Toronto Mike'd: The Official Toronto Mike Podcast - Gare Joyce: Toronto Mike'd #1111

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

In this 1111th episode of Toronto Mike'd, Mike is joined by author Gare Joyce as they talk about why he's no longer at Sportsnet, Bob McCown, Stephen Brunt, his two new Audible audio series, and what's next for him. Toronto Mike'd is proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery, Palma Pasta, Canna Cabana, StickerYou, Ridley Funeral Home and Electronic Products Recycling Association.

Welcome to episode 1111 of Toronto Mic'd. Proudly brought to you by Great Lakes Brewery. A fiercely independent craft brewery who believes in supporting communities, good times, and brewing amazing beer. Order online for free local home delivery in the GTA. StickerU.com. Create custom stickers, labels, tattoos, and decals for your home and your business. Palma Pasta. Enjoy the taste of fresh, homemade Italian pasta and entrees from Palma Pasta in Mississauga and Oakville.

Electronic Products Recycling Association. trays from palma pasta in mississauga and oakville electronic products recycling association committing to our planet's future means properly recycling our electronics of the past ridley funeral home pillars of the community since 1921 and canna cabana the lowest prices on cannabis guaranteed over 100 stores across the country. Learn more at canacabana.com. Today, returning to Toronto Mic'd is Gare Joyce. Good day. That's your intro. That's your good day.

How are we doing for time? That was like an extraordinary intro. Do they have Canada Cabana locations in Kingston, Ontario? I wouldn't know. That's Susan's department. She does the edibles. I'm strictly here. She says, of course.

Yeah. So shout out to Canada Cabana. Listen, how are you, Gear Joyce? I am well. I don't need to call Ridley Funeral Home for a pickup? Yeah, no. Since I was on last, I guess that was... Okay, you want this right off the top?

I like to do this anyway. Okay, so this is your... You've made like little appearances on like group Zooms and things. Yeah. You once opened with a joke. Who was the joke about? Who was the story about?

Oh, good God. Do you remember? Anyway, I think the Zoom room was in shock by the time you finished the story. Oh, that was St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Right, with the identical brothers. You got into your great legs.

Okay. So, okay, so the identical brothers. You got to get into your fate legs. Okay. So, okay, so we won't count those things, but we won't count your stand-up at TMLX, whatever. We'll talk about that later. But your first appearance on Toronto, Mike, this is when I met you for the first time, and I can't remember if it was Brad Fay or Damien Cox. Do you know who told me I should talk to Gare?

Do you know which of those two gentlemen it might have been? Oh, it was Schultz. Oh my God, it is Schultz. David Schultz. And you were Gare who? Yeah, I was Gare. No, literally. Gare who? Is he one of the Garys? Was there a third Gary?

And that was January 2018. But you know when David Schultz says... When you had pneumonia. Did I? I can't remember now. You were sick and extraordinarily sick. Oh, walking pneumonia. You're right, but I never even missed a bike ride. It was one of these weird

pneumonias. Yeah, I took pills or something. Okay, January 2018. I know you want to crack that open on the mic, but let me set this up by saying that was episode 301. Now we're at 1111. And I wrote for the description at the time, Mike chats with SportsNets.

We'll talk about that in a minute. SportsNets, Gare Joyce about his career as a sports writer, novelist, shout out to Jason Priestley and standup comic, shout out to David Schultz before they play and discuss this. So I was so, who the hell is this guy?

I said, I'll have him on, but he's going to have to kick out the jams because I don't know who this is. Like you kicked out the jams in your debut. Yes, I did. Very rare. Crack that Great Lakes beer open on the mic.

Yeah, I'm dehydrated here. I'm going to. Can you say that? Okay, not quite on the mic. Oh, sorry. Okay, I'm going gonna crack mine on the mic since you don't follow the directions very well okay so what you got uh what do you got there i've got a longer okay people love that one oh there we go all right you're practiced at this

they stopped uh making sunny side for the summer like this is a summer ipa that they make and they don't make it in the winter. So this might be like one of the last cans. Limited edition. Yeah. So cheers to you. Cheers. Great to see you.

Honestly, we've gone to like events together. Wolf Pack matches. Oh God, bless the Wolf Pack. That was such a fun sports venue. Great entertainment. Great value. That was such a fun sports venue. Great entertainment. Great value. It was so much fun. For me, it was the best value ever.

Ever. Because all I could drink. Yep. And what do you call it? I was on the field. Yeah. In the end zone or whatever you call it in rugby. I guess they're end zones.

But I paid nothing for those. And I had season tickets to go on the field and drink all i wanted and you're ready so that sounds amazing because i paid nothing right but they said you can get you can invite three friends to each match like i it was me plus three every single uh and on beautiful saturday i'd bike to lamport is it lamport yeah yes and it was amazing like uh and you were one of my guests one week and it was amazing that is true and uh i was recovering still from uh my bout with pneumonia and mine was bacterial and uh left me in hospital for the better part of 17 days and uh i was fainting

dead away in the heat when we went to that game. Well, you had a hat on, right? Yeah, but still. I remember you had a layer of like sunscreen on. Yes. I burned just a hibernian thing. Because you're Irish. Yes.

And anyways, but I was feeling pretty weak. That was one of my first ventures out. No, I remember distinctly, I saw you there, and I texted Brad Jones at Ridley Funeral Home, and I said, I got a warm one for you. Yeah, there we go. I got a lead for you.

Okay, but that was not the last time you were on Trottle Mike to hear this to you, because April 2019, that was episode 458, so that's why you got the tattoo that says 458 on it. Mike catches up with Gear Joyce, who tells... 10 stories. 10 great stories, including the reason he won't be heard on Bob McCowan's Primetime Sports.

That's one of the great moments. Which almost got me fired for telling that. Tell me more about that, because then I want to ask you the big question everybody's wondering about you and your professional life. Well, more about Bob McCowan. I really don't have anything more about Bob McCowan. He and I would pass each other in the hall and he'd always give a sort of a sheepish high i my desk at sports net was um maybe 50 feet from his studio so i'd see him all the time and he'd never have me on and uh and the other day well what am i saying the other day i found it the other day. I have a friend request on Facebook from Bob McCowan.

Wow. Yes. And it's for, I'm going to get it laminated for its third birthday. I don't think that that one's going to come to pass. So for those, I mean, at this point, everybody's paused the episode and gone to 458 to hear the story. There you go. But can you give us like the Reader's Digest version? Yes.

Like a greatest hits here. Okay. Yeah, this is the single, right? The other thing is like Ingata Devita, right? That's for bathroom breaks. Right. But that's for bathroom break. Yeah.

No, McCowan had me on the day that Gretzky was traded to St. Louis. And he said, could anyone have an ego that big about Wayne Gretzky? And I said, with an ego like that, he should have gone into sports talk radio. And he didn't talk to me the rest of the episode. Really? And never had me back. I'd done the show a few times. But that's a funny line.

Like, like how sensitive is he? That's a, that's a, I like that line. And it's not necessarily a McCowan shot. It's a shot at your profession there. For him,

I thought it was an asset, not a liability. Right. I thought that that was, you know, isn't that part of his persona that he's got a huge ego. He's a curmudgeon who thinks he's the greatest. Like this is part of his mask he wears.

Really, talk about false modesty, right? Bob McCowan being wounded by suggestion that he has an ego. So I won't be on his podcast either. Oh, no. Who's doing that with him? John Shannon. Yes. What's your's doing that with him? John Shannon. Yes.

What's your relationship like of John Shannon? Pretty good. Staggeringly, John Shannon's younger than me. Like, people would never put that together. Yeah. No, I get along pretty well with John. That is amazing. Okay, so this is like when you find out that

Jack Armstrong is younger than Leo Roudens. Like it's that kind of a deal. Yes. Yes, that's it. Although I have not shaved in a few days, so there is gray here, but I'm frequently sort of mistaken for being somewhat younger, mostly because i have hair

and not there isn't there isn't much of it that's great i mean we're gonna get to it later but i had dave bedini on the show yesterday and i think i mentioned you in passing because you were uh coming up we'll talk about that i totally screwed up my schedule this week but anyway so i knew gare joyce i knew you were on today obviously and then uh he was talking about like how you inspired him and i actually was looking at i'm looking at bedini and i'm thinking like okay but aren't you like older than gare joyce no no i have i have he looks a lot older than you like he's got the big white beard going on. Yeah, I got a late start in newspapering and whatnot. Funnily enough, I think I sold my first freelance story when I was 28. I went back to school after working.

What were you doing before that? Among other things. A coal miner? No, I was a clerk at the LCBO. Okay. Like at 1 Yonge Street there? Or is this somewhere? I did work at the LCBO. Okay. Like at 1 Yonge Street there? Or is this somewhere? I did work at Queens Quay.

Yes. The big store. Yes, right. I worked there and at Parliament Street. Okay. Parliament and Winchester. Okay. And I also worked driving a forklift at Coca-Cola.

And on the side, did some cement finishing with my with my friend and yeah I was a working guy and at I had dropped out of journalism school I was five years in a three-year program and I had sort of decided you know what i'll just work i'm fine with it and then at 28 i thought take a shot at writing and yeah sold the story at 20 but so all the people i came up with i was older than um and uh and they're looking at uh and we look like we're awash at this point. So may I ask your age? Is this top secret information? No, no.

