Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Carla Collins: Toronto Mike'd Podcast Episode 1821

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

In this 1821st episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike chats with Carla Collins about being more vulnerable in her comedy, the life experiences that have shaped her, her marriage to Tyrone Power, Jr., her gift with Vision Pop Boards and more. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Ridley Funeral Home, Nick Ainis, RetroFestive.ca and RecycleMyElectronics.ca. If you would like to support the show, we do have partner opportunities available. Please email Toronto Mike at [e-mail].

Hi, what's good. This is Carla Collins, and you are what I am, and that's why I love you. You're listening to Toronto Mike on Toronto Mic. It's very meta. I'm from Toronto, Miami. I'm in Toronto, Mike, you want to get a city love. I'm in Toronto, Welcome to Episode 1,821st of Toronto-Miked, proudly brought to you by Retrofestive.C.A., Canada's pop culture and Christmas store. Save 10% with the promo code FOTM for a limited time. Great Lakes Brewery, order online at Great Lakesbeer.com for free, local home delivery. in the GTA. Palma Pasta.

Enjoy the taste of fresh. Homemade Italian pasta and entrees from Palma Pasta in Mississauga and Oakville. Visit palmaPasta.com for more. Fusion Corp's own, Nick Aeini's. He's the host of Building Toronto Skyline

and Building Success to podcasts that you ought to listen to. Recycle MyElectronics.c.a.c.comiting to our planet's future, means properly recycling our electronics of the past and Ridley Funeral Home Pillars of the community since 1921. Today, making her Toronto mic

return, but it's her first visit to the prestigious TMDS basement studio. It's Carla Collins. Hey girl, hey. Carla, it was years and years where it was like one-sided worship and I never met you. Like you made your Toronto mic debut

via Zoom from Los Angeles, but in the past three weeks, we have been in the same room three times. That's true. It's just been the Mike and Carlos show. Sometimes this is our Paris, obviously, Mike. Sometimes there's just, you know, periods in your life where you're with someone.

Ted Morris, wonderful comedian, was saying the same thing. He's like, I never see you, and now I'm just seeing you. I'm like, I know. I'll haunt your dreams. Well, you can haunt my dreams. We were doing that before, but now it's true. So when you showed up, and again, we had an email exchange, and I think I said something like, if you show up at TMLX21 at Palma's Kitchen in Mississauga, I will shut it down.

And you showed up. Well, it was very sweet. You know, first of all, it's very ironic because it's episode, I was just shopping today at Forever 1,821. The bargains before Christmas to die for. You sent me this sweet email, I thought. and you said, oh, we're having this live show, and I know you're in Canada, I know you're around.

It's probably not close, but anyway, just wanted to extend the invitation, which I thought was classy. And I said, let me talk to gay fiancé, I'll talk to Michael, and I thought, if we can swing it, I'll come by. And I didn't even finish. I didn't hit send, and Mike was like, what?

What? If you come by, I'll shut it all down. And it was so much fun. Well, you were great on the show, and it was great to meet you. We sat beside each other, talked for, I don't know, good 10 minutes or so. And it's always good to see your gay fiancé, Michael Webb.

So Michael's in the room. I just want to let, they might not see him on the camera. At some point, I'll have to put you on the camera just so we can see your handsome face. But always good to see Michael Webb. And again, thank you so much for coming to TMLX21 because everybody was so excited to see the living legend that is Carla Collins. So thank you for making that effort. Well, everybody was so nice there.

Of course. They listened to this fine podcasts. You only get nice people, nice sweethearts doing. than that. But then I showed up in North York at a rival brewery to Great Lakes Beer, but remind me, Goldenfield, remind me the name of the... We don't have to say

their name if you've got a brewery sponsor. Maybe Great Lakes Brew would like me to do comedy there and then, well, we won't have any problems. I could broker that deal. Yeah, let's do it. Well, you, no, you were going to broker. Sorry, because, you know... Tell me what I promised and I'll deliver. My ADHD, ask Michael, I'm a magpie. So, you need a Sherpa Guide, everybody listening to follow along with me. They say that if I want to talk about ADHD, too, but I want you to finish that thought only because I

produce the official podcast of Great Lakes Brewery, which is called Between Two Fermenters, and I'm talking to the owner. It is a great name. And we record down here every two weeks, but 100% if Carla Collins wanted to perform at Great Lakes Brewery, it would be an honor to broker that deal. But what were you going to say? Broker it? Do you pimp my ride? I don't know what I'm saying. But I promise something else. Yes. I want to deliver all my promises. You did. You promised Casaloma show.

That's okay. So on the live stream, we're now live at live. tronomike.com. We're there right now. And I can see watching us record is live. We're live. So,

yeah, we're live. I thought, oh, we can edit out later. What? Hi, everybody. Oh, nothing will be edited. I'm just kidding.

But you don't need an editor. You're amazing in real time. But Jeremy Hopkins is on the live stream. So I just want to remind Jeremy, because he's my connect to Casaloma and he co-hosted episode 1800 from Casaloma. Jeremy, who says, hi, Carla. Hi, Jeremy.

Don't forget, we promised we would broker that deal where Carla Collins performs live at Casaloma. So let's deliver on our promise, Jayho. And listen, Jeremy, not for nothing, but don't be looking all smug. Do you know how difficult it is to find a slutty turtleneck? This is hard. The shoulders are exposed.

That's right. So you know the show's going to be good. Well, I saw your show at the brewery and North York. I keep forgetting that. I can't really bullshit about it. You were there. I was there. And I've many things I want to say. So please indulge me here. But one thing is you're fucking funny, Carla Collins. Thank you. I laughed and I know you're thinking, oh, what a polite gentleman that he's going to laugh. He's laughing at all my jokes. I didn't fake any of it. I heard that about you. That's not what your wife. No, I hope not. Gosh,

I faked every organ. That's from the naked gun. How sad? Leslie Nielsen. I fake Exactly. How sad if you had to fake laugh. I just feel bad. You have to give you a spoon. And I was doing a lot of, you know, it was a small show. I was doing a lot of new material. So I'm glad that it worked out. It worked out. As Michael says, it's not a stream of consciousness with me. It's a fire hose of consciousness. So I think I started 10 jokes that I didn't finish, which is weird. I usually do. I usually do. But I just had a buttload of new material to get through. Maybe that's why I find you so funny because my mind, work similar to yours. I do want to get back at some point to this ADHD because you referenced it in your act. But I want to tell the listenership that I got there, there were no seats left. It was very intimate gathering, but you were sold out or full of, it was no room.

And actually, because of that, because for a moment I thought, oh, I'll sit with Humble Howard and his girlfriend. But it was very clear we were not going to be sitting with Humble Howard and his girlfriend. And I realized, oh, there is a spot in the very front. Okay, no one wants to sit in the front row for a comedy show because you become

part of the show. But I was the only seat left. So Monica and I, my beautiful wife, we were there in the front row. And I became a bit of a prop. Like, I was honored to be a part of your show. There is a photo. Did Michael take the photo? I did not.

No, my dear friend Radica, the one is like, Carla, don't be a gypsy. She was at a table. She was. When it's a small show, and again, Michael can back me up. I like to play with the audience, but I never mean, as you saw three young guys, I always get the three young Gs. You were flirting hard. I was very jealous.

