Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Bernard Maiezza: Toronto Mike'd #1213

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

In this 1213th episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike chats with Bernard Maiezza about his years in A Neon Rome, Change of Heart, Cookie Duster, and Death By Oscillator, before diving into his recent diagnosis as ASD and how it changed his life. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Canna Cabana, Ridley Funeral Home and Electronic Products Recycling Association.

Welcome to episode 1213 of Toronto Mic'd. Proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery. A fiercely independent craft brewery who believes in supporting communities, good times, and brewing amazing beer. Order online for free local home delivery in the GTA. Palma Pasta. Enjoy the taste of fresh, homemade Italian pasta and entrees from Palma Pasta in Mississauga and Oakville. Electronic Products Recycling Association. Committing to our planet's future means properly recycling our electronics of the past. Ridley Funeral Home, pillars of the community since 1921.

And Canna Cabana, the lowest prices on cannabis. Guaranteed. Learn more at cannacabana.com. Joining me today, making his Toronto Mike debut, is Bernard Meza. Welcome, Bernard. Hi, Mike. It's great to be here. You have overdressed, my friend. You know where you are. I've never seen such a sharp-dressed man in the basement here.

Well, it's kind of a new thing for me, actually. You know, I i'm 57 and this is actually my first suit and uh really yes um i inherited a few ill-fitting suits from uh a late uncle but what about like you didn't have a first communion and i had a couple used suits but never you know no i never did the communion thing i managed to weasel out of that i wish i had the good sense to weasel out of that but uh you look good thank you uh well i'm trying to think bob lillette was here last week he was wearing like a fancy suit and a hat and i was like oh wow like i just wearing a hoodie is that okay if i uh just wear a hoodie for this thing

bernard absolutely hey bernard so mesa yeah but sometimes i get emails from bernard mason oh uh that's that a secret thing, that's just my email number, name. When I set up my email account like many years ago, I guess it was... I got into computers late. So it was about 2001.

I finally got on online. Sure. And I still had... I know it seems really quaint, privacy concerns. So I have such a rare name. I thought I'd use- Mason.

Yeah. Okay. But for the life of me, I can't figure out how to change it now. Oh, that's funny. That's funny. Okay. Because you're Bernard Meza. Yeah.

M-A-I-E-Z-Z-A. Yeah. But then I get these emails from Bernard Mason and I was thinking, is he like trying to like anglicize? Because that's an Italian surname, right? Yeah. Yeah. Actually my parents, my parents,

my family originally tried to anglicize the pronunciation to Mesa, which was what I was taught when I was a kid. But then when we went to Italy years ago, of course it was Maezza. Maezza. Okay. Maezza. That sounds like a man who needs to bring a Palma pasta lasagna home with him today.

So I've got a lasagna for you, courtesy of Palma pasta. But you knew you were getting that, right? You listen to Toronto Mike. Yeah. When did you discover Toronto Mike? About a year ago, year and a half ago. Okay. And how's it going for you so far?

Well, here you are now. You're making your debut. So it's going pretty well. Yeah. I really enjoyed when you had Lloyd Robertson on recently. As you know, I grew up listening to him. He was like the voice of the news. And actually, my first ever scoring job was years ago.

I think it was 1990. I scored the theme that CTV used for their Gulf War reports. Wow. The Gulf War. Okay. So that's my connection to lloyd there but is this the original is this the one like the early 90s golf war is this the original the og scored the golf war theme for for ctv back then there's another bernard that's famous from the cnn coverage bernard shaw right like yeah wasn't he under a table or something in Baghdad? Yeah, right. Oh, my God.

That was the first time where we had a war live on television, at least my generation. Actually, I'm old enough that I remember watching clips coming back from Vietnam when I was a small kid. And they were pretty graphic back then. Oh, I'll bet. I missed Vietnam, but yeah, the Gulf War in the early 90s. So here's what we're going to do, Bernard. I want to let the listenership know that there's two parts to this conversation. Like, I'm so glad you're here for the deep dive, because you have this fascinating Toronto music history,

and I've got some songs that will kind of accompany us as we kind of walk through your rock star uh rock star history like this is gonna be really fun but i am so excited you're here because well you tell you were diagnosed later in your life what were you diagnosed with i was diagnosed as being autistic what um used to be referred to as asperger's but i know we it's been about a decade now that we stopped using that term, basically because Dr. Asperger was a Nazi who... Yeah, you know what? Fuck Nazis.

Exactly. So what's the proper term now for the people we used to call Aspies? Well, they've all been kind of brought into the main group of autism, the spectrum. Yeah. Which, you know, a lot of people aren't very comfortable with on both, you know, both sides.

And the whole issue of autism is a very divisive topic right now. And it's painfully so. And how old were you when you were diagnosed? I was diagnosed just before I turned 52. So that was six years ago. Okay. So basically what I thought we'd do is we'd build you up as a rock star okay uh you know this is easy to do i've loaded up the jams and you've got a great

history in fact just yesterday brent bambury was on the show yeah and i had a note from ian blurton and ian was talking about how amazing the the support for change of heart was from brave new waves yeah he was awesome and here i am talking about, you know, Ian, and we're talking, and then I realized, like, you and Ian go way back, right? When did you first meet Ian Blurton? I was, I guess, 17. I think he was probably, like, 16.

So this is high school. Yeah, we met at an alternative high school called Seed Alternative, which is the first alternative school in Canada. an alternative high school called Seed Alternative, which is the first alternative school in Canada. It was basically set up in 1969. At the same time, they were setting up a Rochdale University.

And it was, I believe, a teacher and a couple of few students had an idea. They were like, what if students started our own school and decided what we would learn? And amazingly, like, and, you know, back then, like they started the school up like literally two months later as a summer project with a budget of $2,000. Wow. And it did phenomenally well that summer. And the students wanted to continue it on as a regular thing. And amazingly, they got the support.

And the whole concept was basically that students, you know, went out into the community and got people from the community to teach classes. And we had, back then, the original, there was science fiction writers, Judith Merrill. She taught a science fiction class. And you had, I think Colin Vaughn taught a politics class. Colin Vaughn.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Do you think his son's going to be mayor of Toronto? You know, I don't, I'd like to, I don't really know much about it. What does your crystal ball say? Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, maybe.

I don't know. I'm still wrapping my head. We're going to have another election. Tell me, okay, so Seed Alternative School, where was it again? It was several locations. When I went, it was at College and Young. And that was the thing. It was usually right downtown. Sure.

And so you had these catalyst teachers. And you know, you would have classes a lot of times in their houses. And you just wouldn't have that now. There's so many regulations and concerns now. Well, it was an alternative school. Yeah, and it was an amazing experience.

And I landed there. I had a really hard time. I went to Northern Secondary before that. And I was really disconnected from school. And I was out of school for a year. And I landed there. And to be honest, I didn't really do well academically. Like, I was there kind of to be honest I didn't really do well academically like I was

there kind of like I met Ian there and I met uh Mike Armstrong who was in Change Heart and King Cobb Steely as well and and like the the people I met there I would go on to to to to work with my entire life like I would bet there'd be some fascinating particularly artists right where like the conformity like conforming to these schools. I always struggled with this. The school's trying to conform to that. You almost have to... It's not a particularly good way to extract creative expression

from intelligent people like yourself. Because again, and tell me, if I misspeak with any kind of assumptions or stereotypes that are incorrect, you jump on me right away. But being on the spectrum, and we used to call this Asperger's,

we don't call it that anymore, but highly intelligent. This is a very high intelligence. Am I right? Or is that a myth? I really do want to be corrected here it is kind of a myth it's a very broad spectrum

and there are people that have a lot more challenges so yeah we shouldn't really make those assumptions anymore and also there's this idea of autistic savantism.