Next Sunday, I'm 66. Okay. Yeah. You know, I would have guessed 10 years younger. I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass, Mr. Joyce. But hold on. It's a sec. So you're aging well.

At the same time, I did call Ridley Funeral Home when I saw you. So you can kind of look at it to it. You're either on death's door. My father worked for a funeral outfit. He actually sold his business to a funeral home, McKinnon and Bowes. Toronto's best embalmers. Well, second best, actually. After Ridley Funeral Home.

They did the embalming for all these funeral homes. They were like the depot. Oh, okay, because I'm re-watching Six Feet Under, and the evil competitor is buying up all the independent funeral homes, and they have that situation where all the funeral homes share some centralized embalming thing. That's what this was.

And my father was a delivery man in retirement. He picked up dead bodies. Like in a hearse? Like he drove a hearse? It was just a van. A refrigerated van, probably. I wouldn't doubt that Brian would know my father. Oh, Brad. Brad, sorry.

Brad. Yeah, I wouldn't doubt that he, his family would know my father this is going back we'll find out so many questions here but that was the last time you were here April 2019 and I think I

did see you at a Wolfpack match that summer I think summer of 2019 and Wolfpack what's the official status completely DOA right they're gone they're at ridley funeral home right now they are getting involved one of the strange things is the last practice that they ever had i walked with their coach like through the middle of their practice i i was shadowing the the coach uh for a feature that we were going to run the next spring.

Spring 2020. Yeah. And so anyways, I've got like all these Australians and Yorkshiremen and Samoans and whatever, like running all around me. And I'm terrified, right? If I take one backward step i'm i'm gonna get leveled so can i ask uh because i kind of so yes covid killed this franchise i guess but um amongst many others actually but a lot of death in this episode but uh gentleman's name i want to say sunny williamson is that his name yes uh sunny Sonny Jim Williamson. Okay. So what was the story

exactly? I only read the press, which was that we had signed this huge name in the sport. Yeah. You know what? I have one friend in Aussie named Steve Brown, who's a rugby league fan and is much more

dialed up on all of this. And by the time the Wolfpack signed Williamson, he was a bit of an act more than a force. Like past his prime. Past his prime. In Australia, he was in these rugby boxing, celebrity boxing events and whatever, boxing celebrity boxing events and whatever and he'd gone back and forth between um between league and union and riled the fans of both and uh anyways he was he was signed as a

name i don't know that i think even in the games that he or that the wolf pack got in in uh the uk um it was a factor he i don't think he played in at least a couple okay uh but yeah rest in peace wolf pack i had a great time at those matches so much fun all right lots of ground to cover but you mentioned you know um i think i mentioned that i was screwed up the sky so this week when i originally scheduled you for today and we're going to talk about like you know So this week, when I originally scheduled you for today, and we're going to talk about your move to Kingston and what else you did today and all these things. But when I first booked this,

you were the meat in my Dan Hill, John Biner sandwich. This was the original schedule. So it was Dan Hill, then some Gare Joyce, and then some John Biner. You're excited about the John Biner episode? Oh, absolutely. I was a huge John Biner fan. And I loved all the celebrity impressionists back in the 60s and into the 70s. Frank Gorshin, Fred Travolina, and John Biner was right there. Gorshin was my best. And I don't think that, I'm sure that if you ask John Biner about Frank Gorshin,

he'll rave about his skills. I don't know how he'd feel about him personally. But yeah, I love that. And there just isn't like celebrity impressions anymore. Maybe since Kevin Spacey was disgraced. And he was a master impressionist. Yeah, he, he, he was, but I loved that bit of the business. So he's tomorrow. So tomorrow, uh, but so, so originally you were the meat in the Dan Hill,

John Biner sandwich, and then you became actually things really got changed around. And then you became the meat in my, uh, like the Dave Bedini. Then there's a Ron Hawkins, Chris Brown, Stephen Stanley sandwich. And then here's how it was. I thought that was before you. Like, so I did think, I thought I was meeting with those three gentlemen this morning. And then you were going to do the afternoon. It turns out those three gentlemen are tomorrow morning and then John Biner's in the afternoon. So kind of a fun fact. And I thought it was almost happening. Like we talked in the past about how you look like Steve O'Bannon.

Is that his name or Steve Bannon? Steve Bannon. Yeah. Not like Ed O'Bannon. Okay. So Steve Bannon and you have a similar look like this Irish. Irish 60-ish. Yes.

Right. Snub-nosed. But there is another gentleman in the zeitgeist that could be like a doppelganger for you. And you've been told this before. But you look a bit like Stephen Stanley from Lowest of the Low. Absolutely.

Yes. My friend Steve Brown does mention that. And he's a huge Lowest of the Low fan. So that's who I heard it from low. Absolutely. Yes. My, my friend Steve Brown does mention that he was, and he's a huge lowest to the low fan. So that's who I heard it from first. Okay. And, uh, this is like,

I'm now showing this like a little, like a tiny little, this is how close we came. We came so close to you and Steven Stanley being in the same seat on the same day. Like it almost happened. He's tomorrow morning, but you know, he was going to be here this morning. Maybe I should come tomorrow

morning. I'll sub in for him and see if you notice. Can you sing? You got a good singing voice? No, not at all. Okay, you're out. We need a good singer for that. Okay, but yeah, it's kind of funny that you're doppelganger. And the funny thing is Steve Bannon is booked for next week, so just kidding. No, but

funny thing is that you're talking about me being the meat in the sandwich, and I haven't had meat since 1974. And that's why I made a, this is a true story. I said, Gare Joyce is in my calendar. I made a special order yesterday with palmapasta to make sure, no joke, in my freezer right now is a vegetarian lasagna. You'll eat that, right?

Yes, I will. Okay, because there's cheese in there. I wasn't sure if you, okay. So no meat. There we go. Vegetarian lasagna from Palmapasta is going home with you today. And where the hell is home these days?

Home is in the west end of Kingston. Okay, by the way, another fun fact, I guess, is that Chris Brown lives on Wolf Island. Oh my. And I think Steve and Stanley might be moving there. I'm going to find out tomorrow. Oh my. So, and I think Steve and Stanley might be moving there. I'm going to find out tomorrow,

but tell me again as a guy who does want to visit Wolf Island, but like Wolf Island is like, is it Kingston or is it different from Kingston? It's like right there. It's,

it's, it's a ferry ride away, like a 10 minute ferry ride. That's actually where I played my first round of golf in 19 years last month. Did it ruin a good walk? No, you know what?

It went, it went shockingly well. I had gone to the driving range eight times in the two weeks leading up to it. So I'd done some work, but Wolf Island is, is, it's a curious place. There are no police on wolf island oh that's why the musicians like it there if absolutely and like you know uh last call very flexible right because the police have to come over on the ferry right and the guys working the ferry know just who to give notice to. So it's getting a little bit developed more than locals are comfortable with. And I'm not considering myself a local yet, but I can read the room on that one. Lots of American money buying up hot properties out there.

Okay, interesting. I know that Chris Brown, he has an old hotel or something that they record at and everything, and it sounds cool when I hear about it anyway. There's some kind of artist commune there or something. Yeah, you know what? There's a couple other islands as well. I have a buddy who is on Howe Island, which is smaller.

Wolf Island is actually huge. We go over there during the winter to spot snowy owls. Okay. That sounds cool. Yeah, there are flocks of them over there. So we go over fairly regularly. I've taken my bike over there a couple of times,

but it's a fair size. The others, Amherst Island, Howe Island, they're smaller and sort of, they have more of a quaint factor. And there's a few too many deep-pocketed boaters who are, who are ruining the local charm. And,

and it's a historic place. I mean, you know, you've got like, uh, buildings that go back to the 1850s and whatnot. It's, it,

it, it is worth seeing. And I, good on those guys for, uh, for moving there. So tell me, why does it like a,

a lifelong Toronto guy, why does it like a lifelong toronto guy why does he move to kingston and i'm referring to you gare joyce what are you doing in kingston oh you know what i just sort of got worn out by by traffic and all my favorite places were disappearing um you know like all the all the landmarks what was your neighborhood of uh when you were here uh we were living in the annex but that was mostly for susan's convenience uh for getting to work and for my convenience too but i think we originally moved there when she was at Queens Park. I could walk to Sportsnet's offices. Where exactly is that? Because I know we referenced Sportsnet's offices.

One Mount Pleasant and Bloor. Okay. So I had a 20-minute walk, and Susan was walking down to Queens Park writing speeches for Dalton McGinty. So none of this moved, I had a 20 minute walk and Susan was walking down to the Queens Park writing speeches for Dalton McGinty. So none of this moved. Cause I've,

I've been hearing from people that moved out of the city to smaller cities or even like rural locations during the pandemic. Like this was sort of a trend. We did that. Right. So no regrets. Uh, cause,

and not that we've actually ended the pandemic. We just decided to like pretend like it ended, I think. But no regrets. You love Kingston. Oh, yeah. Do you miss Toronto, though? Or is it, no, you've got a new home now? Every time Susan and I come here...

