Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Ben Rayner: Toronto Mike'd Podcast Episode 1765

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

In this 1765th episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike checks in with Ben Rayner to see how he's dealing with life's curveballs. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Ridley Funeral Home, the Waterfront BIA, Blue Sky Agency and RecycleMyElectronics.ca. If you would like to support the show, we do have partner opportunities available. Please email Toronto Mike at [e-mail].

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And Ridley Funeral Home, pillars of the community since, 1921. Today, I'm going to call up FOTM Ben Rayner and find out how he's dealing with life's curveballs. This is going to be a literal phone call because due to Ben's living arrangements right now, he can't zoom or do this any other way. So I'm going to call him right now. I'll probably never listen to or you could try texting me. Either way, I will eventually get back to you. Bye.

All right, that went terribly. So what I'm going to do is let him know that the number that appears to be from Georgia is me. So I'm going to give him the heads up to some people ignore calls. if they don't recognize the number, and I'm not calling from my normal 416 number.

I am calling from my Google Voice number, which is a Georgian number. Long story there. But, okay, let's try again. It's kind of exciting. Will Ben Raynor answer? I'll never listen to or you could try texting me. Ben, you've got to answer your phone, buddy.

Bye. My goodness. Okay. Ben, it's a Toronto mic calling. I'm going to call again. But if you see a number, a 647... No, your 647. If you see a Georgia number, please answer.

I'm going to call again. But you don't check voicemail. So this is all the waste of my time. Okay. We're going to give this another go. Because I am going to connect with Ben Rainer if it kills me here. So, Ben, I hear you calling. All right.

Third times a charm. I don't know where that expression came from, but I'm going to apply it here. Third times a charm. Here we go. Okay. Ben Rayner. I don't know where he is.

I don't know what's going on, but he knows I'm calling now. Ben, can you hear me? Yeah, can you hear me? Ben Rayner? Yeah, now I can. Hello. Hey, thank you for...

Nice to hear your voice. Oh, it's good to hear your voice. I'm glad you took the call. That was my third time calling you. No, you know what? It's not showing up. I'm in a weird spot. Like, I thought it would be...

I thought it would be a... I was like, I'll have a dip. I'll go to the Northwestern. So I, like, hiked out to Sanford Flaming Wilderness Park and by the Dingell. It's known here as the Dingell. It's a bell tower. Hence the name, the Dingle.

Immediately, like, the sky went six shades darker and the breeze got up. But I think the sun's coming out again, so I think we're okay. I think we're all right. Okay, like, I'm really glad we connected. I want to, like, find out how you're doing. And so I wrote you, I don't know, a couple of months ago, I wrote you and said, Ben, walk over, we can kick out some jams.

And you're like, it's a long walk. You're like, I'm not in Toronto. So where are you exactly right now? I am on the northwest arm of Halifax Harbor in like Sanford Flaming Wilderness Park, gazing across the majestic rooftops of King's College. and Alharahar the University. So I'm basically in Halifax at the moment. I should be here for a little bit.

I've been kind of moving around because I left Toronto and I did a bit of an Irish exit and I didn't say goodbye to all over myself. As you know, just because I was having a really shitty... My city times kept getting shittier

and it was time to go when I felt the city was slowly sapping. Oh, here comes the sun. Yay. the wind should go down. And my daughter, what I liked it or not,

my ex was going to move my daughter to Dartmouth. And I didn't have the energy for a custody battle after a year fighting my eviction and stuff. So I just was like,

and I left my job managing a record shop under a cloud on the first day of spring and then 45 minutes later the judgment came down from the landlord tenant board and I was just like you know what fuck this I'm out

like I just like I can't live here anymore okay there's a lot a lot to unpack there but just because I want to have a like a beefy convoy so I'm just worried about the fidelity of your voice here so yeah I can live in land a bit I did it with a Metro

morning on this cell phone via WhatsApp And that seemed to be a better connection. I don't know if you want to try that. Okay, so hold on. Let me, uh, okay, what's that? That's not you now. Someone calling on the other line.

That's not me. That's not me. Hold on. Give me a second here. Because I can, it's the wind that you're getting right now. No, I think it's more like you might be like a titch close. Maybe you're a little overmodulated. Like you're a titch close to my.

Well, I find the shield from the wind, but maybe, how's this? Is that a little better? Yes. Okay, let's proceed like this. I'm making a cup with my hands. You can fix it in a push-you-doction. Oh, I refuse. Okay.

I don't know why they were like a perfectly still boiling hot day. I put my chunks in my bag and I was like, I'm going for a swim, and I sweat. Fuck it's the hour-long walk out here. And the moment I get here, it's fucking cyclone territory. You know what? I can't move to land a bit. But if the wind is not the problem, we should be okay. Okay, let's proceed.

You know, we can always move it to WhatsApp if we need to. But, okay, so let me just. Why don't I go? Let me try this other match. Okay. See, if this improves, right. All right. All right.

I'm sort of on the seawall right now. It's just, I mean, I can go inland. No, so are you on a headset or are you talking into the phone? I'm talking into the phone. Okay, it might just be your, you're, I mean, I can try the headset if you want. Oh, shit. It's not Bluetooth to this. one, then.

Okay, don't worry about that. I just think maybe you were too close to the microphone, maybe. Yeah, I'm just trying to spare you this. Oh, yeah. Like, Game Force wind, you there, but if I turn the phone this way, how's that? Okay, let's check it out. So do you mind if I do a little recap here and just make sure I've got, I understand all of this? I can also, like, run up hill to, like, a place a little more sheltered.

See, I don't mind the wind. I'd rather the wind than the over-blankation. You'll get boosies flanging. It's nice. I'm on the ocean, Mike. I love it, man. I'm kind of jealous. I want to come join you.

But let me just understand this, okay? When I have a place to live here, you have a Pietater. Where did you sleep last night? Like, are you sleeping under a bridge? What's going on? No, I was dog sitting for my friend Dennis and his wife. I don't know how, five, six weeks ago. Poor bastard's mom died.