Right. Which is actually a fascinating topic to me. But in the community, it's kind of now frowned upon because it places, you know, really high ideals for people to live up to. It's such a vast spectrum. Yeah. ideals for people to live up to. It's such a vast spectrum. Yeah.

In general. What's the television show where like they said the whole season took place in and like the imagination of an autistic boy. Wasn't there a show in the eighties? It'll come to me. I'm going to Google it later. Yeah. I don't know about that one. I'd like to know about it now.

But you're right. We put out like just a lot of, a lot of stuff we're putting on for people here, but I want to know, was this a seed alternative school known as Stripper High? Yeah, that was between when I went there. Actually, after Change Heart broke up, I actually went there to work.

I worked as a high school secretary, literally like the day after we broke up. I was offered this job there. And that was a great experience. But in between, there was a period in the 90s, and we used to have these seed feasts that went way back to the original seed concept where about three or four times a year,

we'd have these big parties. They were held off school, off-site, at places that we rented or art studios. And bands would play, our bands would play, and people would play, our bands would play, and people would do performances, and they were interesting performances. And in the 90s, there was one where there was some nudity. I believe a girl did a performance where she stood there menstruating.

Wow. And this other guy did a... This is an alternative school. We weren't allowed to do that at Michael. It was Seine Elsewhere, by the way. It was the Seine Elsewhere. I see we have visitors on the live stream, so hello to Basement Dweller. But yeah, Seine Elsewhere series finale.

So of course, Christy Blatchford jumped on that and did a whole week-long expose about Seed, in which she called it Stripper Hide. But the interesting thing was it actually brought out a lot of support for Seed. A lot of past students and parents came out, and we ended up with a lot more support, I think. That's good.

All right, so I'm playing a little, I guess this is the biggest hit in the career of Change of Heart. I think it was Huge and Lethbridge at one point or something. Well, you know what? It should have been Huge everywhere. I went off yesterday with Brent Bambury that I don't want to live in a world where Hootie and the Blowfish are a huge billboard-topping band, and Change of Hearts was big in Lethbridge.

Like, that doesn't make any sense to me here. At least we were big somewhere. So you and Ian meet in high school. You must have been a musician already or were you like...

Yeah, I was dabbling with keyboards and stuff. I had a really great teacher when I went to Deer Park in grade eight and she introduced us, introduced us, for the first term she introduced us to guitars and she taught us how to play guitar, which I have really uncoordinated fingers and I did horribly at. But then the second term she taught us how to do electronic music. She put us in the groups of

two or three kids and we all had a tape recorder. She taught us how to do sound on sound, tape loops. She taught us how to do sound-on-sound, tape loops. She took us to the electronic music studio at U of T, which was a top-notch studio at that time. And it changed my life. It was like, this is what I want to do. And I never looked back. I was just hanging with Rob Pruse from Spoons.

Oh, yeah. He bought us for Spoons. And I'm going to crack open a Great Lakes beer. Are you ready, Bernardo? You want to do it together? Here we go. Okay, at the count of three, two, one, and then we pop, okay? On the mic. Three, two, one. All right, enjoy. What do you got there?

You got a Canuck Pale Ale. I got myself my Burst IPA. I do. Delicious, fresh craft beer. Thank you, Great Lakes Brewery. You're going to take some home with you too, Bernardo. Oh, thank you. Pause while I gulp my beer. Here you. Great Lakes brewery. You're going to take some home with you too, Bernard. Oh, thank you. Pause while I gulp my beer here. I'll start another change of heart, uh,

song. And then I want to sort of find out more about the history of change of heart here, but, uh, it's a little bit here while I drink my beer. We'll be right back. Still great. That's Trigger. I think I'm out of order, of course,

because a neon Rome comes first, right? What's your first band? Well, me and Ian, when we met, we had a band called Slightly Damaged, which was kind of a psychedelic punk proto-goth band. So that would have been 83. Okay. And then, yeah, Neon Rome followed.

Okay, so how did Neon Rome, a Neon Rome, you've got to remember the A in there. Here, let me bring down Trigger. Later I've got my favorite Change of Heart song I'll play, but... Trigger is one of mine. Trigger's a great song. You're a little neon Rome here. I don't care who your mother is. I don't care where your father's been. Today's like, what a game.

Baby, that don't mean your soul is sane. Oh, did you hear about Preach Sin? No, I don't care where his Bible's been. He says, can't remember what you wear. I'm trying to remember if you're dead. He says, Kevin, what's your problem? Kevin, it's your dance. Woo!

Okay, so you and Ian join A Neon Rome in progress, so to speak. Yeah. That's actually a song from our unreleased second album. But yeah, we joined kind of when Slightly Damaged was coming to an end. Actually, me and Ian were hanging out. I think it was like the Twilight Zone. They used to have like a night called Pariah every Wednesday at the Twilight Zone Club. And Neil, the singer, was there.

I think he went up to Ian and they talked. And I couldn't understand what they were talking about because it was really loud. And then Ian told me after, oh, he just asked us to join Neon Rome. And I was like, yeah. And who I'd seen a couple times. And I really liked the band. So I was really excited. And then I followed up with Neil a couple times after that. And then I found out only years later that they didn't actually ask me.

They were only asking Ian. That's why they needed to replace a guy, right? There was a... Yeah, they did have a keyboard player and a drummer that had just quit. Right, right, right. Yeah, so Ian was in the band for maybe about six months, seven months.

He played on five songs on the first album. Amazing. Okay. And like all our bands, we rehearsed in his mom's basement which I believe should have probably a plaque

a plaque whereabouts is this it's on Windermere oh I know Windermere of course yeah I played at Renny Park

I played hockey at Swansea Hockey Association at Renny Park which is you get there and we all like you know Neon Rome

Change of Heart Slightly Damaged Jolly Tambourine Man, and then probably about half a dozen other bands used to practice at Ian's mom's basement. And God bless her for that. Because this was, you know, now, like, yeah, you know, like your kid, you know,

you're going to support them, and you're going to be excited and set up the practice space. But this was still where nobody wanted that shit going on in their basement. Okay, I love this, Bernard. I love this. So you're in a Neon Rome. where nobody wanted that shit going on in the basement okay i love this bernard i love this so you're in a neon rome uh i guess you're friendly with uh john bora then of course right yeah more

or less okay he's been over here but shout out to john bora he's also an fotm so you ian and john now i'm collecting everybody okay so a neon rome and then tell me about how change of heart comes to be um well uh actually my first connection with Change of Heart was when we were recording in the basement. We recorded four tracks. I co-produced their cassette, Push, with Ian. We're credited as produced by Bingo and Bongo. Or was that slightly damaged?

Maybe we used... I can't remember what we were credited as there. But I remember writer Dave Rave at the time reviewed it for The Nerve. I remember his comment was, it sounded like Echo and the Bunnymen pissing in a bucket with Cheech and Chong's at the control.

Perfect. Perfect. I still think so. Perfect. Two of Chong's daughters, by the way, are FOTMs. So shout out to Ray Dawn. I saw you, Rad. Yeah, yeah.

All right, here's a little taste this is my favorite Change of Heart song so Ian if you're listening I think I already mentioned this to you but this is my favorite Change of Heart song So you figure it out for yourself

The answer for you and no one else Secret gasoline fuels the fire Spark the fuse and you'll find The side of a fuel mine So I'm getting lost in the song. I just want to dig it and try. You give in back to your... Sorry, I'm getting lost in the song. I just want to dig in. And listen, I've got to shout out a couple of people on the Pirate Stream, live.torontomic.com. So I mentioned Basement Dweller was there.