You say, thank God we left. Well, we always remark that we don't particularly miss it well we miss you but i'm glad you're here but so so what brought you that you didn't drive from kingston or maybe you did let's let's get the real talk here what brought you to toronto today uh susan's outfit uh the ontario medical association was having like their big quarterly meeting. And so that's sort of an, we overnighted here. And I went and saw my GP and did a little housekeeping and I got to clear out my desk at Sportsnet.

Don't bury the lead here, Gare. Don't bury the lead here. I thought you might say that. That is like, that's my method, right Don't bury the lead here. I thought you might say that. Okay. That is like, that's my method, right? Burying the lead. That's what I do. Let's dive into this a little bit. I don't care how uncomfortable it makes you, but clearing out your desk at Sportsnet, what happened? Why are you no longer at Sportsnet? This is breaking news to a lot of people, because you didn't like tweet, oh, I'm leaving Sportsnet.

There was no public declaration, as I recall. No. You know what? There were a round of layoffs and downsizing and putting it through a hot wash and putting it through the dryer. Fewer jobs to go around. I'm in my 60s. They want to do different things as far as editorial goes. And yeah, I'm a casualty in that

and with a bunch of other people. And I understand their thinking. Like if someone was going to have, if they were going to have to lose someone in our department, I'm the sort of obvious one. So did I see it coming? Somewhat, you know. Did I think that it would happen earlier during uh you know the height of covid

when are the traffic on our website you know and there's no sports events like that's i mean hard to write about sports with no sports so i thought maybe it would happen earlier than it did. But to be frank, you know, when did I see working there till, you know, I didn't see myself being Red Fisher filing, you know, from a Habs game at age 85. I wasn't going to be. Or Milton L if you want to get it to like a local. Yeah. And those guys were doing the daily grind. Yeah, and those guys were doing the daily grind. I mean, I would like to do more feature stuff and a book here and there.

I still want to write, but it's really not a fit for me or a fit for them at Sportsnet. So, I mean, it's no hard feelings. I get it. And onward and upward. at Sportsnet. So, I mean, it's no hard feelings. I, I get it. Uh, and, and onward and upward, you know, I, like my last day at,

um, my last day at Sportsnet, I had a story in the New York times. Um, you know, I'm doing something for the athletic now and, uh, doing some men's health stuff and trying to pitch a couple of book projects.

And I broke away and did this Audible stuff, right? Which we'll definitely dive into that for sure. But when were you notified that your final days were coming at Sportsnet? I got a read of it a week, the week of the Stanley Cup final starting. And it was, the layoffs were the day after the last game of the stanley cup final so the uh another name that recently announced he was no longer with uh sportsnet and then i learned that he kind of he was notified in july and then we only learned about it when he went public last week or whatever is stephen brunt yeah so this is this so are you caught up in the same wave of cross-cutting? Wave, yeah, absolutely.

I think you're the two best writers Sportsnet has, you two guys. Yeah, I would say. Not that Brunt ever wrote anywhere. Yeah, I have no problem with that whatsoever, funnily enough. No, yeah, Stephen hadn't written a ton, uh, in the last couple of years when I went to Sportsnet, it was to work on the magazine, uh, editing and writing. Right. And, uh, Steven was writing, uh, a biweekly column for them at that point.

I, and I think he did a couple of features over the years, but, um, I think one of the things about this business is you might look, I know that when I went to Sportsnet, they said, what do you want to do? And I was like four to eight stories a year. Right. And, and I'd like to edit. Right. Right. And, and I'd like to edit. Right. I, I, like I, I saw a role with the, with the magazine and with the website, um, you know, but I saw it largely as editing and I was leaning sort,

sort of more towards four than eight. And, um, about two months in, uh,-in-chief, Steve Mage, said, we need your writing. So I did some coaching of writers, and I was a resource, but in terms of actual editing and that. So I ended up in a job different than the one that I signed up for. And I think when Steven went to Sportsnet, I think maybe he had anticipated doing more writing. I can't speak for him on that.

You know, he has, we've exchanged emails and he does want to return to Toronto Mike. So I will ask the man himself all these questions. But it is interesting to me that the magazine's been dead a while now but like every time I since 2016 and I gotta say I don't

find myself on the Sportsnet website doing much reading I'll be quite honest with you but I don't know why that is the case but you and Brunt, I always felt, were the two greatest writers that the entire Sportsnet operation had at their disposal. And I'll just say this, because Stephen Brunt is pretty, you know...

You're going to have no more writers on from Sportsnet now. You know that. We'll see about that. But, you know, I got to call it like it is. But there are a lot of other great writers but those are the two i think were the very best but you know whereas like brunt i think when you say steven brunt you know the listenership knows exactly who i'm talking about like oh yeah steven brunt he wrote for the globe and he did that thing for the olympics that we all that those

essays we all enjoyed in 2010 and then he's the guy from sports then he's on the radio he's like tim and sid blah blah blah blah blah he's another guy from sports. Then he's on the radio. We looked at him and said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He's another guy who had his falling out with, uh,

Bobcat, but then they kissed and made up. How many times? That was always like, they were like, uh, Liz and Dick. I have a clip because Brunt came on,

uh, during one of the downtimes when he was no longer a part of primetime sports. And I actually called, I just said, would you ever work? Would you ever do a radio show with Bob McCowan again? And he said, no, he doesn't see. And I actually called, I just said, would you ever work, would you ever do a radio show with Bob McCowan again? And he said, no, he doesn't see it happening. And then I don't know when, six months later,

they announced he was the new co-host of primetime sports. So go figure. But all this is to say that I think when you talk to the average, the great unwashed listener of Toronto Mic, then you say, hey, Gear Joyce. I don't think, I'm always surprised, but I'm like that as well, where it's like gear Joyce. I don't think I'm always surprised, but I'm like that as well, where it's like,

okay, I don't know that name necessarily, but I will just say this. Every time I read something you wrote, I think this is way too good to be, it's usually transcend sports. That's probably a part of the glory, but it's way too good.

Like you're such an, you are an amazing writer. I say, write more. I got no idea who's buying, who's cutting the checks or whatever. I'm going to talk about the voice of Charlie Brown in a minute.

But you are an excellent writer, Geer Joyce. Second to none. You are exceptional. How sensitive is this mic? Can it hear me blushing? Well, no. I recorded

1111. Was that 1,111 I recorded 11, sorry, 1111. What's that? 1,111 times. Yeah, sometimes I tell people I like this, I like that. I'm not bullshitting you. What would be the point of me doing a whole five-minute thing

on what a great writer you are? I challenge anyone to go read a piece by Gare Joyce and come back to me and tell me if it's not top shelf. Well, I'm staggered. But I can't hire you at tmds because i have no budget no no no um no i really appreciate that i mean i do think i when people ask me what i do i never say that i'm a sports writer and my friends know don't say it right like just don't say it and I and I've written a lot of stuff about matters other than sports and I think that I

I mean I sort of need to do that to to get grounded and uh so I just say that I'm a writer well we should remind people who haven't heard, but everybody should go back to the old Gare Joyce episodes, especially the first one where he kicked out the jams, but remind people that Private Eyes, which was a show starring Jason Priestley from 90210, fame, that's based on your books.

That is true. But that show got canceled, right? It did not get picked up for a seventh season. That's a nicer way to say it. Six seasons and everyone thought it was coming back for a seventh. It had won, been the top rated show in Canada for six years and another one of those business-y

deals where Global is going out and trying to and another one of those businessy deals where Global is going out and trying to make a deal and acquire another outfit. And they had issues probably with the budget and things like that. And they did not get renewed. And there was talk of sort of a Murdoch mysteries switch of networks. And I don't know where that is at.

I know that Cindy Sampson, the female lead, that she, Angie Everett in the series, that she was pregnant. And so when they were going to start shooting season seven, when it was scheduled to start shooting. So I think there was a hiatus that was going to be there no matter. But I do think it's probably not going to, maybe they'll have a comeback movie or something.

I don't know. What's the community line? Six seasons and a movie. Yes. I know that Jason always said, if we get to 100 episodes, we're gold. And they got to 62 or something like that. And you've become friends with Jason,

right? Is he a bud? Jason's, yeah, Jason and I will. Will he answer a text if you text him? Oh, absolutely. Jason's come out to see me do stand-up. Yeah, that's a bud. That's torturous. I just carved him to, oh my God, you know.

Give it up for Jason Priestley, a proud former Canadian, right? Like it's just on and on, right? Anyways. Yeah. Jason, great. You know, he was the first name on our list when we couldn't get Kirk Cameron. I just busted him to pieces and he was like such a good sport about it. Are you still doing, do you stand up in Kingston?

I do, yes. So like where and how often? Like when does this magic happen? Oh God, I did a fundraiser I think was the last one. But it was like with a couple of like national headliners. It was a fun gig. Who? Name these people. I'll tell you if they're headliners or not.