Oh. while he was away so I'm actually now looking after her cats and her garden at her old place until the new tenants move in which is his sister and his and his niece so

yeah it's just way worked out in a weird way because she took great pride in the garden and loved those cats and they're all busy they're all working so I I've been just living there for the last couple weeks which is really sweet my friend Dennis has been so

my mom hasn't been really good to me man I've been living on couch. I went back to New Brunswick for a week there a couple weeks ago because I didn't want to spend my birthday on the couch, but yeah, whatever. So you've been basically couch surfing, like

friends and family have been, you know, taking you for, you know, weeks at a time or so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like since I got, I had to be out of my place April 30th. I did it in like a night because it was very painful. I abandoned all my stuff.

I paid to ship, because I don't have any money. I paid to ship, and I got my ex with no help. So I left all my daughter's stuff and told her that was on her, which is kind of a cool thing to do, but it was her fault. And I got my record collection, my DJ gear, like my 1,200s, and my CDJs and stuff. And my UFO occult and physics collection books, and my camping gear, because I thought that might come in handy.

Right. and bike and everything else I abandoned my whole apartment all my clippings like most of my stuff I'm pretty much

everything I don't so this happened in April 2025 this exodus from Toronto yeah okay so let me ask you this so Ben last time

you know we chatted which it felt like not that long ago but it was before April we knew you were working at a record store on the on the Danforth I think yeah I was managing the cops records location on the dam force and part and parcel of the situation

was I kept having to take time for stress and depression right I was being evicted my ex was threatening that take my daughter to the east coast um I you know what I want to take telltales out of school because I loved running that shop and and but it the job ceased to be pleasurable to me because the other is very old school and English and hours were cut. So I would have been homeless anyway because I couldn't make ends meet and freelances and really tight and also like I was having a hard time like even finding the time to to drum up work. Like I was basically living for my weekends with the kid, you know,

like Saturday to Tuesday. And the rest of the time I was alone. Trying to like drum up some writing work to make ends. I was making a good selling until, like I said. I like my rather insensitively my hours were cut um because my personal problem and yeah it's a long story and i you know i i'm i'm i'll keep it private but it the job wasn't what it used to be i wasn't working at the damn foot location from horn and i and the job that i loved probably my favorite job ever apart from you know i like i

loved being a music i still am a music writer i was writing about music today you know but um i loved running a record shop and um the conflict there i got really ugly, and I'm not one to, like, eat shit on a daily basis. I'll put it that way. And you can't treat me like a 18-year-old kid. No, you know what? Who wants to eat shit? Who wants to eat shit?

Yeah. So, I, you know, it got really bad. I got really depressed. And it was not a good situation for me anymore. And it kind of felt like when I left the star, like, all the joy had been bled from the job. You know, and I could feel myself, I've told you about all that in the past.

I have depression issues, and I can feel that coming on, and I'm alone all the time, and I can sink very easily into, like, drinking alone and doing drugs, you know, and I just didn't want to go down that road anymore. And so it was kind of like a nice kick in the ass. It was just the first day of spring. I walked out of the shop. I was like, I'm not coming back. And then 45 minutes, I got the email.

for the LTV, the landlord time it was, I had to be out of my apartment. And, like, well, I thought they were supposed to give you two months, but I had, like, five weeks or something. So I spent, like, a couple of weeks in bed, as one does. And then just, like, shit, what I'm going to do? I call my mom in tears. They're like, can you put my stuff in storage?

Can I come stay with you for that? And I knew my ex wanted to move because, I think, you know, nobody wants to be left for their, you know, relationship of 22 years for someone's high school boyfriend. I wasn't enjoying that situation either. So I was like, you know what? Maybe I've done with Toronto. I fought this for a year.

And when it came to the actual eviction hearing, but then we get, like I've been there in that apartment almost 24 years, but that's when I left. But my ex-partner was the leaseholder. So what my landlord immediately charged. do was where I rent $650 a month, which is the way, he's German, so I'll accidentally do the accident all the time, even though I try not, but he was like, well, you could agree. It's well, but no market rate.

I'm like, I've been here for 23 years. My rent is doubled. I'm a single father, and you want like $7,800 more out of me. And I was like, I had to fight that. And I, and, and the other conversations, I was like, I don't think you could do that. I think the provincial maximum was two and a half percent. And I got this spiel about how, you know, I had to bury him, this guy sat in my living room, because he lives in Berlin.

I haven't worked in 10 years. Makes probably $12, $30,000 a month out of that house, at least. I'm probably, he's probably, I think I was saying almost $1,800. First two-bedroom in Toronto, that was great, you know. I'm sure he's getting 35 or 37 for it now. And that was his gamble, and more power to him. He'd be a piece of shit. But he sat in my living room over the holidays after my partner,

and I had finally, like, she finally moved out. after six months. I think I've talked to you since then, just pretending that we were still together to my daughter. And it was like, well, I don't care about market rates. It's so tragic.

I'm glad you have a roof over your head. And then, my ex asked to leave the lease. Oh, okay. I'm going to raise $650. I just looked like, so I had to fight it. I'm too punk.

You've known me for a while now. That's what I do. And I lost. I had like an expensive, like, basically Nazi lawyer. I had like a really well-meaning kid from Parkdale Community Legal Services because I'm poor

and I lost but it felt good because I sat in my hearing and it's all via Zoom and seeing the guy for the first time and all that you know like a year and a half

I was just like I don't want to give you my money ever again anyway yeah and I was just like well how can I ever stay in this place so I don't know it's just the kick in the ass I needed so I left her on it

I met you guys and that's my friends well so when I I wrote you that note. I don't have a Great Lakes, bro, but I do have a propeller-pilsner, and I feel like I should crack a beer. Well, you know what? You crack yours. Did you just crack it? I just cracked it.

Okay, so you know, you're on phone-phone, so you don't see me, but I have a Sunnyside. It's one of the last cans left. I love the Sunnyside. I miss the Great Lakes. Well, listen. I can get them out here. I would. When I first started doing, like, sponsorship stuff with Great Lakes, they had a couple of Halifax locations that would all Great Lakes. I don't know if they still do, but we used to say, like, 99.9% of all Great Lakes

stays in Ontario, because there was, like, 0.01% heading to Halifax. Well, I've got to do some research, then. Well, I'm going to talk to Troy. Okay, on the mic, back here it goes. Like, I mean, I, you know, it was never an exaggeration. All the times you and I have enjoyed a Great Lakes, uh,

tall can together. It's like, they're like my go-to in Toronto. Well, I'm enjoying one with you right now. Sadly, you're far away, but eventually, you know, you'll be back here at some point. But I do want to explore a bit of this because I think your story is not unique in the sense that I think a lot of guys our age get this. I call it like you can survive one but not both. Let me just blab a bit and then I want to hear from you. But like you had a long time gig at the Toronto Star and they got rid of all their entertainment guys basically.