He writes, it's about time there was some ASD representation on here. So no pressure. You're representing everyone on the spectrum here today bernard and doug r says good to see you bernard uh good to see you on toronto mic we spoke briefly by email recently glad you're on representing us this is his word everybody divergence yeah that's his term there okay so change of heart uh what can you share anything about, you know, the evolution of Change of Heart, why it all ended, and maybe even tell us why, how it came back?

Well, again, you know, I kind of have the connection going back to that cassette. And then I did my own thing with Neon Rome. And then when Neon Rome broke up, I joined Change of Heart. I played on a few songs on their third album, Soapbox. And then Smile was the first album that I played on the entire thing.

And this record here, Tummy Suckle, this is actually my favorite. I think this is the peak of the band for me. And then we did another album after that. We did the two albums with Virgin, which, you know, I don't think we were meant to ever be on a major label. Your two alternative? What's the deal there? Not jangly enough?

Yeah, you know. It just, like, we couldn't, you know, it wasn't the kind of thing you could say no to. Like, we were all, like, at that point, like, when we signed the deal, like, I was, like, practically homeless for a while. And, like, no, we didn't have really a at that that time if we're going to keep the band going but um like how tough is it i mean it's tougher now i would think only because rent and

like living in toronto has is so much more difficult now than it was in the 90s but like how difficult is it to uh you know maintain a successful or even just maintain a band in this in this country? You mean today or back then? Like back then when Change of Heart was... Well, back then I think it was definitely easy. I mean, like in the 90s and the post-Nirvana blow-up, I mean, it was the golden age. It was the golden age of alternative music in Canada.

I'm very, very grateful to have had those two years on a major label at that time and be able to do the tours at the level that we were able to do then. It was an amazing experience. You opened for the Tragically Hip. Yeah, multiple times. We did several tours with them. Amazing.

And they were good to you? They were awesome. Like, you know, our first tour, when we toured in the States, they let us sleep on their bus, basically, which, like, bands usually don't do that

type of thing okay good you know i every time i talk to a band you tour or played with the hip i hear good things about the hip was very good to the band i would open for them yeah it's great to hear they treat us like gold they were great to us man like yeah okay good so why again so so change of heart just to just at some point you call it like we're done like like how does it end for change of heart and i know i will tease now of course that there's a new album coming out by change of heart so we can talk about that too but that original run why does it come to an end i think the grind you know like like it was a bit of a grind there with the the last the last run with with with virgin um the the last record you know it was it was it wasn't the in my this is my opinion it wasn't really

i don't think it was the right record and it wasn't the right producer at all in uh in hindsight and uh you know it was like basically you know ian was kind of done and i totally understand it and you know looking back you know he now he can now you know he's been i read it maybe it was on your show but he was talking about how you know at the time like like we did everything uh by consensus in the band. We didn't want to play the single. When I talked to Ron Hawkins from Lowest to the Low, they didn't want to make a video for much music.

You have to kind of play the game a bit if you want to be Our Lady Peace. I know. What's the difference between Change Your Heart and Our Lady Peace, except Our Lady Peace played the game. Like, what's the difference between Change Your Heart and Our Lady Peace except Our Lady Peace played the game. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know. Any regrets? Oh, yeah. Like, of course, you know, like we shot ourselves in the foot a few times. Because that's the punk mentality, right?

Like, because you have that punk pedigree going on. Oh, yeah. It's like. Yeah. For better or worse. Like, it's cool, but it doesn't pay the,

you know, you don't get the, I don't even know what you'd do with money, except you'd buy a house. And I don't know, maybe you'd drive a nicer car. Yeah. Somebody, I want somebody to say, like,

what if we gave you this much dollars right now? Like, it's okay. I pay off the mortgage. I'd make sure all my kids go to university and maybe I'd buy a better bicycle. Like, that's it. Like,

I don't have, you know, what am I going to do? It's not going to change things dramatically for me, but everyone's different, of course. Yeah. But yeah, I't have you know what am i gonna do it's not gonna change things dramatically for me but everyone's different of course yeah but yeah i mean you know one of my biggest regrets is we didn't make a proper live album around that time with that lineup because it was the best live lineup of of the band and i know i don't mean that disrespect of any of the people that came before but we it was a rocking lineup i'm pretty proud of the shows that we played.

Well, give me the lineup. Give me the lineup. That was the lineup with Rob Higgins as the bass player and Damon Richardson as the drummer. So it was really the only album we did with Higgins. Okay. So it just comes to an end. Yeah. And then,

and then it sounds like you went to work for a seed. Yeah. I went, I know it was like my, my really, my only straight job up till now was, was, was those three years.

I, I went back to seed and I worked for the board of education as a high school secretary. But you're wearing a suit today. Like, why do you have a suit now? If you, if it's your only straight job was those three years in the high school um well i uh you know i i've not

been able to support myself as a musician for the last 10 years and when i got diagnosed uh with autism i i went on the odsb program um which uh at the time i could i an $800 apartment, so I could just survive. But now I had to move. My place was sold. Even though my rent is $1,175, which is less than 50% of the market value rents, the government gives me just over $500 to dollars so you're here for the real talk listen we're gonna so yeah i i just when i moved you get five hundred dollars yeah oh i got a five percent increase so it's about 525 now so but of course i mean and by the way i know people who are paying like 900 bucks just for like they don't even get

their room to themselves like it's a bed in the room yeah yeah and there's someone else sleeping in the room yeah and that's like 800 900 bucks yeah the city's out of control it's it hasn't been changed in 30 years so where are you supposed to live like i guess it's uh all my all my tough cookies all my supports basically go to rent so uh like so when i did move to the you know the higher place which i'm so i feel so grateful i found a place for 11 75 as opposed to 17 50 which was all all the other rents were at and i have an amazing landlord um and you're okay like there's not uh i don't know rats waking you up in the morning oh nobling at your toes? Oh, no, no. It's a beautiful place. It's a basement apartment in a really nice house in a nice neighborhood.

I live in the Triangle Junction. Oh, I love the Triangle Junction. Yeah. So that means. The Junction Triangle, I guess. Well, yeah, I guess because they extended it like beyond where DuPont starts in that bridge, I guess. So Dundas and then DuPont. And there's Osler and all that stuff.

And by the way, shout out to the Rail Path. Yeah, I love the Rail Path. Love the Rail Path. I'm on there several times a day with my dog okay yeah i know i love it and i know there's plans at some point to extend it so right now it you it spits you out where the chocolate factory is on like sterling and dundas right where you can smell the chocolate but soon that'll get you to the waterfront trail so yeah back on to my my new course in life yeah i uh years ago so before i landed on this odsp and i was uh looking for an autistic diagnosis with which it's gotten a little easier in the last few years but it's very very hard for for an adult well i kind of want to step back is it okay if we step back here okay so what made you like

like tell me what symptoms or like what what behaviors or uh i guess you would see them as like idiosyncrasies like bernard idiosyncrasies yeah what did you have that made you think maybe you are afflicted with something um well um my entire life i've had challenges like and a combination of strengths and deficits deficits um that were really unexplainable like and it started from a very early age like uh my parents always told me i was a very very quiet kid um as a baby a quiet baby and that's now what what doctors apparently look for and that would have been diagnosed. And then when I started school, I was a very social kid.