Well, in the, in the, they're headliners at Absolute and, and the like, uh, Rob Pugh, and who's done JFL and all of this. And Ryan Denis,

who's, uh, my buddy in Kingston. Okay. And he could be the mayor of Kingston if he, if he ran for office. He's, he's,

they're both really good comedians. There's a little community of comics out there and there's shows that you can drop and open mics that you can do. So, I mean, to get out and do something weekly, that's where I'd like to be. I've started writing a little more comedy over the summer,

having a little more time to myself. And lest we forget that you and David Schultz did stand up at a TMLX event at Great Lakes Brewery. You don't want to forget it. Well, I recorded it. I know. I know. If people want to find it, they can find it. It's in the Toronto

Mic feed. But I remember Mike Wilner was there and you made a Wilner joke or two that i don't think he was doing the weight loss commercials at that point right or i think they i think they uh they took that off uh they thought maybe it wasn't good for the brand i was i love mike wilner so i have nothing i do too i want to make sure like mention, does he still talk to you or are you into cross paths with him? Honest to God, one of the deals in stand-up

is if you're going to do that, you have to look at the guy when you're saying it and his face just sort of collapsed. I saw it because when you did it and I looked over where I was and I felt bad for Mr. Wilner. I know that all's fair and love and comedy but

i just wondered if he was going to pull a mccowan on you there but no i i think i've only really seen him once or twice since then and it didn't come up and now i mean not that i'm going to apologize it's it's stand-up well it's funny now that i think about it wilner's on that list of people mccowan won't let on primetime sports so it's i guess it's you it's wilner there's a jerry howarth is on that list just some greats on that list i i am proud to be a member of that fraternity so i promised the audience 90 minutes on bob mccowan so yeah no did I tell you about the last, like I told you and the listeners about if an ego that big, he should go on talk radio. Yeah. Did I tell you when he had me on for Jim Kelly?

Do it again, brother. We're playing the hits here today. So it was the first anniversary of Jim Kelly's death. And Jim Kelly was my best bud. And not the quarterback, everybody. This is a, but he is from Buffalo. He is from Buffalo and the street outside the Buffalo news is named after Jim Kelly.

That is sports writer, Jim Kelly, the one beside the hockey arena. And he was cut loose from being McCowan's co-host for a few years. He was cut loose and like a week later diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. So that's a bad one to get. I don't recommend it. Anyways, Jim came back on the air and did a few spots. I think McAllen felt sort of

sheepish about the timing. Then Jim died, I guess it was Thanksgiving 2011, American Thanksgiving 2011. And so in November of the following year, McCowan had me come on to talk about Jim. And my line in it was, you know, it wasn't that Jim had class because class is something that you can have, something you can aspire to. Jim had grace. That's a different thing. Grace makes you feel good about being a friend and grace is something you can't aspire to.

a friend and grace is something you can't aspire to now that sounds really profound except if you look at it it's in the second person it's actually something you bob mccowan can't aspire to it was so subtle uh and so i yeah it almost needed a footnote or, you know, an explainer or something like that. But it just flew, of course, across the studio. You're playing 3D chess and that man's playing checkers.

There you go. Since I mentioned the Bobcat again, and I've never met the Bobcat. In fact, as you might know, I invited him to be my esteemed, my special guest for episode 500 of this little podcast. I said, oh, that's a big mile. It's like not quite like 1111. I saved that for Garrett Joyce.

That's a wicked number. But 500, I said, oh, big milestone. Bobcat. I'm going to talk about that nickname in a minute. Bobcat would be a great guest. Bobcat, would you be my guest for episode 500? And it was the most ridiculous thanks but no thanks in public Twitter, too. And he didn't even tag me on it.

It was like, your followers think I'm a dinosaur, so I'm not coming on. And I'm still scratching my head about the whole thing. My followers think you're a dinosaur. Because I don't remember ever dragging him. I think he's two years older than me, right? But maybe three years older than me. Well, anyway, shout out to Bobcat. On that note, I loved your story about the nickname Bobcat.

Can you just... Then we're going to move on. I want to talk about the Audible series because they're great. But the nickname Bobcat. So if I remember correctly, and I'm going to let you tell it, but it was that he claims that this is something people call him, but he doesn't call himself Bobcat. Maybe you tell this greatest hit one more time,

because I absolutely adore this one. So an editor that I worked with at Random House was editing a book that I was working on, my scouting book, and Future Greats and Heartbreaks was my book. And McCowan did a book with Dave Naylor from TSN, and it was 100 Pieces of Wit and Wisdom from Bob McCowan. Bob McCowan did absolutely no writing in it. You know, and in fact, when he was on the air,

someone asked him about, I don't know if it was about Slovakia being the best hockey nation or something like that, some outrageous contrarian point. And he goes, remind me what I wrote. Anyways, my editor recounted this story to me and said that he was talking about promoting the book, marketing it, ads that they could run.

And he was like, here, I'll pitch you. You know, Bobcat says, you know, that was going to be the display. And Bob McCallum goes, no, I never use Bobcat. That is out of bounds, verboten. People that know me know that you can't use Bobcat. And my chastened editor, you know, just walked away. And a week later, he called the McCowan residence and the then wife of Bob McCowan picked up.

And my editor said, you know, could I speak to Bob, please? the then wife of Bob McCowan picked up and, um, my editor said, you know, could I speak to Bob please? And she said, Bob's not here, but you can try emailing him. He goes,

Oh, what email should I use? And she said, his email is bobcat at fan590.com. Honestly, it's, it's too funny because even now, if you follow Mr. McCowan on Twitter,

you follow at Fadoobobcat. So his email address, which we can presume he created, his Twitter account, which we know he created, have Bobcat in it. That's why I love that story. That's like, in a nutshell is that's like in a nutshell

that's what we're dealing with here i don't know that we're getting closer to having him come on your podcast oh that ship sailed it's fine it's this is all uh fair game stuff so okay listen we're not gonna talk about that anyway never mind actually i'm not gonna say what i'm gonna say but i do want to uh touch on points. I have audio from your two excellent Audible audio series. Yes. Audible Originals is what they're called. And Audible, of course, is owned by some little outfit called Amazon, right? That's right.

So some mom-and-pop shop. Good for them. I'm fighting the game against these guys. Okay. Shout out to Jeff Bezos. Okay. So there are two series, both great. We're going to dive into them,

but I have like some like quick hits we have to do here. One is we talked about you, what a great writer you are. And it sounds like you're doing some writing for, it sounds like you said athletic. So is that just like a freelance gig where you get X dollars per thing? Like how does that work? I'm just doing one thing for them right now,

something that I had been working on for a while and something that I'm hoping to develop into a book project. I will just tell the people at Athletic, some of whom I'm friendly with, that you would be ideal for for a longer term deal or something with you because you're such a good writer and that the athletic needs good writers and i feel like that's a marriage right there okay but enough i'm not your agent just pretend to be one on podcasts but you wrote a piece that you apparently could not sell and this piece ended up in my inbox and uh i ended up throwing it in on TorontoMike.com

because you gave me permission to do so. And it was excellent. It was brilliant. And it was about the actor who voiced Charlie Brown in the cartoons. Peter Robbins was his name. Peter Robbins. And it's hosted on Toronto, Mike.com, uh, as we speak,

but I'm reading this thing. It is so good. You wrote this about Peter Robbins. He developed a relationship with, he had a friendship with, and, uh, I urge people to read it.

But my biggest question is how come we live in a world where you couldn't find anyone? Cause I gave you like, I'm going to give you lasagna and great legs beer. And by the way, I, before I forget, I'm going to give you lasagna and great lakes beer and by the way i before i forget i'm gonna give you a flashlight from ridley funeral home for that piece if i pull that out this will actually work i'm telling you this thing will you can see in the dark this is the magic of ridley funeral so that's for you and the can of cabana cozy is also yours and i owe you a toronto mic sticker you sticker okay love the people that sticker you. But this is what I gave you. I would have parked closer if I knew.

Why do we live in a world where nobody would pay for this brilliant piece about Peter Robbins who passed away? Like, just explain it to me as a guy who's never received a penny for his writings. Well, it's a hard one to position. I think the death of a lot of literary mags or arts mags or general interest magazines and things like that, I mean, it's a magazine piece is what it is.

And there's not many magazines left. I was here in a boom period for it, and I'm here to observe the death of it. So shout out to Ridley. Shout out to Ridley Feederholm. Now, you know, it's interesting, the same conference. So St. Joseph Media bought up a lot of those old Rogers magazines,

a lot of them. And it's funny, so this last couple of weeks, I've been chatting a lot with some guy named Mark Wiseblood. I don't know if you know that name. So his 1236, he was was receiving i won't i have the number i will not reveal it in public forums here but he was getting uh money from saint joseph's media for his 1236 newsletter and for working with them and that all came to an end i guess at the end of uh

august 2022 so now he's independent but he keeps the branding and he does his thing. So you know the story because he's here for three hours every month. But for sure, yeah, the whole magazine thing and what it was and what it is. So simply, I mean, you said you had a piece in the New York Times recently. Did you submit an idea? Because I just had, who did I have over? I had Hannah Sung over here and she just had a piece in the New York Times, which is very impressive to me. But tell me, how does that come to be that you could be in the New York Times?

In the New York Times, I have Shauna Richer to thank. She was at the Globe when I was at the Globe in the mid-90s and she was a younger writer because everyone's younger uh, she was a younger writer cause everyone's younger and she was a younger writer. And I tried to do a mitzvah now and then and mentor her a bit. And, uh, you'd be good to everyone cause eventually someone like that ends up as an

editor at the New York times. And also why be an asshole? Like, it's just nice. It feels better to be a good person, right? Yeah, by default, for sure. Right. So you, yeah, that sounds like this person helped get you in the New York Times there. Yeah.

