, because I was pretending.

I think it worked. It works every time for me. Yeah, I'd always look for like a big clump of brown sugar. It does make, I do feel like I was hiccuping a lot. Yeah. Maybe my body wanted sugar, so it'd make me hiccoughed. Maybe. But do you just suck on the sugar or do you eat it or how does that work?

I just dump it in my mouth. I don't know what you did. Yeah, yeah. Straight down your throat. And then I just, I have to have a little extra. Like it's water to make sure that it's working. A little bit more. All right.

I feel like you would have us like you'd put it on a spoon and you'd have us like hold the spoon of brown sugar in our mouth for 30 seconds. I don't remember that. I don't know. I don't have a memory anymore. That might have been when we got Tabasco sauce for swearing. I didn't do that. Dad did it once to me.

Okay. I didn't though. Yeah. Jeff, I have a question for you. Did you just make up those questions or were they real questions? They were all real questions. Okay. I put names to them.

Okay. I know, but you could have made them. They should just be human. Why did you show me this statue? Because I hate it. No, dude, you like this. He's cool. Abraham Lincoln deserves to be remembered as a sexy young man.

It's so weird. All right. Well, that's it for the episode. Mom, everyone looks forward to this episode, including the three of us. I think it's really fun every year. You're our only annual guest. Yeah. And I think there's a reason for that.

And happy Mother's Day. Thanks. And thanks for inviting me. I do have. one other thing with Mike because we I like to mention Mike's mom yeah um so Michael I was thinking about your mom it's been five years I think I know but Mike yeah I think it'd be good advice for you to just say um about people appreciating their mom like what what would you like what would you what's one thing you would want to do with your mom like if she was around what's one thing you

miss doing with your mom? Reading with her. Or at least reading the same thing as her. She would love the Meg series. Oh, she would absolutely have beaten it up. She probably would have pretended she liked it just because she's reading with it. She would have, like, no question in my mind. She would have, like, looked for all the positives and really been excited and had, like,

a whole notebook. But every time I'm reading anything, especially classic literature, it was just always so fun to be able to share a love of. of Jane Austen or, you know, we read Middle March once together, and that was just amazing, incredible book. But that's the one thing, just finding something to enjoy together, you know? It doesn't have to be books. It can be, I know Wes and you, you watch the challenge or whatever every week.

Survivor. Stuff like that. And I just think that that's such a healthy, if possible, you know. And reading is something you can do long distance. and I just miss being able to share fun things, you know. It's not like the important mother-son talks. Like we had plenty of those and we knew that the love was there, you know. We had left nothing on the table as far as like big important life lessons that she instilled in me.

Or at least, you know, I'm sure she had plenty more, but it's the little moment-to-moment interactions that, you know. Yeah. I started to understand a little too late in my life that she was also. So like a real person with things that she liked, you know. Yeah. And she wasn't just a mother. You know, she had her own whole life and a slew of interest and stuff that I wish I would have been able to appreciate a little more alongside her. Right.

Yeah. That's kind of I, I really, I've been thinking about that, Mike, and I really appreciate that. I've been thinking about my mom too. And I just so wish I knew how she felt at my age more, you know, because I was. younger and I didn't really care then. But now I'm like, well, how'd she feel when she was 66? Like, did this bug her? Like, things that bug me, things like that.

But anyways, so. You're 66? People that have their moms should just, you know. Give them a hug, give them a call. Yep. You think she's one of us. I thought you were like 86. No.

I thought I was 67. And then my granddaughter had to tell me I was 66. That's funny. You forgot. Your granddaughter? Or new anything. Yeah, Ellie's like, you're not 67, you're 66. That's really funny.

Oh, man. Six-seven would have been a fun age, though. Next year. We'll have to have that category next year. We got to bring that one back. Mom, yeah. Did you hear foxes outside your room a lot, right? Yeah.

What noise do they make? Oh, they have like a chirping bark. Let's hear. Let's hear it. Okay. It's not bad. Yeah. Sometimes they sound like.

someone like getting killed. Yeah they do. Like we think we hear screams sometimes and then it go out and it's foxes. Yeah it's weird. All right. Well I think that's it. Thanks everybody. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks to all the moms out there even though spider moms. Yeah. We loved hearing about the moms. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. We love we love moms. We love moms. Moms. We love all the moms out there. Bad moms especially. And all the listeners that have been listening, thanks for sticking with the podcast. It's so nice when we get emails that they've been listening for a long time. Yeah, it is nice. Yeah.

Even when we tell the same story a couple times. All right, we'll see you later. Okay. Bye. Love you. See you. Bye. Job mom.

Woo, woo. That's good, right? Yeah, let's cut.