So you got let go from your long-time gig writing about music for the Toronto Star. So they're... How many years? 22 years. 20 years. Which is actually the same time I was in my relationship. Numerologically, I've got a curse on me. Okay.

But that's so that's interesting to me because you have a 22-year career that it ends. So now I don't know, you got some severance or something, I hope. But, you know, it's not going to last to you the rest of your life. So you... 22-year career. comes to an end. But around the same time, your 22-year relationship comes to an end. So you're going to be separated and then probably divorced. I know what that's like. So you lose your relationship and your job around the same time. I feel like there's a lot of guys our age

Ben. I'd like you to speak to this. But a lot of guys can handle one of those things. But the two at the same time, especially in a city like Toronto, it's just a bridge too far, right? Yeah, when it was also, like, I just, apart from the emotional distress, like I said, nobody wants to be left for their partner's high school boyfriend, which is what ultimately happened. Like overnight kind of thing, like, and it was a shock, and then I, like, not seeing your daughter, your kid, you have kids, right? Like, it's not seeing a kid every day.

It's really tough. Sucks. And, like, I was, I think a serious cut in income when I left the star, they were very generous. I had like a buy-up for a year and a half during COVID, too. So I was like a full-time dad. It was great. And I'd been through a hell of a lot of like, you know, I've told you. Like, I was going to kill myself and all that.

I can joke about it now because I didn't, but it's true. And that was really healing. But then like, down was scraping by. And I would actually, be fair, like the cost, they paid me a living wage. I was doing all right and freelance. But then to have like, yeah, your rent double overnight. and, you know, we tried to be gentlemanly about it and not involved lawyers, and I got the shit end of that stick.

So, yeah, my rent has doubled. My income is stagnant. I basically cut about 50% after leaving the star, which was a union job for 22 years. And then having a landlord tried to jack my rent by $8,000 here on top of it. it was like untenable like I could

you know yeah like being emotionally financially it was just what am I doing like I never saw my friends never went out because I couldn't have

you know it's like I want to go see the new Dune movie I probably can't have lunch on Tuesday like it was that bad just because you know like it's a real adjustment

I've been I grew up like with a single mom mother of two kids like below the poverty line I know what it's like, I've been a writer for years. I've never been making bank. I think I did okay, considering what I chose to do with my life,

which is right about music. But that job doesn't really exist anymore. So, yeah, I was like a loss of identity, a loss of, you know, the love of my life, I guess, overnight, loss of my kid for half the week. And then being threatened with the loss of the place that I'd lived for, it was nearly 24 years when I finally bailed, man. It was, it's a lot.

Like, and I've had it out with my dad a couple of times back in New Brunswick, because he's like, well, you've got to pull, you know, why aren't you looking for work credit when? I'm like, I need, like, a month or two just to decompressed from this app. Like, it's been a hellish couple years, and I stopped. For a while, I'd be like, well, it can't get any worse. And then it would get worse, you know? And then on that day, when I was, like, within 45 minutes, I became unemployed and

homeless. And I'm like, well, maybe that's rock bottom, but I don't dare say it anymore. You know what I feel like I've cursed myself. It's tough. Yeah, like it's at all age too. And that's the thing, like being a single dad with no money. It's not like I was like, I'm a good looking dude, you know, and I'm pretty charming. It'd be nice to meet girls. And it wasn't. Like all my three time was spent with my eight-year-old daughter. And the rest of the time was spent eight hours a day running a shop and like hanging out with a bunch of really cool kids. And then working at night to make ends meet. And I would have had this rule that I wouldn't work, you know, when I had my kid.

Because it's all, it's still that way. Like, when I had probably the last two afternoons. Like, I don't get me, I don't do anything else. It's all about Polly. And I'll have her tomorrow and Sunday, and she'll be the focus. But, yeah, it's tough, too, man. Like, being a, and I get it. And I don't mean this in any kind of, like, maga, white man's burden, bullshit.

It's like being a middle-aged straight, I mean, I'm all pretty gay, but I haven't, at the end of the day, a straight middle-aged white male, looking for work, it's tough. I'm very well acquainted with, like, the phrase, priority will be given to applicants from non-traditional background, you know, and I, like I said, I get it. I get it. It's, my, my culture has to atone for its past sins, but it, it can be dispiriting at times, being our age, and, like, we're in like a single, an employee, dude. It's, I don't know, it's oddly liberating, not having a fixed address, but it's getting tiresome and I'm bored,

not work. I picked up some freelance today, which is great, but, and I have some people interested in, weirdly enough, a couple of, like, filmy things that I've had in the back of my head, in fact, what is it, two o'clock? One, a, I don't want to, I'm not going to jinx it, but a, you know, a subject dear to my heart is UFOs.

And I mean, one of those lines is at least being floated in front of potential backers as we speak. So, you know, that's a long game. But, yeah, I don't know, man. It's for this very awkward transition. But, I mean, I came out here to me with my daughter, and I'm seeing her as much as I can while I'm here. I have really good friends who are willing to put me up. Because, like, no one's going to rent to, like, a loser on E.I. and it's like

Halifax is as expensive or more as expensive than Toronto like this I haven't been here Halifax Pop Explosion would blow me out just before COVID hit to do some stuff with Trail of Dead and you will know us by the Trail Dead, the band not the cult

and it would have been like five years since I've been here. This is like five or six hundred thousand people now in the Halifax Regional Municipality. It's a city It's growing like a weed, but there's no, not enough space for everybody. The homeless population here is doubled, I think, since COVID, because a lot of people from Ontario came back and drove the rent and everything up. And they got all the same problems Toronto has, you know,

like people are being ousted, rent-evicted, getting their rents jacked. There's not enough transit. No, you and I can understand. There's no bike lanes saying there's no bike lanes here. Wow. So it's an interesting time to be here. And it's a great city. I wanted to live here for years.