I had done a couple pieces before, but for the op-ed page of the New York Times. And I've known people working there over the years. It wasn't something I could really pursue when I was at Sportsnet. That's a conflict. And it was not something I could pursue when I was at ESPN before that. Because that's a conflict. So, um, I was able to get, um, I was able to get permission to write stuff for the op-ed page so long as it wasn't the sports pages of the New York times when I was at sports net. Gotcha. Cool. Cool. Uh, quick hits. Like I

said here, uh, how is David Schultultz doing we're going to talk about him in more detail in a moment because uh he is the voice of one of your two audible series that we're going to talk about and uh spoiler alert he does a kick-ass job like i can't imagine any other voice doing it now that's my casting of him by the way like they want to get a professional voice artist and i was i said look i have the guy it's his it's his natural voice and but okay i'm gonna put a pin in it actually because i'm gonna get to it in deeper because i had questions about like how long did it take schultz to do that that's unbelievable but okay so hold on to that one there for a minute moose grumpy wrote in and said uh when are you attending a tmlx again you owe her her a beer. I know. I know.

I was in Quebec for this last one. TMLX 10. TMLX X. I'm going to do everything I can to be at the next one. Yeah, that Kingston, that does kind of make it difficult living in Kingston. I was in Quebec. That's even further. That's even further. My daughter phoned me this morning from Quebec.

So there you go. She's living in Montreal right now, which is cool. Okay. Do you get along with Stephen Brunt? Like, is he somebody that would answer your texts? Are you friendly with him? Yeah. We don't hang out.

Let's put it that way. I mean, yeah. You're not hanging out at Woody's Point? Yeah. Not my deal. But no. I mean, I think people think there's animus there it's like yeah you know like we don't have much in common quite frankly okay okay okay and okay i know we did cover how schultz i think spent the vast majority of

the summer and now into the fall in pei so um yeah he's he seems to be uh taking it all in stride although he did a couple pieces for the New York Times as well. I don't know that Dave is like me. I feel like I have a need to write and Dave sometimes feels like there are occasions he can write. But the original, okay, so

right now, this episode we're doing now, the original Blueprint had you and Schulze on together. Yes. We just couldn't get him. Yeah, he was just so elusive. I was trying to be flexible to promote the audible thing. I thought the two of us together. I think there's a tweet out there for me if you want,

out there somewhere about me reuniting you and Schultz on this program because I was in that reuniting mode like with Cox and Stelic and Roudens and Black. Like I was kind of feeling it and then yeah, obviously this didn't happen. There you go. There won't be a Garen Brunt episode.

Again, quick hits but Dave Bedini was here yesterday. I can't believe what Dave Bedini said, by the way. Which part? I'm gobsmacked. That you're an inspiration? Yeah.

Because he's 20 years older than you? No, Dave never expressed any of that to me, so I don't know. Because he really did light up when I said your name. He's like, ah, yeah, you are. But he did, not to deflate you at all, but he also told me after the show, he told me I was an inspiration to him.

So maybe it's like on Seinfeld when Breathless... Context. It's context. Seriously. But he said that. Maybe I'm sharing a private moment, but he told me what I'm doing here and he name checked some things I'm doing here was inspiring him. So it doesn't mean that much that you inspired him considering that.

But he did say, ask him about Bobby Bond. So, before you react, this is me officially asking you about Bobby Bond as per Dave Bedini. I can't tell that story until I talk to a lawyer. I can't tell that story until I talk to a lawyer. But there is, I think, at some point, a performance I'll be able to give, not a podcast I'll be able to do, where I can tell the stories that I can't tell on a podcast.

And that would be one of them. Is it? Now, let me ask you this. Bobby Bond is 86 years old yes are you allowed to tell the story should he ever uh make like the queen and pass away i i don't know i i by the way i don't know the story so i speak as a guy who has no idea what we're talking about yeah probably it wouldn't be great it would I I think legally I wouldn't be exposed but um yeah I will I will I will find material out of that and that I can do in in in the right room I can do that. On a podcast, I can't. Okay, fair enough.

You know, I'm not going to rough you up. Once I had Todd Shapiro over here and people thought I should be asking tougher questions about Blundell and I just let it go because he didn't want to talk about it. Because I invited this guy in my house and now he doesn't want to talk about something and I'm going to move on.

Sure. And I got notes. This is a long time ago in the history of Toronto Mic'd, if you know the history, which you might actually know. But the notes I was getting about how I accepted his, like, he didn't want to talk about something and I didn't, like,

press harder. And I always wonder, like, do they think it's like when they watch Law & Order? And, like, your honour is whatever and you're allowed to, like, pursue this line of questioning because you have a hostile witness. Like, is this what they think these conversations, like, your honor is whatever. And you're allowed to like pursue this line of questioning because you have a hostile witness. Like, is this what they think these conversations? Like I was going to pick him up by the scruff of his neck

and I'd pin him against the wall and say, spill the beans about Blundell, you asshole. Like, like really? No. Have you seen that BBC interview program? The guy is like an attack dog on it. But podcasts aren't grilling, right? But you're not a host.

Like, you're here. It's not like, I mean, I heard Wendy Wesley, we were talking about Wendy Wesley started a podcast because she's no longer at CBC. I guess you might have heard that one. You're ahead of me in school, Wendy Wesley. Really? Yeah. Everyone was a year ahead of me because school Wendy Masley Really? Yeah

Everyone was a year ahead of me Because I was in school for so many years I'm going to ask you about a classmate In just one minute actually Oh god Where am I going to Wendy Masley? Oh yeah So she's like

She's used to like conversing with people Who are like Don't want to be there Like some evil dictator or something Which is a very different dynamic than Hey you want to be there, like some evil dictator or something, which is a very different dynamic than, hey, you want to drop by my home studio and have like a 90-minute chat where I give you things? Anyway, I don't know how it got me on that.

Oh, yeah, the Bobby Bond thing. So, okay, I won't make you tell me the Bobby Bond story. Toronto Mike. I will tell it at Toronto Mike. How's that? Oh, a TMLX event. Okay, that'll be my come to this event to hear the untold story of Bobby Bond. It's the story that Bobby Bond does not want you to hear.

Yeah. There is another story about another hockey player who I can't even name the name of, but it's a showstopper. Wow. It never ends. It is. Just when you think it's over, it's not over.

Okay. A little audio to set up my next line of questioning. This is a chopped up Saturday Night Live weekend update thing, so bear with me. I'm Norm MacDonald and now the fake news. Well, it is finally official. Murder is legal in the state of California.

is legal in the state of California. Well, in a questionable move by the defense team this week, O.J. Simpson demonstrated how to stab two people at the same time. Testimony during the final week provided some spellbinding moments in a brilliant move during closing arguments simpson attorney johnny cochran put on the knit cap prosecutors say oj wore the night he committed the murders although oj may have heard his case when he suddenly blurted out hey easy, hey, easy with that. That's my lucky stabbing hat. Well, the trial of the century is over. Late yesterday, the fate of O.J. Simpson,

the most famous murder suspect in United States history, was placed in the hands of the jurors. They must now decide whether to free him or get all their heads cut off. Our top story tonight, following his shocking acquittal two weeks ago, O.J. Simpson vowed

never to rest until the real killers of Nicole Brown Simpson are brought to justice. And the manhunt continues. There's a picture of him golfing. You need the visual.

Meanwhile, this week, O.J. took girlfriend Paula Barbieri to see the erotic murder mystery, Jade. Other moviegoers took the couple's presence in stride, though they did become uncomfortable when O.J. repeatedly shouted out, You call that a stabbing? The L.A. District Attorney's Office has given Marsha Clark and Christopher Darden

bonuses of over $10,000 for, quote, lengthy hard-time duty, unquote, in the O.J. Simpson case. A spokesman for the D.A. said that the prosecutor's bonuses would have been even higher, except for the fact that they let a killer go free. Okay, since we last spoke, Norm Macdonald passed away. He did. So my question is, did you have any real-life interaction with the very funny Norm Macdonald?

Yes. So, and I think this came up when Ralph Ben-Murgy was on one time and you were asking him about staging comedy shows at Ryerson back in the early 80s. And Norm was among the comics, like a teenage Norm at that point, was among the comics like a teenage norm at that point uh was among the comics and i was a doorman at that bar and i actually won the amateur stand-up contest and got to perform uh on a pro show although not with norm mcdonald but yes uh norm came um lots uh mike m Macdonald, but yes, Norm came. Mike Macdonald, who is a comedy legend,

more appreciated by Canadian comics and known by the Canadian public. Kenny Robinson, who's still kicking around. In an FO2M. Yes, indeed. Glenn Foster, I guess, is a contemporary. Yeah, that Canadian guy. Yes, of a certain age. We're all of a certain age.