I get the Gen Zs. And they like, they've come to every show at that place. And almost every show I go to their young guys and they come and sit really close to the front. And, uh, I just hit on everyone. Men, women, small farm animals. I think if you go to a comedy show, I do want everybody elevated and having a nice night. Not to be like, trite or too earnest so early on. But I, I, I, you know, it's, it's not tearing someone down.

I'll have a, I'll have a little fun with them. and I did ask for permission because I said I have an imitation, but it involves touching you. Are you going to be touching? You guys are all like, we all want to be touched. We have to make sure we're clear. So I'm glad a photo was taken so I can prove it happened because I know what happened.

I experienced it. But you have this bit where you're talking about. It's very funny. You talk about how back in the day when you interviewed somebody, there was some space between you and your interview subject. And then today, and I think it's a, is it Jew Barrymore? It's Drew Barrymore who's basically someone's tampon. And I'm very, here's the thing, you know, I'm very lovey touchy.

I've grabbed Michael several times and he's like, it's enough, hang. I'm watching it. But I really respect people's privacy and I'm terribly claustrophobic, very claustrophobic. And I was watching Drew Barrymore interview someone and it almost triggered me. And I thought, she's on her lap. Like it was getting weird. She's like, tell me more. And so, I mean, I'm sure I'm not the only comedian noticing this or doing this.

But so now on some of the. the shows, I'll just say, and then we do a quick impression, and I throw my leg around someone's neck. So your leg was over my shoulder. Like, it was, you're welcome. It was like a dream come true. Okay. I mean, every young boy dreams.

Carla Call, because, you know, it was very intimate. I was very close to your, uh, yourself and, uh, honored to be a part of your show. And I'm glad. I'm glad somebody snapped a picture. I know. And I said, and I, you know, I was. being very respectful because you have a wife and everything and I, you know, I don't just pose people's pictures. So I said, oh, somebody caught the moment because you said, I'm so

glad I could be an assist. I said, you were a great assist. I was a part of the show. Even help me, because then I do sort of this back bend for the second. Right. Do you Barrymore, but are asking what's in somebody's smoothie or whatever I say, I don't know. It changes a lot of times. But, and you even, you gave me the assist up and I'm like, thank you, good sir. Well, I was, like I said, I was honored. But this is a good opportunity. If there are any upcoming Carla Collins comedy engagements that the listenership could flock to

because I am here personally vouching for the fact you will laugh your ass off what a thrill. So is there anything booked in the GTA in the coming month or so? There's one who really want to lean into

because it happened very quickly. It's a friend of Michaels who I also met, but... It's not like being a friend of Dorothy. Yes, her friend of Toronto Mike. Friend of Dorothy. come on we all know that michael's the wizard of oz

but it's not a floated head he's like genuinely a wizard he's like listen i've got a robe and everything oh no i got questions for michael later but a friend of michael so uh local businesswoman in barry she has this spectacular restaurant called bloom bistro and she and michael ran into each other and she was like oh you know i'd love to do a new year's eve event so it's a little bit last minute but we put together this for a hundred dollar make you holler you get a gourmet three-course meal oh yes free share much at mcdonalds anymore for a hundred right free bubbles and my show and as you know and you know it's going to be a fun time and it's going to be a you know like what a good way to bring in the 2026 and then dancing afterwards whatever

you want so that's the drive to berry i'd say i think so and why not like grab a hotel or you know plus with uber i have friends who uber like from one end of tarry We know. We had a friend that... Well, it's cheaper than we're in a car, right? And you're paying the insurance and keeping your license up. Like, I think just Uber. Exactly.

Or bike. So, that's New Year's Eve. I really... I'm not a big New Year's Eve fan, so we wanted something warm and fun. Well, I'm surprised by that because I would think you're the queen of New Year's Eve. No, no, not. Because you're a big show person. Like, that's the time for you to shine.

I would think, but what do I know? Well, you know, Mike, it's New Year's Eve with me every night. I'm having to count down right now. noon year's eve no i uh if i like to work it i just i don't like to go to a party or i don't know i just i like it to be a warm experience i've had some wonderful ones i just don't like it to be a big fake put-on thing that's all where would one get tickets to go to barry to see you on new year's eve at event bright and we called it keeping it 100 i mean there's a service fine you can pay at the door too but keeping it 100 2026 is in bloom

Is now in bloom. Okay. Yeah. How long do we have you for? And I mean, by we, I mean, Canada. 18 days. So, just for the record, because you've been here a while now. So, like, you live in California, but you're here for an extended period of time.

Like, like, how long have you been here? And you're telling me in 18 days you're going back to L.A.? Well, no, it's a long, yeah, kind of a long extended dance mix. I was here in October. I went back to L.A. I'm now here doing two Yucks shows, Boxing Day, and then the day after boxing day. And then because January is kind of a quiet month, I'll be back in Los Angeles. And we'll talk about this because I'm doing the illustrations for my...

Oh, it's on my list. I know. I'm from my book. So I'm going to... Because, you know, somebody at my table, I want to get... So, that woman you did the accent for. Radica, the beautiful Romanian. She was at my table, but there was a woman beside her.

Was it Karen? Karen, okay. Karen showed me her vision board. Yes, she was one of my early vision pop board. custom orders. Yeah, that was from a year ago. I finally got it to a person. I finished that in March.

And we did a presentation too, so we'll have to talk about that. Okay, so I promise you before we say goodbye, I want to spend some time on that because it was interesting, like it was like a fun game of what does that mean and what does this mean? Like, I didn't know this woman at all.

I met her for the first time. And then I learned so much about her by discussing her vision board with her. Like, I want to talk about this. Well, it was really, here's what's cool about Karen's vision pop board. I always use this as an example. So by the way, guys, if you're listening, a vision board isn't me making a vision board and cutting, you know, magazine clippings out like a serial killer. Exactly. Like somebody holding someone hostage. I mean, I'm not saying I'm not. It's not

mutually exclusive. So, um, the story on this is, uh, you met my brother, I believe. I, like, we didn't really meet, but you pointed him out in your bit and I, I kind of like clapped for him maybe. So, all right, you clap for it. So that's pal, that's my pal. We call each other pal. And I wanted to be a fine artist. When I was in high school, I'm still Facebook friends with my, Mr. Olson listens to your show. Mr. Olson wrote in when I first appeared on Toronto Mike. Mr. Olson, a teacher of yours in high school. Yes. Wow. Mr. Olson. And we're still Facebook friends and he was the art teacher and I never left the art room. And again, as I told you on Saturday night, I'm a giant nerd. I was a nerd for many years, still am. So, but I was doodling exactly this

time two years ago. And my brother is now the head, or was the head of New Zealand at a girls' private school of art history. And he said, you know, you really have a style. He said, you should kind of pursue this. I'm like, oh, no, I'll just have 10 million nervous breakdowns. It's very existentialist for me. I panic over art. That's why I didn't try it. And he said, if you could do anything, what would you do? I said, I would combine vision boards. Then people have an original piece of art and they can put it on their phone or their screensaver. So I started doing these And they've really evolved. Now it's almost two years.