So in a weird way, I've gotten my own way, but I don't actually live here yet. Know what I'm saying, brother? Listen, so I'm taking all this in, and I feel like now's a good time to just remind you of how many people basically love you, man. Like, I just want to make sure you know you've got a lot of friends, a lot of admirers. I know even just here in the, you know, you come out to the events. people love Ben Rayner, so when I put out, like, who's got a question for Ben? Jeal Blanc right away just said, we love you, Ben Rayner. Like, I just want to make sure you know there's people out there who give a shit about you.

Well, it's, don't you make me cry. It's, honestly, when I wrote about, and I wanted to write about all that stuff for a little bit, well, I like scurting the edges of legality with some of it. it was pretty nuts how many people reached out to it and I guess I don't look at that shit

when it goes to print because I hate edits I'll tell you a good story about that after this I never look at my stuff once it's edited because I know it's perfect when I handed it in

like people fucking with my coffee so why probably another reason it's hard to find it work because I do have a reputation for being a like unstable and being quite

difficult to work with. But that piece came out, and I was like, nobody reads the star. But they, like, match a warning call the next day, and, like, I guess the star had to put up a whole other page. And it was, like, number one on their opinion page for a couple of days. And I was just like, oh, it's nice for it. Because I hadn't written anything since Kylie Minogue was in town in March, because I love Kylie, as you know.

And I'd had a bit of a bad thing. I'll tell you this story very quick because I love the star and they're still very good to me and actually they just agreed to take some stuff from me today even but I

I wrote this review and that is a pretty cheesy lead but it's powered I was going to the eviction like the hearing and everything right around the same time but took Polly, my daughter my light of my life

to her first big show was kind of a know and it was a big gay dance and she's like oh my God you're right There's no women here. Like, there's a few, but it's a big gay dance party. Like, Sanchez plays for an eight-year-old to be, really.

So I lead in my piece, which I filed, like, the next morning, like, Sunday morning, was like, and again, it's not my best work. It hits the movie. It was like, there's a big gay dance party. And then there's a Kylie fan of big gay dance party. In fact, the biggest big gay dance party to hit Toronto since whatever Pride, 2024, was the Stodier-Bankarino. You know, that kind of thing. Nothing goes up on Sunday. I'm like, that's weird.

Like, I had an 11 a.m. deadline. It goes up on Monday. And the word gay, everywhere I'd put the word gay, the word gay had been excised. I don't even, like, double spaces, some places where they had bought, like, just hastily taken out the word gay. So it read, it was like,

well, it was absolute hatchet job. It was like, there's a big dance party. And then there's a kind of sized big dance party. In fact, the biggest big dance party to hit Toronto. So, all the innuendo out of the closet, you know, boys, boys, boys, boy, like, all that was left in. But every single time I used the word gay, the word gay was gone. Even my daughter was like, why did they take the word gay out? Why did they take the word? Why did they take the word gay out?

I don't understand why that. I had not, I kind of let me, like, it wasn't there for it. It was probably like a weekend editor. But the people I work with usually, I kind of gave them a blast. I was like, you fucking butchered my, you know. And I didn't pitch anything for a while, because it was a bit sour grapes. But I took a deep breath, and I ended that piece. And it was very cathartic, and it was nice to see that.

A, people still like and read stuff when I write, because I don't write very often anymore. Mainly because you don't get paid for it, and it's really frustrating because so many magazine pieces were just charity work. I just don't want to do it anymore. but I'd like to see it, you know, drove a little traffic to my old employer's website even though it was behind the paywall, you know, I was like, maybe I made you three or four bucks.

But Ben, when your piece, your recent piece where you opened up about all of this in the Toronto Star that you're talking about, did you, and I see on the live stream, because we have a live stream at live.tronomike.com, but of course nobody can see you because you're on the phone, so there's no video of you.

But the... I could have to be. I'll send that picture after. But the first thing I know it is... I will say, because I spend my mornings doing the job behind, and I've been like, you know me. If I don't have to be inside, I'm out. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're walking the earth, kung fu style.

Absolutely. But just when this piece did run in the Toronto Star, the print, one of the parts, the photo caption, got your daughter's name wrong. Yeah. Like, now when I was more out there's than my mother, I can assure But is that

Where we're at in 2025 Like of all the things Not to catch To me it's like I wouldn't accept That kind of mistake On Toronto mic.com

The blog No I I sent a very polite Because my I didn't realize It had to run that fast So someone

My dear friend Carson Uh sent me a Like a Picture Of the full page the poppy thing and I

like very the way the editor I've been dealing this is a nice guy probably a kid being paid like a quarter

what I used to get you know what I mean I'm totally overburdened and I just said you know my daughter's name is Paul where I put it

do you mind changing that my mom is but like I understand because you're probably you know it's probably having the whole paper

So I'm the only guy there taking coffee on the weekend. And that's what happens when you have no staff and no money. And I, I, it's funny. I had, I had lunch with a buddy of my knees high up at the National Post here and I just moved back to Halifax a few weeks ago. And I got a number that they employ for that entire. I know I'm not going to, I'm not going to get the number wrong, but it was astonishingly low to put out a whole like national pay.

So I can't imagine how lean in operation the star is these days. And how tough it must be to work there. You know, I mean, it was driving me to drink and stuff. What I was there. I just, it's a tough business, man. I just hope that brand hangs on. You know what I mean? Like, it's a proud property.

I don't know. I work there for God's sake. it would be a shame to see all the newspapers. And I don't think, I think the post in the globe have the business thing, right? They have the financial post, Globe at the R.OB of the board on business. So in a way, they're almost subsidized

because all these pastry firms can, like, write it off, right? Right, right off their subscriptions, but the start doesn't actually have that presence. So it's got to be tough for them. No, I mean, one of my fears is I'll wake up one day and find out that they're shuddering the Toronto Star. I mean, so many of our, you know, people covering city council, for example, here in Toronto, they're mostly Toronto Star guys.

I have Ed Keenan, he's going to be on the show in two weeks. Like, David Ryder, I'm going to meet him for a beer at the Diplomatico Cafe in a week. Dave and I are Ottawa Sun refugees. We both pled the Ottawa Sun for the Toronto Star. Well, he's listening right now, so hello to FOTM, David Ryder. Well, love to Dave Ryder. Lots of love. So, okay, so much, still, I'm, like, I'm processing this in real time,

but I want to just say the one silver lining here is that you get to see Pauly. Like, I feel like I worry about you if, I don't know, let's say instead of Dartmouth, your ex-wife said we're going to Berlin. I mean, I probably would have gone to Berlin. Yeah, I went up until, what was it, like, Maybe two and a half, three weeks ago. I didn't see Polly for five, five weeks. It was the longest I'd ever go on without seeing.