And Ralph Bemmerge was the host and booker for the show at Ryerson. Would you put John Wing Jr. in that list? Or is he later? I've never talked to John about that. And I've done shows recently with John. He probably was. I just haven't tracked that back. But anyone who did yucks back in the early 80s,

they would come and do sets at Ryerson, like as a tune-up, like warming up in the early 80s, they would come and do sets at Ryerson, like as a tune-up, like warming up in the bullpen before going and dropping their sets at Yucks. And so Sam Kinison was there. Like there were the headliners that came by and did this. So, and it was for the worst possible audience. Anyone who ever did that show would tell you there was, you know, one side was all engineering students. The other side was all secretarial students and they were just out to get a load on and not even knowing there was a comedy show going on.

going on so it was it was a terrible terrible comedy experience with like these generational future generational stars i don't know if jim carrey ever did it someone said he did and i i don't remember that but in my comedy instructor at uh at second city jim mackley's was uh was norm's best friend and uh they uh traveled across canada doing dates in every whistle stop along the way and i think they they had some sort of falling out at some point, but I think that that was mostly because Jim wanted to settle down and Norm was younger and wanted to go to Hollywood and wanted to take a shot in the States. Right.

The DM you got, is it a DM? Yep. Can you share? I mean, I follow you on the social media. Yeah, so Norm McDonald and I, we sort of connected in 2016 when I tweeted something about his memoir being wooden. He took umbrage with this,

but it was just like, was i was just being ironic or whatever um and you know just having a little sport with it and i don't know if he really took umbrage with it but he made it sound like he did why would you say that it's wooden it's the greatest memoir that's ever been written and And I said, hey, Norm, just kidding around. I mean, I guess I could have played along if I was doing improv. It would be yes and. And I would follow through on it. But then I thought, I'm risking getting blocked by Norm MacDonald.

Like, that would be a bad place. And to be clear, this is in your DMs, right? Yes. This is not public Twitter. Okay. Yes. a bad place to be clear this is in your dms right this is not public twitter okay yes and so uh but we also uh like he retweeted a whole bunch of things that i he knew who you were we well and i explained who i was right he didn't remember me i remembered him but he didn't remember me

who remembers the doorman when you're a comic right Unless you're jumped on stage or something like Dave Chappelle. But so then we started going back and forth, you know, on a weird semi-regular basis. And it was always like it was three o'clock in the morning Toronto time. I guess he's in LA, it's midnight. But it was like late night DMing and remember this guy and, you know, yeah. Talking about books and yeah, basically.

But, and he, like other comics in Toronto, they would just see the retweets and replies to stuff and they were like like how the hell do you know norm mcdonald right like i was this was early comedy days for me uh right i got i got an even later start in comedy than i did in journalism but um uh like these veteran comics and they're saying why is norm mcdonald with his million followers retweeting you, you lowly open mic-er. Love it. Love it.

When I recently biked to the woodshed with my studio in my trailer and I chatted with some guy named Jim Cuddy from some bar band known as the Blue Rodeo and one of the questions came from you.

My question is did you and Jim know each other the Blue Rodeo and one of the questions came from you. Yes. So my question is, did you and Jim know each other at Upper Canada College? No, we didn't. I think Jim's a year older than me. He wouldn't have been in the same grade. Well, he looks good too then. Oh, he's a freak

that way. He is. I don't know what accounts for that. yeah jim jim looks great but i knew that jim went there uh he went there for two years i went there for a year and i you know what i'll do i was i was thinking about this on the way over because i knew that you would ask about this. I have a story about my year at UCC that I'll give to you for your page. I put it in the CBC Literary Competition, and it made the long list. Like out of 2,000 entrants, it made the top 30,

but then I didn't get into the five finalists. So anyways, it's... Yeah, I would be happy to publish that because I'll take all your stuff you can't sell because it's all amazing. Because like what I was when I was little, you know, and I mean, I think I came to grips with this at age 16,

but I was a master shoplifter. Oh. Right. And maybe at some point, I wouldn't say I was a master shoplifter. Oh. Right. And maybe at some point, I wouldn't say, I was a little too calculated. It wasn't really impulse. It's not an impulse. It's just you enjoyed it.

No, that's right. And like I was excellent at it. And I think maybe that's a skill set that lends itself to stand up. But anyways, it was about a bit of shoplifting that I was looking to do at UCC, and it involved a million dollars of artwork. Holy moly. Okay, I can't wait to have that.

Speaking of the great reads that you wrote that appeared on TorontoMic.com, I know that, I just want to tell you, because we're live on the Pirate Stream, live.torontomic.com. Am I on the air? You're on the air, so I'm careful what you say into these mics.

Tobias Vaughn just pointed out that it was a great read, your piece about Peter Robbins. Oh, thank you. And Moose Grumpy is actually there saying that more than that missing beer, LOL, she's actually looking forward to seeing you again, because the FOTMs love you again because the fotms love you man and you know partly because you're an active participant not only in the chats that happen

at live.torontomic.com but in our not so secret uh dm group uh on twitter but you you you are absolutely a beloved uh fotm and uh people care about you hall of fame you know what maybe one day i gotta talk to peter gross about that but uh Maybe one day. I got to talk to Peter Gross about that, but maybe one day. Yeah, I don't think I'm in the first class, right? One day. Yeah. No promises, but it could happen for you.

And I'm eager to get to these Audible series that you have. Yes. Let's do that now, actually. Okay. Because I have clips, and then one of the clips will allow me to take a bio break, which is all part of the strategy here because I've been drinking coffee and beer all day okay there's some there's some behind the scenes action for everybody that's how you know it's a podcast and it's not a

hit on CBC Badini comes over he had just done he was telling me like five different like CBC morning shows to talk about his summit 72 series that was on CBC last night which I will check out on Gem because I was at Jay's game with my boy. By the way, my eight-year-old biked to the game and back. That is crazy. Yeah, and my wife and my mother both said I was nuts for thinking that we could bike to that game. And I honestly, maybe, I don't know if it's because I'm a good father or a bad father, but I was like, give the boy some credit.

Like, it's only, you know, a 30K round trip, and I felt like he could do it or I wouldn't try, but I was like, give the boy some credit. It's only a 30K round trip, and I felt like he could do it or I wouldn't try, and he was fantastic. So shout out to Jarvis. Okay, which one do you want to tackle first? There are two, of course. One is your voice with just those great Gare stories, like How to Succeed.

Can you tell me the title of that one? How to Succeed in Sports Writing? How to Succeed in Sports Writing Without Really Trying. Okay. So there's that series. Yes. Which is your voice. Yes.

And your great stories. And we got a taste of it here, of course. I feel like I was the demo grounds for some reason. You were the catalyst. If I said the catalyst, that would sort of underrate my own role in this, but you were a catalyst. I was a one of the many. Okay. So, and the other one, of course, we talked about how Dave Schultz is voicing.

That's called Every Spring a Parade Down Bay Street. Yes. Okay. And he's the voice of Red York? Red York. I like that name, actually. It's a good name. Which one do you want to tackle first?

Let's do how to succeed. Okay. So maybe first tell the FOTMs, I've already established the FOTMs, Love, Gear, Joyce, and you tell a wicked ass story and you've got great stories. So what exactly is this series on Audible,

how to succeed in sports writing without really trying? Okay. I have to, like to like again you were a catalyst but i would say the most significant catalyst for this for me was connor ratliff do you know connor ratliff he does dead eyes i don't think so. He does a podcast called Dead Eyes, and it ran for three seasons, and it was about how he lost a role that he had been given the green light on. He'd lost the role in Band of Brothers because Tom Hanks said he had dead eyes.

Wow. And he did 30 episodes about this. It like dive diving down into what it's like to be an actor and a character actor and struggle and you know, how, uh, how all these crazy little interactions that he was working after the fact,

he was working in a bookstore where Tom Hanks was doing a signing and things. Like he was being haunted. Wow. And in the final episode, Tom Hanks appeared on it. And Tom Hanks, it's really worth listening to.

Check out Dead Eyes. I was completely addicted to it during COVID. And I thought, what could I do like Dead Eyes? And Dead Eyes was an examination of the life of a character actor, the ups and the mostly downs. And I thought the life of a sports actor, the ups and the mostly downs. And I thought the life of a sports writer, like people read the stories, but don't really get a sense of the stories that go on behind the stories. I think that that was actually Michael Farber's blurb on it.

Another FOTM. Another FOTM. So I had pitched this as a podcast to Sportsnet, and they just weren't doing much with it. Although the one story that I did, I wrote a pilot episode, and it's a story of on my first travel assignment, I grabbed Tom Landry by the arm and pulled him to pose for a picture with Chris Schultz. So I physically assaulted a Hall of Fame NFL football coach.

So they loved that, but they just couldn't get rolling on a podcast. So I just posted the story on facebook and two days later i got a message from audible saying do you have a book of these and wow that's how it i had i i just posted that on facebook like just i wanted to get it out of my system yeah not to monetize it anything it's like you know to release it in the wild like there's like, you know. To release it in the wild. Like there's some catharsis and just putting it into the public realm. Yeah.