I think my first report card actually comments on how social I am and how the teacher's going to miss my unique comments and insights. And then I started having issues starting maybe around grade one, grade two, grade three. And I think my issues were like I wasn't really a bad kid, but one thing about autism is we have very specific and intense interests, like things that really interest us. And in my case, it was always, it was like, I always had like, even as a kid, I had like my finger on the pulse of culture. And I was always into movies and books that were maybe more advanced than the level of kids i was right like i got in trouble all the time than the average i got in trouble in grade i

think was two grade three i brought in uh cheech and chungs feds and heads game where you go around the board buying weed ounces of weed. The teacher. Wait, Bernard, did you say weed? Yeah. Shout out to Cannacabana. They won't be undersold on cannabis or cannabis accessories. Go to cannacabana.com. That's where FOTMs get their weed.

Please continue. And I bring in a Bill Cosby record. Not his child. The teacher would play his kid's record. The the one with uh famous one the chicken heart that one and then uh i brought one in the next day from my brother's collection which remember his live record where it was pretty it was pretty racy at the time yes it was a double album i put and the teacher would put on and then rip the needle off and don't worry about that okay so bern Bernard, it sounds like, yeah, so it sounds like you would, I don't want to use the word obsessed,

but you would drill in on specific subject matter. Yeah, and I would try and engage other people into the things that I was interested in, and that was disruptive, I guess. And so what they actually did, starting in grade three, they would build a wall around my desk of bookshelves and segregate me from- But did you have the standardized testing in grade three?

No, not yet. But yeah, so between three and four, before grades three, four, and five, and six, really. Actually, it was four, five, and six, I believe. No, I was constantly like, they built a wall around me to segregate. And grade six, it was No, I was constantly like, they built a wall around me. And grade six, it was this old. What do you mean they built a wall around you, Bernard?

You know those shows? Were you disrupting the rest of the class, and this was like to keep you contained? Yeah, yeah. That's a cruel and unusual punishment. Because you're basically isolating Bernard. All the report cards said I was was a very social outgoing kid and after those three years i was very internal and i was very isolated and and and kind of like an

i i felt very alienated and that's no doubt they built a wall around you i know for three and here's the thing like yeah uh it went on for three years. So I don't, it couldn't have been a random, like, I can, like the teachers must have discussed it. This is the thing to do with this kid. I know that, like, I get notes like, oh, for parent-teacher interviews, it's like, you know, sometimes they take a pass. Like, it'll be like, oh, we don't need to talk to, we don't need to see you about Jarvis this time or whatever. But then I'll get'll get a note like oh we'd like to talk about morgan and then you kind of come in and you chat with the teacher like was there ongoing engagement with your uh your your parents and the teachers yeah but you know my parents didn't really understand what was going on either like you

have to understand that autism wasn't even in our perspective it got entered into the dsm-5 manual of uh you know of psychiatric conditions whatever uh in 1981 so back then it wasn't even recognized right and and so i after those three years i was really i was really kind of alone but i was was like, I also developed my own, who I was behind the wall. Right. And I had, I always like, I'm lucky I always had a. Don't worry. You know, you dropped though. You dropped your measuring tape from Ridley Funeral Home.

So Bernard just dropped this. Don't worry. You can pick it up later, but that is going home with you. Shout out to Ridley Funeral Home. And so, yeah, so it was, I know. It would be front page news, I think, today if teachers built a wall around it. But you know, I still hear stories from moms of autistic kids. Shit like this is still going on.

They're pulling their kids out of classes and segregating them. So do you think if you were a child of the 2000s, you would have been diagnosed? Oh yeah, definitely. And they did try like, excuse me, multiple times I was pulled out of class to do a whole week long of

testing. And I remember my mom telling me, you know, the test came because they wanted, basically wanted to put me into the special ed class, right? That's funny. And that the test back that I was in the opposite that they showed, I was extremely gifted. And here's the thing, when I did work at Seed, because it was my last school, all those tests were in a folder at the school. So I reviewed, I reviewed all all of these tests like about 20 years ago. Can I share something with you?

So in grade three, we did standardized testing. I think everyone in grade three had to do it or whatever. So you do these tests or whatever. And I put these pictures in the right order. And then I do another bunch of the standardized testing. And I swear to you, this is a true story that my mom has told me, that my teacher in grade four asked for a meeting because i didn't i never did my homework and he said he was thinking of me for special ed because i never did my homework there was no

application and evidence of any intelligence i suppose and i was going to be put into special education and then the test right then these test results came back and said oh we're putting him in the gifted program like this all all happened bang, bang. And I hear this story because I just didn't know what, I really honestly didn't know I was supposed to do this homework. I just didn't do it because no one really told me what I was supposed to do.

That's my story. I'm sticking to it. But it's interesting to hear you talk about how Joran is sort of like, oh, we think he's special ed. Oh no, he's actually, he's highly intelligent. Yeah, but I don't think there really was much of a gifted program i don't know because this is a i'm a few years younger than you yeah okay so we where do we go from here like uh i know i mean obviously

at some point you're in an alternative high school so uh but but but where do we go from here like how do we go from somebody demonstrating some, that maybe you're on the autism spectrum, and again, early days for autism, like you mentioned, it wasn't until 81 that it was in the, what's that called? The book of known disorders and what's it? The DSM-5. DSM-5, okay.

And then in your 50s, you get diagnosed. Yeah. So help me out with the highlights on the road there. Okay, well, like in between, like I always, always, always was aware that my brain worked differently than most anyone else that I knew. And I always used to refer to myself as a species of one. Right.

Right? And I had different challenges that I would seek help. And I would meet with therapists and psychologists. And it seemed like 20, 30 years of being misdiagnosed with things. And I'm looking back at the language I used, and it's kind of like I would say, I always feel like there's an invisible wall between me and people, and I can never really connect in this distance.

These seem like very typical things that autistic people express. The invisible wall is because they put up a literal wall. There's that too, yes, obviously. I don't have to be a psychiatrist to connect those dots. Yeah, yeah. I don't have to be a psychiatrist to connect those dots. Yeah, yeah. But, and the thing is that like most psychiatrists and medical care professionals, even to this day,

are not trained in autism unless they take it as a separate study. And that's a real problem when it comes to diagnosis. And then when I first came across that I was maybe autistic, I was 50. That's the story I'm looking for here. How do you eventually get this diagnosis? Okay. And I hear this a lot from people.

They read an article and it just triggers. And I was reading about you know gary mckinnon mckinnon it was the the british ufologist who who who who hacked into uh the the pentagon database and in i guess like this is when you know like maybe the 90s and and and he claims he saw all the all this evidence of a secret space program with extraterrestrial ships and everything. And he went public. And the U.S. went after him hardcore. They tried to extradite the states.

They wanted to lock him up for decades. And he actually got acquitted from his extradition. And his claim was that because he he was autistic and this was his special interest he couldn't stop himself from hacking into the panic and i'm reading this yeah and then it goes on to describe his challenges as an autistic and i'm like you know this this really sounds this reminds me of something oh yeah me, me. And then I started looking up case studies. And it was so overwhelming.

I've never experienced this before. It was like, oh my god. I recognize this person completely. And I don't recognize myself in people usually. I've always felt different to people. I can't really explain that. Well well you're a species of one yeah that's the way i've always how the heck are you going to see

yourself in anyone else yeah and so it was the first time i saw myself and other people was reading this these uh these these these descriptions of people so what do you do? You go to what? Do you Google it? I went to a doctor. Like a general practitioner? Yeah. I did the worst thing possible. I said, I read an article, and I think I might be autistic. And right away, no, you don't look and sound autistic to me. Wow.