And it ruined me. I mean, that's why I'm here. That's why I throw my life away now twice for her. Right? That's half the reason I finally left the start during COVID and took the bio. But because her, you know, her mom's training crisis counselor. I work for a fairly prominent nonprofit. And it's like I can't, I can't be trying to.

right about COVID, which is inevitably what it would be, not music in like the living room in a two-bedroom flat while Longtrace's trans-crisis counselors in the kitchen and a three-year-old runs. It's probably a three then. But, you know, that was a large part of my decision to leave the star, was just to be a full-time dad while my daughter was little. And I was great. I've told you about that way. Anyway, where do you want to go? Black Creek? Fine. Because I'm a hiker. I don't care. We'll walk 35 kilometers a day. It doesn't matter. I'm pushing Australia. But, um, so this was, yeah, like, it was an easy decision to just follow my daughter. And again, I just went through a year of in and at these, like, lawyery shit with the eviction.

And I, emotionally, physically and financially, I really couldn't handle, like, an eviction, or a custody battle, rather. Well, I like, find out after spending eight months in court and $16,000, okay, you can see your daughter for two months and a song, you know, and I, I just couldn't do it. Like, it's inconceivable to me. And I actually, like, I'm starting to get panicky right now because I got to figure out what I'm doing next weekend. Like, where, we're, like, we'll probably do another, like, daddy-daughter motel night or two. And then I might go back to New Brunswick service. I mean, if I have the money,

I'd like to come back to Toronto for Queens of the Stone Age and Matthew all. Flair's great. Flair Airlines, I'll shout out to them because you can buy a ticket the day before for like 90 bucks. You just can't bring anything with you. So I've been, I came back to Toronto

and did three raves in eight days a few weeks ago, which took years off my life, but shows I still got it. But I thought I'd be sad coming back and I miss my friends. Like, I miss my friends. And I miss like Kensington Market.

and I miss going to Toronto Island, swimming at Snake Island, and Gibraltar point, and all that stuff. But it would be empty to me without my kid there. And now I get to introduce Polly to a guy on the Halifax pretty well. And there are way, the willy wags, as my dad would say, in Dartmouth. So whenever I, in fact, the first day I picked up and grabbed the ferry across the harbor. And so I still have a ferry in my life. I don't have that Toronto Island foam home because I still take the Dartmouth ferry almost every day. see my kid. She's like, do I get to take the ferry every time I see you? And I'm like, yes. Yes,

you do. And now I was like, well, I guess I'm out living in Moncton and coming to see you every three, you know. So I have to be here. And I have to be on the Halley side so she gets that balance and still gets a bit of sitting in her life. You know? Ben, I actually had a deal with my ex-wife where we agreed that neither of us would move more than like a 15-minute drive away from the other. This was the deal we struck. And I honored it. Like in every place I rented or bought, I made sure that it was 15

minutes away from where she was at. And then eventually what happens is, and this will happen for you too, Ben, is all of a sudden they're not eight years old anymore. They're full-fledged adults who will go where they want. Like at some point that will happen.

But it's a bitch getting there, but it all worked out. But I just feel for all divorce, and moms who don't get to, like, tuck their, because I have two kids, I tuck into bed. I could cry right now, actually, but I have two kids, I get to tuck into bed every night. And then I think, oh, I used to do this for my first two kids,

and then suddenly there was a day where I wasn't able to do it every night. And it may have served the greater good, but it breaks your heart even thinking about it. Yeah, that's the hardest part about it. And like I said, there was no way I was going to spend thousands of dollars to get some judge to tell me

all right what are you can happen in the summer like why do that you know why do that I'll be the you know

I'll just be the the bigger person and all that you know I'm not to disparage it was not like I have had an amical split

but I mostly both understand that my daughter needs both of her parents in our life right and I'm just

trying to figure out a way to do that um that's You know, it's been hard. It'll work out. It'll work out. But what I hear is, Ben, I think we need to get you, like, stable housing in Halifax.

Am I right? Yeah, no. And that's the thing. Like, being in my mom's place or, like, you know, staying in my friend Josh's or Carson's in Toronto. And, like, going on indeed. I mean, it's not the way. And that's not the way I've ever found work. Like, I hadn't even done it.

I've never done a resume since I was a summer student to the Ottawa Sun. Like, even with the star thing, I kind of like, kind of got, I won't say I was headhunted, but it was kind of like, would you like to work here? And there are other people in the running, but it wasn't like, you know, and then even, I think the managing the, the, the shop, which is I kind of talk my way into that. I didn't. I was like, how do I do a resume? I don't even know. You know? So that's, I don't know. It's, like, I'm the kind of guy. I haven't having lots of meetings with people, you know, and that's, ultimately that'll be what bears fruit. Freelance is tough as a writer these days. I don't know how anyone does it for a living, unless you figured it out a long time ago when you've got, like, regular gigs. No, it's tough.

I just had a chat with Karen Bliss. We were at this breakfast event, and we were talking about it, and it sounds really, really tough to make a living where you could, you know, especially to live in Toronto, but it sounds like Halifax isn't all that cheaper now. It's very difficult to cobble enough money and to make an adult wage. No, no, actually, I had that same conversation with Karen. One of the last times I saw her, she's just like, I'm hurting. And I'm like, I know. Well, I tell you, like, I don't know what I made from freelance last year. But it was probably, you know, and I didn't do it aggressively.

I'm mostly with the star because they actually pay on time when they don't mess with my shit. Unless the word gay is in there. But, like, so I probably did, I don't know, eight or nine thousand on the side, just like for freelance. I think this year, like, I've made $725 for freelance. Eek. I think I'm, like, that's how much it's down. That's the grocery bill.

And that's, that's the reality of the business. I, you know, and I'm not, again, I've had a bit of a tumultuous few months. So it's not like I was pitching everybody all day. Of course. but but I think I'll figure it up I'm glad you're opening up I'm smart

was looking for a store manager I'm good with pets that's what I've been doing I've been taking care of pets for like so I when I the week I stayed I moved like

went to stay with my mother her poor dog I don't know why I'm laughing her poor dog was like blind in one eye and shitting all over the place and cracking in the corners and I was like

and howling I was like mom you got to take the dog to the vet so I'm afraid of what But, you know, what they're going to say. And, like, basically killed my little. Poor dog was put to sleep immediately. Oh, my God.