And then four days later, I have a deal in principle with Audible. Wow. Which is crazy. That's not how it happens. Okay. So some nuts and bolts questions. And I am going to play a clip here

so I can escape. But what is the, like, what's the length like, length? Like, how much audio of these great stories do you get? And then, like, where do you buy this? There are, I think there's 25 chapters, 26 chapters that run eight and a half hours. uh, that run, uh, eight and a half hours. And, uh, it is my, uh, my starting out in the bit, my being interested in sports writing as a kid, uh, getting a first job, um, weird things that went on along the way. Actually one time when I actually, uh actually uh uh am reduced to reliving my kleptomaniac youth

and i was trying to steal my way into a scoop um but yeah various fuck-ups and screw-ups and i feel like that's pratfalls and marty york used to do that am Am I right? Well, I'm not talking about stealing copy. All right. Is that true that Red York is just taking Marty York and combining him with Red Fisher? It didn't even occur to me. I thought like the city of York. Yeah, Muddy York. Fort York.

Oh, that was our old name. Yeah. Yeah. When you were just a kid. Maybe that's where Marty got it. Well, yeah, it is a fake name that's right okay so uh this clip i pulled though this is like when you go to audible and you want to hear the uh like the teaser before you pay uh it is five minutes long like do you want me to play the whole thing like you can do that let's let's play the whole thing okay so i'm actually going to mute you during this you can mute me

you can grab me a beer we can do stretches and I'll get you a beer. Here we go. On our last night in Santa Domingo, Guerrero hosted a dinner to hand out awards, toast winners, and have a few laughs. He gave the award for the best camper to Reverend Bob. At 50, he had lost a lot, but still had enough left over to be the best among us.

We all thought he was the right pick. Well, all of us with one entirely predictable exception. My seat at dinner was beside Rambo's, and I tried to make small talk. Maybe when we get back to Toronto, all of us can get together and go to a game, I said, not as cheerfully or sincerely as I'm making it sound. You guys can come see me in St. Catharines, Rambo said. That took me off guard. I thought you're from Etobicoke, I said. I am, he said, but I'm going to be playing in St. Catharines this summer. That sent my mind spinning like Steve Carlton's slider. At first, I thought he was

talking about a beer league team in St. Catharines. Then I realized he meant the St. Catharines Blue Jays, the big team's affiliate in the New York Penn League. I've got to find out what they want me to do to get into shape, he said. It seems like a waste flying back to Toronto when I could just go straight to Florida. This was no joke. Rambo thought he had earned a contract with the Jays on his performance in those fantasy camp games. There was a loud thud behind me.

John Mayberry laid supine on the barroom floor. I feared Big John had fainted, but no, he was in fact laughing. He had overheard my conversation with Rambo and lost all bodily control, his legs folding under him. Goddamn Rambo, he said. The trainer, who had been ministering to our wounds all week, ran over to Mayberry and, thinking he was having a heart attack, started pounding on his chest. I wasn't up to breaking the news to Rambo that this fantasy camp wasn't a tryout or anything like that. Yeah, I'll definitely come to see you play, I said before bolting. A few minutes later, though, I overheard Rambo buttonholing Guerrero. Spring training is only a couple of weeks away.

I thought I could stay here and train. I know that I'm looking at short season to start, but even if it's rookie league and medicine hat, I don't mind. Rambo had toxic self-confidence, a self-belief that would have made Ted Williams look insecure. He probably avoided talking about a signing bonus only because he knew I was eavesdropping and didn't want to read about it in the papers. Guerrero tried to let Rambo down softly.

Remember in Bull Durham when the manager breaks the bad news to Crash Davis? This is the toughest job a manager has. The organization wants to make a change. Well, the toughest job Epi Guerrero ever had was delivering a dose of reality to Rambo. The organization has decided not to make a change and we're sticking with Fred McGriff and Cecil Fielder. Or something like that. Rambo couldn't believe that he hadn't landed a contract. You're making a big mistake, he said.

Like he had to fight off offers and he'd take a haircut to play in his hometown. That left me to wonder what Rambo thought about us. If he was thinking that this was an actual tryout camp, then he'd have to believe we were the crazy ones, as if we had no business in a showcase for a major league team. I couldn't even hold a bat. The next morning, we picked up our tickets at the airport. Our group took up three rows on our flight, and, luck of the draw, I drew the seat next to Rambo.

What followed were three of the most awkward hours in my professional career rife with him. Our conversation went back and forth. Once. Pretty amazing experience, I said suddenly. You can't look good at this type of thing without real players around, he said FFS is the appropriate acronym He was blaming us, more to the point me, for the Jays not offering him a contract I hurt too much to laugh

As it turned out, that was the first and last Blue Jays fantasy camp in the DR. The organizers might've feared Rambo would sign up to take another run at a major league contract. I don't know if the legend of Rambo made the rounds, but it can't be a coincidence that it's now standard policy for fantasy camps to have a minimum age of 25. And now you can crack open your Great Lakes. Here we go.

I made Gary wait. I'll get it. On the mic, though, like right in front of it. There we go. You can teach an old dog new tricks. Okay, good. So how to succeed. This is how you get electrocuted on stage.

At TMLXX, I had to touch the mic before I spoke into it because you got a little shock out of the mic. Shout out to Al Grego who did a great job. Other than the fact he almost electrocuted Blair Packham and everybody. Okay. You did a great job. How to succeed in sports writing without really trying. Audible

series. So you go to just audible.com and search gear. That's what I did. I go audible.com and just search gear Joyce. Audible. Yes. A audible.ca in canada audible.com i think it might flip yeah but uh yeah it flips over automatically everything if your ip address is in the canada but uh that's amazing like and that's amazing because you tell a great story you got great stories but then you have this every spring a parade down bay street. What's the background on this? I feel like I have an inside perspective on this because I've seen, I know there would be live shows of this,

and I know you'd get Hebsey to play a role in these different people, maybe Kevin McGrann and such, I'm not sure. But tell me what this is. You know what? Someone asked me the other day how I started to write it, and I can't actually remember how it happened. It was just a character, a voice. I didn't know what I would do with it.

didn't know what i would do with it uh i think i i think what it was was a a nod to a national lampoon like i collect i've got like the first five years in all the annuals in like of national and they did one issue where John Kennedy lives and Jackie dies. Right. Like an alternative history. Right. And in that, the Washington Senators are the repeat World Series champss that was my inspiration for it and i thought everyone thinks that that uh every spring a parade down bay street is uh a satire of the leafs i think of it as a satire of the leafs sports writing in toronto And if you know Toronto, there are a thousand inside jokes. It's like SCTV, like that where they use real Toronto addresses.

Right. You know, where you know that Earl Camber is Earl Cameron, right? You know, at Floyd Robertson. Like people in Toronto get that. Every spring parade down Bay Street, Like people in Toronto get that. Every spring parade down Bay Street, it was a play at the voice of a blowhard sports writer who's covered a Leaf team that has won the Stanley Cup

every year since 1967. And Toronto threw an act of a Pope's blessing and UNESCO designating the entire city as a heritage site. Toronto is exactly the same at this point in time as it was in 1967. And I pulled for the, for the, uh, ebook version,

which you can find somewhere on, uh, on the internet. I pulled all these city of Toronto, uh, photos from back in that era. Right. And, you know, showing the, the, you know, I, it's the construction of city hall. I talk about them demolishing city hall. Right. City Hall, right? But anyways, I have all this vintage images

from the city archives. Right. And like it's a bit of a love letter to Toronto that doesn't exist anymore. And maybe that's a piece with me moving to Kingston, right? Is that I love the city. As it was?

As it was, you know? I mean, yeah. You don't need the text to listen to the podcast or to listen to the audio book. And the other thing coming out of it is that we're going to try and spin this into a weekly or bi-weekly uh short pod uh with a few uh a few toronto comics and schultz voicing red york yeah so

schultz did a great job as i said like just if you know really uh rose to the challenge and he was exceptional i always i'm trying i don't know this is also quite long uh how many how many chapters do you remember how long is the uh every parade uh every spring every spring a parade down bay street every spring a parade down bay street isn't that long it's uh five hours long it feels a lot longer when schultz sings on it he does a version a leaf uh a leaf inspired version of thanks for the memories by bob hope which in in the ebook was a sight gag i had a picture of bob hope circa 1955 right in a in a toronto maple leafs jacket wow was, it was entirely a sight gag. And it, I, when I came in, I only came in for

one day of recording with Schultz, but I timed it so that I'd be in when he was going to have to try singing. And it was so incredibly painful because he didn't know the, he didn't know the song. Thanks for the memories, right? I'm going, thanks for the memories of being here with you. Have him go to YouTube.

So the next day, the next day of recording, his wife Yvonne, you know, bless her. A saint. A saint. Saint Yvonne. She deserves so much better. She coached him on it. And so it's better than it was. I wouldn't say that it's good.

But it was incredibly painful. And funnily enough, I recorded it. I have a video of it that I will post. I will offer it to you as well. Send that over. So I'm not going to play all five minutes. No. We're going to get a taste of this.

And you're unmuted for this, so real-time commentary is acceptable. Here we go. It was chaos on Front Street. Mackenzie Porter, a defender of all that was right and traditional, was accusing hippies trying to start up a union of committing arson. Hedda Hopper of Toronto's Hoy Ploy, a certain Gigi, whose name in this book has been deleted on advice of legal counsel, emerged from a closed-door meeting with city editor Ed Monteith and had somehow lost her stockings in transit.