And I believe the universe works with symbols. So I use a lot of symbolism. And they all look like 70s album covers or box of skittles threw up. I mean, they're very colorful and that beat. It's like the cover of Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band. It's a little bit. Yeah, like you're sort of like, oh, there's that. Oh, that was because, you know, I love to play hockey.

Like, she was explaining back. It's a hockey stick thing. And we talked about that. I learned so much about this woman because I was looking at her vision board. Now, your brother who was head of the all-girls school. in New Zealand or whatnot. Head of the Art History Department, yeah. It sounds like he was the Edna Garrett of Australia.

Fancy. Of New Zealand. The Kiwis are going to be pissed at me. Yep. Because that would be, Edna Garrett was the head of the, when Enna Garrett left the different strokes family, he headed up that all-girls school.

Well, yeah. I mean, I wish he headed up the school. I would love that for him. Yeah, well, get him a promotion. He did, I enjoy the reference, and so I'll give it to you. Tell me, listen. I want to hear from him.

So he's just, he's really, he just knows a lot about art. And he has a, as Michael will tell you, has a very big influence of my life. It's just the two of us. And so I did a really rudimentary one for him. It was just his mug. And I thought, I don't want to work too much on being a portrait artist because the face is to, you know, I just want to capture someone's essence. But that's kind of an evolving.

And so I made one for Michael. Michael has an early one that I keep trying to steal back because I'm not, I don't like the early stuff. but Michael's like, those are the ones that are going to be worth the most when I'm dead. Well, we can't wait that long.

I know. Shout out to Ridley Funeral Home who sent a measuring tape to you. A measuring tape. Courtesy of Ridley Funeral Home. So how do I measure my ashes? That I want sprinkled over.

I don't know. Timothy Shalame. Well, yes. Who doesn't, right? Now, I have some very pointed questions, but first I want to convey a message from somebody who listens to Toronto Mike and heard you were coming on.

His name is Gary Chowen. Oh, yeah. Gary was... He cuts hair. Yes, he sure does. He's a hairstylist. He used to do Cher's hair. That's his claim to fame. Gary Chowen writes in and says,

Say hi to her from me. Tell her, I'm disappointed. We haven't had our usual accidental run-in yet. Like, apparently you would accidentally bump into Gary Chowen. We have several times. Well, Gary, God bless. We'll always have a special place in my heart because he was one of my mom's neighbors.

Yeah, at the Young and St. Clair building. And so, and then whenever I'd come into Toronto, somewhere random, I would see Gary. It's like my spirit animal or something. Or I'm his. We don't know. Could go both ways. But no, we have not run into each other thus far. So hello to Gary. Hi, Gary.

Gary, who likes to suggest guests for Toronto, Mike. And he'll be like, oh, there's this billiard champion who lives in Toronto. know, you should have them on. I'm like, well, I couldn't, like, if a billiard champion were at my front door, I would say, no, I already gave it the office or something. Like, like, I wouldn't know a billiard champion if they, they ran me over on my bicycle. But I take Gary's advice, like, I take it to heart. I'm like, well, I should talk to this billiard champion.

It turns out he's a big fucking deal. Like, all because you don't know billiards doesn't mean this guy was a world champion billiard guy, and we had a great chat. But so shout out to Gary Chowenhan. Oh, honey, Gary does not suffer fools slightly. No, he's going to give you the straight on his truth. He knows who's a good guest. I want to tell the listeners, it's not your first episode of Toronto Mike.

So in addition to being at TMLX21, people can hear TMLX21. Carla was great. You'd love her segment. And Carla didn't get all three hours of the recording, but she's the highlight of that gathering. Oh, three hours of me. Second prize, six hours. Would you do? Like, even if you were enjoying yourself, would you do a three-hour conversation?

Oh, God, yeah. Okay, well, don't careful. Standing on my head. I'm taking notes over here. Okay, January 2021, I somehow convinced you to Zoom with me. I don't know how I did it, but it was episode 782. And here's the description at the time, if people want to go back, because that's where you'll get, like, the ongoing history of Carla Collins.

Mike chats with Carla Collins about her years on television and radio, stand-up comedy, making the move to California, the passing of her beloved mother. Sorry, wow, very sad. And her new, you had a podcast. Carla Collins rocks the Elmo. And we had a pretty good chat there. That's a pretty good primer.

But here you are making your basement debut. And I'm honored you're here. I keep looking around for the well. I have to lotion up. I do have a bone to pick. Okay. So. Because Mike's thin enough to wear me.

And that wears me. So usually I'm okay. But I could be a tuxedo for you. I mean, sorry, kids, it's dark. Dark humor is very slimming. Delightful. Shout out to Ridley Funeral Home. Okay.

I better be your spokesperson, Ridley. Because I don't believe in aging. I'm immortal. Put me on the cover. Carl, you don't believe in aging, but as I told you before I press record, you're not aging. We already took the tree photo.

I normally do it afterwards, but you look amazing. Thank you, sweet. That's very... What percentage of this beauty is organic and how much of it is like artificial It's all organic, except for the daddy issues, boobs. Everybody knows that.

I've been very, again, imagine me. It's in your routine. Yeah, the ones that where I think I joke that I can't breastfeed because I don't know what would come out, but my best guess is glitter and sarcasm. And I think on Saturday night I joked about how I called them the property brothers because they're identical, Canadian, everybody loves them, but what the hell's really going on?

What part of your career did you decide to enhance? Oh, God, I don't know. You're not at the weather network No, no. I don't know. Somebody talked me into it. I honestly, I'm so embarrassed. That's why I just make a lot of jokes. They're not even the newest models.

You know, I'm sure that now you can just download them from Titter. I don't know. And they would come with 3D printing and chat GPT. And they would answer all my mysteries to the universe, but... Wait, do you have any regrets regarding that enhancement? Yeah, I think I could probably have skipped that. I mean, but who doesn't love them? I mean, I didn't even really know that you were artificial

because you pointed it out. Well, I'm my own worst enemy. And because they've become self-aware and they're now following me on Insta. But I don't know. Yeah, it's fine. I think we can do whatever we want with our bodies, but that's the only thing I know people,

we were talking, people will come and grab my hair. Well, that's what I want to ask you about. So this hair is, there's no, nothing's like supplementing or complimenting it. Like, it's all your hair. It's all my hair. There are no extensions.

And again, doesn't give anyone the right to come up and pull on it, which is weird, people. Like, they need your consent for that. Kind of. But, I mean, if you want to, I guess. And yeah, my hair actually dreads. And some people were like, well, I don't think that's true. And I'm like, well, it's an odd flex.

Why would I just come up with it? And I have had my hair still say, there's a Bobby Pin in here. Because I put it up at night, I'm like, okay, it's not from a month ago or something. And I do get, TSA stops me a lot, and they go through my hair. A fine tooth comb. In case I'm mulein cocaine through it? I don't know. Anything could be in there.

So I'm a, you know, I appreciate a good head of hair. Well, you have one. That's why you're wearing the same. It's game recognizing games. It is. And you had a haircut since, uh, your, but I had it when I saw you at the comedy club. But since, um, your last, your live debut. Absolutely.