Because she had a blockage in her left. So I'm going to take my mom, my foster to dogs. I've been like, dog sitting for friends here, dog sitting for my mother. Now I'm cat sitting. And I realize maybe that's my true calling. Well, Ben, obviously, you like to walk, right? So you love being outside. You love walking.

And it sounds like you'll be fine with the fact that winter is coming. you are a maritime or you know the drill but if you like to walk and you love animals I think the obvious is to start Ben Rayner's dog walking service It's a thought that occurred to me There's a guy walking I'll send you the picture actually

I think there's a guy walking 10 dogs at once in Halifaxcom in a couple weeks I have a locked up to him with an Australian guy quite a handsome chap too and I was like Jesus you have the best job in the fucking world He's like I know But I'm serious

I've calmed it down today because I really guess it was super hot, like, you know, 32 degrees or something. I was like, I would love to wake up and walk 10 dogs at once. But you couldn't... I would have to 2 to 3 at once, you know. But you could do this, right? Like when you're in the right, you know, headspace, you could launch this business and, you know, you could hustle up 10 good clients or something, and then you could afford to, you know, live in Halifax. and see Polly as much as you can.

Yeah, once I firm up some biker hookups, too. I can sell drugs, you know. Endless opportunities. So there's hope for Ben Rainer. I just, do you see the light at the end of the tunnel here? Yeah, man. Like, I'm not, it's not a fucking pity party, right? Like, I'm, and I got into it with my father again yesterday.

It's like, you've got to just take whatever, get some money coming. I'm like, you know what? I know it. He's like, it doesn't matter what it is. I was like, it does, actually. It does matter what it is. I have the luxury of living in a country that gives me a bit of time to suss it out. And, you know, it's a good exercise, too, like, to go and have, you know, lunch with people from CBC or whatever and, like, talking, you know, and just put my...

Introduce you because it's the Maritimes, man. You don't say you're from... Like, I thank God I grew up in Newfoundland. New Bruns, like, a very dear friend of mine just had a movie premiere here, The Atlantic. Oh, my God. Everybody should watch what we dreamed of then.

It's about a sad, divorced dad who winds up living. It's amazing. I can't do the whole thing. But I'm really proud of some friends on when he made it. It's set in St. John, too. Like, bleak saints. It's like the real St. John,

New Brunswick. It's a fantastic film. But he, like, Sandy moved back here four or five years ago. And it's the same thing. He's like, just don't tell what. Always say every new residence. You don't say, well, in Toronto, it's like it.

So you've got to ease back in. Because I've got a little bit off. Especially, like, in Charlie Cannon, you run it, like, where my folks live. There's a lot of people in Ontario who have moved back. And they're really, they're the people who piss me off because I've been trespassing on a lot of properties since I was six, seven years old when I moved there. And they're going to come out. We're like, you know, this is property.

And it's like, I've been coming here a long time. you motherfucker. I know you're here for three weeks in the summer, three weekends on the summer. Don't tell me to get off your beat. By the way, you can't own the title. So that's when my other pastime has been trespassing. Outraging, well, the wealth is the privileged.

That's very punk of you. Do they think perhaps Pearl Jam is coming to Halifax when they see you wandering about? All right, you'll enjoy this because I told Pauli, my friend Mike, would enjoy this. We were on the waterfront here. in Halifax last weekend. And a guy got called over the street

magician. And he called me up. He's like, they don't look like in the front. And I said to Polly, oh, my friend Mike will enjoy this. Maybe you start like a couple of people cheered because they agreed. I still don't see it, but I, like I said to you many times, if I'm mistaken for a sensitive

surfer poet with a lovely baritone, sign by me. If it gets me chicks, now I'm a single guy If it gets me late I'm fine with it Hey is it tough to date I don't know if you're even doing it actively now

Or if you're just about to But is it tough to date when you're poor Yes Sure I don't Well I don't Because like hey I've been staying off and on In a small town With my mom

In a modular home But also it's a small town And I've like You know I don't know what it's going to know whatever happens, you know, in St. George, everyone's going to know. They've got to pick your battles. Although, you know, I've thought about looking out some of my high school girlfriends.

Seems like that's all the rage. Whoop! Did I do that? But also, like, living on Bivel's Couches, it's a little awkward if you were to bring someone home. Right now, it's like, hey, come on over. I'm staying in my friend's dead mother's house. but you know what the few times I've gone on dates and every time I I've asked someone out

in the limited times I've asked someone out they have agreed and it's gone well but then I fled Toronto leaving a couple of you know potential what do you call a suitor a suet as the feminine behind but I just like all my free time

tends to be spent with a sassy eight year old be nice to meet girls Well, it's literally the only, like, if you're looking at what are the, you know, the benefits of this divorce I didn't see coming, right? The only big benefit is, oh, I get to date other women. I will say, oh, man, no, man, apparently my mom had her, was at the Harris Salon in St. Torres. You run through her, I grew up, and barely I am all the talk because I'm fresh meat. I guess that. I'm not honest.

I'm still a good-looking guy. You're a good-looking guy. looking guy, you're fit. You don't have that, no offense to the listeners who have one, but you haven't growing that boiler in the front. You know how guys our age are building that boiler?

No, I will say, too, like being in rural areas, and like I'm running into a lot of people I grew up with again for the most time in a while, I'm like, oh, you're a little chunky. Because I, you can walk, like the town when I go out, you can walk

anywhere in that town in 15 or 20 minutes, and no one walks anywhere, right? So I've gotten to know, like, the three homeless guys who live in the woods around town because now the other people walk it. And I'm like, hey, no, it's okay, Ryan, I'm homeless too. Like, I mean, the guy was like, he's like, open-eating dandelions. I'm like, Jesus Christ, I'll bring you. I'll bring you, you know.

So I was like three, I feel like there's a hell of invisible population in rural Canada because people do you know how to hunt and fish and stuff? Right. Because I had, like, right on the same guy, I'd be fishing and anything jump, but then they only have There are people who walk there. Now I come to Halifax, and it's kind of like being in, you know,

when you go to Vancouver. Everyone's like, everyone swims, they go to the beach, the fit. I must say, there's a lot of good looking people here, girls and boys.