And it was like hitting a wall of resistance. And I went to several doctors, and I came up against that. And that was the most desperate part of my life because it was like this revelation. I don't know. Can you imagine always asking yourself why I'm a – and then finally, in a big explosion, it's made clear to you. It's like you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but you got to get there.

Yeah. And then having to explain it to medical practitioners, it took three years to find the right people. I finally found a doctor that would listen to me. Got me an interview at CAMH with a doctor who's been doing autistic diagnosis. CAMH is great, eh? Have you had a good experience there? No, before that, I didn't have the best with,

with, with these other, but, but this, this was a great experience, this guy. Okay. So you got this,

because you mentioned at the beginning, general practitioners like medical doctors don't necessarily, they, they aren't specialized in the spectrum here, but you're now at CAMH with a psychiatrist who, that's their specialty, I'm hoping. Yeah, basically diagnosed me in 35 minutes. Wow.

Okay, so what does, I mean, what can you reveal about that conversation? And then when you hear the words, like there must be a weight off your back. It was a great conscious, it was a great, like I, I, I suspect that he himself is on the spectrum and he shared some really

interesting stories with me for like about Oliver Sacks. You know, Oliver Sacks. Yes. Yeah. Neurologist. Yes. Robin Williams played him in the movie awakenings.

Yes. Apparently Oliver Sacks was also autistic. And he had, so this doctor had actually shown Oliver Sacks around town when he was in doing some lecturing. Yeah. And shared some really interesting stories of Oliver Sacks and his autism. So, Bernard, you get the diagnosis. And good, because I'm hearing, seeing the comments, basement dwellers sharing a story here. He spent eight years as an outpatient at CAMH in the nineties and they missed it.

Like he didn't get diagnosed till he was in his mid to late thirties. So it's very similar to you. And then, so here you are again, what was the age again? 50. How old were you with this diagnosis? Just before my 52nd birthday.

50. Okay. Almost 52. Wow. Six years ago. Oh, better late than never. Right.

So, so, so you get the diagnosis then tell me how that is a spark like like tell me what that can lead to uh you know treatments or like like basically understanding why you are the way you are how does that change your life yeah well the understanding is a big part of it and also being able to finally explain to parents when my parents were gone at that point. My dad was in his last years and not very cognitive.

But I still have my brother who I'm very close with. And a lot of family, like fucking Blurton put up with me. The shit that Blurton put up with. So Blurton's like, that explains everything. So it's just having the language really available that I never had to like the put into context was, it was really important and something I really valued today. Now, of course, we know you're a musician in these, these bands, but how does being on the spectrum, uh, affect your, uh, your livelihood? Um, uh,

you know, well, I, I, I, with my autism, I often come up to something I can't get over. And,

uh, it's like, I'm much better today, but especially when I was young, my impulse would be to like hide, turn off all the lights and not answer the phone for days, maybe weeks at a time. So I missed a lot of rehearsals and stuff.

And the first time it really came up was the very first Change of Heart video. It was just after I joined the band full time. So remember I played on three songs on Soapbox. So they're doing a video for Patsy Cline. Now I don't actually play on the song right and i couldn't get my mind over like they wanted me to come and pretend to play on the song in the video because i was now part of the band but i just couldn't do it i was like to me it was

so unauthentic like what am i supposed to do like i i have parts that i play on the song now but they're not parts that are recorded and they're like any musician will see my fingers and know that uh that there's something wrong like how like i can't so so oh just just come you know just come it'll be fine you know right so i had no way of relating just how i couldn't do it and so that morning again i didn't answer the phone i hid behind the couch. I turned off all the lights. And I think if you look at the video, there's a scene where there's a keyboard lying against it. And that's so fun fact, Mandy. Okay. So you mentioned this $500.

I guess they upped it. You said 5% or whatever the cost of living by the way went up more than five percent you notice that like don't even start there you know oh my goodness groceries alone like we still have to eat right yeah i mean now you're going home with a lasagna from but uh it's going to a good cause make it last okay bernard make it last it is a big one there okay so where does that come from is that a program that you were entitled to because of your diagnosis yeah well you know the ontario disability support program because uh again it's been about 10 years that i've not made an income from my music and i'm really proud that i i kept myself off of off of disability and social services for three decades through my music.

I'm really proud of that fact. But, you know, it kind of hit a wall a few years ago. And so I was on OW before that, trying to survive off like $650 a month. In this city? Yeah. That was awful that was yeah and just my state of mind was like like i i was having like autistic meltdowns almost daily like the type that i might only have like once every several years and uh i was i was wrestling with homeless a few

homelessness a few times um i was gonna ask ask you, like, what happens when you simply, on the support you get and, you know, you mentioned that you haven't made money off your music in several years. Like, what happens when you simply can't afford to pay rent? Well, yeah, I mean, that happened to me at one stage. Then I moved into a shared accommodation with someone I knew like 20 years previously as a friend.

Like we were actually roommates then. But at this point, they had a lot of psychiatric issues and that was really horrendous. I mean, they would wake up in the middle of the night thinking like I was their father that had abused them and stormed into my room. Oh, they had delusions. Schizophrenia, maybe. And these are the

kinds of problems that were subjecting people, were forcing them to find shelter, safe and sustainable shelter, for $500 a month in this economy. And I have a friend, and the same thing happened to her. She had some severe brain operation, open skull brain operations that left her unable to work. And she was forced to move into a roommate situation

the first night. She didn't know the person she was moving in with was schizophrenic. The first night this person woke up, didn't know who was in her home, and broke both of her arms and her collarbone. Bernard, that's some scary shit right there. This is some scary shit. This is what is going on. scary shit and this is what is going on like when you know when we're giving people with with disabilities five hundred dollars and and you know the the come like you'll hear our government

officials saying well odsp is only one of of the ways of supports available but and there's this ragtag supports of all these different threads that don't meet up. And there's no oversight. There's nobody to help you connect these threads. And we're talking about people that have severe challenges to begin with. I understand because I have friends with children who have been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. And their big rallying cry is that autism does not end at the age of 18 yeah because it sounds like there are certain uh programs and stuff that simply the government stops uh providing at the age of 18 autism therapy in general but that's that's a whole other issue as well well all these

issues we should be dealing with these issues. I want to ask you about this specific government we have right now because also these aforementioned friends of children on the spectrum, very upset with some decisions and some policies with regards to autism by this progressive conservative government of Doug Ford. Do you have any insight into that? conservative uh government of doug ford do you have any insight into into that um well you know um to be fair to the to them and i i it's i i regretfully i don't do not like this government at all but they really did inherit a a messed up system from the liberals to begin with and

and remember the liberals wanted to cut back autism funding to the age of five And remember, the liberals wanted to cut back autism funding to the age of five. Okay, good, you're going to educate me. So they inherited a shitstorm, but what should they be doing? Like what should... Well, under the PC's, the wait list for parents getting the funds they need for proper treatment has grown exponentially. And that's systematic with this government. I mean, tribunal systems, everything is completely underfunded.

And it's really like one of my professors recently, one of my law professors. Okay, we're going to get to that. That's a little teaser. Law professor, Bernard. What are you doing with a law professor? Anyway, he brought up the fact that, you know, any intelligent person would really,

could only come to the conclusion that our current government is purposely underfunding tribunals. Right. And legal aid. Like, on purpose, I mean, you know, part of it might be a push to privatization, and then there's a part of it they're just stripping away people's rights. So it's the goal that it collapses, and then when they introduce this, you know, different tier, it'd be like, look, this is a terrible system right now.