Our live broadcast. So Gary Chowin, if you're listening, um, my, I'm very loyal, like, I'm very loyal to my barber. I have a guy, local guy named Andy the barber who cuts my hair. and I got my haircut last week from Andy the Barber. This Phantom Lung, I don't know if you can see it, but that's his thrash metal band. It's really just a wall of noise.

Phantom Lung is right on a spinal tip. I love it. And so he sends me his music. This is a quick side. Maybe we'll talk about ADHD in a minute. But it's a wall of sound. Like I can't pick up a melody or like there's nothing. You know, I don't want to be like, Clark.

Who's the guy who's got a beat you can dance to it? Clark. Yes. Anyway. Who's Clark? Who's the host of America's top 40? Oh, Dick Clark. Dick Clark.

Okay. All right, sweetie. You know what? Michael, you'll appreciate this. I couldn't remember the dick. Oh, wow. Came to me. So all this is to say, Andy the Barber.

It always comes back to eventually, though. I mean, the dick is always present. I couldn't remember. I was chatting with Andy the Barber as he cut my hair last week, and he discloses to me, he's going to move to New Brunswick in April. So I'm actually. like an unrestricted free agent when it comes to, I'm going to need somebody to cut this hair. Like, you can't just trust it to supercuts or something.

So I'm just throwing it into the universe and Gary Chowen is listening that as of like April 2025, my, sorry, April 26, my barber will be gone. So I'm just throwing it out there. You'll be phantom lunging. So you need a real barber. You need to. I'll share you the links. I don't think Gary would ever go as Gary the barber.

Well, we'll see. I have to talk to Gary. I need a new hair person here. So is it a lot of work to maintain this hair? What was that? I know. I was trying to voluptuous, volumness. I know.

It's a lot, isn't it? I know. It's peak dolly parton, as I say. But can you just wake up and go to something? Or is it like, no? Yeah, I throw it up. But yeah, it's a little bit at work. But it's good not to wash it too much.

So I think everybody with long hair will tell you they just stick it in a messy bun. Thank God for the messy bun. Take a baseball cap on that. Yes, I'm a big hat. I was wearing a hat to your in-person broadcast. I'm a big hat person. Then you don't have to do anything, and baseball caps are wonderful.

When the Blue Jays were playing the Los Angeles Dodgers, do you remember this? That was pretty recent. Who did you root for? I just said, go blue. That's not allowed. No, it is. I'm a centrist.

Go blue. You must have on some, level wanted the Blue Jays to beat the Dodgers. No, I did. And, I mean, they're both wonderful legacy teams. They really are. And it looked so close. I did want the Jays.

It couldn't have been closer. Michael can tell you I have a Blue Jays cap. That's now back in my possession. And Michael had a, I do a character called Suflai, and I was like, oh, I didn't bring my Blue Jays cap. And Michael said, I have a Blue Jays jersey. And I'm like, what? And that's all she wore.

And she was like, it's called a bandwagon, and I'm on it. You know, the more the merrier, as far as I'm concerned. But that it couldn't have been closer. But I know that you, you know, you live there now, but, you know, you were rooting for the Blue Jays. I'm always rooting for the Toronto teams. Well, actually, I'm a big Detroit fan because for whatever reason, my father and my brother, we grew, you know, grew up not far from Detroit. But they were just big, we went to a lot of Tiger ball games. And I was joked that I've disappointed more men than the Detroit Lions and Rogaine, although the Lions have come back lately.

Suddenly they're good. Yeah, so I kind of have an affinity for the Detroit teams and the Toronto teams. Well, you know, I had this. The reason is, if I may intervene here, is that prior to 1977, we didn't have a baseball team. So if you're a baseball fan pre-77 and you need to adopt a team, it would make sense that. Is it Suu-A-Marie? Where are we talking about? Where I was born?

Where your dad was, became a fan. You know, I don't know why. He was just a big Detroit fan. I'm not really sure where that comes from, but we inherited that, Gene. So we followed the Detroit teams. Makes sense because Steve Paken is a huge Boston Red Sox fan and I'll be like, Steve, what's going on? You're a Toronto guy and you, why aren't you? And he's like, well, I love the Red Sox before Toronto had a team.

So it's like you don't just give up on your love, I suppose, because there's a fresh new face. Exactly. And let's, you know, Michael and I were actually having this discussion, baseball players are really hot. They are. Is it because you can see their face, unlike in hockey where there's a helmet on, you can actually see a baseball player's face? I mean, listen, I love a good helmet as a nerd. Who hasn't masturbated while wearing a Stormtrooper's helmet? Let's be honest.

But, yeah, I don't know what it is about baseball players. It may even have imprinted me at a young age or something. Like football, you're wearing so much gear, right? Hockey, you're wearing so much gear. But baseball, you can see their buttocks, right? Like, you can see the body. There's not a lot between you and the person. Well, you can have football, too.

Yeah, they've got tight pants. But they are still, there's still, there's padding in the pants. I mean, they're capri pants, so it kind of turns about. I mean, it's like, what's happening? Are you a matador? What's going on? But yeah, I don't know. You mentioned souffle.

Now you have a quick question. So during this wonderful stand-up I enjoyed last weekend, you, somebody in the crowd asked for suflay. Somebody said, and then you said there's no suflay here today, and this person was, like, visibly upset. Do you remember this? Sometimes suflay will open for me. Can you tell me, for the unaware, I know everything, Carly, you know that.

But for the people listening who are like, what the hell are we talking about? like, who's souffle? Okay, for those of you not stalking me with the veracity and discipline that Toronto, Mike is, shame on you. I'll teach you how.

A while ago, I've done a couple of characters and one was kind of an homage, a love letter to France, where I lived, my mom was French, and called souffle because she's light, fluffy, and if you make enough noise,

I go down easy. It's just stupid. That's clever. Yeah, I started her a long time ago, so she's a French lingerie model. And, yeah, I'm still doing her, ladies. That's right. But why didn't we get souffle at this event?

Because my brother was in attendance, and he's like, why are you doing, please don't do souffle? And yeah, and it was one of those, I was doing a bunch of new material, but both in like in the States and I think in Barry, you know, playing your cards, right? Maybe souffle will come for New Year's. I'll open a souffle and do a little,

I mean, a little bit of time. and then the MC or another comedian will come on and then I'll headline as me and at the end when we do a group people are like where's the French girl and I'm like I'm wearing the same it's the same nose come on oh like it's a dark it's a it's a brunette wig and she's wearing less clothes but I think it's very obvious that it's me you said the N word in that don't worry everybody it's nose I did not it's nose I want to be clear about this the N word was nose but I again I learned a lot about you through your comedy like I think there must be some catharsis to you because you sort of start talking about like if you could talk to your former self and give advice and it just seemed like you were working some stuff out in front of us and I found it very raw and very real and one thing that you kept alluding to was and I hope you speak to this because you talked about being bullied or made fun of in school for your nose yeah I did I think I I I don't think I kept coming back to it because I'm not that strong yet no um well a couple things Mike and I have talked about this I talked with

Andy Kim about this because and you'll understand because you know I was in broadcast and I'm also a very private person and I just want to lift so you kind of just always have not a veneer but you know you present a certain thing to people and in the last maybe just the last year or two I I thought you know what's missing from my comedy I think is vulnerability and I'm so aware of it like I know I'm a festival of flaws Michael certainly can we'll get witness and I'm very honest but it wasn't I don't think I had the courage maybe I don't know to bring it into my comedy it's tough when you're a private person which is going to surprise some people to hear that Carla Collins is a private person because you seem like such a type A extroverted

person and that's true but I also have a little nerd my inner nerd who's and I'm very yeah I am very private I'm a vault you can tell me anything well it can be very difficult to open yourself up with such vulnerability. So the fact that you talk about this, and you said they were calling you Piggy, and I don't know, I only have known on you since you were, you know, a fine broadcaster on the Weather Network, okay?