So I, I feel optimistic for the future. But as soon as you get out of, like, you don't, and that's how to be, another reason I'd like to settle around here is because you don't need a car.

Like, you know, you can get a comminoto or whatever if you need one, a rod chair, or what did they call it? But if you can get around, transit's a little,

it kind of reminds me when I lived in Ottawa. Chazza is not 100% reliable, but if you need it, you know, and you're willing to wait, you can do it. But you can also walk places here, and if you really need a car,

you can get one. But if people walk, so they're fit. And I really noticed that coming back to like rural Atlantic Canada, it's like, oh, shit. You guys, use their cars too much. We're lucky in cities.

We walk. We'll live longer. some of us bike, but either or we'll do. I mean, I'm a biker. My bike's in storage outside of San Andreas. My beautiful bike. I miss it. I miss her. By calling my up. Why don't we get that bike out of storage,

and that could be your transportation? Well, I mean, right now, I get around pretty good. I like, I, uh, I know, I've know all the shortcuts now. It's good. You know me. I'm like, I'm a hiker. No, I, you inspire me, man.

Hey, can you do me a favor, though? before you have your first dandy lion sandwich, can you, like, send me a note, and maybe I can ship out some palm of pasta lasagna or something? I know. My friend of my family loves to eat. Maybe we can reach an agreement. Jeez.

Jeez. My dear friend Dennis would enjoy foam-a-pasta. Well, you know the next time you're in town, I'll hook you up. But in the meantime, geez, I would ship it before the dandelions get consumed over here. So, okay, so we have you, your couch surfing, sort of. Your mom's in New Brunswick, I guess, but your daughter's in Dartmouth. I know how close Dartmouth is to Halifax, because I had to throw a loony. When I visited, I had to throw a loony in the toll to cross the bridge.

Am I remembering correctly? How much is it? You can get, like, you know what? You can wrap on the app and get yourself a view for your eyes. Wow. Okay, good, good to. Okay, but they're close. So I feel like the next steps, again, I'm not micromanaging your life here,

but we need to get you shelter that's more like, like, let, like, so you can crowdsurf, crowd serve, you can crowd serve. Maybe we should crowdsource your shelter, but you can couch surf and do what you're doing, but at some point we get to like a stable residence, even if it's just a one bedroom or something, a bedroom somewhere, but we get to that residence because it can like, it can like, can get your consistency with Polly, because Polly is priority one, but then you could actually get, I know you're doing freelance, but it doesn't

sound like, I mean, your dad's not wrong in the sense that maybe you do start this dog walking thing. There's a few bucks come in in every day. It's cash business maybe, who knows, you're starting to be able to get to eat at night, you get to take Polly to the movies, you get to have a life, and then you can date, and

then you can fall in love, and then you can say, Mike, the best thing that ever happened to me was losing my job at the record store being evicted. Go ahead. Yeah. You're, honestly, man, like, I, I love this town. Like, I, this was

my mom was like, oh, so you're, you know, she's one. And I'm like, see, I haven't. This is a setting I wanted to live in whenever we talked about living back to East Coast, and she did not want to, because she's from Newfoundland. And I was like, I don't want to move back to New Brunswick, because I don't like New Brunswick, but I'm not going to live in St. John or

Moncton or Predicton, with all due respect to St. John Moncton and Fredington. and Halifax has always been like a place I've exceedingly fond of and I like it here. I like it fits my vibe it's just

the right size I think since Toronto is kind of out like Toronto is getting too big for itself and also like I said I said this to CBCO and I did Metro 1 in a couple of days I was trying to feel like I have not in Toronto and I didn't like that feeling because I've never aspired

to like material I don't have anything I don't know a lot of books and records you know and a nice bike which I was all with my last page record from the Toronto stuff when I kept my camping gear just in case but I I didn't like the work

because I was just like on the weekend I see these kids with chains and wearing clothes that cost more than I'm making a month out till I drink it restaurants serve $13 pints and $18 cocktails and

you know I just I don't like the way it was making me feel and I because I don't I'm not wired that way like I'm pretty much I mean I might be a punk but I'm very much a hippie

like I don't really desire that much um right and that was what was getting me about Toronto I was just like I just feel like I feel poor you know I mean I don't like that feeling right

It's just, like, that's what the city was doing. I wasn't so much, you know, like, I don't mind being poor. Like I said, I grew up below the poverty line with a single mom or two. And I, but I didn't like feeling like I didn't have enough. You know, I mean, I'd, like, walk out on my street and walk down to Arlington and just feel like, you're such a loser. I like feeling like a loser. You know, it's, it's been good to get away from that a little bit.

There's, you know, there's some conspicuous consumption. I'm looking at cost with some pretty fancy houses on the most of the time right now. But that's old loyalist money. These people, these people were born with it. You know what I mean? And I've been a conspicuous consumption in Halifax. And a lot of it, you think it's from people who came back from Ontario, Quebec. And drove up the rents, motherfuckers.

I'm glad. I'm what I want to have now. I'm glad that we had this time here because I was, I'll be honest, I was worried about you because I know you've struggled with some mental health issues and you've had times in your life fairly recently you opened up about this on Toronto Mike where you considered, you know, the ending it all, like the final solution there. And I got to tell you right now, I feel hopeful for you. And I feel like everything's going to be okay for Ben Rayner.

You know what I mean? and I think the most important thing is that you're close to Paulie, and I think you're going to be okay. Yeah, man, as long as I... Like, that's the thing. As long as I'm near my kid, I don't really give a shit about anything else. I can happily...

I'm a friend that loved to be honest in campus. I would happily... I've joked about this a year. I would happily live on a pile of rocks and twigs. That means I don't want to be able to come visit. You know what I mean? Like, I would actually be fine in that lifestyle. I can't really hook up my turn-tenth,

and throw down, but, um, but I want to have my kid with me. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to go see, uh, the Halifax, we're going to go see the wanderers tomorrow. We're going to go see a soccer game tomorrow. Amazing. My dear friend Dennis has a price box. So we're going to go see some soccer and I'll have a couple days of there and like I said, if I have to bounce, uh, next weekend we'll do another daddy daughter. I'm really good with a hot wire and price line. We're going to get $41 night motels and

having little vacations I don't know if I can keep seeing it Like something like again, some of a click It's just that Like I said we're at We're like we said We're at an age where we're not like At the utmost employable

And it's the problem where I can always make money from gigs But it's Being able to rent a place When you're like well I'm working on this project And the money might come in A month and it's not It's that weird limbo where, like, no one wants to rent to you, but it's also really hard to, like, find work when you're, like, in an unstable housing situation.