This is better. Yeah. Like, because they let it collapse. Yeah. Criminal. Yeah, no, it's, yeah. It's pretty bad what's going on right now. And, you know, I think people are waking up.

Like, there's a lot of talk in the labor movement right now. I think it's the Ontario Federation of Labor are trying to amalgamate all the unions for a large general strike to come this spring, is what I hear. It doesn't help that we keep handing this government, a majority government, to simply go run rampant here.

Okay, so you're a member of the ODSP Action Committee? Yeah. What is that exactly? I'm a recent member. They've been around for a few years. A really good friend of mine, Ron Anisich, is now sitting on the board and running their meetings. They're kind of the opposition that the media will go to for comments on official policy, as well as, you know, they're doing a lot of really great work

bringing people together and bringing attention to the issue. Okay, good. And you've been just reading up here that you've been working with the new NDP leader, Merit Stiles. Did I say Merit? Yeah, yep, that's it. I started working with her just after she was elected about five years ago.

Prior to that, I tried to reach out to liberals that were in power and really did not have good experiences then, but from the first day I walked into her office, I have to say I felt very heard. I've been working with them on a few issues recently.

One of them, apparently, they want to bring forward, it actually has to do with educational funding, where this government has started. There's a federal grant, a $2,000 grant, that's available to students twice a year. It's called the Canadian Students Grant for Students with Permanent Disabilities. And I believe this government recently has decided that this is not an educational grant, and they're deducting it dollar for dollar from students.

And this is federal? Yeah. Well, yeah, it's a federal grant but it's it's it's really it's really fishy so the way it all sounds very complicated to me like it does why does this area of autism have to be so exceptionally well it's not just an autism it's it's it's it's dealing with all people with disabilities that are students in this province today dealing with all people with disabilities that are students in this province today. And I put a post up on Reddit, and I've been in touch with a few people that experience the same issue.

And in my case, I was able to easily challenge it and get it overturned. But I had to take a term off of my recent schooling to do that. And it was just so unnecessary and just another barrier. And through Merritt's office, we've reached out several times now over the last year for some clarification from this government why they are insisting that this grant should be treated as non- educational and they are just not replying. And that's the federal liberals, right? No, the provincial.

Okay, the PC. Yeah, the Ontario provincials are the ones that are taking this. So the money comes apparently from the federals. And then the provinces dole it out, so to speak?

Yeah, but there's two streams. Like one stream, if you look for the information, you have to dig for it on site. And it will list this $2,000 as a separate amount. But then as it processes to where it gets to ODSP, it all lands in one amount that they consider to be deductible dollar for dollar. And in my case,

I did not have the money to buy the textbooks I needed in my second term. Okay, we're going to talk about this term because you talked about, you know, something to do with the law here we're going to get into, but I will say the way I judge a society is by how we treat our marginalized and vulnerable community members and this sounds like we're um we're not serving our marginalized and vulnerable community members well and i'm very disappointed to hear this but what is this uh term we're

talking about like have you gone back to school? I did. And, uh, okay. I'll go back to, uh, I was, uh, when I was looking for the diagnosis, um, this was like six years ago. Um, one of those, the pathways that was recommended to me by an autistic therapist that I started working with and she's like, this is's been awesome like life transforming working with this but it's again this is a service that i have to pay 200 a month for that i would really be like lost without right now so wait so you're paying 200 a month for this service that's basically essential for you it sounds like but you only got the 525 bucks right like where is it is there any other source of income for you well i i'm i'm

getting it funded by going back to school okay i was being able to afford it when i had the 800 apartment but then when i i moved to the the the more expensive but still less than half the price of market value apartment right right right um i could no longer afford it. And a few years before, when I was looking for the diagnosis, I was recommended to the people, amazing people at, I think it's Jewish Community Service, JCS. They have a psycho-vocational testing program available that they offered through people on social services at the time. I'm not sure if it still is, but it was a very intense four-month program that they did all the major personality testings,

IQ testings, and basically tried to fit you up what would be the ideal line of work for you. And again, systems analyst, systems analyst. This is the Simpsons they have the scene with Martin systems analyst actually I would be a great system

he was he got what he wanted but Bart was a police officer for Bart I remember this and then they wanted Lisa to be a homemaker so anyway I did this program and it was very insightful and at the end they kind of sat me down and they said, you know, like, we have one recommendation for you.

And that is, you know, the only thing you should do is you should go back to school and you should try and get what they call an A-list job. And, you know, again. Is that code for basically that you're highly intelligent? Yeah. And then that's what they actually said. They said, and I laughed at them. Basically, when they said that to me, I'm like, I'm 52 years old. What am I going to do?

I literally laughed at her, and she was a little offended. No, you have to understand, we only see someone with your ability. I think they said between 1 in 10 and 1 in 100,000 people have your ability. Really? I'm in the presence of a genius here. Again, the testing doesn't really count for the negative factors of autism. Okay, it's not all bread and roses. It's not all bread and roses it's not all bread and roses yeah but uh you know anyway so so uh i'm actually sometimes i'm envious of like people who seem

to go through life like their average intelligence they don't think too deep on things they're happy go lucky they put the game on at night and they drink their great lakes beer and they completely oh like that's bliss man oh yeah like they know they've got it figured out yeah like accidentally yeah i cannot do that for the life of me but i know exactly what you're yeah exactly like have you thought about how shitty this world is and how fucked up it is how can you be celebrating because uh nylander got his second goal yeah yeah so anyway so so yeah, that was their recommendation. And I really considered it. And I was going to actually, at the time,

I thought I would do well in social services, which I now think would have been a huge mistake. And then I started applying. And I was actually going to do it. Because I was really at a cross where there was nothing going on. And it was just a countdown to being homeless at that point. Oh, my god. Because it was not sustainable. And I was really at a cross where there was nothing going on, and it was just a countdown to being homeless at that point. Oh, my God. Because it was not sustainable, and I was not sleeping. I was lying there with huge anxiety every night,

counting down to being homeless. I wonder how many of our homeless are geniuses on the spectrum that went under the nose. Oh, I think a lot of people with disabilities are now entering the homeless camps because we haven't built subsidized housing in 20 years, and we're giving people $500 to find housing. So do the math.

And where does that number come from, 500? Well, remember when Mike Harris cut everything back by 30%? That's where the number comes from. It hasn't been readjusted. We had 15 years of liberals. Yeah, three majorities in a row, right? Two McGinty and then... None of them

readjusted things back. And now where we're at is that amount put into today's dollars, people with disability have less than they did under Mike Harris. Even with the 5% increase. Yeah, it's beyond criminal, really.

We really need to have decodified legislation that protects people with disabilities from the whims of politics is the way to go. We need to do better here,ernard but what is it that you're at school to become what is this a-list job you've teased here so anyway so so is it podcaster no um i i've i've gone back to to to to to to uh a paralegal code course i started that a year and a half ago um let's so and that's why you bought the suit yeah okay it's all lining up here i'm connecting all these you didn't wear it for me this is the new you the new i'm trying to get

used to it because i'm actually starting my first job as a paralegal assistant uh it looks like it's going to be a week and a half i have a big meeting tomorrow i have to get approved i believe it's it's a government organization what are they're the Canadian Center for Rehabilitation and Work. And this is tomorrow? Yeah. What time? One o'clock, I believe it is. You need a reminder phone call?