But I don't, I don't know, like, do you have a new nose now? Well, yeah, we have to do a couple of swings at that. I know, I don't know, I mean, so I guess we're, I guess this is happening. So, yeah, so I started being a little more vulnerable in talking about some things that were a little more traumatic because people have this impression that, you know, they just, you're so confident on stage, you're such a powerhouse.

And there's, but that we all have that side and we also have a sensitive vulnerable side. And I thought I should maybe have the balls to talk about some difficult times. And yeah, because it was, I keep getting asked, if you could whisper to your younger self, what would you tell her? That's it. And I really wanted to do the, I mean, I'm still working on that bit, but I really wanted to do the honest thing. And I, you know, I don't mind self-deprecating humor. I don't like to be negative because remember that becomes a mantra, right?

So I do want to just like, oh, my goodness, I'm a mess on stage. But that part is true is that, you know, I was a dancer. So first of all, I shot up, like, to this height. And I said this to you in person, but you present taller than you are. Well, because I'm always in hooker heels and I have a lot of hair. And you're thin. So apparently that's long. Like an easer breezer, like you think you could buy, use car.

behind me and you can so but yeah we we I don't know we moved it was all and tween years are not great for a lot you don't want to peep then they're not great for a lot of I'm going to say especially women um because I've talked to a lot of women about this and it was so painful for me I couldn't even say the word pig nose like I was just like I can't tell people that I'm just going to keep that really buried deep but the bus windows would come down like relentlessly bullied four years And, but I was talking to someone about it, because now, you know, bullying is really prevalent. I also don't think I would be this much of a peach of a person. I like to think I would be.

But quick story is that in grade, now in grade 11, everything changed. All this. So I remember we were sitting in class and across from us for the grade 12 guys for Russian history. I was taking Russian, because who doesn't? Anyway. And the guys were all looking at me and pointing. And I thought, no, because I had changed high schools. I'm like, oh, no, it's going to start up again.

And they threw a note at me. And I waited and like, I mean, I could tear up now and it said, hey, Bambi, we love you, the young bucks. And I know that sounds like I'm now a stripper, but do you know how happy? How much I embraced Bambi when I had been pig nose for the year. So I, and all of a sudden I was like, well, not really prom queen, but, you know, I had all these guys. And I'm like, what's happening?

And my mom, I remember my mom saying, well, you've grown into a swan or something. That is the metaphor, right? The ugly duckling. But, you know, I had to spend some hard time. I've been through five years of hell, so I was like, that's a hard snap to turn around. So, in math class one day, a new student came in and she had an underbite. And everybody started doing this. And I lost my shit.

And I was like, everyone, stop it. Like, went crazy, and they all, you know, obeyed me. Because at that point, I'm queen. And I think, but I don't think, you know, I'd like to think I would have anyway, but I don't think I would have if I hadn't spent my time being bullied myself. And I think that's why, you know, I'm smart. Well, I think I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Like it's, you know, I got four kids.

Like the idea that for four years, they're calling you Piggy or something. And God, it's, it's awful. You need to get it right. I'm sorry. The President of the United States says Piggy. You are known as Piggy. So my joke was when he said, quiet piggy. I'm like, what?

Who's there? Triggered you. And now to this day you can't watch the Muppet movie because of... Oh yeah, well we certainly,

yes, there was Miss Piggy. I haven't been embraced my inner Miss Piggy. Well, that part's true as well. So yes, for good things.

But this did, what it did teach you was this empathy. It taught you. It was part of the stew that basically created the Carla we have today

who's, I think is quite lovely. Like, people enjoy your company and you're kind and you're sweet and you're right, you're not, when you make yourself

deprecating and it's a you know you are vulnerable in that way and it adds to your your set but you're not mean you're not you don't pick on anybody and i think it's because you'll never forget what it was like to be that little girl and the kids calling you pig nose well and i also think honestly you know we talk about this you pay for a sitter you come drive somewhere you want a night out and i think i may have said this before in your show so stop me because my no you can give me the greatest hits are you kidding me my philosophy is you shouldn't leave a comedy show and require a rape kit. Like, sometimes I just think they're so mean to that row.

Right. And you don't eviscerates what, and then again, there's a way to make fun of, like, with the young guys, I'm doing things like I got your nose and, you know, but I'm still, it's all compliments. Like, I'm being sweet to them and you don't make fun of someone's appearance. Like, you know, the whole, the whole philosophy is, if you want to make fun of a shirt, sure. That's not part of them.

You can change your shirt. You're not going to change your face. Exactly. So I think people should leave uplifted. I just inherently believe that about comedy. I think that you should leave in a much better mood. And sometimes, and there are enough mean comics who thrive on a, what are you a piece of shit?

I don't know. I feel like right now the world's tough enough. I don't think you need some chick on stage saying anything other than stuff that makes you laugh. So, you know, you reference the fact that you wear these shoes that make you appear taller. and I think it also has to do, like, you're very fit, you're very thin, and then you look longer. So I would say, oh, my God, she's 5.11. You'd be like, I'm actually 5'9.

But you present taller. And this is just a phone call I got yesterday. My daughter in Montreal, who will be back in Toronto by the end of the week because the exams are done at McGill, and she's coming home for the holidays, so I can't wait to see Michelle. But she phones me all excited yesterday to say, Dad, you won't believe this. She says, in her 20s, I just got this news yesterday,

but she's blown away by the fact in her 20s, She has grown two inches. Yeah, it can happen. So I didn't know any of this, but like, so she says, because she was the same, her stepmother and her were the same height when she last checked in on her height or whatever. And now she's measuring two inches taller. And there's a lot of excitement in the family for them to go back to back

and see that Michelle has shot up a couple of inches. I didn't know that at the age of, because she's 21 now, but I did not know that you could still be growing in your 20s. Anything's possible. Anything's possible. So I was going to say, do I, can I grow two inches in my 50s in Sir Joe care? There is certain, what do you call them, mindset gurus who would tell you you can, that if you just say, yep, I'm now six foot four, that you can become six foot four.