Her dress was unzipped. On the front street sidewalk, the M.E., J.D. McFarlane, did a quick head count and determined that not all were present and accounted for. I looked about. My sports editor was still in the building, and so were most of the department staff. I'm going in, I yelled. Mr. McFarlane tried to hold me back, but not too hard. The smoke was thick and toxic.

Thankfully, because of my copyboy duties, I had an innate sense of the layout of the newsroom. I always claimed I could navigate the telegram's action central with my eyes closed, and this was now the case. In retrospect, it was probably a good thing that I couldn't see my beloved newsroom in flames. It would have been a scene that made the least attractive precinct of hell look bucolic by comparison. I rooted around and made it to the sports editor's office. comparison. I rooted around and made it to the sports editor's office. Though he probably had 50 pounds on me, I hoisted him into a fireman's carry position. I heard him murmur. At first, I presumed it was a muted cry for help, but I then recognized it as the first few bars of melancholy baby. I carried him down a set of stairs to the safety of the sidewalk to the applause and

cheers of the telegram staff. I did not acknowledge them, however, didn't so much as pause. Instead, I tore back into the building and climbed the stairs back into the newsroom. I dragged reporters two at a time to the stairwell. Hard to tell whether they had succumbed to the smoke, to cheap gin, or a combination of the two. There wasn't a moment to waste, so instead of carrying them, I just gently rolled them down the stairs. Two, four, six, eight of them in all. I realized at that point there was nothing more that I could do. I knew that there were others trapped in the newsroom, but they might already be gone,

and there was no point to being reckless. I don't want to fade this down. It's good stuff. Anyway, I wouldn't put it on when I went for bike rides. Yeah, a lot of inside jokes, and a lot of subtle jokes, I would call them. One of the aspects of every spring is that there's only one surviving newspaper in town and it's the Toronto Telegram. sports writer well cast

with Schultz is the lead columnist at the Telegram and all the great sports writers are out of work and Dick Meadows is peddling newspapers at a newsstand at Carlton and Young.

Well done Mr. Joyce. So again everybody who wants to get their hands on these two great audio series you just go to audible and search for Gary Joyce's name and they'll come up but both great and both pretty fresh and you should be proud of yourself

these are great efforts what I would say is it's so much fun to do bad writing right and that's and really like every spring of parade down Bay Street, it's just me being as bad as I can for as long as I can. It's a commitment, as they would say in comedy.

Now, before we play some lowest of the low, two founding members, by the way, on together tomorrow, and that means Ron Hawkins and Stephen Stanley will be here together. Assuming it's Stephen Stanley, I'll have to make sure it's not Gary Joyce sneaking back in here since he's in town. Story today in sports, if you have a reaction. Roger

Federer has announced his retirement from professional tennis. What I do remember going back to early days at a canadian open um and this is like so far back when you think that his career goes back to when cell phones weren't readily available right i was at a pay phone uh at the canadian open like in a in the tent area like off sectioned off for media and uh authorized personnel and like the fourth person in line for the payphone was roger federer he like i am pretty sure you know cell phones are hard to get, but someone there would have had it. What year is this?

God, is it like 2001 or something? We're running out of athletes that we can go back to that era with. I'm now thinking LeBron James has been playing 20 years now, and he's a little later than that. But yeah, we're running very low on these excluding golfers, of course, who seem to just play forever.

But it's not too many guys left from that era that are still... Albert Pujols is calling it. I think he's a guy who goes way back, obviously, but there's not many left. Yeah. No, it's... I'm glad that he's ending it somewhat on his own terms.

Maybe this isn't the best time to go out. His last major title, maybe that would have worked out. But he earned the right to stick around, and he made tennis better. He made events more interesting while he was there. Well, hell of a player, and by all accounts a hell of a person like what more do you want yeah absolutely he's he is you just wish that every major athlete that you dealt with sort of had his set of principles and, but he was just, he was amazing to watch.

Like he's a guy who ran and made no sound, right? Like it was, it was, he was sort of mysterious, uh, in, in his own way.

Uh, another announcement that came earlier this, uh, summer Serena Williams. And, uh, my question for you is a loaded one. We'll see how you handle this, Mr. Joyce.

But... She walked back her retirement on Good Morning America this morning. Oh, you know, I didn't know that. So this is breaking news. So we might see more Serena. She was like, yeah, you're retired. And she's like, yeah, who knows?

That sounds like a Tom Brady retirement. How many times she cited him as a matter of fact. Well, he's a great example of a guy we all on Twitter. We're talking about now Tom Brady had retired. And then, uh, last I checked,

he played last week. Okay. Serena Williams though, is she the, and I'm curious because I'm going to, I'm going to throw in a guy. I don't know. Are you friendly with Arash Madani?

Is he a guy, you know? Okay. Arash Madani kind of got in some, uh, Twitter trouble. I call it cause I'm not, it in a guy. I don't know. Are you friendly with Arash Madani? Is he a guy you know? Okay. Arash Madani kind of got in some Twitter trouble, I call it, because it's not like real trouble, but it's Twitter trouble. Because he, during the Serena Williams being the goat thing everybody was buying into, he pointed out that Steffi Graf had one less major

in like half the years or something and had a much higher win percentage than Serena. And he was pointing, and I don't know, uh, he just said, you know, she kind of quietly disappeared at the age of 31.

So people, she didn't get like, she's not often, uh, called the goat. Serena is called the goat. What say you gear Joyce who follows sports and is a smart man. And there's no answer to this.

I'm just curious. Is Serena Williams the greatest of all time when it comes to women, uh, playing tennis? Should we be talking about Steffi Graf in that conversation? What do you think? I think it's probably more crowded than, I think it's more crowded than just Steffi Graf. I mean, I would put Navratilova and Margaret Court,

but, you know, it's not that the games change. They're just different games, you know? Like, I mean, Bjorn Borg was playing with a wooden racket. Right. I remember his comeback. He tried to come back with a wooden racket, you know? That's not, you're not playing the same game. So would Serena Williams thrive in any era?

Yes. Would Steffi Graf, if she came along now, would she thrive? I'm sure, you know, but a dream match. You'd love to see it. Those two. Steffi Graf probably would have won a couple fewer majors if Monica Sellis didn't get stabbed. Right.

I remember covering the Canadian Open where Sellis came back, her first tournament back and won that tournament. And it looked like she had Graf's number when she got stabbed by a deluded, delusional German weirdo. Yeah. Scary shit.

Yeah. Scary shit. Quick final thought for me is that I'm running in, that I'm running for Terry Fox on Sunday. So we're recording this on a Thursday. So September, I don't know what that is september 18th i think i'm at high park and on torontomic.com there's a link at the top called i think it says

terry and you can click that and uh pledge my run give what you can the money does not go to me but i guess you're but you get a tax receipt and everything uh Uh, you can do that. And gear Joyce, man, uh, you go, you're a great FOTM. So keep us like, uh, abreast with what's happening in your career,

which ain't over, but I'm sorry to hear that you're no longer at sports net. Are we recording part two now? And that, and that brings us to episode 1,111 of Toronto Mic'd. You can follow me on Twitter. I'm at TorontoMicGear. Are you at Gear?

What are you? Gear Joyce NHL? Yes. You got to update that, I feel. I don't know. You're more than just NHL. That's leftover, uh, you got to update that. I feel, I don't know. You're more than just left over from ESPN. I had 2000 followers and I'd only tweeted twice at ESPN.

That's the value of those four, four letters. Okay. Our friends at great lakes brewery as Garen Joyce, his second lover. It's great. Eh, I really enjoy it.

Um, fresh craft beer brewed right here in Southern Etobicoke, but you can find them at LCBOs across this fine province. They're at Great Lakes Beer. Palma Pasta's at Palma Pasta. There's a vegetarian lasagna for Gare. Sticker U is at Sticker U. Electronic Products Recycling Association are at EPRA underscore Canada.

Ridley Funeral Home or at Ridley FH. You got your flashlight there. And Canna Cabana, you got your Canna Cabana cozy. Bring that home to your wife. She can enjoy that. I'm putting it on right now.

They're at Canna Cabana underscore. See you all tomorrow. It's a double header. So in the morning, we've got Ron Hawkins, Stephen Stanley, and Chris Brown from the Bourbon Tabernacle Choir. Well,

that last guy is the first two guys are from lowest to the low. And then in the afternoon, John Biner makes his Toronto Mike debut. Bizarre. Loving it. See you all then. Bye. There's a thousand shades of grey Cause I know that's true, yes I do I know it's true, yeah I know it's true

How about you? They're picking up trash and they're putting down roads And they're brokering stocks, the class struggle explodes. And I'll play this guitar just the best that I can. Maybe I'm not, and maybe I am. But who gives a damn? Because everything is coming up rosy and gray. Yeah, the wind is cold but the smell of snow

warms me today And your smile is fine and it's just like mine and it won't go away Cause everything is rosy and gray Well, I've kissed you in France and I've kissed you in Spain and I've kissed you in Spain

And I've kissed you in places I better not name And I've seen the sun go down on Chaclacour But I like it much better going down on you Yeah you know that's true. Because everything is coming up rosy and green. Yeah, the wind is cold, but the smell of snow warms us today. And your smile is fine, and it's just like mine. And it won't go away Cause everything is rosy now

Everything is rosy and Everything is rosy and gray Thank you.