No, no. I'm going to be there. It looks like they have the job set up for me starting a week from Monday, as long as I get approved by that. I'm pretty excited about that. I've really, I've really, I've no, going back to like loss, it's always been something I thought I would be good at. I love to argue. I won't pass on a good argument. And so I always thought, and when I did that testing, actually, the first thing that, when they told me that,

I actually asked, you know, well, I'd love to study law. And they actually, they kind of talked me out of it because, you know, they thought I should concentrate on something that's only two or three years in training, whereas law would take five or six. But at the time, paralegal, the paralegal, we only introduced the paralegal program in Ontario 15 years ago.

So it probably wasn't really on their radar. Right. Because the paralegal stream is like, you get your paralegal license in two years. And this path that you're now on, it lends well to you being an advocate for the disabled, autistic, poverty, housing issues. This is where we need you, Bernard.

And that's part of why I went back, knowing that even if nobody was going to give me a job, I would learn skills that would be very useful as an advocate. Right, okay. Now, pardon my going back to this here. I'm just doing math in my head here, but you've got the 525 that comes in and where exactly is the 525 coming from?

It's from ODSP. I mean, the exact amount I get. But around there. The base is about 1175 or so. So the 525 is the portion that's allotted for rent. And then you have like $600 for other living expenses. But most people that don't have subsidized housing, like every penny goes towards rent now. Yeah. So you got to eat, right? You got to eat. And then there's nothing basically.

You know, hey, let's go see Avatar at the theater. Like this is a way like a pipe dream. No, I can't go see avatar at the scotia bank theater this is uh every penny's going towards rent and rent like you said you're already paying like less than half of the market value so what happens if the rent becomes market value like are you are you living under a bridge bernard that's been like it's been keeping me up a lot yeah well it's gonna start keeping me up now because well and thank you you know since i went back to school though just working up towards

something like i i it's it's it's it's i've i've i've lessened that anxiety a lot and it's not keeping me up as much because i i kind of have a pathway that i'm working towards you yeah as unrealistic as it might seem because you know like here I am 57 who the fuck is going to give me a job with my life experience and thankfully they found somebody and I'm not saying that I

think I would be very good at the job because of the way my brain works I think it's very well suited for the job and I'm not saying that, taking away from what I can bring to the job. I have a lot of confidence in what I can bring to the job, but it's still the reality of looking for a job, which is really like, I had that secretary job for three years, but that's really the only straight job I've ever had in my adult life.

Well, now you got the suit, you're ready to go here. Now, Doug on the live stream, Doug R, adult life. Now you got the suit. You're ready to go here. Now, Doug on the live stream, Doug R says, you've got to eat, but with what they give you,

you're eating 99% preservatives. How the hell are you going to afford fresh food in this climate? That's, that's another, there's so many things. There's so many things here. We don't have time for all of them, except that it's much less.

If you're counting your calories, like to get calories on a budget, you're going to get garbage food. If you wanted to actually eat healthy, you know, fruits, vegetables, eat healthy, that's far more expensive per calorie. Like it's almost like you have to eat shit if you want to go to bed, if you don't want to go to bed hungry. Yeah.

No, it's part and parcel of the problem. And, you know, the problems are so complex. Like they almost seem unsolvable. Can you leave us with any, I mean, actually, I'm going to revisit briefly some music stuff before we say goodbye

just because I love talking about the music stuff. And I want to ask you about a couple of other musical things, including a new Change of Heart album. Oh, yeah. What? Like, can you leave us?

Is there any hope? Are we just What? Like, can you leave us? Is there any hope? Are we just fucked? Like, please, Bernard, tell me that there is some hope for people like yourself in our community. You know, it's going to be a hard few years to come, but I really like this Ontario NDP party right now. You know, I think there's a lot of really good people with some really good ideas moving forward.

And they've, you know, Merit Seyles, she's been really great at re-amalgamating the labor that they kind of lost in the first Ford election. It is interesting that post-Rob post bob ray it it feels like this province has a unwritten rule where we've all decided no more ndp governments post bob ray right so it's like you have ndp as official opposition because of course the liberal party is still reeling from uh what when they yeah you know from two elections ago but yeah that's why with mike schreiner there was talk yeah he's an fotm by the way we talk of mike schreiner

leading the liberals because the liberals are a party that can get elected but don't have a leader or don't have a leader people think can get elected right now and uh mike schreiner is a great leader who doesn't have a party that can ever, you know, get more than one member. It was an interesting dialogue last week, but he seems to have moved away from it and turned it down. He's making a mistake, but I think so.

I think, I think Mike Schreiner could, part of his deal to, to join the liberal party could be for the liberal party to introduce more green initiatives that are close near and dear to his heart. So he can negotiate more green initiatives with the Liberal Party, rebuild that party, which can actually win an election. I don't want to say this.

I don't know why this is the case. I personally would vote for an NDP MPP, but it feels like this province has decided never again with regards to NDP leading a government. Yeah, no, you're on to something. But I really would like to think that's going to change. I think we're at the best chance that we've been at since we had an NDP government for that changing. Because look, people are fed up with what's going on with this PC government at this point.

The whole driving the gravy chain through the green belt. That's going to be a big one. Okay, of course, we're talking in a city that very few, although in this riding you're in now, we actually have a PCMPP, but most of Toronto did say no to doug ford unfortunately toronto does not a province make okay well maybe toronto should should you know remove themselves from ontario i'm not against my wife from alberta though they talk quite a bit every once in a while yeah alberta leaving the yeah the country this is all i think it's gonna be a conversation when are we adding costa rica is there a new province is that still

on the agenda here okay i've been hearing these things forever now uh change of heart but before i get to change of heart like sort of the comeback of change of heart uh i did want to play one more song i had loaded actually a couple more here. So, who is this? Do you recognize this? Oh, yeah. The hymns are electric, moving all around. The kids will take the electronic sound. What are we listening to here? This is a new project with my good friend, Starboy, Christopher James Cunane. He used to be in Robin Black and Intergalactic Rockstars.

Basically, we started this during COVID as a two-person synth group. We've got a bunch of songs. We've got probably about two albums worth of songs in the can. What's the name of your group? Death by Oscillator. And this is oscillator rock so this is a covid project uh with star more or less you know right now it's just a recording project you know i'd like to find some time and a place to play some shows at some point

okay so it's important to point out that it's not all you know you do still have outlets for your passions and your uh your musical ability here because this is a going back a little bit but yeah it still sounds great by the way let's listen to it for a bit It's our lives, now we can be sure I can only stand on these two feet I can only stand Now it's time It's finally ours

So We got something, it feels good Knowing one thing and we should Not gonna live this life Waiting around, waiting around We got something, it feels good Knowing one thing and we should Not gonna live this life

Waiting around, waiting around What are we listening to here, Bernard? That would be Cookie Duster, which was a project I had with Brendan Canning. We released two albums, one in around 2000, and this one around 2012. This one was with vocalist Jean, who's now actually working with Lurton on her solo stuff. You know who takes credit for Brendan Canahan's musical career?

Who? Probably rightly so. Noah Mintz. Oh, yeah. Of course. Good FOTM, Noah Mintz. And Brendan, of course, was in Head. Yeah.

Don't forget the second H in Head. That's how I met Brendan. Brendan, we toured. The last Change of Heart tour, Brendan was in, I think, it wasn't Head. He was playing bass in By Divine Right. Right. With Jose. Right.

Also in FOTM. And I was doing this little introduction to Change Your Heart sets, doing sort of electro stuff. And we liked that and we started working together after Change Your Heart broke up. Okay, cool. And another project I have actually that I wouldn't mind mentioning is I got a grant a few years ago from the Territory Arts Council to do a project that I've been wanting to do since Change Your Heart broke up for 20 years, which is a rock opera based on Nikola Tesla. Yes. And I'm about a little more than halfway through that now. COVID really set us back a lot.