That's weird. So, you know, like, I've led a very privileged life. I made a living as a music critic for 25 years almost, so I'm not complaining. I don't actually mind being unemployed. It's kind of fun something. What are you going to do? I'm going to go for a while. Okay.

Like, I smell my mornings, diligently job hunting and following up an email, and it's like, I don't know, that's what else I can do today. Well, let's just say, right? Keep on keeping on, but keep us posted, man. Like, when things develop and things change, let me know. Yeah, no, I mean, you and I are at least in touch, and I appreciate that we stay in touch, because you are, I might be a friend of Toronto Mike, but you are an actual friend. You're an FOM friend of Mike. that's a very special designation for you there. But I also think you're a good, it's good that we have this talk

because I think it's precarious for a lot of people, people you wouldn't even think, just people you admire because they write in your favorite newspaper about your favorite subject matter for decades and you just don't realize how precarious at all is. It's really precarious, Ben. And you're evidence of that. Like you're a layoff, a divorce, a rent increase,

mental health crisis away from couch surfing in Atlantic Canada. Yeah, it's weird. Like, I urge it's going to come out. I'm going to plug my friend's movie. Well, I thought he didn't go to Taylor in the director of camera, Taylor's last minute.

My friend's Andy Hunter produced it, but this movie, what we dreamed of then, like I just thought it premiered last five dead. But it hits it on the head. So guys, the swim coach, got a divorce, no money,

starts living in his van. But he was like, he hadn't gone through it. himself, but he had a friend and the same thing. We actually used the word of career. But it's, it really like I, you see it. There's a girl

and like I said, I'm doing okay. I got some really good friends and my parents are good to me. And I, I am lucky that I, you know, have a little money coming in, but there's a girl I because I walk my friend's dogs every day down the same stuff to Quintel

and there's like a girl. I can't remember her name right now. But she's like, She lives in a tent. I see her every morning charging her wheelchair at the gas station here. I led at the car wash by the roundabout at the bottom of Climpole. By the center where I'm sitting. And I'm like, how the fuck did you wind up here? Like I see her wheelchair, her powered wheelchair, outside her tent.

And it's so, there's a lot of people far worse off than me. And how does that even happen where there's no. safety net for someone who literally can't walk and is in a wheelchair for life. And so I got helped her with another guy who he lived like, I'm on waving terms. You know, I'm a friendly guy, you know, like, they were pushing her wheelchair, I guess had run out of charge a couple of weeks ago, pushing it up this huge hill by Flynn Park. And I was like, do you need some help guys? I was just, how the hell like that?

How the hell is she? like dumped to a tent off Krimple Road in Halifax. So, don't worry about me. It's that kind of shit that bothers me. You know, it's a lot of people with disabilities are probably on disability. You can't afford homes.

A lot of people with mental illnesses and addictions issues, and there's no services for them. It's really bad here. Like I said, the stat is, I think that it's a 50% increase in homelessness in, like, the Halifax Treatism and Municipality.

I think since COVID, I don't, I don't, I don't, but it's bad, man. There's huge encampment here. It's not unlike Toronto, and I don't like seeing that. I am lucky. I have a, you know, I had a good job, good jobs, and I have friends, but, you know, when you see someone who's paraplegic being lifted in another retent in the morning to go charge that wheelchair, but a car wash, that bothers me, you know?

No, totally. And then you realize that, you know, there's no rainy day, So if anything happens to that wheelchair, what does this woman do? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and she's the sweetest, you know, it's just, like, that stuff disturbs me way more than, like, my, my situation is fine, I'll be fine, but, but I, but I, you know, when you, it's the rich country, man, people shouldn't be living like that. No, I agree 100%. But glad we got to catch up, and now the, the, the, the FOTMs are here in the Ben Rayner update. We're all really, for you. We all love you. Next time you're in Toronto, let me know. I'll buy you Great Lakes beer. And hang in there, man. Just keep us posted and we'll catch up again soon. But thanks for giving me over an hour of your walk. I appreciate this compliment.

I forgot to charge it. All right. All right. Well, go charge it. Ben Rayner. Thanks for this, buddy. I appreciate the time. And, uh, uh, and, uh, and yeah. I'm touched by everybody who gives a shit about what I do, and I might be a bit like, so all the time we're back. We love Ben Rayner. Well, you know, I got a bit of a soft spot for you, too, Mike. All right, give me.

I might, like I said, if I can scrape together the cash, I might come up to Queens of the Stone Age because Josh and I have an ongoing palhood, and I love that man and it's Matthew huh you might see me there probably a hill there too amazing

amazing peace and love to you Ben we'll talk again soon maybe at Queens at the Stone Age I don't know by that

I'm gonna jump in Halifax Harvard you can do that now without dying it's clean just remember winter is coming yeah I know

that's why I gotta get my swims in now all right I do I'll talk you soon thank you man bye bye

And that brings us to the end of our 1,765th show. Go to Torontomike.com for all your Toronto mic needs. Much love to all who made this possible. That is patrons like you, go to patreon.com. slash Toronto Mike and become a member today. Great Lakes Brewery, they're hosting us at the GLB Brew Pub on September 25th from 6 to 9 p.m. That's at Jarvis and Queens Key. Palma Pasta, they're hosting us on November 29th at noon at Palma's Kitchen.

That'll be the 21st TMLX event. Toronto's Waterfront BIA, they'll be joining me next week on Toronto Mike. Recycle MyElectronics.com. Blue Sky Agency, right, Doug Mills there, he's Doug at blue skyagency.ca.ca. And Ridley Funeral Home. See you all Monday when my special guest is Jim Moore.

So Jim Moore made his debut on a recent, the most recent toast with Rob Proust and Bob Willett. Jim Moore is a founding member of Rusty, but he's got an amazing Canadian rock history. and we're going to dig into it. So join me for Jim Moore on Monday. See you then. We're going to be.

You know,