I haven't quite mastered that level of consciousness. But if it's important to you, it's also Tom Cruise lifts. It's our Bono from you too. I think he was wearing lifts too for a while there. But here, but you just reference in your show, and you said it earlier, ADHD. Are you actually diagnosed ADHD or have you self-diagnosed? No, just self-diagnosed. I mean, kind of using it as a bit, although I do have another funny story. I mean, and now everybody's saying that they have ADHD, but you know,

Michael knows that I'm a bit of a magpie and I see something shining, then I go over there. And sometimes I just laugh myself. I'm like, what am I even doing? What did I start and not finish? But we were driving, and my brother, I'm very convinced my brother's on the spectrum and he's one of those because he's genius level but like if we go for a walk we have to take the same way home like he's got you know and so i was saying to michael we're driving and i said oh my you know my brother's on the spectrum and michael said your brother i'm like what and i said name one and he said i can name set one and i'm like okay all right so the joke would i didn't get to it but the joke would be that like autism french kissed my brother but it came

me a little peck on the cheek apparently so maybe maybe we're all somewhere on the spectrum we all I've been accused as well of being both on the spectrum and ADHD. I've never been diagnosed of either, and I haven't worked it into a comedy bit yet. You know, that's not what I do. So, but, and sometimes I'll Google it and I'll be like, no way. Like, oh, it says you can't focus on a task to completion. And I'm like, look what I did this week. Like, you know, no one else is.

I did all this this this week. I focus on this and I do that on the other. How could I do that if I'm out, whatever, whatever? But it is interesting how people are tossing around these terms now. And I almost wonder like, oh, so you're distracted on a tant. tangent to go somewhere, then sometimes you forget to come back. It's because you're a curious cat. Like, I'm curious about things, and I will go off to the shiny thing there

because suddenly there's a fucking shiny thing over there. I'm supposed to ignore this? Like, I have to ignore the shiny thing, right, Michael? No, I'm going to go check that out. And more often than not, I will remember to come back. Sometimes I won't, and that's okay, too. Well, and I think it presents itself whatever. I think we all have it differently in everyone.

For example, I was telling Michael that I was losing my mind because I like one task and then I go on to the next. I didn't like the fact that I had a vision pop board do and a comedy show. It was split. I was like, my mind. My brain is going to explode, Michael. So I'm like, I got to finish this board before I can even focus on. Like, I did not schedule that. Two concurrent mind.

Yes. I can totally, you know, you want to complete one and then start the next, complete that, and then et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. So we are going to get, I want to get back to the boards, and I have a personal question. I'm hoping, Carla, it's okay if I spend like two minutes of Michael Webb. Is that okay if you? He spent two hours of Michael. I'm just a casual observer.

No, two minutes. So, Michael. But so first, a message to not just you two in the room, but the listenership at large, which is we're almost at the end of the month. It's December 18th as we're talking. Now, Christmas is a week today. I know. It's happening, everybody. It's happening.

It's not too late to go to retrofestive.ca, which is Canada's pop culture and Christmas store, and use the promo code FOTM to save 10%. And if you're in Oakville or near Oakville, and most listeners probably are, there's actually a bricks and mortar store you can go to Retro Festive. Google it, visit the Schwartz family, tie the Christmas guy will be there. Some cool shit going on at Retro Festive. Nice. Nice.

I like both of those words, retro and festive. Your two favorite words. And you guys have some fresh craft beer to take back to your top secret locale. So this is courtesy of Great Lakes Brewery. That's going home with you. Thank you.

Thank you, Great Lakes Brewery. Can't wait for our show. Well, I'm going to trust me, that's on the agenda. Oh, it's a Great Lakes Brewery tour is what it is now. They're a full-on sponsor of my delight. So you wanted to talk about,

you said you had a personal question? Well, I'm not actually finished my love for the partners because I do, I did check in moving, you're producing this show, Carla Collins? My goodness gracious. Jeremy Hopkins did chime in to say, I promise I will look into Casaloma. So I just want to let you know, Carla,

that Jayhoh's got your back in the Casoloma front. We'll be getting back to you on that shortly. I have in my freezer, you were at Palma's Kitchen. What did you think of that store, that retail environment, Palma's Kitchen?

It was the tits. We were like, it was like a little Wonderland Forest and we just, Michael just made Venetino-O-Fredo the other night from Palmless Kitchen. Yeah, we used their fresh pasta. It was fantastic. What was that cake, too?

Oh, the pentatone. I'm not a sweet person, and we pentatoned all night long. We did. Oh, my God. Here she comes now eating pentatone. I loved the whole situation. Yeah, the food was amazing and the vibe. And that's a great endorsement there.

Yeah, shout out to the Petrucci family. You probably met Anthony, who is listening right now. and I have, it was delivered by Palma Pasta for you. I have in my freezer upstairs a large frozen lasagna. Get out. You're excited, right?

Yeah. Okay, Michael and I also get really excited over small things. Not that this is a small thing, but I mean, really, I'm just like, I am fully erect. Thank you. I see that.

I know. You're packing some heat there, Carla. Everybody stand back. Thank God we're not as close as we were at your event. But it pairs nicely of the Great Lakes and you've got your lasagna. And when you do other people's shows,

because I heard you somewhere, maybe it was Facebook, somewhere, maybe it was in your live show. You said you're a bit of a podcast. I think you said horror, I think. No, I didn't. Say, well, where did you use? Slut?

I said slut. Oh, yes. If I'm not getting paid for any of them. My apologies told the sluts out there. Well, it's just, I have a hard time saying no. But they don't give you lasagna and they don't give you beer and they don't give you a measuring tape. Come on, Mike.

You're the king. I've been giving you a lot of love. Even at my show, by the way, I did point out that Toronto Mike and Humble Howard, the Godfathers of podcasting, who are professionals and do it right. Actually, they don't use free Zoom. I know I'm being recorded.

I feel really confident. Oh, I remember that story. And this person also forgot to record you, right? I'm pretty sure. And it timed out at the 30-minute mark. Okay, well, you got to pay for that Zoom, you know, enter the big leagues. So last two notes and then Michael Webb,

then personal and then sound... What do we call these? Sound boards? No, vision boards. Okay. But what do you call them? I call them vision pop boards. Vision pop boards.

I have a couple more questions about that. But Nick Iini's was over here last Friday, and you can hear his episode of Toronto Mic. And he has two podcasts. You should listen to Building Toronto Skyline and Building Success. Thank you to Nick Iienes from Fusion Corp for stepping up to help fuel the real talk on Toronto Mike. So thank you, Nick.

And if anyone out there has old electronics, old cables, old devices, I'm looking at you, Michael Webb, go to recyclemyelectronics. dot CA, put in your postal code and find out where you can drop it off to be properly recycled so those chemicals don't end up in the landfill. Do you understand, Mr. Webb? I have taken very serious note, yes. Okay, I saw that. You took out your phone. He's quite environmentalist, so yes, he's going to be, I mean, you know, he cares about. He cares about everything. He cares about the earth. He cares about his country. I know that. So I'm just going to ask you about something I read about you, Mr. Webb, on Facebook. Okay, this will be

painless and there will be no judgments from yours truly. this is what you wrote. You're in for this? Now, I remember, I did tell you that there was one thing that we wouldn't discuss. Yeah, but Michael Webb is not you. Like, this is just Michael Webb. But it's about Michael Webb wrote about going to. You met Pierre Pahliav.

I did. Is that the first time you met him? And this is recent, right? Yeah, it was just last week. But what blew me away, and again, zero judgments from me. It's not, we're not getting political, Carla. We're going to get them away from me. Presley said I will not be present for any political discussions.

You weren't going to talk about politics. No, I meant both of us. I actually do. So are you okay to tell us, like, um, you have to talk to my handler. Okay, okay. Well, I don't have to talk to him, except I was going to ask Michael Webb about Pierre Polyev because I thought you were talking about Carla. I didn't know you were talking about Michael Webb.