And now everything's way more expensive to do. So we're going to have to raise some more money to finish it off. Okay, but you got some money from Ontario Arts Council. Yeah, I got most of the music recorded and a chunk of the vocals. Still have to do a chunk of the vocals and mixing. Look at you, you're all the picks. So you've got the Death by Oscillator

that you've got new material. Like you literally released a new single this month in February 2023 here. Yeah. You've got this project, this Tesla three disc opera you're working about about the life of tesla that's ongoing meanwhile and ian blurton did tease this a bit when he was over uh but give us the lowdown on new change of heart well ian called me uh it was just after

christmas not this past christmas but christmas a year ago to say that him and rob got together over the holidays to work on some songs just you know just they didn't really have a plan but that they decided that they wanted to do a new change of heart record which you know has been good on my bucket list to do for a long time. Because again, I was not really happy with that last Change of Heart record. Right. And so they had an idea at the time, really, that they wanted to kind of revisit the influences

that inspired the band to begin with and kind of take them in a different direction. And it's the way it really panned out over the last year the recording's pretty much done now ian's just entering the mixing stage and uh i'm i'm really happy with it i think it's amazing possibly you know our best record and this is your first album in like 25 years and and to describe it it really captures all the areas of, like everyone plays on it. We got everyone to do something on it. And it really captures like the kind of entire spectrum that was Change Art because the band really did change

in sound and the sounds we were using and over the years. So it really draws from the entire Change of Heart history and rearranges the elements in kind of a new way. So I don't think it could have turned out better. I'm really, really excited about it. No fooling, Bernard. I listen to a lot of Change of Heart. I still love listening to Change of Heart

and the idea of a new Change of Heart album. Very exciting to me. So will there be, I don't know, something at the Horseshoe or Lee's Palace or something have some yeah we haven't really talked about that yeah I'm fingers crossed here I want to be there I want to be there so but you know imagine I'm there and you're not that way but you know to be it's really up to Rob Blurton and Rob Taylor who was the original bass player and original like he it that's the Rob I mean Rob Taylor, who was the original bass player, and that's the Rob. I mean, Rob Taylor and Ian Burton are really spearheading this project.

I mean, I almost kind of feel like I'm just a keyboard player this time around, but that works out perfectly with what's going on in the rest of my life. Because if I wasn't, Ian would expect me to be there every day for mixing and stuff, which I don't really have the time.

You got school. You got this new job. So it works out perfectly for me, that arrangement. You got a lot going on. Yeah, I know. I feel that way. And after kind of,

I had five really rough years there. And that's post diagnosis. Yeah. Before and just after the diagnosis, things got really started to change when I got the diagnosis. But the three, four I got the diagnosis, but the three, four years before my diagnosis in between the period that I realized this is

what's going on. This is what needs to be addressed and supported to the point that I got that I were the loneliest, most desperate four years of my life. And I think only other people who have gone through that experience of trying to get a diagnosis in their forties or fifties really understands. Well, I'm glad you got the diagnosis and I'm hopeful there's like brighter days ahead and all this musical work you're doing, the great art that you create, that's awesome. And then you've gone back to school,

you got the suit, okay? I've never looked this good. Maybe my wedding day, I don't know. Maybe that's probably the last time I wore a suit was my wedding day. But you look great. Before lowest of the low play us off, it should be change of heart,

but it's going to be lowest of the low. Anything else? Have we done you right here? I don't want you is there anything more you wanted to share with the listenership before we say goodbye here i love this bernard well yeah i just you know i really want to thank all my friends and people who supported me like i really would not be here today if it wasn't for the support of the people i've worked with and that have been there you know because the thing about autistic people is like,

we're always going to need extra support. And I was so, I'm so grateful that I got this support from my community and yeah, I wouldn't be here without it today. In Ontario, don't be afraid of an NDP government. Okay. I don't, this unwritten rule that I sense in the zeitgeist, I don't know where that comes from. I used to live in the Parkdale High Park riding,

and often we'd elect a NDP MPP. But where I live now, it's a distant third option for some reason. And as you know, because we don't have ranked balloting, which is my big pet peeve. i always have i wanted to actually bring that up oh well you know i can bring down uh ronnie here from uh from lois hello but because we have to vote strategically just because of the way the system works what ends up happening in my writing is i have to go look at the polls and say uh and it's always the same deal who's the best chance to beat the progressive conservative

government? It almost always ends up being, almost always ends up being liberal and therefore I have to cast my vote there. I never get to vote necessarily for the party I want. I need to vote against the party I don't want. And that sucks. That's a terrible feeling. Yeah.

Rank balloting though is a conversation that we really need to trudeau promised it i know he reversed it i know i know don't get me started it really boils my potatoes here okay a couple of comments for you on the live stream before i uh before i say goodbye to everybody this episode should be required listening for everyone with a pulse. That's everybody. Thanks so much. Glad to hear that things are working out for him.

That's you, Bernard. Thanks for doing this one, Mike. It was my absolute pleasure. And then Andrew Ward says, Bernard, thank you so much for sharing your experience. You're an amazing artist, paralegal in training, and friend. Thanks. Really appreciate that. And that brings us to

the end of our 1,213th episode. Magical number. 12-13. Love it. You can follow me on Twitter. I'm at Tron Mike. Hey, Bernard, where can we follow what you're up to? Is there anywhere on social media we can go? There's a I'm at Tron Mike. Hey, Bernard, where can we follow what you're up to? Is there anywhere on social media we can go?

There's a Death by Oscillator website. Yeah, try that. Try to spell Oscillator. That's half the challenge. We're not all in the one out of 10,000 or whatever my friend Bernard here is. Our friends at Great Lakes Brewery, which, by the way, this was delicious. It was. Thank you so much.

Thank you for the burst here. I'm going to send you home with some. Great Lakes Brewery or at Great Lakes Beer. Palma Pasta is at Palma Pasta. I have a frozen lasagna for you, Bernard, in the freezer. Now, Recycle My Electronics. This is interesting. Bernard, if you have any old electronics or tech that's obsolete.

I have a lot, actually, that I'm just about to get rid of. Don't throw it out. Okay, what do I do? You go to RecycleMyElectronics.ca Put in your postal code. It'll be like, tell you where to drop it off. Don't throw it out. Okay, what do I do? You go to recyclemyelectronics.ca put in your postal code. It'll be like tell you where to drop it off. They'll recycle it properly. Those places have been

accredited by EPRA. So they've done great due diligence to make sure these people are disposing of the tech properly.

So go to recyclemyelectronics.ca Ridley Funeral Home. They're at Ridley FH. Bernard, you won't need them for a long time. Canna Cabana. You Ridley funeral home. They're at Ridley FH Bernard. You won't need them for a long time. Canna Cabana. You might need them today. All right.

Canna Cabana underscore. See you all tomorrow when I'm dropping the February, 2023 Ridley funeral home memorial episode of Toronto Mike. They spent a lot of time on this. You'll get that tomorrow morning. See you all then. But the smell of snow warms me today And your smile is fine

And it's just like mine And it won't go away Cause everything is rosy and gray Well, I've kissed you in France and I've kissed you in Spain And I've kissed you in places I better not name And I've seen the sun go down on Chaclacour But I like it much better going down on you Yeah, you know that's true

Because everything is coming up Rosy and green Yeah, the wind is cold But the smell of snow warms us today And your smile is fine And it's just like mine it won't go away cause everything is rosy now everything is rosy and everything is rosy and gray guitar solo