And I was going to ask you about your love for Pierre Paulyev, your admiration for Pierre Paulyev, but we absolutely can just move on if you want. Touch your nose if you want me to move on. Oh, he touched his nose, everybody. So, Carla, can I change the channel then since Michael Webb doesn't want to talk about Pierre Polly. Again, we did send an email saying. Oh, so straight up, I honestly thought it was from you and you said, you didn't want to talk. I actually didn't know it was from my time.

I'm right here. Yeah, but you're not. Yeah. Anyway, and you said, I never talk about. And I'm like, wait, then yes, I will come. I actually thought you meant somebody with a different initials. I didn't think you meant P.P. I thought you meant American stuff.

but okay. All the politics. I'm politics free. I know. But I wasn't going to ask you about politics. I was going to ask Michael Webb about politics. Okay. So we moved on now from that awkward, awkward exchange. Well, you can have Michael Webb on a separate episode. I'm happy to come on down and have an entire episode dedicated to my political beliefs. Yeah, we'll just ask Carla to give us some privacy for a few minutes here. All right. Am I allowed now? I feel awkward here because it's been going to so well. And then that was awkward. But I was going to ask you about something that you alluded to in your stand-up. But I was, I don't know this story, and I don't know how willing, how vulnerable you'll be about it. But are you willing to discuss your, like, your marriage to Tyrone Power Jr.? Is that allowed to be asked? Yeah, I guess. Like, I guess I'm just curious, because I didn't ask you about this the first time, but we covered a lot of ground in an hour there. But, like, your current relationship status is you are not married at this moment in time,

Carla Collins. That's correct. Okay, so you're on the stand now. You're going to answer these questions here. So, are you willing to share, like, what you're willing to share about how you ended up married to Tyrone Power Jr.? Um, yeah, we went to a chapel. Now, we were, I was set up. I was set up with Ty. Uh, a casting director brought him to one of my comedy shows.

Did you know, like, who his father was, like who he was when you were set up with him? Well, not entirely. That was my joke, because Tyrone Howard Jr. sounds like he was going to roll up in an escalade, call me baby doll, so my joke is that I thought it was going to be black. But that is a very, because, and that is because of his father. That is why the name Tyrone is so very popular. So he looks, and he looks identical to his father. So there is no mistaken, and I did love old-timey movies.

I had never seen a Tyrone Power movie until I met him. And he never met his father, right? No, his father died when his mom was pregnant with him. I know. That's quite a movie of the week. Wow. Yeah. All right, so what's that?

Like, that's a fascinating facet of your career. I think it's an interesting detail to, how many years were you married to Tyrone Power, Jr.? Ten? You know, I think that's a good run. Like, I feel like 10 years is, that's a solid run. Like, that's good. Okay.

And it, and- Like, a chip or something? Like, once you get into double digits, I feel like, okay. Michael, Mike is now asking me questions, but can't really look at me because I'm like, I swear to God, I will cut of it. I am shaking over here, but you just keep shaking like a trow on. So, okay, last question about Tyrone Power Junior is, why, why does this relationship come to an end? Why are you no longer married to Tyrone Power Jr.?

Which is fun name to say, by the way, Tyrone Power Jr.? It's a wonderful name, and that's my joke, is that I'm only going to marry someone if they have the last name Ranger so I can be Carla Power Ranger. I heard that joke. If anyone's listening. Exactly. There are any Mark Rangers out there. somebody's going to write in trust me here so just uh what it just came to a uh and and um just listen mr sister Oprah as I said what's going on here I'm happy I thought I was going to ask about

the armed robberies or something new we have there's still a reality show on there so people can see and that's no that's just for me that's something that's keep ran its course sure armed robberies well that's I'm just saying I thought you were going to ask about something new I mean I haven't been with Carla Collins. I haven't been with Tyson's 2017. Yeah, but it feels like an old story. It's an old story, but it's, you know,

we didn't cover it your first episode, so we're not repeating anything here. What can you share with us about... What can you share with us about this armed robbery? Oh, my dad had a pinto variety, and because I was this height, I was working there when I was 11, and two guys came in in

nylons over their faces, and please remember my contacts was Starsky and Hutch and I'm like, oh, they're going to kill us because they kill people when they cover their faces. And the other woman was behind the till with me. She froze and I couldn't get my till open and handed the money. Plus I had like a little, some stitches from gymnastics. So it looked much more dramatic because the guy said, by the way, they came in and said, this is a stick up, which is super cliche and embarrassing. Well, they saw it on Starkey and Hutch. and small town Wallaceburg hasn't been an armed robbery

since and they he nudged me with the gun so it looked more dramatic that I had a little blood and so yeah there was a now again and I you know my parents aren't with us so I can't really ask them I don't know what kind of squid game parenting module they were following

but somehow I think I really wanted to still work at the store and someone should maybe set a no to that but two years later I was working and ski masks this time and I'm like Like, who's been in two-armed robberies in Canada? Seriously? I think I am the only person in the world.

And so my joke is, two-armed robberies, there was only one gun in Canada at the time. Right. You're not in Toronto, like the big bad Toronto. Now I was in Wallaceburg. I don't know. What is it? La Crosse champion?

It was population maybe. I think it's still around 10 or 11,000. What are the odds that you would... Exactly. I know. Did you see a gun? Well, it was a sawed-off shotgun both times. Did I see it?

And they were, I would still keep the money. It wasn't the same person. Yeah. Someone came in and just gave me veiled threats. I swear to God, we have a gun. I don't, that looks like your finger. But that can fuck a person up. Yeah, I know.

Well, I buried it really deep down. And the great thing is, honestly, we're very resilient when we're children. Because my age started with a one and ended with a one. And with the three, I think that, you know, I was like, hey, let's, I don't know, Sean Cassidy. I don't know what I was into at the time. but I think I was able to bounce back because, you know, the 40-year-old woman passed out.

So I was like, again, I was coming from the back with dog food and I just held it over my chest like, yeah, I don't know if this is going to stop a bullet, but I do have a bag of dog food on me, so don't move. So, and it was something I hadn't chatted about, but I think it's a pretty interesting story. And it's unbelievable. Look, we all have our bag of hammers,

as I believe Michael J. Fox once said. And so I think I just got rid of those, I front-loaded, apparently. And, yeah. But the second time, when you see their, oh, it's happening again, like, what's going through your mind? Like, you've literally been there, done that. Was it very much like, again, Bullwinkle?

I was at the back thinking, oh, you've got to be kidding me. And just came up to the front because I'm like, all right, I know the drill. Yeah, you would have a sense of like, I've actually been through this before in some fucked up way that might work to your investment. oh yeah oddly yeah and they did catch them the second time i don't think anyone did time i'm sure was all an inside job that the owner's daughter who was working i don't know it's a bit of a mystery

but i thought well you know you're always looking for a unique angle in comedy and i'm like i'm pretty sure maybe someone's been in one armed robbery a lot of people have been in one take like come come at me bro i'd like to see dave chappelle and two i think i'm the only one who can claim the two armed robberies and so it was just in the last couple years. Okay, somewhere there's some listeners doing the math right now to tell you like the odds to survive two armed robberies in your life. And I bet you you're in rarefied air here. Probably.

And grateful. Well, you survived, which is the important part of this story, which is, uh... Yes, I, yeah. You're here. It was not, was not my time, as they say, I guess. Not your time. Yeah. And I think also is why I became such a nerd because it was they were doing this.

because they needed drug money. So I've always had that. I think it's why I didn't do drugs. I also kind of associate like, oh, that makes people do some weird shit. Yeah. So, you know, I'm sure it had an imprint. And you just see me running away from my... But I think...

Then you grow up and you find out that everyone's had some type of trauma. Everyone, pretty much. That's what you got to remember is you don't know what other people are going through. Like, you know, you just don't know what's going on in their life. They might have a kid in the hospital with cancer. They might have just survived their second armed robbery attempt. Like, you just don't know what people are going through. It's, that's really true.

And I tell, and some people are really, you know, especially now, like the kids are TikToks. Like they're very open and I think, I'm sure that's great. But again, I, you know, you just don't make it a part of your identity because shit happens to everybody. Right? It's the whole how you, I guess, handle it. And I think with humor is always a great way. So I'm like, I don't know. I'm sitting on this.

Like, okay, there's great. There's dating stuff. But I bet you this would be unique, which is why I kind of started talking about it. Well, you know what else would be a great way to process these things in your life as you kind of come, you deal with them head on now? It would be vision pop boards. I enjoyed the segue. I love you for it. It's a little clunky.

I feel like if I had a second shot at it, it would be smoother. But the intent. No, it wasn't clung. Because it is. Because my question is, have you ever done a vision pop board for yourself? I did an early one and I ripped it up I know I'm like oh the classic artist I'm like let me see it

I know I do have a picture of it I have I've done a couple there's one on my phone the harmony one but I'd like to do an updated one and it's really a very meditative to bring this full circle Karen who you were sitting next to so what I do is if you order a vision pop board

Friends of Toronto Mike will get a discount what percent discount it's not a cheap gift So if you're looking for a bargain basement gift It's not But it's not crazy It's pretty reasonable Well how do they contact you

You can contact me on at Carla Collins Comedian All C words But the nice ones You can get me that Or Carla at CarlaCollins.com Carl? Oh my God You're going to be inundated

With emails from people Send me feet pictures That's what you're going to get Oh well I have a lot of I have amazing feet Mike And I mean not to brag But I'm telling you Like I just kill it on lonely fans

I really do. I do have great feet. Not to brag. Okay, well, Carla at CarlaCollins.com is about to get filled, if you will, with requests to see those feet. But so I think, I think. The vision boards, wear your toes. Back to the vision pop boards, of course, here. Because I do think if people are interested, they should reach out and ask you for that price list.

So it's not going to be, you're not cheap. And I will give, I will give you the friends and family deal. even though I brought up here, Paulia. If you're still going to give it... I'm still going to give you the friends of family. It's, I'm again... Well, he's here right now. Pierre, come on down.

That's the kind of sweetheart. I am, but we started talking about Karen and you were looking at her pop board. I spent a lot of time with it, actually. When someone orders a board, I talk to them, and they say, what, you know, I say, what do you love? What do you want to manifest?

What would you like on your board? So Karen sent me this wonderful list via WhatsApp, and I'm working on this board and working on it. And what I did was I copied my... that list. I thought I copied it into my notes, but I did it freestyle, like just old school, old-timey, cursory.

And I had palm tree on there because, you know, and she loves Cuba and this, and she makes cookies. I made the cookies, the coconuts of the palm tree. So the palm tree is one-third of the picture. And I go and look at her list just before I send her the picture of it. There's no palm tree. Oh, my God.

And I was, I was having like a mile, because it takes me a long time to do these. And I said, what? How did I? And so when I send it to her, she said, oh, I love it. And she said, oh, don't worry about the palm tree. And don't mind my dry skin. I'm like, where is this going? Because we're texting. Right. She has the exact same palm tree tattooed on her ankle. That's fucked up.

Because I claim, and you can judge me all you want. I've bared my soul today on Toronto. I'm like, I think you channel people's energy. Like, I channel a little bit when I do. Michael will tell you, Michael will tell you I leave. Like, I'm just gone. And then something comes up. And sometimes I feel like, last one I did, I'm like, did I blackout? Not the boys, but the one. before that. It was an early order, so it wasn't as pricey. And I'm like, oh, no, it was already paid for. And I'm like, I'll just call this in, you know, I'll just, nope. I swear it came, it just had a whole life of its own. I think that we all channel when you're singing, whatever creativity you're doing, it doesn't have to be woo-woo, but for some reason I saw this giant palm train. She said, no, no, I love palm tree. I meant to put it down there. So that's my, that's my cool vision pop board story. Well, that's an unbelievable, dare I say, you're going to say it's not a coincidence right like you have a gift there are no

coincidences but it's wild that you were unsched you made up this palm tree you had this palm tree vision if you will and you added to her pop vision board and you're now nervous because you what if this has nothing to do with her loves and her passions and it turns out she has a tattoo of a palm tree on her body unbelievable well i mean that you know palm trees aren't they're delightful so i you know i it's not like you know we have a we have many in south atobico and uh They're beautiful, absolutely. They're in season right now. They're in season right now.

So I got to say, again, Karen is her name, right? Karen. Because we were sitting there, having a beer, waiting for Zabrina Douglas, who's an FOTM, and she's been down here, and she was very funny, too. And Ted the host. And Ted Morris, so I'm going to be doing the shows with it. Yuck Yucks.

Very funny, Ted Morris. My wife actually said afterwards, like, she wants to see a Ted Morris set. Well, and she did, because that's how. No, he's a great comedian and a really great friend. So we're going to be, we're going to be road dog in it to Yuck Yuck Yuck's London together. Okay, so people should see you on New Year's Eve and Barry. Yes, at Bloom Bistro, Eventbrite.C.A.

Eventbrite.com. Yeah. And they can contact you, Carla at Carla Collins.com or on the Instagram. But mostly go to Carla Collins comedian and follow me on Instagram. I'm going to tag you there. So I'm building back up. We're building back. Well, I'm going to be tagging you on this.

episode. And other than my Michael Webb interrogation of his love for Pierre Pahliav, how was this? This was okay. Otherwise? I don't want you to keep bringing it up,

baby. Because he wants to talk about it. But I actually, in my defense, I actually told Michael Webb I was going to talk about it. He thought you meant just in like in real time.

And that's why. It's why I sent the email. I'm like, by the way, because he's like, I don't want to. And I was like, by the way,

no politics. I took that as code for, take Trump off the menu. And he was. Now I'm going to take all politics of the menu with me. With me. And that brings us to the end of our 1,821st show. Go to tronomelmike.com for all your Toronto mic needs.

Much love to all who made this possible. That is retro festive, Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, nicainis, Recyclemyelectronics.cai-eatronix.a. and Redley Funeral Home. See you all tomorrow when Globe and Mail's John Doyle makes his Toronto mic to debut. Maybe we'll talk about Carla Collins. See you all.

Then. You know, Soapy the genes. Subly the jeans. Softly the jeans. I'm not you're going to be the I'm going to

I'm going to I'm going to I'm I'm going to be able to be. Thank you.